Bonus Bill (Originally aired 10/28/16)

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Now it's time for Real Time 2.0.

Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Because the polls are getting close again.

He's ahead again in Florida.

He's ahead again in Ohio.

I know.

Trump says the presidency is so close he could almost reach out and grab its pussy.

That's what he said.

Oh, he's a pussy grapper.

I love the way they've forgotten about it, but they've just sort of absorbed it.

He's a pussy grabber.

No big deal.

Newt Gingrich was on Megan Kelly this week.

Did you see that?

And he got very mad at Megan Kelly for bringing up the whole pussy grabbing thing.

And he accused Megan Kelly of being obsessed with sex.

Well, when you're talking to Newt Gingrich, who isn't?

But

said she was being very unfair.

Yes, this is the problem in the media.

When will a Republican get a fair shake on Fox News, people?

The system is rigged.

This is Trump's whole thing.

The system is rigged.

The media is rigged.

It's illegitimate.

The democracy is illegitimate.

And of course, you heard what he said at the debate, that if he didn't win, he wouldn't concede the election.

That's his position.

If I don't catch the bouquet at this wedding, I'm firebombing the whole fucking thing.

Wow.

That's a little traitor adjacent, isn't it?

And Trump supporters, those whiny little bitches,

they say the polls are wrong.

They don't reflect this silent majority.

Oh, if they would just stay silent,

these people.

Silence?

They're always crabbing.

Why wouldn't somebody listen to us?

And then the reporter goes up to them and says, I'm listening.

And they go, fuck you, media.

I read about this.

One woman said she's going to go into a depression if Trump loses.

And a man, a 69-year-old man, said he would probably cry for four years.

These old baby boomers talk about Trump the way 13-year-old girls used to talk about Justin Bieber.

Right?

If Trump doesn't win, I'm going to lock myself in my bedroom and never come out.

It's like the generations have totally flipped.

The teenagers are asking the old people, why are you so in love with this weirdo?

And grandpa's the one who's saying, you just don't get it.

Nobody understands me but him.

And of course, Trump was in Washington, D.C.

this week to open.

He's got a new hotel there, which apparently is already tanking.

They've had to offer special discounts.

They have a new Kids Hate-Free

special.

And listen to this.

I am not making this up, people.

You're a beautiful crowd.

I'm going to share this with you.

The hotel bar there at the new Trump Hotel serves wine by the spoon.

It's so expensive that you get a spoonful of wine for $140.

So you can see why the people in Iowa love him.

So, guess who had a birthday this week?

Hillary Clinton was 69 years old.

And there's the enthusiasm gap right there.

Yes.

Hillary was 69 years old.

One awkward moment, she blew out the candles and somebody said, speech, speech.

And she demanded $250,000 for this speech.

But she's working it.

The old girl's working it.

She was all on TV this week.

She was on Univision.

Obama popped up on Jimmy Kimmel.

And Trump went on Sesame Street and said, you're a puppet.

You're a puppet.

All right.

Thank you very much.

We'll do some more comedy for you.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

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