Bonus Bill (Originally aired 03/18/16)

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Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

sit down here.

Don't be tired. Thank you very much.
How's the crowd? Billy.

Now maybe there are Trump fans here today. I don't know.

He's certainly doing well. He won, well, he won four big, he's going to make America great again.
Okay, so

he won four big states on Tuesday. He's so cocky.
He said that if he doesn't get the nomination, there's probably going to be riots.

Have you seen his supporters? There's going to be riots if he does get the nomination.

I don't know why people vote for him. He was asked this week, I couldn't make this up, who he listens to about foreign policy.
And he said, I'm speaking mostly with myself.

He said, because I have a very good brain and I've said a lot of things.

Well, I guess that's better than saying Dick Cheney. as an answer.

But

yeah, Marco Rubio knocked him out of the race. Marco Rubio lost to Trump by 19 points in his home state.

Boy, remember when Marco Rubio was the great Latino hope of the Republican Party back when they still liked Latinos and hope?

He was the future of the party, right? He was the future of the party. And he got trounced by a sea list celebrity famous for being rude, stupid, vain, and bad-looking.

It's like losing the bachelor to Judge Judy.

Of course, the little ray of hope in Tuesday's results for the Stop Trump movement was that John Kasich,

and that is the excitement level,

John Kasich won his home state of Ohio and the kids are going crazy.

His new for Kasich, oh yeah, the millennials, his new slogan is basic for Kasich.

And he's really, see, I said this on a week ago a couple weeks ago. I think he could be the guy, you know, that he was always there.

And he's really kind of playing up that romantic comedy, the nice guy, who was always there.

It was always me.

In fact, yesterday he made a statement. He said, I'm just a man standing in front of a country

asking it to love him.

I guess they don't remember that movie as well as we do, yeah. So yeah, it looks like it's probably going to be Donald Trump and probably Hillary Clinton.

But I think if it's Hillary against Trump, I do think she'll win. I think Hillary First has a lot of advantages over Trump.
One, she's not insane.

Two, minorities will vote for her. And three, she has to spend way less time on hair and makeup.
So.

Now the other big news this week, President Obama fulfilled his constitutional duty by appoint, yes, by suggesting a, putting up a nomination for the Supreme Court vacancy. It is Merrick Garland.

Apparently he's qualified, uncontroversial, moderate, and widely respected. And the Republicans said, well, we don't mind so much the widely respected and uncontroversial, but qualified and moderate,

that gets us a little too close to reasonable. And that's...

And let's not forget how the Constitution, they said, describes the role of the Senate. Advise and fuck you.
I think that's right in there.

All right. Thank you very much.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.