Bonus Bill (Originally aired 03/18/16)

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Speaker 4 Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Speaker 4 Thank you very much.

Speaker 4 Okay, sit down

Speaker 5 Now maybe there are Trump fans here today. I don't know.

Speaker 5 He's certainly doing well. He won, well, he won four big, he's going to make America great again.
Okay, so

Speaker 5 he won four big states on Tuesday. He's so cocky.
He said that if he doesn't get the nomination, there's probably going to be riots.

Speaker 5 Have you seen his supporters? There's going to be riots if he does get the nomination.

Speaker 5 I don't know why people vote for him. He was asked this week, I couldn't make this up, who he listens to about foreign policy.
And he said, I'm speaking mostly with myself.

Speaker 5 He said, because I have a very good brain and I've said a lot of things.

Speaker 5 Well, I guess that's better than saying Dick Cheney as an answer.

Speaker 5 But yeah, Marco Rubio knocked him out of the race. Marco Rubio lost to Trump by 19 points in his home state.

Speaker 5 Boy, remember when Marco Rubio was the great Latino hope of the Republican Party back when they still liked Latinos and hope?

Speaker 5 He was the future of the party, right? He was the future of the party, and he got trounced by a sea list celebrity famous for being rude, stupid, vain, and bad looking.

Speaker 5 It's like losing the bachelor to Judge Judy.

Speaker 5 Of course, the little ray of hope in Tuesday's results for the Stop Trump movement was that John Kasich,

Speaker 5 and that is the excitement level,

Speaker 5 John Kasich won his home state of Ohio, and the kids are going crazy. His new...
For Kasich, oh yeah. The millennials.
His new slogan is basic for Kasich.

Speaker 5 And he's really, see, I said this on a week ago a couple weeks ago. I think he could be the guy, you know, that he was always there.

Speaker 5 And he's really kind of playing up that romantic comedy, the nice guy who was always there.

Speaker 5 It was always me.

Speaker 5 In fact, yesterday he made a statement. He said, I'm just a man standing in front of a country

Speaker 5 asking it to love him.

Speaker 5 I guess they don't remember that movie as well as we do, yeah. So yeah, it looks like it's probably going to be Donald Trump and probably Hillary Clinton.

Speaker 5 But I think if it's Hillary against Trump, I do think she'll win. I think Hillary first has a lot of advantages over Trump.
One, she's not insane.

Speaker 5 Two, minorities will vote for her. And three, she has to spend way less time on hair and makeup.
So

Speaker 5 now the other big news this week, President Obama fulfilled his constitutional duty by appoint, yes, by suggesting putting up a nomination for the Supreme Court vacancy. It is Merrick Garland.

Speaker 5 Apparently, he's qualified, uncontroversial, moderate, and widely respected. And the Republicans said, well, we don't mind so much the widely respected and uncontroversial, but qualified and moderate,

Speaker 5 that gets us a little too close to reasonable. And that's.

Speaker 5 And let's not forget how the Constitution, they said, describes the role of the Senate. Advise and fuck you.
I think that's right in the middle.

Speaker 5 All right. Thank you very much.

Speaker 6 Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.