The Worst Intro // Geoff's Gross Stories [43]

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Regulation Podcast.

This is episode 43.

Oh, what?

What do you got going on over there, Andrew?

I'm just, you've felt like you wanted some energy.

I'm here.

I'm bringing the energy for you, Jeff.

Go ahead, continue.

Gizmo here, just gizmoing it up.

Go ahead.

My name is Jeff Ramsey.

Folks around these parts call me Baby Pepsi with me, as always.

Baby Pepsi.

Gavin or Gassy Goo, Andrew or Interrupty Gizmo,

Eric or Lil Ricky B or the mechanic.

I saw a comment that really got to me, and I don't know why, on somewhere on last episode, somebody said, man, I haven't listened to Roosteath in a really long time.

I saw that you guys were making content.

I wanted to check it out.

I tuned into this regulation podcast, and you guys sound like radio DJs, and I was immediately turned off.

Oh, because you were doing your radio DJ bit.

Yes, I was doing this.

Because this is the first time we were doing the new nicknames.

Gassy goo and the gizmo.

Really fucked me up.

i had so much fun doing that for one episode and that has to be the one episode somebody tunes in and goes what the is this shut down this is a minecraft shouldn't we treat every episode like it might be somebody's first episode what if they love morning zoo radio though then then they love mechanic and welcome to the regulation paul

so i i wouldn't say this one was much better Because this one had Andrew going,

he threw the intro.

That's right.

Bringing the energy.

I was already in my head before we started because of that comment.

And then Andrew really threw me for a loop.

Now I'm thinking we might.

Did my energy make you?

You know what?

I was about to say we might be in the running for a worse intro of regulation, but that completely flipped it back around.

With Rob 60.

Yeah, morning, Zoo.

This,

and that was Eric, this sucks.

And Eric was doing this all throughout the stream the other day.

Yeah, I was driving because I'm so sad about it.

Voice changer.

What do you have?

It was really good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It has a voice changer on that thing.

Listen, boys, we have a lot to get to today.

More than we can cover in an hour.

There's a thing on my desk that Andrew sent to Gavin and I we have to talk about.

Last week, I told you guys about my deja vu nightmare.

I gotta update you.

There are troubling

developments.

It is no longer a deja vu nightmare.

It is just a midnight bathroom nightmare.

I have two of the,

I'm gonna warn you guys now two of the grosser stories you're gonna hear oh no

yeah am i gonna gag do i need a bag you might need a you might need to at the end then because we we've been front loading gross can we put at the back plus well that's i'll leave it up to you guys do you want to front load it or back oh i want to back load it i've been this is a lot of front loader

there might be they might take a little time to tell so uh and they'll be there'll be conversations so we don't want to wait too long otherwise we'll piss eric off we might need to make a uniform gag bag.

Oh, interesting.

Interesting.

I'm not mad at that.

I could have used that in fucking Los Angeles last weekend.

Let me tell you.

Oh, God.

Sorry, Anaheim.

I am holding in my hand, Andrew, a gift from you.

Would you like to tell me why and what it is?

Well, we are a few days into Mario Party March at this point.

When does this come out?

Like the third?

The fourth?

That's almost there.

That's there.

Almost there.

The fifth.

The fifth.

So we're five days in to this Mario Party March game.

We're about to go into a heated battle.

But before things get heated, I wanted to cool things out.

I wanted to send a peace offering to Gavin and Jeff.

And I would have sent one to Nick, but I don't know where he lives, so I couldn't do it.

I couldn't send it.

Maybe we should change his new name to Nick Mysterio.

Nick Mysterious.

Jeff, have you revealed what was in your bag?

I'm eating a chocolate

dilly bar.

That's right, a dilly bar.

From the dill kong, a peace offering from the dill kong.

A little dilly bar for you guys before we initiate.

Can I tell you something?

Uh-huh.

It's delicious.

Oh, that's what I want to hear is the dill kong.

So just remember, these first few turns, if you, you know, maybe you land on a boo.

Maybe you have the opportunity to screw somebody.

Don't forget dill kong is there for you.

Before we started.

Dill Kong offering a peaceful dilly bar.

Did you search Austin for dill food?

No, I just, all I could think of, because I'm familiar with the Dairy Queen menu.

All I did was search if you both had a Dairy Queen that would serve it.

Let me tell you guys, when I think Dairy Queen, I'm locked in on that menu.

I'm familiar with the Dilly Queen menu, thank you.

I am.

Could have said us giant dill pickles.

Yeah.

But dilly, I think, is funnier.

I appreciate the ice cream.

Thank you.

I just sent you my address.

Send it to me, Nick, and then I'll send you Dilly.

Okay.

All right.

Good to know.

I'll do that after the show.

I got it.

Thank you.

All right.

So is that is bribery allowed?

Are we accepting that?

Well, if it's fucking you.

Are we putting a rule down now?

If so, I think I cleared it.

I think we should be open to it.

I have accepted it into my tummy.

It's a little late.

I think bribery, once the game is in play, is off limits.

See,

I disagree with that because I think bribery day to day is such an exciting element when you are four days in and you see alliances starting to form, and you're like, oh, I understand.

I got to get Nick on.

I guess my issue, Eric, is that the stronghold chest is not equal amongst all parties.

I would be a fool to put bribery into play.

Well, you never know.

We'll see what happens on day 22 when Gavin introduces the bribery wheel.

Oh, my God.

What are we eating, Gavin?

Corn.

I'm trying to think of who would I want to make an alliance with the most.

If you're going to try to

fight with corn, you're in...

That's an update.

Americans love corn.

Everything is corn.

It is true.

Everything likes

corn, but because it's plentiful, not because it's sought after.

Or good.

Or good.

I have a clip.

Go for it.

I have a very exciting clip.

I've got a, this is very funny.

So as we talked about last episode, we have the pencil judge is competing on this season of survivor.

Yes.

It's insane.

We have a connection to the show.

And when we discovered this, I immediately reached out to a friend who does a lot of reality TV coverage named Taryn and they work for Rob has a podcast, which is like this big reality TV network.

So I immediately was like, this is crazy because he's a fan of the show and he listens.

And I was breaking down the pencil thing to him.

And they do a draft podcast at the start of every season in which they pick players.

It's like a pool of six.

It's like they do a fantasy draft.

And then whoever wins wins.

Like it's very standard how it works.

And he planned on, cause he thought there's no way that he would end up getting him based off of the pencil thing and just where he'd end up in the draft.

But he ended up with the first overall pick.

So he was very excited.

He planned, like he worked out in his head that he was going to make a bunch of references to the show and asking questions for whoever picked them but then he got the first overall pick got really excited and then just picked him based off of the pencil judge thing but didn't factor in that he would then have to justify why he took this guy first overall and they started pressing and he did not necessarily have answers beyond the podcast thing it was very funny he kept making very pointed references to he's a big fan of his judgment And anyone who is a fan of our show, which there are a lot of comments of that thing, of pencil eating and references, I have a clip from that where at the very end, they've kind of discussed all their points.

And he really put himself in a tight spot and he dropped the pencil eating reference to a group of people that have no point of reference for what he's talking about.

And it was the most confusing thing to this group of people.

And it brought me so much joy.

So this is him.

referencing that he is a fan of this survivor player because of his pencil opinions.

He's a big fan.

I've been told that he is pro-pencil eating.

So

that was enough for me.

What does that mean?

Like he eats pencils?

No, not him.

It's just, you know, you should follow through on things that you said you're going to do.

That's, that's, that's what he feels.

That's what I feel.

That's what he means.

Did I miss something?

Yeah, we all get it, Chappelle.

Okay.

I don't know why you're confused.

All right.

Shout out to Shaheen's mom, who listens to the podcast.

Hey!

I just, I wanted to to share that.

That brought me so much joy.

Six people, there's videos for it.

You can watch it that are just blank, that have no concept.

I love the idea that he just deliberately died in front of five other people to really face himself on that.

He absolutely did.

He ate so much shit just because it was funny.

I reached out immediately.

I was like, oh, I appreciate it so much.

And they're like, he's...

He's in Twin Pencils.

And then he's like, no, no, I am.

There needs to be a term or like a position of exaltation for someone who publicly faces themselves in such a way, you know?

Oh, man.

But yeah, I just wanted to share that.

Check that out.

They do great reality coverage and that video, especially.

Just seeing the blank faces of six other people is so good.

It's great.

I'm taking a bite of this dilly.

What is it called?

Dilly bar.

You're going to hate it, Gavin.

It's just on the right.

It's just a shop in front of you.

No, it's good.

No, it's delicious.

It's maybe the most inefficient shape for a stick.

What?

What do you mean?

Oh.

It's round.

Oh.

Oh, it's not bad.

Oh, you don't mind it?

I thought you'd be a lot pickier about the chocolate.

It's fine.

It's delicious.

It's a pretty budget chocolate.

One bite's enough for that one.

It's like the one that Eric posted in the chat.

That's Gavin's.

I don't know if your bribe worked on

Gavin Andrew.

Oh, I wouldn't expect it to.

Worked on me.

If I wanted to bribe Gavin, I'd send him like pickled fucking gopher feet or something.

Some weird...

You send him what?

Pickled gopher feet?

Yeah, it's a delicacy in the UK.

And yeah, I'd say I'm just, my point was like a weird food.

I don't really like anything pickled apart from pickle.

But Branston, you're a Branston pickle guy.

Yeah.

That's pickled.

That's pickled.

Is it not?

It's in the name.

Is it really pickled, though, or is it pickle?

Isn't it pickles that are pickled?

There's some pickle and onion pickled.

There's some pickled pickle and what?

There's some.

You don't like present tense pickle, only past tense pickle?

I think I just like the paste format.

And when you have a

pickle, it's not paste.

I would actually maybe argue it's even more pickled than the average pickle because it's multiplely multiple.

No, I'm done.

I lost that argument.

Never mind.

We're going home.

That was bad.

We just can't talk about this.

No, you can't.

I was going to say that it's multiple pickled items in one thing.

Like, it's only pickled items, is it not?

Yeah, I think it's like the cucumber and it's the onion.

I think we read off the ingredients once.

It's like a pickle sector.

But the actual pickle paste is maybe 10 to 15 times better than a pickle cucumber.

I think if you were to pull the audience and said like one of these things is a lie about Gavin and they didn't have context and you listed he doesn't like pickled things, nobody's picking that.

I think universally you're viewed as a pickled guy for the Branston pickle.

I'm shocked.

Hey, Andrew, despite your troubles with Gavin, just so we're clear,

before going into Mario Party March,

your bribe has worked on me.

I am now in some form of debt to you in some way, and

I will adhere to the constricts of a bribe.

However, I will say, as someone who is open to bribes, if anyone wants to bribe me on top of that, to unbribe your bribe, I'm available.

So I'm yours until until somebody gives me a better deal.

How about that?

I'm okay with that.

How about I'll give you the best gift you've ever had if you don't screw me through the game?

I'm like a bird in the hands worth two in the bush kind of guy.

Yeah, but what if there's five in the bush?

I don't see, I can't see.

I don't send him a box.

The bush doesn't exist to me, dude.

Jeff, I'm going to take you for hot dogs and coffee.

I like the sound of that.

That's two in the bush.

That's coffee and hot dogs in the bush.

You haven't got them yet.

I haven't done anything for him yet.

Yeah.

But once he delivers on hot dogs and coffee, then we'll see.

What if?

Until, as of right now, I'm Andrew's man right now.

Okay, what about this?

If bribes are allowed throughout the game, are psych outs allowed?

Yes.

Oh, yeah, of course.

What are psych outs?

What do you mean?

Psych you out.

What does that mean?

I don't know.

Hey, you know what?

I think it's working.

I'm on tilt right now, Gavin.

Can you unpsych me, please?

Game hasn't even started yet.

I shouldn't be psyched out like this.

That was such a do billboards work they just did moment.

Yeah, like maybe there's some real world things that can happen throughout the game to try and throw you a little bit.

You're gonna light my house on fire?

What do you think?

Well, that's an escalation.

It is.

I mean, it would disrupt the game.

Maybe there'll just be a game within the game that I'm playing.

Maybe there'll be a marching man practicing outside of your bedroom window while we record.

That'd be so hot to arrange.

I'd open my door and say, hey, can you guys, can you guys bring up a bed frame?

I got a bed frame down here.

There's like 16 of you.

I think we could do this.

Have you moved the bed frame yet?

Not yet, but I've moved other things.

Chair's gone.

Got rid of all the chairs.

Whoa, whoa, what?

Wow.

So you got some space again?

I got some space.

I'm reorganizing.

You know what I realized?

And I didn't plan on talking about this on the show, but it is so difficult to buy a travel bag for old consoles.

It's just not accessible.

You just can't get them anywhere.

eBay.

I looked at eBay.

Okay, here's that.

That transitions to a different thing.

I can find them on eBay, but the shipping, I looked at three bags.

I was looking at an N64 one, a Wii U one, and an original Xbox travel bag.

Combined, it cost like $110.

The shipping was $150.

I was like, I can't do it.

I just can't.

I can't do it.

Is it from outside of Canada?

I think one of them was within Canada, but even within Canada, the shipping on eBay is very high, generally speaking.

But I had a thought where it's like,

I'm not going to say that, like, this change.

I'm always going to be mad about shipping things,

but I thought for the first time, the premise of what if I had to go to the item instead of the item doing the journey to me, the premise that I could go to like two different states for $150 worth of fuel.

Insane.

What a value.

But it going the other way, way too much.

Insane.

How is that good value?

You think that you could, like, if you were to go on a road trip, you would spend more money on gas driving.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

Like, I'm saying the fuel, like, if you had to make the trip, the actual cost of the transport for yourself is more than what the item is paying.

And you have to go and do it and waste all of that time.

That's true.

Yeah,

I'm not advocating.

I know there's all just purely on the premises about travel, though.

I just thought that was interesting.

Like if somebody said, hey, here's tickets to this place in the United States for $50,

I would, that's a great value.

But if I'm buying a $20 item attached to it and I'm paying $50 for the travel part, it's like, this is the worst deal ever.

Why do you want to put all your consoles in bags?

Because they're all in like grocery bags right now uh in my closet and i was trying to like properly i'm trying to organize my closet better and i thought i just having like a nice console bag would really solve these problems so i thought i'll just buy a few and it just it's not there's not like a company that just specializes in that from what i could see outside of whatever the current generation of console is and it feels like a waste to buy one for a current gen console because then i just have an empty bag.

But in like seven years, I guess it would be useful.

But like, is that, am I losing at that point?

It It feels like a waste to keep a console in a bag.

Well, I just don't, I don't have space to plug in some of the stuff, like the N64, and I have an original Xbox that, like, didn't you just put it on a shelf?

Like, build shelves

in your closet?

What about the wall?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

What do you mean?

Put a console on the wall.

How would I do that?

Hang it.

Screws.

Little display wall of all your shit?

Yeah.

Remember back how, like, Jeremy had all of his Xbox One controllers on the wall or 360 controllers on the wall?

Kind of like that.

Yeah, I got some of those.

Or like Gavin has his, he doesn't talk about it, but his dildo wall.

Oh.

I've heard about the dildo wall.

Yeah.

Oh, what if...

Oh.

Would that, would they be, would they be slung on like a little hook or would they be poking through the wall like 18 glory holes with dildos going out?

Well, the ones at like a higher elevation are just set and nestled to like the side, but the ones that are lower that you feel like using, those are just protruded outwards.

So it's just like kind of a grab and go situation or use it right there on the wall.

Do you think dildos got bigger with time?

Dildos got bigger with time?

Like what like people got taller over time?

No, like do you think that like the expectation changed over time?

Oh, like the first dildos.

The first dildos were like kind of like modest.

Yeah.

And then as time progressed, like I mean, you can go back and look at dildos they've dug up that are like 5,000 years old and see for yourself.

There's some there's some there's some honkers out there from the olden days.

I like to think that they're like noses or ears where they're progressively growing.

I think a dildo, dildo culture is always slightly getting bigger.

I don't know how they know it's a dildo though.

Like surely wouldn't stuff become dildo over time?

Wouldn't a bunch of stuff eventually erode down to just like a cylinder of stone or something?

And they're like, oh, it's a dildo.

What if it was a rolling pin?

Or like, what if it was some sort of tool?

Do you think people are incorrectly declaring dildos that aren't dildos?

Yeah, I think a lot of stuff looks like a dildo at the end.

Really?

Interesting.

I'm trying to think of what.

Like, what do you think?

Like, a club?

Oh, a chair leg or something.

I don't know.

Like, everything.

Like, how do they, how do they know?

Your collection.

Your collection's fucking weird, dude.

Yeah.

My point is, how do they know something from 5,000 years ago was a dildo originally?

Evan must think that I have so many dildos left over from these chairs that I'm breaking.

dna

dna on it dna on the dildo

well how do they know jeff do you think it's called a dildo because the inventor was named dildo that feels like a name yeah i've never thought about this i think because of images like this

an old fresco where somebody's holding a dildo in their hand and they're taking it out of a bag a box full of dildos no i'm kind of no no no you wouldn't store them like that right gavin once again once again you're saying it's a bucket of dildos.

Or how about this old dildo that they found that looks like somebody carved it with a dickhead at the end of it?

That could be like a pestle and mortar situation.

These are scientists.

I wasn't on Gavin's side.

I think the second one does look like a chair leg.

And the first one could simply be a man holding a candle.

trying to figure out what's in his fruit basket.

It's a man stepping into a shoehorn bucket because that's where he puts on his shoes and he's using his shoehorns.

Our knowledge of dildos isn't just limited to amusing archaeological finds.

We even see evidence of dildos in a range of art and literature from the ancient world, like the Bible.

Oh, whoa.

There's a chapter on dildos.

They describe the dimensions of a dildo.

However, the first literary appearance of the dildo may well outdate even ancient Greece.

In fact, the first literary reference to dildos is believed to take place in the Old Testament in Ezekiel 16, 17.

God reprimands the people of Jerusalem because they took the gold and silver that he has given them and made phallic images and fornicated with them.

Solid according to a video by Dan McClellan,

theologian and

scripture translator, the original verb used to describe fornification is zana, which is often used as a metaphorical sense in the Hebrew Bible to refer to worshiping other deities

symbolically committing adultery against

God in Israel.

So while it could be seen as metaphorical fornication with phallic images, he states that it's also very plausible that this could and should be interpreted literally.

Yeah.

I mean, I definitely don't doubt that dildos were around, that it was one of the first things invented, probably, by man, but I'm just not sure how they know the physical objects are the dildos.

Well, how do you know a bowl is a bowl and not a shitting

uh container?

You know, exactly, my point.

Yeah, hmm.

Hmm.

What's the oldest dildo you have, Gavin?

It's the one at the top of the wall.

you climb it like it's a rubber room

like like your cliffhanger just shoving dildos into the wall to go higher

oh we talked about that clip haven't we where the guy throws the dildo and it like goes down that guy's throat no dude i i just caught a passage i was about to close the dildo page Hallie Lieberman's research indicates that double-ended dildos have a history that extends back at least 13,000 to 19,000 years.

Dang, that's crazy.

People were freaks back then.

I love it.

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a wonderful creation i don't know if you guys have seen uh ever since we talked about the gerp lid people have been going out there and making their own solutions to the problem uh and i got sent one today by a member of our community named matthew frank And I really appreciate his ingenuity.

I'm posting a video clip in our Discord channel channel right now.

Gavin, I think you'll especially appreciate this design.

Okay.

It is

uploading.

It's almost done.

So as you can see, it is a Gerpler with a blue top on it and it has a pair of balls

on the top.

What the heck?

And a shaft.

Now, how do you know they're balls?

That's a great point, Jeff.

Now, see, he's explaining how it works.

So you can knuckle the balls.

He calls it the unregulation knuckler.

You knuckle them and it focuses the little gap.

So if you want to stop some drippage,

you got it taken care of.

That is brilliant.

Yeah, I was blown away by the design.

Thank you very much to them.

I've loved seeing all these people's creations.

They're great.

I'm so glad you brought that up because I was going to talk about a few as well.

There's the guy that made the

Gerbler silencer, which has got like the rubber bands around it.

So if it falls, it's quiet.

There's all the people that are saying that you can like, apparently large McDonald's lids fit very well on a Gerpler.

Really?

They're saying, yeah, apparently they work really well.

There's been a bunch of like Gerpler accoutrements

since the last episode that have been really fantastic to watch and find out about.

This is by far the best.

Would you drink out of the bad, Gavin?

Well,

I don't know if like 3D print is safe to put your mouth on, but if it was done properly, I would definitely drink out of that.

Interesting.

I never thought about the 3D printing safety thing.

I assume it's not food safe, but as a concept, incredible.

He would much rather blindly trust the plastic or silicone mold that comes from a factory that none of us will ever go to.

You want to get gross, Jeff?

I want to make sure you have tons of time.

I feel good now.

I feel ready.

I'm locked in.

Oh, yeah, I'm down to get gross.

But Gavin, you had a clip too.

You said we started late because of your clip.

Did you want to do that?

Well, yeah, I could play the clip for sure.

I'd hope so.

Well, let somebody know if you wouldn't mind, we'd appreciate it.

And we'll be here next week saying the same dumb shit.

I imagine Gavin's balls will come up at some point.

So, you don't want to miss that.

Got some ball news.

Oh, no.

Oh.

This is a superpower that I've discovered I have now ever since.

Oh, no.

At some point last year, I had an MRI on my brain, and they ejected some contrast.

It wasn't an MRI, it was like a CT something.

They had to inject some contrast into my brain so they could see the veins in it, I guess.

That's crazy.

And as they were injecting it, the woman said,

You might feel some heat in your cheeks and your hands.

I was like, ooh, all right.

And she put the needle in and gave it a squeeze.

Straight into my balls.

I felt the heat immediately as she plunged it in my testicles.

And ever since that, I have a new superpower where temperature is detected in my balls like second.

Like if Meg has cold hands and she touches my arm, my balls go cold.

And I don't know why or like what the science of that is, but I can feel like

if I was trying to test

like baby milk temperature, I think I would have to squirt it on my ball.

Or I would feel it in my balls.

Or if I was like elbowing the bathtub,

I don't know how it happened, but there's now a link

between my arms and my balls.

Can we scientifically test this out?

Can we get together and do some filming, please?

I think it's time.

You could be fully covered.

We just need something that like detects heat in a specific region and we have to like have you feel ice.

I want to see maybe if we do temperature probes on the sack, I want to see if my balls are actually getting cold or whether it's just a

phantom feeling yeah but i felt it in my hands and my cheeks maybe 30 seconds after and i felt it in my balls maybe one second after she ejected it it was crazy if mega's cold hands you get warm balls does it work the other way

if something touches you that's really hot and your balls get cold like is it a no i felt the cold in my balls when she touched my head do you feel the heat in your balls when you touch something hot like the stove i i don't know she kind of touched the back of my arm like under

like I'd say in a bicep area.

And I felt that's true.

So maybe I should put something hot there.

Well, let's don't do it till we are till we can film it.

Okay.

I was just wondering: did anyone else, has anyone else had any like ball to rest of the body links that they didn't know were there?

For heat?

No.

No.

Okay.

Not for temperature.

That's so interesting, though.

Nick specifically said not for temperature.

What have you felt?

My balls.

His balls.

His balls know when it's going to rain.

Yeah.

A ball rometer?

A ball rometer.

Raise themselves into the body.

Yeah.

Here comes the storm.

So you feel a cold thing and your balls let you know before anything else does?

Am I understanding this correctly?

No, I mean I feel it in my balls next.

Like I feel it in the original spot.

It's the point of contact and then it goes, you get like a shiver in your balls.

Yeah.

But it's so fast.

It's like the sp it's like maybe after one second.

It's like spider scents.

I can't tell whether it's like the speed of the nerves or whether the cold is getting into my blood and then my blood gets pumped and I feel it when it hits my balls.

But I don't know if blood is that fast.

Now, did you ever notice it in your balls before?

Ever.

Like just generally?

No.

Because I don't feel like I'm detecting heat or cold from my balls just in a general sense.

Maybe if we got an ice cube and put it on my arm, that would be a good test.

Yeah, this sounds like something to test in the next office day.

Well, we should.

I mean, I'm just kind of spitballing here.

Feel free to kind of lead me down the right path.

We put the ice cube on your arm and see how soon until you feel it in your balls.

And then we let everything kind of like rewarm.

And then we put the ice cube on your balls and see if it was faster or so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You think touching it on my arm will be faster than touching it on my balls?

Gavin, I have no idea how your superpowers work.

I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.

That's all.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is what's called the scientific process, Gavin.

You got to let it play out.

We're scientists.

Well, here's how I think we could do it.

We'll all get together on an office day and we'll all have a stopwatch.

We all put the ice cube on our arms and then you just stop the top the timer when you feel it in your balls, if ever.

I love that.

All right.

I think that's one of the many cool experiments we're about to do on your balls.

Yeah.

And that is the end of my weekly ball news.

Just very quickly, as we were talking about, and we're in process of looking for an office, I'm going to share this.

And I don't want you guys to reveal what it is, but I found something that I think we should all

come together for.

I think we could all agree that we should put our own money towards this for the office.

Look at this.

I just we can reveal at a later point what this is.

Look at what I found is available.

No way.

See the loading.

No way.

no way

edit that I can't say.

No, say it.

That was the whole thing he just said.

Yep, that was the whole point without saying what it was.

You're gonna just reveal it.

Okay,

I can't believe I can't believe this is real.

I cannot believe it was real either.

We need it.

They have a bunch of them.

Oh, dude, there's like a bunch of stuff.

There's a few.

Yeah, that's by far the best thing, but

we need that.

We can put Gavin's cold balls in it or something.

I don't know but we need it

no way isn't that crazy

stuff yeah i was really excited about it but uh that is the coolest thing it's also kind of affordable too you know yeah yeah i know it's not it's insane absolutely i bet if it goes for its lowest you could even make profit just on the materials yeah no

potentially

Wow we'll reveal this at a later date of what this item was.

And Gavin, you'll be the first one to use it, right?

I guess so.

It's so funny that you had

your ball update.

And I realized looking at my notes, I have a small ball update too.

Oh, please.

Do you think we should dedicate a little segment every time to like ball news?

Maybe.

Maybe not a bad idea.

Ball news.

I did something last night that I've never done before.

And

while my wife was laughing at me about it,

I thought, I wonder if you guys have ever experienced this, or if it's just me, or if it's an age thing, or maybe I'm just incredibly limber.

Maybe that's what it is.

Maybe I'm just too flexible.

But last night when I was putting my pajama pants on, putting my legs into my pajama pants, I taking my pants off and then put my jammy pants on.

I somehow flamingo kicked my own balls with my right heel of my foot.

I almost blacked out.

Flamingo, standing up,

standing up, like pulling my pants off.

I like slipped and my leg just went straight up.

And the heel of my right foot just smashed my right ball so hard,

I saw black.

Like I lost my vision for a second.

And I don't know if that means I'm in really good shape and really limber or if my balls are hanging down to my knees or whatever, but holy shit.

I've never kicked my own balls before.

Have you guys ever kicked yourself in the balls?

Was it the back of your balls?

Or the other side?

No, it was like the bottom.

It was like the whole right ball.

I kicked the fucking

whole ball, man.

My heel is as big of a ball, bigger than my ball, man.

Just smooshed it right up into me.

i know i've don't i've never had that happen and i've never heard of anyone kicking themselves in the balls before yeah i've never had someone kick themselves in the nuts talk about a superpower you wish you didn't have

why why can people do that

what's stupid evolution i don't recommend they they try to find out if it's something that they can or can't do Just assume you can't and move along with your life and try to just be very careful.

Just be very careful putting jammy pants on, apparently.

I feel like I've nudged my balls with the heel, like if i sit cross-legged too fast but i've never done it from like a stand

jeff when when did you get these jamie pants how new are these jamie pants i got them for christmas okay they're detroit tigers uh jammies that bernie vanessa got me i just feel like every story i hear relating to your jamie pants is disaster for you and i was questioning well if i'm in get rid of the jamie pants if i'm in jammies it's not good That's a bad scene.

It's the bad time of day for me.

The sleeper.

You're knocking over sodas.

You're kicking your own balls like these Jammy pants.

I think you got to evaluate.

Midnight to about 5 a.m.

is a dark time for me in a lot of ways.

Dude, people were floored that you're drinking soda at night.

I'm unhappy.

I'm not drinking soda at night.

I had a monster energy drink at 8 in the fucking morning that I had drank five sips of and I set it down and then I went about my entire day, forgot that it even existed.

And then at 2 in the morning or whatever, when I get up to pee, I walked by it and I saw liquid and I thought, oh, my mouth is dry.

I'll just take a sip of that.

It's not like I was going to drink enough to get a fucking, to wake Zoom.

I'm awake.

I had one ounce of fucking caffeine.

Now I'm bouncing off the walls.

It was nothing like that.

And it wasn't, it was a sugar-free one too, by the way.

It wasn't a sugary drink.

It was just something to wet my mouth.

That's fair.

Yeah.

I don't keep.

I don't even keep drinks by.

That's what the thing that was crazy is that I had a drink by my bed three out of four nights.

That never happens.

I don't ever have that.

Emily keeps what she calls her Baba by her bed, which is like an 864-ounce Stanley cup with like a backpack on it and a fucking, I don't know, like a docking station and all the different things that you can put on one of those drinks.

Sky fucking, it's got Wi-Fi and Bluetooth.

And if I ever get thirsty at night, I usually just say, can I have a drink of your Baba?

And then she'll let me drink it.

But it just so rarely happens.

And she was dead ass asleep all three times.

So I didn't bother.

Oh, that's so funny.

You describe it like she's wearing a camel back to bed just in case, like this immediate drinkage.

I actually try not to drink past like 9 or 10 p.m.

In general, whether it's water or anything else, because I don't want to be up pissing all night.

It's just like same.

If I'm going to be up till 2 in the morning playing with the truck boys, maybe I'll bring a drink into it like I was going to do that one night.

But yeah,

I'm not drinking monsters every night at 3 in the morning.

God damn it.

When you healed your balls, Jeff, did you notice any drippage?

No.

No, they were tight.

Tight and dry.

Yeah.

No drippage.

I bet if you just pissed, though, there might have been a jet.

Oh, 100%.

100%.

If I had just pissed, there would have been.

And speaking of piss, this is a great opportunity for me to catch you guys up on where I've been in my life.

What's been going on in my deal?

Please.

Over the weekend, I went down to

Emily, Burndog, and Vanessa and I, we all went down to Disneyland to celebrate Vanessa's birthday and Emily's birthday.

And so we were there from Thursday to Sunday, had a lovely time.

On Friday, Emily, we just did a thing, you know, because none of us drink or anything, right?

So not that you could in Disneyland anyway, but I guess you could at California Adventure.

But, you know, none of us are like partiers, right?

So we were walking around Disneyland.

You want to treat yourself.

You're like, oh, they have cotton candy.

Look at it.

And so Emily was like a kid and going like, oh, I want to get a little bit of this.

I want a little bit of that.

You know, dole whip.

I'm going to have some of that.

And on Friday, we had ate a lot of.

just dog shit by the end of the day.

And I was like, man, I got to take it easy tomorrow.

At about two in the morning that night, Emily woke up and proceeded to vomit

more than I've ever, and I say this without hyperbole, more than I've ever heard a human being vomit in my entire life.

Like she could have filled up like four of the buckets in the Bozo the Clown ping pong bucket challenge.

Like it was insane.

And I helped her get cleaned up and everything.

And she was fine.

She's had a sick tummy from probably riding rides and eating all the candy.

And so she went back to bed and she was

totally fine.

Totally fine.

Get up the next day.

I look at Emily as a cautionary tale because burn dog cannot say no to food.

So we walk by and it's like, oh, cuties.

I'll take a cutie.

And then he like buys oranges.

Oh, it's a banana.

But it's not that too.

It's like churros.

And it's like, oh, I'll take two churros.

Turkey leg.

I'll take a turkey leg.

Fucking Star Wars tip yip.

I'll take some of that.

Gross ass chicken.

Like whatever it is.

And to where we're just like walking from like, I'll take a coffee.

I'll take a cold brew.

I'll take a fucking soda.

I'll take, I'll take some water.

I'll take churros.

I'll take an ice cream sandwich.

And it's just constantly all Saturday.

And I'm having like a bite of most stuff but i'm trying to take it easy because i don't want to end up like emily and i'm doing great and having a wonderful time really enjoying uh disneyland uh or at this point it was california adventure for me on saturday and

i have learned through that other stupid podcast i did for a while with jack that i no longer can ride roller coasters i've developed nonsense

i never had it i never i was i was a brave little boy for most of my life but somewhere in my 40s i got scared of heights and roller coasters and so i was good i went on everything got to the Incredit Coaster, said, fuck it.

I've been on it before.

It made me nauseous, but I'm going to do it.

I'm in the right frame of mind.

And I got on that Encredit Coaster and I was doing great.

And then we get to that one stupid loop, the upside down part, that wrecked me, dude.

It fucking wrecked me.

For the next hour, I was brutally nauseous.

And so I just had to like sit down by a, uh, and just like sip on some water for a while till I recovered.

Then I was fine for the rest of the day.

Have a great time.

We're hanging out.

We part

our version to party.

Uh, we're playing Uno or whatever.

And go to bed,

happy as a clam.

At two in the morning, out of the blue, I wake up nauseous.

And I'm like, that is strange.

I don't ever wake up nauseous in the middle of the night.

And

I don't really get nauseous often, like in a real way.

I very rarely

suffer nausea.

And I'm like, oh, maybe it'll go away.

So I lay there for a little minute and I realize it's not going to go away.

I get up and I go into the bathroom.

And of course, it's a strange bathroom at a Weston hotel where all the lights are off.

You know, I don't know where anything is.

So I'm fumbling around.

And I sit down on the toilet and I'm just like, maybe if I can just sit here and ride it out.

And then as I do that, sitting on the toilet activates the diarrhea.

I immediately start explosive diarrhea.

The diarrhea.

initiates the vomit.

I look around because I realize my ass is tied to the toilet.

There's a trash can.

I grab the trash can.

I like reach over and I grab it.

And it's the fucking heaviest.

It's like made out of concrete.

It's so heavy, I can't lift it to hold it.

And I'm like, I'm like struggling to hold it up to throw into it.

And I saw I put it back on the ground and I can't aim the puke at it.

So I'm like, I don't know what to do.

So I just like, I hold the puke in my mouth long enough until I stop shitting for just a second.

Then I jump up and I spin around and I throw up into the toilet, which gets all over the front of the toilet.

And then I have to, and I'm just like,

not as much as Emily, but a lot.

And I'm like, oh my God, oh my God.

And then as soon as it stops, I got to spin back around and slam down and diarrhea out the diarrhea and then spin around and throw up.

And I do that like three times until it's all gone.

And I'm just sweating.

You know how you're like sweating like you've run a marathon and you're clammy and you're exhausted and you're shaken from all of that, from that whole 45 second ordeal that was maybe the worst 45 seconds of my life.

And I like, I do the thing that I do every night now.

I get on the ground and I start cleaning up mess that I've made.

And I'm just like cleaning, I get a towel and a washcloth.

And of course, Emily's sleeping.

She doesn't know any of this is going on.

And I'm bouncing around and bumping into shit because I can't see anything.

And I don't know what lights to turn on because you turn on one light in a fucking hotel bathroom and suddenly every light turns on and the fucking blinds open up and you know, and it starts playing music and the TV's flashing.

And so I just fumble around in the dark and I do do everything in my power to clean it up.

And I'm in that bathroom for God knows how long.

And I get it all cleaned up, I think, and flushed and brush my teeth and wipe myself off and everything.

And then I'll just go and I lay down and I go to bed and I pass out from exhaustion.

And then we get up in the day and we're getting ready in the morning.

And Bernie and Vanessa come over to our room.

And I have, haven't been in the toilet area at all.

I've only brushed my teeth and stuff.

And Bernie goes, I got to take a piss.

And he goes in the, he goes and take a piss and he goes, oh my God.

And I'm like, what?

And I run in.

I had missed so much vomit.

It was on the walls to the left of the toilet.

It was like purple nightmare.

It was on the top of the toilet.

It was on the wall behind the toilet.

It was everywhere.

And I was horrified and mortified.

It's one of the most embarrassing and grossest things I've ever done.

And it's, I hate to say it, not as gross as the next story.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

What do you mean?

Last night.

Oh, God.

Last night.

By the way, I was fine after that.

I had a great rest of the day.

Last night,

I played hookie.

I stayed up late and I was an irresponsible little boy.

And I played video games with my friends until way too late.

We played, we played gun trucks, as I've decided to start calling it, until about,

well, just about 1.45 or so, right?

And then go to bed or go like shut everything down, walk into the bedroom, go to my side of of the bed albert is sleeping on the far end of the bed with emily they're pretty far away we have a king bed so there's a lot of room i smell a whiff of something

once again pitch black in my room right as i'm about to get sit on my bed to like take my jammy pants off and take my shirt off and then get under the covers right where i'm about to sit i just catch a whiff of something and i stop it just makes me stop on my tracks And I look and I can kind of see something, like a mound on the bed.

And I look, and then I get in there and I look because, you know, it's pretty dark.

There's a little bit of moonlight.

And I realize the dog has thrown up.

The dog has thrown up on my side of the bed, right at chest level, like right where I was about to sit.

I was about to sit in a pile of dog vomit, right?

And there, by the grace of God or whoever, I smelled just a whiff of that.

And maybe because I had just thrown up so much, I still had a little bit of that, that puke smell in the back of my throat.

And I recognized it quickly, and I shut down before I accidentally sat my fucking soggy ass balls in dog puke, right?

So I'm like, oh my God, this fucking sucks.

Emily is asleep.

The dog is asleep.

I'm in the same situation where I don't want to wake them up because if the dog wakes up, all bets are off, right?

And then poor Emily, she works 12 hours a day.

She needs her sleep.

And so I like pick up all the dog puke and I put it in the toilet.

And I get some more and I put it in the toilet.

And then I do my best to scrub it with a washcloth.

And I realize I got to take the sheet off, like the blanket off.

Luckily, we, Emily is a weirdo and sleeps with 900 blankets.

I've talked about her sleep procedure before it includes like eight different blankets she's like she has blanket mountain like andrew has pillow mountain and so i have to definitely take the the comforter off around the dog and emily without waking them up and i go and i put it in the washing machine and i start doing laundry at this point 2 15 in the morning or whatever and then i go back and i clean myself off and i crawl into bed and i put my hands on top of the blanket uh like at my you know you just put your hands down and i feel wet and i'm like what

and so i get up and I look and the puke had seeped through a little bit.

So it was just damp, but that grossed me out so much.

I get up out of bed and I strip that blanket off the bed around Emily and around the dog and I take it out into the other room because obviously I can't, I only have one washing machine.

And then I clean my hands off again and I go back in and I go to bed and I fall back asleep.

Maybe.

two hours later.

I don't know because I didn't look at a clock, but it's maybe four or four or thirty in the morning.

I wake up desperate to piss desperate to piss and so i get up and i fumble and i'm i'm wrecked at this point right because i stayed up way too late i've only had two hours of sleep i've i'm doing laundry in the middle of my sleep it's a whole thing and i go into the bathroom and i sit down in the toilet and i piss and i'm just like

kind of half asleep just not all there you know as you are and i reach back and i flush the toilet and i don't immediately get up and i don't know why but i just like i'm just like sitting there for a second you know just i don't know existing and then as I'm sitting there and the toilet's flushing as I'm about to get up and go to the bathroom I uh because I sit down to pee at night because I don't want to turn lights on to wake my wife up right yeah something really weird happens I feel a sensation that immediately jolts me awake and I realize it's water on my dick and I'm like why is there water on my dick if I'm sitting in the toilet and I look down

The dog puke clogged the toilet.

I pissed into the toilet, flushed the toilet.

All all the dog puke and piss came back up, and my dick is in it.

Just sitting in it as the toilet is starting to overflow around me.

So I have to jump up and unclog the toilet with a plunger for way too long while Emily and the dog are trying to sleep and then clean my entire body at this point because I have dipped my dick into dog puke and pee water at this point.

And

now I don't ever want to go to bed again.

I'm scared of the dark.

I don't know.

This has all been in the space of like six days.

Can you imagine when you were feeding Albert that you would,

imagine if someone came back through time and said, some of that would be on your dick, Leah.

Well, I couldn't in a million years.

No, no.

It's like

two things.

I did two things in the same night that I've never done before.

I kicked my own dick and balls, and then I stuck my dick in wet dog puke.

Oh.

that's so gross.

Terrible firsts.

Terrible first.

I'll be having it 49 years old.

And I'm then, now I'm the night plunger.

That is a new horror that has been unlocked for me.

And I just, I just, I'm wrecked.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do about going to bed at night anymore.

Maybe I'll just stay up and play video games till dawn.

I don't know, but it's been, I'm just terrified.

I'm scared to go to bed tonight, honestly.

I swear to God.

So was it all flushed and then came back?

Or are you just yeah, it was all flushed.

No, I had flushed and it was all flushed, but I guess, i guess it didn't you know i guess it was just like stuck in the tube or whatever and so when i flushed again it just like backed up oh

god wait wait wait you flushed while you're sitting yeah i flushed while i was sitting in that moment i was just like i said i was like i was just like fucking exhausted and i was sitting on the toilet and i peed and then i just reached my hand back to flush and i was gonna get up or whatever right as i did it but i just like I just like sat there for a second because I wasn't I didn't have my faculties about me but I feel like sometimes if I do like a courtesy flush I always lean forwards because otherwise the your cock gets splashed my toilet doesn't splash my cock yeah this is I this toilet and my old toilet definitely did the one that I had the total on it was like you couldn't put your dick anywhere near that toilet because there was water coming from every direction at all times yeah but yeah this one this is kind of a listen it's a rental toilet right it's not it's not the best toilet I've ever used it's not even close It's uh it's a toilet that because of the way the shelf sits because it's shallow I have to that's why I'm a three a day kind of guy because of these toilets.

I'm not, I'm not, I got no defense for these toilets, but but they don't get my dick let normally.

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Got a new tattoo.

What is it of?

What?

Is it a heel on your balls?

Is that sure?

That's an idea.

You remember when we were having that whole conversation about

the pineapple tattoo that Emily and I have and how we unintentionally got swingers tattoos.

Even though they're not upside-down pineapples, it still

kind of creeps us out and is kind of embarrassing and funny.

Well, Emily the other day at work was screwing around in the back room on her break, and she drew

on

her little pineapple.

She drew a pair of sunglasses

and she thought it was really cute.

And she was like, what if we

redid our tattoos?

What if we modified our tattoos to be party pineapples?

And so on her birthday, we went and we got I got we got sunglasses, arms, and legs put on our tattoos.

I took it and it's upside down because I'm I don't give a shit, but anyway, so uh, that's my new party pineapple tattoo.

Wait, you don't give a shit when the whole point of the

waiting is.

Oh, no, no, no, why you said that?

No, no, no, no, no, that's just a photo, I just put the photo upside down.

No, I know, but you, the whole point of the pineapple was that, you know, if it would be upside down and then you send it to us upside down, yeah, just because I'm a bad photographer, though.

Here, hold on.

on.

Hold on.

It's wild.

Okay, that's great.

That's phenomenal.

Yeah, wow.

Anyway, you can see the little heels on his shoes.

Yeah, he's got little hands and little boots.

He's got little SpongeBob shoes and then sunglasses.

So anyway, now we have party pineapple tattoos.

And you look at that tattoo at two.

What?

What?

You look at that tattoo.

And you don't think swinger.

You think that person's down to party, but a healthy

keep your clothes on kind of partying.

Yeah, i mean i agree until you send us a photo of it upside down yeah well that's just because i'm a shitty photographer i think it was a freudian photography it might have been

a freudian snap yeah freudian snap

oh jeff i'm so sorry man hey thanks it's been a real dog shit kind of couple days in that one did you at least enjoy survivor their guy i loved survivor and i love our guy i don't want to spoil this show for people that haven't seen it on this podcast even maybe maybe that haven't seen it, like Gavin, I don't know.

But man, it was a great episode.

And he is really, seems really genuinely likable.

Yes.

Like one of the most, one of the standout, initial standout likable people on the show.

Absolutely.

I liked him on this podcast.

I liked his stance.

Yep.

I think we all liked his stance.

Well, take.

You know, the opinion's divided maybe on his stance.

You know, I don't think we're unified in that, but great first episode.

And I feel really good about him sticking around for a while.

It seems like he's on a really good team.

I don't think they're going to go to tribal for a bit.

So I'm excited.

Really enjoy it.

Yeah, I think we're going to get to see him on TV for a little bit, which is going to be nice.

When I was at Disneyland, there were a billion families there, right?

Because it's Disneyland.

And apparently it was Ski Week, which is something that exists on the West Coast that I hadn't heard of.

Yeah.

I guess before spring break in California and other places in, I guess, the Pacific Northwest, they have a ski week where kids get off school to go skiing for the week.

And so there were, and, but they don't go skiing.

They go to Disneyland for some reason.

So there was a 10 billion people in Disneyland, but there were so many kids and families there that just looked miserable.

And all I could think about is how many times I took Millie to places around the world or to theme parks or to things like this as a child, and she has zero memory of it.

I'll be like, hey, do you remember that time we did that thing in Tokyo?

And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about.

And I'm like, you,

you were like eight.

And she's like, yeah, I don't know.

I don't remember that far back.

And I realized that most of it was worthless.

You're just doing it for yourself because the kid is not going to remember any of it, which gave me an idea.

Do you think you could, with the use of AI, just invent a bunch of family vacation photos for your kid's childhood and just

display them around?

And if your kid ever asks about it, just be like, wait, don't remember?

We went, we used to go every fucking year because they're not going going to remember anyway so why waste the time and the money going to disneyland just photoshop or get ai to make a couple of pictures of your kid really happy or crying with a fucking spilled ice cream on the ground and be like yeah that was the time when you were six we went to disneyland you loved it remember you don't remember that yeah you got a shirt i think we threw it away i just immediately visualized that scene in the truman show where like they're showing him as a kid in front of like mount rush voyage

yeah it's essentially that right You could totally do that and get away with it because your kid would never know.

Maybe that'd be a good service you could start.

Like you, you could start the like retroactive good parenting pack that you could have.

Oh, yeah, the like the childhood memories pack.

You give us like 30 photos of your kid and we'll we'll give that kid the adventure of a life the childhood of a lifetime.

Win them over by putting their children into AI.

I really like this as a game show.

Where it's like family photos and the kid has to figure out which ones are real.

And is his parents in the background crying knowing how much they spent on these trips?

This one, this one yearly trip that they would go on, or like the big trip across multiple years.

This is not, I've never been there.

Never seen it.

It is criminal how little kids remember of those vacations.

I remember my first vacation.

My parents were a little bit bummed to find out that the only thing I remembered from going to Spain.

As a kid was I really liked the fire hose in the hotel.

I apparently really liked stuff that would go around, around, around, around.

And uh, like wheels, uh, the washing machine, fire hose.

Loved it, loved round stuff.

Big round guy?

As a kid, loved it.

Like, if people were visiting, I would run outside when they left to watch the wheels on the car as they drove.

I remember my first vacation.

Uh, I was a big Scooby-Doo kid, and we went to some hotel in San Francisco and the bookshelf

was a secret, like there is a bookshelf in the room and you could open it and it was a closet.

It was just like a coat closet, essentially.

It was not a fancy secret room, but I opened it not knowing it was there.

It was one of those things of like Scooby-Doo, the bookshelf's always open.

So I was like, oh, pull on this bookshelf.

And then it actually opened.

And I was so excited.

And it greatly, falsely set my expectation for how many times in life I will encounter a bookshelf that opens into something else.

That was it.

One and done.

But as a kid, I was like, oh my God, are these just things?

Like, is this prevalent?

Is this the thing that will happen to me?

I've never encountered another bookshelf that has something behind it.

Very sad.

I know what you mean.

When I was a kid, because of Webster, I thought every cuckoo clock had a secret passage in it.

Oh, that's cool.

So, did you ever go?

Did you ever go to the library as a kid and just get really bummed out that none of them were doors?

There's got to be one somewhere.

They keep telling me books are door to my imagination, but I can't open the fucking thing.

I was cleaning up my notes as you were telling that story, Andrew, and I saw this note, the note from my story.

I just had to post it to you guys before I deleted it because it's fucking, it really sounds loose on you.

Sheep water, penis, puke, and shit LA.

I like the

ideas.

Like, this is a good idea.

Regulation ID is not cheap water, penis, puke, and

so you both poisoned each like yourselves just from rides and candy.

I think you had something bad.

How can you get that sick from just sloshing around?

Two different days apart.

I don't know.

Like, she peaked on one night and I peaked the next.

And I felt fine after, and I felt fine when I went to bed.

I only felt bad at two in the morning when I woke up.

I think

it was just like motion sickness and stuff from the that makes sense for puke.

Like I've definitely puked from being shaken around, but diarrhea.

How the how does that happen?

I think all the nausea and stuff

in addition to the uh god, we tried to list it.

Bernie and I tried to list it the other day, and it was like it was too much, dude.

Well, then you said you had a McDonald's straight after.

Oh, I had McDonald's, yeah, yeah, then we had McDonald's right after

it was pretty bad.

Well, and once again, like Jeff,

you deal with like diverticulitis, right?

Like, you have stomach issues, you have bowel issues.

Like, I don't, I think shaking is possible in Jeff's environment.

Oh, that's another thing.

It's true.

It's like, all shit is diarrhea for me.

You know, it's like, I haven't not had diarrhea in 10 years.

So it's just varying degrees of how bad it's going to be.

So if I had to poop in the middle of the night, it was going to be diarrhea regardless.

This was just another level.

And I think it was just another level because of the level of terrible things I ingested that day.

Oh, man.

You were talking, you were talking about that with the truck boys because we were playing Warzone recently.

And then last night well this is what blew me away a little bit early right before we started recording because last night you played and i went to bed early because it was a school night and andrew said what do you mean school night yeah what what do you what do you

that's been a thing since that's been a thing since face yeah yeah but also just in general you never had a you never had a school night no i understand the premise of a school night no i get that played on a school night andrew no i get that i just i didn't know that you were still in a need a good sleep school night era for

Wednesday night.

I try and get the best sleep of my life.

Really?

I'm ready for the recording.

How has that gone for you?

Statistically speaking, how many Wednesday nights since the show has started would you describe as the best sleep of your life?

It's typically the worst night of sleep I get.

Mainly because I'm thinking about everything the next night or the next day and I'm worried about, hey, I'm trying to get all my stories and my ideas and I end up just thinking.

I had a dreadful sleep because I stayed up until 4 a.m.

Is it because you were sat upright trying to fall asleep?

No, no.

I fucked up real bad.

And I had a donut for my partner and I misplaced the box.

I thought it was one place when it wasn't.

And I noticed when I was kind of moving around in my chair earlier in the evening that there was like something stuck in it.

And I was like, well, this is fucking annoying.

And they were really hungry.

They came to bed to get their donut and I had driven over their donut in my office chair.

I ruined it.

Why?

Okay, I'm going to ask the obvious question, and I think everyone's assuming the same thing.

Why was it on the floor?

Uh, because I'm cleaning, I'm cleaning, and I had it somewhere.

Why was it there?

That's where that's where clocks go and other important items in Gavin's office.

That's where mirrors go for you where you shave.

The floor's dirty.

This is where all the stuff lands.

It was in a box.

It was completely sealed.

I had moved it.

I bought a new storage thing for vinyls.

And so I put all the vinyls in there and I had on top of it.

And then I went to move the vinyl thing.

So I moved the box and I just forgot that I had done that.

And then at some point, I would have wheeled the chair back.

And I'm also changing like bed sheet stuff.

So I thought, oh, I just got some sheets in the wheels.

Whatever.

That sucks.

Just force on through.

but it wasn't cheats it was the box and i had crumpled the box and the donut and

they found it on the floor and they were very upset about it understandably so so i thought i need to make this right they're hungry they're going to be hungry when they wake up in the morning when i do the show i'm going to order uh a little little treat get get breakfast delivered to the house on time before it starts except uber eats would not let me schedule an order in advance and then it was a whole thing where like they wouldn't show me the breakfast menu until 4 a.m for this place and so i just stayed up till 4 a.m so i could order this because i up that donut and then i just couldn't sleep so i'm probably on like an hour if you have to if you have to do something in the morning your go-to move is just to wait until more just go to sleep and wake up later just set in a lot how how am i going no i i don't trust myself with vibrate.

I don't, I'm going to sleep through a vibrate.

Thought about it.

Even if you were mad at your partner and wanted to do something mean to them to express your anger, it wouldn't be as mean as the thing you accidentally did.

Yeah, it was, I felt terrible.

It's like, not only did I destroy it, I fucking just rubbed it into the ground to make sure nobody on earth will ever enjoy one fucking morsel of this food.

And then I covered everything in its like corpse, essentially.

And it was at like 11:30 at night.

It was real, like it was too late to fix it.

It was just, it was a bad moment.

So, you

waited for the breakfast menu to show up.

You waited until four.

Yep.

And even though it's a school night.

Well, what's uh, yeah, well, what was infuriating, furiating about it is it kept.

I have like five McDonald's in this town, and they'd close at different times.

And I'd wait for one to close because it wouldn't let me schedule an order unless it was closed.

And as soon as one would close, they would just pivot me to a different McDonald's that was open later.

And I kept progressing the clock back until I eventually found a way to view all of the McDonald's.

And then it wouldn't let me schedule it because I couldn't.

It's just, it was a whole thing.

Wouldn't the move just be,

I'll deal with it tomorrow?

No, because we wake up on the same alarm for the show.

So, how would I wake myself up?

There's no way for me to wake myself up without waking them.

Wake up in order.

But

I'm 4 a.m.

I'm going to need an alarm.

I have to wake up in four hours.

I haven't slept.

Wait, what?

What time are they waking up?

They wake up when I wake up.

But why did you just order it when you wake up?

Because

there's not...

Okay.

Let me explain.

No, I understand.

I understand the confusion.

They like waking up.

I wake up.

And they wake up 30 minutes before I record just to like relax, slowly wake up before having to leave the space for me to work.

So I wouldn't, I wanted to get us both breakfast.

So it had to be then.

And I want, I assume they'd be hungry when they woke up because they were hungry when they went to bed.

So I wanted to be able to provide food as soon as they woke up as a make good for destroying the donut.

Here's the thing about donut as well.

Anyone can lose the donut and it's fine.

If you lose out on a donut, It was just a treat anyway.

A donut surely isn't like a guaranteed part of the meal that you were relying on.

Okay, well, here's the thing.

I ruined two donuts, actually.

That was the backup donut.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

What do you mean?

I had, so I got, I had donuts, I had donut holes the night before.

And I saved one because it was from a place we had never been to.

And I ate them all the first time.

And And this is the second time that I've ordered from this place.

And so I made sure to save one.

But then they didn't end up eating it.

And they burnt the donuts.

And so it was really dry.

So I ended up throwing it away.

So they went to get it.

And they went, oh, no, you didn't tell me that you got rid of it.

And that was that, I took a hit there.

And I said, well, you got the other donut.

So you got that at least.

I'm sorry.

And then they left.

And then they came back a few hours later going, went for their other donut that I assured them was there and discovered it trampled.

Why is the donut a part of dinner, though?

They just wanted a donut.

They were hungry and it was what was upstairs.

Sometimes you just want a donut.

Listen, you don't like sugar.

You don't like sweet things.

I don't expect you to understand this.

It's true.

I mean, I'll have a donut.

Usually it's like...

morning coffee, donut.

I don't like, I don't like an 11 p.m.

donut, I don't think.

Why not?

Yeah, this is, I think that's on you.

I think that's, that's the difference between cultures, maybe.

Yeah, I've also never really bought like a six or dozen pack of donuts.

I'm just like a one donut guy.

I wonder at this point with everything that Andrew's told us about this donut, what else he's leaving out or doesn't remember with a whole...

Yeah, there's like a second donut involved with this.

Really threw me for a loop, dude.

Yeah, no, it's fair.

There was no third donut.

There would have been.

However, I had eaten, I would have eaten.

That would have been one I consumed.

How many were eaten then of this pack of donuts?

Okay, so it was a 10-pack of the mini donuts from the other night.

I ate nine of them.

And then

what?

And then I didn't eat any of the other donuts.

I got a Danish instead.

And they had a donut from this one.

How could you eat nine doughnuts in a day?

They're mini donuts.

Mini donuts.

Like,

how many like full donuts?

is it?

It's not.

It's not a lot.

Okay.

I could house so many more than that without even thinking about it.

If they're the powdered sugar Donell donuts, I could eat 40 right now.

And without it, give me the chocolate ones.

Unstoppable.

I won't even take a fucking breath, dude.

It sounds like we got to do an Eric versus Jeff mini donut.

I'll put it on the board.

Put it on the board.

We'll do it while we eat.

I'll feel so sick.

I don't give a fuck.

We'll make a day out of it.

Eric and I will eat donuts and we'll ice Gavin's balls.

That's, I'm putting it on the

list.

Great supplemental.

Jeff versus Eric eating little donuts.

Go get your deli bar, Nick.

It's going to melt.

While he's getting that bar, can I ask you guys a question?

I'm in a bit of a confused and

paranoid era.

And I was hoping you guys could help me with a little bit of clarification, if you don't mind.

Okay.

Okay.

The other day, I texted everybody a link to a TikTok I saw.

The TikTok was of some people playing baseball.

And what they had done is they had put an egg on

like a stand, like essentially at the pitcher's mound.

And then they were trying to hit baseballs at the egg and crack the egg.

Right.

So I sent that to all of you.

And I said, this is funny.

We could do something like this, but what if it was like a minefield of all of our own personal stuff that we don't want broken?

And we have to try to break it or hit break other people's stuff or whatever.

And we just kind of like populate a baseball field with shit that matters to us, that's breakable.

And then we just try to destroy it.

And then, uh, and then I never heard back from anybody.

And I thought, oh, I'm not supposed to text these guys because I don't get the responses from the green text.

And then I thought, or maybe that was a one-time thing.

And maybe just nobody liked my idea or thought, or even responded.

And I don't know which was which.

And so I decided to wait until the episode to ask.

So it's good.

I have a confusing thing to add.

God damn it.

You replied?

Okay.

I never knew that.

No, no, no, no.

Come out, Jeff.

I don't know.

Did you reply in the same text thread, Gavin, as the thing?

Do you want a screenshot?

Yes, I'd love it.

Because I have a text group called Regulation Texting, and that's where that went.

But I have another text group that is all of you guys as well.

And your messages go in that one.

So wait, what's in the original one?

I'm going to post a quick screenshot.

This is what I saw from my perspective of Jeff's text and then nothing in that text room

in response to it.

Look at mine.

See that?

Yeah, I got Gavin replying.

A really cool opportunity came through this morning.

I don't see that either.

What is that about?

What?

You've talked about it already.

No, I thought earlier.

You guys were talking about it earlier, and I thought I must have missed the first half of the conversation because I got up to get a drink.

So I just picked up on it from context clues, but I had no idea where it originated from.

So you didn't get any of that?

Like, they must have heard how many players' worms WMD has, and Eric's saying.

I don't know what any of that, what you're saying is, no.

Here's what I have.

I feel like somehow this is Jeff's fault.

I'm getting them in two different boxes, but I'm getting all of them.

They're just separated.

Isn't that why, Jeff, the other day, you were like, hey, is everything all right with everyone?

Maybe.

No, he just went.

No, I checked him out.

I just had a weird vibe.

Uh, here's what I got.

Here's what I got.

I just texted test.

Did you get those test texts?

I got test.

I got test.

It's below Andrew's screenshot.

Yeah.

No, I didn't get it.

I did one above it and then one below it.

And so the problem here is Jeff.

Yeah, Jeff dude is not getting texts.

Do you have RCS turned on?

Probably not.

What is RCS?

How do I turn it on?

I believe it uses the internet

for

what previously would have been like a cellular message

messaging do i want it turned on or off on on it's on because it's it's kind of like how they you can use the internet for text in green yeah i don't know uh because it's never been an issue before but now all of a sudden i just it's i can't maybe we just have to start a new text thread maybe we can demolish that one and start a new one because here hold on let me load up discord This is maybe someone deleted it on their phone and then it created a new one on their phone.

Maybe because

this is what I have.

This is the most recent conversation I have from you guys is Monday at 6.35 p.m.

when I sent you that TikTok.

I've received nothing from the company since then.

What the fuck?

So I'm completely in the dark of anything you may or may not have.

I'm not going to delete this thread.

We talk all the time.

No, we don't.

We don't talk all the time.

We absolutely don't.

Delete, delete that conversation.

So you've missed one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, both from 11 messages since.

Yeah.

That's why I brought it up because I'm terrified that I'm missing stuff.

Yeah, you are.

Damn.

I don't even know how to fix that.

I feel like Andrew's usually to blame, but this feels like a Jeff thing.

It is a Jeff thing.

I'm going to delete it.

This conversation will be deleted.

Which I do not.

I fight back against Andrew's to blame, this Andrew's to blame narrative.

Well, it's just

it's a thing where I think we're all on iPhone.

Yeah, you're to blame clearly.

You're international.

Like, there's like so many.

That's fair.

That's fair.

I thought we meant a general sense.

No, I thought we were doing a general narrative.

I would say that when we were talking about things to blame, I'm always having to fucking hunt down Gavin for files that he hasn't uploaded for Let's Fly stuff.

Yep.

I have noticed that decline in my habit.

is that it's no longer one and I don't know why.

And

I had to ask him for something and I eventually, I finally just asked you, Gavin, why?

Why does this happen?

Like, do you forget?

Not in a way of like aggressive.

I was just like, how does this keep happening?

You're the only one that I really have to do this with.

No idea.

I've always got it.

I've never deleted it.

Yes.

You always find it immediately.

Like once we talk, you're like, yeah, I have it.

I'm uploading it now.

I was like, why?

Why does this happen?

And it was the, I think, only time Eric has ever uploaded the wrong file into something.

And I was, I finally asked you, I counted, I've had to ask you 19 times for different files.

Oh my God.

Eric has once prior to this.

I finally asked you, why is this happening?

And your response was, well, Eric uploaded the wrong file.

That's certainly just as bad.

And I went, you motherfucker, the one time, the one time you have an out with Eric, you son of a bitch.

And then you never acknowledge the question again.

You just floated into the night.

Yeah, I apologize.

I don't know why I've stopped.

I think it's when I switched to doing video on one computer and audio on the other.

Makes total one or the other.

I notice it's especially bad if we batch record.

So I feel like you just don't go through the upload process and then you forget and walk away is my point.

Can I tell you something as well, though?

You recently asked me to upload files for a video that was being edited.

And it was something we've recorded a ton of.

So I went ahead and looked at the folders after that.

I hadn't put audio or video in for like the next four videos.

What is wrong with you?

And I quickly did it all before it became a problem.

Are you fucking new?

Like, what are you?

I might have new brains.

I really appreciate that, Kevin.

Yep.

Yeah, I saw your test and I saw that you changed the name, and I replied, I got the test.

I didn't get it.

Okay, you are on SMS and not RCS.

I have RCS enabled.

It says it's enabled.

It says, yeah, that's interesting.

It says SMS.

It says SMS for you and RCS for everyone else.

Yep.

That's weird.

What is it?

What is it called again?

RCS?

Yep.

RCS.

We should end this podcast.

Yep.

I've been having fun doing it though.

I'm enjoying it.

I've having fun too.

I just, I don't think we need once again.

I have it enabled.

I've disabled it and now I'm enabling it.

30 minutes of Jeff Tech support in this podcast.

You need to restart your phone and then that'll fix it.

Speaking of tech support, Andrew, what are we doing?

Tech support?

Uh, Friday, we're doing Sloppy Joe's.

Uh,

oh,

oh,

oh, we should stop this podcast, but I wanted to know shit.

I wanted to,

Andrew's going to give you some sort of a lame answer and not

actually schedule it.

But there is something I do want to schedule that I think you guys will want to do.

I came up with an idea for a new draft I want to throw you away.

Sidekick draft.

Oh, that's good.

I'll put it in the list.

We have our next two lined up.

Are we adding that to the mix?

No, we'll do it on a different one.

Yeah, we do it on a different one, but just put it in the queue.

Sidekick.

I am best.

I'm putting it in the.

Oh, shit.

That's a good one.

Oh, man.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Well, there you go.

Then we should wrap this up.

Yeah, Andrew, you were about to take us out.

I think you said.

Yep.

Once again, this is another shit-filled, disgusting Jeff Has a Problem podcast brought to you by

us.

Check out our Patreon, The Regulation Pod.

Everybody got dilly bars except Eric, because I don't know where he lives.

He also doesn't compete, so I wouldn't buy one for him anyway.

I'm not going to do anything for him.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

Yeah, and you can check out at patreon.com slash the regulation pod with a free membership.

You can watch Mario Party March every day in March.

And then at the end of the month, we'll have it in a full video on our gameplay channel.

So go check it out because I feel like we said Mario Party March, but didn't talk about the details.

Those are the details.

I cannot wait.

We start tomorrow as our first day.

I'm so excited.

You can order the donuts tonight?

Yeah.

You know, I, well, no, I made up for it.

I ordered the other stuff.

I'm fine.

Okay.

I'm fine.

Could you Could you text them and make sure I'm fine?

I think I'm fine.

Jeff will do it.

All right.

See you next time.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.