Exhausted by Our Stupidity // Restrained Chaos [74]

If you used Babel, you would.

Babel's conversation-based techniques teach you useful words and phrases to get you speaking quickly about the things you actually talk about in the real world.

With lessons handcrafted by over 200 language experts and voiced by real native speakers, Babel is like having a private tutor in your pocket.

Start speaking with Babel today.

Get up to 55% off your Babel subscription right now at babel.com/slash Spotify.

Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com/slash/spotify.

Rules and restrictions may apply.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Regulation Podcast.

My name is Jeff Ramsey with me.

I was.

Do you want Nick to count you down here?

We're going to start over.

Hang on, hang on.

We're going to start you over, Nick.

Nick, give him the old one count.

One, go.

Hello, and welcome to the regulation podcast.

What?

God damn it, I'm off track now.

I'm off track.

Somebody put me back on track.

Nick, give me a two count.

Two, one, go.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Regulation Podcast.

Podcast.

This is episode 74.

My name is Jeff Ramsey with me, as always, Nick Schwartz, the MVP, Eric Badour,

Andrew Panton, and Gavin Free.

74 times, and I shit the bed.

Only 74.

Yeah, that's right.

74, just 74 times.

That's right.

Well, for this podcast.

Can I propose a new intro rule?

Sure.

Okay.

One attempt every week.

Oh, like a flood.

Well, usually

if it goes wrong, you just have to live with with it type thing.

Well, luckily, that only comes up about once every 75 weeks.

So I'm cool with it.

But when it does, pretty exciting.

When it does, it'll be pretty exciting.

Can I tell you guys something?

Yeah.

Please.

I told Gavin this yesterday when Gavin and I were, we, we got together and we played a little Portal 2, which, by the way, we're getting dumber.

Like, we need to get the oxygen levels checked in the office because I was very dumb, but I watched Gavin also get dumber, and that was really distressing because his IQ was like, it was popping out of his head like when you shoot somebody in gear in fucking borderlands.

Like it was the most disturbing thing to me though was I was I'm usually aware when I'm being dumb.

I couldn't fathom the fact that our recording, we only did one level, right?

In the previous video, we did two.

We did one level and it took us an hour and 40 minutes.

And when Jeff was showing me his

recording length, I was like, oh, so

were you recording like way before we started?

Like, that's not right.

And then I looked at mine.

It was also an hour and 40 minutes.

And I was like, oh,

sick idiot.

I was so tired, I had to take a nap.

We couldn't do any more work the rest of the day.

We were exhausted by our own stupidity.

So by a level, you mean one room, or do you mean a section of rooms?

Like a tour of

rooms.

Yeah, like a world of eight levels.

Okay.

That's not as bad.

It's not as bad.

I mean, I haven't seen the footage yet, but I can't even imagine.

I can't imagine watching this.

There's no way.

Andrew,

two days prior to this, you and Gavin and I recorded the Bruce Lee Hitman,

whatever you call it, like

Target thing.

Elusive Target.

Elusive Target.

And I had to take a nap after that because it was so long and exhausting, hilarious and fun watching you both go through the mission, but it lasted so fucking long, I was wiped.

This recording was longer than that.

This recording was was somehow longer than both of you doing those full attempts where gavin tried to kill every single person on the map for a while there it was i was amazed anyway none of that is what i showed gavin yesterday so i've been dealing with something for about two weeks now that has been very quietly excruciating and making me miserable most of my waking hours.

And it also has hurt so bad, it's been hard to go to sleep at night sometimes.

But I am 100% in the clear now.

I am, I'm, I'm pain-free.

I've been free, pain-free for about three days now.

Good.

When I went to Chicago for a riot fest, a big three-day music festival, uh, we had a great time.

By the way, ran into a million regulation listeners, which was really cool.

So many comment leavers out there.

There's like nothing cooler than when you go out in public and somebody comes up to you and they say like, like the cool, it's very cool for somebody to come up and go, oh my God, it's so nice to see you, Jeff, out here.

I glad you're still alive.

Really appreciate red versus blue or achievement hunter or let's play or whatever.

10 times cooler when they come up to you and they see you eating a slice of pizza and they go what the are you doing that's not a hot dog that's not a hamburger and you go oh i i had a i had a hamburger yesterday i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm gonna have a hot dog tomorrow i i i don't know it was that the line wasn't a hamburger was too long and i got completely befuddled because the guy just called me out for not eating a hamburger in public so much cooler to meet a

a like a community member of something you do versus something you did.

And I met so many people out there that are regulation listeners.

And I just want to say thank you to everybody that came by and said hi.

It was

just a delight.

And it made

me look fucking so famous in front of Millie, if I'm being serious with you.

Like, it was cool.

It was really cool.

I really appreciated it, which is weird because you would think she'd be used to it, but she, I guess, never paid attention for the past for the first 19 years.

And she was like, a lot of people seem to know you're here.

What's the deal with that?

I'm like, oh, I don't know.

She wasn't looking when there was a line of 800 people across the conventional.

No, that was just, that dad's.

Well, I guess, to be fair, that is you at a convention for your thing.

Yeah.

Would be her experience.

This is a completely unrelated event.

This is just a popular music festival that has nothing to do with the audience that would

expect it to know your work.

This is big city rock and roll, not a comic book convention.

I get it.

Yeah.

But while I was there, You know, I took my Diddy bag and I traveled over there and I pulled out my deodorant the first morning.

i got up and took a shower and my uh my deodorant you know that thing where you have like roll-on deodorant or like stick deodorant where it gets to the end of the deodorant and it gets kind of like a hard plastic sharp edge and you kind of got to like push it and you just try to get like the dregs of the deodorant before it's completely gone and i was about to like i was about to uber to a stand in a field for 15 hours.

I didn't want to be gross.

And so I saw that the deodorant was almost gone.

I must have used it all up in Indiana when we were there.

And so, because it was like just what was in my bag.

And so, I just like, I was like, I'll just make it work.

So, I like stuck my finger in the bottom of it and try to push it.

And then I just went hard on my arm.

Ah, you know, and then I was like, ah, that's kind of sore.

And then I did the other one.

I was like, ah, it's kind of sore.

And I was like, ah, it's kind of a lot of sore.

And then I just kind of went about my business.

And then, you know how sometimes when you get like, when you get like a paper cut, you don't realize it's a cut at first.

And then it takes a couple seconds for your body to catch up with the pain.

Sure.

I sliced my underarms, my armpits across my armpit, both armpits on both sides, all the way across.

Let me tell you what kind of fresh hell a paper cut on an underarm is.

Every time I lifted my elbows to do anything, pick up a fork, tie my shoe, grab something off a shelf, I ripped a scab on my underarms for two straight weeks.

It was excruciating.

I couldn't use deodorant because it got in the wound and it stung and my arms got agitated.

So I stunk for two weeks.

I was having to put fucking like triple antibiotic ointment on my arms constantly for two weeks.

This is not for public, but I sent Gavin a photo.

This is at them.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know if I need to see it.

This is almost healed.

That's just what's left.

Oh my gross ass underwear.

Oh my God.

That's after two weeks.

That was like two days.

It looks like Road Rash.

It looks like Road Rash.

I was scared for a second.

I had like jock itch again, but on my underarms, I was terrified I had an allergic reaction to something.

It wasn't.

It was just inflamed from the paper cuts.

But God help me.

If you ever have an opportunity not to get a paper cut under both arms at the same time, I recommend don't do it.

Why is the plastic under a lump of deodorant so sharp, though?

It couldn't sand that shit rounded?

I don't know.

And I'm upset about that because I'm 50, you know?

I've been dealing with this my entire life.

I never had a deodorant that was so sharp, it sliced my arms up, you know?

It's uh, it's ridiculous.

So, you know, fuck old spice.

I'll say that.

Can I recommend a cream deodorant?

Please have a cleaner.

I've been using spray.

I've switched to spray and it doesn't work as well, but I'll take a cream.

I think that they were sponsors of this show for a while.

Maybe.

Come sponsor us again.

Mando, M-A-N-D-O, Mando.

That cream deodorant is like, dude, I swear by it.

I would pick up.

I would pick up.

The Mexican dude that used to be on the podcast.

Yeah, different guy uh he didn't have anything to do with this shockingly uh but like dude i would pit out with regular deodorant i would talk to omar about this from funhouse all the time how we it would just be like huge sweat stains and stuff and then i started using a cream deodorant dude it rocks it's so much better and you and you won't get fucking road rash what the that is like the craziest photo also trim that hair dude that's too much that's ridiculous yeah i know i'll trim i have trimmed it since then but uh I just I didn't want to touch my arms for for a long time other than to put fucking bass and tracing on it or whatever but uh yeah, yeah, I'll try the cream because uh I'm fucking done.

I'm done with stick deodorant what what if you'd have just stretched your arms straight up like after you'd done it and let it heal stretched would would you've been all right So what I would do at night It's interesting you say that because what I would do where where it would really fuck with me is uh you know you kind of like lose your tolerance throughout the course of the day So like I'd start strong and then, you know, it doesn't even really bother you at first.

And then by the end of the day, you're like, what?

It just fucking builds.

So, laying in bed was especially

uncomfortable.

And so, what I would try to do was lay my arms above my head on my side for a while so that they would get used to the pain because there's nothing worse than you're like almost asleep and then you like roll over and then suddenly you got fresh fucking underarm pain.

You're like completely like being electrocuted back awake, you know?

And so, I tried to fall asleep with my arms up so that if I moved them in my sleep, they would, it wouldn't hurt as much.

And that didn't work at all.

Yeah.

But I think what Gavin's saying is a really good idea.

Like Riot Fest seems like it would be the place where like you can walk around with your hands up all day, right?

Like you're in the crowd and like the DJ's like, all right, everybody, put your hands up.

And you're already the first guy doing it.

Like the thing about it is, is that they didn't start like it hurt in the moment.

And then I didn't notice it until I was going home on the flight.

Like then, like the morning I woke up to go home.

I had like a day where I was just like probably distracted or, you know, paying attention to the show or not.

But so it didn't really kick in until Riot Fest was over that I noticed

the full pain.

Otherwise, yeah, maybe I maybe I could have done that.

Maybe I could have just walked around with my arms up.

Well, I don't know.

I feel like you can't be in surrender position all the time.

I feel like you gotta lower them eventually.

You gotta recharge.

Just look like a marionette dancing.

Yeah.

Do you think you'll ever stop finding new ways to hurt hurt yourself no no you think it'll just the whole life dude dude

dude my fucking left big toe hurts so bad right now i almost couldn't sleep last night and i don't know why i know i remember the other day i did something to it and i went well that's gonna suck in a day or two and it does but i don't remember what that was you know whether i kicked it or dropped something on it but yeah it's just constant it's just constant i'm so clumsy and it's not getting better maybe you should start immediately labeling yourself when you do the injury just so you remember what it is.

Like if you just wrote like stun's toe and the date table on your toe, you would know.

That's not a bad idea, actually.

It's pretty constant.

I walk into shit three or four times a day.

We talk a lot about my ankle ratings.

I would love if that was a thing that was in professional sports where athletes had to wear clothing that had number percentages of each core limb.

It'd be like a

foot rating throughout the season.

Yeah, like a fall.

Like your fats rating.

Yeah, exactly.

Like your shoulder.

Like it just seeing a full field of players start at probably like 90%, I assume, by the time the season starts with preseason and everything to the end of the season, like the Super Bowl.

I want to see, whoa, that quarterback has 30% right knee.

That's fucking crazy.

They start green and end up orange and red.

Yeah, that's how, yeah.

The jerseys change color based on how healthy they are.

It's just the bench is loaded with green guys.

Just green guys gagging to get on and a bunch of limpid reds on the pitch.

And then you would know, Gavin, as someone who doesn't necessarily watch a lot of North American sports, you'd be like, whoa, this guy must be really good if he's a red and on the field.

That's crazy.

Yeah, like, where's the green to replace this guy?

Yeah,

the vital player.

Do you guys ever look at your search history and realize

you've made some mistakes?

Like a sequence of mistakes?

Jesus Christ.

I had a real bad one the other day.

Sometimes what I'll do is if I plan on going to like a grocery store or whatever, I'll use an app to see like what they have in stock so I can kind of plan where I'm going and what I need from what place.

Or if maybe going to one place, it's more optimal than the other because this place has all the things I need.

Other place doesn't.

I was just thinking in my head, I had a bunch of innocent searches that are completely justifiable.

And then I got to the end of it and had a complete panic of, I really hope that I'm not accused of any form of crime that I certainly did not commit.

Because this was my search history.

I'm posting a photo right now, and then I'll read it.

This is in sequence from bottom to top.

Opens with melt tape.

Next search, garbage bags.

Third search, X-Acto.

Fourth search, box cutter the last search knives

i went to go search if they had a certain candy in the store and i looked at the reason to search list and went oh no

that looks real bad i like that you searched two types of knife and then just wrote knives i was yeah so let me go through each thing and explain how I got to the end.

I use,

I'm on the pap, CPAP, for sleeping.

And I've noticed sometimes my mouth will open during the night, which is not ideal for it.

And I know I've heard people talk about getting like mouth tape.

And so I was just curious.

I'd never looked into it.

And I thought, oh, I wonder if they have that.

So I started there.

Then it went to, I have a bunch of boxes I need to break down.

I need some garbage bags and that type of thing just to do some cleaning.

We're almost out.

I'll look at garbage bags.

Then it turned into, well, the last time I used an X-Acto knife, it was pretty dull, the one we had.

I wonder if they have that in this place.

And they didn't.

So I thought, well, maybe Box Cutter would pull it up because sometimes you'll search for something and they'll have the item, but it's not labeled correctly.

And then nothing showed up for that.

And then I thought, well, what if I just search knives?

Like, what, do they have, do they even have a knife in this place?

And that's how I got to my sequence of problem searches.

Which then I genuinely wanted to look up if they they had a candy after that.

And I thought, oh no, I need to search up the most non-threatening item or like suspicious search.

Like, I need to fill the searches with that to counter that.

But then I felt that would look even more suspicious.

So I just closed the app.

I'd have gone allowed.

I'd have done bleach, luminol,

wipes.

Open up a different app to see, do the same searches.

Maybe it's an app issue.

55 gallon drum, sulfuric acid oh man

huge shovel huge shovel

i don't think i've ever searched huge shovel i like the idea of like i need a big one i need the biggest shovel you have

what would be the biggest shovel is it like a snow shovel is that the largest shovel you could get i mean you couldn't dig into the ground with one of those but good for your topsoil though i guess Yeah,

that's fair.

But that was my search.

That was my great panic.

Have you guys ever had that where like you realize you made a bunch of searches that out of context look horrendous?

Oh, probably, yeah.

No.

Pretty awesome.

This is insane.

What you just showed us is fucking crazy, Andrew.

No, no, no.

In that context, I provided you.

I completely read anything that said knives and mouth tape

and garbage bags.

Mouth tape sounds so specific to a crime, but it's really the opposite.

Because someone would actually just write tape.

They wouldn't write like mouth cutting saw.

They just write saw.

And what are you, how are you going to chop somebody up with a box cutter and an XACO knife?

That's going to be the slowest dismemberment in history.

I'm not trying to explain any of this away.

It sounds like you're accomplices for whatever Andrew's doing.

You guys are menaces.

You can't deny that with context, all of these make sense.

Let me, yeah, explain this to the police.

I could.

Yeah, I do think you're probably on some sort of a government watch list now, but that's okay.

I think we all are.

Gracie does mouth tape and she's

like, oh yeah, I'm doing hostage tape to go to sleep.

And it's like, you're the craziest person I know.

That's awesome.

Emily does mouth tape too.

Really?

It's fucking nuts.

Do these people see Pap?

No, I don't.

No.

Gracie does not.

See that?

Before, I couldn't do that.

I was like, I feel like I'm just going to strangle myself by doing this.

So

there is a hole in it.

You can breathe through mouth tape.

Yeah.

There's a hole in it.

Oh,

well, then what's the point?

What's the point?

Well, it's much smaller.

It's like, it constricts the airflow, so you're likely just to start breathing through your nose.

But if your nose gets blocked, you can still

breathe through the mouth tape.

And it keeps you from like having your fucking mouth open.

So are you, so you put it on, and then you're supposed to use your CPAP with it?

Like, you're just trying to get the air in your nose all the time?

That was my logic, but I don't think people do that.

I think some people just use it without the pap, which makes no sense to me.

I only tried the mouth tape without the pat.

I'm getting rid of the mouth tape.

This is a shark tank pitch.

I'm out.

I'm not part of this.

I don't get it.

Have you tried mouth tape just during the day?

Oh,

that's interesting.

I mean, I know a lot of people who would want to put it on me.

Yeah.

Like who?

Oh, could you imagine it would just like it would force you to breathe through your nose, right?

Like, just like during the day?

Wouldn't that be like helpful?

What if, what if it was like sports penalties, but for like the Senate or Congress?

Did you break a rule?

You had a mouth tape 15 minutes.

You could just do, you can,

you can still breathe through this, but you certainly can't talk.

You just said, let's do a let's play with mouth tape on.

You're a psychopath.

What about the papa's pap and the non-papas tape?

Oh, man.

The pappers pap.

I don't think I can pap again because that fucked me up.

Yeah, it kind of makes me want to throw up talking through the pap.

Yeah, it's not good.

Well, don't do that.

Yeah, well, don't throw up.

Just not tape.

I got asked a question when I was on the pap the other night, and I went to try to reply normally, and it sounded like, no!

This is how it came out.

It was so

feeling bad of like, I did not mean the way that came out was not the emotion I was trying to convey as the response to the question.

Maybe that's if you ever get interviewed by the police for your weird search history, put the pap on and they won't be able to tell if you're lie or not from your weird intonation

doing one of those lie detector pets with a cpap on is so funny

did you do that

of course not

hey can i uh can i share something cool with you guys i'm pretty excited about a long time ago we were uh having a conversation in or around our friend burn dog uh not that we were in him but with or around

nobody was in him.

Nobody was actually in him.

You know what I mean.

Do you want to cut that out too?

Jesus.

No, that part can stay in.

That part can stay in.

Just the ugly cough can go.

We were having a conversation around or with our friend Berndog about he's really into like black metal and death metal and that stuff.

And about how you can't read the fucking band.

names and it's always just like people wear like jackets of patches of shit that just looks like scribblies and we were joking around about what the regulation version of that would look like if we had like a death metal logo.

So I commissioned him to create one for us.

Ooh.

He's done.

I commissioned him to make our death, like our black metal band shirt.

And I have it here if you want to see it.

Please.

Whoa.

Okay.

So for the audio listeners,

it's bean hole.

That rules.

So imagine the screen in GTA 4 when you die.

It is the black and white, and it's Jeff laying next to the beanhole.

I look very dead.

Oh, it looks like a war victim.

Yeah, he looks like a war victim.

I look like a 70.

Yeah, it looks like a death metal shirt with a picture of a war victim on it.

Yeah.

And then above it are two crossed swords and a moon and what looks like a bunch of flames, but those flames say something.

Yep.

Oh.

Jeez.

That is.

Does the flame say something?

That is.

That is.

Those are words.

Now, do we want?

Now, Jeff, Jeff, do we want to leave that for them to figure out and maybe the audience to figure out as well?

Yeah.

And we could get people to take some guesses at what this is supposed to be?

Bernie said that it'll be, he was like, it's going to be a long time before anybody figures out what the fuck I wrote in there.

That's what I'm saying.

But it's definitely.

He was like, it's definitely words.

I promise.

I know what it says.

I can't.

see all of it.

I can see some of it.

I can also, I can also see some of it.

I'm, I'm aware of this that has been worked on in the background just so you guys know uh this is the first time i'm seeing the finished completed art i want this on a shirt so bad it is crazy that this is the craziest looking image i love this here's what i think we should do i think we should make the shirt and sell it because uh it was

took burndog a lot of work to make this for us and he's a very busy dude and it was very kind of him to do it uh and i just think it's awesome but i think we should do some sort of a contest And the first person to accurately say what is in like what the shirt says should get like, I don't know, some merch or something from it.

Just get a free shirt, get like some autographed stuff.

I don't know.

We'll come put together like a care package.

So the best way to be like draw through this in red to like draw out the letters?

I think you'd have to.

I think you'd have to show us what it is because again, I keep glancing at it and I can see it.

And then if I look at it for more than one second, I lose it.

Yeah.

It's tough.

I like that the hole, because the contrast change, the hole and the dirt from the hole have kind of combined into like a big grave-looking ditch.

Yes, it looks like I died digging my own grave.

Yeah, it looks like someone's about to kick you into the hole you just dug.

Just on the back of last week's episode and uh, figuring out a graveyard.

This is Jeff and the grave.

This could be the plot of land that Gavin bought you for your 51st birthday.

It's so exciting.

There you go.

What perfect timing?

I forgot about all the grave talk last week.

Okay, well,

you know, the thumbnail will probably be in the episode notes.

And then, of course, we'll put this shirt up and start selling it here as soon as we get it made.

And then, you know, the contest will be on, I guess.

Very cool, very awesome

t-shirt that Burn Dog designed for us.

And I'm very, very excited for people to try to figure out what the fuck it is.

Yeah, that's awesome.

This is an ad for Shopify.

I don't know if you know this, but starting your own business can be a very intimidating and lonely and terrifying experience.

If you've ever started your own business, you certainly know this.

You also have to wear a million different hats.

You have to become a human Swiss Army knife.

And it's honestly really difficult.

That's why companies like Shopify make such a difference to small businesses.

When we started this podcast from the ashes of the previous one, one of the first things we knew we had to do was get our merch business up and running again.

It was one of the biggest parts of the previous gig, has to be just as important to what we we do here.

So we immediately set forth to building a new Shopify store and we couldn't be happier with it because it's the commerce platform behind millions of businesses.

And honestly, every business I've ever owned has used Shopify.

It's got its own design studio.

So if you're not a graphic designer, there are hundreds of ready-to-use templates and Shopify helps you build beautiful online stores to match your brand's style, which is important.

And it's your commerce expert with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory, which is very difficult, by the way, to international shipping, which can be very confusing, to processing returns and beyond, which can make you pull your hair out, but not with Shopify.

They make it easy.

If you are ready to sell, you are ready for Shopify.

So turn your big business idea into

with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/slash face.

Go to shopify.com/slash face.

That's shopify.com/slash face.

Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason.

From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten-free, making it a high-quality spirit that mixes with just about anything.

From the smoothest martinis to the best Bloody Marys, Tito's is known for giving back, teaming up with nonprofits to serve its communities and do good for dogs.

Make your next cocktail of Tito's.

Distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas.

40% alcohol by volume.

Savor responsibly.

I've got a picture.

Did Nick, did you talk about on the podcast, or was it just in person, what you order on planes as your drink?

I don't think we talked about it on the podcast.

I think we were just talking about it on the trip.

Because it sounded ridiculous.

He orders.

What?

He orders just the mix, like the non-booze part of a Bloody Mary.

Yeah, the Bloody Mary mix, mix.

And I was just thinking, like, surely that's annoying to ask for because that's kind of a confusing thing to order on a plane.

Usually someone would say Bloody Mary or a normal drink, but you just want like some of a different drink.

And

I sat next to you while you ordered this.

And it was, it was a complete faff.

She was, you had to go back and forth with her.

She was like, okay, yeah.

Is that what you want?

And then I just found this picture that I took.

Oh, my God.

There are so many things that can be the thumbnail for this episode, but I just don't know if anything's better than that.

Oh, man.

Sorry, Burn Dog.

Wow.

Wow.

Nick.

Nick.

You look out of your fucking mind.

Imagine that face ordering that drink from you.

The face came after the drink was poured.

Look at it.

It also looks disgusting.

Nick looks like he's a zombie that's about to turn unless he can get his mixture in.

Yeah.

Like he's clinging to life.

Yeah.

That's the blood that prevents me from going fully feral.

And you can't see, but inside his gut are a bunch of frozen M ⁇ Ms.

No, no, no.

They're room temperature M ⁇ Ms.

No, they were still cold.

He had the cold.

Still cold.

He had the freezer, didn't he?

I have so many questions.

I had the freezer.

First question.

He looks like Sven Gooley.

He looks like Spenny Gooley.

He looks like Sven Gooley.

Now, the MMs, Nick, you've talked about are kind of associated with your flight anxiety.

Is this a flight anxiety drink for you?

No, I just kind of discuss.

It's one of the few things I feel like on a plane you can get that doesn't have caffeine

because most sodas have some level of caffeine and I'm trying to avoid caffeine usually before I fly.

But well, there is sprite, but also

there's something to me about tomato juice, even though it's Bloody Mary mix, that seems a bit healthier.

So you're just, what?

You're just gluing Minutes.

You're eating M ⁇ Ms.

You're kind of balancing it out.

M ⁇ Ms.

Yeah, I got, yeah, I know.

Buddy's having dark chocolate M ⁇ Ms.

Is that healthier, though?

Is just adding a fruit to a bunch of sugary shit making it healthier?

Well, to me, it's good for you, but it's not adding more unhealthy things.

Yeah, but if I don't know, if you eat a whole, like, if you eat four Snickers bars and eat a bit of lettuce, it doesn't make

sense out.

No,

but it's not more Snickers bars.

It's got you there.

The way,

the way you indulge yourself and then restrict yourself is so

strange to me because you could find a middle, but your middle is just extremes on either end.

And it's crazy.

It's crazy.

You're drinking soup.

You're drinking soup.

No.

Wow.

Well, I guess, well, I was going to say soup's not cold, but Gazpacho is.

So maybe you're right.

How did you discover that you like this?

Well, I like Bloody Marys a lot on their own, the actual version of them.

And on a flight one day,

I had seen that they had the little can offered.

And I was like, you know what?

It's like 9 a.m.

It's too early to have a real Bloody Mary.

Isn't 9 a.m.

when you're supposed to have a real Bloody Mary?

I think it's a morning booze drink.

I think that's specifically.

All right.

Okay, we're really turning this on its head for Nick.

He's never thought about what we just said.

I'm totally on Nick's side here, by the way.

I see no difference between that and drinking a V8, which is just a drink.

But it is weird that he would not think that a Bloody Mary was a morning drink.

It's a later morning drink for me.

That's fair.

10, 11.

You know?

I'm just opposed to all this.

I don't want the tomato drinks now.

It's good.

It's refreshing.

Have you tried it?

Yeah.

Well, I haven't tried Bloody Mary mix, but I've tried V8s.

I'm with Andrew.

I think it's gross.

I think it's disgusting.

I don't like a Bloody Mary.

I don't like a V8.

I think this tomato-based.

It's good.

Yeah, yeah.

We're drinking some like watery ketchup.

It's like, oh, okay, too.

Do you like a michelada or anything?

Oh, I love michiladas, dude.

They're so good.

See, Nick's all about that.

Tomato.

I'm fine with it, but it's like, it's not the thing that I'm like going for.

I got to have a few before I get to that.

And even a Bloody Mary is just like,

it's too much.

I just don't like it.

I hear you.

I don't, I never liked Bloody Marys when I was a drinker, but I could handle a michelada on occasion.

I feel like because it's a bit savory, I drink, I tend to drink these slower.

My problem is sweet things or like sodas and stuff like that.

I just down instantly.

So I kind of want to like sip and enjoy the drink on a flight.

You want something like unguzzleable.

Exactly.

Do you drink multiple on a flight if the flight's long enough?

Or is it a one-drink only scenario, no matter what?

If it's a long enough flight, I'll probably switch to something else later.

I also found a picture from the end of the trip.

that came right after this or right before this one where we were in the airport i think just getting coffee and uh

they sell these weird, like, cake things on a stick for like five bucks.

Forgot about cake pops.

And I was looking at this.

Yeah, I was looking.

Yeah, I was looking at the little raccoon cake pop.

I was like, ooh, what's that?

And I thought, oh, it's like animated.

How are they?

How are the eyes moving on this cake pop?

And then I realized it was just a bunch of flies walking around on the eyes.

Covered in bugs.

And it was repulsive.

It was pretty good.

Genuinely, it looked like the raccoon was looking around.

Oh.

I think I threw my coffee away after we started out.

That's fair.

I was sort of taken aback that you didn't know what a cake pop was immediately, Gavin.

But then I remembered

you haven't had chicken wings.

And I guess.

That's true, yeah.

It's just been stuff I've walked past without really taking in.

Yeah, also, like, a cake pop is like the least you thing I could imagine.

I just don't know

when does someone crave a cake pop?

Like, what time of day is that?

I think it could be any time.

Name's like a 3 p.m.

kind of crazy.

So Nick just said whenever, but he was very restrictive about the bloody marriage.

And this is what I'm talking about.

Like

you allow and disallow.

So strange.

Because pancakes are essentially just a cake.

So I think cake is cake.

I'd like to see

maybe we'll build this out as we discover it, but I'd like to see a list of Nick's rules for when to digest.

Oh, that'd be fun.

Oh, this is such a good idea.

He goes feral at 100% eat.

Like, he'll take leftovers, but then he'll be like

very,

he's like, I haven't eaten all day, and it's like 2.30 p.m.

And it's like, why did you do that?

He's like, because we're having Arby's.

And it's like, that's not, that's bad.

That's not good.

Don't live this way.

Nick lives in, it's like restrained chaos with him.

Like he knows that he's going to lose his fucking mind around food.

So, he has to restrict everything else around that moment to prepare for it, I feel like.

It requires a lot of discipline to be that undisciplined in a moment.

It's a ton.

You just have to not eat breakfast a lot of the time, and then hope that lunch isn't delayed.

Oh, goddamn.

But we work with Michael, so it's always delayed.

It doesn't

run time.

I'd love a pie chart of just what Nick is worried about at any given moment.

In the percentages of different things, like a Nick's brain.

It's sort of like when you go into the mountains and there's a like a cutout of Smokey the Baron that says how dangerous the forest fire thread is for the day.

Just Nick's sliders.

So like the trees, like watering the trees, it goes up and down on different days.

Like, oh, this isn't yellow.

It's like, oh, today's a watering day.

So you got to figure all that out.

every other day, Eric.

You guys know how we didn't record the podcast last week?

Yep.

That was miserable for me.

I missed you guys.

And so I was so lonely when we should have been recording the podcast.

I decided to go to a coffee shop and pretend like I was going to record a podcast with you guys.

And what I did do is I was like, I'll just come up with a bunch of content for the podcast.

And then I tried and I didn't come up with much, but I did come up with a game I want to play with you guys that I thought would be fun.

Love it.

It's called It's Them or Us.

And this, this, I came up with this game based off of an article I was reading about what, how, how many humans certain animals kill a year.

Oh.

And I thought it would be interesting to see if you guys can correctly guess

some of these figures.

So for instance, if I said, who kills more humans a year, a hippopotamus or a crocodile, what would you say?

Hippo.

We used to be food.

Hippo.

Yeah, I feel like hippo seems to be the one you wouldn't pick, but yeah, I think that I think that the hip, like, I think we're all picking hippo because uh I think hippo is the thing that kills like the most people.

Like it's like a like an insanely

near a hippo.

I feel like crocodiles are way more common around residential areas.

I think, I think there are, I think there are a lot of hippos in a lot of areas that we aren't in.

Like African cities and towns.

Yeah,

I think there are just a lot more hippos around other people that aren't us.

Well, I'm not around a crocodile.

You're applying a level of logic, Eric, beyond me.

I'm picking hippo because there's a game around how hungry they are.

Oh, that's great.

Andrew, great.

Yeah, it's no

hungry crocodile or whatever.

What was that crocodile game where you push the teeth down and it bites you?

Well, that's that's that's the dentist.

He's not hungry.

That's a dental.

Yeah, we were doing that.

That's a dental thing.

He's getting like a root canal or whatever.

Good point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, so when I was at the coffee shop coming up with this idea, this is exactly what I hoped would happen.

This is wonderful.

Thank you so much.

Hippopotamuses kill, on average, 500 humans per year.

Crocodiles kill on average.

1,000 humans a year.

The crocodile is twice as dangerous to a human as the Wow.

That's crazy.

You know what that tells me?

What's that?

Is that meaner than a hippo because a hippo is doing half the numbers while hungry.

A crocodile is just out there killing people because it likes it.

Well,

I didn't do any population searches, but I'm going to guess there's more crocodiles than hippos in the world.

I'm just on a hunch there.

But all right, you guys ready for the next round?

Yeah, I am.

Who kills more humans in one calendar year?

A snake or a dog?

Dog.

I'm going to say snake, but I think it's because you want to prove a point about snakes.

That's what I'm going.

I'm going Jeff logic on the snake.

I'll go dog.

When I think of snakes, I think of Anaconda, the movie, and that eats a lot of people.

When I think of dogs, I think of Airbud, which I haven't seen all of them, but I don't think he's ever killed anyone in one of those films.

Well, when I think of dogs, I think of Cujo, but okay.

Gavin,

did you weigh in?

I dogged.

Okay.

Dogs kill 25,000 humans a year.

Way more than hippos and crocodiles.

However, a snake, a snake could kill 50,000 humans a year.

Holy shit.

Twice as dangerous as a dog.

Wait, snakes do kill.

Snakes kill 50,000 humans a year.

I mean, I thought he said could.

And I'm like, it seems like we're getting a little

have the venom capabilities.

Snakes kill 50,000 humans a year.

Dogs kill 25,000.

So snakes about twice as dangerous as you can.

25,000 seems

wrong.

Yeah.

Seems lower, huh?

It seems way high.

No?

I don't think so.

I mean, that's some mean dogs.

People train dogs to be mean a lot.

People train dogs to be mean a lot.

I'm frankly surprised 50,000 people get killed by snakes every year.

Like, that's as even a guy who hates snakes, that seems high to me.

But some of these numbers are fucking wild.

Let's take it back down a notch then.

Who do you think is more dangerous to a human?

A deer or an elephant?

I think a deer would cause more car accidents.

I think that's what it is.

I think it's got to be a deer, not through any sort of like attack, but it's like a I'm going to cross the road.

And it's like, don't do that.

And I think that's true.

Although there are those elephants that go through like a must or something where they start leaking from the holes in the head and they just go on a rampage and start just tearing up through people.

They do what?

Yeah, he's right.

They get leaky.

Now, are we talking about

overall statistics or is it yearly?

It's yearly.

This is average per year.

Because I've played Dynasty Warriors, and there is that group that rides the elephants in the battle and attacks people.

So that would boost numbers, but that's not happening now.

No, that's not.

We're talking current times.

Yeah, I don't.

I'm going to agree with them.

I don't think it's the elephant.

The elephant is responsible for about 500 human deaths per year.

Deer are responsible for about 130 deaths a year.

Yeah, not nearly as dangerous as you'd think.

We're bad at this.

A lot of car accidents, but

not all of them are fatal.

Yeah.

And I don't think that deer get the blame for Lyme disease because it's a deer tick, but I could be wrong.

Okay.

I got two more if you guys are still into this new idea.

Yeah, absolutely.

All right.

Next one.

Who kills more humans a year?

Mosquitoes or tapeworms?

Mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes.

It has to be mosquitoes because the disease, right?

They carry disease.

Tapeworm, I don't even really know what it is, to be honest.

Jeff, everyone else said mosquito?

I'm going tapeworm.

I got to go for the win here, man.

I appreciate that.

Mr.

Mosquito is a real problem to society.

I think it's like millions.

I was blown away.

Would you like to guess how many mosquitoes a tapeworm or how many mosquitoes, how many humans a mosquito or a tapeworm kill every year?

Well, actually, you know what?

Before I lock in, I still have my hand on the piece here.

Let me Google tapeworm so I know what it looks like.

Because I don't think I know what a tapeworm looks like just basically.

That's not going to be a fun guy.

Nope.

Imagine a white thing.

It's a white one.

Yeah.

It lives in your intestines.

It lives inside you.

Yeah.

No, it's,

I'm sticking with my mosquito.

Mosquito.

Pretty safe bet.

Mosquitoes kill about a million humans a year.

It's by far the deadliest creature on earth.

And that was the reason I was reading the article in the first place: I read that the headline, the mosquitoes kill more than a million humans a year, but far more than humans kill, by the way.

Far more deadly than even humans are to other humans.

Tapeworms only kill about 2,000.

I just couldn't come up with anything else weird to compare it with.

That was kind of off the wall.

Last one I have for you guys.

This is a fun one.

Who do you think kills more humans a year?

Scorpions or lions?

Oh,

interesting.

Okay, let's work through this.

Thing about tapeworm.

I'm going to go with lions.

I'm going to go with lions.

Okay.

I'm not even going to explain it.

Lions.

I'm going to go scorps

because you never really find a lion in your shoe.

Not usually.

It doesn't mean never.

Okay, well.

Are all scorpions killers?

No.

That's the thing.

No.

Right?

They're not.

I also thought when I was a kid, I thought if you got stung by a scorpion, you would die.

It's not true.

It just hurts a lot, you know?

There's scorpions all over Texas.

See, I assumed it was like a snake situation where some of them are poisonous and some of them are not.

I think there's varying levels.

Yeah.

Huh.

And then I think certain people can be allergic to scorpion venom, too, probably.

There better be a scorpion that has just like insta-kill venom, or else that is a horrendous way to die.

Huh.

They They look good under a black light.

Yeah.

Do they?

Terrifying.

Yeah.

Look cool.

Interesting.

They look like HRG or shit.

Scorpion.

Scorpion's a Mortal Kombat character.

That has kills.

That's pretty vicious ones.

But

it's Scorpion.

I'm going to.

Okay.

Thank you.

So where is

everybody way in at this point now?

I can't remember.

Okay.

The answer is scorpions.

Scorpions kill 3,250 humans a year.

Lions only kill about 250 people a year.

Lions need to get their numbers up, dude.

If they're going to be king of the jungle or whatever, they got to figure out their shit.

That's not.

Lions kill less people than hippos.

Damn.

Hippos shit.

Lions kill less than elephants.

I thought the lion was the king of the jungle.

I guess not.

Sad.

I wonder what animal kills the most humans by accident.

in a year.

Like as a like

the elephant that like sat on that guy's head and then his head went up his ass.

I don't think it was intentional.

Like accidental animal movie.

It'd be interesting to know who has the highest accidental body count.

I know you're meaning comedically, but I feel like it's a mosquito, right?

I don't think that's an accident.

I think it is.

I don't think they know what they're doing.

You think it's on purpose?

You think the mosquito is like, I don't think there's intent.

That's like us drinking an orange juice and being like,

I didn't mean to.

I don't know.

I don't.

What?

So

and in what situation are we passing something on to the orange juice?

What are you talking about?

Yeah, but the.

Your mouth isn't great for oranges, I assume.

My point.

What are you saying?

I'm saying the mosquito flies onto someone and it sucks their blood.

You can't do that by accident.

Yeah, but that's not

accident.

But their intent isn't to kill.

Yeah, there's no thought of

exact.

They don't know what they're doing.

I still want to know about the orange juice analogy.

Now, in this analogy, Gavin, is it pulp or pulpless?

I'm trying to really picture your orange juice.

Some pulp, fresh out of the

orange.

I almost said apple.

Yeah, it's got the pulp.

Yeah, you're using a straw because that's more like a mosquito.

Don't talk to Nick about straws.

This is not going to go well.

Got some straw shit.

Dude, have you never seen this guy with the?

Oh, he's so anti-straw, it's insane.

He sucks the top of a soda.

What are we talking about?

It's freak.

He's a freak, dude.

No, you just take the lid off.

I leave it on in your car because I don't want to spill it.

Strike me as like you'd be a Twizzler straw guy.

I can see Nick doing that.

I could see Nick doing that.

He could put down the MILF titties for a Twizzler straw.

Yeah, he does what he knows.

Biodegradable straw.

Now, we were talking about

animals killing or whatever, and this is the thing the community keeps sending over and over.

But I thought was there's like another wrinkle to it, which I thought was interesting.

This Shadows of Doubt snail nemesis thing that is the snail going to kill you and all this stuff.

What I didn't know

and that they posted is that

it says in the game, inspired by Gavin.

And that might be the first time I've ever seen it outside of Rooster Teeth with credit to Gavin.

That's Uber Haxanova.

Is that James right there?

Yeah, Uber Haxor Nova.

Sure is.

It is.

Cool.

Cool.

Catch up.

Oh, it is.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

I think that's a mod.

I think I saw him at the final RTX.

It is a game modifier that they put in, and it is the

snail combat thing based on your concept, which I thought was so cool that they actually gave you credit.

They actually gave you credit for this thing, which I never ever see.

I love that.

Can we do a regulation gameplay in this?

I'm sure we could.

I see why not.

I mean, I don't see why not.

Gabby, I think you have to steer.

Oh, shit.

This is your creation in action, dude.

This is awesome.

Yeah.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Good luck.

He said while drinking his bloody Merry Mix.

That is even cooler than when Borderlands definitely named that armor after us.

Get real.

Come on.

We need to talk about Borderlands.

I'm ready to upset some people in this podcast.

Let's go for it.

Borderlands had an issue on launch on consoles.

I mean, it had various ones, but one of them was it had a memory leak thing where it would adjust the quality of your gameplay the longer you played it.

So I believe when you load in, it's 60 frames per second, and then it would drop to 30 eventually.

We've talked about before.

These are all very important things to Gavin in a way that doesn't register with me in the same way that food is very important to me.

It doesn't register the same way with Gavin.

Eric reached out.

We're talking about Borderlands, and he's like, Hey, you should back out of the game and then reload into it.

That's a way to solve this memory leak issue.

It resets.

And I've been playing for quite a while at that point.

It was a long session.

I was like, Yeah, okay, I'll do that.

I'll try that just to see how it looks.

And I was blown away when it reset back to 60.

I had been playing on 30, I assume, for quite a while, but I didn't notice.

I had zero realization that it had changed.

And so I loaded in and I went, well, this looks great.

This is wow, fluid, very fluid.

This is awesome.

And I played for a while.

And then I'd leave it on and I'd come back and I'd play and I wouldn't notice it.

And then something, I'd go play a different game and I'd come back and I'd reboot it.

And then I'd go, whoa, this looks so much better.

I have zero awareness of the shift from 60 to 30.

Gavin, congratulations.

Yes.

And I need you to know that it was so bad that I had to Google what the fuck was going on because I was playing this game and it was like giving me a headache.

And I'm like, I'm on like performance 60, heavy Xbox.

Like this should not be happening.

And someone's like, oh, yeah, there's like this issue.

Quit the game.

Come back into it.

And I'm like, oh, fucking solved it.

Oh, my God.

It was like, it was like, it was like somebody kicked mud.

all over your glasses and then you finally wiped them clean.

And I'm like, man, I just don't know how I was playing like that.

It was crazy.

And I said it to Andrew, and then Andrew's like, oh, wow.

Didn't even notice.

Didn't even notice.

It makes I notice the difference when I load into it again, but then it goes away and I don't notice the going away part.

And I'm totally fine.

It's headache-inducing because it's not just giving you like

60, and then all of a sudden 30, it's like, here's 60, here's 48, here's 41 and a half.

Like, it's so brutal to play.

It's crazy.

It would take me.

I feel like as soon as I looked from left to right, I'd be like, ooh, I need to reboot.

Oh, it was bad.

It was bad.

I'm surprised they...

Are they going to patch it?

Like, do you remember when.

I think they have.

Okay.

Like, Oblivion occasionally would have, like, a really long load screen.

And then they came out and said it was actually the game rebooting behind the load screen in the background to fix memory leaks.

That's wild.

It is like.

Borderlands 4 is a game that I really like because I like the gameplay of Borderlands.

In no way was it a complete game when they released it.

It was like not finished.

They don't do that anymore.

No, not at all.

It was pretty, pretty crazy.

Didn't

it's fun.

It's fun.

And we hunted for the extra medium shield on a Twitch stream.

It was a good time.

Can I locked it in?

Can I talk about a conversation I had with Andrew over text that I had to end immediately?

Well, before I'm not done.

I'm not done with this.

I have a second.

Yeah, Gavin.

So, Gavin,

two things.

That's what it's not.

So,

before we, I don't want to pivot back to Borderlands.

Okay.

I have a second problem with Borderlands 4.

We streamed it when it came out.

We did a five-hour big stream.

And as the person who was providing the footage and the gameplay of the stream, I didn't want to be in menus all that much.

I wanted to avoid going into settings or menus as much as possible.

I just wanted to game constantly.

However, in Borderlands 4, there is a weird, their reward system is strange where you'll complete a quest and you'll get mission rewards, but you have to go into your inventory to apply them, like to unlock them.

You just get like a pop-up that says, hey, rewards, go get them.

By the time we finished the stream, I think I had 35 of them because I didn't want to engage with it because we're streaming.

But then it just became a problem of, I don't want to spend that much time in the menus.

However, everything you do in the game that's like a quest gives you those.

At this stage of the game, I've completed every activity.

I've done all the side quests.

I've done the story.

Uh,

and it's caused a problem where I'm now, I'm essentially, I'm done with the game, but I've never touched my rewards because I don't want to go through the thing.

What?

Whoa.

So I have 305 mission rewards that I haven't interacted with because I just don't want to spend the time sorting through whatever it's going to to give me.

But wouldn't that keep it made the game different, like better, easier?

Probably would have made it easier.

I assume I don't know what the rewards even give, but I have 305 of them by the end of the game.

And

it would have made the game slower because he would have been in the menus all that time.

At least he had a pretty seamless experience, I guess.

I did.

It was an unsolvable problem where I had like 35 and I was like, I don't want to deal with 35 things.

And I kept playing and then it was 50.

For the sake of the audience, you would rather never spend any time in the menus, but instead, I assume, have to deal with everyone saying, why are you using rewards?

Well, yeah, that did come up when we did the extra me stream.

Some people did notice the reward situation I had going.

Yeah, that's been a problem.

I've been stuck.

I don't know what to do.

I'm done with the game, so I don't know.

I guess when the DLC comes out, I'll look at it.

I have no idea.

Did you 100% get all the achievements?

Yeah, I didn't get all the achievements, but I've like completed all the side quests and activities and all that so 305 rewards i assume there's cool stuff in there i don't know you could just do a stream looking through oh i guess yeah

what do you get eric is it like guns uh it's i mean any of these weapons boosts things like that but also a lot

of cosmetics

a lot of cosmetics for your little robot Like, I'm it's so crazy to see your robot look like that instead of a bat-eared freak with a robot face that's like totally like a TV screen that's like totally different.

It's that's crazy.

That's crazy.

That does make sense because I am missing an achievement that is collect 60 cosmetics.

Oh, you're about to get them.

30.

Yeah, it's 30% of players have gotten that achievement.

Right, but now here's what you're going to have to do: you're going to have to like clear out your inventory

and then

lock these rewards and sell stuff and then unlock more rewards and sell stuff and like you're probably gonna have to do that two or three times oh

i mean how many inventory slots do you have yes seven whatever the max is you get like three items per reward too sometimes oh boy that's gonna take a while so is it is it a good game

yeah i like it if you if you like

borderlands at all it's a it's a really fun it's a really fun game It's borderlands, but it's green and not desert.

Yeah, absolutely.

You go to desert places, like the map's huge.

It's like an insanely huge map.

It's wild.

A lot of like open world stuff, but I mean, I like it.

I just wouldn't recommend it to anyone who hasn't really played or cares about Borderlands at all.

I think that's fair.

Yeah.

And before we get to Gavin's thing, can I just say that we have the pigeon drop this Friday at 4 p.m.

Central on twitch.tv slash the regulation pod, and then everything will go on sale at regulationcentric.com at 410 p.m.

So it's the pigeon shirt, and then it's the is what else is in that drop?

I was going to say, it's the patch hat, pigeon patch, a reboot on our patches, so a refresh on the patches.

So if you missed them last time, and then the pigeon shirt, which

very cool stuff, and you'll be able to get those 4 p.m.

Central Time is when we'll go live on Twitch, just like regular on Friday.

And then 4.10 p.m.

Central Time is when regulationstore.com or regulationstore.store will have everything there.

So you can grab your pigeon drop merch.

That's so exciting.

I'm very excited for the patch hat.

I think that's such a cool idea.

The refresh of the patches is going to be fun.

Yeah, it's awesome.

I'm so excited about that.

No patch shirt, right?

It's just the patch hat.

Yeah, I don't think the patch, the patch shirt resupply will be in, it's going to be a while.

Those are like custom cut and sew garments, so it takes, it takes time.

I think my favorite part about the pigeon merch is it's, it's something that it's such a great inside joke where people will see it that don't have any context for why that thing exists.

I hope so.

I know it's seven websites.

Well, they know, you know, despite how exotic it is, they're familiar with the bird.

Yeah.

I would assume.

I just love the idea of somebody walking down the street with like the pigeon shirt on or the pigeon patch on their hat

and somebody looking at it and just going, oh, oh, it's a pigeon, and then just continuing their day.

Just appreciating it on a totally different level.

Yeah, well, I mean, there'd be probably less than 1% of people that would look at it and go, what is that?

And those people are Jack.

It's Jack.

What type?

What?

Is this a fantasy bird?

Oh, God.

Speaking of merchandise and new stuff coming in, Gavin, you were gone when we did the Larry King unboxing, but I did, we were in the office playing Portal 2 yesterday, so I showed him all of the items.

Yeah, was kind of wanting to get your impression.

I held off on asking what you thought of it there.

I kind of want to get your impression on camera here.

I was completely sunny.

I went back and watched that break, the end of that break show, too.

I think my favorite part was you guys opening giant packages, expecting them to be keys.

But damn,

I think you have enough stuff to recreate Larry King's entire office at this point.

Yeah, I think that has to be our stream room needs to be a Larry King shrine now because

it's so much shit.

It should just be a big executive wooden desk with Larry King on the sign in the front.

I hung his variety picture already.

I just got to get frames for the rest of the stuff, including the rat looking at the rat in the moon picture for Eric.

So insane.

The break show, which is a thing that we brought back, if you guys haven't seen it, we do live on Mondays and then it goes up on Fridays on YouTube.

It has been so much fun to come back and it's been great because boy, we're getting a lot of mail from 2022

that we're opening now in almost 2026.

Cap,

you were there when we got the fucking...

When we got the custom-made

little garments for all of our dead animals.

He was not there for for that.

Oh, you weren't there for us.

I opened up mail and it was like,

here's a little here's a little like collar thing for Sam.

Here's something for here's this is for Henry.

This is for her.

Just long dead.

But

luckily we have Albert, who is a real dog and then Andrew has a limitless supply of fake cats.

No, I have two real cats.

It was, I would argue even worse than that, Gavin, where they were unsure who Sam was at the table when they saw this.

And they were like, Sam, is that, was that Andrew's cat?

So I had to come in as Dilbot and be like, yeah, that's my dead cat.

Yeah, but we can't trust you.

Stop opening mail.

I was pretty sure it was your dead cat, but I didn't know if you talked about it publicly and stuff.

And so I don't want to spill the beans on your tragedy.

Appreciate it.

My favorite part about the Larry King thing was I did say to you guys that I got a few things outside of the keys ahead of time.

It never occurred to me that you guys would have a process of thinking that it was a bit being pulled on you, that we didn't end up with keys at all.

When Jeff opened the box that had zero keys in it first, completely by accident, I was so happy watching along.

It was fantastic.

I couldn't have played out better.

Why'd you get all that shit?

The fan art was the cheapest item, I believe, that went at his auction.

I think I was the only person that bid and I bid the minimum amount, I want to say.

And the Shrek stuff was just really funny.

And it wasn't like on the scale of, I think I got the Shrek stuff and the fan art stuff for

half the price of one of the key lots.

So

they were cheap items.

And there's more stuff on the way.

I got

Andrew's definitely sharping

sharping.

Andrew's definitely shopping at like the Marshalls of celebrity auctions.

He's definitely finding the bargain deals.

I, because it's tied to my, everything gets shipped to my house.

Yep.

And because I run the credit card, I see it come through.

So I have

an advantage in that I know what's coming.

This motherfucker's not done.

Let me just say that.

No, but I also want to be clear that this isn't a regular occurrence.

There just happened to be another thing that I thought was very

specific to the show that you guys would like.

Gavin and Nick, maybe not so much, but Eric and Jeff, I think, will be all about it.

Interesting.

And it's cool.

It's cool shit that I think is is

fun and uh I'm excited for you guys to open it.

Another situation where it costs way more to ship than to buy.

Yep.

Yep.

So I think there's going to probably be a long pause after that, although there is a Joan Rivers key, but

yeah, I like I want that Joan Rivers key pretty badly.

I got to be honest.

Yeah, we're going to go with the one Joan Rivers key, and then I think we're out of the auction game for a while.

I like that you said this is not a regular thing, the thing that you've been doing regularly all year.

What do you mean, regularly all year you buy shit left and right no what do you mean prior to the king thing what did I buy

guillotine

well okay that's not me though that was we

is not we

that is a we thing that would be like me saying you guys have been buying stuff left and right you got health insurance you got an office

we were all involved in the guillotine

yeah it was that was that was not a shadow thing by me.

That was agreed upon by everybody.

Yeah, it wasn't like Andrew surprised us with the snake eyes suit or anything.

We had forewarning.

So, Gavin, you had a thing you wanted to talk about in relation to us.

Well, you were talking about drawers,

and I just found

drawer.

You need more context for that.

Well, I'll post this.

Gavin went away somewhere.

I asked him how it went, and his response was top drawer, which was a thing where I understood what he meant, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone respond that way, which then made me think about what does, like, why does that mean what it means?

Like, the top, is the top drawer the best drawer?

Of course not.

Do you put your best item in the drawers that are on top?

I was just evaluating.

Did you never...

Well, I guess you didn't go to school that much, but the

my primary school had drawers.

We didn't have lockers.

We just had drawers.

And every year year you would get like assigned a different drawer.

And all the people at the top were like, oh, yeah, I got the best drawer.

And some people had drawers like down by the ground.

It sucked.

No,

I went to school kindergarten through grade seven.

Pretty normal experience.

Did not have that.

I think that might be hyper-specific to your school.

Well, probably, but it wasn't big enough to have lockers.

But

Andrew did a draw, a drawering.

of how he ranked drawers and I've got a poster here.

To me, it was just completely unhinged so on a one to ten scale one being the worst drawer 10 being the most points the best drawer you could have firstly i love that he did a thing that has five drawers on a one to ten scale when he could have just ranked the drawers one to five and also

he's got two nines well i came up i came up with the scoring system before i came up with the drawer that's the first counterpoint Second counterpoint is I think there are some drawers that are equally good.

So they get the same amount of points.

Why would the top drawer not be better than?

Why is the second drawer the best?

So the second drawer is the best because it doesn't have the weight of a lower drawer.

Could suffer.

It's easily accessible.

You don't have to bend down to get it.

And also, it just feels a little bit more secure to me than the top drawer.

There's something about

it being roof open when you open the top drawer that intimidates me it feels less secure a little bit it feels less like a i don't know like there's there's weight on the second on the one below it there's a whole drawer above it dude i listen all jokes aside i could not agree with this image more would you have ranked it one to ten with two nights exactly i i 100 understand what he's doing and i get it and i i'm right there with him the thing that i didn't expect someone to be completely aligned with me i could see the case for the nine being the the top drawer and the second drawer from the top being flipped.

I could see people feeling that way.

I don't feel that way, but I get it.

I think the rest of my rankings are completely locked in and undeniably fine.

Okay, let me ask you this.

How is the one above the bottom worse than the bottom?

Yeah, I'll explain that very easily.

The bottom drawer of this drawer setup, I can open with my feet.

I can't open the next one with my feet.

So if I'm looking for something and I'm like, oh, I got to to check the drawer, it is so much more annoying to look at the second from the bottom than it is the bottom.

I don't think we went through all of them, so I'm just going to go through.

I'm going to read and give the point total for the thing.

Top drawer, nine out of ten.

Second from the top, 10 out of 10.

Perfect, flawless drawer.

Third down, nine out of ten.

Equally as good as the top drawer.

The drawer below it, the fourth drawer, one out of ten.

Awful, miserable experience.

Bottom drawer, three out of ten.

That's no way.

Not ideal,

but better than the one above it there's no way one out of ten borders a drawer that's nine out of ten how is it that much more miserable going for the third one than the fourth because i can reach i can reach for how i'm imagining how big this drawer is i can open it with my hand without really having to bend down you're not a bending down guy can i ask you a question andrew yeah what are you putting in your 10 drawer oh it's the 10 drawer so that's another thing i'm putting important documents and stuff in my 10 drawer.

Wait, this isn't for clothes?

It's not for like boxes and socks?

I didn't assume that these were putting clothing in these things.

Oh, these are clothing drawers.

My 10 drawer is my t-shirt, girl.

Documents.

It's surely going to be like something you like you use every day, like box documents.

Okay.

Well, this is author of different things.

Maybe he's getting his documents every day.

You don't know how he has to shove it.

No, organize his documents.

He's constantly getting into his documents.

Number 10 this is we haven't even i didn't consider this of what we're putting in these things for me let me explain to you number nine that's my junk drawer that's stuff i'm just throwing it in there it's the most accessible which nine top nine uh the top nine top nine starting from the top working down top nine that's my junk drawer anything that i like and i'm like i'm not yeah just throwing it in there Second drawer, 10.

That's important documents.

That's my important stuff.

Anything of value, it's going in the 10.

Yeah, below the junk.

Junk first, then important documents.

junk first then important documents trick trick the thieves who come in want to take your documents oh no this is still full of junk nine realistically we're probably putting some retro game consoles in there that's like a wee view is in there

what room what room is this in in your home this is in my bedroom

You have a junk drawer in the top shelf of your bedroom.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Keep going.

This is where my cabinet is.

I'm so excited for the one.

Consoles, yeah, we got some consoles and stuff.

Number one,

that

is probably going to be some video games and cables,

maybe some DVDs, some Blu-rays.

You got some Blu-rays in there, you got some extra cables for the consoles.

Maybe a controller is in one.

It is once again a general media drawer, but not consoles because that's where the one above it.

That's where they are.

You need to have more access to consoles and games.

The bottom drawer

got to change these consoles out and have them look cool on these shelves.

Do you want to play a game?

Fuck you.

The bottom drawer.

I'm probably putting in old books, probably some jerks

from school that I haven't returned, that I should have returned, that I keep meaning to send back

to the library.

From the seventh grade?

They're probably from like the 10th grade because they would mail me books for school stuff.

Oh.

You know what I love

about books i love being able to get them out with my feet well it's it's a thing where i'll go oh i'm looking for this thing where is it i'm gonna check every cabinet just to be thorough oh yeah it's a bunch of like school old school stuff and paper and probably some printer paper goes in three the bottom drawer

I'm basing this off of how my filing cabinet was.

Right.

I diverged so hard from him when we got to what goes in drawers.

Nah, man, you were on board.

You and Andrew on

the middle of the 100%.

I'm right there with him.

You and the 910-913.

I'm right there with him on that.

It's just what he's choosing to use them for is just buff.

You don't put old books in the bar.

Books that I don't want, that I can't be bothered to return, that are pointless to return because they have stopped using them 20 years ago.

Those books are out of circulation.

They've been reprinted 18 times.

Yeah.

But what you're not considering, what you're not considering is you can open that drawer with your foot, potentially.

No, I am considering that.

That's why it's my three as well.

I also opened that drawer with my foot.

Here's the problem with the clothing drawer.

The clothing drawer is I don't need that many drawers for it.

What?

Shirts?

Because you're naked all the time.

It's not just keeping pants anywhere.

Shirts,

top drawer.

Shorts,

maybe underwear too, but mainly shorts.

Second from the top.

Third, definitely underwear.

Fourth, socks.

What am I doing with that fifth drawer?

What else do I have?

Old pants, old books, old

sweaters, sweat, winter gear is what goes in my body.

I don't wear, there's no winter gear, it's just all-round wear.

Shorts and shirts, short-sleeve shirts.

I got no use for, like, that's why I think I don't even think clothes because I don't

either.

Why do I have a five-drawer?

Why do I have this cabin?

Everything you listed in your drawers could be in a box in storage.

Or in the trash.

Well,

well, no, not the trash.

A box in storage is worse than the second to bottom drawer.

Box in storage is so much worse.

I have to go find the thing.

Need the school books.

No, I don't.

We can throw that drawer away.

Yes, trash!

We can trash that one.

But the console cable.

But it's not even your lowest ranked drawer.

Yeah.

And you're throwing it away?

I just sort of pretend that that drawer doesn't exist, but it's not an annoyance to get to.

So put it at zero.

What?

You never use it.

What?

It's still more convenient to open than the fourth drawer.

It doesn't open the goddamn thing.

He doesn't open it.

He says that he doesn't open it.

I can't help it if he's not using it properly.

It is still more easier to open with your foot than the fourth drawer is.

The fourth drawer is in a weird in-between where you're like, do I lift my leg a little more?

That's uncomfortable.

Or do I bend over?

That's uncomfortable.

I could not have predicted that the dresser would have no clothes in it.

mind-blowing.

Never crossed my mind that it would.

Crazy.

Yeah, your top drawer is where your socks and your underwear go.

Second drawer is where your t-shirts go.

Third drawer is where your shorts or your pants go, depending on what time of the year it is.

Fourth drawer is where you flip the other ones.

And then the bottom drawer is where you put like your gloves and your sweatshirt or whatever.

Also, with all the shit you've got in there, like cables and stuff, there's no way that drawer is closing nice.

There's no way the drawer above that cable drawer is going to close good.

No, it's fine.

Is it?

It's fine.

Yeah.

You don't have one of them that's like sticking open a little little bit?

Huh?

No.

Is this a drawer situation?

Like, or do you have this exact setup?

Is this exact thing in your room?

No, no, I don't know this.

This is just an example.

Oh, so you don't actually have this?

No.

I just keep.

Cabinet or whatever.

Wait.

Wait.

So wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait.

This entire scenario is fictional?

You don't actually keep books?

Well,

no, I used to have, so I have a filing cabinet in my room.

Here's the thing.

I have a filing cabinet in my room, but when my partner moved in, they took it over.

They have clothes in it.

Wait, wait, wait.

So you don't have...

You got junk in your dresser and clothes in the file cabinet.

Go ahead.

No, I have clothes in my closet.

Okay.

I got a little basket that I put my underwear in.

Why did you run us through all this and it wasn't even real?

Because you said top drawer.

Yeah,

Gavin, why did you say that?

You brought up the drawers.

Yeah, Gavin, why did you say that?

I'm not saying why did you say that.

I'm saying that he, you initiated it.

You made me think about drawers.

Yeah.

Yeah, if this is anyone's fault, Gavin, it's yours.

No, I'm not blaming Gavin.

It was so specific about what was in these drawers and nothing.

You don't have any of that in drawers.

Well, I used to.

In a filing cabinet.

You used to have.

Okay, you have to have books in the bottom of your filing cabinet.

I did.

Document.

See, that makes more sense.

You ran me around just then, and I didn't appreciate it.

Where are the school books now?

Actually, I don't know.

Because I don't think I have that.

I think I gave up all the drawers of my filing cabinet.

Talking to you is like reading the Google AI result.

Oh, God damn.

So when I texted that to you, you just assumed that I own that cabinet?

No, I just assume you had like a five-draw.

I didn't assume it was that exact one, but I assume you were in a five-drawer scenario.

Yeah.

Well, let me look at my cabinet.

Oh, God.

It's four.

It's a four-drawer.

Can you re-rank it?

Well, actually, there's a little pull-up.

It's technically five.

Can we have a picture of the filing cabinet?

Yeah.

I just don't trust that whatever he's going to send is going to be a picture of his filing cabinet, like his fucking cat situation.

Eric, start Googling four-draw filing cabinet.

You got it.

I'm locking it in.

Do a reverse Google search.

I wouldn't have guessed for a second that you didn't have this exact scenario happening.

I want him to send an image like this that is just like the most pristine,

the bed, bath, and beyond ass looking room where he's like, This is my filing cabinet.

Andrew lives in a CB2 catalog.

Broke stone-ass-looking house.

Okay, Okay, so it's not.

Wait, wait, it's a metal filing cabinet from an office?

Well, as opposed to like a bedroom filing cabinet?

Like, what are the filing cabinets there?

I just, I thought that he was just using that term wrong.

No, we've, we've heard about the filing cabinet before.

I don't remember.

I'm floored.

Do you put labels on the front since you can put labels in like that way you know where everything is?

No.

I just know.

Yeah, I'm crazy.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry I asked that question.

I'm nuts.

No, I didn't mean to deliver that with a tone that implied that.

So, how many drawers

when you hit that stage of your relationship, when you were able to give up drawers, how many drawers did you give to your partner?

All of them.

Oh, okay.

Well, they needed, I didn't have anywhere else for it.

So, what happened to your stuff?

I don't know what happened to my stuff.

We have to do it a little bit.

We have to end this.

We can't end now.

What do you mean?

Oh, fuck.

We can't go deeper.

We're going to come out the other side.

Like, I just don't think that there's like, where else do you go?

Where's my stuff I don't know is not what I thought was about to happen.

I'm floored.

Well, there you have it.

Another episode of the regulation podcast.

Thank you so much for listening.

Boy, you're going to want to tune in for episode 75 when we all find out what happened to Andrew's stuff.

Do you know what happened to it?

Send us a

let us know on our tip line.

Do we have a tip line?

I'm pretty sure we do.

Yeah, it's twitch.tv/slash the regulation pod at 4 p.m.

this Friday when we do the pigeon drop in this regulation store.store.

All right, thank you very much.

Oh, I'm fucking, I'm like beside myself.

I don't know what to do.

We'll see you next time.

Bye.

Bye.

Cool, cool, cool.

I'm pigeoning us out.