"Andy Richter: LIVE in Chicago”

Speaker 2 Some like it hot, but for most, a little spice goes a long way.

Speaker 2 Doritos Golden Sriracha flavor tortilla chips are the perfectly balanced blend of yellow and green srirachas for a chip that's tangy and sweet with just the right amount of heat.

Speaker 2 Doritos Golden Sriracha are spicy, but not too spicy because Doritos knows bold flavor doesn't have to mean just heat. Try Dorito's Golden Sriracha for yourself.

Speaker 2 Look for them wherever Doritos are sold or find a store near you at Doritos.com. Doritos for the bold.

Speaker 2 Nobody wants to spend the holiday season clicking from one site to the next to get their hands on the best brands.

Speaker 2 But who knew Walmart has the top brands we all love, like the big names that your friends and family actually want and all in one place? Nespresso, Nintendo, Apple, you name it.

Speaker 2 Get the brands everyone loves at prices you'll love at Walmart.

Speaker 1 Who knew?

Speaker 2 Go to Walmart.com or download the app to get all your gifts this season.

Speaker 1 We gotta make some kind of an announcement. Yeah, so like, so like they have no, they can't use cell phones.
Right, they can't use cell phones.

Speaker 1 We're sorry that we're running late.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but they shouldn't know that it's us making the announcement. So whether it was

Speaker 3 somebody doing like in an accent or something.

Speaker 1 Okay, so please no flash for children. no, but no, no, no, no, no, no,

Speaker 3 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, tell them to turn on your mic. Can you turn on Sean's mic? He's going to get my mouth.

Speaker 1 Let's get Sean's mic. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Chicago.

Speaker 3 He just told me your mic's on.

Speaker 1 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So, Sean, you go. Well, you're from here, so you, Sean, you said, here we go, Sean, you said.
Is it an accent? Yeah, an accent so they don't think it's you.

Speaker 3 So, any accent.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Chicago. Something like that.
Yeah, and then what else are you going to do? And then no flash photography. Right, and what else? And put your fucking cell phones away.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I can hear an echo.

Speaker 3 Like you might already be on.

Speaker 1 Stop. Oh, our mics are on.
Well, then, you know what we have to say. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Smartland!

Speaker 1 Smart

Speaker 1 Less!

Speaker 1 Smart

Speaker 1 Less.

Speaker 1 Hello, Segango! What's up, Zegoigo?

Speaker 1 Oh man.

Speaker 1 Now you hear them.

Speaker 3 You hear the music.

Speaker 1 You get all pumped up. Take a seat.
Take a seat. Oh, please sit.
Oh, my goodness. Wait, Carissi, I want to see the house lights.
I want to see the house lights for one second. I want to see everybody.

Speaker 1 Yo!

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 What were you thinking?

Speaker 1 By the way, thank you. Wow.
Thank you for wanting to, thank you for wanting to meet us because we wanted to meet you. So I was touring.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 As Will might say, you've made a horrible mistake. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's not the line, but fine.

Speaker 1 Terrible. Terrible mistake.
No, not the line either. Huge.
Huge. Huge mistake.
Okay. Got it.
For those of you who might not know or even care, I'm actually from here.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I have like a zillion stories of how this place shaped me.

Speaker 1 Okay. Give them profile.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 We literally just ate portillos, I'm not kidding. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We did.

Speaker 1 We did.

Speaker 3 It was a real mistake. I've chewed five Gas X in the last two minutes.

Speaker 1 By the way, also a true story. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because I had a coffee on top of it. It's just, it's a bad science experiment.

Speaker 1 Anyway, thank you for being here and coming out tonight. It means the world to us, and we're going to sit down now.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, I got to eat my hand. You guys.
You guys.

Speaker 1 This is so cool.

Speaker 3 Now, let me, this is your guest tonight. Are you relaxed?

Speaker 1 Yes, but I will be burping for tillas throughout the night.

Speaker 3 Do you want me to throw up some of my gas X in your mouth?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, gross, gross. And by the way, Sean thought it would be a good idea for all of us to have like these beef sandwiches and chocolate chocolate.

Speaker 1 chocolate cake shake

Speaker 1 before the show you know and Jason who hasn't had anything but a salad for the last you know four and a half years it's this is it's tough on your system

Speaker 3 I might I might need a stitch later oh no

Speaker 1 your stomach's like what is this coming at me right

Speaker 1 wait so I want to share a couple stories from my childhood since I grew up here I can't remember how much of my mom's eye I told you about.

Speaker 1 I know. Bless it.
This is going to be, so forgive me if you've heard this, but I don't think I've said this before on the podcast. But so this sums up my mom in like one quick story.

Speaker 1 She was the greatest mom ever. I love her so much.
She's since passed away.

Speaker 1 Sure, death. Clap for death.

Speaker 1 And she had a really dark sense of humor. So at two years old, she had cancer, so she had

Speaker 1 one of her eyes taken out. And she, you know, growing up, she had to keep resizing the eye.

Speaker 1 Resizing the eye. I'm not laughing at cancer or anything.

Speaker 1 I'm laughing because my family, we would laugh because of, otherwise you'd cry, so we'd made fun of it, and she would make fun of it, and whatever. But hang on a second.

Speaker 3 What happens if you do not stay current with resizing the eye?

Speaker 1 Great question. Great question.

Speaker 3 Will it fall out with a sudden move?

Speaker 1 No, well, your face would grow as you grow, but the eye would stay tiny. That's right.

Speaker 1 So it might fall out

Speaker 1 if you do not resize it. Right.
Right. So as she grew older, and then she had the five kids, and my dad left, and you knew all that story when I was five.
And then my mom raised all five of them.

Speaker 1 Oh, they remember all these hilarious stories.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 1 he didn't really leave.

Speaker 3 He put it in drive and punched it. I think is what it was.
It was a tire screech.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I also have a masturbation story that I want to get to. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But anyway, so. By the way, tonight on a very special smart list, what the hell?

Speaker 1 Okay, so my mom then,

Speaker 1 so she raised five kids by herself.

Speaker 1 And then to kind of give back when I had some extra money and I became a tiny bit successful, I was like, mom, I want to buy the house from you that we grew up in and the one next to it and the on the other side, knock all three down and build you a house.

Speaker 1 And that's what I did, which was fantastic. She deserved it, right?

Speaker 1 And so,

Speaker 1 and so tore our entire family apart. But anyway, so

Speaker 1 I love how much joy you get out of your own pain.

Speaker 1 If you don't laugh, you'll cry. So then, so then, so this sums up my mom.
So I put her in a condo while the house was being built, and then I wanted to do like a big reveal, right?

Speaker 1 And so the house is being built, it took like a year and a half, and I furnished the whole thing, like all new furniture, like silverware and like art on the walls and sheets, like the whole thing was this turnkey.

Speaker 1 And so she, I had that big move, that bus moment, right?

Speaker 1 And so she right so she came in so we're all there the whole family's there behind the door and she comes in the door and she immediately starts she cries her eye out and she

Speaker 1 she is like she's like oh my god this is incredible there was only one dry eye in the house

Speaker 1 and it wasn't real

Speaker 1 so um

Speaker 1 Okay, so anyway,

Speaker 1 so then she walks in. She walked in, she's crying her eye, and she walks in and she goes, she's touching everything.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh my God, nobody's ever done anything like this for me in my entire life.

Speaker 1 I don't know that I would have picked out that couch.

Speaker 1 And that's my mom. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 my sister, my sister.

Speaker 3 You better get on your knee if you're going to propose to me.

Speaker 1 My sister brought that. That's not her eye.
No, no, that's my sister.

Speaker 1 My sister brought that gift for you guys today. Is that it?

Speaker 3 If that's her eye, is it an eye?

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Please let it be the eye.

Speaker 1 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 I can't see this, but it's an eye.

Speaker 1 That's my mom's eye. Is this really your mom's eye? Yes.

Speaker 1 That's my mom's eye.

Speaker 1 I brought it back to Chicago. Oh.

Speaker 1 wow.

Speaker 3 So she's going to keep an eye on us

Speaker 3 for the show. Wow.

Speaker 1 Isn't that nice? Oh, I'm curious.

Speaker 1 There is no odor whatsoever.

Speaker 3 It's a very pretty eye. She looks like

Speaker 3 when she got fitted for this, she may have been a little stoned

Speaker 3 or just finished a long lap in a pool.

Speaker 1 Well, not my mom. No.

Speaker 1 She burger. Anyway, that's so good.

Speaker 1 Isn't that nice? That's so good. Let's make sure we remember where that is.
All right.

Speaker 3 I'm surprised it's not a ball.

Speaker 1 Well, it's an eye.

Speaker 3 I know, but aren't

Speaker 1 eyes like round?

Speaker 3 Like, what did that, it's just like a cap. What would it stick to, I wonder?

Speaker 1 Well, she had like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 But you have to go. You know, like, maybe like muscle and stuff.
It's not like.

Speaker 3 Maybe it was a ping-pong, and then they put that on top of the ping-pong.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. There was a little tiny, I'm not even kidding, a little tiny plunger suction cup.
And there she'd go, and pull it out to clean it.

Speaker 3 So she would take it. Take it out and clean it? Yeah.
Hang on a second.

Speaker 1 And then wait. And then

Speaker 1 wait.

Speaker 1 And then when she would go out bowling on Thursdays, I said this on the podcast, we would have friends come over and knock on the door, and there was a chain, and we'd open the door with the eye, and we'd go, who's there?

Speaker 1 Like that, and shut the door.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 I want to meet you. Did you say you wish you'd met his mom? I second that.
I wish I had met him. I did.

Speaker 1 I said in the car today, we were were driving in from the airport, and I said, or maybe it was on the car, on the plane, and I said, I really wish that I met your mom. She would have loved you guys.

Speaker 1 We would have loved her because we love you more than anybody. She was the best.
She was the best. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 So. Isn't Sean Hayes the greatest? Come on.

Speaker 1 Let's get up. Come on.
Everybody else. Everybody up.

Speaker 1 Okay. Get up.

Speaker 1 The best.

Speaker 3 What did I say today? You make me... What did I say? I said something remarkably nice.

Speaker 1 Well, we'll remember. It was so sweet.
You forgot it. So

Speaker 1 for my guests tonight, guys, this is exciting. Right.
I forgot. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I wanted to get someone who has some Chicago roots and

Speaker 1 who's a friend to us three, right?

Speaker 3 Wait, we know this person.

Speaker 1 You know this person. This fellow went to University of Illinois Illinois

Speaker 1 and Columbia College.

Speaker 1 You might know it as soon as I said. He was in the original cast of the real-life Brady Bunch back in the 90s, which is one of the funniest things I ever saw.

Speaker 1 He has since appeared in parts alongside Will Farrell and Elf, Talladega Knights, and even appeared in one of my all-time favorite TV shows that had his name in the title.

Speaker 1 Now, he may not have had his own talk show with his own name in the title yet, but he's the biggest reason Conan O'Brien did. It's Andy Rickman!

Speaker 1 I was just

Speaker 1 talking about it, right? All we do is talk about it. That's true.
So I was like, oh, I got to to keep it in. I got to keep it in.

Speaker 1 And today, Andy tweeted out, and I read it to Sean when we landed here. Andy tweeted out, he said, Does anybody know a watch that's appropriate for fisting? Because I'm trying to make summer plans.

Speaker 1 And I thought, well, that's a great tweet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I'm traveling. It makes me think of traveling.
I'm thinking this summer, what can I do with myself? Sure. Single now.
So, sure. Sure.
You know.

Speaker 1 And Solomon Giorgio, who's a really funny stand-up, said,

Speaker 1 which hand are you going to be using? And I said, probably the left, because I want to keep the right free for the TV remote. Sure.
Sure.

Speaker 1 Wow. Always multitasking.
I know, I know. You might want to hang out around Belmont after this.
But anyway,

Speaker 3 how nice of you to come out here and join us.

Speaker 1 I was thrilled. Very close.
Yeah, yeah. This is so exciting.
Sean asked, and I was really, it was actually kind of lucky because I was like, I forgot, you know, like I've listened to this podcast.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 No, it's okay. It's okay.
I've got to do it. You can do double speed, you know.
I'm unemployed, so I have a lot of time on my hands.

Speaker 1 But no, I really was like, after you asked me, I was about to text, like, hey, guys, I'm going to, and I was like, oh, no, idiot. It's supposed to be a fucking surprise.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 But did Smarty Pants tell you it's a surprise? Like, did he help you?

Speaker 1 No, he did. Okay.
He did.

Speaker 1 Not in the initial text. No, and then I forgot.
I was like, oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right. And then then you said, you sent the funniest text back.
I wish I had my phone.

Speaker 1 I said, hey, if you want to chat about anything like beforehand, and you're like, oh, I can't wait to read some of my poetry. I said, yes.

Speaker 1 You said, you know, you want to know a little bit about what we'll talk about. And I said, well, first, I'm only talking about my poetry.

Speaker 1 This crowd loves it. Yep.

Speaker 1 And secondly, I need at least 10 minutes to promote my new 24-year-old girlfriend, Leilani's vegan jewelry.

Speaker 1 Oh, good. Oh,

Speaker 3 do we have a website?

Speaker 1 Do we have a a web address? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 We're bringing a screen in. We got a whole moment.

Speaker 3 Maybe you can sell the jewelry in the lobby when Sean comes here to do that play.

Speaker 1 All right. You're coming here to do a play? I couldn't hear you guys.

Speaker 1 They couldn't either. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, I'm planning to do it. Anyway, who cares? So, no, but.
Speaking of jewelry, have you seen Sean's new jewelry line?

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Yeah, that's nice, right? And Andy.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Wow, that is weird.

Speaker 3 So, Andy, you're from here. When's the last time you were here?

Speaker 1 Do you ever jerk off in front of this?

Speaker 1 Answer him.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a natural, we were all thinking it.

Speaker 1 That's so gross. Wait,

Speaker 1 when is the last time you were here?

Speaker 1 In Chicago, Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 My daughter and I came out for Thanksgiving. Wait, but you didn't grow up.
I mean, you weren't born here.

Speaker 1 Everybody's out in the western suburbs now.

Speaker 1 Everybody, my family some my sisters and my sister and my brothers are here with their families and but where but where did you grow up uh i grew up in yorkville

Speaker 1 okay yorkville yeah

Speaker 1 uh it's kind of out by aurora

Speaker 4 it's all right it's okay

Speaker 1 yeah it's all right but i mean it's getting better you know

Speaker 1 that that it's it's uh that town they have a portillos that no i don't think they do have a portillos but they have a water park now which they didn't used to have oh man i bet it's nice right now and uh and at that town

Speaker 1 that town

Speaker 1 the one the two you know like uh probably most famous people out of yorkville are me and dennis hastert so uh wow yeah it's a mixed bag

Speaker 1 It's a mixed bag.

Speaker 3 You know, you say you were here at Thanksgiving. This will always be the iconic place for any sort of winter holiday because of the John Hughes films, for me.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 3 nothing says winter cozy holiday than Chicago and the suburbs of it. I just, I fantasize about that.
Because, you know, it's like 79 on Christmas in L.A. It's like you want to blow your brains out.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I know.

Speaker 1 It's 79 years old.

Speaker 3 No, no, seriously, it's depressing. To sweat on Christmas?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 These unbelievable coastal elites, right? I mean.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 I'm Canadian. You guys are from Chicago.
And then these guys with their, anyway, it's a bunch of BS.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're right, you're absolutely right. It doesn't matter.
When you grew up around, you know, growing up,

Speaker 1 you're one of the funniest people who I feel like really hasn't gotten that huge opportunity to kind of have your own thing. Yes, and very handsy, so every job I get, I usually

Speaker 1 mean though, Sean.

Speaker 1 You're the quickest, you're maybe one of the quickest people ever of all time. But that's like

Speaker 1 because of improv, right? Improv Olympics. Talk us through how you started that through

Speaker 1 Chicago. Well, I started out at University of Illinois and kind of

Speaker 1 Gola and I.

Speaker 1 And I started there and I went there for two years and then I decided to go to film school, so I transferred to Chicago to Columbia College. And

Speaker 1 I got the fun thing of after being out of the house for two years, got to move back home.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 What was the first big problem? Was it bringing a girl home?

Speaker 1 Was it your

Speaker 1 that wasn't that big of a problem?

Speaker 1 Dude, it should be. Dude, no.

Speaker 3 Did they find your bong?

Speaker 1 No, no. It's just my family, and they're here.
They'll attest. They're really annoying.

Speaker 1 Isn't it? One asshole after another.

Speaker 1 And, you know, and I mean, I'm pretty cool. Sure.
So, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The contrast is very stark.

Speaker 1 Did you go through Improv Olympic with anybody that you remained friends with? Yeah, actually, Kate Flannery, who played Meredith on the Office.

Speaker 1 She was in my first

Speaker 1 improv class, and I used to, and I've told her this since, but she used to, before each class, she'd be furiously writing in a journal, and I always read over her shoulder to see whatever she was writing.

Speaker 1 It was always guy trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you have any characters that you created there that you remember that you loved, or was there any kind of improv game that you loved that we could play

Speaker 1 right now that would be fun oh god

Speaker 1 okay really you want to i love bring out the hoops and make us jump i love that i love that shit i think it's so funny shining character right now

Speaker 1 name in the planet all right you're a space dentist go

Speaker 1 and then no i mean well because you wrote a lot there right yeah but well the the

Speaker 1 there's kind of like this macho i i was in improv olympic which is telclos you know, school of improv. Yeah, yeah.
And it's very, there we go. What event did you excel in?

Speaker 3 Huh? What event did you excel in?

Speaker 1 Being fucking funny. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, well, it was all long form. Like the idea was we would do this thing called a Herald, which is a long-form improv.
You get a suggestion, and then

Speaker 1 you fuck around for half an hour. You do different scenes.
JB, like they do it ask that. Yeah, yeah.
It's like kind of like asking.

Speaker 3 You want to ask the audience for a subject or a word.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, by the way, for Tracy, who's actually here backstage, but she's not coming out. She's not coming out.

Speaker 1 No, she's not.

Speaker 1 Tracy!

Speaker 1 Tracy!

Speaker 1 Tracy!

Speaker 1 Tracy!

Speaker 1 Tracy!

Speaker 1 Tracy!

Speaker 1 Way's coming! Way! She's coming! Way! Woo!

Speaker 3 Way! You get out here! Wade!

Speaker 3 She doesn't seem as dumb as Sean makes her sound.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, explain what ASCAT is, because it's such a great thing.

Speaker 1 Never mind. All right, so.
Well, no, ASCAT is, they know what it is. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you all know what long-form improv is. I mean, it's fucking Chicago for Christ.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you were here at that time. What an unbelievable time.
I mean, Chicago is basically the kind of the home of improv in America. And it's, and it's where,

Speaker 1 yeah, it is. And all the people that, certainly all the people that I look up to who are great comedic sketch performers and improvisers are all people who came out of, I was also jealous.

Speaker 1 Somebody asked me once why I'd ever did sketch, and I said I was too dumb to think about, I should go to Chicago and do that yeah yeah all these incredible people forget the the names are insane and oh yeah I mean well like Matt Walsh I mean I always like to say twice Emmy nominated Matt Walsh

Speaker 1 he likes it even more when you use it yeah yeah yeah TFA Steve Corell everybody like so many people yeah Amy Sederis was here Paul Danello Steve Corell.

Speaker 1 We will be right back.

Speaker 4 Today's episode is sponsored by Ashley. They don't just sell incredible furniture, they're also making an impact in vulnerable communities.
Here's a tough fact.

Speaker 4 Over 7 million kids are affected by the welfare system and over 368,000 are currently in foster care.

Speaker 4 So, together with Ashley and SiriusXM, we made a donation to four others, an organization working to end the child welfare crisis in America.

Speaker 4 You know, partnering with Ashley in our live show, first of all, they just made our set look really good. They made us really comfortable.

Speaker 4 And they kind of made us look legit because otherwise it would have been, you know, milk crates and, you know, cardboard boxes.

Speaker 4 And Ashley made it look like a real, kind of looked like a living room, made it really comfortable, made our guest, John Mayer, really comfortable. And then he thought that maybe we're professional.

Speaker 4 We're not just a bunch of clowns. To be honest, there was a point where I got so comfortable, I forgot that I was in front of an audience.

Speaker 4 I was sitting back on that nice Ashley couch and I was just hanging out with my buds in my living room.

Speaker 4 Anyway, Ashley offers timeless, well-crafted furniture with white glove delivery right to your door. Visit your local Ashley store or head to ashley.com to find your style.

Speaker 2 Life is full of choices like deciding whether to try that new food trend, which celebrity story to believe, or if the latest show is worth a stream or a skip.

Speaker 2 At State Farm, their goal is to help you make decisions that you feel good about. And when it comes to choosing choosing coverage, you can feel the same.

Speaker 2 The State Farm Personal Price Plan can help you create an affordable price when you choose to bundle home and auto insurance. You have options to choose from to help best fit your needs.

Speaker 2 It's about giving flexibility, offering coverage that makes sense, and supporting smart decisions for both today and tomorrow. So planning ahead feels easier and empowering.

Speaker 2 Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

Speaker 2 Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer.
Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

Speaker 2 This is an ad by BetterHelp. Have you ever had someone that you haven't reached out to in a long time and you're just like, you know what, just do it.

Speaker 2 I just did that recently and it was such a wonderful experience. We had a great lunch, a lot of catching up, and I'm so glad we did it.
It was great.

Speaker 2 As the seasons change, shorter days don't have to weigh you down. This season, BetterHelp encourages you to reach out, check in on friends, reconnect with loved ones, and remind them you're there.

Speaker 2 Just like it takes a little courage to send that text or grab coffee with someone you haven't seen in a while, reaching out for therapy can feel difficult too, but it can be worth it.

Speaker 2 It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp is one of the leading online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully qualified.

Speaker 2 BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. This month, don't wait to reach out.

Speaker 2 Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step.

Speaker 2 Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash smartless. That's betterhelp.com/slash smartlist.

Speaker 3 And now back to the show.

Speaker 1 Tell me about like writing, and did you enjoy that? And how did you then parlay that into the conversation?

Speaker 1 I was I'm a terrible at writing. I mean, I'm good and I and one of the reasons that I liked improv was because it was acting and writing all at once and I didn't get a chance to think about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when I sit down to write, I end up just like

Speaker 1 a kid that I, when I was a little kid, my mother put a desk in the basement facing a

Speaker 1 cement wall

Speaker 1 for absolute sensory deprivation to do my like third and fourth grade homework, which was so easy to do. And I would be like, oh my God, this will take 20 minutes.
Why are you down here for an hour?

Speaker 1 Come on, just try it. And I'd be like one question and go like, oh my God.

Speaker 1 It's like kryptonite homework. In front of a brick wall.
Yes.

Speaker 1 That's not so healthy.

Speaker 1 It was like because I just was so distracted. And then I just, you know, I just kind of like, my kids have ADD too.
And like, when they ask,

Speaker 1 the only advice I have to them is like, well, you just have to do the work. Like, there's no, there's no secrets.

Speaker 1 There's no, yeah, this whole life, my whole, living my whole life with not being able to get shit done, it's like, oh, yeah, right. Wait, do you have ADHD? You just do it.
You have ADD too.

Speaker 1 I do, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It seems like everybody's got ADD.

Speaker 3 So like, is it a thing? And how do you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm angry.

Speaker 3 How about it?

Speaker 1 It's just like a lot of shit boring. No, no,

Speaker 1 it's a real thing because there's a difference between. What's the ADHT? That's hyperactivity.
That's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Get a load of me disease.

Speaker 3 But how do you...

Speaker 1 Get a load of me disease.

Speaker 3 How do you check for it? Well, how do you diagnose it? Like, is there a test?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's educational psychologists that can diagnose it.

Speaker 3 And there's medication to treat it?

Speaker 1 Speed, baby.

Speaker 1 They give you speed to be able to do it. Well, I mean, that's what Riddling is.
Like,

Speaker 1 I actually was on ADD. What Adderall is, too? Yeah, Adderall.
It's all just speed. And

Speaker 1 I was on ADD meds for a while years ago, and then like, just because it

Speaker 1 raises your blood pressure and stuff, I started taking them. Right.
But

Speaker 1 I would get a generic of, and I don't remember, it was Adderall or one of them. But I would get the generic and the bottle just said amphetamine.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? And one time, yeah, like one time I was shooting something down in San Diego on a Marine base, and they're like, I have to go through your bag, and it's like, amphetamine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Those are for crushing and snorting.

Speaker 1 Yes. So then how did you and Conan meet and how did that happen?

Speaker 1 Well, there's...

Speaker 1 There's like some classified ads out in LA where

Speaker 1 lonely people.

Speaker 1 No, I

Speaker 1 was, you mentioned the Real Live Brady Bunch.

Speaker 1 That's what. For Tracy, if you're listening, or anybody who doesn't know, Real Life Brady Bunch was kind of like a sound.
An annoyance theater production here of Brady Bunch episodes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Annoyance Theater production. It was so fucking funny.
And by the way, Sean, sorry, I just love seeing you go like just so nonchalant. And by the way, Tracy, and you're just looking off wings.

Speaker 1 Are you listening? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wake up.

Speaker 3 What characters do you play in Real Life Brady Bunch?

Speaker 1 I played Mike Brady. I mean, but that was.
That's the dad, right? Yeah, that's the dad. Because, I mean, me and Robert Brady.
It's been a while. Fucking dead ringer.
No, wait.

Speaker 3 So it's Mike, Greg, Peter, Bobby, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Thank you.
Right, right. There you go.
That's really good. This is really good.
You're really stating off the melody. Quick or bright.

Speaker 1 Wait, so I have A to D. What did you say?

Speaker 1 I played Mike Brady, but that was.

Speaker 1 I was like the third or fourth Mike Brady. It was when it went from Chicago to New York.
The guy that was playing

Speaker 1 Mike Brady also worked at the Annoyance Theater, like had a, you know, his, he was like a salaried person there, so he couldn't go to New York.

Speaker 1 So I asked Joey Soloway, can I go along, you know, buy me a cheap wig? And all right, you know.

Speaker 3 So was it like that tight, curly wig?

Speaker 1 Oh, it was awful. It was seriously like a $17 wig that was like a bathing cap with hair on it, you know.

Speaker 3 I feel like I got a bit of a Carol Brady going right now.

Speaker 3 I need to cut.

Speaker 1 You need a slip. You need to hold that longer.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, Jane Lynch played Carol Brady in the show, and she had just like the shittiest, like little Carol Brady flip that had like a, just an elastic strap that she like hid under her bangs that she just would strap on.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 3 who played Alice and how was she?

Speaker 1 Mary Weissen, she was great. She was, she sort of originated the role here.
She's kind of like a more musical theater person.

Speaker 3 I would have played Tiger. That would have been.
Tiger, the dog.

Speaker 1 Wait, well, it was such a big thing that we all pitched in. You know, it was like, when I heard they were going to do it, I thought it was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 And then when I saw the first night of it, I don't know that I've ever laughed harder. Sean, you saw it.
Yeah, a long, long time ago. Yeah, yeah.
Because everybody in it was really talented.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 You met Conan there?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I did not.

Speaker 1 That

Speaker 3 see, you got to bring him back on track, guys.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right.

Speaker 1 You got to keep your eye on the prize

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 we went to New York and then the Brady Bunch moved to LA and I went to Brady I went to LA with the Brady Bunch and in the meantime Betty Cahill a Chicagoan

Speaker 1 who is a friend of mine that I went to Columbia College with she had she was on SNL and for a season and that summer she was in LA you point a lot and I point you point constantly yeah yeah yeah this it's my Bernie Sanders imitation

Speaker 1 And then we,

Speaker 1 no, we.

Speaker 3 She comes out to LA.

Speaker 1 She comes out to L.A. I hang out with her.
She's friends with Robert Smeigel. I meet Robert Smeigel.
Robert is going to be the head writer on Conan's show and says, do you want to meet Conan O'Brien?

Speaker 3 Did you know who Conan was at the time?

Speaker 3 Was Conan already on the air?

Speaker 1 I knew that he was the guy. He was a question at a time, bro.
I knew that. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 He had just done like a screen test kind of thing. And

Speaker 1 it was just announced, this guy who was a comedy writer on The Simpsons is going to be replacing David Letterman. I just heard about it like anybody else.

Speaker 1 And then like two days after it happened, I went to Jeff Garland was taping a pilot in LA

Speaker 1 where he played like a New York cop, like a lovable guy, which, you know, Garland as a cop is, of course, hilarious. He's absolutely a cop, sure.
Yeah, totally. The world's chattiest cop.

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 But I actually went to that with Kate Flannery, and we sat in front of Bob Odenkirk, who was there with Carol Leafer.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 totally, totally eavesdropped on them talking about Conan, because Bob is very good friends with Conan.

Speaker 1 And Bob, actually, Bob and his brother Bill, actually, in the beginning of late night, came out and wrote on the show for a couple of months.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, and Bob and Conan were roommates at one point, weren't they? Yes, here in Chicago.

Speaker 1 Yeah, during the right, they were working on SNL, and there was, during the writer's strike, they came here and they did a live show and they lived with Bob Smeigel. Bob Oden.
Oh, Bob Oden.

Speaker 1 Bob Smeigel was in that show, too. Robert Smeigel, Bob Odenkirk,

Speaker 1 Conan, Jeff Garland was here at that time, too. I think they stayed here.
Unbelievable. I mean, like, just heavy hitters.

Speaker 3 So, then, how did you get from meeting Conan there to becoming such a close friend with him and then becoming the co-host of the Conan O'Brien show?

Speaker 1 Look at at dude.

Speaker 1 They're like cheering on for you. They've come to match ADHD.

Speaker 3 We try to sit them in the front. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at him go

Speaker 1 asking questions like a big boy. What was the moment that you and Conan met?

Speaker 1 We arranged lunch in Los Angeles at Junior's Delicatessen. Oh, sure.
Junior.

Speaker 1 No longer there.

Speaker 1 I ordered food. Conan ordered a can of Coke.

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 1 because for me, it was someone was paying for lunch. So

Speaker 1 bring it on. And we just hit it off really well immediately.
We could be as stupid as we wanted with each other.

Speaker 3 Was it just to be friends or was there?

Speaker 1 I was just to get a job as a writer on the show. As a writer, you think it was a date?

Speaker 3 Well, I don't know. I mean, they're both handsome fellas.

Speaker 3 You know, that's a good thing.

Speaker 1 They were spoony in a booth.

Speaker 3 So because

Speaker 3 the notion of you being on the couch with Conan during that show all the time was never really part part of the plan, question mark?

Speaker 1 But I'm not supposed to. You know what? That rising intonation, I could tell.
Okay, good. You're not talking to Siri.
Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He does, by the way, he does do so much of dictating his texts while he's driving.

Speaker 1 So, and you know people who do this, but you'll be in a room, we'll be all in the room, we've been on the road now for like a week or whatever, and Jason will be in the corner and he'll be going, hey, honey,

Speaker 1 are you there, question mark? i'm just gonna dot dot dot dot dot dot call me back

Speaker 1 comma and and blah blah blah blah

Speaker 3 can't wait to see italics xo xo smiley face emoji heart emoji kiss emoji

Speaker 1 well who doesn't who doesn't

Speaker 1 but wait um so so i was i got hired as a writer right right and they there was like an implicit promise that there's you're gonna perform at some point too And then just as the show evolved and he started doing test shows in

Speaker 1 studios around he realized he wasn't enough. No, no.
Robert Smeigel. Robert Smeigel.
I mean, no, that's still a few years off.

Speaker 1 But he

Speaker 1 Robert Smeigel just went, go sit with him and keep him company.

Speaker 1 We'd worked enough together long enough to know like, oh yeah, that's something that needs to be done. Smeigel

Speaker 3 was the guy who did the little mouth thingy, cut into the face, right?

Speaker 1 Sanity TV fun house. Did you have a triumph the insult dog?

Speaker 3 Well, but he also was the guy with the mouth behind.

Speaker 1 Go on, Conan when they put the other mouth.

Speaker 1 What are they called those clutch cargoes?

Speaker 1 Was that his hand?

Speaker 3 Oh, no, I'm thinking of the in-laws.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Right? With Peter Faulkner.
That's Senior Wences.

Speaker 1 I'm so old, you guys.

Speaker 3 This is all starting to go.

Speaker 1 So, wait, I've always thought, you know, because obviously we love love Conan, he was on the tour with us already, he's amazing, but I always thought when I watched it, you know, every single kind of wisecrack you kind of cut in with or any, it was always fucking so funny.

Speaker 1 You just waited and you went, bam, like right in there. And I was like, he could have his own talk show.
Is there any kind of aspiration to do that? Because it seems like you could so seamlessly.

Speaker 3 Did you ever try to kill Conan?

Speaker 1 I never did try to kill him. And honestly, it was,

Speaker 1 it was,

Speaker 1 I was happy to have that position. I would not want, like, there was so much of just

Speaker 1 the time that I've spent being his TV wife.

Speaker 1 There was so much stuff that he had to deal with that he kind of likes dealing with and that I'm just like, leave me alone. Like, it's just, he has to have so many meanings and he has to know so many

Speaker 1 puky, you know, like executive types. And remember their name.

Speaker 1 I don't know anybody's name.

Speaker 1 You just want to do bits. I just want to, yeah, just, I want to show up.
I want to make television. I want to make funny stuff.
And I don't want to have a bunch of boring meetings. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The baby wants fun. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 And I'll bet you, both these guys would agree that anytime we were on that couch, the idea that you were right here the whole time was very comforting.

Speaker 1 Very, very comfortable.

Speaker 1 I loved it. I was smelling your hair.
Yeah. I mean, if that.
It's hard not to. Is that the comfort? It's the glue.
But it's mostly the glue. Again, you know, not unlike Chicago.

Speaker 1 You were at Conan at a time when you guys started doing that show, you really kind of once again broke the mold. Dave had done it with Letterman in the 80s, and then you guys redid it.

Speaker 1 You had amazing writers, most of whom were sketch performers, or a lot of them from Chicago. Yep.
Who came to the bottom? It was a real Chicago-Boston kind of split. It was unbelievable.

Speaker 1 And you guys did so many unbelievable sketches. You guys remember in the early 90s and late 90s, whatever, there were so many amazing moments being there at that time.
Was it excite every day?

Speaker 1 Were you like, fuck yeah, I'm so psyched to go in there and do these bits and work on this show? No.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 1 Good night.

Speaker 1 Good night. I mean, you know,

Speaker 1 it's like... What do you mean, no? You weren't? No, not every day.
I mean, you know, what am I?

Speaker 1 Juliana? Am I, you know,

Speaker 1 skipping to work in my shorts with a big log? Well, you need to learn to appreciate it.

Speaker 3 How heavy was the lift, though? I mean, like, you'd get in there, you guys would shoot, what, about five o'clock, right?

Speaker 1 No, no, in the beginning, it was, it was, it was brutal. So, you were on 47 weeks a year, five days a week.

Speaker 3 How long was the day for

Speaker 3 you? You'd get in at what time and leave at what time?

Speaker 1 10 a.m. and usually leave around midnight.
Really?

Speaker 1 In the beginning. Every day? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just because you're...

Speaker 3 14 hours.

Speaker 1 It's a one-hour shit. Write bits.
Write bits, produce bits. What is the staff for?

Speaker 1 Well, when I got hired, I was a writer. You know, I was on the show too.
And in the beginning,

Speaker 1 how tired he is thinking about it.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 if hey, portal to portal. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Who fed you your soup?

Speaker 3 On a one-hour show, though, you would think it would be a shorter day, but not every day.

Speaker 1 Hey, wait, wait. Can I just tell you something? This is really on brand for this.
And I just want to talk about what happened backstage today.

Speaker 1 Oh, hang on. Can I just tell you that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I just want to say: so, everywhere we go, we've been on tour for a week. And Andy, you're going to appreciate this because you've known Jason for a long time.
By the way, I drank out of that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't care.
And he's been super. And his mom's eyes gave me that too.

Speaker 1 Sorry, sir. So everywhere we go, we have the special water and almonds and popcorn.

Speaker 3 I didn't ask for any of it.

Speaker 1 So Jason starts going, it dawns on him, and I'm like, everywhere we go, where the popcorn and the almonds and the lemon water. And they're like, where is this coming from? And we find out.

Speaker 1 Well, that, look, I

Speaker 1 hate.

Speaker 3 But I said I said it dawned on me that like all my all my favorite things because we're all staying in the same hotel room. We thought it'd be fun and funny.
It's a fucking drag.

Speaker 1 Are you really?

Speaker 1 Are you really?

Speaker 1 We're all in the shit.

Speaker 1 It's great.

Speaker 3 But all my shit is in there. There's lemon perfect.
A great beverage.

Speaker 1 I highly recommend it.

Speaker 1 It is a great beverage. Almonds.

Speaker 3 Daddy likes almonds.

Speaker 3 There's a certain kind of candle that I do like a nice smelling candle.

Speaker 1 And by the way, by the way, and there's skinny pop. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 And skinny pop pop corn.

Speaker 1 Skinny pop. And

Speaker 1 every time I walk in, I go, skinny pop. Go ahead.
Okay.

Speaker 3 So, but I realized that whomever was tasked with getting this stuff in the hotel room, in the dressing room,

Speaker 3 must think I'm a fucking monster.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 1 finally, so.

Speaker 3 But the point is, I'm trying to find, but I'm trying to, because I never asked for it, I'm trying to track down.

Speaker 3 It must be one of my friends from back home that told whoever is arranging things here, oh, by the way, I just want to make sure they just say, don't make the mistake of not having X, Y, and Z.

Speaker 3 I hopefully it was like, oh, by the way, just if you've got something, you know, Jason happens to like such and such, and I think the guys like it too. It wasn't like that.

Speaker 1 It wasn't like that. No.
And the best part was Jason was like, how come there's nothing for you? You and Sean don't have everything. And I was able to, you know, when you get on the high road.

Speaker 1 and it's open. And you're able to be just super chill on the high road and you go, because we don't need anything.

Speaker 1 But wait, Andy. Andy, I want to get back.
I know, I know.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 I know, I know.

Speaker 1 So wait, sorry, I want to show you.

Speaker 1 Do you remember the time, the time that

Speaker 1 there was some kerfuffle about you in line at the Apple store? Oh, and you got. Do you all know about it?

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 clearly, they already know it.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. We talked about it.
That was so hilarious when I had. And I think I saw you like the day after, and you were like, I was not cutting the line.

Speaker 1 But wait a minute. I want to get back.
I want to get back to you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to get back to just a little bit about Chicago because Chicago...

Speaker 1 Hi, Sean. Hey, what's going on?

Speaker 1 And I want to get back to Chicago. And everybody knows there's so many great music and great bands and everything like that are from here.
Did you have anything like that growing up?

Speaker 1 Were you just anybody you loved or maybe somebody now or whatever? Because I love, I had, I was in a band called Sounds from the Stairs. Old for a lot

Speaker 1 for five years.

Speaker 1 What was Sounds from the Stairs? Oh, it's all keyboard again.

Speaker 1 But what was the significance of the name? None of your business.

Speaker 1 Wow. Sounds from the Stairs.

Speaker 3 It sounds like they started practicing in the basement of Mom's Hall.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what it was. It was.
That's exactly what it was. What kind of songs? Oh, just synth pop, you know.
Well, an example. Like we would do covers of The Cure and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, that sounds so cringy.

Speaker 3 Sean doing synth pop. Did you have a smoky eye?

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 Say hello to the all-new Alexa Plus and see how Alexa can do so much more for you. Need last-minute concert tickets? Craving your favorite restaurant? Just sit back, relax, and talk naturally.

Speaker 1 Alexa's on it. It remembers what you love, anticipates what you need, and makes it all happen.

Speaker 1 Whether you're using Echo, Fire TV, or any compatible device, Alexa Plus brings thousands of possibilities to life. Ready whenever inspiration strikes.
Amazon.com slash new Alexa.

Speaker 1 Nothing goes with football like Sonic's new pretzel bacon Sonic Smasher.

Speaker 2 Two hand smashed Angus beef patties, crispy bacon and onions, plus pub sauce, all on a buttery soft pretzel bun.

Speaker 2 It's perfect for watching beefy linemen, crispy corners, saucy receivers, and buttery smooth quarterbacks. Jeez, did they write this for me?

Speaker 2 And together with the original Sonic Smasher, they're forming a new dynasty of burgers. The pretzel bacon Sonic Smasher.
Try it for a limited time.

Speaker 2 Sonic!

Speaker 5 The family that vacations together stays together. At least, that was the plan.
Except now, the dastardly desk clerk is saying he can't confirm confirm your connecting rooms.

Speaker 1 Wait, what? That's right, ma'am. You have rooms 201 and 709.

Speaker 6 No, we cannot be five floors away from our kids.

Speaker 1 The doors have double locks, they'll be fine.

Speaker 5 When you want connecting rooms confirmed before you arrive, it matters where you stay.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Hilton.

Speaker 6 I see your connecting rooms are already confirmed.

Speaker 5 Hilton, for this day.

Speaker 2 And now, back to the show.

Speaker 1 So I would, I would be there, you know, like when you play keyboards in a band, you can't really like, you know, jam like you can a guitar because you can't jump because you miss the key.

Speaker 1 That's why they invented

Speaker 1 the key tar, right? But I only played synthetic, so I'd be like, I'd be jamming out, and then whenever it was my turn to play, I'd go.

Speaker 1 It was awful. Wow.
It was awesome. It's like the basics.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. That really says goth, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely. But what about you?

Speaker 1 Did you ever do that? Yeah, did I, was I in a band? No, I I was not.

Speaker 3 You got a nominated for best host.

Speaker 1 Oh, anybody that I love? Well,

Speaker 1 at the time when I was young here, like

Speaker 1 Smashing Pumpkins were still around, you know.

Speaker 1 Like that was the big band that everybody talked about. And then there was always, you know, lots of Wilco.
Blues, and Wilco, yeah, yeah. Wilco is.
Wilco is amazing.

Speaker 1 Well, it's so funny because we keep, we are, these guys turned me on to Wilco and I was reading about Jeff Tweedle and how incredible he is. Tweetwell, Tweedy.
I mean, Tweety. Tweety.
Tweedle.

Speaker 1 I think it's it. Tweety.
Hang on. Let me just finish.
Jeff Tweety, about how

Speaker 1 you're fired. Hang on.

Speaker 1 I just want to make sure we got that right.

Speaker 1 I was reading about Jeff Tweety.

Speaker 1 That is a perfect example of stuff that goes through the Sean Hayes filter. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was reading about Jeff Tweety and how amazing he is. And he's not only like a songwriter and a musician and a record producer and a a Grammy winner, he's also here in STEPTWEED!

Speaker 1 No!

Speaker 1 No!

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Wow!

Speaker 1 How's it going? This is a news!

Speaker 1 Hey, I know you!

Speaker 1 And I've never met you!

Speaker 1 Sit in the middle. All right.
Sit in the middle.

Speaker 1 Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 This guy's freight. He's freaking out right now.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Have you never met him?

Speaker 3 I met you on a tour bus, but I was not in a real good place to talk because

Speaker 3 I was a little starstruck like I am now.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Good lord.
It's so cool that you're here. Thank you.
Wait, aren't you in the middle of recording an album or something?

Speaker 1 We are. We're recording.
Yeah, Wolfo's recording in the studio. Yeah, on Instagram, I saw a photo of, I don't know if it's your basement or some room in the house.

Speaker 1 You have like hundreds of instruments in this room. And where is that in your house? And did you have that growing up? And your kids love that? Or what's that? Oh, no, no.

Speaker 1 We didn't have any instruments.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Were you facing a wall with a desk? Yeah,

Speaker 1 I had a desk in the basement. So that's like a Chicago thing.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You just put the kids in the basement against a wall. Lack of visual stimuli.
Oh, God. I have to say,

Speaker 1 I was asked to come out here last night. Yes.
And I was like, oh, that's exciting. I went to sleep and I dreamt that you were my best friend.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, good luck. A lot of people have had that dream.

Speaker 3 I have that dream every night.

Speaker 3 So in my dream, I get so excited about getting to do this

Speaker 3 that

Speaker 1 I go and tell you. Sure.

Speaker 1 And you start crying.

Speaker 1 Because I ruined the surprise of me being here for you because I forgot that you were on the show too because I was excited about meeting you. No!

Speaker 1 But you were really upset with me. That's what's very upsetting to hear even now as the dream.
Yeah, I was just like, I got asked to do this amazing thing. I'm going to be on this podcast with Jeff.

Speaker 1 And then what happens?

Speaker 3 Sean Hayes calls you Jeff Tweedle.

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah.

Speaker 3 How many times has that happened?

Speaker 1 I didn't hear that, but now I know.

Speaker 1 I rehearse my little bit with Andy, Randy, all day.

Speaker 1 All day, and I got your name wrong. That's all right.
Sorry. No, now, I read a recent interview of yours where I love this because I love talking about this.
I'm a musician as well.

Speaker 1 I studied piano for 20 years, but classical, not what you do.

Speaker 1 Stunning, by the way.

Speaker 1 And so I love what you said about creating music. Something about like your mind disappears, but you're also present at the same time, and that's when you become creative.

Speaker 1 Like, explain that, because I think that's fascinating, because I only got the disappearing part.

Speaker 1 Well, but that's helpful, isn't it? I mean, that's like, that's like, that's one of the, we all look for things to do that are,

Speaker 1 you know, a way to kind of transport ourselves outside of the burden of being in our bodies or be. Jason takes gummies for that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 But so you are, so you kind of have one foot in and one foot out?

Speaker 1 Oh, I just think that, you know, you just try and

Speaker 1 put yourself in the path of

Speaker 1 doing something creative

Speaker 1 and what I feel like I get out of it more than anything is these moments that just kind of go away without me having to like consciously try and kill time or be

Speaker 1 you know, thinking about something that I don't have control over or you know just like just but just

Speaker 1 I think a lot of like games, crossword puzzles, like those time sucks, a lot of things do that, But I think that there's something nice about having activities that you kind of come back from that experience with something that wasn't there before, like a writing or a song.

Speaker 1 I love that.

Speaker 3 Can I ask you?

Speaker 1 First of all, calm down. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, but, but I mean,

Speaker 1 but I would ask. So I let the robot speak.

Speaker 3 I would ask this to any musician as I would like a writer of like books or screenplays.

Speaker 3 I'm assuming when you write a screenplay or a book, you're writing, and then the next word kind of falls the next, and how should the story go? And it just kind of falls out in a natural progression.

Speaker 3 Is it the same way when you're strumming and you're kind of trying to come up with a new song and you find a good rhythm, and then just naturally, because you have great taste, oh, this chord would sound good after that, and by the end of a few minutes, you've got yourself a song?

Speaker 3 Is it that easy?

Speaker 1 Or say what to that?

Speaker 1 Question mark.

Speaker 3 Question mark?

Speaker 1 That can happen, but

Speaker 1 that's not normally how it happens.

Speaker 3 Why? Is it normally like there's a certain structure, a certain chord has to follow another sharp thing?

Speaker 1 Is it like a recipe? Oh, you do. Well, you listen.
You listen. It's so logical.
I love it. I love you so much.

Speaker 1 And I'm playing for you.

Speaker 1 How?

Speaker 1 How does music? Yeah,

Speaker 1 how does music?

Speaker 1 It's like math equations. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know. Sounds arranged.
No.

Speaker 1 Not compute.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Not compute.

Speaker 3 I'm not no

Speaker 1 processing.

Speaker 3 See, I've got a battery packet everywhere.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Help me, Chief. I can help you.
I can help you.

Speaker 1 You improvise.

Speaker 1 conversation all the time because you have a vocabulary and you learn a vocabulary and you learn certain phrases and things that you like and you express yourself and you you tend to repeat some of those things because you know they're effective and how they you know you're able to communicate when you use those it's no different with music there are certain building blocks of the vocabulary that you get from your record collection and from things that you like and things you care about and other songs that you've written and eventually it does become sort of conversant in a way that you can construct a sentence or a story out of whole cloth just by sitting down and saying I wonder what would happen next.

Speaker 1 But the most fun part about doing it is the discovery for yourself, you know, that

Speaker 1 you don't really know where it's going to go, and that's the, I don't know, that's

Speaker 1 my favorite part of it. Isn't that a rad answer? Aren't you glad I asked that dumb question?

Speaker 1 No, it's a good question, too. And Andy, yeah, you guys are making fun of him.
He's the only one that cares.

Speaker 1 He's doing it for the fun of it, just for the sport. But Andy,

Speaker 1 you get that, right? I mean, that's what improv comedy is about, too. That's a similar language in that way.
Yes, definitely.

Speaker 1 And you do, especially when you're doing improv, like you learn little tricks or little rules that they're not like the things,

Speaker 1 you know, discoveries pop in. Like, I remember when I was doing improv

Speaker 1 on a regular, you know, like whatever, eight shows a week or something, there were times where we'd be on stage and there would be things coming out of my mouth that I didn't know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like it just felt like autopilot and like, holy shit, I'm good at this, you know.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so, but it doesn't happen now.

Speaker 1 But, but it, it is, it's, you, you learn tricks to kind of just keep the ball in the air until you like have that real moment of inspiration, that, you know, like the really new thing, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jeff, can I switch gears?

Speaker 1 Is your son, Spencer, still

Speaker 1 playing drums? He is, yeah.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 my other son, Sammy, is singing with me. No way.
Yeah, not in Wilco, but we make records. My solo records are mostly with my kids.

Speaker 1 It's incredible.

Speaker 1 We came, do you remember years ago we came to see you at Madison Square Garden and I was with Fred Armison and Amy and we went in there and then these guys go on and Wilco go on and then Jeff welcomes his son and Spencer was like 12 at the time maybe?

Speaker 1 I think it was his 13th birthday. It was.
It was his 13th birthday. That's right.
That's what he just said. And he got up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what he just said.

Speaker 1 He just said it just now. Yeah, he said it.
Holy shit. Yeah.
I don't know how you do it, Willie.

Speaker 1 But here he goes on. He's 13, and he plays with you guys at Madison Square Garden.
Oh, cool.

Speaker 3 Was he cool with it or was he nervous?

Speaker 1 He was pretty nervous, but he was cooler than I would have been, for sure.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you don't know fear.

Speaker 1 You're cooler than I was, actually, on stage, looking at him like I'm forgetting the lyrics, you know, because I'm so worried about him.

Speaker 3 Yeah, do you commonly get anxious in front of a large audience?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I'm here all the time.

Speaker 3 I know what, and

Speaker 3 I mean, Andy, as well, like, I'm sure you guys have had, like, we also have had probably moments where you have a performance, whether it's live or on camera, that you're totally relaxed.

Speaker 3 And you might think it's not that great, and it probably isn't, but I do my best work with the night. I got a healthy level of anxiousness or nerves.

Speaker 3 Do you like to find that place?

Speaker 1 I mean, not really.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'd rather just be totally.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 for this, you know, bullshitting, being funny while bullshitting,

Speaker 1 it's much better to just be free and loosey-goosey and not, you know, because

Speaker 1 it shuts me down. Being nervous shuts me down.

Speaker 3 It doesn't give you that little bit more energy that you might have for.

Speaker 1 I just don't work that way. That's just not with.

Speaker 1 What would make you nervous?

Speaker 1 A glass eye. Real answer.
No.

Speaker 1 A

Speaker 1 i hope not no like well like if i had to like sing yeah

Speaker 1 you know or do something like that

Speaker 1 it will

Speaker 3 just do the national anthem huh just do the national anthem

Speaker 1 oh sick no i'm not gonna um but i i still get nervous when i do improv now because i have yeah because and because for years too even after like after i was a grown-up uh and i was doing you know grown-up improv i mostly would just do monologue stuff because a lot of the long-form improv will have a guest monologist, especially the UCB ASCAT version, has somebody come and tell monologues and then the people improvise based off of that.

Speaker 1 So I would do that a lot. And I'm very used to just sitting and being myself

Speaker 1 in a venue kind of thing. But to actually have to do improv is now scary to me because it's a different, you know, it's like I don't do it all the time.

Speaker 1 And it's time we say, people will ask me, like, do you want to come to our improv show? And I always say, like, I don't want to leave the house to get nervous.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 What about you, Jeff? What makes you nervous? Well,

Speaker 1 I think it's good to not be too relaxed. I think it means you care, you know, like when you're a little bit nervous.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I feel confident and nervous most of the time.

Speaker 1 Would you feel confident and or nervous to sing us a song right now? Wait, what?

Speaker 1 We can't pay for that. I didn't bring a guitar.
And yeah, you didn't pay for that. No, wait, you didn't.

Speaker 1 I haven't signed the release yet. Oh!

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 No!

Speaker 1 Oh, my goodness. Is that your son? That's Sammy.
That is Sammy.

Speaker 1 Hey, Damny.

Speaker 1 This is so wild.

Speaker 1 Rep in the local head shop that just went under. Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Do they need someone to buy a large order of things? I'm brought my wallet.

Speaker 1 A large order of things.

Speaker 1 You know, I was going to say... I can sit closer to you while you're talking about it.

Speaker 1 I was going to say the thing that I've learned to get used to on stage

Speaker 1 over the years is

Speaker 1 early on and for a long time, I think you have an evolutionary

Speaker 1 ability to pick out danger that comes from being on the savannah or something.

Speaker 1 so I've had to teach myself how to ignore the guy yawning

Speaker 1 or like you're like you're like you can stand everybody can be having a great time and I will find you right I will find the person looking at their phone

Speaker 1 that unlaughing motherfucker I stare at him

Speaker 1 like I could see it through the mask too.

Speaker 1 I spent 20 years going, what the fuck is wrong with that guy? I know, I know, I know, I told you. And I finally just went, oh, this person is delightful.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I did a one-man show on Broadway called An Act of God, an opening night.

Speaker 1 And you guys didn't see it. Fuck off.

Speaker 1 I did.

Speaker 3 I did.

Speaker 1 She saw it. Don't tell her what she did or didn't.

Speaker 3 You and me, that's it.

Speaker 1 And it's a 90-minute monologue. It was impossible to memorize.
I did it, blah, blah, blah. And an opening night, it was so great.
Everybody was laughing. I just focused on one person.

Speaker 1 Not into it not into it

Speaker 1 he didn't like it

Speaker 1 but you know what though i mean it's very not to open up a larger discussion because you're gonna play but it is very natural i think that we do that as humans we can have 95 of our life going really really well and five percent doesn't work and there's always gonna be five percent

Speaker 1 and we focus on that and it's taken me i'm gonna be 52 improbably

Speaker 1 I agree. I don't believe you.
I mean, good God, look at that. Why? Why, Andy? Go on.
Wow.

Speaker 1 But it's taken me this long. It was only been within the last couple of years that I realized that, like, yeah, I'm so stupid for focusing on that shit.

Speaker 1 Why wouldn't I focus on all the stuff that you're doing?

Speaker 1 Twitter is based on it. Yeah.
I think Twitter is based on that.

Speaker 1 It's true. It's true.

Speaker 1 Reality. All right.
All right.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 1 I'm an American aquarium drinker

Speaker 1 I assassin down the Avenue

Speaker 1 I'm hiding out in the big city blinking What was I thinking when I let go of you?

Speaker 1 Let's forget about the tone tiding

Speaker 1 Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers This is not a joke, so please stop smiling

Speaker 1 What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?

Speaker 3 Wish I knew how to play drunk

Speaker 1 baby hold on tight you were so right when you said i've been drinking

Speaker 1 what was i thinking when we said goodnight

Speaker 1 that is so

Speaker 1 cool wow so cool

Speaker 1 wow

Speaker 3 thank you guys amazing

Speaker 1 um i I think

Speaker 1 what I think, what I think is so incredible is how many, this is what I think about all the time with you guys you successful musicians like you you have so many songs in your head that at any moment you just call upon them and you know you know them you must have hundreds of songs in your head I do actually yeah I do it's it's and I'll bet you probably well you tell me is it is it do you remember the lyrics as you get to that point in the song because the because

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry

Speaker 3 doing it this is me doing it right now Will this is I just, well,

Speaker 1 like, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Jason, imagine Jason's brain is like an abacus inside. And it's just moving pieces of things.
Well,

Speaker 3 but like

Speaker 3 for an actor, like when you're about to go out and do a play, you can't remember all your lines right then, but when you get to the fridge, it's that line, hey, who stole my Coke?

Speaker 3 You know, like it comes to you because of the blocking.

Speaker 1 I love that you're thinking, you say fridge, you actually are thinking about the model home rest Russian development.

Speaker 3 Right. But I'm just saying, there are certain things that will jar the next line based on where you are in the middle of the day.

Speaker 1 So you can't remember all of the lines at once.

Speaker 3 Again, another smart question.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there's a story.

Speaker 1 I think Phil Oaks was,

Speaker 1 I think he had to do some sort of testimony in court one time, and they were...

Speaker 1 grilling him about his anti-American lyrics or something like that and he couldn't remember them and so they had to go get him a guitar.

Speaker 1 Oh wow.

Speaker 1 See? It might be total bullshit. I've heard that, though.
I think

Speaker 1 I went on tour with Kenny Rogers. I was a Christmas elf.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I loved Kenny. I grew up listening to his songs, but he would forget the lyrics sometimes on stage, and he would just point the mic in front of the audience.

Speaker 1 And they would just, you got to know when to

Speaker 1 show when.

Speaker 1 Right, exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 But anyway, yeah.

Speaker 3 And you played, did you play an elf in this Christmas?

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's hard to do when you've got a guitar

Speaker 1 around your neck.

Speaker 1 Jeff, you don't know the gambler, do you by any chance?

Speaker 1 No, no. Okay.

Speaker 3 I don't think we can afford that either. You're right.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Jeffrey,

Speaker 1 I can't tell you how excited we are and Jason and Will are and they are that you're here. And Andy.

Speaker 1 I've known Andy. I've met Andy many more times than all of you guys.

Speaker 1 Wait, do you guys know each other? Yeah. Well, yeah, just from over the years, yeah, from him being on the show a million times.

Speaker 1 Conan was our first ever performance in Uncle Tupelo, from our first ever film performance. Yeah, I mean, oh, Uncle Tuplo, man.
And

Speaker 1 your stage director said,

Speaker 1 there's three million people watching. Don't fuck it up.

Speaker 1 That's a recipe for success.

Speaker 1 I want to tell you, last year we would have killed for that number.

Speaker 1 I was wondering how accurate. Oh, boy.
Yeah, yeah. No, they just, the numbers keep going down.
down.

Speaker 1 But Jeff Tweety, thank you for being here.

Speaker 1 Cruz, I don't want to take a lot of your time. Andy Richter, thank you for being here.
Hang on. Yes, sir.
Thank you. And Ricardo, Jeff Tweety.
This is amazing. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, great. I'm allowed to be here.
Come see us play. Come to the YHF shows.

Speaker 1 Sean.

Speaker 1 Sean, are you kidding? He played a song while we were on

Speaker 1 the side. I'm assuming my face was just staring at him like an idiot.
It's closed.

Speaker 3 You guys got two guests.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 1 I'm still a little rocked by the whole experience, to be honest. Yeah, Andy Richter, I mean, he's one of my favorite people, one of the kindest, nicest.
I love him.

Speaker 1 So, and Andy, we didn't even get it. Andy, the three of us used to play cards a lot back in the day with Andy.

Speaker 1 A lot, a lot. Yeah, a lot.
Like at the problem. Like his problem.
And

Speaker 1 Andy was always the funniest guy at the table, always. And he would, I remember one time we had a bunch of snacks at my old place in Venice, and he came down the stairs.

Speaker 1 Somebody had brought some fudge. And Andy comes down the stairs and he's got fudge all over his mouth.
And he comes down and he goes, I learned from the fudge, but somebody must have eaten it.

Speaker 1 And it was the funniest, the stupidest bit. I love stupid bits.
Well, the only only thing, the only thing that I wish Jeff could have stayed to play, maybe if we had more time,

Speaker 1 is a sweeter song, you know, maybe like

Speaker 1 a lulla.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 Smart

Speaker 1 Less

Speaker 1 Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbico.

Speaker 4 Smart Less

Speaker 1 Holiday burnout is real.

Speaker 7 From delayed flights to unexpected guests and all the cooking and wrapping in between.

Speaker 7 That's why Coop Sleep Goods curated a gift guide, and everything is 25% off for a limited time.

Speaker 7 The guide is packed with award-winning pillows, best-selling Supersoft sheets, and cooling pillows for the hot sleepers in your life.

Speaker 7 Shop effortlessly this year by skipping the guesswork and wrapping a thoughtful gift they'll actually use every night.

Speaker 7 And don't forget, you deserve better sleep too, so go ahead and add an extra pillow or sheet set for yourself.

Speaker 1 Everyone needs a good night's rest, so you can't go wrong with a gift from Coop.

Speaker 7 Visit coopsleepgoods.com slash comedy to get 25% off their gift guide picks. That's COOP SleepGoods.com slash comedy.

Speaker 2 You know those moments when you're trying to work through a complex problem and you can't stop until you've found the answer?

Speaker 2 That's where Claude comes in, the AI for minds that don't stop at good enough.

Speaker 2 Whether you're planning something big, researching a topic you're curious about, or just trying to work through a problem, Claude matches your level of curiosity.

Speaker 2 Try Claude for free at claude.ai/slash smartless and see why the world's best problem solvers choose Claude as their thinking partner.