"Andy Richter: LIVE in Chicago”

Listen to The Unusual Suspects with Kenya Barris and Malcolm Gladwell, a new podcast on Audible. Kenya Barris and Malcolm Gladwell joined forces to interview luminaries of entertainment, sports, business, politics, and more to learn about their paths to success.
These deep yet casual conversations reveal unexpected stories that may just change the way you think. Featured guests include our friend Jimmy Kimmel, the longest-running late-night TV host.
Isn't that interesting? David Chang, who is on our show, who's fantastic. He's the renowned chef and founder of the Momofuku Restaurant Group.
Listen to The Unusual Suspects with Kenya Barris and Malcolm Gladwell on Audible now. Go to audible.com slash unusual suspects.
While Hilton is always expected to have top-notch service, you'd be surprised at the unexpected places they're offering it now. They've partnered with AutoCamp, which offers insanely cool airstreams in iconic outdoor destinations.
Hilton also has an exclusive partnership with small luxury hotels of the world, providing Hilton Honors members access to luxury boutique hotels across the globe. And they've added romantic and refined nomad hotels and graduate hotels in your favorite college towns to their portfolio.
Explore all the new ways to stay with those Hilton Honors points you've been saving at Hilton.com. Hilton cut without the hassle.
No appointments, no stress, just a fresh cut and a place made for you. So shake off the winter scruff and step into spring-looking fresh because they got you covered.
Sport Clips. It's a game-changer.
We gotta make some kind of an announcement.

Yeah, so like they have no, they can't use cell phones.

Right, they can't use cell phones.

We're sorry that we're running late.

Yeah, but they should know that it's us making the announcement.

So we're making the announcement.

So no, somebody doing like an accent or something like that.

Okay, so please no flash photographers.

No, no, no, no, but in an accent though, but in an accent.

Wait, tell them to turn on your mic.

Can you turn on Sean's mic? Yeah, let's get Sean's mic. Okay, here we go.
Welcome to Chicago. He just told me your mic's on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, so, Sean, well, you're from here, so Sean, use it.
Here we go, Sean, you got it. So in an accent? Yeah, an accent, so they don't think it's you.
Okay, so. Any accent.
Welcome to Chicago.

Something like that.

Yeah, and then what else are you going to tell?

And then no flash photography.

Right, and what else?

And put your fucking cell phones away.

Yeah.

I think I can hear an echo,

like you might already be on. Oh, our mics are on?

Well, then, you know what we have to say.

Uh-oh.

Welcome to SmartLens!

SmartLess! Hello Chicago! Welcome to Chicago! Oh, man. This is so cool.
You know, you hear the music, you get all pumped up. Take a seat, take a seat.
Oh, please, sit. Oh, my goodness.
Wait, can we see, I want to see the house light. Yes.
Can we see the house light for one second? We want to see everybody. Yeah.
Oh. Woo.
What were you thinking? By the way, thank you. Wow.
Thank you for wanting to, thank you for wanting to meet us because we wanted to meet you, so we did this tour. Why would you do this? Oh, wow.
As Will might say, you've made a horrible mistake. Yeah.
That's not the line, but fine. Terrible, terrible.
No, not the line either. Huge, huge.
Huge mistake. Okay.
Got it. For those of you who might not know or even care, I'm actually from here.
Wow. So, I have like, I have like a zillion stories of how this place shaped me.
Okay. Give them profile.
Oh. We literally just ate portillos.
I'm not kidding. Yeah.
We did. We did.
It was a real mistake. I've chewed five gas X in the last two minutes.
By the way, also a true story. Yeah.
Because I had a coffee on top of it. It's just, it's a bad science experiment.

Anyway, thank you for being here and coming out tonight.

It means the world to us, and we're going to sit down now.

Yeah.

Oh, I got to get my...

You guys.

You guys.

This is so cool.

Now, let me, this is your guest tonight.

Are you relaxed?

Yes, but I will be burping for Tullis throughout the night. Do you want me to throw up some of my gas ex in your mouth? Yeah, no, gross, gross.
And by the way, Sean thought it would be a good idea for all of us to have, like, these beef sandwiches and chocolate cake shake. Chocolate cake shake.
Before the show, you know, and Jason, who hasn't had anything but a salad for the last, you know, four and a half years, it's tough on your system. I might need a stitch later.
Oh, no. Wow.
Your stomach's like, what is this coming at me? Right. Wait, so I want to share a couple stories from my childhood since i grew up here um i can't remember how much of my mom's eye i told you about yeah um so i know this is gonna be so i'll forgive me if you've heard this but i don't think i've said this before on the podcast but um so this sums up my mom in like one quick story she was the greatest mom ever I love her so much.
She's since passed away. Sure, death.
Clap for death. And she had a really dark sense of humor.
So at two years old, she had cancer. So she had one of her eyes taken out.
And she, you know, growing up, she had to keep resizing the eye. I'm not laughing at cancer or anything.

I'm laughing because my family, we would laugh because otherwise you'd cry.

So we made fun of it and she would make fun of it and whatever.

But hang on a second.

What happens if you do not stay current with resizing the eye?

Great question.

Great question.

Will it fall out with a sudden move?

No.

Well, your face would grow as you grow, but the eye would stay tiny.

Right.

So it might fall out if you do not resize it.

Thank you. fall out with a sudden move.
No, well, your face would grow as you grow, but the eye would stay tiny. Right, so it might fall out if you do not resize it.
Right, so as she grew older and then she had the five kids, and my dad left, you know all that story, when I was five, and then my mom raised all five. No, they remember all these hilarious stories.
And he didn't really leave. He put it in drive and punched it.
I think is what it was. It was a tire screech, right? So I also have a masturbation story that I want to get to.
Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But anyway, so. By the way, tonight on a very special smart list.
What the hell? Okay, so my mom then, so she raised five kids by herself. And then to kind of give back when I had some extra money and I became a tiny bit successful, I was like, Mom, I want to buy the house from you that we grew up in and the one next to it and the other side, knock all three down and build you a house.
And that's what I did, which was fantastic. She deserved it, right? And so tore our entire family apart.
But anyway, so... I love how much joy you get out of your own pain.
If you don't laugh, you'll cry. So this sums up my mom.
So I put her in a condo while the house was being built, and then I wanted to do a big reveal reveal right and so the house is being built it took like a year and a half and I furnished the whole like all new furniture like silverware and like art on the walls and sheets like the whole thing was just turnkey and so she I had that big move that bus moment right and so she right so she came in so we're all there the whole family's there behind door. And she comes in the door, and she immediately starts, she cries her eye out.
And she is like, she's like, oh, my God, this is incredible. There was only one dry eye in the house.
And it wasn't real. So, okay, so anyway.
So then she walks in. She walks in.
She's crying her eye anyway so then she walks in she walks in she's crying around and she walks in and she goes she's touching everything she's like oh my god nobody's ever done anything like this for me my entire life i don't know that i would have picked out that couch and uh and that's my Mom. Yeah.
Oh. Yeah.

And.

Oh, my God.

My sister.

You better get on your knee if you're going to propose to me.

If that's not her eye.

No, no.

That's my sister.

My sister brought that gift for you guys today.

Is that it?

If that's her eye.

Is it an eye?

Oh, my God.

Please let it be the eye.

Oh.

Oh.

It's just glass.

Thank you. If that's her eye, is it an eye? Oh, my God.
Please let it be the eye. Oh, my God.
It's right. It's right.
You can't see this, but it's an eye. Yeah.
Is that? That's my mom's eye. Is this really your mom's eye? Yes.
That's my mom's eye. Sorry.
I brought it back to Chicago. Oh.
Wow. So she's going to keep an eye on us for the show.
Wow. Isn't that nice? Oh.
I'm curious. There is no odor whatsoever.
It's a pretty. It's a very pretty eye.
She looks like when she got fitted for this, she may have been a little stoned or just finished a long lap in a pool. Well, not my mom.
No, mm-mm. Anyway, that's rad.
That's so good. Let's make sure we remember where that is.
All right. I'm surprised it's not a ball.
Well, it's an eye. I know, but aren't our eyes, like, round? Like, what did that...
It's just like a cap. What would it stick to, I wonder? Well, should it have, like...
I don't know. But, you know, there was a little...
It'd be, like, muscle and stuff. It's not like a...
Maybe it was, like, a ping-pong, and then they put that on top of the ping-pong ball. No, no, no.
There was a little tiny... I'm not even there's a little...
It'd be like muscle and stuff. It's not like a...
Maybe it was like a ping pong, and then they put that on top of the ping pong.

No, no, no.

There was a little tiny...

I'm not even kidding.

A little tiny plunger suction cup,

and then she'd go...

and pull it out to clean it.

So she would take it out and clean it?

Yes.

Hang on a second.

And then wait.

Of course.

And then when she would go out bowling on Thursdays,

I said this on the podcast,

we would have friends come over and knock on the door,

and there was a chain,

and we'd open the door with the eye, and we'd go, who's there? Like that inside the door. Oh.
Okay. I want to meet your, did you say you wish you'd met his mom? I second that.
I wish I would have met your mom. I did.
I sat in the car today. We were driving in from the airport and I said, or maybe it was on the car, on the plane, and I, I really wish that I'd met your mom.
She would have loved you guys. We would have loved her, because we love you more than anybody.
She was the best. She was the best.
Yeah. All right.
So... Isn't Sean Hayes the greatest? Come on.
Let's get up. Come on.
Everybody up. Everybody up.
The best. That was very sweet.
What did I say today? You make me, what did I say? I said something remarkably nice and I- On the plane, you did. It was really sweet.
Well, we'll remember later. It was so sweet you forgot it.
So, for my guest tonight, guys, this is exciting. Right.
I forgot. Yeah, yeah.
I wanted to get someone who has some Chicago roots and who is a friend to us three, right? Really? Wait, we know this person. You know this person.
This fellow went to University of Illinois and Columbia College. You might know it as soon as I said it.

He was in the original cast of the real-life Brady Bunch back in the 90s, which was one of the funniest things I ever saw.

He has since appeared in parts alongside

Will Ferrell and Elf, Talladega Nights,

and even appeared in one of my all-time favorite TV shows

that had his name in the title.

Who?

Now, he may not have had his own talk show

with his own name in the title yet,

but he's the biggest reason Conan O'Brien did.

It's Andy Richter!

No!

No!

No!

Andy!

Hi.

Hi, buddy.

No!

This guy is out.

Andy Richter.

How are you?

Hi.

Hi, Valley.

Hello, hello. Hi, everybody.
Andy Richter. Hi, buddy.
How are you? Hi. Good to see you.
Good to see you, too. Hello, hello, hello.
Hi, everybody. Andy Richter.
How are you? I was just, I was talking about him, right? By the way, all we do is talk about you. That's true.
I was like, oh, I got to keep it in, I got to keep it in. And today, Andy tweeted out, and I read it to Sean when we landed here.
Andy tweeted out, he said, does anybody know a watch that's appropriate for fisting because I'm trying to make summer plans? And I thought, well, that's a great tweet. Yeah, I mean, I'm traveling.
It makes me think of traveling. I'm thinking this summer, what can I do with myself? Sure.
Single now, so sure. Sure.
Solomon Giorgio, who's a really funny stand-up, said which hand are you going to be using? I said, probably the left because I want to keep the right free for the TV remote. Sure.
Sure. Wow.
Always multitasking. No, I know.
You might want to hang out around Belmont after this,

but anyway.

How nice of you to come out here and join us. I was thrilled to be asked.

Yeah, yeah.

This is so exciting.

Sean asked, and I was really,

I was actually kind of lucky,

because I was like, I forgot,

you know, like, I've listened to this podcast.

I'm sorry.

Sorry about that.

No, it's okay.

It's okay.

You can do double speed, you know. I'm unemployed, so I have a lot of time on my hands.
But, no, I really was like, after you asked me, I, like, was about to text, like, hey, guys, I'm going to. And I was like, oh, no, idiot.
It's supposed to be a fucking surprise. Yeah.
All right. But did Smarty Pants tell you it's a surprise? Like, did he help you? Yes, he did.
Okay, good. He did.

Not in the initial text.

No, and then I forgot.

I was like, oh, gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right, and then you said, you sent the funniest text back.

I wish I had my phone.

I said, hey, if you want to chat about anything, like, beforehand.

And you're like, oh, I can't wait to read some of my poetry.

I said, yeah.

You said, you know, you want to know a little bit about what we'll talk about.

And I said, well, first, I'm only talking about my poetry.

This crowd loves it.

Yep.

And secondly, I need at least 10 minutes to promote my new 24-year-old girlfriend, Leilani's vegan jewelry.

Oh, good.

Do we have a website on that?

A web address?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We're bringing a screen in.

We've got a whole multiple.

Maybe you can sell the jewelry in the lobby when Sean comes here to do that play. All yeah.
We're bringing a screen in. We're going to have we got a whole lot of Maybe you can sell

the jewelry in the lobby

when Sean comes here

to do that play.

All right.

You're coming here

to do a play?

I couldn't hear you.

What's the name of it?

They couldn't either.

Yeah.

No, yeah.

I'm planning to do a play.

Anyway, who cares?

So, no, but...

Speaking of jewelry,

have you seen

Sean's new jewelry line?

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it's nice, right?

Randy.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wow, that is weird.

So, Andy, you're from here.

When's the last time you were here?

Do you ever jerk off in front of this?

Answer him.

I mean, it's a natural.

We were all thinking it.

So gross.

Wait, when is the last time you were here?

In Chicago, Thanksgiving.

My daughter and I came out for Thanksgiving.

Wait, but you didn't grow up, I mean, you weren't born here.

Everybody's out in the western suburbs now.

My sister and my brothers are here with their families.

But where did you grow up? I grew up in Yorkville. Oh, okay.
Yorkville, yeah. It's kind of out by Aurora.
Is it all right? It's all right? It's okay. Yeah, it's all right.
I mean, it's getting better, you know. They have a Portillo's? No, I don't think they do have a Portillo's, but they have a water park now, which they didn't used to have.
Oh, man, I bet it's nice right now. And that town, the two probably most famous people out of Yorkville are me and Dennis Hastert.
Wow. Yeah, it's a mixed bag.
Great company a mixed bag. You know, you say you were here at Thanksgiving.
This will always be the iconic place for any sort of winter holiday because of the John Hughes films for me. Like there, nothing says winter cozy holiday than Chicago and the suburbs of it.
I just, I fantasize about that. Cause you know, it's like 79 on Christmas in LA.
It's like you want to blow your brains out.

Yeah, I know.

It's 79 years old.

No, seriously, it's depressing.

To sweat on Christmas?

No.

No.

These unbelievable coastal elites, right?

I mean...

You know, I'm Canadian,

and you guys are from Chicago, and then these guys with their... Anyway, it's a bunch of BS.
No, you're right. You're absolutely right.
It does suck. When you grew up, you know, growing up, you're one of the funniest people who I feel like really hasn't gotten that huge opportunity to kind of have your own thing.
Yes. I'm very handsy, so every job I get, I usually get kicked out.

I know what you mean, though, Sean.

You're the quickest.

You're maybe one of the quickest people ever of all time.

But that's like because of improv, right?

Improv Olympics.

Right, right.

Talk us through how you started that through Chicago.

Well, I started out at University of Illinois and kind of...

Go, Elinai. And I started there, and I Illinois and kind of...
Go Illini.

And I started there, and I went there for two years,

and then I decided to go to film school,

so I transferred to Chicago to Columbia College,

and I got the fun thing of,

after being out of the house for two years,

got to move back home.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah.

What was the first big problem?

Was it bringing you girl home? Was it your- That wasn't that big of a problem. Dude.
It should be. Dude.
No. Did they find your bong? No, no.
It's just my family, and they're here. they'll attest, they're really annoying.
One asshole after another. And, you know, and I mean, I'm pretty cool.
Sure, yeah, yeah. The contrast is very stark.
Did you go through ImprovOlympic with anybody that you remained friends with? Yeah, actually, Kate Flannery, who played Meredith on The Office. Yep.
She was in my first improv class, and I've told her this since, but she used to, before each class, she'd be furiously writing in a journal, and I always read over her shoulder to see whatever she was writing. It was always guy trouble.
Yeah, yeah. Do you have any characters that you created there that you remember that you loved,

or was there any kind of improv game that you loved

that we could play right now?

Oh, shit.

Oh, God.

Boy, really?

You want to bring out the hoops and make us jump through them?

I love that.

I love that shit.

I think it's so fun.

Give Sean a character right now.

Name and a player. All right, you're a space dentist.
Go. And then...
No, I mean, well... Because you wrote a lot there, right? Yeah, but, well, the...
There's kind of like this macho... I was in ImprovOlympic, which is Del Close, you know, school of improv.
Yeah, yeah. And it's very...
There we go. What event did you excel in? Huh? What event did you excel in? Being fucking funny.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, well, it was all long form. Like, the idea was we would do this thing called a herald, which is a long form improv.
You get a suggestion and then, you know, you fuck around for half an hour. you do different scenes.
JB, like they do at ASCAD.

Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like ASCAD. Or you ask the audience for a subject or a word?

Well, but wait, wait, by the way,

for Tracy, who's actually here backstage,

but she's not coming out.

She's not coming out.

Tracy!

Tracy!

Tracy!

Tracy! Tracy! Tracy! Tracy! Tracy!

Tracy!

Tracy!

Wait, wait, wait!

She's coming!

Wait!

You get out of here!

Yay! The real live Tracy. She doesn't seem as dumb as Sean makes her sound, right? I know.
I was going to say, explain what ASCAT is, because it's such a great thing. Never mind.
All right, so... Well, no, ASCAT is...
They know what it is. Yeah, I mean, you all know what long-form improv is.
I mean, it's fucking Chicago, for Christ's sake. And you were here at that time.
What an unbelievable time. I mean, Chicago is basically the kind of...
The home of improv in America. And it's where...
Yeah, it is. And all the people that, certainly all the people that I look up to who are great comedic sketch performers and improvisers are all people who came out.
I was also jealous. Somebody asked me once why I never did a sketch.
I said I was too dumb to think about. I should go to Chicago and do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There were all these incredible people.
Forget the names are insane.

Oh, yeah. I mean, well, like Matt Walsh.
I mean, I always like to say twice Emmy nominated Matt Walsh. Oh.
He likes it even more when you say, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tina Fey, Steve Carell, everybody, like so many people. Yeah, Amy Sedaris was here, Paul Danello, Steve Carell.
We will be right back. You and we deserve snacks that are better for you and incredibly delicious, and that's where Skinny Pop Popcorn comes in.
Skinny Pop uses quality ingredients to bring you the light and tasty flavors you love. The original ready-to-eat popcorn is made up of just popcorn kernels, sunflower oil, and salt.
That's it. In addition to the original popcorn, Skinny Pop also offers a variety of delicious flavors from white cheddar to sweet and salty kettle popcorn.
Skinny Pop popcorn is always non-GMO gluten-free, and there are many vegan options too. So stop everything and add Skinny Pop to your grocery list.
It's okay. We'll wait.
So for me, whenever Scotty and I are going to watch a movie at home,

I mix the original popcorn with the kettle popcorn because the kettle is a little more sweet,

but the original is a little more salty.

Do you get what I'm going for?

It's kind of like how I cut my apple juice with water.

Anyway, Skinny Pop popcorn.

Deliciously pop, perfectly salted.

Shop Skinny Pop now.

While Hilton is always expected to have top-notch service, you'd be surprised at the unexpected places they're offering it now. They've partnered with AutoCamp, which offers insanely cool airstreams in iconic outdoor destinations.
Hilton also has an exclusive partnership with small luxury hotels of the world, providing Hilton Honors members access to luxury boutique hotels across the globe.

And they've added romantic and refined nomad hotels and graduate hotels in your favorite

college towns to their portfolio. Explore all the new ways to stay with those Hilton

Honors points you've been saving at Hilton.com. H the new ways to stay with those Hilton honors points you've been saving

at Hilton.com.'t have all the answers, but they do know when to ask questions or seek support from their community. In a society that glorifies hyper-independence, it's easy to forget that we're all better when we have a support system behind us.
Therapy can be a source of support for any area of your life. It's time to shift that focus from doing it all to knowing that we're better when we ask for help.
BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide.

Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties.

Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost.

Build your support system with BetterHelp.

Visit betterhelp.com slash smartless to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp.com slash SmartList to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash SmartList.
And now, back to the show. Tell me about writing and did you enjoy that and how did you then parlay that into the Conan show? I'm terrible at writing.
I mean, I'm good. And one of the reasons that I liked improv was because it was acting and writing all at once and I didn't get a chance to think about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when I sit down to write, I end up just like...
Right. Yeah.
It's the hardest thing in the world. It's like the kid that...
When I was a little kid, my mother put a desk in the basement facing a cement wall for absolute sensory deprivation to do my third and fourth grade homework, which was so easy to do. And I would be like, oh, my God, this will take 20 minutes.
Why are you down here for an hour? Come on, just try it. And I'd be like one question and go like, oh my God.
It's like kryptonite. In front of a brick wall.
That sounds so healthy. It was like because I just was so distracted and then I just, you know, I just kind of, like my kids have ADD too.
And like when they ask, the only advice I have to them is like well you

just have to do the work like there's no there's no secrets there's no yeah this whole life I've my whole living my whole life with not being able to get shit done it's like oh yeah right do you have you just do it you have ADD I do yeah yeah it seems like everybody's got ADD so like is it a thing and how do you know No, I mean about it's just like a lot of shit's boring no no it's a it's a it's a real thing because there's a difference between what's the ADHD that's hyperactivity that's me yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah get a load of me disease but how do you how do you how do you check for it? How do you diagnose it? Like, is there a test? Yeah, there's educational psychologists that can diagnose it. And there's medication to treat it? Speed, baby.
Would they give you speed to... Well, I mean, that's what Ritalin is.
Like, I actually was on ADD. You know what Adderall is, too? Yeah, Adderall.
It's all just speed. And, like, I went, I was on ADD meds for a while, years ago.
And then, like, just because it raises your blood pressure and stuff, I started taking them. Right.
But my, I would get a generic of, and I don't remember, it was Adderall or one of them, but I would get the generic and the bottle just said, amphetamine. And one time, yeah, like one time, I was shooting something down in San Diego on a marine base and they're like, I have to go through your bag and it's like, amphetamine.
Yeah, yeah. Those are for crushing and snorting.
So then how did you and Conan meet and how did that happen? Well, there's like some classified ads out in L.A. Lonely people.
No, I was, you mentioned the Real Live Brady Bunch. That's what.
For Tracy, if you're listening, or anybody who doesn't know, Real Live Brady Bunch was kind of like a stage... An annoyance theater production here of Brady Bunch episodes.
Yeah, annoyance theater. It was so fucking funny.
And by the way, Sean, sorry, I just love seeing you go like, just so nonchalant. And by the way, Tracy, and you're just looking off his wings.
Are you listening? Yeah. Wake up! What characters did you play in Real Life Brady Bunch? I played Mike Brady.

That's the dad, right?

Yeah, that's the dad.

It's been a while.

Fucking dead ringer.

So it's Mike, Greg, Peter, Bobby, right?

Yeah, thank you.

Right, right, there you go.

That's really good.

This is what they have to deal with with me.

I'm not quick or bright.

Wait, so I have A to D.

What did you say?

I played Mike Brady, but that was...

Thank you. have to deal with it to me.
I'm not quick or bright. Wait, so I have A to D.
What did you say? I played Mike Brady, but I was like the third or fourth Mike Brady. It was when it went from Chicago to New York.
The guy that was playing Mike Brady also worked at the Annoyance Theater, like had a, you know, he was like a salaried person there, so he couldn't go to New York. So I asked Joey Soloway, can I go along, buy me a cheap wig? All right.
So was it like that tight, curly wig? Oh, it was awful. It was seriously like a $17 wig that was like a bathing cap with hair on it.
I feel like I got a bit of a Carol Brady going right now. I need to cut this flip so bad.
You need a little bit longer. Well, Jane Lynch played Carol Brady in the show, and she had just like the shittiest like little Carol Brady flip that had like a just an elastic strap that she like hid under her bangs that she just would strap on you know how who played alice and how was she uh mary weiss and she was great uh she was she sort of originated the role here she's kind of like a more uh musical theater person i would have played tiger that would have been tiger the dog wait well it was such a big thing that we all pitched in you know it was like when i heard were going to do it, I thought it was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.
And then when I saw the first night of it, I don't know that I've ever laughed harder. Sean, you saw it.
Yeah, a long, long time ago. Because everybody in it was really talented.
Oh, my God. You met Conan there? No, I did not.
See, you got to bring him back on track, guys. Right, right, right.
You've got to keep your eye on the prize. We went to New York, and then the Brady Bunch moved to L.A., and I went to L.A.
with the Brady Bunch. And in the meantime, Betty Cahill, a Chicagoan, who is a friend of mine that I went to Columbia College with,

she was on SNL for a season.

And that summer, she was in L.A.

Do you point a lot?

Do you point constantly?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's my Bernie Sanders imitation.

I'm kidding. And then we...

No, we...

She comes out to L.A. She comes out to L.A.
I hang out with her. She's friends with Robert Smigel.
I meet Robert Smigel. Robert is going to be the head writer on Conan's show.
Oh, right, right, right. And says, do you want to meet Conan O'Brien? Did you know who Conan was at the time? Was Conan already on the air? I knew that he was the guy...
One question at a time, man. I knew that...
No, no, no, no. He had just done, he had just done like a screen test kind of thing.
And I just, it was just announced, this guy who was a comedy writer on The Simpsons is going to be replacing David Letterman. I just heard about it like anybody else.
And then like two days after it happened, I went to Jeff Garland was taping a pilot in la yeah where he played like like a new york cop like a lovable guy which you know garland is a cop is of course hilarious he's absolutely a cop sure the world's chattiest cop yes exactly uh but i i actually went to that with kate flannery and we sat in front of Bob Odenkirk, who was there with Carol Liefer. Yeah, Naperville.
And I totally eavesdropped on them talking about Conan, because Bob is very good friends with Conan. And Bob actually, Bob and his brother Bill, actually in the beginning of Late Night, came out and wrote on the show for a couple of months.
Wait, wait, and conan were roommates at one point yes here in chicago yeah during the right they were working on snl and there was uh during the writer's strike they came here and they did a live show this is bob smigel bob odenkirk oh bob odenkirk and bob smigel was in that show too robert smigel bob odenkirk uh conan uh jeff Garland was here at that time too. Got it.
I think they stayed. Unbelievable.
I mean, like just heavy hitters. So then how did you get from meeting Conan there to becoming such a close friend with him and then becoming the co-host of the Conan O'Brien show? Look at these.
They're like cheering on for your rudimentary skills. They've got bad ADHD.
We try to sit them in the front. Yeah, yeah.
Look at him go, asking questions like a big boy. What was the moment that you and Conan met? We arranged lunch in Los Angeles at Junior's Delicatessen.
Sure, Junior's. And no longer there.
I ordered food. Conan ordered a can of Coke.
And I was like, because for me, it was someone was paying for lunch. Sure.
Bring it on. And we just hit it off really well immediately.
We could be as stupid as we wanted with each other. Was it just to be friends or was there? No, it was to get a job as a writer on the show.
As a writer. You think it was a date? Well, I don't know.
I mean, they're both handsome fellas. Obviously.
You know? We were spooning in a booth. But, but, but, but, so because you, the notion of you being on the couch with Conan during that show all the time was never really part of the plan, question mark? Uh, I- But I'm not supposed to say the question.
You know what? Rising intonation, I could tell. Okay, good.
You're not talking to Siri. Yeah, no.
Yeah, yeah. He does, by the way, he does do so much of dictating his texts while he's driving.
So, and you know people who do this, but you'll be in a room, we'll be all in the, we've been on the road now for like a week or whatever,

and Jason will be in the corner and he'll be going,

hey, honey, are you there?

Question mark.

I'm just going to dot, dot, dot.

Dot, dot, dot.

Call me back when you get a second comma.

And blah, blah, blah.

Can't wait to see you.

Italics. XO, XO, smiley face emoji, heart emoji, kiss emoji.
For real. Well, who doesn't? Who doesn't do? But wait.
I got hired as a writer. Right, right.
And there was like an implicit promise that you're going to perform at some point, too. And then just as the show evolved and he started doing test shows in studios around he realized he wasn't enough no, no, Robert Smigel I mean, no, that's still a few years off but he Robert Smigel just went go sit with him and keep him company which was like we'd worked together long enough to know like, yeah that's that's something that needs to be done spider by the way was this but was the guy who did the little mouth uh uh thingy uh cut into the face right saturday tv fun house are you talking about triumph the insult dog yeah but he also was the guy with the with the mouth behind yeah we did on conan when they put the other mouth yeah we called those clutch cargos Was that his hand? oh no I'm thinking of the in-laws right with Peter Falk about your wences I'm so old you guys this is all starting to go so so wait I've always thought you know because obviously we love Conan he was on the tour with us already he's amazing but I was thought watched it, you know, every single kind of wisecrack you kind of cut in with and it was always fucking so funny.
You just waited and he went, bam, like right in there. And I was like, he could have his own talk show.
Is there any kind of aspiration to do that? Because it seems like you could so seamlessly... Did you ever try to kill Conan? I never did try to kill him.
And honestly, it was it was I was happy to have that position. I would not want, like there was so much of just the time that I've spent being his TV wife I there was so much stuff that he had to deal with that he kind of likes dealing with and that, that I'm just like, leave me alone.
Like, it's just, he has to have so many meanings and he has to know so many. It's a lot.
Pukey, you know, like executive types and remember their name. And you don't want that.
I don't know anybody's name. And I have to say, you just want to do bits.
I just want to, yeah, just, I want to show up. I want to make television.
I want to make funny stuff. And I don't want to have a bunch of boring meetings.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Baby wants fun.
Yeah, yeah. I bet you both these guys would agree that any time we were on that couch, the idea that you were right here the whole time was very comforting.
Very, very comforting. It was great.
I loved it. I was smelling your hair.
Yeah. I mean, if that...
It's hard not to. Is that the comforting? It's the glue.
It's mostly the glue. Again, you know, not unlike Chicago, you were at Conan at a time when you guys started doing that show, you really kind of once again broke the mold.
Dave had done it with Letterman in the 80s, and then you guys re-did it. You had amazing writers, most of whom were sketch performers, or a lot of them, from Chicago.
Yep. Who came...
It was a real Chicago-Boston kind of split. It was unbelievable.
And you guys did so many unbelievable sketches. You guys remember in the early 90s and late 90s, whatever, there were so many amazing moments.
Yeah. Being there at that time, was it exciting? Every day were you like, fuck yeah, I'm so psyched to go in there and do these bits and work on this show.
No. Great.
Good night. Good night.
I mean, you know, it's like... What do you mean, no? You weren't? No, not every day.
I mean, you know, what am I, Pollyanna? Am I, you know, skipping to work in my shorts with a big lolly? Well, you need to learn to appreciate it. How heavy was the lift, though? I mean, like, you'd get in there, what about five o'clock right? Oh no in the beginning it was brutal.
We were on 47 weeks a year five days a week. How long was the day for you? You'd get in at what time and leave at what time? 10 a.m.
and usually leave around midnight. Really? In the beginning.
Every day? Yeah. I'm out What you do for 14 hours? It's a one hour show.
Write bits. Write bits.
Produce bits. What's the staff for? Well, when I got hired, I was a writer.
You know, I was on the show too and in the beginning... But I mean...
Look at how tired he is thinking about it. I know.
I mean... But I mean if...
Hey, portal No, no, no. Who fed you your soup? For a one-hour show, though, you would think it would be a shorter day, but every time...
Wait, wait. Can I just tell you something? This is really on brand for this, and I just want to talk about what happened backstage today.
Oh, my God. So, hang on.
Can I just tell you... This right before we came out? Yeah.
So I just want to say, so everywhere we go, we've been on tour for a week, and Andy, you're going to appreciate this because you've known Jason for a long time. By the way, I drank out of that.
Yeah. I don't care.
Okay. And he's been super sneezy, super...
And his mom's eye came in that, too. Go ahead, sorry, sorry.
So everywhere we go, we have the special water and almonds and popcorn. I didn't ask for any of it.
So Jason starts going, it dawns on him, and I'm like, everywhere we go, we're the popcorn and the almonds and the lemon water. And they're like, where is this coming from? And we find out.
Well, look, I... Hey.
But I said, it dawned on me that, like, all my favorite things, because we're all staying in the same hotel room. We thought it'd be fun and funny.
It's a fucking drag. Are you really? Are you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're all saying this. It's fun.
It's great. But all my shit is in there.
There's Lemon Perfect, a great beverage. I highly recommend it.
It is a great beverage. Almonds.
Daddy likes almonds. There's a certain kind of candle that I do like a nice smelling candle.
Oh, God. And by the way, by the way, and there's skinny...
Oh, my God. And skinny pop popcorn.
Skinny pop. And every time, right, every time I walk in, I go, skinny pop.
Go ahead. Okay, so, but I realized that whomever was tasked with getting this stuff in the hotel room, in the dressing room, must think I'm a fucking monster.
Yeah. But, but, but.
And rightfully so. But the point is.
I'm trying to find, but I'm trying to, because I never asked for it. I'm trying to track down.
It must be one of my friends from back home

that told whoever is arranging things here,

oh, by the way, I just want to make sure they're saying,

don't make the mistake of not having X, Y, and Z.

Hopefully it was like, oh, by the way, just if you've got something,

you know, Jason happens to like such and such,

and I think the guys like it too.

It wasn't like that. It wasn't like that.

And the best part was, Jason was like,

how come there's nothing for you and Sean don't have anything? And I was able to, you know when you get on the high road? And it's open. And you're able to be just super chill on the high road, and you go, because we don't need anything.
But wait, Andy. Andy, I want to get back.
I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know.
So wait. Sorry, sorry, I stood up.
Do you remember the time that there was some kerfuffle about you in line at the Apple store? Oh, fuck. Do you all know about, yeah, clearly they already know it.
Oh my God. We talked about it.
That was so hilarious when that happened. And I think I saw you like the day after and you were like, I was not cutting the line.
But wait a minute. I want to get back.
I want to get back to. You already told the story so they know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to get back to just a little bit about Chicago because Chicago.
Oh, hey, Sean. Hey, what's going on? And I want to get back to Chicago.
Everybody knows there's so many great music and great bands and everything like that are from here. Did you have anything like that growing up? Were you just anybody you loved or maybe somebody now or whatever? Because I love, I was in a band called Sounds From The Stairs.
Hold for applause. For five years.
What was Sounds From The Stairs? It was all keyboard and synth. But what was the significance of the name? None of your business.

Wow.

Sounds from the stairs.

It sounds like they started practicing in the basement of Mom's home.

That's exactly what it was.

It was.

That's exactly what it was.

What kind of songs?

Oh, just synth pop.

Okay, well, an example.

Like we would do covers of The Cure and stuff like that. Oh, my God, that sounds so cringy.

Sean doing synth pop.

Did you have a smoky eye?

We'll be right back. Guys, we all need to drink water every day.
I mean, we have to drink water to stay alive, right? So why should it be boring? I like sparkling water because it didn't have all the sugar and the added chemicals and everything like that that soda has. So sparkling water gives you the bite that you're looking for.
But with Waterloo sparkling water, you get a little flavor in it, like a fruit flavor. It's so delicious.
With authentic flavors and lively carbonation, Waterloo sparkling water brings full flavor artistry. What's flavor artistry, you ask? It's all about custom crafting, multi-sensorial flavor experiences of aroma, taste, and mouthfeel that make you say, wow! Waterloo Waters are crafted, not formulated or off the shelf, just purified sparkling water and non-GMO project verified natural flavors with zero calories, sugar, or sweeteners.
I love it because guess what? I've been open about this. I've gotten kidney stones, so I have to stay hydrated all the time.
I constantly drink water all day long and it does get boring until Waterloo. The flavors are so delicious.
The black cherry is delicious. I had it.
It's so yummy and it feels so good going down. Give Waterloo Sparkling Water

a try. Look for Waterloo Sparkling Water next time you shop.
Learn more about the flavors from Waterloo Sparkling Water at drinkwaterloo.com. Hey guys, you want to know an easy genius hack to improve your life? Eat more Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Sure, there are countless life coaches, gurus, and thought leaders out there, but none of them are sharing this simple secret. Eating a Reese's peanut butter cup brings a burst of joy to your day.
They've got the perfect ratio of sweet chocolate to salty peanut butter that's sure to satisfy, and there's no wrong way to eat one. It's all about whatever makes you happy.
I should speak, right? I love them. Shop Reese's Peanut Butter Cups now at a store near you.
Found wherever candy is sold. I want you to picture this.
You're at a party. Someone asks you what you do as a marketer.
Well, you have to generate leads, create content, make your brand go viral. It's a lot.
Thankfully, there's Breeze, HubSpot's suite of AI tools. Now you can turn one piece of content into all the assets you need, find the best leads, and know, like when you play keyboards in a band, you can't really

like, you know, like when you play keyboards in a band, you can't really like, you know, jam like you can a guitar because you can't jump because you miss the keys. That's why they invented the keytar.
Right, the keytar, right. But I only played synths, so I'd be like, I'd be jamming out, and then whenever it was my turn to play, I'd go.
It was awful. Wow.
It was awful. That's like the bassist yeah that really says goth too yeah yeah absolutely but what about you uh what did you ever do that yeah did i was i in a band no i was not in the band for best host uh oh anybody that i that i love well um that like at the time when I was young here, like, uh, Smashing Pumpkins were still like around, you know, like that was the big band that everybody talked about.
And then there was always, you know, lots of Wilco blues and Wilco. Yeah.
Yeah. Wilco is amazing.
Well, it's so funny because we keep we are these guys turn me on to when I was reading about Jeff Tweedle and how incredible he is. No! I mean, Tweedie.

Tweedle and how incredible he is. No! I mean, Tweedy.
Tweedy. Tweedy.
Tweedy, hang on. Let me just finish.
Jeff Tweedie about how... You're fired.
Hang on. Boy.
Wait, wait. I just want to make sure we got that, right? I was reading about Jeff Tweedy.

That is a perfect example of stuff that goes through the Sean Hayes filter.

I was reading about Jeff Tweedy and how amazing he is.

And he's not only like a songwriter and a musician and a record producer and a Grammy winner.

He's also here in Jeff Tweedy!

No!

No!

What? What? What? Wow! Hey, man. Hey, I know you.
Good to see you. And I've never met you.
Come sit in the middle. All right.
Sit in the middle. What? Oh, my gosh.
Hi. This guy's freaking out right now.
Yeah. Have you never met him? I have met him.
I met you on a tour bus, but I was not in a real good place to talk, because I was a little starstruck like I am now. Oh, no.
Good lord. Wow.
It's so cool that you're here. Thank you.
Wait, aren't you in the middle of recording an album or something? We are. We're recording.
Yeah, Wilco's recording in the studio. Yeah.
On Instagram, I saw a photo of, I don't know if it's your basement or some room in the house. You have like hundreds of instruments in this room.
And where is that in your house? And did you have that growing up and your kids love that? Oh no, no. I didn't, have any instruments in my house growing up.
Really? Were you facing a wall with a desk? Yeah, I had a desk in the basement. So that's like a Chicago thing.
Yeah, yeah, definitely. You just put the kids in the basement against a wall.
Lack of visual stimuli. Okay.
I have to say, I was asked to come out here last night yes and i went i was like oh that's exciting i went to sleep and i dreamt that you were my best friend yeah yeah good luck a lot of people have had that dream yeah i have that dream every night so so in my dream i get so excited about getting to do this that I go and tell you. Sure.
And you start crying. Because I ruined the surprise of me being here for you.
Because I forgot that you were on the show, too, because I was excited about meeting you. No.
But you were really upset with me. That's what's very upsetting to hear even now as the dream.
Yeah, I was just like, I got asked to do this amazing thing. I'm going to be on this podcast with...
And then what happens? Sean Hayes calls you Jeff Tweedle. You know? How many times has that happened i didn't hear that but now i know i i rehearsed my little bit with with um andy randy all day all day and i got got your name wrong that's all right no now um i read a recent interview of yours where i love this because i love talking about this i'm a musician as well i studied piano for 20 years, but classical, not what you do.
It's stunning, by the way. And so I love what you said about creating music.
Something about like your mind disappears, but you're also present at the same time, and that's when you become creative. Like explain that because I think that's fascinating because I only got the disappearing part.
Well, that's, but that's helpful, isn't it? I mean, that's like, that's like, that's one of the, we all look for things to do that are, you know, a way to kind of transport ourself outside of the burden of being in our bodies or be. Jason takes gummies for that.
Yeah. But so you are, so you kind of have one foot in and one foot out.
Oh, I just think that, you know, you just try and put yourself in the path of doing something creative.

And what I feel like I get out of it more than anything is these moments that just kind of go away without me having to like consciously try and kill time or be, you know, thinking about something that I don't have control over or just like, I think a lot of like games, crossword puzzles, like those, time sucks, a lot of things do that. But I think that there's something nice about having activities that you kind of come back from that experience with something that wasn't there before, like a writing or a song.
I love that. Can I ask...
First of all, calm down. Yeah.
So, but... I let the robot speak.
I would ask this to any musician, as I would a writer of books or screenplays. I'm assuming when you write a screenplay or a book, you're writing, and then the next word kind of falls to the next, and how should the story go? And it just kind of falls out in a natural progression.
Is it the same way when you're strumming, and you're kind of trying to come up with a new song, and you find a good rhythm, and then just naturally, because you have great taste, oh, this chord would sound good after that, and by the end of a few minutes, you've got yourself a song? Is it that easy? You say what to that? Question mark? Question mark? That can happen, but that's not normally how it happens. Why? Is it normally like there's a certain structure, a certain chord has to follow another sharp thing? Is that like a recipe? Oh, you do.
Well, you listen. You listen to...
It's so logical. I love it.
I love you so much. And I'm pulling for you.
How? Yeah. How does music? Yeah.
How make music? How does music? It's like math equation? Yeah. Sounds arranged.
No. Not compute.
Sorry. Not compute.
I'm not know things. Processing.
See, I've got a battery packet, everything. Oh, no.
All the wires. Help me, Jeff.
I can help you. I can help you.
You're, like, you're... You improvise conversation all the time.
Right. Because you have a vocabulary a vocabulary.
You learn a vocabulary and you learn certain phrases and things that you like. And you express yourself and you tend to repeat some of those things because you know they're effective in how you're able to communicate when you use those.
It's no different with music. There are certain building blocks of the vocabulary that you get from your record collection and from things that you like and things you care about and other songs that you've written.
And eventually it does become sort of conversant in a way that you can construct a sentence or a story out of whole cloth just by sitting down and saying, I wonder what would happen next. But the most fun part about doing it is the discovery for yourself.
You know, that you don't really know where it's going to go. And that's the, I don't know, that's my favorite part of it.
Isn't that a rad answer? Aren't you glad I asked that dumb question? No, it's a good question, too. And Andy.
Yeah, you guys are making fun of him. He's the only one that cares.
We're just doing it for the fun of it, just for the sport. But Andy, you get that, right? I mean, that's what improv comedy is about, too.
That's a similar language in that way. Yes, definitely.
And you do, especially when you're doing improv, like you learn little tricks or little rules that they're not like the things, know discoveries pop in like I remember when I was

doing improv on a regular you know like whatever eight shows a week or something there were times where we'd be on stage and there would be things coming out of my mouth that I didn't know yeah like it just felt like autopilot and like holy shit I'm good at this you know and uh and so but it doesn't happen now um But it is, it's, you learn tricks to kind of just keep the ball in the air until you like have that real moment of inspiration that, you know, like the really new thing, you know? Yeah, Jeff, can I switch gears? Is your son Spencer still playing drums? He? He is, yeah. And so my other son, Sammy, is singing with me.
No way. Yeah, not in Wilco, but we make records.
My solo records are mostly with my kids. It's incredible.
We came, do you remember years ago, we came to see you at Madison Square Garden, and I was with Fred Armisen and Amy, and we went in there, and then these guys go on, and Wilco go on, and then Jeff welcomes his son, and Spencer was like 12 at the time, maybe? I think it was his 13th birthday. It was.
It was his 13th birthday. That's right.
That's what he just said. And he got up.
Yeah. That's what he just said.
He just said it just now. Yeah, he said it.
Holy shit. Yeah, I don't know how you do it, Will.
But here he goes on. He's 13 and he plays with you guys at Madison Square Garden.
That's so cool. Was he cool with it or was he nervous? He was pretty nervous, but he was cooler than I would have been for sure.
Yeah, you don't know fear at 13. And cooler than I was actually on stage looking at him like I'm forgetting the lyrics, you know, because I'm so worried about him.

Yeah, yeah. Do you commonly get anxious in front of a large audience? No, I'm here all the time.
I mean, I know. That is true.
I mean, Andy as well, like, I'm sure you guys have had, like, we also have had probably moments where you have a performance, whether it's live or on camera, that you're totally relaxed. And you might think it's not that great.
And it probably isn't. But I do my best when I got a healthy level of anxiousness or nerves.
Yeah. Do you like to find that place? I mean, not really.
I mean, I... You'd rather just be totally...
Yeah, I... For this, you know, bullshitting, being funny while bullshitting, it's much better to just be free and loosey-goosey and not, you know, because I, it shuts me down.
Being nervous shuts me down.

It doesn't give you that little bit more energy that you might have for...

Nah, I just, I just don't work that way.

What makes you nervous? What would make you nervous?

A glass eye.

Real answer.

No.

A glass eye.

I hope not.

No, like, well, like, if I had to, like, sing.

Yeah.

You know, or do something like that. All right, let's hear it.
Here we go. Just do the national anthem.
Huh? Just do the national anthem. Oh, shit.
No, I'm not going to. But I still get nervous when I do improv now.
Really? Yeah, because for years too, even after I was a grown-up and I was doing grown-up improv, I mostly would just do monologue stuff because a lot of the long-form improv will have a guest monologist, especially the UCB ASCAP version, has somebody come and tell monologues and then the people improvise based off of that. So I would do that a lot, and very used to just sitting and being myself you know in a venue kind of thing but to actually have to do improv is now scary yeah because it's a different you know it's like i don't do it all the time and the time we say people will ask me like do you want to come do our improv show and and i'm always say like i don't want to leave the house to get nervous.

What about you Jeff? What makes you nervous?

I think it's good to not be

too relaxed. I think it means you care

when you're a little bit nervous.

I feel confident and nervous

most of the time.

Would you feel confident

and or nervous to sing us a song right now?

Wait, what?

We can't pay for that.

I didn't bring a guitar.

And yeah, you didn't pay for that.

Wait, you didn't?

I haven't signed the release yet.

Oh!

Oh, no.

Oh, my goodness. Is that your son? That's Sammy.
That is Sammy. Is that youroh! Oh, no.
Oh, my goodness.

Is that your son?

That's Sammy.

That is Sammy.

Is that your son?

Hey, man.

This is so wild.

Repping the local head shop that just went under.

Oh, no.

Do they need someone to buy a large order of things?

I brought my wallet.

A large order of things.

You know, I was going to say. I can sit closer to you this is blowing my mind i was gonna say the thing that i've learned to get used to on stage um over the years is i when i early on and for a long time i think you have an evolutionary uh ability to pick out danger that comes from being on the savannah or something, you know? Yeah.
So I've had to teach myself how to ignore the guy yawning. Or like, you're like, you can stand, everybody can be having a great time and I will find you.
I will find the person looking at their phone. That unlapping motherfucker, I stare at him every time.
Yeah, so it's like... I can see it through the mask, too.
I spent 20 years going, what the fuck is wrong with that guy? I know, I know, I know, totally. And I finally just went, oh, this person is delightful.
Yeah, I did a one-man show on Broadway called An Act of God, an opening night. And you guys didn't see it.
Fuck off. I did.
She saw it. Don't tell her what she did or didn't do.
So you and me, that's it. And it's a 90-minute monologue.
It was impossible to memorize. I did it.
And opening night, it was so great. Everybody was laughing.
I just focused on one person.

Not into it.

Wow.

He didn't like it.

He didn't like it.

But you know what, though?

I mean, it's very, not to open up a larger discussion

because you're going to play it, but it is very natural.

I think that we do that as humans.

We can have 95% of our life going really, really well,

and 5% doesn't work.

There's always going to be 5%.

And we focus on that. And it's taken me, I'm going to be 52, improbably.
I agree. I don't believe you.
I mean, good God, look at that thing. Why, Andy? Go on.
Wow. But it's taken me this long.
It's only been within the last couple years that I realized that, like, yeah, I'm so stupid for focusing on that shit.

Why wouldn't I focus on all the stuff?

Twitter is based on it.

Yeah.

I think Twitter is based on that reality.

All right.

All right.

So.

I'm an American Aquarium drinker I assassin down the avenue I'm hiding out in the big city Blinking What was I thinking When I let go of you? Let's forget about the tongue-tied lightning Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers This is not a joke, so please stop smiling.

What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?

Wish I knew how to play drums.

I want to glide through those brown eyes green and take you from the inside, baby hold on tight. You were so right when you said I've been drinking.
What was I thinking when we said goodnight? Yeah! That is so cool. Wow.
That is so cool. Wow.
Thank you, guys. Amazing.
I think... What I think is so incredible is how many...
This is what I think about all the time with you guys, successful musicians like you. You have so many songs in your head that at any moment you just call upon them

and you know them.

You must have hundreds of songs in your head.

I do actually, yeah, I do.

And I'll bet you pro, well you tell me.

How do you?

Do you remember the lyrics

as you get to that point in the song?

Because the, because.

I'm so sorry. I'm doing it.
This is me doing it right now, Will. This is...
I just... Well...
No. Like, here's...
You know... Jason, imagine Jason's brain is...
It's like an abacus inside. And it's just moving pieces.
Well, like... But like for an actor, like when you're about to go out and do a play, you can't remember all your lines right then, but when you get to the fridge, it's that line, hey, who stole my Coke? You know, like it comes to you because of the blocking.
I love that you're thinking, you say fridge, you actually are thinking about the model hull and the rest of the development. Right, but I'm just saying, there are certain things that will jar the next line based on where you are in the music.
Sure, you can't remember all of the lines at once. Again, another smart question.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, yeah, there's a story.
I think Phil Oaks was, I think he had to do some sort of testimony in court one time, and they were grilling him about his anti-American lyrics or something like that, and he couldn't remember them, and they had to go get him a guitar oh wow yeah that's it might be total bullshit i've heard that though i think i did um i went on i went on tour with kenny rogers i was a christmas elf yes and um and i i i loved kenny i grew up listening to his songs but he would forget the lyrics sometimes sometimes on stage, and he would just point the microphone at the audience. And they would just, you got to know when to...
Right. So when...
Right, exactly. Keep going.
But anyway, yeah. And you played, did you play an elf in this Christmas show? Yes, I was a Christmas elf, yeah.
That's hard to do when you've got a set floating around your neck. Jeff, you don't know the gambler, do you, by any chance? No.
Okay. I don't think we can afford that either.
Yeah, you're right. Anyway, Jeffrey, I can't tell you how excited we are and Jason and Will are and they are that you're here.
I've known Andy. I've met Andy many more times than all of you guys.
Wait, you guys know each other? Yeah. Well, yeah, just from over the years.
Yeah, from him being on the show a million times. Conan was our first ever performance in Uncle Tupelo.
Our first ever television performance. Yeah, I mean, Uncle Tupelo, man.
And your stage director said, there's three million people watching, don't fuck it up. That's a recipe for success.
I want to tell you, last year we would have killed for that number. I was wondering how accurate that was.
Oh, boy, yeah, yeah. No, just the numbers keep going down.
But, Jeff Tweedy, thank you for being here with God of Cruise. I don't want to take a lot of your time.
Andy Richter, thank you for being here. Let's say thank you to Andy Richter and Jeff Tweedy! This is amazing.
Thanks. Thank you for being here with Yada Cruz.
I don't want to take a lot of your time. Andy Rickert, thank you for being here.
Let's say thank you to Andy Rickert and Jeff Tweeney! This is amazing. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. Thanks, man.
Yeah, yeah, great to be here. Come see us play.
Come to the YHF shows. Sean.
Sean, are you kidding? He played a song while we were on the show? I know. And my face was just staring at him like an idiot.
That's close. You guys got two guests.
Yeah. Anyway.
I'm still a little rocked by the whole experience, to be honest. Yeah, Andy Richter.

He's one of my favorite people,

one of the kindest, nicest.

I love him.

So, and Andy, we didn't even get it.

Andy, the three of us used to play cards a lot

back in the day with Andy.

A lot, a lot.

Yeah, a lot.

Like it's a problem.

Like it's a problem.

And Andy was always the funniest guy at the table.

Always.

And he would, I remember one time

we had a bunch of snacks at my old place in Venice, and he came down the stairs, and somebody had brought some fudge. And Andy comes down the stairs, and he's got fudge all over his mouth.
And he comes down and he goes, I learned from the fudge, but somebody must have eaten it. And it was...
The funniest, the stupidest bit.

I love stupid bits.

Well, the only thing, the only thing that I wish Jeff could have stayed to play, maybe,

if we had more time, is a sweeter song.

You know, maybe like a lullaby.

Bye!

Bye!

Bye!

Bye!

Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! We love you! Thank you! Smart Bloss Smart Bloss Smart Bloss Smart Bloss is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarff, and Bennett Barbaco. Smart Less.
Hey friends, Jason here. We're so excited the SmartList has officially joined the SiriusXM family.

We can't wait to announce new surprise guests who we know that you'll love.

If you wanna be the first to hear new episodes ad-free

in a whole week early,

subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts Plus on Apple Podcasts

or visit SiriusXM.com slash podcasts plus

to start your free trial today.

Thank you to Paramount Plus for sponsoring today's episode of Smartless.

Paramount Plus is the home of the UEFA Champions League.

The UEFA Champions League has reached the knockout stage

where the best of the best in European club soccer

face off to be crowned champions of Europe.

Watch the best coverage of the best soccer in the world all season long live on Paramount+. Experience the excitement of every single match live exclusively on Paramount+.
Visit paramountplus.com slash livesports to get started. Lowe's knows that taking on more projects should be rewarding.

That's why loyalty members get more every day

with rewards for every home or business purchase.

Plus, shop weekly member deals and get access to free standard shipping.

So what are you waiting for?

Join for free today.

Lowe's, we help you save.

Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions.

Details at lowes.com slash terms.

Subject to change.