"David Spade"

Speaker 1 The family that vacations together stays together. At least, that was the plan.
Except now, the dastardly desk clerk is saying he can't confirm your connecting rooms. Wait, what?

Speaker 2 That's right, ma'am. You have rooms 201 and 709.

Speaker 1 No, we cannot be five floors away from our kids.

Speaker 3 Uh, the doors have double locks, they'll be fine.

Speaker 1 When you want connecting rooms confirmed before you arrive, it matters where you stay.

Speaker 3 Welcome to Hilton.

Speaker 1 I see your connecting rooms are already confirmed. Hilton, for this day.

Speaker 3 Nobody wants to spend the holiday season clicking from one site to the next to get their hands on the best brands.

Speaker 3 But who knew Walmart has the top brands we all love, like the big names that your friends and family actually want, and all in one place? Nespresso, Nintendo, Apple, you name it.

Speaker 3 Get the brands everyone loves at prices you'll love at Walmart. Who knew? Go to walmart.com or download the app to get all your gifts this season.

Speaker 3 Hey, Will. Hey.
Oh, you ready to laugh today? You ready to laugh today? Yeah, ready? One, two, three. Okay, giggle.

Speaker 3 Welcome to Smartland. Smart.

Speaker 3 Smart.

Speaker 3 smart

Speaker 3 less

Speaker 3 hey, do you guys eat seafood last night? Scotty and I went to a seafood place. Oh, we went to...
Yeah, it was right. Oh, did you? Are you asking if we did too by chance? Yes.

Speaker 3 I had a bite of fish last night. I actually went out to dinner for the first time in a very long time last night.

Speaker 3 To a restaurant? Yeah, the four of us went out to have a little family dinner, and it was very, very pleasant. That's nice.

Speaker 3 Well, now, see, I went to the place I went to you have to do show vaccine card you have to show ID do you still you don't have to do that in LA when you go out right

Speaker 3 no we didn't have to show any of that stuff

Speaker 3 we should have well we were we were eating outside I wonder if that matters

Speaker 3 but you had to show it there in Chicago Yeah, and then we had the, I got little, because Will knows, I like lobster and seafood and crabs.

Speaker 3 And then, so it was all in my fingers. And what I do is I take the lemon and I squeeze the lemon on my hands and then rub my hands together so that it doesn't smell.
Okay. And then what?

Speaker 3 And then you dry them off?

Speaker 3 But isn't that...

Speaker 3 You make it sound like that's some special strategy you thought up.

Speaker 3 Don't they bring the lemon to the table for that purpose with the little cloth? No, you put the lemon on the food. I don't know that you're supposed to put it on your hands, but I do.

Speaker 3 Well, listen, we can just, we can ask our mystery guest, who seems to be a top chef contestant based on what we're able to see here and a male top chef contestant based on the David that was burped out before we got going here.

Speaker 3 Top chef contestant. Listener,

Speaker 3 usually

Speaker 3 the mystery guest is a full mystery.

Speaker 3 So, but I don't know the last name yet. You don't know the last name.
So let's get right into it.

Speaker 3 You'll guess it right away.

Speaker 3 My mouth is watering.

Speaker 3 We'll throw some lemon in there. This guy is one of the funniest in the biz, period.
Makes me laugh a lot. I remember seeing him in SNL when I was a kid and everyone would imitate his characters.

Speaker 3 He's been on not one hit sitcom, but two hitsitcoms. How many people can say that? I was a huge fan of his latest talk show.
So many movies, so many animated films, so many TV shows, so many laughs.

Speaker 3 David Spade.

Speaker 3 Wait, what? Wait, David Spade?

Speaker 3 How did you guys do that little switch? David, who was like, who was in the background going, David? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Heather, you got popped for yelling, David.

Speaker 3 Heather. Wait, but why? I hopped again.
Well, hang on. I feel dumber than I usually feel on this show.

Speaker 3 Did you guys do a little switcheroo there on your? No, I just did it before he got on. Yeah.
Oh, they put top chef contestant. Okay.

Speaker 3 That's pretty good. Wow.

Speaker 3 First of all, David, welcome. I want to say welcome because nobody's said it yet.
So welcome. David, really happy.

Speaker 3 David, welcome to the low. Secondly, I want to say, and I don't know how you feel about it, about Sean saying, I used to watch him on SNL when I was a kid.
So that feels terrible to begin with.

Speaker 3 I was a kid.

Speaker 2 Listen, I was so locked into the lemon squeeze story that I know what would come

Speaker 3 right now because why did he bail on this? Yeah, stay tuned.

Speaker 2 Sean's like, guys, before we start, I've got this story about a lobster and it's fucking crushing wherever I go. So let me just go with it.

Speaker 2 And then when it feels like it's tapering down, I'm going to bring on Spadood.

Speaker 3 It's a real handy tip he's figured out with shellfish.

Speaker 3 I was thinking, David, the other day, Jason and I played this pro-am golf tournament and I was at the tea and I was about tea off and they had all these kids like volunteers and this guy goes, not kids, these guys and whatever.

Speaker 3 This guy goes, as I'm about to you off, he goes, well, I love Blades of Glory. It was my favorite movie when I was a kid.
And I just stopped and I went, I was an adult when I made that.

Speaker 3 And how old are you? You look good.

Speaker 3 Wait a minute. I'm almost 52.
Wait, David, just to clarify, what year did you start SNL? So I can say I was a kid.

Speaker 2 I don't even. You know, I don't know if we should talk numbers, but it scares off fans.
Let me think. I think SNL was 91.

Speaker 3 I was 20.

Speaker 3 But David, you have been plummeting rating. But David, you've been very funny and actively funny,

Speaker 3 i.e. employed for a very long time.
And that is quite the gold ribbon in this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a whole part.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. For so many years.
But wait, I want to go back to the seafood because I always see you at that seafood place that you and I go to on La Siena. Is that story's a two-parter? Yeah.

Speaker 3 No. No, it'll be more.

Speaker 3 Barely a one-parter.

Speaker 3 Wait, what's seafood place?

Speaker 3 Stop saying seafood.

Speaker 3 It's so generic. Yeah.
Have you guys ever eaten seafood? Did you guys eat seafood last night?

Speaker 2 And it was like, us? No, we didn't all didn't sync up on that one.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Here's my, I'll go first with my seafood.

Speaker 3 This is the best podcast ever. I know.

Speaker 2 I was like, geez, that squeezing the lemon was like a car chase for that story.

Speaker 3 What restaurant do you guys

Speaker 3 do

Speaker 3 sometimes? I always see you at Koi. We always go to Koi.

Speaker 2 I do. You know, Sean, I've seen it, Koi.
And we've never bought each other dinner and do that at all.

Speaker 3 No, but I'm open to it. Yeah, I'll do it.
I'll start.

Speaker 3 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Koi's a sushi restaurant.
Stop calling it a seafood restaurant. Well, fishes are in the ocean.

Speaker 2 Everything's really a seafood restaurant.

Speaker 3 And so it's so it's spelt K-O-I, not C-O-I, right? It's not like some like sneaky little date place from Koi. I always go, you want to go, you want to go eat some sushi? And Scotty will go, oh, Koy.

Speaker 3 Oh, Koy. These guys are so good.

Speaker 2 No, but all kidding aside, one time I got food poisoning there.

Speaker 3 No, but we can't say that. We got to kind of.
No, you didn't hear what he said. Say it again, David.

Speaker 2 Food poisoning.

Speaker 3 Oh, food poisoning.

Speaker 2 No, I actually love Koi.

Speaker 3 I used to go to Koi back

Speaker 3 in my wet days. When it was cool.

Speaker 3 Well, I mean, it's still, that's my question. It's still there.

Speaker 3 Is it still bumping as the kids used to say?

Speaker 2 You know, it was always bumping, and then it had a certain heyday with with like uh like craigs you know a lot of cameras out front and now that it's not it's just still a good restaurant that it's the best but it's not all commotion is the stinking rose still across the street the uh that's known los angels down towards wheelchair what about ed de bevicks is ed de bevicks still up and running

Speaker 3 but he lives in la

Speaker 3 um

Speaker 3 was on melrose 18 years ago no that's way down you're right

Speaker 3 what about flippers do you guys ever ever skate at flippers are you thinking of the sonic in Austin?

Speaker 3 I'm thinking of the place that used to be where the Beverly Center is now built.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, that was the Odyssey, the Odyssey nightclub.

Speaker 2 No, you know, I do a lot of La Cienega. There's a Nobu on there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there is.

Speaker 3 A lot of nice restaurants, right there. Do you ever do a Foga de Chow? I'm Sean.
I would think that you would like Foga de Chow. Watch the language, please, Will.

Speaker 3 No, but somebody, a friend of mine just texted me last night a new documentary, once again, on the food industry, and now she's a vegan because of it. Some new documentary that's out on on Netflix.

Speaker 3 So she's like, I went shopping, I'm not buying meat anymore. I watched a documentary on Netflix about food and it got me to go vegan for six months to try to drop my cholesterol.

Speaker 3 And so I didn't, all I had were plants for six months. My cholesterol dropped a single point.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 3 So you're back on meat. Well, yeah,

Speaker 3 either meat doesn't matter for cholesterol or I've got some chronic cholesterol problem that it can't be fixed. And there's limited time.

Speaker 2 You look pretty healthy, though, because you're always pretty skinny and ripped. All you guys are pretty skinny and ripped.

Speaker 3 No one's really lost there. That's nice of you.
She spent time with Bateman

Speaker 3 in a meal situation. It's like a super muddle trying to make weight.
Like he's counting.

Speaker 3 He's annoying the waitress with like, you know, the LA thing of like, I'd like to order this, but here are my conditions to my order. Meg Ryan orders.

Speaker 3 But it's so funny. If you put a brownie in front of him, he'll inhale it.
That's the truth. Yeah, exactly.
I just don't order it, but I will eat it.

Speaker 2 the only thing i've heard that you guys are all three at anison's house in different rooms that's not true is it is that right now we've been living at jen's house for years because i always well i see jason over there and uh not to mention jennifer anderson on this but uh jason that's when i was thinking of eating i think i've only seen you eat there and i eat a lot i do eat a lot and uh will i think i've seen all of you guys probably over there by the way david i i keep i think about this all the time it made me laugh so hard a few years ago i don't know if you remember we went to some event and we were both presenting something.

Speaker 3 I forget what it was. And somebody, there was a guy out doing some bit and it was bombing.
And I think it was kind of the point of the thing that was to bomb.

Speaker 3 And that was just like completely bombing. And we were standing next to each other just offstage.
And you turn to me and you go, he makes you look like a good actor.

Speaker 3 You know why when I say that?

Speaker 3 So fucking, you had me, I literally bent over laughing. It was so funny.
It was such a great bird.

Speaker 2 Here's my problem. I do stuff like that to people I don't know well enough.
I like you and I think you're funny, and I don't know you well enough to start throwing out shitty jokes to me, but

Speaker 2 I can't help it sometimes because I think you're funny.

Speaker 3 So I go, this is like a gamble.

Speaker 3 Well, I get it because I think that, you know, again, this comes up a lot that that's kind of a language of love of like burning somebody.

Speaker 3 Like if it was somebody you didn't give a shit, you'd be like, why am I, I'm not going to waste that joke on you?

Speaker 2 I wouldn't even talk to you, or you wouldn't talk to me, but I do that. I talk to Jason a lot when I see him out because Jason's always interesting to talk to.

Speaker 2 And Sean and I went to that seafood place.

Speaker 3 Oh, wait a second.

Speaker 2 I saw him at the seafood place, Black Angus, because they have shrimp.

Speaker 3 I mean, you do sound like somebody on a cruise ship, Sean. Oh, there's wonderful seafood at this place.

Speaker 3 I mean, what is wrong with you? You jumped 20 years. You can eat seafood.
You order fish some places.

Speaker 3 Do you know how easy it would be to assassinate Sean?

Speaker 3 There are two places you have to hang outside of: Chinchin on Sunset and Koi. Chin Chin.

Speaker 3 By the way, it's so true.

Speaker 3 Every time you're there,

Speaker 3 you're sure it's 1999. You're just positive it must be.
I met a date at Chin Chin in 2004.

Speaker 2 That's the last time I've been there. It's right in Sunset Plaza.

Speaker 3 It's got a great location.

Speaker 3 Hey, do you have a girlfriend now, David?

Speaker 2 Hey, Sean Wool.

Speaker 3 Nice transition.

Speaker 3 Let's get into the personal stuff right now.

Speaker 2 You know, I had a great girlfriend and then.

Speaker 3 Uh-oh. Don't bring us down.

Speaker 3 Don't bring us down. No, know she died did she have shit bread should seafood reaction she went in a different direction she went in a different direction

Speaker 3 hold on what does that mean that means we she uh

Speaker 3 broke up with me yeah oh okay wait i want to go back to the please anything

Speaker 3 we've only covered seafood so is that where we're going to tell you about the lobster i go i think we just cover that right at the beginning here's a story we're going to cut out sean's gonna hate me for saying this about about eight months ago we flew i got a ride with Sean to New York to Sean's very.

Speaker 3 And we're flying

Speaker 3 on a PJ.

Speaker 3 And I look over and

Speaker 3 Sean and Scotty have charted the flight. And the flight attendant comes and says, would you like your seafood?

Speaker 3 I'm not making this up because this is so relevant. And she comes back with...

Speaker 3 He's on a private jet and she comes and she serves him lobster. Jesus.
And so Sean starts squirting like lemon on it, whatever.

Speaker 3 And he looks over, and I'm taking a photo and he goes, what are you doing? I go, this is just insurance.

Speaker 3 This is insurance. You want a fucking private jet eating lobster.

Speaker 3 Which, by the way, never, ever happens. Like, oh,

Speaker 3 really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, one time, one time.

Speaker 2 They told the lobster, the good news is you're going to be on a private jet.

Speaker 3 And the lobster's like, oh.

Speaker 3 But wait, I want to go back to when you were talking about going up to Will and like, yo, you're a funny person. So you feel safe to take a risk with certain jokes.
Like, where did that come from?

Speaker 3 Did you always do that as a kid? Because I think a lot of people, making jokes is risk-taking, especially like in personal settings.

Speaker 3 Where did that confidence come from to go, you know what, I'm going to go for it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to try it. God, you know what's funny? I don't even know if it's confidence.

Speaker 2 It's just at a certain point, I feel like it sounds like I'm saying I'm well known, but it feels like people expect.

Speaker 2 a certain thing from me, even if it's busboys or people or a valet, when they see you for one second, they sort of want you to say something that they, if they're only going to see you once, that would be sort of memorable.

Speaker 2 I've seen other people do it because, you know, I try to be polite.

Speaker 2 I try to be nice to everyone, but if sometimes I will joke with people I don't know, even if I, they, if they want me to stop by their table or something, just to be friendly and say something goofy about them and then they laugh.

Speaker 3 Don Rickles kind of had that same thing.

Speaker 2 Like he, yeah, I mean, and I'm not really Don Rickles, but just the fact they know you from grown-ups or something, they want you to just say something and then I goof around with their kids or something.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right. But like I was walking into this hotel with Kevin Nealon once.
This is like two, three years ago.

Speaker 3 And we walk right into the lobby and he passes these two girls and out of nowhere he goes, oh my God, we were just talking about you.

Speaker 3 It's so fucking.

Speaker 3 And the girls are like, wait, what? I don't even know. Yeah.
That's a great line.

Speaker 3 It's a great one. But that kind of confidence to just kind of say anything to anybody anytime,

Speaker 3 that's why you think you are. Like, where does that come from?

Speaker 2 It's funny because I'm going to keep not really answering your question, but when I was at dinner,

Speaker 2 sometimes when I'm with dinner and the ex,

Speaker 2 actually, a while back, she would

Speaker 2 always infuriate her. That the,

Speaker 2 you, you guys probably get this. You say something mildly amusing, and they go,

Speaker 2 and they walk away, and this girl goes, Are you fucking joking? That C-minus dog shit, and then they bust a gut just because you're on some stupid movie.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, that's the way it works. And she's like, it's so fucking humiliating, embarrassing.

Speaker 2 And then you, and back, you buy into it and be like, hey, that's a real zinger. And everyone else is going, that was the worst undercooked shit.
And then,

Speaker 3 you know, and then I'm like, hey, you saw in the last we're getting applause breaks

Speaker 3 at table 41.

Speaker 2 We're killing over here.

Speaker 3 So I sleep, I sleep with rain sound on my phone. And somebody pointed out that it sounds like applause, that I need it all night as I'm sleeping.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that wouldn't be bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I was a bus boy and I was bad.
I was like, this is, this sort of answers your question, a piece of it. I, when I was, uh, I was talking to everyone as a bus boy, I wasn't a stand-up yet.

Speaker 2 I never even thought about it. I just was like, hey,

Speaker 2 and the, and the manager goes, hey,

Speaker 2 don't talk to the people.

Speaker 2 You know, you're, that's just sort of the silent guy.

Speaker 3 Get the dirty shit and walk away.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And he goes, that's the waiter, you know, and I go, well, maybe I could be a waiter.
And first of all, he goes, you don't got the stuff. That's what he told me.

Speaker 3 I go, what's the stuff?

Speaker 2 Fucking my job's harder because i have to lean over and lean over and get and the waiter just goes let me take your order and then hey bus boy do everything and then i'll be back to get the tip stack and balance and when i yeah and i'm and you know you lean over and you see the thing in the back that says to lift go straight down and straight up i've never lifted like that in my life you're always leaning over and it's like a 20 pound plate burning hot so then i go it's father's day and it was it was in arizona too stupid and they go um

Speaker 2 The manager gives me the whole talk and then he goes, and then they, and there's a shark on the menu. It says shark special.

Speaker 2 And it's in Arizona. I don't know.
And then I don't even question that part.

Speaker 3 It's going to be further away from the ocean. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 We shouldn't have any fish.

Speaker 2 And Sean would hate it. And so we go in and they go, this table goes, hey, how's the shark? I go, I got a motto.
I don't eat them.

Speaker 3 They don't eat me.

Speaker 2 Spade, can I talk to you? I go,

Speaker 3 and he goes, what are you doing? I go, crushing. And he's like, dude, what do you not get?

Speaker 2 Don't fucking talk.

Speaker 3 I go, dude, I'm getting,

Speaker 3 I'm getting rolling laughs from three tables that heard me.

Speaker 2 And then,

Speaker 2 and then he fired me.

Speaker 2 I said, why don't I be a waiter? Then I can do this all the time. He goes, no, we all hate it.

Speaker 3 What are you doing? I'm crushing, bro.

Speaker 3 Bro, I'm fucking, can you see?

Speaker 2 I've got this crowd. You're killing my momentum.

Speaker 2 I need to know. I'm almost to my closer.

Speaker 2 And then I'd go in the back and just eat everything on their plate. I was such a little scumbag.

Speaker 3 Really?

Speaker 2 You would hear a bus boy. You just have to, that's your dinner.
You just, I know I don't have OCD because I eat any food. I don't even see where it came from.
I just get in the back.

Speaker 2 I go, half a steak.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know if they put a cigarette out in it. I don't know anything.
I just go, I'll take it.

Speaker 3 And we will be right back.

Speaker 3 Now streaming on Paramount Plus, it's the return of Landman, TV's biggest hit from Yellowstone co-creator Taylor Sheridan.

Speaker 3 Academy Award winner Billy Bob Thornton is back as Tommy Norris, facing higher stakes than ever.

Speaker 3 With an all-star cast including Demi Moore, Andy Garcia, and Sam Elliott, tensions rise as Tommy and Camille Miller fight to control M.Tech's oil.

Speaker 3 When his father returns, Tommy must balance life as both oilman and family man. Don't miss Landman Season 2, now streaming only on Paramount Plus.

Speaker 3 Looking for a running shoe that does it all?

Speaker 3 The New Balance 1080 is your ultimate go-to, blending comfort, performance, and undeniable style whether you're clocking miles or grabbing coffee it seamlessly transitions from your morning run to your everyday life with plush cushion support your feet stay secure and comfortable run after run and thanks to lightweight breathable materials you'll stay cool and fresh no matter how far you go from race day to rest day the new balance 1080 delivers the versatility and comfort serious athletes and everyday movers demand.

Speaker 3 Slip them on and experience what effortless performance really feels like. I got myself a pair of 1080s right before I came to London and boy, oh boy, did I need them.
They are so comfortable.

Speaker 3 The soles are thick and it's super soft and plushy and it makes walking everywhere such a pleasure. I love it.
Shop the 1080 at newbalance.com.

Speaker 3 Having the United Airlines app is like having your own pocket-sized personal assistant at the airport.

Speaker 3 Get real-time flight updates like your gate number and a live countdown to boarding, even if your home screen's locked.

Speaker 3 Stride over to your gate with gazelle-like grace, thanks to door-to-gate directions from your personalized airport map.

Speaker 3 Once you fly with the United app, you'll never fly without it, unless you don't want to save about 30 minutes at the airport. Get it before your next trip at united.com/slash app.

Speaker 3 And now back to the show. David, what was your

Speaker 3 audition process for SNL? Because we've had a bunch of people and everybody's got kind of a little bit of a different story.

Speaker 3 Did you do it in LA? Did you do it in New York?

Speaker 3 Were you doing groundlings at the time? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take this question.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You might as well.

Speaker 3 I thought you were going to say, I'm going to take this call. Can you guys hang on one second? You know what?

Speaker 2 Let's go to the phones for one second.

Speaker 3 Hello?

Speaker 2 You're on the air with four idiots.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 2 I went to, I was doing a stand-up and

Speaker 2 never thinking of being on SNL and

Speaker 2 was just got to LA from Arizona and I was getting some spots. I guess who I wound up, guess who I liked that was very funny? Nealan.

Speaker 2 He was one of my, kind of an influence because he had that dry delivery, which I never really saw a lot of.

Speaker 3 That's funny.

Speaker 2 And where he just runs over it. You don't even know it's a joke.

Speaker 3 I'm like, do these people know that's the funny part?

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 even i didn't really know i go he'll come he'll come out he'll he'll he'll go in my bathroom he'll come out he'll go totally dry i'll go hey you got a plunger

Speaker 2 every time every time he comes out of the bathroom when we're on that lights out show we have like a little cactus with all these leaves and in the middle of the of the table that we all sit around and then at the commercial he goes hey you're gonna eat that salad

Speaker 3 and i'm looking around like what's he talking about

Speaker 2 anyway uh oh yeah and then in the middle of my my monologue, he interrupts me and goes, hey, what are you going to wear tonight?

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 2 anyway, so he goes, so he was very funny and I would watch his act. And then one time I was getting kicked out of the place I was living in, this other comedian,

Speaker 2 I was renting. It was some, you know, it's always like a disaster situation, but he was moving back in.
So he kicked me out.

Speaker 2 And I go, I don't even know where. And then Nealon just happens to go, oh, I'm moving out.
I got SNL.

Speaker 2 It was way back then, right when I started. And he goes, if you want to rent my room while I go there, I live with a couple of comedians.
And I said,

Speaker 2 oh, fuck yeah. So he goes, I'll come back.

Speaker 3 Can you ask who the comedians were? Because that sounds like that's a spicy meatball.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I didn't even have any choice. I just, one was Bob Duback.
One was a writer, and one was Dana Carvey.

Speaker 3 Wow. And there you go.

Speaker 2 Dana lived above the garage in like just a room. And he had his wife with him.
They were living there. And he was already on SNL.

Speaker 3 This is like a commune.

Speaker 2 Isn't that crazy? Comedy like Manson camp.

Speaker 2 So I was not known. And

Speaker 2 Neil was a very friendly guy. And

Speaker 2 then they'd go to SNL. And then on weeks off, they'd come and Neil would stay on the couch.

Speaker 2 But they would tell me SNL stories and still never crossed their mind to do SNL because I wasn't like a character guy. I'm just barely a middle act.

Speaker 2 just trying to make sure this is what I'm going to do forever, you know, because I have to make enough to just go, you know,

Speaker 2 check to check. I still wasn't making money.
And then I sort of went way back for your answer, but

Speaker 3 this answer is two and a half minutes.

Speaker 2 Just tell me when it comes to the money. Oh, I love it.

Speaker 3 I know I'm in.

Speaker 2 Okay. So then

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 3 you can pick it up probably. Yeah, that right there, it's starting to drag a little bit there.
It dipped a little bit. Yeah, but we can probably trim that out.

Speaker 3 The thing about comedy, oh, tangent alert, tangent alert.

Speaker 3 So anyway,

Speaker 2 they come back, blah, blah. And then I do the young comedian special that used to be on HBO, and there was like a host would host it.
And Dennis Miller was the host. That's right.

Speaker 2 Will, have you heard the story?

Speaker 3 And so, um, I got listener. Will's texting.
I'm texting because I got Amy's FaceTiming about because the kids, my son hasn't finished his homework. It's an even better story.

Speaker 3 Did you let her know that it's our time right now?

Speaker 2 Or it was the weekend? Yeah.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 3 so

Speaker 2 anyway, I get an audition because they saw this young comedian special, and me and Schneider got an audition in in New York. So that was your answer.
I flew to New York.

Speaker 3 And then that audition was stressful, was relaxed?

Speaker 3 Did you want it or not?

Speaker 2 Diarrhea inducing? Yeah. I wanted it, but I go, oh, yeah, I would be on SML.
It'd be great. No characters, no idea, just like sounded great.

Speaker 2 No plan.

Speaker 3 So don't you have to do characters for your audition then? What's your question? Yeah, they tell you you have to do a certain.

Speaker 2 No, I did stand-up. So you just did your set.
A lot of people just do stand-up, and now more and more they're making stand-ups do characters, which fucking sucks.

Speaker 3 and don't you have to do like an impersonation or no

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 i was just scrambling i'm like here's john bonet i love a parade

Speaker 2 i got hired to be a writer and i didn't want to be a writer i wanted to be you yeah so then did you okay sorry don't want to jump ahead but what did you do so schneider and i get hired as a feature it's called a writer performer feature player.

Speaker 2 So he goes, this is great. This is what Chevy Chase did.

Speaker 3 So you get to write and be on camera or just write for the first year?

Speaker 2 Jason's like, is it, we're toward the end?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 2 So I get to.

Speaker 3 It's foggy at the runway.

Speaker 2 I go there.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I walk around.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 2 So I just get a brown desk and a legal pad. And they just go, this is your week, but no one tells you Jack shit.
So we, Rob and I. walk around and we see Conan O'Brien.

Speaker 2 We see, I mean, the writers are fucking hitters. It's Greg Daniels, Conan, Robert Smeigel, Jim Downey, and,

Speaker 2 you know, fucking Bob Odenkirk. And then the cast is Mike Myers and Diana.
And all these guys are writing too. So I'm competing against these fucking Frank and, you know, all these writers.

Speaker 2 And then the cast. And that's the hard part is that we weren't even trying to get on the show.

Speaker 2 At the first, I was like, let me just get through read-through without my sketch sucking so fucking bad where everyone looks around and goes, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 Who's Spade?

Speaker 2 Because you have to put your name on it, unfortunately. So they look at it, and they're already like, you know, low expectations.

Speaker 2 But then, Lauren, you know, you guys have hosted, you read like 45 sketches at read-through, and I probably write two, which is harder than shit because most of the hosts were about the same look, you know, like honestly, like white guy, like a little older,

Speaker 2 like, you know, it could be Tom Hanks and Alec Baldwin, and John Melcovich, and then

Speaker 2 Michael Keaton. So your sketches aren't so different.
You know, you can't go, oh, it's Melissa McCarthy. Oh, I have a great one for her because it's something we haven't seen for a while.

Speaker 2 And she does different moves than this person. And it's always fun to get someone different.

Speaker 2 And if you're not a good writer, which I wasn't, it's really hard to think differently and write for other people, which is hard.

Speaker 3 Did you watch SNL and before you went through all of this? Like, were you a fan? Like, did you have favorite people?

Speaker 2 I did watch it growing up and loved it. And that was always like, I think, people's favorite years are sort of their years when they were in front of a TV.
And people say they liked it when I was on.

Speaker 2 It's usually when they were watching.

Speaker 3 Did they say, okay, David, just write for a year. And if your writing is good, then we'll put you on camera after a year? Or how did they make that?

Speaker 2 I had a good question. That was way better than Sean's.
What it was was.

Speaker 2 Sean tried to get in another one before you were in the city.

Speaker 3 He did what I used to do, which is give you a multiple choice for an answer, which ends up elongating things. Jason also likes to answer his own question buried in the question

Speaker 3 at the midway point. We're not journalists.
We're nowhere nowhere close to it.

Speaker 2 Listen, I'm doing a podcast. I don't know what the fuck is happening.
I mean, Dana talks and I just wait and then I say a joke and everyone looks like, why are you talking?

Speaker 3 I'm like, I'm not. I'm just going to watch.
I'm going to watch a little bit. I love that you guys are doing that together, by the way.
I love that you guys are two super hilarious dudes.

Speaker 3 And it sort of, when I saw that you guys would do that, I was psyched.

Speaker 2 Well, everyone goes, Smilers is the greatest show on earth.

Speaker 3 I know. Do a lot of people sound like that?

Speaker 2 Well, we didn't videotape it. And I said, I think we should videotape it because my fans are between six and nine years old.

Speaker 3 And they like things on TV. They like pictures.
Like YouTube.

Speaker 2 And so, yeah,

Speaker 2 and they like Legos

Speaker 2 in the hotel Transylvania. So everyone just said, no, we don't.
And I go, I only know stuff from my stupid Instagram. I don't even know about podcasts.

Speaker 3 I go, oh, that person I follow Housing One.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's a clip from it. So I go, how do I tell people I'm on it?

Speaker 3 They're like, well, that's up to you. I'm like, is it? What? So, well, that's where you come in.
I go, I don't know what you mean. Where do I come in?

Speaker 2 I can't even show it.

Speaker 3 So they said, small bread,

Speaker 3 and I go, oh, Jesus.

Speaker 3 Hey, David, when you used to do,

Speaker 3 how deep into doing SNL, you being on SNL, did you start doing that? I think, was it called Hollywood Minute? Yes. Oh, God.
It gave me so much anxiety. I know me too.
So wait, so.

Speaker 3 Wait, what is anxiety or give me meaning? No, it gave me so much, because

Speaker 3 I was definitely on the outskirts of show biz

Speaker 3 in the prime

Speaker 3 oh yeah in the prime target land i would watch that with just like like like when someone watches a horror film through fingers tell tracy what it is so for tracy out there uh hollywood minute was uh this hilarious segment of uh of weekend update where david would come on like a hollywood reporter does on a local news station and he kind of runs down the status of the business and the status of people's careers, et cetera.

Speaker 3 Sean, it was so fucking... Do you remember? No, I totally totally remember.
I do remember it was holiday. But it was always

Speaker 3 the scathing, truthful underbelly of what the true climate was. It was a baseball bat to the knees of people.
Yeah. Like if any movie didn't open, he would put a shine shine a light on it.

Speaker 3 If somebody's career was plummeting, he'd amplify it. Yeah.
It was just,

Speaker 3 did you ever get any like?

Speaker 2 Well, it was always a little dicey because, you know, I'm doing it and then I'm doing it a lot. I'm fucking horny for it.

Speaker 2 And then we'd be in the writer's room and Jim Downey would go, you would never do that. And we'd throw out jokes and I go, I go, what about this? And he's like, oh, you're too much of a pussy.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, I think I am.

Speaker 2 You know, he's my head writer. He's my boss bullying me to do it.
And because Downey was like, we all love Downey. He's the best writer.
And so.

Speaker 2 And he wanted these jokes. You know, everyone wants the jokes.
They just don't want to do them.

Speaker 2 And I was the conduit to get them out there. And so people would come to me and go, what if you said?

Speaker 2 And so I start getting, you know, some didn't always do well, but they were more memorable because people were like, oh, this is back when it was People magazine and that was it.

Speaker 2 So all celebrities were just catered to. And so no one was saying anything negative.
And so I'm like, hey, have you seen this fuck face?

Speaker 3 And everyone's like, wait, what? I'm like, god damn, that movie sucked.

Speaker 2 And they're like, so it was probably like 12 jokes in a row. And then I go, later, and just get out and run and hide.

Speaker 3 Did you ever joke about somebody that had just been a host or somebody that came on a few weeks later that was a host?

Speaker 2 I think I did Stone Temple Pilots and I go, I just heard their album.

Speaker 3 I liked them the first time I heard them when they were called Pearl Jam.

Speaker 2 And then they came on the show about a month later and they said, Marcy Klein goes, Stone Temple Pilots are down there. And the lead second ones kick your fucking ass.

Speaker 3 And I go, Are you joking?

Speaker 2 She goes, not really, no, but we won't let him up here.

Speaker 3 And I go, well, don't tell him I'm up here. He doesn't have a fucking building.

Speaker 2 I didn't tell him you were on 17. I go, well, I am on 17.
Don't throw numbers out.

Speaker 3 And so

Speaker 2 she goes, so she had to calm him down. And then I wound up being good friends with that guy who's a great guy, Scott.

Speaker 2 And but that was just a throwaway joke, but I don't get how it like hits him to the bone because he's probably, it was one of the first times someone said something like that, you know, to him, which is kind of jokes now seem like old jokes, but at then they were sort of newer.

Speaker 2 Um, when I remember one of the rough ones was downtown Julie Brown

Speaker 2 because she left this MTV and she was doing something stupid.

Speaker 3 And I go, wubba, wubba, wubba, my career's in trouble, trouble, trouble.

Speaker 2 And then next joke, and people are like, God damn, dude. Oh, here's the bodyguard.
I saw the bodyguard. It was the weekend it opened.
I saw the bodyguard this weekend and

Speaker 2 I want my money back.

Speaker 3 But I had a really good high-pitched.

Speaker 2 And then, and even though it was a good movie, that was the worst part.

Speaker 3 I just go, well, the joke sounds kind of funny. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And not everyone saw it yet. They don't know.

Speaker 3 That's the point of it was they were just jokes. Like if anybody, you know, if one of those guys threatened you at valet, you're like, dude, I was just fighting.
I don't know you.

Speaker 3 I'm just making a fucking joke in the moment.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I talked to Chris Rock about it because Chris Rock still does it. Like when he's doing his act, and,

Speaker 2 you know, he's like, J-Lo,

Speaker 3 she got got here and then her ass came two hours later.

Speaker 2 And so, but he's doing it right to them at an award show.

Speaker 3 And I go, oh, I couldn't do that.

Speaker 2 That's too rough.

Speaker 3 That's too hard. SNL carried and still does carry so much validation power that by you in that moment, in that bit,

Speaker 3 being the voice of SNL,

Speaker 3 there was, you were, you were. either making or breaking some careers to a certain extent.
And it was, it was, it was, you could not, not watch.

Speaker 2 Yeah, SNL does still, you know, people, it's good that it's hanging in there because it has its ups and downs, but there's always something funny.

Speaker 2 And I wish we had a sketch on Monday you could see online. You know, there's no online.
So you miss it. You miss it for six months until there's a rerun.
So

Speaker 3 you know what's funny, David? You get this a lot. And I just sort of peripherally have seen it over the years.
You know, when Amy was on, the thing where people go,

Speaker 3 I don't like SNL anymore. I liked it back when, and that's like the most common thing you hear from from people.
And I got to see it,

Speaker 3 and I just call such bullshit on it

Speaker 3 because,

Speaker 3 you know, you know, the very nature of a sketch show is it's never going to be 100% perfect. You know, if you get one or two good sketches of a show, that's a great show.
That's any show, really.

Speaker 3 That's every show. And that's the only part that you remember.
So all these seasons are much better in the rearview mirror because you're only thinking about the good stuff.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, so people go, I remember the good days when it was this. And it's like, no, you fucking don't, you fucking liar.
You have.

Speaker 2 And they told us we sucked.

Speaker 3 right of course

Speaker 3 when we were loaded up with everybody and you guys were loaded and it was amazing the other thing about david i've often thought of this you came up with an entire sort of joke uh uh format which was which was used and taken and stolen from you for years which was the you know 1999 called and that they want their pants back or whatever yeah yeah that's great that is like an iconic joke format that you created i think that was in hollywood minute would do different versions of it it it started with funny oh yeah well there was one there was was one thing when I, before I did Hollywood Minute, I did it, and thank you for saying that.

Speaker 2 Because that joke has been bent and beat around for years, but I love being a part of it. When I was on Dennis Miller's old talk show, I was really, he was my favorite comedian.

Speaker 2 And so he had a talk show, but toward the end, it was going off the air, so people wouldn't go on. I didn't understand that, you know, people start scattering when there's any sign of trouble.

Speaker 2 But it was his last month, but they knew it was canceled, so no one would come on. So I came on, I think, three times in two weeks.
And because he had helped me so much get on SNL. I was like, sure.

Speaker 2 He's like, Spudly. I said, sure.
But the last time I came on in shorts, so disrespectful. But I was like, yeah, I got to go to the Beverly Center.
I'll definitely, I'll be there.

Speaker 3 And so

Speaker 2 I go over there and he goes, shorts, Spud?

Speaker 3 On a talk show?

Speaker 2 And I go, it's called Summer, dude.

Speaker 3 Look into it. And

Speaker 3 then

Speaker 2 when I did Hollywood Minute, I go, oh, I should do more shit like that. That's funny.
So it's like, it's called fashion. Look into it.
So it was stuff like that.

Speaker 2 And then in 1997, called they want their hair back all that stuff so that was a point of time but even jokes from movies like tommy boy and stuff where you look back one of my favorite movies of all time i think some of them hold up and some you know old old movies some movies some jokes hold up some don't but some are original from that movie like not just tommy boy there's a lot of movies where you see it and you go oh that's kind of a corny bit and you go oh no that's where it started like yeah when there's anything wrong with my face i i just it's not so much here it's really you see the red mark here

Speaker 3 yeah we kept sending him back to makeup going it's got to be redder it's got to be so clear yeah david who do you who are you hanging out with today other than carvey a lot that just makes you bust to gut oh uh comics that i hang out with are um Kyle Donegan, I saw last night,

Speaker 2 who does a lot of impressions and weird stuff on his Instagram. It's a little different.
He's not just a straight stand-up.

Speaker 2 Theo Vaughn, Tim Dylan. There's guys that I just see here.

Speaker 3 Are you getting up on stage lately? I do. I did a special.

Speaker 2 I did a special two weeks ago. This airs in 2023, but I did a special two years ago in 2022

Speaker 3 that

Speaker 2 it comes on. I don't know when.
I'm going to go edit it Sunday, but I did it. And it was hard because I was practicing and I haven't done one for a long time.

Speaker 2 Last was on Comedy Central, which not no one saw, but it's just harder to see. I want it on Netflix.
And so

Speaker 2 actually, I ran into Brad Pitt.

Speaker 3 You guys all know Brad Pitt.

Speaker 2 And I never see him, but I saw him somewhere. And he goes, I'm seeing all these specials.
And he's rattling off all these comedians. And I'm like, I have to do one just so Brad will see it.

Speaker 3 That was really the

Speaker 3 impetus.

Speaker 2 He goes, you don't have one.

Speaker 3 Like, I'm just not in the business. I go, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 I've been turning down a lot of stuff lately.

Speaker 3 You go home and you brush your teeth and you're like, Brad Pitt thinks I'm not in showbiz anymore.

Speaker 2 He didn't say it out loud, but he was thinking he's like the eyes darting around. They're like, who's this fucking clown?

Speaker 3 We'll be right back.

Speaker 3 And by the way, let me just take this for all the young folks out there. Throw away your smokes, eh? Because they're not good for yous.
Okay?

Speaker 3 So if you got any in your pocket and I seen yous, I know where they is, right? Okay? Crush your smokes.

Speaker 3 Today's episode is sponsored by Ashley. They don't just sell incredible furniture.
They're also making an impact in vulnerable communities. Here's a tough fact.

Speaker 3 Over 7 million kids are affected by the welfare system and over 368,000 are currently in foster care.

Speaker 3 So together with Ashley and SiriusXM, we made a donation to four others, an organization working to end the child welfare crisis in America.

Speaker 3 You know, partnering with Ashley in our live show, First of all, they just made our set look really good.

Speaker 3 They made us really comfortable and they kind of made us look legit because otherwise it would have been, you know, milk crates and,

Speaker 3 you know, cardboard boxes. And Ashley made it look like a real, kind of looked like a living room, made it really comfortable, made our guest, John Mayer, really comfortable.

Speaker 3 And then he thought that maybe we're professional, we're not just a bunch of clowns. To be honest, there was a point where I got so comfortable, I forgot that I was in front of an audience.

Speaker 3 I was sitting back on that nice Ashley couch and I was just hanging out with my buds in my living room.

Speaker 3 Anyway, Ashley offers timeless, well-crafted furniture with white glove delivery right to your door. Visit your local Ashley store or head to ashley.com to find your style.

Speaker 3 Some like it hot, but for most, a little spice goes a long way.

Speaker 3 Dorito's Golden Sriracha Flavor Tortilla Chips are the perfectly balanced blend of yellow and green srirachas for a chip that's tangy and sweet with just the right amount of heat.

Speaker 3 Dorito's golden sriracha are spicy, but not too spicy because Dorito's knows bold flavor doesn't have to mean just heat. Try Doritos Golden Sriracha for yourself.

Speaker 3 Look for them wherever Doritos are sold or find a store near you at Doritos.com. Doritos for the bold.

Speaker 3 This is an ad by BetterHelp. Have you ever had someone that you haven't reached out to in a long time and you're just like, you know what, just do it.

Speaker 3 I just did that recently and it was such a wonderful experience. We had a great lunch, a lot of catching up, and I'm so glad we we did it.
It was great.

Speaker 3 As the seasons change, shorter days don't have to weigh you down. This season, BetterHelp encourages you to reach out, check in on friends, reconnect with loved ones, and remind them you're there.

Speaker 3 Just like it takes a little courage to send that text or grab coffee with someone you haven't seen in a while, reaching out for therapy can feel difficult too, but it can be worth it.

Speaker 3 It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp is one of the leading online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully qualified.

Speaker 3 BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. This month, don't wait to reach out.

Speaker 3 Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step.

Speaker 3 Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash smartless. That's betterhelp.com/slash smartlist.

Speaker 3 All right, back to the show. David, your show, your talk show Lights Out.

Speaker 3 I just thought it was one of the greatest things I've ever seen. I watched it all the time, and then I was on it with you.

Speaker 2 You did a funny bit on it.

Speaker 3 God, it was so funny.

Speaker 3 What happened? Because I thought this is working great.

Speaker 2 It's a real raw nerve.

Speaker 3 No, because I know. Now the tears come.
There they are. It's one of the, it's one of the, it was one of the greatest late night things.

Speaker 2 Obviously one of the best shows of all time. But

Speaker 2 that's your words. No, it was a fun show to do.
It was fucking hard to do. I don't know.
I mean, I'm such a colossal pussy. I probably would have.

Speaker 3 You just seem so perfect for that, that outlet.

Speaker 2 Thank you. It was a fun show.
It was just four nights a week is hard.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I always assume talk show hosts have the easiest job in the world, but I keep hearing it is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they try to make it easy. Like when I hosted Kimmel, they go, you know, that's great.
You're coming in in the morning. Jimmy comes in seven minutes before the show.

Speaker 3 Why am I even here at 6 a.m.?

Speaker 2 Because I don't know how to do it. You know, they're trying to teach me where to stand and what to say.
But I said, I'm sure he's got it so fucking wired that they have to because it's hard.

Speaker 2 And it's hard to, the hardest part, like even like on a talk show like a Kimmel is the talking to the guest part. Like this, to me, is easier in a way.
Plus, you guys have some help.

Speaker 2 Like I have, me and Dana. And it's, it's still kind of hard, but it's more bullshitty.
But on a talk show, it's like that 11 minutes or whatever. And you.

Speaker 2 Ask questions and you got to keep it entertaining and balls in the air and you don't know much about the person.

Speaker 3 And you have to tee up the promotion of whatever they're selling.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and you got to work this and that. And you don't know.
They're talking backstage. They don't want to get to your clip, but you think they are.

Speaker 2 Like when you're a guest, you're like, are we, we're out of time?

Speaker 3 I think I brought a, and they're like, all right, next time when David spit, I'm like, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 So, you know how it is. So

Speaker 2 the lights out thing was we went into Corona, COVID. Yeah.
You know, because we're in the third year of our two-week lockdown right now. And they said two weeks.

Speaker 2 And then after that, they go, Can you just if we send you a mic, can you do it from home on Zoom? Which a lot of people tried, it was hard to do, but we did it for a while.

Speaker 2 And then Comedy Central said

Speaker 2 a new boss came in and said, We're gonna get rid of Tosh and lights out, and we're gonna go more animation and stuff. So, they just did a clean sweep and started over.

Speaker 3 And I was like,

Speaker 3 So, do you want to do something like that again, that kind of routine, or do you prefer

Speaker 3 features or doing another TV show or maybe just podcasts and touring and stuff like that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well podcast is new and it will and it's it's it's not it's kind of fun. It's kind of interesting because everyone is SNL related.
It's about sort of has a slant.

Speaker 2 So some are just old friends and some are people I just know who they are and it's fun to ask them stuff about the show because at least I have some knowledge of it.

Speaker 2 But I like stand-up.

Speaker 3 Do you enjoy the touring part?

Speaker 2 Like city to city and yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't bust my ass, but I do like to get out and it's kind of fun to go to a city and see how much you sell or what

Speaker 2 you do at theater. And they go, oh, they want to add a night or something.

Speaker 3 You go, oh, I've never even been there.

Speaker 2 That's fun to go and see who's listening and who's watching and who knows you from what after all this time.

Speaker 3 Now, are you the type of guy that does a show and then goes out afterwards and gets after it and sleeps till three o'clock in the afternoon?

Speaker 3 No, that stopped early.

Speaker 2 That stuff, which is a comics life, when I did like the Dallas improv and I was starting out and I was a middle on the road, which means you're not the headliner but you do like 25 minutes it was such a weird thing to not have any rules you know you just go out and you go huh i'm a middle for life yeah i got hired and as an i was still in middle and then you go out and headline you go i don't even know i don't have 45 minutes i don't have an hour but uh so i go out and middle and then you just have to be somewhere is the top the best or the bottom the best who's who who headlines a top or a bottom Sean if you're the middle.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Sean? Sean?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Sean. I don't understand this question.

Speaker 3 No, in

Speaker 3 stand-up world, if you're the headliner, does that make you the top or the bottom?

Speaker 2 That's the best thing you can be.

Speaker 3 The bottom?

Speaker 3 What does the bottom mean? Well, I don't know. If you say you're the middle, that's kind of

Speaker 3 so the headliner would be the top. Got it.

Speaker 2 There's opener, middle, headliner. And they just say middle because you're between the opener and the headliner.
Understood. So you actually call and say, hey, what do you do? You go, I'm a middle.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to play your club. And they go, okay, send me a VHS of your act shot on a camcorder somewhere.
And then they go, all right. And so I go to these clubs.
I got up to making a thousand a week.

Speaker 2 Sometimes when I did Vegas, it was only 500 a week, but it was 21 shows. And I thought I was king cock.

Speaker 3 I was happy with it. Now, you were going out after that, right? Would you go play the camera?

Speaker 2 Those I would. And then my friends would come on the road and they go, oh, we got.
So you'd go to a club.

Speaker 2 And what I was getting at is you get a free Hawaiian chicken dinner, which is like chicken with a pineapple on top, a pineapple ring. And I'd eat that.

Speaker 3 I'd fucking whoop it. Sean's eyebrows are high right now.

Speaker 2 He's like, were there shrimp in

Speaker 3 could i sub out the could i sub out

Speaker 3 do you have ahi

Speaker 3 would you ever do because you've been on two of the biggest sitcoms just shoot me and rules of engagement that both lasted years and years do i do a sitcom again i mean

Speaker 2 probably did you like that yeah i'm not really going after it too hard i'm just sort of did started the podcast doing stand-up and then had to get ready for my special which i had to do a little extra stand-up to rub out the rough edges Finished it, trying to make it.

Speaker 2 I didn't, I didn't want it to be an hour.

Speaker 2 I think some people don't last that long watching them. But now it's at an hour 11.
I got to still cut it down. And I'm like,

Speaker 3 fuck, I don't know what to cut anymore.

Speaker 2 I like it. It's so gross.
I like my own jokes.

Speaker 3 It's sickening. No, but that's great.
If things are working, that's awesome.

Speaker 2 Right. And then someone goes, Chris Rock watched.

Speaker 3 He goes, I feel.

Speaker 2 A special should be 55. And I go, yeah, me too.
Your last one was an hour 31. He goes, I know.

Speaker 2 Are you saying you're better than me? We all know he is, but I make him say it.

Speaker 3 Speaking of rock, so you guys have, obviously, you and Rock and Sandler and Schlatter, you guys have all worked together now for like 30 years, keep doing movies together and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 Is this something that like, I don't know, every three years, you guys kind of call each other up and go like, hey, let's go do something?

Speaker 3 Or is Sandler the kind of the ringleader and goes like, hey, guys.

Speaker 2 Usually it starts with Adam if he has something, but we all just try to do our own stuff. And then, if you know, the grown-ups is the one we would be fun to do again.

Speaker 2 I don't think, I don't think we can unless we do something like that at Netflix because he's moved over there and that was a Sony movie.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but that's people would kill to see all you guys together.

Speaker 2 But it would be fun to do it because, you know, listen, we're keeping the lights on at TBS lately because it's, it's on like six times a day, and then it's grown-ups two, and then it's bench warmers.

Speaker 2 You know, it's just on heavy rotation. People are like, it's clockwork orange.
They're like, you will see grown-ups soon. Just stay on this channel.

Speaker 3 And now, is that, are the stories accurate as far as how great and cozy and comfy and cushed those shoots are with all these buddies hanging out in some great location with light days?

Speaker 2 But you know,

Speaker 2 listen, Ozark doesn't look like an easy shoot.

Speaker 3 I watch

Speaker 3 grab ass. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a hard, everything looks hard when I watch it. I look for night shoots in movies.
I go, fuck that.

Speaker 3 Fuck that.

Speaker 2 But grown-ups is mostly daytime,

Speaker 2 which is already a start. For people that don't know, you're like, oh, okay, that's good.
And then

Speaker 2 it's still getting up at five.

Speaker 3 But he shapes these things so that it is appealing to him, you, the rest of your friends, as far as location goes. It's an ensemble, so the workload is kind of spread out.

Speaker 3 All families get to come, correct?

Speaker 2 On the grown-ups was where he was really family. centric going we have to cut these jokes one was we had gone to a strip club one night and and he's like, Absolutely not.
We have to do this.

Speaker 2 And one was this, we were just shaving it down and go, you're sitting with your daughter who's nine. Right.
That's who I want to come. So, what can they see where you don't go, oh, shit? I said, okay.

Speaker 2 So, every joke was kind of like, let's keep it funny, but let's do different versions because we're going to nail the one that's good.

Speaker 2 And when everyone's pretty funny, you huddle up after a take and say, what if,

Speaker 2 what if you said this? And then, like, I go, Adam, what if you say this? And he goes, you know what? Give that to Rock. And then Rock goes, all right, I'll say that.

Speaker 2 And then blah, blah, blah and someone will pitch something and they'll go, Kevin James will go, I'll say that. Okay, perfect.
Go again, like huddle. And then we go back to it.

Speaker 2 And then we come in and go, what about this? And Adam would always pepper the jokes around.

Speaker 2 So you could have cut that movie right every joke in the movie because every scene, you have one, you have something. And he has to give it like, but he gives himself almost the least.

Speaker 2 He's the main character. He's like the Seinfeld.
And he's like, you do this, you go off and do that. You say that joke.
Gives himself some fun, but isn't selfish. And then it's still a 5 a.m.
shoot.

Speaker 2 It's still a shoot. You know, Adam has to sit there and wrangle us when we're all me and Samuel Hayek and Rock are talking over here and Schneider's over there.
And he's like, guys, guys, fucking.

Speaker 2 And then you only have two lines. So you get to your line and he goes, Spade.
I'm like, oh, shit.

Speaker 3 Oh, is that me? So he's writing for, he's writing, producing, directing, and first ADing. He's such a generous guy, right? He's incredible.

Speaker 2 And he's good with it. And then those wind up being a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 And sure, it's work, but in the work world it's the best way because at least at night you can go eat with someone or at least on the set you can go bullshit with someone because a lot of things you do like i did father of the year after that oh a couple people remember thank you yeah

Speaker 2 and um it was adam's uh nephew was directing who was new at it and uh he wind up directing uh wrong missy but that was his first thing and Adam goes, do you want to do this?

Speaker 2 And I think it's pretty funny. I think you'd be good in it.
And I read it and it was like low budget. Like, I said, yeah, I read it.

Speaker 2 I thought it was funny and um but it was in the cold it was not grown-ups it was freezing it was raining every single day and i didn't know anybody and so it was a whole different ballgame of like oh it's back to work and you guys have done stuff where it's just work and you go and you go i just got to uh do it and then you the only joy really is you're doing takes where you think maybe you nailed something funny or maybe and it started to come together as i shot it i go this is pretty funny for me right and so when it ended you don't know it's just you're shooting out of sequence you don't know if it's any good.

Speaker 2 And they cut it together. When I saw it, I said, oh, good.
I like this one.

Speaker 3 Do you, do you, like, from the outside, from me, such a big fan, and you know, we email and we're friends and whatever, but on, I look at you and I go, SNL, two massive sitcoms, movies, touring with your stand-up, like the success is just really huge.

Speaker 3 And is there anything left that you, or anything that you haven't really conquered yet that in this world that you're like, yeah, if I could just blank, you know, get blank or whatever?

Speaker 3 Are you, or is it just like gravy?

Speaker 2 Maybe one more Razzie.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 What's a record on that? Is that what you're chasing? Is it

Speaker 3 well?

Speaker 2 Razzies,

Speaker 3 the really one that got me was do they even still do those?

Speaker 2 I mean, it's so fucking stupid that they do it and it gets all this attention and they just make up things now.

Speaker 3 The best one, which was really quick, David, for Tracy Arazzie is

Speaker 3 an award for the worst performance or the worst movie or whatever.

Speaker 2 Who's Tracy?

Speaker 3 My sister in Wisconsin. Who doesn't know Shop Talk? So we got to

Speaker 2 Tracy.

Speaker 3 Wait, what about the Razzie?

Speaker 2 Oh, The Razzie is, I was in Jack and Jill, and I was up for worst actress.

Speaker 2 And Sam was up for worst actor and actress.

Speaker 3 That's pretty funny.

Speaker 2 And I was like, okay, Razzies, you got one funny one in there.

Speaker 3 Good job.

Speaker 3 David,

Speaker 3 give us an update, a status, all the ups, all the downs

Speaker 3 about the personal life. I want it all.

Speaker 3 I want pets, mates.

Speaker 2 Just a quick quick appeal.

Speaker 3 How's personal life? Exciting, boring?

Speaker 3 What's up? We got dumped. We know that.
He loved

Speaker 3 that.

Speaker 2 Jason goes, oh, really? That was toward the beginning when you weren't really.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 My Ram is filled.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 2 I moved. I live near Sunset Plaza now.
And then that was in the paper, which is a new thing. Truly? Like our real estate.
This guy moved. Here's his house.
Here's how much it costs.

Speaker 3 Here's the realtor.

Speaker 2 Here's photos of it.

Speaker 2 Here's why you can't afford it.

Speaker 3 I just went through the same thing in August.

Speaker 2 And I saw your house.

Speaker 3 That's right. Yeah.
Yeah. There you go.

Speaker 2 I saw it and something, and I was like, look at this fucker.

Speaker 2 And then, you know, what I did is I would, I would judge people by their, no, not on purpose, but I would just think, this is DiCaprio's P de Terre, or whatever that means.

Speaker 3 And he, uh,

Speaker 2 this first of all, I go, it's two million. That's all he's got.

Speaker 3 That's the first thing I think.

Speaker 2 Then, and then I go, oh, he's got that lamp in his kitchen, Jesus. But then, when I sold my house, they go, the most embarrassing thing is they go, well, this place is obviously a teardown.

Speaker 3 I go, oh, what?

Speaker 2 My beautiful fucking mansion. And they're like, well, I go, I have a tennis court.

Speaker 2 They go, yeah, we'll bring two tennis buckets and some dynamite because we got to just take it down to the fucking nails.

Speaker 3 And I go, you're joking. I go, I live.
They go, you don't live here. Do you go?

Speaker 2 Well, no, no, no. I don't live here.

Speaker 3 I mean, I stay here.

Speaker 2 But I was so embarrassed. They were shitting on it.
And then they go, I go, all right. So I had these five realtors and four were like, it's probably a teardown.
I go, so that makes me sick.

Speaker 2 And then the fifth one goes, well,

Speaker 2 okay, if you just leave it like this, you're going to stage it. I go, I'm going to what? And they go, stage it.
And I go, what does that mean?

Speaker 3 They go, put furniture in here. I go, I have furniture in here.

Speaker 2 And they're like, well, not this Z gallery bullshit. Like, we got to come in here and like clean the corners and some like light in here and some life.
And I'm like, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 This place is, it's unreal.

Speaker 2 And they go, and then my realtor's nodding his head, going, hey, man, I wanted to break it to you. So literally, all my dreams are crashed.
I have to stage it.

Speaker 2 So the point is, I see these things on these photos. And I go, they didn't even, that's not even where their house is.
Like, mine looks so different now. I don't even know what it is.

Speaker 2 I'm like, that's my house. Okay.

Speaker 3 My house would be so embarrassing if I didn't have the taste of

Speaker 3 the other half of my life going and fixing all the crappy taste I have.

Speaker 3 Jason, your house used to belong to, you guys bought it from the estate. It used to belong to

Speaker 3 Ernest Borgnine. Ernest Borgnine.
Ernest Borgnine, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Who, by the way, who famously, somebody said, how do you stay alive, you know, live so long? And he famously said, by jerking off every day.

Speaker 3 So do you ever have that thought of him jerking off all around the world?

Speaker 3 That's a true quote. Do you just really? Shit.

Speaker 3 Look it up. Look it up.
That's going to haunt you. Every room that you go when you're sitting with your family and you guys are having a nice meal.
Imagine

Speaker 3 standing against the wall, leaning against the wall with one hand, the other one, and just rubbing one out. He's thinking, I'm going to live so long.
Black eyes. I'm going to live.

Speaker 3 So fucking long. Where was that little chestnut when I was thinking about buying the place? And the word on the street is he's a real squirter.

Speaker 3 It's got length.

Speaker 3 So I'm living in. The goo shack? It's just goo everyone.

Speaker 3 Goo shack. Oh, yeah.
David Spade.

Speaker 2 And then they, oh, and then I'll tell you this, then you can wrap up. I know Sean's, I got to go.
I got to go too.

Speaker 3 Don't worry about that.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 2 then someone offers me when I go to sell. It did sell.
This teardown did sell. Thank God.
But they go, they offer me half money and half Bitcoins. I go, what?

Speaker 2 I've heard that. Yeah.
I know. I go, I'm either stupid or dumb, but I go, I don't know.
And then they go, we can get you a condo in the metaverse. I go,

Speaker 3 what?

Speaker 2 On a good street?

Speaker 3 I don't even know what I'm talking about. What?

Speaker 2 And I go, I'm going to wind up in some shitty apartment in a Ruby Tuesday's website.

Speaker 3 I know what's going on here. I'll be way, way away from anything cool.
And they go, nah.

Speaker 2 So I didn't sell it for that.

Speaker 2 I go, I'm just looking for money right now at this junction.

Speaker 3 I don't need a file. And they're like, oh, then we're out.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 NFB. Is that what it's called? An NFP or something like that? Yeah, NFT.
You want an NFT of my house? And then I keep the house, but you have a picture of it.

Speaker 3 That's a million.

Speaker 3 Oh, good God. David Spade, I wish we could go on and on.
You have to go. I have to go.
We have to go. But it's been such a pleasure.
Thanks for making me class. That was amazing.

Speaker 3 That felt like five minutes. Spade, you're so fucking hilarious all the time.

Speaker 3 One of the funniest alive. Fucking every time.
Just hilarious.

Speaker 2 It's good to have a bullshit session with you guys because it's always a quick, brief talk.

Speaker 3 Come over to Jen's a little bit more often, be a bigger,

Speaker 3 bigger part of our lives. Come over to the clubhouse.

Speaker 2 Jen's for Tracy is a restaurant we go to.

Speaker 3 She always has good food there.

Speaker 3 All right. Say bye to Tracy.

Speaker 2 Tracy, I was in, how would she know me?

Speaker 3 She knows exactly who you are. She's a big fan.
She's a big fan.

Speaker 2 Thanks, guys, and I will talk to you soon.

Speaker 3 I appreciate it. David, thanks, Bob.
Bye, buddy. See you soon, man.

Speaker 2 All right. Have a great day.

Speaker 3 Bye. Bye-bye.

Speaker 3 He is such a unique community. Like,

Speaker 3 nobody really does what he does. You know, like, I think it's hard to carve out a unique space in comedy.
And he has had that and held that from the very beginning. Yeah.
Quick, quick, dry wit.

Speaker 3 Really quick, dry. And like I said, like, it really made me double over when he just zero kind of, we weren't even talking, and the guy's doing this bit.

Speaker 3 And he literally, in the driest possible way, just over his shoulder and goes, he makes you look like a good actor. And it just fucking out of nowhere.
We weren't even, and it just killed me.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, God, God, that's so funny. So cool.
Oh, that's what it was. It was him being a waiter and the guy going, what are you doing? I'm crushing

Speaker 3 about the shark, the shitty joke about the shark.

Speaker 3 I don't eat them. They don't eat me.

Speaker 3 So fucking funny. So funny.

Speaker 3 He's consistently always on the way tough. You know, he, yeah, and

Speaker 3 he's been in the business for so long. It's not like you forget about it because he's always there, but you forget, like anything, his brilliance.

Speaker 3 And you need to be reminded that these people are out there. So I don't know, he's he's one of the greatest, I think.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'd like to see him back on something super high-profile, you know, whether it's like another TV show or series of movies or like, I mean, the podcast is great and everything, but I want I want to see him.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I want to see him a lot more. That's why I thought that talk show was going to be his thing and work.
But, you know, he mentioned

Speaker 3 the location of his new home, you know, where the section of LA that it's in.

Speaker 3 And I don't live too far from there. In fact, I live really near

Speaker 3 by.

Speaker 3 No one's ever trying quicker to get to the bye than Sean.

Speaker 3 Have a good rehearsal today, Sean. Bye, everybody.
Bye, bud. Smart.

Speaker 3 Smart

Speaker 3 Less.

Speaker 3 Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbaco, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarff.

Speaker 3 Smartless

Speaker 1 For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters.

Speaker 1 Trimphaya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start.

Speaker 1 Tremphaya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks.

Speaker 1 If your doctor decides that you can self-inject tremphaya, proper training is required.

Speaker 1 Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis.

Speaker 1 Serious allergic reactions and increased risk of infections and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis.

Speaker 1 Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or if you need a vaccine. Explore what's possible.
Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today.

Speaker 1 Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit tremphayaradio.com.

Speaker 3 You know those moments when you're trying to work through a complex problem and you can't stop until you've found the answer?

Speaker 3 That's where Claude comes in, the AI for minds that don't stop at good enough.

Speaker 3 Whether you're planning something big, researching a topic you're curious about, or just just trying to work through a problem, Claude matches your level of curiosity.

Speaker 3 Try Claude for free at claude.ai slash smartless and see why the world's best problem solvers choose Claude as their thinking partner.