"Justin Theroux"

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Subject to change.

Hello, good morning. Or good

afternoon. Or evening.
Whatever it is.

I'm Jason. The guy

interrupting and mumbling is Will.

I'm Will. And

looks like Sean Hayes.

I'm over here.

There he is. Hi.

Do you want to know what you're saying? interrupting and mumbling is Will. I'm Will.
And it looks like Sean Hayes. I'm over here.
There he is. Hi.
Did you just take nappies? Yeah. I hope our listeners are still awake because this is Smartless.
Here it comes. Smart.
Lightless. Smart.
Lightless. Smart.
Let's go. Let.
Smart. Less.
It means so much to me. Like a birthday.
Stop. You're a pretty view.
Sorry, I just wanted to say that lyric. I had to get that out OCD style.
Go ahead. Where did the new love for Duran Duran come from? I love Duran Duran.
Archie or Abel? No. No, seriously.
It's not something you've always talked about or done. I love it.
What sparked it? First of all, Sean, you know the restaurant, Jones on 3rd. What do I do all the time? Anytime somebody mentions it, I go, Jones on 3rd, two minutes later.
Duran Duran is always here, man. It's always, it's right, it's a click away.
It's right on my desktop, okay? But why not Pet Shop Boys or Wham or ABC? What do you mean? Why not? Why not, you know, why not anything, Jason? Why not anything? But did you have like a really special experience at a Duran Duran concert and that's what's, you know, really entrenched it for you? It was the soundtrack of my youth. Did you buy the albums, Duran Duran album? Of course I did.
Okay. Why am I shushing? Why are you shushing me? Because do you know this commercial that uses the Pet Shop Boys because Jason brought a Pet Shop Boys where it's like I got the brains.
You got the bra. Oh yeah, that guy driving in the car.
And the guy just driving and then the head ornament sings and I don't understand. I don't get it.
I don't either. Actually, you know what? I think that guy's got a good voice.
Huh. Sure.
No, everybody involved is wonderful. I just don't get the product and the song, and I don't know what's happening.
I don't either. It's effective, though.
We're talking about it right now, but we don't know the product. Because here I'm sitting with a couple of Hollywood insiders who are out of touch with what the rest of us— Elite.
Elite Hollywood insiders. Sorry, I forget.
I forget. Sorry, you're right.
You're absolutely right. I stand corrected.
Hollywood Elite Insiders. Thank you.
And I, I'm Joe. I'm like Tracy.
Sean's sister and I are very similar in a lot of ways. We're both normal, knock-around people from the neighborhood.
We've got a name on her now. Her name's Tracy.
It's always been Tracy, by the way. We've never referred to her by her name.
Of course we have. I think Sean just remembered it, actually.
Jason, I'm now starting to understand. I'm now on Amanda's side in your lifetime battle because you don't pay attention.
She's right. Well, I'm constantly thinking about me.
I don't have time to hear anything else. What did you one time I said to you, this is at least almost 20 years ago, we were watching football and Amanda came in and she was like giving you grief about something.
I go, wow, that's a lot. And do you remember what you said to me? No.
You said, I got her on a different channel. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. It's a different volume slider.
It's usually down around one or two. And by the way, and she knows, and she's like, oh God.
But you know what? Now I'm on Amanda's side because you're not paying attention. It's always been Tracy.
We've always said Tracy. I'm one of those guys that's probably going to fake a hearing loss much, much earlier than it's actually happening.
So I don't have to answer too many questions. I'm going to give myself an out.
I may just have like a fake hearing aid for years. Oh man, what a great sentence, genius.
Have you ever noticed, you've already got the dumb look on your face. I mean, that's built in.
I go to anger a lot faster than I used to with age because yesterday I was upstairs looking out the window in the backyard. Staring out the window, sitting in a chair, staring out the window in the backyard.
Thinking about my actions and my future. And I looked up and I saw our dog eating poop again and I was so upset.
I was so upset. I screamed down to Scotty and I go, Scotty, Ricky's eating his poop again.
And he goes, outside? I go, no, inside at the dining room table with a nice glass of wine. Yeah, outside.
He got so upset at me because I came back so fast with such sarcasm. When you saw the dog in the backyard, were you worried that it was going to start digging up all the gold that you've buried everywhere in your backyard? Like a crazy old person? Were you worried about that? But he's got that little sonar thing to re-find it.
Just in case. I just, I got to train him where it's the most disgusting thing in the world.
Okay. So, you know what, speaking of disgusting, well, not really.
It's a terrible segue, but our guest, our guest today. Uh-huh.
Is a real catch, huh? Well, our guest is a real catch. First of all, our guest is incredible, talented, multi-talented in lots of different ways.
Our guest is an artist. Our guest is a writer.
Our guest is a performer. Our guest is all those things.
I once said to our guest, I've seen you on the beach and I've seen you on TV. Two of a billion stars, it means so much to me, like a birthday or a pretty view.
But then I'm sure that you know it's just for you. It's not Rio.
Our guest is Justin Theroux. Oh! Hi.
Oh, my sweet, sweet Lord. Look at him.
He's in disguise, too. Wow.
Are you in disguise? It's a really aggressive reveal. Yeah.
And it only works, it's great for podcasts. You look like Bobby Valentine when he was trying to pretend he was not on the, Bobby Valentine on the Mets bench.
That's a reference that not everybody's going to get. Listener, Justin has about a 40-pound mustache on his upper lip.
And he's about to tell us why.

40 pounds, yeah.

I just started a new job.

So the beard had to go.

Oh, I know what this is.

And we left the mustache.

What's the job?

This is the Watergate thing, yeah?

Yeah, Watergate.

I mean, G. Gordon Liddy.

Oh, that's great.

It's a film about Watergate or a play?

It's a limited series for HBO with Woody Harrelson. And we're just about to start.
It's your brainchild, isn't it? What's that? Isn't it your brain baby a little bit? No, not at all. It was a totally different person's brain baby.
First of all, brain baby is not an expression. So both of you stopped using it.
Exactly. Justin, I'm so, hang on a second.

Justin, I'm so excited you're here.

I mean, it's so good to see you, JP.

Listener, this is a great answer to a long-running question inside my head.

Thank you, Tracy.

Which one of us was going to bring you on the show?

Yeah, it was a battle.

And I can't believe it took this long.

Well, I can't believe it took this long either.

And I'm honored that it was Will, and I'm disappointed it wasn't you. Yeah.
Well, we have been talking a lot about you. I don't know if you're aware.
That's how I heard about the podcast. And I'm excited because I don't know you as well as these guys.
I know. So it's like we're meeting for the first time.
You guys do know each other. We've met before.
I think I was trying to remember it. We had a dinner somewhere.
I don't think you'd like each other. Oh, boy.
Yeah, I don't think we have anything. You're both too opinionated.
What about, Hank, can we talk for a second? Listen, I know you can't see this, but I'm looking at a really gorgeous place behind you. That's not your apartment in New York, is it? That's a different angle.
No, this is a place I've taken up residence in upstate New York. Do the owners know that? No, not yet.

Oh, you're squatting.

Good for you.

I'm squatting.

Squatters rights are so vigorous in New York State.

You can walk into any house and just take it over.

Say, I live here now.

Basically.

Wait, I want to hear more.

So it's Watergate, but you didn't write it.

No, I didn't write it.

I'm going to be serious.

But now that you mention G. Gordon Liddy,

that is a great description of that mustache. It is the perfect G.
Gordon Liddy mustache a g gordon litty mustache are you gonna shave your head too i mean it's it's a car accident what's happening up there right now can we see it it's a real kind of yeah it's all dyed black that's great that's pretty short but you can is was it his was his shorter no it wasn't actually because we're playing in 71.

So he was kind of a little bit freer with his hair in the 60s.

When did he have the full cue ball?

Yeah, what point was that?

That was later on.

Those were the Miami Vice days.

Are we doing those days in the show?

No, we are sticking just to the break.

God damn, you look good with that short hair. You look really good.

And the glasses that change with the light inside and out,

those are part of the character or are those just yours?

No, these are mine just so I can see you.

These are my readers.

of the character or are those just yours? No, these are mine just so I can see you. These are my readers.
Okay. We're all wearing, except for Will's not wearing glasses.
I know. We're all wearing, Jason's glasses are so strong.
You know what I do need, though? I do need, like, our friend Jen. She's got those glasses that have sort of the stuff to read at the bottom and then the stuff to see far at the top.
That's what these are. Oh, my God.
What's it called? Bifocals, you fucking... This is planet Earth, baboo.
Everything can be referenced to a Duran Duran song. By the way, Justin, where do you fall on Duran Duran? I love Duran Duran.
Thank you. Tremendous band.
Now, JT. Yeah.
Check your Wikipedia page, Will, for your next question. I'm not going to ask him about his question.
I know he's from D.C. I know his mom is Phyllis.
I know that he's a graduate of Bennington College. You see, I didn't even look.
He's a genius. I didn't even look.
And I know he's from the neighborhood. We used to live in the same neighborhood, the same around neighborhood exactly the same neighborhood i want to know i want to know because you're you're a you're a creature of the theater like i am when i i spend a lot of time in the theater loves the boards you still you still love doing that does you do you prefer one over the other or do you like crave to read you know it's i get a lot of i don't i get a lot of flack for saying that no one gives me any flack because I haven't said it.
Here it comes. But I don't love doing theater anymore.
What? I just don't. I don't like doing theater.
We're going to add a record scratch. Yeah.
Yeah. Don't worry.
We'll add it. No, but the real, I mean, I just, I don't find it, it's fun for the first like week, like doing Williamstown or something like that I would do.
Sure, fine. But I'm sure, or maybe you haven't experienced this, but you can do a play and then you get like sort of a shrug of a review.
And then all of a sudden half your house empties out and then you're doing it for the next three months. Tracy's giving a big amen to this.
I know. Well, Justin, how long did you do, you did a bunch of theater in New York over the years, I know, and you have extensive resume in that department.
So you had the, what was the big one you did? Shopping and Fucking was a big hit, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa, language. It was a, yeah, it was small theater, big hit.
Small theater, big hit, but it got a great review. Yeah.
It's a good name for an autobiography. I was just going to say.
Uh-huh. Was that a couple months run? Where was it? I forget what that was.
Was that a decent run? It was at the New York Theater Workshop. I don't know.
I think we did it for three months. I can't remember.
It was a great cast too, right? It was. It was, yeah.
Me, Jenny Dundas, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yeah, yeah.
Torkel Campbell, Canadian. So you don't like the fact that you have to, but you don't do musicals because plays are only like two, three months, right? Musicals.
Shut up, Sean. Shut up, Sean.
Shut up, Sean. Sometimes we just make each other laugh, Justin, and you're just going to have to wait, okay? We love each other.
That's why we're not doing it for the money. It's such an awful...
You know, listener, Justin Theroux is one of our best writers in Hollywood. Best and brightest.
But he just can't find the time to fit it in because of all of his great acting opportunities too, right? He's too handsome to write. He's too handsome to write.
I got sort of heartbroken by it because you start writing something and then you can work for something for a year, year year year and a half and then it can either go onto a shelf or someone buys your property and then it gets sort of just not made so it's it's it's when it's working it's fabulous when it's just again people who don't know you've written tons of great things the two two of the bigger ones is Tropic Thunder and Iron Man yeah but Justin like you, so you were, you and I are roughly the same age. I'm a little older than you, although you can't tell.
Sure you can. In the 90s, in the 90s, well, I'm not wearing glasses to cover my eyes, but in the 90s, in the 90s, just don't look at my neck.
Don't look at my neck. Don't look at my neck.
When you, that's what Hollywood is, just don't look at my neck. That's the whole game.
Don't look at my decollage. I'm creping.
By the way, I'm going to start investing in turtlenecks. I'm going to open a turtleneck store in Beverly Hills, and I'm going to kill it.
Only Richard Ehrlich can wear a turtleneck. You should sport a Dickie.
I should sport... Richard Ehrlich gets a shout-out on the podcast.
God, we love Richard Ehrlich. There we go.
But you were in the 90s. I remember we didn't really know each other other back then but i'd see your name on sign-in sheets and auditioning i'd kind of see you around you were a guy who was getting who's doing a lot of stuff you were doing again i brought up shopping and fucking that was a great production that everybody was very cool and it was you and phil hoffman and a bunch jenny dundas a bunch of cool people but what was that switch when you started when writing, there was a moment there for a couple of years where you really prioritized writing.
Was that a conscious decision? How did that switch kind of happen? It's like everything else in my stupid career. I just, it was kind of tripping upstairs.
It was, it was Ben Stiller became, I was doing a play actually on Broadway and Ben Stiller's then girlfriend was in it. And I was a big Ben Stiller nerd for the Ben Stiller show, which was a show, actually, on Broadway, and Ben Stiller's then-girlfriend was in it.

And I was a big Ben Stiller nerd for the Ben Stiller show, which was a show that was recently on Fox and got canceled. But it was a big cult with Bob Odenkirk and everybody.
Anyway, and I loved that show. And then I sort of, when he came backstage, I started sort of doing the show back to him like you do when you're a fan or something like that.
And then we became friends. And then I started sort of writing kind of, or helping him or working with him and sort of punching up his appearances on, you know, Letterman or Conan and stuff like that.
Um, and then he was, he was really like, you should write, you should actually write something. And so I basically, he had a rough pitch for Tropic Thunder and he said, what do you think of this idea? And we basically just for a couple of couple of years, just batted it back and forth on email, just making each other laugh.
And then that was really kind of the first thing I wrote. That's amazing.
Amazing. Yeah.
That movie is so good. But it was, it was luck.
I mean, it was, and it was also him kind of, you know, he's an incredible writer and he is incredibly good at sort of, you know, knowing the language of comedy and how it works, you know, structure he's really good at structure as well so it was it was sort of like getting a phd bone structure comedy from ben stiller but it's very kind of him to encourage me to do it um justin i was enjoying uh uh i was enjoying your uh was it uh esquire cover right now um with you and and the dog on the front um thanks got the magazine, right? Yes? When you said you were enjoying it, what does that mean? Well, don't worry about that. What does that mean you fucking enjoy it? It means you saw it.
Don't say I enjoyed it. Which also means it didn't even crack the spot.
I enjoyed the visual on the front. I know.
Because Bateman can't fucking read. I know.
Great picture. I love the pictures.
I love the pictures. And then I opened it and then there were all these squiggly lines in black.
How did that, so when, how did the dog get on the cover? Was the dog just kind of like being annoying, sniffing around your feet while you're trying to take the picture and the photographer said, ah, fuck it. Just put the dog in the shot.
Well, she was on set with when we were doing the photo shoot. And then at the end of the day, it was a classic, like, photographers do this trick all the time.
No.

And the photographer just said, why don't we get a picture of you in Kumo?

You know, and so I said, all right, great.

And she jumped up there.

And what was the cover for?

Was it a story on you or a project?

A story ostensibly on me, but, you know,

I've been promoting Mosquito Coast, the show that just came out.

Mosquito Coast, now streaming on all Apple.

A great show and worth your time, everybody. Worth your time.
If you want to see Mosquito Coast, starring Justin Theroux, now on Apple. There we go.
Can I steal that little loop in the weekend? Fucking A, yeah, dude. Because Will's got a voice.
Him saying that is worth a lot. He's got good pipes.
Just for what he does. Thank you.
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Our show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey guys, everybody should have a support system, right? Who's your support system? My support system, as you well know, talk about all the time, is Scotty.
And of course, my two besties, Will and Jason. Whenever I have a problem, an issue, I talk to them about it.
And if they're not available, I will talk to a therapist. And I've been going to therapy for a long time and it's always great.
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That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash smartless. And now back to the show.
I want to get back to the photo shoot. So it seems to me, I couldn't tell by the framing, but it looked like, because Kuma was taking up quite a bit of the shot, that your arms were bare, but you rarely wear sleeves anyway.
I can't really tell. Were you topless before Kuma came into the shot? And if so, I was topless before.
This is a great question. This is a great area.
I'm glad we're in this area. You being topless reminded me of a flight we once took together.
Can you walk the audience through your sleeping? Let me tell you, let me tell you something. Let's have it.
So to listener. Oh, I think I know that Jason told me this story.
This is, this is a true story. So I got a, I got an email listener.
There's a thing called a publicist. And sometimes when people are about to write untruths about you, they show you what they're about to write.
And they said, do you want to comment? You say, no, I don't want to comment. That's absurd.
Then I got an email saying the Enquirer or something is going to run a story that you're a nudist and that you sleep naked. You get naked on airplanes.
And we thought it was hilarious. And I was kind of toying with the idea of writing back like a sort of a joke comment you know to comment on the story obviously we just ignored it and then like a year later we were hanging out and you reminded me you said i remember when we went to fucking london together and you got fucking naked on the plane and i was like no i didn't get naked you said yeah you did and we were leaving lax we were getting on a night flight you know big long 11 hour.
And I do take my shirt off because I don't like to sleep in Pachao. So then I assume that I laid down.
But hold on. That's outrageous.
No, no, no, but it's a ding cabin. It's not like I'm in a cabin.
No, I don't care. It's a public space.
I'm in a cubicle. We were in first class.
No, no. I slide the door.
You're right on the aisle. Listen, no, listen.
I'm a total knock around bad. I don't always fly first class.
First of all, this isn't a guy, he's not humping it in 38J, okay? Exactly. I'm not putting my feet up on someone else's baby.
He's in 2A because only a clown goes in the first row, okay? So he's in 2A. But look, if you sleep with your shirt off when you're at home, that doesn't mean that, hey, listen, this is just the way I sleep.
When you're on a plane going across the Atlantic.

This is Jason.

This is Jason.

We get on the plane.

We haven't even gotten off the tarmac.

He's already in the fucking pajamas.

A little comfortable, you know.

Toothbrush in his mouth.

He's got his slippers on.

And it's just like you are at home.

You recreate your home exactly when you're flying.

Which is okay if it involves being clothed.

Now, you sleep, I'm imagining, naked usually.

How much do you imagine it?

Thank you. Recreate your home exactly when you're flying.
Which is okay if it involves being clothed. Now, you sleep, I'm imagining, naked, usually.
How much do you imagine it? Well, it depends if the Esquire magazine's nearby. It seems like it's an ongoing imagination.
Do you still, to this day, take your top off when you go to bed on a plane? Yeah, because that's gross. I do, but I have a blanket, so I cover myself.
But that comes off. Yeah, but I'm like underneath everything.
Yeah, underneath everything. He's not on the shuttle from New York to D.C.
with his shirt off. Whatever plane he's on, you know, that little tiny blanket will come off about 20 minutes into your sleep.
It's a duvet. Everyone's asleep on the plane.
It's pitch black in there. He's on Emirates.
He's on British Airways. Your body's touching the germy seat from somebody else.
Next time I do this, I'm going to take the blanket. I'm going to cut a slit in the center of it.
I'm just going to wear it like a pine. That's exactly right.
Now, wait. One time I flew from L.A.
to London and also in first class. And we were so excited.
It was with my friend Raina. And we took Ambien because we're like, we're going to get on that clock real fast, right? I took Ambien and then that didn't work because we were so excited.
Then I drank wine and I couldn't get to sleep, couldn't get to sleep. So while everybody's sleeping over at the Atlantic Ocean, I went to each person in the cabin about two inches from their lips and I pretended to kiss each person.
Oh, God. Good night.
Good night. Good night.
So you handle your drugs pretty well. This is one of those stories where they arrest you when you land and it's like Sean Hayes fucking loses his mind.
I one time took like a, I took like an Ambien. I was going on an overnight flight to Scandinavia because I don't want to get too specific, you guys.
And so I'm flying because I want follow-up questions. Where were you going so i was going to stockholm thanks for asking so i'm flying and i take the ambien right as we pull away from the gate we get on the tarmac and then there's like obviously like a like a slow down on the tarmac so i'm like jesus christ and i can't put my seat back yet and i'm like oh what the fuck we finally take off and my seat won't go back i mean oh my god i'm freaking oh boy can.
Can you imagine? So I can't call my publicist because I'm in the air. And I can't call all my Hollywood elite support.
I can't call my Hollywood elite support crew. What about your team? And I finally have to get.
No, I had them come in. I helped.
We mechanically put the seat back. But I'm in that ambient.
I'm 45 minutes into an ambient. And I've never been more out of it in my life.
It was the weirdest experience. What's the matter with you guys? Where do you get your Ambien? Do you cook it up and shoot it in the back of your knee or something? Like, it's real easy.
It just puts you to bed. I get it where everybody else gets it.
It was the men's room at the Greyhound station, man. Oh, there's your problem.
What are you talking about? Anyway, Justin, thank you for being here. Justin, what's your current drug intake? What's your favorite right now? What are you enjoying? A strong cup of coffee.
There you go. Okay, my two favorite questions to ask actors.
On that line, what is the craziest drug you ever took and what was the reaction? And then I need a really funny, tragic theater stage story oh my god sorry I'm sorry Justin we're just those are my favorite questions we got a kid here from a student newspaper and uh you know we're fucking you know giving him a shot here and then if you have an up tempo song we would love to hear that and also and what's your favorite musical like Like, Sean, I told you earlier, shut up!

I like hearing tragic

theater stories. I'm trying to think of

like, I mean, I sure have good theater

stories. I mean, I was doing a production

of Lute one time and... Have you ever

tried to be a singer or a dancer?

No, I've never tried to be a singer.

What about, will you even sing in the shower or

in your car when you're alone? You know what

Justin does? Justin invented Sing For Real, which we've now done for years. It's a great game.
It's the greatest game. Which is, a song comes on the radio, and the first time we did it, we were on vacation.
Justin, you remember? And this, like, Rolling Stones, like, Start Me Up or something came on, and Justin just goes, he says to me, he goes, Sing For Real. No, because you were going like this.
You were going like, Stop me. You were kind of doing like the pussyfooting version.
No, you weren't doing it for real. And then I said, don't fuck around.
Sing it for real. Like as if you were fucking like auditioning for the audition of a lifetime.
And you can't cheat. You can't do a joke.
You have to really sing it as if you think you're good. You have to go like, stop me up.
Stop me up. No, no, we get it, Will.
No, no, got it. Stop me up and never stops.
We got it. Right? Like that.
But you could go even realer than that. No, we don't need another take.
It's so embarrassing. It's the most embarrassing.
I love it. It makes me laugh so hard.
But it's for people who are just humming along to something and you go, stop it. Yeah.
Who sings this song? Sing for real. Yeah, sing for real.
Sing it for real or don't sing it. I'm shocked at how bad a singer I am and how bad a dancer I am too.
I'd like to see both.

I'd like to see you dance. It's just horrendous.
Justin, back to the first question. What's the weirdest drug you ever took and what was the reaction? The weirdest drug I ever took, I did once try to smoke that, because weirdly, I don't love smoking pot.
It kind of makes me, you know, I can do it like in many, many, many doses. like you know um and someone had some um some of that stuff you get at like a smoke a head shop or something that's basically bath salts and i took a hit of that and i thought i was i'm even getting anxious just talking about it made me feel like i was slipping away and i did not like that feeling um what was the next question did you call anybody that you you regret having called? God.
That's who I called. I mean, in my head, I just dialed them up enough to get me the fuck out of here.
Make this go away. The only time I ever pray is when I'm salty.
When you were a kid, when you were a little kid, what made you want to be an actor? Who did you see? Was it the pain? Was it the pain of your childhood yeah exactly the not seeing of my parents yeah was it the the door slamming behind your dad exactly just gonna go get a beer um boy it's a long beer he'll be back any minute. I swear to God.

He's going to walk in that door because he misses me.

But what was the big draw to acting for you?

Was it a lifelong thing or was it something that you kind of stumbled into in college?

It wasn't.

I mean, again, it wasn't.

In college, I studied visual art, a language, and drama.

But I did them as like double majors.

The visual art, sorry.

Was that drawing? Because I don't know if you guys know this, but Justin's like an incredible artist. Oh, really? Oh, my God.
That's very kind. In fact, he can tattoo the hell out of your kid if you want to have one.
My God. I have that great picture.
Tell that story. Tell the story.
He takes a Sharpie to my... Well, no, they come over and they want tattoos because they know I can draw.
But they don't ask for you to put... No, they ask, they ask for...
But then you turn my eight-year-old, at the time, maybe six-year-old daughter around. I say, I'm going to do a big bat on your back.
And then she goes, great. And then I do a big, huge Wu-Tang.
In Sharpie. And then Jason goes, hey, man, she's got grad, she's graduating sixth grade tomorrow.
I'm like, well, is she wearing a crop top? I mean, come on. I know.
Give me a break. She wanted a tattoo.
All right. So you're in college, you're studying visual arts, and you think to yourself, self? And then moved to New York and I'm going to try visual arts or acting.
And I kind of tried both, you know, so I would audition and then I would get jobs like doing like murals and T-shirts for clubs or bars. Anywhere where I could, I did a couple of billboards.
Did you have a tag crew? Yeah, I used to run with a pretty rough group of taggers. What made you want to go to New York though? Is that what made you? It was that thing.
That was the thing that I really wanted to do more than anything in the world. And it was, it's like, it's, you know how some're kids they just go like that's the place i'm gonna go and that's where i want to be right that was it for me like every movie i saw oh so there was you know it was always movies like rocky or flash dance which were both in philly by the way but it was um but i thought in my brain they were in new york you know so i was like i gotta go there where those movies.
I've always had that lust for Manhattan, and I've never been able to live there.

You've done stints there.

Yeah, but I've never had a place there.

You know, I've never had a key on my ring where I could, like, I have clothes there,

and I have food in the refrigerator, and, you know.

Yeah, well, you know what?

You don't have the stomach for it, man.

Yeah, you don't have the guts.

You don't have the guts.

It takes a particular kind of guy.

It takes a certain kind of, you know.

That's my favorite bit when Will's in L.A., and I can't, or I'll always know where Will is

Thank you. for it, man.
Yeah. You don't understand.
You don't have the guts. It takes a particular kind of guy.
It takes a certain kind of, you know.

That's my favorite bit when Will's in L.A.

and I call,

or I'll always know

where Will is

because I'll call,

or he'll call me

and if he's speaking

like this,

he'll go,

hello?

Oh, boy.

Then I know he's in New York.

I'm like,

oh, what are you doing, Will?

He's like,

just kicking around,

you know.

I might go to

Miss Vazul's house

later tonight.

Back in the neighborhood

and I'm like,

yeah,

I'm just stirring a big pot of gravy over here. Just stirring a big pot.
Remember when the neighborhood used to be the real neighborhood? I mean, we were knock around guys back in the day. The pub cap was first base.
We played stickball. We'd take a stick.
We'd play stickball just till the sun went down. And it got too hot.
We'd open up the fire hydrant. We'd open up the fire hydrant.
It was all bathing. It was the best thing in the world.
Chunked through. Chunked right through it, you know? Right through.
It's the only way to cool off in that hot summer heat. You go on the crossbrox highway.
And you feel the grime on the back of your neck, and then you hear the dinner bell ring, and you got to go. Yeah, I got a smack in the back of my head from Father Pazoo, because I was an altar boy.
I was an altar boy. Because I didn't say my novenas that morning or whatever it was.
I was an altar boy, but we we were not going to die. I was an altar boy, but we used to get into such trouble, but don't cross Monsignor Montgomery.
Monsignor Montgomery. Okay, so wait a minute.
So wait a minute. We do hours.
Thoreau and I would do hours of this. That would actually be the whole phone call.
The other one we used to do was the hangover one, which used to make me laugh. Will would call me up and go, and I would always answer like, it started because I would always answer like I was asleep.
And it'd be like 4 p.m. It'd be like 4 p.m.
And I'd go, oh. And he'd go, hey, man, it's Will.
Are you away? Yeah, what time? The panic in his voice, and I'd go, what do you mean we're away? It's 4 p.m. It's Monday.
What do you away? Yeah, what time? Panic. By the way, the panic in his voice,

and I go, what do you mean it's 4 p.m.?

It's Monday.

What do you mean Monday?

He started drinking again.

What's going on?

No, I just, where were we last night?

We did, we also used to do, Sean,

Sean, I did this to you yesterday.

We used to have to do, like,

Justin pick up and go, hello.

And I go, hey, Justin, I've got Will for you.

And then I'd come on and I'd go, hey, Justin.

You'd go, hi, Will.

I just lost him.

Just lost him waiting for Justin to get back.

And we'd be each other's assistants.

Be each other's assistants.

Tracy, this is a Hollywood back and forth kind of thing.

I'm so sorry.

Listen, these guys laughing about there is fake assistants. By the way, neither of us had assistance at the time, so that was the best part.
That's really funny. So, Justin, there.
Sean, did you ever get to the bottom of his favorite color? Nail him down on this, Sean. I'm trying to steer it there.
Don't let him wiggle off. I'm trying to steer it there.
Exactly. I'm trying to steer your guest into some information, Will.
Yeah, Will, where's your questions, goddammit? Instead of getting ragged on for being naked on planes with Jason. How can I? You spend all the time shaming him for being in good shape and sleeping nude on commercial airplanes.
I want to know, though, I want to know who those people, who the inspirations were, though, Justin, rather than just those movies that made you go to New York to be an actor. Like, were there specific actors or specific things that made you go,

I want to do that, that looks super fun?

Not really.

I mean, I think I love movies the same way that everyone loves movies.

But there was, I mean, I didn't have like one of those like galvanizing moments of like,

oh my God, you know, I want to do that.

Weirdly, actually, this is going to sound really odd,

but I was very touched by, when I was little, by a movie of the week that henry winkler did where he played like a a janitor or something um in like a high school and then he sort of i can't really remember the plot exactly but he basically would act and that's when he would like have like that's when he was most himself well but but justin what do you how do you feel you feel about the insecurity, the thing that you can't count on being hired as an actor because you don't walk around with a diploma from medical school. It's the worst thing.
I mean, knock on wood, I'm very lucky, as we all are in this chat. But, you know, the worst part about being an actor is, obviously, you can't act at home.
You can't just sit around and do it. You know, if you're a painter, you can sit home and paint.
You can play cello at home. You can't really sit home and act.
Early on, you really need permission. Someone has to give you permission to do it.
And that's the worst part about it. But I've always kind of always had like a secondary thing.
So like when I was it didn't not that didn't mean as much but it was like i could forget about the audition and i could go do you know mural work or i could go do something else so i had another track to sort of go down you know so i wasn't constantly just pining after i wasn't one of those people that went to auditions and then like thought about them all week and was waiting for the call i'd do the audition and then i would forget about it she's like a lottery ticket that's what jason would call this is where jason is going to step in with a sexy indifference healthy indifference last time jason auditioned by the way when was the last time you auditioned for seven eight years old uh i think my last audition i want to say my last audition was for the uh arrested it might have been for that? No, I think... Oh, absolutely.
In fact, I've got it on my computer. It's pretty...
I'd love to see that. We're going to watch that.
Honestly, yeah. If you had a mural today, would...
Like, well, not if you had to. Would you? Could you? What subject? And would you look for, like, you know, a wall somewhere to...
Or, like, how does all that... You know, I've done a couple murals for, like, people's, like, kids' rooms or things like that.
You know, it would be fun. I don't have time to do it.
What if you did, like, some, like, guerrilla sort of social commentary, like, in the middle of the night? I'm not into that. I don't want to do that anymore.
You know, I don't, I mean, I never really was, like, I would write a little graffiti, but I wouldn't, like, I would never claim to be, like, in a career graffiti scene or whatever. I did sort of, like, an animation

style. You consider yourself on the same level as

Banksy? Yeah.

In a pinch. And take

a minute. Don't answer too quickly.
Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, because, uh,

Have you sold works

before? Yeah, I've sold works. Oh, that's great.

A couple pieces. Like, you know, little art shows

and things really early on. That's cool.

But nothing like, you know, I don't think people are sitting on it like a hot stock or anything. Well, if you die soon, they will.
Well, thanks. No, I'm just pointing out, man.
Listen, JT, you also have a very, you have an extensive acting resume. And one of the things, I know you did Mulholland Drive.
What was your relationship like with David Lynch? How did that sort of come about and what was, do you still have a relationship with him? Yeah. I mean, we, we text and chat on the phone every now and again.
And when I'm in LA, I always try and see him. Um, he's, you know, he's, he's one of the best directors I've ever worked with.
I mean, it sort of sounds, you know, like obvious because he's such a good director, but not because of just the great films he makes, but he really is one of the kindest, most sort of explorative directors that you can possibly work with, you know, because he's giving you such incredible material and incredible leeway with what you can do. I've been lucky enough to do two things with him, both very different, but he's just like a beautiful artist.
You ever tried any that that meditation that he's so that he's so big on yeah i yeah i have tried it i did the whole thing and what is that i just i didn't have it's tm transcendental meditation i didn't have the same experiences that i feel like a lot of people who still practice it do and probably it was because i was not a perfect practitioner i can't figure out what the difference is between it and that space that you're at right before you fall asleep because it's a much more conscious way of uh i mean i'm sure you can fall asleep while meditating but you're focused on a mantra so you're repeating your mantra so you're not really going to sleep but you're resting your brain i will not wear you're only supposed i will not wear sleeves. You're only supposed to...
I will not wear sleeves. I will not wear sleeves.
I will not wear sleeves. Sorry, I'm just going through the mantra.
I will not wear sleeves. That was my mantra.
So you're supposed to only think about the one thing, right? It's a clarity and a singular thought that is supposed to be... I'm not an expert on this.
I'm the wrong person to be asking these questions to. Although I'm extremely spiritual and realized as a person.
Wow. You are.
I love that. You know, doing stuff for other people yeah yeah i just wanted to say that as a standalone yeah okay cool i just wanted to get a quote like i wanted one of those things like on his podcast uh actually will arnett claim that he does a lot of stuff for other like that's a direct quote yeah we can just pull that right out yeah yeah yeah sean will you guys don't meditate at all do you have you ever you? Have you ever done that? I have.
Will's meditating right now. I've done a little bit.
Successfully? I've done a little bit. What does it feel like if you're successful, if it's working? I've done guided meditations just because I'm such a novice, and I've only started within the last six months.
I like it. I find it very, it's a nice reset.
Sometimes it's a great way to start the day. And I guess I didn't know anything about it before.
So I thought it was like, how can it possibly, who gives a shit? And then I do it and I generally feel a little bit more present. Yeah, I don't know how people, you know, there's a bunch of apps, but you can set it to do like a minute or two minutes or five minutes or half hour.
I don't know how people do it for like 20 minutes or half hour. But the goal is, and this is a question.
The goal is to throw off stress, I think. There's so much traffic in your head that you're looking to narrow things down and just have one car on the road.
That's this mantra. Well, you'll notice if you ever attempt it in a serious way, sometimes you'll be trying to do it and then a million racing thoughts of what you have to do or things you're worried about will about all come in and apparently that's not necessarily a bad thing you're supposed to just let those thoughts go through and out like the weather like a cloud that blows in and yeah you let them go like it's like it's like thoughts are like a i remember when somebody told me like to visualize like a leaf falling off a tree that lands in a stream that's the thought and just let it kind of go and then you let it go and you let that thought go.
Now I got to pee. But it just keeps like those thoughts, that's natural.
And what's good about the guided meditation is, for me anyway, is it's taught me to kind of, they go, it's okay. You're thinking about all these things.
Let that go. Now focus back on your breathing.
And then if you practice it for longer periods of time, then you get more relaxed. Got it.
But, Will, when you meditate and you listen to those guided medics, you've inserted your resume in there, right?

Yeah.

Somebody reading your resume.

It's an audio version of my reel.

Right.

So it's just I'm listening to my own reel.

Are you just listening to your voiceover commercials that just mellows you out?

Yeah.

It's mainly like just a greatest sense of, you know, GMC and Reese's and old accounts.

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And now, back to the show. Justin, you've, we had a guest on here fairly recently, the amazing, hilarious, gorgeous, wonderful Amy Sedaris.
Oh, I've heard that podcast. And she was mentioning you.
She's hilarious. And I didn't know that you guys were so close.
She tore you to shreds, dude. Let's be dude let's be honest you didn't listen to all of it she ripped you a fucking new one i don't know if you felt the draft amy didn't listen to it and then i said you should listen to it you were really fun on it and then she goes oh and then i said you know after you got off you know they really praised you it was really nice like i was like you should at least listen to it for that because they went on and on about you after you clicked off i'm dying to listen to what happens after i was awesome how did you meet her and and and how did this friendship blossom i was actually um full circle coming doing that play uh shopping and fucking and she used to work at marion's which was a restaurant just down the block on bowery great sort of um campy like um but she she was a waitress there.
And she was, at the time, doing Strangers with Candy and waiting tables. Oh, my God.
Like, she would literally do, like, a day at Strangers and then come back. But keep, like, if she had, like, a black eye and a bloody nose, she would keep the makeup for the waiting tables.
And, like, people would, oh, what happened to your eye? And she'd go, oh, nothing, just a car door. I'm such a clutch.
You know, she would just do these bits like you know that's so great so i would go there every night to eat after the show uh me and phil and a bunch of other people and um and she would be there and she waited on us and then we sort of became friends well i just love her to death i just think she's she's amazing fucking one of the best most hilarious you know i staring at that beautiful face, that jawline of yours, and realize you've had that beard on for so long. What was it like when it finally came on? I mean, it's been on for like five years, right? Your beard? It's traumatic.
I've had it like three or four years just because of work. Do you find anything living under there when you're shaving off? Well, it's not that I just shaved it off.
It shaved it off, and I'm sorry to listen to her because she can't see, but I shaved it off and then was left with this. So I didn't get to shave the whole thing off.
Right. That would have been satisfying.
Yeah. To leave this on your face is brutal.
Yeah, the 40-pounder. And to know that it's a 40-pound, I look, you know.
Did your skin, did you get like, did you break out? Was your skin like, what the hell's going on? I broke out over here. I had little hot spots like a dog.
Sure. You know, I had a couple of hot spots that I had to, you know, get some calming oils.
I got you. And to calm the skin.
We're recording this on a Saturday. What's your, what's your weekend look like up there? I'm imagining you're not working until Monday.
What the hell does Justin Theroux do with his weekend upstate? I'm going to be, I'm nervous

because I'm about to start a job.

And so I'm going to be reviewing

all my words

and breaking down my scripts.

Practicing faces.

Making faces in a mirror.

Yeah, sure.

And putting a pebble in my shoe

and getting a walk.

Looking for that one prop.

Yeah, that one thing.

That will give me the food.

The apple.

Character. To take the beat to do the long shoe.
I probably sunday tomorrow jason i'll go into the prop shop and i'll cast my eyes around looking for i don't know a cane or a hat does does g gordon litty have a have a particular voice i forget that that you've been working on and i'm not asking you give it now but have you been studying that yes i have been and do you feel confident about it No, not yet. No? Are you doing it now? Are have you been studying that? Yes, I have been.
And do you feel confident about it?

No, not yet. No?

I will.

Are you doing it now?

Are you working with a dialect coach?

Am I doing it right now?

Yeah, I'm working with a dialect coach.

Who is it?

Tony?

It's Tony.

Is it Tony?

Tony.

Or is it Reginald?

Reginald helped me with a bunch of vaccines.

My name is Ron.

Is Monday your first day of acting? Monday's the first day. How's Woody hanging in there? Woody's great.
He's fantastic. What part's he playing? I just had dinner with him last night.
I love him. He's playing Howard Hunt.
He's great. I love that Woody Harrelson.
So he's got free reign on an accent there because I don't think anybody ever really heard him except for... There's a little bit of footage on him, but yeah, he doesn't have the same pressures because my guy ended up having a fucking radio show.
Academy, take note. Let me ask you something as an actor because we were talking about it before about the schedule of an actor who does what you do, which is like film to film.
It seems like you're traveling in a way. Is it hard? Do you mind that? I mean, because to me, the older I get, I've talked with this, with the guys at Nauseam about like

just the schedule of 14 hour

days, being halfway across the country.

I don't know. I miss my home.
I miss

my bed too much. I miss my...

Let's just hold on there for one second.

Yeah. Sean,

when you were doing Will and Grace,

first of all,

a multicam show is

historically the cushiest,

greatest schedule. And specifically

that one. Of the six,

I think it's a... Okay.
First of all, a multicam show is historically the cushiest, greatest schedule. And specifically that one.
Of the six hours you worked any given week on Will and Grace. Yeah.
Five of which were lunch hours. Five of which was just counting money.
Five of those hours was just counting cash. Did you? No, no.
You know what? Justin's life, by the way, I can answer this kind kind of for Justin have you ever seen The Dresser Justin's life is very much like Albert he's very much like Albert Finney in The Dresser that's his life exactly not Tom Courtney no and I'm the Tom Courtney to his Albert Finney shall we make a star come on time to get wakey and put on your clothes. How do we make a stop?

How do we make a stop?

Stop.

And then he's like, stop that train.

Let them know you're coming.

Let them know you're coming.

So, all right, so tomorrow we're going to practice faces and voices just a little bit.

And what time will we go to bed to make sure we're properly rested for Monday's work?

Make a handful of Ambien for myself at around 9 o'clock. Shoot it between your toes this time.
It might affect you differently. Do you get first-day jitters now when you're going to work and start every time you start something new? It's not jitters.
It's just kind of like... Like the butterflies in the thing.
Yeah, you do, of course. Because you haven't done the character yet.
So if it's at all a swing, I love people that go into jobs totally confident.

I mean, I wish I could do that.

Do you have rehearsals?

What kind of scene do you have?

Is it a big juicy scene on Monday

or is it starting easy?

It's a big juicy.

It's a good tip.

We're actually shooting slightly in order,

which is nice.

Which is rare.

Sean, tell the listener.

So when you shoot a film,

it's all about the schedule and locations

and actors and you shoot it out of order a lot of times. And then that's what editing is.
They put it all together in the right place. Jason, remember the acting lessons I used to give you, Jason? Yes.
Oh, God. Those ones I used to send you.
They did not work. What time? But really, tell me what I'm fascinated by people's sleep patterns.
What time? Because you strike me as a night owl. I seem to remember.
I'm always the one that goes to bed super early, as you know. What time will you be going to bed

for start of work on, I imagine you start top of day? Here's the best thing, is that me and Woody

are kind of aligned on this, which was, we're shooting in a stage, so with, obviously, there's

no light dependency issues, so he was like, why don't we just get in there at like nine o'clock,'m like great so i think we're going to start it like on set at nine which is not a it's really brutal when it's like 4 46 rehearsals so what time are you going to go to bed for a 9 a.m call uh i'll probably go to bed at 10 10. nice you thought sean's question about how how the schedule of a movie i'm not done yet arnett and you want to get into what fucking time i'm not want to get into what fucking time he's going to win.
I'm not done. Here's the...
You hit snooze on your thing? Yeah. Jesus.
Here's the follow-up. Here's the follow-up.
How much earlier than before... How do I say this? This is tough for me.
When will you get up? How much early... You've got to get set at nine.
Are you a commissioner of any rotisserie baseball leagues that you need to service before work like Jason? I'd like to have... How much time before your call do you give yourself? Thank you.
You know like in a theater when people can leave, when you're doing a play, you would know this. Sean and Jason would know nothing about it.
Uh-uh. You can hear the seats going...
Yeah. As people leave because they hate the place.
What's the podcast equivalent? What's the podcast version of that? It's a laptop slam. Yeah.
We wouldn't be able to hear ourselves. I just want to know what your morning routine is you got to get up super early here it is really quickly jason yeah i make a shake i put i pre-make a smoothie with spinach and bananas and some berries i put that in the fridge this is what i want to know that's that's gold that goes into the fridge then i have a green juice that i also put in the fridge this is all all before 1030 at night.
Then I wake up in the morning. I shower.
I put the thing on the blender. I go, I pour it into a to-go cup.
I take my green juice with you. When do you shower? Do you do body or hair first? Oh, God.
Sorry. Bar soap or loofah and shower gel? I do the conditioner first because then you want to rinse the conditioner out.
Then you want to do soap after the conditioner to get it out of your own. So now you're at the blender, and you get your shake, and you take your shake to work and everything.
Do you not chew, eat anything until, like, lunch? Yeah, I kind of do. I try and keep it liquid until I get hungry.
A lunch and dinner guy. Yeah, keep it liquid.
That's it. Keep it liquid.
Yeah. What do you do, Jason? I mean, aside from how? Here we go.
Packet of almonds in here. You know what the fuck.
You know what it is. It's just 12 almonds, a fucking thimble of water, and then just pining after fucking sweets.
I'll never be thorough then. I mean, this guy, goddammit, I don't know how you do it.
Have you always had... No, no.
He used to eat like a fucking animal. He used to be addicted to sugar.
You want to know... This is actually...
Remember when Pinkberry came out, Will? Yeah, yeah. And we'd meet every night at the Pinkberry.
You'd ride your bike over. This was Will on a health kick.
He would get, he would, he'd say, let's meet at Pinkberry. There's this new thing called Pinkberry and it's frozen yogurt.
You can get all you, you know. And I'd go over there and he's like, you can eat whatever, as much as you want.
It's basically, it's sugar-free, it's fat-free. It's like nothing.
It's like nothing. And so I'd go over, we'd go to the pig, there was a pig pair on Bleecker Street, and Will would get, it was like a Kentucky fried chicken tub, you know, like a bucket.
And they would just swirl it like, and it would be about a foot high. And he'd be like, and you could just eat it.
Meanwhile, his gut was fucking exploding.

He was getting water and water all the time. And then it was revealed that it's not really yogurt.

I don't even know what it is.

But he used to do that.

But also, like, before that, back in the day before that day,

we used to go for dinner, and then each one of us,

we used to go, and the waitress would go,

do you guys want any dessert?

And each of us would go, I'm fine.

I think he probably

wants the sundae.

Sunday. As if we're

ordering for each other.

I don't want anything, obviously.

He wants. I know what he

wants because he was telling me before the evening.

Justin, this is all making me

very wistful for the past. Can you

please move back out to Los Angeles

and re-enter our lives?

I'll be there. I'm actually going to be out there

Thank you. This is part of the job you're starting on Monday? Yeah.
We're going to finish in L.A., I think. Oh, you are? So hopefully I'll be out there with you.
Justin, I would love to have a meal with you. Yeah, can we all put in? Wait your turn, Sean.
He's going to take care of me and Will first. Well, I'm going to see him in New York.
I'm going to see him in New York. He's going to come out to the house.
You come to New York soon. Yeah, he's going to come out to Long Island.
Back on the block. I'm going to be on Long Island at the house.
He's going to come out at the house. The guy that he's going to bring Woody, me, him, and Woody.
We're going to have, oh, we're going to have laughs. Oh, we're going to have a ball.
Oh, the laughs. Oh, the laughs.
Oh, the laughs. We'll cry.
And then we'll laugh again. There's so much else to get into.
I don't even know where to. You haven't asked one question of your guest.
That's not true. That's not fucking true.
Tell me one question that you did any research on. I just asked the thing about becoming a writer.
I asked the thing about David Lynch. Resume? Yeah.
So tell us about Iron Man 2. No, all jokes aside.

You worked on Iron Man 2. You and Downey

became really tight on Tropic.

Tropic Thunder. We had such a fucking

blast making that movie. And I kind of, I know

Downey through you originally. Yeah.

And through that experience, he

was like, Iron Man 2,

it's all you, guy. Well, he

at the time, he thought, I mean, I'm sure he would say this. He was like, I don't, I think this movie's going to tank.
Like, talking about Iron Man. Right.
And we were on the set of Tropic Thunder, and he showed me the trailer. And I was like, dude, and Iron Man was one of my favorite characters.
And I said, you better buckle the fuck up, because this thing's going to be exploding. Like, and you better have your seat, both seat belts on.
And he was like, so i don't think and then of course you know the rest is history going down he's like i don't even have a seat belt uh forget it i cut them both out of the car so yeah and then it exploded and then so when that happened he immediately was like why don't you come in and meet with the marvel guy so i went over and met with them and it's you know it's It is one of those things that it's, you know, I'd love to take the credit, but you have to share the credit because Kevin Feige and Jeremy Latcham and Favreau and all those guys, it's absolutely a team effort in coming up with all the stories. And they, you know, Feige knows that property, knows all his properties so well.
He's so, he's the biggest fan of his own. He's got Hamptons, he's got south of France, there's one in Hawaii.
Different properties. Liz very modestly, by the way.
Yeah, Liz very modestly, Jason. So take that into account.
Yeah, Jason. And Sean, sitting there in your mansion, we can hear the echo in your mansion, Sean.
I don't even know where Scotty is for like three days. Haven't found him.
It's unbelievable how out of touch you are. Check the well.
So what was that experience like though? Once you get into that world, you're exposed to, first of all, the fans, of course, have only grown even more rabid. But like when you're in that kind of, for lack of a better term, machine of Marvel in that world, there's a lot of pressure.
There is, but at the same time, again, you know, Feige and Favreau at the time are such good shepherds of material that, you know, they're really the ones sort of at the steering wheel. And again, keep in mind, this was before Avengers.
I mean, I was so blown away. I wrote Kevin an email after I saw, you know, the first Avengers.
And I was like, it was like he made Star Wars in reverse. It was like this.
I couldn't believe how, like, because, you know, it felt like we were sort of throwing in Easter eggs, you know, like, you know, Thor's hammer shows up in the Koda or something. Very clever.
You know, and you think, where is this going? Or are these just sort of pointless Easter eggs? And, of course, not. There is a grand design to them.
No, it's super clever and super smart. So my follow-up question is, how many T-shirts are you wearing right now? Two.
I can see two. Because sometimes it's no...
Now, sometimes it's like... Hold on one second.
Well, I've got to take my cans off. Sorry, listener.
That's where he had. Listener, he's standing up.
Here we go. He's going to show us.
We've got one T-shirt. The shirt's coming off.

Oh, God.

Now there's a sleeveless shirt underneath.

There's a sleeveless T-shirt underneath.

Yes.

That's what you wanted, wasn't it?

There you go.

There you go.

So, wait, what is this?

Are you known for, like, sleeveless T-shirts?

Is that...

I get so much fucking shit from Will for wearing a sleeveless shirt.

He's got shoulders...

By the way, you know I'm just jealous.

Will, didn't you send him a gift once, a box of sleeves?

No, I was going to.

I was going to do it for his birthday.

I was going to send him a box of sleeves.

Why, Justin, do you wear a sleeveless, like, every day, or...?

Thank you. You know I'm just jealous.
Will, didn't you send him a gift once, a box of sleeves? No, I was going to. I was going to do it for his birthday.
I was going to send him a box of sleeves. Why, Justin, do you wear a sleeveless like every day? In the summertime, I do.
Will, every time he would see me, he'd go, oh, guys, can we all just take a moment and just mourn the loss of Justin's sleeves. R.I.P.
Justin's sleeves. I did that once at like Thanksgiving, didn't I, when we were doing a toast? We all did it.
Which just tells you that I was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt at Thanksgiving. I know, you were.
But I mean, listen, it's pure jealousy. And then the reply was always, and let's also take another moment to RIP the first top four buttons of Will's shirt.
I'm wearing a crew neck today. I'm wearing a crew neck.
I know you are wearing it. I'm a little disappointed.
Normally we get something all the way down to the solar plexus. Hey, listen, I'm Euro that way.
The other thing is I was going to say that for all my sort of making fun of you. Your Elise underwear.
Well, my Bjorn Borg underwear, yeah. Oh, Bjorn Borg underwear.
For all the shit. Oh, and my Liverpool.
My Liverpool sweats. Oh, God.
For all the making fun of you that I do, of course, it's all based out of pure jealousy. I'm laying it down.
Justin, what a fucking delight. Thank you, bro.
Brother, it's just whatever. I miss you guys.
I miss you too, man. So much.
Let's stop the madness. Let's move back out west, huh? Come on.
Come on. Come back east.
There's plenty of production out here. More production here.
Yeah, it might be true. Don't you agree with that? Well, Justin, we'll go out for pizza when you get here.
I can't wait. Can we really do that? Put together a dinner? Yeah, yeah.
I'm coming east. He's going to come east.
You might even see me with Will. He's going to come out east.
Oh, shit. So come on out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
All right. I can't wait.
I can't wait. Love you, Justin.
Love you too, buddy. Miss you.
Great hanging out with you, Sean. Bye, guys.
See you. Bye, pal.
Have fun on Monday. I'm going to try.
Say hi to Woody. Yeah.
I will. Absolutely.

I wanted to have him here.

I was going to do that thing where I was going to surprise guest you guys.

I know.

That would have been great.

And it would have been so much fun.

But Justin, if you really do remember, please send my love.

I just love him.

I worked with him a lot.

So I really love him.

I absolutely will.

I love Woody.

I told him last night that I was doing it.

We're going to get him on.

Maybe I'll invite him on once I can get into this podcast.

Yeah.

But can't I just add myself?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

I mean, you guys just add him. That's the way it works at Smart.
Let's just add yourself. I'm doing it now, too.
Yeah. Great.
JT, you're the best. Thank you, man.
Thanks for making time. I love you guys.
We can love you, too. Love you, pal.
All right. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. The guy is just so damn...
Fun. ...entertaining and fun.
He needs to move back west. I know.
He's a great guy. I don't know him, like I said, as well as you guys.
He's so down to earth and like somebody you just immediately want to get to know and hang out with. He's very real.
His wit is so fast. He's so fast.
He's so smart. He's so funny.
And he's so sweet. He's such a sweet guy.
And he's been an unbelievable friend over the years in every way.

He's one of those guys, super loyal.

He's the guy you can call at any time.

And if you're going through, it doesn't matter.

He'd be the first guy there.

And Jason would be the last.

Well, you need bookends.

But I just wanted to let that settle about JT for a second.

I just want to connect with you guys. Sorry.

Can we just connect?

Okay, good.

No, good.

Don't break eye contact.

Right.

Thank you. But I just wanted to let that settle about JT for a second.
I just want to connect with you guys. Yes.
Sorry, sorry.

Can we just connect?

Yeah. Okay, good.

No, good, no.

Don't break eye contact.

Right, yeah.

There you are.

Don't break eye contact.

So you want to say how much you really miss Justin in your life?

Can we cue some music, Rob, Bennett?

But I was just going to say, it's like, I want to make this contact.

And if you need to wear glasses like the ones that Jen wears, what were they called?

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Smart.
Blast. Smart.
Blast. Hey, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? Hey, you want to get a piece of pie later? Yeah, let's get a piece of pie.
We could. My mom's making gravy later.
I'm making gravy. I'm stirring the gravy.
Ma! Ma, I'm stirring the gravy. What do you want? Oh, I used to...
Ma's stirring the gravy. I'm not.
I'm not. I'm going to go help old Mrs.
Stannutz with the groceries, all right? Mrs. Stannutz isn't even going to pick up the sausages yet.
Hey, I'm going to go. What about the sausages? No, I got to go get the sausage.
I got to go do a rosary. I got to get some rosaries.
I got to save my novenas, you know. I got to get my bees.
There's a lot to pray about. A lot to be grateful for.
God forbid. God forbid.
God forbid. God forbid anything happens to you, Will.
Yeah. It'll break my heart.
It's so good. Will you guys do this in the fucking episode, please? Do it.
You got it? There's no way that I would do that in the episode. No, no, that's just for me and Will.
Hey friends, Jason here. We're so excited the Smart List has officially joined the SiriusXM family.
We can't wait to announce new surprise guests who we know that you'll love. If you want to be the first to hear new episodes ad-free in a whole week early, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts Plus on Apple Podcasts or visit SiriusXM.com slash podcasts plus to start your free trial today.
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