"Zach Galifianakis"

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Subject to change. Hey, welcome to Smartless.
Oh. Oh, really good, dude.
Really original. Where'd you come up with that? Did you write that? I figured somebody's got to kind kind of start it and then something funny will come afterwards from you too happy to start again hey welcome to smartless oh it's the exact same thing that you did the first time yeah but i put six s's on that one oh hey there listener welcome to smartless i'm yourhost, Jason Bateman, along with Canada's own Will Arnett and Wisconsin native, Sean.

Oh, fuck. I wish I could fire you.
I wish I could fire you from this job.

Wait, still rolling. Still rolling.
Welcome to SmartList.

This is a podcast and we are...

Honestly, dude, just say welcome to SmartList. Here we go.

Welcome to SmartList. Here we go.

SmartList. Honestly, dude, just say welcome to Smartless.
Here we go. Welcome to Smartless.
Here we go. Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Good morning, fellas. Good morning.

Did you have breakfast this morning?

Are you breakfast guys? I don't eat until later. I'm getting a little tired of my oatmeal regimen, and I'm wondering what I could kind of maybe pivot to.
You have it everywhere, right? Like no matter where you go, you take that. Like if you and Amanda go down, let's say you were to go on vacation, you go to Mexico with the kids.
Yeah. Well, I'm not taking oatmeal with me.
You're not taking oatmeal across. You're not mewling oatmeal across the Mexican border?

No, no, no.

They got oatmeal all over.

The problem is that, you know, I'm slightly gluten sensitive.

Right.

So, you know, if they don't have gluten-free,

so then I have to pivot to something different.

And I'm wondering.

I'm telling you right now, every day, yogurt with fruit in it and grape nuts.

That's what I eat.

Grape nuts.

Grape nuts.

Now, see, that would wreck my teeth.

And this is what?

You used the time machine

and you jumped back to 1981,

grabbed the grape nuts

and then came back?

What a dumb usage of a time machine.

You bought a truck full of grape nuts.

That's where they all went.

Yeah.

Wait, why do they hurt your teeth?

Because they're nuts.

Yeah, they're like ball bearings

unless they've been in milk

for about a day and a half.

Oh, God.

Like your brain.

But you still eat them?

What about Alpen?

Do you ever eat Alpen?

No, Granddad.

It's like a muesli.

God.

What about a nice...

Oh, you know what I found out from my doctor the other day is that eggs do not give you cholesterol.

They don't...

I heard this.

Yeah, eggs are...

That's a whole wife's tale or whatever. You're good to go with eggs, yolks included.
They call it a partner's tale now. Thanks very much.
A what? They don't call it a wives' tale. They call it a partner's tale.
Oh, God. So, fuck off.
Okay? You know, anyway, eggs don't give you cholesterol anymore. They used to, but they don't now.

Yeah, that's what Jason just said.

Yeah.

You don't need to re-say it.

They got it.

No, I'm just saying.

But you said it like you owned it.

Like you just owned that idea.

Yeah, like it was some new idea you just had.

But Jason just already said that.

You said it like it was a brand new thought.

Yeah.

So...

We're in a four-wheel slide.

We're in a four-wheel slide.

We're leaving the highway right now what i

know i have so many thoughts of like stuff that i wanted to say let's hear them yeah no any more

partner's tales it's not worth it anyway you know anyway that that's neither here nor there but it's

kind of everywhere and more importantly our guest right now yeah unbelievable you guys know this

person this person i once described as hollywood's least favorite greek okay just because of jan and

I hope you know this person. This person I once described as Hollywood's least favorite Greek.
Okay. Just because of Jan and Clooney.
There's so many other people ahead of this person. This person, I also once asked on stage why they decided to get into show business.
And he had, I can't remember his answer, but this is a person who never stops making me laugh until he does. Oh, wait, I know who this is.
Who I love very much. I hope this is who I think it is.
I love hate, and you guys know and America adores, even though he lives in Canada, please give it up for the one, the only, Mr. Zach Galifianakis.
Oh, boy. What a land there.
There he is. Hi, everybody.
Hi, guys. Will, I was praying that you were going to land this fish at some point.
I'm just, I'm a real fan, Zach. I'm just going to be quiet and fan out while these guys ask questions.
By the way, I apologize for the guest letdown, the special guest letdown. I could already see the buyer's remorse in your faces.
I thought it was going to be Jimmy the Greek, and then I was like, no, I think he's dead. No, he's canceled.
No, Zach, I don't know you probably as well as these guys do, but we have met many times, and you're always so pleasant, and I've been such a fan for such a long time. Sean, I remember meeting you for the first time.
I was doing some terrible bit at Luna Park. I think I was doing something on stage where it was a...
Remember that show, The Real World? Of course. Sure.
I used to watch it all the time. I used to do The Real World with just one person in it and I performed it live on stage on stage it made no sense and you were at that show and you were very nice to me after that oh yeah very yeah that was hilarious wait i have a question about you being an actor zach were you ever the type of actor who had some kind of like trajectory in mind for your career and then got sideswiped by like the hangover something where you go oh i thought i was going to do a talk show or a stand-up or a one-hour drama but i guess i'm a movie star now shakespearean actor well yeah i mean you're right bateman i did get my start in um at the london academy of dramatic arts is that what it's called yeah and then you went on and you did the real world uh two-hander right at l, and it all went to shit.
I played lacrosse at Juilliard. But you didn't get spotted.
Well, I think Sean's on to something here. Listener, if you could see the tableau we're looking at, it really does look like he's doing nature hike, running a nature hike business.

Is this where, I mean, it looks like you're kind of living the dream. You've sort of, you've staked your claim to Hollywood.
You have won. And then you said, guess what, honey, we're going to go ahead.
We're going to buy an island, question mark, in British Columbia, and just go ahead and take the victory and hit fuck it. Well, my wife is Canadian, and I've lived on and off in Canada for years, even before I knew her.
And I really do like it up here. They've kind of rejected Will.
And, Bateman, aren't you Canadian? How dare you? No. I've spent time there, though, and I've enjoyed it.
I've enjoyed it up there. But he does look like he's got like a backpack and he's taking sticky BCB weed across the border like into Washington State.
Are you muleing? Is there marijuana here? Higher. Higher, Zach.
You put a couple more question marks in that pitch. Is there marijuana here? No, but you look like, I mean, you're living the dream.
I'm so envious. Look at you just not washed.
The hair's super long. You're in a happy marriage, which I am enjoying here.
Some people say that I look like a Jodie Foster with a beard. Who's been saying that? Who's been saying that? Just mostly people online.

You mean when she was with Matthew McConaughey?

I'm always tracking my Twitter stuff.

Do you, first of all, what do you miss most?

Like, you did all those movies, all those hangover movies.

Oh, I've done so many projects over the years.

So many projects.

What do you miss most about not, because you're not working bradley anymore is it the paparazzi well listen you know it's tough to get popped all the time isn't it oh man those paps um those paps with the pops is the paparazzi still a thing no because of the because of covid and the masks and everything they these guys have had to find real work. Huh.
Let me ask you this. So, Zach, so...
I liked my question before about the actor. I know.
I was going to say the same thing, which is something what Sean was saying. So you come out of North Carolina, all bits aside.
No, it's serious. What was the thing? So you moved to New York with Miles...
Is that right? You moved with Miles and Bobby Tisdale. Is that how that went down? And you moved to New York to become a stand-up originally? Just a stand-up or an actor? No, I moved to New York to try to get into acting.
And, you know, you read those stories about, oh, I found this acting coach and they took me under their wing. I looked for that.
I just could never find that person. I would giggle during...
But were you doing stand-up at the time? No, I was trying to just go to acting classes and I would do plays in churches. I mean, just low end stuff.
And then I met someone and she told me, you know, have you ever tried standup, which was always in the back of my mind. And then I did it.
And then I kind of got as soon as I did it, I knew that was kind of the path that I felt most comfortable with. I mean,

being from where I was from, you just didn't know how to try to figure that out. So I just moved to New York to try to figure it out.
Where are you from originally? Paris. Paris, great.
You really

worked on your accent. It's amazing.
I'm from Paris. Paris, California.
Paris, Ontario. Paris,

Epcot Center. If you go left, just when you get in.
You take a right at Barcelona and you're right at Paris. You grab a churro and before you know it, you're in the middle of Paris.
What was it about the stand-up thing where you go, ah, this is it, this is comfy? Were you killing it or was it the opposite? was it like crickets but you kind of liked the

the terror of that the first time i did it i did well and i got i got the bug and then the next several hundred times i did it i didn't do that well so i think i'd already been kind of got addicted to the high right away and i was not having luck in the acting realm meaning i remember acting teachers telling me this is no

place for you to do your skits.

Because... and I was not having luck in the acting realm, meaning I remember acting teachers telling me this is no place for you to do your skits because that was one of the reviews of my acting, I remember.
So, I mean, you remember Uta Hagen, the HB Studios in New York? Do you ever heard of HB Studios? So I took classes there and didn't do well. And then stand-up just was kind of the thing.
But yeah, I moved to New York with A.D., Miles, and Bobby Tisdale. Yeah.
So then it was the stand-up experience and that sort of flavor of comedy that you were doing there that was succeeding that you thought, Oh, well, this is something I really feel comfortable with. This brand of humor, this sort of take on humor.
and then taking that that into your characters with acting do you think made you overcome some of the naysayers like Uta Hagen and and all of that that class is that what gave you the confidence I think I realized that was more comfortable around comedic persons versus serious actor types yeah that makes sense but like like when I first met, you were kind of, I met you through miles, and you were kind of really doing a lot of stand-up. And then like kind of, then you did the show that Jason mentioned, that Late World.
But then you were also pretty immediately, didn't you do a one-hour drama on Fox for a while? And then you kind of kept shifting, but stand-up was always something that you did. Like they were both happening at the same time is my point is that right does that seem is that accurate yeah i mean i got lucky because i started getting acting jobs i mean and i got those acting jobs not because i was a i was a terrible auditioner but i would always comment on the audition process while i was because i remember when i tested for that fox show i remember i would write on the back of my sides so you would flip the page right of the sides that i've written on the back of the sides i sure am doing well okay so for the listener the sides are your pages that you hold during an audition but wait zach do you have like a really hilarious audition story i mean everybody's got one we just he just told one yeah okay well i meant did you pass out real quick it was just like a general i thought maybe like it's not that funny sorry zach but the first time i ever got a laugh in an audition was the first time i auditioned for a drama and they were laughing they were laughing at me okay and you know it's one of those situations where did you push through no there were 17 people in the room being very judgmental and i had to play a fighter pilot you know in a chair and pretend that i was fighting you know top gun style one hand on the yoke and the other hand on the script yeah and um and they started giggling and i could tell they were laughing at me and I stopped my warfare and I looked at them and I said, what's so funny.
You put it on autopilot and challenged them. But I also had a, such a chip on my shoulder being from the South.
I don't know. I felt, I kind of felt it was me against fancy people a lot of times.
And, uh, I had this chip on my shoulder. Well, and I'll bet it hasn't completely gone away to the point where like truly you've won, you've taken yourself out of the rat race.
You've got an enormous amount of respect and success in this community for whatever that's worth. Are you in the process of deciding what the hell you want to do with the rest of your life? Or are you happy with what you are doing as far as working when you want on what you want, or, or you basically retired and you're just going to run these fishing trips? Well, I, you know, I became such a family man and I had kids a little later in life and I just fell in love with being a father, to be honest.
And I'm lucky enough to be in a position where I can focus on that work as far as show business stuff. Look, I've always thought I was so lucky anyway.
Honestly, it's never, if it all stopped, I would still go, God, I got a real opportunity to work in show business that even if it went away, it wouldn't bother me because I feel so much gratitude towards being able to work anyway. So it could end and I would be fine.
Yeah, and you did it the way you wanted to do it. You were funny the way you wanted to be funny.
You didn't have to like fit inside someone else's crap. I mean, you've done what you wanted to do and everyone appreciates that uniqueness.
I think that's just such a win. So that's kind of what my original question was, was like, you don't seem like the ambitious type that's like, do this i'm gonna go on this audition i'm gonna call this agent i'm gonna you know and go after it where you you just kind of stay true to yourself you know what he's a lot more ambitious than he lets on let's just hear about the strategy just be fucking clear i still hand out flyers at the third street promenade for you know my headshots headshots.
Sure. I had some of those, yeah.

He does get new headshots

every three months.

Listen, you gotta keep up.

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Shop in-store and online at Macy's.com from now until Easter on April 20th. Zach, you mentioned that you're talking about fatherhood, and I know that your family is super important to you, and you've, like, everything, your priorities completely shifted, like for a lot of us when we have kids, and you're no exception.
And I know that you were really close to your dad. You used to tell me the funniest stories about your dad, and you guys laughed, and you would have so many.
You used to talk talk about zach and i did this really great movie for disney uh years ago g-force that i tried to forget about and the only person who reminds me of it is zach and my son who's 12 um oh my nine year old will remind you of it it's the guinea pig one right yeah the guinea pig movie but zach i remember when we were doing that you would tell tell me these stories about your dad coming on set and he loved craft service. He couldn't believe.
Oh, bless. First of all, he couldn't believe that I was – I mean, until just a few years ago, he still asked me, are you getting paid for what you're doing? Yeah.
So he used to do that and there were two things. One was that you guys, you and your brother, could make him cry really easily, which I thought was hilarious, A.
And B, the other one was, what would you and your brother do, or your brother would do? You'd go into his office when it was kind of like dead at the office? Oh, yeah. So my dad wasn't the greatest businessman sometimes.
And, you know, I remember just going to his office. There was not a lot of stuff going on.
And my dad would be sitting there, and my brother and I would sing, There's No Business Like No Business. And my father would laugh so hard.
That's really funny. He had such a great sense of humor.
You know, it's interesting, too, as far as show business and parents, my father passed away a couple of years ago. And that's the other weird thing about it to me.
And my dad got a kick out of me being in show business, probably more than even I did. Put it this way, guys.
So I'm from a small town. My father, you know how they'll have cutouts of people in movies in the movie theater of the character or whatever, like a cardboard stand up things.
Yeah. My dad took one from the local theater of me.
Right. And he stood on the corner of the street with the cutout of me waving to people as if, Hey, this is my son.
Guess how I found out about that. It was in my local paper.
Oh. So he was so supportive.

He was such a beautiful human being. I mean, he cried out of beauty.
He just did. He was just the warmest human being.
I love the stories that you would tell about your dad and you always, and you would laugh, but always talk about how much he laughed, how much you and your brother made him laugh was so endearing and such a great connection. And I get that too.
You know, I guess sort of later, it kind of hit my dad a little later in life, what I do and how weird it is. But I love that idea that he cut that thing out.
Like that, as a father, I can relate to that. Like I would do that to my kid for fucking sure.
You know, you just love them so much. You just think like, and you don't give a shit.
You know, it could seem embarrassing. You don't, you couldn't give two shits if it's embarrassing.
Right. Like, you kind of, you get it now.
I mean, the other thing about it is when you get older too, and maybe you guys have a connection to this, man, God, we do a lot. Even though we're not trying, there's something deep in our psyche sometimes.
We really want to please our parents. You know what I mean? That never goes away.
The core of me being in show business in a weird way is probably because I loved the sound of my dad's laughing. I mean, as simple as that sounds and as kind of dreamy, my dad, watching Benny Hill or All in the Family with my father and listening to those laughs.
I mean, my dad would laugh at Benny Hill just like he would laugh at political comedy All in the Family. That noise that he would make, I think there was a craving for me to hear that kind of noise out of human beings for as much as I could get it.
It sounds very corny, but it's true. Does the same stuff make you laugh that made him laugh? Do you guys share the same sense of humor? My dad was very into physical comedy.
The kind of dirtier stuff or the more kind of cerebral stuff, my dad wasn't much into it. And so I don't know.
I've got more influenced by all kinds of stuff. But my dad had a great sense of humor and he was very, very jovial.
So you wanted to make him laugh. I also get that too.
I think that I realized now that the connection that I had with my dad was if I could make my dad laugh, that was such a real, you can't fake it, right? Like that, I mean, you know, if somebody's not really laughing and if I can make my dad laugh in a real way and connect with him in that way, that's like a real emotional connection, you know? If they sort of commit. And so I understand that.
Like, that's something that's very, very, Sean, you know, you can hear your dad laugh too, but in the sound of like, as it's kind of fading away in a car, you know what I mean? Yeah, he was real sweet. And with maybe a bottle being thrown out the window.
Oh, Sean, I don't know the story, but. No, it's uplifting.
He left when I was five. Oh, no.
So it's just so similar to yours. But it sounded like your dad loved to be the audience while you loved to be the performer.
And in that sense, who are you to your kids? Or are you a little bit of both? I'm not the performer in front of my kids. I am the audience for sure.
I don't. They don't know that side of me yet.
Matter of fact.

How old are they?

Four and seven.

My youngest son the other night,

I was tucking him in bed

and I don't know if he knows

what I do for a living,

but he goes,

hey dad,

he's got a weird accent.

Hey dad,

have you ever met Hitler in a movie?

I said,

no way. Hitler? He goes, yeah, you ever met Hitler? I go, no.
He goes, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm you ever met Hitler? I go, no. Here's a long pause.
He goes, he's a pretty weird guy. Oh, I love that homeschooling you're doing up there.
Homeschooling? You guys are just into world history right about now? He's got a, my youngest son, I mean, they both have this, you know,

kids are funny, I think, naturally.

But my youngest one has this way about him that I think he's writing jokes

very early in life.

Again, I'm tucking him in bed the other night.

My wife comes in.

He says, hey, hey, Dad, do you ever meet Goring, Harmon Goring?

Jesus Christ.

Did you ever get a chance to palo out with Goebbels?

So my wife comes in to say goodnight to our youngest son,

and my youngest son goes,

Hey, Mom, leave us alone.

It's just me and Daddy want to talk.

And she goes, Okay.

And she turns around to leave, and he goes,

I like the back of your head. Wow.
Right? That's a pretty great joke. Wow.
It's a pretty great joke. So, Zach, I was just going to say this.
So, you do all this stuff and then you're kind of figuring out what's going to, like everybody else, like you kind of alluded to, like you're not getting work and then you are, and we all know how this is. And especially early on, you're kind of, you're trying to pay the bills.
You do what you can and stuff comes along. And I already mentioned we met during that, this thing, this kid's movie.
And then, and then all of a sudden you do, what is it? 2008, 2009, you do the hangover and it kind of changes everything. Your, your life kind of changes.
A lot of people know who you are already and you're a very popular stand-up and you're quite well-known, but The Hangover kind of takes everything to a different level. Truly, what was that experience like? How did you notice that shift in your life? Well, as far as when we were filming the movie, I remember we were at dinner and i said to those guys hey uh this movie seems pretty good and i've never had that feeling before anything i've worked on so not on g-force oh god i'll never forget on g-force i'd already been working talking to popsicle sticks for three weeks next to a green screen and will comes in know, Will comes into work, hotshot Will, and I tell Will, I go, look, just as a warning, don't do any of your bits because these people, they have no sense of humor.
They're just not going to like it. Within five minutes, he had everyone eating out of his hand.
Everyone dying laughing at what Will was saying. And I could not get them to laugh for three weeks.
You thought it was a problem with the audience. I got it.
It was all me. It was all me.
I should have been Zach's agent. I come in and we're working downtown and he's like riding his bike to some shithole hotel in downtown LA.
And I'm like, dude, what are you doing? And I go, no, no, no. You're moving hotels.
Remember I got you moved. You moved to where I was staying.

Do you remember that?

That's right.

I was like, you can't.

You got to treat yourself better.

You got to, they got to treat you better.

That's right.

And they offered me a teleprompter on that movie.

Oh no.

Oh, were you struggling?

Were there a lot of monologues for you on Chief Horse, sir?

Well, none of it made sense.

I mean, it's.

Sure, I know.

You know, it was a fantastical kids movie that didn't, the dialogue didn't really matter. And I can't memorize things that are, that don't matter.
Right. Yeah.
When you're talking to a hamster, it's hard to link thoughts together. No, Jason, you have to understand Zach and I found out late in the game.
This is true. The director told us one night, I think he said, well, yeah, we were like, how did you come up with the idea for this movie? And he said that his, like, nine-year-old son, it was his nine-year-old son's idea.
And then we were like, oh, great, we're doing a movie that was written by a nine-year-old. I'd love to see Zach's son pitch out the sequel with the other kid.
Maybe the hamsters save Eastern Europe. Sure.
My sons will go nowhere near show business you understand me oh wow took a turn bateman's gunning for him bateman's going so wait so zach so zach so you do you do the movie uh you do all this stuff and then you start doing the hangover and you say to the guys this feels different yeah so i i kind of felt that this seemed not that it would be big, but it would be something that was funny and kind of fresh. But then the movie came out, and it seemed more people can recognize your face.
And that's an interesting thing to navigate, because it's an asymmetrical relationship. and if you know who you are already, because I was an older dude, you know, and I wasn't too good with the being known stuff.
And looking back, I'm kind of embarrassed by how I was not good with it. I was threatened by it, I think.
How are you threatened by it? Well, first of all, I'm of the mind there is no culture in celebrity culture, right? So I already know that going in. And that whole idea of it and the worship of it is why we ended up with that, you know, Will's favorite president.
So. You voted for him four times.
Weird. Was there anything about it that you were like, oh, well, actually, this is not bad not bad like could you get a table at a restaurant you always wanted to get into did you did you have a quick conversation with somebody who you admired and and you didn't have to and they wanted to talk to you like some people find certain things about it they're obviously the money and all that kind of crap but was there anything about it that

you were like oh if it was just this that would be great you know i'm i'm pretty grateful for it all now because it's it was such a it was an exciting thing to go through but the the privacy thing is yeah you know that's the only bummer of it is um and i'm not really one to go to restaurants and get a nice table and do that anyway.

Right.

Yeah.

So it was a shift.

It was. That's the only bummer of it is, and I'm not really one to go to restaurants and get a nice table and do that anyway.

Right.

Yeah.

So it was a shift.

It was just a shift.

And people also thought I was that character.

Right.

Or expecting you to be funny all the time.

Yeah.

And to be a wild and crazy dude.

And I'm not, I mean, I have been in the past a bit, but I'm not like that.

So it was just a process.

But now it's, like I said, I'm a little embarrassed how I kind of was angry at that. But it's understandable because it pushes you out of your comfort.
If you're not naturally a ham, if you don't naturally are attracted to the center of the stage, then it is immediately an imposition because you lose your anonymity. You can't disappear in a crowd.
But can't just. But I think Jason that most people think if you're an actor, you want, there's only one type of actor, right? Which is the center of attention, which is, you know, and a lot, some of us are just not that.
And there is a difference. Yeah.
But, but it's not just the center of the stage. I mean, you want to do, you are a performer and you, but, but you want to do it under the conditions that are, you know, that you control, that you control.
But when you walk home and you're walking to the store or you're doing whatever, that that shouldn't count. It feels like that that's part of the agreement like, hey, fuck, hang on a second.
This wasn't part of the deal. And unfortunately, once you get to a certain place, it is the deal.
It is the deal. But you can't, you have to know at this point, Everybody can read and has a TV and the internet and social media that you know that's part of the deal when you get into it.
You can't not know that. Yeah.
Right? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, but you can't control the level of exposure and notoriety that you're going to get.
Zach felt like he was in the middle of a really good movie. He had no idea whether it was going to be a huge commercial success or not.
The fact that it was meant he lost his anonymity. And you're, it seems like your whole performance draw, what you'd like to do, it has a very sort of democratic equality type of thing.
And when you're on stage doing standup, you're, you're with the people. You're not up there telling them what's funny.
You're kind of, it seems like you're in, there's a, there's an equality with, with your, with your presence, with, with the audience, as opposed to I am above you almost literally and figuratively giving you comedy and you better laugh at it. So yeah, that's more of a confidence thing that I've never felt comfortable with even knowing what I'm talking about in any situation.
But going back to the kind of being known thing, the other thing is that, and I always make a joke that, you know, nobody walks up to me that has a doctor smock on. It's always somebody with a who farted t-shirt.
But it's also the interaction that I get is probably different interaction than, you know, a lot of actor types get, which is, this is all true. I mean, I've had people come up to me and go, I'm so sorry to say this, but has anyone ever told you you look like Zach Galifianakis? That's the apologies first.
I love how they try to solve it for, I'm so sorry. Our show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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Hilton, for the stay. So Zach, I'm gonna ask you the question that Sean usually asks, and I'm going to take it out of Sean's corner, which is, you know, you're up there, you're living up in the woods, and you're kind of doing it your way, and it's great, but what now? Like, what do you want to do? Like, what would make you happy? What's the perfect balance? Like, if you could call the shot, you kind of can, what would you do? Like, what do you want to do? How do you see the next 10 years playing out for you? You mean as far as showbiz work? Work and life.
Or life. Life I've got figured out.
Meaning I'd love to live in Greece for a while. I'd love to go live in Greece.
That's a goal of mine. Do you enjoy still being an actor and being in the business and working and all that? Or are you just kind of like it's a hobby now? You know what I mean? Like some people reach that point where they're like, you know, I've worked my ass off.
I've, I've made my, I staked my claim and, and now I, uh, don't have the fire in the belly as much, or maybe you do. Well, I think to me, Sean, it's, I've always been kind of, or of late, I've been mystified by the, I don't know if it's an American thing of wanting more and more and more.

You know what I mean? And like I said earlier, look. Jesus, you're not even Canadian yet.
Just cool it, all right? Well, you will never be accepted in America. I was with Zach when I became an American citizen, and he goes, you'll never be American.
Never. Never.
So go worship that queen or whatever it is you Canadians are into. Wait, you live there.
Now you're shitting on it. Do you have Canadian citizenship? No.
It's actually kind of difficult to do it. It's not as easy as you would think.
Canada's pretty strict with that. So as far as the life-to-work ratio, the next 10 years would look just like the last 10 years? That's a comfortable balance? I think for me, I mean, look, I'm real lucky.
I would like to continue working here and there in show business. I mean, stand-up to me I can never not do.
I love it too much. It just is such a therapy, if you will, for me in a weird way.
But honestly, I just really love to garden. I love to be in the garden.
And I think about shows that maybe I'd like to develop. I'm working on something in my head about a show that's kind of like the between two ferns element, but not the same character.
But it's kind of a low end show like that. You did baskets as well right like uh how many seasons did you do on baskets four four what was it was a great show did you yeah it was a great show and you were great and it loved you did you like that that schedule did you like the way did that fit your life doing a show like that it's a rush i got so excited every morning when i get up for work and i've always that with acting.
I have always gotten up, very eager to go to work. I have to say that.
I mean, that part of it is so energetic, and I love it. And I actually, I make fun of actors a lot, but I really do love actors.
I do. And that whole creative process on Baskets and the family, you know when you work on a show and you like the people around you and you don't want no i don't no i don't no and i've worked with both these guys on shows and i don't fucking know that yet you're looking at the clock waiting for it to end so you know that element of it i mean i guess yeah you guys know how it is i mean that part of it is so we're so lucky to be able to goof off and get, you know, make a living of it.
I remember, Jason, do you remember, like, I drive on to set at, like, at Fox. This is the most ever, I had closest to that was driving onto the Fox lot every morning to do Arrested Development.
And every day, like, putting my fucking pass on the thing and thinking, like, God, I'm so happy. There wasn't a day that I drove onto the lot and thought, oh man, I got to get through today.
Like not one. Yeah.
And, and I, and I miss that because you have those moments now and maybe I'm older or maybe because I look at a lot of things as taking me away from my kids or spending time with the kids. I kind of like, sometimes I have a tough time.
There's like this kind of adversarial position between my work and my life and i get bummed out sometimes and so that you know if i stay late or whatever i'm like you fuckers i want to be home you know i didn't know you were on arrested development yeah he played the uh older brother right weren't you the oldest will i'm pretty sure you were the oldest. Who did you used to look up to? Who were the people that you, when you were young, before you moved to New York with Miles and Bobby and the whole thing, like who were the people, comedians or actors or performers? I don't know.
Who were your sort of inspirations artistically that you kind of looked at and said like, I want to do that? Condi Rice. Condi Rice? Condi Rice, sure.
Not a lot of people know that she started under Uta Hagen and then went into politics. Well, we were in an improv group together called Mission Improvable.
That's how we first met. I was influenced, I mean, Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray, then later in life, you know, it was kind of more esoteric type of performers.
But I have to say, and I've told people this, I was more influenced by my cousins and my siblings. My brother and sister were funny people and we would perform a lot.
My sister and brother and I would do sketches about the Iran Contra. You know, we would watch the news and try to do sketches for my parents.
So I was kind of more influenced by my family, strangely. Based on the hearings, like the Ollie North hearings of Iran Contra? No, I remember my sister was dressed as the Ayatollah in my mom's robe.
And I was a reporter. I can't remember exactly what, but my family always, we're pretty much news junkies.
But also, do you remember the show Shields and Yarnell? Of course, always. All the robots, yeah, I loved it.
So I used to copy their sketches when they would do the robot.

All the time.

I did it all the time.

By the way, during the pandemic, if somebody comes in, I go, do you have a shield?

And you're no.

I would say that all the time.

And people would be like, what are you talking about?

Yeah.

So they were great.

And they were in my Mac.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay, so hearing all that.

So what, I don't know, what was your favorite, like what's your favorite movie of all time? Yeah. All bits aside.
Hangover 3. Yeah.
Growing up, I know that I'd never really seen anything like Spinal Tap before. When I saw that when I was young, that was pretty, because there was a lot of subtlety to it.
Yeah, no winking. That, to me, was very, that was very that movie to me and then will i know you and i've talked about it pretentiously is with nail and i i mean i think of people i think a lot of comedians know it but i don't know if american movie audiences know is but that to me is it's the pinnacle i really got to see that film i've heard you talk about that film for what 30 years now will and i've still have seen it.
It's a perfect film. There's not a wasted moment or a scene in that movie.
It's really a great balance. It's brilliant writing.
Zach knows it, too. You guys...
What's it called? With Nail and I. Richard E.
Grant. And it was written by and directed by this guy, Bruce Robinson.
It's brilliant. Paul McGann.
But it's such a perfect film, isn't it? Because it's funny and it's really dramatic. It's quite touching and quite moving as well.
Quite tragic. I can't believe you guys haven't seen that.
No, I've never heard of it. So, Zach, so you're there.
We can't access you because you're so far away, but we want you back. We really, really want you back.
How are you going to do, how do you scratch the itch for stand-up? Because you talk about it as a thing that like you, once you get it and you're sort of addicted to it, you are so far up there and you're not living in the city. Like, do you have a hankering to get back out and to get out there and perform, not necessarily in films or whatever, acting, but to do stand-up? Like, is that something you're sort of chomping at the bit to do? Yeah, a bit.
I mean, I had this craving the other night that I really needed to kind of try to see if some of the things I've written down would even work. And for some stand-ups, at least for me, it's not like riding a bike.
You need to get your legs again, rhythm, and this is obviously the longest hiatus for so many comics it'll be interesting to see the how much rustiness there there will be from comics or if there was going to be this huge explosion of people just wanting to express themselves and there's going to be a whole brand of uh you know humor that's come up born out of this who knows but yeah i feel i feel i would like to get on stage but you you know it's it's funny you talk about getting getting your legs back because you you kind of had this really cool device you you use music and obviously you're very musical and you play piano and you would use piano sometimes in your as part of your act right uh you sort of play a little bit of piano between jokes that's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Of course, it's a hilarious bit, but also it must have been really kind of comforting in a certain way, right? Because there's no gaps.
Well, it's a couple of things. So yeah, I started playing piano.
And by the way, I don't know how to play. I can't read music.
I know how to fake melancholy music. And then that melancholy music, juxtaposed to diarrhea jokes.
Sure. It's the best.
It's a combination that I don't know if that's really been done. I don't know.
But the other part of it is on the road, it became limiting because I would be 20 minutes at the piano telling these one liners. And there's only one kind of tone you can do there so i kind of stopped playing the piano uh with my act because i just wanted to go explore some other things the piano is a little limiting that way especially when you're not musically that inclined which i'm not um well you could have sean sean could come and accompany you because he's a pianist.
I just, in the background. Sean, are you classically trained?

Yeah, I thought that was what I was going to do with my life.

I studied it about 25 years, 20 years.

No kidding.

Yeah.

Incredible.

Well, listen, Zach, we've taken...

Go ahead.

No, go ahead, please.

I think you're going to end it.

Go, go, go, go.

No, no.

I was getting ready to go into another boring thing.

You haven't talked to anybody in months.

Go ahead. I know.
This is what I do. I only do podcasts to go into another boring thing.
You haven't talked to anybody in months. Go ahead.

I know.

This is what I do.

I only do podcasts so I can talk to adults.

Sorry about that.

Were you doing podcasts?

Yeah, sure.

I got a guy called me last week, and this was weird.

I picked up my phone.

It was a number.

This is also how lonely I am. I'm answering phone calls i don't i don't recognize the number okay yeah hello this is zach can we talk and uh so this guy calls me and he goes hey mr galvanakis uh wanted to know if you'd be on my podcast and i went who who is this and he went into this description of who he was some guy that has a podcast and i go how did you get my number and he goes the white pages oh no no way the white pages that doesn't exist anymore does it up there i guess he was lying it's just funny he cold called me and i mean i was pleasant to him but it was weird that he cold called me to be his podcast.
Maybe I should just do it anyway. It'd be pretty funny if you fucking did it.
I think I will. Call him back.
Can I sign you guys up for it too? Yeah, of course. Yeah, that'd be great.
Of course. I'll just tell him I can't do it, but I've got Sean Hayes that's dying to do it.
I'm in. Well, fuck, Zach, we won't take up any more of your time.
Thank you so much. Thanks, guys thanks man thanks for having me on very nice of you to do this it's great to see you and we'll talk payment yeah we'll talk payment email me email me an invoice alright you do e-transfers of course yeah but through we do it through the Caymans we miss you man we'd love to see you back in town at some point.
You're the fucking best. You're such a great dude.
And so much love to you and the family. Thanks, guys.
Thanks for doing this, man. So good to see you, Zach.
Be well. Thanks, Zach.
All right. Bye, guys.
See you, buddy. Bye, buddy.
Gosh, that was so fun having Zach on, right? From the wilderness? Yeah, that is, I got to tell you, it's a real fantasy for me for me just kind of do you guys ever fantasize about just unplugging and just plugging in at another place on the big blue ball all the time and and just kind of starting over yeah for sure he he's so like i don't know him like obviously will you know him but he uh he just seems so down to earth and normal and chill and such a great family and And yes, and Jason, to your point, I was like, wow, I envy that, that you could just go up to Canada or whatever country and just kind of check out like that from the business. Yeah, he's, you know, I guess, you know, he pointed out, so his wife is Canadian and obviously as a Canadian, I love how much he embraces Canada.
Yeah. And really appreciates not just the wilderness, but kind of Canadian sensibility.
And which is funny because he used to make fun of me for so many years for being Canadian. And then now he's there and I just, I love it so much.
I cherish every time he talks about being Canadian, I'm like, yeah, of course. You fucking dummy.
For years you fucking clowned me and now suck it. And you know what? Maybe I'll have him kicked out.
Maybe I'll have him kicked out. And it is so flippin' pretty where he is.
It's gorgeous. I've never been to British Columbia.
It's so green and all the eagles and the bears and the fish and the, I mean, it's just, it's Everything. it's so green.
British Columbia. All the eagles and the bears and the fish.

And I mean, it's just, it's everything.

It's so spectacular.

Well, first of all, the air.

You know, you get up there in British Columbia and off the coast.

Like the valley?

It's a little better than the valley.

It's kind of like Simi Valley.

Yes.

Like in the summer.

Yes.

Yeah.

Granada Hills, Northridge.

Yeah.

Really, yeah.

It's lush. Lush.
You're just ripping off all the hits from the valley. Granada Hills, Northridge.
Really. Yeah.
It's lush. Lush.
You're just, you're just ripping off all the hits from the Valley. Panorama City.
Oh no, it can't touch Panorama City. That's in a different league.
But I love him. I'm such a huge fan.
I, he's so, he's such a unique talent, right? I mean, he's just like, he's done it all. So dry.
So dry. I forgot to ask him about Between Two Ferns.
Is that completely done now? He's not doing that anymore, is he? I think that it'll never be done is kind of probably. Never be done again? Oh, never be finished.
No, never be finished. Oh, I hope not.
Yeah, something that great that only comes by like once every 200 years. What's that called? Oh, by Antonio! You idiot.
Smart Less. Smart Less.
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