Cheaters Never Prosper | Reading Reddit Stories

Let's listen in on a live, unscripted Challenger School class.

They're reviewing the American Revolution.

The British were initiating force, and the Americans were retaliating.

Okay.

Where did they initiate force?

It started in their taxation without representation.

Why is that wrong?

The purpose of a government is to protect individual rights, and by encroaching on individual rights, they cannot protect them.

Welcome to eighth grade at Challenger School.

Learn more at challengerschool.com.

Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane, and today it's a genre that we love to hate, cheating.

And I am joined by two people who also hate cheating.

It's disgusting, but I'm here with my wife.

Yes, this is my lover.

Oh.

I'm for some reason going downward.

We have done episodes before on cheating, and it is, uh, it's

man, I have to admit, whenever I come across a Reddit story that has to do with cheating, I'm glued to it.

Even though I feel bad for

a school, it's it is

always high stakes.

Um, and it sucks how common it is.

Yeah, I feel like almost everybody goes through some version of it at some point.

Everybody's got to get cheat on sometimes, yeah.

And if not in a relationship, like in high school on a test,

that's great.

Okay, you guys.

You guys not

like,

Oh, no.

No.

One of my tests, I wrote,

my friends and I made up like a fake language, and I wrote, I took the test late and I wrote all the answers that they got on my arm.

And so I went in and they're like, what's that?

And I'm like, I don't know.

That's it.

And then I cheated and I got 100.

There reaches a certain point when it comes to cheating on a test where it's actually more impressive.

Absolutely.

The manner in which you cheated than actually knowing the information that you're being tested on.

Right, which is critical.

And new language.

That's right.

That's more impressive than anything you could have learned.

Thank you.

Yeah.

So there you go.

Yeah.

That's a bigger life lesson than I don't know what the fuck I was learning.

And you see, we didn't retain it.

Right.

Listen, if they didn't want it, they wouldn't put those desks right next to each other.

That's okay.

Right.

Well, we'll be talking mostly about romantic cheating.

What?

Huh?

Yeah.

People do that.

Yes.

Wow.

Apparently a lot.

Disgusting.

Right.

So they like write it on their arms.

Are we ready for our first story?

Absolutely.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm ready.

Here we go.

Am I the asshole for being very upset that my wife is helping her friend cheat on her husband?

Wife, friend is helping husband.

I'm there.

Opie is saying that their wife is helping her friend cheat on her husband.

You lost me again.

So the person, the guy writing this in,

he's like, my wife is helping her friend cheat on her husband.

I'm there.

Okay.

You know, I'm a visual girl.

We've been over this.

Have to draw it.

A while ago, my wife and her friend went on a weekend trip, which seemed fine.

Turns out the friend didn't really want to go on the trip.

She was meeting a guy, her best friend, her soulmate.

Apparently, these two have been messaging each other for years.

My wife didn't know this, but obviously found out about it and told me, but she just ignored it because it wasn't our business.

We didn't tell the husband.

It was a weird WTF kind of thing.

I do not know the husband at all.

I barely know this friend.

I was thinking, not my circus, not my monkeys.

So here's the thing.

The friend asked my wife to go on another trip, and that she will pay probably about $3,000 for the sole purpose of cheating on her husband again.

My wife was gleefully ecstatic about going on a free trip.

She will be the alibi for her friend cheating.

So

puppy poopy.

Am I the asshole for being outraged, feeling betrayed, betrayed, feeling that our marriage is a fucking joke, and frankly wanting to end it?

If her and the girls make such a farce of marriage and help each other out and cover for each other cheating, what the fuck is our marriage?

I am seriously considering telling my wife that she can make her own decisions, but they have consequences.

And when she returns for the fuck fest cheating weekend, the locks will be changed and the divorce papers will be pinned to the front door.

Oh, yi.

Okay, daddy.

Okay.

I understand where he's coming from.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's like, would she do this to me then if she's so on board with this happening over here?

Right.

Like those are, that's like a virtue that she's clearly not exhibiting, or she's not against her friend not exhibiting.

Right.

Right.

Because it's one reaction to go, oh, she's cheating on him.

That's her business.

Right.

It's another to be like, I will go with you on this trip so I can be your alibi.

Yeah, that's.

So you can lie to your husband.

That is

a whole new beast.

Yeah, that's where it crosses into bad, bad.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

Not even, though it's enticing, 3K.

Not

for the money.

She's getting paid 3K to do this?

That she will pay probably about $3,000 for the sole purpose of cheating on her husband again.

Oh, so the vacation is free.

No, the vacation's free.

Right.

And the wife isn't getting paid.

The wife is not getting paid.

So it's not for 3K.

Then definitely not.

But you're just getting, you're getting a $3,000 vacation for free.

Right, right.

To go with this friend.

Yeah.

It's certainly one thing I think you're right of like, in a lot of these cases, I think it is like not our business.

Let me stay out of it because I'm not in that relationship.

And oftentimes too, because I am curious about y'all's opinions with this, like when you're friends with a couple and you find out that one is cheating, like is it your responsibility to come in and tell somebody?

And my opinion with that is always so nuanced because nobody knows that dynamic of the relationship.

And if you come in with this information, and then let's say they still decide to stay together and get married, like then great, you're at this wedding and you're like, okay, well, now this is very complicated.

Or maybe I'm not a friend of them anymore.

So it's almost like, what is the part that you should play when you know someone else is cheating?

It's totally case by case, I feel like, right?

I don't know.

It's, I've, I've never been in this position, so I guess I don't know like what my thing would be.

Yeah.

I think, I think it's hard for me to picture because I have a hard time imagining any of my friends cheating on their partners.

Yeah.

I think it would be a situation too where if a if a close friend of mine, which would, it would be shocking to me, if they were like, I'm cheating on my partner, I think it would be a situation of like, as their friend, I would feel it's important for me to be like, you need to tell them.

That's my advice to you as your friend.

Right.

And I, we're not, I don't think she's doing that, obviously.

No, she's doing the opposite.

It's like, hey, as your friend, that's part of my job as your friend to be like, you need to hold you accountable.

And it is a situation of if they're like, no, I don't care, whatever, I'd be like, this changes how I view you.

You, yes, this is

like,

you're not who I thought you were.

Absolutely.

Now, this obviously, we're not talking about that.

We're talking about far, far past that.

We're talking about a $3,000 vacation.

So, the dynamic between the wife and her friend is one thing, it's how the husband feels about it, and he's nervous now.

What does this mean?

Yes.

I think, what I do think is this is jumping pretty far past what he needs to do first, which is talk to her right and go, hey, I

have a massive problem with you doing this.

Right.

You do this.

Like, who are you?

But that would be like, let me talk to her while the car's going 10 miles an hour.

This woman's like 60 on the freeway.

And he's like, ah, wait.

Yeah.

So like, I kind of understand the like, well, she's doing the most already.

It's like maybe too late to talk to her about it, but I don't know when the

timing of it.

It's kind of surprising that like this feels like like something you would know about your partner as well, right?

Like to discuss values up front.

And I guess if they hadn't yet talked about,

you know, loyalty in friendships and in relationships, this probably is something that's shocking to him.

And he's like, oh, I didn't realize that you don't care about that.

I mean, and if they're married, it's...

hopefully clear that they haven't had any infidelity between them, but this is clearly causing him to question, like, maybe now that that this friend is introduced, how easy and fun it might be to cheat,

she might be like, oh, well, then maybe I could do something fun like that.

Exactly.

I could see the wife and friend justifying it by being like,

the husband is, this friend's husband is shitty or has been ignoring her.

Like, that's a situation where I understand where we don't know what's going on with certain dynamics.

I still think this is not how you go about this.

There's a better solution.

There's a better solution.

There's always the like better solution, even if that is divorce.

And

this is just full-on dishonesty here.

And I mean, I think certainly if I was in this husband's position, I would be feeling the same way.

I'd be terrified.

Right.

100%.

Yeah.

The verdict was not the asshole.

Comments, not the asshole.

Ask your wife if you were cheating.

Would she want people to tell her?

Fair.

And the answer is always yes.

Right.

Another comment.

My friend, you know your wife is happy to facilitate cheating, and that says a lot about her, and none of it is good.

If you continue to trust your wife would never cheat on you, then you are thicker than a mattress baguette.

Mattress baguette?

Now, where's that link?

Yeah, show us.

Show us the mattress baguette.

So is it a mattress or is it a baguette?

I think it's a baguette that's massive.

Lastly, not the asshole, divorce her.

If she would assist someone else cheating, you can bet she would have no problem asking her friend to do the same for her.

I think my question is, what if he talks to her?

He goes, I have a massive problem with this, don't do this.

This makes me uncomfortable.

She goes, you're right.

I'm not going to do it.

I'm going to stop.

Is that enough?

Because at this point, you're already like, oh man, you were so willing and had no problem doing this.

Now that you know that I have a problem with it and you dial it back, can I, is my trust still there?

I feel like it's a couple couples counseling moment where it's like, now you do have to work through some of it, but like her being like, oh my God,

wait, you're right.

Yeah.

I shouldn't.

shouldn't.

Then I'd be like, okay, well, I'm glad you came to your senses.

Let's figure this out.

Yeah.

Let's get back to the mattress baguette.

Yeah, no, we're definitely, we're not losing that.

We're going to put a pin right there.

I wish the rest of the comments were just like, mattress baguette.

Right.

Like, none of this is important.

What's that?

Right.

So our producers have googled mattress baguette and we've gotten zero hits.

I am obsessed with that.

Just coming up with like random signals and metaphors and just naming it.

Our next episode is called Mattress Baguette Stories.

And we're coming back.

Is it a mattress?

Is it a baguette?

Is it big?

Is it small?

Is it made of mattress and a regular baguette?

Yeah.

We have questions that need answers.

We can create this.

We've got this.

We can make this.

This is going to be a hit.

To answer the question,

my initial instinct was to say, yes, it's enough

because

I believe that sometimes we can be just, I mean, we're humans, like we're going to have like faults and gaps in our awareness.

And it can be, I think, a moment of just getting caught up with this friend.

Like you said, like, that already opened up so much more context: of like, your best friend is like, my husband sucks, and he's doing all of these things, X, Y, Z.

I don't even know how far that goes on that spectrum.

But she's like, but I have this really great experience with this guy, and I really need your help and whatever.

And yes, maybe she could have come to her senses a little quicker and said something like, wait, this feels a little crazy.

Or if there is a problem going on, maybe let's talk about like separating that relationship and then we can talk about introducing another man.

But perhaps she was getting caught up in that situation and just being like, okay, I got your back.

And maybe it's, it's, again, fun in some way.

And then it just took her husband to be like, hey, remember that somebody is getting hurt.

And then she is like, oh my God, you're so right.

There's clearly a way to do this that doesn't hurt people.

Yeah.

I mean, for me with every Reddit story, unless it's something really extreme and dangerous, I'm always like, talk to them.

That's always the same thing.

Have the conversation first.

You know, you gave us less than a page of information, and there's always going to be a ton of comments saying, divorce her.

It's like, well.

You're married, like, talk, like, if unless everything leading up to this was completely empty and worthless.

Right.

Have the conversation if you actually trust each other and decide if you still trust her.

Yeah.

Is there springs in the baguette?

That's the real question.

Are there cars?

Is it more of a mattress or more of a baguette?

That's what I'm saying.

Is it edible?

The problem is, baguette was the last word, which infers that the mattress is the adjective.

That's what I'm saying.

So it must be a baguette.

Baguette.

That is mattress.

That is mattress.

That is so soft.

Yeah.

Well,

memory baguette.

Yes.

There's a whole show here.

No, there's not.

I'd be cook.

No, there isn't.

Our next story comes from relationship advice.

This is a 34-year-old woman.

My husband, who's 30, said I wasn't attractive enough to cheat on him.

Question mark.

My husband said I wasn't attractive enough to cheat on him?

My husband is gorgeous.

Everybody says so.

I consider myself pretty, but unremarkable.

My features aren't exactly supermodel material, but I do the best I can with what God gave me.

I have nice skin thanks to skincare, a decent body thanks to the gym, and so on.

But compared to my husband, I might as well be a troll.

Even my own mom thought my husband must be gay and in the closet or hiding sketchy things because of how much more attractive he is than me.

It's the first thing people notice when we're out.

I've had women flirt with him right in front of me and have had two girls I know try to get with him behind my back.

I even question why he's with me sometimes.

I'm insecure about it, but my husband has always said that he loved me and thought I was beautiful and did not listen to other people.

Yesterday changed everything.

I bumped into an old boyfriend from college.

We parted on good terms and it turns out he's doing very well for himself and his career.

I'm looking to change jobs and I'm pretty decent at what I do.

We exchanged LinkedIns.

There was nothing inappropriate about our conversation and I would have no problem if my husband was there to hear it.

My husband started an argument the minute I came home.

He said he read through my LinkedIn message and swore my ex was flirting with me.

I said he wasn't.

My husband then made fun of my ex's looks and it was some of the cruelest things I've ever heard him say.

I told him to stop and that we could talk when he wasn't acting this way.

He asked if I would cheat on him if that guy became my coworker.

Then he scoffed and said, you're not attractive enough to cheat on me, not enough to keep me.

I was speechless.

He then slammed the door to our bedroom and locked me out for the night.

I went to sleep on the sofa and woke up tucked into bed.

I can vaguely remember him waking me up.

Today he was incredibly sweet and kissed me before going off to work.

I can still remember the play-by-play of what happened, but it's like my memory was outside of my body.

I have literally never heard him say something like that ever.

I feel so upset and uncomfortable.

What should I say to him?

How do I just ask him what he was thinking and what possessed him to say the things he did and if he really meant them?

Holy

fuck.

Okay.

First of all, I feel so horrible for this woman who has

on this on paper like such low self-esteem either from this incident or from whatever.

Like a troll like girl, you got clear skin, bang and bod, and somehow you bagged this guy.

Like obviously you're attractive.

Hear me out.

The way that this guy reacted to this, I think he is probably cheating on her because he's like that huge reaction of like, oh, well, like,

I don't know.

And like, are you projecting?

Like, what's this extreme jealousy all of a sudden?

I mean, it certainly, from my end, it feels like it comes from just pure insecurity.

Oh, absolutely.

Of him, like, immediately being like, oh, well, yeah, you're right.

You're not even attractive enough.

And then he like went into his room, locked the door.

Sorry.

Oh, boy.

Like a little man child.

And then in the morning is like, bye, babe.

Sorry.

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh.

I don't like it.

Yeah.

My immediate take was as insecure as she might come across in these.

first paragraphs that she writes, it's very clear to me by his reaction that he's far more insecure

than she is.

And it's an interesting thing that I've noticed, you know, being in LA where there's just the hottest people you've ever seen in your entire life, right?

And an interesting thing is that a lot of the most attractive people you know are the most insecure about their looks.

And I had it explained once, and it was that, oh, because their entire life, they're made to feel like their looks are kind of everything.

Oh, you're so beautiful.

You're so attractive.

That if at any moment they feel they don't have that, then they have none.

Their entire worth is in their appearance.

Whereas anyone who doesn't feel that's the case growing up, they then have worth in every other way.

Exactly.

But

it seems clear to me that this guy has gotten used to so much attention.

Absolutely.

That he's actually deeply insecure as a weird reverse reaction to it.

You'd think you hear compliments your whole life.

You're going to think you're the best, which is true, but it also creates this opposite.

aspect to

that that is so fascinating because that that theory that you brought up like it seems to be the case here right because he kind of brought up the attraction thing kind of out of nowhere.

Yeah.

Right.

Because it was like these messages and he was saying that he was flirting and whatever.

And then out of nowhere, it was like, well, yeah, you're not even attractive enough to cheat on me.

So it seems like that is the only thing on his mind

is appearance.

Yeah, it's true.

And it's very much a control tactic to be like, to put her down so she doesn't think she's good enough.

Which is perhaps why he felt like he was a part of this relationship so that he could feel superior to her.

True.

Right.

I mean, just a devastating,

it almost doesn't matter to me when you say something like that and then don't apologize to it.

It's like, who cares if he's cheating on you?

Like someone who says that to you

and doesn't apologize

not worth sticking together.

And again,

how you kind of behave after that, too.

Like you can apologize, but like locking somebody out of the room and kind of that kind of behavior, it's like you might be able to be like, ah, sorry, like my bad.

I was in a different headspace or whatever.

But the other person is going to remember that.

They are not going to forget how you made them feel.

Right.

Right.

And that's always going to be floating in the background.

Yes.

Yeah.

And looks fade, but that piss-poor attitude will stay around.

So

it is such a huge red flag for someone to

do something so horrible, say something so horrible, and then a moment, an hour, a day later, pretend like it never happened.

Right.

Right.

It's a huge red flag.

Yeah.

It makes you feel like, did I overreact?

Yeah.

Like as the person who, like, if something happens to you, you're like, wait, was it maybe not as bad as I thought?

Because now they're acting so chill about it.

Right.

Or, yeah.

It feels like a form of gaslighting.

Yeah, exactly.

Or it's like, was I not there?

Did I make that up?

Was I maybe half asleep?

Like, did I misinterpret these messages?

Like, it makes you question everything that happened for yourself.

Right.

Especially if you, you know, love someone for a certain amount of time and you have this trust and stuff, then you kind of default to, well, you're my partner, so I'm going to trust in you that you're in the same reality I'm in.

Yes.

Exactly.

Yes.

It betrays that safety, that sense of like, I trust you to tell me when things are real or when I'm off or when something is off and now no longer.

It also

denies what the relationship is supposed to be, which is like a teamwork thing.

Right.

Where it's like, hey, if we have a disagreement, if we're upset at each other, that's our problem together.

And I don't get to just move on and leave you there.

We have to both be in it and figure it out together.

And he knows it's his fault, but he's trying, that's what he's trying to just

talk about a mattress baguette.

He's such a mattress baguette, dude.

Seriously.

I think we're going to get something going.

Yeah, we're going to make it happen.

This first comment is a doozy.

As a therapist who has worked with some couples impacted by infidelity, I'm going to tell you two things.

One, there is no pretty privilege when it comes to infidelity.

Attractive people get cheated on every day.

Unattractive people cheat every day too.

So your husband stance that you're not attractive enough to cheat on him and that he's safe because he's attractive is nonsense.

Two, your husband knows you.

He knows your insecurities and he knows what buttons to push.

He knows you struggle with self-confidence and he saw that opportunity to poke at your soft spot and he went right on ahead and jabbed at it anyway.

Part of marriage is being vulnerable with your partner about our insecurities and he took that and had zero hesitation to use that against you in an argument.

To me, that says a lot about a partner.

The wound he created with his careless words is twofold.

Not only are you questioning the attraction between the two of you, but you're also questioning the ability to be vulnerable with your own husband about your insecurities going forward.

Therapist on Reddit.

Rock on.

Wow.

That's awesome.

Although when a therapist is on Reddit, I go, hmm, can I trust you?

That 13-year-old really whipped that up.

They're gonna believe that.

That looks incredible, though.

That was really good.

That was really poignant.

Yeah.

Someone else commented, masks slipped.

Lastly, someone said, no man who truly loves and cares for you would say something like that to you, especially over something like that.

He was jealous, which can be understandable, but took absolutely zero time to listen to your side or even let you give any further explanation.

I think, you know, it's so hard to admit, and it's a scary thing to admit, but I think

in a relationship, especially if you're married, you just have to have that trust and comfortability to be honest.

If you're feeling any sort of insecurity or jealousy,

that it's oh, that those feelings are fine.

It's how you handle them that's the problem.

Totally.

And it's like, oh, should I go with this job?

It's just like, and if he was just like, I, I feel weird because he was your ex and I know that it's fine.

And then she would probably have responded with, oh, dude, like, don't worry.

Hurry, we don't talk about this.

Yeah.

Nobody hooks up over LinkedIn.

But instead, he went right to that.

Right.

So.

Yeah.

Oof.

Yeah.

Big oof.

That's a bummer, too, because I was hoping, like, when I first was listening to the story, I was like, oh, it seems like obviously he thinks she's very beautiful.

He is very attracted to her.

He's married to her.

Right.

But it's clear that it's actually just a power dynamic and he wants it that way to where he feels more attractive than her.

Right.

Right.

It'd be interesting to see them in person too, because this is her self-assessment.

Yeah.

And yes, she's talking about examples with her husband, but it's just interesting because there are plenty of people who just, their self-image is so different from reality.

Right.

You don't really know what's going on.

So we should comment.

As a therapist, send pick.

As a therapist, comma, send pick.

Send pick.

Our next story comes from relationship advice.

28-year-old woman writes, My husband, who's 31, thinks I'm cheating because we went through a box of condoms.

How do I bring it up without sounding defensive?

My husband and I are both pretty low libido.

We aim for intimacy maybe once or twice a week on average.

Because of that, we don't go through condoms very fast, or at least I thought that was the case.

Recently, I initiated, and when I reached for an empty box, I told him we were out and would have to wait until tomorrow.

He got all confused and said, how did we already go through a whole box?

I kind of laughed it off at first, but then he seemed genuinely upset, saying, the math doesn't add up.

He pretty much implied that I must be cheating because we couldn't have gone through them all with just the two of us.

Now I'm the one upset.

I have never cheated and would never do that, and it hurts that he'd even go there.

I thought our pace was pretty normal, but apparently he's convinced something isn't right.

I even offered to go over the timing with him to show that we've just used them as expected, but it's clear he's still doubting me.

I get that maybe he's feeling insecure or there's something else going on, but I don't even know how to start unpacking that with him when I feel like my loyalty is already on trial here.

Has anyone else dealt with something this weird?

How do I talk to him without sounding like I'm projecting slash defensive slash affirming his doubts?

What were you calculating?

How many months

we would use up all those condoms.

I think it would be six months worth of time.

For two condoms a week?

Four weeks in a month?

I mean 50 condoms?

That's implying that it's one condom per session, if you know what I mean.

No way.

Maybe he's got six cocks.

He's busting them out.

He's putting them on his nipples.

Blowing them up, making a balloon.

He's putting it over his head and blowing it up.

And then he's like, I never did that.

This is an insane reaction.

No.

It sounds like my man's as bad at math.

Right.

There's so many things that are insane with it, but we simply have to talk about why she declared that as low libido.

Twice a week is awesome.

I'm low once or twedium though.

Once or twice a week.

I'm celibate, I guess.

That makes me wonder if her husband is like stating that to her.

Like, oh, we just never have sex.

We're low libido because we only have it twice a week.

Yeah.

He's forgetting how many cocks he's got.

His mattress baguette, you know.

Yes.

Yeah, this unfortunate, unfortunately.

What if he's dumb?

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, I think that's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying.

What if he's dumb?

Which is fine.

That's fine.

You can be dumb.

You can't respond like this.

No.

No.

No, he's toxic dumb.

It's also disrespectful to her to think, like, if she's cheating on him, that she's just going to use the same condoms.

Right.

The house condoms?

Yeah.

That they keep in a big bowl?

In the center of the room on the fuck floor.

I love the Sinfandel and can I get the house coffee?

It's a blend.

Is that okay?

Yeah.

That's so funny.

He's like, babe, meet me at this hotel.

And she's like, one sec, I got to go to the bowl.

Squeeze.

This is, I don't know if this applies necessarily here, but I actually think sometimes the most suspicious thing is when someone jumps to cheating as an assumption right away.

And I'm like, why is that your first assumption?

Right.

That's what I meant with that last story.

It's like, why did you go right there immediately?

And I do think it's a common thing,

you know, with cheaters to be suspicious of it.

Yeah.

And I don't know.

That's that's interesting.

Yeah.

I don't know if this just happened like

last night and she's writing about it or if this has been an ongoing thing.

It depends on how long he like doesn't let this go.

Yeah.

But that's a wild assumption to draw just because you ran out of condoms.

Yeah.

Like it's like there, it feels like there has to be something deeper that he is upset about.

Or like, could it be that he has been suspecting that she's cheating and he's choosing to really

do it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I.

I'm going to be a little bit of a conspiracy theorist here.

A little bit of a Reddit conspiracy theorist.

Please.

I don't love how

confidently she was like, yeah, we're low libido.

We only have sex once or twice a week.

followed by his like immediate suspicion has me wondering if he's like yeah we barely have sex we only have sex once or twice a week yeah and he's also suspicious this quickly this

i'm not going to say this because i only have this story but this is like kind of cheater behavior right some way um

comments

Once or twice a week sure doesn't sound like low libido.

If you hit twice a week frequently, you are easily above the average.

Thank God.

He needs to explain himself as to why he is doubting your loyalty.

And I would tell him that straight up.

Less worrying about how you come across, he insulted you, put a big mark on your marriage.

He needs to answer for it, not you.

Someone else said, instead of defending yourself, refocus on the fact that if your husband believes you are cheating on him, then there is something deeply wrong with your marriage.

It's not about trying to convince him that you're faithful.

It's about him making the accusation.

Lastly, someone said, the one who is accusing the other of cheating is usually the cheater themselves, at least usually on these Reddit stories.

Careful, OP, he might be projecting.

In fact, if he persists in accusing you, consider turning it around onto him, especially since he refused to go over the timelines with you.

Yeah, there's no update on this, but I'm highly suspicious of this guy.

Yeah, I don't like him.

Based on this info.

Right.

Okay, we have a

the OP responded to a comment.

And I think this gives me all the context I was looking for.

She wrote, I'm going to start marking the calendar on the days that we do have sex.

I hate to have to track it, but he does have a tendency to pester me after three days and tell me it's been a while.

And I have to remind him that it really hasn't been.

I knew it.

No,

he has convinced her that they're low libido.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No.

And pester too.

Uh-uh.

Pester.

Like, clearly, if there's an issue, just kind of like, there's another way to navigate that, but not being like...

Hey,

I hope I'm wrong, but I guarantee you, if she does find out that he's cheating on her, he'd be like, well, you never have sex with me.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

That's what I think is going on.

Why you want to?

Why you?

All right.

Next story.

This comes from relationship advice.

What's that?

A 40-year-old man wrote this.

I started to cheat on my wife, who's 38, but stopped halfway through.

Do I still tell her?

What?

Does that mean

I stopped halfway through?

I only did a little cheating.

Halfway through.

I only did a little cheating.

Right.

My wife and I have a great relationship.

And three cool stuff.

My wife and I have a great relationship.

I can't say I have any real complaints.

We have been together for five years, married for two of those, and up until now, I would have said I would never stray.

I was away for work last week, and while I was in the hotel, a young woman, 21, sat next to me and began to flirt with me.

I was extremely flattered by the attention.

I have to admit, it was a real ego boost to be flirted with by someone so young as I've started to get that middle-aged dad bod and have been feeling like I'm losing my looks a bit.

After a bit of talking, the woman invited herself back up to my hotel room where we began to have sex.

For me, it was all about the thrill of being desired by someone someone other than my wife, especially by a very young woman.

I was slightly drunk and I figured I'll probably never get the opportunity to sleep with a 21-year-old again.

But the thrill wore off very quickly as I realized that I wasn't enjoying myself.

This girl was not good in bed.

She basically just laid there and starfished.

Sometimes she would pull herself into what she thought was a sexy pose, but that was it.

She didn't seem interested in me at all.

I might as well have been a human dildo because she seemed more interested in herself and how how sexy she thought she was.

Sex with my wife has always been amazing.

When I'm with my wife, she's all over me, talking to me and telling me how hot I am, grabbing me, touching me, getting on top, and so on.

I feel like the hottest guy in the world when I'm in bed with my wife.

With this girl, I felt like I could leave the room and she might not even notice, let alone care.

She seemed like she just wanted the ego boost of a guy finding her attractive.

I couldn't stay aroused and I stopped about 10 minutes into it and asked her to leave, which she did.

i took a shower and then called my wife to hear her voice now i'm back home and so far i haven't told my wife about any of it there's a guilty part of me that says i should because she deserves to know but another part of me says why should i torpedo our happy marriage and cause her pain for something that i didn't even enjoy and will never do again all it did was prove to me that i want my wife more than anyone else i want to do the right thing but i genuinely don't know what the right thing to do is here i know that i will never ever stray again.

Should I tell her or keep it to myself?

Okay, you already torpedoed.

I'm so, you already torpedoed by doing this.

Also, she invited herself up to your room.

Uh-uh.

I believe you invited her to your room.

Yeah.

Sir.

Sir.

Too late.

It's already done.

I'm going up to your hotel room.

I don't know how I'm going to feel about this.

Uh-uh-oh.

I hope I say okay to that.

And he's also like, he's also framing this being like, well, I stopped halfway.

And it's like, not because you were guilty, but because she was bad.

Yeah.

She was bad in bed, so you stopped.

And then you were like, wait.

I guess sex with my wife's pretty cool.

Which all the wonderful things you're listing about your wife is not going to make anybody feel bad for you King.

Like, I am sure these comments are tearing him a new one, being like, you fumbled, you lost your wife, you had it.

And it's your fault for not recognizing that you don't have to go have sex with somebody else to be like oh my god wait i love my wife

wait a minute

i cannot believe this man wrote those words like that's

unbelievable halfway through he's there he's just like i understand now

it all makes sense halfway through he's got a 20-minute time limit yeah yeah

God.

He literally knew.

It was like, that was exactly.

It was halfway.

He's like, and I think I'm done.

It's quite clear.

No, it was also not halfway.

That was that was.

That's...

You're involved.

That was.

Halfway would be like,

I took my shirt off, and then you're like, I don't know.

I was going to say, like, I thought it could have maybe just ended with the flirtation downstairs of like being in the hotel room and she was flirting and him being like, oh, well, yeah, you know, you're attractive too.

I'm interested, like, whatever.

And then being like, Wait, what am I doing?

I, I, I am married and stopping there, which, even in that case, is wrong.

Like, that is a whole nother case of emotional cheating.

But he literally went upstairs and started having sex with her.

Like, there's no halfway.

The second, yeah, the second he's engaging with her in any sort of real way, but especially the second that they are walking to the hotel room is for me, it almost doesn't matter past that.

Right.

That's the decision that you made.

And he could have stopped it there.

And I still, it still is like, you need to absolutely have a massive conversation with your wife.

Right.

And it probably is going to be severe and suck.

He's talking about it like, oh, why be honest with her?

That'll torpedo.

It's like, you torpedoed it.

You already torpedoed it.

You already torpedoed it.

It's going to be, I think it's going to be.

There is less of a chance if you don't talk to her.

I can't say it would be for this situation, but in the limited knowledge that I have on the research and stuff, is that what tends to happen when someone cheats, and it's especially with affairs, but it's like it actually weirdly causes resentment in the cheater.

Because like their partner doesn't know, and it creates this disconnect for them, and it's this rift that's going to grow between the two of you.

It's impossible to really move on from and be in any sort of real relationship.

No.

It's so disrespectful to her.

How he's even contemplating not telling her

is a whole other thing.

This is awful.

That guilt is going to grow inside of him like a little, gross little tumor thing.

Or the lack, or

it will be that issue where by, and it's this weird thing, I'm going to butcher this, but in psychology, doing

a bad thing

can actually make you worse because your brain then has to justify it.

Right.

So then your brain morphs to that was okay for me to do.

And now that's where you're at.

And it's like these things grow in ourselves.

It's why you kind of have to, you do have to acknowledge and treat things in your own head to mend it.

almost like it is a wound that's inside of your own self, like a moral wound.

And you kind of have to be like, wait, that's wrong.

I have to acknowledge that and work on that.

Right.

I think it's clear to say that this guy is only thinking about himself, not just in the cheating on his wife, but that he considers sex like incomplete or not full the way because he didn't finish.

Right.

Right.

So then it's not.

It's entirely an act for himself.

Right.

A lot of bad signs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's see what these comments.

Oh, I'm excited.

This will help.

It sounds like you only regret having sex with this other woman because she was bad in bed.

If this 21-year-old was incredible in bed and better than your wife in bed, would you have stopped in the middle?

Someone else said, you didn't start to cheat, you cheated.

Hard stop.

You worded it this way to make yourself not sound bad.

Let me say it again, you cheated.

Don't forget that you said you didn't enjoy it because you felt she wasn't that into it.

Would you have felt bad and still stopped if you thought she was great in bed?

Again, you cheated.

Lastly, someone said, you didn't stop because you felt bad for cheating on your wife.

You stopped because you were disappointed in the sex.

I think that says a lot.

If she had been good in bed, you likely would have done it with no second thought.

You didn't start to cheat on your wife.

You cheated on your wife.

She deserves to know, don't act like you're doing her a favor by not causing her pain.

Tell her you're delusional.

Incredible.

Yep.

10 out of 10.

10 out of 10.

Now that's the Reddit therapist.

Yes, all of them.

Update.

No.

Oh,

I forgot that those exist.

I can't wait.

Oh, my God.

Here we go.

I really took a beating from Reddit when I made my first post.

So maybe some of you will be happy to read this update.

Maybe not.

I was still not sure whether to tell my wife what happened or not after making the post.

This is not because I'm selfish, like some of you said, but because I was struggling to find the logic in telling her something that would hurt her when she didn't need to know because it was never going to happen again.

But I did also take on board what others said about how if it was them, they would want to know, and to some point I agreed with them about that.

It didn't end up mattering because my wife realized something was up a few days after I got back from my work trip.

As

it happens.

Yeah, this guy doesn't exactly screw up.

The people who believe that they're going to get away with shit, you are either

being able to get away with it, I think is worse.

Insane.

Then you're even more.

What does it say about you?

Right.

Or two, you're not going to get away with it.

Right.

This guy needs to be bonked in the head with a certain kind of baguette.

Right.

My wife realized something was up after a few days after I got back from my work trip.

She brought up how I'd been very quiet and seemed off ever since getting back and she looked and sounded so worried about me that I decided in the moment to tell her.

I didn't want us to have any secrets from each other.

I told her everything.

She didn't believe me at first.

She believed I'd started to sleep with the other woman, but not that I had stopped or that the sex was bad.

I showed her the Reddit post I made so she could see I wasn't just giving her a flattering story to try and get off the hook.

She started to cry while reading it and then said the sentence that has been going around and around my my head 24-7 since then.

I loved you so much.

Loved, past tense.

I asked if she could really just fall out of love so quickly and she said yes.

In the space of a few minutes, I had gone from the love of her life and the man she wanted to grow old with to just another sad man having a midlife crisis.

We talked for most of the night, but she wouldn't budge.

She turned down my offer of marriage counseling or counseling for just myself.

I suggested we take a short week's break so she can think about things, but her mind is made up.

We are filing for divorce, and in the meantime, I am sleeping in our spare room so she can remain in our marital bed.

This is not how I wanted any of this to go.

She is without a doubt the woman I love and the woman I will always love.

And if I could go back in time, I would lock myself in my hotel room for the entire work trip and only come out for the conference.

I hold hope that she might one day change her mind all the same.

Our connection is too strong to be destroyed by 30 minutes of poor decision-making.

It's a little more than

that.

that.

It's not worth ordering a steak too rare.

Oh, God, that was so stupid.

No, I liked it.

I don't want to,

but like, it feels like this could perhaps just genuinely be like somebody who is actually, again, just very unaware, who is, again, just like...

just stupid.

Just like somebody who maybe doesn't understand

relationship dynamics or

commitment.

Like, I'm not saying that that denies any of everything we've said.

And I think that the wife is completely in the right.

But, like, I mean, even the ridiculousness of him being like, no, no, no, honey, look, I made it public and showed everybody.

Right.

And told everybody.

Like, that's.

And she's like, you're on Reddit.

Right.

I don't love you anymore because of that.

And it's again, it's just like, okay, so there has to be something where he's just actually not

getting that.

Which doesn't help in his promise that he's never going to do this again.

Totally.

Totally.

I hear what you're saying, and the tough thing is that this is a post written by him.

Yeah.

And it's tough to know because he's in the after phase of having done this, in the phase where I think he is trying to justify it to us as much as he is his wife.

So it makes me question the legitimacy of all these things.

Right, yeah.

What actually did happen between him and this woman

and then the hotel room.

It's hard to know.

And the problem is his wife is now in a situation of like, I thought I knew you and I don't.

Yeah.

And that's really tough.

And some people I think immediately know, like, oh, I actually, I know myself enough that

this is done.

Yeah, there's a lot of demons.

She thought she was married to someone who would never do this to her.

And she found out, oh, I actually don't know you because that's who I thought you were.

And now it's not the case.

So tragic.

Yeah.

It's one of those areas where like cheating is such a weird sphere where it's like you're not a murderer.

Right.

But as far as a relationship goes, like you've murdered the relationship.

Like it's as bad as it can get before becoming full-on crime territory.

Yeah.

I, to me, it's one of those situations where I'm like, this is the commitment part of it, where, you know, yeah, in our life, we fluctuate, we do all sorts of things, we make mistakes, whatever.

But it's, I think it's a situation to me where I'm like, this is an easy promise to make to someone and to hold of just like, look, man,

I

this is a hardline thing.

Just don't do this.

And I think the problem is, you know, they're 40.

I wonder how long they've been married.

You know, it could be, could be many years.

It could be they've been married for 15 years.

So they made that promise 15 years ago and they go, yeah, for sure.

We're never going to.

I think it was five.

Oh, is that a different story?

Maybe I'm not going to be able to do that.

Have they been married for about five years?

For five years.

They've been married for five years.

Yeah.

And I don't know how long they've been together, but you know, it's, I think some people, they get into some situations where they go, well, I'm in a situation where I've been feeling bad about myself and we haven't been talking, whatever.

And they justify it.

And I, to me, I'm just like, it's one of those where it's like, it's, it's just make it a rule for yourself.

Absolutely.

Because it will destroy it.

Yeah.

No matter what, it's going to be a bad outcome.

Just no matter how right it might feel in the moment, just say no.

Right.

And it's important, I think, too, to establish that for yourself, right?

Like, absolutely.

Where is it in terms of your value?

How much could you potentially forgive a partner if that happened to you?

And this woman seems pretty clear in at least following her heart in the moment, of being like, I know how I feel now.

It's such an interesting thing.

You're right.

And it's such a case-by-case basis because I know like a lot of the times, too, in situations, like substances can get involved too.

And that is often an excuse of like, oh, my thinking was impaired.

And it's like, well, shitty excuse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's just like, well, but yeah, I agree.

I don't think I would accept that.

But like

in this situation, it's like the hardest that you could make this is like, you know, he realizes it right away.

He does go and tell his wife.

He fully apologizes and is like, I don't know what I was thinking and I was out of my mind.

And then it's like, wow, what do I do?

You know, like it really is just like an individual thing that you have to self-reflect and understand

where you feel on it.

And sometimes you don't understand until it happens to you, which is heartbreaking.

Yeah.

It's a good thing that she, you know, got out of that because he clearly is very much creating a narrative for himself that,

yeah, I feel like she doesn't know him anymore.

So I'm glad she's free of that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

To hear, to have someone tell you that they cheated on you and try to follow it up with any sort of excuse or justification.

I think it would have been over either way, but it makes me wonder had he not followed it up with all the excuses and justification, if it would have been different at all.

Probably not.

But it's certainly not what you want to hear.

No.

This is such an unreliable narrator.

Absolutely.

Right now.

Made me want to choose.

My inclination based on the wife's reaction, I think this is all

many degrees worse than what we're getting.

Absolutely.

All right.

It's time for our final story.

And I've been hearing about this one all day from our producers.

No.

Yay.

I'm so excited.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

This was posted on the Too Hot Takes sub Reddit.

Shout out to our friends over at Too Hot Takes.

Morky.

Here we go.

Did he cheat or did I catch an STD from a koala?

Absolutely.

This.

Now this is reading Reddit stories with Smash.

This is what we're about.

This is a 27-year-old woman.

My husband, who's 28, and I have been together for five years after being friends for most of my teenage years.

We have two sons, and this took place in March of 2020 when I was three months pregnant with my second child.

I had gone to my 13-week scan follow-up after the ultrasound alerted something wasn't right.

I fully expected the worst, but my GP just said they could see something on the scans with my fallopian tubes, nothing was wrong with the baby, and wanted to get bloods and swabs done.

When the results came back, my GP called me me to come in urgently.

That's when she showed me that my tests had returned positive for chlamydia.

I was shocked and my GP knew I had been with my husband for years.

She was my doctor all the way back when my first son was born.

She knew all of our history.

She straight up asked me if our relationship was monogamous and I of course said yes.

She gave me the rundown of treatments and scripts telling me that my husband would need to come be tested as well to confirm before he too would likely need treatment, all with a look of pity.

She was thinking it, I was thinking it.

My partner had cheated on me and given me an STD.

I'm furious and heartbroken, but I go home and take a hot shower scrubbing myself clean.

Then I sit down in our home, our family photo hung on the wall mocking me, and call him.

He is at work and I'm crying on the phone explaining that I've just been to the doctors and gotten results that I'm positive for Chlamydia.

And how could you do this, you bastard?

All the works.

I hang up and he is calling me over and over, but I'm trying to calm down as I have to collect our son from daycare and still be put together as a mother somehow.

I ignore his calls and go about my day utterly crushed.

I'm giving our son dinner when he comes home.

He comes into the house and sets his stuff down loudly and throws his keys at the wall.

He sees that I've got our son so he just walks into the bedroom and slams the door and I hear the shower run.

I'm confused and even more hurt because I don't know what I was expecting but this wasn't it.

I finish feeding our son and bed routine then settle him to sleep.

It's about 8 p.m.

by now and I'm exhausted but I go to the room to talk to my husband and he is sitting on the bed holding his head in his hands crying.

I walk over to him and say, I don't know how you could do this to me and our family, but you've given me an STD and you also need to get tested and take this medication.

He looks at me, eyes red raw, yelling that I am a sick and twisted person for cheating on him, getting an STD and then blaming him for it.

I have never cheated and I hate cheating.

It's a disgusting act to do to someone you love.

But he is adamant that he has also never strayed, and our argument ends with us waking up our son, so I go to settle him.

When I came out, he had packed a bag and was leaving.

He said he was going to stay with his parents for a bit.

He left.

I cried all night.

The next few weeks were hell.

He tested positive, obviously, both of us accusing each other.

It got to the point that I asked if he wanted to separate because I didn't see how this could be resolved since neither of us would own up.

He said he would tell me the answer if the pregnancy I was carrying truly was his after a paternity test.

We went and got the test.

tests and of course it was his child.

We went to therapy, which never really solved anything.

He eventually moved back in.

All of our history combined with knowing that at the end of the day, I loved this man and didn't want a broken family was a big part of why I eventually decided to just accept that he cheated and wouldn't own up to it.

We just moved on with life.

I loved him and a part of me thought him admitting it would be worse.

I'd want to know names, faces, details, and ugh.

As more time went by, I became okay with leaving it.

So it's more than two and a half years later now, and Adam is scrolling through TikTok when this reel with Robert Irwin comes on.

He was talking about how the biggest threat to koala populations is chlamydia.

I swear if a light bulb appeared in his head, it would have shown out of his ears because I saw him start to piece things together.

He now has come to the conclusion that he thinks he did give me chlamydia, but not through cheating.

Back in mid-late 2019, there were huge bushfires in Queensland.

OP lives in Australia.

In September, Adam and I attended the Bohemian Beat Freaks Festival and along our drive into camp, we came across so many koalas that had been displaced, the event was nearly nearly canceled due to fires burning near the site in the weeks prior.

So these koalas were just by the side of the road, exhausted.

At one point, we pulled over and Adam grabbed some water for these poor guys.

One little fellow was so thirsty and exhausted, he was holding on to my partner's arm as he drank.

And yes, Adam picked this koala up and gave him a cuddle.

And yes, the koala proceeded to pee all over his shirt and arm.

We laughed it off, moved him off the road track, and continued on.

Now, being a festival in the middle of the bush, there are only showers that you pay for.

We were not planning on using it to shower until the last day.

He had taken off the shirt and washed his hands with bottled water.

We arrived and set up camp and then went to a party and forgot about the koala completely.

Over those days, we had sex a lot.

Yeah, writing this now, I realize how gross it all sounds, but that's the culture of Aussie bush doofs.

And we were young parents who had a rare break from having our son.

So we go down a rabbit hole of research and find out that yes, you can catch it from koalas.

Fuck me.

Adam is so fast to make an appointment at our GP's office.

We show up and explain everything and even she agreed with him that yes, it is possible that is where the STD could have originated from.

We were completely asymptomatic so we could have had it from then and then it was only detected during my pregnancy.

So now we have an explanation and my husband is all for it.

He says it all makes sense and I can see how he has changed since then.

He is more relaxed with me, more trusting, but a part of me having thought it was from him being unfaithful has stuck.

Our relationship has still been okay these last few years, but I'll admit it's been strained.

Our sex life dwindled a lot and we both became almost toxic with each other in terms of who the other was talking to or texting, always feeling on edge when the other was out alone, etc.

He would randomly come out with, you can tell me the truth and I'll still love you, so many times that it would spark an argument, and our friends who knew the story had ditched us long ago thinking that one of us was a cheater and the other was stupid for staying.

We learned to keep this part of our lives private to avoid all the bullcrap.

Since finding this out, it's it's like my husband has changed again.

He is back to the loving, affectionate, caring man he was before this started.

He has accepted this explanation so easily.

But now, how do I wrap my head around that my husband did in fact give me chlamydia, but from a fucking koala?

And how do we undo all the toxic crap that has been between us and move into a healthier, trusting relationship?

I still in some ways feel as if he cheated on me, and I'm not able to completely let this go because truly, unless he says something different, I'll never really know.

And this seems too convenient to the whole situation to put me at ease.

I just don't know.

It sounds crazy, but this has been my life for nearly three years with this new information stressing me out again these last six odd months.

Let's just take a collective breath.

Yeah, let's sit in that for a second, guys.

Let's hold space for koalas.

Yeah, let's do that.

Yeah, um,

that's good.

Um,

oh, wow, okay.

Wow.

So.

I'm a little curious.

I've been to Australia, but I don't know Australia too well.

Is this not something that

a doctor would be like, hey,

we do also have koalas around.

Right.

And they've all got chlamydia.

Yeah.

Right.

Or like, sorry, you're not going to do any other research

two and a half years before.

Like, like, you're going to go through all of that and not, like, look up any other way.

Like, how could could I have gotten chlamydia?

How could I have gotten chlamydia?

Like, Google that, right?

I mean, I guess, to be fair, besides koalas, there really is only one.

Only one other way.

I think I knew that koalas carry chlamydia.

Now,

to be fair, a koala did pee all over him.

And he didn't bathe.

And he didn't bathe.

Right.

And then they felt around like koalas.

Yeah.

Huge.

Thank you.

So, I mean, that's a lot that happened.

Right.

I'm also of the, I mean, man, like, you handle a wild animal, a a wild animal pees on you, you might want to go to the doctor and make sure that you

didn't catch anything.

Right.

Right.

So.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

It's all very peculiar.

I was just going to say peculiar.

Yeah, really?

Yes.

It really is peculiar.

What is, this is a fascinating story in that they likely didn't cheat on each other, but they lived through three years of thinking that they cheated on each other.

Yeah.

And that'll do the same damage.

And that is as damaging.

It might as well have happened.

Right.

And they did also see what they would do if they cheated on one another.

And just moving on from it, they desperately need couples therapy because what they've now gone through is pretty rough.

I mean, we touched on this point earlier, right?

Like if somebody does cheat, It's likely that you're going to be able to see that.

And I would think if they were caught or exposed in this way, you would have kind of been able to detect it in him.

He's either a master manipulator or a koala pissed all over him with got that chlamydia.

And it's crazy to say that the koala is the obvious choice.

Right.

The koala seems more believable to me right now.

Yeah.

There's one comment here.

All right, so I searched it up because I was curious to see if it was true.

And well, yeah, it is.

This is what came up for those who don't feel like searching it up yourself.

Yes, koalas can give chlamydia to humans.

Chlamydia is a common sexually transmitted disease in humans, and a different strain of the bacteria can infect koalas.

This strain can be spread through contact with an infected koala's urine or feces.

Now, different strain.

Will it still pop up on the test and the doctor's

chlamydia?

Like, does that mean it is the same chlamydia, or is that going to be a different chlamydia?

It's still chlamydia.

It's just a different strain.

I just don't know if the doctor's tests are looking for the human kind

in general, just the human kind.

They're certainly not looking for the cholly.

We have one.

comment.

A comment above says it's a different strain in koalas.

Could the lab tell which, if they still have the results, would that strain even show up on a human STD panel?

I'll say more therapy is needed now, though, and it seems like time is needed too, as this is a newer adjustment to your reality.

The trauma you both felt for years is real, and your body can't tell that it was based on something that may not be true.

OP responded, I don't know, but this is something I'm going to ask my GP next now.

If there are different strains, surely they can tell on a test.

I might have just found the actual concrete answer I've been looking for.

Thank you.

Wow.

Update.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Oh, no.

I was so hoping that we could get this answer.

Oh, no.

So if.

Sorry, I haven't read anything.

Okay.

If it's not koala chlamydia, then there's...

If it's not koalamydia.

Koalamidia, then there was, then it's cheating.

If it's not koalamydia, then it's not only cheating, it's like now

we're at nuclear levels.

That three years later, he found an excuse on TikTok and was like, got it.

And that means he put his face down and cried, lying to her.

That's insane.

And the koala just happened to pee on him.

Oh, boy.

Okay, let's hear it.

Ladies and gentlemen, bring out the koala.

Koala walks out.

I want to hold and cuddle one.

All right.

What are your bets?

Koala chlamydia?

Regular chlamydia.

I love whimsy.

Yeah.

So I'm going to bet it's koala koalamidia.

Okay.

Then I guess I have to bet opposite and I have to say that the man is a master manipulator.

It is

not great options to choose from.

No!

No, they're not.

Okay.

I sat my husband down last evening and spoke about how I'm feeling now that we know the truth.

I talked about how much pain I've been put through with him accusing me and vice versa.

And I apologized for my part in things, told him how much I loved him and how happy I was to finally put this to rest now that we both know there is nothing between us.

And then he starts fidgeting and getting upset and he tells me that he cheated.

Whimsy is dead.

Keep blinking.

Yep, I know, but he still didn't give me the STD he says.

In the months...

Oh, fuck.

No!

In the months after finding out, yes, our relationship was in a really bad place, when he wasn't living at home at that time, he went out and had a one-night stand with a girl from a pub in the town over he explained that he genuinely believed that i cheated and after a few drinks he decided he was going to end things with me so he went ahead with sleeping with this girl it was his way of getting back at me plus he was convinced that our baby wasn't his so he was really in a broken place but the next day we met up and this was the day i brought up separating and he said that instantly he had a regret and felt as if things were even now.

He decided he would stay if I did a paternity test and the baby was his, which he was.

He thought that if I was never going to tell him I cheated, he would never tell me either.

He only told me now because he realized how stupid he was and wishes he could take it back, but he can't.

Now this koala knowledge has left him feeling guilty.

I asked about the girl and he says he only knows her first name, hasn't had contact with her since and she means nothing.

But my god, this blows.

Remember how I said in my post that since finding out my husband is back to his caring, affectionate self?

Well, now I know why.

He was trying to make up for his mess up and people were mad at me for not instantly accepting that my STD could have come from a koala.

But I swear there was a part of me that instinctively knew this.

Maybe that's why I was holding on.

It all feels hollow.

I feel numb.

I'm sitting on a park bench right now while our sons play and I just don't know what to do.

Cheating is a deal breaker for me and I never slept with anyone.

I never considered a payback tit for tat move against him.

So why did he do it to me?

I'm heartbroken and a part of me wishes we could go back to before all of this happened.

I can't break up my family.

We have two kids, two dogs, two cats, two cars, and a house together.

It would be a mess, but I don't know how to take this on now.

He could have told me this six months ago when we first found out about this new possibility, but he didn't.

He waited until I poured my heart out to him in an apology to dump on me this confession.

I can't look at him right now, and he knows it.

I guess I'll take a few days to process and then decide things, but I'll probably stay.

I love him so much, even though this has broken a little part of me I just found again.

Oh well.

I get that a lot of people are now convinced my husband is some sick sadist, but I genuinely do not believe that is true.

I don't think he manipulated me for years.

I don't think he gave me the STD or cheated before all of that crap happened.

I do believe the STD came from the koala.

Why admit to things now if not?

Before, yeah, he felt justified, but now he just thinks he is an idiot for doing what he did.

I believe him when he says it was the only time it's ever happened.

And if people think I'm a fool, that's okay.

I'm processing this all in my own time regardless.

But the way I see it, we had a really unfortunate thing happen and the STD planted doubt and he fucked up.

But the way it came out shows me that my husband is dedicated.

Man, I really skipped over writing about our actual conversation when he confessed, but it wasn't manipulative at all.

It was raw and ugly and in no way did he blame me.

He only kept repeating, I really thought you cheated and I'm a fucking idiot and I'm so sorry.

I'm going to take the advice of a few people who have said I should take a break.

I've asked him to go stay at his parents whilst I think things through and take time.

And yes, I did say that cheating was a deal-breaker for me, but my actions have shown otherwise.

So that's something I've learned about myself.

Maybe that was just an ideal that a younger me that viewed the world in black and white held on to, but now I've experienced how life has much more to it, and I guess now that it's not the case anymore.

Another person said that the stages of grief aren't linear and it seems as if I've started at acceptance.

Maybe that's true too.

Either way, a break, some hard conversations with the therapist, and my own choice will be the determining factor in the fate of my marriage.

So it was the third option.

So it was the one we didn't consider.

Where it was both.

Where it was both.

So

we did find out that the koala did give him?

The koala did give him chlamydia.

Koala gay.

Koala gay.

So technically, if we're talking about the situation before the chlamydia, no, they never cheated on each other before.

He got chlamydia from a koala, gave it to her.

They had chlamydia.

They both assumed each other was cheating on each other.

He then took that as, well, she's cheating on me.

This relationship's over.

I'm going to go to the bathroom.

My son's not even mine.

I'm going to get drunk and sleep with someone.

Then they kind of just go back to being together,

moving past it for three years.

Then he finds out, oh, she never did cheat on me.

Right.

And now I cheated on her.

Now I cheated on her.

And so now I have to confess.

But we have confirmed it.

It was.

It was the koala.

Lindsay isn't dead.

Truly.

Let's give in koala.

giving koala this is australian shakespeare yeah that's this is truly that is an insane story to have yeah like for that to have happened to you and your marriage i mean this this is what we were kind of saying with like the crazy situations of cheating right right

speak the nuance that's like a fucking seven-layer cake yeah hang-ons

that's crazy i mean what do you do yeah you forgive i mean

up to her.

And

she is allowed to do what she wants to do.

Right.

And it was a very, like, you know, mature ending of that post there to be like, you know, it's complicated and I don't want to break up my family.

And,

you know, if, and she's the only one that talked to him.

So if she's there to gauge how he is and how he reacted and stuff, I mean, it's up to her how she handles her marriage.

This is,

yeah.

I mean, this is

that classic friend situation, you know, where it's like, it's

the Joey, the we were on a break thing.

They were on a break.

And this was Ross and Rachel.

How dare you?

Oh, Ross and Rachel.

I thought it was Joey.

I'm a Seinfeld guy.

I don't know what this is.

You know, it's like when George.

But like, this is such a unique, I think everybody would have a completely different strategy.

Absolutely.

Wait, sorry, I just need to make it known they were not on a break.

I just need to make sure that that's where I stand on that.

They were not on a break.

They were not on a break.

I mean, they were on a break, but still what he did was inappropriate just need to make sure that that is known

it's yeah

um

this is

truly tragedy tragedy level absolutely story um i am so curious what people in the comments would say they would do because i i i just think it's all over the place it's so hard to yeah it's i don't how do we how do you comment on this i mean i i agree with what you said i i think the way that she wrote out her feelings were very eloquent.

And

I love that she said she used to believe this, but now that she's in this situation, she realizes that that isn't actually how she feels.

And I'm glad that she isn't just being like, well, this is what I feel, so I should do that.

She's actually following her heart and being present.

And

yeah, she has to kind of evaluate, like, sure, maybe technically it might be okay or not okay, but it's just the feeling of, are you able to move on?

Does it still feel appropriate to stay in this?

And having a family is a whole nother layer to it.

Because they have kids, they have two sons.

After kind of already mourning that issue, you know, it's like they already went through the process of like

thinking they cheated on each other.

So it's like,

what does your brain do when it's like, oh, so that, oh, it wasn't real, but it was real, but in a different way.

Right.

You have to like redo the processing.

That's so crazy.

Yeah.

When they go to a couples therapist, that therapist's head is going to like spin around.

Right.

It's a koala in a sweater.

Yeah.

So

I don't think a koala did that to you.

Right.

Listen, koalas can't control their pee, okay?

Like

that's crazy.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

That's all I got to say.

That's my takeaway.

This is a huge wow.

That's a big wow for me.

Big wow.

Huge wow.

These have been some stories.

And that was stories

with Shane.

That was a giant mattress baguette.

Huge mattress baguette.

Honestly, that has grounded me throughout this whole video: mattress.

Coming back to mattress bags.

Coming back.

Right.

Which we've determined is a baguette that is a mattress.

A mattress.

Soft or firm.

Maybe it comes in two different ways.

Part of the baguette's a little soft, part of the baguette's a little.

Press a button and the part of the baguette goes

to set you up.

Yes.

And I like memory baguette.

I like memory Baguette.

Well,

thank you both for being here.

Thank you.

Guys, March 8th, we'll be doing Smosh Reads Reddit Stories live at the Dynasty Typewriter Theater.

You can watch the live stream by going to live.smosh.com and getting tickets.

It is going to be so much fun.

We hope to have you there watching us online.

And also, we'll be back, as always, next Saturday.

So we will see you then.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye.