Episode 906 - Rachel Schaefer

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 906 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name's Graham Clark.

With me, as always, is a man who we just agreed before we were

recording that we're the kings of crop tops, Mr.

Dave Show.

Yeah, I do.

It's really like...

We're both wearing them right now.

My worst feature, even when I'm in my best shape, it's like...

Lower belly?

It's Muffin Top season.

Man, is it ever Muffin Top Season?

It's Muffin Top Season and it's bad.

Leroy Brown.

Tattoo season.

Oh, yeah.

You get to see a lot of...

Here's a look I don't understand.

We'll introduce our guest in the middle.

No, that's not.

Let's just.

This is Riff.

This is a solo app.

Is people who have one leg tattooed and then no tattoos on the other leg?

I find it very unsettling.

I don't understand what's going on.

Oh, yeah, because they've been

taken over by

Venom and the whatever it's called.

This symbiont?

Symbiote.

Yeah.

And then they got vaccinated midway through.

Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, very, very funny comedian and somebody who will be recording an album or special way, way from now, December.

But if you want to find out more about when she's doing that, it's Rachel Schaefer.

And her Instagram is

Rachel E.

Schaefer.

Oh, no, at Rachel E.

Schaefer.

I've done a podcast before.

Yeah, I know it.

Nobody's going to go to your taping now.

Also, if you search my name on Instagram, you'll find a different account that's like check mark verified for Rachel Schaefer.

But that's that's not me, that's my show I run with another very funny comedian, Kelsey Hamilton.

But I just had to get that account verified so I could get my real account back because I got hacked like a hundred-year-old loser.

So please follow at Rachel E.

Schaefer.

That's me.

Should we get to know us?

Yeah.

Get to know us.

Tell us more about this hack.

Tell us more about us.

800-year-old loser.

No, 100-year-old loser.

You know what?

I.

That was so confusing, by the way.

Like, no one's going to be able to follow.

I know.

I'm really good at just driving my career into the ground.

But

so, yeah, so I got immediate karma because I had never ordered anything off Timu before.

And then I ordered something off Timu and I got a pop-up ad that just looked so much like a Timu page.

And it was like, get this coupon.

And then I was, um, did you click on coupon?

I clicked on coupon and I think I put in my info like with my password that I just made for Timu.

That was also my password for everything else.

So they got my Instagram.

They got my Facebook.

They weirdly didn't get anything else.

I think kind of what happened was, so I found out because I went onto my Instagram and it was like, you've done some bad activity on your other account.

You are suspended.

Yeah, and if you want to get rid of this suspension, you've got to go to that other account and you've got to apologize.

And I was like, what other account?

And I click on the thing and it's like, it's like Wucka Jibwe 89.

And I was like, that's not me.

I don't know that account.

And then so I think what happened was I got immediately like hacked by this guy named Howard Shaw.

I got the report.

Howard Shaw, okay, okay.

And I think he was probably hacking a a bunch of people's account.

And on somebody else's account, he did something bad or got reported.

So he got like, he got his own account shut down and everyone else that he had infiltrated shut down.

Howard.

So I spent like two months making reports to Instagram that just go into a kind of black abyss.

I don't think anybody reads them.

I think hundreds of thousands of people are probably getting hacked every single day.

So there's no one to deal with this.

But if you want to get your account back, all you have to do is create another account, pay a $20 monthly fee to get that account verified, and then you get access to a real chat person.

And within three days of doing that, I got my account back.

And then just that thing of, you know, it's just so hard to unsubscribe to somebody.

I still, I'm paying, just because I'm truly lazy, I'm paying $20 a month to keep this other verified account.

You know what?

This is my goal.

By the time this episode is out, you're going to go look for that other verified account and it's not going to be verified anymore.

I will have stealed that credit card.

Have you changed all your passwords?

Yes.

Okay.

Now I have to have them written down on a little paper.

So if anyone wants all my stuff, just rob me.

Yeah, just go to your desk and look for the one piece of if anyone wants all my stuff, just rob me.

Well, I mean, it adds up.

So before this, it is the simplest way.

Before this drama, first of all, I apologize.

There's an extra water on the table.

Which is the one that was...

That was here yesterday.

No, this is me.

That's you.

This one was here.

That's probably Rob Shaws.

Wow, you guys are cheating on me with other podcast guests.

Yeah, we

did a show.

You guys do this with other people.

We have maybe done this 900 times before.

I thought this was just your second episode.

It was me the first time.

I know, I forgot to tell you that it's not a second

episode.

We were talking before you were introduced about the summer tattoos.

You see, are you tattooed?

I don't have a single tattoo.

We're in a room with no tattoos.

Wow.

Not a single tattoo in this room?

Well, I was thinking of getting my eyeball done.

Yeah, that would be good.

Which one?

Left or right?

Or both?

Oh, I mean, mean, obviously my left.

That's my good one.

Winking eye.

You should get the Indiana Jones student, I love you tattoos in your eyelid and hunt down Harrison Ford.

Yeah.

And then on the inside of my lip, get a

just kidding.

Yeah.

Oh, there's a television program everybody's watching called Love Island.

And there's two contestants that get together.

And the thing they bond over, they both got silly lip tattoos.

It's on every every day isn't it uh yeah yeah i'm behind but uh

i always think about so there's this um

uh the okay okay set the stage the most

i saw a thing that was like the most viewed person ever on uh tick tock was this uh woman named bella porch and she had the most viewed video and it was just her kind of she has like a very expressive anime she does like anime faces okay and it was that video and it had billions of views And then the next thing, next time I heard her name, she had a music career.

Oh, good friend.

And my kids have watched her music videos and they're actually not bad considering this could be like the stupidest thing ever.

Yeah, yeah.

But like she has like a point of view and the songs are decent.

There's a cool one where she

goes into a bathtub full of yellow ooze.

That sounds pretty good.

And she comes out and she's just this yellow ooze monster.

But then she has a song

that I forget what it's called, but she does a duet with this guy.

And his verse goes, Love Island is my favorite show.

If we were on, I'd give you a rose.

Oh, nice.

Although they don't do on Love Island.

There's no Rose.

He's working it.

Yeah, it's not really his favorite.

He's being a silly little guy.

That is crazy about culture right now that somebody can be like the biggest person on TikTok and then spiral that into a music career.

And you say this on the podcast, and I have never heard that name before.

Oh my gosh, completely.

Yeah.

Remember, what's her name?

She started on the Dr.

Phil show, Catch Me Outside.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she had a whole rap career after that.

And like,

fair, like, you know, more successful rapper than any rapper.

I could name in that thing.

She was a magnetic gal.

I'll give it to her.

I didn't listen to the music, but I saw a little bit of that interview, and I was like, yeah, I could watch you on TV forever.

She had a uh feud with a uh online not character person called lil i think lil tay she's from here oh yeah yeah and then there was a death hoax about her yes and uh do you remember lil tae was it tay it wasn't tay zonday he sang chocolate rain this this name is ringing a bell she's like a 12-year-old uh

and her mom was very rich i think she's a real estate person so there's videos with her in front of a lamborghini yeah there's little Tay.

There's Lil Tay.

There's videos of her.

I remember her death hoax.

Yeah.

What I love about, she does the thing I've seen before where people take a big wad of money and like they're a phone call.

Like it's like a 1989 cell phone.

It is fun.

It is fun to be an influencer for sure.

That's what I assume.

Yeah, I watched a video of some guy who his whole thing is like Mr.

Beast-esque, but less

expensive.

And he's got like millions of I'm giving away Starbucks gift cards.

Exactly.

So you have no tattoos.

Do you have any weird piercings that we should know about?

I don't have a single weird piercing.

You're saying all that about influencers, and it was occurring to me how badly I plugged my own Instagram off the top of the show.

I feel like I could be a very successful, like, anti-influencer in which brands pay me to do ads for their competitors.

And then I just drive those companies into the ground.

If anybody wants to pay me to do that,

if you are from Snapple and you would like me to berate

Gatorade

Snapple as an influencer thing.

So you'll go, you'll endorse Gatorade.

Yeah, and I'll just do my best to actually genuinely endorse Gatorade and I'll just blow it up.

I don't want Gatorade.

I like in

your imagination that Snapple is the substitute for Gatorade.

Yep.

If you're not going to drink Gatorade, it's got to be Snapple.

It really kind of, after a workout, I like to have the peach tea, the peach iced tea.

Does Snapple still come in glass?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think so.

When's the last time you had a Snapple?

It was definitely a peach tea one.

Yeah.

Because you're right about that.

Yeah.

I always got the lemon tea.

We got them at the school store.

Did you have a school store?

We did.

It was mostly

shirts.

Shirts of school.

Yeah, you can buy gym strip there.

Yeah.

Did you have a school store?

Like in high school?

Yeah.

We had vending machines.

That's not what I'm talking about.

No, it was like you two fancy boarding school boys.

Yeah, we were.

Are we finding out that

David Graham are secret rich kids?

Yeah, we were the Graham and I.

I'm always holding bills up to the side of my head on the phone.

We went to Dead Poets Society.

We were the Dead Poets Society.

No, it was a public school, Kitsilano,

with a named after an Indigenous chief.

And the school was called, or the school store was called the Haida Way.

Oh, that's not bad.

Okay.

Where did you go to school?

Here in town?

Sea Cove.

North Van, yeah.

Okay.

Was it Deep Cove High?

It was Sea Cove.

It was built on a very steep hill and also a swamp.

And that was our field.

They made our field on a swamp.

So if it rained, it was you just.

We didn't have any sort of bleachers or anything because I think they would have just very quickly sunk

We didn't have a football team we had a rugby team and they were always

Covered in covered in mulch

High school football is not really a thing here no, it's not cheerleaders are also very much not a thing like we did there was no cheerleaders There was no like we had a gymnastics team.

So I guess if you would have been a cheerleader, you would have been on the gymnastics team, but there was no one had pep for anybody else.

Have you seen Bring It On?

I love Bring It On.

Yeah, Eliza Dushku's character is like, well you don't have a gymnastics team, so I gotta join the cheers.

Yeah,

yes.

There were cheerleaders at my high school, but same thing.

They weren't a big deal like they are in Hollywood films.

Yeah.

They were just a group of gals.

Just a group of gals having a good time.

What were the cheers?

Do you remember?

Let's go, Beaver Brook,

you ugly,

you, G-L-U-I, you ugly.

Go Satan.

Go Satan.

Go, go, go, Satan.

Daddy to the other team.

Yeah, we were the Lord Beaverbrook Satans.

The Lords, right?

The Lords, the Lord Beaverbrook, Lord.

We did cheers on my softball team, and we frequently got told off by the 17-year-old male umpires that

they had no authority.

Like, we would cheer so aggressively and loud at the other team while like our team was in the dugout at bat and they're on the field.

And we would like scream.

Everybody, like every single game we had, the next day, no kid would have their voice left oh really yeah were they specific taunts or was it just freestyle screaming there were like i i've blocked them all out now but there were many many softball cheers that we knew that were like rhythmic in chants uh i went and saw the the vancouver canadians play and there was a group of kids that were uh from you know uh probably 12-year-olds league and they knew all of these chants to try and freak out the pitcher and it was so fun and they were just full throttle the whole game.

Yes.

They all kind of knew the same chance.

And you know what?

The pitcher got a little rattled, if I'm not mistaken.

He didn't do such a good job.

That's the fun thing about baseball is that like

when one team is on the field, the other team is just twiddling their thumbs or screaming at you.

And honestly, most of the people on the field are doing nothing.

Yeah, it's mostly a game about trash talk.

So if you don't want to be a pitcher in that environment, you have to get off the field.

Yeah, exactly.

You got to be able to lock that shit out.

You have to be a really angry person.

What position did you play?

I played shortstop.

Nice.

And how was your batting?

My batting was

either really good or really bad.

That's right.

Oh, sure.

And it was like probably a 60-40 split to bad.

Yeah.

So you batted 400.

That's not bad.

What years are we talking about?

High school times?

I played for like, I think I played softball for like nine years.

I think I started in third grade and went to

whatever plus nine years.

Of course.

Yeah, like grade 12.

Yeah.

Wow.

And never since?

Since you've never since.

I've been like a

fill-in person for grown-up rec leaves, but I don't like how they play because they're pit in girls softball, the pitching is not slow.

It's like a laser.

Like it's a straight line.

It's so fast.

How many times are you allowed to swing?

Spin your arm around before you.

It gets a little much if you do more than one spin, but you know, whatever your style is, your style is.

Just Popeye style.

Yeah.

A little propeller coming up.

You leave the ground.

But if you're an adult, they want you to like, they want it to be a really slow lob.

It has like for it to be a strike, it has to land like just behind the plate on the ground.

And it's got to like go over a certain height.

And I

makes me sick.

Yeah, I've makes me absolutely sick.

I played in a league once, a league, I guess.

I don't know.

We played games.

Was it a league, would you say, of your own?

It was a league of our own.

It was me, Gene, and Davis, hubba, hubba.

Did you do the splits every time you had the shop off?

Yeah, sure.

And a big flashbulb went up.

But it was you pitch to your own team.

So, like,

I know.

But have you ever been?

And then you feel to your own team.

It's weird.

Would you ever join, like, you know, if there was a comedians team and just like smoke everybody?

I would.

Oh, I would love that.

Yeah.

I feel like comedians aren't organized enough to put together a softball team.

Were there not enough comedians in New York that George got to play on the improv team

in this comedy hub?

Yeah.

He gets to be a...

Do you recall this from Seinfeld?

They're on like a...

A softball team.

Yes, I know I have seen this episode.

Bet Midler's in it.

She

run Bet Midler.

And then Kramer and Bette Midler get really close in the hospital.

Yeah, and she's

Jerry's dating her understudy

in Rochelle Rochelle in music.

Yeah.

That's a pretty self-referential episode.

Yeah, yeah.

We all get it, right?

Did you play any other sports?

Do you play any other sports?

As an adult, I have played Ultimate, which I very much enjoyed.

It was a lot more running than softball, though, but very fun.

There's running in Ultimate?

You're running the whole time.

You're chasing down that frizz.

Oh, I thought it was like golf style.

Like, you're hitting the thing and then walking and then hitting it.

You're talking frisbee golf, which is offensive to the ultimate community.

Well, what's ultimate?

I guess I've ultimate is like a mixture of like basketball and football, but with a frisbee.

Yeah.

Or a disc, I should say.

You're going to get comments from the ultimate community that I say frisbee.

And then you try to catch it.

You can't run with it.

So you throw it and catch it.

I could never do the forehand.

But I was so, like, I was very athletic and good at

chasing down.

Oh, no one's going to catch that one.

And nothing feels better than that.

When you run as fast as you can, and there's a disc so high above your head, and you know, it's going so much further, and you have so much more far to run.

And then you, if you ever have to jump to get it, you land on the ground.

Oof,

so good.

That's, I just, being here, seeing you talk about it, there's a lot of passion there.

There's a lot of passion.

I'm just a passionate person.

I'm a very passionate person about ultimate and then not a very passionate person about adult dodgeball, which I also played.

And quipped after one season because it was too much pressure.

Yeah, that's bad.

I mean, like, if it.

Yeah, you should not have to be serious about that.

Yeah.

It was very

everyone should be.

How silly.

Look at how silly it is.

Everybody gets to wear a costume.

But you know, like when you're in elementary school and there's like one kid who's like too good at whipping those round inflatable balls and it like hits so hard all those kids grow up and join and make the adult dodgeball teams so it's so scary and

i'll i promise i'll relate this back but

you don't have to yeah we have time yeah the first time so i've never been like a big drug person but the you kind of were part of a softball like say no to drugs campaign

when i was in my early 20s i was dating this guy and one of his roommates was friends with somebody who sold weed chocolate.

And then one time that friend gave my boyfriend's roommate a cookie sheet full of this weed chocolate that he said was too potent to sell.

And because I guess you're mixing it and you don't know like how much is in each piece and it was just this, this particular sheet was too risky.

So we obviously had some and I had like never done drugs before.

Might as well dive into the deep end.

And I remember like sitting at their kitchen table like with

some people I didn't know too, and then the friends that I did know, and feeling like, I don't even really feel anything.

And then someone said something funny.

And then I laughed so hard

for so long that my eyes closed, like that closed eye laugh where you're like you can't, you're laughing so hard, your eyes are closed.

And then in my brain, I was like,

this is so, so funny.

This is so, so funny.

Ha ha ha.

And then something switched and snapped in my brain and it turned into tears instead and sobbing instead of laughter.

My eyes were still closed.

And I was like, oh no.

Oh, Rachel.

Oh, you're crying now.

Well, how did this happen?

There's people at this table that you don't know very well.

Okay, switch it back.

Switch it back to laughter.

Back to laughter.

Back to laughter.

And then I was, so it was basically like,

and then I opened my eyes back up, but it didn't, but that plus like two minutes, like it felt so long.

I opened my eyes back up.

It was the room was full of skeletons everyone had died

well the room was dead silent and they and people were looking at me and then somebody goes yeah she does have tears in her eyes and i went i'm gonna go sit on the couch now and something about that moment they all eaten the chocolate they'd all eaten the chocolate but i'd not been quite as affected i think i got an extra strong piece sure but ever since that moment like every once in a while that can just like happen to me now like even sober like if something hits me really hard where i'm like laughing and if it's in any sort of like a panic laugh way, I can like feel that it's about to be tears.

And so I was on this adult dodgeball team.

I was new to the team.

I was, I was like, yeah, we're having fun.

This is a game.

This is great.

Slowly, every single person on my team got picked off until it was just me and the other team was still full.

And I just, it looked like just, yeah, a team of Satans, a team of Grand Clark Satans.

And

they all just started whipping balls at me.

And I started laughing out of like sheer panic.

And then I could feel it behind my eyes and in my brain I was like oh I'm so panicked I'm not this is fine it is a game I know logically it's a game and I'm fine and I'm safe but I'm about to start laugh sobbing like I did on drugs that one time and then I just jumped in front of a ball and ended it and my team was like what it was like that could not continue yeah I'm sorry guys well I mean

I don't know how, but Graham and I are going to try to get you there again today.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We want to get you panicked laughing.

I was that, like, I, again, I couldn't throw the frisbee forward.

I could do the backhand, uh,

but I, with dodgeball, I had such little kid hands, I couldn't really throw it very well.

But again, I was very agile, and I was often the last one standing.

Because you're a good dodger, yeah, but then I would just not just about the throwing.

Dodge is the one in the name, yeah, that's fine.

And some of us in our schooling days tried to get in front of one of those balls immediately so that you got to stand on the side of the room and just watch them.

Oh, Graham.

Yeah, there's so nervous.

My kids come home from school and tell me there are like so many different versions of dodgeball now.

I'm surprised they still do dodgeballs.

It seems like something where people are going to get hurt.

It's almost guaranteed that somebody's going to get hurt and dodgeball.

Yeah.

Because, like, there's always one kid that

the rules are: you got to keep it below the waist.

But kids can't aim.

Yeah, kids can't aim.

And oh, my elementary school invented, I don't know if we invented it, but like some kid at lunchtime had this idea that we had this like fenced-off basketball court and they were like, oh, this is enclosed.

We could make this sort of like terrifying ultimate dodgeball showdown game.

So we, there was bring our utility balls from home.

For months, we were obsessed with this.

It was like, there was no teams.

Everybody is a team of one.

You're just your own team.

So the

gated.

box gets full of kids and then there's only one dodgeball.

So it's like if you have the ball, you can take three steps with it.

and whip.

And so it's like slowly it gets whittled down to like two kids.

And it was so fun.

Wow.

And then what would happen to the two kids?

It was always this one kid, Max, was always at the end because he was that like crazy thrower.

Very nice kid, but terrifying arm.

And

it would just be him and whoever else got down with him.

And then that person usually, I think I won once and I've never been more proud.

But other than that, I lost every single one.

It was always fun like,

I don't know, fun's the word, but it was always strange that like sometimes an activity would just take off among your grade and like, hi, I guess we're into Foursquare now.

Yeah.

I guess we have a tetherball month.

Yeah.

When I was in elementary,

some one kid invented a game called Hatball, which was kind of like

Red Rover mixed with kind of like

not a dodgeball, but kind of like an ultimate frisbee.

But everybody had to use their hat and whip it out of the hat.

So every single kid was bringing a hat to school, especially

baseball hats.

So much planning.

Yeah.

And I can't remember what kid invented it, but man-oh, man.

He's probably rich.

I think it was Dr.

James Naismith.

It's Kevin O'Leary.

Yeah, it's Kevin O'Leary.

I went to school with O'Leary.

He was bald back then.

Double day.

Did anyone, are there any other sports inventors who invented bicycling?

Andre Philippe Gagnon.

The man of a thousand voices.

The man of a thousand Voices.

Are you familiar with this?

I'm not.

Andre Philippe Gagnon was a guy who I would just see ads for.

He's coming to town.

Go see Andre Philippe Gagnon.

He was back in the day, Just for Last was more of a kooky festival.

Okay.

Then like now it's stand-up and some sketch and like some improv.

But back then it was like stand-up, busker, some weird specialty act.

And he just a flasher.

Yeah, just a flasher would come on.

The regurgitator was the big guy.

Yeah, and he was.

There was a guy that would put stuff in his mouth and then regurgitate it.

That's real?

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Swallow.

Light bulb.

He'd put fish in there.

A hair away from a flasher.

That's all I can say.

It is disgusting.

It is.

And he would do a trick where he would swallow coins and then bring them up.

And people would say, you would get someone to say how much, like, you would ask how much money you wanted him to bring up.

And they're like, $1.25.

All right, here you go.

Oh, my God.

Like you can bring the coins up in order so it makes the right amount.

Yeah.

You got to admit that's a talent.

That is.

That sure is.

For the

peak of the comedy world that JFL seems to think it is.

You cannot deny that Moxie Frubis played that.

Moxie Fruvis was an act.

You know, Moxie Frubis?

No.

Former

band of Jihan Gomeshi.

Okay.

Yeah.

But there was a guy named Andre Filuganga who did impressions, and one of his big impressions is playing a saxophone.

And

he would be there every year.

He does an impression of playing a saxophone.

Okay.

And he does, he would sing.

Not a specific person playing a saxophone, just the act of.

No, but he would do the Pink Panther theme.

Was his big impression.

Oh, was it?

I never saw him, but I

saw him live.

I saw live, like little clips

on commercials that he was coming to town.

And it was mostly musical.

Yeah, he did a lot of music.

And he would do a duet of a man and a woman.

Yeah, and he did We Are the World.

he did all the voices of we are the world all the pop stars and he i saw him live destroyed absolutely destroyed this guy and i don't regurgitators in the crown

so the regurgitators ruined my body for my hat

what else who else was it there was like there would be you know guys that balance like 100 chairs on their table oh there would be the guy uh was he was like the amazing michael or someone or uh and he would be the ymca YMCA, the amazing John.

No, not the amazing John.

No, he would do like magic first.

Yeah, but there was a guy who would do the

who was the village people, and he would have like dummies, dummies that he were attached to him with rods, and he would like, they would all do the YMCA together.

This is what it used to be.

Like, that's what the festival, that's how they made their bones before they were like,

well, let's leave the buskers outside.

Which they still have.

If you go to Just for Laughs, the streets are overflowing with buskers.

Really?

Montreal in general, though.

Yeah, there's buskers.

Cirque to LA was started by two buskers.

I wonder it's like, do the, like, I mean, I think buskers are in it for the love of the game.

And, like, it's a nice way to work outside.

And I feel like if you're the balancing 100 chairs guy, you can't be thinking.

you'll get like there's no dis there's no waiting to be discovered as a busker no no no because i don't think i think they know nobody wants them in any other setting.

You know what I mean?

Right, like you don't want to have like no one's juggling and being like this being at this festival on this street is going to be my big break because someone's going to see this juggling and then I'll be juggling for the queen.

It would have someone's going to hear me through my distorted microphone.

Yeah.

Yelling at this crowd of people.

There's a

getting the details right.

A woman named Red Panda, I think is her name.

Okay.

And she does NBA halftime shows where she's on a unicycle.

Oh, yes, I've heard about that.

I've seen this.

And she does,

she has like bowls that she like has like a stack of bowls on her feet, and she throws them up on her head while she's on a unicycle.

And she just broke her wrist doing it.

Oh, no.

She'll be back for the season.

She'll be back for next season.

Yeah, she's doing some physio.

She's going to climb back.

Wow, that's amazing.

Like,

I'm just riding a unicycle on her.

Was her name right?

Was her name Red Panda?

If I Google it, it's just going to come up with the animal.

Or the movie.

Isn't there a a movie with a Red Panda in it?

Oh, Turning Red?

Turning Red.

There you go.

Yeah.

From the maker of Elio.

There you go.

Yeah, that's her.

That's her.

Yeah, but Buskers, or at least the Buskers I've known in my life, make so much money.

Yes.

Like a crazy amount of money, all tax-free.

Yeah, it's just cash.

Yeah.

Still buying houses.

Yes, people are buying houses with toonies.

But

I don't have any toonies.

Like, how do you, how do buskers...

People do carry change.

And I think also a lot of it is like you're doing it on Granville Island where there's a lot of tourists and the tourists are carrying cash.

Sure.

Right.

Yeah.

And the tourists are like, I'm on vacation.

I'm happy to give this guy $20.

I'm on vacation.

Yeah, exactly.

This is what I've saved up for.

Yeah, my $50 walking around money for the day is all going to this guy.

I went to Nashville this year and I spent $60 American dollars on song requests.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Have bands?

Yes.

Have you been to Nashville?

No.

I have.

Phenomenal.

Is this Music City USA?

It sure is.

It's, yeah, they've got like, so Broadway is like a street of just bars that are all three stories high, and they have a different band playing on every story.

And somehow they've perfected the sound system of it so nothing's bleeding into anything.

And all of the bands are amazing.

And they all have a bucket in front of them that says $20 for a request.

And you can request anything and they'll play it.

And they'll play it phenomenally.

You know what?

I'd be like, do an original.

Do one of your songs.

Yeah, I went to Nashville years and years ago, and it was the first time I ever saw one of those bars where everybody's peddling, and it's like moving down the street, and everybody's getting wasted.

And I was like, man, that's going to come to Vancouver someday.

I can't wait to see it on the Coziner Hills, just the most upset bachelor parties going up and down Oak Street.

Fuck it so sweat.

But yeah, that was the first time.

Like, boy, do they know how to party there?

They sure do.

Yeah.

Nashville, USA.

I

haven't been.

What I hate about buskers is how they like

waste time.

It's like they'll build up to something.

Like, just show me the thing.

You like an efficient busker.

I don't want to be here.

I'm like, if

you can't do your trick, like.

Oh, right.

And they do that till the crowd builds and they make you wait so long for them to actually set the knives on fire.

You come get a volunteer.

Oh, I'm just playing with them.

Oh, this kid can't actually do it.

Okay, send him back.

Give him a round of applause.

So you ate the comedy part of busking.

You're like, I actually just want to see you almost die.

That's all I want.

I wanted it to happen while I'm in earshot, but I don't want to have to break my stride.

Nobody's going to break my stride.

No, nobody's going to hold you down.

Remember this?

So in Victoria, there was one year that they were hosting the Commonwealth Games.

So they had like a big stage every night of performers.

And one night it was Andrew Philogena.

Okay.

And one night it was the backing band for Paul Simon's Graceland.

Okay.

And

they had great pattern, even though they weren't asking for real money.

They were like, if you like the next song, applaud, throw to the stage some money, one of your kids, a credit card.

Everybody's like, oh, this guy's hilarious.

But yeah, they all have like pre,

I think they all share banter.

Right.

In the busker world, I think everybody.

It's like street jokes.

Yeah, there's banter, street jokes for busking for sure.

Would you, had you the coordination and time to put together an act, knowing now that they make so much money, would you have ever busked?

Would you?

I mean, this is, it's hard to imagine a world in which I've learned to juggle.

But I, I mean, I guess if I was really good at juggling and unicycling,

it makes sense that the people who are good at that would want to just hang out on Grammar Island all day and have people throw change at them.

But

yeah, I don't, I feel like I can't.

No, I feel like you, I can't.

It's like, I don't want to be, you know, Mark Wahlberg saying, if I was on that plane, never would have happened.

I feel like if I had the skills to be a juggler, I'd probably do it.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

That was a horrible parallel.

No, I see it.

Yeah.

I mean,

there's a guy that I've seen on Instagram, and he does, he kind of does the one trick over and over again, but it's the greatest trick is he has like an umbrella, he's spinning it, and a doughnut on top.

He's like,

and then he has a pillow that's Nicholas Cage's face, and he throws it over his shoulder and

a basketball hoop.

And he can do it like it's not even trying.

So, I mean, like, it's so funny how there's people online who just do the one thing over and over.

Yeah.

My favorite is the guy who runs the rides, and he's he always just

has a video of him, like, it's whatever some ride that just rockets you up into the air and his joke every time is like oh i just oh i forgot to do your shoulder strap yeah and then he yeah sends them going or he drops a bolt out of his shorts oh where's that from yeah a carabiner he's like this is probably supposed to be attached to something i love it uh that's just somebody who loves their job yeah you know um

i uh i mean

Not that we don't do the same joke over and over again.

I just don't know which one it is.

Do Do you ever find yourself telling stories on the podcast where you're like, as you're telling it, it's too late to stop, but you're like, I've definitely told this story before, and I'm hoping I didn't tell it on this podcast.

Hopefully it was somebody else's podcast.

I had that exact thought when I told the Oedipal story.

I was like,

I'm going to get hate comments.

From who?

From people who are such avid,

weirdly avid fans of me who remember what I've said on previous podcasts and that are like, how dare you say that?

I'm such an avid fan of you.

I hate you.

Which I don't think I don't think I have those yet.

Maybe one day that's the aspiration.

When you, when Graham booked you, I was like, oh, she's the Roastmaster.

Last time she was on, we talked about her winning all these roast battles.

Yeah.

And then Graham showed up in shorts today.

And I was like, I wasn't going to wear shorts because I didn't want to get roasted.

No, I've rebranded as a nice sweetie.

Oh, that's nice.

Okay.

Is the roast battle thing, is that still going on or is that a

come to a you can still do roasts in Vancouver?

But not on illegally television.

I think they still do.

Yeah, I think they're filming another season.

I'm not a part of this season, but I do think they should get new people all the time.

Like, I feel like I, so I did two seasons of it, and I feel like that's good because I feel like

it's hard to keep finding new things to say about people that there's been so much said of because you don't want to repeat jokes that other people did or just like walk the same ground.

So I feel like that specifically is a show where they should be getting new people in there every year.

I mean, I would probably roast you by saying, oh, she keeps telling this edible story every day.

I would deserve it.

I would, if I was in a rose battle, I would do something that would be embarrassing to me and see if they could pick it up on the fly.

You know, like just in the middle of a roast battle.

Yeah.

And they're like, oh, no, I mean, that's very roastable, but.

That's actually such a hack for winning.

Because if you are like, I think that's why I won a lot of roasts in Vancouver, was because people would try to roast me for embarrassing things about my life, but then the setup would be funnier than the punchline because they're like, Rachel played adult dodgeball, and then everyone's like howling at me for being embarrassing.

And then they have a punchline and it doesn't get as much.

Then it's like, oh, ah, yes.

So I'm too lame.

And, well, you know,

was adult dodgeball a did it, did that happen happen around the

like urban outfit?

No,

American apparel

tattoo of a mustache on your finger hipster era.

It was, yeah.

Or has it always been going on?

I think there's a pretty avid community, the underground dodgeball community.

I bet they're there.

I don't know it.

I don't, but I assume it felt like when I showed up, no one was like, this is new.

Right.

No, I think it's been, it has been around for a while, but I feel like that's right.

Yeah, that's it.

People started playing in this kind of like reliving the childhood.

Yeah.

They're like, it's actually cool to be embarrassing now.

Yeah.

It's like, no one's actually worn short shorts in a while, and I'm going to do it.

And also these stripey socks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, you know, waxed mustache for full nine.

Yeah.

Which I've done.

I've waxed my mustache and it's fine.

I've waxed my legs and ass crack.

And you've been like, did I shave my legs for this?

That kind of thing.

And I did it with mustache wax.

When I went to Nashville, related, was for a beard and mustache

summit.

What?

Yeah, yeah.

He was a guest of Just for Men, and that's not a joke.

That's true.

Just for Men brought me down, and I painted with my beard.

And like, I had a booth, and

you painted with your beard.

Yeah.

Do you not know this?

I showed you a beard painting upstairs of his.

Yeah.

I did that all with my beard.

That was the, oh.

Yeah.

I'm surprised.

Look, this is my, this is what you could roast me about.

This is in my bio of things to roast me about.

He did, how many beard paintings did you do total?

Maybe 50?

Probably 50.

Yeah.

What are they like?

$100,000 each?

Yep.

That's why I drive a Fisker Karma.

But

yeah, they found me online and said like, oh, come down the line.

That's the beard for us.

Yeah, this guy's got what it takes, beard-wise.

And he had to hang out with the Just for Men brass, and they were like, The hardest part of our job is getting men to put in less

hair dye because it looks more believable that way.

It's an uphill climb for us.

Yeah, because they're like, no guys seem to know how to back it off a bit.

So everybody goes way dark.

And like you say, it looks.

You look like Eminem's beard.

Yeah, his beard bumps me up whenever I see Eminem's beard.

So hard to be a man.

I've always had this.

Yeah, it's true.

Yeah.

Especially a white one.

Gosh.

But yeah, that's when I went to Nashville.

And then

I went, I was going to go to the Johnny Cash Museum and I saw how much it cost.

And I was like, I'll just buy a hat from the gift shop.

That'll be as good.

And yeah, I went to a bunch of the like honky-tonk bars and watched amateur country musicians.

But they're so good.

Because I feel like you like to, there are so many bars there, but there's so many musicians in America that I feel like they all go to nashville to like

show what they got yeah and you're only going to be able to play in one of those bars if you're already like amazed you got to get your 10 000 hours in somewhere and uh i got a car from the airport and the the driver was like he was telling me stories about driving different celebrities and he was like uh he's saying you know the one guy who just can't get enough attention because he said a lot of people would do a set at one of those bars and then go out the back way and just get in a car and drive away right sure.

But Stephen Tyler would come out the roof of the car and yell at everybody, hey, everybody, Stephen Tyler.

Gather around.

I'm going to do some juggling.

Got a very distorted microphone.

But yeah, that was my Nashville excursion.

I have photos of me with, you know, 40 guys with all crazy beards.

Oh, yeah.

That was so fun.

There was a guy who had an American flag on his beard and lots of curled up.

Oh, did anyone have like do anything with theirs like you did?

No, I don't think so.

I think the, I was in a booth and the guy in the booth next to me was a guy who sold beard products.

And at the end of the day, he just said to me, he's like,

stay in school.

Was there any guy that was like clearly the worst beard?

Like, everyone's like, well, that guy was definitely laughing.

Like, this guy keeps showing up.

This guy's a fill-in beard.

These were, I feel this was elite.

Elite beard.

Yeah, you would have to really believe in your beard to be.

Was ZZ Top there?

ZZ Top was there, and

they're the patron saint of long beards for sure.

Duck Dynasty gave us a hard time in the early aughts.

Were they in the tens?

When was Duck Dynasty around?

I don't know.

I think the racist guy died.

The racist guy died.

Oh, yeah.

The one racist guy from Duck Dynasty died.

Well,

he was actually racist.

A lot of us have internalized racist racism, which we're trying to unlearn.

But yeah, so there you go.

What were you doing in Nashville?

I was there for a bachelor party.

Were you?

And it was so bachelorette?

Bachelore party.

I was there for Sean Lawrence.

Oh, he was the Lord in Bachelore.

Sean Lawrence is a Vancouver comedian.

Very, very funny.

Him and I used used to run a show together.

He was like my first good friend in comedy.

And it was me and him and all of his high school friends.

Oh, really?

So it was so fun.

Yeah.

But it was a co-ed?

Well, it was, it was, I was the only girl.

Okay.

Him and all of his friends.

I had no high school friends that were girls.

But they were like, this is a good addition to the vibe.

At every future bachelor party, we're going to bring one girl.

And then they were like, Rachel, it's not always going to be you.

Sorry.

It's like, okay, fun.

And also, we're going to jettison this idea as soon as we go to a strip club.

Did you have?

You didn't have a bachelor party.

No.

My brothers both did, and they were so much fun.

Were they like,

I'm sure you've told these stories, so I don't want to ask, because you're not allowed to repeat stories in the public.

One time we went shooting, like clay pigeon shooting.

And the other time got on a party bus that drove from Calgary to Banff.

I have no idea how the driver didn't go.

How far is that of a drive?

An hour and a half.

An hour, yeah, a little over an hour.

And

it's insane.

Those, like, have you been on a party bus?

Yes.

And it's crazy, right?

Yeah.

How long is the longest trip you've made on a party bus?

20 minutes?

Yeah, probably like 20.

This guy's driving for an hour down the highway at top speed.

Everybody's just going bananas and music is so loud.

The pole is just there for stability at that point.

No one's doing any spins.

Did you do

was that the whole thing, just being on the bus?

Or was that going on?

We got out and went to a bunch of bars.

So was it all just guys on the bus?

Like, no

gals, no, no strippers on the bus.

No strippers on the bus.

But there was a pole on the bus, correct?

No.

No pole?

What?

No.

It was just.

I mean, there was

Mike Szyzzinski.

Now, what does that mean?

Because he's a Polish name?

He's a Polish name.

And is he a hockey player?

I don't know.

I made up a name.

But it was too close to Mike Shaszewski.

He's the Duke coach.

But yeah,

have you been on one that that had a stripper pole?

Yeah, in my mind, I'm like, that's

like a legal required feature that we say is for dancing, but is more like a bus pole.

Well, this one is legal.

So it's fine.

I've never been on a...

Well, no, actually, maybe at the one, maybe we went on a party bus, the one bachelor party I went to, but it was on like a Tuesday night and I had to, I couldn't stay the whole time.

We did go shooting guns, though.

Yeah, shooting guns is fun.

In my mind, I'm sorry to harp harp on this pole thing.

A lot, but

why not just get, why not just make limos if we're not going to have the pole on the standing bus?

Why are we standing if not for the pole?

Because the poll, when you say party bus, I'm picturing like it's a big SUV, but no, it's like an airport shuttle.

Like an airport.

But there was seating in ours.

There wasn't

standing around.

But why the need to stand?

Why the option to stand?

There's no pole.

Maybe there was a pole.

I don't know.

Was there

alcohol?

Like a bar area, or you just have, you bring your own.

Yeah, you bring your own and you go nuts.

And I think my brother got kicked out of a bar at Banff if I'm not.

You didn't go to the Banff Arts Center and do a residency.

We didn't do a residency.

We didn't go to the Banff Springs Hotel.

We didn't go to the Banff Springs.

We would have gotten kicked out of the Banff Springs.

But yeah, it's the party bus you've been on had a pole.

Yeah.

But nobody on it.

No, people are using it.

Yeah, having fun.

I was really drunk on a party bus in Vegas once.

It was like not a traditional party bus with like the pole in the middle, but it was like

quite narrow.

It was almost like the width of a limo, but tall, and there were seats on both sides.

And then instead of, so you know, like how like on a limo, there's usually like the one kind of

row of seats, and then there's the little bar area.

That's true, I took one here instead of the bar area.

It was like a line of seats and a line of seats, but you could stand and there was no pole, but there were bars at the top, like horizontal bars going the length of the thing.

And I was so drunk.

It was supposed to just, it was like a bar crawl, a bar club crawl in Vegas that you could just like go on.

And then you're, you know, hawk walking.

With like a huge, yeah, you're like with a huge group of young people who are like all there to like party so you can like meet people and like hang out and dance and whatever um and i was so drunk on this party bus and i was like i bet i could do a flip with these horizontal

and a hand on one and just kind of because i used to be really good at the monkey bars when i was a kid and i could like get to the top of them just by like just flinging and flinging i was see i was not honestly i was just pretty good at the monkey bars and i thought that would carry carry me to doing a flip on a party bus as an adult and it did not I got halfway and then just kind of smacked back down

and then just had to sit and be like that's what I wanted to do yeah wasn't that cool everybody so nice to meet all you young people yeah yeah I've never been a

one time I went on a bachelor party with a guy I barely knew but I think didn't have very many friends yeah so I think mine would have been

but we went go-karting in an indoor go-karting place.

Those places are awful.

There's

diesel fumes, and

I feel like they're more violent than the other ones.

The last couple times I've gone, well,

last few years with it, we've gone to Palm Springs.

We always go to this place, Boomers, because

nephew's birthday while we're there, and there's

go-karts.

And it's outdoor, but it's in the desert, and it's unpleasant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like even the even though there's no there's plenty of fresh air, the exhaust is right in your face.

And I hurt my back.

Like I had to go to like physio because somebody rammed into me.

Might have been the bachelor himself.

Yeah, you got to let him.

But then we went to like we had to go for drinks at this really expensive,

maybe like a golf course with like a giant patio or something like that.

This sounds awful.

It was awful.

It was awful.

And it was like, but he didn't want to say no because it was like, this guy obviously doesn't need to be here.

He needs me here.

Yeah.

So I went.

If I'm invited, he needs me here.

Yeah.

And I think Charlie Demares was there as well.

Oh, my gosh.

I need to know whose bachelor party this was.

Oh,

you will never know.

He was not a comedian guy.

Okay.

The guy we knew through other avenues.

We were all buskers together in the early 90s.

Right, right.

Do I know this guy?

No.

Okay.

But he's in Australia now.

So

where all buskers inevitably end up.

Yeah.

Or begin.

Or begin.

Yeah.

Or begin.

Dave, what's going on with you?

Well, good day, mate.

And also to you.

Yeah.

Well, of course, it's official.

I'm obsessed with laboo boos.

Oh, shit.

Here it goes.

Yep, that's right.

The collection has grown.

How many laboo boos do you have?

I am up to six.

I can't tell if you're joking.

I don't know you well enough.

I know.

It's not fair to you.

No, I don't have any laboo boos.

That was a fun thing I wanted to say.

It was very fun.

And so I'm a little bit disappointed it's not real, but it was fun.

I'm trying to get like, I've seen it.

I know that it's a craze.

And it's like beanie babies in that they're named.

Yeah, I think there's our, there are specific ones.

I'm still looking for that princess dyed laboo boo.

The purple one.

No, they're, yeah, they're sort of, but

unlike

beanie babies, I think they're already expensive.

Like, you can't just

like you wouldn't get one for your kid.

Oh, okay.

These are.

Yeah, I feel like they're like 25 bucks or something.

Oh, okay.

Well, I don't know.

I was picturing.

You know what?

I pulled that number out of nothing.

In my head, that was just the only thing we had.

So I told myself that was true.

The cheapest ones we saw were like 40.

Right.

But they can go up.

But I think they're all like,

they're like, they have the beanie baby thing of, well, this is already a collector's item.

Right.

Right.

I thought they were all like the same and only the color differentiated them.

That's how I feel about humanity.

And it's kind of beautiful.

Like, we're all the same.

We're all the same.

Speaking of eBay and looking at your Kermit the Frog late show with David Letterman t-shirt, if you go looking for Letterman Associated memorabilia, it's really expensive.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

There's a couple props from the actual show that they used and they're in the thousands of dollars.

I mean, I guess that makes sense.

I guess I'm just surprised that stuff is available.

Yeah, that's it.

Well, they had like crew jackets and stuff like that.

Okay, so we're looking at Laboobus.

They're all kind of

mostly.

I think the one I want the most is $31.

And which one is the guy that has a monster's one piece, yeah?

I don't know what that is.

I think it's quite popular.

Anyway, yeah, so they're, anyway, I don't know why I brought this up.

They're creepy.

It was fun to say.

And they're creepy on the piece.

in trouble.

You're going to get canceled for your take on Laboo.

I don't know that they're creepy on purpose.

Like, they have kind of a creepy smile, no?

They do.

They definitely look like a doll that's going to come to life and be evil.

They look like they're just the right level of cute to make sense at the beginning of the movie for a kid to want, but there's something behind their eyes that is going to kill everybody.

They look like they should have been sold at Hot Topic,

but now they're maybe too mainstream for that.

Yeah.

But I'm sure Hot Topic has them.

Hot Topic's still around, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

There's a couple I can get you to.

Okay.

Get on the party bus.

I think there's one in at Metro Town and one in at the Tawasin Mall.

It's been so long since I've been at Metro Town.

You should really make a visit.

You, yeah.

They've

been asking me to have these water glasses in my hand, which is which.

I think that one was the previous guest one.

Oh, God.

Okay, so what's really going on with

not very much.

Okay.

I think I mentioned mentioned a couple weeks ago that our dog irma had surgery on her knee two and a half months ago and now she's cleared to like take longer walks and every week she can go for a you know the walks go get up go up by five minutes every week and so uh we went for the longest walk we've gone for in months today

and we walked past a

um one of those little free libraries that you see around the neighborhood um, which which of course I need to point out:

all libraries are free,

all libraries are free, and you also judge the live the person in the house

near the library for the what books are in the library, yeah, even though they're not responsible for what books go in there, but you're like, nice, nice work job here.

But this one was good, yeah.

I hadn't been past this one in a while, and it's really good.

And they had a bunch of books, and I was like, oh, I saw one

by

one I thought would be interesting, and then I saw more and more.

And I ended up taking three books, and they were

Lawrence of Arabia.

Oh, yeah.

By

Alexander Nutting, is I think his name is.

Man, that kid probably got it.

Not a really bad in high school.

He was a Nepo baby.

His dad invented nutting.

And

there was James Joyce, The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

Oh, yeah.

And

Jack London, The Call of the Wild.

Call of the Wild, yeah.

And I got all three of these and I started walking home and then I was like, I'm not going to read any of these books.

So I found another library and I dropped them off there.

You boosted their library.

And I sort of feel like I'm the Johnny Appleseed of

books.

Society book library of books.

I have a question about those little...

community book libraries.

Yes, you there.

Because I just walked past one recently as well and I saw two books that I wanted and all all of the other books, in my opinion, stunk.

So I took the two I wanted and then I was like,

are there ethical responsibilities at a free book library?

Like, should you, like, if you like,

if you like all the books, can you just take all the books?

Or do you, is there a cap?

That's a very good thing.

I feel like most people would maybe judge you a little bit if they saw you take a stack of all of the books out of the book library.

But what would you say is the number?

I would, I think you can take as many as you want.

Because as someone who has given old books to a library, like

it, then I walk past it later to see, has anyone taken my books?

Yeah.

And when they do, I'm like, oh, good.

You feel good.

How come?

Now, I don't know if this, maybe this is a thing.

No, I never see any magazines in there.

It's always books, but like, I'd like an economist, you know, something like that.

It's not really like a

real library, Graham.

They're not, you're not going to get the books on tape.

You're not going to get your Radiohead CDs.

Yeah, they're not going to have microfiche.

They're not.

They're not loaning out their compact disc games.

Fair enough.

Yeah.

It sounds like you know libraries inside and out.

I worked at a library.

You did?

I did.

I worked at a library when I was 16 to, I think, 18 or 19.

This is in Deep Cove?

In Deep Cove.

I loved it.

I loved working at the library.

What did you do?

I was a page.

We all were.

The library's full of those.

Yes.

That must be the oldest joke in the library circle.

We could have interns, but what if we called them pages?

Because I was a library, a student library page,

which means I would just like the shelver.

But we all wore a name tag that said Paige, which is also a name.

So a lot of times people would walk up to you and be like, oh, Paige, could you help me with this?

And I'm like, it sounds like, you're there, servant.

Yes.

To me.

But to them, they just think they're being polite and saying my name.

No, it was so fun, though.

The Dewey Decimal System was my bitch.

Nice, yeah.

So, did you have a favorite number on it?

Yeah, I think the, I want to say the movies were 791.43s, and then I think the TV show DVDs were like

791.4572.

I believe.

But I could be wrong.

You could test me out.

791.43 was arts and recreation.

There you go.

That would fit.

That would have been really special.

Motion pictures, radio, television, podcasting, 791.4.4.

Okay, I think, and then TV, I think, was specifically like 4572.

Motion pictures were 4.3.

4.3 was motion picture.

Yes.

791.4.

Nice.

I'm nailing that.

You still remember it.

And I want to say yoga was maybe like 619.3.

Okay.

These were

books.

Books.

Yoga books.

I think, but I could be wrong.

And what's 420?

Am I wrong about yoga?

Oh, God, what do I got to do?

I got to do yoga now?

I want to know.

What did you say?

I think it was like 69.619.3.

619.3.

That's my favorite radio station.

This is also like,

we're testing me from like 18 years ago.

Yeah, yeah.

But you feel good about this.

Yeah, you've been good.

619 is unassigned.

Oh, no.

619.3, you said?

I thought so.

Or maybe it was like 613.19.

You know what, listeners, whoever knows the Dewey Decimal System, tell me how I'm wrong about yoga.

Someone is listening to this and absolutely screaming.

Rachel, you know nothing.

They want to be on the pod so bad.

They're like, get me in there.

Did you ever shush anybody?

No.

Librarians only.

The librarians were.

Yeah, some of the librarians were so sweet and nice.

There was this one really scary librarian, Elizabeth.

613.70 is physical yoga slash Hatha yoga.

Oh, okay, I was close, but I was wrong.

Yeah, but you're close.

I'll get a 0.25 of a point for that.

That's fine.

But yeah, a lot of the librarians were very, very nice.

One librarian scared me a bunch.

Her name was Elizabeth.

I don't, but she also might have been nice.

She just had a stern face, and I was very

affected by those.

Were they in my youth?

Were a lot of them kind of mousy with...

glasses, but when they took out their glasses and let their hair down, they were total babes.

Honestly, yeah.

No, honestly, yeah.

One of the children's librarians, librarians, I can't remember what her name was.

Honestly, her name may have been Rachel, which is really embarrassing that I forget.

I'm very self-absorbed.

But your name was Paige at the time.

That's exactly right.

My name was Paige at the time.

But she was kind of like very like shy, but like sweet with the kids.

And she had these big glasses and this kind of like mousy hair.

But it was, I was also very much like, I think she's like.

She might have a slamming ball.

I think maybe a lot of these dads are in love with her.

And then she got married and then she had a baby.

And I was like, yeah, absolutely.

And she's been reading a lot of these yoga books in 613.70.

And children's was downstairs.

And then, like, so that was kind of the louder floor because the little kids could go and look at the picture books and everything.

And then, and downstairs was like fiction and mystery section and romance section.

So it was like semi-quiet.

So weird romance is fiction.

Am I right, ladies?

But but you would, so like that level was like a little bit more chill volume wise.

Like you're supposed to mostly be quiet, but obviously when you get to the picture book book section it'll get a little bit louder but then upstairs in the library was where all of the non-fiction was so it was a very shush shushy area um but the librarian that mostly worked up there was this guy i want to say his name was paul i should not be telling you

his name was paige

but he was like

in i want to say he was like in his 40s and he was a really nice dude and he looked exactly like hugh grant and like all of the neighborhood ladies knew it and were in love with him.

And so, he was definitely, yeah, like,

there's

TV characters

propping up at the library.

Like, Friday Night Porn Guy was like a regular state ball.

I was just going to say, was there porn guys that came in?

Was there Red the Joy of Sex?

Yeah, well, this is the best thing about libraries is that you can look at porn.

No, um, is that like kids?

Libraries are like truly for everybody.

Yeah, they're you, no matter who you are, you should be able to hang out in a library.

And

that kind of includes creeps who can't help it.

As long as they mostly keep it to themselves.

As long as they're quiet about it.

Like libraries are

libraries are for research.

So yeah, there was this one guy who would like come in on Fridays and like.

like if you went behind like he's you know he's there in the back on his computer he's not touching himself but like if you walked behind him you might

notice something

and it's like, you can't, I don't know.

Uh,

just really like, oh my God, she's laughing and now it's crying.

Yeah, and now I turns to tears.

Now I panic.

I just don't want to out Friday night porn guy because he was nice and he kept to himself.

Um, uh, on the page note, have you ever seen an employee with a name tag and gone up and like, Jonathan, I would like

popcorn.

No, I've never done that.

So every time anybody came up to me was like, thank you, Paige.

Yeah, even when the waiter introduces himself, it's not, I'm not like, hey, Blake.

I want some more work.

Hey, cool sideburns.

Anyway.

So that's me.

I've been digging through the local libraries.

Fair enough.

How about you?

The other day, it was real, real hot and muggy in town.

It's just really

hard to beat the heat.

So I was like, Gonna go to a movie.

Gonna go in the afternoon.

And that was myself and past guest Alicia Alicia Tobin.

Oh, okay.

Can you guess what you saw?

You may guess.

Yes.

It was what was playing, basically.

Jurassic Park?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rebirth.

Jurassic Park.

Wow.

Yeah, we went.

Knowing full well that critics hated it.

But it was just looking for something.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not too long.

Exactly.

And then the thing, like, when you buy tickets online for that type of movie, they have it in like, you know, 3D.

Debo.

And the only thing that you can get that's not all that is the VIP

theater with the kind of like armchair kind of thing.

So that's 19 plus.

Yeah.

And those

are looking pretty worse for wear.

Oh, yeah?

Did you go to that?

Yeah, I went there.

Just the seats are like, you know, because this is.

Covered in slime.

Well, they're just like flaking off, right?

Yeah.

And covered in slime.

Do you get.

Are there waiters?

Yep.

How do you summon them?

Well, first of all, Alicia was very scared that the waiters were looking at her while she was taking in contraband,

some candy that she was trying to discreetly eat.

And yeah, at one point, the people in...

our row got something that smelled crazy

and got a drink delivered and asked for no ice.

And so the drink came back.

And then the guy came back with a drink with, this is all during the film.

This is

yeah.

But it's fine because the film sucks ass.

What do you, like, I've heard people talk about how like, oh, a hot dog is a, is a movie food.

I don't think, and I know everything's available now, but

anything.

Pizza is a baseball food.

Yeah, sure.

And pizza is a Mario food.

Mario food.

Lasagna is a Charfield food.

I feel like we're taking a tour of my past jobs because I also worked at the movie theater.

And what I will say about movie theater hot dogs is not a lot of people are buying them.

If you're buying a movie theater hot dog, it's probably been on that spinner for like three hours.

Oh, the hot dog.

Oh, three hours is nothing.

I think they're supposed to throw it away after three hours.

So if you're lucky, it's at three hours.

And if they've messed up

weeks.

Yeah, that shouldn't happen.

Yeah, when they start turning wrinkly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But also, there's a good snap for wrinkly ones.

But yeah, for me, it's popcorn and candy and pop.

Yeah, same.

Even the nachos, the nachos are good, but who's getting them?

They're so loud.

They're so loud.

But also, like, I'm eating.

The thing about popcorn is it can last through the

trailers.

And you don't have to look at it when you're eating it.

You can just kind of throw it in your mouth.

But if you're like dipping something into cheese and like tomato salsa,

there's a certain level of awareness that needs to be happening with that so you don't spill on yourself or others.

Yeah.

And

you can't fully focus on the movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I, um,

uh, this movie, let me tell you,

first and foremost, uh, Scarlett Johansson, magnetic.

She's the last movie star.

Oh, yeah.

Because she's like the highest, apparently, like box office-wise, the highest-earning.

Oh, her movies have earning money.

Her movies have made the most money of anybody.

She's the top of the list.

Well, that's hard.

I mean, yes, 100% yes.

Yeah.

But it's also like when we're counting like Avengers in that, like all those, they're all putting that on their list.

But she's beating all those other guys.

I guess so.

Yeah, the Avengers.

Samuel L.

Jackson was up there for a while because he was like, he did all the Jurassic Parks and then maybe Star Wars.

And Star Wars.

I think Jeff Goldblum was like in that crew as well because he also had

Independence Day.

Yeah, yeah, Independence Day.

Yeah.

But

so here's the, I won't say any spoilers.

What I love about Scarlett Johansson is like when she first became a movie star, there were like people talking about like, she's a little different looking.

She's kind of pretty, but also like really different looking.

Oh, yeah.

But she's like, she's a movie star.

She could carry, she basically carried this movie on her shoulders.

Everybody else in the movie, Zilch City, like,

really?

I mean, I love Jonathan Bailey.

I'm obsessed with that.

See, but without knowing who Jonathan Bailey is, I'm like, the guy sucks.

Right.

Is he the guy with the glasses?

Yes.

Where do you love him from?

Oh, he's so handsome.

And, like, what's he in?

He's in Bridgerton.

Oh, okay.

And he was in Wicked, which I actually haven't seen yet.

He was in

a UK sitcom called Crashing.

Oh, sure.

With Pete Holmes.

He was sort of the hot librarian in my library.

But the basic,

and if there are spoilers, I'll say it right now.

Spoiler alert.

And I do intend to see this movie.

One of my children

wants to see it, but the other one is like,

okay.

It's basically impossible to say any spoilers because you already know the entire movie in your head.

Right.

Yeah.

Before you go.

But I'm not,

as someone who still intends to see it, spoil away.

Okay.

I hear like all the best dinosaur scenes that like make you feel anything of excitement about the dinosaurs are all just like kind of like throwback homages to like the first one anyway.

Yeah.

And there's the open the very opening scene.

Well before the opening scene there's

like kind of a disclaimer or not disclaimer but kind of like since 1990 the interest in dinosaurs has waned and I'm like no it wouldn't have dinosaurs.

People would be watching those for generations.

Oh, in this world.

In this world.

Right.

All the dinosaurs have retreated to a narrow kind of series of islands that are near the equator because they have the right conditions for dinosaurs.

But at the beginning, they're making a genetic mutation dinosaur.

And

you see it, and it's, I got to say it, silliest-looking dinosaur.

It's a dinosaur with baby beluga head.

How would it do at the Tyrell Museum?

Would they?

Yeah, it would survive.

It had four legs.

Okay.

But just like big, kind of looks like alien, kind of that kind of look.

And xenomorph.

Xenomorph.

And

yeah, so that's all within the first like minute of the movie.

And then

interested in dinosaurs.

Yeah, it hasn't waned.

They still make eight-year-old boys.

Yeah, and they also like

people go to zoos and have for

more than a century.

So

the premise is pretty unbelievable.

And then

the guy,

the handsome guy.

Jonathan Bailey.

Jonathan Bailey.

He's

not paleontologist and they're closing the museum that he runs because he's like, people aren't interested in it anymore.

And it's like, well, people don't close museums because of that.

Oh, the museum's going out of business because nobody cares about dinosaurs anymore.

Guess we'll just throw these fossils out into the garbage.

Yep, these are useless.

Everybody hates them.

And it's,

why do they have to make these movies?

with the theme park element.

Like, why can't they just be like, well, let's just make dinosaur movies

without having to have the like

audience, like the theme park audience in mind

in this world.

There's no theme park.

I'll sit down and I'll take my question off the air.

But this movie, and I haven't seen a movie do this quite as blatantly in the last many years, but it is product placement centralized.

Oh, yeah.

It's every junk food you can imagine is somehow represented.

You should see F1.

Is it crazy?

Oh, it's everyone's drinking a Heineken Zero with it facing the camera.

So in the first minute,

they're at the lab and everybody's in their

white helmets that allow you to breathe full on white outfits.

And the one guy's just finished a Snickers and it falls out of his pocket and then it like flies into a mechanism that breaks the door and then the like xenomorph dinosaur gets out.

And the xenomorph just screams, you're not you, and you're hungry.

That's not good advertising for Snickers.

No, exactly.

But you could see.

This is Rachel-style advertising.

She was hired by Milky Way to do this Snickers.

But products that get the big shout-out, Snickers, Twix, Twizzlers, Pepsi, Lays.

All candy?

Yeah, it's all junk food.

But,

oh, no.

And then at one point, Charlotte Chance, it says, a dinosaur wearing Nikes.

And it's like, no, that could have been Eddie Sharp.

But like, I remember in the original

Jurassic Park, they were all like Ford Explorers where the cars on rails.

Like, is there anything for daddy?

Is there anything for adults?

Yeah, I think the car that

they do have on the island, because the island did have an attraction.

I don't know.

Is it like a lab or something?

But a scene of it takes place in a convenience store where they're being attacked by dinosaurs.

So you just see every product you can imagine on the shelves yeah the first one was really just sponsored by like ford and like tilly hats yeah yeah

yeah tilly hats and bandanas or um the uh shaving cream

oh barbasol yeah barbasol

yep uh but it's uh the movie's just like

you know exactly how it's gonna begin middle end but there's a

There's a guy who plays a pharmaceutical executive

and he is wearing basically a suit the whole time, even when they're out on the safari.

He's wearing like khaki pants.

Yeah.

And you just know that guy's going to get eaten.

Yeah.

And, you know, don't spoiler, he does.

Do they?

I guess there's not that many people in it.

No.

Because, like, it's like, in the first one, the body count is pretty low.

Yeah.

This one, not super high either.

But at one point they go, well, why don't you just bring an army to the island?

They're like, you've got to keep this low pro.

And so they're like, only six of them go.

I'm like, bring 20.

That's still low profile, and you don't have enough guys with guns to fend off dinosaurs.

But they're there to

extract material from the dinosaurs.

In the trailer, they have to get like a pterodactyl egg.

Yeah.

They have to get a pterodactyl egg.

They have to get one from a sea animal, one from a land animal, one from a flying animal.

It's so, the movie is so dumb.

That's so like

a 19-year-old read saved the cat and was like, how can I make it three things that they need to place them exactly at like 30 pages?

Exactly, yeah.

Split it up.

20 pages.

And

yeah, like that guy was handsome.

Everybody, and it's good looking.

There's no

ugos in this film, but there's some kids.

Oh, they're so annoying.

And the comic relief, he's the worst.

You just want him to get eaten by a dinosaur so fast.

But yeah, you know, you could do worse for getting some air conditioning, you know?

It's

yeah, it wasn't truly, it wasn't unwatchable, but it was just like, this is just Jurassic Park again, but with new cast,

just not as good.

Yeah.

Although they do play the theme a bunch.

Did you see the Chris Pratt ones?

Yeah.

Every yes, I did.

And

he.

I've only seen the first.

I think I only saw the first one of those.

No, I've only seen the first

at all.

Sorry, I yelled that into the mic.

I think I've seen

all.

The first one is amazing.

The second one was pretty good because I was still seeing Spielberg.

And then it diminishing returns pretty much.

Even though the Jurassic World 1 was okay.

I think he just made that sequel because he was like, everyone asked me to make a Jaws sequel and I never would.

So yeah, this is just to get you guys off my back.

And

yeah, like,

this is not a series that needed to be rebooted.

And there's nothing new except these genetic freak dinosaurs.

I guess that's fine.

Yeah, that's what you're there for.

Yeah, and it's like,

but sitting in those armchair seats that are peeling off.

Yeah, if it wasn't so loud, I would have fallen asleep.

Absolutely.

I couldn't handle in the first one of the like Chris Pratt and Bryce Dellis-Howard ones where like

in that whole movie, she's running around in these really high pumps.

I'm like, like, if you work at Jurassic World, I don't care how safe you think it is.

You're allowed to wear comfortable shoes every day.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, some sort of boots.

Some sort of boot.

Yeah.

Or even

like a

canvas head.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some toms.

Yeah.

An espadrill.

But, you know, dinosaur fans out there, go see it anyways.

You get to see some dinos.

Yeah.

They're always on, they're always like off the coast of Costa Rica.

This one is, is, yeah.

Although they did say like this movie in particular, they did actually go to a tropical location to shoot it.

You always get doing those movies for sure.

You're like, I'm going to be hanging out.

What is the name?

Isla Newbar?

Is that the first place it is?

Yeah.

Never mind.

And this one's called something.

Now this is similar.

Isla Mr.

Goodbar.

Which would have been in the movie.

But yeah,

check out Lay's Potato Chips.

They're dynamic.

We're recording at the exact same time we recorded yesterday, and my stomach was growling yesterday, and it's just begun again.

Yeah, it knows the schedule.

All the Twizzler talk.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheards?

Yeah, man.

Hell yeah.

Hey, it's John Moe from Depressed Mode.

Every week on our show, we have honest, humane conversations with artists, entertainers, and experts about what it's like to live with an interesting mind.

I just interviewed Gavin Rossdale from the band Bush.

You might be wondering, what would a successful, handsome, popular musician know about mental health?

Turns out, lots.

All the time we're like, we're forced into happy situations, sad situations, challenging situations, happy, sad, challenging.

And it just never ends.

And why should it?

You know, we're just the sum of all these journeys.

Check out Depressed Mode with John Moe every Monday at maximumfun.org or wherever wherever you get your podcasts.

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Well, I have just the thing for you.

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From theme parks to cartoons to 80s, 90s, and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all.

Check us out every Tuesday on maximumfun.org and wherever you get podcasts.

Overheard.

Overheards.

Out there in the world, there's a lot to hear.

And we encourage you to listen as loud as you can.

And if you get one and you really enjoy it, send it to us at spy at maximumfun.org.

Now, we also have overheards.

We always like to start with a guest.

Rachel, do you have an overheard?

I do, but it's more an over.

So my boyfriend is away for the month, and he had an overheard, and then I overheard him tell it to me.

Does that count?

That counts.

Okay, amazing.

Absolutely.

Where's your boyfriend?

He's in Nanjing in China.

Okay.

And he's, when he is here, he's an ELL teacher at a high school.

So he's there for...

What's the second L stand for?

English language learner.

So they used to say ESL, but then they realized that so many of the kids are, it's their like third or fourth or fifth language.

Right.

So to assume it's their second is just silly.

Yeah.

So it's a yellow, but he's in China, in Nanjing right now teaching English teachers there how he approaches teaching English.

They just, I think they do some sort of like exchange thing and just get everybody.

Who watches the watchman?

Who teaches the teachers?

Yeah, there you go.

And so he just went to the Nanjing Memorial Museum, which is obviously a very solemn, serious place.

He was taking in everything.

And then there was a family there.

And they were speaking sign language.

And

he noticed the mother kind of try to tell the little boy to like, oh, look at.

Andrew, my boyfriend, to just kind of, in his mind, he was like, it just seemed like she was maybe being like, oh, look, there's like someone who's who's from somewhere else.

Like, maybe they haven't seen very many white people.

Um,

and then the boy, like,

and then the boy went to like look at wherever his mom was gesturing and looked like past Andrew, didn't see him.

And then the mom fully, like, did that mom thing where they grab the head and turn it to what they want the kid to look at.

And then Andrew said that he saw the mom do, so

basically, a universal sign language motion, which is she put two fingers on her nose and then did an arch outward and forward to just be like, look at this porter with this gigantic nose.

And it delighted me.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

And the boy was like, ooh.

Wow.

Now, does your boyfriend have a big nose?

We're a big no couple.

Okay.

Big nose couple.

Yeah, there's a couple Instagram-like

influencers, and their whole thing is that they've got like a big nose.

Oh, yeah.

David Brenner.

David Brenner.

And I would have really assumed that my algorithm would have found me with this.

You really, yeah,

it's just people that you wouldn't necessarily know looking straight on, but their profile and have

like hundreds of thousands of followers.

That same thing.

Like, they do one thing.

I have a person with a big nose.

Oh, my God.

Everyone has

hundreds of thousands of followers.

Anyone that's fed to me, I'm like, huh?

Okay.

Well, this person is living off of whatever

their

whatever God gave them.

Yeah, whatever is, whatever they're showing on this Instagram that I don't understand.

That could be my second thing is I

take down companies.

Yes.

I'll drag the people in with my big nose content.

Yeah.

And then I'll get brands to help me take down other companies.

What are some big nose Kleenex?

Yeah, you should really kind of combine them into like, yeah.

Kneenex really has that monopoly like, oh, Puffs, we could take down, or I'll get hired by puffs take down kleenex yeah yeah um or like uh

nasal spray yeah

yeah

perfume or deodorant oh the biore strips oh you're thinking like what the nose actually does

you got big

smellers actually i feel like it's usually the opposite i have a very deviated septum i can barely breathe lying down i me neither but uh you know what you don't see me bragging about it i do have a regular size nose and uh

i can also do that barely breathe well it might have been your that flip you did on the bus that on the limo that might have been

when I landed on my large man.

Um,

uh, and how long have you been with this uh with this gentleman?

Three years, three years, congratulations.

All right, is he uh

are you ready to meet your parents?

He has met my parents, and I have met his parents.

Okay,

what uh, what was the setting?

Was it a dinner, dinner at the house,

coffee?

He met my parents.

Yeah, I think he met my parents.

Actually, no, I think he met my parents at a comedy show, likely.

Or maybe I stopped that from happening.

I feel like that might have been something I would do, which is be like, you're both at the same show.

Please stay on that side of the room and that side of the room.

But I met his parents.

I met his mom at a dinner when his sister had like just had a baby.

So it was, that was nice because I was like, I'm not the feature of this at all.

There's this brand new baby.

Yeah,

this is close.

Yeah, yeah.

The baby was kind of like, hey, stop feeling like my thunder.

Yeah, yeah.

Have you seen the movie, what's it called?

It's about time.

Is it called About Time?

No, that's not.

It's a future.

Where you have like a time.

No, it's the one.

It's not that.

It's not that.

It's the one with Donald, Dominal Gleason and.

About Time.

Is it About Time?

Will Nai and Domino Gleason and Rachel McAdams?

It's not in Time.

No, it's About Time.

Okay.

About Time.

Sounds like you know.

And there's.

I'll cry to that movie all the time.

Oh, yeah.

I watched it over Christmas and I was by myself.

I watched it at like six in the morning before anyone else was up and I was like weeping.

Because

he can relive moments, but not after his dad dies.

He can't relive moments with him anymore.

Oh, I've seen this where he's able to transport back in his own

relationship.

You can't go back before your kids are born or you'll get different kids.

And I think he's a, is it that he's about to have another kid and his dad is about to die?

So it's like...

Yeah, he does it once.

He has a different kid.

It's weird.

I didn't really, I think, I can't really remember how he fixed that.

I'm like, once you do that, don't you just kind of blow it?

Like, isn't that now your new kid?

But there's a scene where

time travel is such a hard thing to write.

I think Edge of Tomorrow is my only one where I am like, this was phenomenal.

This was perfect.

I love Edge of Tomorrow.

That was.

Because they're like, this alien goo does this thing.

Believe that.

And then it's like all of the other rules.

Like, if you believe that, then you're like, yeah, nothing is wrong with this.

This is perfect.

But it's

about time there's a terrible joke like it's like it's the most ham-fisted joke where uh they meet uh he's meeting rachel mcadams's parents uh donald gleason is and he's um been living with her and so and she's like oh i forgot to tell you my parents are coming and he's like in his underwear he's got to put on clothes oh yeah yeah yeah and uh

she's like he's like okay so i haven't met them before um do they know we're living living together?

No.

So we're not living together.

Would they know if we're having sex?

It would be expected that we're having sex, but no oral.

And then as soon as they walk in.

If it comes up, you say no oral.

And as soon as they walk in the door, he's like,

she totally slips up and says, he's actually been living, we've been living together.

And he goes, but no oral.

That's kind of a joke.

It's very funny, but why would your parents be so invested in whether you're having oral oral sex?

We've always said, if you're going to tie the knot, we want you to do it with somebody who's

does oral sex.

It just is like, and you know what?

It was written by Richard Curtis.

He wrote the first seven, Mr.

Beans.

Unassailable.

That's not your overheard, is it?

No.

I don't know if I've done this one before.

Okay.

Tell me if I have or if you even remember.

I was at a grocery store the other day.

Actually, this was in June.

And I,

you know how they have the

self-checkouts?

Yeah.

And I guess in this grocery store, people hadn't figured out which side to put their basket on.

Oh, yeah.

You put your basket on one side, and then you

beep everything through, and then you put your bag on the other side.

Yeah.

I don't like when those shelves aren't clear.

There's multiple shelves, and I'm like, one's for one thing, and one's for something else.

And it's important because some of the things

some of them are like, well, you actually, we're, yeah, you have to put the stuff in the

last pile, right?

Because, and don't do two things at once, you have to do one thing at a time, and yeah, then wait.

Um, but they just I thought it was very funny that the wording they had put on the sign of where you uh put your bag was finish here.

You know what we're talking about, wink, wink.

Um, yeah, there's

no oral.

Don't you tell my parents we we do oral.

My overheard.

So I was at the grocery store and I was asking the clerk, I said, where do you want me to finish?

And he was like, oh, right here.

Finish here.

Anyway, this is what we're talking about.

He had his name tag on.

I said, Jerry, Paige, get over here.

Mine comes courtesy of walking.

doing a little bit of a nice walk in Port Moody, Port Moody, BC.

And it was a guy with three kids and then possibly his partner and then another adult.

And all I heard was, you have to imagine it would feel pretty good to trap a murderer or a pedophile.

Very satisfying.

Not wrong, yeah.

Very satisfying.

Am I right?

Kids?

Aren't there like I think in the recent years, there have been people who have been like

done their own to catch a predators.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And, but without getting the police involved and just been like, this guy came to the McDonald's and he's pedophiled.

I was like, okay, but you can't, you need to close the deal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's weirdly like they're doing it for content.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're not in it for the love of the game.

They're

not for the views.

Yeah.

They're not doing a citizen's arrest.

No.

Is that a real thing that can happen?

Absolutely.

I do them all the time.

Hey, you cut me off.

Citizen's arrest.

You're going to fry.

You didn't pick up your duck poop.

You're gonna fry.

Now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the world.

If you want to send one in, send it in.

Oh, yeah.

Wait until you hear.

We've got Florida, we've got Washington, we've got Texas.

All over the world.

Nanjing.

If you want to send one in, send it into SBY at maximumfund.org.

This first one from Angie in Florida.

was assembling, I couldn't quite figure it, it was like a cover for a motor of maybe like a

laundry machine or something like that.

Okay.

And so it was just open, and there were instructions at the top.

You know, you get like a little page or pamphlet of instructions.

And on top of it was a little fortune cookie-sized bit of paper that said, if you read this, you dumb.

Scourge.

Some guy's last day.

I'm throwing those in one of the boxes.

And it's you, just the letter you.

Wow.

Yeah.

I always keep

like if my clothes have like inspected by number 17, I always keep that in the pocket.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

It's memories.

Have you ever had that with the inspected by so-and-so?

I've had them where it's inspected by their name.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

In your clothes, you say?

Yeah.

Yeah.

When you buy them, there's like sometimes, you know, there's like silica packs.

Oh, okay.

It's like that.

Like, it's already in the pocket or whatever.

What kind of garments is like suits or something getting inside?

I'm thinking it would be like because the reason a suit is coming to mind because that's why I still have it in the pocket because you don't launder it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel this is very like the dominoes tracker.

Like Sebastian's putting it in the oven.

And it's on the way.

Under the sea.

Abby used to do that at her old job.

She would go down to the factory because she worked at a company that made shirts and they were made locally.

But the factory just makes them, and then someone from the company, usually her, would have to go down and like inspect all the garments.

Oh, yeah.

But she never had to put a like inspected by Abby.

But it would be satisfying, especially if you put like a

satisfying as catching a murderer pedophile.

Nothing's quite as satisfying.

Or trapping them, or whatever he said.

This next one comes from Julie from Kennewick, Washington.

We were watching my six-year-old niece for the afternoon.

We took her to the library Classes.

Nice.

For the craft hour.

After a while, she ran up to my husband with a little cardboard box she had and said, I almost had fantastic technology.

Oh, almost.

So you built a time machine box or a robot box, but you didn't quite get there.

Almost at it.

Fantastic technology?

Yeah.

You know,

I'm trying to think of a fantastic slap chop.

Oh, my God.

The Sham Wow.

Sham Wow.

Do you ever see those in commercials?

Yes.

In

just for the last one year, he showed up at a party.

You know, the Sham Wow guy.

He really had a moment.

That was during his moment.

People were blown away.

Vince Offer was his stage name, but it was like

something.

He's probably, you know, living off his Slapchop money.

I hope he made enough money to never have to work again on that because that is a thing that will pass you by.

And then it's like, it's going to be hard to get a next thing

like that.

But the amount of the amount of

stuff that you would have had to deal with of people knowing you and seeing you as a Shamo guy,

I hope you retired on that.

He probably went to stores and signed autographs, that kind of thing.

But yeah, when he was walking through the party, everybody's like,

and these are like famous famous people.

He was like a, he was sort of like

the first influencer.

Well, thank you.

Shakespeare was kind of the first rapper.

I know that.

But he would,

before that, he was like the kind of

busker microphone.

Yeah.

Right.

But he would be at a like a county fair demonstrating the product, and they'd be like, we got to put you on TV.

Yeah, this guy's good.

And he was good.

And

he did more than, yeah, he did Slap Top and he did Shamois.

It was Vince Shlomi.

Actually, he went by Vince Offer.

His real name.

Offer Shlomi, better known as Vince Offer or Vince Shlomi.

Huh.

Offer was the first name.

Huh.

Anyways, we wish him the best.

And

February 7th, 2009, Offer and a 26-year-old sex worker were both arrested in Miami Beach, Florida, after a physical altercation.

I was literally just going to say, I wonder if we scrolled if there would be some horrible scandal.

Yeah, well.

No!

Vinny!

Yeah.

Vince Offer married Melody Claire Mandate.

They just just have like weird sort of like contract verbs in their last name.

Weird, like, weird names where it seems like you're hiding from something because it's like if you googled this, you're going to find definitions instead of where a person's at.

Offer?

Yeah.

My name is Theodore Responsibility.

Timothy Elbow.

This last one comes from Annie from Texas.

I work in a public library.

Oh, I heard it in a public library.

And an 8-ish-year-old kid was looking for Mo Willem's pigeon books.

And it's like, they're, you know, the ones that are.

Don't let the pigeon drive the bus.

Don't give the hot dog to the pigeon.

Is that another one?

Yeah, a bunch of pigeon ones.

Your wife works in kidlit.

Yeah, and they're very popular.

Kids' books, picture books of these pigeons.

Oh, they get in all sorts of trouble.

Pesky pigeons.

They're books that you read and your kid is supposed to yell at the book.

Yeah.

Do we like that?

Yeah,

you gotta get the sillies out somehow.

I would spend enough time with kids to know, like, is that going to drive a kid insane and be like, bring me the yelling book.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

in general, that would be fun.

You want to, I mean, yeah.

Any book that gets a reaction, hey, it's cool with me, man.

That's fair.

We couldn't find any.

As we were walking dejectedly back to the front of the library, we passed the Spanish display.

Lo and behold, he saw a pigeon book and got very excited about it.

I said, but it's in Spanish, though.

And he said, well, I've been meaning to work on my Spanish skills.

That is kind of on the books for me.

I mean, same here, right?

I've been meaning to work on my Spanish.

Yeah, don't let the pigeon do the Mexican hat dance.

Don't let the pigeon eat a burrito.

Yeah.

These are all.

Yeah.

Anyways.

Anyway, sorry about that.

Yeah, we apologize.

Don't cancel us.

Don't let the pigeon cancel Graham and Dave.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us or send us a voice memo, do the voice memo at spy at maximumfund.org by email and call us 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

SpyPod1 like these people have.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guests.

This is Emily in North Carolina, and I'm calling in an overheard of the Kids Day of the Darnist Variety.

My nine-year-old daughter asked if I wanted to hear about the video game she was playing so i said sure i'm all ears to which she responded i'm all muff

and when my husband and i paused because we didn't know how to react she said you know like you're muff

anyway off i go

rachel did you clock that where you kind of you were gonna double it also

yes i it took me a second i was like there we go looking up um it is probably the cutest way to reference people here muff

also isn't a thing that

you put your hands in.

That's a muff.

Yeah, all the little girls in Madeline had muffs.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Or like, you know, a high society gal from the 20s.

Is that something that is attached to your garment, like your

toe?

I think it's just like a fluffy tube.

So where do you put those hands in?

Yeah, where do you keep

it?

Do you keep your tote bag?

And it's.

That's a great question.

Yeah, where do you keep it?

Maybe that's why they fell out of fashion.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You were incredibly impractical.

Because

mittens or mitts or gloves, you can put them in the pockets of your coat.

Yeah.

Or, I guess, in your purse.

Yeah, or tote bag.

That's previously.

But like, can't really carry a tote bag very well if your hands are both

muffed.

Huh.

Huh.

I feel like that goes back to a time when women didn't have to do a lot of stuff with their hands when they were out in the world.

Also, I feel like if you're slipping on the ice, you're like, you kind of put your hands out for safety and then, or like, to live.

Oh, yeah, everybody was breaking their wrist and then you get the muffs.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Not just Red Panda.

Ah, fuck.

Broke a wrist.

Hello, Dave, Graham, and guest.

This is Brian in Toronto with an overheard.

Turn off your.

My girlfriend and I were walking in a residential street the other day, and a man had just stepped out of his house, and he was calling back into his dog, but he seemed to realize halfway through that his dog was getting into some sort of trouble in the house so we just heard this man go schnitze

schnitzel

all right that's all thank you love you go by

that's how you know you're in trouble when you get the full version of your name yeah schnitzel what are you doing schnitzel that's enough oh i love schnitzel

it's uh uh like a breaded like a breaded

like a flattened meat yeah

chicken or

pork and then you get it on you get it with gravy mushroom gravy on top of noodles.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Delicious.

These are a few of my favorite things.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

If you're on your trip to Montreal, you got to eat the smoked meat while you're there.

Yay.

Houtine smoked meat.

Probably a brisket, you know?

Schnitzel.

Sure.

Eggplant Parmerson.

Eagels and bagels.

Yeah, you're the bagel.

Oh, we have the bagels.

Yeah.

Have you not been up to Montreal?

I've never been.

I think all our Montreal talk has been off-air before this.

Oh, we were talking about JFO with the past.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

No,

Panigo Pizza used to have a Montreal smoked beet pizza for a brief blink of an eye, and it was delicious.

Oh, there was this, but probably

blasphemous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was a Panigo commercial with a construction worker in it.

And they had a steak and blue cheese

pizza.

And and he would go oh yeah I don't know why he was a construction worker just so he was like this so he could do this voice yeah he goes steak of blue cheese

and now anytime we in this house if we get blue cheese it's always stick of blue cheese panigo we salute you

yeah

hello Graham Dave and possible guest this is Garrett voice memoing in from Black Falls Alberta with an overheard I was at the golf course today using the bathroom in the clubhouse and while standing at a urinal, I could hear the unmistakable sound of a phone drop and hit the floor from one of the stalls behind me.

A couple seconds passed, and then you hear a voice say from the stall, want to kick that over here, boss?

And then a response from the other stall, over there, with the response back, yep, from the other stall, and then the phone sliding across the floor.

Anyway, that seemed really gross.

Thanks.

Bye.

It is gross.

The exact same thing happened to me once.

So, And I had to, you know,

sanitize the phone.

But it sucks, but you need to get your phone back.

I do love when people call strangers boss.

I think

that's the highest form of stranger respect.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what, boss.

Yeah, it is.

I like it.

It's nice.

It's friendly.

It's cheeky.

It's better than bro or dude.

Better than bro or dude.

Is it an Indian thing?

I feel like when there's like a

like if I walk into a store and the guy is Indian, he'll call me boss.

I like it.

I have no idea.

And if not, I would like to just make a heartfelt apology.

Right now, get ahead of it.

To the people of India.

Do you guys remember when the

was the guy who ate hamburgers in the documentary?

Or the super size me guy?

The regurgitator.

Yeah.

But remember, he tried to get out in front of like in the Me Too movement and everybody's like, we don't care.

We don't care what you say you did or whatever.

You're not famous enough.

No memory of that.

Really?

and it was the supersize me guy yeah yeah he Morgan Spurlock

wow you do have so much super size me guy knowledge well he's no Vince Offer uh but he's no longer with us he's no longer with us and the in the movie have you seen super size me I have he came out quite quite close to his death that he was a an alcoholic and that I heard and that yeah and then all the tests like after eating all the food at the end of it when they were like we're only we've only seen numbers like this on somebody who's a raging alcoholic and then he was like wow yeah McDonald's I was just gonna take those guys down

sure I did some McShots when I was there did a McGig.

Have you seen the McDonald's international menu?

It looks kind of busted.

You mean like

when they bring in

they do those like temporary ones?

Yeah.

I do love anytime.

What is it at the moment?

It's the International Menu Heist.

There's the big Rosti, which is.

This is when you were talking the other day about a sandwich with hash browns instead of meat instead of bread.

I thought of this.

Big roasty, and that's from Germany.

Teriyaki chicken sandwich.

Yeah.

The McPizza bites.

Just sweet tangy chili dip.

From Chile.

I know it's from Australia.

Garlic mayo sauce from the UK and the Biscoff McFlurry.

That might be good.

Biscoff is a, oh, it's a Belgium.

It's a Belgian biscuit.

Delicious.

This is, or maybe it's, oh, we hate it.

And this is actually a sponsored ad for Dairy Queen.

Biscoff Dairy Queen.

Yeah, there you go.

That's the Roastmaster General way.

You just roasted Dairy Queen.

Well, that brings us to the end of the show.

Rachel, thank thank you so much for being our guest.

Thank you so much for having me.

And what, for the final time, what Instagram do we go to to find you?

It is at Rachel E.

Schaefer.

Rachel E.

Schaefer.

Spell Rachel for me.

Rachel is R-A-C-H-E-L.

And then an E, and then Schaefer is S-C-H-A-E-F-E-R.

And if you see a blue check mark, you're in the wrong place, Buster.

Is that you?

No.

No.

Which letter did I get wrong?

I can't see.

My eyes aren't good enough.

C-H.

Oh, there's an E after the A.

See, this is what is frustrating.

Because sometimes there's also an E.

Sometimes there's an E after the A in Rachel.

No, an A.

No, my name sucks.

And A.

Yeah.

My name sucks for showbiz.

A Es and the C H's.

But yeah, you got some clips there.

You got some photos.

The whole nice thing.

Yeah, if you scroll, you'll see pictures of my lizard.

Oh my god, I'm not logged in, so it won't let me scroll.

That's fine.

Well, thank you again for being our guest.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you, everybody out there.

Get on that international menu while it's here.

It's just, you know, click the McRib.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

Yep.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.