Episode 907 - Colin Cowan

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 907 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

With me, as always, is a man who just woke up he's still got sleep in his eyes mr dave shumka monday morning podcast where like oh i feel like a monday morning quarterback like here's what i would have done on the the if i had done a weekend podcast if i was in the national podcasting league on the

on any given sunday who won the last year's uh super bowl of podcast oh i think it was once again grammar girl

i thought it was the office ladies but yeah that's right it was grammar girl um next year office ladies it's a building season I know.

Boy,

they're getting up there.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You mean like the next championship?

That may be the

young

sitcom recap podcasters coming up.

People are good.

You know, there's like...

Yeah, a movie, you know, we'll discuss a movie.

Oh, get a shake out of like Deconstructing Sheldon.

It's now.

oh i've got a great sheldon thing to talk about we can talk about it in a minute but let's introduce our guest first

our guest is a returning guest to the podcast he is a comedian he is a host he is a producer he is uh he's a musician he's uh uh an organizer he's all things to all people uh he has a show August 8th at China Cloud called Comedy World, and he's also a producer for Comedy Special.

We'll let him talk about it.

It's Colin Cowan.

Hello, everybody.

Hey, hey, what's going on?

How are you doing?

Happy Monday.

All right.

This is fun.

This is fun.

Monday.

You just flew in from

currently New Jersey, I guess.

Or we can make it Chicago.

Yeah, maybe it was.

It was.

I kind of had a little bit of that.

I was going to New Jersey, but with a bit too much gumption.

Like, Cashie and

I guess casino, right?

What's your favorite meal of being from New Jersey?

My favorite meal would probably be

a beat.

What were you going for?

What were you thinking?

Jersey Mike subs.

Jersey Mike Sucks.

No, it is Jersey Mike Socks.

I was in Big Z D.

Oh, yeah, Big Z D would be.

Big Z D.

So hard to get right.

Abby and I, oh, let's get to know us.

Yes.

Get to know us.

Abby and I were

traveling once with the family, and we had a layover.

Well, not a layover.

We were in LA and we were going to leave the next day.

And so we were like at an airport hotel.

And there's a Jersey Mics there.

uh and so we went and i went and i got jersey mics for the whole family and

i accidentally like as soon as i got it i was like this sub is too gigantic for abby she'll they're so they're belly busters these things yeah they are right yeah yeah they're so giant i brought it home for her uh i brought it back to the hotel and she you know ate an eighth of it yeah and i was like licking my chocks i was like oh i'm gonna have this tomorrow on the plate

and then i wake up the next morning she didn't put it in in the fridge oh no yeah that's illegal she's she's illegal now yeah it is illegal it's a soggy vinegary bomb yeah you don't well know i think it's mostly just the meat goes goes oh yeah goes a little sideways

yeah the sog yeah the the sweat sog um yeah

guys welcome to the show welcome to the show we've already said sweat sog yeah and uh i just wanted to circle back on this uh sheldon i really kind of wanted to oh boy throw my wife under the bus though

it's going to be a mission accomplished.

It's going to be a rough August.

We got guest host Rodney Dangerfeld over there.

I tell you, I don't get any, you know, respect and whatnot.

Yeah.

I went to my Dr.

Vinny Boobats.

Sure.

Just such straight delivery.

There's a Sheldon

universe spin-off that has, that's going between, like, it's like a sci-fi series where they jump between worlds.

Good.

Yeah.

Great.

Right?

So this is what people were clamoring for.

And it's who are the

of the big four in it?

No, none of the, I mean, sure, they're going to make guest appearance.

Wait, how long has Sheldon been on for now?

Well, Big Bang was on for 10 years.

A long time, yeah.

Sorry.

Sort of a drop.

There's certain words.

It's plagued my life.

And then I ask my wife.

That's terrible.

Young Sheldon is probably six or seven.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

That makes sense.

And now it's this like

it's jumping between worlds.

God, I got a sci-fi comedy.

quantum comedy i haven't even watched a single episode of any of those series yet yet i know about them so yeah i haven't locked it i've probably watched a whole episode of the big bang i know i realize i don't think i've seen a full episode yeah maybe i didn't give it enough of a fair shake before you know i would see uh jokes and be like i'm not sure

It's referenced as like a great, you know,

one of the all-time.

One of the all-time, I mean, and it is one of the all-time most popular shows in TV history.

It's certainly still, even though it's not on anymore, it's like the number one show in the country eat that ross and rachel yeah eat that the good son no wait

oh yeah that's right yeah dr quinn no nobody even knows what that is everybody knows we do chane seymore she's a medicine woman um i don't know that i saw a full episode of that show either now dr quinn i definitely watched many and tiered with my mother oh that was uh the mother mother son time i remember i would like make i made fun of it i was like dr quinn medicine woman this seems so slow and lame because i liked rendon and stimpy and stuff as he did when I was.

Yeah, it's when you compare the two.

Nothing,

most people agree, nothing alike.

But you ask, you come to me, Graham.

They're very similar.

Yeah.

In what ways?

Break it down for me.

Strong relationships.

Dr.

Quinn would tell you.

I stinks.

Dr.

Quinn would also tell you, don't whiz on the electric fence.

You idiot.

Thank you, David.

You idiot.

You idiot.

Was

Ren and Stimpy your go-to cartoon cartoon of your youth?

Or were you was the South Park?

Was there maybe just a classic Looney tunes?

It really was.

It really was Ren and Stimpy.

Yeah, they really had a hold on us.

Yeah,

did you guys really like it?

That was weird.

It makes me feel so good.

Yeah, I learned the theme song on guitar.

Yes, Dave.

Wow.

Dave, there's a guitar on the jazz cords.

I mean, such a rebel, but I was talking about it the other night.

I insisted on talking about it because my wife does not at all have any connection to Red and Stimpy.

But I was saying about how they really created something.

Like I'm watching even YouTube claymation cartoons from all these independent creators with my daughter now, who's three and a half.

And some of these more obscure ones, I'm like, this was a Red and Stimpy fan.

And my wife's like, so?

I was like, but look at the, like, it's so weird, you know?

I feel like they pioneered because they do it in SpongeBob as well, the like close-up gross shot.

Well, this is what I referenced.

And it was a Nickelodeon cartoon.

By the time SpongeBob came along, it was like, let's do all the basically accessible, safe stuff for kids, yet still obscure that Ren and Stimpy did.

Because John Kay was known for being a little too, but he just opened up the envelope with that like new envelope pushing gross zoom in with old traditional animation of like the Warner Brothers time or whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah, yes.

Yeah, he was a little too,

you know, there's a very funny story.

I don't know how much you know about this.

Well, I know he's like a creep.

I think he is a bit of a creep.

I mean, look, he's obviously like no longer a 27-year-old weird animator who plays in a

like a band.

But

supposedly, he, so he, I don't know if you ever saw when he was given this is for the listener: the creator of Ren and Stimpy.

Ren and Stimpy, John Kay, John Chris, Chris Falusi.

Chris Falusi.

Nice.

Is that Italian?

What is that?

Chris Faluzi.

I think it could be Czech.

Could be Czech.

Could be.

It probably is.

Just don't say it like Joe Pesci, and it's definitely not Italian.

He was given an opportunity to do another series.

I just love this because I've been talking lately how there's like not a lot of rebels left in media, or that's how I sometimes think.

What about Rebel Media?

What about Rebel Wilson?

A little wanted down.

No, John K was given a chance to do...

Red and Stimpy again.

They said the gloves are off.

Do whatever you want.

I believe it was Spike TV.

And then he did the pilot episode.

And there's this shower scene where I think it's Wren basically accidentally gets mixed up with the soap, or Stimpy does of somebody going in the shower.

And at one point, he even brings in boxing gloves to be like, you said the gloves were off.

Like he's doing a message to Spike TV.

Right.

Makes the most ridiculous envelope pushing John Kay, Ren and Stimpy thing, where it's just like, you're not going to, they're going to cancel this season.

And they did exactly that.

Even too extreme for Spike to use.

Too extreme for Spike to use.

The creators of Slam Ball.

Slam Ball.

Yeah.

Ultimate Warrior.

What was it called?

Oh, yeah.

Do you remember the show where they would compare who would win, a knight or a gladiator?

Oh, yeah.

What was that called?

Was that show called, sorry?

Something.

This was an obsession of us in the early days of this podcast.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

It was, they would show how the different swords worked.

Yeah.

And

like they would have

a forensic dummy to show.

It was called Deadliest Warrior.

Deadliest Warrior.

Deadliest Warrior.

What year is this?

This is from 2009 to 2011.

Oh, cool.

And Spike TV,

for a very brief time, was

what men were talking about.

Yeah.

It was what men were talking about.

It's so funny because I missed all of it.

The only reason I knew about that, it's funny you say that, Graham, is because by this point, like that, that Red and Sippy thing came out, I was long past it.

This was like early 2000s.

I'm doing other stuff, you know.

Sure, yeah, I'm full-fledged artsy ballet.

I've moved on from Red and Stimpy.

I thought that was just a distant memory, something that raised me as a kid.

And then some very manly folk musicians I knew, but they were like bearded like you,

but they were like, they weren't like, you know, you got a nice hybrid.

You're still a soft guy.

These guys were like really like from Ontario and very much like

Ontario are the hardest guys.

I mean, some

like, I would say, rural.

There's like an element where they're like the softest guys.

I was going to say, beer drinkers.

They do everything manly, but they're just big cubs.

They put on an air, you know.

And these guys were obsessed with it.

So they told me about it.

And they were just like shocked because.

They were obsessed with Deadliest Warrior?

They were obsessed with the Ren and Steve members.

What I was going to say, that's it.

But Spike TV went on to do way crazier things.

It wasn't even that crazy this episode.

But it's like I say, John Kay pushed an envelope again for like another network.

First Nickelodeon, then Spike.

Did he not do a kid show?

Or maybe that

shows we're going pretty deep on this show.

We don't need to.

He's a creepy son.

I don't even know about that news yet.

Very much a creepy.

Let's get into that.

No, we don't have to.

It's on the news.

I don't think we don't need to be TV.

Google that if you need to.

Let's get back to the Deadliest Warrior.

This part's all edited out.

Do you remember for a while, maybe two years, maybe three years, Spike TV had an awards show that was like the man, the mannies.

What if you looked it up and it was like, actually, it ran for 25 years.

Oh, my God.

But, you know, it was like...

The Mannies?

Well, maybe I've got a

Spike TV Awards.

Oh, wow.

The Guy's Choice Awards.

Yeah.

How many years?

From 2007 to 2016.

That's so funny.

Yeah.

Because like I say, I was not very informed on that channel.

I only knew that.

What were you doing at the time?

I was chasing my comedy dream.

So I was, by this point, I would have been, by 2001,

I had just turned 18, graduated from high school, moved to Toronto, auditioned and got into like Second City's conservatory program and started putting on my own shows at Tim Sims' Playhouse.

What was I was acting because I'm an actor still.

I do that a lot still.

Okay, so you're a young guy.

You're an actor.

You want to be improvisers?

Guys, I love.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, we're talking about Colin, but.

No, no, yeah.

I want to go into the guy who wasn't.

Well, it's just, well, yeah.

First, I just want to ask Colin about

his life.

You don't need to.

I know, but it was just, I.

You were on.

I was giggling and then I woke up and we're not talking about this anymore.

Oh, man, I'm so now I'm distracted.

I'm just going to tell you what some of the categories were.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Categories varied from year to year.

Examples of categories awarded more than twice were Guy of the Year.

Sure.

So I'm sure that was.

Guy LeFleur.

There was a category just called Jean-Claude, Goddamn.

Oh, nice.

Nice.

Biggest ass kicker.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Like, my dad?

Yeah, your dad.

I'm just kidding.

A decade of hotness.

Anything.

So,

someone who remained hot for 10 years.

Oh.

Funniest MF,

Guy Movie Hall of Fame, Guy Movie of the Year, and most unstoppable jock.

Oh, who do you guys think is the most unstoppable jock?

For me, it's Perry the Refrigerator.

Oh, Perry.

Dave, who's yours?

Probably William the Refrigerator, Perry.

I'm yours.

O.J.

Simpson.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Oh, man.

I guess stoppable.

He's a stoppable jock.

When you, what was

unstoppable?

My mistake.

What was being in Second City like?

Was it?

Because

I only know it as the place that these famous people started from.

Was it, was it classes?

That's it.

You can start.

You can, you know, you can.

Dave, stop reading about the guy awards.

Yeah, but don't you want to know?

Stop reading about the guy awards.

Don't you want to know who won coolest geek?

Kind of.

Okay, who's coolest geek?

Please, can we at least know that?

Well, it was Rain Office from Rain Wilson from The Office versus Masioka from Heroes.

And Masioka took that one.

Whoa, sure.

Big gear from Masioka.

We'll go back.

We'll dip into these later.

Oh, man.

Guy stuff.

This is just locker room talk, you guys.

This is what we talk about.

This is just locker room.

When we're naked with towels on, you know?

That's it.

Who won the coolest guy award in the toughest guy award in 2007?

I got a no man.

And I say it was.

Now I think it's ridiculous.

I'm closing the page.

Now you're making fun of me for being into this stuff.

I just remember one year Bill Murray came out in his Ghostbusters outfit to present an award.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah.

Nice.

And I thought you were going to say Bob Vila, so that's way cooler.

Oh, yeah.

No, Bob Vila.

He was.

So weirdly, it was

Best Fix-It Guy 2009 through 2000, you know, at least 11.

Oh, totally.

Because it was, it was, because it was the guy awards that he had his ghost buzzers outfit to present bustiest ghost.

Oh, my God.

Who is the bustiest ghost?

Nicole Smith.

That ghost that gave Dan Eckery to blowjose.

That was pretty busty.

Plenty busty.

Casper and the company.

Casper, yeah.

Casper, yes.

Yeah, very busty.

And that ass on Casper, right?

That's a child.

He's a cartoon child ghost

um speaking of john k no just kidding yeah i'm the only one who's not getting canceled

oh no i'm getting canceled again every week graham's like okay who's the hottest child cartoon funny you should ask second city was very

inspiring

how many people were in your cohort how many like were you in a is it a class yeah like what i started with i auditioned for a conservatory program they had come and seen me do improv during the canadian improv games when i was 16.

the touring co came to moncton new brunswick really both performed at the same show at the capital theater okay and they luck whatever i i just must have i had a great i remember having a great night but i don't know i'm 16 you know you sure but what's a great night to a 16 year old hey what's a great night to which turns out hey it's uh pretty great um

because get this get this guy comes up to me one of the guys in the Touring Co., Second City.

He goes, Kid, I think you got something.

He goes, Kid, I think you got something.

And I was like, Mom, it's Joe Pesci.

No, he's not from Canada.

This was the Toronto Touring Co.

David.

Right.

But yeah, Joe Pesci toured with Second City, New Jersey.

And a suggestion for

a good place for two guys to meet up to take a guy out.

So this is a, were you, you were on a high school?

Give me a good place to dump a body.

All right.

Not for the scene, just a general good suggestion, please.

Swamp.

Yeah.

Back of a off of back of a boat.

Yeah.

Yeah, back of a boat.

We're going to go with that.

Thanks very much.

Enjoy the improv show.

I got to go take care of something.

That was funny.

Now,

that's how we did on the night that they

that's how

I got into the conservatory program at 17.

That scene.

Is this story making sense?

Sure, yeah.

Were you the young?

Yes, you were the kid.

They let me in younger than you were supposed to.

When's your birthday?

My birthday is May 22nd.

May 22nd.

I'm a Gemini on the cusp.

On the cusp of?

Smart of a full mental breakdown.

Yeah, do you know the signs before and after you?

No.

Oh,

that's great.

Great question.

I don't.

What's that song?

I think it says it.

The answers in that song.

I saw the sign.

I saw the sign.

I opened up my eyes.

No, it doesn't say it.

All that she wants is another baby.

That's it.

She's gone tomorrow, boy.

Well, it's such a funny

thing to write a song about.

This fictional lady who wants another baby.

Who's having sex with people at bars to get a.

Oh, yeah.

Is that what it's about?

That's what I thought.

Oh, that she wants.

Here's another baby.

She's gone tomorrow, boy.

Yeah, but I don't know any more of the words.

She's going to a bar and having sex with anyone who can impregnate her because all of them.

That she wants is another baby.

Isn't there like your she's the hunter, you're the fawn?

She brings the guy home back to her.

How she says, ignore the other babies who are crying over there because I want another.

One more of collecting babies.

Improv.

I don't know.

That's what it's all about, man.

Dave was a high school improviser.

I did Canadian improv games.

I assumed you did, yeah.

Yeah, with the likes of it.

I can smell it all over you.

You're just so damn creative.

I don't know.

Past guests, Dan Werb and A.J.

Bond were the.

AJ Bond.

And Taz Van Rassel.

Oh, Taz Van Rassel.

Yeah.

He was my coach.

And Becky Johnson was my other coach.

And Aaron Salazar the next year.

Was this Instant or something?

Or was it?

No, this was Kitsilano High School.

Kitsilano High School.

Their own improv.

Kitsilano.

You went to Kitsalano.

You went to Kitzilano.

Hi.

You went You went to Kitsilano?

Sorry, that's my West Coast accent.

Wow, you sounded like that.

I know that's that cow that's accidentally become a bit on stage because I do that.

It's a joke that started with my brother when we were children, but literally every time I go, West Coast,

and then I might tangent into that.

What is that called?

The ELP?

And everybody always just says that thing because nobody knows ELP.

I called it a cow thing.

Yeah, because it would be

like a cow print on it.

Yeah, the ERP.

Yeah, you'd buy it at like party stores.

There's also like a rod, maybe?

A rod.

it's kind of a cylindrical cylinder.

And it was like it was fluorescent, but yeah, you could get

what I'm more interested in is to find out what the was like.

What do you Google?

What words would you Google?

And we should probably, if you know, you guys, I'm not the host, but hey, that's a good calling segment.

What words should we Google to find the answer to the true anth to the true title of Elp?

I guess

the problem is people will

call and they'll write in, and you won't be here.

That's right.

It'll be

like how did they market it?

Like how were like the person invented it and I was like, okay, yeah, no, yeah, we'll put this to something.

We'll sell it in a novelty shop.

Yeah.

It was like an accidental invention that came in on the way to invent something else.

Yeah, they're trying to make a bomb.

I think.

Like how Viagra was supposed to be a heart medicine.

That's it.

Yeah, that last, yeah, that last second before the bone go, the bomb goes off.

And the bone goes.

That's what you hear.

That like one second left, it just goes,

could also be the technology for, I think it might actually be the original technology that led to auto-tune.

Like the

little microchip in there.

Yeah,

I love you.

I don't know.

Does that sound like auto-tune?

It sounds really good.

I don't know.

Do you sing?

Do you sing in a band?

I know you're multi-instrumentalist.

You play bass in Destroyer, is that right?

I just sung the worst thing that led to that question.

Are you a singer?

Have you heard this?

If someone's listening to this, they're going to be like, don't ask him that, Graham.

That was not a good sound that came out of his sound.

I like it.

I like it.

Maybe it is.

Do you do background vocals?

I sing my whole life.

I started.

Boy, it was that accent.

Something that happened.

That's profession.

Kind of.

It almost became

shaggy or something when Shaggy's not shaggy.

You know, he's just just like a normal guy.

I've been singing my whole life.

And then he gets back to there.

Wasn't Loop.

All right, well, we won't do that.

But why won't we?

Can we do it?

Can we do it?

It wasn't me, but with the upside down turn.

I can't do it.

Nope.

Can you try to do that sound?

Mr.

Lover, Lover.

I could do that.

Not Shaggy.

Oh, he's here.

Do the voice.

Do the machine, the like.

L.

Yeah.

It's tough.

I mean,

nice.

nice oh no

we don't have it you got you studied my mouth movement though I saw you're a good study

bubble that travels through your mouth um let's see I think what happens is this I think it's definitely tongue and mouth related I'm doing the big um I'm it's like I'm saying owl

oh yeah it's this curl I'm doing with my tongue at the end I don't want to keep doing it and have you look at my tongue because I don't think it looks nice but your tongue looks fine no

but I think the move is perverse I'm turning myself on, granted.

Yeah, it's the move.

Oh, yeah.

What do we think?

Just in broad strokes, what was Jerry Seinfeld's move in that episode that ended with a counter-clockwise swirl?

And George incorporated a knuckle.

That's right.

It was very unpopular, the knuckle.

My guess?

Connalingus.

I think you're right.

Any other?

In the show Seinfeld, is Seinfeld good at sex?

Well, the women don't stick around long.

That's right.

And he will say sometimes that the sex is great, but

that doesn't mean he's great at it.

Yeah,

certainly not.

He doesn't live up to the comedian in the Romanian gymnast.

That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I think Jerry.

The best lover's Kramer.

Yeah, that's right.

I think he's the most.

He's just got that little hint of racism.

I'm joking.

It was long ago.

He struggles.

Well, the character did.

He's a good man.

That's right.

The character didn't.

Knowing exactly the character didn't.

Unless you really start studying the show.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, they're all.

I'm joking.

I'm joking.

I love that show.

I've just watched it five million times, and I'm starting to see things that aren't there.

I probably.

No, they're there.

Probably.

That's another Trump story.

That's my favorite one.

Probably.

He says that all the time.

China's going to bring down America.

Probably.

Anyway.

The sniff.

The sniff is good.

Now, Colin, what else is going on?

Yes, thank you.

Up until now,

the theme has been ADD.

No.

What else is going on?

Let's see.

You're traveling.

You travel.

I have been traveling.

You know, I've basically walked away from all the bands.

I'm still doing my band Elastic Stars a bit, but not even.

It's just full comedy, comedy, comedy.

Getting close to the end of this pilot with a writing team I work with.

Oh,

kind of around the country, been in LA.

So I've been very excited about that kind of a project.

I've been, I don't know, I've been doing some stuff as a, I'm an actor, so I've been going out for a lot of stuff.

I've gotten a couple of roles, some video games.

I've been really getting this like maritime thing started.

I don't know what it was, but I was a guest on the town show

podcast.

Yeah.

And I just told a real story about the language of the game.

Those those guys.

Absolutely.

We love them, don't we, folks?

What was the last part?

We love them, don't we, folks?

We love them, don't we, folks?

See, that's something.

That's a Trumpism point.

He does say that.

That's right.

You pointed that out to me before.

Say it, say it.

No.

It's beautiful.

We're doing beautiful.

It's lovely, isn't it, folks?

Wait, it has to be something like, it's a big, beautiful bill, and it's beautiful, isn't it, folks?

It's a big, beautiful bill, isn't it, folks?

It's beautiful.

A lot of people say Trump's not a person.

Somebody, I saw them.

I'm not going to.

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay, fine.

What is I need to talk about?

I did have a.

There's a very funny thing that I saw in an interview recently because he is the.

What were we talking about?

We have to come back.

The Man Awards?

Yeah, the Man Awards.

Yeah.

No, your maritime thing.

Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

I was, whatever.

I've been on Savod Guest and I did some maritime impressions and then I went on.

I did a full bit as an 1820s auto, sorry, 1920s Ottoman Empire World War character as a Newfoundlander.

Okay.

I've had all this maritime stuff happen, but I need to tell you about this Trump thing.

Who cares about that?

This is the true stuff I'm obsessed with.

So here's what's really been going on.

Forget the stuff I'm doing.

Yeah.

My whole language has been effed completely.

I did this podcast.

All I'm doing now is New Brunswick words constantly coming out.

I've got Fringlish stuff coming out because I'm from New Brunswick.

I've been been doing, and I've, it's almost like since the tariffs hit Canada, the whole tariff war, I've been doing nothing but Canada and Trump.

I've been doing all the all the accents of Canada.

I'm driving my family and my friends crazy.

Okay, how many accents are we talking here?

Like, I'm doing like the ones from Alberta, like side by each.

Like, all the way.

Side by each.

I was hoping that that would make its way into side by each.

Yeah, side by each is like a New Brunswick Canadianism.

Like you order the Canadian breakfast, you know, Jave and Cafe Black and Just et des orange, two eggs faced in the sun, three strips of bacon, side by each, and a pair of toast.

But it's a way of proxying.

It's a parallel.

Some people also, like when they do the New Brunswick breakfast, because this is actual Canadian lore.

We all joke about it since we're kids.

Some people will go, two strips of bacon, parallel, because that's another one.

It's always side by each or parallel.

What is the

obsession with the bacon placement?

It's neat.

It's tiny.

It's clean.

It's attractive.

Do not make a little bacon smile on my pancake.

Do not cross the little.

That's it.

These are adults.

These are adults.

But like, I just, if they arrive on top of each other, I'm like,

yeah, that's it.

It's a little bacon tower that you gotta.

Speaking of the Alberta accent, did you see that fight on the golf course?

Oh, I didn't.

I didn't see it.

Oh, it was a big fight on a golf course a couple weeks ago.

It's a video that's gone viral.

Oh, my God.

Can you tell me?

Because Alberta is...

Break it down, Dave.

Alberta is the other place that uses side by each.

Alberta, I always say, it's just a bunch of accidentally the most manliest men in the world.

And they just say weird things because they're just more faced on.

It's like being a man.

Alberta, I love.

I forgot how much I love.

They give directions.

They got curved arms.

They do things like this.

It's like a real just like, oh, yeah, shooting the shit.

Did you know you had a curved arm?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've seen a lot of Canadians point straight and they curve their arm.

And yeah, they say the side by each.

Two roads side by each.

There's something.

There's just like, but not like that.

They go, oh, yeah, two roads side by each, just down a fucking fucking road.

But yeah, I would love to know about this because Alberta,

I've gone my whole life, but I don't know a lot about the culture.

And I always see the nicest people that could maybe explode.

It's this super drunk guy.

Apparently, he's been like, could not stand up straight and was taking too long to golf.

And the people have been like behind him in the next foursome, threesome, whatever,

were waiting.

Like, we've been standing here 20 minutes, buddy.

I don't do voices.

Say it like an Albertan.

We've been standing here.

We've been standing here for 20 minutes, buddy.

There you go.

Is that right?

Hey, bud.

Maybe actually more bud in Alberta.

Okay, maybe it might have been bud.

Hey, bud, move along.

We've been standing here side by each.

He's too long.

And

we've been traveling parallel.

No, that's not a problem.

And then the guy,

the guy who, the drunk guy, gets all worked up and,

you know, he wants to fight the guys who are telling him to just get going.

And he yells at them, fucking cry about it.

And then he works himself up to in this, like, I've heard it described as a haka.

This was all over my internet.

Yeah, this was your algorithm.

And he like is like,

you know, pumping himself up.

And the guy's like, you're not a tough guy.

You don't want this.

You're not, you're not tough.

And his buddy's like, he's right, you're not tough.

Fuck, bro.

And then he

there you go that's it bro you think you're bro you want to go then he gets himself you want to go where the guy's like i will you're gonna get shit kicked i will throw you in the fucking lake he just does not want to fight and this is like a sort of an older middle-aged man and a younger guy they're both sort of about the same age

okay they're both my age yeah and then uh well one of them it turns out ex-nhl player

the guy who's telling the guy not to fight And not just a player, but like...

But kind of a tough guy.

He knows that with great power comes great response.

He's Superman.

And then the guy runs up to him and he immediately tosses him in the lake.

And you just hear a guy off-camera go, Off to a good start.

Perfect, candid comedy.

And then he crawls out of the lake, and the guy starts punching him,

the hockey player.

And as each punch, he goes, bang, bang.

He's saying he's narrating it.

The hockey player is saying, bang, dude.

And then the guy gets up again and he hits him again and he yells, enough.

And then the drunk guy runs at him and the hockey player picks him up, throws him sideways like DJ Jazzy Jeff on

Fresh Prince of LA.

He is, ah!

It's great.

It's great.

It's part of our heritage.

Yeah.

How did that not get fed into my algorithm?

I just hate my algorithm so much sometimes.

Yeah, what's on it these days?

Oh man, it can't.

The only algorithm that can figure me out is YouTube because I actually use it.

Instagram does not know who I am, and I love it.

Yeah.

Instagram knows I like a video of somebody falling down slowly.

Instagram does, yeah.

Yeah, like slow, like not one move, just kind of like, oh, oh, oh, no, oh, no, and then into the lake or, you know, whatnot.

Um, Instagram knows that that's what I want.

Yeah, I got one yesterday.

It was the top five epic British kid accents.

Who's number one?

It's not funny.

I got to go to school.

This girl's got like Sharpie on her face.

Love it.

I love it.

Oh, what about that little girl who's mad about the price of ice cream?

Oh, yeah.

That's very funny.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That's funny.

Yeah, mine's all like Korean street food, Japanese street food.

Gordon Ramsey reaming somebody out.

And then usually like this, I don't know why this started, but it fully figured me out.

I'm getting these shorts of the uh, like these auctions, this like very famous auction.

I don't even know who they are, but it's like the most famous guy who buys all of these antiques,

what they don't want.

Some samurai sword, some like key to nuclear bomb in Russia, some like in the night.

You know, there's like all these different things.

I think that was the last Mission Impossible movie.

That was the funniest one because the guy thought it was worth so much.

He's like, I want $500,000 for it.

The guy goes, Well, it's only worth about $400.

Still $400.

He was great.

He was great.

You said one of the things was videos of

Gordon Ramsey.

Graham, what does Gordon Ramsey say?

It's fucking raw.

It's raw.

Feel this.

Feel this.

It's raw.

Trust me.

Trust me.

It's raw.

Yeah.

Here's the thing.

Everyone on that show.

Everyone, everyone, stopped.

Yes.

He gets everybody to stop.

Come over here and touch.

Everybody touch the the food.

Shit.

Yeah.

It's fucking wrong.

Rows it against the wall.

The thing they can't seem to get, season in, season out, scallops.

Nobody seems to know how to cook scallops.

That's it.

Yeah.

But it's like scallops in Wellington.

It's the same menu every night.

I don't know how these people are not just only making scallops in Wellington for 45 days straight before going on that show.

Superfecting.

That's literally, I think, how you win.

Did you ever watch Top Chef?

Like one of the first seasons there was, I think it was Stefan.

Oh!

And Fabio, there was like an Austrian guy and an Italian guy.

And I think it was Stefan kept making scallops.

Like you could, you know, pick whatever you want.

The theme of this meal is whatever, like enchantment under the sea.

And he would always do scallops, and Fabio would be like, it's top chef.

It's not top scallop.

I think I'm getting the people right.

But yeah, roast Ramsey.

Roast him.

Have you guys had scallops?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And what the hell are they?

Well, I had them from, it's just like a little shellfish.

But is it?

Yeah, but it's

not chewy.

Like, like any other shellfish, no, it isn't.

It's like a mini white steak.

It's chewy.

It's chewy, and it's actually a lovely taste.

It's not like a soft, gooey thing or anything.

It's really lovely.

We had smaller ones in New Brunswick.

Like, that's how I had them.

When I watched them on Ramsey, I'm always like, those are large scallops.

Sure.

We had kind of more this kind of size ones.

What do you love when people call them scallops?

I feel like that's what

Kurdie calls it.

I think it's probably currently.

I've always said scallop.

Yeah, but that's probably because we got a lot of them in the.

Do we get them out here?

What do you call a finely cut potato with cheese on top?

A fine scallop potatoes.

I'm hearing my mum.

Potato scallop.

What's for dinner?

We're having a roast ham and potato scallop.

You love those potatoes being served?

Side by each?

Parallel.

Parallel.

Actually, everything in between.

Say Say side beach, they say parallels.

They touch the moment.

I used to edit a T V show that was in English and French.

And if the person was bilingual, like it was about small businesses in Canada, and so it had to be, had to appeal to, or it had to, it had, it was like federally funded, so you had to do it in both languages.

Oh, yeah.

And

but so if the per the subject of the episode was uh

French, or it was bilingual, you'd get you'd interview them in in both languages.

Oh, yeah.

But if they were only one, you'd get a translator and just dub them.

But

they had a guy from New Brunswick, and he was

bilingual, but you could not understand him.

Was he talking SHIAC?

He was SHIAC.

Yeah, Franglais, French, Franglais.

Oh, we used to do an impression of him.

It was like,

well, that's it.

Everything around it.

Touch the people,

despite secume, uh, it's very

ridiculous.

You know, it's CTV

every goddamn time ceiling FN shows.

Like, touch, it's it literally is a back and forth.

Like, my friend and I started really laughing at it when we were teenagers, and I use this one on stage sometimes.

If you heard it, pardon me, but it's like you guys, nobody out there.

But, uh, oh, I don't go up, yeah, I don't go see stage shows, no, no, no, the, but yeah, it's it's like I remember this guy who was just livid, it was like his fourth time returning to Sears, must have been 1999, about his vacuum.

Yeah, He's like, Jale, here, every goddamn time, C'est la même conchose.

You know, I bleeped out the F

C'est la même conchose, you know.

Bogut de problems, vect my vacuum, every goddamn time.

Now, I want it back next week.

Every week you say next week, and it's not done.

Enough bullshit.

Every goddamn time, say la même conchose.

And that was the line that like busted us.

We said that all the time we were kids.

Did you,

as a youth, did you ever go to a Sears?

Did you ever go like back to school fashions at Sears?

Were you with Eaton's family?

Were you the Bay?

We were Sears in New Brunswick.

I mean, Sears was a.

Sears was there, man.

It was, it was.

They were on the ground.

And they were doing great.

They were flourishing in Moncton.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

Sears.

I think so.

Sears was there for at least my child.

Yeah, we were at Eaton's, but like Eaton's and maybe the Bay.

Oh, and Woodwards, too.

Oh, yeah.

But

the, like, Sears, I don't think we had Sears.

And

Sears had like i remember watching home improvement and he was always excited to go to sears

well yeah

because they had bin for tools

that's it but they like none of the department stores none of those other department stores had tools no that's sure they didn't have tools well and here was the thing about the vast world of sears my friends uh or broad maybe no vast yeah uh

every i think it was end of august beginning september i don't know why we were all so excited as children,

but the Sears catalog would come out.

Yeah.

And it would be like, I guess, a listing of what is to come or just what's in store.

I guess what's in store.

I remember as a kid looking at it, like, oh, this is.

And you would like, oh, Christmas is coming up.

Pick some things.

That's it.

There's all the new toys that are now on the shelf.

I remember, like, I just remember finding out about new toys.

Oh, I could get, oh, they've got a Bart Simpson now.

And my mom would be like, hey, Dave, what happened to the bra page?

And I'd be like, I don't know.

The guy who does the voice of Tina, Bob's Burger.

Dan

Mintz?

Yeah, he does a great joke.

He does that great joke.

About, you know, when I was a kid, we had to see pictures of women in underwear and

Sears.

We didn't have

to look at the bra page in the Sears catalog.

Yeah, the kids today are so lucky they can just go to Sears.com.

Well,

I just, he's so funny.

He had just, I'll check him out.

I don't know his material at all.

There was, I don't know, I haven't heard his stand-up in a decade.

I'll check it out.

He had like a great 10-minute set of one-liners.

And yeah, he, and that's his voice.

Like, Tina's voice is his voice.

He hasn't put on a voice.

I love it.

I wonder what that's like, because I haven't seen him either.

I wonder what it was like to see him.

Oh, yeah, now that she's such an iconic character.

Yeah.

Same with Eugene Merman.

Yeah.

Same with,

I guess,

Christian Joel?

Well, yeah, and John, John Benjamin.

Yeah.

He's not really a stand-up.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

I think of him more as a jazz musician.

Oh, yeah.

Didn't he do those?

Do you know about it?

No, I don't know about it.

I self-under.

Is John Benjamin, the voice of

Bob and Archer.

And Archer.

He did, I think, more than one album.

He doesn't know how to play piano, but he just hired a jazz band and did improvising on the piano with a band going.

But to be funny?

Yeah.

Good, good, good, good, good.

To be funny, but also like, how far off am I?

I know, that's it.

But I just want to make it sure it's not like a clueless John Tesh.

No one intended or something like that.

Sure, sure.

It wasn't his serious music.

It's not a vanity.

Yeah, yeah.

He's not like that.

He's actually...

Yeah, he's making fun of John.

And I'm sure it sounds terrific.

What's everybody's favorite vanity project from a star oh personally mine is scarlet johansen doing an album of covers of tom wait songs produced by pete yorn yes

um vanity project um what's the uh what is it's gonna be a toss between like bruce willis because i in his what was that song he had a couple of really cool songs in bruno what's the the return of bruno

yeah return of bruno um what is that the song like The Harder They Come or something?

Something like that.

Because I was like laughing about it recently after I watched Die Hard, which I do every Christmas.

Sure.

And

I watched, it's the only Christmas tradition I hold still.

And

my wife's Jewish, so she loves that tradition.

She's like, I love Christmas.

Yeah.

Every time we play Die Hard, yeah.

But she, yeah, I remember I looked it up thinking it was funny, and then I watched the video.

I was like, I really connect with this.

Like, it was a good, he has a really good single.

Anyway, that's technically my favorite.

Okay, that's a good one.

Or Gwyneth Paltrow's skincare.

Yeah, I like Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina candle.

Vagina candle is pretty wild.

Pretty wild.

Pretty wild.

I like.

I thought that was a Gwyneth Paltrow impression for a second.

The feeling of fire on my vagina.

That's just true.

That's our grave.

I like

the feeling of candlelight on my vagina.

I'm trying to think of like.

I mean, that's the biggest celebrity vanity project.

That's true.

Yeah.

President.

You know what my biggest celebrity?

Oh, I almost told this story earlier, too.

I know I said one and I'm being relentless right now.

It's Monday morning.

This is.

I love Mondays.

It's a day for winners, not a day for losers.

He recently, my favorite, I'm going to call it a vanity project.

I don't know if you know, he became the chair.

Donald Trump is the new chair of the Kennedy Center for the United States.

Yeah, that's right.

Is that a vanity project?

Kind of.

Even though he nominated himself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, they do the

Mark Twain Award.

Yeah, Mark Twain Award.

And they do lots of beautiful music and I think opera and all sorts of stuff.

Yeah, it's quite who's the Mark Twain Award under Trump?

Oh, God.

Are we talking about Larry the Cable guy?

Who did the rally?

Alex Jones?

Oh,

who who did the rally that was

at MSG uh oh uh uh uh killed Tony Tony Hitchcliffe Tony Hitchcliffe yeah yeah

I could see him being uh given an award the most recent winners just so you know uh Conan O'Brien uh Kevin Hart Adam Sandler Jon Stewart Dave Chappelle Julia Louis Dreyfus these are big hitters these are huge hits yeah yeah yeah who's that in the hat what's the guy who hosts that conservative there's like there's like a conservative oh bill murray bill murray yeah he's got the big crown on or something oh he's got just a hat on he just had a hat it was a fishing hat he had he was dressed very royal for his acceptance of it he had a very amazing they have to wear a very silly uh

like necklace or kind of like a mayor oh like a sash of some sort

you know like the mayors would have like the medallion oh that's right yeah they make them sit uh wear the medallions the ones like previous recipients sitting in the

yeah that's right oh yeah it is very comedy official

yeah because it is rainbow they make them wear suspenders.

Well, that's it.

What is the?

I don't see it here.

I just see.

It's not on the Wikipedia.

Who, like, the actual prize?

Who is the.

And that's the thing, yeah.

What is it?

It's somebody roasted somebody else with it.

Oh, yeah.

Is there like, I wonder if there's like a cash prize that comes along with being.

Oh, I know what it is.

Like the Nobel Prize.

Yeah.

What do they get?

A million?

A million.

But I think you're supposed to like put it towards your research.

Love me, man.

Okay.

As soon as I win the Nobel Prize,

Corvette and sunshine.

See you later, suckers.

Did you say your favorite vanity project?

Oh,

boy, I feel like Vanity Six?

Is that Prince's Vanity Project?

Oh, yeah, right.

Vanity.

Were they called Vanity Six?

Oh, it was a weird.

Was it a number?

Okay, Vanity the singer.

Yeah.

Was a

she's no longer with us.

And she was a

Vanity Six, that's right.

Yeah, put together by Prince.

And did she, was she a singer or did she also play guitar?

Who, who played guitar that was affiliated with Prince?

Oh, many people.

Yeah.

But there was like a woman that really could tread on the old guitar.

Oh, oh, what?

His guitar, guitar player, but in his band, is that you mean?

Yeah.

Yeah, what is her name?

She's so good.

She was so good.

I don't know if she's still with us, but,

you know, listeners, send in your information about whoever that might be.

But the

this is my favorite fact about Vanity Six is that Prince, himself a musical rising star, suggested that these women form a girl group that would be called the Hookers.

And that was right before he fired all four of them.

That was the next sentence.

You guys should start a ban just with the four of you called the Hookers.

You're fired.

Get out.

You've been terrible to work with.

Prince.

Good punk band name.

Yeah.

Where you don't care about radio play or, you know,

society.

You know,

one of my favorite female dirty rock band names.

It was just like.

Nobody knows them.

That's what I'm going to say.

It was from really cool cats when I lived in England, my early 20s.

We'd met them and they let us play on their shows.

But the name of this all-female early 2000s like punk trio, Itchy Tits.

Just so good at like South London.

You know what I mean?

Like, you're right.

All right.

One, two, three, four.

Where the itchy tits?

You know, shut up.

It's going to be a night of rock and roll.

That's really good.

Itchy tits is really funny.

I love it.

It still sticks with me.

Yeah.

I talked about when I was a kid, we said boobs.

Boobs was allowed.

Yeah.

Tits, for some reason, seemed dirty.

Tits was harder than that.

And then growing up, hearing a person call them titties, like a grown man calling them titties, I was like, oh my god, that's like somehow goes back around to being like more childish than boobs.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, I don't know.

It's boobs.

It's a good.

I think I'm a boobs, guys.

I'm one of each.

You know, the funniest thing about the word boob

you should get that checked out.

The funniest thing about the word boob to me, because I believe the word boob comes from, haven't looked this up, you got a Google machine there, but I like not Googling things.

When I tried with Dan Mangen, we used to like try to not Google.

Right.

Like talk about a thing.

Because Mangan would always say, you know, the funny thing is there's just absolutely no way to find that out.

Tongue in cheek.

Like, let's not Google.

The word boob, I think, is the name.

Maybe you know this already, Dave.

You're one-step enemy, but I think the boob is boob is used to describe like a bum, a lazy slot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right?

So it was a joke.

Somebody obviously once saw, maybe in the world of vaudeville or comedy, two of these

rests hanging down, and they just thought, a couple of boobs.

Because maybe they're hanging the right way.

Now, what I'm getting at is the funniest thing in the world to me is eventually the title boob tube got replaced for the television set.

And I'm just lazing out watching the old boob tube sipping some beers.

Yeah.

And now, officially, in my mind,

one of the biggest streaming platforms in the world is actually a playoff the word boobtube.

Yeah.

Am I not right about that?

YouTube comes from boobtube?

I think you're right.

It definitely comes from tube.

Yeah.

I think it's boobtube.

Tuby's from tube for sure.

Because there's like

and it's maybe from booby.

It might be.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's just obscure to me because I don't know when there's nobody in the last 25 years.

Like you guys even squinted and I'm like maybe a couple of years younger than you at most, but I've just like the fact that nobody knows the term boob to.

But like, no, it's so old.

Boob must have existed as like a term for a, like a schlub.

That's what I'm saying for so long

that people don't mind saying boob too.

Yeah, like centuries, yeah, I would think.

But like, if you say boob, boob and boobies, boobies sounds like a younger, yes, younger person's game.

Oh, the big sign.

Big time, yeah, boobies.

Yeah, big, bouncy boobies.

Yeah, it's lost all meaning by the time like the word tits comes in.

You know what what I mean?

And by that point, it's just gritty and it makes you feel like, whoa, that's got some sharpness to it.

According to Google's AI overview, the name YouTube is a compound word formed from you and tube.

Thanks.

AI.

Also, an old word that has changed so much is boner.

Oh, yeah.

I really pulled a boner.

It's like, me too, man.

I wish there was a camera in here because this is the second guy who was just such a different person than the first guy who pulled the boner.

Just what you did with your eyes.

Like some guy on a bench.

He wasn't even like, yeah, me too, man.

A method.

I'm a method.

I never got to say the one funny thing I meant to say earlier.

What was it?

About, I didn't know.

It was my last time I'm going to bring him up.

I think we can, I think there's almost a law in it.

Dan Mangen?

Dan Mangen.

Trump, this is the Kennedy Center of the Arts thing.

Yeah.

Okay.

I heard like one of the funniest, most sincere questions get asked of Taco.

Yeah.

Which is

she's interviewing him.

She's sitting there with him.

Just a legitimate question, right?

They're all curating to Trump.

Obviously, he set this up.

Yeah.

And she's going, right.

Have you ever played a musical instrument?

Oh, God.

I can't imagine.

He just stops.

He's not expecting the question.

Yeah.

He actually legitimately is like,

well,

oh,

well,

well,

it's funny, nobody's ever asked me that before.

He goes, actually, I, believe it or not,

when I was a little boy, I took flute lessons.

You really?

Flute should be used against him.

Come on.

And she goes, really?

And he goes, Yeah, in fact, you might even say,

I could have been a flutist.

I think it's Flautist, is what you have.

He's a flutist.

He could have been a flutist.

And the best part is, as soon as he says, flutist, you see his lips.

I don't know.

I'm sounding like Grover there, but

his lips, and you're like, oh, yeah, he was a flutist.

He's got those lips.

He's going, he's always got that

breathing technique.

You're like,

he could have been, he could have been the front man of Jethro Tull, man.

Yeah.

He was just like,

the breathing technique they're known for.

Young man.

Anyway, just dripping down his nose.

Anyway, anyway.

There you go.

He has a little bit of art in him.

So maybe not the worst that he's now the chair of the.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, he's got a background.

Dave, what's going on with you, my friend?

Oh, man.

Speaking of chairs,

this weekend, I went to go see Jurassic World.

Oh.

And

only one of my daughters wanted to see it.

Poppy.

She's eight.

Does she have an affinity for dinosaurs they've seen two of the movies okay not really um

uh she's uh but she as soon as she saw the trailer she was like oh yeah let's go see that

i i have no affinity for these um these lumbering dinosaurs well i liked the first movie but hey i wasn't never dino crazy

I don't think I was.

My brother was definitely dino-crazy at all.

I mean, every dino toy you could have.

Oh, I had like a dinosaur book.

I knew who they all were, but like the way you think of like

a feral little boy

being obsessed, that wasn't me.

No,

there is that whole other level that still has not been breeded out of boys.

Yeah, what did they exist?

What did boys go deep?

What did boys get obsessed with before dinosaurs were discovered?

Mummies?

Yeah, they were sex with mummies, guns.

Well, you think guns didn't really exist back then.

When were dinosaurs discovered?

200 years ago?

Oh, oh that's a good question because surely they i don't know when the first fossils were discovered i don't know how that happened probably dynamite maybe like maybe the what were kids maybe hay were kids thinking yeah they were probably into hay hay baling hay yeah but the the baling of hay yeah

kids were

very

speaking of catalogs we'll get back to jurassic park but do you remember the uh that commercial for canadian tire about the catalog with the boy obsessing about the

Yes, we've talked about it.

We've talked about it.

Yeah.

This is an older commercial.

This is from like when the 90s, 80s?

Yeah, sure.

And well, I don't know.

Yeah, me either.

I'm seeing it.

I do.

I gently remember.

And he's like,

ripped the bike picture out of the Canadian Tire catalog.

And his dad finds it and says, I need you to help.

The kid's like, I would never ask my dad for this.

Things are too tight around the farm.

And his dad's like, I need you to help me get something out of the back of the truck.

It's hay.

It's hay.

Go pick a switch.

I saw you pining for that bike.

Not going to happen.

Oh, that sounds.

Yeah, that is.

Anyway,

I'm a dad now.

I haven't thought about that completely since I became a dad.

I almost cried during that.

Yeah, you guys were laughing.

I was having a moment.

Yeah, it's very sweet commercial.

That's what I think, Graham.

Yes.

And you could have been a little more sensitive anyway.

So we went to Jurassic World.

And I went to it last week.

You talked about it last week.

And I'm going to say different things.

Okay, Cow.

Have you seen it?

Jurassic World?

Yeah, the new one.

No, no, no.

Of course.

I haven't seen any of them.

Do you care about

spoilers or

anything?

No, no, I'm a boring, very old school person.

I only rebelliously, for no reason, watch the first one of everything.

And then just at the end, you're like, I'm done.

Yeah, it's come back to bite me in the ass because my daughter's become, I want to watch Toy Story 2 now for the last eight months.

Quentin Tarantino says, Toy Story 2 and 3 are incredible.

I'm serious.

And she won't watch 2 or 3.

She just wants to watch one.

So I've given,

I've given birth, F you wife, to my

girl.

I'm joking.

I don't know.

I accidentally said something.

Fu wife, John K rules.

I gave birth.

Nobody has anything on me.

Anyway, please.

And she was like, let's go see Jurassic World.

And I was like, sure.

And then I looked at the listings.

I said, do you want to see it in 3D?

Or do you want to see it in the vibrating chairs?

Oh, but not both.

No.

You have one or the other.

One or the other.

Okay.

And she went vibrating chairs.

And I was like, okay, because I've only been to, I've been, I think I've seen three movies in vibrating chairs.

Do they call them rumble seats?

They call them D-boxes.

Jesus, they shouldn't call them that.

well the d stands for dick i that's what i'm thinking everything i didn't want to think about when the word vibrating chair was said just and then it's like oh what's it called a d box

come on

and then i uh teenagers go to films and they're gonna have the way more fun because of that yeah yeah

so that title well we go and i'm like okay just so you know this is she i take her to every movie i love taking the kids to movies always kids movies so this is like the most grown-up movie she's ever seen in person or in a theater.

What's your snack situation?

When you go, like, what is Poppy like?

Does she like a popcorn?

She like a candy?

She likes popcorn with MMs mixed in it.

Beautiful.

And are you kind of like, what's she going to, is she going to react well to this movie?

Are you getting like all the snacks?

Because you're like, let's make sure she's happy.

Oh, well, no, I just.

I get all the snacks.

You're fun at a movie.

Because I'm fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've been to a movie a couple of times at the end, and I actually really miss it right now.

Well, we got to do more.

We did see Halloween and I fell asleep.

Yeah, but it was fun leading up to it.

Everything up until you fell asleep was very fun.

It was like an 1130 screening.

But

so we're going and she saw the trailer and she's like, yeah, I want to see it.

And then a new trailer came out that looked much scarier.

Yeah.

And I was like, did you see the new trailer?

And she said, no.

And I said, oh.

And we're taking the escalator up to the movie theater.

And I'm like, just so you know, This isn't going to be like, there's probably not going to be trailers for other kids' movies.

It's just going to be like grown-up movies this time.

And so we sat there in our vibrating chairs and we watched the trailer for

the one where Dwayne The Rock Johnson is a UFC guy.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

With his curly hair wig.

Curly hair wig and he's sad.

It looks very sad.

Yeah, yeah.

And after that, I go, do you want to see that?

How much did the seats rumble during that trailer?

They don't rumble during the trailer.

Oh, shit.

That's too bad.

And

then we watched some horror movie, and I said, do you want to see that?

She said, no.

No.

Then it was Wicked 2.

Do you want to see that?

No.

And then it was,

what's his face?

Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey.

Oh, yeah.

That was a short little trailer.

Yeah.

Do you want to see that?

No.

And then the movie starts.

And

so I've sat in these chairs before.

Last time was for.

Madam Webb.

Oh, yeah.

And I had to turn them off because I was getting car sick.

You can turn it off?

Yeah.

You can turn up the intensity or turn it all the way down.

Nice.

It's sort of ribbed for her pleasure.

Please toss me vibrating chairs and D-box every time now.

Please, I need to hear.

If that's the term, we must say D-box.

I sat in my D-Box.

I turned my D-box.

My D-Box was sort of like rumbling my undercarriage.

You should write exotic novels.

Yeah, exotic.

So I took a moment.

Exotic about lions.

Yeah, sure.

I made fun of my dancer dropping.

I made fun of my mom for that word mix-up my whole life, and I just did it.

Oh, I mean, I'm here.

I'm an exotic dancer.

Sure.

It's sort of an erotic dancer.

I know.

But my mom used to tell a friend of mine who was very beautiful, who I dated for a little bit in high school

how erotic she looked.

So come on.

She meant to say exotic, which was already funny, but it was 1998 or whatever.

Sure.

Yeah.

We're all having a conversation.

But she was like, she looks so erotic.

I was like, mother.

We will now leave the house.

Thank you for saying hello to my mom.

I love her.

I love her so much.

Don't embarrass me.

I just say

you're like liquid sex walking through the door.

Mom?

No, I'm just saying she's like a total smoke show.

It's like, yeah.

Anyway, so

I did not get sick.

I started feeling a little bit sick at the very beginning, but I was like, I'll turn it off.

And then, but I could just turn it back on anytime like something exciting was happening.

Whenever a dinosaur shows up, but like if they're just driving, they're in stuck in traffic because the brontosaurus

got out of the zoo.

Bad I turned it off.

It is one of the opening scenes.

Is that a brontosaurus escape from a zoo in New York?

Yeah.

Whoa.

And they're helping it get back.

Yeah, they need cranes and it's got like graffiti on it.

By this point,

somebody just graffiti D-box on the side of the

F this D-box.

It just sounds like a slag, mate.

It sounds like a slag.

In this new Jurassic, and you don't have to give away the whole movie,

but did you just sniff the mic?

No, just kidding.

What?

Am I not on trial?

No, you are not.

And

you did did it again listen everyone it's happening i don't share this mic this mic is just for me this day's mic yeah i didn't rub my nose you can hear it you can hear it if you're really listening i hope they turned that part of this show up uh

there's like is is jurassic park a franchise in this new world is there multiple like you said new york is like because oh no okay well remain talked about this last week as oh i apologize there is uh jurassic park has been shut down since the first jurassic park uh but then they tried to rebuild it and then uh they never learned their lesson But now

the idea is that the appetite for dinosaurs is over.

And so, like, no one really cares that there's a dinosaur loose.

Everyone's kind of like.

When you said appetite, my stomach growls.

I don't know why.

I guess I'm really getting hungry the more we talk about bronosauruses.

I'm not even turning carnival.

Yeah,

yeah, that big side of ribs.

I guess I'm turning steaks without even knowing.

I'm not even

scallops.

Well, yeah, that's a quick question.

When these dinosaurs are out, are we eating them?

are we having rafter burgers that's a very good question graham you gotta think there's some kind of like

uh artisanal butcher who's like oh boy the think of the ham hawks on these guys

anyway the movie is just about that everyone has such tight clothing in it oh yeah that's true like there's these they're on a uh a boat like going to a dinosaur island and like there's the famous people that have all the lines and then there's people who don't have so many lines.

And you're like, oh, you're in good luck.

If you find you're on a dinosaur exposition and you're not saying much, you're probably

at lunch.

But then, but, like, there was this one, like, super muscular guy wearing a shirt I've never seen, a shirt that couldn't exist because it was like skin tight on his muscly body.

Yeah.

But, like, who, how, who else are you selling this shirt to?

It's like a V-shaped shirt to match his torso

with very wide sleeve holes.

Yeah.

Everyone's clothes are so tight.

Wow.

Really, yeah.

They're selling the sizzle, you know?

But then my theory about it.

I got hungry when you talked about his wrestling body, too.

I guess I want to turn that guy into some

ribs.

Yeah, he's got some ribs.

But the thing,

my theory with this movie is, so there's like Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali.

Jonathan Bailey, all the like famous people are all in one expedition.

And then there's like a separate group that's a family and none of them are famous.

Yeah.

And

like

that's true.

None of them.

Yeah.

There's like a dad, two daughters, and the daughter's boyfriend.

I love how these days it's just so easy to go to central casting for the plot development, any sort of suspense spell, basically.

Like, well, none of them are famous or recognizable.

But they,

but like, there's, I think in all these movies, the kids survive.

Oh, yes.

I think that's, yeah.

Yeah.

So kids will go see the movie.

Yeah.

But

my theory is that, oh, they're just going to keep making these movies, but they're phasing out celebrities.

They're just going to have like

more like horror movies where it's like, doesn't matter, the dinosaurs are their show.

Yeah, I think you're right.

That sounds actually very fun.

It honestly sounds actually more fun.

Because then you don't know who's going to get exactly.

Because I was, I only saw the first Jurassic Park and nothing else until this movie.

Yeah.

Because I don't care.

Like, it just, it seems like a dumb spectacle.

And, but I loved every one of the action scenes.

Oh, yeah.

I was edge of my vibrating seat.

You're at the edge of my, I was at the edge of my D-box.

It just sounds wrong.

When I was watching it, I thought of, because there's always in these movies, all across the board, there's somebody who distracts the dinosaurs so that everybody can get away.

Tip play by Tim Allen.

And it reminded me of a movie King Kong Skull Island.

And it does this very funny thing.

And I just was thinking about it the other day.

There's a scene where everybody's running away from this kind of dinosaur-looking creature.

And one guy stays behind.

He's like, I'm going to kill the thing.

I pull the pin on the grenade.

And

the dinosaur just knocks him flying off into the distance and he explodes in midair.

And I was like,

that's the funniest thing we could have possibly done.

Who was in Kong Skull Island?

I think Samuel Jackson was part of the expedition.

That's so good.

That's why I love the first Jurassic Park.

He's just such a good person in a suspense film.

Yeah.

Telling us all to hang on to our butts.

You know what I'm saying?

Because he can't really swear.

It's a kid's movie.

So they had, it was one of his only catch-life phrases that doesn't have like F-word in it.

Yeah, that's true.

Hang on to your butts.

That's what he always says every time.

Got the cigarette in his mouth.

Yeah.

So cool.

Yeah.

But yeah, the action sequence.

I mean, I've never seen seen a movie in the D-box seats.

Oh, God.

What year is this one?

Is this a newer one?

I actually don't even know this movie.

Which?

The Kong Island?

Kong Island.

Probably like 10 years ago.

Okay, it's 10 years.

Then it is the one I'm thinking.

I didn't know Samuel was in that one.

20 years ago, that was like Jack Black and Naomi Watts.

Oh, that was a remake of the King Kong.

Small Island was like its own

offshoots of the King Kong.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

That one, the one, the Jack Black.

Dimitri just put his finger in water.

Something people have done done time immemorial.

You need to touch grass.

I need to touch water, my man.

But that was Peter Jackson, was the

20-year-old one.

Yes.

And then the Skull Island was

Samuel L.

Jackson played all the roles.

He played all the roles.

Like the clumps.

Yeah.

He did kind of like Eddie Murphy.

Eddie Murphy and Eddie Professor sort of thing.

I mean, yeah, sort of like.

Because he doesn't he play all the characters.

Yeah.

He did like clumps.

Clumps.

You said, yeah, sort of like get out.

But, anyways, that was just one of the funniest ways to handle that particular trope.

I also, so the other, I wasn't going to talk about this, but all our Debox talk reminded me that I saw a few weeks ago a movie called Hysteria.

It was just on TV.

I was like,

editing the podcast, and it was on mute.

And I was like, what is this movie?

And it's called Hysteria.

Hysteria?

Yeah, I've seen it advertised on planes.

And

it's

about the invention of the vibrator.

What?

Because women would have like a

sort of like a generalized anxiety condition that they would call hysteria.

Yeah.

And they treated it with.

So there's this doctor who hires like, I don't know, his

son-in-law or something, who's also a doctor.

Yeah.

And who treats these women with manual stimulation.

Yeah.

And they wild.

They go.

That's another job taken away by technology, right?

And

they go into freaking AI, eh?

And this guy's like young and handsome, and he has like a little curtain he puts up and he sticks his hand through on the woman's in stirrups.

And it's a true story, right?

It's a bio.

It's based on like bio.

Yeah.

Wow.

And it's sort of like

air, but for vibrators.

Wow.

They had Michael Jordan come in.

He didn't realize.

And yeah, it's called hysteria because obviously, yeah, I've watched a lot of old film and that she's hysteric.

She's hysterical.

So it was.

Hysterectomies, baby.

Was.

That's where that comes from.

Oh, my God.

Oh, it does?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I don't know that.

And so he, like, this young doctor is handsome, and so the practice gets super popular.

Of course.

But then you get carpal tunnel syndrome.

No!

This is.

This is.

He starts wearing one of those braces.

He does have to wear a brace.

This is this sounds hysterical.

And then the yeah, is there like a guitar solo he can put after I said that?

Like he just like put a sound cue in the edit?

And then the women come in and they're sort of like his after his injury, they're like, hmm, it's not as good anymore.

But he's still going for it.

What's he?

It's just all

action at that point.

And then he has a friend who's like an inventor and he goes to his friend who's invented who's invented a

mechanical

feather duster

oh and he's like what if we take off all the feathers and it just vibrates but you need they're like cranking well that's what is the shape of it is it like sorry sorry is it cylindrical well the the feather duster is like a handle like a feather duster okay yeah it's got a

long

stick and then it looks like a shotgun mike yeah sure

and then uh

when the feathers are off.

Which I think looks like a shotgun.

And then you said there's a crank.

I had to go back to it.

And they're cranking.

There's not actually.

There's two guys it takes to crank it.

And it's going.

It's going to pick it up.

It takes two guys to crank.

Like I pulled a real boner.

That second crank is pulled a real boner.

And so they're just sort of like, they.

They still use the little curtain set.

Like it's

like a miniature from a Wes Anderson movie.

Gotta keep it human.

Gotta keep it romantic.

And so there's two guys

cranking this box that is attached to whatever's vibrating.

And the women,

they go wild for it.

They love it.

Wow.

What year is this?

I'd say in the last 10 years, maybe it was.

No, no, is that Skull Island initially?

No, when is it referencing?

I mean, the technology.

I would guess like late 1800s.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

The 10 years years initial answer scared me out.

It's sort of steampunk.

Yeah, it does sound steampunk.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's wild, huh?

The history of the vibrator.

I got to watch this hysterical, huh?

Hysteria.

Okay, the movie came out in 2011, and when is it?

No, I was just asking if you like, if that was your...

If that was how you describe it as hysterical.

Oh, yeah, it was hysterical.

Hilarious.

It was wonderful.

I just want to see

who's the lead.

Hysteria.

I don't know the guy's name.

Maggie Gyllenhall's in it.

Hugh Dancy is the guy's name.

Hugh Dancy.

Sounds very British.

Hugh Dancy.

You know him from

Hannibal.

Oh, yeah.

He's always exhausted.

He's got those real bags under his eyes.

Looks like he's been cranking a

vibrant box

vibrating the analog system all night.

I just want to know when the actual year,

like,

it's about

Dr.

Mortimer Granville.

Mortimer?

Sorry, Mortimer Granville.

So So he was born in 1833 and

came out of the womb.

And he's a hot piece of ass, too.

That's another thing.

Oh, he is.

Yeah, yeah.

Good jawline.

Pretty good jawline for, I mean, I assume that was taken in 1905.

And so, yeah, I'm guessing he vibrated, I mean, invented the vibrator in

like, you know, the mid-1800s.

Mid-1830s.

Yeah, 1860s, 70s.

Who knows?

He died in 1900.

1900.

Oh, ripe old age of 47.

There were cowboys around at this same time.

This is the same thing.

Yeah, you saw Wild West.

That's also about the adventure of the Wild West.

Yeah.

They needed something every time they left town, man.

They just left those ladies.

Hot.

You ever seen Will Smith?

Woof.

Yeah.

Keep his name out of your mouth.

Yeah.

So, anyway, I love cinema.

And what's the fun with you?

This past weekend,

for my wife Sally's birthday, I bought her tickets to a podcast, live podcast called How Did This Get Made?

Ah, with past guests Paul Shear.

Paul Shearer.

Did he recognize you?

I didn't stand up and wave, but I could have because that's one of the things they do during the show is they get...

Questions from the audience about the movie because they like do a different movie every week.

What movie was it?

It was a Stallone movie from 2001, pre-9-11, called Driven.

Oh, the

car driving movie.

It's like F1, but

I remember him going on Letterman to promote it and Letterman being like, wow,

because Letterman loved cars.

Yeah.

Being like, I'm glad you made this movie because there hasn't been a good racing movie.

Yeah, well, I mean, when did Days of Thunder come out?

That was...

88.

88, yeah, yeah.

And pretty good.

Wasn't that the one...

that set the set the tone of like that was the one to beat was yes i think so i think yeah pretty epic one Letterman mentioned one that was like Laman or something.

There was like

a one with maybe Paul Newman or Steve McQueen.

Oh, yeah, Paul Newman wrote

stars as well.

That's 70s then, I guess, that one?

I don't know.

Me neither.

And that was the whole point.

Letterman was trying to make Stallone.

Yeah.

And so it's a movie.

Is it good?

That was the first time I got a story back on track in this entire session.

Thank you so much.

It's one of those movies where it's so bad, it's good.

It's fun.

It's really, really fun to watch.

Do you watch it with the

podcast?

Do they show it?

No, like, so you, everybody in the audience, I assume, if you didn't watch the movie, it would have been just gibberish on Wednesday.

So you're told to, you're given homework.

Yeah.

And like, so every little part they talk about, you know, you're like, oh, yeah, I remember that scene or whatever.

Both Stallone and the director who directed Die Hard 2

both said said it was one of the biggest regrets of their career.

And

it's like about an hour and a half long, and apparently the first version was four hours long.

Sure.

So there's a it's it's the movie's very disjointed.

There's no bad guy in it.

There's uh, you're not sure who you're supposed to be rooting for the whole time.

Uh, so obviously, like stuff, like important plot stuff was cut out.

Um,

but uh, it was a lot of fun, it was a lot of fun, and I haven't, I listened to the podcast like probably 10 years ago.

And they have a section where you can go up and it's called Second Opinion and you could sing your opinion about the movie and how much you loved it.

And there was a rapper guy that was really good.

There was a guy who did one to the tune of a good old hockey game everybody clapped along to.

It was fun.

It was really like fun, interactive.

That does sound fun.

And that was at the Vogue.

And afterwards, it's like, let's go get a drink.

And we went to a place that's like, I feel like there's a lot of them now where it's like a place for adults to play video games.

Oh, yeah, right across the street.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And so they've, uh, the showroom, it's called?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's attached to what used to be the Granville Theater.

That's right.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

And there's ads for it.

Every time I see movies, there's like an ad for this thing.

Is there?

Yeah.

For this place.

At Cineplex.

Oh, yeah.

And it's like an arcade bar.

Yeah, there's like one level that's all arcade.

And

the music, good music in there.

Too loud.

Too loud.

This is for adults.

It should be quiet and bright.

Whoa, whoa, do contemporary adults like bright?

I mean, I don't want to go out and not be able to read my menu.

Yeah.

Every table should have a pair of readers.

Yeah, a little pair of readers.

You can't change to the table.

Yeah, okay.

So the video game thing,

I think I only liked video game arcade style games because that was the only option on offer.

Oh, for sure.

It was a great way to just like lose $10 because I'm bad at all these games.

It is fun, though.

This is something I never thought I would have as much fun doing, but I love these arcade bars.

I was never the video game guy growing up.

I got three brothers.

One's a video game producer.

I never really played the competition of who gets to play next.

Oh, sure, sure.

I kind of was never video game-centric.

So as an adult, you're discovering video games.

A couple of people have just been bringing me to, like, at least I love the old arcades.

Any place, if it's vintage, is this place you went to?

I find it really fun.

Sure, it had, you know, but all the video games are like, they all look brand new.

Okay.

They're old, you know.

Did you ever do the thing?

I never knew the like

etiquette of like you're when you're playing a game in an arcade and someone puts a quarter up or like or like people put up multiple quarters and they're keeping track of who's playing next.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've got next kind of thing.

Oh, that's the pool.

That's the comes from pool, doesn't it?

it because that's what you do you put your quarter up next at least they did in new brunswick yeah i don't put the coin side by each

side by each yeah you don't want to mess with that system so what did you play i didn't uh we didn't play anything because we were like it's too loud let's go to another establishment so we had one drink there and then went we're kind of every person above 40 just heard that is like yes was it just the two of us

it was uh the there was four of us that uh yeah uh we ran into somebody that was also there.

It was a lot of the audience was very picture what a podcast audience is.

That was the audience.

Oh, yeah.

So we decided

to say handsome, exactly well, erotic,

exotic.

Quigsotic.

Quixotic.

So Kafka-esque.

We were trying to figure out where...

Kafka-esque eroticism only found in the neighborhood of podcasters.

Yeah, exactly.

And, you know, like you say, good people.

Solidly the earth, really.

Generous.

Very generous, absolutely.

We love them, don't we, folks?

We love the podcast audience.

We love them, don't we, folks?

So they're a lot of fun.

We ended up going to probably

some of the best people, biggest people in the world, probably.

A lot of these podcast listeners are Goliaths.

Some big, some small, some little.

That's the 45th time i've gotten a story off track and 45th president so there you go

it worked out and 47th

so sorry graham uh no the so the the consensus was we're gonna we're gonna find a place that has food yeah and so we went to canadian chains other couple you saw uh Basket's Kyle Fines and his wife Erin Hagen great folks great folks absolutely just hang out with him the day before yeah and this was this was just a happenstance oh that's fun.

Are you going to replace me?

Dave?

There's no replacing you.

Not in a million years, not in a million anybody's.

Not a million podcast fans.

They're great people.

We love them.

Can we just do one more take of that response?

Just

another version or another opinion of that.

Dave,

you're a diamond in the rough that is the universe.

There's only one Dave Shimka.

There can only ever be one Dave Shimka.

I know of two others.

And just because Graham.

And just because Graham's so nice, give us a third one that is very very cutting and mean, the opposite.

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

He's so good.

I can't do it.

That was my game.

Volunteer to stir the pot, but

Graham knows it would ruin me.

Neither of us can be involved in any kind of roasting.

I don't even like roasting or tearing people down.

I just wanted to see how much because I never really asked you guys how long you've been friends or anything like that.

And I'm not going to interrupt the story.

Graham can't be.

I'm involved in roasting because he's such a dumb loser.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

Now you definitely have to put an electric guitar solo over your mouth.

I know we love Graham.

He's like a diamond in the rope.

Isn't he lovely, folks?

So we decided on Canadian chain.

Yeah.

Earls.

Oh, okay.

To Earls.

Fun.

Oh, which one?

Downtown Yale Town.

Yale Town.

Yeah, Yale Town.

Very

well-to-do.

Kind of.

How would you describe it for American listeners?

What's the.

There is no real American analog.

It is sort of, it's like, it's a younger crowd.

Yeah.

It's for people who like have urban jobs and like just dress well for their office.

And then, you know, maybe they'll, maybe I'll meet someone at Earl's or the boys and I are going to Earl's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like a

if a chain restaurant tried to be a cool club.

Yeah, that's true.

And it's, and the, and more often than not, it succeeds.

Yeah, it's cool.

It really does.

It's, it's, it's marveling what Earls can pull off.

Yeah, and it's,

you know, like we got in there, music, way louder.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

Way louder than the first one.

That was going to be my first question.

Yes.

Yeah.

So loud.

The wait staff there, great.

At one point, the server was talking to us at the table for like a few minutes.

She had a whole tray in her hand the whole time.

She was holding up drinks and just chatting.

Oh, she didn't have to do that.

She's having fun.

She's having fun.

That's great.

We're all having fun at Earl's.

That's nice.

We went to Earl's on Mother's Day.

Oh, like for a brunch?

No, for dinner.

Oh.

With Abby's parents.

So Abby was there,

all four of us, plus her parents.

And they came and gave Mother's Day cards to Abby and Abby's mother.

Oh, that's nice.

And Abby and her mother are like, what the fuck's this?

You don't know me.

Yeah, that's true.

He's like, is this business struggling?

What's the deal here?

Yeah.

And also just assuming that

you're two women?

You must be two moms.

But yeah,

Earl's.

I fucking hate Earls because he's a shit.

That's right.

Fuck him.

And also, I feel like...

Sorry.

Edit that out or put a guitar solo over it.

Earls wasn't an out east establishment.

No, no, no.

I never heard nor seen an Earl's in my life before coming to the business.

Was there anything like Earls in New Brunswick?

Nothing like it.

It's a timing in the right.

Oh, no, there is.

There is something existing.

Yes.

It's called Boston Pizza.

Oh, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, there really wasn't.

There really wasn't any.

There's nothing like Earl's.

But I think, yeah, Boston Pizza would be kind of the smaller town version of

an Earl.

I mean, they have the bright light version of, because Earl's can be a little dark.

Yeah, yeah,

it's moody.

Yeah, it is.

It's a pub.

Yeah, it is.

It's pop moody.

But when I was a kid,

on a Sunday night, if my parents didn't feel like cooking, it would be, let's go to Earl

or Red Robin.

It's fun.

I would love it as a kid.

But it wasn't the same.

It was like more family-friendly.

They had this, like, they had a

motif of rhinos wearing sunglasses and parrots.

Oh.

And

penguins as well, I feel like.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Who is Earl?

He seems so

great.

He's so contemporary, no matter what the decade.

There is a family that owns it, and Earl is one of them.

Earl's one of the guys.

I think so.

Yeah.

I think the family also had, like, did they own Joey's or Cactus Club?

They were all in that kind of like wacky family restaurant kind of thing.

And then over time, Moxie's and Earl's and

Cactus Club.

There's like, it is a type of restaurant that I think is like a weird Canadian.

Yes.

I think you're right.

Like, you're nailing it.

Because it's, this is a, this is a thing.

It's, what else?

Browns?

Yep, Brown's social club.

Like, we had like

the keg.

I was going to say, like, that one goes all we had a keg, you know what I mean?

Jungle Gyms, you know.

Oh, sure.

That's Monk didn't.

Oh, what was the one that was like, oh, Monk McQueen's?

Oh, I don't remember Monk McQuinn.

I don't know that one.

Oh, there's always good things happening.

Meet you at Monks.

Nice.

Oh, and then it became just Monks.

Did they eventually just change it to Monks?

What's Monks?

Because there's a place called, there was a place when I came to Vancouver called Monks, but maybe it was a cafe or something.

It might be,

I don't know.

Well, no, Monks.

Yeah, Monks was on main street.

Yeah, wasn't it?

Yeah, Monk.

Wasn't there a place in Gastown called Monks that had like

there definitely could have been.

Monk was very popular back.

Maybe it was a franchise.

Yeah, we had Tony Shaloup was the big on the side of the wall, just a 20-foot Tony Shaloup statue.

Either way, I mean, these places, like Earls and Moxies, do we feel it?

And Brown.

Joey.

Joey's.

joey's which used to be joey tomatoes which was a wacky that was joey tomatoes yeah hey that was joey tomatoes

hey i know in this case this was joey tomatoes that's nicey nice that no slop jalopa and that connection i love it all the same

point is these beautiful places beautiful places

some of the best

um

they always make me make the same sound because I think I judged them at one point in my you know, I feel like this, did you guys in your 20s, you're like, I don't go to places, or you think you're going to cool places.

When you develop into something, I don't know.

Maybe I spent too much time in rock and roll at one point in my life.

While looking for a place to kill time before the show,

there was a club that had like $4 shots.

Yeah.

Let's go in to get a $4 shot.

That's it.

And there was a couple guys, like the DJ was in full swing.

And there was just like a couple of guys dancing there.

They got there too early.

No ladies to dance around.

But at least like I find like every time I go to like an Earl's or a place like that now, especially, I'm always just, I always say the same thing.

I always, it makes my voice go high.

I go, it was good.

Like I'm always like pleasantly surprised.

That was really fun.

It's pretty good.

It is pretty good.

And you know what?

There is a like, I like to cook at home, but there's something about chain restaurant fettuccine Alfredo that you just can't replicate.

It's true.

It's true.

They do it their own the way they want to.

They're saying the cream.

And And someone, I think

our friend Stefan Heck on his Canucks podcast was talking about how they did like

the Vancouver Canucks.

They're all like rich 20-somethings.

Yep.

Yeah.

But dumb as rocks.

And they asked them all, like, what is your favorite sushi in town?

Like, what is your favorite coffee place?

What's your favorite, whatever.

And one guy said his favorite sushi was Earl's.

And that is what it is.

It's like, absolutely.

We've got,

you know, we've got a bit of sushi.

We've got, you know, bibbim bop.

We've got the

classy food you've heard about in big cities.

That's it.

Yes.

We've got it in all in this under

one roof.

And it's always just called like the Asian Fresh Bowl.

And you're like, are they allowed to call it that or something?

And you're like,

you're like, wow, that.

And then you find yourself saying it like, that Asian fresh bowl was really good.

It was really good.

It was really good.

It had like a lot of tastes of the Pacific.

Should we move on to to some overheards?

I don't know, man.

I wouldn't mind spending like 15 more minutes on Earls.

Let's do it.

Jackie Cation.

Hi, and welcome to the maximumfun.org podcast, the Jackie and Laurie Show, where we talk about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much it enrages us.

We have a lot of experience and a lot of stories and a lot of time on our hands.

So check us out.

It's one hour a week, and we drop it every Wednesday on maximumfun.org.

Hello, Hello, Internet.

I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy.

And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy.

And this is a promo for Schmanners.

It's extraordinary etiquette.

For ordinary occasions.

Every week, we're going to tell you about a bit of culture, a bit of history, how etiquette still applies in the modern day, all that stuff.

We also love to do biographies and histories of, and, you know, general procedurals, how to do etiquette in today's society.

So come check it out every Friday on maximumfund.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

Manner Schmanners.

Get it?

Overheard.

Overheards, a segment of the show where basically, as it said, you overhear things and then we talk about them on the show.

Or overscenes, these are also things that can be included.

We always like to start with the guest.

Colin, do you have an overheard?

Yeah, I think it's brief.

Knowing me, that could be wrong.

25 minutes later.

So here's the story.

Here we go.

Yeah, so I was outside a China Cloud Studios.

It's my little comedy club, art house, fun zone, little, whatever.

You never been

China Cloud.

So I was outside getting ready for a comedy show, putting out the sign.

I'm always in a silly mood before because I host my show, Comedy World.

It's the only show I host.

So I start noticing I talk to people on the street, everywhere around me, because I'm just riffing.

I'm getting into the headspace involuntarily.

It just happens.

My East Coast elements of perpetual gab when nobody necessarily is talking to you starts to happen.

So

talk about an overheard of an overheard.

Okay, so these lovely, young, cool folks, probably 21, 22.

Barely legal, yeah.

Just so cool.

They're just so contemporary.

Barely legal.

We got John Kaye in the booth.

I don't know what he did yet.

I'm just assuming.

These cool kids are going by, and one of them,

one of them was definitely like

talking about, and we just need to like, we spend so much time on our phones, and we just need to communicate on like more of a human level and connect with people.

It's getting so wild.

It's just so nice to be human and like human connection.

And I never even, I just like, they're going by me.

I just go,

truth.

I've never even responded to anything truth in my life.

I am not like that.

I'm literally, I'm so.

Did they react?

Yeah.

They were like, ugh.

They were like, why is this fucking stranger talking to me?

Basically, they're like, they go, uh, and went full silent and stiff as they get walking.

I was like, oh, I just mean, yeah, that's a, I just heard what you said.

What a great thing.

You got to make a connection.

You deserve an ugh.

Yeah.

Thankfully, ughed to me.

And

I probably shouldn't have said the word truth.

It just fell out of my mouth because these cool kids were coming by.

Usually, I just confidently talk like a 1920s and go, you sing.

You know, I'll be like, Add a girl, Rex.

Or, you know, I'll say something at least that matches what I look like a little more.

Yeah, I think.

And I think truth is good because that's like one of the things Superman stands for.

Yeah.

Thank you, David.

Yeah, truth.

I would have yelled, justice.

And Graham would have yelled, American Way.

Free to bet.

They'd be like, what is going on?

But

I was so embarrassed because I was like, I just never hear, I didn't think they were just saying the right thing to me.

And I just said the wrong expression, which I've never said.

And I won't say it again.

I'm never going to respond to a sentiment I agree with with

truth.

That being said, these guys, I was so happy.

What about preach?

Preach!

Would have been worse.

Testify.

Just like I said, they looked over at me.

I don't know what I was wearing.

I mean, I probably look like this, but just me going, testify.

Or like, truth.

Preach it, sister.

Sisters?

Yeah.

You know, and I don't know.

You've become, you've become an adult that, you know, these are their kids.

I'm not going to hear this, by the way, because they're not on their phones.

Either way, I was inspired.

I was inspired by what they were saying.

I was immediately let down by their physical repulsion to a stranger responding to the words of wisdom that they were saying.

But I did appreciate that they had new goals.

They just weren't ready to meet them yet.

Sure, yeah.

I got a nephew who's 21.

The gift of being in

in the world of comedy, is working with people 25 years younger, 25 years older than you.

You constantly have a perspective if you're hanging out and having a good time.

It's true.

And it's really nice to sort of be it.

So I just,

I, I also

ream a lot of young folks who just talk about like my friends who are kind of

complaining about ups and downs and things.

I'm like, well, how often are you on your phone?

You ever just like put it down and look up?

I've been saying this thing to my younger friends, like I'm like, don't forget we're bags of juice.

You You know what I mean?

You can't just stay still in this position.

You gotta look up, shake the pulp around.

This is good.

Otherwise, you're gonna hurt whoever's consuming you.

It's not a truth, you should have been

bags of juice.

Bags of juice.

See, if I had said, we're all just bags of juice, and they had no clue what I was talking about, I would have not been embarrassed because that's more me.

And they would have talked about it the whole night.

Remember that guy who yelled at bags of juice?

Yeah.

That was wild.

You know what?

They would have, you're right.

They would have liked me.

Just let bags of juice, girls.

Actually, we kind of like it.

It's actually pretty good.

We would have liked it if we didn't add girls.

Anyway, I was inspired, you know.

Sure.

Yeah.

I just, I'm sick of see people glued to the mood of their own phone, sad-faced and alone, stuck in a Zuckerberg cuckoo.

I just let

it

see the youth.

It's nice to see the youth.

Just broke out into some beat.

That's it, man.

I mean, let's just.

I'm just a lot of the greatest minds of my generation.

That's That's it, man.

I mean, two words.

Two words, kids.

Nirvana unplugged.

Yep.

Yep.

That's the entry point.

Say you find Nirvana if you unplug.

All right.

Let's

do it, Dave.

If you haven't overheard.

Hey, guys, this is Dave here from the podcast.

I'm just reminding you to listen, to stop podcasting yourself all weekend long.

That's right.

We're going to be down at

Shaggin Happy

Car Dealership.

Yep, Shaggin' Epic Car Dealer.

Shaggin Eppy.

Here we go.

There's a three dealership in Calgary.

Cars.

Oh, is it?

This is a bumper sticker.

This is an Overseen.

Love it.

And it is a Subaru.

Subaru, they

go hard on bumper stickers.

Yeah, I'd agree with that.

More bumper stickers per inch on a Subaru than any other car, I think.

Yeah, that is very accurate.

I saw Fenderbender where the whole bumper fell off.

Do you rescue the bumper sticker?

Put it on your nose.

That's why I have like

I've got stickers up here.

I haven't

stuck to anything because I want the sticker to last longer than anything I own.

Yes, absolutely.

If I stick a sticker to my cup, I'm like, well,

I'm going to keep that cup forever?

No.

No, but

you've got a water ball that's got a

car sticker on it.

Oh, you do.

So you have bumper stickers on your car?

No.

Okay, yeah, because I'm not that type.

Yeah, I wasn't sure if I would be, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess I just don't have a super.

Out on the road today, I saw a deadhead sticker on a Cadillac.

Is that kind of the number season?

Usually only happens.

Oh, actually, that makes sense.

It does usually happen in the summer.

In the summer, yeah.

Anyway, this is a bumper sticker I saw on a Subaru that said, honk if you're letting the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Wow.

That's okay.

And then

I posted that on my Instagram.

I posted that on my Instagram, and Alicia was like, oh, that's from a poem.

Here's the poem.

Oh, okay.

Sure.

But

who's the poem by?

Did she say?

Your stomach's growling.

I love poems.

I eat poems right up.

They get me hungry.

It's by Sir Mixolot.

Oh, I don't have it in front of me.

Sir Mixolot will do.

Yeah.

Anyway, it's from a famous poem, and I just didn't get it, but I was like.

I like adding honk to it.

Oh, yeah.

Totally, yeah.

And you were like, wow.

When you bought it, you were like, wow, whoever made this bumper sticker should be a poet.

Yeah.

Who makes these things anyway?

Yeah.

I just got the poets or something.

I like seeing a car where they're like, you can tell they went into the bumper sticker section and they were like, one of everything.

Yeah, totally.

And yeah, I look at it.

It's funny.

As I say, I never put them on my car, but every time I see them,

my first thought is.

I would never do that in my car.

And then my next thought is, man, I got to start doing this.

Yeah.

These are funny.

My old landlady, she had a card, a ton of bumper stickers on her back.

Political messages.

She had that coexist one.

Oh, yeah.

Save clack watt sound.

Save clack watt sound.

Yeah.

Is that an L?

What is that?

That's on Vancouver Island.

It was a big 90s

where you were cutting.

Was that the big tree?

There was a story where she...

There was a tree.

There were many trees they were trying to save.

But there was one of those, like the big old tree.

And I know what this, I do know the story.

Yeah, I know it was like I'm not from BC so some of the stuff I learned in like this was yeah, this was easily 25 years ago.

No, I did I yeah because a friend of mine has a book where yeah, it's like we all bought it and there's nice photos and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, I remember I was unaware of it and learned about it like 11 years ago.

I only learned about it from this bumper sticker and that's the I it sounds like something that we should save.

Do you have an overheard?

I do.

Mine comes from this place, Earl's.

Is that Earls?

Oh, they're the best.

Earls?

Earl's.

Pretty good.

It's actually pretty good.

It's actually pretty good.

The bathroom, you had to go down this very long.

The walls are all shiny.

I can't even go to the bathrooms there.

It has these shiny gold walls.

Like, it seems like when you get to the bathroom, you're going to be like, this bathroom's going to be awesome.

One urinal, one stall, for a whole restaurant.

One urinal, one stall.

And I was in there, just drying my hands, and these two guys in there, one guy was saying, usually these places have better bathrooms than this.

The other one said, you've been to the one in North Vande?

And the other guy goes, yeah, choice.

If you go to Earls, you go to a lot of Earls.

Yeah, you got to go to every Earl's and compare.

Is it a thing where...

I don't know people.

Maybe I don't know people at all.

But it seems like

if you're young, you have a little bit of money and you like cocaine, you go to Earls.

You go to Earls.

Yeah, that too.

I hope people told that about this because that's what I've always seen.

That's how I see it.

a volume, I just, I'm not from BC.

I don't want to trash Earls, you know what I mean?

I'm not originally from here, so I needed a little bit more confidence from

some local lore.

And I've never

seen cocaine in my life, but I know the places that it inspires.

And like, I've seen, I've been in a cab where a little baggie was left behind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I never see it because it goes right up my nose before I even get it.

Maybe.

You know, I don't do cocaine, but I like the way it smells.

Oh,

man.

So I was going to write that down.

finally.

Yeah, I've been aspiring my whole life, so that's why I never, I mean, I hit puberty at the age of 13.

I basically, the joke for anybody who knows me is like, you've always been this guy.

Yeah.

And so, and I've been asked for Coke ever since they thought I was a young man.

So, yeah, I never wanted to do it because I was always like, I don't know why everybody thinks I'm on Coke.

I probably shouldn't do it.

Yeah,

I shouldn't add to whatever they're seeing.

So, every time I'm in a place that is like maybe a bit cokey, I kind of get looked at like that guy might have the guy that's going to be.

I'm up to semantics.

Is there a journalist named Cokie Roberts?

I feel like there's.

We should investigate someone for cocaine.

And if you're listening, Cokie, someone's finally on to you.

No, we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the map.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, if you want to send one in, you'd send it into spy at maximumfund.org.

Are you looking up Cokie Roberts?

Just making sure, yeah.

Oh, there she is.

Cokey.

She's no longer with us.

Oh, overdone.

Destiny peace.

What happened to her?

Well, she was 75.

Yeah, did too much coke.

Now, this first one comes from Tim from Vancouver.

But you really want to look up Cause of Death?

I'll do it.

No, no, no, no.

Leave it as a mystery.

This is at an ACDC concert that happened in Vancouver just a few months ago.

As the band started playing a certain song, I overheard a woman behind me say, woo, highway to hell.

That was our wedding song.

Nice.

Yeah.

I wonder if they did the guitar, the guitar walk at their first dance.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Put on like a cap and a little

boy uniform.

But there's also, that's a very, very funny thing.

That was our wedding song.

Highway to hell, this endless road to hell.

It's like the imagery for your wedding song is so funny.

How does that one start?

Does it start with the guitar?

Yeah.

There it is.

I'm just picturing hell's bells, but that starts with bells.

Hell bong.

Yeah.

That's quite an intro, isn't it?

I mean, if you're going to do a

ACDC song for your wedding, do shook me all night long.

Yeah.

At least it's about fucking

about eternity, not just like the eternal road to hell.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, you want to, she was a fast machine.

She kept her motor clean.

Exactly.

I think that that's

like, this was our wedding song.

And these two are listening to that.

I'm like, Jesus.

I want to hear this song with a horny lady who washes her ass.

Get that motor clean.

This next one comes from Allison M.

Parts Unknown.

I was in the park and heard a young guy talking to his friends about how he used to do high-level competitive hockey as a kid.

He said for the guys who didn't make it to the NHL, they're either working, working at Best Buy, an insurance broker, or in jail.

The three pose.

I would also say car dealership.

Yeah, if I remember Tom Cochrane's song, Big League.

Yeah.

It was: there's not many ways out of this cold northern town.

You work in the mill or get laid in the ground.

Oh, shit.

If you have a jump, it'll be with the game.

Real fast and tough is the only clear lane to the big league.

That's good.

That's kind of like that.

The cookie monster does that one part, that one line.

Cookies!

That's a different song.

Get out of the booth, cookie.

C is for Cochrane.

It's good enough for me.

C is for Cokie.

All right.

This last one comes for Matt from Winnipeg.

My five-year-old or four-year-old son, sorry, pulled the drawstring of his shorts to the maximum length, let it dangle between between his legs, and said, Look, guys, I have the biggest penis in the world.

Good one, kid.

Check it out, everybody.

Look what I'm doing.

Oh, that was a kid.

I thought you said it was the 47th president of America.

I love this medium in drawstring shorts.

Now, in addition to the overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls and your voice memos, you want to send us a voice memo?

Do it.

I dare you.

Record it on your phone and email it to spy at maximumfund.org or call us at 1-844-779-7631.

That's one.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Did that guy just say

truth?

Well, that's one.

Ugh.

Spypod one, like these people have.

Hi, Graham, Dave, and possible guest.

This is Maggie Colling from Kingston, Ontario, Canada, with an overheard.

I was walking my dog this morning past the local youth shelter where there were a bunch of kids hanging out front smoking and there was an incredibly huge bright flash of lightning and all the kids were like wow woo

and one kid's like give it to us god come on give it to us there's a slight pause and then there was a huge boom of thunder and he was like yeah thank you god

So that's my overheard.

Thanks and off I go.

Yeah,

I'm a big fan of thunder.

Yeah, and I love that it's always friends with lightning.

Yeah, I honestly,

we don't get them very much here in BC.

We don't get a lightning and thunder

very rare, yeah.

But man, when you see it,

Thunderstruck was your wedding song.

Although we just kind of sound like a couple of leprechauns.

All right.

Here we go.

Hey, Dave Graham, and possibly a guest.

This is Luke and Brooklyn calling in with an overheard.

I was at the Jersey Shore with my family at a park, and I was walking with my partner, and there was a man walking towards us who was on the phone.

And this guy was kind of like a Del Griffin type, kind of a jolly guy with a neat little mustache.

Peter Griffin.

And I heard him say to the...

I think Del Griffith from John Canty from

Playing Strange.

Oh my gosh.

Person on the other end of the phone.

Oh, yeah.

Mike Keister of a son.

I took him fishing the other day.

He snapped the rod right in half.

No freaking way.

Mike Keister of a son.

Mike Keister of a son.

What a boob.

What a boob.

Mike Keister of a son.

Right in half.

That's such a nice, cute way to start that my son's an ass.

Totally.

But also, like, his fishing skills are bad.

Yeah, he snapped the rod in half.

I don't, whenever I see a fishing video, I don't understand how those rods are, they're so thin and they get bent over so much.

I don't know how they don't snap all the time.

Oh, yeah.

And then you got to, if you crank it wrong, they'll, oh, they'll let you hear it.

Yeah.

There used to be a fishing show that would be on after something I liked, and I'd watch it.

Oh, yeah.

It was called, was it on

was it Babazumi?

It was on Global or something.

Babazumi's fishing television.

I think that's what it was.

Yeah.

Bob, what's his Azumi?

Ah, yes, it's Babazumi.

Now, I used to edit a TV show called Wings Over Canada,

which was about a guy who had

a Cessna, and he flew all over Canada and went to fishing lodges and stuff and visited small towns.

But

one time

I heard him say, oh, I just wish I could do Babazumi's show.

Like, oh, that guy's got it made.

He just fishes all day.

Oh, man.

Not me who fishes a lot of days and flies his own plane the other day.

Anyway, here's your final phone.

Endy never dies.

Hi, Dave and Graham and probable guests.

This is Elizabeth in Portland, Oregon.

I am calling/slash sending in a recorded voice memo with an overheard.

I was getting my nails done today at the nail salon, and somebody else who was there at the same time was greeting someone who was coming in.

And she said, oh my God, have you talked to Amelia lately?

And the person was like, oh, yeah, I mean,

I see her all the time.

And then she said, did she tell you about her pussy?

No friggin' way.

Off I go.

That's all she was talking about.

That's confidence, man, to just say that blank with just like a big open space.

Yeah.

Did you tell you about her pussy?

Good story coming up.

That's not a soft landing.

Nope.

We're going right into it.

Well, that brings us to the end of this podcast.

Colin, tell us all the things that you're doing in your mid to late August.

August and beyond.

Yeah.

August Beyond, yeah.

Let's see.

Continuing the Comedy World Classics, man, August 8th, August 22nd.

We do them every second and fourth Friday.

That's my stand-up comedy show I host at China Cloud Studios.

It's the only one I host.

It's so much fun to do.

It's very fun.

I'm glad you say that, Graham.

I enjoy it a lot.

Whether it's packed or just, you know, a small group, it's been great.

So, yeah, come on out, Danny.

Those August 8th, August 25th.

I'm producing Sophia Johnson,

excellent comedian.

Yeah, New Zealand comedian, Vancouver local for a long time.

She's September 27th at the review stage on Granville Island in Vancouver, B.C.

It's safe enough to be great.

Her set right now is very, very fun.

So that's something.

Look up Sophia Johnson.

We'll get ready to do that.

That's going to be a fun show.

I did Jacob Samuels last year.

I co-produced that with them.

And something I'm having fun doing right now.

Yeah.

I'm doing one.

I've been working on my show working up to next year doing a second special for myself.

And so it's fun kind of working with other folks, different venues, trying some different places.

I'm flattered that I've been asked.

So I'm proud of that right now.

I think I'll dab about that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much for being our guest.

Pleasure.

I love this podcast.

And to everybody out there, thank you for listening.

If you do feel that somebody's telling something that's true, feel free to yell truth at them.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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