Episode 896 - Amber Harper-Young

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 896 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

And with me, as always, is a man who will be a writer on my 24-hour comedy show happening at Little Mountain starting on the 23rd, going to the 24th, 23rd at 8 p.m.

And 24 hours later, I'll be dead.

I'll be dead.

They'll cart me out of there in a box, and that'll be the end of it.

And you can find out more at littlemountaingallery.ca.

And he's also just a generally awesome guy, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Hi, yes, I'll be a writer for one of the sessions.

I think Saturday at noon.

But, you know, the whole 24 hours is all...

And you can stream it online.

I think you go to the Little Mountain Gallery YouTube and it'll be streaming and you'll be creaming your jeans.

Yeah, you'll be dreaming your jeans.

The chicks will cream.

What'll the guys do?

The guys.

They'll drip.

What do guys do?

I mean, cream is pretty gross.

Chicks will cream, the guys will ooze.

That's no better.

Graham, are you sick?

I am.

I've got a cough still.

I was sick all last week, but we didn't.

Hey, welcome to the show.

Welcome to our sick studio.

We didn't record last week.

We had two banked.

Yeah.

And Graham was like, ah, come back up, bro.

That was too leaky.

It was too leaky.

I was dripping.

I was absolutely dripping.

Our guest today, return guest to the podcast.

Always love, love, love having her on the show.

It's Amber Harper Young.

Hello.

Hey.

Hey, Leia.

I'm dripping to the mat.

Yeah, we're dripping.

We're all dripping.

Drip is a thing, right?

I've got drip.

That's good.

That's like your style, your outfit.

Your jewels, your jewels.

You don't want post-nasal drip.

That's the one that you don't want.

I got allergy drips, yo.

Do you, are you, are you an allergic person?

Something's happening right now that's out where I've been like for the last three weeks.

My eyes are burning, my, my throat's like scratchy or whatever.

And I go out, just I go outside and I just, I'm crying, like tears are running down my face the first time I'm out.

You think it might be allergies, but according to your

algorithm, you were saying that you've been getting a lot of videos about menopause, so is it possible?

Callers, call in.

Yeah, callers call in.

Any women experiencing menopause are also dripping, let me know.

Should we get to know us?

Yeah.

Get to know us.

Amber, it's been about a year since you've been on the on the pod.

Okay.

What

have been the highlight of the last 12 months or so?

The highlight.

Oh, no.

What's been the highlight of a month ago?

What's going on?

Yeah, tell us all about it.

Graham, that was a very weird question.

It was too broad.

I'm sorry, I was afraid.

Let's think about the last year.

Well, boy, who was Pope back then?

Yeah.

Yeah, how do we feel about the new Pope?

Are we excited about this Chicago in?

I don't even think I've seen a picture of him.

That's how it like he skateboards that's the crazy thing is that he's he skateboards he's totally all these lies about the pope he's the most extreme pope ever oh he's he's one of the youngest popes uh because can he ollie can he do an oli you know he can do it he can do uh flip he could do rail slides uh but that's it that's uh the rest of it he's got a he's got a job to do i don't know if i'll look at him you don't know if you'll look at the pope

i don't watch i try not to watch the news and stuff i know but you gotta to see the Pope at some time, at some point.

Why?

Just so you know

how close

when he's portrayed in a boring movie later, you'll be like, huh, that guy looks...

He actually does look like Jake Gyllenhaal.

Off the top of your head, who would be able to play our current Pope?

Well, we did two.

We've had so many Pope movies lately.

That's true.

But like, Pope Francis, I feel like, would have been really portrayed well by,

oh my God, I can't remember the name of the actor, but he looks exactly like.

he did the two with the two popes did the two popes and who was that that was uh Anthony Hopkins and Jonathan Price, and then there was the young pope the young pope was Jude Law

and uh this is uh oh you jump in anytime Pope West

whatever you got Pope West and who is the pope in the pope's exorcist uh

Tony Shalou who do you think so you think that the that Francis looked like someone who's not one of the two popes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um I'll I'll

dead now yeah he's dead and uh they picked a new pope right away do you know do you if he like clears like a trash can on that that skateboard then i'll probably check him out if he like a standing upright trash can like grinds down like a rail like a railing on a stir

yeah

i'll probably look at him yeah um here according to this it it this reddit post says that he does look like uh the old pope

like jonathan price who portrayed him

oh that's the old pope yeah yeah and then they're also saying that maybe he looks like Jeffrey Tambour or Larry David.

Well, either of them could portray him on both of them are hotties.

Anyway, back to you.

What are your pope thoughts?

Yeah, what are your goals for the next two years?

Yeah, because I don't, I'm such a stoner.

I'm like, last year, I'm like, what was happening?

I don't know.

What do you do?

Do you do a gummy?

Do you smoke?

Do you bong?

Do you vape?

I smoke, which I should probably try to gummy, but like the gummy gives me

too

weird of a body hangover.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah, but it's a nice feeling.

Does the smoking give you any kind of hangover?

No, but it probably affects your lungs not nicely.

Yeah.

But yeah,

I'm doing a pack a day of doobies.

I remember that being the thought was that you would buy them in like a cigarette package.

When they became legal?

Yeah, that was kind of the fun, like instead of being in a bag that you'd get the

pot to smoke.

I would expect that Dave's a stoner.

Yeah, too.

Yeah, certainly.

How do you do it?

What's your preference?

Oh, my God.

I rub it on my gum.

I like cocaine stuff.

Yeah, to make sure it's real.

What?

Yeah, because they don't.

Because cigarettes come with like a warning now.

Yeah.

No, no,

you don't even see the brand anymore, do you?

No, it's like it's like one stripe that says what the brand is, and then the rest of it's the warnings used to have like a little sort of stylized.

Are they all just like skull and crossbones now?

Because they used to be like, here's a picture of Lung.

No, there's a sad kid.

The pictures are so much more graphic.

Yeah, they're really gross.

What?

Hey, if they did it with doovies,

what would it be?

Like danger of eating

Doritos having two into the doors.

Danger of not remembering your past year.

Yeah, sure.

Do you

roll your own?

Do you get a pre-roll?

What do you do?

Oh, I get a pre-roll because I'm trying not to smoke as much because it affects me in the way that you've just witnessed, where I have not a lot of memory, but

at least your body doesn't hang over.

I guess the last year I've been running that show Cool Fun, which even on cam.

It's on hiatus because it's the summer right now, and I'm not a strong producer.

Are you a summer person?

Do you get out there and

enjoy every minute of the summer?

Also, when do you think summer starts?

Summer is right now.

It's the state of mind.

Summer is, yeah, summer is not yet.

I'm pretty sure it starts in June.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I know this.

And

yeah, I like the summer, but I'm also very fair.

So I have to be aware and I have to always have my sunscreen on.

You wear naked.

No, but you know me.

I wear a lot of hats.

Yeah, that's true.

You wear a lot of hats.

I generally wear hats.

I don't know if it's because of that or.

Yeah, I am the same.

I'm very fair.

I don't like sunscreen.

I hate it.

Yeah, sunscreen is a word.

I hate it.

You hate the feeling of it.

The feeling of it.

Yeah, guys are like that sometimes.

Yeah, guys are like that.

Moisturizer or lip stuff.

Yeah, I like moisturizer.

Okay.

I got a big bottle of jerkins on my bedside table.

Softest dick in the game.

Not soft like that.

Well,

he's been getting a lot of hats about menopause.

Yeah,

I like the summer in theory, but then when

it gets, it's okay here in Vancouver.

You go to a city like Toronto during the summer, it's absolutely miserable because it's all there's no shade, there's no break from there's no shade in the whole city.

And I'm not throwing any shade.

Because they won't put the skydome roof up.

That's right, exactly.

And I'm part of the resistance.

But yeah, you used to live in Toronto.

Yeah, I actually miss the humidity in the summer.

Do you really?

Oh, yeah.

It's weird, right?

Well, yeah.

Why do you miss it?

So that's the thing I like about the summer is how warm it gets.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah.

Like, I feel like the humidity in Ontario, maybe it's just because it's associated with a lot of summer youth

memories.

Yeah.

I think it feels kind of like atmospheric like blanky or something.

Like you feel like...

Yeah, it's all over.

What are your like

great youth summer memories?

A lot of it's like really like Tom boyish like being a feral child out in the fields and stuff, climbing like towers, climbing like trees.

Yeah and tower.

Yeah, just like having the allergies, but out in the field right in front of the thing that's killing you.

Yeah, cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like just being really bored, being on your bike, riding like too far out of the boundary of where your mom told you to ride and being scared and like being excited about stuff like that.

What is the because

those all sound great, but

and I was the same.

Yeah.

I loved riding my bike.

Yeah.

But I also loved staying home.

Staying home is great.

Riding your bike.

If you lived, as I did, not that far from big construction sites where they were building entire neighborhoods.

Ramps galore.

Yeah.

Sneaking in there too.

So exhilarating.

Yeah.

It was.

Also, did you go to a lake?

Did you have a lake that you went to?

I would go to a lake with my family.

We had like a trailer on Lake Erie.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

So like the whole, well, it was like my grandparent.

It was like everyone's.

So we'd go there.

Do you have a favorite?

Is Lake Erie your favorite great lake?

Well, Lake Erie, obviously.

Yeah.

Well, that's, yeah, we put my mom there.

So we put her rashes there, so I have to say, okay, oh, wow, yeah, that's true, okay.

You have a personal connect, those do you know, do did you, um, do you have an opinion of all five of the Great Lakes?

Well, Superior is rude, you know, and snobby, yeah, yeah.

What about Lake Huron?

I feel like that doesn't come up very often in the Great Lakes conversation.

It doesn't.

I think it's like, yeah, I think it's the underdog of the lakes.

So now, actually, it might be inching up to my favorite.

I'm a big

Huron's on there.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Superior is up there at the top.

Uh, well, Erie's at the top for her, yeah.

Erie's number one,

Erie Huron.

Yeah, I'll take all the way down at the bottom is Superior.

Yeah, because it's really sort of anterior at this point, inferior, I guess.

What else is there?

There's Ontario, yeah, and Michigan, Michigan, Holmes, baby.

Actually, I'll put Michigan third because I love basketball and they always have a good basketball.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Fab Five.

You're such a jock.

I am.

I'm a big stoner and a jock.

I kind of, you know, live in all kinds of worlds.

Yeah.

I watched the Breakfast Club and I was like, they are all literally me.

I'm a nerd.

I'm a goth.

I'm a princess.

Somebody pointed out, and I think it's very true, that it's Ali Sheety who plays the like.

Yeah.

Alternatively.

When she's done up, she looks...

Way worse than she looked so good before.

Her hair was all over the place.

She's completely unprovoked.

There's no

there's nothing from the plot of the movie that makes you think, oh, she wants to

look like Heaven wearing makeup.

Emilio Estevez likes her.

Yeah, all of a sudden, because

I got to see the images on this.

I don't know.

I'm confused about the reference.

Oh, you know the Breakfast Club, no?

Yeah, but

I can't remember this aspect of the makeover.

Yeah, so Ali Sheedy is like the...

She's not a goth, but she's kind of, yeah.

And then the like Sue.

Holly Ringwall gives her a little makeup.

Oh, yeah, and she, then she looks like a middle-aged woman.

Yeah, yeah.

Like her hair, she's so cool.

She's the coolest one in the gang.

Yeah.

And she's,

yeah, what, why?

And why Amelia West did this?

Is he just.

Because he was, because the other two are going to get together and

Michael Anthony Hall.

Anthony Michael Hall's not getting together like anyone.

He's got to write the whole essay for all of them.

Yeah.

And then he gets to hang out with, what, the janitor, let's say?

Is that the other character he can be friends with?

You've seen this film, of course.

Yeah.

They showed it to us in school more than once.

What?

Yeah, in like English classes.

They're like, Rebelle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You guys are a bunch of Judd Nelsons, and I'm the principal.

And they smoke a doobie in it.

There's no way the principal doesn't smell that.

Yeah.

And like, don't they barricade themselves in the library at some point?

Yeah.

That's like Dead Poets Society.

Like, I'm sure a lot of teachers show their students that, but then doesn't one of the kids kill themselves?

Like, so.

It could be any of you.

Yeah.

What were the movies that you were shown in your school?

I feel like

I probably got shown

The Scarlet Letter.

I feel like we were reading that.

Yeah, we did.

Whenever we, in like grade 10, 11, 12, whenever we did a like a

thing that had a famous movie, we would end up watching the movie.

Like Streetcar Named Desire.

Like The Outsiders.

I love that.

The Outsiders.

That was the best.

Yeah.

I feel like Romeo Juliet, there were a lot of options for watching.

We watched the old one instead of the cool one.

I had to go to the theater for the cool one.

I think our whole class went to the theater for it, and we weren't even studying it.

They were just like, this is once in a million.

This is Shakespeare.

This is once in a million.

You're never going to see Leo through a fish tank again.

And I know I've told this story on the podcast but we went uh we went and saw the crucible when it was in the theater

and the first

scene

uh

and

Anthony

Michael Jordan

Winona Ryder in it I think Winona Ryder's in it and wasn't one of the people in it like related to Arthur Miller

I don't know, maybe

never mind.

Well, we went to go see it.

Daniel De-Lewis.

Daniel De-Lewis.

In the first scene, there's a guy from Police Academy.

Well, my friend just kept doing sound effects the rest of the movie.

And we were told we were asked to leave the theater.

Because everything he just kept doing, like,

did you see the theater in our neighborhood is playing Rust?

Oh, I can't wait.

The movie where Alec Baldwin killed someone.

Oh, killed the cinematographer.

But that's why they're playing it.

I guess.

It's like a hip.

I get it.

I get why they're doing that.

But they were play.

I guess it just came out and I was like, who wants to see this?

And I go on the app to buy tickets.

Not a ticket was sold on opening day.

Oh, no.

And the second day there were four showings, and

I kept checking the app and I think they sold four tickets to the six o'clock showing and everything else was.

I think everyone should review that movie as like as like, was it worth a murder?

You know, like, yeah, you know, and be like, let's see on a scale what to do.

Because, you know, you've got

The Crow.

There's, what was the movie?

Was it Twilight Zone or something?

Had like a huge accident during it.

What was the other one?

There's another one that's like a fan.

These are your top four on Letterboxd

movies where

you peek in that like empty theater.

It's like Ram by himself.

Got a big bottle of jerkins next to him.

Can you take another ticket for Russ, please?

What?

What do they

are people seeing it thinking?

Well, first of all, I got to see Alec Baldwin as a cowboy.

Yeah, that's true.

And is there a shoo you see the gun pointing at the camera in it?

I wonder.

I also wonder, like, is this the first time that a guy who is currently on a reality show is also the star of a movie?

No.

At the same time?

First of all, this is not a movie.

Yeah, it's a no.

But like, it's not something that you would ever have heard about.

Like, this is.

Yeah, I wouldn't have heard about it if not for.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, then I'm sure there's people on whatever.

Don't forget the lyrics that are in bad movies as well.

I don't know what reality shows are.

But doesn't he have a show where he's like, his wife is, he's got so many kids and his wife is mean to him?

Or is she just space cadeti?

I don't know.

I don't follow.

Do you know anything about the Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Baldwin reality show?

No.

No, me neither.

So I know he's got a lot of kids.

He's got a lot of kids, and his wife has a fake Spanish accent.

It was called out for that.

What?

Wait, she's putting on an accent?

Yeah, according to reports.

Kind of like Madonna.

Remember when she had an English accent?

Oh, yeah.

Same kind of thing.

Okay.

Yeah.

Madonna.

Somebody changed it.

That's so weird.

That weird.

I can't imagine.

And what's that, Max?

I don't know.

I was like, do whatever happens.

Yeah.

What's the, like, I feel like there was a movie I saw years and years ago that starred Bill Murray and Robert Duvall, and I was the only one in the theater.

Have you, have you been in a movie theater with just you?

Yeah, it's so awesome.

What movie was it?

But it's also kind of scary.

Yeah.

Like the staff comes in and they're walking behind you and you're like, who's behind you?

Who's that?

They've got Joker makeup on and a trench coat.

Yeah, I don't know what movie it was I saw alone, but I love going to the films alone.

Yeah.

It's like

I run a show now on Tuesdays, Taco Tuesdays, so I can't go to the cheap night

films and I'm so sad about it.

Yeah, I love it too.

But the theater in our neighborhood is one theater.

It's not a multiplex.

So if like, if only one person shows up to the movie, I bet the employees are still mad.

Yeah, of course.

Because

they have to run.

They all have to do their station.

Yeah, they have to stand at the popcorn.

Do you think if they don't have a showing that they get to watch something they like?

That they just get to put on like something fun.

I remember in grade 12,

like the last few weeks of school when nothing mattered anymore.

People would hang out in the auditorium and play Nintendo on the giant screen on the projector.

See, that's this feels like that's the advantage of being working at a theater, you know?

Yeah, I like these old theaters and I like

Fifth Ave because there's no kids.

Oh, is that the rule?

It's all 19 plus?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, but I love old theaters.

I've loved them

since I was a kid.

Doesn't make sense.

But

one thing that happened to me that maybe is funnier or something,

I was at the park theater

and I was like, yeah, can I get a popcorn?

And I'll get like that vitamin water.

I don't know.

It's Aki Berry or it's a purple one.

And then the guy's like,

I'm sorry, I can't.

And I'm like, no, I can see it right there, like the purple.

Yeah, just right behind you in the cooler.

He's like, I already counted it.

Oh, like he's already done the inventory?

He's closing up.

He's closing up.

You didn't want to sell it to me.

Because then I have to hit minus one.

He's like, you can have a pop.

I'm like, yeah, like, I don't want to drink pop, though.

Yeah.

And then he's like, yeah, sorry.

Sorry.

Give you a cup of water.

I can give you some.

I can get club soda out of the pop machine.

I was like, all right, I guess I'll just take a sprite.

Like, I was just like,

what, what is going on here?

I know.

You got to have that ackey berry.

Yeah.

How do you say it?

It's ackey.

I think it's acai.

Acai.

Acai?

Aki, I say.

I know.

And I'll never change it.

There's no reason.

No reason to.

Yeah.

I mean, that kid wasn't gonna give it to your regardless of how you pronounced oh maybe that's why he didn't know he's like you know what actually sorry i don't know what you're talking about yeah we don't have that berry that's so funny

berry i went to uh gladiator 2 there and the popcorn machine wasn't working and i was so mad and i kept getting up every 10 minutes or it kept like people kept getting up every 10 minutes and i would see i would check to see if they were coming back with popcorn or not to see it because they said we will fix it during the movie but they really just don't want to to please you at this theater eh like they're just like hey if a customer wants something make sure to distract them from their

their specific needs yeah i remember during the lockdown you could get popcorn delivered from the movie theater yeah because the movies weren't playing i think they still they still do they still do yeah you could get an uber right uber eats very tempting to do but i feel like at that point that's so

i've never i've only got considering how expensive it is in the movie theater plus the added delivery fee considering it costs five cents to make and it's also it's cold by the time it gets to you it's not hot popcorn anymore right yeah that's what it is a good reminder for me because i'm still tempted even if it's cold even if it's no it's a i wouldn't be tempted if it was cold right yeah but like

what is your guys's experience with like a door dash or an uber eats or skip the dishes like mine have all been the thing comes that it's cold yeah most times so it's like what I've only done it I I've done it like three or four times and then I mostly just I use the apps to order pickup and then I right because I hate calling places I know hey and it feels feels uh

weird when I I was in Winnipeg two weeks ago and I was trying to order from Panago because they have like a gluten-free crust that's not the best but it'll do and I kept it just kept blocking me and and then i read i looked at the news story from a year ago that all the panagos at winnipeg had closed this was but this was a news story like last panago in the city it's closing are there pet is it

is it a countrywide crisis or are we no it's running out of panagos winnipeg

sorry your reggie korma is no longer at the phone call away or whatever yeah

they wouldn't have let me get on the phone i called their their fun number and i've moved hanged up immediately.

Yeah, when I was a kid, we used to get it, it used to be called Panagopolis.

Yes.

And my sisters liked it.

My brother and I liked whatever else.

Dominoes wasn't around yet.

But

Pizza Hut?

No.

Some independent hut.

Some neighborhood thing, maybe.

Maybe, maybe?

Yeah.

But my brother and I, we have trash tastes.

So why would we, especially in 1988, why would we want some

neighborhood place?

Yeah.

But it certainly wasn't Pizza 222.

2222222.

We could never remember the phone number.

Yeah, when's the last time you like ordered food over a phone?

Oh, I do it all the time.

Yeah, I do it all the time, too.

Yeah.

Whatever places don't have the app.

Oh, yeah, I guess that's true.

Yeah, I guess I've, maybe I've called a pizza place or two.

I've just gotten so used to the online experience.

So-and-so is putting your order in.

It's out for delivery.

Oh, that's so fun to watch.

So fun.

Do you ever get the Domino's tracker?

Yeah.

Do you use Domino's and then they see the tracker?

What is it?

I don't know if it's the same anymore because I usually call now, but was it called Pizza Pete?

Pizza Pete, just put your...

Well, now they tell you the name of the person that's put pizza in the feet.

Is that right?

You could put the pizza in, like you could do things with like all the different.

There's like pans you could shake and there's like

a video, like a little video.

Yeah, yeah.

The feet is put in your...

Okay.

Oh, really?

You guys are all looking at me blank.

Well, you do smoke a lot of pot.

Yeah.

Can I Google Pizza Pete?

Is that worth my time?

I think it was called Pizza Pete.

Oh, no.

And you could go shake the...

All the Pizza Pete books in order.

Pizza Pete and the Perilous Potions.

That's such a kid's book name.

Pizza Pete and the Peculiar Professor.

All of them in order.

Books, one, Pizza.

I didn't know he was a star.

I didn't know he was a...

Because there was.

Well, on Domino's, you order it, and then the app is like,

we're preparing your order.

It's in the oven.

And then it comes out of the oven, and it's like,

Jeff is testing your pizza for freshness.

We're just passing through all these different tests.

Pizza Pete wasn't feeling well.

Jeff how to come and get Pizza Pete at Domino's.

They don't name the person.

They use their real.

They used to have this.

It's like a cartoon, and it's of Pizza Pete Pete or whoever in the

allegedly Pizza Pete

in the kitchen.

And you can like take the like you can, there's a pile of boxes.

You can go to the boxes, and like they'll, like, if you hit them, they'll like all flip up and like come down in the stack and make the sound of boxes.

Okay.

And then okay, that sounds fun.

I'm trying to think of the other thing

you can get the pizza paddle.

It's on your app, like on the phone, or is it on the website?

I feel like maybe this doesn't exist anymore.

Yeah, and I'm feeling highly delusional now.

But

my ex and I, we used to love it.

Okay, can we call your ex?

You can't him on the phone.

Nikki's in Costa Rica, so I actually don't think the time difference is that different.

So we could call him.

We could call him.

Hey, what's up?

You remember Pizza Pete?

Who is this?

And then he's like, why haven't you texted me back?

No, I'm on a podcast.

Yeah, what the hell?

I actually didn't know we were broken up.

You're not with Pizza Pete, are you?

This is how I find out I'm your ex?

You thought he was just traveling?

He didn't know?

She's just not answering my text.

Well, whatever.

Maybe she's in a tunnel.

This has been two and a half years.

He's like, just so, yeah.

Oh, God.

So funny.

Yeah,

I like that tracker.

Now that I've experienced the tracker, I can't go back to just imagining where the pizza is in the front.

Yeah, on the app, if you do see the car driving to your house.

Yeah.

Yeah, they added that probably, I think, since Uber and stuff.

Yeah.

Like they didn't have that before.

And then I'd be like used to Uber or, you know, DoorDash or whatever.

And then I'd be like, when I'd order from Domino's, I'd be like, this is so frustrating.

I don't know where the car is.

Like,

I was weirdly neurotic about it.

It's so like it's sometimes it's not a car it's a scooter yeah you get or i see people with the bikes that have gloves in like built into the handlebars yeah i actually don't i i i've seen them and i never know what they are until they come close to me i've seen them a million times and i was like what is going on with their hand and the oh the big mitt thing yeah yeah the uh have you ever had there was one time a guy got lost and i like kept calling him He was like, I don't know where your apartment is.

And I was like, but like you,

I'm talking to you with another thing that could tell you where my apartment is.

Like you could just put in the number and it'll show you where to go.

And then eventually he just left it outside, didn't tell me that he had delivered it.

And so it was sitting outside for 45 minutes.

Oh, yeah.

And like, I really hate to see, and this sounds so spoiled.

I barely get stuff delivered, but when I get it, I need it.

Like I'm emotional or something you know usually put your own tracker on it this is how everyone's feeling right now so i hate to see when the delivery person has the bag outside of a warming cooler yeah

when i see a delivery person i'm like no no no put it back in a warming cooler get back in that keep it warm and cool yeah drive your car to the front drive it up the three stairs

yeah i don't like that um have you ever had uh like a week or two where you've ordered more than one pizza in a week?

That's the same guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I have that virtue.

Cause I have dominoes near my house.

And so when I order, it's a lot cheaper to just order from there.

Do you like it when a business remembers you from the number of times you've been in?

Or are you like, oh, this makes you feel better?

A lot of shame.

Yeah, I feel a lot of shame.

The same dude.

He's always like.

Really cool, never making eye contact because I think he vibes that people feel shame when he goes through.

He's like, don't worry, I won't even look at you in your eyes.

Yeah, this is fine.

I do order from the sushi place up the street sometimes.

And like

there's a guy there who just knows me.

He's like, it's right over your orders, right over there.

Like everyone else has to go, you know, I'm order number seven five six.

Do you say order every time?

Yeah.

Okay.

So he knows it's you even before you say who you are.

He's like, Dave, how's it going?

And then they sort of switched up the staff like they have someone someone else greeting.

And

you're like, I don't like this.

I'm going to

go up and ask her, like, hey, this is my order.

And the guy, the chef working, would be like, just talk to her and be like, hey, his is that thing.

Yeah.

I know him.

Don't worry.

I got this.

I got this covered.

When I worked at a coffee shop, I used to know everybody's coffee orders.

They would come in every day.

Yeah.

That's not as pathetic as the pizza orders.

No, it's not.

You're right.

Like pizza.

Or

if if you go in, like for a while, I was going to the same subway, and the people at subway knew me.

And I was like, this is bad.

They shouldn't know who I am.

Or I should be going to different locations throughout the city.

Yeah, I don't want to be known at my local subway.

The subway in the neighborhood is so decrepit.

It's like the sign is all peeling off of the windows.

And it even has a sign that says we're under new management.

I was like, go on, manage this.

Yeah, like I just walked past the subway in this neighborhood here.

Yeah.

And it has has that smell, you know?

Yeah, that's a great smell.

The greatest smell of it.

We should bottle that.

And it like should be a perfume.

I would wear it.

It's so indivisive.

Some people hate it.

I like it.

It's nostalgic.

I love it, too.

And I love it so much.

And I've talked about this, how I, the sandwiches are so disappointing because

they don't taste like the smell.

What's your subway order?

I mean, you're gluten-free now.

When I was able to eat

the veggie.

Get the veggie, but add pizza sauce to it.

So veggie with cheese, and then put pizza sauce and then throw that in the oven.

That was good.

Oh, and throw it in the oven.

Yeah.

Wilt the veggies.

Oh, no, I guess I would put the cheese and the pizza sauce into the oven.

And when you say veggie, you just mean the fresh veggies, not the little patty.

Oh, that little patty.

I loved it for a while, and then I had it one time.

I was like, this is disgusting.

And I never had it again.

Yeah.

It looks like a McNugga where they took the breading off.

Yeah, and it's also tastes like

some sort of like cheap brand soup from when you were a kid.

Um, yeah, that was my, what was your order at a subway?

Oh, um,

well, I'm usually ordering

classic order for me throughout my life is veggie and cheese.

Easy, yeah, easy, easy, yeah, either on a whole wheat or um

the cheese bread, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I haven't really, I, when they switched breads, it used to just be brown and white.

Yeah.

And I, when they got more complicated breads, I, I've never.

You've never even dipped?

I've dipped, but just give me the white.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Give me the white.

Give me the yoga mat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, man.

Their gluten-free option is awful.

It's one of the things.

I think, yeah, like that's, that's so hard, the gluten-free thing, because I don't even really eat a lot of bread and pasta and stuff

because my mom was celiac and my sister is.

So I just avoid it because it's like genetically not good for people in my family.

So, but

there's something about a white wonder bread type sandwich

that like tuna sandwich or like

yeah, I think like mainly tuna or some kind of like

veggie sandwich.

Bad for you.

Yeah.

White, delicious bread.

I have these cravings still.

I barely like do eat them, but yeah.

Yeah.

I have these cravings all the time.

I eat so much bread in my life.

Looking back, I think I ate it every single day, sometimes twice a day.

But you should try the gluten-free dominoes.

It's really good.

I eat them all.

That's how I know all about the tracker.

Oh, okay.

I thought you were saying you get your gluten-free from somewhere else.

Oh, I also got it from Panagong.

Those are my one and two.

Sometimes I'll go with a local place if I'm somewhere, but

I don't know, man.

You know, there's a place in Vancouver that's really good.

I order it from there, but it's like, ordering a delivered pizza is expensive, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then when it's gluten-free, it's more way more expensive.

And I usually order four or five, and they're like, oh, is this for a birthday party?

I'm like, no.

You play party tones in the background.

You were having a Gary Glitter themed kids' party for some reason.

My annual Gary Glitter bash.

Yeah.

What's your go-to?

Quiznose.

Yeah.

Oh, Quiznose.

No, I will get the veggie one is

the like

I because I only ever want Subway if I'm

just want to feel like trash.

Well, yeah, and I do, but I don't want to feel like too much trash.

So well, at least I get a big thing of lettuce.

Yeah.

Lettuce, olives, pickles.

Perfect.

That's all I need.

Yeah.

Not tomatoes.

I'm a tomatoes head.

Do you guys like tomatoes?

I love tomatoes.

I love tomatoes.

Because growing up, I would see on TV, oh, kids hate broccoli.

Yeah.

But, you know, I'll eat carrots and tomatoes.

I loved broccoli.

I love broccoli too.

And it wasn't at George Bush or something that just like hated broccoli.

But then,

but as I've

tomatoes were never like disgusting.

No.

Like no one said tomatoes were disgusting.

But now that I, as an adult, I know so many adults who are like,

get that tomato off my sandwich.

I'm not a a huge fan of like

a hot

hot tomato.

But like, you know, like you would get on like

a wilted tomato.

I certainly don't like the roasted tomatoes.

You get it in a full English.

No, yeah, no.

But just like a cold sliced.

When's the last time either of you had like a really good tomato?

Because I feel like I haven't had like one that tasted like a tomato.

I don't know.

Yeah, sometimes it does taste like tomatoes.

Especially, oh, this is a problem too when you're like buying everything Canadian.

Yeah.

It's like, I'm going to get scurvy.

Like,

I can't buy everything Canadian and still get all my vitamins.

That's true.

I can only eat so many apples in a day.

Yeah, so I'm just buying a lot.

I'm eating a lot of apples for sure.

Yeah.

But yeah, this produce thing is very difficult.

for the buying Canadian situation.

Also, my coffee stinks.

Buying Canadian coffee.

I buy that expensive coffee that a cat has pooped out, but it's just some cat from down the street.

They got to chase the cat around to get it.

There you go, your

mittens.

I was talking to my local baristas at the Paper Cream.

It's a good indie coffee shop I go to.

And

they were talking about this

fancy

coffee.

And I'm like, this cafe is going to be in Vancouver any minute.

it's been around.

It's already happening?

Oh, it's, it's, it's, like, I've heard about it for 20 years.

But is there a cafe specific to animal-pooped coffee?

No, the, the, the sad thing about it is, like, someone must have discovered that these, you know, these jungle cats are eating coffee beans, pooping them out.

We wash all the poop off, roast them.

Oh, and the coffee is, you know, good, I guess.

Yeah, yeah.

And then so what they do now is they like farm the cats and force feed them.

Oh,

that's uh I don't know if they force feed them, but they yeah, but you can't go around like looking for truffles, they're not wild truffle mushrooms or whatever they get.

And they also have no privacy, they got to poo in front of everybody, which is

hard.

That's a difficult situation.

The thing about fancy coffee is like they'll be like, Do you want to pour over or something like that?

And then when I have it, I'm like, This is gross.

I just want like trashy coffee out of a

man.

Just give me some of that, oh, that hot brown.

Give me some of that Java juice.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh, I gotta have sweet mama caffeine poured in my veins.

Ooh, no coffee, no workie, okay?

You're like a jazz guy when you're like trying to get your coffee.

But I'm also a little bit like

a t-shirt, you get it.

Some Spencer Gimps.

Ooh, don't talk to me before I've had my coffee.

I said my two.

But yeah, I just want trash coffee when I get coffee.

I do like a drip.

Yeah.

Yeah, but also it's less expensive than a latte, and that's that's my kryptonite.

Latte?

Yeah, like a soy or a coconut latte.

Oh, soy coconut.

Yeah.

She died.

Soy latte?

Is that a Spanish person who's a latte?

Nice.

I get it.

I remember when I was working at a coffee shop.

This is like now.

Hey guys,

in bed.

I'm pretty vanilla soy latte.

Vanilla soy latte is technically a three bean soup.

Have you guys ever occurred to you that that's a thing?

And Graham, go ahead.

There was just such a backlash over saying the Italian sizes of things.

Malto Bene.

Yeah, give me a Molto Bene, give me a ravioli.

Yeah, you go to Chef Borardi, and what do you want?

A gabu gul.

Give me a gabu gul.

Then people didn't want to say the grande.

Yeah, and then when you don't, when you're like the biggest one or whatever, then they're like mad at you.

Yeah.

They're like not, they're doing the dominoes delivery guy.

They're not looking at you in your eyes.

Yeah.

Also, the vente is so huge.

Drinking that much milk if you have a latte like that big.

A lot of milk.

Well, I, my problem is

I, like, I know they have the sizes that have their own names, but I don't go to Starbucks.

And so I'll go like once a year and I need a refresher of what's what, like, I'm not, I'm not being that bitchy guy who's like, what do you call the medium?

I'm just like, what do you call the medium?

Yeah, yeah.

Me too.

I'm like that too, but it's more, I go there probably more frequently than you, but I'm so stoner that I'm like, I don't know, the the big one.

Come on, please.

Help me out.

A scooba-doo needs some caffeina root.

Come on, please, please.

A skibbed about.

Dave, what's going on you, my friend?

Oh, you guys.

Well, okay.

So every week on the show, we got to do this.

We take a picture of our guest and I'll do

of us with the guest.

We'll take your picture in a bit.

Yeah.

I was like, alone?

Yeah.

It's like, I saw the other one.

You guys are all together.

Up against the wall, roughly what your height is.

And then this past week, I forgot with Brent Constantine.

Yeah.

And as I was,

I had to,

listeners might remember last week's episode, like the last 15 minutes, we were on the clock.

Yeah, we were on the clock.

I had to go pick up kids from school.

And

as I was leaving the house, I was like, oh, we forgot to get our picture.

And so I drove and I saw you and Brent walking and I parked the car and I got out and I quickly took a picture and I felt crazy.

I was like, oh, it is so exciting.

I love that feeling of trying to get something impossible done.

But like I'm in traffic and I'm like, I got to pull the car over.

I'm like making a turn.

I want to make sure I don't kill anyone.

I parked semi-legally like because I'm just going to jump out of the car for 30 seconds and then I get back, I go back to my car and it's like a busy street.

And I totally forgot like the sensible thing to do would be to go around the front of my car so I can face traffic and see cars coming.

Right.

And I'm just like, I have my back to traffic.

I'm getting in my car.

I was like, that was so dangerous.

So dangerous.

Did it look dangerous to you?

It didn't look as dangerous as you described because you were out of the car and back in the car so fast.

I didn't even have time to call you.

Yeah, I feel like because you're a father,

you probably.

think it was so dangerous, but it was like really mild actually because you're just probably constantly thinking about being safe and stuff.

Yeah, that's more so than you guys are so childless and you're so like you're dangerous.

Everything you do is dangerous.

Everything I do is dangerous.

Graham and I don't even check before we cross the street.

We just go.

We just exactly winders.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of the last time I did something where I was like, well, that was dangerous.

You shouldn't have done that.

I didn't realize till later.

I mean, every time I drive the car, I'm like, you put my life in my hands, man.

Yeah, that's true.

But like, if you did, like something where you're like, fuck, I really shouldn't have done that, but you got away with it.

Like it's

like your story where nothing, nothing bad ended up happening.

You're like, God damn it, that was so dangerous.

I remember

years ago crossing in front of a truck

or like an SUV that kept moving towards me.

Like it was the stop sign I was crossing.

It kept moving towards me.

So I gave the guy the finger and then him and like four people piled out of this SUV and I was like, oh, shit, you're going to give us the finger.

We're going to, but it was lucky.

It was like still like four in the afternoon so there are people everywhere yeah i think that's why they got back in but i was like were you on that was dangerous i was on foot oh okay yeah i was like i shouldn't have done that holy i rented a car in ontario that one of the last times i was touring there and um

i just got too comfortable driving on the highway yeah and i i pulled in front of a like big rig like pretty quickly and pretty like abruptly for that

truck and i what i will say is like

I was really stressed out.

I can't remember what was going on with me, but I was extremely stressed out.

Two and a half years ago, was your boyfriend breaking up with you?

Hey, wait a second.

And I pulled in front of him and I just am so thankful.

I'm sure he's listening right now and I just want to thank you.

He honked, but he just knew how to drive so well that like I, I wish I should have been toast.

Yeah.

I should have been toast.

We love truckers.

We support their convoy.

And he would say 10-4, good buddy, to you now that you've made a

little lady.

Oh, that's nice of you to say, but I'm sure that's not true.

But

I think I, yeah, I think it was super, you know, when you just kind of get complacent when you're driving, you know, and these kind of spooky things like got to snap you back into being like, yeah, I could kill myself or someone else driving.

And have you had it where you're driving so fast and then you go into a town and you're like, I'm still driving as fast as on the highway.

They called that when I did driving school, I remember they called it highway inertia, where you just like,

you just have to like, you're so conditioned to going.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so, so scary.

Oh, boy.

But you guys might find this funny.

In that same vehicle, that same tour, I was driving to Toronto airport from a city I'm not used to driving from, and I couldn't figure out where to put the rental.

And I couldn't, I literally lapped the Toronto airport like six times at like 6:30 a.m.

in the morning.

And I was just bawling my eyes up the whole time.

And I was just like yelling like, I don't know where to put it.

Like where?

And I don't know what to do.

I'm going to miss my flight.

Like I was just like crying the whole time doing donuts like around the, okay, it's not as funny as I think.

But did you, did you find it or do you just abandon it?

Yeah, I

don't know.

Returning a rental car at the airport is always like.

There's always a line of people returning them and you just kind of like, do I walk away?

Yeah, do I just hand the keys you forget how big I think certain airports are like I had a like stress dream last night that I was in Mexico and I was trying to get somewhere and I was in Mexico City and I don't know biggest city in the world

when I was a kid it's huge I think it's the biggest city anymore yeah I think it still is okay all right yeah so I had the stress dream of um yeah not being able to get somewhere and you know when it's just never solved in the dream it's just like you're just in this energy and whatever I hate those dreams.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now we just want to look up the biggest cities in the world.

Do we think,

because I remember what...

Is this biggest city by area or biggest city by population?

I think you got to go population.

Is it like Bangladesh or something like that?

Bangladesh isn't a city.

Oh, sorry.

I just remember when I had SimCity, the game...

When I was a kid, it came with this card of the highest scoring cities and Mexico City was number one.

And I was like, well, what's this?

Yeah, what's this ranking?

Yeah.

The biggest pizza chain in Canada.

It's got to be domino.

Biggest cities in the world.

I think that it's going to be like these new Chinese cities that just cropped up overnight.

Oh, yeah.

Sure.

When I was flying out of Mexico City, there was like a lineup of planes, a lineup of planes.

Like I could see when we're supposed to have already taken off like 20 minutes earlier that I was in this insane lineup of planes for the tarmac.

It was so do they leave, they don't leave anywhere near on time, or this is what they just happen to do.

That's what's happening, I guess, sometimes.

Yeah, so do we want to do population by city proper, urban area, or metropolitan area?

City proper, let's say.

All right, city proper, the most populous city is Chong,

Chongqing, China.

Chongqing, China.

The top six are all Chinese cities.

Okay.

And then what's the not first not Chinese city is Kinshasa.

Kinshasa.

Okay.

Where is Kinshasa?

It's in the Congo.

Okay.

And then Delhi, Karachi.

And rounding out your top 10, there's Istanbul.

Istanbul, okay.

And then I think the urban area, I think they're saying number one is Tokyo.

Have you ever been to Tokyo either of you guys?

No, I've got.

37 million.

No, wait.

Yeah, 37 million.

37 million people in a city.

Well, it's in the urban area.

Yeah, true.

Yeah, they expanded.

I'd love to go to Tokyo.

Oh, yeah, that'd be so cool.

Yeah, I want to order things out.

I want to get vending machines.

I want to sleep in a pond.

I want Bill Murray to whisper something in my ear.

I want the full package.

That's the end of the movie.

We offer the Bill Murray treatment.

You go to karaoke with Scarlett Johansson.

You kind of mope around a hotel for a while.

I liked that movie.

I like that movie, too.

I'm not sure why.

Like on paper, it does sound pretty stupid.

Well, you mope around a hotel, Bill Murray whispers in your ear.

Yeah.

You've seen Lost in Translation.

That's what it's called.

Yeah, it's really good.

It's good.

It's funny.

Somebody was pointing out how if you grew up kind of in the 90s-ish,

that the idea of selling out was a different thing than what it is now.

And that the guy said that's the thing in the movie.

That's why Bill Murray's character is in Japan because he's making ads that you won't see in North America.

So you don't know that he sold out.

And I was like, oh, yeah, that's, because they did used to have that, right?

Yeah, like they would, you know, you would go to,

if you traveled through an airport in another country, you'd be like, huh, Antonio Banderis is doing ads for coffee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's just like, it's just so different now.

But I was like, oh, yeah, that is the way it was

for a long time.

I remember like it was a big thing that like if bands sold out, if they had like, I don't know what that meant, though.

If they had like a song of theirs in a commercial.

Yeah, that's basically it.

And then

I heard someone say like 15 years ago, yeah, I think when people stopped

like everyone agreed we don't have to pay for music anymore, it became okay to see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also,

I feel like there was a time when bands were

calling out each other on how much their tickets cost at concerts, and that doesn't happen anymore because it's like every ticket, $100 or more.

And everything goes through Ticketmaster, and even the reselling it is through Ticketmaster.

And so you never know what the real price was

a month ago.

It was Billy Joel's playing some.

Oh, God, we should go.

We should go.

So the front row tickets?

$1,600.

Wow.

Are you serious?

That's not even that crazy, though.

It's not crazy, but still, it's pretty crazy.

For front row tickets to Billy Joel, the uptown girl himself.

Yeah, that's right.

Madonna is the material girl and Billy Joel is the uptown girl.

Oh, I would love that one.

It's so tricky with the venues now with the bands and

even comedy.

I don't really like to watch anything in like an arena.

Oh, yeah, I don't.

Why can't this hockey game happen in a small club?

Yeah, it's just like I've seen really good, really amazing stand-ups and arenas, and I hated it so much so that I really just don't do it now.

Never done it.

And same with musicians, especially like, you know, I barely go spend my money on something like that.

So when I like want to do it, I want to go like, you know, what to Deer Lake Park or whatever that is and watch Beck or whatever.

Like I'm not, or the national, I saw them.

Yeah, Deer Lake Park is.

The greatest place to see a concert and the worst place to park.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's That's why you don't.

You got to walk to a bar.

You just hitchhike there, yeah.

Who did I see there?

I saw the cure.

I saw Bjork there.

Oh, my God.

I love Bjork.

And I saw

Tegan and Sarah.

And

Spoon.

Nice.

Wow.

I don't think I've ever seen a classic.

Quite a repertoire.

Well, it was a little festival there.

Yeah.

The other thing going on with me is this past weekend, whew, it was, well, it was like two or three weeks of planning, but I painted one of my daughter's rooms.

Oh, okay.

So she wanted her room repainted and it had been,

I mean, we've been in this house for seven years and there have been posters up and down and

holes in the wall.

And so we, we, um,

I

haven't painted anything in like 20 years.

Yeah, it's been a while since I painted.

And I was not prepared for the physical toll.

Yeah.

And I was putting it off for so long because it's like the kind of thing that you can't just like do a bit at a time.

You have to like, all right, we're going to clear out your room.

Got to put plastic on everything.

Plastic on everything.

You were going to paint it and then paint it again and then paint it again.

You can't just like quit in the middle and I'll revisit this in a few weeks.

And it's also like.

There's muscles that you never use.

Yeah.

Getting up high, this muscle for

all your back muscles.

Yeah.

I felt like I did a tough mutter.

yeah right yeah i remember i used to for a very brief time paint uh houses for a living and it was always that that was the doom like you wanted to be down low you wanted to be down low or you wanted to be kind of using a roller but like getting up and doing that detail

that's uh that's something i do enjoy watching online is the the very precise brush drag on like the edge of the corner oh my gosh i love watching that kind of stuff i also love watching like power washing oh yeah yeah yeah power washing is pretty good i like so much so that i'm like should i get a job in this

i do like that kind of uh

yeah i get those in my algo as well yeah but the yeah the edges i i see those videos as well and you see like someone with like a

whatever slanted brush yes and they just like they oh man it's so subtle and i was like okay i'll do that nope no i need tape.

I gotta take it.

And I was like,

it feels very stupid to be like, Google, how do you paint a room?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You go ceiling and then wall.

Okay.

I always think about the Mr.

Bean thing where he like wraps everything, everything, like each individual grape in his room ball and just to like

explodes a can of paint.

Now, I made the mistake of painting myself into a corner.

Oh, shit.

How did you get out?

I just had to wait.

There's a shape of you now.

That's as far as we're going to go painting-wise.

Yeah, so it was like,

so many visits to the paint store as well.

Yeah.

Because first we had to go check out colors.

Okay.

Yeah.

What color are we looking at?

Yeah.

White.

Just classic white.

Classic white.

What was there before?

White.

So it's just a refresher.

Let me, can I just clarify?

Your child chose white.

My child chose white.

they're my child is 10 now and and they're over pink pink is pink is over yeah now we like clean lines yeah but like they want dad i want your child's a minimalist i went to an apple store and i want it i want it to look like that

my other child was like

because they both had one pink wall in their rooms.

Okay.

And then my older child was like, let's go all white.

My younger child was like, I have some ideas.

I want two different colored walls.

And then she changed her mind.

And I was like, good.

I don't want to paint your room right now anyway.

I have, when I was growing up, I had a friend whose younger brother had a mural on his wall that his parents did for him a stencil.

Wow.

And I was like, wow, that's, and it wasn't like, it wasn't like a, it was kind of like a medium-aged thing.

It might have been Ninja Turtle, if I'm thinking correctly, but it was cool.

I remember it being cool.

And the fact, like, thinking my parents, like, I had Blue Room.

Blue Room was what was on offer.

Blue Room was what stayed there until I moved out of that room.

Oh.

Yeah.

You remember, like, are you, have you painted a house ever?

Or painted a room, rather?

Yeah, I painted, I have, like, my walls painted as a

medicine against depression.

I

put color in the, in the apartment.

And yeah, I think it's.

better that way, but white is a good color for a bedroom.

Yeah.

I have my bedroom still just white.

I think it's like you want your bedroom to be really calm.

I've been like really working on that.

But when I was a kid, my, this was one way my mom was really good.

Otherwise,

this is in the pro column.

She let me paint my walls.

Nice.

Like, whatever, like, I had like cartoons painted on the walls.

And then I changed it to like these hippie swirls.

Like, yeah, this is vortex.

And I, my,

I'm, we moved into our house that I like, like my

whatever.

We moved when I was 11

and it was like 1990.

I guess I was 10.

It was 91.

And never mind.

And it totally,

I don't want to talk about it.

But it was just like that thing of like, all right, it's the 90s.

Every kid on TV has like

posters in like different arrays.

Like nothing's straight we got to have like oh yeah you gotta be collected on the wall yeah it's uh

you put stuff on the ceiling i had a real

because like i feel like i had a lot of muppet posters up when i was younger but then there was a point where i was like i guess i'm gonna put up a band poster now like to put childish muppets away and the muppets have a band yeah that's true and they're i mean they're always cool the muppets did you collect the muppet babies from mcdonald's i most definitely did i did too i loved them which was your favorite so cute Oh, Miss Piggy, obviously.

Miss Piggy.

Well, like in the baby form, I thought Miss Biggie was the cutest.

She was cute, but she's no animal wearing a bonnet, you know?

Yeah.

But I think actually Beaker might be better.

Did they also have the fragle rock, like they were riding a driving a turnip or something?

Yes, yeah, they were vegetables.

Fraggle rock.

And then you just see me go into disassociation.

Oh, we've lost Ever completely.

Anyway, yeah, painted the room.

I literally went to the paint store five times, I think, once to get the colors, to choose the colors.

Then I went back and I was like, well, we're going to have to

patch holes first.

So I got some of the patching stuff and talked to the guy.

And he was like, well, actually, our paint's on sale.

So

this weekend, it's two for one paint.

And so I was like, okay, I'll talk to my wife.

Went home and I was like, we got to get the paint this weekend.

What's our paint budget?

Let's go over the paint budget again.

And then they were very helpful at the the store.

You like,

you tell them how big the room is, and they tell you how much paint you need.

Yeah.

And he was like, okay, so you're going to get a bucket of this, a bucket of this.

It's a two-for-one deal.

So this third bucket, it's not part of the sale, but I can give you our corporate discount.

Nice.

They helped me out at Dulux Paint.

I just want to know the name of the white.

Paint always has cool names.

Oh, let me find it for you.

Oh, I really put a.

No, I was just going to say, did you get to see the paint get shaken up?

I feel like that's what I'm doing.

I moved my car.

Wade, though.

What's that?

With Wade, I don't know if it's as exciting.

No, but I just want to see that machine.

Yeah.

I didn't see it because I had to move my car.

Well, I was like, I'll move my car.

You were parked in another precarious situation.

I was parked in the middle of an intersection.

Well, he was like,

hey, I

like made all the paint like ordered it all and like talked to him at the counter.

I was like, I'll get this, this, and this.

I'm just gonna get my car.

And then he didn't do anything because he was like, This guy's not coming back.

Yeah, oh, that's right.

I'm gonna go get my car means

this is too expensive.

Goodbye.

So the answer is

moonlit snow.

Moonlit snow.

That's really nice.

And in French.

That's really great.

Nejeux Claire de Loudne.

Oh, that's good.

Whoa, that accent.

And the um

the colors on my other daughter's wall that she wants, but she changed her mind.

She'll change her mind back.

Are Stratosphere,

very light blue, and Lavender Vista.

That's nice.

Lavender anything sounds really nice.

I love the names.

Anyway, yeah, it's got to be, you know, I bet they're...

I bet they just use AI to name them now.

They probably fired the guy who names all the paint.

Fuck, yeah.

And who's going to be left?

You know, there still has to be a guy who tells you what paints they have.

Yeah.

Or do they?

And those guys were great.

All the guys at the store, I salute you.

We just find out Dave has like

paint inhalation addiction.

Yeah.

I'm painting my daughter's room.

I got to get back to, I got to see him at the paint store.

And your wife's like, we don't need anything.

It did smell quite a bit for a couple days.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When the, when you do the first stir of the paint.

Yeah.

Oh, because like all the I don't know, it's like a almost like a jelly kind of like doing the first swirl of the yellow.

I did see a guy, there was uh in my algorithm, a guy swirling paint in a a bucket and it's like two the two

parts of it come together and it was just making this very satisfying spiral.

Yeah.

Hubba, hubba.

Graham, what's going on with you?

So last week I went to Winnipeg, Manitoba.

I was there for the Oh, the home of Panigo Pizza.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, not anymore, apparently.

Um, I was there for the uh Winnipeg Comedy Festival, and so this, like,

this happens at festivals a lot where uh, you stay up too late and then you don't really want to go out the next morning to find food or anything just because it's like, oh man, I gotta get out of like, I gotta get dressed and go and find a place.

And yeah, uh, and so I just like, I got stuck in a cycle, basically, because any of the food at any of the after parties, I couldn't have.

So,

and then when I wake up in the morning, it was too late in the day to go to the popular brunch place because everybody would have been lining up.

Sure.

So I got the first day.

And Winnipeg is, like, I'm checking this chart.

The biggest city in the world.

The biggest city in the world.

The biggest city in the world.

You think they would be able to hold up the Panagos, but.

Tokyo, Winnipeg, Jakarta.

They're the home, apparently, of Skip the Dishes.

That's where Skip the Dishes started.

And they only want to be called Skip.

Yeah.

They're really going through a teenage phase.

Just call me Skip.

I'm not Skip the Dishes anymore.

But I,

yeah, so it's like, okay, I'll get a pizza on the first night.

No panigo.

Impossible to find.

Dominoes, okay?

Dominoes, get the pizza for Domino.

You were sitting on this story earlier and you're like, I'm not going to, I'm going to tease it.

But then

when breakfast came around, room service.

Yeah, room service.

Oh, it's so nice.

The only thing that's not nice about it is they stand there while you write in a tip.

And

yeah, I don't know, math, you know, percentages.

Like, I don't know what 20% of 13, whatever.

Not that it was that cheap.

It was way more expensive than that.

And it's just like, I just got oatmeal and it was so good.

It was so good.

And then that night, same thing, went and saw some shows late.

And there was, after party, couldn't eat anything.

Got back to my room.

Room service.

Back to Domino's we go.

Oh!

Second round of dominoes.

Wake up in the morning, kind of hung over, getting that porridge again, brought up to the room.

This time,

two bowls.

Oh, my eyes were big enough.

Two bowls of porridge?

I tried.

So good.

Porridge is so good, but two bowls is too much.

You should have got three bowls.

Oh, and let them cool off.

Done a little done in your Goldilocks thing.

What...

So when you order a pizza in a hotel, you meet them in the lobby?

It's the worst.

It's the worst because it's not that I don't mind going down to the lobby.

I just don't want anybody to see me getting dominoes at one in the morning.

No?

And if you're at a festival, there's always somebody you know in the lobby.

Oh, yeah.

So it's like, is it somebody who could keep a secret?

Yeah, you were very secretive about your late-night dominoes.

But then I was just stuck in this dominoes, room service, back and forth.

It's kind of comforting, though, when you keep doing the same, when you're on the road and you keep kind of doing the same thing, even if it's not great

for you or whatever.

It's comforting.

But also, you don't, you're just signing a thing, right?

And they say, okay, just sign it to your room.

And then when I looked at my credit card, I was like, holy fuck.

Oh, yeah.

That's how much oatmeal costs.

Holy shit.

Do you, does your phone ever

notice like your habits and suggest something?

Yeah.

Because like I

was going through a thing where my daughter wanted a hash brown for breakfast every morning, and I would set a 13-minute timer and then I'd flip it and it would you cook it for 13 minutes on one side and 13 minutes on the other side.

And my phone at like 7:30 in the morning would start suggesting, do you want to set a 13-minute timer?

And I wonder if your phone at like 1 a.m.

is like, is it time to call it?

So here's the thing.

Third night in.

Same problem, obviously getting the dominoes.

In my head, I'm going to have the rest of it for breakfast.

I'm not going to finish this.

I'm going to have the rest of it.

Had you finished the first two?

Yes.

But the third one, I was like, I'm going to save some so they don't have to get oatmeal again brought up to the room.

$900 oatmeal.

MC $900 oatmeal.

And I never.

And I never, I felt like such an amateur hour.

I never, ever leave my room without a do not disturb.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

Me too.

Cleaning person came in, threw my pizza away.

No.

Oh my gosh.

That wasn't your pizza.

Yeah, that was your pizza to throw away, but it did look like garbage in fairness, but I did not.

It looks like garbage the moment it arrives.

Yeah, they threw it away down their throat.

Yeah.

And I was like, I just said, I just had to let it go.

I'm like, you're not getting another Domino's pizza.

So was this at night or in the morning?

This is in the morning.

Yeah.

I don't clean rooms at night.

But your pizza was out?

Yeah, I mean, it was in a box.

Oh, okay.

What was the pizza where?

Did you refrigerate it overnight?

Yeah, I had a refrigerator that I brought it out to thaw it out a little bit.

No, like super cold pizza.

Yeah.

And then I left and

worked a bit, and then I came back.

It was gone.

Oh, man, I hate that.

Especially when you think food is waiting for you.

Oh, that's the worst.

Yeah.

I know, and I literally,

like, I was like a cartoon.

I was like,

I'm like, looked underneath the bed, like, oh, maybe it just got misplaced misplaced somewhere.

I had that last week where I was like, I had, we had leftover pizza and I was like, I'll have a piece in the morning.

And then I ate it.

And we also had some cheesy bread.

And I had a couple of pieces of that as well.

And I went and walked the dogs.

And I was like, huh, that pizza didn't really fill me up.

Well, I got a little bit of cheesy bread back

at home for when I get back.

It was gone when I got home.

Yeah.

No, when you have your heart set on a particular thing.

Yeah, I I don't really know now about being in a couple in the future for this reason in itself.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Like you got to be you got to start leaving notes.

This is for daddy.

I now leave a

so when I make my when I feed my sourdough, I put it I put I turn the oven on for one minute and then turn it off.

And then I keep my

so it's just like a little bit warm in there.

Yeah.

I put my

sourdough starter in the oven oven so it's just like a warm room for it.

But I now have to leave a note on the oven thing.

Do not eat starter.

Or do not turn on oven.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, so that was my saga of, like I say, when I got the bill for this room service, I was like,

certainly shouldn't have ordered two bowls of OB.

But you were saying.

You had the bill the day before as well, and you signed up tip.

Oh, yeah.

Like, that's all I looked at was gratuity and then i was like and then after you were like i left them that much yeah that was the other thing when you saw the bill you're like oh this uh also includes the crazy tip that i gave them because they're standing right there it's not like in a restaurant where they give you the thing and you can pick and you feel like a big spender because you're in your robe like man and i did i ordered the thing i was wearing a robe when they brought it in Just put it over there, I said.

Everything's got, what are they called?

Kloches.

Kloches.

Everything's got cloches.

Yeah, what you know, like the silver dome.

You guys are just both doing the same hand thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like the fancy.

And you're like, this is like Home Alone.

Yes, like Home Alone, exactly.

Cloches.

So, you know, Home Alone Two?

New York, yeah.

No, I never saw it.

Did you not?

No.

Donald Trump said it.

Oh, okay.

I'll watch it now.

I was surprised.

I liked it a lot when I was in the future.

I guess I felt like I don't usually was too old for it.

Yeah.

Let alone one, right in my wheelhouse.

I hated it when I was a kid because I was like, this stupid kid.

I'm a kid.

Yeah.

Why does he get to do all this?

Yeah, I'm not going to watch some kid.

And then years later, I love it.

You know, I watch it every year.

Yeah.

But,

and, and I think it's hilarious that Piers Morgan, every year on Christmas, they post pictures of him and the pigeon lady.

It's a, it's a yearly tradition.

I enjoy it very much.

Yeah.

So my message is Domino's is always there waiting for you.

Be careful, though, with that hotel food.

What do you not disturb on?

Yeah, leave a note on your pizza if you're going to get the room made up.

Oh, man.

What kind of world do we live in?

Awful, that's what.

Awful is the answer.

Yeah.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheards?

Dude, dude.

Hi, is this Sam?

Yes, it is.

I'm Brenda, host of Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries on Maximum Fun, and I'm calling because you've been named Maximum Funds Member of the Month for May.

Wow, I'm really excited to hear that.

I love being a member.

I like all the BoCo, and I just, I enjoy all the shows that I listen to.

I just, I love maximum fun.

As our member of the month, you'll be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun store, a special member of the month bumper sticker, a special priority parking spot at Maximum Fun HQ in Los Angeles, California, just for you.

I can't wait to see what the bumper sticker looks like.

Oh, yeah.

I am obsessed with bumper stickers.

What's your message to people thinking about joining Maximum Fun?

I mean, if you really like the shows, I think it's like a really good way to help support them.

I'm really happy I'm able to.

Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you for making your show.

Become a MaxFun member now at maximumfun.org slash join.

It's hard to explain what happens on Jordan and Jesse go.

So I had my kids do it.

Saying square words.

Saying swear words.

Yeah, um.

Bad jokes.

Bad jokes.

Bad jokes.

Maybe it's like you tell people that you're going to interview them and then you just

stay there like

really quiet and try and creep them out.

It's just weary boring.

Because of Jordan, right?

Not me.

Because of both of you.

Oh.

Subscribe to Jordan Jesse Go, a comedy show for grown-ups.

Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where we hear things, you hear things, we all hear things, and we like to tell everybody about it.

And we always like to start with our guest.

Amber, do you have an overheard?

Yes, I do.

I was in the Mount Pleasant Public Library.

That's a good one.

And I was at the catalog computer.

And I'm not a natural eavesdropper, but I heard two kids speaking.

Yeah.

And one of the kids said to the other one,

yeah, my dad doesn't shower.

Actually, he never showers.

You started calling child services.

I was like, oh, I think the dad's depressed.

Yeah.

But

I was just like, this is so funny.

Yeah.

My dad never showers.

Maybe it's just a bath guy.

Maybe he never takes a shower because he's always taking a bath.

Yeah, I'm hoping.

I'm hoping.

no I'm hoping he's somehow bathing himself like even if it's just with the washcloth yeah standing up you know

yeah what's uh

everyday shower everyday showers what's a cold yeah when you're you kind of wash and then put a lot of perfume on it's like I mean there's nothing

there's a bunch of names for these kinds of washings and they're all pejorative yes that's true they are all guys I just want you to know I did a full shower for this oh you really?

I shaved my legs.

I shaved my legs for this.

The, yeah, full.

Well,

those painting days, like, I, my whole life, shower first thing in the morning.

Well, I forgot to ask you the painting thing.

Did you get some cool drops on your jeans that you were wearing?

I wore shorts and a my Mount Pleasant or a Little Mountain Gallery shirt, yeah.

I thought you were going to say Mount Pleasant Public Library.

So I, but I, I'm very paranoid about, like, tracking paint.

Like, I wore socks the whole time.

And in case I dripped anything on my feet, I could just take off my socks and walk to the rest of the house.

Yeah.

And like

all my paint-covered clothes, I like put them inside out.

Okay.

I was very paranoid about that.

But yeah,

I wore shorts.

Yeah.

But I felt like I was saying something.

You were saying something, and it was

painting when you were painting.

When I was painting

the drops in the house,

and you were

showering.

Hooray!

We got there.

Hooray.

Oh, the listeners must have hated that.

I shower every morning, first thing.

But on those paint days.

And sometimes you get a day where you're like, well, I'm going to get dirty.

Yeah.

But so I'll shower after that.

And then the paint dam, like, I was painting all day, but I did shower at like four in the afternoon.

And then I had to paint again at eight at night.

Yeah.

I don't, I, I definitely, a two-shower day is, it's extreme to me, having way too much.

But if you, if you wake up in the morning, you know,

feeling greasy, you take one.

And then if you go to the gym, you might take another one.

Yeah.

The rock says he has four showers a day.

Isn't that crazy?

Four showers a day every day.

The environment can't afford to keep the rock.

Well, he's so big, too.

He's

think of those showers.

They got to like...

I think that's the biggest city in the country, the rock.

Yeah.

Biggest city in the world.

Area.

Yeah.

But only like 6,000 people live on him.

Yeah.

I'm sure I've said before, he eats nothing but cod.

And he takes showers four times.

But that's like

a whale.

He's on a whale lifestyle.

Do you think people power wash him, or do you think he gets it to show?

Oh my gosh, to power wash the rock after.

Are we busy?

He's covered in paint.

I know.

Are we body shaming the rock?

No.

We're body praising the rock.

All right.

But he wouldn't fit in my shower.

There's no way.

Too many beautiful, beautiful.

I have a friend who, she's the bit OCD, her and her partner, and she does double shower days.

Yeah.

On a daily basis.

Okay.

And I'm just like, how is your skin not peeling off?

Like, I feel like it's too dry for me to.

Yeah.

Shower, not dry, shower, wet.

Oh,

I've been doing it wrong the whole time?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're just going in front of a whole bunch of fans?

I've showered.

Yeah.

Get the space heater on, some fans.

I need a hot shower, space heater.

Ooh, a cold shower.

No space heater.

Air conditioner.

Anyways, you were saying?

Do I, is it my turn?

Yeah.

Okay, my overheard is from the paint store.

Okay.

So I was buying my paint, and I had like drop cloth and

tape.

Yeah.

Paint.

Did I say paint yet?

You had your shorts on.

I had got my skis shined up.

Grab a stick of juicy fruit.

You wore your skis during painting?

No, I got them shined up.

Oh, you shined the button.

Yeah, and he

grabbed a stick of gum.

I got my

I got a roller.

I got replacement rollers.

You got the pan that you do the roller?

Yeah, the pan.

Hell yeah.

I got a brush

and had all this stuff.

And I was parked behind the place, and the employee was a nice, quiet guy.

Like, he had taken all my

measurements, and like, okay, you'll need this much paint.

30 says, 24, 36.

Yeah, well,

only if she's 5'3 or whatever.

I don't know.

And

he's,

helped me out.

He's been very serious the whole time.

And

he's like, Do you need help out to your car?

And I'm like, oh, no, I'm right outside the door.

I'll just make two trips.

And I grab a few cans and some stuff.

And I go to my car.

And then I turn around and he's right behind me.

And he's like,

he's brought the other stuff I didn't carry.

And I was like, oh, that's thanks so much.

And he says, do you watch Better Call Saul?

And I'm like, yeah.

And he says, it's all good, man.

Oh, nice.

Nice, nice.

That one.

But he couldn't just drop it because it wouldn't have worked.

He has to preface it myself.

And I was like, well, I'm almost through the first season.

Yeah, he wants to talk about the closing season.

Yeah,

I watched the first season and I forgot about it.

And so I was starting again.

But yeah, yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's saw Goodman.

That's good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like asking you if you watch Better Carl Saul, and you're like, listen, my car's running, and the kids are in double park.

Well, I mean, I saw Breaking Bad.

Is that going to be?

Yeah, I know the character is from Breaking Bad.

Did you watch the Aaron Paul Breaking Bad movie?

Look, I just want to say Saul Goodman.

I just gotta, you gotta let me get it in there.

Am I right?

Was there a Breaking Bad movie?

There was.

El Camino, it was called.

What, did you see it?

Yeah, I just re-watched it recently because I watched all of Better Carl Saw, watched all of Breaking Bad, and then that was kind of the like final thing to do.

No more Breaking Bad stuff.

I've seen it all.

Okay.

I quit.

It's all good, man.

I'm holding you to this.

Yeah.

Have you seen it all?

I don't care for Breaking Bad.

Okay.

You might like

Better Carl Saw.

Oh, I love it.

Yeah, you do.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, really?

Okay.

I don't care about that.

Anyways, you know, it's all good, man.

It's all good.

The guy, he was like, you watch that show?

Bob Odenkirk.

He just says that.

Yeah.

Anyways, we'll see.

Well, see you later.

Oh, my gosh.

My overheard is courtesy of an employee as well.

I went and saw the movie Sinners.

Did I spoil it for you with my?

No, no,

I enjoyed it.

And someone left us a comment that we were

pseudo-scientists and movie spoilers.

I forgot the one we had talked about, so it wasn't spoiled for me.

But there was a guy, I love this guy so much.

He obviously they just had nothing for him to do because there's the person who

can sell you the ticket and there's the person that tears the ticket and then there's just some people that are around that are kind of floaters between crowds.

So this guy was one of the floaters.

He was just hanging out in the in the hallway where all the theaters are and

he walked past me.

You're going into,

he goes, sinners, theater five.

Don't get too scared.

And I was like, oh, that rules.

And then when I came out to the bathroom, I went to go to the bathroom.

And he was like, bathroom?

Just down the hall there.

And as I'm going, I could hear the background, don't get too scared.

Was he talking to you?

No, he's talking to him.

This is his pattern.

Don't get scared.

I thought he was talking to you about the bathroom.

Or like he saw someone actually get really scared and have to calm them down after the movie.

Yeah, this is like a legal thing he has to do.

Is there anything?

The movie's not scary.

No.

Yeah, I mean, if you're a little kid, it'd probably be scary.

Oh, yeah.

But I wanted it to be scary and I was disappointed.

It's not scary.

No, it's not.

So I can watch it if I don't like scary movies.

Yeah.

If you don't like scary movies.

Yeah, I guess.

But like, why would you?

If you don't like scary movies, you'd probably.

Well, I like a little excitement, but like, for instance, I was watching the movie.

You know what?

I don't like tomatoes.

Is there cooked?

The movie, I think it's called

Beatrice at Dinner or

Selma Hayek.

And anyway, I'm watching this movie, and I'm hi.

Yeah.

And it starts getting real dark.

The movie starts going to a really dark place, and she's like a very like animal-loving type of hippie-type healing person, but she's getting really mad.

And then you're just like, Oh, like, I can't watch this.

Like, I can't, I'm like, this is getting too scared.

Like, I'm too high.

I can't, I'm too getting too scared about this movie.

So, I have to stop watching.

I don't know what happened in the end.

I got too scared.

See, that's where this guy would have come in handy.

Yeah, if he would have told me ahead of time, don't get too scared, I would have been fine.

I would have completed it.

Just remember what the guy said: don't get too scared.

i don't know if i've completely stopped watching a movie because i was like disturbed or scared i've stopped watching movies because i fell asleep yeah yeah yeah yeah i'll watch it but i'll have to be sober yeah i'll watch the end of it um have to have you watch the end of it or is it no i'm going to okay i can't i haven't been sober since

so you say at the meeting i've been sober since this movie uh i want to watch the end of it but um now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the map.

You want to send one in?

Send it into spy at maximumfun.org.

And this first one comes from Dwayne.

This is from Dwayne.

Hey, knock, knock.

Who there?

Dwayne.

Dwayne, who?

Dwayne the Beth.

I'm drowning.

Dwayne the Beth.

I love it.

So this is

in Edmonton.

I was with some friends walking on one of the trails and coming in the other direction was our friend Candace who was talking with her friend that was visiting from Toronto.

I'm confused.

I'm already lost.

This guy's walking the trail one way.

Other people are coming this way.

Two people coming this way, one guy going that way.

Which word is Candace in all this?

And Candace has a friend?

Yeah, Candace and her.

And who's visiting for where?

There's even another paragraph that I cut out of this.

Go back.

That might have been a good paragraph for like.

Okay,

a friend's family has a big piece of land in the country north of Edmonton where they host concerts, artists' residencies, and educational nature walks.

Okay.

Okay.

So somebody's on a nature walk.

Okay.

I feel Candace coming.

Which way?

So this is, I overheard the middle of this conversation, the Toronto friend saying, yeah, it's short for charisma.

It means you're lit.

And Ken says, oh, okay.

I didn't know that one.

We say hi on the trails.

They pass us by.

Toronto friend continues.

And fit means you're real fit.

Oh, okay.

I don't know fits.

They're learning some new.

That's some slang.

That's a slag.

So Riz was the first one.

It's got to be Riz.

Yeah, sure for charisma.

But isn't a fit short for outfit?

Oh, yeah, that's true.

The British turn was what I was saying.

So they were wrong on one of the.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what happens when you get a slang from a stranger.

You know, you want to go to Urban Dictionary.

That's where you want to go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I will say that a lot of the like

Gen Alpha,

you know, skibbity toilet.

Skibbity Toilet, yeah um you know uh you know skibbity toilet don't know

a lot of it like too scary i noticed that they are um they know the slang but they're not like they don't consider it good right like they're they make fun of it as much as

because it's so silly yeah yeah Riz is a good one.

I'm glad Riz is a good one.

I like Riz.

I like Riz.

There's like also like eight and cooked.

Yeah.

Cooking.

Cooking and eating.

And ate, you're like, yeah, that outfit ate.

It's like that one's hard for me to wrap my head around.

That outfit was good if it ate, or it was not good.

It's good.

It's good.

Or if you're cooking,

you're doing good.

You're referring to your friend group or whoever you're talking to as chat.

Chat?

Yeah, as though you're a streamer streaming and you're talking to the people in the chat.

You're just talking to your friends.

Hey, chat, what do we think about this fit?

Do I have Riz?

Like on a test, please write a sample of today's current slang.

Yeah, it's a spit.

Awesome sauce.

This next one comes from Aerie E-R-I-E.

No, sorry, this is where he lives, Zeri, Colorado.

His name is Jeremy.

Jeremy?

I was waiting for my son to finish his Akido class, and there was two six-year-old boys sitting at a table drawing pictures.

This is a conversation.

Convo, I put two, but my favorite was Convo one.

Boy, one.

Maybe we can do something for Easter.

Boy, two.

I don't celebrate Easter.

Boy, one, why not?

Boy, two, I'm Jewish.

Boy one.

But do you want to?

It's really fun.

Oh, you digging?

Who's dinging?

Who's digging?

Sorry, that was me.

I dang.

So dang.

You're ding, dang, dang.

Sorry to mean to dang.

I'm sorry to Jeremy.

Sorry, Jeremy.

Ding ruined your overheard.

But it is.

Actually, the ding totally took me off track.

So

I don't celebrate Easter and then what the other kids say.

The kids said I'm Jewish.

Yeah, you said I'm Jewish.

And then the boy one says, do you want to?

It's fun.

Yeah, come celebrate.

It's fun.

We're just doing the Easter egg style.

I mean, the eggs are

so lit.

They're so lit.

I like to put on a good fit with my chat.

Those eggs cook.

Those eggs cook.

Those eggs are cooked.

Are we cooked, chat?

Yeah.

And what's cooked?

Cooked is good.

You're done.

You're done.

Yeah.

You're cooking.

You're doing well.

Oh, yeah, but let him cook.

Yeah.

Let him cook is good.

He's cooked already.

But if he's cooked, then

hey, he's.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, you guys.

It's like how he's well done, if you know what I mean.

A profit fit.

Yeah, let's see.

That's that again.

British slag as well.

It's too much.

You've a fit, fit, but don't you know it?

Yeah.

The streets.

The streets.

The streets.

Pirate radio material or whatever it was.

What's that album called?

I liked that album when it came out.

Yeah, it was good.

The streets.

What album was it?

Was it A Grand Don't Come for Free?

Or?

No.

Do you know more than one?

I think I only know the one.

The Streets.

Help Me Out, Chat.

Help Me Out, Chat.

A Grand Don't Come for Free.

Original Pirate retention.

Original pirate.

Yeah, that's the one.

This last one comes from Kyle and Thunder Bay.

I was recently waiting at a garage while my car's spark plugs were getting changed.

You could probably get that, do that yourself, don't you?

Were they getting changed in 1975?

Oh, it's your spark plugs.

That was like always the

cause.

There was an older gentleman with his two granddaughters, about six or eight years old.

The grandfather was using the courtesy coffee station.

Oh, that is classic mechanic.

Oh, yeah.

Like a little coffee.

Yeah.

Oh, boy, I bet Keurig is just cleaning up in the

mechanic waiting rooms.

Do you hear speaking of Keurig?

Well, no, Nespresso is the one that Clooney's associated with.

Yeah.

But then he threw like a whole giant party for Joe Biden.

Joe Biden didn't know who he was.

He threw this like giant grandiose fundraiser, and Joe Biden didn't know.

What does that have to do with Nespresso?

Oh, Keurig.

I went from Keurig to Nespresso.

Nespresso to George Clooney.

But there's no coffee component in there.

Okay.

Boy, I could have mentioned anything and you would have brought up the George Clooney story.

I've been champing as a bit.

Oh, Dave, you had a Caesar salad?

Well, you know who had a Caesar haircut is George Clooney.

You know, it's hot.

Speaking of one of the hottest guys around,

Graham's leg has been shaking up until this moment.

Like the whole podcast.

Oh, you wanted to speak to the manager?

Oh, the last two letters of manager are ER, and ER is a TV show star.

I can

close it.

Graham's dying.

Graham dying.

The grandfather was using the courtesy coffee station.

Grandfather ends in ER

to make his granddaughter some hot chocolates.

Brought it to them and then went back to make himself a coffee.

One of the girls asked, Grandpa, where are you out going?

Are you going to go terminate someone?

And the two daughters went to argue about whether Granddad was a regular Terminator or an evil T-1000 for the next few minutes.

Wow.

How do these kids know about Terminator 2?

That's cool.

Yeah.

Is that Riz?

That these kids know about it?

Terminator 2 is Riz.

Yeah.

When kids watch Terminator 2, they're like, let's fucking go.

Well, that's great.

That's great.

Oh, one thing I wanted to mention before I do the other overheards is um graham was a guest on the uh the retail nightmares podcast we forgot to bring that up i think wait oh yeah yeah that's right and uh it was showed up in a lot of people's feed because it hasn't been on for many years yeah so if you haven't if you used to listen to retail nightmares and the show ended until you

deleted it from your player it's back there's one episode one episode nice and uh they said it was you know it was too good that's going to be the only episode we put out It's just, it was the right time.

Everybody was ready for it.

Yeah.

And now that I brought it up, I also was on some podcasts.

Yeah, you were on Jordan Jesse Go.

Right.

I was on Jordan Jesse Go during the Max Fun Drive.

I was on

Wonderful during the Max Fun Drive.

I was on Evil Man a few months ago.

And then recently I was on with our friends Ryan Beale and Mark Chavez their show, The Town Show.

The Town Show.

Cool.

You've been busy.

Yeah, I have been busy.

I like guesting on my friend's pods.

Yeah, that's fun.

Well, let's see if we have any more overheards.

Now, in addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your ding.

That wasn't me this time.

In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-7797631.

That's one ugh, SpyPod 1, like these people have.

Everything's dinging all over the place.

And if you want to send us a voice memo, that's probably preferable.

Sure.

And you can do that by emailing spy at maximumfun.org, like these people have.

Hello, Dave Graham, an esteemed guest.

This is Zane from Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Calling in an overheard, I was at a Detroit Tigers baseball game.

The Tigers.

And I was coming back down to my seat from buying a pretzel.

And these two women were shouting across the aisle at each other so I don't think they knew each other

and they were a little drunk but one of them says I can't believe they always toss these foul balls to kids and the other one says yeah and they don't even contribute to the economy

no friggin' anyway off I go they run a lemonade stand they do yeah and they buy toys yeah and they participate in the consumer version of Christmas and a swim lesson yeah exactly

finding quarters at the bottom of the pool.

Um,

yeah, kids contribute, all right?

Kids do plenty, yeah, right.

I mean, gosh, we've got to get them back to work, though.

Yeah,

it's a good job for a kid, toys or us, yeah, tiny,

getting

tiny things out of a hole, yeah,

fishing things out of a hole.

Um,

yeah, those are the bigs, those are the bigs, I think.

Um,

uh, Kalamazoo, yeah, fun place to be living in Kalamazoo, you know, one of the more fun town names.

Yeah.

City, even.

Speaking of like sports, there's a lot of videos, and the algorithm is really serving them up for me.

People dropping hot dogs on other people by accident.

Oh.

I've seen several of them.

And keep them coming.

Dropping them on them by accident.

Like tripping and dropping a hot dog on somebody sitting at a sports game.

Anyways, keep it coming, algorithm.

That's what I am.

Every time I'm at a

baseball game, I'm always on the lookout.

I'm always chomping at every time.

Like, in case a hot dog comes towards me.

Okay, next phone call.

Hey, Dave.

Hey, Graham.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, beautiful guest.

This is Will from Chicago.

Listen, you guys know that I'm your humble servant.

I'm always listening for overheards.

And I was in the grocery store, and I saw a woman walking around.

She had an earpiece in, and she couldn't see that she was even talking to somebody on the phone.

And I heard her angrily saying, you listen to me you better pray I don't see you at the funeral or ever again at the cemetery and I wanted to hear the rest of this conversation so badly but I had to pick my wife up at the train she's coming in from out of town I had to get my groceries and leave all right but I feel bad for whoever she was talking to and I hope they resolve those things amicably well off I go thank you stay out of the graveyard that's our turn yeah if I see you at the funeral no not even just the funeral the graveyard for the rest of your life.

I don't even want you buried there.

Yeah, exactly.

I want you

stuck in a storm train.

I don't know where else you could go.

But yeah,

he really continued on his

story quite a bit after the

current.

But I had to get my wife.

I had groceries.

She's got a bum leg.

Yeah, I almost took like the...

beauty out of it or the essence out of it that he he was a nice guy after like I would have rather he just told us that, and we laugh and laugh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't be a nice guy after.

No, Marcus.

I just hope they reconcile.

Yeah.

You know, there's,

it's, you know, when it's too late, right?

Yeah.

Got to get that done.

I mean, when you're in the graveyard, it's too late.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

What's your tombstone going to say?

What's on my tombstone?

Pepperonis and pepperoni.

Fine.

No, you know, I like something funny.

You know,

you're standing on my dick or something like that.

I do remember when I was a kid, we went to

my dad's hometown, the graveyard there, and it was like, This is it with my grandma, and she's like, This is where I'll be buried.

Yeah, and I was just walking around the graveyard, and I remember being scolded, like, don't walk there, there's a body under there.

Oh, yeah, you had to like stick to the path.

Uh-huh.

My one of my good friends was telling me, Uh, this Mother's Day just passed, and my mom's deceased.

She's in Lake Erie, Yeah, she's all over the cliff and in the water.

But yeah, so my friend and I were like, she was just trying to make me like cheer me up.

And like, I'm single now.

So we're trying to do like different approaches to meeting people in an organic way.

And she's like, just get dressed up, go to the cemetery.

You'd be surprised how many nice people are there that you can meet.

It's kind of a social.

She's like, just go out to a bar.

Like, try to pick up a guy with his mom.

I'm like, well, he's with his mom?

See if there's a guy walking around with an urn, trying to start up a conversation with that.

Yeah, there were at the grocery store this weekend, there were so many, like in the uh produce aisle, they were selling raspberries and strawberries in those clamshells, but the clam shells were heart-shaped.

Huh.

I was like, it's not Valentine's Day.

It's mother, I brought you some raspberries in a heart-shaped clamshell.

Yeah, lucky mom.

Wash them, though.

Okay, final phone.

My tastes like seafood?

Final phone call.

Hello, Dave, Graham, and guests.

This is Brian calling from Chicago with an overheard.

I was listening to a baseball game.

It was a Dodger game.

And it was like a promo between innings or before the game.

And it was like, you know, with the aggressive sports guy announcer voice.

And

it was a phrase that was the most aggressively I've ever heard someone say this phrase.

And so I'm going to give you my rendition now.

Hey, sports fans, this Sunday, don't miss the Dodgers and Hello Kitty.

They put their differences aside.

That was awesome.

That was a perfect end.

It was a perfect end to a perfect night.

Yeah.

Amber, you run a show once a month on hiatus for the summer.

Yeah, cool, cool.

Fun.

I'll be back in the fall.

Where's that?

That's at the Enza Club.

Nice.

Upstairs or downstairs.

Upstairs.

Yeah.

In the main space.

I also host Taco Tuesday every Tuesday, unless I'm on the road.

Yeah, it's all ladies' show.

Okay.

It's going really well.

Every Tuesday?

Yeah, it's going really well.

It's at Comedy After Dark.

Okay.

And if you don't mind, I just want to plug

other than your 24-hour fundraiser, which is May 24th, I want to plug two other fundraisers.

I'm doing this fundraiser called Matt Bill and Day, and that's June 4th at Yuck Yucks in Surrey.

And then I'm doing another fundraiser that Deborah DiGiovanni is headlining.

Oh.

On, I think it's July 15th.

It's at House of Comedy.

And these are all like the fundraisers for the summer.

So I just want to give them a QA.

Yeah.

And I'm going to actually be on a fund loser.

Lose some fun.

Yeah.

You go and all the money disappears.

It's for a bad cause.

Throw money into a pit.

It's for a bad cause.

Yeah, we're trying to get whatever's the opposite of Greenpeace.

Yeah, putting more oil on other animals.

That's for Bill Cosby.

He's the baddest cause there is.

Yes.

Well, thank you, everybody out there for listening.

Thank you, Amber, for being our guest.

Thank you for having me, guys.

And anybody out there who wants to stream or come and see uh me slowly uh becoming delirious uh over 24 hours little mountain gallery done see

it's from the 23rd to the 24th of this month may may

this friday and saturday folks it's uh um and you know it's not too long be in the middle of summer and uh won't be humid enough forever but that's fine uh hopefully it's nice your humidity level is to your liking wherever you live and coming back next week for another episode of stock podcast Yourselves.

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