Episode 895 - Brent Constantine

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 895 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name's Graham Clark.

And with me, as always, is a man who's got a a real tight, brand new haircut, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Yeah, I got a bit of a cut.

Also, beard cut.

Got a beard cut.

I did a.

It's no beard at all.

I'm beardless.

And I did a...

Fearless.

Okay, let me talk.

Near rhyme.

Can I talk at all?

Not even near rhyme.

Beardless and fearless.

It's a sound.

What is that?

What is that called?

Sound alike?

No, there's an actual name.

I guess it's near rhyme.

It's near rhyme.

It's a rhyme cheat, yeah.

The cheat comes in the middle of the word.

If If you went on rhymezone.com, it would be in the back half of the list.

That's true.

Is it rhymezone.com or rhymezone.org?

Oh, believe me, I'm on rhymezone.com all the time.

Weird Al Karaoke, you better believe it.

Oh, man.

See, we got to talk about all this stuff.

And it's rhymezone.com, but I did get a haircut, and before that, I cut my beard about a week ago, and I had a few days of mustache.

Oh, yeah, just

how did that feel?

It felt, you know, it's shocking to get so much face after, like, it was just shocked from the beard cut.

Yeah.

And then you have a few days of mustache, and you're like, well, do I like this?

I don't even like the various chins I'm seeing right now.

And then, so then you lose the mustache, and then you're like, oh, look at all that real estate between my lips and my nose.

What could I do without?

I feel like when Tom Selick shaved his

scandalous blue bloods.

Does he not have it in Blue Bloods?

No, he's mustacheless.

Let's go to rhymezone.com and check that out.

Now, if you're wondering who that voice is.

I think you're thinking of In-N-Out.

Oh, the Pixar.

Pigsar mustache in In-N-Out, the Pigstar movie?

Tom Selick,

Captain of the NRA, I believe.

I want to say in Blue Blux, he does have a mustache.

Oh, he does?

Okay.

Oh, he didn't have one in Magnum P.I.

That's not historically anyway.

Sort of a...

Berenstein Bears.

Yeah, exactly.

We always remembered him with the mustache.

They all had mustaches, too.

God damn, he looks good with a mustache, doesn't he?

What was my Berenstein Bears the other day?

Oh, turmeric.

Did they add an R to turmeric?

I order a a lot of lattice.

That voice you're hearing is our guest today.

Very funny, comedian and the entire beating heart of Little Mountain Gallery here in Vancouver.

It's Brent Constantine.

Hey, hello.

Thanks a lot for having me on the show.

Thanks for being on the show.

The second Brent in yeah, it's Brent month here.

May is Brent month here.

So it's going to be, we're going to get Brent Spiner.

Brent Spiner's going to come in.

Yeah.

And then we're going to follow it up with

not very many Brent.

No.

Brent Sminer from, of course, Star Trek.

And Independence Day.

Independence Day.

And Star Trek movies.

And he came back for Independence Day, too.

That's right.

Yeah.

Independence Carter.

Yeah.

This is a game that Brent likes to play.

I don't know Brent very well.

But we were talking about

Elena Bottom Carter.

Yes.

Upstairs, and he kept saying Elena Bottom Carter from

Night Club.

And

he was leading us down a primrose path.

Yeah, we were.

It was fun.

You know what?

It was fun.

Yeah, we had some time to kill.

Before that, we were just staring at the ground and not talking to each other.

Yeah.

And did Tom Selak have a mustache in friends?

I don't think he did.

No, he absolutely did.

I don't think.

Yeah, he did.

Oh, he did.

So when didn't he have the mustache?

I think In-N-Out, the Pixar movie.

Yeah.

And what element was he?

Or what emotion was he?

Fifth element, I believe.

The purple one.

Yeah, not an In-N-Out.

Looks like a completely different dude.

It does.

He's still handsome as fuck.

I'd have a gay kiss with Kevin Klein.

Is that three men and a baby?

He has a mustache in three men and a baby.

Yeah, he does for sure.

That's Photoshop, I'm pretty sure.

That's nonsense.

Remember you guys when in Superman they had to digitally erase?

I'll never forget that.

I'll never forget where I was when I heard about that mustache.

That was Justice League, yeah.

Yeah.

Henry Cavill's mustache, which was so unnecessary.

He doesn't need a mustache for Mission Impossible.

Can you imagine if they had added that in as a thing?

Like, well, now Superman has a mustache.

That's the mustache cut, the Snyder mustache cut.

It's like

on Saturday Night Live when Dan Aykroyd used to be Jimmy Carter and just kept his mustache.

It was a simpler time when we could overlook that kind of stuff.

Yeah, before Reddit.com, Reddit.org was around.

Caesar Romero, famously the Joker with the mustache.

And now Saturday Night Live will spend $100,000 on a set for a two-minute two-minute set.

Yeah.

Well, okay, let's get to know us.

Get to know us.

Because I read that.

Did you guys all read that giant coffee table book about SNL and their like 25th anniversary?

I didn't read a coffee table book about it.

25th?

What?

Did they just do 50?

They just did SNL 50.

So this is out of date then.

Random and I hosted.

Yeah, we hosted.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

It was us and Lynn Manuel Miranda.

Was that the daytime?

It was the daytime.

It was the technical SNL Awards.

It was the Latin SNL Awards.

That's how you know how much the sets cost.

Yeah.

The most expensive set this year goes to...

We won the accounting, SNL Accounting Awards.

The pencil pushies, they call it.

The big accounting.

Speaking of accounting, and guys, we're going to get to the show no matter what.

No matter what happens.

How are you guys on your taxes?

It's tax day here in Canada.

Just finishing up.

Finishing up the last couple of decimals.

And yeah, just going to submit on the TurboTax and a way.

Do you do TurboTax?

Yeah.

Do you select audit protection?

What does that mean?

It's the last thing before you submit.

They say, would you like to purchase audit protection?

And that means if you get audited, you will get, I think, a free phone call with someone who works there who says, yeah, I can't help you.

I get reassessed every year.

I don't know if that's an audit, but like.

But they don't contact you for that, right?

Well, no, they just say, hey, you're wrong.

You're wrong.

You owe us $1,000 more dollars.

And then, and that comes usually in June.

And then in November, they're like, we've been thinking about it.

You owe us $67 more.

You guys have a lot of CRA listeners, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's Jim and Frederick.

Jim?

Yeah.

Jim from Accounts.

Yeah.

And Frederick from

Accounts.

So that's what's going on with me.

Brent, first-time guest on the show.

Thank you.

Yeah, thank you for coming.

Yeah, of course.

Brent is

the

sort of the big kahuna down at Little Mountain Gallery.

We just got kahunas at Little Mountains.

Oh, really?

Smaller kahunas, yeah, and they are very helpful.

Yeah.

The haunted, the head haunt show.

What do you, what's on, does you have a, do you have a business card that says, I'm CEO, bitch.

Shanna Ford, the business card.

Okay, sure.

Well, I'm, you know, Christmas isn't that far away.

Yeah, so Little Mountain Gallery, if you guys don't know, friend of the show, longtime friend of the show.

Graham does a show there, Laugh Gallery, every Thursday at 7.30.

It's a

little community comedy space that's been around for many years and has gone through a bunch of different people's hands.

And I am the latest person to accept the curse of running.

You're selling yourself sure because Little Mountain was a venue.

It was on Main Street and had been there for years.

It was on 26.

26

off Main.

And Ryan Beale kept it alive for several years.

And Salazar.

And then it got demoed.

And then Brent, single-handedly,

helped create the brand new venue

and now oversees it and like a hawk.

Oh, man.

You do not want to cross him because you cross him.

I dress up like a hawk and it's all on.

I start handing out those business cards.

So don't, and Abdul Aziz, who's been on the show show as well, helps a lot with

Nikki Mordar, who's been on the show as well.

Yeah.

She's been on the show.

I think she's on the calendar.

No.

No, she's not on the calendar.

Oh, okay.

Sorry about that.

Nikki Future.

She was Nikki Mordar, our first ever guest on our Instagram account when we took pictures of

remind me to take a picture of this guest.

And

we do like Saturday Night Live where we

do the picture of the noteboard of

the guest and then musical guests.

Big SNL episode.

I mean, it's sort of our sports.

So for guys like us, this is sort of our, and you know, SNL 50 is sort of our Super Bowl.

We watch it every 50 years.

X, X, V.

What would it be?

No, that's not.

No, 50 is like L, isn't it?

Yeah.

And guys, post your L's online.

Post your favorite L online.

Your favorite moment from the 50th anniversary.

Was it.

Never.

I didn't watch it.

Did you watch it?

No, I didn't watch it.

I watched bits of it.

It was on.

Yeah.

And it was, but it was, the thing about it, not only was it on, it went on and on.

Dude, how long was it?

Three or four hours.

Jesus.

I remember in the 40th one, Dana Carvey going up and doing his chopping broccoli bit, and then it was over after,

you know, 50 seconds.

And then he kind of shrugged like, well, that's it.

And then he didn't show up for 50.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, he didn't come.

They didn't ask him back.

Broccoli terrorists.

I mean, they asked asked everyone back.

Okay.

Everyone was there.

I don't know.

I didn't show up.

Okay.

Notable exceptions.

Yeah, there were some notable people who didn't show up.

I don't know if Victoria Jackson was there or Dennis Miller, but Johnny Rocket.

Certainly.

Not his name, is it?

Johnny Rocket.

Charles Rocket.

Charles Rockett.

Sorry.

Johnny Rocket Rocket's my father.

Yeah.

I don't think Charles, the late Charles Rocket, made it.

Oh, that's true.

Okay, yeah, that's right.

Touched by an Angel, he was there.

Like Rob Schneider was there and Chris Katan.

Oh, yeah.

Mango.

Mango.

Chris Catan does not get enough.

Like, he's a bit of a punchline, and he destroyed his body.

He is.

What do you mean?

His physical.

Is he doing mango?

From Mango and

Monkey Poe.

I mean, he's a man from Monkey Pokemon.

Yeah.

And he's like,

he did not look well at SNL 50.

Oh, no.

But we forget that Mango or like Mr.

Peepers.

Mr.

Peepers.

Or the

cheerleaders one.

Yeah, the

Roxbury.

The Knight of the Roxbury.

Not Not the cheerleaders.

But those like were the...

Those were like the number...

Like after the monologue, right to a Catan sketch.

We got a new Catan right away.

But wasn't the thing with him in one of those tell-all books that he was very mean to the rest of the cast?

And so when they got successful, they kind of...

Sorry if Chris Katan is listening to the show.

So he kind of got pushed away, and that's why he hasn't really had a new one.

Maybe.

Well, it's in the book.

Well, it's in one of those, these tell-all books.

How many of the tell-all books have you read?

I have read, i think the fighting fighting for airtime gasping for airtime

oh god oh god sorry to chris katan the jay moore book and i read the daryl hammond one oh okay one because he released another one afterwards i i read gasping for airtime and i read the like live from new york yeah i read the live from the oral history i read the anal history as well wow that's a radio

was in a movie shot in west edmonton mall co-starring patrick swayzey what was it uh It was called The Christmas something.

It was called Christmas Roadhouse.

It's always Christmas.

Rated R.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They filmed the other big movie to film in Edmonton was Snow Day with Jevi Chase.

Oh.

And he was on Rosie O'Donnell and really slagged Edmonton.

And they talked about how cold Edmonton was.

And then the mayor of Edmonton at the time, Bill Smith, who drove around in a Hummer to elementary schools.

Would he stop and get out?

He would wave, yeah.

Depending

what the kids looked like.

And he, like, if they were smiling, not anything else.

Oh, these kids are ugly.

Keep driving.

Not a looker in the bunch.

And he wrote a letter to Rosie O'Donnell

citing

to Rosie O'Donnell and Chris Katan.

And he wrote a letter quoting what the actual temperature was, which was actually like seasonably warm.

So Chevy Chase was wrong.

Right.

And it was a big scandal in Edmonton at the time.

Chevy Chase,

also famously

not well-liked.

Was he back?

Did he come back?

I think he was there, yeah.

Didn't he say something mean to someone?

No, he said something mean to Jason Raitman after he saw the Saturday Night Live movie.

That's right.

Right.

I enjoy how mean Chevy Chase is.

I find it funny.

Are you...

He's got his due, right?

He's like, lost a lot of opportunities by being a jerk.

He's lost a lot of.

He had plenty of opportunities to not be a jerk, and he just won't take any of them.

He's passed on that.

Brent, welcome to the show.

First-time guest.

Yeah.

Are you from Edmonton?

I am from Emma.

Is that why you lost?

Yeah, so I know a lot of lore.

So all of that with more, if you look at the IMDb page of Snow Day, it's in the trivia section, and it goes on quite a bit longer than that.

There's if you're interested in it.

There's more trivia about Snow Day?

Yeah, there is.

Okay.

Pull it up.

Oh.

Oh, that will challenge you.

Internet is down.

Oh, no.

But we got all those pictures of Tom's Tell.

Those are a grandfather did.

What did you shot?

So those are the two movies shot in Edmonton, Roadhouse Mall.

Roadhouse Chris Roadhouse and

Snow Day One.

Snow Day One.

Why would he complain about the cold weather in his movie Snow Day?

Yeah, it didn't really make sense.

If you read the letter from Bill Smith, he goes over this in fine detail.

I don't like Bill Smith ever since he slapped Chris Rock.

Rock.

God, nice.

Is it?

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Here in Vancouver, our mayor got pissed off when the lead of the Archie

said that Vancouver was

boring.

And

did we take offense at that?

But you got to admit, you know.

Yeah, what mayor was that?

Was it the current guy?

Gregor?

No, it was Kennedy.

Gregor Kennedy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, the little guy in between.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The linking.

The little man in between.

I'm the little mayor, and I don't like you.

Is that rich?

That is a really good impression.

Yeah, that's why he was not voted back into office.

The little, you know, leprechaun voice he had.

Can you do

a voice of current mayor Ken Sim?

Is that character with us right now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you channel him?

And just keep in mind, you do run a business that requires permits from the city.

I'm Mayor Ken Sim.

And I love you, you, Riverdale, Archie.

Season 13.

It's done, right?

Riverdale's over?

Riverdale is so done.

Ah, shit.

Remember when it first, the first episode, and he was fucking Miss Grundy, and it was just like, it was just hot as hell, yeah.

They had R-rated cuts of the Snow Day.

Snowden, yeah.

Did you watch that show?

I watched the first maybe, let's say, five episodes.

I heard it got really good in that it kind of like went completely bonkers as it went on.

It went because it was on for like 10 years, wasn't it?

Nine, ten years?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm about that.

Maybe seven, eight, six, five.

Okay.

I wonder if that diner, because they did build an actual building for the diner.

That's a diner.

Yeah, and it's like somewhere in Abbotsford.

I thought it was.

I don't think they built it.

I think it's like a set that's been used in many things.

Or not a set, an actual like old diner.

Fuck, I got to get to this diner.

Christine Bordelin, who's been on the show many times, her boyfriend, Jay, is an actor.

And in the end episode of archie season one

he is

yeah sorry sorry it's known as archie overseas uh because they couldn't get the name right yeah because

in england riverdale means your pussy yeah it's like a wally

waldo situation uh with the books and he was in the balaclava and killed archie's dad Oh, really?

And he was excited because he thought they would bring him back without the balaclava, but they recast him.

Oh, shit.

It's like the Darth Vader.

Have you ever heard of that story?

About Darth Star Wars.

Yeah.

Have you ever heard that story?

Yeah.

It's sort of, it takes place long ago, though.

Yeah.

That's far away.

The guy that did the body of Darth Vader assumed he was going to be the face when they pulled off the mask.

And the voice.

And the voice.

Yeah.

Neither.

Same with Chewbacca.

Peter Mayhew, when they took the face off of Chewbacca.

Yeah.

When they finally shaved the face,

he would be Chewbacca.

Peter Mayhew,

I think he got in George Lucas's bad graces, right?

Because he would go around and talk badly about Star Wars.

Oh, yeah.

Do you think he was above it?

Was that a joke?

Was that some kind of a joke?

Oh, shit, guys.

Is Star Wars here to amuse you?

You ever heard of Star Wars before?

Yeah, yeah.

I've seen the first three and then the second three and then decided to sit out the last three.

And every Star Wars iteration since.

Although I've been told some of them are very good,

I can't.

I can't.

I got other things.

Yeah, I got to get into Andor.

Now's the time.

Yeah, exactly.

It's Star Wars for adults.

Finally.

So do they fucking?

We got Chewbacca's fucking holiday?

Standard edition.

Yeah.

There's some CG.

Chewbacca fucks Yoda.

Oh, what?

Yeah.

That doesn't seem like it would fit.

They both take off their faces at the end, and you'll never guess who's under there.

Shaq and Grogu.

Grogu.

Yeah.

Shaq's hemise with Grogu.

Yeah, because you gotta, it's not Peter.

He's not still Chewbacca.

Is he no, no, but he's dead.

Well, you'll always be my Chewbacca.

Hashtag not my Chewbacca.

Peter Mayhew, I want to say dead.

I thought you said the internet didn't work.

Oh, we got it back.

Oh, Peter Mayhew died April 30th, 2019 in Boyd, Texas.

In a gunfight.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

On the set of Rust.

Oh, people also ask, why was Peter Mayhew so tall?

So he could be Chewbacca.

Yeah, exactly.

That was the whole reason.

Why was he so tall?

So he could fit in the Chewbacca costume.

Oh, is it the same guy, C-3PO?

Is he still the guy in the last movie?

Daniel Daniels.

Yeah.

Is he still around?

Yeah, he's still around.

Was he in the last movies?

Was he C-3PO?

Or did they get another younger,

hotter,

hotter robot that was there?

Yeah.

BB-8.

BV-8.

B-8.

In a mocap suit.

That's for the Gen Zs.

Yeah.

And those,

you know, the little puffin guys?

Porgs.

Is that what they're called?

Yeah.

Porgs.

Chubaca eats porgs.

Porgs.

Porgs.

Chewbacca eats one?

Chewbacca.

Chewbacca alone eats a couple porgs.

It's a real laugh moment in episode eight.

Does he eat them like wild animal style or does he eat them?

He's grilling them.

He's grilling them on the fire.

And BBA.

Do you eat the red ones last?

Do you know why they did porgs, though?

Why they came up with those?

Why?

Because where they were shooting was had so many puffins, and there's no way that they could remove them.

So they

also

digitized the pork.

Then they couldn't get the puffins designed release.

So they actually were cooking a puffin.

Yeah, that's true.

And an actual Chewbacca ate it.

Never believes who's under there.

Who?

I'm not going to tell.

Look on IMDB.com.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Imagine how much trivia there is for these movies.

yeah oh my god yeah

um

even for uh i bet you there's a lot of trivia for that edmonton uh mall christmas special i bet you there's a lot of

do you ever watch a movie and you're like i'm gonna check out the trivia after this i do it every time i know but is it ever disappointing you're like uh yeah sometimes they only have like one or two things and it's usually something like So-and-so went to school in New York where the movie was also

trivia.

It's just sort of like facts that someone's agents put it in there.

Yeah.

This actor is actually very successful and was considered as the role of Chewbacca, but he was not tall enough.

Do you think they had auditions for the Chewbacca?

I think whoever showed up in a costume, best costume.

Come in with the Chewbacca costume.

You've got it.

You nailed it.

Who plays Chewbacca now?

Is it that no one?

Doug Jones.

Oh, Doug Jones from Hellboy.

Is that right?

Yep.

You're making it.

It's now Shape of the Water.

It's now

Jonas

Suotamo.

I believe he sounds Finnish.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, there he is on the red carpet.

Very tall.

Very tall.

Do they make him wear the Chewbacca costume on the red carpet?

Just the body.

He's allowed to have the head off.

I think he does have to wear the body.

There he is.

The movie says.

He says it on the red carpet.

There he is.

So who's in that chewbacca costume?

That's Peter Mayhew.

Yeah.

Peter Mayhew with his lover.

There always has to be a Chewbacca next to him, so people know.

Yeah.

He was.

Oh, I got to start telling my nephew that I played Chewbacca.

chewbacca for scale you played uh his son who was uh lobaca itchy

itchy yeah from the christmas special oh yes

itchy or scratching yummy can't remember what his name was which might have been the what was b arthur was she on as herself Bea Arthur.

I think she did like a sexy dance on the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was very erotic.

Where Chewbacca's dad watched sort of just like an erotic dance for him.

Chewbacca had a wife named Malat

Tobuck

and a son named Lumpo Warupy

it's short for Lumpowaru how do you if you don't speak English how do how was Chewbacca able to tell everyone my name is Chewbacca oh yeah he can't say chewbaka

what what pain he must have it must be that kind of thing of like in your like in Canada we call Germany Germany but they call themselves Deutschland right he must have written it down somewhere with his big claws.

My son's name's Lumpy.

Lumpo Waru.

It's a family name.

Sorry about that.

There was a joke from a comedian here in town named John Bueller where he said, What if they returned to the Wookiee's home planet and everybody was just normal and wearing suits?

And they were like, You're so good for putting up with Chewaka.

Happy life day.

Lumpowaru will not talk to him.

And by the way, their home planet?

Kashyuk.

Kashyyyk.

Sweet.

It's Kashyyyk with three Y.

I apologize.

Yeah, I know.

You know, he's learned it by reading.

So you're a Star Wars guy.

And that's Kashyyyk with three Ys.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Don't spell it wrong in the comments.

Oh, boy.

But you say you're not, but you know all this stuff.

I just, I don't know.

I like to read.

What are your...

What kind of a guy are you?

Like, you're not a Star Wars guy.

Are you a

Lord of the Rings guy?

Are you a DD guy?

I like reading.

MCU.

I like reading

the Wikipedias, the Wikipedias, like the Warhammer 40ks, like the DD, like the wiki articles.

But I don't like really, like, I find it interesting and kind of relaxing, if I could be so bold as to say.

I just find it, I find it interesting, like, the information.

Like, you look at Star Wars, and there's like one of those little pig guys that rips apart C3Pio's arm, and he has like a whole family history and lore behind him.

Well, not anymore.

They got rid of that.

That's the legends canon.

So the pig guy is, he's a fresh slate.

Oh, he's

we're introducing.

Yeah.

This isn't your grandfather's pig guy.

Because they had a bunch of like our

big nerd listeners know all this, but they had a bunch of novels.

Yes.

That weren't novelization.

Right?

They were like the expanded universe.

Yeah, the expanded universe.

And that's all wiped clean.

Yeah.

And then once they sold it to Disney, they got rid of all that.

And so like, if, like I read a lot of the like Chewbacca had this document, I had this autobiography memoir about his years on SNL.

It was ghostwritten, though.

About his years.

I played Gerald Ford.

I fell down a lot.

I stole a joke that made it onto the show.

It was a big deal.

Lumpy and I did not get along on set.

Years later.

We had some technical questions.

We had some technical issues.

We were the first father-son cast members of Space SNL.

Oh, who mans the update desk on Space SNL?

Yeah, I've got a sound.

I think it's going to be R2D2.

Yeah.

So funny.

Oh, Jabba the Hut.

Because he's not going.

Oh, Jab of the Hut.

He was choked to death.

Well, no, but I'm talking about the original toy.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.

Back in the day when they didn't cover his mustache to play Space President.

I had a toy from Star Wars that I think was a guard maybe around Jab of the Hut.

It was just a bald fat guy.

And I have that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's the...

Do you know who I'm talking about?

Oh, yeah, of course.

They made toys of all these guys.

But like that guy, Pig Man, that guy was the man.

Yeah.

Small, big man, big man?

Yeah, there's big and small.

Is it this guy?

That's Big Pig Man.

Oh, the guy.

No, this guy's just a guy.

Yeah, he's just a guy.

Not Gamorian Guard.

No.

Not just a man.

He had an important role.

What is

they?

So how many of the books did you read, Dave?

None.

Oh.

How many did you read?

All right, that's a dead end.

I read one where Chewbacca dies.

No way.

Yeah, Moon crushes him.

No.

And right before.

Yeah.

Is that who you got?

No,

that's Lobot.

That's Lobot.

No, it really is a guy that's just a guy who's a fat guy with his pants up around his face.

Yeah, he has sort of a loincloth on.

And he's the guy who's sad when Luke kills the big claymation monster.

Because he was the guy who oversaw that monster.

Oh, so his ass is going to fry.

Yeah, they had a fun shot of him as Luke escapes, and he's very sad.

Okay, we're not going to look that up.

No, that's fine.

Well, what am I looking up?

Sad exclaimation monster.

Sad man.

He kind of looks like.

Okay, here's the keywords.

Jabba the hut, Star Wars,

loincloth man, bald guard.

Jabba the hut.

Monster.

Star Wars.

Star Wars.

Bald.

Bald.

I mean, Jabba the Hut.

Are we going to get, if we don't have Star Wars, are we going to...

Do we need Star Wars if we're searching Jabba the Hut?

Safe search

bald loincloth.

Loincloth.

God, what is that monster's name?

Rancor.

I know the one you're talking about.

Yeah.

Kind of.

Yeah, isn't it Rancor?

Rancor, yeah.

Okay, add Rancor to that.

Yeah, we're just seeing Jabba the Hut right now.

Rancor trainer.

Let's say that.

Wipe everything.

There he is, right there.

There he is.

Second row.

Okay, you're talking about.

Yeah, that's the guy.

He looks like Kevin from the office.

He does bring in his Star Wars chili.

It was no shirt day.

Malak.

Malakal.

Yeah, they all have names.

Are those I's or L's?

Malakali?

So I lost the

thing that he wears on this head, the cloth on his head, and also the belt thing.

So it was just a fat guy in pants.

So are we going to get a pronunciation on this?

Yeah, let's watch the YouTube video.

How to pronounce?

Male Keely.

You got to say it in that weird robot voice.

You know,

Mayor MacKirway.

How do they make money over there at pronunciation.com?

Well, some of them, there's the guy who does with a French accent who does, who's all

like,

we are going to.

Yes, today we are doing it.

Today we are going to be looking at this

bowling.

Yes, this word, this special word that is known for

beloved far and wide.

So they must get enough, like, you got to do at least 30 seconds to get yourself away from it.

Get it out there, yeah.

Lump awaru.

Lump awaru.

I was in a Star Wars fan movie when I was in 2021.

What does that mean?

Let me tell you about that.

Yeah.

So it was called Star Wars Seekers of the Rebellion.

Okay.

And it was made by this guy.

And if you look at the.

This is in Edmonton.

This was in Edmonton.

And if you look at the trivia for that movie, you'll see that it was never released because the director, creator, was

a murderer.

No.

He murdered someone, and this movie was never released.

What is a fan movie, though?

What do you mean?

That's the piece you want to talk about.

Yeah, so he...

No, but I just didn't.

I just don't know what the hell that is.

It was someone who

spent a lot of money.

He racked up credit card debt to kind of create just a movie in the Star Wars world.

He flew in the guy who played Boba Fett under the costume.

Didn't talk.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

And he was in the...

And he murdered him.

R.I.P.

Because I've seen Batman once.

I've seen Batman fan-made things.

Yeah.

I enjoy them.

There you go.

I said it.

Like, I've heard of people writing fan fiction.

Yeah.

But, like, to go to the expense of making a movie that you'll immediately get sued for

making.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It does.

I think a lot of the time they just love Star Wars.

Some of them love murdering.

Now, did this guy murder someone?

Is he in jail now?

He is in jail.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In Edmonton.

Did he murder someone

like after he made the movie?

Yeah.

Like during editing?

Yeah.

So this was, he gave up on making this movie and then he got really into Dexter and was making a Dexter fan movie.

This is not true.

You're not talking about Dexter Jetster from Star Wars.

Oh, God.

You've read the Wiki, my friend.

You've read Wikipedia.

And then he

recreated the actual Dexter fan movie in real life.

Oh, okay.

Do you think I'm joking?

Yes.

I do think you're joking about the Dexter part.

No, that guy doesn't look like his name should be Dexter Dexter.

Oh, he ran the diner that was then reaching out.

It should be Diner Diner.

Riverdale.

Diner Diner.

They got lazier and lazier.

Yeah, George Luke, because I'm ready to sell this.

I'm ready to get rid of this.

But this isn't true, the thing about the Dexter.

No, it's true.

Look it up.

Do your own research.

Let's do your own research.

Normally on the show, I look up maybe one thing.

Maybe two.

I'm not doing my whole show and Google it.

You got to fact-check me live.

Well, I don't care.

Oh, okay.

So is this.

So you called my blog.

Well, it's not that I don't care.

Graham doesn't believe you.

I believe you.

Yeah, you believe me.

We're like, okay, so there's two guards.

One of them believes everything you said.

The other one only doesn't believe you.

Brent.

You now make your home here in Vancouver.

You ran Little Mountain from Edmonton via internet.

Yeah, yeah, via internet.

Yeah, because I moved back.

We knew that the space was going to close at some point.

And so I went back and how many years did we know it was going to close?

I felt like it was on the verge of being shut down for a decade.

I think it was the point when the corner store next door

started sinking into the ground in the front of the coolers.

Like you'd go to buy a big Arizona iced tea.

and there'd be like a depression filled with foam yeah that they tried to keep the floor up with there's a uh if you go to the safe way on um

king edward and oak

in the produce aisle, produce section, it is wonky.

Like you, sometimes I'll walk away from my cart and it'll just roll away.

The deals are this way.

Follow me for the deals, dude.

Yeah, so it was, but how many years did you do that?

I sort of

say like I got involved probably 2016, and then me and Ryan were kind of overlapping for a while.

And yeah, and then during COVID, it closed down.

i was back i went back to school to sort of for urban planning and sort of help with understanding the city processes of which they are uh a lot it took us about

two

three years before we were able to open in gastown when you when you're doing urban planning in school yeah what's the main thing they teach you is it like A roundabout would probably be better here.

Nobody understands four-way stops.

Can I tell you about the roundabout, actually?

Yes, please.

So

Is that yes?

Is that the song?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

No.

No, but I liked it.

Yeah.

I thought it was just an original thing.

It's a roundabout.

I think it's yes.

It's Prague.

It's Prague.

Okay.

Famously eaten by?

Progs were eaten by Chewbacca.

And.

Hello, Baca.

Lumpy.

The fat guy.

Progs again.

Dinah, Dinah.

Was that the Virgin Jetta?

Diner Giner, Dexter, Jetster.

Guys, this is the

stupidest episode in a while.

It might be.

Is it really?

So you

tell us about roundabouts.

Oh, well.

They're just going to lay down some tracks.

They were used in the 80s, 90s a lot more in traffic calming for bike

lanes, but they're actually more unsafe than just

a stop sign.

For bikes or for everyone?

For bikes for everybody.

A lot more bikes get hit in those little roundabouts.

You guys both ride bikes?

I own a bike.

I don't ride a bike in the city.

Too afraid.

Too afraid of getting run over by a car.

Really?

Yeah.

Or Doord.

So you did urban planning in school for this so you could run a bike?

Yeah, it helped.

I sort of wanted to just learn more about it and work in cultural planning a bit.

So I worked in Edmonton when I was there, opening and working with arts and culture spaces.

You see the Shamkas?

When you're at Edmonton?

You see those Shumka dancers?

Oh, yeah.

I know about those guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You talk about Edmonton culture.

You can't talk about Edmonton culture without mentioning the Shimka dancers.

Yeah.

Vegarville.

Yeah, sure, man.

Whatever.

Giant egg.

Naming stuff.

Yeah.

And what is the place with the giant kilbasa sausage?

It is Mundair.

Mundair sausage.

Where's that big...

What's the place with the big pierogi?

Is that Vegaville?

I think St.

Paul's the one with the...

Is that the alien?

No, that's Vulcan at the alien landing pad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, Vulcan has the Enterprise.

Oh, alien landing pad is somewhere else.

That's St.

Paul, then, right?

Are we talking about pierogies?

Are we talking about Star Trek?

Back to Google, I guess.

Let's get on Google.

Alberta has a lot of biggest things.

World's largest pierogi in Glendon.

Glendon.

Shout out to Glendon.

Pierogie was a Star Wars character.

It was Glendon for sure.

And the landing pad is in St.

Paul.

St.

Paul.

Okay.

Nailed it.

And this is in case aliens come to Earth where they think they're going to land at St.

Paul.

Yeah, and they have a spaceship that size.

Yeah.

Why, when aliens attack

Earth, are they so obsessed with North America?

Because there's a lot more.

They hate monuments, yeah.

And there's monuments in every country.

No one's been familiar with.

That would be great if in like the if in

Independence Day 3, they ran out of monuments to blow up.

So they are going and doing like a little, like the all of the giants.

The like Muskoka chairs

that are literally littering this country's highways.

Not the Easter egg.

Oh, Brent Spiner, please get in there.

Please come back.

Please come back.

And Bill Smith, the mayor of Edmonton?

There was also, I remember in the original Independence Day, where they start broadcasting to everybody else on earth how to kill the ship.

And

the French Resistance are sitting around

smoking cigarettes.

And finally, they say

Independence Day.

We call it Bastille Day.

This is our Bastille Day.

Please translate.

We will upload the code, Jeff Godebloom.

Oh, man.

And that's my Ken Sim impression.

What's that?

And that's my Ken Sim impression.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, he changes day to day when he's at his little gym.

Yeah.

Or when he shotguns a beer in front of a bunch of people.

He's so cool.

He is so cool.

Yeah.

Isn't he rad?

Yeah.

Have you met him?

Have you guys met him before?

No.

No.

I'm not cool enough.

What?

That got the biggest laugh.

He's breathless laughing at the fact that I've never met the man.

I don't know.

I think I just thought it funny to shot that down very quickly.

No.

No, now move on.

Get back to all those people who killed other people, please.

What is

so?

One thing that's happening at Little Mountain Gallery is a thing happening with my friend Graham here.

And it's going to last for, I think, 23 hours.

23 hours.

And then the last hour we're going to watch the movie 24 hours.

Yeah, we all lay down.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Independent.

Think about Independence Day.

We couldn't get the rights.

Silently.

We all sit there and imagine independence day.

Yeah.

Their favorite scenes.

The one where the dog survives was my favorite deleted scenes.

The dog lives.

Didn't test well.

The dog lives in it.

Dog dies in the deleted scene.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Which they say is the superior cut.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the

engagement ring that Will Smith is getting, Vivica Afox, that is shaped like two dolphins, I think.

That's right.

She's going to love it.

I guess it's going to be a little bit

trap stab

of a dolphin ring.

But yeah, we're doing on May 23rd it's time 23 may 23

24 yeah 24 hours 8 p.m that's a friday to a saturday to saturday the 8 p.m to 8 p.m yeah this is my fourth official time doing it but third official time with lmg yeah and these are always very fun yeah very very loopy uh we raise money for a local charity and uh to help lmg as a not-for-profit and graham's on stage for 24 hours yeah comedians are writing jokes for Graham to read.

And the thing about that people love when you read their jokes is that you don't just read the joke, like you actually deliver the joke.

And multiple people have mentioned this.

Oh, really?

Yeah, because they.

Well, we were thinking about replacing you, and then

some of the writers came and

were like, no, yeah, this guy really

was a lot of the 3 a.m.

writers, so don't worry about them.

Yeah, and so like Dave was a writer.

You know who's one of the 3 a.m.

writers?

Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20.

He's on brand because he's on brand 3 a.m.

And

push.

And.

Smooth.

Smooth.

Yeah.

And, oh, I want to, yeah, that's push is pushy.

Yeah, I think that's it.

And it was all ghost ridden after that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But every hour or so, because it's the writers turn over.

Every two hours, yeah.

And so in that two hours,

repeat bits start happening and they become runners of that two-hour chunk.

And then new people come in and they're like, what the fuck is that?

What was all this Kool-Aid Man stuff you guys were talking about?

Yeah.

And my favorite genre that we did, the whole, the last one, was saying, ladies and gentlemen, something as it like.

And it was really funny.

To me, it never got old.

Yeah, you survived that.

I can't believe you agreed to do it again.

I mean, it is.

Because it's punishing.

It is.

For you, and I mean, I'm there as well.

And someone who's known Graham for 20 years,

punishing.

He needs something, some like a way to direct the punishment.

He would just be at home punishing himself.

That's true.

Yeah.

Standing for 24 hours by himself.

Do you remember any highlights last year, David?

No.

One year,

the year.

Ken Sim was there.

The year we did the one when it was closing, LMG was closing, I had brought up Milton Burrell joke file, and then there was hundreds of jokes about Milton Burrell's giant penis.

Well, we didn't even...

Which is featured in Milton Burrow's pants.

And shorts.

SNL.

I didn't know.

It's an SNL movie.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's him and Chevy Chase, and he takes out his dick to prove to Chevy Chase that he's got a bigger dick.

Like, you may be the new big thing in comedy.

Your show hasn't aired aired yet.

And that was portrayed by an actor who thought he was going to play all of Milton Burrell, but he just only played The Cock.

John Cock.

Anyone who played him?

No.

J.K.

Simmons.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, that's pretty perfect.

It's a good.

I don't know if it's a good movie.

I like it.

Yeah, it sounds fun.

It sounds like a fun movie.

I want to watch it again.

Yeah.

And I'm going to.

Okay.

Have you seen it?

No, I haven't seen it.

Will you, though?

I don't know.

There's so many good movies that have come out.

This isn't one of them.

Sinners, I heard, was really good.

Did you guys watch that?

I saw that.

Was it good?

Was it good?

I told you last week.

I was expecting scary, and it wasn't very scary.

It was like more of like,

we got to battle these vampires.

And also, we need to spend an hour setting up the fact that we are building a dance club in the 30s.

But was it good?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to see it.

What was the last movie you saw in the theater?

It's been a lot.

It should be said.

you are at Little Mountain Gallery.

How many hours a day?

18 hours a day?

Sometimes I am there that long.

Yeah.

And then soon to be 24.

Plus all the days, all the hours setting up.

Yeah.

And taking down.

And we also agreed for some reason that after your show, we were going to let Jacob Samuel do his show at 9.30.

And I know we're going to regret that.

It's going to smell bad.

Jacob?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And Jacob's been on the show, friend of the show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Very funny guy.

His birthday is coming up on

november 5th friday

and

saturday

um what uh oh i said there was gonna be a party after the 24th there is gonna be a party but he's gonna be upstairs uh by himself doing his show at 9 30 jacob samuel and friends there's gonna be so you're gonna are you gonna stay for the party uh we'll see how i feel but it's after that many hours your body just goes on kind of an autopilot now i'm i volunteered i think i volunteered maybe you did no absolutely

i don't know if i'm volunteered or if i'm getting paid uh to do a two-hour writing session.

Last year, all the writers were given Little Mountain Gallery t-shirt.

Do I need to bring my t-shirt?

I would love if you do you still have that t-shirt.

Yeah.

Please bring it.

This year we've got tote bags.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, we love spending money over Little Mountain Gallery.

Yeah,

you've got to spend money to make money.

So waiting.

You have a giant raccoon mascot costume.

That's right, from MakeMascot.com.

Let's look that up, please.

So make mascot.com internet down

if you're ever looking for a mascot, what they have done is they have just stolen pictures of mascot costumes and then they will make kind of an approximation of what they think that looks like.

Yeah.

Is that a

do you have a piece of this business?

No, well, a little piece.

Yeah, you got a little form of the glued together raccoon.

Can't go out in the rain.

The glue will

shade off.

I'm worried about that.

Yeah.

Oh, there's a grimace.

You can get a grimace.

You You can get anything, but clearly that's just a picture from promotional material.

So you don't know what the actual grimace is going to look like until it shows up.

No, it's going to look good, though.

Fucking hey, it is.

It's going to look $469.

That's really better.

Good thing there's a lid on that coffee.

Is this the standard price?

Were they all around?

Yeah,

$300, $400.

But I learned after a normal mascot costume will cost like $10,000.

And that's even not even talking about the furry ones that you can have sex in.

oh yeah well i mean you can have sex in all of them right very true graham very true

um i can like i can buy a five dollar pair of pants and have sex

and that's your mascot

yeah

mr grusty pants i'm a regular milton burrows

burrows

yeah the mole version the furry version of oh yeah that's kind of funny in like the zootopia yeah universe

oh i was listening i listened to that uh thing on the radio in the morning where they're doing

where it's called Alpha Bucks.

And you have 30 seconds.

You have to answer 10 questions.

They all start with the same letter.

And usually it's like, okay, your letter is G, name a color.

Green.

Yeah.

And then they, they're usually easy.

Like, like something springs to your mind right away.

And the contestants in this episode were a seven and a 12-year-old on the phone.

And their letter was Zed.

And they were

the

questions were so difficult.

The letter was Zed, and it was like,

this is a pill you take if you're too stressed out.

Wow.

Combined age is 19.

And then Zootopia.

This is

vitamins.

This is what fake diamonds are made out of.

Jesus.

Wow, they really did.

And then they

name a country and the kid goes, Zootopia.

They should let him have that.

That's what we call it, though, in Canada.

They have a different name for the country.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's so funny, especially because I bet those kids, the parents were like, we didn't tell you you were allowed to phone into the radio.

You're supposed to win.

We're taking away your phone.

Did either of you, well, did you used to call all the time?

Yeah, me too.

All the time.

What did you call?

Well, I made it.

I competed in the Burger King X Games through the radio station.

What does that mean?

Yes.

Well, let me get to it.

You call in and you win, and then you get to go to the Burger King parking lot with a group of friends and you run a relay race, which is you making a burger, pouring a drink, and then someone has to eat the burger and drink it fastest.

Is that the team?

Like your teammate has to do that?

That's right.

And how did it turn out?

We won.

No, you didn't.

Yeah, and the prize was that we got to be, we got to go to Palladium when it opened and we were first first in line.

Oh, wow.

Pladium was like a big arcade.

A cool arcade.

Yeah.

But it didn't do very well, though.

No?

No, I don't think those lasted that long.

Did they?

People in Vancouver,

I never went to it, but there's like a generation of people who look back so fondly on the era of Metro Town Mall that had Palladium and the Rainforest Cafe.

Yeah.

And Storium.

That was a brief period as well.

Do you remember that?

That was in Castown.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, just a different thing.

Just a different thing that no one really likes.

Yeah, nobody liked it.

I went to the auction for when they were selling everything off, and I tried to bid on a barrel.

Barrels are so fucking expensive.

It's crazy.

And these are the things that are the symbol of being too poor to have clothes.

You got me over a barrel here.

Where are you going to shoot your fish?

So you won this thing.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Was it affiliated with the X Games?

Nah, just sort of named that by the radio station and Burger King.

But yeah, we were up against, you know, a lot of adults couldn't take the day off because it was a work day.

So we dominated that adventure kids.

A lot of elderly people and us.

And did you,

was this a school day?

Oh, yeah.

Were your parents said you could go do this or were you playing hooky?

We didn't.

I thought, you know, they would be proud of us.

Yeah.

I mean, they should be to win.

What?

Yeah, another question.

I'll take one more question.

I was just thinking about that.

I watched Stand By Me with my daughter this weekend.

Oh, yeah.

Good reception.

Yeah, it was.

We had pretty good reception.

We had

a lot of rabbit ears on the old TV.

The internet was linked into the roof.

But yeah, I guess I was thinking about the pie-eating kind of with the burger eating.

Yeah.

And there's all the vomit.

What is this character's name?

Lardass.

Lardass.

Yeah.

Boombaba, boom, baba, boom, baba.

Lardy.

That's a lump, lump, lumpawaru.

And yeah, he had some respect on that name.

Lardess.

Lardess.

Lumpass.

And what he eats a pie that and he drinks a bunch of castor oil.

Castor oil, yeah.

I'm going to give castor oil a try.

I like watching movies that are set like before I was born.

So when I watch movies with my kids, I don't have to like...

If I watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I have to be like, okay, so in the 80s, this was the way it was.

At least if this takes place in the 50s, I'm like, I don't know.

Castor oil.

I've never tasted castor oil in my life.

But presumably it's gross.

We ate a lot of lead back then.

In old movies that are set in the future, and they have those ads for like, you know, in Blade Runner where it's like Kodak film and stuff.

They're like, this is going to be around forever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I always thought Kodak was going to be with us for all time.

Well, they're coming back.

Are they?

Yeah.

People are shooting movies on film, apparently.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, I always think of in Back to the Future 2, how they have a food rehydrator and they put a pizza in it pizza hut yeah pizza hut promo also they have like funny shaped pepsis

and they have uh fax machines that tell you you're fired and nothing else yeah

oh no the fired machines boot move yeah and his kid wants to watch like eight channels at once yeah and two ties two

ties yeah or one tie that was two pieces and teenagers uh pulled their pockets out on their jeans and upside down boots what's your favorite thing from the movie Right in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There was a whole thing with the hoverboards, apparently, where like kids wrote in saying, We're going to get a hoverboard, and the people who wrote the movie were like, just tell them that it exists, but you can't buy it.

It's all sold out.

Or just sell them nothing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just stonewall those kids.

Well, I mean, it was 1989.

You write a letter, you never hear back, who cares?

You're not like flipping into Robert Zamakus' DMs.

Damn, Back to the Future.

I'd like to buy the following items that you featured.

Two ties.

I'm an old-timey guy, but I'm still a kid in 1989.

Please make one in the old west.

Yes, yes.

The third and kind of.

Did you like that one?

I liked all of it.

It was all Back to the Future.

Yeah, that's true.

And it doesn't hold up for me the fact that they had to give

Doc Brown.

Well, Doc Brown marrying Mary

Steen Burgess.

Steen Burgen.

There's a bit of an age gap there.

Yeah.

But he was de-aged in the future, if you remember correctly.

He pulled off his skin.

That's right.

He waited to pull the skin off to impress Marty.

But he looks exactly the same.

Isn't that the joke?

No, I think he was a little bit older, actually.

Yeah,

he was a little bit older.

And then in the well,

you're like a kid explaining.

Yeah, it's actually...

Yeah, he's a little, if you look closely.

And then in the...

What I don't like about it is they go back in time to 1880.

I hated the going back in time.

Slide didn't just stay in 1995 where things are

so many interesting things.

Reagan.

But they go back and

all Marty McFly's like great-great-great-grandparents are there.

And it's him and Leah Thompson.

And it's like, how long has this family been?

Those two people fuck.

Yeah.

Generations after generations.

A lot to think about in that movie.

Yeah.

I I follow like a movie memorabilia auction site, and one of the things you could buy is the You're Fired paper.

Oh, really?

How do you know it's real?

I don't know.

It seems like an easy thing to

lie about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As long as you had a dot matrix printer, yeah, and uh, it could spell you're fired.

I'm sure they had dot matrix printers in the future.

Yeah, why did those not change?

I don't know.

Have you bought a printer lately?

They suck.

No, yeah.

I have a printer, but yeah, it sucks.

my printer rules it's laser oh cool we're looking at yeah it's a brother but it's not color

so if you need something printed in black and white i'm your guy

what's your printer you got at little mountain great question it is color uh

and i've been starting to buy those knockoff inks do you get that no because it's laser you don't need to

What

you just get a toner cartridge that lasts for years.

Really?

I only know that because Dave told me.

But it's good.

Graham has the inks.

And if you don't use your inkjet printer in like a month, then everything dries out anyway.

Holy shit, really?

They also know

the printer knows if you don't use real

ink.

So how do you convince it to use it?

You got to turn the Wi-Fi off so it stops updating because the fake ink people are always trying to be one step ahead of the printer people.

Right.

Fake ink people.

This sounds like a science fiction

book.

Books only.

We're trying to get the movie written, but no one wants to make the fake ink people.

Please option my book.

It's got 10 full color page photos from the movie being written.

Yeah, glossy photos.

Yeah, from the movie that we hope is what we...

Here's Dave in front of the computer upset about how short the movie is.

I'm going to commit murder before this comes out.

What's a movie that you've seen where you feel like they had to stretch it?

Like, you know, the basic, like, they had to stretch it for time.

Didn't I hear recently?

Good answer.

Good answer.

I heard recently that the reason Baywatch did all the slow motion was to stretch it.

To stretch it, really?

No way.

Yeah, but it was their signature thing.

Have you guys watched Baywatch Nights?

Yeah, every night.

You have?

I do.

Train the title.

myself in.

I only read the wiki on that one, too.

But you know, Baywatch Nights.

So Baywatch Nights was the spin-off of Baywatch, and it stars David Hasselhoff running a detective agency.

Perfect.

And then that's the first season.

The second season, it didn't do well.

So it turns into a sort of an ex-file situation where he like meets aliens and Vikings that have been frozen in time.

But the best part is that each episode starts with him finishing his shift at the beach.

Oh, and then he's still working full-time at the beach?

No, no, no.

There's like a bit of a crossover, and then he goes at night to solve these mysteries.

When does this guy sleep?

He doesn't.

There's nothing in the show about this.

But also, like, how does he have...

That's not a thing about his personality from the show.

He's not solving beach mysteries.

And then he's like, let's take this to the nighttime.

Also, everywhere he goes, he leaves a trail of sand behind him.

They always have that like floaty thing.

He wears his shoes in the

around their torso.

He takes that off.

He does at night.

In the beginning of the episode, when he's getting off work, he hangs it up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that drives him to drink, and then he's eating a Wendy's cheeseburger on the ground.

That was probably the best celebrity thing that ever happened.

Like the best, most.

That was like when we first got cameras on our phones.

Yeah.

Well, I got to record my dad drunkenly eating.

On the floor.

On the bathroom.

Well, he might be in the Burger King X games.

You don't know if he's competing or training for that.

It's different than Wendy's, though, because they got those square burgers.

Yeah.

Yeah, they hurt if you eat them.

They don't go down smooth.

Oh, got lodged in my throat.

I got a corner.

Yeah, the

I'm trying to think of something that would be better than the David Hassoff one, but it's.

I mean, what I think the first thing we ever saw on a phone camera was Michael Richards' racist rant.

Oh, yeah, before we knew that it was a possibility of recording somebody doing something like that.

Of racism, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

that was before the Michael Richards show or after

I liked that.

I liked the Michael Richards show.

It was only on for like six seasons or six seasons.

It was only six six seasons, but they knew when to quit.

What was the Jason Alexander one?

He did one where he was like a self-help

motivational speaker.

And then he also did rolled gold pretzel advertisements.

And then he wore that wig for a while, remember?

And he wrote that long, weird letter about why he was going to wear the wig.

I don't know.

I didn't know about the letter.

I know about the wig.

He wrote a long, like, just like...

Like an op-ed in the paper.

Yes.

Yes.

About why he was wearing the wig, why it was right to wear the wig, and why he shouldn't be upset about wearing the wig.

And no one asked, really.

Yeah.

People mocked him because they were like, you're famously bald.

You can't run away.

He addressed this.

If you read the letter, he addresses that in there about page two or three.

Yeah.

And he, in a famous episode of Law and Order, he had a white

criminal mind.

Oh, it was a criminal minds.

Okay, yeah.

He had white long hair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He had white long hair.

And he was a reoccurring character on it.

He was a bad guy that came back more than once.

Yeah.

2014, Jason Alexander explains Toupe decision.

Toupee decision.

That's the AI summarization, though.

Any highlights there?

We had a summit and we made the toupee decision.

The hair summit, yes.

He's clarified that it's a semi-permanent, high-quality hairpiece he wears for extended periods, like weeks at a time.

Like weeks at a time.

Have you ever seen the like the videos of somebody getting that done, like where they glue it to the head and then they style it?

Oh, yeah,

it looks good.

Yeah, the it's like it's a miracle, yeah.

Like the, they, the, like, they, and then they give them a haircut, yeah, and it's like, and it stays on for a couple of months, and then you go and you get another system.

Yeah, I, I, I think it should be fine, honestly.

Uh, Jason Alexander wasn't wrong.

I think people should be able to wear wigs.

I disagree.

Counterpoint.

All right, Graham, Dave's right.

Exactly.

Yes, I like, I'm fine with the piece.

Fine.

Yeah.

I think if it makes you feel good, do it, right?

I choose hair war.

Wear it on the top or chewbaca style on your face.

Yeah.

On your entire body.

Chewbacca style.

One more time.

It's a high-quality

Chewbacca costume.

Semi-permanent Chewbacca costume.

This picture is

bald.

He's like bald.

His face is all hairy, but he's bald on top.

He's combing it forward over the over the eyes.

Lumpy's just so upsetting.

Let's go, chewy.

Oh, God.

Yeah, so that, and then Julia Louis Dreyfus, she went on to

was she the new adventures of old Christine.

And then Veep.

And then

Thunderbolts.

And

the Winter Soldier and the Falcon, she plays.

And another character.

She was in.

Do you guys remember the movie with

James Gandolfini?

Oh, yeah.

Dranos.

It's that one movie called.

I cried watching that

on the plane.

I cried on the plane.

Was it like, it was like...

Give me my peanuts.

We don't do that, sir.

I want a refill.

I don't want ice in my coat.

We're landing the plane, sir.

I don't want to put my tray out.

You're in zone Zed on Flare.

Did you hear there's a new zone, Zed?

Is it really?

Yeah.

That's one of the things you can answer in that comment.

Zed,

zone.

Zone.

Oh, wait, no.

Zone started with a Z as well.

Sorry about that, guys.

That's all right.

It's okay.

We'll get it another thing out of the show.

What is zone Z?

So it's absolutely, they make it clear that's the lowest class.

So you get no carry-on.

You board absolutely last.

They make you stand aside and they make you

stand up on the plane.

They make you stand up.

They put a dunce cap on your head.

You are the seat, actually.

You become the seat.

For zone F's.

And

they make you put your little bag in that tiny metal bag size thing.

It's not the right size.

It's not the size under the seat.

It's smaller.

And so they make you, they do this whole sign and dance,

forcing you to do this in front of everybody else.

It's humiliating.

And they make you put your genitals in a chastity belt.

Yeah.

Then you've got to wear that the whole flight.

Some people request it, though, honestly.

Sure.

Yeah.

That's my kink.

That's how I wear these

$10 crusty pant costumes.

Krusty the clone.

Thanks.

Have you like last time I flew Flare, I just had a tote bag and that would fit in perfectly.

Oh, is it a Little Mountain Gallery tote bag?

I think it might have been.

Oh, yeah, that's this year.

That's this year.

You also have hats, right?

You also got Little Mountain Gallery hats.

You got shirts.

You got tote bag.

So I hear you guys actually have hats.

Tell me about that.

I got a little enamel pin.

Yeah, that's classic LMG stuff.

Yeah.

So we've got, that's a great uh leading yeah we've got if you guys want hats if you want t-shirts we only have extra smalls and triple xls left uh

and those are just the hats yeah those are

they're all if you're in hats if you're a pinhead or a gigantic head are you a buck a size or a mars attacks alien

what's your favorite monument it's on this hat um

yeah we've got uh we've got big hats little hats whatever you guys are into but not medium hats.

We're all sold out.

And they're not adjustable.

7 3 8 is the largest you can get.

Is that small?

I think that's

7 and 5 eighths.

Oh, 7 3 8 is my hat size.

Oh, okay.

For my fitteds.

Better go to lids.

Yeah, because I know that when I was a teen, I wanted that limp biscuit hat that fitted New York.

And did you get it?

And?

I did, yeah.

Nice.

They didn't have my size, so I just wore this really tight red hat.

Was there anything on it, it or was it just a blank red hat?

When Fred Durst said break stuff, you're like, yeah, my skull.

I got to do it, Fred Durst says.

Yeah, why not?

He knows his shit.

I did it all.

For

the Wookiee.

That's.

Yep.

And that brings our episode to a close.

So you can stick that cookie and stick it up here.

Please, Lumpies listener.

Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Big week here.

Big week.

Well, so I mentioned a couple months ago that my dog was diagnosed.

Irma, the great Irma, was diagnosed with a torn knee ligament.

Oh, no.

And this is from playing too hard.

No.

I think we isolated it to

running around on when our dogs are bad.

And so we don't ever let them off-leash around other dogs.

But when it snowed in February, we let them run around in the tennis courts because it was fenced off

in our backyard

the new tennis court though and we didn't do it the help did it yeah the help ran with the dogs yeah

chased them

over at the park over there and they ran around and she came home limping and then a couple weeks later she was like not putting any weight on it and so uh They said she has a torn CCL.

Okay.

That's a cranial cruciate ligament.

And what is this?

Do they get an x-ray?

How do they diagnose it?

They x-rayed her, yeah.

Okay.

They had to knock her out for the x-ray.

I wish they did that for humans.

Did they give her a biscuit for that limp?

Nice.

Hey, nice.

Think about that.

We're back.

We're back, baby.

Yeah, and they said, she said, you can take that cookie and stick it in my mouth.

Doc said that?

No, she said.

Irma said that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right before she passed it.

We scheduled her an appointment.

It took months.

And then, so this past week, we took her out to New Westminster, where they do knee surgeries on dogs.

And this is famously Canada has our free healthcare system.

This does not carry over the dogs.

No, famously.

In fact, this is, we had to let go of some of the help.

This was so expensive.

We're going to have to close the old tennis court.

Really sorry, Peter.

We're going to have to let you go.

But where will I go?

My tennis pro.

train my dogs to teach teach tennis not play teach yeah yeah teach yeah uh so we went we took her in and uh they knocked her out they fixed her knee yeah they woke her up she was like one of these people we took a video of her waking up and she was like

is god real

yeah it's me

she had all that guy came back with some demons

uh it was like half an hour of the vet like talking to me about

her like recovery schedule.

Okay.

And it's been, it's so,

like, so much

to

keep track of.

It's like, okay, she needs these pills this many times a day.

Right.

She needs this liquid medicine this many times a day.

It's so tough to get her on that foam roller as well.

Sure.

She's got to do, we give her a massage.

She's got to stick her face through the hole in the

dog dog would love that just getting pet with their face through a hole.

Oh my God.

And you hold like peanut butter.

Yeah, yeah.

You get a little

Mundair sausage.

Delicious.

And so like, you know, I'm every day I'm crushing up pills.

I'm mixing them with peanut butter.

I'm spreading it on my penis.

It's the only thing you can reach.

And she is

she's not allowed.

So for four months.

Four months.

Four months.

2,000 flushes.

that's right in four months she is going to be in recovery oh my god week

no month one she can only do five minute walks okay she's not allowed to be off leash even in our backyard that's the little dog that's the big dog okay yeah she oh so she's 40 pounds is about 45 pounds and i have to carry her up and downstairs oh she's not allowed to go upstairs

she won't be allowed upstairs for four months wow and the uh she's gonna miss the whole season

this year.

Well, she might be around for the playoffs

if we win the pennant.

Um, but she is not allowed on the couch.

And we have two couches and one couch we were like,

we tried to like put up a bunch of like stools and chairs around it so she couldn't jump up.

And it wasn't

discouraging her at all.

Was it even more of a challenge kind of thing?

She was like, wow.

Because that's the couch that's right next to the window, and she loves looking out the window.

So she's on painkillers right now.

So she can't really feel what she's doing to her body jumping up there.

Yeah, I guess, well, it's not even the jumping that is, it's the danger of the jumping that she slips, and then she could injure herself.

Yeah.

Do you have that slippery couch?

He's just reaching the couch now.

And so we.

For the help.

After a couple of days of trying to figure out how to keep her off the couch, we decided, oh, well, let's just lay lay the vacuum cleaner on top of it because she's afraid of that.

Very smart.

So anytime I want to sit on the couch, I have to move the vacuum out of the way.

The vacuum cleaner's name is

James Hoover.

Yeah.

Hoover.

I'm also.

I'll be honest.

I'm a little bit scared of the vacuum cleaner, too.

Yeah.

Why?

What happened to you early in life?

Oh, I guess my parents were murdered by James Dyson.

Allegedly.

Allegedly.

And they were eaten by a shark.

Oh, shit.

And then the other kind of.

Shark's another vacuum.

Yeah, that's what I was saying.

Oh, yeah.

That's a cheaper brand.

Yeah.

It's an Amazon brand.

What's the one with the little face?

The British one.

Dirt Devil?

No.

Devil.

Dave.

Dev's a guy who's called like David or something like that.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

Like a British guy who's got a little face.

He looks like Thomas the Tank Engine.

He does shit.

Yeah.

Vacuum.

Oh, come on.

British vacuum.

Internet's back.

Oh, my God.

A vacuum with.

How come it's only down when I want to look a face?

That's fine.

It's pneumatic Henry.

Henry!

Does it have a face?

It does.

Yeah.

It's got a face

there.

Oh, no.

Oh, this one's called James.

Oh, James.

James.

But you see them if you go to Britain?

They're everywhere.

On the streets.

On the streets?

Yeah, they've

vacuum on the wrong side of the road.

Different side of the road.

And then our other couch, we have...

No, we've decided that we should just...

She's got to get up on this couch.

So we've just made a bunch of levels.

We've put a mattress at the bottom of the couch that she can get on the mattress.

We took one of the cushions off so she can get from the mattress onto the cushionless area and then up onto the cushions.

Okay.

And we're sleeping downstairs.

We're like,

our whole life is.

Because that's your mattress.

We're sleeping.

We're sleeping.

I mean.

Waking up with a dog between your legs.

Well, that's the peanut butter that's doing it, I think.

On your wedding night.

You're probably wondering how I got here.

And that's the dog saying, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then you go back, see the whole movie.

Thank you, MakeMascot.com.

I reached down between my legs and eased the seatback.

Anyway, so we are in...

Soon I'm going to have to take off the bandage and I'm not looking forward to that.

Did you sign the cast?

The cast only lasted a day.

They want the dog walking as soon as possible.

And so,

like,

no

playing with the licking of the stitches or anything like that?

Yeah, I'm not allowed to lick the stitches.

No matter how much peanut butter they're going to be.

We can play with it though, a little bit.

It's so umami.

You got to get it on the back.

You got a good mouthfeel.

Yeah, so yeah, no, she needs to be, and she loves, she's got allergies, so she's licking her paws all the time anyway.

Oh, boy.

The dog has allergies?

Yeah.

To what?

Allergens.

Okay.

Just like you.

Yeah.

Yeah, Irma and I have more in common with.

I'm 45 pounds as well.

He's

scared of shit of vague.

What should I say?

Human dander?

Yeah, human dander.

Yeah.

Is that, what, is she really?

I don't know.

It's just environmental.

Like, it might be her food, might be.

Sneezing all the time?

No, just licking her paws.

Oh, weird.

They're itchy.

They're itchy.

You gotta feed her a lot of peanuts.

Peanut-based.

I do give, she does tap dance on peanuts.

So we are, yeah, it's going to be a long road, but I feel like once she's, once we're done, like the painkillers, I've,

the pages and pages of instructions they gave me, I'm just crossing things off the list.

Once we're like, okay, we're, we've, we've

not, I don't believe in antibiotics.

I don't think so.

I don't believe in antibiotics.

There's the peanut butter pages here.

But like, once we're done the antibiotic phase, I'm happy.

I'm like, then we're done.

We're going to be done the painkiller phase in a few days.

And then,

you know.

And then, have you, have you taken a peek at the scar?

No.

No.

That's probably sad.

We have to take her back in a week to get the sutures removed.

Okay.

Oh, like it's like Staples.

I don't know.

I haven't taken off the bandage yet.

Oh, it's going to be so gross.

We go down to Staples.

Yeah.

We go down to Staples, get a ream of paper at the same time.

You're there anyway.

Yeah.

I have a laser printer, actually, so I don't need to look at the ink.

Check out.

Is that your Mayor Kensim?

No, it's me.

Oh, that was Dave.

Oh, okay.

They're so similar

in every way.

I was at a city council meeting one time,

not to brag, and talking about something that they were ignoring.

And Ken Sim was, he was, he was at this one.

Usually, a lot of the time he isn't.

And he was looking at me like this, just sort of arms crossed, leaned back in his chair.

Nodding his head with a smile.

Yeah, with like a little kind of half smile.

He was liking what I was putting down.

Okay.

He voted against it, but that's fine.

Maybe that's his look before he shuts it down.

Yeah, we don't need any more orphans, is what he said afterwards.

Yeah, sneakers on.

He's pretty cool.

Well, you were trying to, you're, you were trying to make a lot of create more orphans.

Yeah, I would say, there's not enough orphans in the city.

Yeah, you said to you to the lady, let's create an orphan tonight.

We have all these factories.

Let's create an orphan tonight.

Palladium.

Storium.

They're all empty.

Let's get the orphans in there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fill them wall to wall.

Anyway, so we're going to

dog stuff.

And sounds like a nightmare.

It's, you know, what it's bringing us close together.

Uh, me and the dog, everyone else is alienated.

Uh,

uh, is that for real, though?

Are you sleeping downstairs so the dog has company?

Uh, the first few days we have been, but she, I think we're just gonna be she's she just has to sleep in her crate, yeah.

Oh, shit, that sucks.

Oh, yeah, and all those stairs have to be like

blocked of sawdust

to install slides, it's so tough.

We pull her off by the leash.

Good news, bad news.

Irma's in pain.

Good news.

The kids love it.

Kids love.

There's nothing kids like more than walking up a slide.

They like it more than going down.

That is true.

Walking up a slide is pretty killer.

There's all those wood chips that are at the bottom of your stairs.

Sorry, slides.

That's all right.

What's going on with you, Graham?

Nothing as dramatic as any of that.

My wife is doing a lot of buying things from estate sales and flipping them and then selling them on a poshmark.

Oh, like what kind of things?

Clothes.

Clothes.

And then there's, we went to go pick up a large, kind of very cool-looking set of bowls and then like fake fruit made out of like wood.

It's like, it's a cool looking thing.

Okay.

But it was out in Abbotsford.

It was

a famous.

That was an estate sale.

It was an estate sale.

Yeah.

How did you know?

Did you know it was going to be a good one?

Did she know it was going to be a good one?

She knows more about it than I do.

They put all the pictures of everything online, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then you bid, and then if you win, you got to go.

You got to go.

Oh, like

an auction.

Oh, when you say estate sale, I think of like just a yard sale.

Oh, yeah.

No, this is like.

No paddles.

Yeah.

We mean it's all virtual.

You don't get a lot of stuff.

It's all virtual these days.

Yeah, yeah.

The only paddling I'm doing is of the new people in my fraternity.

Congratulations on getting in.

Well, I'm actually the boss of it.

Oh, really?

I've been at college for 25 years, you know.

Sort of a Van Wilder guy.

I'm sort of a Van Wilder guy.

Yeah.

And you know what?

Young Brute Cray.

I certainly hope that one day we see a rise of Taj.

He has risen.

So I went to, and Abbotsford is an hour away.

Yeah.

And at least it's got their own airport, and you can fly into their airport for cheaper, but it's an hour drive plus to get into the city.

So,

oh, one of our dogs is from Abbotsford.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Okay.

A monster, I think.

So, you know how long a drive it is.

I enjoyed the drive very much.

It's like a three-hour bus ride to get to the airport there.

I believe it.

Because you can save a bit of money.

Yeah.

But a week, your time is worth nothing.

Yeah.

And just, you know what, I'm going to go zone Z.

Instead of driving out to Abbotsford, I'm just going to...

Can you imagine I'm flying in and you're telling your friend to come pick me up?

You can pick a dog up, though, so it's not, it's worth your time.

That's true.

Or a fruit pool.

But

this is what she bought a lot on Disney tale.

Look, it doesn't have to make sense.

This is just

throwing out ideas.

So she's flipping in the words of

Michael Richards.

There are all these words.

It's a bad kung fu he says or something like that.

That's from his apology, right, on Jay Leno.

Yeah.

Everyone is laughing.

It was Letterman.

Don't laugh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Sorry about that.

It was.

I don't know.

I don't know if it had gone, if it was a news story yet that he had done this on stage.

And so the audience was sort of like, hey, it's Kramer.

Hey, it's Kramer's.

He's doing a funny thing.

He's apologizing for being racist.

We'll still laugh.

But

the guy whose estate sale this was,

lived in a cul-de-sac that was absolutely jammed with cars who were coming to pick up their things so unpopular with the neighbors and then I've never I don't think I've ever been to downtown Abbotsford before so we went to go check it out charming as fuck Starbucks they got Starbucks there they just recently got no their burger king closed

it's just sitting there empty no one can play the X games at this point

people are just waiting in that parking lot what

so the you're saying the the cul-de-sac is full of people picking up the stuff and the neighbors hate the guy, but isn't the guy, I'm assuming the guy's parents have just died, and he's selling their stuff.

And so

the house will be for sale soon, I'm guessing.

And he's a suspect.

He's in the number of suspects.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have either of you ever been to Abbotsford?

Aside from picking up a dog?

Barely.

Yeah, right?

Like, it's a place you drive through if you're going to the Okanagan.

It's like

sort of the

end of the Vancouver area.

And it's the gas out there, unbelievably cheap.

It's so good.

Yeah.

It's worth

all the flavors.

Leaded, unleaded, super leaded as well.

Diesel.

They got diesel up in there.

Diesel.

Super leaded, absolutely.

But yeah, we decide to go walk around Abbasford.

And like, I think it's been used in Hallmark Christmas movies as like Main Street USA.

It's an interesting place because it's known for like biker gangs and Christmas movies.

Christmas movies.

Never the two shall meet.

And that Santa usually is played by a biker gang in the offseason, yeah.

Because he's got a torn ligament.

And yeah, instead of a tear, he's got a little candy cane.

Do you guys know anyone who's been in one of those Hallmark movies?

I know Christine Bordeland.

That's right, friend of the show.

She was in Runaway Christmas Bride as the sister.

Yep.

Nice.

It's worth watching.

That's one of the ones they filmed in summer and then added snow digitally later.

Yeah.

And did they have snow in the background?

Trevor Chase wouldn't have complained about that.

Why can't

Snow Day be Snow D?

I don't have time to say the whole movie.

If you look in the IMDb, actually, Snow D is what the fans call it.

They're deep.

But Snowdead.

And another one,

the actor who I directed in my student film at Vancouver Goover Film School was the lead.

in one I can't remember what it was called.

But

he was good.

So he was still good.

You know, I taught him.

He was very handsome.

he's very handsome to be a lead in a hallmark, yeah.

He was very handsome and very tall, he's very tall.

Oh, man, they probably have to get other people on Apple boxes.

That's equity,

yes.

I've seen that meme as well.

Over the it's not a meme, it's a teaching device, and it's well we got a baseball game.

When I see it, it's a meme, okay.

Okay, all right.

If I'm seeing it, it's a meme,

it's a meme, Mario.

It's all Mario's.

There's Wario because he's the shortest.

Then Mario, Mario, and then Luigi.

Luigi's the tallest.

Luigi O.

Yeah.

Luigi O, yeah.

Are they all

Luigi even taller?

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, Waluigi.

Yeah.

Waluigi.

Lest we forget.

I'm just going to Google Waluigi.

Waluigi's height.

Yeah.

Waluigi net worth.

Seven foot seven.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

So Mario's

the tallest Mario characters ranked.

He could play with Chewbacca.

It's got to be Donkey Kong as the tallest.

It's got to be the best.

Petey Piranha is 12 feet tall.

Donkey Kong sort of hunched over, though.

Bowser's 8-4.

Okay.

Donkey Kong's 7-10.

7-10.

Okay.

My favorite split.

Waluigi's 7-7, like Minute Ball.

Banana.

Rosalina's 7-3.

And she's got legs that go from here to Yiki.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Birdo.

Birdo's 6'3.

That's not true.

that's not true at all

6'1 this is really what site is this this is game rant game rant slash myfetish.com daisy is an even six who's daisy luigi's girlfriend oh is it i believe daisy is the sister of bow and luke

she's six feet tall that's not true It's true, man.

It's on screen right now.

Go to the Mario wiki.

That is not true.

It's on gamegrunt.com.

How tall do we think Mario himself is?

6'5.

No.

No, he's Big Mario or Little Mario.

Oh, that's good to know.

I like to make you guys think.

I'm going to go with Big Mario, though, like just the one from Mario Kart.

Okay.

Do I say Mario or Mario?

Mario, officially.

We say it in Canada, Mario.

In the States, they call it Mario.

No, they say Mario.

They say Mario.

We say Mario.

Yeah.

What are some of the main and some side characters' heights?

We could just ask Mario famously.

Luigi's 5'9.

Okay.

Wario's 5'7 ⁇ .

Peach is...

This other website also says she's 6'1 ⁇ .

Oh, this one says Daisy's 5'11 ⁇ .

Okay.

There's a bit of fan war online.

These are two different camps.

5'11 were 6'1 was the other one?

And Mario's official height is 5'1 ⁇ .

5'1?

A little guy.

Sword King.

That's the official height?

That's the official height.

The other ones are

the book of World Records.

Tallest Mario.

The tallest Mario in the title.

And this says Waluigi with his knees bent a bit is seven foot one.

So it's not tip to tail.

Yeah, so yeah, if you could count a height of on his tippy toes.

But he doesn't.

He can't straighten his knees.

That was like when he was out running out of a 7-Eleven.

You know, yeah.

But he was wearing a big hat, so I'm not sure.

Anyways, went to downtown Abbotsford.

Beautiful.

Now,

so when you say she's flipping stuff,

is she

like refurbishing things or is she just like, oh, this was cheap.

I'll sell it for

this is cheap.

No, did she sell the fruit?

Not yet.

But, you know, sell it before summer.

It'll melt.

That's right.

Purchase price was.

What was the purchase?

I don't know.

Selling prices.

Why is she keeping you out of the family finance?

I'm just not that interested in the amounts of money.

Listen, when you're doing your taxes today,

which I'm starting as soon as possible.

Do you have any fruit to declare?

Yeah, and what was the purchase?

Honey, where are your fruit earnings this year?

Wood, plastic, and fruit of the loom.

These are all your fruit needs, I guess.

Fruit needs, yeah.

Fruit needs a common expression.

But

yeah, went to an all-gluten-free bakery, and their stuff was fucking amazing.

And now it's

like that hour drive.

I'm like,

they don't sell any of the stuff in town.

Sometimes a lot of...

No.

No.

But there are gluten-free places not far from where you live.

Yeah.

But this place

is

out of this world.

Wow.

Yeah.

And it was a huge lineup to get in.

And it was, yeah, really good stuff.

Had a brownie out of the world, out of this world.

Had an apple fritter.

I feel like a brownie would be pretty easy to do gluten-free.

Wait, Apple Fritter, aren't you allergic to apples?

Not cooked.

Not cooked.

Only raw.

That's a fact.

Did anyone know?

Update the wiki right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

With Graham's apple association and Graham's height.

Yeah.

Just exactly the same as Mario.

Mario's five.

You might want to bend high.

What if you unbend your knee?

Yeah.

5-2.

Got tiny little knees.

But yeah,

I was out of the sight.

The drive was fun.

Get to really sing along with the radio.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

we got a whole earth, ready or not.

Ready or not.

Ebbitsford FM, call in now to win this CD.

Giving at the radio stations they're using CDs.

We're doing a contest

at the closed Burger King parking lot.

It's Bum Fights.

Name something that starts with a B.

We can't pick and choose our sponsors at this point.

Medias.

Bum Fights has got a lot of money.

But yeah, that was my big travel on the weekend.

And keep it it here on the ones, and we'll tell you what the traffic is like all morning long.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheard?

No, I want a Jumbotron business message.

Yeah, let's go to some business.

Yeah, that sound that we alluded to is the Jumbotron sound.

You better believe it.

And if you want to do this, this is something where you can express a message, a feeling, a thought to somebody else via our own voices.

And this one is for Ben from Elena or Elena.

No, it's Elena.

Elena.

And they want to say.

Ben wants to say.

No, Elena wants to say.

Elena wants to say.

Dearest Ben, beloved cat father, tire enthusiast.

I want to know about that.

And my favorite person in the world.

Happy birthday.

This is a big one, baby.

Baby.

Here's to the big 5-0 from Boopy, Raffi, and Ludo in Heaven.

What?

I can't wait to celebrate with you.

We all love you so much.

Shut up, Grandma.

He's a genius.

There's a lot of family stuff going on.

Do you want to do a clean read where you don't laugh?

The cat's dead?

I didn't laugh.

I didn't laugh.

I said, What the?

Yeah, Graham was more incredulous.

He didn't know.

He thought all cats went to hell.

That's right.

I'm, yeah, a tire enthusiast.

What do we do?

Are we thinking bike tire, car tire?

Generally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Michelin, regular Michelin man.

Yeah.

I think it's probably a good year, guys.

Got some white walls.

Maybe he works in the tire industry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And what do you do at the end of that life?

Roll on.

Retire.

Oh, that's much better.

Edit mine out.

Actually, no, leave mine in so that Graham's is that much better than when I set.

And also.

Much better.

Yeah.

Happy birthday, Ben.

Happy birthday, Ben.

And let's get back to the show.

Oh my gosh.

Hi, it's me, Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters, the pop culture battle to the ego death.

Okay, everybody, word association with Troubled Waters, first one to fumble, loses, go.

Comedy.

Panel show.

Guests.

Celebrities.

Games.

Oh, sound rounds.

Improvised speeches.

Puns disguised as trivia.

A very niche Flash Gordon clip.

Of Jeval Rowan.

Oh, no, Riley.

I'm sorry.

She will not return our phone calls.

I am afraid you're out.

A girl can dream.

Oh, but dreaming will not earn a girl any points.

Troubled Waters.

Listen on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello, sleepyheads.

Sleeping with celebrities is your podcast pillow pal.

We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep.

For instance, the remarkable actor Alan Tudick.

You hand somebody a yardstick after they've shopped at your general store.

The store's name is constantly in your heart because yardsticks become part of the family.

Sleeping with Celebrities, hosted by me, John Mo, on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

Night night.

Overheard.

Overheard's a segment out there and in in here where if you hear them, we would love to hear them too.

And we always like to start with the guests.

Brent, do you have an overheard?

Oh, yeah, I've got so many of these.

Let's keep it to 10.

Okay, sure.

I'll start with the first one.

So this was at the

barber shop I used to go to.

It was really close to LMG.

It was

where it was exclusively Irish guys worked there and they were very mean.

If you've ever had a haircut where they like really press the clippers into your head, you know what I mean?

Like you're shearing a sheep.

And if you say anything, they don't respond.

But I was.

Does he work against the grain with this shaver?

Go with the grain?

Against the grain, I think, is pretty typical.

Yeah.

Sure.

The Irish style, I'm pretty sure, is what we said to be true.

And

just the guy next to me was making small talk with the

leprechaun.

He was a leprechaun.

Oh, I'm the mayor of Vancouver.

You pay him a couple gold shillings and away you go.

Just along the locks.

And the guy responded: the guy in the chair said, What are my hobbies?

I really like eating sandwiches.

That's taken up a lot of my time these days.

Not competitive.

Yeah, and then

that conversation ended.

Yeah, because Irish guy is like, I only eat potatoes.

Yeah.

With potato bread, you can make a pretty good sandwich.

Is that true?

With potatoes on it.

Potato chips with some potato chips.

And potatoes are not even from Ireland.

So what were they eating before that?

Peas.

Yeah.

Pineapples, actually.

They grow somewhere in Ireland.

Was that a Tim Allen?

That was a Tim Allen, or it was Dave's dog.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Both.

Friend of the show.

My dogs are friends of the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They call in.

Now, you said you have a bunch.

How many do you have?

How many do you want to do?

Yeah.

You can do up to.

Well, just tell us a number.

One?

Okay, well, I'll do this other one.

It's tough to do a direct quote, but

that's literally what this segment is about.

Sorry, everybody.

But my building is under construction and it's been under construction for two years.

Very famous, a case of

like, what's that called?

Leaky condom.

Leaky condom.

Oh, boy, you do not want that.

Working against its purpose.

I live in a weird place.

Yeah, we're creating orphans over here.

Yeah.

Making more.

Leaky condo.

And so this is the second.

This was a big crisis in Vancouver for the 90s.

Yeah, yeah.

Like it was on the news every night, the leaky condo affair.

And it's still going on.

It was they had imported all of these California style construction techniques into a very humid climate.

And so the water was permeating the walls and they had to basically tear everything out.

This is the second time this is done.

So I am not allowed to have curtains in my apartment right now.

Anywhere?

No.

And then, so in my bedroom, there's a balcony.

And I will wake up a lot of times to the construction workers hanging out out there.

Sure.

And their conversations will

permeate my

balcony or just outside of it.

No, no, no, on my balcony, outside my bed.

And a couple months ago, I woke up to them talking about how they all pleasure their lovers.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

And the technique.

Little standard construction worker.

The techniques that they use.

I mean, it wasn't a gross conversation, but it was like my dream

kind of me at like, I don't know, the grocery store or something, and then suddenly a bunch of people talking about the techniques they were using in intercourse.

The quote.

Yeah.

The direct quote.

It was a bit blue.

Sure, we're fine.

This airs at like 11:30 p.m.

Don't worry about it.

Well, they were all sort of in agreement and they had some good ideas,

but they were like, you know,

you just got to go for it.

Just keep going.

Just go for it just just keep going they didn't achieve anything

wish this place had curtains and uh go for it yeah and they you know they were saying like just

go in come out you know what i mean

they start making i'm you know i'm sort of paraphrasing here they start making a noise that's when you know that you're doing a good job

you keep going for it keep going keep going and then the other guy said well that's great but have you tried you ever tried this?

Uh, which was, you know, some more, some more mouth stuff.

Sure, mouth stuff, sure.

And I was listening, you know, I was pretending to be you writing down notes.

Yeah, I was writing down notes because the journal I keep in the pillow next to me under the pillow in case of attack.

And

to write down the suspect's features and sketch them real quick.

And they were going for a while.

And this was like, you know, 8 a.m.

So I'm not sure if they were on a break or what was going on, but there was five or six of them out there.

Sure.

And they all talked like that.

Yeah, so I don't know what I went into there.

Yeah.

In Sinners, there's a lot of like, hey, just so you know, mouth stuff.

Mouth stuff.

Like they're teaching, the two Michael B.

Jordans are teaching their little cousin.

Hey, try mouth stuff.

And it was in the 50s, 30s?

30s, yeah.

That was the mouth stuff you were supposed to do.

Well, it was pretty new back then.

That's true.

Yeah.

Just invented straight off the charts.

So they're just, they keep saying, just try mouth stuff?

They were just saying, like, yeah, they were comparing notes, really.

And it was like in a positive way.

I don't know.

It wasn't like as gross as you might imagine.

It was very sexual in nature.

Yeah, but just some pals.

Just some pals that were work friends talking on a balcony while a guy slept next to them inside of a room.

Yeah.

I'm never sexual in nature.

I'm worried about a bear attack.

Or, you know, like a slug or a trophy.

Oh, yeah, or that horny Pepe Le Pue.

God, I hate that guy.

He was canceled.

He wasn't out on the balcony, was he?

He was working on a different part of the site.

Yeah.

So those are, yeah, he's not as technical.

He was sent away.

He was sent away.

Dave, do you have an overheard?

Mine's an overseen.

I was driving down the street and it was like 8 in the morning, 8.30.

8.40.

Okay, 8.40.

And there was a guy out

and he was dressed in like raver clothes.

Big wide pants.

Big, wide, enormous pants.

Glow sticks that weren't really doing anything.

So it was light out, yeah.

Had that hair gel that like he was, but he was on his way to work.

He like has a raver aesthetic, but he's clearly like got a job he's got to get to.

And he was he was having a very serious conversation on his like headphones.

And while like, you know how normally you're, if you're having a conversation, you're like gesturing with your hands.

He was having a serious conversation, but I just saw him doing the like hand.

The raver hand motions.

Like, that's his,

He must do that for everything.

The way, like, Italians have their own thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, did you hear his conversation?

No, I was driving by.

Oh, right.

I forgot that one.

Slow down and roll down the window.

Hey, what are you talking about?

I got a podcast to do.

That's why it was an overseen.

This one counted as well.

It was overseen, which counts, which totally counts.

Which totally counts.

The streak is alive.

Mine is also of the overseen variety.

So don't ask too many questions.

Okay.

Sorry about that.

Exactly.

I love when you see like a corporate goth or corporate raver, like they have a day job, but they've still kind of got the accoutrements of that signals that they are.

Do you know anybody who was a goth and currently is still of the goth aesthetic?

Once a goth forever agoth?

Yeah, that's true.

I was thinking of when

in the movie Rockstar starring Marky Mark Wahlberg, where his day job is he like repairs laser printers and he says they get a lot.

And he's like fixing it.

And the guy is like, hey, your eye makeup is running because he wears eye makeup to work.

Better catch it.

And he's like,

I'm in a band.

Ah, yeah.

And then he was in the ultimate band.

What band did he become a member of?

Rockstar Supernova.

Oh, cool.

Lasers are just my day job.

Yeah, I just do lasers in the day.

And then at night, I'm blind as a bat.

Yeah.

Working on lasers all day.

Now I do have to leave.

So yeah, sorry about that.

Sorry, everybody.

Mine Mine is of the Overseen variety.

I took a photo of it.

The

aforementioned abandoned Burger King.

Their sign outside had the final thing in the put-up letters, and it was

meal.

Meal.

Just meal.

Just meal.

Make a meal of it.

Do you think there was more and those were stolen, or is that the last thing?

Or they were fired mid-marquee.

Yeah, like they were told.

They got meal up, and then that was it.

Yeah.

Well, meal is usually the last word you would put up after like extra value or super burger or whatever.

It's true.

It is true.

Do you remember the

Burger King S games?

I'll never forget.

The Burger King on Main Street that

they went out of business, but the building wasn't going to be torn down for another six months.

So someone just made a knockoff Burger King.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

When was that?

That's fair.

It was like, I don't know, 10 years ago.

Okay.

And if you go back through our old catalog, I'm sure we've probably...

You can go on Google Maps and get a street view and you can actually go through the years.

And that's very fun to see how many restaurants have failed in a certain area.

And in a given area.

And how many places are just a freshie.

And wasn't the Burger King right next to McDonald's?

Yeah.

That same.

Wow.

It was the burger zone, the Burger Quarter.

McDonald's one.

And I think there was an A ⁇ W a few blocks away at the train station.

Man, oh, man.

My Canadian.

That was a good.

Elbows up.

Elbows.

up,

folks.

Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in by listeners all over the map.

Don't worry, we're going to, we're going to make it.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't worry about me.

I'll just leave.

Dave will just go.

We'll spritz until he comes back.

If you want to send one in, you can send it into sby at maximumfun.org.

This first one comes from Meredith from Maine.

This is overdreamt.

We allow

various amounts of dreams to pass through.

Brent saying no, he's suspect of this whole thing.

I'm going to listen first.

Yeah.

Okay.

So this is Meredith Romaine.

I wanted to share my boring dream.

I have very boring dreams.

For instance, a dream,

I feel like it was such a

dream that my travel agent is retiring.

A dream that I'm repairing a garage door with a group of boys.

So this gets even

BBD.

They were boys to start.

Boys two men.

So this was, I was having a dream that felt like a stress dream where I couldn't accomplish what I needed to accomplish, but the source of the stress was that my pant leg kept riding up my calf.

And so that was the dream.

Yeah.

Well, if someone had a good

boring dream about meeting with Medallica and they just set up like, how should we do our calendar?

Should we use Google Calendar?

So that counts.

Wait, but Overdream, that's someone else's dream that they've heard about?

It's your own dream.

It's your own dream.

You can report your own boring dream or a hilarious dream.

Next one.

The next one.

Here we go.

So sorry, everybody, about this.

This comes from Sharif

and says from Oakland, California.

Yeah.

I was exiting my neighborhood farmer's market when I noticed two women, apparently in their 30s, talking at the entrance.

One says, and I was like, meow, meow, meow.

Fuck fuck you, you're not my real dad.

Blah, blah, blah.

Meow, meow.

Meow, meow.

Woof, woof.

Apparently in their 30s.

Yeah.

I mean, if you had to eyeball them, if you had to do a,

I mean, the makeup industry exists for women to appear to be in their 30s.

Oh, my God.

It's like Estee Lauder.

And that's farmer's market lighting.

That's right.

It's harsh.

Harsh.

Absolutely.

Unless you have one of those big straw hats.

Yeah.

And, you know, if you're a bok choy, bok choy always looks good under any lighting, as far as I'm concerned.

This last one comes from Daniel C.

from Davis, California.

I biked to work through downtown today, and the fire department was seemingly testing the hydrants by turning them on and letting water flow into the streets.

They had this device at the end of the hose that was either redirecting water or testing the PSI or something.

But I laughed because I looked at what it was called and the brand name was Big Boy Hose Monster.

By local.

Elbows up, guys.

Yeah, big boys.

By your Canadian Big Boy Hose Monster.

Someone with the face on it.

Franklin.

Shout out to Franklin.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

I apologize, everyone.

I got to go.

Dave's got to go.

Heart out in nine minutes.

We're going to do it.

We're going to make it.

I don't even have time to play roundabout by yes.

You can imagine in your own head.

Dave's going to try and play it anyway.

Yeah, it's only eight minutes and 36 seconds long.

Oh, that's some good bass.

Okay.

I'll be the roundabout.

You went to Urban Planning School.

Eight minutes, Dave.

Eight minutes on the clock.

Hey, Dave, Graham, impossible guest.

This is Alec from Watertown, Massachusetts.

And I haven't overheard from a while back.

We were in an Apple store and had just finished talking to the associate.

And he bore a very strong resemblance to Ed Sheeran.

And when he turned around to help the next customer, that customer immediately said, Hey, has anyone ever told you you look like that singer?

And the associate says, Yeah, I get that a lot.

It's the red hair.

And the other guy goes, I love redheads.

They're mutants.

I'm a scientist, but you're a mutant.

No friggin' way.

Off I go.

I hate to tell you this, but I do science.

You, Rupert Grant,

you're both mutant.

Yeah, you're short, Ed Sheeran.

5'1.

What's that?

5'1.

How tall do we think Ed Sheeran is?

5'6, 5'7.

Yeah.

That's a short king, for sure.

Well, that's not a short king.

Where does the short king cutoff go?

I consider myself just out of short king territory.

How tall are you?

5'8, 5'9?

Get that on the wiki.

Yeah.

Ed Sheeran height.

What's going to give it to me in metric?

I don't know what 1.6.

Save six minutes.

Six minutes on the clock.

Convert it quick.

Fine.

Because it's worth it.

Five feet, seven, and three quarters inches.

You know what that means?

Five, four.

If you're adding three quarters.

Rice is right, rules.

Yeah.

I think you won.

Oh, it's all these pictures of him next to Taylor Swift, who's honestly as tall as Princess Daisy.

You don't know who Princess Daisy is from Mario?

Sorry.

Oh, right.

What was that?

That lineup there.

That was Ed Sheeran with Frankenstein.

Five minutes.

That is Ed Sheeran.

How tall is Ed Sheeran height comparison with,

I think that's the guy from the Guinness Book of World Records, like old-timey black and white photo.

Oh, the giant guy.

The best Guinness.

How tall is Ed Sheeran?

This is a video.

This is from a celebrity.

Luge height guy.

It's the French voice guy.

Well, we all know how.

Edge Sheeran

Sheeran.

We've all heard of Ed Sheeran.

What accent is that?

Dave, five minutes.

Yeah, Dave, five minutes.

Six minutes.

We're good.

Hey, Dave and Graham.

This is Ben in California calling in with an overherd.

I was just in line at an auto parts store, and there were a couple of guys in line behind me, and a dude waiting at the register for something.

And the guy at the register

turned to the guy that was the furthest back in line and said, Hey, man, anyone ever tell you you look like Chris Christopherson?

And he's like, I don't know who that is.

But then the guy just ahead of him in line said, No, man, he looks like Gary Busey.

Jesus.

And the guy, the first guy that had brought it up was like, no, man, he doesn't look like Gary Busey.

You're a jerk.

I'm a scientist.

Off I go.

You know, a scientist, and

you're a mutant.

I'm a bit of a Busey scientist.

And

what's the name of his sitcom?

Feeling kind of beauty?

No, Jake Busey was on.

Jake Busey.

Yeah.

He was on.

No, I'm not talking about Jake Busey.

Oh, sorry, he was talking about Gary Busey.

I was picturing Jake Husey in my head.

QC?

That was

Ben Harrison calling in.

Past

from our Edmonton live show.

Oh, Ben Garrison, famous cartoonist.

That's right.

There's a lot of those very little.

Yeah.

This was Harrison.

This was Harris.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry about that.

And it wasn't Juicy.

It was Busey.

It's from one of our diminishing Edmonton live shows.

Every show.

Every year, more and more elbow rooms.

I was there.

I was at one of those.

Yeah, which one?

The one in the church?

No, the one that was sort of, it was downtown.

There was a boardroom table, like that

three or four that was sort of in like uh around you guys i don't remember and it was like mostly standing room we did was it in the radio station no it wasn't it was uh it was sort of just in this big kind of multi-purpose room

oh like in the downtown society or whatever was the yes yeah that was the that was the

what's the opposite of a

peak what's the opposite of our zenith our nadir yeah

it was a good show yeah it was full yeah well we uh we do a good show We deliver.

Yeah.

And your final phone call.

Hello, guest and probable Dave and Graham.

This is Matt from Saskatchewan, Saskatchewan, with an overheard of the kids say the darndest kind.

I was arguing with my kids about how I know their mother better, to which my youngest replied, I think we know mom a little bit better, dad.

We've been in her uterus.

Jesus.

No friggin' way.

Yeah, man.

Throw that data.

That's a fake one.

That's not real.

It was just a short guy who was Ed Cheerin saying it.

Yeah, well, first of all, I didn't even even have the name of the show correct.

Kids say the darndest kind is what this guy said.

He's just making some.

Well, you know, say a variety or a kind or I guess whatever.

It's got to go.

It's got to go.

So you're doing a 24-hour live show.

I sure am at the Little Mountain Gallery starting on May 23rd.

Please buy tickets.

You guys should do a live show at Little Mountain.

Yeah, maybe.

Is it?

We'd like to do a boardroom.

Yeah, I mean, it would be big enough in Edmonton.

Yeah, you guys probably, yeah.

Probably the Build Moor is more sized correctly, right?

Sure.

We've done the Buildmore before.

We've done the Billmore.

We've done the Rio.

Yeah.

Oh, the freaking Rio.

All right.

Never mind.

We can maybe do the Salazar room.

Yeah.

We could sell out Raccoon Room for sure.

For sure, for sure.

Yeah, so please come check that out.

It's going to be tons of fun.

And every night of the week, Little Mountain Gallery has all your comedies.

Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Yeah.

Tuesdays, two Saturdays?

Yeah.

Two to four shows a night.

And Graham has a show every single week on Thursdays.

I'm sure he brings it up on the show all the time.

I've plugged it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's an amazing show.

Graham picks some really hilarious comedians in town.

Yeah.

And you can win prizes on top of all of it for shirts and romance novels and such.

So come check it out.

Thank you, everybody out there for listening.

We love you.

Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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