Episode 875 - Abby Shumka

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 875 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name's Graham Clark and with me is always a man who, boy, oh boy, is he filled to the brim with holiday cheer, Mr.

Dave Shimka.

It's the holiday season.

Whoop-de-doo.

In Hickory Dock.

Don't forget to hang up your socks.

Correct.

This is a song by Andy Williams.

Andy Williams the classic.

I never, I hear it all the time now.

Yeah.

But I never heard it until you brought it to my attention.

There's one that

it was like

a part of our family had never heard of this song, and then the other part of it was like, no, that song's been around forever.

It's one that goes like, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas.

Oh, yeah.

I'd never heard it before.

It's Christmas rapping.

Is that the name of the.

Yeah, that's the name of the song.

And it's by the waitresses, who also did, I Know What Boys Like.

They could have just done I Know What Elves Like, something like that.

They really should have just become an all-Christmas band, like Ryan Setzer.

Yeah.

Who are your favorite top five all-Christmas?

Oh, geez.

I mean, who's the guy who played the snowman and the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Oh, Burl Axe.

Burl Axe would be one of them.

Obviously, Mariah Carey is one of them.

She's not just Christmas, though.

David Saville from Elven and the Chipmunks.

He's mostly Christmas.

Well, he's mostly yelling at them.

Yeah,

he's kind of the Michael Jackson's dad to the Jackson 5.

Does he ever get Alvinah Hula hoop?

Or a plane that loops the loop.

Yeah.

You know who I get in my Instagram feed is this violinist who does like a Christmas tour every year.

Nice.

And she does

like

dancing while she violins.

And it's all like, you know,

kind of like epic Christmas instrumental music.

And she seems very like Middle America.

Oh, yeah.

What's the name of the

Trans-Siberian?

Yeah, the Trans-Siberian.

That's an all-Christmas band.

That's an all-Christmas band.

Yeah.

And

then finally, Brownie up the list, we got to give it to the California Raisins.

Sure.

I would give it to, yeah.

California Raisins are pretty Christmas-coated.

Yeah.

And there's just people who like Bobby Helms, who only did Jingle Bell Rock, I think.

Oh, really?

I mean, if that's his name.

Darlene Love.

Darlene Love.

Who's Darlene Love?

She does it.

She did.

I forget what it is.

It's Christmas.

Please come home.

Yeah.

She did it on David Letterman.

She did it on David Letterman every year.

Oh, this is the same as the meatball.

ball treatment.

Didn't she do like an SNL claimation?

It's Christmastown.

The dudes.

That's what Jewish people do on Christmas.

Who's that voice?

That voice is our guest today.

Return person of interest to the podcast.

Wife of the podcast.

One of the wives of the podcast.

One of the wives of the podcast.

Who's your wife on the podcast?

Oh, she wants on.

You won't let her.

I say, you'll spill all of our secrets.

Our treats.

I've been joking the the whole time y'all have had this show that I get reverse preferential treatment.

That's true.

Like, I don't have, I don't get more episodes.

I don't get to come on more often.

Well, you do get pretty.

I'm consistent.

You're consistent.

But you do get pretty preferential treatment given your comedy career.

Yes, I guess there's that.

If you don't recognize that voice, which is

less than zero.

It's Abby Shumka.

Yeah.

Hi, Abby.

Did you?

Let's get to know us.

Get to know us.

Did you ever do in school, improv, camp, or any kind of performance?

Are you non-I went to school in Europe?

Oh, yeah, I went to private school.

Comedia dell'arte.

Yes.

French miming.

That weird clown that Sean Devlin went to that was a lot of fun.

Oh, my God, yes.

No, we did.

One year we did a play, and I did backstage stuff.

I was

absolutely not interested in being on stage.

See, and that's the key to having a good life.

It's not being interested in being on stage, then the possibilities are endless.

Yeah, see, yeah, it's it's it's been good for me so far.

I haven't had an issue with that decision, yeah.

But you're doing this year's Christmas pageant, right?

Yes, absolutely.

It's the greatest Christmas pageant ever.

Yeah, or whatever.

You're playing Snoopy this year?

Yes, my big return performance is Snoopy.

I haven't done this in 25 years.

Did you see the trailer for this movie, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever?

The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever?

Sounds British.

Well, it's American.

It looks, it's the director.

People are confused as to whether it is a...

It's got Judy Greer.

Oh, yeah.

We love Judy Greer.

Don't we, folks?

She's very funny, Judy Greer.

And it's a, but it looks, I think the director directed like.

This is new, like, coming out now.

It's out now.

It's probably no longer in theaters.

But the director and some of the advertising around it makes it seem like it's one of those,

you know, I was trapped under the ice and then I was visited by God movies.

Yes.

Yeah, one of these ones that is just like,

they just buy 100 tickets for an entire congregation.

Oh, yeah.

And it's being shown in churches.

Yeah.

It's making a billion dollars and we don't know.

But it was the, this is a movie.

We had the original version of this movie.

It's a classic like Christmas book that they turned into a made-for-TV movie.

We had it on, I just know, I saw the VHS for it, just filmed off TV my entire childhood.

And

always around.

Because it was shot in Vancouver, I think maybe at my family's church.

Oh, there you go.

And it starred Faruza Balk.

Oh, Faruza Bulk is.

She's the one from The Craft with the before Oz.

Yeah, Wizard or The Return to Oz.

Oh, Return to Oz, too.

But she went, she was like, grew up here for part of her childhood.

All right.

And I think came to my house once for dinner.

Really?

But this is a thing that I was like...

This is a family legend.

Yeah.

One time, Verusabulk dined with us.

But like, yeah, and that's what I was like, oh, what was that?

Like, did we win a contest or something?

Car break up.

Her car breakdown right in front of our house.

And then someone was like, no, she's in your sister's class.

And I'm like, no, she wasn't.

It's impossible.

Yeah, they're trying to,

they're fucking with you, man.

Yeah, well,

you were too little.

They're just gaslighting him.

Yeah, that's a lot of being the youngest.

Oh, absolutely.

You don't know what's true.

Yeah.

Because it messes you so much.

Yeah, there's a, I feel like re-Christmas movies, every year there's an attempt to be the next classic.

And I feel like that hasn't happened in several years.

I feel like Elf is

the last one.

I think, I don't know.

There's so many streaming movies now.

Like, there's like Netflix has like fucking 10 Christmas movies and then all the Hallmark movies.

And all the

ones in the theater ones.

Yeah, did we get around to any Christmas movies yet this year?

We're recording this a little early.

I mean, Poppy watched The Grinch a couple weeks ago, but I think she was just being weird.

The original or the

one that I, if listeners out there have never seen it, I think it's on Shudder.

It's called Rare Exports.

It's great.

Have you seen it?

It's Graham's favorite streaming service.

And it's so

weird and it's so funny.

And it's just, if you want a weird, different kind of Christmas story, it takes place in like Norway or something like that.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

What's it called?

Rare Exports.

I think you talked about it in the past.

Yeah, yeah.

Is it about like a magical reindeer or something?

No,

it's about somebody uncovers

something.

Oh, Santa Rosa's dead body.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Speaking of Christmas movies, this just came to my attention.

So in the original Grinch, you've got Boris Karloff.

Yeah.

He's the narrator.

And I was always told singer.

Oh, yeah.

I just assumed.

Yeah, because it's the same voice.

But

apparently, the real voice of the guy who sings You're a Mean One, Mr.

Grinch.

That's a real song, sure.

They didn't credit him.

So it was secretly him, but it was the guy who did the voice of Tony the Tiger.

Really?

Oh, there you go.

That guy had.

That's not great.

Why not?

He never got his

flowers.

We're giving them to him now.

He's been dead for a million years.

There's the guy that does the voice of Frosty in the Frosty of the Snowman cartoon.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

Was a guy that predated Rodney Dangerfield having basically the same act.

Oh.

Oh, really?

And that's the only thing that he's kind of known for.

You know what he didn't get?

Yeah.

Respect.

Flowers or respect.

We're on a Christmas tip today.

We're having a happy holiday.

I have.

Oh, daddy's got eggnog latte.

Oh, I didn't have an eggnog latte.

I made myself a coffee and I poured eggnog in it.

I've never had this before.

Oh, there you go.

I'm going to do a live test.

Here we go.

Here we go.

First, before I do this, what's everyone's thought on eggnog?

I'm pro.

Yeah, I have

traditionally I have one glass of eggnog every year.

And

that fills me up for the next year.

I don't need another taste.

Yes.

Yeah.

I can understand that.

Okay, here we go.

Okay.

It's okay.

Yeah, it's very sweet.

My dad says that.

You don't normally take your coffee with sugar, so I can imagine this is probably like

sugar and everything else.

But you weaned yourself off sugar for coffee, so you can say that you did that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can be snug about it.

I don't take sugar in my coffee.

I still can't take it black.

No, no.

Yeah.

I do, but only because I think if I

feel like coffee gets cold too fast if you put milk and stuff in.

I don't disagree.

Yeah.

The part of the reason why I like a latte is because the milk is warm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And your drink just stays.

Would you drink an eggnog latte?

Yeah.

Have you?

No, I mean, I.

But again, like, I'll have one every five years

so we we have we have an espresso

we have an espresso machine upstairs that is leaking

yeah it's just just water at the back but it's fine it's that's manual leakage i saw a video

i watched a video on how to repair it and i was like nope it can't do that i'm not gonna do that possible it's uh you know what's good what works just as well a rag

it's our solution does your cappuccino machine can it froth yeah so that's what i was gonna say i was like i don't think i would froth eggnog on it because I feel like it would just gunk it out.

I've seen videos of people like cooking eggs with that thing.

I know, right?

What would they come out?

Could they throw the whole machine out after?

Scramble.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I can imagine the theory would be fluffy scrambled eggs.

You're cool, scrambled eggs, but then you still have to make coffee.

But practically, no, no, you throw the machine out right away after.

It's a disposable dish.

Yeah, single-use coffee machine.

It's our egg machine.

You only use it for eggs.

I don't know which is worse.

Yeah, we just, we've got one for coffee and we bought another one for eggs.

Don't mix them up.

We have a third one we bring up for Christmas.

Did you ever get,

when I first started drinking coffee in the early 2000s, I was trying to figure out, you know, there's something to this, but what is it?

What do I like about this?

Sure.

And I went to Tim Hortons and that's.

Great place to start.

I mean, what do you do?

You know, I'm not knocking you.

I think Tim Hortons was still pretty new out here.

Oh, this is a lot of people.

Very true.

This is 20 years years ago.

No, no, this was like when I was in my early 20s.

Okay.

And

he says 2000s, he means 2022.

I'm so young, guys.

And I went, you know, and I was like, that Tim Hortons, that's okay.

I bought some of their coffee and made it like I got like a Mr.

Coffee machine.

And

okay, it's fine.

I think I like it.

It's okay.

I went to Starbucks, and it was, I know, I knew, even then, I knew at Christmas, oh, they do the red cups and they do special flavors.

Yeah.

And I think I had an eggnog latte.

I had a peppermint latte and I had a gingerbread latte.

I was going to say, did you get a peppermint mocha?

Yeah, peppermint mocha.

No, maybe it was a peppermint mocha.

Yeah, that's the

tasty.

Again, I'll have one every few years.

And that, I think it hits the spot.

That was the winner.

The eggnog was weird and the gingerbread latte had like grit in it.

Oh, gross.

It was like chunks of like they blended them.

It was supposed to be cookie.

gingerbread.

Was it cookie or was it ginger?

I think it was just like round of ginger.

Oh, it hurts.

Oh, it burns.

Why is it spicy?

Pickled ginger.

You get with your sushi.

Do you guys have

any like real big Christmas traditions?

It's going to be happening today, isn't it?

Oh, no, this weekend.

You were going to go buy something today.

The thing that you like to build and eat.

Oh, yeah.

Gingerbread house.

Gingerbread house.

Oh, yeah.

So we have family traditions from my family and your family.

We alternate Christmases

because my parents lived overseas for years and years.

And even now they live, you know, a five-hour trip from here.

Might as well be overseas.

Might as well be overseas.

They live over the Salish Sea.

Exactly.

It's true, yes.

But we alternate when you're my parents, when you're his parents, and this year is Dave's five.

Dave's.

Okay.

So we're starting to see.

And there's, and what, and there's, and it's a churchy thing.

It's a Christmas.

It's a churchy

Christy Christmas.

Christmas Eve church.

A very Christy Christmas.

A wish to a very Christy Christmas.

And then Christmas morning church as well.

My mother-in-law rolls deep.

Wow.

Baby Jesus.

There was one year,

and it was a year when we were at Abby's house, but everyone, all my siblings and their kids who stayed here and were having Christmas with my parents.

So Christmas Eve, we go to church 7 p.m.

And it's like the family.

It's already the United Church of Canada, so it's already very nice, very chill, very, you know.

But it's like the kids are involved and it's just the story and it's really nice.

You sing a fun song.

And then Christmas morning at like 10, you go.

And then one year, like maybe three years ago, and we were out of town.

Yeah, we weren't there this morning.

My phone was blowing up because everyone was like, where's mom?

Everyone had gone to church except for my parents.

Dragged their kids out of bed.

And we've been begging her to end this tradition for years.

Can we not go on Christmas morning anymore?

Oh my God, can you please free us of this?

So they were just like, we're just going to chill.

Yeah.

But then everybody just does it.

Wow.

Wow.

That's the power Jane has over our heads.

We used to go to the

midnight service or whatever.

Oh man, I loved it.

Yeah.

We went to the Catholic one and it was the worst, so boring.

The one we went to every day.

You got to stay up late.

A taper.

Do you get one present?

One present.

You get one present.

You get a candle.

You do the midnight mass.

You do the midnight mass yeah it was a graveyard

um no we would it was probably like 10 10 o'clock or so and then everybody got a candle and it got so hot

or just the room room to collective body spirit yeah

and then like every year they would pick two kids to like sing the song and it was you every year uh that's right

they knew a star when they saw one

But yeah, well, I did one year.

Yeah, well, what's the song?

It's like a call and repeat thing from like Moravia.

So it's all right.

There you go.

I don't remember that, but it's like da da da da da da da da da da da.

That was the tune of it, but I can't remember what the words are.

And it was a call and repeat.

It was like, mm-hmm, audience.

What is it?

It's not like once in Royal David City.

No, it's.

I think I've heard it in the church.

I know.

Yeah.

Where's Moravia?

Somewhere in Eastern Europe, I want to say.

Monrovia?

Maybe?

Is that a place?

Did I just invent that?

Saudi Moravia?

Maybe.

You go sleep, maybe?

Oh, my God.

It's on the tip of my tongue, this religious song.

If you call your mom, she'd love to talk about it.

But anyway, this is

the

tradition you were mentioning.

It's like one of the few family traditions that we.

So that we have for our immediate little family, the gingerbread house.

Yeah, every year we get this gingerbread house, gingerbread, my number one Christmas treat.

Absolutely.

Not on its own, it has to be frosted.

Don't just give me an unfrosted cookie.

I can't have too much frosting because then it ruins the whole thing.

Wrong.

I said correct.

But what I so we always get the same

bakery.

Gingerbread house kit from the Swiss bakery on 3rd and Maine.

And

it's a kit where you comes in a pizza box yeah all the pieces are cut and then you frost them yourself

bag of frosting and a bunch of candy I don't like the candy we make up we supply our own candy I just don't want like they give you like gummy watermelons and that's just not Christmassy to me yeah that's summertime yeah like jujubes or something right you need you know the right stuff you need the right stuff yeah you need jujubes you need uh tiny candy canes to make like a fan yeah like that and then uh we make that and then we photograph the children.

Every year we make a calendar.

Yes, the calendar.

That is just good family photos.

And then, so,

and the December photo is always the kids with the gingerbread house, but you can see last year's calendar in the background that also has the kids with the gingerbread house, and it's kind of like a drost effect.

This is the fourth year.

That's a fourth year.

Fifth year?

That's a fourth year, I think we're doing it.

Family.

That's fun.

It's fun and easy.

It's not something, you know, you don't have to pay a a lot of money for or whatever oh no this is a four thousand dollars saving for money yeah we've been going without

we had to go to a mortgage broker

houses are out of control here real estate's nuts

um

yeah that's fun that's fun and easy you know i i guess you're going to church this year so i was like this is yeah look for us at church

uh ringing in christmas with uh baby jesus himself yeah and you're going to be, well, you're going to be here for Christmas.

Yeah.

So you want to come to church?

Sure.

See you there.

Yeah.

I'll be there.

I'll be the one, the only one there with a candle.

I'll bring my own candle.

Light one candle for peace.

One bright candle for peace.

He brings peace to everyone.

He comes.

He comes.

Is that the worst?

You're asking us.

And then the next one.

You light one candle for hope.

Oh, okay.

There's a peace candle, a hope candle, a joy candle, a Christ candle.

Is there a

break?

Now this is Christianity trying to horn in on the candle situation, which is clearly a Hanukkah thing.

Hanukkah owns candles.

I mean this month, but Christianity's candles.

Yeah, I know, but they try to make it like it's their big seasonal thing.

And I'm here to say no more Christians.

You can have bells.

You can have polly.

Oh, my God.

You can have

trimmings.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, you can have all the trimmings.

But leave something for the rest of us, right?

The rest of us.

Graham Jewish, by the way.

Graham and the Jews.

It's Graham and Jews.

So what was the best growing up in Switzerland?

What was the best Christmasy

thing?

I guess they had a really cool,

like,

the city decorations were always amazing, and everything was so beautiful and perfect, like lighting up the street lamps and the tram stops and the,

you know, the train station and stores and stuff and like whatever the parliament building would do.

And then also like the German Christmas market was also a very big thing.

Which we have here.

We have a German one.

Yeah.

But it's wet.

German.

It's a German, German one.

Wow.

I mean, you know.

you don't have to pay to get into it.

Their first, oh, there you go.

So, yeah, it's just a thing that's subsidized.

Yes, Germany, I see, yes.

Instead of subsidized by me, it's subsidized by them.

Yeah, and would you, was there like, did you like in a hot chocolate?

Did you like in some sort of candy?

What was it?

My parents, they always, and I think they literally just went on a glug glue glue wine.

It's like this mold wine, spiced wine that's served warm.

They get wasted.

I think it is absolutely disgusting.

I think it is so gross.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

The whole, like every aspect of it, I think, of this specific drink.

I know people go nuts for it, and good for you.

But is it, what is it, like wine?

But then it's got like cloves and shit.

Yeah.

And it's hot.

And I'm like, hot wine.

Yeah, hot wine.

I've had that.

Also, I don't drink off.

I also don't drink wine at all and don't like wine.

So there's that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've got to start with hot wine.

I don't like a hot spiced wine.

Yeah, I've had that where they like gross.

at our old Krampus parties.

People would

mold wine was so like you would cook red wine with

like a cinnamon stick.

A knee, clove.

A big piece of ham goes in there.

Yeah,

cinnamon, orange.

Yeah, orange peel or whatever.

Yeah.

And then, and then, but all the alcohol burns off.

So you

feel the point.

And then you put a shot of whatever, brandy in it.

You can't do whatever some in there.

Save the day.

Which I also don't drink.

Fuck.

Gross.

So grossed out.

Eggnog is pretty gross on its own, as well if you think.

Don't think about it.

No, see?

Yeah.

It's best to just don't investigate.

Yeah.

That's what one thing

I've noticed so many

like vegan

attempts at.

Attempts at I see them in the grocery store.

I'm like,

it's, you know, soy nog.

Oat nog is good.

But also, like,

if you're not drinking milk, you're free.

You don't have to do it at all.

Like, you're not, like, it just seems like such a weird thing to hold on to.

Like, oh, that's the one thing I miss every year.

I don't, I don't love eggnog, but I have to have it.

Yeah.

I've never tried.

I've never tried the

eggnog alts.

But

I'm not against it.

No, I'm not against it either.

But my one glass of it is going to be just traditional old eggnogs.

Probably going to be in my parents' house because they have a carton going.

Traditional.

Oh, okay.

Carton, not like homemade.

No, no, no.

No, that I think let's call a truce on homemade.

Your dad, man.

My dad loves to make eggnogs every year at the moment.

He also loves getting a huge extension cord, getting his drill,

putting a whipper or whatever fucking hand mixer on the drill and going outside to keep it cold.

And he's just fucking.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It has to be cold while you do it.

Right?

I love it.

I think it's so.

He loves doing it.

We love drinking it.

It ends up tasting pretty sawdusty, but

we are used to it now.

But that's how Christ would want it, you know?

He's wanting to stay in the world.

He's a carpenter.

He's used to it.

Oh, man.

If Jesus had lived a little longer, think of the stuff he could have done with power tools.

Yeah, and he.

I guess Tim Allen is sort of our second coming.

I was going to say, didn't he have, quote, power tools?

Yes.

You know.

Also, I feel bad that Jesus died before he got to see GPS.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Think about that.

You know,

times a year.

Oh, my God.

Moses as well.

Like, he

was a GPS.

Oh, boy.

Would have saved him some time.

Mind you, he wasn't even allowed in by the time he got there.

So what are you going to do?

Oh, I never saw the end of that.

Maybe this Christmas.

Do they play the Ten Commandments?

Do they play it on

Easter usually?

Yeah.

I think mostly Christmas dominated by Nativity

stories.

Yes, yes, yes.

Birth of our Lord.

Well, no,

I find that like Christmas, the two weeks that you get off,

although,

or that you used to when you were a kid,

it would be they would show like an Indiana Jones marathon.

Oh, for sure.

Star Wars.

And now it's I know it's a thing in the UK maybe.

The Harry Potter is a big thing that they'll play them all on Christmas Day.

And, like, we all love love, actually.

That's a

still haven't made it through it.

I, yeah, no, I'm good.

Yeah.

I've watched every kind of piece.

And I don't think I do.

Yeah, don't see it.

Because if she sees it, she'll know I stole a lot of my ideas,

a lot of my wedding vows

when I wrote those wedding vows on the cards.

To me, you are beautiful.

Tony Inky Mendez is at the door.

Yeah.

So

have you guys already picked out each other's presents?

We both had.

I gave you your present early.

That was the combo birthday.

Birthday

Christmas.

You gave me a Kingsgay Mall hat.

Yeah.

Oh, nice.

Very nice.

And you had a...

I literally saw it one day on an Instagram feed and then left work.

on my break and then bought it like the next morning at 11 a.m nice like this is great and what did i get you oh and you had a picture framed.

I had a picture framed for you.

You had some art.

I was looking for printer paper in here, and between stacks of things was a beautiful like print of a very cool hockey player done in a very stylized like illustration style.

Cool.

And I was like, Trevor Linden.

It's

Vancouver Connects number 16.

So it's got, I assume it's Trevor Linden.

He assumes, yes.

But anyway, so I was like, oh, this is real nice.

And it's got the little signature and the like two of 20 or something in the corner.

So it's real.

I'm like, how many years has this sitting?

Oh, I've got, yeah, stacks and stacks.

It just hasn't been framed.

So I was like, you know what?

I'm going to get this fucker framed.

What did I get you?

I don't remember.

And the guy, the framing guy, is great.

If you need anything framed, Fraser and Broadway.

There's a guy that was on Main Street that I took something to, and it would need a custom

frame.

Yeah.

But

his quote was something like $450.

So I went to like the one on Granville Island where you make it yourself that you do

the the pieces and then cut them to length or whatever.

Sure.

Well, that's fun.

I didn't even know that existed.

Yeah.

Opus?

No.

Opus?

Loomis?

Oh, no.

Like the art store.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They do that to

cool.

Anybody out there, if you need some frames done, don't go to Michaels.

Oh, that's really good.

Oh, yeah.

Do you guys

make a trip to Michaels every day?

Honestly, I'm serious.

What did I get you for your birthday?

I don't remember.

I don't even remember either.

Oh, you You got me a wallet, like a little card holder.

That's right.

Yes, I needed a new like little leather card holder.

Nice.

And we went to dinner.

I took you to dinner.

Yes.

And it was a very beautiful and wonderful dinner.

Where did you guys go?

Arby's?

Was it Arby's?

Was it Cactus Club?

Did you go to Cactus Club?

Moxie.

Oh, shit.

Moxies.

No, it was not Moxie's.

Moxie's is for lovers, really.

Yeah.

No, Boston Pizza was our place for lovers for a very, very long time.

That was like your two days.

Oh, yeah.

When we were in our 20s, we went to Boston Pizza

monthly, at least.

Bottomless pot?

All the time.

Yeah.

Bottomless pot.

Yeah.

Sometimes pasta, sometimes pizza, you know, you mix it up.

Yeah.

And it's like the, for anybody that's not from Canada, it's a family restaurant, but also there's a sports bar attached to it.

That's kind of.

Yeah, if you live in a small town, it's the bar.

It's the bar.

It's the place to be.

It's the thing that stays open the latest.

Yeah.

There's Canada.

I got busted for bringing my own beer to one.

Oh, yeah.

At what age?

Oh, this was in my 20s.

I got a glass and then I went and filled filled it in the bathroom with beer.

And then the guy was like, I know, I saw you.

You went in with clear glass and came up with beer glasses.

Yellow glass.

It was P.

It was me.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

And then you drug the whole thing.

I'm doing a pair of girls dialing.

I'm a borrow glass.

Wait.

I was filling one with beer, one with piss.

One for me, one for Sam.

But we're in the bathroom.

Circular breathing.

Yeah.

I think that was the last time I went to a bus and pizza.

Was it in my 20s?

It might have been in my 30s.

It's all a blur.

It's all a blur.

It is all a blur.

No, it really is.

I say that in jest, but it really is.

You've gone to enough mid-sized Canadian towns that you had to have gone in the last five years.

Oh, no, not in the last five years.

Maybe in the last 10.

I might have.

Sure, pre-pandemic, right?

Yeah.

Pre-2020.

I think we were, I think the Debaters was in a town like that.

Oh, sure.

The one place that was open.

That makes sense.

Yeah, I remember when i was a kid they had an ad played uh more than a feeling was yeah because it was boston that's right yeah but because it's not boston the city but they also would have did they also have john ratzenberger yeah he was the pizza detective yeah he was the pizza detective

cheers where would take place in boston i had for a while i gave it away but i had a framed from boston pizza uh picture of John Ratzenberger signed in his detective costume.

And it's something that for sure hung on the the wall at a Boston pizza because it had that like industrial

clamp to the wall or whatever,

glued to the drywall.

You can't steal it.

That worked.

Somebody did that.

That really showed him, didn't it?

Anyways, we love John Ratzenberger, don't we, guys?

Yeah.

We love a pizza detective.

We support you.

You're the exception to ACAN.

You were mentioning.

You and Spike McGrove.

You were mentioning Moxie's.

Yes.

Yes.

Would you say Cactus Club?

Is that a purely Canadian thing?

Because America has like

they have TJI Fridays, Arby's, Chili's.

Chilies.

Not Arby's, sorry, I'm an Applebee's, like the sit-down place.

Yeah, but they, and they have like Fud Ruckers, and but like, I feel like

Canada has this tier of restaurant that is

not fancy,

but also not a family restaurant.

And it's like kind of for cool singles.

Yeah.

Yes.

People in their 20s and 30s.

You go there before you go to the club and it's mocking.

Or before a movie or

Earls.

Joey.

Joey's.

Yeah.

Milestones.

Yes.

There's so many.

Brown Social House.

Yes.

There are.

Go off, Queen.

I wish I could.

A Red Robin.

Yeah, I mean, Red Robin, it falls on the silly families

in America as well.

And Joey used to be, oh, really?

It was a wackadoo place.

It was called Joey Tomatoes.

Oh, sure.

Yes, I remember that.

Easy silly.

And Earls used to be super silly as well.

Yeah, it had the rhinos and the parrots.

Yeah.

And then penguins with wearing sunglasses.

Yeah.

Oh, and they used to be.

How cool.

It was really...

I'm not going to be alive.

It used to be like, this is, you know, Jack Astors was the other one that was like...

Oh, sure.

What if they renamed this?

There was never Jack Astors here, was there?

No.

I don't know what that was.

There was one in Calgary.

No.

Sure.

I know there's one in Toronto still.

Yeah, I was going to say,

my brother went to one in the last 10 years in Toronto.

And 10 years ago,

Earls changed their

whole vibe?

No.

Well, they changed the name of their

beer?

Their beer.

Because they had albino rhino beer.

Albino Rhino.

And

people said, don't say that anymore.

You're pleased to know.

And they said, oh, but it's named after Paul Betney's character from

the Da Vinci Goose.

Dr.

Langdon.

I think they maybe call it white rhino ale or something.

Sure.

Which, come on, leave the white people alone.

Just call it rhino ale.

Stop right away.

Leave the white rhinos alone.

I think they're a pretty danger.

Sheesh, I could use some more time.

I've been to the

old spaghetti factory, that's American, right?

I think that is, it predates

civilization.

Yeah, before to me.

Before there were borders.

Yeah, that's true.

When

they overflowed from

their ice cream, the

Bumoni.

Bumoni, there you go.

Yeah, I was there very recently for niece's birthday.

Yes.

What else?

Sounds like the perfect kind of place for niece's family's birthday.

And there was too many of us to sit in the train that's in the middle of the road.

Dang it.

I know.

Kick some kids out.

Yeah.

We were two.

Do you have nephews?

I have a nephew, my brother's nephew, and then my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's.

They have one of each.

They have one of each.

Yeah,

I have two nephews, and I'm always debating, well, what age do you form an LMFAO-style band with your nephew?

It's never too early.

You put the roots down, you know, you start doing some silly dances together.

Just remind them of the everyday they're hustling,

huffle, huffle, huffling.

Huffle, puff, huffling, huffing, huffing.

I'm ready for a reunion of those two and a tour.

A blessed union.

I would go.

If they went on tour again, I would go check it out.

Who?

Red Fu and Boo Man 2 or whatever the fuck is there?

Red Fu and Sky Blue.

Oh, I was so gloved.

Which is which?

Electric Boogaloo.

Sky Blue was he was the uncle?

Don't know.

He can be my friend.

He had a dope-ass fro in one of the songs.

Didn't they both?

No, I literally just saw a picture of them from the 2012 MTV Awards.

It was just in like a Instagram post.

I love love it.

And I think the younger dude has the colored glasses and the big hair.

And the older guy has like more of a cropped top.

And maybe even facial hair, maybe.

And how old or something?

Yeah, no, he had facial hair.

The uncle got that.

They're uncle and nephew, but they're not like.

They're like 10 years apart in age or something.

I don't know.

Or like 15 years apart.

Well, let's find out.

Red Fu definitely has an afro.

Big hair.

Sky Blue.

Has shorter hair here, but in this picture, he's got longer hair, but not an afro.

Kind of like slash.

Just down.

okay curly long slash hair oh

right folks i work out i like that song what are you thinking about okay red foo is

uh 49 years old oh right on the cusp the cusp of uh of and sky blue is 38 years old oh there you go

there's the new few and they're both related to very gordy gotcha mr motown

Man, like I said, if they got back together, I'd check it out.

I like the Motown.

Take my money, please.

I like the Motown Christmas album.

It's got the Supremes.

It's got

Stevie Wonder.

It doesn't have LMFAO.

Yeah.

Well, maybe now in the next iteration of it.

Every day I'm jingled.

That's what I was thinking.

Every day I'm jingling.

There you go.

Is jingle the most

Christmassy verb?

I don't think that you use jingle.

Any other time of year.

Like, I guess if you hear keys.

Yeah, or change in your pockets.

Or commercial music.

Oh, that's sort of jingle.

Y'all should know about that.

Okay.

Kings of Boco.

We are Kings of Boco.

Where's our crown?

Here's your crown.

What's that from?

And

what's it got?

Do you guys have a...

Do you guys watch Christmas movies?

Or is that just like

you said?

Your daughter just watched The Grinch.

Yeah.

I would like to.

Not for Christmas reasons.

We watch Home Alone usually every year.

The last couple of years we've watched Christmas.

We can't can't get the kids to watch the Muppet one, Muppet Christmas Carol.

Yeah, they are not.

They are anti-Muppet, and I don't know what to do.

Weird.

Huh.

There's a guy.

I'm just so pro-Muppet.

Yeah.

I'm pro-Muppet, and I was following a guy on Twitter.

I loved Scrooge, too.

Not to derail.

Scrooge?

Yes.

Yeah.

Scrooge is great.

Wow.

It has a good part in it.

I don't know.

Carol Kane, who's a kid.

I don't think the kids are going to be into Scrooge.

No, I loved it.

But it's like dark and weird.

It is very dark.

They do.

They love Annie Lennox.

That song gets played like 20 times in the.

Yeah.

Put a little love in your heart.

And I don't think, I don't consider it a Christmas song.

No,

but I also think like Your Love Lifting Me Higher, that's a Ghostbuster 2 song.

When I ever hear it, I just think of your Liberty Walking Around.

Yeah, Flesh and Blood by Oingo Boingo, also a Ghostbusters 2 sound.

And of course, On Our Own by Bobby Brown.

Yes.

But there was, I was following on Twitter, like a guy who made an unofficial Muppet account.

So it was just like pictures and videos and whatever.

And it was great.

And it got quite popular.

And then, of course, just like anything, if you like it online, guy came out as being abusive.

History guy.

Yeah.

He manned his wife or

he came out as being abusive.

Yeah.

Well, after a long

period of consideration,

I talked to my wife.

My family, my friend.

Yes.

Yes.

And we have decided.

I'm not a bummer, hey?

Yeah, because

he's not handing it off to me.

He's just like, it's going to stop.

I'm like,

my unofficial thing.

It's you on my phone.

I think he was in with the Muppet folks.

I feel like.

Yeah, he had a long history and he knew so much stuff.

Yeah, I think he got to go to the

Muppet

Jim Henson's, whatever the workshop.

Jim Henson documentary on Disney.

It's fantastic.

I can imagine.

Yeah.

I went to the,

maybe I've talked about this on the show before, but I remember when the Muppet Christmas Carol came out.

Yeah.

And it was post-Jim Henson's death.

Yeah.

It was the voice of Brian Henson as a permit.

And he,

I saw him in the theater with my brother.

He had just gotten back like that day from university, and it was maybe the last day of school for me.

And I was so so excited.

I was so stoked.

And I looked up.

My brother's back.

It's Christmas time.

Yeah.

Muppets.

We saw the Muppets on, and then we came out of the theater and there was like a thin layer of snow on the car.

Oh my gosh.

And we drove home and then the next morning there was a huge,

like, it had snowed so much overnight and it was like one of the few white Christmases.

Magical.

And then I went.

I was like, oh, what year was that?

And I looked up.

Oh, this must be the date the movie came out.

And

this would have been the last day of school.

And so I went, like, looked up the weather history ball and act.

Sure.

And my memory is totally wrong.

It did not snow.

But you did put a ball on your brother and said, you're my

present this year.

I haven't watched that yet.

Somebody did a very funny parody of it, and it's worth seeking out as well.

It's for listeners, I know where it's the the Folgers, the creepy Folgers commercial.

Yes, brother and sister.

The brother and sister are have a very sexy relationship.

And then the spoof is the mom and dad come down and be like, what the fuck is going on?

Are you guys fucking?

Dave, what's going on with you this holiday season?

Oh, God, what is going on with me?

Well,

I went to,

did a little bit of Christmas shopping in America.

Oh, okay.

Where's the hotspot?

Target?

Talk about Target?

Yeah, I went to Target.

Mostly I go to Target and I get...

Blaine and Bellingham.

Blaine and Bellingham are the two cities of renown.

Yes, of note.

Okay.

Do you go with?

No, not this time.

We go together sometimes, but this is David's solo time.

And I went and I got

I noticed there's so much like they've expanded

the Christmas offerings of every candy company.

Okay.

Because when I was a kid, it would be like

the only things that were special for Christmas would be like Hershey's Kisses with red, white, and green

sheet paper or whatever.

Or

the Lifesavers books.

Yes.

Lifesavers books.

If you don't know what we're talking about, worth googling.

Well, because they...

I found them a couple of years ago, but they were all lifesavers gummies.

And then someone...

No, no, no, then some listeners were like, no, they actually have the books now, but the books that they have are all just the multicolored lifesavers.

No butterscotch.

Yeah, you would get a roll of butterscotch.

That was always the last one.

Winto green.

Butterscotch was always the last one.

That was the first one.

Oh, you should have traded.

Yeah.

You would get butterscotch.

And there was also like another.

Wint or something, maybe?

Oh, yeah.

There was a winto green.

Yeah.

And then

wint o green.

And there was a.

There would be like all reds, like a

special.

And then what was there was another beige one as well, like not just butterscotch, but also maybe a caramel one as well.

Yeah, maybe

very salty.

Oh, hey,

Graham thinks all human skin is beige, okay.

In 2024, well, back when we were kids, right?

There was only one kind of Barbie.

And,

but they've everything now.

Everything now, but also not everything's working.

Like, go on.

They had a thing that was like, do you want a yard long twix?

Oh, I mean.

Like a log.

Three days.

Three gluten days.

Yes.

You would have just got a bunch of it.

Yes.

Or they had a yard-long Snickers.

And I'm like, that's too much.

It's too much food.

It's too much Snickers.

Yeah.

You're not using it.

You cut it out of Snickers.

You cut it up like a little cake.

Like a Yule log.

But you know who's doing the best.

And it's, I never would have guessed that this company, this is nothing new, but

20 years ago, I never would have thought that leading the pack.

I mean, Rhys is doing great.

That would be my guess, was Reese's.

Reese's, it goes without saying.

Their next level.

But is it

mini eggs?

Nope.

Because I feel like mini eggs have come.

They've got a lot of variations.

They're 24-7 now.

They're not just.

But now they're like, you can get chips ahoy with mini eggs in them.

Oh, yeah.

All these things are expanding their empires, but I'm talking about nerds.

Yes.

Uber.

Nerd rope.

Just like everything.

It is

one of my new favorite candies.

It's like a string of

gummy.

We've talked about

nerds.

Rolled in nerds.

Oh my God.

There's like three or four different flavors.

It's like a regular, a tropical, berry, a sour.

They don't have a butterscotch on that.

And then there's the clusters, which are great, but the gummy is a different texture.

It's like a harder gummy, whereas the nerd rope is like real soft.

Like

more like a gummy bear.

Yeah.

But then they also had at in at Target they had the the

lifesaver books, but filled with nerds.

Apps with different flavors of nerds.

Yeah, I guess I didn't buy them.

Our kids don't need nerds.

Yeah, would be true.

Very true.

Do you guys put Christmas nerds in your coffee?

It's all gritty at the bottom.

Yeah.

I'm making my latte.

Anyway,

Target's doing great.

I love.

Yeah, Target's doing just fine.

Yeah, I bought some Lego there.

I had to, it was all behind glass.

I had to get someone to Oh, sure.

Yeah, people would be running out with that.

No problems.

And when I got it, she said, there's Lego leaving the case.

It's like she had to put it in, say it into her

mic, and then I guess they make sure that that lines up with someone bought it in the next 20 minutes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we've got Lego on the floor.

Okay.

Is there anything like does Target I've only been to Target like a couple of times.

Do they, is it all Christmas or do they have like a couple Christmas aisles?

Well, it was so this was each department has their own little Christmas area.

Like there's Christmas clothes, there's Christmas housewares, there's Christmas toys, there's Christmas television.

There's Christmas television.

You've got a red television.

Red and green television.

Red and blue.

Red and sky.

Red foo sky blue.

The music department is all red, foo, sky, blue this time of year.

And our big thing in Canada is red-green.

And Christmas Eagles green, red.

There was a,

this was before the Vancouver Taylor Swift shows happened.

Oh, yeah.

And there were, they, I guess, because they're an hour away from Vancouver or just because everywhere in the world is obsessed with Taylor Swift.

It was December, but they were only playing Taylor Swift music.

Okay.

And she doesn't have a Christmas tune, does she?

Oh, she does.

Yeah.

She has a whole Christmas album, doesn't she?

Probably, I don't know.

She has a Christmas era and her era is tourist.

See, they're air.

Half an hour of the show is just

jingle, jingle.

The only one I can think of is Lover, where she says we can leave the Christmas lights up until January.

Maybe I'm just assuming she has a Christmas vibe.

I'm sure there is.

Is that a Christmas vibe?

Is she there?

When she was a kid, apparently she grew up on a Christmas tree farm.

There you go.

Oh, she probably, I think she has a song called Christmas Tree Farm.

And she, the whole family moved to Natural.

Travis, I want to bang you in a Christmas tree farm.

Steven!

This was free, Travis.

It was about Harry Style.

She was manifesting it.

She was.

You know, if she dates you, she'll write a song about you.

Yeah.

You know, and she's.

She's that fucker in that Christmas tree farm.

Also, she's gone, you know, her first song that I knew was the You Belong to Me or Belong With Me.

Oh, yeah.

And she was supposed to be the nerd, and he's something else.

And now she's living the life of the cheerleader.

Oh my gosh.

She's the cheerleader.

She's cheer captain.

Yeah.

He's on the bleachers.

He's on the bleachers.

Well, no, she's she's cheer captain.

And she's on the bleachers.

Like,

there's two girls.

Ursula.

She's singing about the other girl and her.

Yeah.

I think we were singing that once,

or it was playing, and it was like,

she wears short skirts.

I wear t-shirts.

And Abby jumped in with, she also wears t-shirts.

Everyone wears t-shirts.

But I was in Target and they were, there was, I only was really paying attention to one song, but they were bleeping Taylor Swift.

Oh, really?

Like, there were some lines.

They weren't bleeped, but they were taken.

The lines were taken out.

Huh.

It's the one where she says, I think about jumping off a very tall something.

And they took out the off a very tall something.

Just jumping.

She just feels like something.

It feels like jumping.

And then they took out, there's a line about her taking off her blouse, and that was

endless.

And put on a t-shirt.

I was just thinking.

Everyone more t-shirts.

And someone works at Target, and it's their job to be like, hmm.

What could we?

I don't want anyone thinking about Taylor Swift's naked body.

Taking tops off.

Yeah.

When I worked at Toys R Us as a youth,

they had non-domination denominational Christmas tunes only.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, none of the classics.

It was all about.

Nothing about Jesus.

Nothing about it.

No, and none of the traditional ones.

It was like in sync.

And

what was her name?

Country Singer.

She had a big Christmas album for rhymes.

Oh, okay.

Oh, gotcha.

That kind of stuff.

Stuff that were not songs that you've ever heard of before or since.

Our dog thinks you're more crazy than usual today.

Well, I hear there's a little elf climbing on the roof.

Is that right?

Yeah.

I guess he's not little.

He's pretty big as an elf guy.

Abby, I keep notes in my phone of things to talk about on the show.

And this has been in my note.

Is this like where you're going to confront me about?

Yeah.

Okay.

Because we've been together 24 years.

Next April will be 25.

25 years, you guys.

Holy shit.

Year 2000.

We started dating.

Wow.

And there's a...

Why two cage?

Yeah.

And

there's

something you brought up to me a couple months ago that I'm like, really?

I didn't know this.

And it's been part of something you do every day.

When we go to bed at night, you told me that you do not like having the pillow face you in a way where you can see into

the pillowcase.

Dave's, if I turn over

and I look at Dave's pillow and I can see inside the pillowcase and see the pillow, I don't like it.

Huh.

And I did not know that.

And I also...

Where do you think that stems from?

Let's go to the deep dive here.

Why do you hate the inside of a pillow?

I don't know.

Just something that just irks you.

You've got to have a cover on.

You just got to have a pillowcase.

Well, it has a pillowcase, but I'm flipping.

Every time I wake up, it's all wrong.

I got to flip it.

You're like a little dog when you stomp around your whole bed.

I also do a little turn.

Yeah, a little spin around.

Yeah, I

don't know.

But

I wasn't shocked by that.

I was shocked that

that had never come up, that I was learning something new about it.

I'm holding it in because it happens all the time.

It doesn't.

It happens like that.

But

you go to bed every night.

That's true.

It happens every day.

No, but I mostly face the other way in general.

But

I don't know, man.

Yeah, fair enough.

There's stuff that, yeah, that just mysteriously irks me.

Oh, man, there's another thing that makes me angrier than it should.

When I have an umbrella and the little belt that you close the umbrella with, I can see it.

If it's hanging down, I have to fucking hate it.

It has to be behind me.

I hate it.

I don't want to see that fucking thing dangling.

It has to be behind me.

Something must have happened in your dress.

It's just visually distracting.

Yeah, I'm going to kill my mom.

I'm going to figure that out.

I think it's just visually distracting, distracting, maybe.

Yes.

Because it's just moving.

Otherwise, it's just clean.

But I said,

I'm more angry than I should be about it.

I was just like, fuck.

I went for a jog last week and I

had what I thought was like just the tiniest bit of an eyebrow in my field of vision.

And I was just trying, like, as I'm running, I'm like wiping my face and wooden.

Trying to brush it off.

Sure.

Could not get, could not figure it out.

As soon as I got home, looked in the mirror.

It disappeared.

It wasn't

a ghost inside your eye.

It might have been like

a little eye hemorrhage

or something.

Yeah.

The new Apple eye hemorrhage.

The eye hemorrhage?

No, they don't do that anymore.

No, why?

They don't put the eye in front of things anymore.

That's true.

Yeah.

What do they call the pencil?

It's just an Apple pencil.

Well, they still do iPhone iPad, but they don't.

Sure, but they can't change the name of

the iPhone.

They could, they could change it to Rakutan, which is now our company's called Rakutan.

Everyone just accepted that and moved on.

And there's certain things that, like, when the Apple Watch came out, people were like, hmm, no, that's an iWatch.

Oh, you got yourself an iWatch?

Oh,

there you go.

Or the Apple TV.

They've trained us, sure.

Because Apple TV.

Yeah, yeah, Apple TV.

Yeah, okay.

Anyway, we got to the bottom of

the

pillow thing.

So that's what's going on.

You guys are still surprising each other all these years later.

It's lovely to see.

We love it.

You got to play the long game, right?

You got to play the long game.

And

then at the end, that's when the con takes play.

One last con.

Yeah.

Or things just build up for years, and then all of a sudden, 20-something years into a relationship, you learn something earth-shatteringly remarkable about your partner.

And you can't remember

this part.

I also

am a problematic Muppet Instagrammer.

I've decided to hand off the account.

Man, you just fucking can't enjoy anything.

No, you really can't.

You got to separate the art from the artist.

That's what I learned from this Jim Henson documentary.

Yeah.

Graham, what's going on with you in this holiday season?

Oop-de-doo, so it's stickly-doop.

Did you figure out that song yet?

Can you hum it again from church?

Is it something about he is coming, our Lord?

And you're like, Yeah, he's totally coming.

And he's like, Yeah, well, let's prepare in celebration.

Yes, glorious.

Hallelujah.

Guide me, oh, thou great Jehovah.

No, but that's the that's the tune.

Okay, that's the exact right tune.

I don't know why I can't think of it, but that is the exact

if I had a hymnal, I'd give it to you.

Let's open up to page 87.

And sing a song you don't know the tune to.

That was all.

I just, all the songs

when I was a kid were just like dirges.

They were just like slow, ugly.

I am like, like a pretty fervent atheist.

Like I'm, I'm, it's a snap.

You're like Reggie Drew Vase.

Never, never has been for me, but I grew up going to church.

Yeah.

And for some reason, I have the most like soft, nostalgic attachment to the most religious Christmas songs.

Yeah.

Like, I don't care about jingle rock.

Like, that's fun and stuff.

Like, all that stuff.

But, like, yeah, Away in a Manger or like the super glow.

Like, that shit.

That's the one that's like.

Yes, that's a Holy Night.

Oh, Holy Night.

Like, all that stuff.

That one does really.

Oh, it's like it's so beautiful.

And I don't know.

I have such a weird, like, cross pollination of something I absolutely don't care about or for.

And then just like, oh, this makes me feel good.

Sure.

This makes me feel good.

Okay, so this song, Morningstar.

Oh.

It's called Morningstar.

Oh, look at you.

You pulled it out.

Morningstar.

I got part of it.

Maybe just that was the Weird Al lyric.

Is Morningstar the

Kevin Cosmo?

You didn't go to the church of Weird Al when you were a child.

That's Yellowstone?

Oh, Yellowstone.

Oh.

Yellowstone.

Yellowstone.

You are so good, apparently.

You're a freaking ranch man.

Well, two things, two big things happened this week

first

I went to Kelowna BC nice

Kelowna BC

famously KL and a phrase

says if a town was designed by Blink Woody to it would be Kelowna.

Yeah, and

even in winter or in the fall, it's more of a pickup truck.

It's more summertime.

It's summertime wake and light.

It's real summertime.

And it is wake and light.

No trucks.

Yeah.

No cars.

So like maybe

remarkable.

I've only been there once, and it was remarkable.

Yeah, many trucks and XUVs were.

Yeah, that's all.

And I didn't want to drive because I don't have winter.

I was going to say Christmas tires.

They haven't been blessed by Christ.

Yes.

Take any tires, Christmas tires.

I'm so tired of it.

Everyone's so PC.

You're not allowed to even call them Christmas tires anymore.

But I don't have winter tires, and I'm not going to get any because it's ridiculous.

Yeah.

So I decided I would take the bus.

Take the bus to Kelowna.

Okay.

Four-hour journey in a bus.

And I fucking loved it.

I love it.

You sit back.

No, you don't have to go through security.

Yeah.

You just line up at the door.

They let you on.

Find your seat.

You find your seat.

They shouldn't have security.

No one's ever chopped anyone's head off.

Yeah, I've done some spotlight on the bus.

There's, yeah, you get to pick your own seat.

If somebody reclines their seat in front of you, it doesn't

infringe your, yeah.

Yeah.

And that's a new feeling.

Yeah.

And you're, yeah, it was really, it was nice.

And like the guy that was, they switched drivers in Revelstoke, BC.

Okay.

But the guy we had was really funny.

We had like the funny.

He's a real character.

Yeah, he was a real character, told some jokes.

And then, oh, we got one driver on the way back.

Sour.

Real sour puss?

Sour puss.

Yeah.

What were the jokes?

I seem that there seems to be two kinds of bus drivers, like the people who are really happy.

The meme of the two people on the bus, the guy looking out the window being sad, and the guy looking out the window being happy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This guy loved his job.

She does, she's over it.

What was the job?

How were some of the jokes?

I can't remember, but they were of the ilk of like, you know, mama tomato, papa tomato, or walking along that baby tomatoes lagging behind.

Catch up.

Squashed them in and said, catch up.

Yeah, there you go.

That kind of

beautiful.

And

yeah.

They weren't bus-related.

No.

I mean, he should learn a couple of times.

You negatively.

You got nothing but time driving that fucking bus.

But maybe he takes the bus very seriously.

And he's like, it's no joking matter.

Oh, yeah.

There's one I can think of, but I don't think it would stand the test of time.

Okay.

Say it off air.

Yeah.

Bleep it.

Yeah, no, I'm taking some of the characters in this, and they witches would not.

It's not going to work.

All right.

But anyway, so

Big Bird's driving this bus.

Yeah, Big Bird's driving the bus.

Only they can see Snuffalovicus.

And smooth ride there, smooth ride back.

The only downside to being on the bus is that people can use their phones.

And for the most part, people didn't.

Oh, sure, like just talking.

Yeah.

And I don't mind talking.

Talking's fine because people can talk.

Yeah, it's the face timing and stuff.

And

there's a real lack of spatial awareness.

Or are people playing videos out loud?

My eyes.

No, not videos.

There was one guy that was communicating with his either ugly mom or ugly wife.

Could you see them?

I could see them.

Okay.

I was like, did he call her ugly to her face?

Yeah, you ugly motherfucker.

I'll be home for Christmas.

Wow.

Yeah.

Look, I hated this guy from the start, and then I just found more things to hate about him.

We listen and we don't judge.

Yeah.

Yes, we do.

Your wife or mother is ugly.

You know what?

If you can't handle the heat, don't have a FaceTime call.

I have a public fucking FaceTime call.

And so I went.

So fuck this guy.

Fuck this guy

and the horse he rode in on.

And I went to Kelowna and I played at the Kelowna Curling Club.

Oh.

That's good.

It was.

the coolest venue.

It's a fucking venue.

How did you get booked there?

There's a guy in Kelowna named Rob Balston, and he books.

He books shows and does corporate things.

Is there still a yuck yucks in that?

No, no yuck yucks.

Bar?

He's very good.

He's very good.

He knows how to set it up, so it's a good show.

That's good.

That's important.

Yeah.

And lacking in a lot of other

people.

You weren't playing

among the sheets of ice, were you?

No.

Which

I have done a bowling

show where I was in the bowling alley.

And the people are bowling as you

perform.

This was different, though nobody was on the ice.

Because it would be hard because people are yelling.

Well,

they hurry hard.

Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I've been to one of these when I was a kid, the club, and then there's like the bar upstairs.

Yeah.

And that, it just took me so back.

Yeah, so instantly back.

That's cool.

And it was cool, and it had like,

you know, banners hanging up from like 1986.

You know, like things felt on felt yeah yeah yeah yeah 1992 sponsored by crystal pepsi

1999 sponsored by pepsi blue yep

um and it uh apparently i didn't see this but i was talking to a person from my building that they have a phone down on the ice that you can call and order a beer oh

oh this goes right up to the bar yeah yeah that's convenient and if the place was great the audience didn't really like me all that much well that's there but i'm more interested in the bar it does did the does the beer come down on a a dumb waiter?

Is there something?

Oh, I don't know.

I should have asked.

I just assume it was a pitcher of beer that somebody would bring down.

Oh, sure.

That makes water big.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pitchers only.

Staff there was great.

Staff was great.

Fantastic.

Wide selection of drinks.

Did you listen to that one Weaker Than song?

I hate Winnipeg.

I hate Kelowna.

Tournament of Hearts, I think.

Oh, I know.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wasn't that a thing?

The Tournament of Hearts was.

It's a curling tournament.

Scotty's.

Was it Scotty's?

Scotty's Briar.

No, the Briar is the men's tournament.

The Tournament of Hearts is the women's tournament, I think.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Scottie's one.

One listener who curls John Colin.

John Cullen.

Looking at you.

Yeah, so it was, like I say, the crowd didn't take to me all that much, but

I.

Were the

it's a venue where you're is your face twitching?

No, no, it's just sorry.

I was just uh biting my lip for a second there.

Um, Is it a venue where they like ticket it or is it just, you know, whoever happens to be curling that night?

No, it was ticketed and it was the weird.

So it was like three companies that were, it was kind of their Christmas, pseudo-Christmas party.

I love that.

I love it.

And then the rest was general public.

And the guy who was the feature act,

looked up one of the company's reviews, Google reviews.

They were hysterical, like, just like, would never tell anybody to go here.

They stunk, they smell bad, they ruined our eavesdrop, they broke it.

And he just like scrawling just one bad review after another.

And I was like, Are you going to do that on stage?

He's like, I kind of have to.

And I was like,

go for it, buddy.

I kind of have to.

I don't think you do.

Yeah.

He chickened out.

He didn't do it.

You kind of need to, you know, have some bad blood between me and the audience before you go up on that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or win them back with good reviews.

Look at your Travelocity reviews.

Yeah, so the show went as well as could be.

Imagine.

Oh, there you go.

Returned to Vancouver, and the very next day, you gave it away.

I saw in person for the first time ever in my life, a Cybertruck.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We saw one today.

I see them every day now.

Really?

Because I hadn't seen one, and then I did see one the next day.

It is my picture taken with it.

It is a dumpster.

if it wasn't called cyber truck people would think it was the coolest thing ever it's just like it's trying to compete with

that the problem is people some people do think it's the coolest thing ever well whoever was driving it yeah it's like whoever's behind the wheel because they all came to town at the same time everyone must have ordered them like three years ago oh sure and now i see them every day um yeah i hadn't seen one before uh I do like a picture in front of it.

Sally got a picture in front of it.

Then we went in the

couple different finishings.

No, this is I've only seen silver.

Silver.

I've seen like a kind of a more matte silver and then a more shiny silver.

High school with Matt Silver.

Yeah.

How's he doing?

Dead.

Oh, shit.

Oh, no.

I was crushed under a cyber truck.

So it wasn't that long ago.

He was still in mortar.

Just for a reason.

No, I mean, I hated him.

Yeah, so.

That's a hayman.

That was a big day.

That was a big day.

And then we went in the restaurant.

We were like, is somebody in this restaurant?

I know.

The owner, that's the problem.

They're among us.

Yeah, you do think.

And it it was somebody from the restaurant.

They walked out and got in the cyber truck.

Nice.

Was there something?

Were they built different?

Yeah.

Yeah.

They were awesome.

Yeah.

Which exuded awesome things.

They did, you know, like when skiers do like that cool flip in the air where they cross the skis?

That's kind of their thing.

Their cross?

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, so sauce cyber truck.

That's really the, the, to me, the reason for the season.

Yep.

Is cyber truck.

Spotting one of those.

Yeah.

I mean, it is a shiny bauble.

Yeah.

Put a big loop on top.

Hang it from your cyber tree.

From your cyber tree.

I worry with the amount of Teslas we have.

How many fucking fiber cyber trucks are we going to get?

A lot.

A lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I thought they were just like a meme and then they started arriving.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know what the like numbers are because I don't live in another city.

I live in this city.

Yeah.

Oh, where we're, it's all Teslas everywhere.

Like I would say 20% of all cars at least are Teslas.

Oh, god, yeah.

If not more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And like literally every single day you see 25 Teslas.

Yeah.

And in the three colors that are available.

Yeah.

And Cybertruck's just

silver-ish.

So apparently they might go matte silver.

I thought there was like a, anyway, like a real steel color and then a microphone.

I think this was more like a color.

Anyway.

But the thing, somebody reviewed

the Cybertruck as if it was a truck.

Yes.

And they said that snow,

snow and ice stick in where the uh headlights are there's like a oh a little groove or something yeah and then you can't get it out and then you don't have daytime running lights if if you've got that blocked so nice it's um yeah the look i know not great there's been a lot what if i went to a job site somewhere and somebody had a cyber truck

it's happening

it's only gonna happen more everybody else has got a ford f-150 you've got a cyber truck i could take some stuff with me you guys not not the big tools No, no, no, nothing to the tall ones.

They're like the ones that are under 13 inches or whatever.

I follow this Instagram account.

I've talked about it before.

Zero BMG or something.

It's a thing.

It's an Instagram account that is this like car simulator and it will take a, you know, compare a bunch of different cars, you know, going off jumps, going off, going over bumps, going, you know, braking as hard as they can.

And then it'll, you know, pick three or four cars and then one of them will be a Tesla and it will just burst into flames.

I think the guy running it really has something against me.

Maybe a bit biased in

his numbers.

But yeah, big, big week for me.

Yeah,

and before we move on to some overheard,

a fun little thing we like to do.

Secret Santa.

Yeah.

There's a thing we do every year.

Merry Chris, Christie Christmas.

We do a Secret Santa here, and

it's a gift exchange.

Yeah.

It's a tradition that we hold dear.

Near and dear to our heart.

Well, this year I managed to pull the name out of the hat, and

you won't believe it.

I got Graham.

Yeah.

And what's weird is this year I got David and Abby.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

So these, my presents are from.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I also got Graham and Sally.

Oh.

Well, there you go.

I forgot that we put in our entry together.

How do you want to exchange?

Just

full bag full?

Like hand off like this is a kidnapping or do you want to hand individual items?

I can hand individual items I got a card.

This is a card.

Uh-oh.

Dave and Abby card.

Both very poorly wrapped presents there.

I drew my own Christmas tree on them.

Oh my gosh, you wrapped them?

And this guy.

This is

Dave and Abby, the shitter's full.

A shitter's full.

And a shitter's full to you too.

And yours.

Oh.

This holiday may your tree tree be squirrel-free.

Out to a super tall tree.

And may you have the happ, hap,

happiest Christmas ever.

Your turkey not too dry, your eggnog be good.

Yeah, nice.

Huge.

It's like a four-level card.

It's a four-level card.

I think it was supposed to sing, but I think the singing part doesn't work.

Remember when you got us?

There you go.

Remember when you got us that Taylor Swift card?

Yes.

Oh, Margo Margo

loved it.

Miley Cyrus.

Margot loved it.

I remember that was like her favorite toy for a while.

Yeah, she was maybe like not even two.

For you, the first thing here.

Oh, okay.

Oh, there you go.

Something behind a piece of cardboard.

Oh,

look at it.

I found this on the internet and I thought it was really funny.

This is a photo of

Robert Plant and comedian Emo Phillips.

And it was Emo Phillips' like headshot.

Really?

From Epic Records, yeah.

It was a promotional image.

Oh, yeah.

And then this is, yeah, from his album, E equals MO squared.

It's a picture that takes up like 80%, and then there's a little blurb.

I'm not even fine.

I saw it.

Someone posted it on Twitter, and I thought it was really funny.

And I checked eBay, and someone was selling it.

Math family.

Oh, Graham loves you, both.

This is, I gotta, I gotta open it.

You gotta frame it.

You gotta frame it.

There you go.

Now I'm gonna open this one.

Yeah.

This is for both.

This counts for both.

And then you open it, dear.

Yeah.

Both of you open it a little.

They've helped.

And I helped.

David helped.

I love this, by the way.

It's so funny and weird.

My pleasure.

Robert Plant's hair looks amazing.

Oh, is this a Mr.

Bean?

A Mr.

Bean Funko.

I feel like you could put it with your Christmas decorations because he's like the king of the colours.

Oh my god, he even has a head, he is daddy.

The head would, the Christmas Funko would be.

His head is a turkey.

That's true.

We have a Grinch bobblehead.

He can stand next to the grinch we have a no we have a huge funko uh collection

well there's our funko wall your funko are you funko people our funko wall's full so we need to right yes we have to just start a new funko wall i guess it's our kids artwork

um no this is wonderful thank you he's even got his little mole oh

cute as all and i got him just before the postal service went on strike nice i was gonna say before before the sky before the price dropped no before the price rose um well graham as you can tell from this bag, I went to Trader Joe's.

Yes, while he was in American.

In the fridge, we have some gluten-free pasta.

More noodles.

Oh, really?

More noodles for you.

Thank you.

This is for Sally.

This is some.

Nutritional yeast, okay.

She loves it.

And American nutritional yeast to your wife.

You and yours.

Then here for you, your traditional peppermint bark.

Peppermint noodles.

Thanks, you guys.

Grandma, I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

And this.

Have you had any bark yet this year?

Nope.

This is it.

And you get a pretty little tin.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I've got to keep the tin here, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

You can put some pins and you decorated this one with...

Oh, that's a little snowman.

Little snowman.

And I'm going to open it.

This is just like for, this is only for classy people.

Oh,

yeah.

That's a thing of after-eight.

After eight.

It's a tape of after-eight sticks.

This is a Canadian

Christmas tradition.

Yeah.

Sure.

This is Canadian?

Yeah.

I think so.

I don't remember.

You just remember them as a kid.

Yeah, my brother always got Ferrero J's, and I always got the little envelopes of

After 8.

Oh, and the little.

Yeah, these are After 8 sticks.

These are just the pocky-sized dudes.

That's good, though.

It's just a little minty tube.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

And that's pretty much it.

Wait a minute.

There's one more I have for you.

Oh, yeah.

Now you're going to have to go to your computer to enjoy it.

Okay.

You've got to turn the sound on.

Okay.

Turn up the radio.

Could I plug my computer in here?

Sure.

Into the sound.

Crank it up.

Now, have you sent me something?

Okay.

There's something you have to discover online.

Okay.

It's AstonKutcher.com.

Well, it's funny you would say that.

Graham's bottom.

It's funny.

I want to know.

I was literally five seconds before you came in, I was listening to last week's episode.

It's astonkutcher.ca.

After our talk talk about

what has he done?

So you go to ashtonkutcher.ca.

We were talking about

wrestlemania.ca that you own

and ashtonkutcher.com that I was trying to buy six years ago.

Okay, so this is

did you copy all this out of

this is I think just from the

website.

Yeah, Wikipedia.

All information about Ashton Kutcher.com.

Did Do you make an actual Wikipedia?

On the website?

My dear friend, Josh Kutcher.

Josh Lowen did.

God bless you, Josh Lowen.

Ashton Kutcher, born Christopher Ashton Kutcher, on February 7th, 1978, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

Idaho.

Idaho.

Wah.

Is multifaceted, et cetera.

Yeah.

Et cetera, et cetera.

There's a lot of et cetera on it.

Okay, and then there's a YouTube video

that says Merry Christmas, Dave, and I'm worried about it.

No, no, no, don't be.

It's

slideshow.

It's a slideshow.

I'm gonna turn the music down so we don't get

kicked off the internet.

But it is the Growing Pains theme and a bunch of pictures of the two of us and other people.

That was that Mario was in there.

Mm-hmm.

Or was that BB Poppy?

I think it was Poppy.

Well, it was Amanda Brooke Perrin as well.

Oh, yes.

There we go.

Did Josh make that?

Josh made that.

Josh made our old logo that was the city of Vancouver.

Crest.

Crest.

Yeah.

And Steve Bays took that picture.

There's some Photoshops.

That's when we were wearing tie-dyed shirts.

Didn't our English parent bring you those?

Somebody brought

their hometown that was like.

Maybe it was Becky Johnson.

Becky Johnson.

Becky Johnson.

There's some drawings in there.

Classic.

Baby.

Maternity photos.

Max FunCon photos.

And then Zach Bryan and Brian Gossen.

Brian Gossett.

Well, that's great.

That's very thoughtful.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

If you can enjoy year-round.

Exactly.

Now you go to ashtonkutcher.ca if you're ever feeling down.

Yeah, you know where we go.

Yeah, so that's for you, listeners, as well.

You can go to ashtonkutcher.ca.

That's true.

It's not just exclusive to this IP address.

And,

you know, finally, we made use of his

name.

Yes.

His name.

We didn't use his name in vain.

Yes.

No, exactly.

But that was very funny.

That was a very funny lead-in.

Yes, that was very funny.

Oh, wait, there's something else.

Wait a minute.

I don't know.

I was thinking maybe it would be kind of nice to give you some heartfelt

doesn't cost money.

Yeah, those kind of coupons that couples give each other just to show how much they love each other.

You know, you can't put a price on these.

You can't.

These are just sort of friendship,

friendship.

These are just sort of like, you know, good deeds that I could give you.

Okay.

Again, year-round.

Some of them are.

Maybe Maybe some of them are a little romantic.

Okay, let's see.

Find out.

These are held together by a paper clip.

Yep.

Very romantic.

They're about, what would you say, like three inches by two inch?

How many...

I'm just to give the.

Well, let me whip it out in a minute.

That's two of Dave's.

No.

All right.

So here we go.

This is good for one week off from trash duty.

Oh, I need it too.

Oh, man.

You're right.

I see you out there dragging those pegs around.

And I'm always late.

I'm always late.

First thing in the morning.

I'm running down the

driveway.

Alley, I guess, for me.

Good for one long, wet kiss that will send you to the moon.

Oh, I'm going to put that one in my front pocket.

Good for a nice back rub.

That's good.

You know what?

I'm going to wait till stressful day.

Yeah.

And I'm going to cash that bad boy in there.

Good for a nice back rub.

And now.

Good for a nice rack, Bub.

That's what Wolverine says when he sees your tits.

Yep.

That's the deal we have, me and Wolverine.

He has to be silly anytime I show him my tits.

And snicked is what his boner says.

He sees your tits.

Did he, was that joke silly enough to go in the Deadpool Wolverine movie?

Yeah, it could.

It could be.

Yeah.

The bar's pretty close.

He says Bub, right?

Wolverine does.

Yeah, okay.

Wolverine's, he's Bub.

Yeah.

Stop right there.

He's not Bub.

You're Bub.

You're Bub.

That's shit.

He's not

referring to himself.

I'm Bub.

Snicked.

Snicked.

Present this coupon.

Wait, start sorry.

Stop right there.

Present this coupon to spice up your life in brackets.

If you want to be my lover, end bracket.

Say you'll be there.

So tonight is the night when two become one.

Zigga zigga.

That one sort of had like that pop music theme.

It had a feeling.

It's a little spice to it.

Yeah.

Present this coupon, and you don't have to watch the office reboot on Amazon.

Oh, thank God.

Australian, is it?

I have no idea.

I just saw an ad for it.

I saw like a poster, like a thumbnail or a thumbnail.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Is that any of the classic casts?

Is Stanley back?

I couldn't tell.

It was just a wide shot of an office with people in it, and I recognized the font.

Stinkaroo.

Good for one.

Spooky, blindfolded picnic complete with witch eyeballs, grapes, monster brains, cooked spaghetti, cold cooked spaghetti.

You don't want to be hot.

Okay.

It's not hot brain.

Okay.

Mommy shit, warm chocolate pudding,

vampire dicks, donkey dicks.

You can't tell the difference.

Yeah,

donkey dicks do feel a lot like vampire dicks.

Snip our fingers or vampire dicks.

Vampire dicks.

Okay.

Phil Hanley has a joke about being called Donkey Hammer in high school.

Huck to a present this coupon and I'll spit on that thing and rub it until I can see my reflection.

That's the point of it, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Snicked.

Present this coupon, and I'll shoulder so much of that invisible emotional labor that you honestly don't know exists and couldn't even fathom.

Whoa, deep,

deep, deep, deep.

Can't put a price on that.

Dib, dib, dib, dib, dib, dib, dip, dip.

Whoa.

Present this coupon, and I'll sing bass in your barbershop or do up or do op ensemble.

Yeah.

Which you probably think you're more likely to do, barbershop or doo-wop?

You know what?

I like the outfits the barbershop guys get to wear.

Yeah, but straw bonus and

brown.

Goodbye.

Baby on board.

Something, something, Bert Board.

Present this coupon and I'll tell you where I hid your EpiPen.

Thank you.

Because I've been searching high and low.

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But you know what I like the taste of?

Liberal tears.

I drink a warm mug of them every morning and I say, yum, where's your safe space now, Woko Ono?

Woco Odo?

That's really good.

did you come up with woco odo i think so i was trying to come up i was the original idea was woke a haunted but i thought maybe that's not gonna fly these days

present this coupon and i'll stand up for you to those mean boys at school although they do make some good points you're a funky face diaper butt who runs like a bitch

good for one massage With a happy ending.

Warding, I consider the movie my girl to have a happy ending.

You can't see with those glasses.

I hope you have your EpiPen handy.

Doesn't he get stung by a bee?

He gets stung by a bee.

Yeah.

Good for some prison roleplay.

You'll be a horny, wrongfully convicted prisoner in need of a conjugal visit.

I'll be the CEO of a for-profit prison corporation getting rich off your suffering.

We will never meet.

Present this coupon, and I'll tell you where you know that actor from.

He was Cassandra's dad in Wayne World 2, and he was in the Chinese restaurant episode of Seinfeld.

I know the guy.

What is his name?

Oh, Cartwright is what he used.

Oh, yeah, he was.

His character name in Seinfeld, Bruce.

Really?

Yeah.

And in Wayne's World, Jeff.

Oh, I thought he had a very traditional name.

Jeff Wong, maybe.

Good for one strip tease.

There'll be 1% stripping and 99% teasing.

Ha ha, nice boner.

Oh, it's sneaked.

Gonna keep them forever if they go in the Christmas

coupon folder.

Well, God bless us, everyone.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

And

we have holidays.

Yes.

Some overheards.

Hey, Sydney, you're a physician and the co-host of Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, right?

That's true, Justin.

Is it true that our medical history podcast is just as good as a visit to your primary care physician?

No, Justin, that is absolutely not true.

However, our podcast is funny and interesting and a great way to learn about the medical misdeeds of the past, as well as as some current, not so legit healthcare fads.

So, you're saying that by listening to our podcast, people will feel better.

Sure.

And isn't that the same reason that you go to the doctor?

Well, you could say that.

And our podcast is free?

Yes, it is free.

You heard it here first, folks.

Sawbones, Meryl Turk, Misguided Medicine, right here on Maximum Fun, just as good as going to the doctor.

No, no, no.

Still not just as good as going to the doctor, but

pretty good.

It's up there.

It's hard to explain what happens on Jordan Jesse Go.

So I had my kids do it.

Saying swear words.

Saying swear words.

Yeah, um.

Bad jokes.

Bad jokes.

Bad jokes.

Maybe it's like you tell people that you're going to interview them, and then you just

stay there, like, like really quiet and try and creep them out.

It's just weary boy.

Because of Jordan, right?

Not me.

Because of both of you.

Oh.

Subscribe to Jordan Jesse Go, a comedy show for grown-ups.

Overheard.

Overheards, a segment where during this very,

I was going to say

festive season, but I thought somber season.

And it's not really a somber season.

I mean, it could be.

It can be sad.

You know, Catherine O'Hara when she's coming back to get Kevin.

That's very sad.

Yeah, she's very serious.

She's serious.

Scrooge when he's, you know,

meeting all those mean ghosts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, you know, the poor goose that he brings in, fattened Christmas goose.

The goose is getting fat.

Like, I mean, I don't know.

Body shame the damn goose.

Yeah.

But yeah.

Maybe that's who the guy was FaceTiming with.

Maybe the fat goose.

Craig, y'all.

When Graham goes low, I go high.

And we always like to start with the guest.

Abby, would you please share an overheard?

Yes.

This past weekend, our younger child had a birthday party.

Yeah.

Thanks for the invite.

Yeah.

You were there.

Oh, yeah.

Graham wasn't, but I wasn't there.

And there were some reasons that I put out like the kids were arriving and I put out like some coloring sheets and some little bowls of popcorn and whatever.

She's playing to eat.

There's no plan for the party.

It's just chilling at our house, whatever.

Yeah.

And the kids sit down and they start chatting and they're coloring.

They're pictures of, you know, San Rio characters and stuff.

everyone's happy and they're eating the popcorn and then they ask for another bag of popcorn and they ask for another

bag of popcorn and then I was like you and there's full

like

a little buffet in the kitchen of like a bunch of different things fruit chips goldfish whatever no interest they just want to eat their own weight in popcorn so then they won't stop talking about the popcorn because now we've denied them popcorn and now they just weren't talking about popcorn and they're comparing who has the most popcorn and then they just end up with a bunch of we just keep putting the popcorn in the same bowl yeah so there's just a bunch of unpopped kernels in the bottom so they start looking they start talking about the kernels and then they start arguing about whether it's kernel or cornel

because it's corn now and one kid's like no it's k-e-r and she goes no that doesn't sound right i think it's cornel because it's corn

i mean i don't have anything to did i interrupt them absolutely not.

I just let them agree that it was a cornhole.

Cornel.

That makes sense.

But oh, then people would think cornhole.

And then that's upsetting.

You guys.

Only people of a certain age would think cornholy oh.

Yeah,

so there's that.

Well, actually, our kids wanted a

cornhole.

Cornholyo birthday party?

Birthday party.

Oh, like beef is a bedhead?

No, just cornhole.

Cornhole.

It's just going to be TP and bunghole.

T-shirts on our head.

TV-shaped cupcakes.

I'm in the room with the bunghole-shaped cupcakes.

I'm in a room room with the two people I know who hate those popcorn kernel commercials at the movies.

I was so happy to hear you hate them.

I hate them.

And we go with the kids, and the kids are like, hey, hey, look, mom, it's your favorite.

And I was like, oh, why don't they have faces?

I think I was more okay with them many years ago when they were in an army scenario.

Yeah.

One of them is still.

But he's a colonel.

He's a colonel.

Right?

But now they're just

a cornel.

He's a Colo Nell Cornell.

And they're on a golf course now.

They're on.

They're not even in the movie theater anymore.

Yeah,

they really irk me.

Yeah, sometimes they're in the grocery store in the

produce department getting rained on.

They are?

Yeah.

I don't remember.

I've seen that one.

I've just blocked it all out, I guess.

Yeah,

they're horrible.

We hate it.

I don't like the militarization of my sex, first of all.

Yeah.

So I'm against that.

And

also popcorn at the theater, I know.

Hideous.

Yeah, also, yeah.

Also,

if I already sitting at at the...

I've already gotten my money.

If I'm sitting in the watching previews, I've already gotten it.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm already literally eating my popcorn.

Oh, it never occurred to me to get it.

Unless the popcorn machine's down.

Oh, Dave was so mad.

Dave was so mad.

Abby

saw Gladiator 2.

I really enjoyed my popcorn.

Later that day.

Yes.

I was so excited about all the Gladiator talk last week.

Yeah.

So, so.

My favorite movie.

I know.

I texted you.

Two weeks ago for you, listeners.

Yes, I guess.

I was like, Gina,

do you have time to go see Gladiator?

And she was like, absolutely.

And I will watch Gladiator 1.

And she's like, wow.

She's preparing, right?

Yeah.

She gets it.

Yeah.

I mean, if you hadn't seen one, you don't know what the hell that wheat field version of.

No, see, that would come out of nowhere.

Yeah.

How many times did you see it in the theater?

The first time?

At least five.

At least, I think maybe even six.

It was a very slow summer.

We had nothing else to do.

And it rained all summer.

So it was just a bunch of like, we don't go to the movies again?

Okay.

Yeah.

It's like like when I worked at

a gas plant in the town, there was only a movie theater.

They only played one movie, and it was the Antonio Bandera Zorro film.

That's a fun one.

One time.

Yeah, I can see that.

But then not having anything to do, I'm like, I'll go see it.

I guess when there's a movie,

there's a warm room with food for a while.

Catherine Zeta Jones' clothes off with his sword.

Not too much, though.

It's a family movie.

Yeah, but he gives the

shoulder strap.

Yes, a little.

And it falls, it breaks or something.

Oh, she's so gorgeous in that movie.

Yeah, it's funny.

Um, uh, I don't remember all of it.

I just remember that things like that.

Who's the bad guy?

Isn't it like his dad or something?

There's like an old Zorro and a new Zorro.

Well, Anthony Hopkins is he's the older

because there's the villain old guy, and then there's the old Zorro.

Yeah.

I'm like remembering this.

Yeah.

It's uh not thought about this movie in 30 years.

Yeah, I've definitely blocked out chunks of it.

Do you think that was really Catherine Zeta Jones's butt in entrapment?

Probably not.

I think it was a butt double.

It was a stunt butt.

A butt double, yeah.

Yeah, butt double.

But who was the butt double?

It was actually the voice of Tony Through.

Dave, you haven't overheard.

So in our neighborhood, there is this one parking spot.

There's like...

Oh, yes.

There's one street that has a...

There's a lot of trees in our neighborhood.

Yeah, a lot of trees in our neighborhood.

Big trees.

And usually the curb doesn't account for them.

The curb is just straight.

But there's one street that has one little bit of curb.

Like a little semicircle

that protrudes out into the street.

So the curb isn't like straight.

It's got a little thing that juts out.

Yeah.

And if you're parking your car, you don't see it because it's like

they don't paint it

orange or yeah.

Put a sign up or anything.

So if you see if you know it's there, you're fine.

But in the past, I've parked my car there and been like, heard a grinding of like, what the hell's happening?

Or like you get back in your car and you pull out and you're like, because you don't hit it on the way in, but then you hit it on the way out.

Okay.

And this is a menace.

Yeah.

This is a menace.

And

I saw, there was a couple walking back to their car.

That's nice.

And yeah, I mean, I love love.

Yeah.

Actually.

And

the guy said, it was a straight couple.

There.

Yeah, there he is.

There he said it.

That's even allowed anymore.

I can't say happy Christmas tires to anyone.

Can't call two people.

A couple.

And he says, he points to it and says, look at this fucked up parking spot.

And she goes, you, why does it look like that?

Just goddamn us.

I mean, it's a lot of things.

I don't think it's gross.

Ew.

Oh, yeah.

That was the other part of seeing the cyber truck was two teenage girls walking by and saying, it looks so ugly.

Oh, that's pretty fun yeah um

but no i know it does i like that's why i like it yeah making a statement it's different

i'm built different

he's he's our tony stark i hope you know yeah

um he invented this company well he invested in it but that's basically it Same thing, same thing, same with Twitter.

He didn't invent it, but he got in there.

He made it better.

Are inarguably better.

I miss old Twitter.

man it was so good when it was good when it was good it was good all those years y'all were y'all were so funny i'm back on blue sky i'm on blue sky and

again it's not it's not hitting yet yeah i i mean for a long time but it's also like just the like what i loved about twitter before everyone it's not his fault it got bad It was just for little jokes, and then people started getting their news on it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That really changed it.

It was for comedy for so long.

Like, I remember, Dave, for years, you were just like, what would you use it for if not comedy?

And it was also, I remember in the early days of it, I followed like, I don't know, 80 people, and you would just get those 80 people's tweets.

And then at the end of the day, you'd be like, oh, I guess I caught up on Twitter.

Yeah, you've reached

it.

Oh, man.

Oh, now I'm all nostalgic.

What a feeling.

What a feeling.

My overheard is courtesy of Taking Uber.

Hey, Ian.

There you go.

At Tesla.

Nice.

And I got in.

That'll happen.

It was an old Russian man or somebody from Eastern Europe.

Yeah, man.

Morovia.

Yes.

I get in, and right away he goes, Graham?

And I go, yeah.

And he goes, how do you say it?

And I said, Graham.

Okay.

The phone said, Graham.

And then we were driving across the Canby Street Bridge and there was construction stuff.

all fenced in and that one of the construction companies is called Graham and he was like look look look look look

I was like, what is he pointing at?

He goes, oh, that's your name.

It was pretty good.

It was a good trip.

It nerfed on that level.

It's kind of like when you,

if you ever get a new car, you're like, you start seeing it everywhere.

Yeah.

He just heard a new word and now he's going to see it.

Everywhere he is.

You're going to see it.

I did not realize these s'mores I was eating had your cracker.

Look, look, look, look.

Now we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the map.

If you want to send one in, it's spy at maximumfun.org.

And this, let me just open it up.

This first one is from Joel.

This is at the

Wisconsin

State Fair.

I heard a pre-teen girl say to her mom, wouldn't you love to be a pop star like Taylor Swift?

And the mom said, no, when you're famous like that, you don't get any privacy.

And the girl says, what if you buy a lot of curtains?

Yeah,

problems, yeah.

I'm just think about it for like one second.

Those people can't really see past a lot of those Christmas trees that you're banging around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They offer quite a bit of coverage, they do, yeah, a little bit pokey, but you know, and you do still need to wear protection, though, because you don't want to get Dutch Elm disease

expressed to your brain, you don't want to get root rot.

Uh, this next one comes from Chris in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

I am taking a vacation to Austin, Texas, and we are at a trendy modern restaurant.

We were sitting at the bar and overheard two bartenders.

Bartender one, have you seen Flubber?

I really loved Flubber as a kid.

Bartender two, never liked Flubber.

I think I saw it too young.

He was just so green.

You block it out if you think Flubber is a man or a character.

Yeah.

It was too much.

It was goo, right?

Yeah, it was like a magical, like scientific

scientif.

Does he get turned green at any point robin williams i don't know i've never seen

i've never seen it i don't know he's too green i mean boy i saw i know i've seen wasn't the original flubber was that a jerry lewis yeah joint yeah okay and so was the original dr do little

and the original um clumps or whatever uh isn't that dr do little no the nutty professor oh maybe yeah you know yeah sorry not dr doolittle i met nutty professor yeah yeah dr doolittle was like is that gene wilder or dick van dyke or or something?

Yeah, maybe.

I love how like Robert Dandy Jr.'s first post-Marvel movie.

It's Dr.

Doolittle.

And everybody's like, this stays.

Go back to Marvel.

Do another Marvel.

No, don't go back to Marvel.

Because he's coming back in a week.

I hope they recast everybody.

I hope that Hulk comes back as you Wonder Woman and Home Crossing

properties.

This last one comes from Josh in Brooklyn, New York.

I was sitting at a bar waiting for a show to start and overheard these two middle-aged men talking.

The first guy was telling the second about his dad's adult magazine collection and said he even had some that were from the early 1900s.

And without missing a beat, the other guy said, Yeah, perverts have a lot of money.

They just, it's not necessarily they have a lot of money, they know how to spend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

They got priority.

They have a different version of disposable income.

I got some barely legal magazines from the

old West.

From the old West, from the early 1900s, from the Triangle Waistcoat Factory,

shirt waist factory.

Barely legal working conditions.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is ho-ho-ho-1-844-779-7631.

Ho-ho-ho.

Whoa.

Or one.

Ugh.

spy pod one.

Like these, people.

Ho, ho, ho.

Hello, Dave Graham and guest.

This is Russell in Anchorage, Alaska, with a couple of overheards.

Both of these happened while I was traveling from the East Coast of the U.S.

all the way back to Alaska.

So like three flights, four airports.

So in Dallas, there was this super exhausted, super grumpy older lady who was sitting a couple chairs away from me trying to eat a sandwich.

And these totally oblivious parents were like 15 feet away letting their toddler bother her.

Like they thought it was really cute that this kid was poking her and they were just not picking up that she wasn't into it at all.

And so I heard her, she gritted her teeth and said quietly to this kid, go away, kid.

I don't love you.

Got to share my review of you.

Nobody loves you.

And here's this next one.

I was back at Anchorage at three in the morning.

There was this young woman carrying a baby, and she answers her phone, and I heard her side of the conversation.

She goes, hi, mom.

Well, your little angel threw up all over me right as we were taking off.

Mom, I know that happens sometimes.

It still completely sucked.

No freaking way.

It does.

It sucks.

Yeah,

yeah.

I do like the, well, your little angel, even though it's your daughter.

Her granddaughter has my little angel.

The little angel you wanted me to have.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Now you see what he or she is doing.

Because you didn't want to suffer in silence.

You don't even want the silent grief of being a grandchildless senior.

Yes.

Anyway, traveling with kids.

We love it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Everybody loves it.

Your kids are at the age where they're pretty good traveling.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You see them in iPad the whole time.

Yeah.

And they also

never in their life would have gone up and poked a stranger.

Absolutely not.

Never in a million years.

Mm-mm.

Okay.

Hello, Dave, Graham, and

possible guests.

This is Jeff in Vancouver, calling in with an overdream.

But first, I have a little backstory for you.

I am Graham's across-the-hall neighbor and have been for four years.

Really?

And I know the guy.

I've been

a listener since that time,

but I didn't know

Graham was the host until about a year after I started listening.

I've been all that time since I did know, I've been trying to find the creepiest way to get an overheard.

Nice.

And

I have not been able to because Graham's too quiet and polite in the hallway.

I tried, but what are you like in the hallway?

Hey, Graham.

Yeah, if I uh no, no, I'm I'm I'm him.

Hey, Graham, nice out there

if he's walking in and off.

That was good acting, that was scary, Dave.

Yeah, it really.

Um, overdream.

Uh, so this will have to do last night.

I had a dream where I was in a live

uh

SpyPod show, you are dreaming, and I was trying to be quiet and not be seen

getting to my seat.

And

our old

apartment manager, Olga, was sitting in the front row and stood up and said, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, come and sit with me.

And then Graham looked into the audience and said, you, what the hell are you doing here?

And I froze and asked him if I should leave.

And he said, no, come and sit with Olga.

And then they woke up.

Olga's sitting by herself.

There you go.

That was fantastic.

Oh,

darling.

Olga getting a shout-out.

She rules.

Yep.

You were talking about her originally.

She didn't

do much decorating.

No, no.

She said that's up to everybody else, and nobody's taken up the challenge.

That's the emotional, invisible emotional labor that I was talking about.

Yeah.

It's also

war on Christmas.

Totally.

Yeah.

She used to be the maintenance person and now is retired, but still lives there.

There you go.

We all love Olga.

If I lose my keys, I can buzz her to let me into the building.

Oh, cool.

She's good.

How often do you lose your keys?

Every other day.

I should have them around my neck.

Like, what do you call those mittens?

Idiot strings?

Yeah.

Well, that's great.

If anyone else is living in Graham's building and dreaming about him, call it.

Here's your final phone.

Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests.

This is Danny S.

Calling in an overheard from Chicago.

I was at Northwestern University's Classical Contemporary Music Ensemble.

And some students behind me were looking at an ad in the program for a classical guitar series.

And the first girl goes, oh my God, I love classical guitar.

I've got to go to this.

And another pointed out, oh, but this guy's playing a lute.

Oh, my God.

He is such a freak for that.

Anyway, have a good day.

Agreed.

With the intricacies of stringed instrument culture, you know, the only freaks.

Triangle?

I think

that's the

loot.

I mean, and you need to get the loot, the warrant, and the crook.

Yeah.

If you want to get to the bonus round of where in the world is carvings at it.

The loot is, I don't know.

It's like a big hollow, rounded one with a tiny hole and a little like.

Are you talking about my dick?

It's a medieval

motherfucker.

Rounded uh and hollow

and hollow i don't know but i also and maybe am i thinking of a liar

oh sure

maybe isn't that more like a harp i don't know

oh brother okay let's look up a liar a loot and liar a liar is like a harp

oh it's like in ancient times like a woman would be like an angel

like um

Martin Prince.

And then a loot is a.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Got a big, big sort of

big fat ass and short neck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Looks kind of like lemon-shaped from what I'm seeing over here.

Yeah.

Anyways, if there's anything else.

And that one with the big ass little neck.

Well, Abby, an intense pleasure.

A merry pleasure.

Yes.

Thank you for being our guest.

Merry pleasure.

And thank you, everybody out there.

You know what?

If you celebrate, fine.

If you don't, also find.

Shut up about it.

Either way, shut up about it.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.