Episode 876 - The Listeners

Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 876 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

My name is Graham Clark.

And with me, as always, is a man who, boy, oh boy, if we're, if I've ever met somebody who's glad to close the book on this year, it's Mr.

Dave Shumka.

Yeah, what a dumpster fire.

Yeah, what were your low lights?

Oh, my God.

My bingo card for 2020?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was on it and what was not on it?

It was, it weirdly had everything.

It had everything that happened.

I got one of the good bingo cards.

I had, you know,

that

hot Italian-American young man shot of CEO.

That was right by the time.

That's right.

I remember you said that was going to happen this year, and I laughed in your face.

I said, there's just no way.

Because I thought it was going to be an ugly Hungarian man.

Like Gavrilo Prinkip?

Yes, exactly.

Probably Serbian, I'm thinking.

I thought I had, what else was on my bingo card?

Guy who can't name anything that happened this year?

The Eras tour, you said that was going to net a lot of money.

Yeah, I was like,

it said Brat Summer, and I was like, what does that even mean?

You were saying I karumba all summer, and I was like, Dave,

you're doing it wrong.

Gray, I'll meet my shorts.

Well, if you're a first-time listener to the podcast, you may not know.

Yeah.

At the end of the year, we do a countdown of the best music videos of the year.

And unit number one is

swallowed by Bush off Razorblade Suitcase.

Do you think when Gwen Stefani and Gavin was his name, Gavin?

Rossdale.

Rossdale, were they religious?

Because now she's religious.

Is she religious or is she religious for money?

Oh, pray for pay, they would call her.

Well, I've never heard her say anything about God until I saw that ad for the.

It's like a praying app.

Yeah, it's an air fryer of prayer and it's uh it's a prayer fryer

she

yeah anyways that was it that was on my bingo card was good stefani coming out as a uh fundamentalist

well i don't know actually what sect she belongs to she could be a calvinist

where are the stefanis from i'm guessing pretty probably catholic yeah oh yeah no the stefanis yeah sounds like a an italian name yeah she loved a pope

I had a Pope summer.

That was the crazy thing about me.

I wore a big hat everywhere.

When Safani goes to confession, what does she confess?

That she's walking the spider webs.

The priest is like, don't speak.

Yes.

I like the idea that you'd be doing confession to the pope.

That would be big time.

Yeah.

The best confession of the year.

Pope, it's been whatever, a long time since my last confession.

I said the S-word in that banana song i want to confess that i'm feeling hella good um also i want to confess that i wore braces uh just for the aesthetics

what do you feel will be the pope's because he reveals at the end of the year his ten top confessions

uh well first of all first of all good stefani uh confessing the

wearing that like indian thing

in her forehead not cool also what were the cool at the time we didn't know we didn't know exactly we were just learning about other cultures at the time and her boyfriend was indian uh that's right and um

she uh what was harajoku girls is that who she hung out with yeah that was also racial appropriation yeah yeah we you know what she's she's doing great her and her husband glorb glops and and uh do they get married yeah oh i don't know i assume if they're hardcore christians they must be living at sin she hardcore christian I think so.

I think that's what she said.

She says it's very important to us.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Big faith going on.

Okay.

Well, big faith energy.

It's the last week of the year, and this is the time of year when we have the listeners call.

And the listeners are the guests.

Do we want to get to know them?

I would love to.

Get to know us.

That goes.

And that means,

well,

our keener listeners, can you see the waiting room, Graham, or is it only visible to me?

I got the two.

Yeah, I got the two.

We got three folks waiting in the waiting room.

Do we want to get to them?

Hell yeah.

I have a running joke I'm going to do.

Okay, this is fun.

I don't know if I'll announce it.

So this is going to pop up in my third screen, is what I'm, that's what I'm looking at.

There's my screen.

There's me, you, and then Dave Shumka II.

Is that what you're you're doing?

Yeah, Dave Shumka II is my alter ego.

Oh, okay.

He tours around the country doing your act.

He's the one recording this on the other computer.

And so I'm going to let our first guest in.

I just need to check who is our first guest.

It's a person whose name is Scott.

And Scott is going to join us right about now.

The funk's old brother.

Scott, are you there?

Scotty.

Scott.

Scott, are you there?

I'm here.

I'm here.

Hey, Scott, show us your camera.

Don't be shy.

I know.

It's just, it's like spiraling.

I'm trying to turn it on, but it's not.

It's spiraling.

There it is.

There it is.

It's like doing the little circle.

Oh, okay.

I'm spiraling.

Scott, how's it going?

Where are you calling us from?

I'm calling in from Austin, Texas.

Home of Kill Tony.

Yeah, Rogan Country.

Yep, mother show.

Keep it weird.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, any day of the week, you can go and watch

Burt Kreischer or Tony Hinchcliffe.

You could just stroll down there tonight, as a matter of fact, and just go see.

That is true.

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of comedy clubs.

I have to admit, I have been to the mothership once.

It was pretty cool.

Yeah,

what was your favorite thing about the mothership?

Just the vibe.

No, that's probably not my favorite.

That's probably my least favorite thing about the mothership would be the vibe.

i mean the bodyguards all seem like they're ex-marines it's a very intimidating place but uh i felt very safe um i don't i don't know i don't go to a lot of comedy shows so it was just it was it was it was cool to be there but uh it's nice to know you could if you wanted to exactly for people who aren't plugged into the scene the mothership is the like joe rogan is it a comedy club or is it like where does he is it where he does his podcast it's comedy no it's right yeah it's just a comedy club yeah um that's great and thanks for calling, Scott.

Thanks for updating us about the mothership.

Bye.

I know.

I feel so awesome that that's what I'm talking about.

How long?

How long have you lived in Austin?

Since March.

So coming up on a year.

So I'm pretty new still.

Anniversary.

Yeah, I got a catch.

Not yet, I guess.

Four months from now.

In a few months, yeah.

Well, where did you relocate from?

Where do you move from?

I was in San Francisco before that.

Nice.

Yeah.

Are you one of these tech bros I hear so much about?

No, I mean, I work at a tech company, but I'm not an engineer.

So

I just do PR for the tech bros.

Oh, yeah.

They've got good PR this year.

It's been

a year.

Yeah.

Found the great PR for the tech bros.

What's the top?

What's the big tech story this year?

I know that one guy

had an offering for Hoctua coin, and then that went

sideways pretty quick.

There was that.

I mean, I think just a lot of AI everywhere.

All taking all our jobs, you know, the AI just coming for everything.

Yeah,

I was talking to this little boy, and he was like, AI Kurumba.

Oh, yeah, who's that kid again?

He had a sort of a bart summer.

Now,

Scott, what do you have under there?

Underwear.

Yes, one for one.

I can see.

I see the recurring bit, the birth of.

Now, Scott, did you have a question?

Did you have a talent?

Did you have a hot take?

Or do you want to show off your outfit?

No,

no talents, no hot takes.

Man, I swear I racked my brain and I listened to the listener episode from last year and I was just

like.

These people were so impressive and so charming and I had no smart things to say like they did.

I guess I had a stupid question, which is just like a total softball, but I am curious.

Like,

well, maybe I have two.

One isn't extremely mundane, but the first one that's the softball is, I guess,

like, do you guys ever look back on the naming of Stop Podcasting Yourself?

And, like, I feel like you've talked about it a few times on the show.

Like, it's not a very descriptive name.

10 out of 10, no notes.

10 out of 10, no notes.

It's perfect then, it's perfect now.

Yeah, we do

regret it deeply,

but it's not, it's just a bad name.

It's not like offensive to anyone.

So that's good.

Except the podcasting community, which we're imploring them to stop.

Yeah, I suppose we are.

Do we look back?

Yeah, Graham and I have

a little private time every week.

We put our hands in a circle.

Do you remember if we had any other names, Graham?

When I thought it was going to be a thing that we did for five episodes, I wanted to call it the Faustino Factor.

Bill O'Reilly was still in the air, and Dave Faustino is my favorite

young Hollywood guy who's still kind of hanging around out there in L.A.

And so I thought it was funny to just have that be a name, but I didn't think that it would go more than five episodes.

So it's good that we didn't name it the Faustino Factor.

I feel like we maybe had the idea of calling it, was it going to be

the original title of Mr.

Show was going to be Grand National Championships or something.

Oh, yeah.

And so I think we bandied around the idea of, well, if they're not going to use it, maybe we can.

And I also thought at the time,

it's stupid now, but that we, one of the ones on the table was the Joe Rogan experience.

And that was just going to be us two talking about it.

It was crazy, like, that he would come along and have that name for his show.

But

looking back, it's more of a fit for him.

Was he already, he was already doing Fear Factor then, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

We had been, he'd feared the nation.

And

we all reaped the benefits of early bug eating.

They really kind of, people only remember the bug eating and like being, you know, put in a coffin full of spiders or whatever.

Was there like

people getting dropped off a building?

I watched a clip recently where it was people jumping out of a window at like the, like a famous Hollywood hotel and they were, you know, attached to a bungee kind of thing or like somebody would let them down slow.

But the thing that struck me was how trash talky everybody was, knowing that they would, their turn would be coming up and it would also be scary for them.

So if anything, Joe Rogan was kind of the sensible second thought.

He was like, come on, guys.

That's not scary to me.

I guess that's jumping out a window?

Yeah, if I have a thing on, if I'm wearing a harness.

I don't know that that guy knows what he's doing.

You know, him and Joe could have been doing psychedelics early in the morning, you know?

it's always a risk it's always a risk whenever you're jumping out of a hotel window no matter how well scott do you have a you said you might have a second question yeah this one's just in my own head canon whenever i hear the intro to the podcast there's like there's a moment where graham introduces he introduces you right and You do this little chuckle.

And I always in my head cannon thought that maybe Graham did that off the cuff and you weren't expecting it.

And that is a true surprise moment during recording.

That is now the intro.

So I would just love to scratch that itch in my mind.

And

was that planned?

I want to know what head cannon is.

Yeah, I want to hear more about a head cannon.

I thought way too much about that intro.

Like your last listener.

It's like what medieval guys hit in that question.

It's how medieval Kirk Cobain ended it all.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, my God.

A head cannon.

I think we're, I'm, I don't know if I'm laughing.

I think we had probably recorded it five or six times, and I'm doing like a fake like game show host kind of smiley laughing thing.

And you know what?

We're a couple of silly guys.

I

was wobbling my head back and forth trying to do the game show guy, and I spilled coffee everywhere.

Classic game show.

It just sounds so natural, I will say.

I mean,

but

I guess, okay.

So it was, and now I almost feel like I wish I hadn't asked.

Now it's taken a little of the wonder out of it.

Well, you know what?

You could always escape back into your head, Cannon

of Solitude.

Yeah.

Well, Scott, how do you feel this went?

Awful.

I mean, I ended up talking a lot.

Like, you guys could totally cut this one.

I hate to talk about Joe Rogan.

You can't.

You're the first caller.

There's no way we can't cut around it and go right to the second caller.

Yeah.

That's caller number one.

Yeah.

Line one.

I've been nervous all day.

I was like up laying in bed trying to think of a better question.

But

the name one, I thought that was good.

That was good.

Yeah, that was good.

That was a peek behind the curtain.

Scott, the heck you did a really good job.

You know what?

It's sort of like when someone is on Jeopardy and they ring in before they know the answer, but like ringing in is the most important thing.

And they're just sitting there and they're like,

why'd you name your show, Jeopardy?

My head cannon.

What is my head cannon?

Graham, do you think Josh Dubbs would mind if I used his shirt to clean up this coffee?

Probably

Okay, well, we're going to have to let you go, but thanks to Seattle, guys.

Appreciate it.

All right.

Have a good one.

Bye, too.

Now I have to remember how to get people out of the show.

Okay.

Off and running.

Off and running with Scott.

Yeah.

First caller down.

You ready for the next?

You know I am.

And let me just open this up.

And his name.

or the caller's name is Dan.

Dan, everybody.

Please welcome to the show.

Dan.

It's a good name.

Solid name.

Same short.

Yeah.

Same two letters starting your name, his name.

Oh, DS.

Same initials, too.

There you go.

Yeah, well, if he ever turns on his microphone and turns on his camera, we'll meet this guy.

Asleep at the Switch.

Yeah, there he is.

There's Dan S.

Hey, yeah.

Hey, Dave.

How's it going, Dan?

Thanks for joining us.

Thank you for having me.

It's important to note right off the bat that there's not one, but two guitars hanging behind your on the wall.

Oh, yeah.

One, one small, one big.

Is the small one an ukulele?

It is.

The baritone ukulele.

It's my wife's.

Oh, and it's strung left-handed, so I never really play it.

Is that what first attracted you to her?

Was her ability to left-hand ukulele?

I mean,

one of many things.

I don't know.

She doesn't play it that much, to be honest.

Oh, I'm throwing shade and she she might actually listen to this.

It is one of the things that attracted me, her radiant

beauty.

Oh, damn it.

Oh, no.

This has already gone down the toilet, hasn't it?

Danny, where are you calling from?

Thanks, Dave.

I'm calling from Victoria, British Columbia.

Oh, man.

Dave's alma mater.

I go there.

Well, I never go there anymore.

Graham goes there sometimes.

He goes there every four years to do his university, I guess.

Yeah, to get my, I got to get reaccredited.

Oh, wow.

That's, I didn't know that's how that went.

It is.

It's a weird wrinkle here in Vancouver Law.

Anyways,

what do you do in Victoria, BC?

Right now, I'm mostly a stay-at-home dad, but I'm a part-time carpenter, I guess.

Like Jesus.

Stay-at-home dad.

Really?

Yeah, he really was a part-time carpenter, though, right?

Like to get all the other business done, you can't be working on big projects like whatever you're building.

That's true.

He did take a lot of time off.

Yeah, he kind of got to, you know, making his schedule.

Yeah, and he took a gap year there for a year and backpacked around and spread the good word.

Living the good life.

Sorry, Daniel.

Well, you know what?

It is the reason for the season.

Dan also has a beard listener.

Yeah.

And Dan, do you sometimes wear glasses?

I do sometimes wear glasses.

All right.

That's just

like Jesus.

Yeah, there's a lot of parallels between me and Jesus.

The stigmata that developed.

Oh, no.

You've got to go to your

dermatologist, I guess, if you've got stigmata to take a look at that.

And I think it would be good if you wanted

a class action lawsuit against M ⁇ Ms.

Because they melt in your mouth and not in your hand.

If you had stigmata, you could be like, there's no melted right through my hand.

These things, look at these guys.

They melted right through my hand.

Yeah, yeah.

Your honor.

Now, Dan, just what do you have under there?

Underwear.

Ah, two or two.

Oh, whoa.

That was very smooth.

I didn't even see it coming.

I have a feeling I'm going to have a really high percentage today.

Yeah.

Grammy asked, or maybe Dave asked, you asked how old my kid was.

How old is your baby?

She's two and a half.

Okay.

Nice.

She's running circles around you.

She's chatting up a storm.

Oh, man.

She has so much energy.

And

do I even bring this up?

My daughter's name is also Margo.

Oh,

a DS with a Margo.

Okay.

So originally when we were like coming up with names, I was not against Margo, but it wasn't the top of my list just because listening to the podcast, I get an unfair amount of Margot stories.

So I thought the name was more common than it is, right?

So I was like, well, I don't want, you know, I don't want

because naming a kid is mostly about you and how unique it is, right?

Like it's.

And you wanted a combination between Margaret and Escargot.

And you were like, how can I make this work together?

I'm like, I know, I know many Margos now.

I know

Dave's daughter, Margot Kidder, Margot Robbie.

Margarita Kidder.

Yeah, Margot Rev.

Margot Martindale.

How do you spell it?

M-A-R-G-O-T.

That's the way to go.

It is.

Well, so we used to live down by Ross Bay Cemetery, which is like a really old cemetery along the water in Victoria.

And

I wish they had a lot of new cemeteries.

I want some modern cemeteries with a lot of

steel and glass graves.

And like some corrugated siding and stuff.

Only people who have died like 2000 and later.

And like on the bottom floor is a freshie and the top five floors are dead bodies.

They all have dead bodies.

That's the

they look like my wife always says those new houses look like dentist's office.

So you know you get like a you get like a dentist's office looking like mausoleum

in your cemetery is what you're you're looking for so we would walk the cemetery and all the time anyway just because we lived by it and that's a nice park basically but we would look for old names like or names on cemeteries right because then aren't gravestones so maybe we'd find odin or loki these type of names

marcus aurelius yeah

yeah og and even going and even go that's where i was gonna go neander though um but then uh

but you'd be surprised like because it's like 1800s, late 1800s, early 1900s, a lot of

a lot of Johns, a lot of Williams, and a lot of Roberts, if you're a guy.

Basically, those were your only options if you're a white guy in that time.

For me, the best time was whenever they were naming, whenever they were naming guys Gaylord.

That was the best time of history.

That was peak naming.

Yeah, so we never found anything.

And it's a good name.

So it's easy.

You didn't want to call your kid Headstone or Grave or anything like that.

Like, this has been staring us in the eye the whole time.

Dan, did you have a question or anything?

So

like, I don't know when it was.

In one episode of the podcast, you referred to these weird emails you get of.

You got a few of them that were formatted the same of like, I'm so-and-so.

If you're looking for an exciting podcast guest, I'm so-and-so.

And I can tell you about, I've been in the waste management business for 11 years.

I was in the place to rent a dumpster.

Right.

The common sizes of dumpsters, yes.

And in my email, I alluded to something like that.

Just as because I think about that all the time.

When I go to write an email, I think of that structure.

I'm like, my name is Dan, and I have been in this business for so long.

Like, I have to stop from doing it.

Here are some exciting topics for you.

And so

I actually did look up the price of dumpsters.

Okay.

In case I totally bailed.

Okay.

So

I want to find...

I just want to find that email is my thing.

Oh, yeah.

So it was a big fan of your podcast.

May I ask you something?

I'm from Bins for Less.

I was wondering if you're looking for a podcast guest.

Here are a couple of ideas for podcast topics.

What's the biggest size dumpster you can rent?

I love that.

What is waste management and its process?

How much does it cost to rent a dumpster?

How much do you Dan?

Do you have the info on this?

Yeah, yeah.

So the smallest bin that you can get for like a commercial kind of project

would be

seven feet wide, 12 feet long.

And then you have your option of wall height.

So you have four, five, or six feet.

So

all in, totally full, and it has a three-ton max.

All in, you're like $1,350.

Oh, that's way cheaper than I thought it would be.

For how long?

So,

oh,

12 feet long.

So 12 feet wide, 12 feet.

Oh, okay.

You don't really pay a day rate.

I think it's just drop off and pickup.

But who's who, how often am I getting it emptied?

Oh, is that a different thing?

This is like, this is like, this wouldn't be building a house kind of situation.

Yeah, you're building a house like a bin that you just rent to get rid of a certain amount of stuff, not like

a regular pickup.

Oh, yeah.

You know what?

Look up the other one.

We'll have you back next year.

You've been great.

We're all out of time.

Dan.

I love you, Dan.

Bye.

All right.

I got to get, we got to get quicker with these people.

We're already behind.

That's screw, but we're having fun.

You know what I mean?

I know.

Well, our next guest will be joining us imminently.

Andrew.

It's no introduction.

This next guest needs no introduction.

It's Natalie.

Natalie.

Hi, Natalie.

Hi.

Can you guys hear me?

We can hear you.

We love your voice.

Love your glasses.

Let's get that right out of the way, first of all.

Love those glasses.

Good specs.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Graham, I've never had more compliments on a pair of glasses in my life, so I think they have to just be my personality from now on.

Well, they never have another pair.

A bold frame, and they look good on your noggin.

So, thanks so much.

It's meant to be.

That's your look.

Thank you.

Yeah, I appreciate it.

I didn't know I'd get out of rate my glasses, but that feels very special.

That's what we're here to do.

Well, thanks for joining us.

Thanks for waiting in the waiting room.

And where do you call us from?

From Hamilton, Ontario.

Ah, the hammer.

Nice.

Oh, the Tycats.

What are their

season look like?

Yeah, what's their five-year plan?

I don't know.

I think it's over.

Yeah, it's over.

Yeah.

But, you know, this was a building year for Hamilton, and next year

could be their year.

Now, did you...

What are the categories of things?

Dave, you had a question you wanted to ask her.

Oh, yeah.

What do you have under there?

Under what?

Oh, no.

She said, Oh, no.

She said under what?

Damn it.

Oh,

Dave.

Graham, you can't set me up.

It needs to happen naturally.

I thought you meant under my vest.

I know.

I feel weird asking a lady.

But it won't stop me.

Now,

you're in Hamilton.

How's Hamilton?

It's great.

It's great.

We moved here thinking we'd just be here for a couple of years, and it's been.

11 years now that we've been here, and we love it.

Do you ever go to the Levity Comedy Club?

I have a couple times.

My son was actually at a birthday party there.

They got to rent it out and do a Nerf Gun game, like a Nerf Gun battle in it.

Yeah, it was amazing.

Rules.

Yeah.

Comedy Club/slash Nerf Gun important.

Wouldn't it be cool if there was like, you know, like whatever, Halo or Fortnite?

You play online and you can choose your level, and it's like, I choose the comedy club level.

I'm going to be in the comedy club.

Did you know that my...

Dr.

Vase is doing a set there to a virtual comedy club.

Now, did you know that my wife was born in Hamilton?

No, I thought she was born in Switzerland or one of the other cool places she lived.

She was born in the coolest place of all.

That's true.

That's right.

I was actually listening to the most recent episode yesterday, and you were talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger

seeing him.

And we live just across from a really beautiful park, and he was filming a movie here.

No way.

Two summers ago?

Yeah.

So many people saw him.

He was just wandering around Hamilton.

Oh my god, I would die.

I would die on the spot if I saw him just walking around Hamilton.

Yeah.

I've been to Hamilton many years ago.

It's a nice spot.

The people seem very nice there.

Yeah, it definitely has its like, it has its beauty spots.

It has its

not great spots.

But

what are your top 10 not great spots in Hamilton?

Oh no.

I don't want to get dog.

Okay, Natalie, we asked people calling in: do they have a question?

Do they have a talent?

Do they have, do you want us to rate your outfit?

We've already done the glasses.

Yeah.

The vest.

We like the vest.

Or a hot take.

I have a hot take.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Okay.

I'm going to preface this by saying, I'm not a monster.

Okay.

I love, I love the Muppets.

I grew up watching Sesame Street.

Uh-oh.

Love it.

Love Muppets Christmas Gale.

Okay.

Okay.

Love him.

From the waist up.

From the waist down, Muppet legs are disgusting.

Wow.

This is a hot day.

Now, whose legs do you see?

Do you see Kermits?

Kermits are horrible.

Kermit on a bike is particularly horrible.

In the scenes where you see like full Fozzie Bear walking around or Ernie and Bert walking around.

Do you see, but does do they reveal all of it?

Like, do you ever see full...

Yes.

Yeah, you do in the movies they really go for it in a big way and in all my posters yeah all the posters i have on my wall and they're all spread over which is really disturbing why would they do that on a poster of muppets kermit you see a lot more like he's usually sitting on a fence they're just and they're it's like uncanny valley feeling when you see them walking and like they could never

support the body that they're on.

I hate it.

It's like that gives me that feeling of when you see like a nature documentary and you can see bugs and it gives you like shivers down your spine.

I was actually thinking of moving to Uncanny Valley.

It's very beautiful this time of year.

Oh, that's my hot take.

It is not.

It gets

a lot of press.

And I don't know.

I mean, the closer you look, the worse it is.

So you think Kermit is the worst of the legs, or is there, is there somebody out there?

I think Grover.

Grover, too.

I think it's the really spindly ones.

Yeah.

What do you feel about like scooter that's wearing pants and shoes?

Is that?

You know what?

I went and looked at like

the photos of my,

yeah, I feel like the pants and shoes are not so bad.

It's the like, just the skinny, gross, even like Rizzo's little legs.

Bothering me.

Well, Rizzo's gross head to toe.

The legs are particularly gross.

I haven't watched.

This is.

being released after Christmas, but we're recording it a week before Christmas.

I haven't watched the Christmas Carol yet, Muppet Wise.

This year?

Ever or this year?

This year.

I didn't know.

That was emotional when it came out because that was

the first thing out of the gates after Jim Henson passed away.

Jim Henson passed away?

Yes.

Why don't you even read my emails that I send to you?

Well, there's so many every day.

Here's who's dead, 1989 edition.

I just watched the Jim Henson documentary.

So good.

It was fine.

In the way that it made the Mr.

Rogers one made you weepy,

that was my weepy film was Jim Henthelf.

For me, it was the one where there's that one scene where the little girl is

doing the alphabet with Kermit, and she keeps saying Cookie Monster instead of the right letter.

Then Kermit gets upset and leaves and it says, I love you.

But I can see where you're coming from on the legs.

And like, yeah,

the bicycle thing must have been a nightmare for you, especially when all of them they did in the sequel, there was like many of them on bikes.

My God, you probably never slept for a year after that.

I was saying, I was trying to figure out why I hate them so much.

And I think it was around the time when that golf episode came out where he was going to go berserk if they didn't put him in the cage.

I feel like I was so young when I watched that.

Do you remember that episode where there's like a phase he goes through where they had to put him in a cage or he'd like eat every cat and kill people?

That was early on, right?

When he was like still really scruffy.

I like those years.

I like the years when they would.

And how many years of elves were there?

The first year or two, he was crazy.

And then he became smooth and he was wearing like Hawaiian shirts and stuff like that.

But he was a lot more rough and ready in that period.

Especially that first.

How many?

I think that just terrified my childhood brain and then it got manifested in puppet legs, maybe.

Yeah.

When i think about chucky's legs i got freaked out a little bit okay one last thing before you go natalie um

you have under there

uh no how many uh how many seasons of alf do we all think there were oh i think there was four

i was gonna say five

it's Four.

Graham's our winner.

We were only allowed to have that much happiness.

You know, five would have been too much for us to handle.

Well, there's a lot of people in the waiting room natalie you understand you got to get out of here bye natalie bye underwear

yes

all right who is next on daddy's list it is this comes daddy claus here comes daddy claus

i think it's going okay oh this is going great

and here to carry on the tradition of greatness We've got Rich.

Hey, Rich.

Hello.

How's it going, guys?

Good.

How are you?

Not bad.

To paint the picture for the listener, she's wearing a toque, a green and blue ribbed toque.

It looks really good.

It looks really cozy.

Yeah.

It's a wife product.

Nice.

Good work.

Good work.

Probably ribbed for her pleasure.

And the shirt.

Anyways, it was a silly moon.

Silly moon.

This is from Target.

Oh, yeah.

Target's good with the like.

printed teas.

Yeah.

Even in the boys section, you can still get the girly ones.

sure

so i appreciate it you can get a ramon shirt for your baby yes and a red hot chili pepper shirt for your baby um both of those bands have lyrics that could be for babies like gabba gabba hay sounds like a baby lyric

i had i had a uh a less than jake onesie for my baby when she was a baby that uh i bought it warp tour probably

in 2006 or so you knew somewhere down the road you were gonna have a guy I knew I was going to be that guy, and I did it.

You had to live with it.

You have one child, two child, three child, four?

Just a one.

One.

One.

She's nine now.

Nine.

And

she's now married.

More excited for Christmas, right?

Of course.

Yes.

She knows Santa's bullshit, but we saw Santa's.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is a family show here.

Excuse me.

We know that, you know, let me end the number.

If any kids are listening, Santa, it's Santa's politics that are bullshit.

Yeah, yeah.

He's done with his bullshit.

Yes.

Exactly.

Yeah.

We still managed to drag her to the mall to see Santa.

So I'm kind of, I think this is probably the year, you know, that's going to end.

This is probably it.

So I'm trying to appreciate it while I can.

Does she love the mall?

My kids love the mall.

The mall.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

She just, she loves stuffed animals, and it doesn't matter how crappy they are.

Does she like a Build-A-Bear workshop?

Does she like something like that?

Of course, yeah.

I mean, and that's the high-end.

You're going to waste 50 bucks in there.

But she'll be just as happy with the off-brand Pokemon, the off-model, you know, Disney characters in that weird store.

Yeah.

And that's like all the mall has left now.

There's no real toy store.

Yeah.

So it's less fun for me.

I got to kind of shuffle her past those places.

Well, I mean, let's look at Legos at least.

where where are you calling us from um i'm in uh kansas city i'm in the suburbs kansas city

missouri or kansas kansas on the kansas side didn't matter to some people about the new superman coming out he's a kansas citizen is he yeah yes he's from smallville kansas God you should know this most of all.

My God.

That's news to me, I guess.

I was born in Nevada.

I've been here most of the time, though.

So I don't know.

He's Kansas, though he is kansas yeah yeah i don't i don't care about superman you got to learn about your your state that you live in my friend well i i remember in middle school i failed the the states test i got missouri and kansas wrong and they're the two squares right next to each other and you know anybody could have was the only kid yeah yeah

um yeah you were never quizzed on states in canada yeah thank god i think i could name them all not right now but i I think I could do them all.

From the song from the Animaniacs song.

Does he do it?

Does Yakko do all 50?

Oh, he does the capitals.

Oh, the capitals, I couldn't.

Because he does all the countries.

I know he does the country.

Yes.

And then does he do the

elements?

I know that's the same song as the element song.

Yeah.

Oh, you're right.

The old-timey whoever.

Tom Lehrer.

Tom Lehrer.

That's right.

I assumed it's some old-timey racist Diddy

that we've now wait.

Are you calling Diddy a racist?

Because there's a lot of things you could call him right now, but I don't know.

No, I don't know.

Diddy, you know, I'm sure he's a fine fellow.

So anyway, there's our quote for the show.

Now, Rich,

what do you have under there?

Underwear.

Yes!

Three for four.

Oh, you got me.

Damn you.

How many people have you got with that one today?

Three.

We The last caller said under what?

Under what?

That's the only one.

I loved that Bare Naked Lady song in middle school.

Pinch me?

I should have been primed, yeah.

Get your kid a bare-naked ladies onesie.

No, we didn't.

We didn't go down that route.

Not too late.

Not too late.

When the guy left, when the one guy left, you know, Steven Page.

Yeah, it's never been the same for me.

Agreed.

I need the twin vocals.

Yeah, I don't because

for me.

the whole thing started with a big bang.

For me, it always starts with a big bang.

But he was in on that, right?

Because that was, they had a big lawsuit about that.

So I think they're both on that track.

Yeah, no, I think it's after him.

Oh, okay.

Because he, I believe he was kicked out

because

he was arrested for cocaine use.

Yeah, it was into the nose candy.

And they had just released a kids album or something.

And they were like, we don't, we can't.

Nope.

Yeah.

I went backstage after one of their concerts, and their big thing that they do after a concert that they were like debating whether or not we were going to do it was get McDonald's.

I thought that was very wholesome.

They're like, should we?

Should we tonight, guys?

I thought they cooked up all the McDonald's.

They cooked up all the craft dinner that people throw at them.

Do you think they would go in the McDonald's to get looked at?

Yeah, they tend to get attention.

Do you think they kind of want it?

Now, Rich, do you have a question, a talent, an outfit a i hot i have a talent i've brought it to you

yes um this is a a fun little thing i can do with cards these are bicycle brand cards yes this is uh uh this is called the worm okay these are playing cards everybody these are playing cards they're uh a nice donald duck deck oh nice don't duck

and this is something uh i i learned how to do after me and my daughter watched uh a bunch of uh fool us the pin and teller show love it okay so i i needed to learn like just enough magic slash card stuff to impress, say, a child.

And I've done it.

Okay.

So this is called the worm.

You make this little box.

You're making a box.

You're doing four

segments.

You've dropped them already.

It's fine.

All right.

Yeah.

So you've got it for four segments of cards.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then this guy comes from there.

Nice.

One pops up in the middle.

Yep.

Oh.

Guys.

Do you know how much I practiced?

Did you just bot it again?

I have no idea what the drink got.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

Okay, I'm going to do it fast because I think going slow is what's fucking me.

Yep, that's it.

That's the worm.

Oh, so you turned a four-box into a

first thing.

Wife hates when I do this.

Is it when she's trying to sleep and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

In the jar.

Is she like, wait, what even was that?

Was that anything?

A bit.

Yes, yeah.

Well, you know, I mean, when you show it to her enough, then

she's lost the appreciation, but that's the worm.

That's my meager talent.

And Rich, we love it.

We want to thank you for calling and

keep that magic in your heart all year round.

And Happy New Year.

Happy New Year to you guys, too.

It's a pleasure.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

We're almost not out of time.

All right.

Here's our next caller.

Caller, are you there?

Caller, hello, Kansas City.

Are you there?

Shoboygan.

Hmm.

Is it Danielle?

Is it Danielle?

Yes.

We got Danielle.

Danielle.

So excited.

Can you hear me pretty well?

Yes.

We can hear you so well.

Good sound, good viz.

This is all working out.

Danielle,

where are you calling us from?

I am in Washington, D.C.

The seat of power.

Exactly.

The D.C.

stands for Duck Capital.

People don't know that.

Cool.

Is that a common joke around there?

Or is that your own joke?

No, I just thought of it a few minutes ago.

So you got lucky.

You're the first to hear it.

Ah, brand new material.

I love it.

You think you can say some stupid joke and think we'll like it because it's stupid?

Yeah.

You're right.

That's exactly.

That's exactly right.

Danielle,

do you have a question?

A talent?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait.

We get right into it?

Outfit?

Well, I know you have something that's on your mind, Dave.

No, I don't.

I'll let you.

No, no, no.

I just,

you know, we like to get to know the person first.

Sure, sure, sure.

Danielle, what did you do over there in Washington?

Are you Mrs.

Joe Biden?

I do graphic design.

The coolest thing you've ever designed.

Ooh, I got to do a book cover recently for a book, and it's got like

a bunch of like monsters and like computer circuits on it.

So that was pretty cool.

But actually a lot of my job is what's called typesetting, which is where you put, yeah, yeah.

And the main, like

the main crux of it is to make sure that words don't break into inappropriate phrases.

So like if you have the phrase, um like farming methods, you don't want it to be like farming methods and then it gets like broken up or like analysis is a big offender.

Uh, and then the worst.

Why an all?

What is it about an all

because it turns into the analysis?

There you go.

Pedometer probably gets it.

It's a bit of a problem.

And then we had a paper about the Duke of Cumberland, and that was a burden because I had to keep him from being the Duke of Cum for like 80 pages.

The Duke of Cum.

Why would that

I just throw some cold water on it.

Yeah, did you just like?

Well, he had to think about baseball for a while.

Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Calb, Cob, Comb, Duke of Calm.

Slicing the holes on.

And then the subtitle was a British analogy of like naval warfare.

So that also turned into British Analology of Warfare.

That was a rough one.

It was so long.

It was the longest paper what do you do uh do you uh are you focused on the kerning at any point do you do any kerning oh there's so much kerning kern and bird baby um

uh there's kerning there's tracking there's lead letting leading letting uh

for us dumb doves out here what is kerning uh it's like how close the letters are together oh okay yeah now uh

of all our um callers so far you're making the most use of your swivel chair.

I love my swivel chair.

I'm sorry.

Can you go the whole way around?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice.

Hell yeah.

And she said it, she did it.

And what do you have under there?

Under what?

Under what?

He was trying to get you to say underwear.

That was the big thing I thought he needed to get off his chest.

Well, but I don't want you to set me up for a grandmother.

I know.

But you still got a clean show.

I got a clean one there.

Yeah.

Thwarted again.

So,

Danielle, was it?

Yes.

Do you have a question?

Do you have a talent?

Do you have a hot take or do you have an outfit you want us to rate?

Yeah.

So I have a talent, but it's really more of a burden because I'm not good at business.

But

I come up with a lot of things.

If you think that's a talent, then boy, oh boy, do I have something

being naughty?

I mean, it's gotten us pretty far, Graham.

That's true.

I was in NBA, and then I realized, like, I don't really care about business.

I just like the idea of being a business person.

And, like, you get to cite the acronyms and dress up.

It's like business cosplay.

Like, whoever business

curse it.

Anyway, but I'm cursed with like coming up with terrible.

Danielle, something seems to have happened with your audio.

I, I, oh, no.

Did you?

Are you?

No, it's like your microphone just switched to across the room.

Did you throw a microphone across the room?

I did not.

Oh no.

You can't try and pass one off on an audio file like Dave.

He's going to sense it.

He's going to notice it.

Did you not notice it?

I did, but I didn't care.

Yeah, but we have

tens of listeners who are going to be like, I want to know about these businesses.

She's a business person walking around with a little suitcase.

So you're like playing Business Causeway.

Continue.

I have a business idea.

I called Florida Richard Pad once.

I thought I could, he should sort of like start shark.

We call it Dragon Stand in Canada, but anyway.

Dragon Standard.

Loser's Lighter.

Savo.

Sharks are dread.

Picture this.

You're dead.

Oh, thank you.

I should be gently

caressed by your great-great-grandchild, and they show you off at a party because you're now a diamond.

Oh, yes.

So this is like a multi-generational subscription service where you die, your ashes get pressed into a diamond and then put until you can pick a hoo-hoo on a necklace.

or a bracelet or a ring and then it's passed out to your children and the fun part is done they play over it and be born child.

And then when they die, they also get Preston, who died

and put into sexual multi-generational diamond.

Exactly.

And the tagline is: thanks, it was my grandma.

And it's called family jewels.

Family jewels.

I would like to give you $150,000 for 25% of your company.

Okay,

boy, well, on that show, what do they say?

What's the thing?

What does Kevin the Leary say?

Money.

Gotta have the money.

Where's the money?

Where's the money coming from, though?

You stupid idiot.

I don't know where I'm going to get the money, I guess, from you guys.

How do you make the diamond?

You press an old, is it ashes?

Yeah.

Okay, It's not just like a body that you squish.

Now, here's the crazy thing.

I think, if I'm not mistaken, I think this is already a thing that exists.

I bet it's a thing.

I bet it is.

I've never bothered to look it up because I don't want to make myself sad.

Oh, I've got enough going on.

Well, that's our job.

Well, Danielle.

She's got enough going on, guys.

Don't pile on here, all right?

She's just got a good idea for business, okay?

Danielle, that's a great idea and a great talent.

And I'm sorry, we got to let you go.

Oh, no problem.

I don't want to talk to you anymore.

Okay.

Okay, fine then.

Bye.

Peace out.

Danielle, bring him the best.

So

we talk to five people for five minutes each.

Then I give us a 15-minute break.

So a buffer zone where we've blown right through our buffer.

Oh, I assumed we had.

Yeah.

All right.

So here's our...

This was supposed to be our break time.

I need to smoke.

I'm just looking up Ashes to Diamonds.

Yep, you can do it.

It's it's Eternava is the website.

So hellar.

Hellar.

Hello.

You are Marnie.

Yes, Marnie from sunny San Diego.

Nice.

How you doing, Marnie?

I'm doing well.

I'm happy to be here.

We're happy to have you.

This is,

what's going on in San Diego?

Christmas is here.

You know, the local baseball stadium has their snow machine out for all the kids.

So

we're pretending like we have seasons here.

So they, what do they just blast snow into the stadium and kids run around?

Yeah, they have like a concrete area where they're setting up like reindeer and Santa Village and a little sledding hill and stuff.

Do kids.

What is that?

Like, can you do it in shorts or do you have to wear snow gear?

No, you have to do it in shorts.

It's about 70 today, so you're not going to freeze.

Have you ever had a white Christmas in your life or did you grow up in the San diego area no i grew up outside of san francisco but my mom is from iowa from small town iowa so we went out there a few times and had very snowy christmases what do you think what was your takeaway yay nay oh i loved it i mean i didn't have to live in it so it was just all fun and sledding for me hell yeah yeah yeah

That's a big thing in Canada.

There's like an ongoing kind of narrative of people arriving in Canada in the winter from countries that do not have winter and just being like blown away and i was like yeah i would be too if i had never seen winter before and then just plopped in the middle of it i wouldn't yeah

um what do you do in san diego what keeps you busy there

um hiking is a big thing so i volunteer with the natural history museum and lead hikes so i get to um just like info dump on people about plants and animals and history so

that's really your best plant.

Yeah, what's your best

fun fact that you give to people?

Okay, so we have a plant here called lemonade berry and it's related to poison oak.

So some people have an allergic reaction to it, but for those who don't, the berries, which

mature in like late summer, early fall, get this sticky coating on it and it's sour.

And so you can put it in a bottle of water and drink it and it tastes just like lemonade.

What?

That's amazing!

I didn't know where that was going because you said poison oak, and I was like, Well, that's not good for it.

Yeah,

only something lemonade doesn't keep people away.

Poison would, you know, okay, lemonade berries.

That's uh,

and Marnie, what uh, what's under there

under where?

There you got me.

Yeah, we're getting we're good, we're doing fine.

Now,

we've put out the call.

We're looking for either you have a question, you have a talent, you got a hot take, or I think you want Dave and I to check out your outfit.

Well, I think

I made a note of your email and I liked what I saw there.

Oh, okay.

I have a talent.

So I have been making a sweater.

I've been working on it for at least four years.

I kind of love it.

I've been dying to see it.

I'm so excited about this.

So it's for my partner.

We've been together six years and he kind of asked me to do it as a joke.

And so I just have taken it like as far as I possibly could and I'm almost done with it.

Are you a big knitter or like what?

Yeah, I love it.

It's one of my favorite things to do.

Then why is this taking you so long?

Because it's so hot here in the summertime.

I don't want this like heavy knitted thing on my lap.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

It is a cozy thing to do.

Yeah, I'm gonna show it off.

So, this is the front of the sweater.

Hell yeah,

and

I've done the front, the back, and then I have part of one arm done.

This is amazing.

Don't be surprised if this is the photo that goes along with this.

For the listener, the uh, the sweater has a

famous uh character on the front named Popeye.

His

His

catchphrase?

Ha-ja-ja.

Skibbity, skibbity.

I'm a huge, huge, long-time Popeye fan.

I loved him since I was a kid.

That sweater rules.

If your partner doesn't want to wear it,

I can pay the shipping to send it up here to Chile, Canada.

Yeah, I'll let him know.

I mean, really, he only is going to wear it like a month out of the year.

So maybe you guys can do like a sweater exchange.

Oh, yeah,

I could wear it in the cold weather here and then send it back down for the fall.

Maybe he can have the fall.

Yeah, I'll talk to him and see what he says.

That's so cool.

Is it uh, um, it's not freestyle.

This is from some sort of kit or something like that.

So, an old library book that he found online, and the I'll show you the photo from the pattern.

Oh, my, hubba, hubba.

Yeah.

So I think it's a little bit of a sassy sweater.

Agreed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, no, I love Popeye.

I was just thinking about the movie this morning and how it's been almost a calendar year since I've seen it.

So I'll watch it again because I love that Popeye magic.

Yeah.

Oh, perfect.

You're strong to the finish, Graham.

Because you eat your spinach.

That's right.

And I always finish.

Okay.

Well, Marnie, thanks so much for calling in.

Thanks for having me.

Bye.

Enjoy the snow.

Bye.

All right.

This next person, boy, their name is not listed here, but we do have a random name here.

And I'm just going to let this person in.

And I don't know if we're letting the right person in.

That feels like a setup.

But hello.

Person who's just given us a screen name and not a real name.

Connecting to audio.

We're looking at

dog octopus.

sorry that's my that's my screen name i'm maxwell uh and then i have a totally different name on my

maxwell where are you calling from thanks for waiting and welcome to the show where are you calling from hello thank you so much guys um i'm calling from seattle washington

and i've been listening to you guys since about 2009 to 2010 somewhere in there so i've been so you listened for the one year and then held tight and thought, yeah, we'll we'll wait.

Yeah, yeah, wait until I'll let it brew a little bit.

Yeah, we got a lot of listeners back then before

the celebrities got into the podcast.

Yeah.

Yeah, back when it was a little more genuine, I feel.

Yeah.

It was a little cottage industry, really.

Yeah, yeah.

It was like

it was a gateway drug

because I started with a podcast called You Look Nice Today.

And someone was like, yeah, someone was like, if you like that, you should try this.

And I was like, Okay.

And so, like, word of mouth played a big part in podcasting back then.

Now, it's all just Instagram ads.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And it's the ladies from the office.

Yeah.

God forbid.

Tua girl.

Yeah.

Um, now, uh,

Max, was it?

Max Welper.

Maxwell.

Max Well.

Well, you know what?

You know why it's hard for me?

Because it's not written down.

It's not written down here.

What do you do there in Seattle?

Yeah.

Well, typically I work in purchasing and procurement, but

I was getting shopping spree.

Yeah.

Well, as long as we remain within legality, fiduciary responsibility.

Sure, sure.

I put the douche in fiduciary.

I put the Ponzi in responsibility?

No.

Yeah, there you go.

Nice one.

But

I was getting recruited by a nonprofit in the area, and then they lost all their funding.

So I'm a middleman

retailer now.

They were committed to the nonprofit aspect.

So you work on behalf of nonprofits?

Is that?

No, no.

I worked at a major trucking company down here.

Okay.

And then I was recruited away from it.

And like after I had left the

after I had left the truck manufacturing company, they lost all their funding.

So recruitment recruitment just stopped and the nonprofits ceased to exist.

So

now what are you doing?

Are you without a Fidouche?

No, I'm working as a middle manager at a retail job while

my wife is the breadwinner.

And she does not forget to remind me that whenever dishes are ready.

Fair.

The dishes are ready.

I've dirtied them for you.

Freshly dirtied.

Now, Maxwell, what's under there?

You're pointing, I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about.

Swing and a miss, Dave.

Swing and a miss.

Swing and a miss on that one.

We were trying to get you to say underwear.

Underwear.

Oh, gosh.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's okay.

You know what?

It's still, I think, above 50%.

And personally, I like it when it goes a little sideways.

It's fun to see the different ways that it can go wrong.

I was going to say, I think the winner would have to be if they just jumped completely to like, oh, thongs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's over there?

Swords.

G's nuts.

Now, Maxwell, everyone wants to know, do you have a question?

Do you have a talent?

Do you have a hot take?

Or do you have a fourth thing?

An outfit you want us to sound in.

Because you are wearing a nice suit, by the way.

That's.

Yeah.

Well,

I like dressing in a suit.

It makes me feel like James Bond.

But

I have too many talents to really pick one from.

Is this the...

Where is this the guy from American Dead?

I think it's American Dead, but it's Patrick Warburton.

Yes.

Where is it for Cusco?

Cusco's poison.

That rules.

Aren't that the alien from American Dead?

No.

No, it's,

you know, the guy who played Brock Sampson in the Venture Brothers, and he was the tick in the first live action.

That's right.

Yes.

Do you, is that the only voice you do, or are we going to hear a cavalcade of stars?

I have been dungeon master for Dungeons and Dragons for long enough that I could kind of switch into any voice that you need to hear to talk about whatever.

And then when the players,

yes, I kill Lois or something.

Yes, kill Lois.

Yes.

Gatzooks.

No,

I completely blanked on what the questions were or what the prompts were in that email you guys sent.

So I was like, I don't know what they want from me.

So I guess I should just show up and be ready.

Hey, that's

a talent.

You brought a hot talent to the game.

That was a really good Patrick Warburton.

What is also plays a character on Family Guy?

Yep.

He plays Joe.

What is your background there?

Is it the Locks?

Yeah, those are, that is from the, if I remember the name correctly, it's the Charles Bridge in Prague, Czechoslovakia.

Okay.

Do you think people visit their locks that they put on those things and go back and say, oh, there's our lock?

It's like, we're in love, so let's put a lock on this bridge.

Or, like, maybe they, uh, maybe there's like some sort of geocaching thing where they send you a key and you got to figure out which lock

that'd be so fun for a certain type of person.

Not me, but I could see somebody thinking that was a lot of fun.

Is there a reason, is there a significance as to why, like, when someone picks a background on zoom it's a pretty important thing usually for for me it is just a contrast thing like if i had picked a blue background wearing blue it might have clashed you know yeah yeah it looks good it looks sharp it looks and it makes me feel like i'm in

prog

yeah it makes me feel like i'm in love so uh

it makes me feel like i'm in no i don't know now we're calling patrick warber didn't say it

it doesn't really make me feel feel any sort of way, but it gets me all tingly.

And you know, when you're doing a voice, you got to have a thing that gets you into that voice.

And mine is...

Oh, man, I feel bad for anybody who's trying to bring in talent after that.

This is top talent so far.

Well, you've been great, Max.

Well, are you have

is there, you know, anything you...

I feel like

I'm getting rid of you too quickly.

Is there anything we haven't covered?

Are you getting your money's worth?

Wait, are we supposed to stretch these out?

I know.

I just had this pang.

It was, it's five minutes, and so that's plenty of time for me.

The return on investment for you guys is wonderful.

And after 10 years, and this is like the fourth year I've thrown my name in the hat, and it finally stuck.

Yeah.

So I think we're good.

I think we're solid.

All right.

Well, thank you for

calling in.

And

good luck to you and Patrick in the new year.

Yeah.

Hey,

Elaine.

I really appreciate your support.

2025 is going to be my year.

Got to support the team.

Louis.

I'm guessing this person's our next person.

Who's our next person?

Well, that was fun.

He was funny.

We're looking for Izzy.

Do we have Izzy?

Hello.

Hey, Izzy, how's it going?

It's going well.

How are you guys?

Good, good.

Where are you calling us from?

Montreal.

Montreal.

What is their slogan?

What are they?

The what city?

What do you call Montreal?

What city?

I don't know.

The city that's under construction?

Yeah, yes.

City of orange cones.

Does Vancouver have anything that we are called?

Van City?

Van City, or, you know, it would be called back in the day, it would be called Vansterdam before

your pot was legalized and all sorts of things like that.

Excellent.

Yes, excellent.

Yes, very good for us.

I like all the pictures you have on the wall.

You've got all sorts of very cool, like, you've got, oh, a line of cards maybe hanging on the wall.

Yes, some cards.

Are they Christmas cards?

No, they're mostly just birthday cards that friends have made made for me.

When's your birthday?

October.

October.

I love it.

Well, they look so nice.

I figured no one has to know their birthday.

No one's getting Christmas cards this year because the postal

work stoppage.

Very true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, you know, there's a lot of I would have sent yous this year.

And

it's a golden opportunity for me to be like, not only is the strike on, they lost the thing I for sure bought for you in the shuffle.

So oh unfortunately what were you to send me again graham huh

what were you sending me

i was gonna send you a golden magic eight ball wow

yeah

izzy i was gonna get you a birthday card oh well i could have added it to my collection but next year

next year now uh izzy

yes it's isabelle is it not it is isabelle but it feels very formal formal.

Sure.

So let's go with Izzy.

And what's under there?

Under where.

Okay, good.

You should see the look on your face.

You absolute tool.

Every time I fall for it.

Isabel.

Young lady.

You've got a lot of explaining to do.

Yeah.

Do you have any kind of question or talent or

the other things?

Well, I have a little party trick that I could do that involves me telling a short story with a prop.

Love it.

And or you can rate my outfit.

We'll do both.

Don't do both.

Both.

Because I wanted to rate it based on seeing it right off the bat.

I was like,

it's a very swirly sweater vest.

Yeah.

You want to do that first?

Yeah.

Do you want to stand up?

Do you want to show us the whole thing?

Yeah, I'll just kind of take my headphones off for a second.

I'll stand up for you guys.

Oh, now we can totally bad mouth easy.

Oh,

there's some brown in the pants.

Yeah, I have some as well, actually.

What I can't show easily is the toadstool socks, but I'm not gonna.

But that's we know it's there, so part of it.

You're wearing a very trippy, uh, kind of orange and brownish kind of vest.

Yes, hand-knit

by you, yes, Nice.

Nice.

Well done.

Thank you.

And then you're wearing a kind of like a

beige-ish skirt or dress?

Corduroy wide-leg pants.

Hell yeah.

Okay.

I didn't.

Hear those things coming a mile away.

Yeah, yeah.

Cords for Dave.

Yeah, I'm a corduroy fan.

Well,

and you're, I got to say it.

You're serving C word.

Oh, thank you so much.

The C-word being crochet.

Yeah.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

That's what I was hoping.

Yeah.

That or cantaloupe was the other thing.

Oh my gosh.

You're serving cantaloupe.

Can I come over for breakfast then, please?

I like, there was a Zoolander was on TV a couple weeks ago, and there's like a,

at the climax of the movie, one of the guys, like who's Christine Taylor's assistant or partner,

at this big crisis point, he just walks over with two cantaloupes with

cottage cheese.

And she's like, it's not the time.

It's very funny.

That guy doesn't get any funny thing to do in the movie.

I don't even know why he's there.

And then he shows up with this.

It's great.

Anyway, 10 out of 10 on the outfit.

Yeah, now let's see.

Let's hear this story.

Let's see this prop.

Okay, so the prop is a boat.

A little paper boat.

Little paper boat.

Perigami boat.

Yes.

So.

The story goes, there was once a charter ship that was hired to sail from the North Atlantic to a southern port and deliver some cargo.

The captain had been given an advance to hire a full crew, but he was a greedy and reckless man, so he engaged only a handful of scoundrels and criminals who would work for next to nothing, intending to keep the rest of the money for himself.

As the ship left port, the captain set her bearings and retired to his cabin, leaving the crew to handle the sailing.

But by evening, they were drunk asleep on the deck and a strong wind had blown the ship into frozen waters.

The captain and crew awoke to a loud crash.

The ship had hit an iceberg.

She's tearing off.

Off comes a part of the ship.

They rushed to assess the damage and found the stern had taken the impact.

But by some luck, the ship was still seaworthy, and the captain decided to sail on until they came to the next available port.

It took all the next day to get back on course, and as evening set in once again, so did a heavy fog.

In the low visibility, the captain began to panic at the helm and steered too close to a crop of jagged rocks, clipping the ship's bow.

Off goes another piece of paper.

Now the ship was.

Sorry, go ahead.

Now the ship was barely floating, and the captain could do nothing but hope someone would see them and bring aid.

As night fell, the fog whipped itself into a great storm.

The captain and his crew were tossed by huge waves as the sky opened, and a bolt of lightning came down, striking the mast and felling it like a tree.

Damn.

There goes the middle bit.

There goes the mast.

With this, the ship was done for, and she went down with all that was on her.

When the merchant who had hired the ship heard of its fate, he inquired if anything had been salvaged from the wreck.

But the beach was scoured, and all that remained of the ship and its crew was the captain's shirt floating in the surf.

And there was the captain's shirt.

Yes.

I've never seen that before.

That was great.

Oh, good.

I didn't know where it was going.

I was hoping for some kind of big reveal.

And man, oh man, did you stick the landing?

Yeah, that was cool.

Oh, good.

Okay.

Yeah.

Isabel, you rock.

I feel like that really, that

I would freak out.

I got to learn to do that for my kids.

Oh, yeah.

It's super easy.

I don't actually remember where I learned it.

I just kind of, I guess I saw someone do it and then I just tried to copy it.

That's one of these things.

Stories happen.

Yeah.

Well, you've been great.

Thank you for waiting in the waiting room for so long.

And I,

you know, I hate to see say goodbye, but I love to watch you leave.

Bye.

Bye.

All righty.

Now, who's next?

Do I see this name?

Yes, I do.

A couple of people are just staying in the waiting room after their call.

You never know.

Somebody may bail at the last second they need to be called them again.

Now we have

a new listener.

Oh, and there is.

Jesse?

Jesse G?

That's me.

Hell yeah.

What's up, Graham?

Dave.

It's everything, man.

It's all happening here on the call.

I'm glad you.

I'm sorry we kept you in the waiting room so long.

These always go way over.

I'm familiar, yeah.

I uh

I listen every year.

I'm the other

who didn't call in last year.

Oh,

so you could wait in the waiting room all day, man.

Yeah, I logged in last night, so nice, smart.

No, I'm missing this one.

Uh, Jesse, you're in a high-vis vest in a truck, it looks like.

Uh, it looks like the airport is in the background,

yes, or a prison tower.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah, it's my uh, that's my job site behind me.

I'm hiding from my construction workers.

Where are you?

I'm down in Long Beach, California.

Ah, the LBC.

Yes.

It's something.

I live up in Washington, though, on the Olympic Peninsula, just south of you guys.

Nice.

So you're down there just for work?

Just for this guy right here, yeah.

Hell yeah.

How far along is the project?

We're like 70, 80%.

So we're there, man.

It's

next year.

Nice.

Are you building a whole airport?

No, it is a modernization.

So we gutted this whole thing and the building below it, and we're making it nice.

Nice.

About seven and a half million bucks, no big deal.

Kind of low.

For me, this is a huge project for me, man.

Well, for you, and I'm happy for you.

And I appreciate it.

But, like, if, you know,

these things run into the hundreds of millions in terms of

airports.

Not on Jesse G's watch.

He keeps it on buttons and on time.

Not all of us, Dave.

Some of us, you know.

Well, I mean, I'm happy for you.

I was actually just wondering, what's under there?

Under what?

Ah, swinging the bed.

Oh, you son of a bitch.

Those kids always try to get me with chicken butt.

Hey, guess what?

Yeah, chicken butt.

Chicken butt is classic.

Yeah, I'm trying to get as many people to say under what as possible.

Under where?

Well, you got me.

I did, though.

You said under what?

Yep, you said under what.

So that doesn't count.

That doesn't count as a win.

Welcome, Jesse.

You were,

you were the caller last year who was on the list.

You know what?

Honestly, we didn't, it didn't mind.

We probably razzed you on the show, but we always end up going overtime.

So I like it when people don't show up.

I freed up some space, yeah.

Um, now, uh, Jesse, what are you bringing to the table?

Yeah, what do you bring to the table?

Do you have a question?

I got nothing.

I just wanted to bring uh grill you guys with a bunch of questions.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's great.

Yeah, I mean, a talent.

What am I going to do in my truck?

You know,

no wheelies done up.

Oh, yeah, you want me to drive somewhere?

No, uh, Graham, let me see this gold tooth of yours, man.

Oh, it's in the way in the back.

I've been so curious about this thing.

Oh, that's sick.

That's sick, dude.

We're getting another one next year.

So, of three gold teeth.

Yeah,

I had a gold tooth, but I left it on Kevin McAllister's carpet.

Oh, shit.

That's how you knew that he was the bad guy because he saw the gold in the cops' teeth.

Don't see a lot of cops walking around with gold teeth anymore, but

that's awesome.

Don't see a lot of anyone with them in the front.

I want to get one in the front.

That'll be my greatest final form will be having

one of the front teeth gold one of your laterals yeah one of my laterals yeah this time last year i was missing a lateral because i got an implant and i was oh man i was thinking about going gold we could be twins one of the one of the uh fillings that i got he made it a porcelain without even asking me and i was so pissed off i was so because I'm paying for it.

I want to go all the way.

I want it to show off, you know.

You want to look like the lead singer of Sponge.

Yes.

Exactly.

Every sleaze bag.

Dave.

Do you want me to show you any body parts?

No.

Well, you got anything replaced lately?

We shaved your head, but now you have all this hair, which

I'm jealous of, bud.

Yeah.

I mean, it's fine.

Dave, it's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I went back to my

normal hairstylist,

Andy, and she gave me a proper haircut, and it was great.

And then it started growing in.

I'm like, damn, I'm going to need to get another haircut.

Boy.

That's how she drums up business.

Yep.

Yeah.

She gives you a good haircut, but it only lasts so long.

Yeah.

You had another question, Jesse.

Oh, yeah.

Dave, finish this sentence.

No more maybes.

My baby wants rabies.

My baby has rabies.

Something, something in the middle of the Andes.

Oh, I don't know that second part.

I forget that.

Just no more maybes.

My baby's got rabies.

That's Silverchair.

I believe the song is freak.

Runs through my head 50 times a day.

It was like a rumor about Silverchair, or maybe it was just like a stupid news story, but one of them worked in a record store.

Yes, you bring us up everything.

We're coming in asking for autographs.

Graham, do you, I mean, I guess I do it as well, but like when you hear

a thing and you're like, oh boy, am I going to repeat this story?

At a certain point in our 16-year history,

are you just like, yes, I'm going to repeat the story?

I'm going to repeat it.

If it's as good a story as that, then it bears repeating.

No more maybes.

Your baby's got rabies.

I've never actually listened to the song.

I hadn't actually thought to do that.

I'm a freak of nature.

That's as good as the song.

That's as good.

That's as good as anything they ever recorded.

Yeah.

Was that the video where they

there was a big thing in the 90s in music videos of like

I think maybe the shirtless old man?

Well, a shirtless old man, but also like

plastic surgery or like injecting old people.

I think that was the video where

Silver Chair, who were famously teenagers,

were playing their music in like a hot room and all their sweat was being collected to be injected into an old person.

We should all be so lucky.

Hell yeah.

Anything else?

Any other questions?

Sure.

Graham,

you're vegetarian, you're allergic to everything, and now you're gluten-free.

Yeah.

So what do you get to eat?

Like, what's on your menu, man?

Yeah, what did you have for breakfast?

I had for breakfast, I had

a corn tortilla with an egg and some salsa and cheese.

Okay.

And so I've been.

Cheese is on the menu.

Cheese is on the menu.

I've become real close with potatoes.

Potatoes, rice are big stars now.

Egg showing up and doing a lot of good work.

And then just

candy and vegetables.

Those are the last things that are open available.

Oh, yeah.

Breakfast, candy, and vegetables.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Sounds like, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

So not much, but eating as well as a king.

Graham's coming over in a couple days.

Graham's coming over in a couple days.

I'm hosting my annual evening of cheeses and cocktails.

Hell yeah.

Prime up some eggs, man.

Probably do a big egg thing.

Maybe oatmeal.

Yeah.

All right.

Dave.

So a few weeks ago, you spilled the beans on your jeans.

Oh, yeah.

You're like a raw denim, Japanese denim guy?

Not Japanese.

I posted a picture of my eight or nine pairs of jeans.

Oh, snap, but on the gram or something?

Yeah, on our gram.

I don't got that.

I got to go check it out.

It's worth getting just for that.

Instagram.com slash stop podcast to yourself.

Do you want any

did you have a question about the jeans?

No, just

yeah, I wanted to quiz you on them, tell you that I am also wearing some fancy pants jeans.

Mine are Japanese though.

So

you know what?

I'm currently wearing some Japanese as well.

All right.

What are yours?

Oni.

Okay.

Mine are Orslow.

Okay.

Okay.

I only know about this pair I'm wearing, so I'm not, I'm, yeah, I'm not a denim head.

Ask me what kind of pants I'm wearing right now.

Oh.

Leather.

None.

Oshkosh Bagosh.

The grown-up line?

Yep.

My brother informed me that Oshkosh does have a grown-up line, and he has a rugby shirt from them.

Well, Jesse, you've been great.

You've been great.

This has been a real treat.

I'm glad that we were able to actually get you on the horn.

Thanks for picking me again, guys.

I appreciate it.

Let me make up for last year.

That was so embarrassing.

Now, get back to that work.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're mad at me.

There's a plane circling and it can't land until you finish.

And I'm the guy in charge of that.

Yeah.

Oh, get out there.

Go, go, go.

Maybe

love us so much.

Now we have

now this person, boy, maybe we got rid of him too quick because our 110 caller didn't show up.

But, and it looks like maybe our 125 caller didn't show up because when I emailed her back, she said,

I actually can't make it.

I can't make this time, but I might show up another time.

Well, I don't think she did.

So, I guess we'll just go to

oh, wait, no, oh, our person, she's she is here, she just showed up.

Nice.

Uh, and let's see what happens.

Here we go.

We got her.

You made it.

You made it.

Uh-oh.

Can you hear us?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Is this Lucia or Lucia?

Lucia.

You're right.

The person.

Thank you very much for calling into the show.

Where are you talking to us from?

I'm calling from Calgary, Alberta.

Oh,

Coast Nampsco.

Now, how long have you lived in Calgary?

Not since high school, so I can't.

Damn it!

Well, what's your favorite local high school?

Western, I think, is one.

Yeah, Western is a good one.

Yeah.

What quadrant of the city are you in?

Northeast, northwest, southeast, southwest?

I live in the northwest.

Okay, yeah.

Kensington?

Is that in the northwest?

It is, but I live way further than that.

I'm way out in Tuscany on the edge of town.

It's like, it used to be like Kensington was like, and there's one more community, and then there was a field.

And I'm practically in the mountains.

What do you do in Calgary, Alberta?

I work for the Calgary International Film Festival.

Oh, no.

Love it.

Get stiff.

Well,

I actually have learned it by reading, so it's kind of rude to correct me.

What

is there in Kensington called?

The plaza.

The plaza.

Do you like the updates they made to the plaza?

Yeah, it's great.

I actually just came from a movie there just now.

What'd you see?

Queer.

Is it good?

Yeah, it's really good.

It's a lot different than I was expecting and really cool.

It's based on a Burroughs novel, which I didn't realize.

And do you think Craig's going to go all the way with

an Oscar nom?

Yeah.

Nice.

Definitely.

Yeah.

He rules.

It's his time.

It's his year.

2025 is the year of Daniel Craig.

Yeah.

He just makes such interesting choices.

Like, he's great.

Yeah.

What is his character's name in the like?

James Bond.

No,

it starts with a B.

Bertrand Barnard.

In the knives out.

Yeah, yeah.

Benoit Blanc.

That's the one.

That's him.

Do you have any of the programming done for the upcoming film festival?

No, we just opened submissions a couple of weeks ago, one month ago.

And so

we should not pick anything.

Yeah, what's the shortest amount of time you're allowed to submit a movie with?

A minute.

Yes.

Really?

I'll see you at the festival.

Well, we're actually going to submit this entire Zoom session.

Okay.

I don't know that that would play well on the big screen.

Does someone have to watch it?

If it's submitted, or can people like get five minutes in and be like, no.

No, I believe we have to watch it all the way through.

I'm not on the programming team, so this is a little out of my wheelhouse, but um, I think two people have to watch it all the way through.

Okay, wow, that's they both have to turn their key,

basically.

Yes, um, I know a couple people who are in the um on the Juno listening panel for the uh comedy award.

And uh, last year, uh, one of them had to listen to a hundred albums

for one person.

That's too much for one one person.

Yeah, that person is now locked away in an asylum.

And uh,

a literal funny farm, yeah.

One of our previewing volunteers watched like 500 short films or something ridiculous like that.

See, but mine would only be a minute, so that wouldn't even take, you know, 500 minutes, you're done.

Yeah,

I'd rather watch one 500-minute film than 500 one-minute films.

That's good, that's good policy.

And I would rather

a duck-sized horse than a horse-sized duck.

And I would like a bottle in front of me instead of a full frontal lobotomy.

And I would also like to add one tequila, two, tequila three, tequila four.

Lucia,

I,

what's under there?

Underwear.

Yes.

Yes.

As I was saying it, I was like, don't say it.

Don't say it.

That was pretty.

I like stopped myself.

I did some good acting there.

You did a bit of acting.

See, this is why this should be released as a film.

You're right.

You deserve an award for that acting.

And I'm going to get to the bottom of this knobs out mystery.

Is that James Bonds?

Yeah.

Shake and not stirred,

y'all.

Do you have a question?

Do you have a talent?

Do you have a hot take or an outfit?

Oh, I have an outfit.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can you see it?

Nope.

You're wearing a hoodie, a green hoodie.

Green hoodie.

Can you see the symbol on it, though?

I can now see it.

Giving a middle finger.

Is that what it is?

No.

Holding chalk.

Holding a piece of

that.

What does it say?

Simon in the land of

chalk drawings.

Cool.

What is that?

I think Canadian TV show from my childhood

that disappeared many, many years ago.

And is this a cartoon program about a kid that has magical chalk?

Yeah.

Do you remember on SNL when Mike Myers would so it was based on this when he was the little kid in the bathtub?

I forget the name.

Simon, I think.

Simon, yeah.

He liked to do drawings.

Yeah.

Oops.

So yeah, that was based on this cartoon.

Oh, that's awesome.

Do you remember the catchphrases from that character?

From Simon.

Yeah, he had a British accent.

He said he.

Well, go ahead.

Yeah, he would call people cheeky monkeys.

Cheeky monkeys because they were trying to look at his bum.

That's right.

And he didn't,

when he stayed in the bathtub too long, he got prune hands.

Yeah.

I just watched a video of

one of the ad parodies they did that was about British toothpaste.

And it was so funny.

it was so exactly perfect and at one point Chris Farley says and it tastes good on a cracker

do they still do uh

parody commercials on snl i assume they do or is it all just uh

call and joast

anyway

good outfit great outfit do you think somewhere there's a simon uh unproduced simon movie screenplay i certainly hope.

Yeah.

And if we can get it on Simon Cowell's desk, I'm sure he'll put some money behind it.

And hopefully, Mike Myers would still do it.

He doesn't.

He's hard to work with.

Okay.

I know.

We talked about hot tapes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I've heard, I've heard things, you know, people who worked on the love guru have said some things about him.

You were talking to Justin Gibberlake.

He's got some

things to answer for as well.

Did you see the

thing people were making fun of him for yesterday?

No, but I'm very eager to hear what he was doing.

He was wearing at his concert tour, which is apparently didn't get ruined by his drunk driving.

Oh, yeah.

He was wearing a harness.

He was on wires.

And the harness kind of compressed his genitals and it made him look like

had a teeny little weenie there.

It's just not Justin Timberlake's year.

Yeah.

He can't stay away from wardrobe malfunctions.

That's the.

I just wish he would go back to the Justin Timberlake we loved from his Man in the Woods era.

Yeah.

I don't think

it's cool.

What'd you say?

There's no era of Justin Timberlake that people loved.

Oh, we loved him pulling off Janet Jackson's shirt.

Yeah, we loved it when he would sing, back around.

We like that.

We like the fedora he wore in that one video

where he was in a parking lot.

There's a lot to love.

There's a lot to love about Justin Atum.

Yeah, I mean, there's, yeah, read the Britney book.

It's great.

He's.

Did you say on opposite day?

I did.

Nice.

Well, Lucia, you've been wonderful.

Thank you for making time for us.

Of course.

Thank you so much for having me on.

Happy New Year.

Happy New year

bye

well that was nice that was great well back around

we go for round and around oh it goes around it goes yeah you're coming back around

okay

this next person

is coming

to join us and

it's gonna be pretty good we're hoping that we're talking to Dalton oh my god I see what's right behind Dalton.

Hello.

Hello.

How are you?

I'm good.

I'm good.

Not going to ask how you guys are because you've probably answered that question 20 times already today.

We're doing bad in case you're wondering.

We're in mourning.

Dalton,

I recognize your name.

You're a big,

you're in the Facebook group, is that right?

Yes, I am.

I feel like, Dalton, were you maybe a year ago, after every episode, you would try to get people talking about one of the things we talked about on the show?

Oh, yes.

That lasted for a whole like three or four weeks, and then I forgot.

Well, I mean,

it was good work, and we appreciated it while it lasted.

Yeah.

Nobody wants to talk about this show after.

I think people mostly just want to post a picture of a license plate.

Yeah.

Or one of the t-shirts that say, you know, I'm a

welder.

I'm a bad boy that was born in January.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dalton, where are you calling us from?

I'm in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Nice.

We had somebody who previously lived there and moved to...

Where?

Oh, boy.

I think they may have moved to Southern California.

It's nice down there, too.

What do you do in San Francisco?

Well, currently I got laid off about a month or two ago.

Womp womp.

Sorry to hear about that.

That stinks.

Yeah, I work in branding.

So I was previously a professional namer.

I named things.

Oh, my God.

Anything we know?

Yeah.

Anything that you can talk about that maybe you've heard of?

I don't know if I necessarily can talk about it.

I worked at Intel, the computer chip company.

Oh, sure.

So they're named.

Did you name Tostitos?

Was that something you named?

No.

No, they make a different kind of chip at Intel.

Did you?

Anyways, it was nice having you adults.

Boy, I remember when computers were like Pentiums.

Boy, that whoever named that probably

was a long time ago, way before my time.

Yeah, before that, we had 486s, 386s, 286s.

Boy, they really went for it.

Yeah.

And we hope they're still at it to this very day.

Yeah.

Dalton, I can see.

Well,

what's under there?

Dare I say under underwear?

He knew it, and he went over it, and he's fine with it, and it's great.

Dalton, you have something something in the background there.

Yeah,

I realize

I recognize it.

And I know you, you, in your email to us, you included a little information about this.

Yes.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

Those are two dance dance revolution arrows.

They are, correct.

Graham knows it as DDR.

He's

kind of a big DDR head as well.

Yeah, you're a big gamer, Graham.

I'm a big gamer.

Everybody knows it.

I love Red Dead Redemption.

I love Mario, whatever thing is out for Mario these days.

Mario.

Mario.

But yes, I've been a DDR player for more than 20 years,

been in a bunch of competitions.

Wow.

What is a competition like of that?

How many people are competing?

There's like local ones that are, you know, maybe about 30 people or so.

And then

there's a few what we call majors.

They're all basically run by the community.

There's one official tournament series, but nobody really cares about it because

Konami, the Japanese company, doesn't really like Americans that much, it seems.

Have you ever DDR'd in Japan?

I have.

I actually, I went to Japan back in 2018, I think, to go watch some of my friends who were in the world championship.

And actually, my roommate is the two-time world champion, DDR World Champion.

Oh, that rules.

Um, what uh so when they're when there are these tournaments, is it at like a pre-existing arcade that has the machines, or do they go to like a

conference center and bring in a bunch of machines?

You, you, it, it depends.

Um, sometimes they're they're at actual arcades, um, and then there are other ones where, yeah, it'll be like a convention center or hotel or whatever, and people bring in all their sorts of arcades and uh machines and things like that.

So I prefer that because I at an arcade I'm playing Contra and I don't want anybody to fuck up my Contra play.

Yeah, I'm usually playing

Double Dragon.

I play Solitaire at the arcade.

I play, yeah, I play Lethal Enforcers.

Solitaire.

Yes.

I was just going to say, yeah, some of the bigger tournaments, you can get, you know, 100, 200 people or so.

They can get

pretty big.

Yeah.

What's your favorite song to dance to?

Oh, I mean,

am I, Is that a stupid question?

Not really.

I mean, I shouldn't say

I should clarify that like

the competitions aren't typically like actually dancing.

You know, we're the type of players that like play to get a high score.

And so it's, it's, you know, the sweaty guys that you see at the mall, like holding on to the bar on the back and just moving really, really fast.

So it's not so much dancing per se.

So you do hold on to the bar.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Most top top-tier players there there's a couple that that don't um but it's it's pretty hard for the course do you even need the music or do you just go off the visuals oh yeah i you it helps to have the music sometimes it's fun to like if you're playing on a home setup or something it's fun to kind of like turn off the music completely and just and just like see how you can do with

that sounds insane you just hear the the feet going crazy.

Do you have a home setup?

Yeah, well, so my roommate has a full like arcade cabinet thing.

And then I also have sort of my own cobbled together like pad and PC and TV monitor setup.

How long before you think this ends up in the Olympics?

Oh, well, they did announce like a video game Olympic, like esports Olympics kind of thing.

But for being the most like athletic video game there is, like, it doesn't actually have that big of a...

like audience.

Like we've tried, you know, sometimes we live stream the tournaments and stuff and we get a few hundred people watching on Twitch.

But I think it's because it's not like directly head-to-head, like you can't, you can't affect your opponent's performance, really.

It's really just kind of two people playing at the same time, and whoever gets the higher score wins.

So, it doesn't have that like direct head-to-head.

Um, are there ever DDR competitions and uh CCR shows up?

Cleton's Clear Career Water Revival?

Not that I can recall off the

what would be your number one CCR CCR song to dance to on a dance dance revolution I mean I'm I think

I might be too young for them I could not name a CCR song sorry

you ever been to NAM we'll we'll go we'll go with that one then uh you know how they're doing on the right well on the rise rather on the rise there you know how like

we've been talking in the last few years about how like the Monster Mash and Thriller and Ghostbusters were always the halloween songs and now people are adding like absolutely dystopia

just anything that kind of has a spooky word in the title yeah well bad moon i heard bad moon on the rise uh this past halloween season in a playlist uh the uh one of the recent versions of ddr had uh uh shut up and dance um i guess it's kind of along the same lines of like it has dance in the title and it's yeah and the fallout boy song dance dance yeah was also yeah uh In one, I think.

Shut up and dance would be on my Halloween playlist as well because shut up is a scary word to hear.

Yeah.

If a witch tells you to shut up, shut up.

And the witch said to Hans Lindgrettle, shut up, shut up.

I'm trying to mix some brew over here.

Cauldron.

Well,

Dalton, have you gotten everything you wanted out of this call?

Yeah, just about.

Just good seeing you.

I was seeing you too.

I was hoping you'd ask about Carly Wright-Jepson, my Carly Ray Jepson shirt.

Stand up so we can see this.

We can only see the top part.

Maybe it's getting cut off there.

Carly Wright-Jepson,

Canada's best export.

Shout out to CRJ.

We love CRJ here.

She's a big listener.

We love her.

She's actually, they changed the TV show, The Jetsons, to The Jepsons here because of her.

That's right.

I would watch that.

Yeah.

Well, you've been great dalton and thanks dalton happy new year off i go

we haven't gotten many off i goes or any

all right i think this is our next person how late how behind the times are we for this person we're only 13 minutes late on this one okay

hello jen hi friends hello how are you I'm great.

I'm nervous to meet you, but here we are.

Hi.

This is it.

This is everything's run up to this.

So

don't blow it.

Jen, where are you calling from?

I am in Pittsburgh, PA.

Oh, yeah.

Nice.

You go to the Andy Warhol Museum?

Just the once.

No, it's not a weekly thing where you go eat a lunch there, sorry?

First time in my life this past summer.

So.

And?

And it was odd to have a museum just devoted to one person.

Fair enough.

You know, that's unique.

I mean, there's a lot of buildings devoted to this.

So one guy I know who had some crazy ideas as well.

Yeah.

And that guy's name?

Chuck E.

Entertainment Cheese.

Jen, what's a famous food from Pittsburgh?

What's Pittsburgh known for?

Oh, my God.

This thing that they do at Cremanni's where they put coleslaw in French fries on a sandwich.

Oh.

In French fries on a sandwich.

Wow.

Yeah, it's, it's a, it's a, it's not good.

Are we talking like a hoagie or Are these just pieces of bread?

What are we looking at?

It's really good Italian bread that they make locally that they get from the from Mancini's.

Okay, I'm dropping names all over the place.

Oh, Yamani's to Mancini's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All the things.

So what's the, is it a hot sandwich?

Usually, yeah.

Because like coleslaw, cold.

Right.

That's why it's called coleslaw.

Fried hot.

And fries hot because they're fried.

Yeah.

But you would, what's worse?

Hot coleslaw or cold fries?

Oh, God.

Coleslaw.

Hot coles.

What's worse?

Yeah.

No.

Hot eats or cold treats.

What's worse?

Hot eats.

Oh, okay.

Cool treats is the number one.

Yeah.

In the land of Dairy Queen, we treat you right.

Yeah.

What do you do in Pittsburgh, Jen?

Well, for me personally, I'm retired, so I do a lot of hiking.

Oh, nice.

A lot of great hills to get your calves all, you know, strong.

In fact, I just heard on one of my favorite podcasts yours about you know jay leno falling down a hill and i was like yeah that's right was that in in pittsburgh or outside pittsburgh it's outside pittsburgh yeah um i think it must have been up by the airport because that's where he would probably stay yeah that somebody was breaking it down from pittsburgh about why he was staying at like a quality inn or whatever he was staying at um yeah Because I don't think there's a lot of,

oh my god, you guys, I'm so nervous.

No, that's that's exactly what they said.

There's not a lot of hotels.

There's no fancy hotel by where he was playing.

Right.

So where else would he have stayed?

You don't fall down the hill if you can help it.

So can you imagine going for ice in a hotel and then seeing Jay Leno walk down the hallway?

Fuck, that would blow me up.

You're seeing all the ice on his face because he's hurt himself.

Yeah, let me have some of that, he says.

Yeah.

Oh, what's under there?

Where?

Me?

No, not good enough.

He was trying to get you to say underwear.

Oh, shit.

No, no.

You, you, don't give him the satisfaction.

Yeah, I'm not keeping track, but I think I may have slipped under 50% on my underwears.

Jen, do you have a question?

Do you have a talent?

Do you have a hot take?

Do you have an outfit?

Okay, so

the problem is no to none of that because

I was thinking about it for, you know, for two days now.

I'm just

hoping that you would ask me something that I would have an answer to

and that you needed a person who would only

that you were running behind and maybe you needed someone that would be

you could just say hi and I could meet you

Jen does retirement rule because it seems like it rules it totally rules yeah yes yes

right it's true

is that chair that you're in is it a recliner it is Yeah.

Hell yeah.

You know, it's the most comfy seat in the house.

What can I do?

Yeah.

And like, what time are you up every morning in Retirementville?

Are we early, late?

Yeah, it's early.

It's still dark out.

It's like seven.

It's fine.

I'm not a layabout.

Yes.

As a layabout, I can't recommend it enough.

Can I show you my cat real quick?

He's right here.

Yeah.

What's his name?

His name's Rufus.

Hey, Rufus.

Hey, Rufus.

Rufus, can you hear us?

Rufus.

He's a very good kid, and he deserves to meet meet you guys too.

What kind of diet is Rufus on?

What is he?

Is it natural foods?

Is he on?

No, no.

He's an IMS guy.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

That's treating your pet right.

Imes is good.

Getting all these free advertisements for all these things.

I'm sorry.

Is it wet food or cold food?

No, wet food or dry food.

Is it coleslaw or fries?

Those are the two options with your cat.

Wet and cold.

If I had a cat, I would warm up that wet food.

I really want to get the smell going.

Okay, I'll do it.

Yeah, do you have a slow cooker, a crock pot?

Yeah.

A slow-cooking cat food.

Your neighbors call the police.

I think somebody's dead in there.

No, you got to slow cook it so it's just falling off the can.

Well,

you seem disgusted by every food, and we love to hear it.

And thanks for making the time for us.

It was nice to meet you.

Me, are you crazy?

It was wonderful.

Thank you.

I hope the call is going well, the show.

It's going very well.

You'll get a chance to listen to it and judge for yourself.

I will.

All right.

See you, Jen.

Thank you.

Okay.

Now, how far behind are we?

Now we're only 15 minutes behind.

Okay.

Okay.

Hello.

Hello.

Ho, ho, ho.

Ho, ho, ho,

Camille.

Hello and welcome.

Oh, thank you, David Graham.

It's a pleasure.

It's an honor.

Great to see you.

Thank you for being here.

I'm guessing from the poster in the background, are you calling us from British Columbia?

I sure am.

All right.

Whereabouts?

I'm up north.

I'm in a small town called Mackenzie, which is a couple hours north of Prince George.

North of Prince George.

Yes.

Wow.

Prince George, they say, is only about halfway up.

So big

province.

I don't think I've been north of Prince George for comedy.

I've been to Prince George for comedy, but you've been

to the Yukon.

I've been to the Yukon, but just northern BC, I feel like that's the last.

And you're a couple hours.

Wow.

So, where, what the hell?

What time did the sun set?

Yeah.

Oh, early these days.

Yeah, probably

4:15, I'm guessing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then you got five minutes till 4:20, all right?

Yeah, right.

Oh, party time.

Yeah, that's fun to do in the dark.

It's more fun to do at 4:20 in the dark.

Camille, what do you do up there in north of Prince George?

You forget the name of the time.

Mackenzie.

Well, I, myself, and my partner actually run a video production company.

Shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we started out in Prince George and we found that we were just working around the region a lot.

So we didn't really need to be in the city.

And real estate is cheap up here and it's really beautiful.

So we decided to relocate.

So we spend a lot of time on the road listening to you guys.

Nice.

Now, do you make

ads for like Lloyd's Jewelers or something like that?

Or

what type of things are you shooting with your production company?

Well, actually starting out, my partner, he did a lot of, he started out working for the TV station in Prince George.

So, oh, yes, he did the local jewelers

and all that.

What is that?

CKPG?

How do you know?

How do you know?

Yes, yes.

Oh, yes, nice.

Yep.

So back in the day, he did that.

I was a reporter there, but

nowadays we've been doing a lot of videos for various various heavy industrial projects, construction and mines and such.

So I'm usually in my PPE uniform.

So it's nice to not be wearing that.

And when you make like an industrial video, do you include a lot of industrial music?

Yeah.

The more epic, the better, you betcha.

Yes.

I'm so plugged into the scene.

You were a reporter at the station.

He was making videos at the station.

How'd you guys fall in love?

You know, just

was he white balancing on your teeth?

We had a good rapport.

We had a good rapport.

Rapport is important.

Rapport is very important.

Yes, yes.

That actually leads.

So we've been together a long, long time now.

It's been, I think, eight years.

And in 2025, we're getting married.

Okay.

No longer living in sin.

Exactly, exactly.

So Mike, Mike, I have a question for you fellas.

Before you ask a question, what's under there?

Under

where?

Well, that still counts.

No, that counts for sure.

He's trying to make you say underwear.

Yeah.

I'm gullible as they come.

Yeah.

You're not alone today.

Yeah,

you had a question for us and we are ready to try to field that question.

Okay.

Well,

you're both married men and you've attended a lot of weddings

about the wedding night uh let me just

you've got nothing to worry about i mean if you're off-road um no so and i know that graham even mc'd some weddings back in the day several weddings yeah um so my question for you is that i want our wedding to be really fun and memorable not boring.

So what would you, what do you think makes a wedding memorable and fun?

Would you say?

Now, Graham, you used to have a great bit about

wedding invitations.

Oh, yeah, I had a joke about sending out wedding invitations, and on most of them, you put formal dress, but then on a couple of them, you put Jedi theme.

And then you have a couple of people showing up dressed like Jedis, like Yoda or such.

So that's my big advice.

Do that.

I'll do that to my friends who are good sports.

I feel like some of the ants might not take it.

Sticks in the mud.

What would make it memorable?

Two words.

Bouncy castle.

You want to have fun at a wedding?

There you go.

Yeah, I think like any kind of,

boy, any action sports or like a big rocket sled that will shoot people into the water would be fun.

That's fun.

One of those things where it's a giant inflatable kind of bag and somebody's lying on it and then two people jump on it and blow the other person into the water.

Yeah.

I'm assuming this is a water wedding.

I mean, I wish.

No, it's a park garden wedding.

So is this in Mackenzie, the park?

Everybody traveling to Mackenzie?

This is going to be in New Westminster.

Ah, okay.

Tropical destination.

Yeah, that guy won the

price is right.

Price is right.

You know, open bar goes a long way.

And, you know, getting a DJ can never go wrong with a DJ.

And then

making an animal, the ring bear.

Everybody loves that.

Yeah.

No one forgets that.

Dog, cat, monkey, whatever you've got at your disposal.

Yeah.

Penguin.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

If you have a penguin.

Penguin or pangolin.

Pangolin.

Oh, yeah.

Either of them.

Either one.

Was the pangolin the animal that they blame for COVID?

Nice.

Yes.

Which I think is unfair to

the animal.

I think, you know what?

It was like the Bat Council were the the people who

started that rumor.

Yeah.

How about pangolins?

Yeah.

Paid for by the Wuhan Bat Council.

Yeah.

So

when is the big day?

It is May.

May 2025.

Yes.

May 2025.

Yes.

Spring.

Yeah, all the beautiful creatures emerging.

I'm envisioning now a squirrel being the ring bearer.

I feel like, you know, they're plentiful.

They are plentiful, but you know what?

You got to have them on some kind of leash because they will take off on you with that ring.

And they don't.

This global warming is getting crazy.

These, these,

the squirrels don't go away for winter anymore.

They're just out and about.

Yeah, and they wear sunglasses now, which is like, where the fuck did you get those?

And they like Hawaiian shirts and stuff.

Oh, man.

They rule.

I mean, it does rule.

Yeah.

It's a good time for squirrels.

Well, Camille, you've been a good sport.

And congratulations on

the announcement.

And here's to many happy returns.

Have a good wedding and enjoy New Westminster and all it has to offer.

You bet I will.

Thank you guys so much for all of the entertainment and laughs over the year.

Appreciate you.

Our pleasure.

Our pleasure, Camille.

Thank you.

We appreciate you.

Hey,

two more.

She had a really nice red turtleneck, very festive festive kind of looking turtleneck.

And hey.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Tomas.

Hello, Dave and Graham.

Hey, good to see you guys.

Good to see you, too.

This was one of our callers from the first year we did this?

I believe it was the first, yeah.

And you were at college at the time, right?

I was in.

In Michigan.

Yes, you remember it a lot.

Very good to see.

That was the year we had so many Michiganers.

Yes, that was.

And now I'm no longer in Michigan.

I no longer represent the crew.

I had to leave.

Yeah, they asked me to move.

Yeah.

I live in Dallas now.

Dallas.

Came down here after college.

Yeah.

What are you doing down in Dallas?

I'm working at Texas Instruments, actually.

The calculator guys.

Calculator folks.

Hell yeah.

Graphing calculators, you got them.

Wow.

Graphing calculators, the small ones, the ones with big numbers, the ones go click clack yeah love you uh anyone ever do that boobless thing the boobless thing yeah that was there was i know i met the guy actually behind booblis

who invented that yeah

cool we got a patent on that um

bob yes we gotta make the eight we gotta make the eights look more like upside down b's yeah

do lowercase though what do you do at texas instruments oh it's a whole lot of nothing, man.

I feel like sometimes I'm doing a lot of nothing, sometimes just looking at charts, Excel shit.

I don't know.

It's a lot of stuff.

Yeah.

Somebody gives me an Excel chart to look at.

I can stare at it all day and not know what the hell is on it.

Oh, yeah.

I love just staring at it, like changing some of the colors on it so it looks like it's a different thing than what my boss last saw.

Yeah.

You um uh am correct me if I'm wrong.

Are you the guys who make the the sign that says beware of ogre?

Oh no, that's Shrex's instrument.

Nice.

Hey guys, thanks for coming out.

Now, Tomas, when you were on the first time,

you had a talent.

Is that correct?

I did have a talent.

I had two that we had done.

Yeah.

I attempted to play the Seinfeld theme for you guys, that one.

On a bass.

On a bass, and the speaker didn't work at all.

I barely got through.

it was awesome yeah that was fun and then yeah i had the the basketball dunk that yeah you guys mentioned to me so often basketball i attempted to you attempted to did you miss attempted it yeah i missed yeah

like a way up into the sky oh it must be one of these um mandela effect things yeah they put a link burned in my memory this uh yeah this attempt now behind your head is there

there is another basketball hoop oh yes it's the same one in case we need redemption for the case we need.

I mean, we it feels like Chekhov's basketball hoop.

Before you do that, what is under there?

I feel like you're, are you trying to get me to say underwear?

She called you on that day.

I'm freaking humiliated here.

Have you been trying that out on everyone in the call?

Yeah, have I been trying?

No, I've been succeeding, okay?

I mean, we'll have to do the tally after the show we will tally it but it's pretty close to 50 50 at this point pretty good yeah we had a few under whats under whats under whats yeah yeah you can't wear under what that's right you could wear under armor yeah oh that's what I'm wearing right now in under and over I wear the the both styles

It's fantastic that the brand under armor has become like a

main sports thing too as well, not like defense or personal

It's arguably the dumbest name for a company that because it contains underarm as the main part of the

trademark.

Underarm or.

Yeah.

Now

expand the brand a little bit.

Tomas, we're over time today.

We're running out on low on time, and I blame myself.

Yeah,

I had another podcast call in.

I was calling in very savagely.

I had to push that one one back.

Now,

do you have a basketball?

Do you have any?

Do you have a basketball?

Yeah.

Now, how often do you

use it?

Well, how often do you use the basketball hoop?

I use it a fair bit.

Like, I mean, if I'm ever working from home here or something, I'll just throw one over there.

Never mind that, not even close.

Now, it's also far enough away that I have to awkwardly get up to retrieve it now.

So

you want me to get it without the dunk?

No, I want to see it.

You do it.

I did see it.

We'll set it up.

You're going to pick up the ball.

Is there any special

dunk you're going to attempt?

Is there going to be a...

I wanted to do a big windmill because it's far enough away that I think I could get it all in.

Okay.

Just for you guys.

Oh, in the frame.

Just for you guys.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Thanks.

All right.

This is Rad.

He's attempting the dunk.

He's put his headphones down.

Should I hang up on him?

No, I got to see this dunk.

Okay.

Oh, he's stretching.

Yeah, he's.

And

exit.

Nothing but Net, Thomas.

You know, the

really the...

Yeah, you did it.

You did it.

That was old.

I don't know if that even holds.

You're an all-star.

It worked.

We loved it.

I already do.

I declared for the NBA draft a bit ago, but they haven't accepted.

Yeah, that's weird when when they do that.

Yeah.

They just say like blank declared for the NBA draft.

I feel like anyone can kind of declare for the NBA draft.

You don't have to be a good basketball player.

Why is the NBA draft leaving me unread?

Well, Tomas, we got to get to our last caller.

We want to thank you for all you've done for us.

Oh, good.

Thank you guys.

Congratulations on your redemption.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I'm glad that one was more successful this time.

Yeah.

It was great.

It was great.

I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Yep.

And thank you guys for everything you guys do as well.

Love, listen to the show and stuff.

Blah, blah, blah.

He was giving you my flowers.

Thank you.

And thanks for the calculator.

I don't have any flowers.

I'll get you a discount on the next one you need.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

All right.

Bye, Thomas.

Bye, guys.

Bye.

And finally, finally, somebody's going to bring the heat.

How late is this?

How late are we?

Based on my schedule.

We're 20 minutes.

20 minutes late.

20 minutes.

Okay.

Okay.

There's

me.

Can you see me?

I can hear you at all.

Yeah.

Can you hear us?

Am I here?

I can hear you.

I can feel you.

We can see you.

We can feel you.

We're hearing you.

How are you?

I'm amazing.

I can't believe this.

Thank you for thank you for waiting.

You're our final caller of the day.

Yes.

That's what I was hoping for.

That's amazing.

Okay, so we're going to get to do a countdown at the end, I guess.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Well, I've been training.

I've been listening to all the old listener episodes.

Oh, yeah?

What comes after seven?

Oh, well, it depends which direction we're going in.

That's true.

Nima, is it?

Yes.

Where are you calling us from?

I'm calling you from Dubai.

Shut up, really?

For real.

For real, from Dubai.

I'm at my parents' home right now.

That's why

it's beautiful.

It's two in the morning.

Oh shit, they're letting you record.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No one's home.

No, because I came here to visit my parents and I discovered that they're not even here.

You should have made a phone call before you went.

Well, I called, I was supposed to come December 3rd.

I called them that week.

They're like, we're not even there.

Well, I can't change my ticket now, guys.

It's Christmas time.

Dubai is an expensive place.

It is.

So here I am.

Did you fly Emirates?

I sure did fly Emirates.

No, actually, this time I flew United.

Oh.

Because United is doing a direct flight now.

So

yeah, so I'm back and Dubai changes every time.

Directly from New York.

Okay.

New York to Dubai.

What is that?

What are we talking?

A 12-hour flight?

We're talking a 12-hour flight, yeah.

Okay.

Exactly.

International man.

Yeah, well, I try to keep up.

This guy's got, like, you can't see it in this frame, but he's got so many globes in his room.

You know, he likes to shake a globe once in a while.

He likes to shake a globe.

And behind you are, it seems like it's a mantle of a bunch of pictures.

Are these your brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews kind of collection?

Yes.

I do want to point out that this is Sophia here, and she's been a star of one of the overhertz, which Graham, you did an excellent line read.

Oh, thank you.

What was it?

Yeah.

was, it was New Year's.

And right after New Year's, she whispered to me that she was like, I'm going to say my name for the first time in the New Year's.

And then she goes, Sophia, oh, it sounds so new.

And it was so funny because like I was so excited that I got her on a podcast.

So I took the segment and I sent it to my brother.

And apparently I'd said she was seven at the time and she was nine.

And so my brother just wrote back, she's nine.

And I was like, yeah, but I made your daughter famous.

And now every time I bring it up to her, I'm like, I got you on a radio show.

And she's like, you said my wrong age.

So we're going to continue annoying her through this process, I guess.

Yeah, kids are pretty persnickety about that age thing.

How long ago was that?

That must have been six years ago.

I'm on year nine.

Oh, really?

And she's

got to be like either 13 or 15.

I know.

I don't want to risk it.

I don't want to make a definitive statement.

Is it Sex in the City 2?

Does that take place in Dubai?

You know, I knew you were going to reference this.

Of course.

I have to ask.

Yeah.

Well, it's Abu Dhabi, Abu Dhabi Du, as you recall.

And Abu Dhabi, also the home of where Nermal gets shipped.

Yes.

Yeah.

I've been shipping Nermal and Garfield for so long.

I know.

If you shipped them here, it would take me an hour to pick them up.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Yes.

So, and I am right now, just for your information, if this is exotic for you guys,

I'm on the island that's shaped like the palm tree.

Oh, yeah.

I was literally going to ask about that island.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I'm.

Yeah.

I'm looking at the building where Lionel Ritchie will be performing for New Year's Eve.

Fucking A.

Yeah, that's how I, that's how I do it, man.

Now, do you got to take a ferry over to get there or does a plane?

Do you have to take a plane over?

How do you get on that?

You just drive on and honestly, once you're on the island, it's so big.

So, like the trunk is just like a giant avenue.

Imagine like six-lane highway on one side, a park in the middle, and another like six-lane thing.

So,

when you're driving down, everything feel when you hear a lot of things feel normal.

Like

six hours ago, I was in a mall in a ski slope

with real snow.

It was the first time I'd done that.

But once you're, you know, you see it, you can see it from the mall and it seems so crazy.

But then once you get inside, you're like, oh, it's like a ski school here.

And they have like a whole, like everything is done in a way where,

you know, on the ground, it feels very normal.

But there's still very bugged out things that happen.

Did you grow up there?

Yeah, so I grew up here.

My family moved here in 81 when there was nothing going on here.

And I went through all of high school here with like nothing going on.

Like when I was 16, we got

we got a movie theater, you know,

like that kind of stuff.

But I was we got a cookies by George.

Yeah.

Well, I did want to say that, you know, we always got things in weird order.

So like when I was 16, we didn't have a McDonald's yet, but we did have an A ⁇ W.

Yeah.

And it's crazy because at the time we were like, what the hell does this stand for?

And still to this day, I have zero clue what it stands for.

You know what it stands for?

I have no idea.

I figured you guys all the way out there in the west.

What did you say?

Abu Wabi.

A remix to a classic.

I thought I was going to alley up Dave on this, but Dave.

Okay, I'm waiting for the interception.

Yeah.

Nima, what's under there?

What's underwear?

Okay, that counts.

We'll give you that they made you say underwear ah damn it

i didn't know we were gonna do new classics i thought we're doing old classics oh yeah we're doing them all new classic

um boy uh do you so do you have for us nima do you have a question do you have a talent do you have a hot take or a fit

uh okay

so

i

i do want to mention the talent that i have is that I've made this painting up here.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Yeah.

I was thinking about, I was going to ask you about that.

It looks like a

plaid

through some kind of frosted glass.

Yeah, but it's just, I've like, it's painted tiny pixels.

And the whole reason I bring it up, I'm not so show-offy is like, dude, this is 100% true stories.

I started listening to you guys.

nine years ago when I moved back to Dubai.

So I'd lived here in my childhood, then lived 20 years in the States, and then I moved back here.

And then after that, I moved to Roswell, New Mexico, and then others, and then New York.

But when I came back here, I was so bored.

I was doing all this freelance weird work.

And then I discovered podcasts and then discovered your podcast.

And I was like listening to it so much that like when I'd get home after a drive, I'd like start doodling.

I was never an artist.

This was like, I was 38 when I started doing this stuff.

So like,

I started making this kind of work and

now I'm, I'm a professional artist.

Are you really?

Yeah.

No, for real.

I've been doing it for like at least eight years full time.

So I feel like I owe you guys

something.

What would you like?

We'll take a commission, whatever you got.

Okay.

I guess 25% of everything you though.

That was a lot less than I was expecting.

You drive a hard bargain.

But no, you know what?

I will say is like I've always wanted to, I will do this is because my work is all geometric.

And so I am going to make a painting of your octagon logos one day.

Hopefully next year I could present it to you guys.

Well, you've basically secured yourself a spot for next year.

Yeah.

You do so much geometric stuff.

What's your favorite shape?

Tough, tough question.

I'm going to go for square.

Classic.

Yeah.

You know what?

Classic shape.

Yeah.

I'm

an old 50s guy myself.

The classics.

Say things inside the box.

Yeah, so then

just for you guys to see, I was going through my

stuff here at my parents' house,

old cassettes and stuff.

So I do want to show you just for your reference, because we used to have bootleg tapes.

This is what our tapes, this is, of course, Europe.

as you can see.

The final cat.

This is how the bootleg tapes used to be where we would get like,

they would just like like

put the album cover right there in the middle and then just give like typesetting, technotronic, if you like.

Oh, technotronic.

Nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we had like everything here was bootleg growing up.

So that was just a little show and tell for you.

That's great.

But my questions.

Okay.

So I listen to about minimum 300 episodes a year.

I do a lot of drawing.

So yeah.

So I have to you got

yeah so um one of the things i always think about is like so many of your jokes have become like embedded in my brain as like you know every time i hear them the setup the punchline is the same and i and i and sometimes i hear you guys like when you're on like an episode you're like did we talk about this i always wonder like do they know these jokes as well as i know these jokes so

starting last year i started um taking note of like what made me laugh the most.

Like if I'm walking down the street, I would like stand to the side and take notes on them.

So I want to do a thing where I

recount to you,

give you guys the setup for my favorite joke from each one of you.

Okay.

And see if you can figure out what the punchline was.

If in real time.

Yeah.

Okay.

So.

Graham,

yours is

one that for years I thought was maybe the funniest thing I'd heard.

I don't know if it's even that funny, but it just resonated with me.

And I finally found it again this year.

So,

and

we can do this in newlywed style too, if you want.

However you want to run it.

However you want to do it.

I'll just throw it out there and see how it goes.

So

Graham's was,

you were talking, you'd just gone to Rotterdam.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

And

it was around the time where I just went to Rotterdam for the the first time.

So it really resonated with me.

And Dave,

Graham had said, you know, it was really futuristic.

Dave said,

was it like the Jetsons?

And then Graham said,

fuck, I don't know what I said.

I was high as shit.

I just got from Rotterdam.

I don't know what the hell I was doing.

I'll give you the

first part.

The first part is that you said, no flying cars, but

fuckable robots.

No flying cars, but a whole lot of Elroys.

And I love that because it was my exact sentiment when I went there.

So meaning darky little blonde kids?

Yeah, just like futuristic little blonde boys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

A whole lot of Elroys.

All right.

It touched my heart.

So I'm glad that it could make you laugh again and that I did

it.

Good.

Dave, you have two choices, either

your money or your life.

Yeah, slash-based or fictional porn stars.

I got to go slash-based.

Okay, slash.

Yeah, this one really stopped me in my tracks.

So this is how you described Slash's dress code

in the November rain video.

Oh, man.

In the style of, you know, like smart casual stuff like that.

So like

you came up with a term for his dress code.

I want to say like snake casual.

No, no, no.

It's even better than that.

Cartoon formal.

Yeah, because he wears like

he's going to the

funeral and the wedding.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So well I'm glad I can make you guys laugh

with your own jokes.

Nima, there's only one thing left and it's 10,

9, 9, 8, 8, seven, seven, lags, six, six, four, four, three,

four,

one,

two,

happy new year.

Everybody, get out there and smooch something.

Bye.

My name is Jordan Cruciola, and I love movies.

But you know what I might love even more?

Talking about movies.

And the directors, actors, and writers that join me every week on Feeling Seen love to talk about movies too.

Like our recent co-host, the writer and director Justin Simeon.

And I love the premise of your show, Feeling Seen.

I think that's kind of always my goal when I'm making something.

Nothing touches my heart more than when someone comes out of my movie and says, Oh my god, I never thought I would see myself.

So hang out with us and geek out about watching movies, making movies, and the ways the movies we love speak to us directly.

You might just start asking folks around you, hey, what movie character made you feel seen?

We're doing it every week at maximumfun.org.

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