Episode 862 - Chris James

Speaker 1 Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo!

Speaker 2 Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 862 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Speaker 2 My name is Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a man man who will take your heart if only you make it real or just forget about it. Mr.
Dave Shumpka. Is that a Santana lyric?

Speaker 2 It is. It's a Santana Rob Thomas crossover hit.
Does Santana do the lyrics or does he get Rob Thomas?

Speaker 2 That's where Rob Thomas comes in and really proves his worth when he comes on the lyrics. Santana only writes songs about ladies' shoes.
That's his big side gig. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, he does make ladies' shoes. Is that right? Is that what you're referencing? Yes.
That is what I'm referencing, that Santana has his own line of women's shoes.

Speaker 2 Santana, Carlos Santana.

Speaker 2 I guess he just gets a different lead singer for every song. Yeah.
Or I guess like he's in the Woodstock movie and he just plays guitar. There's no lyrics.
No one does Oye Komova.

Speaker 2 I think maybe that came later.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 yeah, maybe he wrote that. I don't know.
Look. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't think. Look.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Our guest today on the podcast, a returning guest to the podcast, he is a podcast, host himself of the guys podcast and the final season of the Not Even a Show Show. It's Chris James.
Hi, Chris.

Speaker 2 Hello, guys. I've matured quite a bit since last I spoke with you.
I have a child now. Yeah, and you're also chewing on a piece of hay.
Your voice is really deep, too. Oh, really?

Speaker 2 See, I'm going to go to my regular voice, and they're going to be like, I wish he could have kept up that voice. It's far less grading.
We got very less of it, very little of it before you changed it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can't hold it. I'm like high-pitched Eric from the Howard Stern show.
I can only, I don't think people are going to remember that reference.

Speaker 2 So I was like, oh man, this is deep. Very, very excited, though.
Yeah, a lot of things have changed in my life and excited to be back on. I think it's been a while since I have been.

Speaker 2 It's been a while. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, should we get to know us? Yeah, let's.

Speaker 2 Get to know

Speaker 2 Now, how long has it been? I'm going to look it up.

Speaker 2 It's not been. I was doing my show, so it's within six years,

Speaker 2 within the last six years. It was January 2018.

Speaker 2 So six years.

Speaker 2 Six years. Holy shit.
So it would have been, wow, so basically, I came on when I was starting the channel, right? And still near the beginning of doing it. And yeah, I've gone through a lot.

Speaker 2 And yeah, I'm pretty much done with that shit now. And Chris is here today.
He's gone through a lot. We're interested in his story and we'll get right to it.
Oh, that's great.

Speaker 2 That's cool when the host is interested in you, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not totally detached to just doing host stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I'm...

Speaker 2 You guys want to get to know me. And Chris, before...

Speaker 2 Yeah, we'll get to know you, but

Speaker 2 I don't want to. I'm not interested in this.
Your pre-packaged story of.

Speaker 2 I got a bunch of pre-packaged stories. I could go to pre-packaged story two if you'd like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see what you got in number two.
I notice over your shoulder, you do have

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 pinnacle of like a teenager's bedroom. The basketball hoop that you that's

Speaker 2 for, I guess, like a nerf basketball. Yeah, the basketball hoop is,

Speaker 2 I stream and I do record podcasts in here as well. So the sort of idea was that I was going to, you know, hit shots.

Speaker 2 I was going to take shots on stream and people could sort of they could decide oh is he going to hit this shot and the only time i ever did it was on the blocked party uh i heard this i heard this like a couple months ago so i i did it and i did not realize that they do video episodes and so it turns out that you can see me taking a shot on there if you watch that episode but yeah it didn't it didn't pan out the way i sort of envisioned it now it it sort of yeah i do kind of just look like a like a teenager

Speaker 2 but it's kind of cool in a way though it's kind of like retro um yeah and it's kind of you have a dartboard somewhere in there yeah feels like that could be that could be awesome for now i'm gonna man cave

Speaker 2 see i'm not going for man cave so yeah that is a little bit basketball hoop says otherwise

Speaker 2 is man cave-ish definitely you can see that i have pretty nice lighting though that's you know it is good lighting that's the kind of floor lighting you'd have in a man cave though

Speaker 2 i have nick nick nemirov's uh album up there so why don't you guys say something negative about that we won't I didn't say negative anything at all I said I was like hey check out that basketball hoop tell me about it my man yeah I mean yeah yeah I mean listen I I had never really thought of it in an embarrassing way before but it it's I'm I'm a little embarrassed now to have the basketball here's the deal is is uh I was asking because people put out like little free stuff outside their house

Speaker 2 and there was one in my neighborhood and my wife Abby brought it home. And so now we are owners of a

Speaker 2 That is a good thing to find on the street because it's something that people would definitely be throwing away and not need. But then it's like something you kind of say, yeah, that's cool.

Speaker 2 You know, I would, I could put that up on the door. I bought mine, but at a secondhand store for very cheap.
That's basically like finding it on the street. That's as close as you can get.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the only thing I've ever found on the street and put up, it was a outside, it was a Yuck Yucks, it was a wooden advertisement for Yakov Shmirnoff's show, a dating show at Yuck Yucks that I randomly found in the downtown east side one time.

Speaker 2 Wow, what a story that sign must have, all the things that sign has seen. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 What a story. Yakov Shmirnov's dating show.
What the hell? Yeah, it was a dating comedy show.

Speaker 2 It was like a singles night kind of, I guess

Speaker 2 you're meant to go kind of, you know, mix with other people. And then at the same time, Yakov Shmirnov is doing his jokes and everything.

Speaker 2 The elevator pitch is brilliant.

Speaker 2 Dave, have you sunk any three-pointers on that bad boy? No, I didn't. I was opposed.
She always brings home stuff. And I'm like, we don't need stilts.

Speaker 2 You guys found stilts? Yeah, wait a second. They were busted stilts.
One of them, so they had like...

Speaker 2 They were these

Speaker 2 kind of like aluminum tubes that had like footholds on them, but one of the tubes didn't like the one of them had a rubber base and the other one didn't. So it just kept sinking into the grass.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
It's oftentimes you find something for free and you're like, why the heck would someone throw this away? And then you start using it. You're like, oh, that's why, okay.

Speaker 2 You know, it doesn't work.

Speaker 2 So for people who haven't heard your show before, tell us about The Not Even a Show, and then I want to know about the guys podcast. But you told me that you're wrapping up The Not Even a Show.

Speaker 2 that's that's coming to an end it's an it's like a politics-based show just in the sense i mean it's it is politics because i'm sort of messing with political people and radio hosts who are talking about political stuff and that's that's kind of why i'm ending it i i enjoy doing it from a creative standpoint but it's a variety youtube channel where i do all kinds of ridiculous stuff i trick people into like i have a whole fake network where i trick guests into coming on like i've had like roger stone come on for an interview before and like yeah Paul Manafort, like really weird old, just people who don't do proper research.

Speaker 2 And I have a pretty good sort of facade of a website and a, you know, a thing where you'd have to subscribe to see the content. And it tricks quite a few people.

Speaker 2 And then, yeah, the idea is you just, I do like sketches. I do it with other comedians as well.

Speaker 2 Like so this season I have, I'm having on like John Gabris is coming on, Joe Parra is coming on, Dan Licata,

Speaker 2 Brace Belden from True Non. So I'll get other people to come on and sort of

Speaker 2 yeah, Kav Shmirnov and I are going to do anti-American. I mean, hey, he's very, he's very anti-American.
So

Speaker 2 it's like basically we're writing a singles night. We're writing comedy sketches with,

Speaker 2 and then somebody is there, like a really serious political person who doesn't know there's a sketch going on. That's a big element of it.
And then I just have kind of characters.

Speaker 2 And yeah, it's, yeah,

Speaker 2 it's a variety show, basically. Well, where, because like, I know you from stand-up days, and when did you decide I'm going to run this whole

Speaker 2 show, this whole circus?

Speaker 2 No, that was when I, when it was in 2018 or 17 or so, when I last came on the podcast, it was right around that time. And I'm sure if you went back and listened to, I'm sure I discussed it there

Speaker 2 so long ago about, yeah, I just, I hate touring and I hate going around to little shitty towns. And

Speaker 2 that sounds rude. I just hate not having a place to live that's like my home, you know.
I hate people in shitty towns, they're really offended. Why are you like coming to our shitty town?

Speaker 2 I'm yeah, people are like, holy shit, my shitty town is actually awesome.

Speaker 2 Well, but I am also trying to buy a house right now for my family, so I'm looking at a lot of shitty towns, you know, because I'm in British Columbia here where a person like me, if I want to buy a house, it's going to be at a fairly shitty town, you know.

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 what's the size of a town that's the minimum size?

Speaker 2 10,000 people? No, no minimum at all. It's not even based on that.

Speaker 2 My partner grew up in a small town, and I like the idea of it. My partner, John Mellencamp.
Yeah, I don't even know. I guess my girlfriend, it just feels weird saying girlfriend.

Speaker 2 Ariel. Her name is Arielle, so I'll just refer to her.
You say your partner? Henceforth as Ariel.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I know when you say partner, there is like, it is, it does have a feeling like it is a same-sex thing often. It's a thing that's often used.

Speaker 2 I didn't say John Mellencamp because of a same-sex thing. I said it because he was born in a small town

Speaker 2 famously.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 What a weird thing. If I was being like, oh, yeah, this guy's gay.
He loves John Mellencamp. I did think it was a bit odd from Dave.

Speaker 2 I was like, I don't really know Dave to traffic in that kind of rhetoric. No, I was doing a song lyric, Bozo.
Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 2 We're ending our nice podcast and we're starting a brand new edgy, edgy cast. What episode did you say it is?

Speaker 2 This is the end of the nice one and the end of the season one

Speaker 2 is the uh is the episode you've done eight just after 800 and something you decided 862 and you decided now is the time for

Speaker 2 yeah to switch it up yeah

Speaker 2 yeah because we want to help you buy a house and 862 is the number it's like if you if you think about it it just makes the most sense is there anybody who like that's obviously a very high number but there are like there's podcasts that have crazy high numbers i guess There's podcasts that do it every day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so they'll have thousands of episodes. I wonder, because I was going to say, I wonder where you guys rank as far as the most episodes ever, you know?

Speaker 2 Weekly, we'd probably be up there, but yeah, like even our show does it twice a week, they would only have to do that half the time. So,

Speaker 2 Graham, you should teach math. Well, I don't, I know how to do it.
I don't necessarily know how to teach it. It's kind of something you're born with.
Do you know how to do it? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Give me two single numbers. I'll add them up.
I'll give you the sub. Four and five.
Nine. Whoa.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 exactly. And I didn't even have time to use it, Calculus.
Five and four.

Speaker 2 Nine.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Good try. Good try.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 if you

Speaker 2 move to a small town, what does a small town need for you to be there? Like, does it need to have a subway? Internet. Does it need to have an ANW? It has to have internet.

Speaker 2 It has to have genuinely, because

Speaker 2 I make my living online and I record a podcast with someone who lives in Ohio. So

Speaker 2 I have to have reliable internet. So yeah, certain small towns don't have reliable internet, and that's a problem.
But yeah, other than that,

Speaker 2 I don't know, man. I don't really need a whole lot in my life.

Speaker 2 I really enjoy.

Speaker 2 spending time with my son.

Speaker 2 I just like hanging out with him. I don't really need to, you know, so I mean, it has to have stuff for him.
You know, there has to be schools. You know, there has to be be stuff.

Speaker 2 There has to be a school. You know.

Speaker 2 So you're not moving to a commune or anything like that. We're not moving to a small hamlet.

Speaker 2 We are going to move somewhere that has a school, both elementary and high. Okay, that does rule some places out.
Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, the stupider towns.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 my wife's parents live on Gabriola Island and they have an elementary school, but then they bust the kids to Nanaimo. Oh, I see.
Yeah, that's for high school.

Speaker 2 We are looking at places around Nanaimo in that sort of area, definitely. We're actually going out.
We're going out this.

Speaker 2 I'm going to the island this weekend to go look at places and go sort of check out a couple of cities.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to say where, you know, because I don't, because I don't, people think I think that's shitty. And I didn't really think that.
Oh, sure. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Fair enough.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't want to come into town and already the town has set up a posse. Like, you want to drive you out of town.
They've all heard the episode, and they're not happy.

Speaker 2 But there are, like, big shit, there are shitty cities. Like, it's not a size thing.

Speaker 2 It was a completely like, I think, I really don't like living in Vancouver anymore. I don't know how much you guys discuss this, but,

Speaker 2 you know, it's how much you hate Vancouver? No, how much you guys do, or if you do, or if you know how just difficult it's become living here. It's incredibly difficult to live here.

Speaker 2 And so, unless you're a rich person, it really is kind of, it's hard to save money. And it's, you know, when you're starting a family or whatever.
So I'm super eager to go really anywhere else.

Speaker 2 And I think there's so many beautiful, like the island has incredible places, you know? So I don't really think they're shitty at all. Well, I don't know.

Speaker 2 You're backtracking on earlier statements, so we don't know who to believe. Yeah, this is tough.
I hope they keep listening to the episode. You know what I mean? The posse.

Speaker 2 Well, they don't know where they're from yet.

Speaker 2 They haven't banded together yet. Yeah, yeah.
That's true. That's true.

Speaker 2 We're just a shitty posse. We go from shitty town to town.
Yeah. In the Nanaimo area, they know that.

Speaker 2 And Nanaimo's like, surely he's not talking about us. Oh, we're cool.
Yeah. Other towns around us suck.

Speaker 2 And you,

Speaker 2 as you said, you have a brand new baby. I do have a brand new baby.

Speaker 2 How brand new?

Speaker 2 Five months, almost five and a half months old now. That's pretty fresh.
That's a fresh baby. That's pretty fresh still, although he's, I like, I love mentioning this.

Speaker 2 This is like the thing that I just won't shut up about is he's just absolutely gigantic. He's just absolutely huge.
He is genuinely the size of a one-year-old.

Speaker 2 Like he is the same height and weight as an average one-year-old. So it's like a problem.
People think he's much older than he is, you know. It's a problem.
It's a problem.

Speaker 2 It becomes a problem when they're like, they expect that he can stand up on his own or something, you know? So you got to be careful of stuff like that if your kid is like super, super huge, you know.

Speaker 2 I do forget like all the like milestones of, oh, they can hold their head up or they can sit up on their own and, or like, you can walk away and not worry about them rolling off the change table.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, not, he's, he's just rolling now, so that's just becoming an issue, you know?

Speaker 2 You think he'd be able to do a slam dunk on that basketball hoop with his, with his advanced size? How's, how soon can we see a slam dunk?

Speaker 2 We, we, I mean, hey, you're joking around, but we definitely hope that he's a hooper we're gonna push him hard into hoops and

Speaker 2 I wanted to go tackle football but

Speaker 2 you know it's like all the stuff in the documentaries now I really we really think he's gonna be really really huge though in all seriousness I'm I'm six foot two and Ariel's like five foot eleven and then her brother's six six and her other brother's six four and her dad's like so yeah so it really does feel like he's he's gonna be a real huge giant of a guy.

Speaker 2 I would love if you, like,

Speaker 2 you know, I got that basketball hoop, you know, for free on the side of the road. I wish someone had one of those

Speaker 2 tackling dummies.

Speaker 2 Or those football ones? The football, like, what's the thing you push?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know what it's called, but I do. Yeah, you put your shoulder in it and y'all.
Yeah, and the coach stands on it and yells at you. He

Speaker 2 yells

Speaker 2 at you.

Speaker 2 Do you hoop at all?

Speaker 2 I played basketball when I was younger, not in any super serious way, but I played basketball.

Speaker 2 I was like decent at it, but I played other sports that I was more into. But yeah, it's just, we just, we just hope that he's, I, I just hope that he's extremely big.

Speaker 2 I hope he's just a very, very, very big guy. I hope he's like, it's like a photograph of the family, you know, and it's like, what the hell? Like, you look at it, what the hell is that all about?

Speaker 2 That's the kind of size we're looking for. I do love it when there's like a baby who is, you know, the,

Speaker 2 you know, too

Speaker 2 big for their age and they're with, you know, they're like, they start pushing around other babies. They don't know their own strength.
Yeah. Yeah, they don't.

Speaker 2 It's true if, because I guess eventually they are spending time with

Speaker 2 kids their age, especially once they go to like preschool. So, you know, so then they're going to be around a bunch of run.
Like everyone to him is just a little run, you know?

Speaker 2 So he's, you know, he could just. Are you hoping that he turns into a bully? That kind of thing? Like he's right away he's pushing.
Are you hoping his first words are puny human?

Speaker 2 I'm just thinking that maybe Arielle will listen to this, and I don't even, she would be so opposed to me even making a joke about that. She is so adamant about our child being nice and kind.

Speaker 2 And so, we are, we are looking, we are looking at sort of a gentle giant type situation,

Speaker 2 somebody. Iron giant kind of,

Speaker 2 you know, he's he's friendly, he's friendly with everybody, treats everybody with respect.

Speaker 2 You know, there's not a people don't fear him. Rather, they respect him.

Speaker 2 Like George Mirason, that kind of stuff. Exactly.
Like a My Giant Billy Crystal kind of situation.

Speaker 2 Do you remember that movie? Yeah, so the only reason I know George Mirazon is because of that film. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 it was big for his career, definitely. I

Speaker 2 don't remember. He plays a sport of some kind.
Does he play basketball? He played basketball. Oh, he played basketball.
Oh, in the movie. Oh, I thought you were asking.
Oh, I mean, no, no.

Speaker 2 It's based on Andre the Giant, right?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Well, I don't know.
I just remember Billy Crystal. Isn't it Billy Crystal's relationship with Andre the Giant? Like, I never saw.
Because they were both. It's my dinner with Andre.

Speaker 2 That's right. My dinner with Andre.
Yes, of course.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like George Smershan, he has to be a wrestler or a basketball player. You can't really pass off a 7'7 guy as any other type of athlete, you know.
Maybe swimmer, tall swimmers.

Speaker 2 No, I think he's a bit

Speaker 2 big, though, but you're right. I mean, there are tall swimmers.
I just, you know, he's very tall. He's like,

Speaker 2 according to Wikipedia, the script was inspired by Billy Crystal's friendship with professional wrestler Andre the Giant, who he met during the filming of The Princess Bride. Of course.

Speaker 2 Yes, of course they would have met. Okay, so yeah, that does, I guess that does make sense.
Billy Crystal, he's still at it, eh?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, man.

Speaker 2 Don't get Graham started on this.

Speaker 2 I think we all agree that we want Billy Crystal to host the Oscars one more time. I mean, just one more time to seal it all up.
Hallelujah.

Speaker 2 Rulie, how old is he now? Like, if you got him, give him a couple more years.

Speaker 2 If you're sure his health will hold up and everything, get him right at the end, right at the end of it, you know, when he's just completely detached from reality.

Speaker 2 Like, if he passes away during the ceremony, does he appear on the

Speaker 2 video of all the people? Has that happened yet? I mean,

Speaker 2 it would be a hilarious gag from Beyond the Grave.

Speaker 2 Or it would be like, that would be a great gag for any host to like fake their death and then have them in the, it would be like so disrespectful to all the other people who actually died.

Speaker 2 It's in the poorest of taste.

Speaker 2 You know, James Earl Jones and then Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But remember, do you remember the last time he hosted the Oscars? What year was it like 20 might have been 2017 2016 oh i would say it was 2012.

Speaker 2 was that the one with justin bieber

Speaker 2 yes and was that really 2012 is that long ago holy and i feel like he that was when he the last was that the last time he did blackface uh well i don't know if it was the last time it was

Speaker 2 public it was it was 2012 yes i think that that character that he was the jazz singer right was a character it was uh yeah sammy davis jr which he did both but but oh yeah the jazz singer was like a full-on character that he did at um the the like the where they're raising money the fan the i forget what it's called now comic relief comic relief yeah he did this whole character this uh jazz singer from new orleans who oh yeah seemingly was a was a african-american

Speaker 2 he seemed to be yeah yeah

Speaker 2 he doesn't wear blackface very much in when harry met solid well i mean there's one scene But he wears so many nice sweaters. Yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 you don't even notice often.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 it was the montages at the beginning. That was...
Well, his song, his song was always great when he'd incorporate all the movies into one song. And yeah, and then what was your guy's favorite of

Speaker 2 the montages he inserted himself as? Well, I do, yeah, I think English patient, he's like, hey,

Speaker 2 the plane goes by him in the desert, and And he's like, awfully dry out here.

Speaker 2 I don't care. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I remember that it was like, I always loved them when I was a kid, those things where he would put himself in the movie, but I would like they weren't really, there wasn't a lot of jokes in them.

Speaker 2 It was just kind of he was in the movie or whatever, you know, like he would sort of do maybe, yeah, he'd say something like that. It's dry out here if you're lucky, you know.
But

Speaker 2 let's not disrespect the writing of Bruce Valange. But I do remember there was like a controversy because he came out

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 they did the opening montage and then he entered in 1992, I guess,

Speaker 2 as in the like Hannibal Lecter straitjacket and

Speaker 2 mask. And then Silence of the Lambs won best picture.
And then the next year he came out on a horse and the Unforgiven or Unforgiven won best picture.

Speaker 2 And they were like, well, whatever Billy Crystal does for his entrance is the winner. He's like one of those octopuses.
Yeah, he does. He's like one of those octopuses.

Speaker 2 So that must mean that he doesn't know who wins, right? Because you've got to figure he wouldn't do that then, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think he stopped doing that, like, because people were like, he must know. But, but, like, I wonder, like, do, I wonder who knows that information.
The accounts, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but as the host, I wonder if he can kind of slide into some sort of back area and just say, come on, who, who got the best actor? You know what I mean? Yeah,

Speaker 2 let me seal these envelopes with you i'll lick the envelopes yeah oh yeah offer help offer help like oh it seems like that's a lot of envelopes you know well they do like

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 because they

Speaker 2 because they do they have to write like jokes for every possibility of every possible winner or is it just like

Speaker 2 oh yeah

Speaker 2 wait i mean i guess they don't really yeah they don't really they don't really make jokes afterwards i don't think i can't think of like an instance where they make direct reference they might come by later and and make a joke that's like, you know, in reference to something that happened in the moment, but not to like.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, Valange can improv as well. He can write on the fly, obviously.
Get Bruce, baby.

Speaker 2 Have you guys seen that documentary? Get Bruce? Because it's wild.

Speaker 2 Is he still at it or is he passed on?

Speaker 2 Or in third option, he's retired. Oh, are you joking me? If I know Valange and I do,

Speaker 2 he's writing for Hollywood Squares until the day he dies,

Speaker 2 regardless of if it's on the air or not. We'll continue to

Speaker 2 inspect.

Speaker 2 Bruce Valange is still alive. Here is a question.
Who's older? Bruce Valange or Billy Crystal? It's got to be Billy. I think it's Bruce.

Speaker 2 Billy Crystal is six months older. Yes.
Oh, shit. That's tight.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 They're both born in 1948. Oh, that's a good year.
That was a good year. Two years before the 50s, three years after the war ended.
Real sweet spot there.

Speaker 2 They're like okay boomers. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
The okayest of the boomers.

Speaker 2 Bruce Valange in this documentary, he would go, he would do stand-up shows, which I don't think he was a stand-up, but he would go to towns and he would write like half an hour of material just based on the town.

Speaker 2 like one-liners about the mayor and you know that crazy shop you have down at the end of the street destroyed oh destroyed that's yeah i mean that's he was like the ultimate he was like the road comic you know like doing the things that they sort of joke about but the reason that they become like hacky is because they're so like they work so well you know

Speaker 2 the thing is he likes going to these shitty towns yeah and i shouldn't have said that in hindsight at the beginning of the episode i i really don't i don't think listen can i be honest can i be honest with the town i was talking about yeah it's not the one we're going to because hey thank goodness we went to a mortgage broker.

Speaker 2 They said, hey, you can afford a little bit less shitty of a town, a little bit closer on the island. Here are the towns you can afford.
Here are the ones there is. You can afford the third worst one.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 it was Mackenzie, British Columbia. So Mackenzie.
I've never even heard of it. It's way, way up north, north of, my lights just went off, north of Prince George, and it's 5,000 people or so.

Speaker 2 It's like a lumber town where everyone's moving out of it. It's got an incredible amount of bugs and grizzly bears constantly coming into town.
And

Speaker 2 which means you can get a really nice house for like $180,000 or whatever.

Speaker 2 So it's like, yeah, if we were, we were thinking about that and we're like, I think that this is not too shitty, but too remote. And it's not somewhere that we could necessarily.

Speaker 2 No reliable internet. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, then half of the citizenry is bears, it sounds like. Bears and bugs.

Speaker 2 well, yes, Graham, please. There's also a pretty big population of bugs as well.

Speaker 2 But the fiber internet that it isn't there yet, they're like putting it in next year or something like that. So, yeah, it is an actual issue using the internet as well.

Speaker 2 So, that's kind of what I was referring to. Apologies to anyone in McKenzie.
Yeah, my doctor says I need more fiber internet. Okay, Bruce Balinch coming through.

Speaker 2 Bruce.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like those type of towns are mostly people who are running away from something.

Speaker 2 People who are on the lamb or

Speaker 2 trying to start their life anew. That's the who lives in that kind of town, right? Yeah, it's just, it gets, you know, it gets in, I mean, hey, it gets very cold.
Not for as long anymore.

Speaker 2 Thank goodness. Thanks to us.
Thanks to us. Thank you.
A little pat on the back for us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, now it has a much shorter winter, but still very harsh, you know, where your whole life is kind of, you know, it's minus 30 or whatever outside.

Speaker 2 So are you sticking to British Columbia or are you exploring other provinces in this giant, gigantic country of ours?

Speaker 2 Well, we would like to stay in British Columbia because of the child again and having our family here. And, you know, we want to be able to,

Speaker 2 you know, come back on a ferry versus a plane, you know, so we can come back more regularly. So it would be nice to stay in BC or, you know, somewhere on the island or whatever.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And we thought about Alberta. We thought about Alberta, you know, because it's close and affordable.
But yeah, I think, I think

Speaker 2 the Vancouver Island is what we've decided on. Okay.
Yeah. The nice, easy pace of Vancouver Island.
Yes, I'm ready to slow the pace down, you know, just relax a little bit, you know.

Speaker 2 I feel it's really crazy because I was a stand-up comedian, you know, for a long time and like my job was nothing.

Speaker 2 I mean, you know, graham if you're a stand-up comedian you don't have a real job it's like not in the way that other people do and i had no responsibilities and i did whatever i wanted all the time and then now i'm like you know i got a dog and a baby and i have real responsibilities and it was It's really quite a shock for me.

Speaker 2 A dog. And a baby.
Oh, sometimes, honestly, the dog, it feels like more work than the baby. Sometimes that dog is a big dog.
You know, he's got to go out all the time. How tall is the dog?

Speaker 2 the dog is six foot eight

Speaker 2 wow yeah no that it's a big like aussie doodle and he's got he's the nicest sweetest dog but yeah he needs to go out all the time and it's like he just like hey i just have one second after like doing all this stuff and to put the baby down and then you're just like one second and then the dog has to go out You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And it's just like, excuse me, is this thing called life ever going to stop? Right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm excited to have more space and stuff, like try to get a house with a yard so we can let the dog out in the backyard and just let the dog go to the washroom, you know?

Speaker 2 I mean, that's just would be such a dream.

Speaker 2 What are you doing now? Are you doing an elevator trip down? You have to do a several floors. It's a

Speaker 2 fourth floor, so it's an elevator trip. It's

Speaker 2 yeah, I mean, hey, if we want to get down to it, it's an elevator trip.

Speaker 2 Then it's an elevator trip down to the garbage room down in the underground so I can hose his feet off, you know, because he gets them all muddy.

Speaker 2 And then it's an elevator back up top, and then it's a drying situation. It's about five minutes or so.
And that's twice a day

Speaker 2 that I'm doing that. So, yeah, it's not ideal.
Yeah. If this

Speaker 2 imagin, like you're picturing your dream house, do you have a dog door? Or is it just going to be a regular old door? Maybe

Speaker 2 you have a rope on it so he can close it. It's too big.

Speaker 2 It's too big for a doggy door. You know what I mean? Like the dog would just, it would have to be such a big hole.
I just, I

Speaker 2 think that's dangerous, you know. Yeah, sort of like a

Speaker 2 Kool-Aid man door. Yeah, it would, you know, there's bears where we're looking, so, you know, where is, yeah, I've never

Speaker 2 understood duck doors, like in that sense of how do you keep

Speaker 2 people and animals out of your house? And how do you keep the heat in your house? Is it just a flap? Yeah, it's a flap, so it closes up.

Speaker 2 We definitely had, when I was growing up, we had them maybe for cats, like the cats would use them to come in and out, I feel like. But yeah, they definitely,

Speaker 2 and we were saying, how do you keep animals up? Well, the answer is that you don't.

Speaker 2 A raccoon, well, it could come in just as easily as the dog or the cat. Is there like a hard surface you can put over top of it at night?

Speaker 2 Well, no, the whole idea is that it's so your cats can come and go or your dog can come and go when it pleases, you know, so you leave it, you got to leave it open at night.

Speaker 2 That's when it's really getting its most use. What animal would you be thrilled? Like, what's your top animal that would come in through a dog door that you'd be like, this is, I'm fine with this.

Speaker 2 This is good. Yeah, because I'd have to be small enough.
There's not that many small animals. A rabbit, a little bunny rabbit, I guess, pop through.
I think a chameleon would be fine. Oh, a lizard.

Speaker 2 A lizard. Yeah.

Speaker 2 A Komodo dragon. A Komodo dragon.
Well, yeah, that would be a little scary, I feel like, if a Komodo dragon was in your house. But it would be cool.
It would be super cool.

Speaker 2 Karen Stone's husband's staying with us. Don't worry, there's a very small chance a Komodo dragon comes in.
Is that what bit him? Yeah, he got bit by a Komodo Dragon.

Speaker 2 It's one of the top three trivia questions about Sharon Stone. That is, that is tough.
Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 that's scary to think of. Was he seriously injured?

Speaker 2 Is he okay? It was like in a private tour of a zoo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he got bitten by a Komodo Dragon. What are the other top two trivia things about Sharon Stone?

Speaker 2 She was in a casino.

Speaker 2 Was she wearing underwear when she opened her legs in that one movie it's a very that's a very it's one of the starting like easy questions yeah yeah yeah that's in the on the sharon stone on jeopardy that's the 200 question yeah what is no yeah what is celebrity crotches for 800

Speaker 2 what would be the uh most famous ones i mean michael jackson's always grabbing his yeah

Speaker 2 had his fall out of his uh jeans that uh his whole crotch fellow yeah well I mean, it was his dick and balls. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's not your whole crotch, but it's like, you know, most of the stuff that's in there.

Speaker 2 And he did it while he was like

Speaker 2 crouching, which sounds like a crotch. Yeah, and he was really like, I mean, he was asking for it, but I feel like it's done him no disservice at all.
You know, the crowd was asking for it, too.

Speaker 2 And they loved it, and people have just been going crazy for it ever since. They, you know, I feel like it's almost when something like that happens, you're like, did he plan it out?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Because he's got it. I mean,

Speaker 2 he's got a good one.

Speaker 2 You want people to see it, maybe. If you go to the bottom,

Speaker 2 it was like early days of cell phone cameras, so it's there wasn't the footage isn't spectacular.

Speaker 2 That might be by design because maybe it has some issue on it. That if it was more of an age.
Do you think he was?

Speaker 2 Well, yes, he was holding back camera technology.

Speaker 2 He was no, he just said, hey, I better get this done quick quick before these cameras. I mean, you could see the trajectory of camera technology.
No, that's true.

Speaker 2 The cameras are getting more investigated. They're going to introduce their new iPhone.
It comes out in a month. Okay, I got to get my crotch out there before this.

Speaker 2 It doesn't take a genius to say that they're going to have, you know, better sort of more high-definition imagery. It's going to have a zoom on it? No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Do you guys see the ad for the new iPhone that has a function where you can point it at a restaurant and it'll tell you what hours it's open? Oh, that's cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I guess they're kind of running out of things to put on the phones, you know, that are impressive.

Speaker 2 I've had my phone for five years. Oh, shit.
Mine's hanging on.

Speaker 2 Mine's hanging on for a long time, too. I think I'm at around four years or so with my iPhone.

Speaker 2 I was thinking about getting a new one, given that,

Speaker 2 you know, it's the thing I stare at 20 hours a day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I yeah,

Speaker 2 the restaurant thing is not going to get me into the store, though, I'll say. Like, I'm not going to,

Speaker 2 I'll wait until I need one, I think, probably. But, yeah, I'd say.

Speaker 2 It's also, most restaurants have some sort of menu on the window or on their hours or a website that you can find on your phone anyway.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, you could just say, hey, Siri, can you look up the, you know, I mean, you don't even have to pull your phone up. You could set it up so that it'll answer you, you know, auto.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or you could just think, hmm, this restaurant's probably open the same hours as every other restaurant. Yeah, you could ballpark it, probably.
Most restaurants are going with a pretty standard. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you're right, this is a very low bar they've set for themselves with this new iPhone. This is

Speaker 2 something that it's easier to. Like, what can you do with a phone, you know, other than what they've done?

Speaker 2 You know, I feel like they've really kind of pushed it to the limits other than they're trying, you know, the watch and like putting it into your ocular thing. Like, they're trying to do that.

Speaker 2 That feels like the next step. But people are resistant to that, I feel like.

Speaker 2 Well, and also, people are absolutely shitty at walking and looking at their phone. I can't imagine how bad it would be when there's just like

Speaker 2 things coming at you and, you know, lenses or whatever.

Speaker 2 That does exist, right? The Google Lens or whatever exists, right?

Speaker 2 Yep. I got a new game on my phone, and normally if I get a game on my phone, it's something I won't play for two minutes.

Speaker 2 But this new game, I can't play for less than an hour. Oh, wow.
What is it? It's hockey legacy manager.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 2 Is it you're like a a general manager of a hockey team and you're making trades and stuff and you can, you know, you can go back in time and like, I want to start this team from 1980 and, you know, draft players.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 do you enjoy it like from a sports

Speaker 2 like standpoint or more you just like the economics of it?

Speaker 2 Dave loves a trading day.

Speaker 2 Loves trading day. Like, do you, do you, do you like the, do you, like, know the player? Like, is it like interesting to you?

Speaker 2 Because you're like, I want to to get this player or whatever, or do you care about that?

Speaker 2 I uh

Speaker 2 boy, I don't know why it's interesting to me. I care less and less about why why I like things.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, listen, I'm not trying to hold your feet over the fire. I did it.
I just was curious, but yeah, I I used to love that stuff, like baseball manager or whatever. I loved it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I get the I it's been a while since I've got the actual, like, yay hockey game, but I used to get it every year.

Speaker 2 And I would spend, like, whatever, 60 bucks on it, and it would have all the new graphics. And I would just be like, I just want to like simulate the games and trade players.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that there are a lot of people like you, though. You know, like, I think that like a lot of people played those games and never, ever did the game play because it is like a fun element.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm that kind of guy. And Chris, you have a show called Guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, good segue, Dave. Really well done.
Very nice. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Tell us about this podcast. This is a

Speaker 2 lot of this idea for a podcast. So it's just basically every week.
I'm the co-host of it. So it's my friend Brian, Brian Quinby, who used to have a podcast called Street Fight Radio.

Speaker 2 And basically, every week we look at like a different subset of guys, lawnmower guys or like new metal guys or sex guys or whatever.

Speaker 2 And Brian goes in and finds sort of like the corner of the internet where people have become too obsessed with the thing and, you know, almost to a comical level.

Speaker 2 So, like, you know, the saying that we use is it's okay to be a bunch of different guys, but you never want to just be one guy.

Speaker 2 If you just are one guy, then that's when you become, you get into trouble, you know, you just like become too heavily focused and it becomes your world.

Speaker 2 And you start asking questions like, I wonder what Stan's dad does with their house when he's away at rehab on South Park.

Speaker 2 And you're like having like a full conversation about what's happening with the properties when like people you know and so that's the type of stuff that we that we sort of delve into and we've sort of become a bit of a swingers podcast as well because I was just gonna say like what are the sex guys are they that was primarily the swinging camp first episode that we did yeah with

Speaker 2 my friend Mike Hale from your Kickstarter sucks and he

Speaker 2 came on and we discussed swingers mostly, but really we focus on this couple. And I'm not going to say their name on here because it's unfair.
Well, I we watch their streams every week, but

Speaker 2 they tour sex clubs, swingers' clubs around North America, and they give these video tours of them. And

Speaker 2 Noosephalanche opens for them on the road.

Speaker 2 I don't think he means they tour them as performers. No, no, that's what I want to hear.
I think that's it. He means it more in the way of like, I'm going to every baseball stadium with my dad.

Speaker 2 Well, a little, I mean, both of you are kind of right, to be honest, because they are going there for the love of the game.

Speaker 2 They're going there to have sex with other people and have other people have sex with their partners, definitely. No doubt about it.
But they also work for a company called Tom's Trips.

Speaker 2 And so they actually go and like promote

Speaker 2 a booth that they set up there where they're like travel agents for sex people.

Speaker 2 And this is the really cool part about it that I just love: the guy that we watch, his name is Tom, but he's not the Tom from Tom's Trips. He's a different Tom.
Tom.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So, anyways, yeah, we've sort of become because we became fascinated with this particular couple, it sort of has become this like big part of our podcast.

Speaker 2 Like, not really, I don't, I don't really love that. Um,

Speaker 2 because I just have so much knowledge on like the lifestyle. It's, they call it the lifestyle or the pineapple lifestyle.

Speaker 2 And I know so much about it that it's like, I could never convince someone that I'm not in it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If I started talking about it, it's like I just know too much inside stuff about it. You got to go to hedonism.
Oh, that's the whole thing we talk about all the time.

Speaker 2 Listen, don't get me started on hedonism.

Speaker 2 They have a guy there who does their customer service online who's a white gentleman named Randy Mond, who we would read his responses quite often.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, there's a big thing to try to get Brian to go to hedonism. It's a big push from the listeners to try to get him to go.

Speaker 2 I think probably, I'm guessing it's frowned upon for a single man to show up at hedonism. I feel like

Speaker 2 overwhelming system. Have you? Listen, that is the thing we learned the most is that the lowest of the low in the pineapple lifestyle is the single guy.
They are

Speaker 2 rats. What is he bringing to the table? They are rats in that they have a different set of rules at the club.

Speaker 2 It's like literally rules and then single guy rules, oftentimes not even allowed in spaces. And sometimes they're saying surprise as a swinger, like part of the rule would be you're a couple.

Speaker 2 But it's a sex club. It's a sex club.
So single guys will try to get in there. And again, here, I'm going to get way too into it here.

Speaker 2 We are encouraging this. So don't feel like we don't want.
There's a thing called cockholding and a hot wife bowl situation.

Speaker 2 And a bull is technically a single guy, but he's going to have to be a, you know, a real kind of a muscle man or a guy with a real hammer or whatever. And somebody who really has.

Speaker 2 Like thor is what you're saying a muscle guy with a hammer well someone who has sex really good you know and so then i've heard of these guys

Speaker 2 single guys they really want to become a bull you know that's what you're sort of aspiring to do but yeah for the most part they're all just little they're considered vermin and when they if they like come into a room you can As a single guy, there's situations where you can come into a playroom with a couple, but if the couple leaves, you have to go too.

Speaker 2 And we always like love to picture like, you know, the security shoeing out single guys who are trying to like stick around there in the shadows after their couple left, flashing lights in their face.

Speaker 2 Hey, what are you doing over there in the corner?

Speaker 2 But yeah, it was really, it's one of the real running jokes on our podcast is how much we despise single guys, you know, like every time they get brought up, we're just, ugh, you know, because it's, they're just spoken with, like, they're just so despised.

Speaker 2 And of course, yeah, we talk, it does make perfect sense.

Speaker 2 You know, guys are way too horny and a single guy in that situation is just like bringing all sorts of horrible energy and not doing anything good. So it makes sense, you know.

Speaker 2 I wonder, do they have like little tricks that they do? Like, oh, yeah, no, my wife is in the other room. That's what we, yeah, most definitely.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, like pretending to be on the phone, just like, oh, you're just going to be here in two minutes. Sounds good, honey.
I'll just wait inside for you. It's like, nice try, Billy.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, I love somebody taking a call in the swinger's room. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 There's a, yeah, there's no chomping in the swinger's room. Chomping is, that's a different thing.
That's from jam bands, from like fish and jam bands and stuff. There's this concept chomping.

Speaker 2 It's when the music's playing, but somebody talks to you. They're known as a chomper.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, we've learned that that's also an issue in sex rooms as well, is that people will be chomping and you're just trying to have sex. You're not trying to talk about stuff, you know? Right.

Speaker 2 And they're like, who do you think would be better? Yeremyager in the trade doing that game on your phone.

Speaker 2 Yeah, or maybe they finished up or whatever and they're like in between and they're just sort of chatting about something and it's like, well, I'm still going here, you know?

Speaker 2 I'm still working on something over here, folks.

Speaker 2 Well, you look really, really, like, all the sex clubs look, because especially because the tours we watch, like, they don't know how to do it with lighting and like do it well.

Speaker 2 Because we've watched other tours of the same clubs, and they look fine.

Speaker 2 But then when they do it, it's like, it just looks so, when they show you the playrooms, like the actual rooms where you have sex they're really scary like scary horror movie scary you know like they really have a sort of scary element to them but you know that's the if that's some people's whole kink right yeah i mean there's super scary dungeons and stuff this is it i'm saying it's not it's just they're meant to be just a normal room but they're just so scary and dirty they have like a medical table beside them or something you know it just it's it's a you'd have to watch to really understand what i mean none of the none of the walls go up to the ceiling

Speaker 2 You know, it just doesn't seem like a real, it's like almost like a fake place, you know? Like it's a set. Yeah, yeah.
I love that

Speaker 2 like our podcast doesn't have any concept.

Speaker 2 We got in the game before you needed a concept. Yeah.
And we never adopted one along the way. No.
And I love hearing that yours has this great concept, but it is now feared.

Speaker 2 And it's also just about this one couple. Well, I try to, you know, I say to Brian, I say, we do need to watch ourselves and and make sure that we don't become a swingers podcast because

Speaker 2 I don't want to do a swingers podcast, you know?

Speaker 2 Question. And I'm sure you know the answer.
Are there swingers podcasts? Oh, yes. Oh, there's plenty.
There's like awards.

Speaker 2 We've watched award shows where they give awards to, like, there's magazines and stuff.

Speaker 2 Boy, it's been so long since we won an award, Graham. We need to get in on these.
Yeah, but these are like, like, you know how, like, yeah, like, they're done on Zoom or whatever, these awards chosen.

Speaker 2 They're just in a hotel room.

Speaker 2 Are the

Speaker 2 establishments winning awards or is there the best swinger of the year? Tops, double people. And

Speaker 2 I guess like

Speaker 2 best sex toy.

Speaker 2 Best sex toy is definitely one of them. And by the way, I do want to say.
I am firmly a

Speaker 2 team motor bunny. We do not respect the Sibian around here.
We are not fans of the Sibian. Oh, no Sibian for you.
The Sibian is a too high octane or no, it's an inferior product.

Speaker 2 The Motor Bunny is just more reliable. It's got more attachments.

Speaker 2 Of course, our friends, Tom and his wife,

Speaker 2 they're sponsored by the Motor Bunny as well.

Speaker 2 Oh, sure. I just, I'm Googling it right now.
Is it something you sit on as well? Is this?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like the Sibian. It's exactly.

Speaker 2 So it's like a thing that you sit on for anyone who's wondering, if you don't know what the Sibian is, if you didn't, again, listen to Howard Stern like I did.

Speaker 2 The Sibian is like, yeah, you sit on it and it has like a vibrating element. It has, you know, things you can, attachments you can put on.

Speaker 2 But the cool thing about it. I use the Fonzie attachment.

Speaker 2 The sit on it. It's a thumb.

Speaker 2 I use the water pick. That's the attachment I'm most addicted to.

Speaker 2 This couple brings this thing around to like, because they're flying, you know? So. So they like bring it.
It's like a huge. Oh, here's my European adapter.

Speaker 2 It has a huge suitcase, like a huge motor bunny suitcase. And it's like, a lot of people know what the motor bunny is, you know, you're just walking around the airport with your.

Speaker 2 Also, it's like, you know, when you go through the line and they say, do you have any big electronics in your bag? You got to take those out and put it on the tray. So everybody knows.

Speaker 2 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2 Having you take your motor bunny out and put it into one of the trays in front of everyone would be absolutely humiliating for most people. Not any tablets, laptops, motor bunnies.

Speaker 2 Or sivians, whatever you got in that crazy suitcase there. And your giant.
Actually,

Speaker 2 that gallon of lube is too big to bring on the plane.

Speaker 2 You're getting your lube confiscated because you brought it up. No, don't pour it out.
Don't pour it out. I'll use it.
I guess you would be buying new lube town to town. I guess you can.
Pour it out.

Speaker 2 I'll use it. Sorry.
That was very funny, dude. Cover me in it.

Speaker 2 What kind of guy do you think you are, Graham?

Speaker 2 Macho.

Speaker 2 Guys that are into being macho.

Speaker 2 We're doing guys guy, like man guys.

Speaker 2 That's me. I'm a man.

Speaker 2 I would say you're Graham. I would put you as like a

Speaker 2 garage sale guy. Oh, I'm a garage sale guy.
That's true.

Speaker 2 That's a good one. I haven't.
Garage sales, thrift stores, flea markets, the whole Shabazz. I mean, wrestling guy a little bit, maybe, but probably less

Speaker 2 snow, maybe.

Speaker 2 I'm a

Speaker 2 simulating sports league guy. Yeah, yeah.
you're a sports league guy. Well, that's got to be an area of guys, people of like fantasy sports and fantasy sports guys, most definitely.
We have that.

Speaker 2 I'm not just making this up. These are really like ones that we're doing very soon as fantasy sports guys as well.
Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 I think I am, I'm a sports guy probably mostly. I realize that I'm a productivity guy as well.
We did that episode

Speaker 2 just in the sense that. Oh, yeah, do you discover things about yourself? Yeah, you realize things for sure.

Speaker 2 and yeah i realize that i like it's important like i have some of the same sort of you know um quirks or whatever and i but yeah that again it's they're called kinks they're called kinks it's totally it's totally normal to be a bunch of guys you know um yeah i heard um uh brian on doughboys talking about the show and he was talking about guitar guys yes and uh he said he would they go you uh he went to the guitar subreddit and you just search the word wife and it's people whose wives are telling them to get rid of their guitars and stuff.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a big thing that we've realized is a lot of these people are spending too much money on their thing and it causes issues with their wife. That's a huge...

Speaker 2 A guitar guy is a big one because guitars are expensive. And these guitar guys are like...
They're like buying so many guitars, Graham. They're not just buying like a couple.

Speaker 2 They're buying like 20 guitars and they're like thousands of dollars some of them, you know? So yeah, it becomes an issue. I heard about a guy, a friend of a friend, I think, who

Speaker 2 he has a kayak. He's a big kayak guy, and he wanted to buy a brand new, like, state-of-the-art kayak.
And his wife was like, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 So he used his old one, he'd strap to the roof, drive it over to his friend's house where he kept the brand new kayak that he secretly purchased, and then go kayaking in that switchboats. Come back.

Speaker 2 That's exactly the type of guy that we would love to talk about. We would love to know more about.
That is exactly it, though.

Speaker 2 You know, just that thing where you're just like, huh, that's really kind of fucked up. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like you are lying to your spouse.

Speaker 2 Have you ever thought about maybe like, yeah, just sort of like addressing it or figuring it out or coming to some...

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's,

Speaker 2 they love to say, we see it on them all the time.

Speaker 2 People respond. They'll say like.
Yeah, if she wants to tell you you can't

Speaker 2 buy that kayak, ask her about how many shoes she buys.

Speaker 2 That's like a huge thing. One that we love, too.
There was one guy who said, Yeah, my wife was trying to bug me. It was like, Oh, what about all the hair straighteners you buy? And that was his big.

Speaker 2 So that's the one we use now as like a go-to. Like, oh, really? You have a problem with the 17 guitars I bought?

Speaker 2 Yeah. So it really, it really does feel like,

Speaker 2 yeah, that a lot of them are doing it at the expense of relationships and everything like that. Yeah, the

Speaker 2 trying to out fox your uh partner and yeah trying to trick them and trying to

Speaker 2 actively trying to hide things from them it you know like creating secrets in your relationship

Speaker 2 yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 2 the um

Speaker 2 yeah the the idea of a guy that's i feel like i know guitar guys i feel like in my life i've i've brushed up against a guitar guy or two.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they, yeah, there's a, there was a, there's a Christian comedian that I watch on the Mike Huckabee show who we randomly saw him doing an interview and he just had like 20 guitars by him.

Speaker 2 You know, so it'll sneak. You just never know who's going to be a guitar guy, they don't even have to be musical necessarily.
That's what about a drum guy.

Speaker 2 Do you know drum guys? Have you ever seen it? Not as much, I think. I mean, not for collecting drums.

Speaker 2 Well, David Letterman, apparently, because I made that video all those years ago about him asking all the drummers if

Speaker 2 he was their drum.

Speaker 2 If they were his their drums or they were rental drums and then uh occasionally he would like oh if they're your drums do you want to sell them to me and no one could tell if this was a bit but apparently he has like quite a uh like a drum collection see that's I was just gonna say though you have to be you have to be so rich or whatever because you have to have so much space to put all of the drums I mean generally if you are like a late night

Speaker 2 talk show host you have some weird obsession but there's also like different types of drums drums, right? You got your bongos, and you've got your like weird

Speaker 2 boxes that you can play, or buckets, or, you know. Graham's kind of an expert himself.
Yeah, yeah. I like a drum.
He was buying drum kits, though, like full kits, right?

Speaker 2 People like rock and roll kits. Yeah, that would take up a lot of spo.
Yeah, you're right, though, Dave. He might have just like, um,

Speaker 2 he was like, why the hell do you get to have a whole thing, you know, full of cars? I can't have a whole full thing full of, you know, something.

Speaker 2 This is his conversation with Jay Leno in his head yeah he's muttering to himself muttering to himself exactly while he's mowing the lawn or whatever

Speaker 2 dave lenerman both a drum guy and a lawn guy he's the the the crossover between the two yeah i want to be a lawn guy that's the thing i most except people are like what if what if you have what about you have to take care of your lawn i was like that's like such a dream for me you know to just get out in the garden and listen to some sort of podcast or something and and just spend the day out there like that's that's super super i mean with mowing your lawn you can't listen to anything because your lawnmower is so loud uh have you ever heard of noise canceling headphones my friend

Speaker 2 an awful lot of noise it's listen the technology they got nowadays it's like you couldn't get enough noise they'll cancel every

Speaker 2 you give them the most noise you got and they'll cancel it in a second how do they do that how is it done are they spraying the noise with some kind of agent orange yeah like with a noise hose or something like that yeah yeah well but oh you guys got it all wrong the noise so i'm in a subreddit called no lawns

Speaker 2 okay that is for pronounced nylons yeah sorry it's my i'm a nylons guy the the a cappella band um

Speaker 2 no and it's just uh it's like hey how about instead of uh growing your lawn have a bunch of zinnia flowers. Yeah, that's right.
Dave's got a, he's like become full green flowers.

Speaker 2 So, Dave, do you have a lawn? I have a lawn in the back for the dogs to go to the bathroom, but in the front,

Speaker 2 I'm uh

Speaker 2 uh,

Speaker 2 you know, I planted. So, you're a no, you're, you're saying you're a no-lawn guy up front.
You're like, like, now, as it would, like a rock garden as well, or just putting like the full rock?

Speaker 2 Because I people do that and they can make it look quite nice, you know. No, just plants, plants, okay.
So, but plants that don't require mowing. Right.

Speaker 2 Obviously, there is a certain kind of plant that doesn't require mowing. So you

Speaker 2 just watering or even, even no watering. I mean, we live in a pretty

Speaker 2 wet part of the world. Doxing yourself.

Speaker 2 As youths, did you guys have to mow the family, the house's lawn? Did you have a lawn growing up, Chris? Yeah, I did.

Speaker 2 I had a lawn at my dad's house. I grew up, my parents got divorced when I was like four or five.
So

Speaker 2 at my mom's house in the beginning, you say nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, it's still, listen, I'm still not totally, so if we could not talk about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 when I was younger at mom's house, we had like a big.

Speaker 2 yard like a backyard that came around to a side yard, you know? Oh, yeah. We had like a ranch or not a huge house, but the yard was quite big and a big front yard as well.

Speaker 2 So it was like a lot of work, and I had to do it super regularly and didn't really love doing it because I wanted to do other, you know, stuff. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I wanted to throw cinder block through a front windshield of a minivan one time for no reason.

Speaker 2 You want to do that just one time? That's what I did.

Speaker 2 It's the thing I think about the most from my childhood. I have so much regret for.
How old were you? I was like 16 or something or like, you know, and I just thought it was funny.

Speaker 2 I've been drinking or whatever. It was early drinking days, and we were just doing stuff like that, you know? And

Speaker 2 I did a lot of stupid shit, but that thing, I just, it will never get out of my head. Just the pure, not, there's no reason for it at all.
It's so much destruction.

Speaker 2 Now I have a, you know, I got a car loan. I can't imagine someone does that to my Kia.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine waking up and there's just a cinder block through your windshield? Oh, you'd be so late for work. Well, just my deductible.
I mean, it would be covered, actually.

Speaker 2 It's not that big of a deal.

Speaker 2 But that day, though, you've got to be pissed that you can't go to Costco or wherever you're at.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, if I even have membership at that point, I don't know how my life's going, you know.

Speaker 2 Obviously, someone's throwing a cinder block through your windshield for a reason. Well, yeah, that's what you'd think, Dave, but not always.

Speaker 2 Sometimes it's just somebody driving by with their friends.

Speaker 2 It was just the pointlessness of it, you know, that sticks out to me. Were you caught for this infraction or are you? Never.
I got away with it, Scott-free.

Speaker 2 um you know maybe statute of limitations on this it maybe would have done me a little bit of good if i had gotten caught to be honest taught me a lesson you know

Speaker 2 yeah you know um yeah you could have gone to like a maury povit style or maybe montel jordan i guess was he montell williams montel williams montel jordan was this is how we do it this is how we do it that's right the talk show this is how we talk about it the uh montel williams yeah he he had the boot camp he had the boot camp maury had they they a lot of them were doing the boot camp for a while.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's right. It was a hot.
Danny Jones may have had a boot camp. Danny Jones had a boot camp because

Speaker 2 the guy came out and he was like really.

Speaker 2 I remember, you know, he was really aggressive, one of them. You know,

Speaker 2 it seemed like it was, it didn't seem like it was really right the way he was yelling at those children in their faces.

Speaker 2 Also, like the scared straight where they take them to the prisons. I feel like that was another echelon of that

Speaker 2 seems like a scary, a bad idea as well very bad idea i also feel like they would

Speaker 2 i've i've brought this up before but on the same shows they would take you know one bad kid one week uh would get boot camp the next week they'd give the bad kids makeovers it was like

Speaker 2 well yeah the transformation

Speaker 2 Yeah, those shows were, oh man, I watched so much of that crap.

Speaker 2 People are always talking about like, oh, yeah, nowadays, like, I even say it, kids like watch Logan Paul and stuff like that and getting raised by that kind of crap.

Speaker 2 And it's like, at least, you know, but then I think about it. It's like,

Speaker 2 that's what I was watching when I was like 12 years old was Jenny Jones boot camp makeovers, you know? It wasn't really the best stuff either.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. When you look back, you're like, back in my day, we had the highbrow.
Yeah, we had, you know, we had

Speaker 2 like Jerry Springer, but he was very self-aware. You know, he was very aware of what he was doing.
He had a good message at the end.

Speaker 2 Did you know he was like a really smart politician? Yeah, he was a politician.

Speaker 2 A lot of people didn't know that.

Speaker 2 There's a guy ages and ages ago did comedy here in Vancouver and he fibbed his way onto Jerry Springer. Is it Jai Harris? That's Jai Harris.

Speaker 2 Yes, I remember that very well because I did comedy with him and I remember. And Riel Han as well.
Riel Hahn.

Speaker 2 it was right really exciting to me that I it was at the time it was insane it's like if you had wormed your way onto the Ed Sullivan show or something like that yes very similar it really made me think like how much of the Jerry Springer show is fake yeah that was when I started questioning because they would do it on every episode it would be like

Speaker 2 the episode would be about like your my

Speaker 2 wife is cheating on me with my cousin and then they would go to break and they would ask for like a new crazy thing.

Speaker 2 Hey, uh viewers is your mother a uh you know a sex worker or whatever i don't know um

Speaker 2 but then

Speaker 2 obviously like if you want to go on jerry springer just say that uh like yeah yes to whatever yeah

Speaker 2 yeah and that's i think why it had that feel um

Speaker 2 of like not being real you know because there was a bunch of actors doing like improvisers and stuff doing that

Speaker 2 and no one's yeah they were just taking suggestions from jerry springer yeah exactly

Speaker 2 but they would and everyone would end up in violence it was important that it did yeah it was it's like it was like yeah it wasn't a show it yeah that's when i really realized it was completely fake was when they because in the beginning there was some violence and and it seemed like oh this is kind of cool but then it was like oh this is what people like so let's give them violence every time and i'm like i know how violence works it doesn't happen every time yeah sometimes it's throwing a cinder block through a minivan's window, sometimes it's passive, and sometimes there's no confrontation at all.

Speaker 2 And it just, it was clear that they were really

Speaker 2 like just sort of

Speaker 2 it. And also, Steve Wilkos, you know, he got his own show.
When he got his own show, he was like,

Speaker 2 Jerry Springer was like really good in the sense that it was like such bullshit that was going on, but he could play it like it was real.

Speaker 2 Like, he was like a good actor, and he was thinking of a ringmaster.

Speaker 2 He was actually a very smart politics guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But yeah, the so I feel like Steve Wilkos sort of tried to do the same show and he's just got this big, you know, buffoon and he could never make it seem like it was even halfway real, you know.

Speaker 2 But I mean, hey, and then he left and he formed his band, Wilco.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's the guy who found Wilco. Yeah, he's from

Speaker 2 it's Jeff Tweedy and Steve Wilkos.

Speaker 2 That would be a good idea for a show that's a bouncer run show, and it's just you see who gets into the taping and who doesn't make it into the taping. And that's the big show.

Speaker 2 Just the audience? Yeah, just the audience just seeing, you know, like Club 54 or whatever.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they have a bouncer show. I mean, listen, nowadays, on YouTube, you can go, you can find UK bouncers, and that's literally what it is.

Speaker 2 It's just these big, you know, British lads who are just, you know, beating the shit out of people who are trying to get into a club.

Speaker 2 But I also want the element of who's in a good costume, who's a group of people I want to let in. Oh, like sort of a more reality show style, like characters and stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, you know,

Speaker 2 every week at the club, every weekend, you don't know who's good lucky enough to get into the club, how many single guys there are in line that are bringing nothing to the party.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That's you got it, Dave.
You got it. That's that is it.

Speaker 2 That's exactly the sound I make.

Speaker 2 Can I come in and practice some sex?

Speaker 2 Practice some sex. I want to get really good.

Speaker 2 I mean, you know what? It does come with practice.

Speaker 2 If you're looking to work on something,

Speaker 2 just why not sex? How do you get to the sex club at Carnegie Hall? That's right.

Speaker 2 There isn't a sex club in Vancouver, by the way. Not a full-timer? Yeah, not a full-time one.
There's There's like events they could put on or whatever, but there's not like a club, unfortunately.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 because I would, well, I would go, no, truly, because I would go there and do a video tour of it. Like, we're doing a live show.

Speaker 2 Actually, this is pretty exciting. We're doing a live show at the Biltmore for NEAS guys.
Brian's coming to town to do a live guys with Blocked Party. So the Blocked Party would be nice.

Speaker 2 When is that?

Speaker 2 October 11th and 12th at the Biltmore. Yeah,

Speaker 2 individual tickets go on sale on 9-11, so this will be out. And

Speaker 2 it's tomorrow. I don't want to ruin it for everyone when we record it, but I just did.

Speaker 2 But the, yeah, so

Speaker 2 when Brian was in, if he's in town, we would.

Speaker 2 go and tour the second like I would contact him and explain to them our stream and then we're going to say I'm going to do that when I go to Columbus because they do have a sex club is we're going to contact them and explain we have this podcast and the stream that we do and we'd love to come in like in the daytime and just do a tour of the sex club for our stream.

Speaker 2 I know there's one in Toronto that quite a few comedians I know have played at, that they had like a stand-up show that was in the Swingers Club. I know that to be true for sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is the Bovine Sex Club, is it?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 that was a venue in Toronto. The Bovine Sex Club? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, it was like,

Speaker 2 there was a bunch of people I know who did it. Definitely.

Speaker 2 I remember talking to somebody about it. In fact, maybe even somebody came on the podcast on guys and talked about it, like a Toronto comic.
Maybe, maybe Chris Locke. It could have been Chris Locke.

Speaker 2 But yes, I think somebody mentioned it definitely because inevitably in every episode, we end up talking about swingers and stuff. So, yeah.

Speaker 2 I love it. What if you became just through

Speaker 2 just fumbling into it, you become the number one swinger pod in North America? And what if you maybe are. You might be.

Speaker 2 I think it's again, yeah, it's a pretty big podcast. I think if we, if we sort of went that direction and called ourselves that, I think technically we would be, but not in the community.

Speaker 2 We wouldn't be respected in the community.

Speaker 2 You guys know that, you know, upside-down pineapple. You know what that is? Yeah, I've seen it.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we would. It's the only pineapple I eat.

Speaker 2 So, yeah,

Speaker 2 I think we wouldn't be able.

Speaker 2 I couldn't deal with it, honestly, because it would, I'd feel like a fraud.

Speaker 2 I've never done the thing before. You know what I mean? You'd be the Steve Wilco of the Swingers podcast.
I'd be a complete fraud. I would be

Speaker 2 the John Mellon camp show up.

Speaker 2 Nobody.

Speaker 2 Started sucking out other people's chili dogs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I mean, and then honestly, it's like.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you got to be worried as well if you're like, obviously, relationships fine right now, but you're doing a swinger podcast and all of a sudden you break up with your partner. And then

Speaker 2 what what happens then? I tell you what, you lose every single one of your subscribers because you're a disgusting single guy. Yeah, no one wants to listen to 90 minutes of

Speaker 2 combing your greasy hair.

Speaker 2 You can hear the hair getting combed on my

Speaker 2 you show up to

Speaker 2 the sex clubs at like 2 p.m.

Speaker 2 Anybody here yet?

Speaker 2 With like a drugstore bag full of condoms.

Speaker 2 Going up early, being the first guy there at the sex club, people coming in. Oh, early birds.
Hey, guys. Hey.

Speaker 2 Can I help you set up? What do you guys think? I brought up mixtape.

Speaker 2 A really important thing, if you are seriously going to go to a sex club or a swingers club, is it is important that you cannot wear stiletto heels on the furniture.

Speaker 2 And that is a thing that is discussed quite often because a lot of the times they wear stiletto heels and you can't close right through. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And then this is our theory but our theory is that because it's leather couches so that way any sort of fluids or whatever easily wiped off but if you've got a hole in that sucker all of a sudden fluid fluid funnel or you know a little and it just booms straight down into it and it just gets soaked up inside the couch so it's very important that you do not wear stiletto also a lot more single guys start showing up i hear there's some holes in the couch yeah that's totally true All of a sudden, now the single guy's got somewhere to put it.

Speaker 2 You know, JD Vance shows up on opening night. Hey, here you have it.
Okay, enough politics here. Oh, buddy, come on.
He's the foremost couch fucker. We've all done it.

Speaker 2 I have just shout out to, I will mention that on NEAS, on my channel, I have pranked J.D. Vance.
I have his cell phone number and I have called him and spoken to him before. He doesn't answer.

Speaker 2 You do. I forget.

Speaker 2 Nothing too serious, I think.

Speaker 2 It was some comment about him having the softest hands in America, but I forget the context of it.

Speaker 2 It wasn't as good as the one where I showed a drawing of Donald Trump sucking his own penis. It wasn't that good.
It wasn't brilliant, sort of. It wasn't highbrow.
Yeah, it wasn't at that level.

Speaker 2 You know who have the, I think, across the board, softest hands of any business is stand-up comedians.

Speaker 2 They have some real velvety, smooth hands in stand-up. Not a lot of

Speaker 2 shifting or being

Speaker 2 in my defense,

Speaker 2 I did work in warehouses. And

Speaker 2 so I did proper work for many a years in my life. But yeah,

Speaker 2 my hands aren't still hard from that. They've softened up now and they're very soft.
Very soft. And I've done shows in smaller towns or cities that are industry-based.
Nasty.

Speaker 2 And when they shake your hand, to them, it must feel like such a pleasant, pillowy sensation. Oh, yeah.
Because to you, it feels

Speaker 2 like sandpaper. You know, exactly.
It's so rough for me. It's so rough.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I shake someone's hand in a small town or whatever, and their hand is so like, it's like it has little knives on it or whatever. Like, what the heck?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, it's somebody that could strike a match on their hand and light it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm like, hey, you know what? Have you ever heard of an exfoliator, my friend?

Speaker 2 Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, man, nothing, man. Tell me all about it.

Speaker 2 Well, so here's the thing. I mean, we talked a little bit about free stuff in the neighborhood.

Speaker 2 So I walk my dogs. And

Speaker 2 more and more. You got those for free in the neighborhood, right? They were facing.
out there.

Speaker 2 They crawled out of a drain pipe.

Speaker 2 It was a miracle.

Speaker 2 But I noticed more and more

Speaker 2 those free libraries. People have been putting up those free libraries.
Oh, yes. There's one by my place, too, yeah.
And I like them. And it's like,

Speaker 2 you know, how many is too many?

Speaker 2 I wonder if, like, because you see maybe one on a block, and then I wonder if someone is ever like, oh, I was going to put one up, but now I can't, because we can't have two on one block.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what is it? When does it because it could get into a situation where it's like, then there's just there's not the demand for the books, and they're just getting filled up or whatever.

Speaker 2 But I weirdly like, so I have

Speaker 2 been using them more and more, mostly to take. I rarely give.
Sure.

Speaker 2 And I see people sometimes go to them and drop a bunch off. And there's one, a great one, down the street that's like overflowing.
Like, this is the most

Speaker 2 used

Speaker 2 library in the neighborhood. Yeah, and like

Speaker 2 a couple weeks ago, our past guest, Alicia Tobin, had a garage sale and a very nice old man came at the very end and was like, hey, if you're getting rid of those books, I'll just put them in the free libraries around the city.

Speaker 2 And I was like, this is as quaint as it gets.

Speaker 2 I don't remember these things before the pandemic. Did they just sprout out? I saw a few.
I would see them from time to time, but not like at the level I do now.

Speaker 2 They've definitely exploded, you know, in popularity. I've never looked in one of them, of course, can't read.
But

Speaker 2 what do they actually have in the like? I always wonder that. Do they have like good?

Speaker 2 It's a fake bookshelf, and you pull it and the tree opens up. No, is it, is there like quality books in there? Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's okay. Generally, what you get is a lot of romance novels.
You get a lot of like those kind of authors who

Speaker 2 churn out books, like James Patterson, Patterson, Clive Kussler, Harlan Coben. Sure.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I do kind of like judge the person, even though it's supposed to be the community is just dropping off books.

Speaker 2 I judge you if it's outside your house and it's, I judge that, like, oh, this person's very well read.

Speaker 2 Or, you know, this person, an awful lot of wrestling books in here. So you have to wrestler autobiography.
You can't attach it to the person's house. I know, I can't.
I know.

Speaker 2 Logically,

Speaker 2 I know that you don't, but in my mind, I'm like, oh, this idiot, this idiot again. Yeah,

Speaker 2 he's attracting, you know, Hulk Hogan biographies. Yeah, yeah.
That's true. There is like something to be said from maybe you're attracting.

Speaker 2 sort of stupidity in your general area and or just it just it kind of looks like a dumb kind of place you know where dumb guys would have dumb yeah look like dumb people would live there

Speaker 2 their cars their cars uh parked on its side and they yeah all the windows are askew

Speaker 2 and they have a sign on the the free library that says no books yeah no books and it's spelled library and the r is backwards yeah

Speaker 2 uh but we have gotten uh mostly kids books uh yeah out of there and that's something uh

Speaker 2 From what I can tell, has a pretty high rotation. Yes.
Like you read, read the kids' book,

Speaker 2 you know, unless unless it becomes a beloved favorite, out it goes, in comes new kid book. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And with age, I think that, you know, there's books that obviously the kids age out of, like everything with kids, you know, they just use it for a short time.

Speaker 2 But I do feel like they, I mean, I don't know. My

Speaker 2 son is

Speaker 2 sorry.

Speaker 2 Beautiful.

Speaker 2 He, yeah, he's not at reading age yet, but yeah, they, I feel like they'll have stuff that they'll get obsessed with. But my nephew is like three.
He'll get obsessed with something

Speaker 2 and then forget about it in like a month or whatever. Chris,

Speaker 2 he may not be at reading age yet, but you know, you can read to him. Yeah, we read to him.
Don't worry. Don't worry.
We read to him. We have books.

Speaker 2 We got like books for the bath and we have the books that he can grab, you know, that, yeah. Hey, listen.
Chapter one. Hulk Hogan used to be called Terry Balia.

Speaker 2 This is what you're...

Speaker 2 I understand Dave's mistake here is he's sort of saying to me, like, it's important to read to your child, but

Speaker 2 he's like thinking of a normal-sized child. I have a gigantic child that's not going to need to be able to read or whatever.
It's almost going to be more endearing if he can't, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 No, but he can crush a coconut in his bare hand.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Yeah.
If it was, if it was a race between being tall or smart, I would pick tall nine times out of 10. Cause

Speaker 2 smart, come on, where's that getting you? Yeah, where's that getting you on the dating apps? Oh, great.

Speaker 2 You can go figure out how to, you know, where the stool is to go grab the thing on the top shelf. I've already got it.

Speaker 2 You're so smart. You figured it out.

Speaker 2 You figured where the stool is.

Speaker 2 Well, using deduction.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so that's, I've just been

Speaker 2 more and more. I used to kind of just walk past them, but now I look in every free library.
Yeah, I like them.

Speaker 2 I've definitely dropped off quite a few books at them, like just during a spring cleaning blitz. Like, I'm not interested in this

Speaker 2 chapter book anymore, this coffee table book. Away they go.
And there is a dog library, too, that just has balls in it. Yeah, that's kind of nice.
That's cute.

Speaker 2 I mean, I just like it as a community thing, though. It is kind of nice.

Speaker 2 It like makes you feel like you're in some sort of a community, community even though maybe we aren't really you know like it makes you feel like you're like oh my neighbors and i we like you know we're we're like we're old timey you know yeah yeah yeah this this is what you'll get in your small town that you move to there'll be all sorts of barbecues until harvest time and one of you has to be killed

Speaker 2 yeah that's true sacrifice the one thing that i did though if you live in a real small town the thing that i'll have to get used to is that everyone like knows about you you know what i mean so everyone's like oh did you hear like chris is starting to run in the morning you know what i mean Like, that type of shit.

Speaker 2 Like, that you don't have to worry about that around here. It makes the local newspapers.

Speaker 2 Sources say. Yeah, Doofus thinks he's going to do it again.

Speaker 2 We do have neighbors we know that we don't, we've never met, but we're like, oh, yeah,

Speaker 2 they got another dog.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah. But you don't like, you don't talk about it at like the shops or whatever with the shop people.
It doesn't get around town. It's just me and Abby, and we're like, hey,

Speaker 2 they're open an airbnb next door oh cool oh that's good that's some good

Speaker 2 we did it we actually did real estate guys and we covered airbnb hosts and we discovered that they are amongst some of the worst people uh yeah that that uh we've ever encountered um

Speaker 2 deranged would be the word i use

Speaker 2 yeah they are pretty upset about not being able to video monitor the people constantly in every room i don't really understand that's what they got into the business i don't understand why they're not able to do it.

Speaker 2 There was one Airbnb host who

Speaker 2 rented out their Airbnb, but then the person left a review saying, like, well, there was a pool in the backyard, but then we found out we couldn't use the pool between like 12 and 7 because they rented out the pool on swimply.com, which is a real,

Speaker 2 which is a real thing that's a real thing. I don't know if you guys watch English Teacher, the new TV show with Brian Jordan Alvarez.
It's on FX and it's super, super, super funny. It just came out.

Speaker 2 I just heard about it today. Yeah, it's very, very funny.
But they make a reference to Swimply in that.

Speaker 2 Like one of the characters is like, I'm building a pool so I can rent it out on Swimply because no one in the neighborhood's on Swimply.

Speaker 2 And I just know that most people were like, oh, that's a funny sitcom joke, you know? Yeah. Not realizing that this is the awful reality that we've created for ourselves in this world.

Speaker 2 I would go in a Swimply pool on a hot summer day, looking up a pool. I can hop in and splash around for a while.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that's that's normal and reasonable I think it's just kind of the idea of it just you know just renting out all your stuff and your life and it's just kind of weird you know

Speaker 2 but that's where we are you know nobody's private about anything anymore and just it's all there and who cares you know swimply

Speaker 2 swimply Swimply.com. Somebody was like, hey, I got a good idea, Swimply.
And then it was like, it turned out they were right in some way.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know if that's, it'll probably fail like all those other, you know, but it's, it's, it seems to have some success. And it also seems like something that came from a typo.

Speaker 2 Like things are going swimply.

Speaker 2 Well, Graham. Yeah.
Uh, Graham, what's going on? Well, before we get to Graham, um, this week, our episode is brought to you by Swimply. Use offer code stop podcast yourself.

Speaker 2 Swimply. Swimply for when you just got a swim.
Now, Graham, what's going on with you?

Speaker 2 Um, this past week, uh, past guest Alicia Tobin had myself and Sally over for a dessert and watching a documentary from Disney Plus about a haunted house that is an extreme haunted house.

Speaker 2 And man, did I not know this was a thing, but this is apparently its own. This could be a guy's thing.
Oh, it is. We already did it.
Yeah. You did the haunted house, like extreme haunted houses.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, we did the extreme haunted houses, and there's this guy who like tries to kill people. Do you know about that guy? This is the guy.
Okay. That's what the documentary is.

Speaker 2 That's is yeah we we we did this we talked all uh yeah it's really really psychotic so yeah i'm confused so what is what makes it a haunted house is it like a truly haunted house or is it like a thing where come to my haunted house i'll scare you graham yeah graham just watched the documentary so he knows better but it started as as a house and then it yeah it started as a house with actors jumping out and scaring people and And then it evolved and evolved and evolved, especially with the internet and people being able to find communities and things that they all are passionate about.

Speaker 2 And this became a thing where it would be like extreme, like you, you have to fill like a ton of consent forms out and they'll like tape you up and they'll like push you into, you know, into shallow water and,

Speaker 2 you know, chain you up and, you know, drip stuff all over your head. Just crazy, crazy stuff.
I've not drip stuff all over my head.

Speaker 2 Just water.

Speaker 2 No, that's the weird thing is the first thing they do is they cover everybody in this grease. They pour grease over their heads right off the bat.

Speaker 2 And then you've just got greasy hair the whole time, which we know is nothing scarier than that. Am I all right, Phil? That's disorienting.

Speaker 2 Yeah, all of a sudden you start saying like, I don't even need my wife.

Speaker 2 I just need a hole in a couch.

Speaker 2 And correct me if I'm wrong, but at this point, it's this challenge that no one's ever completed.

Speaker 2 Is that right? I think, yeah, that's the thing. If you complete it, I believe there's a huge

Speaker 2 cash reward, but no one has ever completed it because it's basically impossible to complete because it's just a sadist who's, you know, torturing people, basically. Yeah, it's torture.

Speaker 2 Like, it's people are signing up. And then the one guy...
And I was like, huh, I guess that is. What is the challenge? You just have to survive? Yeah, you have to not leave or whatever, I guess.

Speaker 2 And everyone has to be able to do that. You have to not quit before.

Speaker 2 But it's like... The guy said, you know, there are people who are like ultra-marathoners that run through the desert for days on end.
And I was like, oh, yeah, fair enough.

Speaker 2 That's also a thing that's insane.

Speaker 2 So there are people who, this is their whole thing, is they love any kind of extreme, scary stuff. I don't know like how you find out that that's your thing.

Speaker 2 I think I watched a documentary about that, about the ultra-marathoners. Oh, yeah, I think I did too.

Speaker 2 And they were like, they would like use like metal rods and tape, duct tape their heads to metal rods so that they would stay awake while they ran.

Speaker 2 See, that sounds way worse than a haunted house where you get grease bored on you. Yeah, it does.
I mean, it's yeah, it sounds like it's very dangerous.

Speaker 2 You know, like you could easily pass out and die. Oh, I think some people died, yeah.
Oh, I think a lot of them would.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's a lot of people just go out into the desert on hikes or whatever, or you know, and then they die. It happens quite often.

Speaker 2 So it's very, like, it's a real reality when you're doing that kind of thing. I don't think anyone has ever died at this guy's thing, right? No, but so this is the

Speaker 2 thing: is the documentary was made like a couple years ago. And as most of these documentaries are that are kind of like put out super quick, they run out of steam after the first 45 minutes.

Speaker 2 Like they're like, okay, this is the thing.

Speaker 2 This is the conflict of it. And then they don't have any more new info to say.
So they just start repeating that these talking heads just start repeating things and they kind of make

Speaker 2 a weird narrative that wasn't there before because it's like four people who did it and nobody that worked there and nobody that like covered it or anything like that.

Speaker 2 But the whole time, they were like, He's going to do something fucked up. He's going to do something fucked up.

Speaker 2 And I was like, See, you made the documentary too early because now he has done something fucked up. He is like been charged with like manslaughter or attempted murder or something like that.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So he's

Speaker 2 he's no longer the cool guy that makes a scary haunted house. Yeah.
And you know what? Some people say that he's kind of always been this guy that he is today, you know?

Speaker 2 But it just kind of caught up with them. But yeah,

Speaker 2 it is funny when you get into a documentary like that that is following a real life event in real time if you're doing it like that.

Speaker 2 And then it's just kind of like, man, nothing really happens in the end. It's like, oh, fuck.
I worked really hard on this project and it has no ending. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's also like

Speaker 2 there was one about an amusement park where everybody got hurt. Oh,

Speaker 2 yeah, that one's a, yeah, that's, that, what's his name? Johnny Knoxville did like a movie, of comedy version of that. That's that's action, whatever, right? Yeah, class action park.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's the documentary.
Yeah, class action. I remember it.

Speaker 2 Someone did die on that, on that crazy one where they're just like going down the sled, down the mountain or whatever, and they fell off of the sled thing and died. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But the thing with that documentary is the same thing. These documentaries run out of steam because after they tell you that story of it, there's still half an hour left of,

Speaker 2 well, now what? Like the worst thing has possibly happened. Yeah.
We haven't left anything in the tank for the rest of the documentary, so you just start repeating everything.

Speaker 2 It was one about Abercrombie and Fitch that was the same thing and ran out of gas at the 20-minute mark. Yeah, there's no resolution on the Class Action Park one.
Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It just got shut down. Like, they, you know, nothing really happens.
Like, yeah, the kid died and it was really horrible. But if it was like a 20-minute documentary, it would be amazing.

Speaker 2 It would be like. Well, they did a Class Action Park documentary.
Like,

Speaker 2 I remember seeing it like five years before the Netflix one or the big one came out. They did a 20-minute version of it.
And that would be perfect. That was it.

Speaker 2 And it was like on like Vimeo or something. But that's what we stretch things out now.
That's what we do with things, you know? We'll take like a movie and then we're like, what if it wasn't a movie?

Speaker 2 What if it was like... What if it was a cinematic universe? It was 19 episodes of like, you know, and it's just like, well, it's how are you going to do that?

Speaker 2 How are you going to make this presumed innocent stretch out that long? And it's just like, oh, you're just going to add a bunch of stuff. okay it's kind of weird

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 anyways uh if you get a chance to uh go in an extreme haunted house don't you know I'd say don't try drugs instead have you

Speaker 2 done any of that kind of like immersive theater

Speaker 2 oh I've done yeah I've done one where it's like different rooms and shit like that or like one where they come and kidnap you uh no I mean you know on my birthday every year a group comes and kidnaps oh yeah the boys yeah

Speaker 2 the fellows.

Speaker 2 Mr. Softhance, they call me.

Speaker 2 I remember once in grade six, I woke up, my whole hockey team was in my bedroom, and we were going for breakfast. It was like a surprise breakfast.

Speaker 2 It felt that way. Felt like a kidnapper.
That's funny because, you know, you hear, like, you're thinking, I'm thinking, hazing.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, you know, I was thinking like, oh, and it turns out it's just these wonderful, hey, Dave, it's your breakfast time.
And we went over to the next kid.

Speaker 2 We all went to the next kid's house and woke him up. And it was like,

Speaker 2 like, you know, we were 11. There was no hazing allowed.
Yeah. And then if this was a documentary, you would have let it know up front, okay, it wasn't a hazing thing.
It was just breakfast.

Speaker 2 And then for an hour, it's kind of like, well, and Dave liked breakfast. And there was different,

Speaker 2 he would eat different things at different breakfasts and whatnot.

Speaker 2 He wanted to know the hours of the restaurant that served the breakfast. Something happened in the kitchen.

Speaker 2 Are they out of eggs?

Speaker 2 No, there's another Vox.

Speaker 2 And then I was like, that's where it seemed like it could get good.

Speaker 2 That usually happens.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there was one I watched about Von Dutch,

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 hats. I remember that.

Speaker 2 That was such a big thing for such a short time, those hats.

Speaker 2 They were so popular for such a short time. It was crazy.
And there was a guy. The guy is Von Dutch.
He designed the logo or whatever. He's like a surfer dude.

Speaker 2 And he designed the logo ages ago, and then somebody put it on a hat, and the rest is his. And Ashton Kutcher wore it while he tried to get it.
Christian Odiger or something, right?

Speaker 2 Had something to do with it, or am I wrong?

Speaker 2 Is that affliction?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Which is what? Who had something to do with it? Christian Odigier? Christian Odiger or whatever.
Well, I don't know. He was Affliction, and maybe Ed Hardy? Yeah, maybe Ed Hardy.

Speaker 2 Maybe that's what I'm thinking of.

Speaker 2 I forget all those sort of brands from that time get mixed up in my head, you you know i feel like it's unfortunate that the one time there was kind of uh outfits for guys that were sparkly and uh you know that that's that's the only kind of outfit it was was this kind of macho idiot yeah i think that's the only way guys would do it guys were just like hey we'll do the sparkles but we're gonna do it real manly like you know we ain't gonna do no sissy sparkles so it was kind of like we'll do the sparkles we'll do the sparkles and if you insist you

Speaker 2 I think maybe in the future when, you know, when we're all kind of like robots. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I'll be a mostly robot police officer.

Speaker 2 Should we move on to some overheards? Yeah, man.

Speaker 2 Jackie Cation. Hi, and welcome to the maximumfun.org podcast, the Jackie and Lori Show, where we talk about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much it enrages us.

Speaker 2 We have a lot of experience and a lot of stories, and a lot of time on our hands. So, check us out.
It's one hour a week, and we drop it every Wednesday on maximumfun.org.

Speaker 2 Hello, podcast recommendation service. Hello, young man.

Speaker 3 I'm looking for a new podcast to listen to. Something amusing, perhaps.

Speaker 2 Oh, what about Beef and Dairy Network?

Speaker 3 Something surreal and satirical.

Speaker 2 Well, I would suggest Beef and Dairy Network.

Speaker 3 Ideally, it would be a spoof industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries.

Speaker 2 Yes, Beef and Dairy Network.

Speaker 3 Maybe it would have brilliant guests such as Josie Long, Heather Ann Campbell, Nick Offerman, and the actor Ted Danson.

Speaker 2 Beef and Dairy Network? I don't know.

Speaker 3 I think I'm going to stick to Joe Rogan.

Speaker 2 The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award-winning comedy podcast, and you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 Overheard.

Speaker 2 Overheard's where you hear it, we want to hear it, we want to talk about it. And we always like to start with the guest.
Chris, do you have an overheard? I do, thankfully.

Speaker 2 This one goes back a little ways, you know. That's great.
So I,

Speaker 2 one time, the first time I was on here, I think I talked about the BC Lions, the CFL. We talked a lot of CFL stuff.
Well, guess what?

Speaker 2 In Canada, we're doing a different kind of football now, and it's with the U. It's football.
And I have season tickets now to the White Caps. The Vancouver White Caps are in the MLS.

Speaker 2 This is soccer for

Speaker 2 people who are not following football with the U.S. football.
Football.

Speaker 2 But yeah, soccer, as some people call it. But

Speaker 2 yeah, it's really, they're getting quite good as well. They just picked up Stuart Armstrong, designated player from Southampton.
Really big signing for them.

Speaker 2 But this was last year, and I was at a game, and I have pretty good seats. And I just realized that doesn't have anything to do with the story.

Speaker 2 I just put it in there. Just a little bragging and bragged it.
It's not really. But yeah, there was somebody, a guy and a girl sitting two rows in front of me, but there was no one in between.

Speaker 2 And it wasn't that full. And I could hear their conversation.
So I heard them say a lot of things.

Speaker 2 But the thing that really stuck out was the girl asked him, what happens if it's tied at the end of the game?

Speaker 2 And then he said, it goes to extra time.

Speaker 2 But see, this wasn't a knockout fixture. Yeah.
this wasn't a knockout fixture. It wasn't a friendly match.
This was a league and MLS league match. So he was entirely wrong 100%

Speaker 2 that it's not what happens at all. And so I was just fucking, and it was hard for me.
I'm like, you know, to not go full man Splane mode as well. You know, like, it is kind of hard.

Speaker 2 Like, it's not my place to step in there and be like, actually, dude, you know, that's a terrible move. But I was sort of thinking, like, what happens if

Speaker 2 it does draw, you know, and then he's going to get exposed luckily for him that was not his day to get exposed to one final for the white caps and so he lived another day um

Speaker 2 being dishonest i don't know why he didn't just say that he doesn't know right but that's something there was like a sociological

Speaker 2 article that i read years ago that men feel the impulse to think that they need to know everything yeah and not to say oh yeah i know i saw that i i read i read that uh yeah Yeah, yeah, I read it a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I read it a little earlier than you, I think, actually.
Actually, is that the one I wrote?

Speaker 2 That might be the one I wrote.

Speaker 2 That is absolutely true, though. I find myself doing that all the time.
As I get older and like more sort of aware, I'm like, yeah, wait, you don't fucking

Speaker 2 know anything about that. Why the fuck are you talking about that?

Speaker 2 But yeah, it was really, it was really, yeah, the real difficult part was biting my tongue and not, you know, showing him up

Speaker 2 in that moment and saying,

Speaker 2 Whoa, did listen, asshole. Oh, did I not get some kind of memo? Is there, have they changed the rules? Like, imagine doing it in that kind of way, too.
Like, hey, sorry to bother you.

Speaker 2 Have they changed the rules? Because I'm just looking, I have the page up here from the MLS website.

Speaker 2 You cause a divorce. It's

Speaker 2 the final straw. I think they were lying.
They were on a date, I believe. It felt like

Speaker 2 they're already getting divorced. Shit.
Yeah. Yeah.
Shit. Now it happens more and more, you know.
Do you guys find it hard to keep to overhear things yourselves?

Speaker 2 I don't walk around with any earbuds or anything. So I'm constantly, I'm in the collecting phase.
So

Speaker 2 there's always something. There's always something.
Sometimes it's not the best, but

Speaker 2 there's no, I feel like there's always something. Dave, I assume it's the same thing.
You hear stuff all over the place. I mean, you've got kids, too, which helps.

Speaker 2 I'm about to give you an overheard that is

Speaker 2 garbage.

Speaker 2 So imagine if my overheard was like, imagine I was like, so I was like, my overheard is like, my son said the cutest thing. And it's just like, come on, man.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 Somebody did say that they were an antinatalist.

Speaker 2 Do you know what that is? What does that mean? I don't know. They don't like children.
And

Speaker 2 like somebody commented on the podcast that like, and I don't talk about my kid very much. Like, I'll bring it, you know, it's, I have a newborn, so I bring it up.

Speaker 2 You could have fooled me.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, no, you're right. I have brought it up a lot today.

Speaker 2 But somebody said, like, you know, I just don't like when Chris brings up

Speaker 2 his kid, you know, because I'm an antinatalist.

Speaker 2 And they seemingly were being serious. Like, they just hate it.
Like, nothing against me, but I just hate

Speaker 2 people talking about children. Yeah, what's with children?

Speaker 2 Soon they're going to be given their own hospitals. Oh.

Speaker 2 They're going to have their own schools,

Speaker 2 their own speed zones and whatnot.

Speaker 2 Dave, you haven't overheard.

Speaker 2 I mean, wait. It's an overseen.

Speaker 2 So I was in the grocery store and

Speaker 2 I was in the cereal aisle. Which grocery store? Can I know that?

Speaker 2 Honestly? So I have a post office box in Blaine, Washington.

Speaker 2 So I went down to Blaine and they now have a new IGA in Blaine.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. So I went to the IGA and I was like, well, let's see if they have any interesting cereals.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What did you find? Well, they had well, they had cinnamon mini wheats for one thing. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And so I got some of those.
But then as I was in the aisle, I saw that they had

Speaker 2 not fruity pebbles, not cocoa pebbles, they had berry pebbles.

Speaker 2 Good for you. And these had on the box, it's got, you know, the three women from the Flintstones.
It's got Wilma, Betty, and young Pebbles. Pebbles, yeah.

Speaker 2 And on the bowl, it says, celebrating women who rock.

Speaker 2 Nice. And it works for their brand, too.
Yeah, everything's rock and stone. That's great.
Yeah, so I just thought that was funny because it's

Speaker 2 that's that's really low, really low effort,

Speaker 2 sort of, you know, like I get, hey, that's nice, you know, it is nice, but it just, that doesn't feel like.

Speaker 2 but like is it a feminist cereal or is it like a failed tie-in for lilith fair

Speaker 2 yes it's the yeah the collectible lilith fair is lilith fair still going

Speaker 2 no

Speaker 2 no but it's uh

Speaker 2 lilith fair was such a was such a

Speaker 2 big part of my life. I never went to it or heard it, but I just remember hearing the name a lot.
It was in the 90s. It was a big, like,

Speaker 2 you know, it was, it's one of these things where it's like, it's insane that it doesn't still exist because it, it fulfills

Speaker 2 like an audience who's there for it, and that audience hasn't gone away. What kind of audience? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Mostly men, you know, real man's man kind of thing. Single guys.
Single dudes. Oh, oh, I get it.
This was.

Speaker 2 I see. Oh, it was like a, it was like, it was like a feminist festival.
It was like, yeah, it was all women. It was all women.
Okay. See, I genuinely didn't know that.
I wasn't trying to, you know.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it only happened

Speaker 2 four times. Wow.
It's crazy that it made such an impact. It happened 97, 98, 99, and then 2010.
2010. They brought it back.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that was all, it was created by Sarah McLaughlin, who was the instigator of Lilith Fair. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Still saddest song that you can possibly put over a dog at option commercial.

Speaker 2 She'll take all comers. It's the saddest song.
Try and find one sadder. I dare you.
Everybody hurts is pretty sad, but yeah, hers is still number one, I think. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And like,

Speaker 2 I was on the train this weekend, and I think Pink was in town because there was many women. I went to the White Cats game and there were a lot of overlaps.
We were trying to all get to our,

Speaker 2 you know, we were trying to, well, we were trying to both get to our,

Speaker 2 for those of you who don't know the stadiums are right beside each other and so it was i yeah it was very very noticeable that pink was in town very easy to tell yeah very easy to tell very but i feel like this this group of i didn't see any guys wearing pink shirts it was uh almost entirely women uh did anyone accidentally end up at the soccer game Yeah, they would and they were like, where's the silks?

Speaker 2 She's going to descend at any moment. I know that this will just wait patiently.
She's going to zip down from the road. Yeah, they waited it out the whole game, too.

Speaker 2 I'm playing soccer, so you better get the soccer started. Pretty good.
Nice. Pink is so popular, though.
Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, it's really crazy because Pink was so popular, you know, back a long time ago as well. And her staying part, because the audience was young.

Speaker 2 It was like a really young audience, it looked like, you know, that were going out to her shows.

Speaker 2 It's, I mean, I don't know the music she's making now, but she seems to have seems to be doing, she seems to be doing really well for herself. Yeah, we, my kids are really into her because, well, when

Speaker 2 Abby was pregnant, we used to put headphones on the stomach and play pink. You would play exclusively.
Lady Marmala. Yeah.
Ooh, Lady Marmo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But only the pink part.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just keep

Speaker 2 repeating it, repeating.

Speaker 2 Something's wrong. Your child is into the Lil Kim verse,

Speaker 2 which is the universe of Lil' Kim.

Speaker 2 Okay, go ahead, Graham.

Speaker 2 Um, my overheard is uh, was said to me, it was I was at the movie theater, and the movie theater, I went to buy a soda, and the guy said, uh, oh, just you know, our ice machine broke, so we don't have any ice.

Speaker 2 And so I said, Can I go and pick something up and bring it in? Like, is that, am I allowed to do that? And he just said, We don't even care anymore.

Speaker 2 They said it. Yeah, they said it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Where was that? that? What?

Speaker 2 That was at a chain? That was at a chain theater? I'm not going to dox what Chain has told us said on record that they don't enforce their soda policy. Was it the only chain theater in Canada?

Speaker 2 Well, there's two. There's Landmark as well.
And then there's also the one that Graham's talking about. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's the one I'm talking about. It wasn't an independent theater.
Yeah. No, it wasn't.

Speaker 2 And I'm obsessed with movies, and I have this sickness where I have to ask what movie you were watching at the movie theaters. Oh, it was Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
Well, I haven't seen it yet.

Speaker 2 I heard it's a fun, fun movie, though. It's a romp.
It's, you know, it's like all the stuff that you liked in the original. Get ready to see it again.

Speaker 2 And it's tons of fun. Like, you know, it's fun, definitely.
Bring a warm soda. Yeah, bring a warm soda.
Bring a piping hot soda, I would say. Really, put it in a thermos.

Speaker 2 I really have to pick my movies now that I go out to, but I saw, you know.

Speaker 2 Well, why?

Speaker 2 No reason.

Speaker 2 Just the perils of life and whatnot. Trying to balance all of the different responsibilities I have, unnamed.
Oh, what kind of responsibilities? Unnamed.

Speaker 2 Because I have certain,

Speaker 2 I'm anti-something. Are you?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I saw. Listen, I...

Speaker 2 I just want to give a recommendation on a streaming movie, Rebel Ridge. I don't know if you guys have heard of it, but it is, I forget what the director's name.

Speaker 2 He's the director who did Blue Ruin and Green Room. Oh, I just read about it today.
Yeah, it's Jeremy Solomon. Yeah, that's right.
Jeremy Soloner. And it's Aaron Pierre starring in it.

Speaker 2 And it is properly fucking good. You watch that movie, you know, if you're at a home.
This guy's been going to too many soccer games. It's proper good.
But

Speaker 2 this is proper, proper stuff, yeah.

Speaker 2 Now we also have Overheard Sentinel. Oh, he made Green Room.
I like Green Room. Yeah, Green Room is

Speaker 2 Green Room is a gnarly movie. Blue Ruins are like one of my top 10.
I love that movie. Is he going to to do the whole rainbow?

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 2 This one's called Red River.

Speaker 2 He was like Sophian Stevens.

Speaker 2 He was going to do it, but he gave up after two. Sophian Stevens would have done so much better.
He just picked seven colors to do albums about. Yeah, he honestly, like, it was too much for him.

Speaker 2 I understand. He bit off more than he could chew, and he didn't know what to do.

Speaker 2 Now, we have overheard sent in to us by people all over. If you want to send one in, send it into spy at maximumfun.org.
And the first one comes from Sam in Menlo Park. Don't know where Menlo Park is.

Speaker 2 Somewhere in the States, maybe? California. I was at a concert, and I was standing next to two girls who I overheard because they were having a loud conversation throughout the entire chompers.

Speaker 2 Fucking chompers. Chompers, exactly.
Wow. Chompers.
Absolutely chompers.

Speaker 2 During a break between songs, one said,

Speaker 2 My dad is such a serial monogamist. And her friend quickly responded, no way.
Your dad is such a slut.

Speaker 2 Do either of you aspire to be a slutty dad? No.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 I don't want to be. I don't want my, I don't want, listen, I'm not slut shame.
There's nothing wrong with being a slut, but I don't want my son to see me as a slut. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 No, well, not, you know. I don't want him to like, oh, my dad, he's a slut.
You know what I mean? I just don't think. You know, my dad's something of a slut.
Yeah, on career day. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Him and two of his friends, and they're going to show you exactly what he does at work.

Speaker 2 This next one comes from

Speaker 2 Sam M from Iowa. I'm a serial monogamous as well, but mostly with the fruity.

Speaker 2 Get a

Speaker 2 women's rock

Speaker 2 edition, particularly.

Speaker 2 Get Bruce.

Speaker 2 Absolutely get Bruce. A very short overheard from my time this summer in a small town in Michigan.

Speaker 2 In a coffee shop, I overheard just a part of a conversation between me while my headphones were quiet. A woman said, he does reggae, but he's Christian, so he does Christian reggae.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 there's a big audience for, you know, if you do Christian something, like you're like Christian comedians and stuff,

Speaker 2 there's like ones we don't, we don't know them, but they're so successful because there's this huge christian audience you know i know one i know a christian comedian and he could not be busier like i think he every weekend for years he has planned in advance is he a canadian comedian yeah yeah i think i know who you're talking about i'm not going to say who it is but i think i know because i think that i've come across his stuff and i know recognize his name you know from doing comedy and i'll come across it when i'm like looking at dry bar comedy or

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 absolutely it's the same

Speaker 2 totally so i know who you're talking about i think he i think he was on my Huckabee. I'm not even joking.

Speaker 2 I think he did the Mike Huckabee show, which is, I do a stream where we watch the Mike Huckabee show called Huck Watch and we watch Christian comedians and stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was

Speaker 2 on my Instagram,

Speaker 2 I was scrolling and

Speaker 2 something came up with like a young woman said,

Speaker 2 what if we turned espresso by Sabrina Carpenter into a worship song? And it was just like,

Speaker 2 it just changed all the words to espresso to being about Jesus and

Speaker 2 and then I was I was trying to tell Abby about it and I was like oh yeah let me let me find it and so I googled it and there's so many people who have changed the words to espresso to be about Jesus yeah it's like an industry that's like but they're they're like weird al Christian weird owls Christian weird Al now that's something I can get behind it's like what weird Al does for food

Speaker 2 they do for Jesus.

Speaker 2 yeah what about a parody but if it was like instead of the the the funny stuff it just had like jesus stuff jesus stuff yeah he's gonna like save us and like you know yeah positive stuff about him let's be clear we want to be speaking positively about him in the songs

Speaker 2 this last one comes from toby from huntsville ontario Elderly lady talking to a barista. I just got back from Newfoundland.
Barista. Oh, how is Newfoundland? elderly lady?

Speaker 2 I can't get over how they talk.

Speaker 2 She sounded a little angry when she said this, and I was expecting her to say something slightly offensive, but it was quite the opposite. The elderly lady said, it's such a sexy language.

Speaker 2 Wow. So she's totally lost, it sounds like this lady.
I mean, yeah, she doesn't know what a language is. I mean, that is, it's obviously,

Speaker 2 I guess, I don't know. I guess it could be, depending on the kind of person you are, it could be sexy, like shant, like see, like, you know, like the guy's kind of like a fisherman.
Sure.

Speaker 2 I mean, they got some rough hands compared to us. Oh, are you kidding me? They're pulling a rope with lobster traps and shit like that.
Holy shit. Shake their hand.

Speaker 2 You got to go to the doctor after it.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's,

Speaker 2 if you guys like fly ever on Air Canada, their safety video is... people doing things in different provinces all over Canada, and one of them is a fisherman guy.

Speaker 2 And I'm just like, boy, that guy's, how do they find somebody that much of a man to do something so stupid as a. Do you want to hear something wild?

Speaker 2 My uncle is a fisherman, like full-on salmon fisherman, captain of a fisherman boat, has been doing it since he's 16 years old.

Speaker 2 And yeah, like, like he, his parents died when he was a teenager, and he became a fisherman and bought the house, the childhood house, for his family. And they still have it.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's just like a full, yeah, like a full-time. He's retired now, but he was his whole life, 45 years, doing like full hardcore fishing out.
Wow. I want a documentary about him.

Speaker 2 That's what I want to. Yeah.
No more.

Speaker 2 His politics aren't great. Oh, sure, sure.

Speaker 2 Oh, I only want to see documentaries about people who I agree with. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like that guy at the haunted house.

Speaker 2 I agree with him on everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. And if you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.
That's 1-Uch-SpyPod1.

Speaker 2 Hey, let me write this down for a potential prank in the future.

Speaker 2 No, don't.

Speaker 2 Don't do it.

Speaker 2 These people have.

Speaker 4 Hey, Dave, Graham and guest. I'm calling with an overheard from an old episode of Forensic Files I Watched the other night.

Speaker 4 Long story short, they solved this case and put the murderer away because they found some keys and a a locksmith helped them figure out the apartment of the guy it belonged to.

Speaker 4 And one of the officers was saying, Man, I bet those officers just wanted to kiss that locksmith, or maybe more.

Speaker 2 Whoa, off I go

Speaker 2 and maybe more. Maybe a little

Speaker 2 preacher in the middle of the morning. Maybe they want to fuck the locksmith.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that seems a weird thing to say.

Speaker 2 Well, he helped us solve a crime. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's worth a

Speaker 2 little bump, a little tickle, you know? I think you'd also have to be horny and in the mood as well. I mean, putting bad guys away gets me in the mood.
That's true.

Speaker 2 You've been going away for a long time. But first, I want to just.

Speaker 2 Let me look at that ass as you walk away. Just let me.
I just got to finish up with the locksmith. So what do I owe you?

Speaker 2 I love to watch you go and I love to watch you leave, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, shit, man. I mean, locksmiths are their own, that's probably their own kink.
I bet you there's guys out there that's, there's key guys. There's got to be key guys.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, there's, of course, key parties. Anyway, not key parties.
But like people who are obsessed with like picking locks or Harry Houdini stuff. Yeah, there's a great

Speaker 2 Like, what's his name? He's like the lock picking lawyer or something, and he's got a YouTube channel. He's like, oh, you know, we just got the new locks just dropped this season.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get in all of it. This one sucks.
Yeah, get it through with a hammer. That's why I've realized doing the podcast, too, is that, like, yeah, there is just like anything you can think of.

Speaker 2 There's just, we just got so many people kicking around these days that it's just, you know, and access to everything is so easy that you'll find guys for everything, the craziest stuff.

Speaker 2 And the like,

Speaker 2 I have to tell myself when something comes across my screen and I'm like, oh, this is an expert telling me me about locks or whatever, I have to remind myself, you don't care.

Speaker 2 Like

Speaker 2 if this was a, if I, if this was a TV, if I had like a TV guide, I would never choose this channel. But because it's already on my screen, I'm like, oh, interesting.

Speaker 2 I should look into this. All right, next phone call.

Speaker 5 Hi, so I live in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and I just had a weird overheard while on a walk.

Speaker 5 This guy on a cell phone was talking to somebody, and he said,

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 4 I was taking a picture of me and Mary Rose eating breakfast sandwiches when I thought the relationship was going well.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Maybe that's not as funny as I thought it was.
Okay, bye.

Speaker 2 She really gave up on it there. I do like that.
I like the idea of sort of saying it and then hearing it out loud and sort of going, like, well, I don't really have the bite that I was looking for.

Speaker 2 That's very interesting.

Speaker 2 That's how people get to kind of feel like they're a guest on the show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was honestly like, I got to say, kudos kudos to you because, yeah, the fact that you sort of had that revelation in the middle and realized that it shows, you know, that you're

Speaker 2 shows character. And I think what you ought to do is you ought to go out there tomorrow and try to hear something else.
You know,

Speaker 2 give it another. I liked it.
I liked the overheard. Oh, you're the I liked it guy in it.

Speaker 2 I'm actually in favor of it. They were having breakfast sandwiches when they realized that

Speaker 2 the relationship was going well. It's better than the other one.
No, it wasn't a terrible overheard. It was a bit silly and a bit funny.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 I don't think that we have to do it.

Speaker 2 You need to have...

Speaker 2 Look,

Speaker 2 you need to have the courage of your convictions. You need to believe in yourself if you're going to do an overheard.
Yeah. Say, actually, this is funny.
This isn't just some stupid thing I saw in a,

Speaker 2 you know, IGA in Blaine, Washington. I understand.
You know, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for.

Speaker 2 I understand, but it just, I feel like I appreciate them showing that they realized it wasn't as good.

Speaker 2 If they had just said it and been like, this is a really good one, I would have been like, they don't even know what's good. They don't know what's good at all.

Speaker 2 None of the callers ask for permission or forgiveness. That's not part of it.

Speaker 2 Well, it's easier to ask. Also, I don't think asking for forgiveness is particularly easy.
Yeah, it's easier than asking for permission than a little less.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's easier. I don't want to ask for either.
I just want to get away with it. Yeah, I want people to think I'm dumb enough that I didn't think of either.
And

Speaker 2 if it's not easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission, then why did Richard Lett tell me that when I started stand-up comedy 12 years ago?

Speaker 2 Richard Lett, a legendary figure in Canadian comedy. Basically, everybody who does comedy knows who he is.
Yeah, he's a slam poet as well. And he had a documentary.
He's a documentary made about him.

Speaker 2 Here's your final phone call.

Speaker 6 Hello, Dave Graham, and possible guest that is one of Sherry and Overheard.

Speaker 2 I was walking around my neighborhood on the sidewalk, and there were two kids in front of me. And

Speaker 2 they turned around, or one of them separated and went home, and the other one turned around.

Speaker 6 He said, Hey, can I ask you a question? I'm like, Sure. He's like, Do you smell what the rock is cooking?

Speaker 6 And I really didn't know what to say, but I just said no.

Speaker 6 And we both just awkwardly walked away.

Speaker 6 By the way, this is Jeremy from Oxford, Florida.

Speaker 2 Florida.

Speaker 2 Away I go.

Speaker 2 It's off I go, by the way.

Speaker 2 Not away I go.

Speaker 2 I actually think it's away I go.

Speaker 2 Away I go.

Speaker 2 Do you guys know what the rock is cooking? I don't. Does anybody have a lead on this? Do I know what it is or do I smell what it is? Yeah, can you smell it? And therefore, do you know it? Well,

Speaker 2 as far as I'm concerned,

Speaker 2 he's cooking up a little bit of desperation nowadays. That's right.
His career is kind of tanking at the moment. The rock, not as hot as he used to be.

Speaker 2 He had the Black Adam film really did him in, and he got really pathetic online, and he started sharing a bunch of news articles. They're like, it's actually not that bad.

Speaker 2 And he's like, see, look, this one guy thought it was pretty good. And he just wouldn't accept that it was bad.
And I think people are sort of tired of The Rock.

Speaker 2 You know, we've had enough. I also love the thing that a lot of movies do where they show the quote super gigantic.
It says like, what a thrill ride.

Speaker 2 And then you read down the tiny place and it's like, moviekitten.com. And you're like, well, who the fuck is that? Wait a second.
Yeah, you gotta, we gotta. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's gotta be Ebert or Roper or else I don't care. It's gotta be Ebert or Roper.
Absolutely. Yeah, my kids used to, like, they're very

Speaker 2 interested in this idea of fame.

Speaker 2 And so they would, I remember they used to ask me, like, who's the most famous person in the world? And a couple of years ago, my answer would be,

Speaker 2 probably The Rock.

Speaker 2 And now when they ask me, I say

Speaker 2 Jeremy Saulnier,

Speaker 2 the director of Rebel Ridge.

Speaker 2 I think the most famous person, I'm trying to think of who it actually is. I mean, maybe, wouldn't it not be Taylor Swift? Maybe Taylor Swift, or maybe like still Messi and Ronaldo, maybe like Kasaki.

Speaker 2 I do sort of feel like we are discounting

Speaker 2 India and China and their billions of people who maybe don't care about China. it.
I will say that, at least in India, they are hugely into footy in India, and they like idolize those.

Speaker 2 So they would be famous.

Speaker 2 I don't know if in China, it's as big, but yeah, like those are worldwide stars. Taylor Swift probably is too, though, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like you would know, even if you didn't really know who she was, you would know.

Speaker 2 Like, I feel like at some point in time, it was like Michael Jackson. Everybody in the world knew who Michael Jackson was.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 he was the most. But that, yeah, there is a lot of people now.
It was easier to be, like, the clear-cut most famous person in the world before, you know?

Speaker 2 Now there's a lot of famous people, like a lot of them. Yeah, I always I could always tell you who the people's princess is, though.
That's lady dies.

Speaker 2 And I could tell you where I was when I found out the news. I was driving in Salt Spring Island with my dad when I found out that our wonderful queen, our wait, princess,

Speaker 2 had died. And then also the queen has died, though, as well.
Yeah, two big famouses.

Speaker 2 She is, and she was really, you know, she was very, very

Speaker 2 almost dead in public for a while, which was kind of scary, you know, because she was so old, but they have to kind of bring her out, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 For certain things, and it became kind of obvious.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I also would like to say where I was when I heard the lady Diana passed

Speaker 2 was, or Princess Diana, rather.

Speaker 2 was my friend and I were just sitting down to watch

Speaker 2 Leprechaun 3 and we were just about to start it and his dad came in the room and said, turn on the news. We never got to watch that movie.
I remember that very distinctly. Really? Being like, because

Speaker 2 it was unfolding in real time, you know, she hadn't died, but there was a crash. So there was all this speculation.
OD. The whole time I was like, when are we going to get back to

Speaker 2 Leprechaun? Did you ever see Leprechaun 3? No. Wow.
No, I've never seen it. This was a rented movie.
This was wasted money. Sunkas.
This is Sun Casa. Leprechaun.

Speaker 2 He's probably the most famous in the world. Everybody knows Leprechaun at one point.
Or their local variation. At one point.

Speaker 2 Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Chris, thank you so much for being a guest.
This is so much fun.

Speaker 2 Listen, I've said it before. You guys, I love you guys.
I look up to you. I started comedy, and you guys were already so funny and good.
And you're one of the first podcasts I ever listened to.

Speaker 2 So it's always a pleasure. You said that before? Yeah, I've said it many times.
I mean, mostly I'm alone at my house when I'm saying it, nobody's around, but I'm saying it regularly. He's saying it.

Speaker 2 Oh, cool.

Speaker 2 So, your new podcast, Guys, you can get it on any and all streaming services. Look for guys with Brian Quinby.

Speaker 2 It's easier to search that way because, obviously, guys doesn't do so well in the SEO, you know? Oh, yeah. So, yeah, guys with Brian Quinby, but you'll find it.

Speaker 2 And yeah, not even a show on YouTube, youtube.com/slash not even a show

Speaker 2 uh new episodes every week and then yeah we're doing our live show october 11th and 12th which is both of those i'm doing one live nes and one live guys

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 and it's and also uh are your pals and ours uh block party is also in the middle yeah there's it's a block party weekend top three weekend it's called we did one last year um and yeah it's a lot of fun i think they sold passes for all of the shows and so there's not that many tickets left for individual shows but there's some left definitely.

Speaker 2 And I would love to have some Vancouver people come out and hang out, you know? Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 And I was going to say,

Speaker 2 I woke up this morning with a cold, and we had to reschedule our whole

Speaker 2 recording.

Speaker 2 And, you know, we moved to Zoom and you came in last minute, and we are eternally grateful. Yeah.
I mean, the timing of it was so good. I'm so busy right now.

Speaker 2 So, but then I have the thing coming out and I was just like, oh, man, I like need to be going on podcasts and telling people that my new season's coming out and about the live show and stuff.

Speaker 2 So, this is perfect. And yeah, you guys, like I said, I would talk to you guys no matter what, really.
Even if it wasn't on a podcast, if you asked me to come hang out, I would do it anyway.

Speaker 2 Not interested.

Speaker 2 Whatever it was, I tried. I tried.
I thought maybe that was the moment when we could take this off pod, perhaps. Gotta shoot your shot.

Speaker 2 Just wrap it up.

Speaker 2 Well, Well, thank you, everybody, for listening to the show. Also, to plug, every week in October at Little Mountain Gallery, I'm going to be running the Laugh Gallery Thursday nights at 7:30 p.m.

Speaker 2 And that, if you play your cards right, show up for that show. You'll be home in bed by 9:45.
So, check it out.

Speaker 2 And thank you for listening, everyone.

Speaker 2 You know what? Don't do a scary haunted house this Halloween. Just go just collect for UNICEF.

Speaker 2 And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Speaker 2 Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.