Taskmaster The Podcast *Best of Series 19* - Part Two

Welcome, Stevie, to the Taskmaster podcast.

Oh, it's horrible to be here

in this particular area.

Yeah, so this area you were saying is the area that sort of triggers you the most.

When we were standing outside, you were delighted to be back.

I was so happy.

And I was feeling a bit like travel sick, And I was worried that when I got here, because I was in the car for ages, I was worried that when I got here, it wouldn't be exciting.

And it was so exciting.

You seemed very at peace out there.

I'm so zen out there.

I loved doing the tasks so much.

But yeah, here was every single one I did in here was

I had a nervous breakdown.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think most of them are bad.

There was the...

I set fire to it.

You set fire to it.

You set fire to it.

Yes.

And had to try to get the breakfast drink.

Yeah.

Nobody stopped.

No one was like, we need an intervention.

The fire just, I just put it out myself, actually.

I think.

I think it just eventually went because I smothered it with so many candlesticks.

Yeah.

Sure.

Yeah, that breakfast drink.

Yeah, that was real bad.

That was real bad.

Like you say, there's been a few sort of meltdowns.

Yeah.

Were you expecting that going into the show before you started filming?

I was expecting to melt down because everyone told me I would.

And I think I like to think of myself, actually Alex said, because I filmed on his sitcom before, his series, before I did this.

And

he said to me, after the second day of doing the tasks, oh, we often, you know, pick the contestants and we try to like fit personalities in with different personalities.

And I was like, he'd picked me because he thought I'd be very calm and very centered.

He was like, you are so the opposite and you are so loud.

And then he realised it was because it was the character he'd, because in the zero playing a character yeah so he sort of got me confused essentially I'm a really good actor yeah is what he was saying but also he wrote the character right yes so he cast you in the show where you have to be yourself based on a character that he'd written yeah she's like a ghost hunter so the whole thing is like okay obviously as well like in between takes and when I'm on the set of someone else's show and I'll be running around screaming in a meltdown although to be honest Jason probably would yeah 100% so actually maybe but yeah no i i had a lot of meltdowns and also there was a lot of it cut out

so the light bulb one where you had to guess where it was episode four we had to guess why the light bulb was turning on yeah i spent half an hour

honestly like just looking at us going i can't yeah alex i can't alex what happens if i just leave i can't and i was getting really hot because it reminded me of um being bad at maths at school because there were these like little maths clues and i was just remembering like i'm just an idiot

it's just yeah it's there was so many meltdowns I can see it happening to you again while you're just remembering it yeah I mean the the body keeps the score

but you're chaotic Jason's chaotic yes I think everyone is chaotic in their own way yes Fatia I think does not get enough credit for how logically and brilliantly she did she does the task.

I think she's the best at the task.

I don't know about statistically.

I don't care.

But like, because Matt is obviously very strong points-wise, but I think that's because of his prize tasks.

He's a little swat with his prize tasks.

He's very creative with the prize tasks.

He gave too much thought.

He obviously didn't have enough on.

Whereas Fatio's prize tasks are horrific.

Yeah, really bad.

Mad.

But she doesn't panic.

Yeah, her brain doesn't panic.

So in the tasks, she thinks things through and she just, whereas I think your time starts now just awakens something within me that I don't wish to look at.

See, I think I knew you were gonna be like that yes I know you did yeah because you told me oh yeah I did actually

who told me my friend's agent told me like

at one point I think it was after this episode that we're talking about now I called my parents and my my parents had come in to see one of the live episodes and I was like I'm just I was like I know it's not above the points like I know that but there's something in me I'm I'm episode I'm I'm a very difficult balance of like a perfectionist and a high achiever, but I'm insane.

So like they don't mix ever.

Like I can never get to work because I'm not doing it.

So I was sort of saying to her, I was like,

my dad said, well,

it's fine.

You're the endearing idiot.

I told my dad, I told my friend that.

She laughed so much and was like, yeah, obviously.

Like, what did you think you could be?

Like, the mysterious Spanish woman.

My friend Selia.

But

yeah,

I didn't think I would melt down so much.

I thought I would maybe melt down, but also surprise myself because this is a show for people whose brains work in an interesting way.

So maybe I would actually be really good at this.

And I won't say anymore.

Did you ever surprise yourself up until this point?

We're talking about episode seven.

Are there any that you were like, wow, I didn't think I could do that?

And I did it?

Yes, there were certain tasks where I was convinced I'd done really badly and I'd been the only one to do that.

Like in this episode, when we walk through and there's a pen dangling, and after I think I was the first one to do that task, I must have been because the crew couldn't believe that I'd moved out of the way of the pen and not seen it.

And I was learning to drive at the time,

and my driving instructor basically was so surprised by all of my decisions.

I think I did a, I think I clocked in nearly 200 hours and then had to clock out of driving because I still couldn't.

So it's good to get an update.

Yeah.

So you can't drive.

Absolutely can't drive.

Because on the show on episode five, you said it was 150 hours.

So you did some more.

You did 50 more hours.

I did some more, yeah.

And then tapped out.

And then tapped out.

Yeah.

And that was realising that when I'm stressed, I essentially just go blind.

I can't see anything.

And so with that pen, I thought about that probably too much afterwards.

I was like, oh,

I'm an idiot.

Everyone else is going to be like, oh, the pen.

So what was quite nice, and I did surprise myself, is that actually everybody sort of, so often everyone would do the thing.

I would feel, or, you know, there were certain little things that I got that other people didn't get, like the wet suits.

I was like, I got the pun, and that, and all that, all of that stuff.

Like, or the in the first episode, finding the fish tank really quickly, I was really proud of myself.

But then there were so many more where I was so horrified by why I didn't see this.

The painting one, where like Matt just very calmly pulls the canvas towards himself because he can't step into the

I remember at one point Alex was like laughing at me throwing this the paint I was like, well, what did you want me to do?

And he's like, well, I don't know.

No other option.

Genuinely, I think you're like, what?

There's not any other way of doing this.

He's like, okay.

It's horrifying.

Yeah.

Can I say something now that I hope doesn't get back to him?

Please.

Do you think that Matt Bainton is giving off

film star energy?

Now, why do you not want that to get back to him?

Because it's, I'm being a bit of a cuck, you know?

it's a bit desperate.

But I just think...

I mean, he's a very successful actor, so I think giving off film star energy is quite right.

It's different to being a successful actor.

Like, he's got this sort of glint.

Twinkle.

Twinkle.

Yeah.

Some sort of glow.

And I find myself sometimes watching him with a slight smile on my face.

And I'll tell you who else one does that too.

I don't know.

Hugh Grant, Tom Cruise.

You know, people that you're slightly smiling for no reason.

I think that's film star energy.

Yeah.

So look, Matt, if you're listening to this,

if you have ambitions of, you know, trying to get into Hollywood, there's a go.

I'm sure he does.

Hopefully he does.

Well, he's an actor, right?

So.

Yeah, but he might now be happy with his lot.

Like, oh, I don't want to be, I don't want to aim for the stars.

Yeah.

Aim, baby.

So, I mean, imagine if that's the thing that pushes him to Hollywood.

And when he's collecting his Oscar, he goes, you know what?

I never, I was never aiming at Hollywood.

I was happy with my lot.

And then I heard Emma Siddy on the Taskmaster podcast.

She said, aim, baby, and now here I am.

That would be such a niche Oscar speech.

Yeah.

Better than most of them, though.

So proud, for sure.

Or he goes on too long and he's played off by the band just as he says your name.

Yeah.

People go, what was he saying?

Mm-hmm, see me.

Weird.

Oh, it's so weird watching it with my wife on it.

Yeah.

It's so odd.

So I've experienced it from both angles.

So when you do Taskmaster, there was only a couple of people I told that I was doing it because you've got to keep it very secret.

I told our collective tour manager, Paul, I told him.

And I would text him and phone him in between tasks.

I was texting you a lot because I was so worried about it.

And I would phone Rose at the end of the day and I would try and explain what had happened.

And she would, it would just be impossible.

And now I'm on the other end of it.

Well, I was when she did it.

And even when,

even when she was explaining what it was, even though I'd done it, it's still so difficult to put into words what you'd be doing.

And all of the tasks go into one.

And then we're sitting watching it together now, which is amazing.

And you're just like...

It's weird because I'm rooting for her, but I'm really not rooting for her at the same time.

Because I know that being funny and coming across well is just as good as winning and getting the points.

And obviously, everyone pretends that they don't care yeah yeah although Stevie Martin's probably the worst I've seen it pretending that she doesn't care

she really it's coming out of her pause she's like oh my god um but yeah it's uh it's really really odd watching me wife on it and I feel jealous that she's getting to do it but I'm also really proud and again I'm also proud when she does well and I'm also loving it when she feels Well, you say that she was having a hard time describing to you what was going on when she was filming it.

Do you think that has something to do with the fact that she didn't have a clue what was going on?

What was going on?

Mate, mate.

Especially this episode, actually.

Mate.

So she's gone, she's had a real sort of roller coaster journey in it.

Like, she's had some absolute stinkers.

And then, as we're watching it now, we're up to episode, I think, we've just watched episode five as it's running on TV.

And she's absolutely smashed a couple of episodes and just like it went rolling into the one that we watched, just setting them the leaderboard for the series.

And I'm like, how the hell did that happen?

It's amazing.

Proud, but yeah, like

concerned.

But even Alex says in this episode, somehow

you're second

series.

Yeah.

Because she does, there's a couple of moments here where she has no clue.

Did you spot the moments where he gets genuinely annoyed at her?

He gets genuinely pissed off at her.

It's really.

He's gotta do those moments.

Well, when we get to the bits, it's mainly on the painting task, but we'll get to it.

But yeah, he gets, you hear him.

And I'm like, you don't hear him get annoyed often.

He's only getting annoyed at a few people because he's great, he's brilliant, and he loves the the carnage.

But when someone doesn't understand his rules

repeatedly, he gets irked.

Because she really takes everything in her stride as well.

So it's not like she's getting angry that she doesn't understand it or she's, you know, she's, you know, aggressively pursuing the wrong thing.

She's just like, she gives it a go and she sort of has no idea.

This is what it's like living with her.

Like, it's ridiculous.

Like, Rosie does a thing where if she doesn't understand, or she wants it to explain something to her, she'll ask, Chris, what's this?

And if the answer's more than the allotted words that she thought the answer would be, gone.

Just switches off.

Like, have you got any idea how many times I've had to tell her how to use things around the house?

Like, the coffee machine, the alarm, dishwasher, oven, just things.

Like, genuinely, just bad with technology, right?

And she'll go, like, how do I do this?

The alarm, how do I set this?

And I go, right, and I start.

And four, five, six words in, her face just goes black.

And I go, I've lost you.

My mom does the same.

I go, I've lost you.

This is gone.

I might as well just be

banging a table because there's nothing, right?

Do you know what she do you know about the toothbrush?

So she's a proper Luddite, right?

So she, I got her, I got her a toothbrush once for Christmas, like

an electric toothbrush, and it's got a little screen on it.

And

she got it out of the box and she turned it on.

And it said, select your language.

And she went, oh, I don't want it.

She gives it back.

And I went, what's wrong with you?

She went, oh, no, what's it doing?

Why is it doing that?

Oh, I don't want that.

No.

I went, it's just asking for your language.

She went, and this is a direct quote.

I swear to you, I'm not making this up.

And she said, why does it need to know if my teeth are foreign or not?

She's a sago.

And I saw it.

I saw it in these tasks in this episode.

I saw it specifically.

And I thought, she hasn't...

And it's not that she doesn't understand and then she's too proud to ask.

It's that she can't be asked to ask.

And then it goes down, she doesn't give a shit.

I would say in this series, I think there are more slightly complicated tasks than normal.

I think there are a lot with, you know, a lot of things to think about.

Yeah.

Which is actually played to the series' strengths because it just creates total chaos in this series.

And everyone in this series is chaotic in their own way.

Especially Jason.

Especially Jason.

But I think because Jason's so chaotic, we're not giving everyone else credit for how chaotic they are, especially Rosie, who is all over the place a lot of the time.

I will say that at this point in the series, episode eight, you had 130 points and Rosie finishes this up with 125.

So really not that far off.

How does that make you feel as someone who understood all of the tasks and really threw themselves into it?

And Rosie is mainly has her eyes shut for most of this.

Yes.

Well, that sums up the essence of Taskmaster for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's why, because she goes, she doesn't like going on quiz shows.

She doesn't go on, you know, she gets asked to do all these different quiz shows and she won't do them.

And she's like, because I'm not clever enough.

and

that's when she said yes to taskmaster because i said it's not about being clever because we famously um one of the cleverest comedians probably in the world doro brain was stumped at some of the tasks yeah and because they're not it's not about being clever he did win his series and champion of champions yes but he was still stumped sometimes by some of it by some of them like i'm looking out i'm looking past you now at the garage the one where the grapes were all in a fit like there is sometimes little easter eggs that they miss and you can find them and it doesn't mean being clever or being you know quick.

Sometimes you can just get it.

It's the look of the draw.

But there is a Ramsey Taskmaster leaderboard in our house and I am very much aware of the scores.

Before we started recording, you were talking to me about your history of caravans.

Yes, but you didn't know the story.

I didn't know the story.

No, so we all sat in the caravan, which it's hot.

Everyone mentions it's hot.

I've been listening to the podcast.

It is very hot.

Chris complained a lot last week.

Well, yeah, well, he told me that it was hot.

But I said, actually, you get a lot hotter than I do.

So I was like, I don't need to dress in a tight night.

You know, it's fine.

This is capable.

This is nice.

I'm enjoying it.

Anyway, yeah, so we had a caravan similar to this when I was younger.

It got given to my parents by my old headmaster.

I don't know.

I mean, why?

Is there's probably a backstory there that we don't have time to get into.

Maybe a possible affair between my mum and the headmaster.

Not what I know.

Well, listen, why would he get why wouldn't he sell it?

It wasn't that bad.

Was it when you'd

had you left the school at this point?

Was this?

We were still at school.

You were still at school.

Even bigger story, we were very churchy.

So my mom.

Oh my God, my mom again.

Everyone thought my mom was having an affair with the priest because, no, so my dad's got OCD and he can't go into a church.

There's a huge, it's a huge, he has to burn his clothes.

Don't listen to this, dad, okay?

So there's a big, huge story.

There are a few things that I want to.

What do you want to know?

Why did your dad's OCD prevent him from going into a church?

do you know much about ocd no i'll know because everybody sort of goes oh my ocd i've got to keep everything tidy like it's so much deeper than yeah yeah if you so there's like habits that you have to do to cancel out a thought right so if my dad went into church i don't know if it's this anymore i need to speak to him about it actually so if he went into church bearing in mind me my brother and sister all were altar servers on the church and we used to go every sunday And because my mum's a big Catholic.

Oh, she was, not anymore.

And my dad couldn't come.

And if he went, he would have to go home and get rid of the suit, probably burn it if it was a christening, or he would have to.

I've lost you, haven't I?

No, because you've not lost me.

I'm now just, I've got so many more questions.

Okay, he would have to wash his hands 13 times.

Everything was 13.

So when I was younger, my dad used to sit up and down on his seat 13 times, and I thought it was completely normal.

So he would literally just go

13 times.

Yeah.

Or light switches on and off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I shouldn't say anymore.

I probably shouldn't.

This is that's enough but so it was quite intense let's get back to the caravan yeah so my mom was having an affair with the headmaster got gifted a caravan through love which she genuinely wasn't he was just a lovely man and he really liked the family and that but anyway this caravan sat on the drive because we didn't have a car we did not why they accepted a caravan when we didn't own a car so it's dropped off it's dropped off at your house it got dropped off it was on bricks head it was literally on bricks like the front of it had to be on bricks or it would have like fell over And we had it for like six years, and it was there that long that people started graffiti in the front of it.

At one point, somebody put GIMP on the side because it was the GIMP caravan.

The GIMP caravan?

We had great.

We used to play in it.

My sister, who's a little bit older than me, would have like boys in it.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In the GIMP caravan.

In the GIMP caravan, doing all sorts.

It was great.

So I've got a real affinity for caravans.

We used to have a motorhome, but Chris made me sell it.

Well, you and Chris had a motorhome.

Yeah.

up until like two years ago.

Were you doing like holidays in it and stuff?

Yeah, loved it,

he hated every second of it.

That's a teleshow waiting to be commissioned, surely.

Well, Ramsey's on the road.

Oh, there's the title.

Holy shit.

No, he hated it.

He wouldn't, he would never do it.

He hated it so much, he made me sell it.

Well, that again, that sounds like it would be a brilliant TV show.

Chris hating being in a motorhome.

Yeah, Chris.

Well, you're really enthusiastic driving up and down the country.

It was so good.

Good times.

You've got to take your own feces to the thing, you know, to the toilet.

You've got to actually...

Yeah.

That's what he hated about it.

There's a little

suitcase of all of your family's

offerings.

You've got to troll it along the caravan side.

It's on wheels.

Yeah, it's on wheels.

It's like

this chemical toilet thing.

You've got to take it and you've got to empty it.

And you're just watching all your family's shit go down trains.

And I think that's what he didn't like about it.

Yeah, I think we'd have to cut that out of the main edit.

No, that would steal it.

That would steal it.

Every week.

That's That's

one of the format points is Chris wheels his family shit in a suitcase across a four court.

I'm not doing it unless that's a

let's talk about task two, a task that I think will go down as one of the most memorable task attempts in this series and perhaps in Taskmaster history, eat this yogurt with the most/slash least dignity, most extreme eating wins.

So, obviously, you get to pick what word you write in the task before you've seen the task.

Everyone, apart from Matt, picks most.

Why did you go for most?

What was the thinking behind that?

Was it just random?

You've played it.

It was random, actually, yeah, because you just don't have any idea.

At that point, we'd done quite a few tasks.

I was just like, I get you at this point.

Fuck it.

Let's just get on with this.

Yeah, for God's sake.

Let's get on with it.

Also, actually, I did think that maybe it could be something to do with fitting things in your mouth.

And I've got quite a big mouth.

I do remember thinking that.

I was like, oh, I can stretch.

Oh, we've not done a fit every

fit loads of things in your mouth task yet.

Yeah, okay.

Maybe it's happening.

So you thought the other option was fit the least things in your mouth.

Yeah, and I'd be terrible.

Yeah.

Cast too big, can't stop.

This, of course, is the pen as well.

The issue with finding the pen is you.

It's so vindicating to see everybody doing that.

Yeah.

And then Rosie just obviously

can't find it for ages.

Oh, my God.

It's on a hair.

It's like, and then Jason's got one, of course.

It's just lovely.

It's like, isn't it?

People say that if you're writing characters for like a book or a film,

you should do a thing like you place like a box in the room and you really know your character is strong when you can say exactly how each character will react to that box.

I feel like with the pen, it was like that.

Yeah.

Fatih just like walked straight through him and was like, Oh, pen's over there.

Isa was quite anxious about it.

Rosie was looking for ages.

Jason had one.

I mean, that's what an outstanding end to that was.

Where he just pulls a pen out and then looks at Alex and says, Don't, I've seen that.

Yeah, I can see the pen.

I've seen the marker.

I've got a pen.

Okay.

So, four of you pick most.

I think most is of eating the yogurt with the most dignity is really hard.

Yes, because what does that well?

I've got beef with how this was scored.

Right.

I think it's because I think, yeah,

least dignity, I think, is easier to do because

you know exactly what that means.

Whereas I think what was quite clear by our attempts,

I think Rosie and Fatia's attempts were deranged.

Well,

I think there's sort of only one way to go with most dignity.

Mine.

There is is only

Jason's if he didn't get the best.

If he didn't mess it up.

But it is going to be like eating a yogurt like a snooty person, right?

Yeah, I guess so.

That's pretty much the only thing you can do.

It is.

And no, I agree that yours was absolutely the way to do it.

Plastic heart sunglasses

and a bonnet.

I don't understand.

But it was sort of the same idea.

Trolle bone, everyone.

Yeah,

she's a horny woman, I think is what Craig said.

Yeah.

People are fanning her and complimenting her while she eats the yogurt.

Rosie's just being a dick.

Well, Rosie, I've written...

So Rosie orders the crew to do the different disgusting things with the yogurt.

So she's sat in the middle eating the yoghurt normally, and that's like comparatively, I guess she has the most dignity at the table.

Yeah, I mean, I do sort of get that, but.

It was quite an interesting angle in the way of doing it.

But what I've written here is, I think because of Jason and Stevie, we have overlooked what a psycho-Rosie is.

Yeah, this is very true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rosie is a sort of constant dark course

where she is just as chaotic as everybody else.

But because, yeah, you've got Jason.

Yeah.

When Jason like destroyed it at the end, we all went, whoa!

What are you doing?

Like, I was so disappointed in him because he'd done it.

And then, but then it did make, and that was the only moment I was like, oh, he's throwing it for no reason.

Like, he's, he's throwing these things and he shouldn't be doing that.

And then, but actually, his reasoning really made makes sense.

And he, because I did think when he poured it, there was all that yogurt.

I was like, well, he's losing points.

Yeah, he's lost points.

That's rubbish.

And you can see it in his eyes as well because he's trying to hold character.

And he pours it.

The violent light's gone.

Yeah, it's gone.

And you can see the yoghurt go down his hand.

And he's like, you know, he's smashing that thing up.

Yeah, this is disgusting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But most dignity is very hard as well.

So I think he probably thought other people might have done something similar.

So why don't I just trash the place again?

Trash the place.

Yeah.

And I suppose mine is quite root one, so that's possibly why I didn't score well.

But I do think I should have scored higher than I did because I had,

although, like, I interestingly dress up as a man, but that was because

it was a patriarchal system.

Yeah.

So to have the most dignity.

Well, you were making a lot of, you know, societal comments as well.

I always am.

It was lovely.

I own so much land was one of the quotes.

Yeah, yeah.

Say that.

Yeah.

And in the edit, I had a massive bogey up my nose.

So when they played it on the huge screen, I was like, oh my God.

And I was like, did you see the did you?

And then Greg was like, yeah, yeah, we all saw the massive bogey up, you know.

So they've CGI'd that out.

Have they?

Yeah.

Because you should have lost points for that.

I should have lost points for it.

You should have been one point because there's no dignity in a bogey.

Sorry for me.

Maybe that's why.

Maybe that's why I scored badly because obviously Greg was having the sort of bogey context.

Yeah.

Whereas

in the edit, it was like, well, this doesn't seem fair.

But I did have a bogey.

I can't believe they CGI'd out a bogey for me.

They CGI'd a bogey.

Well, I don't think it was a bogey.

I think it was a bit of, basically, I think it was a bit of foundation on my quite illustrious nasal hair

Since realised I have and I've bought a nasal hair trimmer Yes, yes, this is the thing.

I've bought many I go through one a week.

They're pink for women.

Are they?

Yeah.

Good.

Yeah.

A bit more feminine.

Just a bit more feminine for God's sake.

Mine's got flames up the side.

Pretty cool.

Mountains.

Yeah.

Japanese stick knives.

You weren't the only person to have some help with the edit in this.

I don't know if you're aware of this, that with Matt's attempt,

apparently they said they really saved Matt's dignity in the end because the way the sun was shining on Matt's boxer shorts, you could see his full cock and balls through it.

No, no, no.

Yeah.

No.

Oh my, that is absolutely brilliant.

Oh, God.

I mean, yeah, that's perfect.

Yeah.

I mean, they've already like...

Man wants to get him out, doesn't he?

They've been swinging about all over the place, and then he's stood in the sun and he's wearing black boxer shorts.

So you assume they're going to be fine.

Yeah.

The sun comes out, and hello, you may as well be wearing a window.

Matt's paintons.

Let's talk about Matt's effort because

this shocked me to my core.

It shocked me as well.

I felt deeply uncomfortable watching it.

Because also, as well, I'll just be candid.

You know, Matt's in good shape.

Yeah, sure, good Nick.

Good Nick.

And

he's got a very,

trying to think of other words other than like ferocious and rampant sort of female fan base.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also a confused female fan base who grew up with him and maybe he was their first crush.

Yeah, now they're like 25.

Yeah, sure.

And still feel like, well, hang on, I mean, I suppose he's 42, he's on and he's looking good.

Yeah.

When he came out of that, I was like, I don't know if this is going to do what you think it's going to do.

I think this is going to be too sexual and people are going to lose their minds over it.

Yeah, I mean,

it's certainly sexual to a certain area of sort of society and the internet, I'd imagine.

Of course, it really feels like he's doing fan fiction writers' jobs for them.

The yogurt on the shoes, the yogurt on the shoes, was that was then it then it got because look, I'm not, I don't want to objectify him.

I'm not saying he look he came out of his box and I'm saying it was too sexual, that's not fair.

Yeah, but I was like, this is not, how is he gonna have no dignity when he's like quite ripped and he's in his little boxes?

He managed it, didn't he?

He managed it so

intensely.

I couldn't watch it.

I was like,

oh, like, but also, again, in some quarters, strangely sexual.

Yeah.

Like, that's being used on the dark web.

Is that what the dark web is?

Yeah, I think that's what the dark web is.

Assassinations are sort of.

Yeah, and fireworks.

You can buy fireworks.

Fireworks.

And then GIFs.

Yeah.

He'd written the word twit all over himself.

I wondered if he wanted to do twat.

I think he did.

I think they have one twat in there,

is what he told me.

It gets stuck in his beard.

It gets stuck in his beard.

It's all like, it's the, and then he's also

like he's doing it so.

I would have preferred him to have just gone in like quite aggressively with it.

Yeah, but that's the gentle delicacy with which he does it, which is so perfect for the least dignity.

Well, and please forgive me, daddy, I've spilt yogurt on your shoe.

How can we forget?

Please forgive me, Daddy.

I think backstage we did when we were moving out of the way, we're like, sorry, please forgive me, Daddy.

But it's that, It's what he's written on his body.

He's in his boxes.

He's on his hands and knees.

He's looking yogurt off Alex's shoe.

It's everyone watching, which I think is the bit that upset me the most because it's like Game of Thrones, the Walk of Shame thing.

Yeah, Manny gets his phone out.

The guy

on his phone.

It was really funny.

With a tiny little smile.

Tiny little smile.

That's what, that's the reaction

this is getting from people.

But it felt like a Black Mirror episode.

Do you know what I mean?

Yes, it did, it did, it did.

I mean, to be honest, watching it felt a bit like a Black Mirror episode.

The whole thing was just so.

I think that's going to be as.

What's the word for iconic when it's bad?

Unconic.

Unconic, yeah.

As the balls out.

I think that's going to be, because it's sort of, it's a great confuser because I think some people are going to feel deeply aroused by that.

And some people are going to feel deeply uncomfortable like I did.

Yeah.

And some people are going to not know how they feel.

Some people are going to feel uncomfortable about how aroused they are.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Gosh.

I'm not saying that for me.

Yeah.

For God's sake.

And tell me what you think of this.

I don't know.

I can't believe I had this reaction.

As soon as I watched it, I had a yogurt.

Didn't you?

I bought some shoes.

That's watching that going, oh, actually, I do.

I do fancy about that, actually.

Oh, yogurt in the fridge.

But in its normal container, of course.

I'll spoon.

Which reminded me how much I like spoons and the normal way to eat yogurt.

It's really elevated.

Yeah, and

the weirdest thing is, he brought in a spoon for his prize task.

Oh, yeah, he could have just used that.

He should have just used a spoon, he had one knocking around, wouldn't have been so that would have been too much dignity, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it has to go off Alex's shoe.

I was expecting

the next bit, Alex would start whipping him or something.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, I was like, Is this good?

I hope this stops here.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I wanted as well.

Yeah, we all wanted that, yeah.

Well, and there's sort of no other points you can give it other than five.

Yes, yes, again, like, well, like with the um

uh prize task even though i was resistant because i'm i'm the body keeps the score um he the moment i saw that i was like he's got to win he's got to win or one point would have been funny i wish jason had picked least as well i want to see that i want to see what jason would have come up with because jason probably would have had his cock and balls out yeah and then set fire to them i don't know like i don't know what like yeah i would have liked to have seen what we all did for least to be honest do you have any ideas of what you might have done i i don't know i don't know.

I think you would have gone hard on that.

I would have gone hard on it, yeah.

But now I've seen that, I've seen what Matt did, I can't think of anything because that now is just that is the least amount, that is the least dignity to me.

So I don't know.

I probably would have cried.

I probably would have

pissed myself, I think.

I think that's what I would have done.

Yeah, yeah.

Not actually, but I would have engineered it.

So it looks like I've pissed myself.

I would have done it.

I would have definitely actually done it.

I think health and safety would have got involved then.

I had one of my outfit.

I don't think I'll just do the rest of it quite.

I think I might have sort of tried to string myself up somewhere in like a

hands and legs tied up and then got sort of arse off.

Yeah, that would

get everyone dressed as villagers pelting yogurt at me, maybe.

That's really fun.

In the stocks, maybe.

In the stocks.

Yeah.

But yeah, we can all dream.

We can all dream that we pissed ourselves in the stocks.

It was one for Jason, three for Rosie, three for you, stevie four for fatty and of course five points for matt but will they ever be worth it

when he said the school gates that was i couldn't i was like i was like okay it's silly but you're on task and then i really did dug into what he meant then like

that was my dad

if that's your dad

like

There's no coming back from that.

Until there's a yogurt at the school dinner.

His kids are going to be served a yogurt at school dinner.

Also, for a man who's had such a lovely and gentle and dignified career up until this point.

I know.

And I remember him saying, like, oh, you know, I said yes, but I was a little bit nervous because it's not in my wheels.

And my wife was like, well, I don't know.

Are you sure this is something you want to do?

Like, is this the direction?

And he was like, well, I might as well, you know, and he's been the most extreme.

Oh, yeah.

Like, I know Phil inadvertently got the sort of shape of his penis out.

Yeah.

But, like, Matt, well, he didn't get full ball out, did he?

I think Alex said backstage, it was the seam.

Yeah,

he did say it was the seam.

The seam of the ball.

Seam of the ball.

Yeah.

Oh, dear.

But yeah, I think he just, he, he just loves the show.

He wants to do well, right?

He's having, and he's having, his brain is perfectly suited to this show, I think.

Because he's winning a lot.

And I think that would ordinarily be a bit tiresome, but he does it so chaotically and so brilliantly that I don't think it matters.

I think after the third one, the third win in a row, the first three episodes, he won all of them, didn't he?

He quietly said, Oh no,

and then he's like, Everyone's gonna hate me, no one wants to be the one that wins all of them.

But we all knew it was fine because we'd seen his seam.

He got his seam out,

he's broadly, he's losing, yeah.

Broadly, oh my god, yeah, he's losing outside of this show, of course.

And his kids are losing much worse, yeah, losing their yogurt every lunch break.

You went all out with sort of no forethought as to

how I mean, I was gonna say dignity, but we do need to talk about

that

that particular task, because obviously we didn't get a chance to

the first time we spoke, so we spoke about episode two.

So let's let's first of all speak about

it's

can also also be your low points.

Oh, it was certainly for everyone else, your high points are very much your low points, I'd imagine, in your life.

Let's talk about the wardrobe malfunctions first.

Why not?

The short shorts, we talked about them briefly, but

they'd yet to show us the full goods last time we spoke.

They'd yet to spill the beans.

But the beans were spilled.

The beans were spilled.

Did you have a sense of when that was happening, that that was happening?

Not at all.

So was it only when you saw it back in the day?

Literally,

that's my reaction live in the studio.

I mean they don't play

the in-the-moment reactions like I think they used to in previous series.

But yeah, you'd have seen me put my hands to my face and go, oh my God.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

And then you're scanning through going, Are there any other tasks coming up where that might have happened again?

That didn't even occur to me because I just thought it was, I thought it was probably particular to

well, there were okay, here's the thought process.

My first thoughts were, but I wear sort of trunk-style boxes, yeah.

And I'm pretty sure that I was wearing that kind of boxer that day.

The next thought is,

oh, actually,

now I think about it, I do remember noticing that my boxes were sometimes protruding under,

because the shorts are so short, my boxes were sometimes longer.

Longer than the shorts.

And I was like, oh, that's a shame.

So I think there was one day where I'd had the forethought to wear different underwear

that were

more

liable to

potential spillage.

so

you're always

wearing underwear you weren't you weren't ever relying on the netting internal netting of shorts god no no and I'm

I mean how far do I want to dig a hole for myself I think the hole's dug mate

I have a a relatively loose scrotum

so

I I would be well aware of the potential if they're not this is why you wear trunks

you need them held You need to feel held.

So

I thought they'd stitched me up.

I thought it was that

here I am on all fours.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good boy.

Good point.

So you're on all fours?

I'm on all fours and I thought, okay, they've what they've done is they've you know, the angle looks like that could have happened.

So they've pixelated a bit.

They pixelated nothing, essentially, and then made it look like that.

Yeah, so it looks like something's happened because there is in those shorts there is a layer of like yellow fabric that's not that's not usually completely visible.

And I thought it was a maybe a glimmer of that yellow

that pixelated

gives the impression of

flesh.

Ball.

Yeah, bull flesh.

Ball flesh.

So,

you know, I'm sat there.

I'm trying to figure this out.

Yeah.

You know,

have they faked this?

Yeah.

Or have they actually.

Well, I mean, Andy uses the word, we looked after you.

Like, that's the phrase he...

You saw him say that to me just now.

Yeah, because there is already...

You arrived and

we were talking about this a little bit outside the caravan,

and Andy's claiming that they were looking after you.

And you still have a conspiracy theory that it didn't happen, right?

I would argue that looking after me would be not to use that shot.

I would agree with you.

But they also need to look after the show.

Yeah.

And for the show, that's good stuff, man.

People seem to find it funny.

You can't argue with the laughs in the room.

It's obviously funny.

I know it's your balls, so it makes it a different experience for you, but it's obviously funny.

I...

So here's the thing.

And I don't, and this is where other people will get cynical.

If you would say that I'm cynical when I say they might have invented this and pixelated them,

when I tell you this,

people will no doubt then go, oh, he's done this deliberately.

My second Edinburgh show

involved a dance routine that I did in a child-sized leotard

where

halfway through it was like me trying sort of doing ballet.

Yeah.

And halfway through, one ball

pops out of the side of the leotard and I continued to do the ballet and the whole joke was really just that I'm

I think I'm doing something really beautiful and moving to a beautiful piece of music and the audience should be moved if anything to tears and they're all laughing and I can't understand why

and then just as I'm walking off I spot it

great

and it was your real it was your real ball it was my real ball there was a sort of a move there was like a kind of tumble in the middle of the routine where my upstage hand was able to release

the chosen testicle

and not look like I'd done that.

But that would suggest to me that you're a man who's very in control of his balls

and you can feel when one's out.

But you didn't feel it.

I didn't feel a thing.

Yeah.

Had it been an outdoor moment,

maybe there'd have been a breeze,

I'd have been like, hello.

Yeah.

Or maybe if we'd been in the underbelly

and I'd have been sort of used to that

as an atmosphere, I'd have been like, oh,

that's familiar.

But

you're still not sure if you're not going to be able to do it.

So you're still saying, I have exposed my...

I have exposed a ball in the past in order to make people laugh.

Which is why I'm not sort of devastated.

But I didn't.

But it's different than I didn't.

I didn't expect it to happen here.

This is why we really didn't.

This is why we work in comedy.

We want to.

We don't mind people laughing at us if we're in control of that.

Right.

If it's they're laughing at us and we don't know why or we've not been part of that, then that's

the worst thing in the world.

It does hurt.

Yeah, it does hurt.

Yeah.

It can start to feel.

But I think you've created, I'm thinking, top five

lasting Taskmaster moments with the Bulls.

I mean, I'll take it.

I'm thinking Mike Wozniak farting a pile out was definitely.

It's nice to be reminded of that, I have to say, because,

yeah,

it puts a few things in perspective.

Because that's a man trying to fart.

Yeah.

I've at least got the sort of defence of, you know,

this is just accident.

This is just.

It's a chance angle.

yeah and it's a particular position I'm in

and you know a momentary glimpse you know and it's you know

I would also say you're in the top five twice though

oh yeah because of the dignity task yeah

which that's arguably worse I mean it's it might be top it might be top for me in terms of images that I think of when I think of Taskmaster

it is it's seared, it's seared onto my retinas, I'd say.

And I

one thing I'll say about it is I almost feel it's worse because they didn't show the sort of thought process.

And often in these kind of creative tasks, what they do is they show in the VT, you open the task and you go, do the least dignified thing.

And then they'll show you, sat there going,

well, what's you know, what is dignity?

So what would be the least dignified?

So, and it's it's yogurt.

So I guess if I was eating it, and I sat there and talked myself into this whole thing, and I was writing it down as I said it.

But there was an escalation.

I was like, it would be undignified if I was like eating it off your shoe.

Yeah.

How can it be more undignified?

I could be in my pants.

How could it be even more undignified?

I could be crying.

And then I could say something like,

I'm sorry, Daddy.

But why do you think that would have helped seeing the thought process?

Because then when you describe the thought process to me there, that seems too quick to arrive there.

Well, you know what improv is like, Ed?

You know,

in a way, it's that's not a thought process, what you've done.

You've just said the thing straight away.

But that's that's where the gold is, isn't it?

Yeah.

Is when you don't, when you don't, when you don't filter, when you just see

where your brain goes.

And mine went a place I don't thank it for.

It's almost like, and look, there's a lot of Taskmaster fans out there, and a lot of very specific Taskmaster fans and fans of British comedy.

It was like you were acting out some weird internet fan fiction.

I mean, it's all,

yeah.

They don't need to write that one anymore.

They've got a video of it.

Yeah.

But that's the sort of, that's what I would say psychologically is going on.

And I would say, actually, it was the same when I was tasked with do the coolest thing.

My brain just manifests the worst possible outcome.

So like all I'm thinking is what would be humiliatingly uncool.

Avoid that,

but it's like it's like in Ghostbusters where they try not to think of anything and one of them thinks of the stay puff marshmallow guy.

Yeah.

But you're stuck in the middle.

I'm thinking like, don't think of uncool things.

And I've immediately in having that thought, I've thought, sing a folk song to kids.

And then that was great.

And then you're sat there doing it and you're thinking, what the fuck have I done?

But in terms of the dignity thing, yeah, that is your stay-puff marshmallow man is eating yogurt off Alex's shoe.

Yeah, exactly.

Everyone's got a stay-puff marshmallow man.

Mine happens to be licking yogurt off Alex's shoe

in your pants.

I mean, there was a lot of discussion of this in the studio that didn't make the edit for obvious reasons.

It does evoke

adult themes.

Evoke.

I mean, it is.

It is an adult themes.

It's yogurt.

I spilt the.

The yogurt is not the thing that people are going to remember.

I spilt some yogurt.

And

we're in some sort of cult.

Sure.

I think.

This is the backstory.

Because there's an audience there.

Yeah.

And the audience has made it so much worse.

Yeah.

Well, that was another thing on the list.

I was like, it would be.

You know, to really lose your dignity, it has to be in front of people.

Of course.

Well, it's the shame

from Game of Thrones, isn't it?

this is the funny thing is that when i said that it's this is just recurred to me yeah just now it's the first time i've remembered it since i sat there and i said there should be an audience because

it's not undignified unless people see it yeah and alex said it is televised

Work out what Alex has on the very top of his head.

The very top of your head must never be more than five foot, six inches from the ground.

You may ask Alex yes or no questions, but Alex will only answer using his exciting new numbers system.

Fastest wins, your time starts now.

Okay, elephant in the room.

Obviously it's prime numbers.

Really?

What?

I just...

It's.

Really?

Did you spot that before he told everyone?

Within seconds.

Wow, Emma.

No.

No, I didn't.

I would have hated that.

I've written something about it.

I've noticed people do sometimes say online now, Detective Emma City.

And I've never said it about myself, but maybe I am, Detective Emmer City.

Maybe you are.

Come on.

The last note I've written here is the number system is baffling and not fun, just annoying.

I've written that.

I just think, and I really want everyone to feel like happy when I say this.

Don't feel like upset.

People are so thick.

And by people, do you mean me and the rest of the contestants?

Look,

for brevity, yes.

I just,

I can't believe it, because it was it was so many, because Alex, when he was panicking as well, so many

even numbers.

Yeah, you know, just whipping out 44, 46, 60, whatever,

and then like a 33,

okay, that's 11 threes, you know?

It's prime numbers, and I tell you what, it's often prime numbers.

It's often prime numbers.

Okay, I need to look into my series.

Prime numbers came up several times.

Right.

Rosie, Rosie at one point.

You said prime numbers came up several times, but you never went in the caravan.

What's your point?

I just don't think you're remembering your series as it happened, I mean, yes, I am.

Rosie Jones.

Yeah.

I swear at one point she goes prime numbers or there's something, there was something in when she's smelling those bottles that was prime numbers.

Basically, Alex is I really love Alex, but he's basic sometimes.

Yeah.

And he goes for prime numbers.

So you would have got that straight away.

Honestly, yes.

So you would have worked out the system.

Yeah, it doesn't mean I would have guessed, you know, because then you're quite difficult to get to carrot, of course, but it's prime numbers.

Would you have, because obviously there's the periscope in the caravan, then you use the periscope, find out that there is an actual periscope behind Greg.

I'm telling you now, I would have done the whole thing with questions.

Yeah.

And I would have got it in...

11 minutes.

And I'm 5'4 ⁇ , so I would have just stayed standing.

Yeah, see, that's good.

This is one of the only tasks where being short is in advance.

Yes, I was thinking that.

Yeah, which is nice.

Nice for the

short.

Nice for the little ones to have a turn.

We like that.

Jason does the whole thing with questions initially

and then finally manages to use the periscope.

We'll just talk about him now.

233 questions.

He takes one hour and 40 minutes.

This was just atrocious.

Insane.

An hour.

And to still not go prime numbers?

Okay, but I think if you've not drop it now, because I think if you've not spotted the prime numbers after an hour, you're not going to spot it.

Also, to be fair, maybe they don't have it in America.

They don't have prime numbers in America.

Yeah, it'd be the kind of thing where they're like, oh, now we call that algebraic.

That's like algebra, math.

You know, they say something that is like completely.

Yeah, but the concept remains the same, right?

I don't think they have it in the middle of the time.

So it wasn't the term.

I was just going on over there, mate.

It wasn't the term prime numbers that was important because it was like algebraic math.

that's true you go oh you're doing algebraic math oh for a yes for a yes it's algebraic mama yeah yeah yeah

it would still work wouldn't it yeah so he still he still failed yeah one hour 40 minutes to know it was a carrot on top of alex's head also though maybe i'm being too harsh because he does have this like um rebel without a cause thing so maybe it was like a genuine wind-up of I'm going to waste your time and I do respect that.

I don't know.

I mean, we spoke to Jason and he said he was really trying

on every task.

Yeah.

But I think this one maybe he was just like it is interesting what task just like gets the better of you.

Because I had this as well.

There's a task comes up that just you can't do it.

What was yours?

Cutting the wires of the robot.

Oh yes.

It was,

I actually was almost upset.

I think somebody asked me if I was okay.

I was like, yes, but I wasn't.

I think Jason's fine.

I think he, you know, he's sort of on the edge anyway, most of the time, I'd say.

Yeah, look,

it's time you'll never get back.

And that's that.

One hour 40, you'd be surprised to hear the longest attempt there.

Matt on 14 minutes 20.

Yeah.

Fatia on 13 minutes 20, Stevie on 6 minutes 53, and Rosie on 6 minutes 35.

Wow, and Rosie is the shortest, isn't she?

And Rosie is the shortest, so she was never worried about having to.

do it.

Yeah, so you just forget about it, get on with it, enjoy your short life.

Get on with your life, yeah.

Yeah, she gets the grabber to snatch very good.

That's what I mean.

I think that's what I do.

Yeah, I don't think I would have thought of the physical stuff.

I thought that was great.

I also love that Fatiha used the snooker cue.

Yeah.

I thought that was a lot of fun, actually.

You can see Alex regret doing the task quite quickly.

Yeah, it's nice to see him

unsafe.

Yeah.

But I do say that with so much love.

It just is nice to see people unsafe, isn't it?

Everyone.

Not everyone, but I think when you know that somebody invented a show themselves, that's it.

Yeah.

It's nice to see somebody unsafe in their own format.

Yeah.

They've done it to themselves.

Yeah.

Like if you saw,

what's he called, thingy, the wheel?

Michael McIntyre.

If you saw Michael McIntyre

strapped to a wheel

on the wheel and he wasn't safe, you would go, fuck it up, that was an amazing episode of the wheel but if you saw you or danny dyer unsafe strapped to the wheel you'd go i don't think they should have done that oh i did i did the wheel with danny dyer yes i know but you were safe i'm not saying

did you know that or was that a random name process of course i know that okay oh wait it was with danny dyer danny dye was on it i must have one watch well i must have watched one episode

He was in the double seat with his daughter Danny Dyer.

Right?

Yes, no, that is the episode I watched.

Okay, cool.

I didn't get spun in.

You know what?

I remember that.

Yeah.

And I remember feeling that that must have been really annoying.

It was pretty frustrating.

But it means you can't lose the people money, I guess.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you?

But you want a chance to show off your massive intelligence.

Was it pretty frustrating or was it unbelievably frustrating?

Like, did you go home a bit like, what's the fucking point?

I went home being like, they better get me back on the goddamn wheel.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah.

Double booking.

And exclusive.

I'm booked back in.

So

you went home from that not having got spun in with dollar signs in your eyes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is the way to play it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was ready to go.

Hopefully I don't get spun in again.

And then if you don't get spun in again, you get to be the host.

Wow.

That's how it works.

That's the secret of the wheel.

Yeah.

See, Stevie's guessing that it's odd.

odd and even numbers for yes and no.

So how were you feeling at that point when she's guessing odd and?

I was honestly like, what is the point?

But I think the periscope periscope is definitely the way to go, or knocking his hat off.

To follow the questions is absolute madness.

I think I would have.

Oh, no, you can't get above.

Ah, because I was going to say, I'm looking at it now, I would have climbed on that igloo.

No, that's one of the main rules.

Yes.

Okay, cut that out.

No, that's standing in the middle.

It's nice to see someone forget one of the rules in real time.

Let's talk team task.

This is task two.

Each person must write down three words to describe a memorable scene.

You must be silent throughout, and your teammate must not see what you've written.

You have one minute, your time starts now.

And part two, paint your memorable scene so that your teammate can guess your three words.

You must not give any clues about your three words in the scene except by painting the scene.

You must not write any words.

Fastest wins, your time starts when the turntable turns.

I'm laughing just reading it out, mate, because it is harder in a team of three, but especially

the word scene seemed to confuse a few people, that it had to be from a film.

Rosie, like Greg said, Rosie, you thought she was playing Sherard.

It was unbelievable.

It was ridiculous.

Like, again, she doesn't listen.

This is the one where Alex, you can hear him getting, go and watch it back.

And there's moments she's going, well, shall I just tell him then?

And he's going, nope, nope, don't do that.

That was an amazing moment.

She's lunatic.

Where she's saying,

shall I tell them?

And then saying, shall I draw something so they can get.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shall I draw something Yeah, yeah.

Get the action.

You've already been told to do that.

Probably, mate.

That's what the other two have been doing for 10 minutes.

Again,

she thrives on short, sharp instructions.

Short, sharp, direct instructions.

Anything too long, any kind of pullback or reveal of, you know, pull the rug out, or said this, but now it's that.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

I mean, it's incredible.

They do get there.

I mean, they eventually get there.

What's going on?

So she thinks Titanic.

She immediately thinks, I'll do a scene from Titanic.

So she interprets scene as being a scene from a film, which is fair enough.

I mean, it's a good starting point.

And she went with French, sexy, and charcoal.

Madness.

Madness.

French, sexy, charcoal.

That's the thing.

When you've done the show and they go write a word down and there's paints in front of you, you go, don't...

Don't write a concept.

Don't write anything like that.

Yeah, of course.

The fact that Stevie got glance

from Jason was ridiculous.

How she got that.

I mean, well played.

Yeah.

Yeah, Yeah, and even Jason says, Jason says to CD, we're going to have to paint whatever these words are and still go.

Still raw glance.

Yeah.

Still raw glance.

Yeah, it was

with three people, it must be a lot harder.

Like you say, it was quite chaotic.

It was quite.

And the fact that they were spinning around as well.

Yeah.

But again,

I just have to, every time I watch it, I go, how have they come up with this?

How?

And I know I say it over and over again, but it's mind-boggling.

It's incredible.

I do feel for Matt slightly in this team.

Right.

Because Fatty is just doing her own thing.

Oh, yeah, I mean, they're dragging him down, big deal.

Yeah, they are dragging him.

They are dragging him in the depths of their shitness.

It's when, like, Fatty is just, like, doing whatever, and Rosie starts going, oh, I don't, how am I going to tell them?

And starts dancing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Starts doing like dancing.

Fatty does that thing of where she doesn't know what she's doing, but while claiming she's brilliant at it and she's going to smash it because she's great at art.

And then while dropping all of her paint on the floor, and then Rosie hasn't at all, and Matt's just there, no wonder he's having a breakdown because she's in a team with these people.

So, I mean, I think they all go film sort of way, don't they?

I mean,

Fatia goes with Cafe, Harry, and Sally.

Yeah, brilliant.

Cafe.

I would not get Cafe.

I wouldn't have got Cafe.

No.

I wouldn't have got any of them.

But I got a car.

When Stevie drew a card, I got car.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And Rabbit, I would have got Rabbit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

It was just a rabbit getting hit by a car.

Rabbit, dead car.

Brilliant.

Rabbit killing a car.

Yeah.

It's quite revealing, really, isn't it?

It's really dark.

I think it's really dark moments.

Rabbit, dead car.

Oh, dear.

Off to hospital.

And glance, kiss, and slap for Jason.

So what was his?

I don't know what the.

Maybe I missed it, but yeah, I don't know what the basis of his was.

No, it was never explained.

Glance, kiss, and slap.

There was a lovely moment in the studio where Greg says that Jason is on his way to becoming British because he's had some self-doubt.

So good.

But this is episode eight.

Yeah.

And he's had some self-doubt.

And then, and then Jason says, oh, daddy.

Oh, daddy, yeah, it really made me laugh.

Super creepy.

But yes, a lot of dancing from Rosie.

So the guesses were figurative masturbation.

Yeah.

But was that her doing sex?

That's her sexy.

She was doing sexy.

That's what she drew for sexy.

It was Carnage.

And he came up with figurative masturbation.

He was close.

Yeah.

It was close, I suppose.

It did look like a lot of fun, but like you say, I think Alex was on the edge there.

He was really annoyed at Rosie, and I felt for him.

Because sometimes she's really annoying when she doesn't get it.

You should have told him that he was welcome to call you during the filming process.

Yeah.

Yeah, I should say, mate.

Try and teach her how to set the alarm, the difference between when you go to bed or when you're leaving the house.

Carnage.

Rosie, this one means that the landing sensors aren't on, so it's, oh, I'm gone.

No, it doesn't matter, Chris.

You just do it.

So then I get text going, put the alarm on, and I've got to do it on the app.

What if you're out?

You've got you've got to do it on the app.

Oh, yeah, I used to.

She's on it now.

She's on it now, but it was can do the alarm.

Bedtime, it's bed.

Do you have one of the things next to the next the bed?

Do you have like a remote panel that you could do it from?

No, no, there's one down.

There's one.

They're in different parts of the house, but you can do it on the app.

But you just, yeah.

And when her mom stays trying to get him, oh man, it's unbelievable.

Well, it was three points for Matt, Rosie, and Fatia,

and five points for Jason and Stevie, Stevie, which is a huge moment for JV Matzoo because they've been regularly the worst team.

You hate JV Martzoo.

I can't feel their team's name.

I can't bear it.

I said it, and I remember.

So I said it.

This is a quote that I use.

It's a quote of myself, which is a bit ridiculous, but I use it quite a lot when I'm describing things.

On my series, when me and it was the only time I lost my temper, when me and Ardle had to do like a rap song or something.

And I was getting really flustered about it.

And Alex went, what's wrong?

And I turned to him and I said, I hate drama school shit.

And that's when people are like, We should have a team name.

I'm like, All right, yeah, great.

Yeah, I hate it.

So, JV Montzukus is an alumni upsets as well.

It's not clever, it's not fun, it's not quirky.

You've just wasted time.

Is it too enthusiastic for you?

Do you think it's just a team-building exercise at an HR retreat, innit?

Like, it's just annoying.

It's just annoying.

I think Greg agrees with you.

I don't think he likes it either.

But you never involved Chris in any of these.

I mean, we've still got an episode to go.

Did I not?

Did I not mention that?

Obviously, not in the filmed tasks, because I guess childcare.

But,

of course, you brought in your wedding photo.

Oh, yes.

Has that been already?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was nice.

It's not a nice photo of him, though.

No, it's terrible.

Yeah.

He got really, really drunk.

It's a real bone of contention in our marriage.

So he's just, he's hammered.

Yeah, the wedding day was horrendous.

He was absolutely...

The speeches were disgusting.

It was awful.

I can't watch the video back.

It was really bad.

He got so drunk.

He's a nice drunk, though.

He's not a horrible drunk.

Sure, yeah, yeah, of course he's irritating.

Yeah, but if you're getting drunk before the photos, that's a bad idea.

Well, because I wanted them all to be natural.

I didn't like, I don't like the sort of everybody get with your mom and now with your nanny.

I hate that.

So I just wanted the photographer to go around.

And then I said to her, I was like, you know, about half nine nine when the sky is beautiful.

Can we just like go off somewhere?

And do you not know the story about.

Oh, you're right.

So we went into this, there was like a foresty bit.

Yeah.

And that's where we got those photos taken.

Chris got

like

a half erection while we were getting our photos taken.

I'm not even joking.

Literally.

So he couldn't stand in front because he was so drunk.

It was that tunnel where

he just loves romance, right?

And literally, he was like, like, I can't go in front.

And I was like, Why?

He's like, I've got a semi.

Yeah,

I mean, this was years ago, to be fair.

I don't think it would happen now, but it was horrendous.

So, that was them.

That was outstanding.

The photo with his eyes half shut, his dicks half up.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What an awful thing to be afflicted by.

That to get a full erection, you have to have your eyes shut.

You should say, it's horrible.

I just go half and I just go half and half every time.

outstanding Rosie outstanding don't worry I mean you've had your right of reply you've absolutely nailed him to the fucking wall of his left was he really horrible about it no not at all no no no everything everything he said you've you've confirmed yeah yeah

Task three, let's talk about the final pre-recorded task of this series.

It's a team task.

It's provide the best drive-through experience.

Your first customer will arrive in five minutes from now.

The next five customers will arrive every two minutes after that.

They're expecting fast service, accurate pricing, and great food.

Your time starts now.

This is known a grand tradition of Taskmaster team tasks.

We've had the hotel.

Sort of running a business.

Running a business.

Should have seen it coming.

And this is as chaotic as you'd hope it to be, really.

Talk us through this one, please, Matt.

I mean, I think this is a good example of

sometimes you sort of think you know yourself and sometimes you think you know how you're going to come across.

And it's genuinely really surprising.

Yeah.

I sort of couldn't believe what I was watching.

And Greg was...

Greg described it very well, saying there seemed to be a stone.

It blew my mind because

we've come to know you through this series of Taskmasters.

Details guy.

Details guy, you know, you do stuff pretty well, you're efficient, start that, you start the task being like, right, let's maybe start making some stuff.

You're taking photos of the menu, you're doing all of this.

I was like, well, thank God Matt's there because the other two are all over the shop.

Yeah.

And

the first opportunity you have to do anything,

it's like you're hiding in the booth.

You wouldn't, you wouldn't look a customer in the face.

I was so fixated on the maths because I thought that's how Alex is going to be accurate pricing, it does say.

Yeah.

And

so I was doing the maths on my phone right

i hadn't worked a till like that

before

and actually what it it had like shortcut buttons which i didn't understand

so i was really i was instantly flummoxed

but it was how long you were taking as well so your head down and alex just going hello hello like not not even i'll be with you in a second just staring at the numbers yeah because i was just thinking,

oh,

like, waiting for a moment is going to be fine.

Yeah.

If I then nail the price and give him the right change,

we're not going to be, they're not going to quibble the fact that for a moment I was busy doing my job.

Yeah, sure.

You know, I wasn't being rude.

Well,

you were, yeah.

I was.

And he's already.

I keep saying one moment, sir.

He's already had to deal with Fatia.

He has.

I mean, actually, the thing here really is that we chose the wrong jobs.

I think so.

I think if I had my time over, I'd put myself in the kitchen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then Rosie taking the order and Fatty.

Did Rosie take the order, maybe Fatia on the sale.

Yeah.

Or at least we should have said from the get-go, has anyone worked till?

Yes.

Yes, something like that.

Yeah.

Although I would have been the one to go, yeah, I have.

And then I'd have looked at it and gone,

that doesn't help.

There's a moment in this as well where

Rosie tries to radio fatia and she says with a customer at the moment can you shut up I was like I'm pretty sure I have heard that in

like that that is just it's like being in McDonald's

so perfect

but yeah also to not have thought let's start making stuff

yes that that was really

I mean I I I think all three of us should have thought that well the thing that really made me laugh obviously was the preparation was you running around trying to get stuff done and them arguing about what a pentagon was.

Yeah, it was.

And that summed it up, really.

Yeah.

Was this the final team task of the day?

That's probably the point where I should have gone, I'll take the kitchen.

Yeah, yeah.

I know what a pentagon is.

Bare minimum qualification, yeah.

I know my shapes.

Was this the final team task of the day?

I can't remember.

Yeah, I think, but it probably was, yeah.

So you knew each other by then.

You knew the sort of how it worked, how you fit it together as a team.

Yeah, true, but then it's only one day.

Yeah.

I'm still, I still, at that point,

I was going to say I was still scared of Fatia.

I still am.

I'm not really happy.

No, she's lovely.

But,

yeah, I was at that point.

Yeah.

For sure.

Just such a joy to watch, though.

Average wait time of two minutes, 41.

I mean, it's extraordinary that we got any points.

And you trying to make Alex back up as well?

Yeah.

Can you back up round there?

So I thought that that was

that Alex had deliberately laid out the stations in the wrong order.

Right, okay, yeah.

So it should be

place your order, go to the till,

receive your order, but he deliberately put the kitchen in the middle.

It was confusing.

So that we would have to somehow maintain good customer service whilst also telling the customer that the kitchen is is actually behind you.

He needed to add another hurdle to the situation.

No, I mean also when the tail was the main hurdle.

But yeah, I'd sort of it hadn't occurred to me that the food could be delivered out the front door.

So in the maths zone.

Well, let's talk about the other team, JV Martzoukas.

Just all seems to go quite smoothly.

They absolutely nailed it.

And with two of them, you would have thought hard

to do all those jobs.

But I think a lot of it, honestly, is Jason

improvising these monologues about the business.

It's just perfect.

Yeah, it's a really good tactic

to sort of, yeah, to not be rude, but to buy yourself all that time.

Yeah.

It makes you excited about the food.

Yeah.

Talking about the history of

the family business.

I mean, I, you know,

my brief dalliance with customer service sort of work as a teenager manning the kiosk in a theatre

taught me never to go near it for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

Because I can't do that stuff.

No.

You can't do the till even.

No.

I mean, I look back, I go, oh, wow.

It's a wonder I lasted as long as I did in that job.

Whereas Jason, I think he should open a restaurant.

I thought it was great.

And Stevie seemed to do the cooking element pretty well as well.

She got everything right.

She was attentive.

She wanted to do well.

She was polite to everyone.

And also, I think just knowing, just put something out there.

Yeah.

If it even vaguely relates to what's been ordered, it's going to be all right.

No one knows what a drizzle is, really.

No.

You know.

And it's nonsense.

They're not eating this shit.

They're not going to.

Well, then my favourite, my favourite moment, I think, was Rosie really struggling to cut soldiers into the shape of soldiers.

And you said, just give it a sense of limbs.

just make sure it has a sense of limbs.

Yeah,

you know what I mean.

I know what you mean.

Yeah, but it's that I think there was too much detail given to like she was burning toast for like 15 minutes.

Yeah, whereas all she needed to do really was just put it in twice or turn the thing up.

Yeah, and also, as was pointed out, do that early doors.

Yeah, yeah, you know, get the toast on straight away.

Yeah, don't wait until it's been ordered.

Yeah,

yeah,

there's a lesson for many people who work in hospitality there, I think.

It was five points for Jason and Stevie and three points for you guys.

So that felt generous.

Definitely.

Yeah.

It's a good example, a good example of sort of failing, but somehow still getting points.

Thanks, Matt.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.