Taskmaster The Podcast *Best of Series 19* - Part One

Welcome, Fatia, to the Taskmaster podcast, or should I say, in celebration of this episode, the Mosquemaster podcast.

You officially rebranded the show Mosquemaster on this episode.

I have, it's got a nice ring to it, innit?

It really does.

yeah.

I like it, I like it very much, and I but I've enjoyed any moment where you take Greg on in a sort of combative but also with a deep sense of love and future marriage-that's what relationships are: ups and downs, Ed.

That's what it is.

But they rarely start on so many downs, Fatty.

It's because he tests me.

Yeah, that's what if he just listens to what I say and does what I say, yeah, we wouldn't have these issues.

Okay, we'd have a happy marriage.

I, your vibe on the show is fantastic.

Thank you.

It's very much what I was hoping for.

Oh, really?

It's what I was rooting for.

As soon as I heard you were doing it, I was like, this is a result.

They are not going to know what's hit them.

It's the mix of like the absolutely taking people on and then also being extremely charming at the same time.

And then, when it comes to some tasks, just being annoyed that you had to do that.

Some of them were mental.

Yeah.

Like,

How much did you know about the show going in?

Yeah, of course I knew, but some of them were insane, man.

Come on.

Like the one, when does the light turn on?

How the hell am I supposed to know?

Well, you did.

We'll get to it.

You knew better than anyone else.

Yeah, but like.

But there's some moments where you're opening the task, you read them out, and then you just go, well, what?

What are you playing at?

What's wrong with you?

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, like having to dress the dummies.

What are they?

What were they called?

Crash dummies or something?

The mannequins.

That's it.

The mannequins.

The car crash dummy things.

I'm like, what are you?

No, man.

Come on.

Do you know how much those things weigh?

They're proper heavy.

And their limbs are so rigid.

Like, you can't really put clothes on them.

And then you want me to do that.

No, bruv.

Come on.

We will come to that later.

We will speak about that task later.

But what I would ask is, what were you expecting from Taskmaster?

Did you think some of them would have meaning and you'd understand the task?

Yeah.

You thought there'd be a reason for it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or like, because I'm quite, despite what I, the way I behave, I'm quite

smart.

You are.

You're definitely smart.

I've got a practical way of looking at stuff and I'm a practical learner.

Yeah.

So like if you said to me do this, you'd have to show me for me to get it.

Yeah.

I don't like people talking and telling me like put A at B and then A and B together will equal this.

No.

Again,

I'll ask you again, what were you expecting, Patia?

Not of that.

I thought I would get a lot of them.

I thought I just just would know and i think i was a bit cocky and like yeah but that's important though you got you've got to go in with confidence yeah i think for sure i think it's just so funny even on episode one you're going like why do i have to do this

why you do this to me

how how was how was the experience as a whole how was oh i loved it i loved it i loved greg i loved alex i loved rosie matt jason stevie we were such a good team i felt like a family do you know what i mean And I loved it.

I just, when I watch it back, I just think, oh, I wish I would have taken my time on this.

Or if only I would have read this properly.

Why didn't I look under there?

Why didn't I look under that doormat?

That's where everyone keeps their keys.

I'm like, no, we're Arabs.

We keep our keys in our bras.

Do you know what I'm saying?

That's what we do.

So I'm like, that's why.

When he was like,

did you check your bra?

No.

No.

There you go.

That was your mistake.

Maybe for you, they just, when you weren't looking,

slipped it in.

Yeah, the sound man, popped it in the bra.

So, yeah, but you know what?

My hijab helped me.

You know, there was one where we had to catch like food flying in the air.

Yes, that was in episode one in the P Olympics.

Yep, my hijab helped me.

Thank you, hijab.

Yeah,

the right way, you're not going to be happy about that.

Yet again, advantages given to Muslims

in the P Olympics.

In the great British sport of P Olympics.

And she's not even British.

let them let them froth at the mouth no you're absolutely I mean you're fantastic how did you feel getting on with Alex during during the tasks because sometimes people take the combative approach to Alex I think I think I think you did that certainly do you feel like you were getting on throughout the whole process with Alex I love him but he's a wanker bro

he is like we had to do that challenge where we were like one of us had to clap one had to jump up and down and the other one had to sit down yeah and i was jumping from foot to foot and he was like fatia that's not jumping i was like i will cut you bruh yeah i am moving from foot to foot that is jumping yeah there was some debate over whether that was that was jumping did you say it was like rocky yeah yeah yeah like rocky balbara yeah exactly that's jumping innit yeah i guess if you can fit a skipping rope under it's probably jumping thank you ed can you go and tell him that please i think it's too late

welcome Matt, to the Taskmaster Podcast.

Thank you for having me.

We're very excited to have you here in the caravan.

You were just saying, just before we started recording, that

we like our guests to feel comfortable and excited to be here.

I believe you used the phrase trauma flashback.

Yes, I did.

I thought podcast, you know, it's an audio medium.

I didn't quite bank on the cameras and the...

Especially this GoPro, which really does.

Yes, a

360 camera.

Yeah.

Which I've seen uh how it looks and it's not flattering

there's quite a sharp answer screams let's make sure we've covered every corner of this place so there is nowhere for a person to hide and keep their dignity yeah you can't hide there will be no dignity maintained none if indeed you do you feel like the the experience of taskmaster was an undignified experience

We're here to talk about episode two of us.

Yes.

Well,

swings around.

Okay, that's good.

So we've got stuff to look out for in future episodes.

Look,

it's a brilliant series so far.

We're all loving it.

You seem like a genuinely good Taskmaster contestant.

You won the first episode of the series.

That's a bizarre

thing.

I kind of came into it thinking maybe I would do alright.

Yeah.

I think because I've watched it a lot, I sort of thought,

I know you need to think laterally and I know you need to sort of look around and there might be shortcuts and clues.

But then, my experience very quickly, I very quickly felt like it had been a disaster.

So, it really took me by surprise winning the first episode.

So, when you were filming the tasks, straight away you were like, I'm actually bad at this.

I'm terrible.

If you spoke to the lovely Chrissy makeup artist, she would tell you that I came back into that room after every single task and sat on the sofa and put my head in my hands.

I was just like, oh no.

Oh no, I'm that guy.

That is the exact thought I had on my first day.

I can't believe I'm the stupid one on this.

Yeah, that was 100% my feeling.

And I thought, I'll be the one that Greg sort of turns to at the end of the VT and says, I've written something down.

I've written,

you look like someone had escaped the local care home and was wandering around the supermarket.

I was like,

that's going to be me.

So it amazed me actually that

any of them went okay.

What is interesting about this series so far is I think all of you in a sense are that person.

That's fucking true.

Everyone has an element of that so far.

I sort of initially misdiagnosed Jason

as

chaotic because he was being so front-footed and American and was like really wanted to go for it

and then very quickly realized, oh,

he just wants to destroy.

That's all he wants to do.

That's very much the vibe we're getting so far.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, he genuinely.

I think at one point in the series, he refers to it as a secondary ongoing mission to destroy, destroy, destroy.

I think secondary is

not right.

I think it's his primary mission.

Primary objective.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, we should talk about your general sort of need for destruction.

You seem to head into the house from the very first day, as we see in one of the tasks in this episode,

with a real fury and ready to destroy the house.

I really wanted to set the tone.

I really wanted to make sure that Alex understood from the jump, this is not going to be easy for him.

You know, that

he is truly under threat.

I wanted him to acknowledge and understand that I could dismantle him at any point, physically and mentally.

I mean, the fact that you brought a lockpicking set with you, did you bring in sort of tools to help you in the task?

Or did you just have a lockpicking set?

I just had it with me.

I just had it because it's in a little, I keep like a little tool pouch in my backpack all the time.

You know, it's got like, and listen, let's be honest, the lockpick set is easily the least used or,

you know, accessed thing.

It's more often than not the tweezers or the little roll of duct tape or, you know, stuff like that.

That's useful.

But, but as I was thinking of like, oh, what's a cool thing?

What could be cool?

I was like, oh, what about picking a lock?

That would be very cool, Magnum PI style.

So it seemed like, and I was very happy that I had my toolkit with me.

But because otherwise I just would have done some dumb bullshit, you know?

So why not?

So I have, it's over there.

I have a toolkit that's got a ton of stuff.

So are you, I mean, are you a survivalist?

Is this what we're talking about?

Is this?

Am I a survivalist?

That's great.

I mean, not really, but I am.

I did very much internalize the ethos of the Boy Scouts, which is be prepared.

You know, that idea of like, oh, whatever might happen, especially if I'm on the road in a foreign country where I'm being treated as a enemy, maybe it's good to have some some tools on hand.

Maybe I don't trust these fuckers.

I don't know what they're up to.

Sorry, so you saw being on Taskmaster as being in a foreign country and in danger all of the time.

Yeah, I felt under duress.

I felt like if I wanted to leave, I couldn't.

They seemed to have control of me.

They had control of my papers.

I didn't like that.

That's what a lot of people don't know is that when you sign up to Taskmaster, they take your passport, don't they?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Vicki takes that passport straight away and she's like, you'll get this back later.

So let's talk about the prize task for this episode, the best thing for a middle-aged man to keep on his bedside table.

Yeah.

A lovely category.

And you do think, how does Alex come up with these?

Yeah, how he's really digging deep.

Yeah.

But this one feels like he reached for something on his bedside table and he didn't have all the things he needed, maybe.

And he was like, okay, that's a task.

Yeah.

I think constantly it must be like, that's a task.

If something happens to it, someone says, yeah.

Yeah.

How does he turn it off?

That must be so awful day to day, just constantly having to think about tasks.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know.

I think Alex actually has a lovely life.

I was going to say there would be other things in his life that are more terrible than thinking about tasks, but I think he's just...

I think he has a lovely life.

It's a constant joy.

Yeah.

Another task.

One from the sky post.

Another task.

Why not?

Also, he's probably loaded.

It's a good category, this.

I mean, I feel like as a man who is in middle age slash approaching.

Approaching.

Approaching.

Approaching.

Creeping towards.

I feel like, you know, the sorts of things I'd like on my bedside table.

I'm not sure any of them are covered here, to be honest.

How do we feel about their efforts this time, Sophie?

Okay, Stevie, the quill.

Yes.

I think that could have gone either way.

Do you?

I I think, yeah, because it's kind of like the vinyl of pens.

It's kind of like, I was like, oh, you dumb bitch, but also, I see it.

I was like, I really, I feel like quite an affinity with Stevie.

Yeah.

I think because she's got cool hair.

Yes.

And I was like, I see what you were going for, but it was so instantly, obviously, crap.

Yeah.

But I think it could have, like, I think it could have appealed.

I was like, I see where you're, I think, yeah, I see it.

I understood that her motivation was mystery and intrigue.

Yeah.

But I don't see how a quill provides that.

Yeah.

Surely a scroll a scroll.

A scroll.

But then she was even saying, oh, and then you can look over and be like, oh, that's mysterious.

But it's not because you've put it there.

Yeah.

Right.

So you like to put a quill here.

Yeah.

But it's not.

A quill is not mysterious.

Yeah.

It's only mysterious if you did not put someone else put the quill there.

You'd have to put the quill on there.

A bad one point.

A bad one point.

And also, I really feel like the source of middle-aged man who might have a quill on his bedside table is not ideal.

Yes.

I think I have a name for this genre of

man.

I don't know.

I think you might have been formerly this kind of man.

I don't know.

At least you tell me.

Yeah, yeah.

I might be currently.

It's a methinks.

It's a methinks.

It's a trilby.

It's a methinks.

Yes, a methinks.

It's tipping the peak of the trilby.

It's a little bit steampunk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's a waistcoat in summer.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, and no, I wasn't.

You weren't, okay.

But yes, I think we all agree that Stevie sort of missed the mark here a little bit.

But Stevie is very funny when she's messed up.

Yes.

Constant chaos smiling around her.

So just yelling, fuck.

Yeah, fuck

a lot of those.

Let's talk about Rosie, who got the two points.

Let's go from the bottom of the league table up.

I really liked Rosie's.

I was surprised it got the two points because it made me laugh a lot.

Yeah.

The sex curtain over the picture of the picture.

The sex curtain really saved it because the picture was, why was she playing piano?

Such a weird picture.

also I think it's like I think it was kind of charming that her picture of middle-aged men is her her boys yeah it's sweet but also yeah worrying that they would not speak to her anymore was quite sad yeah quite emotional but I know she was joking about like the sex curtain and putting the photo next to them but I think she also really meant it I think she would absolutely do that

I do you have any photos of loved ones who are not the loved one that you're in the bedroom with in actually in the bedroom in the bedroom no I don't think I do no no I think it's it's just a couple of wedding pics yeah

face down before I've like been like yeah I've just been like no this is this is a house of forgetfulness

I've also had Greg in there have you yeah did you face have you faced down

well it's a 3d it's sort of just like a gold-headed roller coaster yeah yeah you can't face you can't face down the trophy can you yeah they've got to stare they've got to stare them in the eye I think it helps some people yeah

also it's a powerful object to have in there as well, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you can't face down the trophy though.

But no, I thought this was very funny, but

creepy if a middle-aged man has a picture of his mum next to his back.

Creep, creepy, creepy picture, creepy, creepy vibe.

Creepy vibe.

Creepy lady.

Everyone's creepy.

It was three points for Matthew Bainton,

a book of poetry.

And it really struck me in this moment when he was talking about the book of poetry, how similar he is to his character from Ghosts.

Okay, yeah.

Sweet.

Sweet, like poetic,

thoughtful nerd.

And the book is Devotions by Mary Oliver and When Death Comes was the only poem he could think of.

That was beautiful.

Yeah.

How are we feeling about that?

A middle-aged man having a book of poetry?

Because I hate this, it's probably me being

anti-intelligentsia or deliberately a thicko.

Yeah.

But I feel like a middle-aged man with a poetry book by his bed.

That's a little creepoid to me.

It's very affected.

It's very affected.

Yeah.

It's very affected.

It was like doing, it was like, tell me you've got a quill without telling me you've got a quill.

It's quill-coded.

It's quill-coded.

It's like, hey, I'm a normal guy, but open some of these drawers, you might find a feather with a nib on it.

I think it was actually the one thing that he maybe did this episode that made me dislike it.

I believe that he loves poetry.

I believe that he loves that poetry book.

And it sounds good.

I was just like, don't be so,

don't be, don't do something.

Don't put something you actually love.

I mean, I don't know.

But also, I think the act of leaving a book of poetry out on the bedside table is very much like,

look at the sort of guy I am.

Yeah.

It feels, it's a bit icky, isn't it?

Yeah.

But it got through.

Creep number three.

Creep number three.

God, they're all creeps this year.

Three points, but it's good.

We got it out of the way.

That's the only thing that made you dislike him.

We're fine.

Oh, I loved him this episode.

Fattier, this is one of of my favourite prize tasks ever, I think.

Because it is weird, like Greg says.

An orange with the word audacity written on it.

Because middle-aged men have so much audacity.

They should juice the orange and then drink it in the orange.

And then drink the audacity

to keep it inside them.

This made no sense and should have got two points.

But the fervor with which she said it, almost like that.

You were just like, yeah, sure.

By drinking something, you get less of it.

That

makes sense.

Obviously, it's an orange, the most audacious fruit.

I think it's internalising it, though.

So instead of letting it out during the day,

you've drunk it.

So you're not carrying around.

Or like a poke ball of audacity.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you're not carrying round the orange of audacity.

Yeah.

You've juiced it and you've drunk it.

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not,

I won't, I won't, I won't back it.

I back Fatia.

Yeah, of course.

But I think they're now picking their battles with her.

Yeah.

Because they know that if they take her on, they're getting absolutely cut down.

They're being scythed.

And also, you can't can't be audacious in response to men of too much audacity.

Yeah, she absolutely hamstrung them there.

That was great.

And the five points goes to Jason, who really appealed to Greg, I think.

I think he knows what a middle-aged man is.

I was impressed by that.

Yeah, it's a torch.

to go to the toilet so you don't wake yourself up in the night.

For a while, I thought Jason was being really

kind to whoever he's in the bedroom with.

Oh, yeah, that's what I thought as well.

It's like, you don't want to wake them up.

Yeah, but it's to not wake himself up.

Even though then the logic of it of you don't want to wake yourself up by turning the light on, but this torch has 200,000 lumens.

Yeah, the power of a thousand iPhones.

It doesn't quite make sense.

I also think I don't want to see my toilet in like high definition.

No.

It's a clean toilet, I think, as they go, but also just.

Yeah.

It's like going to the toilet in the middle of the night with a UV light.

That would be a worse option.

Oh, God.

I sometimes go in the dark.

I know where my child is.

You You banked it.

I could go with a sleep mask on.

You could do it with just the sense of your nose.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It stinks.

It stinks.

Here we go.

First task.

Yes.

First task of the series, not season.

Put your hands on the hands.

Oh, this was funny.

Shut your eyes and keep them shut until you hear the whistle.

They then pop two jars of vinegar on the back of the contestants' hands while their eyes are closed.

Pour all the vinegar into the fish tank.

Fastest wins.

For every millilitre spilled, one second will be added to your time.

Your time started when you heard the whistle.

How would you have done in this, Nick?

Because there's that initial panic moment.

Oh, so bad in all of them.

We haven't got to it yet.

But that backwards one.

Oh my God, I didn't even understand it.

You're already worried.

We're not even talking about the words.

I know, I know.

We're not talking about that.

Let's talk about the first one.

I think I would have, I wouldn't have enjoyed...

I just love all the ladybirds in there.

I wouldn't have enjoyed not often you can say that about a pod costume no it's not it's not always interesting either um I I wouldn't have enjoyed closing my eyes I in that I think I just I mean I know that the task can be sometimes filmed out of order but especially as an early task early in the run I think I would have been oh god they're gonna do something horrible I don't know what's gonna happen yeah bearing in mind I thought that Mr.

Blobby task back in you know

series 17

and we were wearing that sort of visor thing or that blinkered thing, hands-made tail sort of outfit.

And I honestly thought

it was a goat that had got like a writer, they'd released a wild animal, and I was genuinely terrified because it came out, made a noise which sounded like me, like sounded like a bleating thing, but it was the mechanism to make it move.

I thought it was an animal, and it whacked into the back of my legs, and it really hurt.

And then Alex thought, oh, we're gonna have to do it again because something had gone, I think it had like something come off.

So they were like, I was gonna do it again, and I thought, oh god, it's like it's angry, it's her, or it's down, or it's gone wild or something.

Like, get it back in the tent, get it back.

I was terrified it was going to be a wild animal.

And that was only because I couldn't see it.

And then I was like, oh, I'm sure it's not.

So the fact that having your vision obstructed.

So I think having my vision of skin, I'm like, oh, I'm

not sure if you're not.

Instantly would find that unnerving.

Well, this was pretty straightforward.

I think you get to open the eyes.

I think it must have been a really early task, only because

they all seem quite wary, don't they?

But also, they tell Stevie to go to the lab, and she doesn't know which room though.

That's very true.

So she's certainly not been to the lab before.

Yeah, you're hoping.

Well.

You're hoping it's not the final task and she still doesn't know it's called the lab.

That's the lab again.

Which is the lab.

Yeah, that was fun.

Some amazing attempts to get the jars off.

Pretty impressive.

I think they all did really well.

I would have spilled.

Well, no, no, no, quite.

But I think I would have spilled immediately, immediately.

I think I would have spent spills.

No, because I think you're doing yourself down because you're a magician.

You're good with your hands.

I think you can.

I am clumsy as well, Ed.

I'm quite clumsy.

You're not a good magician.

No, no.

I mean, there's a reason why I don't do it anymore.

There's many mind stuff anyway.

I love it actually.

I can only do the mind stuff now.

Yeah, yeah, never use your hands.

It's kind of easy anymore.

Yes, I think they did do a...

I would have been concerned about my lips going anywhere near it as well.

Because I think the idea of, you know, I mean, I can demonstrate on it.

That's fine because that's squash in there.

But if that's like that full with vinegar,

that would even inhaling the odour would, I think, make me go, you'd pass out.

I'd pass out.

Yeah.

I'd pass out.

And I think I'd just be worried about drinking it and then I'd smash it and then it'd drop on the floor and smash.

And so I...

That's the thing that listeners should know about Nick is he will pass out if he inhales vinegar.

Yeah.

Some people have to be chloroformed.

Yeah, no, no.

With Nick.

Bag of chips over the face.

I never have vinegar on chips.

And for that reason, I don't mind a salt and vinegar crisp.

Yeah.

A McCoy's, a ridgy one.

You need the ridgy one.

More surface area for the vinegar.

The highlights of the hands situation, I do want to talk about Fatia.

Yes.

Who seems to be able to bend her fingers up?

Up.

Yeah, to hold stuff.

And Alex very rarely, he normally keeps a poker face, doesn't he?

What are you doing?

Which way are they going?

Yeah, he was, I think he was genuinely quite sort of perturbed by that.

It was really impressive.

I mean, I can't.

They sort of bent from sort of the middle of the fingers.

They bent as if they were the other way around.

Yeah, I've only ever seen that in

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Fire when

I've forgotten his name.

The one that

thingy plays, brilliant Irish actor,

plays a Madai Moody.

Madai Moody, yeah.

We won't say the actor's name.

I don't know because we can't.

Is it Brendan Gleason?

It is Brendan Gleeson, yes.

And when he's transforming sort of back into basically David Tennants,

his fingers, because he hasn't taken enough poly juice potion to kind of keep him sort of transformed, his fingers do that.

Yeah.

That's what I thought when I saw it.

So you're suggesting Fatty was transforming.

She's just not taking enough apologies.

Well, I don't know who she's transforming back into, but who knows?

But yeah.

Greg.

That's the twist.

That's a huge twist.

That's what they series might be on.

Yeah.

Yeah, everyone else seems to manage it.

I mean, Matt slowly

slides them backwards.

He really, really wants to do well at this point.

Yes, he does.

Wonderful moment where he gets very close to the jar and just whispers, come on, you.

Yeah.

So So gentle.

Yeah, yeah.

Really?

Really gentle but competitive.

Quietly competitive.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, the fact that, you know, Stevie and Rosie don't get any spills either, I think they do a really good job.

Yeah.

Jason, wait, I think we're in for a chaotic series with Jason.

Yeah.

And that's, you know, that's an early task as well.

That's an early task.

Yeah.

He's the only one who knocks stuff over and spills it at that point.

Then he's

into the front room, right, with

the things that go, oh, so this is the theme of the season, sire!

And just drops the jar straight away.

It was great.

So funny.

It was perfect.

It was absolutely perfect.

Now, obviously, we need to talk about them finding the fish tank.

Everyone is rightly annoyed that the fish tank is a tank

being driven by.

Some more than others.

Some more than others.

How would you feel about it?

I feel like you would see that and you go, oh, very good.

Oh, I'd like that.

Yeah, you'd like that.

I would have seen that.

It was here, right?

It was right here, right here where we were sitting, yeah.

I would have liked that.

I think I would say that I wouldn't have spotted it quickly.

Yes.

But as soon as it was like, ah,

love it.

Yeah.

I'd have loved that.

Yeah.

And then why was it all sort of stuck down?

I don't know.

It's just

extra annoying things.

Yeah, that is, I wouldn't have, no, I mean, oh, well, if I found it, that, yeah, I'm not fussed with all that.

Yeah.

All that business, no.

Everyone finds it apart from Rosie.

I mean, people do miss it.

Oh, yeah.

And of course, because in your mind, you're looking for a fish tank.

Quite.

And your brain will block things out if they're not the thing you're looking for, right?

Quite.

It's like that.

I don't know if you've seen on Instagram that sort of meme where it's like the words like, I think, black needle and sort of brainstorm or something are put on the same image.

And then, and then this weird kind of audio plays, but you only hear when you look at, only hear the word that you're reading.

And it's really weird.

It replays it and replays it.

And whichever word you read, it will sound like that.

It's sort of fascinating.

That must be what Alex was doing.

I think that's what they...

They thought, well, I know.

Your brain is looking for a fish tank, so you won't see this thing.

Yeah, so I mean, look, eventually, most of them find it.

Rosie does not.

No.

But I think what she does, she goes and finds a jar and writes fish tank on it.

I'm not normally a fan of this because in Taskmaster, it's happened a bit where people write on things and they go, That is the thing.

Yeah.

Then, no, I like loopholes, but not the.

It's sort of a really annoying philosophical discussion of if you write a label on something, does it then make it that thing?

But in this case, I would say her fish tank is way more of a fish tank than the Taskmaster.

Right, that's sort of what they've done.

So, yeah, I didn't mind it.

And I think if you're clutching at straws at that point, fine.

Yeah,

I think she does a good job.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it's all about speed in this situation and also millilitres spilled.

Obviously, Jason gets one point because

he spilled a lot.

Yeah.

Rosie gets two points because she takes a long old time, 15 minutes, 30.

That's the thing, isn't it?

When it's one of those where it's sort of double-pronged, like, you know, you're,

I can't remember, was it the one with the baby trying to bath the baby and you had the water and the papoose and stuff like that?

I was like, well, I can't, obviously I can't do this quickly.

Yeah.

So you've got to trade off.

You've got to make a decision.

You've got to, yeah, you've definitely got to trade off.

And I'm going to.

Yeah, and obviously they're not weighted equally, are they?

Because it's just whatever Greg decides, like whether he would value time

taken over spillage.

You've got to be slow and steady and also very quick.

Slow and steady wins a race, but you've got to be really quick not to spill anything so quickly slow

which is what makes the show matt describe the format quickly slow matt gets three points um which is good is very angry about the fish tank yeah he didn't like that he didn't like that he doesn't like the pun uh fatia gets four points which is great i mean i think she's that's good for fatia i think yeah i thought she was going to win actually an extra point for her handy fingers uh and stevie gets the five points uh i think we've got some real insight into what sort of contestant Stevie's going to be, where she threatens to drink the vinegar if she can't find the fist tank.

But she thought that it was piss.

Yeah, she thought it was the piss.

She was happy to drink the piss.

And then

she had a whole sort of reason as to why that would actually be absolutely fine.

I know, well, you know, it'd be dehydrating, but you know, it's like, all right, Stevie, yeah, whatever.

Let's talk about the outfit before we get into this episode, Matt, because it's, I'd say, bold.

I think you look fantastic in it.

Quite short shorts.

How did you come to the decision of the outfit?

Were there other things in your mind that you might have gone with?

There were a couple of sort of other contenders.

I knew, as soon as I was asked to do it, I knew I would.

Yeah,

I'll definitely wear an outfit.

I just felt like,

yeah, I've not done much stuff as myself, and I'm usually not quite...

wholly comfortable in my own skin.

And I thought, if I wear some sort of an outfit yeah it'll feel like

not a character but just a permission to be ridiculous you're playing you're playing an elevated version of yourself is like a character not even sure it's that I think it is just literally a sign that says I'm here to be laughed at yeah that's okay yes that's good yeah yeah yeah

and um

and I thought I didn't you know and then you're trying to come up with something

and

I kind of thought it'd be funny if it looks like

an attempt

to do something serious in a sporting sense, an athletic,

given the tasks are all ridiculous.

If you look like you've shown up for a proper sporting event

and then you're, you know,

painting eggs or whatever it's going to be.

Great.

And it's an instantly funny outfit.

As soon as you appear on the screen in that first episode, huge laugh.

I will say this, it's actually more than i bargained for because i was given the option of going and getting stuff yeah and i took the lazy route because they also said you know we can source some bits for you if we've got an idea

and i was like well

maybe if i look like i'm sort of running a marathon or doing track and field or something so

If you could get me, and I did say, to be fair, I said short shorts because they're funnier than long shorts

and a vest with a number on it.

and

the vest was too big and the shorts were so much shorter than I so yeah it's more ridiculous than I necessarily bargained for and you are really the only one

yeah absolutely like Jason is wearing an outfit and he wears the same outfit in in the studio but that's what he wears in life yeah just the whole time that's all he wears the whole time he'd have worn that on your podcast I imagine yeah he must have done yeah but obviously at the time I hadn't seen any of this so I didn't connect that that's his thing he would wear that all the time.

Is it sort of like a?

I mean, we can ask him, I'm sure we'll be interviewing him at some point for this, but is it like a Steve Jobs thing?

Did he explain the outfit?

You know, Steve Jobs used to only have the same stuff, so he could just

waste any time deciding what to wear.

And I know Nick Cave talks about like that.

That's the great thing about

this is my look.

Yes.

I've just chosen it.

So there's no.

Yeah, so Steve Jobs, Nick Cave, and Jason Manzukis.

I'd put those three together anyway.

Yeah, for sure.

Here we go.

Answer the cheese phone.

Every time you move, Alex will play the French horn.

If you choose to only use your sense of smell, Alex will not play the French horn.

And your final time will be halved, fastest wins.

Now, this is mad.

Yeah.

I feel like the prize tasks have gotten more like, say what Alex immediately sees when he wakes up in bed.

And the tasks are just incomprehensible.

Chaos.

I mean, it's brilliant.

I mean, this is brilliant because I think he must have worked from it, would be funny if every time someone walked, a French horn played.

Because that is funny.

That is funny.

Like, no matter which way you look at it.

But the cheese phone.

The cheese phone.

And then all those puns of the bees phone and the knees phone.

And he's doing that a lot this series where he's doing puns deliberately to annoy people because people hate them when they're doing it.

When they're doing it.

Would you have enjoyed this one, Sophie?

I think

I've liked to think I'd have been a nose guy.

Yeah.

But I'm often congested right now.

The ladybugs know.

It's hay fever season.

I would be, if I chose to go only with a nose,

I'd be a sack of flesh rolling around.

No senses whatsoever.

Well, I suppose if you were filming in the winter, you go nose.

Summer, you've got to use the other senses.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's a tricky one.

I think I might have gone nose out of just a sort of bold feeling of like, I think I can

smell my way to the side of the bus.

I've got a good nose.

I think I can.

Even though my nose is small, it's sensitive.

Yeah, and I can smell cheese.

Yeah, I,

yeah.

I worry that I would have chosen the French horn because that looked a lot harder.

The French horn would have

driven me up the wall.

Yeah.

I think I would have physically attacked Alex with the French horn.

It would have really, really annoyed me.

And I think as a viewer, I found the B's and K's

and P's phone really funny.

Yeah.

I think as a contestant, I would have gone absolutely ape shit at him.

That would have been really bad.

Quite a few people choose the horn.

So Fatia, Jason,

and Rosie choose the horn.

That was a beautiful pullback and reveal.

Of Rosie.

The edit was so funny.

I was like, that surprised me.

Yeah.

When she got it, I was like, wow.

Okay.

She's suddenly competent.

Yeah.

She's entirely different from how I assumed.

But she eventually nails it.

Like, she eventually gets there.

But after answering the phones 22 times, answering the same phone more than once is the definition of madness when it's clearly a pun and a joke.

Yeah.

Just incredible.

And also what really made me laugh the first time she answers the phones, she always says, hello, Rosie speaking.

Which was so sweet.

Hey, it's Big Bob Edergy.

Yeah, I was like, she's got a landline.

That is a lady with a landline.

But then eventually starts to get very annoyed and just says, hello.

Yeah.

I saw a little bit, I think a bit of like she knew it wasn't right when they showed her first edit that little sadness where it's like ha hardy ha ha

that's not how I remember it happening but there's always that hope in that situation as well that you might be like maybe that's just what they're gonna do yeah maybe they're showing the edit just because it's more interesting maybe that maybe I've just got to pretend that's what happened yeah and then no gutted absolutely gutted

Jason continues to be I think he's heading towards the most psychopathic contestant yeah what did he do with this one I mean he tries to, he runs away from Alex for a start.

He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just get away from him as much as possible.

But he stumbles across this new thing for this year, which is a task under the table.

Yes.

That they can find at any time.

That would have.

I would have been.

That would make me furious.

Yeah.

It's because Alex has now obviously caught wind of the fact the advice is from previous contestants, always look under the table.

Yeah.

So he is punishing people for looking under the table with this incredibly long thing that you have to read out loud.

I sort of enjoyed it, but I was like, okay.

Yeah.

We've reached Pete's table.

Yeah.

It was Pete.

It was the end of the table.

Yeah.

That's it now.

You can't ever look under the table again.

And the magic mustache, which we've not seen before as well.

You've got to wear a magic mustache.

That was nice.

Kind of, I think it was less,

it was less

alarming for him to wear the mustache out of all of the contestants, I think.

Well, I'd forgot he put it on.

Yeah.

Because it just blended in perfectly with his current mustache

but yes very good Fatia chooses the horn as well again I thought she was gonna get more angry than than she actually did but they they all eventually find the cheese phone

Stevie and Matthew both choose just the sense of smell we'll talk about Stevie quickly because she smashes it yeah it's incredible it's straight straight to the straight straight to the cheese six minutes 44 and she smashes some stuff up but high risk high yield as she says yeah and the yield is huge The yield was some disgusting cheese.

I feel like I'd be quite scared without all my senses.

But she, like, both she and well, no, but I think Matthew was rolling around lucky.

Yes.

Yes.

I mean, I'm a little hedgehog.

Save Matthew till last.

Yeah, save it for a very good reason.

So

cool and calm.

And yeah.

She's almost more competent with only her sense of smell.

This is true.

I feel like she should have proceeded throughout the rest of the tasks with just a nose.

With just a nose.

With just a nose.

I think that would have worked even better for her.

But yes, she finds it.

She's very proud of herself, as she should be, and her time is half to three minutes, 22.

Matthew finds it 21 minutes, so quite long.

But we need to talk about the wardrobe malfunction.

Oh, boy.

Hey.

He did not know, but we had him on the last.

episode we couldn't talk about this yet okay all right but he did not know that this had happened until he was in the studio watching himself back on the screen.

Incredible.

So this is the first time he realised his nuts fell out was the same time the nation, well, the studio certainly saw his nuts fell out.

Oh, that is incredible.

That is incredible.

Yeah.

Because I've thought of it before.

Taskmaster crew, what a bunch of little perves.

What a huge bunch of pervs.

You listeners don't know.

It's unbelievable.

We've all got our nuts out all the time.

They're always watching.

They're always watching.

They're always like, oh, never make the edit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, you're going to just pop them out because it's not gonna go in the edit.

It's just for get the camera grading right.

They make up some technical stuff, don't they?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get your nuts out.

But yeah, mortifying.

Yeah.

I don't know how I would have felt if that was me.

It's very funny.

Hey, I feel like if, hey, if we want a charity auction off that footage, we could change the world.

Yeah, the unedited footage.

Yeah.

The director's cut.

I want to see it real bad.

Yeah.

Add me?

Well,

I tell you who I feel good for is Phil Wang.

Oh, yeah.

For years, Phil Wang was the genitalia-based Taskmaster contestant.

Just because it was very bulged.

Very bulged.

Very tight.

Very bulged, and you can see shapes.

But was that intentional?

We don't know.

No, it wasn't.

Because the first time Wang found out about that was when he did the Team Task Day.

And Rod and James said, have you been wearing that the whole time?

We can see your properties.

And by then it was far too late.

And obviously, Matthew never got that opportunity because the Team Task Day, they stayed in place.

Yes.

So, but I think now he is the king of the king of the TM.

The king of swing.

The king of swing.

The king of the TM journeys.

I think he handled it with grace at the studio.

He did, absolutely.

I would have walked off or got them out again.

But yeah,

it remains to be seen.

We may, well, no, it is very much seen, but we might, will we see them again?

I never know.

I hope so.

I hope so.

Will there be another cameo?

They are dangerously short shorts.

But he finds the cheese in 21 minutes, halved to 10 minutes 30 which means it's one point for Jason two points for Rosie three points for Fatia four points for Matthew I think Alex says that was worth it

and five points for Stevie

Task three.

Tell Alex why the light bulb turns on.

You may not touch or tamper with the light bulb.

There's big headshakes going on over here again.

You may not tamper with the light bulb.

Fastest correct answer wins.

Your time starts now.

Why are you angry about this task?

Because you did so well on this.

I know, but it just felt so long.

Like, I know it's...

You did it.

You did it in seven minutes.

I know, but that felt like an hour, man.

I swear.

And he's just sitting there looking at you.

I'm like, you know the answer.

Just tell me.

And then he didn't want to help.

And I'm like, you're so cruel.

And then it was just, yeah, it was.

And it it just kept on flashing at certain points and you don't yeah it was just um and then all these things in front of you like smile plus two plus what the hell man that doesn't even make sense okay

it was a task you had to work it out it wasn't just imagine the tv show of you walking into a room there's a puzzle there and you say to alex tell me what it is and he does and that's it i'm not sure it would have made it to series 19

but you did you did it so well it was so impressive thank you did you work from the clues or did you do it by accident and then work backwards from there?

Um, a bit of both, yeah, because I was like, okay, there's definitely a smile involved, there's something too.

So it's either two smiles in a go, or it's something to do with time.

Yeah, because there was a water clock there as well.

So it was, I don't know, it was like a mixture of, I don't know how, you know, when you're just like chaotically intelligent.

Yeah, well, you absolutely nailed it.

Seven minutes.

Did it surprise you as because obviously yours was played last, seeing how long other people took?

when they said when when Greg was like oh Steve it took 28 minutes I was like oh my god she looked like and then she threw all those raisins in her mouth.

She is mental

and then when it came to Jason then they were like was it 58 minutes?

52.

Oh my god.

I don't know how he did that.

I don't know how Alex did that.

If I was Alex I'd be screwing bro I'd be like you best hurry up.

I need to go toilet.

I need to eat.

I need to call my family.

I need to fucking go home.

Like

how are you taking an hour to do a task?

Jason, come on.

And then he put all the raisins in

the well, that was really making me laugh.

Feeding it raisins.

Yeah.

Because every time he did it, you saw him go, it's obviously not what it is.

But then the light bulb would come back on.

So every time he was about to stop it, he was like, maybe it is the raisins.

It was so funny.

But again, I really don't think he cares about getting the boys.

No.

So just the idea of putting raisins into the box was making him laugh.

So he decided to do it for 52 minutes.

It was outstanding.

He's something else that guy.

He's got patience, you know.

He's got proper patience.

I would have lost my mind.

Yeah.

That's a long time.

I mean, I think the longest I've ever taken over a task is 97 minutes.

What?

What was that?

It was on Champion the Champions.

I had to get a duck from the top of the drive into a pond down there.

But I wasn't allowed to come out from behind the rope up there.

So you have to release the duck from up there and get it really far away so i was basically building a river for the duck oh wow that kept collapsing but i decided to do it so i was like i'm just going to keep doing this even though i knew it was never going to work so i did it for 97 minutes and then didn't didn't do it i chopped the duck's head off and buried it

you i'm calling the rspca feel free i'll do it to any duck that's in front of me i hate ducks now i can't even have crispy duck

oh no no no no no just dreadful worst day of my life hat here i'll be honest did Did they get pissed off with you?

I bet Alex was fuming.

I don't think you, I think he realised that it would probably be good in the edit, so he just let me carry on doing it.

I felt bad for the crew because it was over lunch, basically.

Oh, you're evil.

At one point, a delivery man arrived, came in through the gate while I'm screaming at a duck.

Just desperate to make it happen.

Do you like duck outside of that?

Like, did you used to eat duck?

I've never eaten duck.

Yeah, I like duck as a meat.

I mean, crispy duck pancakes are

one of the finest things on the planet.

Oh, really?

Personally, yeah.

I've never had it.

I've never had a...

Yeah, they don't have halal ducks.

Look, there's a robin outside, you know.

Can you see?

And it ain't even Christmas.

Why is it out?

Get back in your house.

That's climate change, isn't it?

That is climate change.

We're about to die.

The world's going to end.

Yeah, as you so beautifully illustrated in your painting from the previous episode.

Put it on the pallet and then squidged it up against the painting, and then it was all about climate change in the end.

Luckily, because it was melting.

No, I like crispy duck pancakes, but there's no halal ducks.

No, well, well, I don't, I've never had a halal duck.

That might be a gap in the market, maybe

after Taskmaster, you know, you know, there's gonna be plenty more people interested in what you're up to.

Gordon Ramsey, call me, bruv, innit?

Call me.

We come at halal duck pancakes, bruv.

Come on, y'all.

Really good idea.

Also, let's stop talking about food now because this is not, I can't stress enough this is not off-menu, Fatia.

Even though, and I will let the listener know,

when Fatia turned up here, she said, is it just with you?

I went, yeah.

She went, what about the other guy?

What do you mean?

She went, Matt.

I was like, oh no, Matt Bainter, we had him in yesterday.

We were talking to him about episode two.

I said, no, Matt Crosby, who I co-host Radio X with.

Did you think we were doing the Radio X show from the Taskmaster Caravan for no reason?

I just thought it was him.

I really thought it was you and him today.

But he hasn't been on Taskmaster.

I don't know, but that's what I thought, why is he here but i was like i don't know what's going on these people mad people who knows

maybe because there's alex and greg they need a ed and matt ed and matt yeah yeah we need two we need we need two white men to handle all taskmaster properties that's the only that's the only way we can do it um no matthew crossover's not here that's a different show that i do but yes i do understand i do quite a lot of podcasts fat

listen you're i'm gonna say that the listeners listen up yeah because he's one of the best hosts thank you like matt no joking no

matt is one of the best hosts, for sure.

No, you are one of the best hosts.

You said that to me early before we started recording and you said the best, actually.

Yeah.

So you've downgraded that, which is a shame.

Dear me.

No, Jason, I cannot believe Jason stuck at it for 52 minutes.

I would have lost my patience.

Yeah.

Like, I would have just been like, I know.

There are so many, honestly, so many times I'm like, oh, and I start touching other things in the room and they shout at me.

Who was shouting at you for touching other things in the room?

And his dry suit was like, 30 ha, get back to the task.

I'm like, bruv, I'm going to smash a window.

Yeah, don't start.

And all that.

But it was, yeah, it was, yeah, it's, oh, I don't know how Jason did that.

And I don't know how Alex has got the patience for that, Ivan.

No, especially if he's watched other people do the task.

If Jason was filming after you, he'd seen you do it in seven minutes and then half an hour in you're going, come on, Jason.

52 minutes, though.

But you know, it felt like mine was seven minutes, but it felt so much longer.

It feels, because I guess there's like silence.

Obviously, Alex can't help you or give you clues or anything.

He can only like explain the task.

And so it just feels like you're there for longer because you're in your own head.

There's silence.

Yeah.

And you're just, and you can ask him questions or whatever, but you're trying to work it out.

And it's just, it feels so long.

And look, but seven minutes is an incredible time.

Somebody call a vet because these swans are sick.

Which, well done, on not taking credit for that, because Greg was sure that you'd invented that.

No, I didn't.

No, no, I used to have a personal trainer who said that.

Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really embarrassing.

I've got a personal trainer as well.

She's a lady, but yes, you call her a bitch on the show.

I had to tell her, you know, I had to be like, listen, bruv.

I was just joking.

Do you know what I mean?

I was having a bit of a laugh.

Like, don't take it to heart.

Because she will.

She'll be like, why wasn't you able to lift that?

You lift double that.

Oh, my god.

Do you know, you know, you know, the sledge in the gym?

Yes, I can, I can pull it towards me.

I can do 120 kg on that, pull it towards me, and push it back, and pull it, and pull it.

See, I'm strong, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

There's no doubting that.

Your swans are sick, yeah.

Um, Stevie has an absolute meltdown in this as well.

28 minutes, we all thought that was going to be a long time.

Um, falls over on the floor, collapses, screaming, just completely loses her mind.

What was left of it, um, finally gets it, and as you mentioned, in celebration, downs the whole plate of raisins.

She seems to have that instinct of just celebrating by just necking, but just snacking stuff, throwing it up in the air, pouring it all down her mouth.

Yeah, she's, yeah, I don't blame her, though, because

like seven minutes felt so long for me, and she did it for nearly half an hour.

So I don't blame her for like, I'm surprised she didn't smash the plate, throw it out of the window, smash the clock, take the bulb off.

That's what you know.

Yeah, there's sort of no way around this task.

There's no clever way of doing it apart from actually working out what it is, right?

Because you can't tamper with the light bulb.

They shut off all the possible ways of doing it

because there was a task in Series 7 where they had to work out what a switch did.

So they were flicking the switch, they didn't have to run round the whole house to see what had changed.

And what Rod Gilbert did was disconnect what was going on.

Oh, so you know, he unplugged everything or whatever and said that he doesn't do anything.

Oh, wow.

But Alex has made sure that's not possible.

He will not let anyone have any fun, Alex.

There's no way.

He's so strict.

So strict.

Even like when we're doing the task of free, he's watching us all.

You would think, like, I'm like, Matt's talking, watch him.

I'll just go and sit over here for five seconds.

And he's like, Fatty, I'll come back.

I'm like, oh my God, you're like my mum, man.

Shut up.

It's like, just be the eyes all over.

he's not he's not letting people get away with stuff no not at all you know and i'm kind of glad about that fatty because i tried my hardest on taskmaster and it it disappoints me to see people slacking off

i wasn't slacking i was just i was trying that's what i was doing trying you can't just say you were doing the opposite

would it be fair to say there were definitely times on the show where you were slacking no No?

No.

Okay.

I was like running around.

When you made me do some nonsense in here, I took my shoes off and run around.

It was wet everywhere.

I was like, I'm not getting my trainers wet.

They're expensive.

These get wet, bruv.

We've got the same trainers.

Yeah, exactly.

We do.

Because we've got style, that's why.

Stylish people.

Exactly.

Let's talk about Stevie's prize task, which was...

I mean, she goes into it with no confidence is the issue sometimes.

And with prize tasks, you have to be like, great, guys, this is what I brought.

You're going to love this.

and you can see in her eyes she's not happy with it um an interesting envelope filled with glitter and a note reading haha you're a twat yeah very funny very funny and i will say as the person who won and exploded the glitter in a shower all over myself yeah the

genuine panic that everybody got into about like now we need to get all of that glitter because that was show one of that day yeah so they were like you have so much glitter in your beard and hair we're gonna It's going to take so long to get it.

It was as if a dog had gotten into something and multiple people had to be scraping the glitter out of my beard and hair.

It was great.

I was finding glitter on my body for weeks.

In my hair and body, little flecks of glitter would fall out for weeks.

But I think they should have just lent into it because it's the episode after, right?

So you can be,

you can call back to the previous episode and say, this is, this is the glitter situation this is why it was a good prize i don't think it's pulling the curtain back too much ed to tell you that in every single episode i did callbacks to the previous episode that have been so far cut from the show

to audiences who were not present for it and of course have not seen the edited episode yet i would love for there to be i feel like and i don't think they've ever done this have they ever done like director's cuts or long cuts because the true shame to me when i watch these and these episodes I have loved and have been fantastic, but boy, when we like, because we would shoot for three and a half hours to edit it down to this 45 minutes, and a chunk of that is just tasks.

The studio stuff that has been cut is some of the funniest shit that people are never gonna see.

So much of the prize tasks alone would take 20, 30 minutes to get through just because of how much relentless, crazy, constant, just like roasting was going on.

It was an absolute blast.

And all that stuff people deserve to see.

So let them know they need to release the director's cut.

And, or no, don't, actually, no, not the director's cut.

Release the contestant's cut.

Let me do the cut.

Yeah, your cut.

You mean your cut?

Because

I don't want Andy to do it.

I believe he is involved in the edit.

We see the director's cut.

You know what?

You know what?

I take it back.

You're right.

Fuck Andy, fuck Alex, fuck all those guys.

Let me do the cut.

Three and a half.

Release Jason's cut.

Yeah, Jason's cut.

Jason Manzukis uncut.

That's what we're going to call it?

No mention of Taskmaster.

I think they will release some extra.

They'll release extra stuff on YouTube.

So you might get to see a little bit of that stuff, but it will not be.

I can't stress this enough.

Jason's cut.

Let's talk about task two.

It is the first team task.

Give Alex exactly 100 marbles on a plate and an egg cup full of tepid water.

One of you must always be sitting down, one of you must always be jumping, and one of you must always be clapping your hands.

You must each change your action every 30 seconds, and no one may hold anything for more than five seconds at a time.

Fastest wins, your time starts when Alex blows his whistle.

This is the sort of task that would send me loopy.

We didn't have many.

There are more complicated ones these days.

I don't think we had anything that's complicated.

It's pretty complicated.

And

I mean, I thought we'd thrown it as soon as Fatia started walking instead of jumping.

I was just like...

Because it was the first team task, I sort of,

there was at least a little part of my brain was like, well, if you express disappointment at that,

that's going to be deeply unlikable.

Deeply unlikable.

You don't know how Fatia is going to react in that scenario.

You can't, because my instinct would have been, fucking off Atta, just do what it says on the screen.

Yeah, if I knew her, I think maybe there'd have been a bit of like, you have to jump.

We'll be disqualified.

Oh, no, no, no.

There's no point.

I know her, and I wouldn't have said that.

Right, okay.

Well, I guess, yeah, because I knew what I guess.

I've known her a bit now.

Yeah, I probably wouldn't.

It's true.

But then you're sort of like, okay, well, now

we're spending

an awful lot of time doing something that I'm pretty sure whatever happens, we're going to be disqualified.

Disqualified straight away.

And it went on for ages,

also, because she had thrown, but I mean, what a plot twist.

It took ages because she threw the marbles, but if she had not thrown the marbles, you would have had too many marbles, you would have had too many marbles.

The throwing the marbles thing, just the replay of her throwing the marbles, is so funny.

Just because Alex tells her to put it down, she just throws them all onto the grass.

Gone, you don't think about those anymore.

No, until you realize you do have to.

We need those.

We need a hundred of those.

We need those.

It's total chaos.

Yeah.

I think already in this series, we're seeing how chaotic everyone is.

And when it gets to the point in this task where it cuts to Fatia and she's brushing the grass

and it's normal, and you're like, okay, I can see why she's doing that.

Because someone says, can we get a rake?

Get a rake.

Get a rake.

And then it cuts to her with a dustpan and brush, like brush, just gently brushing the grass.

Brushing the smallest corner of a fairly sizable lawn.

But you're like, okay, we can see how she's got there.

I don't think you're going to follow through and do that throughout the lawn.

Yeah.

But it is because

already this team is you working really hard and really want to get it right.

Details oriented.

Fatia doesn't give a shit.

Yeah.

And Rosie's just all over the place.

Rosie's calling the marbles eggs.

Yeah, but she's having a good time.

She's having a lovely time.

She's happy to be there.

Yeah.

So as an ally, I really felt like Rosie was in my corner.

Sure, she wasn't.

I think you were in your corner by yourself, in all honesty.

It might be true.

It might be true.

I think Rosie's just in everyone's corner.

The fact, I mean, I can't.

But this is Taskmaster.

You've just got to do it

as well as you can, given the circumstances.

And even then, you might end up getting five points.

This is what I learned, yeah, because

you never know what the other people have done.

Well, let's talk about what they did because it seems like they were quite good the the edit made it seem quite efficient uh and doing well and you know all doing what they're supposed to dropping things sitting down jumping around but it was a hundred and one marbles gutting gutting for them i would have been i would have been gutted in their i can't imagine how you eat but i will say this as you say details oriented i think i would have counted the marbles yeah i think so i don't think i'd have presumed it's a hundred yeah no you you know they're going to trip you up with that sort of stuff and i would have have moved them to a plate.

Yeah.

I mean,

yeah, but they got away with that.

They weren't.

Greg was like, oh, we'll let them have that.

I'm trying to look ahead here.

Have we, is the wetsuits not...

No.

No.

I'm a details guy.

Yeah.

That's all I'm going to say.

Yeah.

I think the tambourine was unforgivable.

And I think Greg only gave them that because he knew what was coming.

Yeah.

There was 101 marbles.

Let's talk about the physicality of Stevie Martin.

that hop

skip

down the drive

madness.

Yeah, it's hard to I think it's hard to justify

It's still hard to justify

I don't need to

comprehend it's hard to comprehend it's hard there's no sort of

reason for that physical sort of decision.

No,

but the only thing I can really put it down to is just kind of enthusiasm.

Total enthusiasm and confusion all at the same time.

Yeah.

About jumping and moving, jumping forward and somehow the arms get involved.

Just,

yeah,

I don't think she was in control really of what was happening though.

She was taken over by Quentin Blake.

And the invisible skipping rope was such a spot-on observation.

Yeah, yeah.

Just like, yeah.

You could paint it,

you know,

if you were going to commentate on a very tricky thing to do,

and you just did Stevie's jump and said, can you paint in a skipping rope?

Yeah.

No one would have ever thought CGI was involved.

Kind of, like, quite haunting, quite scary in a way.

Like, can you imagine a horror film where you were being followed by Stevie doing that?

Yeah.

Really scary.

Yeah.

A bit, I mean, I guess it's a bit like a zombie thing in the sense that, like, at least they're not getting anywhere fast.

Nowhere fast, but they're always there.

If there's lots of, if there's lots of skipping Stevie Martins, you're in trouble.

Yeah.

If they're blocking the door, if they're all around the windows and stuff.

Not as much of a fan of Mission Unpossible, though, as you are of Batman.

Yes.

Because we found this out in the last episode that you painted your room in Batman Green.

I did.

I did.

When you were 18.

Yeah.

And my mum was, Feyeo Men.

Yeah.

Because the ceiling was black.

Do you know how hard it is to get a black painter?

It is insane.

So, yeah, I love...

No, Batman's Batman's my favourite.

And he, sorry, I'm going to digress here to Batman.

No, go for it.

But he is the only...

He's the only...

Out of all the superheroes, he's the only one that's human.

And his superpowers are all in...

He doesn't have superpowers.

They're all mechanical because he's a rich prick, and

he just pays his way through it all.

Yeah, and you like that.

I like that.

He's a normal guy.

I like that.

But he's a billionaire, isn't he?

Yeah, he is.

Do you not think, like, if Batman was real now,

the internet internet would hate Batman?

Yeah, they would.

Yeah, all the new Batmans that are coming out now are shit.

The only real Batman is Michael Keaton.

He's the best.

He's the number one.

Anyone tries to chat shit, I'll bust your head.

No, I love Michael Keaton, but surely Christian Bale's got a little look in here, hasn't he?

No, fair enough.

Sorry, Christian Bale.

I know you're from the UK, but tough tits.

He listens to this.

He better not come for me.

Imagine if he does an internet rant about me.

I'll bite him.

I don't care if you have got your Batman moves.

I love how quickly.

I love how quickly you went from saying you were afraid of Christian Bale coming for you in the same sentence going, he better not come for me.

I'll kill him.

I've got him, no problem.

Some of Rosie's stuff that she did, I could not believe it.

The whole thing of this...

her as this character walking to the dome, sniffing the air, vomiting.

Vomiting, yeah.

Which made me scream laughing

in order to

do some sudden unnecessary vomiting really makes me laugh yeah and then doing a as greg says a rudimentary maths sum yeah and then vomiting again yeah

nine times nine i mean

really funny but not tricky at all right

no

i felt it's moments like that where you know you're you're glad that Greg is there as the monster to voice what everyone is thinking because

it would feel

i would i wouldn't feel great about telling someone they're stupid because they can't do the nine times tables without their fingers yeah what what really the sort of finger thing was talked about and the fact that it can't be i loved it it can't be over nine yeah so what a nine eleven she's like no no no no can't do it yeah but no one actively said yeah we can all do that because just because we know we know it yeah because we've remembered it yeah and also the 11 times table is is also one of the easiest

so yeah yeah yeah straight away yeah 99

um and well done take it just had to prove i could do it

now i i would not class you as a competitive man certainly in not in in in this scenario i don't think you're that bothered about the points you're just bothered about having a good time and smashing stuff up right it's pretty true yeah i did not you know when i was kind of watching the show

at first i was watching the show like what a blast i'm having so much fun And then I started to watch the show as if, like, oh, I want to do that.

I want to be having that fun in there.

I could be inside.

I wonder if I can get inside this show.

And so my whole desire, the reason I reached out to Alex, the reason I wanted to do it was because genuinely, it looked like the kind of fun that I recognize from doing live podcasts or live improv shows or like that same kind of loose, shaggy energy of funny people being on stage, being funny together.

together.

That, to me, is what was compelling about the show.

That is what's compelling about the show for me.

So that's the part of it that I was most interested in participating in, because let's be honest, points

are worthless in this game.

You know, like,

whether or not you do the task well does not mean you're going to get points from Greg, who is a whimsical asshole.

You know, you really are at, you are at his mercy in a way that is like, whether you've done it well or not, means nothing.

So I'm going to at least have as much fun as I can.

I don't know.

There's other ways of looking at it.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

And just for the listener, Ed is stroking his trophy.

I think sometimes if you approach it properly and you do everything well, then you get rewarded with the requisite points

and then you win the show.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

You really can't even stifle that big grin.

Yeah, no, genuinely for me, like being competitive, I couldn't have cared less.

You know, it really was,

because I was too busy having fun and fucking with Alex.

If I could fuck, there are, but that being said, there are tasks, or there are, yeah, there are tasks that, boy, do I wish I had like

done better at, or was I frustrated with, or, you know, not to say that I was, you know, not trying or anything like that.

I very much am.

You are watching me in most instances do my best and fail, you know, but there are some like that pillow task,

that pillow task in the, in the, in the, in the park, you know, where Rosie falls and I go behind Alex.

Yeah.

That, that task haunted me because I was right.

I had a good lateral thinking solution.

And then I just kind of

had like terrible jet lag and just like futzed out and was kind of like, oh, I don't think I can do what I thought I could do, so I'll just kind of bail.

And that destroyed me afterwards.

I was so mad at myself for not just following through.

So I do care.

I don't want to be like, I'm not trying to be glib, you know, like who cares?

But I'm like, I'm not there for points, I guess, is what I mean.

I mean, yeah, just to let you know, however mad you were at yourself in that pillow task, I was more angry at you.

I can only assume that my behavior is making you you crazy.

I can only assume you watching the show is you being like, oh, come on, you're so close.

At one point on stage, I don't think it's in the cut because I think it's already passed and I haven't seen it.

We were doing the live task and it wasn't teams, it was just individuals.

And I got out for some reason.

And Stevie was like, come on, Jason.

I think Stevie was mad at me because I think she thought I wasn't trying hard enough, which was very funny.

I was like, what?

You can do this.

I know, I know.

Take a breath.

Oh, man.

Lovely to see you, as always.

Nice to see you.

Nice that there's another series of Taskmaster.

They seem like a brilliant bunch.

Yeah, I think I can't wait to see

how it plays out.

Really good stuff.

I don't think it's going to win.

Well, this is it.

So we're going to ask you as the first guest to give a prediction.

Drew a prediction.

Now, obviously, you're you're good at predictions you predicted your own point score on your series did how far how far ahead can you predict do you think you could predict the winner and their point score well i did a prediction

no i don't want to ever be that specific but i think it's better to be sort of like say something about the numbers okay so that's sort of what i did with my score

and then was it it was it must have been the last series where i predicted that

i can't remember the specifics of it you'd have to listen to the the podcast that jenny um jenny does with Jack.

Yes.

Where I think I predicted there was a,

together we predicted there'd be a seven and a three, or three sevens, or seven threes.

I can't remember what it was.

It must have been three sevens or something like that.

So this one, let's say,

name a number between one and ten.

Eight.

Okay.

Oh, that's too many, because how many are there?

The five.

Let's say.

Let's go.

Number between five and eight.

Six.

Okay, six.

Let's say there's six.

let's say that in the final scores this is official there will be

six ones and one six six ones and one six i'm saying it now in the final scores there will be six wands number ones yeah and one number six good prediction