Ep 206. Emma Sidi - Series 19 Ep.6

Hello, welcome to the Taskmaster podcast.

It's me, Ed Gamble.

I'm in the caravan.

We are going to speak to another special guest about Taskmaster Series 19.

It's episode 6.

It's another brilliant episode.

Everyone is all over the place.

It's total chaos.

We have a brilliant special guest, the wonderful Emma Siddy.

Emma is, of course, Taskmaster alumni.

Can't wait to see her.

Can't wait to pick her brains about this new series and about this episode in particular.

So let's get on with it.

This is Taskmaster Series 19, episode 6 with Emma Siddy.

Welcome, Emma, to the Taskmaster podcast.

Again, but this time at the house.

That's so true.

I was going to say you should say, Welcome back.

Yeah, but I did a little trick on you there.

Exactly.

You put it in at the end.

Yeah, put it in at the end.

I was coming back.

Yeah, yeah.

Look, we know you're back, but this is the first time face-to-face.

It's so true.

Well, actually, I suppose the Zoom is face-to-face.

Kind of, but how do you know that I'm definitely looking at you?

That's true.

I'm not.

No.

I'm on, you know,

ASOS.

Sorry, that's like it's an iPad.

Yeah, yeah.

You're on ASOS.

I'm scrolling.

Okay, I've got a mouse.

I actually do use mouse, I'm doing that.

Yeah.

Yes, I'm doing the podcast, but I'm not sure.

I wouldn't have known because I wasn't looking at you either.

What are you you doing?

I'm doing a bit of that.

On what?

What website are you doing that to?

Oh, all of them.

I've three million tabs open at any one time.

So we do this normally.

So this really is our first podcast.

This is our first face-to-face.

Awesome.

And we're at the Taskmaster house.

How does it feel to be back at the house?

Yeah, fantastic.

Lovely.

Weirdly, I got in there actually and I couldn't remember the layout at all.

Isn't that weird?

That is weird.

And I'm thinking, is it because I was in such a place of stress, tension and excitement that I've kind of blocked it out as a memory.

How is your memory in general?

You know what?

I'll be honest here.

My memory of faces and people is incredible.

You know, so many people say, oh, I don't remember.

I'm so sorry, I'm bad with names.

If I ever say that to you, I'm actually lying.

I'm really good with faces and names, which is also stressful in a different way, because it means I can't forget even if if I want to.

And then also sometimes if people go, we've met before, I literally know we haven't.

So you know that they're lying.

Not that they're lying, but they maybe have got it wrong.

Because I'm never recognised on the street, right?

But occasionally I'm recognizing that version of people think we went to school together.

And that classic.

Especially when I'm called Emma, very boring name.

People are like, I swear to God, man, we worked a new look together.

And I'm like, ah, I know we didn't.

But, you know, I really do know we didn't.

So you're good at faces and names, but not layouts.

Terrible layouts.

Yeah.

Sorry, I answered your question in a really

indirect way there.

No, I love it.

It's a podcast.

This is what it's for.

Also, you said to me before we started recording that you have never been in the caravan before.

Yeah, well, that was off the record, so I'm a little bit missed off that you brought that up.

But that can't be true, Emma.

I don't have the stats to hand, but I am 100% positive you must have done a task in the caravan.

Someone out out there, send me a flipping clip of me in the caravan because I doubt it.

I tell you what I did in the caravan, there was some sort of social media promo I did in the caravan.

Right.

Then there was maybe one task, but I can't remember it.

Right.

And that's what I want you to accept.

Okay.

I think.

But you're very good at faces and names.

You're just not very good at places.

Is that fair?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm mad, basically.

Let's talk about series 19 though, shall we?

The new bunch.

Yeah.

Oh, well, we're on episode 6.

Episode 6 of the new bunch.

Of the new bunch, exactly.

So post-halfway.

How are you feeling about this lot?

Yeah,

they're amazing.

They're all wallflowers.

And that's a joke.

They're electric.

I just honestly think it's absolutely amazing.

I think also...

Fatia is really cool.

Yeah.

Like, I think initially I was even...

Her energy is so front-foot in a quiet way.

And initially, I was like, oh, she's quite scary.

Then as time goes on, I find her unbelievably impressive and I want to be her friend.

She's brilliant.

She's incredible.

Yeah.

And then...

I think you'd rather be her friend than her enemy, right?

Well, definitely.

I'm not just saying that so she hears it.

And I've always said that on record.

Do you can I say something now that I hope doesn't get back to him?

Please.

Do you think,

do you think that Matt Bainton is giving giving off

film star energy?

Now, why do you not want that to get back to him?

Because I'm being a bit of a cuck, you know.

It's a bit desperate.

But I just think...

I mean, he's a very successful actor, so I think giving off film star energy is quite right for him.

It's different to being a successful actor.

Like, he's got this sort of glint.

Twinkle.

Twinkle.

Yeah.

Some sort of glow.

So I find myself sometimes watching him with a slight smile on my face.

And I'll tell you who else one does that too.

I don't know.

Hugh Grant, Tom Cruise.

You know, people that you're slightly smiling for no reason.

I think that's film star energy.

Yeah.

So look, Matt, if you're listening to this,

if you have ambitions of, you know, trying to get into Hollywood, there you go.

I'm sure he does.

Hopefully he does.

Well,

he's an actor, right?

Yeah, but he might now be happy with his lot.

Like, oh, I don't want to be, I don't want to aim aim for the stars.

Yeah.

Aim, baby.

So, I mean, imagine if that's the thing that pushes him to Hollywood.

And when he's collecting his Oscar, he goes, you know what?

I never, I was never aiming at Hollywood.

I was happy with my lot.

And then I heard Emma Siddy on the Taskmaster podcast.

She said, aim, baby.

And now here I am.

That would be such a niche Oscar speech.

Yeah.

Better than most of them, though.

So proud, for sure.

Or he goes on too long and he's played off by the band just as he says your name.

Yeah.

People go, what was he saying?

MMC me?

Weird.

Let's talk about episode six.

The prize task is the thing that's nicest to open.

Which is a lovely, I think that's a lovely positive prize task.

Yeah, I agree.

There's no sort of inbuilt perversion.

No, but I'm sure, you know, I'm sure we'd be able to find some within this.

Of course.

I I mean, Jason's was quite disturbing.

Well, let's talk about Jason's.

Jason brings in a box with his dead dog's ashes in it.

Yeah.

Very difficult, this, isn't it?

Because it is very subjective.

Is that really nice to open?

Well, he said it gives him nice memories of his dog.

I call his bullshit on that.

Like, nice memories of your dog is like going on Google images, isn't it?

Not Google Images, sorry.

Unless you've got a famous dog.

Yeah.

Sorry.

It's going on your one's images on i guess i guess if you had never taken a photo of your dog and no photos of your dog exist you could go on google images and find a very similar dog yes that's true yeah but it's making me thinking sorry it's making me think that also if you've never taken a photo of your dog it would be nice to open the ashes because it's like a very victorian relationship with a dog yes i suppose to open

open the ashes you know what jason has really sucked with this one and i can't believe he gets four points.

He got four points, but it was a very bold thing to do.

Very bold.

I think people were a bit

scared of the prize.

I think people are scared of Jason in general.

Definitely.

Like I say, wallflower.

Yeah.

I do agree with you that I think for nice memories of a dog, I think I'd need a picture of a dog or...

Just a reference to a whole dog.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Also, and I'll probably get cancelled for this.

I'm not a big dog person.

Oh, dear.

Like, I don't really get it.

Right.

So I think I'm just out with this.

But you're not so much of an anti-dog person that the idea of a dead dog makes you think it's brilliant.

I'm not so.

I see what you're saying.

Ah, it would be such a nice thing to open because I wish the death upon dogs.

Oh, yeah, and you're really happy with the dog's dead.

Of course I am.

What animal, what animal are you a fan of then?

Um, I suppose I like um

cats and snakes.

Yeah.

Snakes?

I don't want to.

You surprise yourself, though.

I think snakes are cool and cats are sweet.

Yeah.

Cats are pretty sweet.

Not the first time that there's been pets' ashes on the show in the series that I did.

David Bedeal brought in his cats' ashes.

Oh, yes.

What was the headline on that?

I cannot remember.

It bears no relevance to what it actually was, I'd imagine.

Do you remember how you felt at the time?

Did you roll your eyes or were you like, God, David Rocks?

I think it made me laugh.

I never thought David Rocks

was always faintly concerned.

Yes.

But I think he did alright with that one.

He was quite good at the prize tasks.

Yeah.

I think he knew he had to be.

Yeah, yeah.

But yes, he brought in ashes, which again,

I thought it was bold.

Yeah, it's always bold.

Jason got four points for that.

Yeah.

Which we don't agree with.

No, not at all, but good on him.

Let's go right down to the bottom of the leaderboard here.

Let's talk about Stevie's jar of peppers she can't open.

Well, yeah, I'd actually like to talk about Stevie and Rosie.

I really thought they were marked really harshly

because

that that moment when she gives the jar to Greg and he pops it open.

If you're just listening to this, can you hear that?

That's how that made me feel.

That was just fantastic.

It was so satisfying.

The thing is that, yeah, that was, for Greg, you would have thought the nicest thing to open.

Yeah.

But that just shows me how pathetic men are.

I do think Greg can be a real bastard, actually.

He has moments when I know he enjoys something.

Yeah.

And maybe not just enjoys it, loves it.

Yeah.

To deal with it, he downplays it.

And he goes so far the other way.

And he goes, oh, well, excuse me.

You're getting one point for that.

When I know he felt something.

Yeah.

Chills.

He felt chills.

Someone hands you a jar and they're like, I've never been able to open this.

And then you do it really easily.

Yeah.

You've got to feel great about yourself.

Totally.

And the sound of that pop.

Yeah.

Nah, come on.

Ridiculous.

And then, yeah, I just.

I'm just so with Rosie and Stevie in this moment.

Jars are the nicest things to open.

I think the way they explained it, and particularly Stevie's jar, that sound that I'm pretty certain was not added in post.

Yeah.

That was nice.

But Stevie looks so disappointed with herself in the prize tasks all of the time.

She, yeah, she goes into them being like, oh no.

She deserves to treat herself better.

Yeah.

She's the queen.

And, you know, come on, girly.

Amazing.

Basically, Emma is here.

Emma is here to give pep talks to all of the contestants.

We've had Matt now going, aim, baby.

Fatty has got a huge amount of big ups from you.

And Stevie is a queen.

So I've been very harsh to Jason though.

Yeah, but he lives in the city.

Rosie, I haven't said anything yet, have I?

So let's see how I do.

Yeah, so you like Rosie's prize, a jar of Gherkins.

Yep.

I thought this was very pure, very sweet, very sincere.

It's very sweet.

What makes me sad about this, I've got a real issue in my household,

which is where I buy a jar of Gherkins.

I'll have one.

Guess what?

I won't get to have another one.

Why do you think that is?

A dog?

A dog?

No dog.

I've told you.

I don't really like dogs.

I don't have a dog in my house.

There's a robber?

Yes, there is a robber.

And he's called

my husband.

Yeah.

It's a freaking joke.

To buy a gut...

Sorry, to buy a jar of Gherkins and have one out of it.

Yeah.

I'm telling you that how many many Gherkins do you get in a jar?

Twelve?

Depending on the size of Gherkins, I mean, if we're talking

classic dill pickles, like big ones, big dill pickles.

Not cornichons.

We're not talking about cornichons.

No, no, no.

No interest in them.

Yeah.

Gherkins?

Yeah.

How many do you think's in a jar?

If you're packing them in, maybe six or seven, yeah.

Maybe that's not as many as I was thinking.

But you're getting one.

I'm getting one, and someone else.

You're living with a Gherkin goblin.

I'm living with a Gherkin bloody gobbler.

And there's nothing.

It's actually driving me insane.

The only thing I can do about it is either hide the Gherkins,

which you shouldn't do because they should be in the fridge once they're opened.

Yeah.

Or never buy Gherkins again.

Guess what I'm doing at the moment?

The latter.

I don't buy Gherkins.

Did you buy two jars of Gherkins?

I've been thinking of doing this, that I could label one mine and the other

husbands.

Like you're living with a flat mate.

I've got a label maker.

I've considered it.

Never touch a lady's gherkins.

If you're her husband.

Yeah,

I'm speaking from experience.

Do you guys have a situation like that?

Well, my wife is obsessed with Gherkins and anything pickled.

Right, so how do you work?

How do you make that work in your relationship?

I just don't go.

I don't go.

I don't go near him.

See, can you have a word?

Yeah, I will.

With Al Roberts.

I will.

I'll have a word with him later.

Thank you.

Yeah, my wife loves all those Gherkins.

If I go away, I don't think she eats anything else.

I'll get back and I think just she goes on a gherkin bin.

Someone's been to the Polish supermarket, I think.

Hell.

So, do you like them at all?

Yeah, I do like them, but I would.

But you're not finishing off her jars then.

Like, I would, you know, make a meal, like a full meal, rather than have lunch by standing at the fridge eating gherkins from the jar like a big rat.

Like my husband.

Look, caveat, I love him.

Sure.

Let's move on.

But it was low points for Rosie as well.

Two points.

We should talk about Fatia's.

She brings in a bra.

Yeah.

Big question.

Big question in the air.

Do you open a bra?

Yes, I

don't reckon so.

You take off your bra.

Yeah.

You un unfasten your bra.

You know what?

This got three points off.

You pop it off, you whip it off, actually, quite often.

You

stretch it up.

No, that's not true.

You never stretch it off.

Ping it off.

Ping it off.

You can ping it off.

You can carry on.

You can actually let it drop off.

So this is something you do.

So you unfasten it, and then you just put your torso forward, and it just slips off your boobs.

That's pretty good.

Falls off.

But I'd never say, oh, I'm going to make my bra fall off now.

And you'd never say, I'm going to open my bra.

No, I would not say that.

Look, she's not.

What about the ones from the front?

They're not cool.

That was like a

don't, Ed.

Are you open?

Are you?

No, but is it?

When have you last got intimate with a woman who's opening from the front?

That is absolutely out of control.

Very rarely.

Are they not a thing?

Very rare.

No, they're not a thing.

That was like a crazy moment in inverted commas fashion.

Yeah.

In like 2008.

Yeah.

And we all went, oh my god, I love it.

Yeah.

And then we moved on because it's absolutely stupid.

Yeah, back to unfastening at the back and letting it plop on it.

You're hiding something you have been getting with someone with a front bra and you need to stop.

Can I just say with Batia, she gets three points.

I think it's a three.

Because it's a bit weird.

It's not like it's good, but it's.

I do.

At least it's not a jar as well.

Like it's different.

Yeah.

But there's just a bit of a raised eyebrow about the open.

Yeah.

But when she described it as nice for you, nice for me, I was like, she's got a point.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

but what about some aggressive flirting with greg as well which is always good it slightly excludes

gay men

but it does include everyone else nice for you nice for me excludes yeah gay men yeah i suppose so but i guess gay men can be happy for fatty that she's feeling relaxed right yeah i guess so yeah yeah yeah also as far as i'm aware the prize tuss don't have to include the world

see that's my misunderstanding.

I thought it had to be for everyone.

For every section of the beautiful rainbow that is the world.

Whereas Matthew's Taskmaster pop-up book.

This is a little bit of a wind-up in terms of how good it is.

Yeah, a bit of nerdy.

Isn't it a bit nerdy, isn't it?

Bit nerdy, but fair enough masterpiece stuff.

He's got to be careful that

the sort of Taskmaster franchise doesn't just nick that off him.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If I were him, and I know by now you are listening to this, Matt, basically.

Get yourself a patent or a copyright.

But actually, you might be sued for copyright from Taskmaster itself.

I'm going to struggle to get a copyright for a Taskmaster book.

Okay, Matt, call me.

We'll work it out.

But you're going to sort it out, right?

Yeah, I'll get a degree in law and I'll help you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice, nice, nice.

But it is a beautiful thing, but pretty, pretty.

How did you feel about that pop-up book?

I thought it was wonderful, but you know.

But yeah, there's some.

There's no edge.

There's no edge.

There's no edge.

Yeah.

It's like always in everything brilliant.

Totally, totally that.

And it is, when you're going through it as well, you're like, oh, it's relentlessly gorgeous.

Like, it's intricate, it's beautiful.

It's fit for a child.

It's fit for an adult.

Yeah.

I bet Rose Matt Fail has already flipping ordered one.

Don't.

I can't.

But it was five points.

It would have been very disappointing if it wasn't five points, I think.

I think it's.

Yeah.

But in my series, I felt this as well.

When somebody obviously gets five points, always a wind-up.

Yeah.

Really piss you off.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

It was one point for Stevie, two points for Rosie, three points for Fatia, four points for Jason, and five points for the film star, Matthew Baynton.

Matthew Bayton.

Rosie Ramsey.

Hello.

What have you brought me?

I have brought something that I adore, and every time I open it, I just feel happy.

Oh, hello.

Okay.

A jar of Gherkins.

So you genuinely love Gherkins?

Love Gherkins and I do love opening a jar like without having to ask my husband.

I went on a date with a woman that was much stronger than me once.

Did she?

I didn't mind it.

You're welcome honey.

Task one, work out what Alex has on the very top of his head.

The very top of your head must never be more than five foot, six inches from the ground.

You may ask Alex yes or no questions, but Alex will only answer using his exciting new numbers system.

Fastest wins, your time starts now.

Okay, elephant in the room.

Obviously, it's prime numbers.

Really?

What?

I just...

It's...

Really?

Did you spot that before he told everyone?

Within seconds.

Wow, Emma.

No.

no, I didn't.

I would have hated that.

I've written something about that.

I've noticed people do sometimes say online now, Detective Emma Siddy, and I've never said it about myself, but maybe I am, Detective Emma Siddie.

Maybe you are.

Come on.

The last note I've written here is: the number system is baffling and not fun, just annoying.

I've written that.

I just think, and I really want everyone to feel like happy when I say this.

Don't feel like upset.

People are so thick.

And by people, do you mean me and the rest of the contestants?

Look,

for brevity, yes.

I just,

I can't believe it, because it was so many, because Alex, when he was panicking as well, so many

even numbers.

Yeah.

You know, just whipping out 44, 46, 60, whatever.

And then like a 33, okay, that's 11 threes, you know?

It's prime numbers.

And I tell you what, it's often prime numbers.

It's often prime numbers.

Okay, I need to look into my series.

Prime numbers came up several times right

rosie rosie at one point you said prime numbers came up several times but you never went in the caravan

what's the point

i just don't think you're remembering your series as it happened

yes i am rosie jones yeah i swear at one point she goes prime numbers or there's something there was something in when she's smelling those bottles that was prime numbers basically alex is i really love alex but he's basic sometimes yeah And he goes for prime numbers.

So you would have got that straight away.

Honestly, yes.

So you would have worked out the system.

Yeah, it doesn't mean I would have guessed, you know, because then you're quite difficult to get to carrot, of course, but it's prime numbers.

Would you have, because obviously there's the periscope in the caravan.

Then you use the periscope, find out that there is an actual periscope behind Greg.

I'm telling you now, I would have done the whole thing with questions.

Yeah.

And I would have got it in 11 minutes.

And I'm five foot four, so I would have just stayed standing.

Yeah, see, that's good.

This is one of the only tasks where being short is in advance.

Yes, I was thinking that.

Yeah.

Which is nice.

Nice for the...

Yeah, for the short.

Nice for the little uns to have a turn.

We like that.

Jason does the whole thing with questions initially

and then finally manages to use the periscope.

We'll just talk about him now.

233 questions.

He takes one hour and 40 minutes.

This was just atrocious.

Insane.

An hour.

And to still not go, prime numbers?

Okay, but I think if you've not dropped it now, because I think if you've not spotted the prime numbers after an hour, you're not going to spot it.

Also, to be fair, maybe they don't have it in America.

They don't have prime numbers in America.

Yeah, it'd be the kind of thing where they're like, oh, now we call that algebraic.

That's like algebra, math.

You know, they say something that is like completely different.

Yeah, but the concept remains the same, right?

I don't think they have it.

So it wasn't the term.

It wasn't going on over there, mate.

It wasn't the term prime numbers that was important because it was like algebraic mammals.

That's true.

You go, oh, you're doing algebraic math.

Oh,

for a yes, it's algebraic mammal.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It would still work, wouldn't it?

Yeah, so he still fails.

Yeah.

One hour, 40 minutes to know it was a carrot on top of Alex's head.

Also, though, maybe I'm being too harsh because he does have this like rebel without a cause thing.

So maybe it was like a genuine wind-up of I'm going to waste your time.

And I do respect that.

I don't know.

I mean, we spoke to Jason and he said he was really trying

on every task.

Yeah.

But I think this one, maybe he's just like.

It is interesting what task just like gets the better of you.

Because I had this as well.

There's a task comes up that just you can't do it.

What was yours?

Cutting the wires of the robot.

Oh, yes.

It was, I actually was almost upset.

I think somebody asked me if I was okay.

I was like, yes, but I wasn't.

I think Jason's fine.

I think he, you know, he's sort of on the edge anyway, most of the time, I'd say.

Yeah, look,

it's time you'll never get back.

And that's that.

One hour 40, you'd be surprised to hear the longest attempt there.

Matt on 14 minutes 20.

Yeah.

Fatia on 13 minutes 20, Stevie on 6 minutes 53, and Rosie on 6 minutes 35.

Wow, and Rosie is the shortest, isn't she?

And Rosie is the shortest, so she was never worried about having to.

So you just forget about it, get on with it, enjoy your short life.

Get on with your life, yeah.

Yeah, she gets the grabber to snap to snatch.

Very good.

That's what I mean.

I think that's what I do.

Yeah, I don't think I would have thought of the physical stuff.

I thought that was great.

I also love that Fatiha used the snooker cue.

Yeah.

I thought that was a lot of fun, actually.

You can see Alex regret doing the task quite quickly.

Yeah, it's nice to see

unsafe.

Yeah.

But I do say that with so much love.

It just is nice to see people unsafe, isn't it?

Everyone.

Not everyone, but I think when you know that somebody invented a show themselves, that's it.

Yeah.

It's nice to see somebody unsafe in their own format.

Yeah.

They've done it to themselves.

Yeah, like if you saw,

what's he called?

Thingy, the wheel.

Michael McIntyre.

If you saw Michael McIntyre

strapped to a wheel

on the wheel and he wasn't safe, you would go, fuck it up.

That was an amazing episode of The Wheel.

But if you saw you or Danny Dyer unsafe strapped to the wheel, you'd go, I don't think they should have done that.

I did the wheel with Danny Dyer.

Yes, I know, but you were safe.

Are you safe?

Did you know that, or was that a random name property?

Of course I know that.

Okay.

Oh, wait, it was with Danny Dyer.

Danny Dyer was on it.

I must have watched it.

I must have watched one episode of that one.

He was in the double seat with his daughter Danny Dyer.

Right?

Yes, no, that is the episode I watched.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, cool.

I didn't get spun in.

You know what?

I remember that.

Yeah.

And I remember feeling that that must have been really annoying.

It was pretty frustrating.

But it means you can't lose the people money, I guess.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you?

But you want a chance to show off your massive intelligence.

Was it pretty frustrating or was it unbelievably frustrating?

Like, did you go home a bit like, what's the fucking point?

I went home being like, they better get me back on the goddamn wheel.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah.

Double booking.

And exclusive.

unbook back in so you went you went home from that not having get you went home from that not having got spun in with dollar signs in your eyes yeah yeah yeah that is the way to play it yeah yeah yeah i was ready to go hopefully i don't get spun in again and then if you don't get spun in again you get to be the host wow that's how it works that's the secret of the wheel yeah

see stevie's guessing that it's odd odd and even numbers for yes and no so how were you feeling at that point when she's guessing

I was honestly like, what is the point?

But I think the periscope is definitely the way to go or knocking his hat off.

To follow the questions is absolute madness.

I think I would have.

Oh, no, you can't get above.

Ah, because I was going to say, I'm looking at it now, I would have climbed on that igloo.

No, that's one of the main rules.

Yes.

Okay, cut that out.

No, that's standing there.

It's nice to see someone forget one of the rules in real time.

But yeah, pretty straightforward.

The shortest contestant wins.

Five points for Rosie, four points for Stevie, three points for Fatia, two points for Matt, and one point for Jason.

You've completed the task.

Oh, great.

That's what I think.

Do you feel good?

No.

No, let me be clear, Alex.

I do not feel good.

Well, thank you, Jason.

All right.

Might it be the longest time anyone's ever taken?

It's got to be up there.

It was one hour 40.

One hour 40 minutes.

I did this.

These two have both done it in just under seven minutes.

Somehow I had it in my mind I had to crack the code.

He asked 233 questions.

How many of them were, is it a lemon?

Do you want to give me a number of between one and two hundred and thirty three?

We'll find out some of the questions.

Sure, one five four?

Well, that was quite a long one.

What if I hopped the fence and went into the golf course and you never saw me again?

Let's talk task two, which is a team task.

Make yourselves look like one of you is the parent of the others, then capture the relationship with a classic home video family moment.

Most believable family wins.

You have 30 minutes, your time starts now.

This is honestly the creepiest response to a task I've ever seen.

Both of them.

Yeah.

So, so genuinely upsetting.

And I think moving into the next task, the next task upset me as well.

I think this is a really...

Oh, yes, I agree.

I think they're all psychotic.

Yeah, I do agree.

You know what, though?

And this is for both the tasks.

I got...

And maybe you've experienced this now.

Extreme task jealousy.

Did you?

Yeah, I really did.

I found the family one.

It was just so funny to me.

And I just loved them trying.

Maybe it's because I was with Andy Zoltzmann.

Yeah.

And I was like, me and Baba wearing ginger wigs.

Like, there must be like a German word for jealousy of a Taskmaster series you're not on.

Yeah, I'm sure there is.

Taskmeister.

It'll be so long.

Fearing kite, whatever.

And

yeah, I just, that goes for both of the tasks coming up.

But yeah, I loved this one.

I thought also both of them were...

Yes, they were creepy and toxic and wrong, but God, they were good.

They were, they were brilliant.

I mean, Jason Manzuka's on a little bicycle.

Yeah.

Dressed as a little bearded girl.

I just love the way, as well, Steve and Jason are like, whatever page it is, they're on the same page.

They definitely are, aren't they?

And

that seemed to be instant.

Yeah.

It's like they looked into each other's eyes and went, bicycle, pedo,

wigs.

I don't know.

My humour is so basic and it is so rooted in just being a stupid teenage boy that

just the idea of like, we're gonna make out Alex as a pedophil, is literally like top of the tree for me.

Yeah, yeah, it was it was brilliant.

And Alex, he did a really good job because he often puts himself down as an actor, but in that vest,

shaking with those binoculars, like he did, I was like, This is bloody good.

Yeah, then it makes movie star baby, aim baby, makes you think.

Is it acting?

He, um,

makes it in the line.

He was given as well, what was that?

Um,

I just want to get it right.

I like the hairy girl.

Absolutely killed me that his character is a pervert who cannot understand why anyone's upset.

I like the hairy girl.

Yeah.

Also, I remember from experience of this, Alex doesn't improvise.

Like, he really does what you tell him to do.

Yeah, yeah.

So I love that Jason and Stevie just, they wrote that line.

Yeah, and then you say, yeah, write that line.

And then you say, I like the hairy girl.

If you could just say, I like the hairy girl for us, I think, that would be amazing.

And just do wear that vest.

So funny.

And then Matt, Fatia, and Rosie.

Another

set of

bearded daughters.

Don't you think this had a real subtlety to it?

Yeah.

I love the way...

What were they called?

Like Patty and Natty or something?

Patty and Hattie.

Patty and Hattie.

What?

This is years

of resentment, competition,

a toxic kind of love that is developed in this family.

And I'm not exaggerating.

I just thought it was brilliant.

I thought it was really

hilarious.

It had a real sort of 70s play for the day

kitchen sink drama quality to it, didn't it?

Yeah.

And Fatia's stillness.

Yeah.

It told the story.

All with the eyes.

So good.

It was all done with the eyes and the beard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I loved it.

It was incredible.

Again, I found it quite creepy, though.

I would say

I don't know why they got more points than the other guy.

I would honestly say this is a joint points moment.

Well, I think Greg was quite protective of Alex in this.

Interesting.

He was a bit like, don't do that to him.

Yeah, don't call him a pervert.

Yes.

Yeah.

That's my job.

Exactly.

God, that's quite beautiful, isn't it?

In a way, those moments where you go, hey, you leave it.

I can say that because

you can back up.

Yeah.

But no, both excellent efforts.

And yeah, Patty and Hattie, I just found something so

deeply sort of disturbing

about Fatia being that still with a beard and just her eyes and refused to be happy about anything.

It's bloody good.

It's really funny.

If you were on this series, Emma, do you have a sense of what team you'd like to be on?

I'd like to be on.

I wouldn't like to be on Jason and Stevie's team.

Too chaotic.

too no no too much um

simpatico as in I think I'd be there on the side like yeah you're right you know it would just it would be it'd be three's crowd yeah I'd just be I'd be really annoying

yeah not right the other guys

yeah fuck it I'll be number four over there

rocking about

Yeah, I know what you mean.

If they're so on the same page, they're almost not having to say anything to each other.

They're just getting on with it.

I'm thinking as a as a crew, they're what.

God, what I love about the teams, there's no ideal team.

Yeah.

And then,

you know, I'm put with Andy and Baba.

What?

What?

And we had the best.

Of course you did, yeah.

God, that was awkward.

Loved it.

I think still

perhaps the most awkward.

There's been a lot of awkward team introductions, and I still think your team is.

But only

mainly because you and Andy are just in stupid costumes and Babbard had no idea what was going on.

It was even more awkward in the room.

I think I've said this before.

It was just terrible.

Honestly, cameras can't pick up what was going on in there.

It was terrible.

How quickly did the mood lift?

A few hours.

I'm not kidding.

But it was so weird.

It was that beautiful version of actual awkwardness.

There was no dislike

or even tension.

Like, you know, hostility.

That's it.

There was no hostility.

It was just awkward.

It was cringe.

But it was disconnect.

It's interesting that, because you're all sociable people.

What?

Andy Solksman?

I don't know either.

I was lumping him in with the rest of you.

He is actually sociable.

But you've got to take it to him.

Whereas I think you and Baba are outgoing.

Look, it's like

three, you know, invent three star signs that are supposed to never meet.

hang on it was that i don't know much about star signs but are there ones that are supposed to never meet i think

i don't i don't know about capricorn for me as in i don't think i connect with capricorns right but you must have met them yeah i met them yeah and it never goes well not really

what are you aquarius yeah so who are you supposed to meet um

What what are you?

What star signs the Gherkin gobbler?

Yeah, yeah, he's Pisces.

Yeah, yeah, same.

You're Pisces.

Yeah, baby.

My life, I'm surrounded by Pisces.

But if you're Sagittarius, I've basically never met a Sagittarius before.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, what?

What do we do?

So, it was probably me, Aquarius, and then I'm guessing those two lads, Capricorn and Sagittarius.

Yeah.

But we got on so well in the end, but I'm just saying that initial

German word for extreme awkwardness.

We're going to look up what star signs they are.

They're probably all Aquarius.

And then at the end of the episode, we're going to see if they're Capricorn and Sagittarius.

Oh, I'm excited.

Come on, Daddy, please.

Are you getting it on this deep?

Who's that man?

What man?

There's that man there.

Daddy, who's that man?

Oh my god, it's a perfect.

What?

I like the hairy girl.

Get out of here!

Get out of here now!

Get him, Daddy!

Get him!

Task three, teach the taskmaster's assistant a lesson he'll never forget.

Most memorable lesson wins.

You You have 20 minutes.

Your time starts now.

Oh my god.

I felt like this was like the Stanford prison experiment.

Yes.

What's that one again?

It's the one in the university in the US where they did an experiment on making some people prisoners and some people prison guards.

Oh yeah.

And basically the prison guards went mad with power and they filmed it and they ended up just basically like being genuinely dreadful to the prisoners.

And there's a couple of moments here where I was like, these people have gone mad with power.

They're absolutely psychotic.

Yeah, you know what?

Matt...

Matt is quite full-on in this, isn't he?

But he was quite sharp.

Great character, though.

Yeah.

He really nailed that character.

He nailed the character.

Yes, how did he make you feel, the one with Matt?

Made me feel uncomfortable.

It made me think...

That he must be a great father, but it's quite

like

playing must be quite real.

Does that make sense?

I see what you mean.

Yeah, I'm sure he's not doing any of those things as a father.

There's no dunking going on.

I bet, no, he's not doing the dunking, but he's probably saying to the kids, shall we imagine

that we're dunking or something?

Fucking hell.

It was brilliant.

I mean, he's obviously so.

The character was so good.

And

but Alex was not learning anything because it was so.

It was so brutal.

Yeah, truly.

Don't you think it was.

I was genuinely shocked when he dunked him kind of it was like not even as a punish he hadn't got it wrong or something and he still dunked him he dunked him just he got it right and then dunked him again you know what my dad went to one of those schools in the 60s and 70s whatever that was like really used the cane the dunking schools oh no this is it he once got whacked on the head with a Bunsen burner on purpose right like by a teacher by a teacher when he was like 11 and apparently as the teacher brought the Bunsen burner up to hit him with it, he went, You're just like your father, and I did this to your father as well.

Oh, my gosh.

My dad was like, Oh, bloody classic.

That's that is total neglect.

And you know, that's just so rough.

That was so bad.

It was like Matt had just like channeled that.

Which, when you see that, you go, There's a reason the teachers aren't doing that anymore.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Rosie, just as bad, though I thought.

She went mad with power as well.

I was

just as bad.

Well, she ended up wiping shit on his face.

Come on, Nutella had to be.

Had to be.

But in her mind, she'd fully.

That was.

I like that she took it too far by accident.

Yeah.

She got carried.

But this is the point I'm making.

She got carried away.

She went mad with power.

It's very interesting, isn't it?

Can I ask about this?

Yes.

Is anyone teaching anyone to wipe their ass by sticking two balloons to the back of a face?

Well, I thought, you know what?

I totally agree with you there.

I was like, how has she come, how has she come to this?

You know, I'm going to teach him a lesson.

I'm going to teach him to wipe his ass.

What?

What's happened in her morning to get to that conclusion by lunchtime?

Is that how you teach kids to wipe their ass with two balloons in the back of a chair?

I don't think so.

Because then you're teaching them to wipe their back, aren't you?

Because the balloons aren't...

What was production doing with that?

Did they help her?

Or did she tell production exactly what she wanted?

So I'm sure she told production exactly what she wanted.

She said, make a balloon ass,

dress me as a university lecturer, get me a load of something that looks like shit,

and I'm going to do it.

Yeah.

That is incredible.

It makes me really want to meet her.

Also, teach Alex a lesson he'll never forget.

I'm presuming Alex knows how to wipe his ass, right?

Yeah.

He smells of nothing or nice.

He doesn't smell bad.

Yeah.

I think nothing.

I think nothing, actually.

He's not a guy who smells nice.

Yeah.

He just smells of nothing.

Go on, who's someone who smells nice?

Stanley Tucci.

Does he?

Yeah, yeah.

Shut up.

Of what?

Just like fantastic, like

Italian cologne.

When have you worked with him?

Was he on the wheel?

He did a.

Yeah.

Every time the wheel spanned, I got a a waft off Tucci.

It was amazing.

God.

He did off-menu, and he smelled fantastic.

But if anyone asked me that question, who smells nice, I always say the Tooch.

Yes.

Goldblum as well.

Do you want to ask me who smells nice?

Oh, yeah, who smells.

Well, you don't think I've ever met anyone.

Well, I can rule out a 12th of people that you've met because you've never met a Capricorn.

I've never met a Capricorn, it's true.

Yeah.

No way I have.

Who smells nice?

Actually, I hope she doesn't mind me saying Natasha Dimitri.

I'm sure she doesn't mind you saying that.

She smells so good.

What sort of things does she smell of?

I don't know, just stunning perfumes.

Yeah.

She's the first person who's come to mind.

She definitely smells really good.

That's it, though.

With the perfumes, sometimes, though, you know, I'll pop a fragrance on.

But what, they're lasting like what, 25 minutes?

You think that?

Yeah.

You've just got used to it.

Yeah.

So actually, everyone around you is going, fuck, he smells so good.

He absolutely stinks.

Yeah.

We've done the ass wiping.

Great.

See, again, Stevie's, I think, quite sadistic.

Sorry, sorry, remind me.

Making Alex write, a shrimp's heart is located in its head, all over his body, like it's a memento.

It's very Stevie, this, though, because Stevie, I think, really likes a lot of animal facts.

So even though it seems really harsh, I think it comes from a place that Stevie really wants him to remember this.

Yeah.

She just likes, do you know what I mean?

At least it's a fact that she's passionate about.

Yeah.

A whale's got got legs whales exactly that's just sort of like what gets her going and so i i do think that's quite nice when somebody's like hey i see the world like this i'd love you to experience it with the same passion but the writing on the writing on the body do you think that's a good thing

a slight ink poisoning feeling do you remember that feeling at school when it's like don't write biro on callum's leg ink poisoning No,

I don't think I ever came across that Emma.

Might have been a woking thing.

So anyway, that in my head, I was like, I hope he's alright.

But I I think Alex has already had all the kids he wants to have.

Yeah.

So.

Oh, is that what ink poisoning does?

It makes you sterile.

You might think, are you infertile now?

Yeah.

And we don't need to worry about it.

So what how's Callum doing?

I haven't heard from him

at all.

Why were you writing on Callum's leg?

That's just what you do at school, isn't it?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Write on Callum's leg.

Jason...

observes Alex being nice to the crew and teaches him the lesson that they're things.

I didn't like this.

No.

It was very funny.

I didn't like it.

I thought it was horrible.

Because

it was horrible to see Alex go through that.

He didn't like doing it at all, did he?

No.

But actually, seriously, in quite a deep way, I think he didn't like it.

No, because he is obviously a lovely, lovely man.

He like really cringed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that lunch order thing is true.

Yeah.

If someone asks him what he wants for lunch, he just goes, I'll have whatever.

everyone else wants.

Exactly.

Maybe that was it.

And having to see him actually

do the fake thing.

Demand goose and jelly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Goose and jelly is a wicked choice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

This, I was a bit like, I don't know, man.

This is hard to watch.

I thought it was brilliant.

Yeah, it was very cool, like, literally kicking out the person with cancer.

Yeah.

That bit was so funny.

That was stunning.

You're never, you're never here.

You're always going to the hospital, which is my favourite line.

i know that's horrible yeah i just um yeah i thought this was it had the desired effect i think but um i was shocked and i don't but i don't think that's teaching alex a lesson he'll never forget unless the lesson is continue to be nice to people yes

in which case it's probably quite a good effort i you know what

One point for me this.

Okay.

Am I doing that?

Am I allowed to do that?

You can do that if you want now and again.

Jason?

No, that's not true because the effort is fantastic yeah but i yeah i don't know i don't know about what the task is asking you to do i don't know

jason email me

finally fatia the only one to take a positive approach gets the five points by gently teaching alex moroccan dancing look Her effort in this is like chill, isn't it?

It's not a high effort.

I love that she gets five points.

It's very beautiful.

The thing is to reward warmth.

Yeah.

Fatia's efforts in everything are chill.

She's been very, like, she's not, you know, throwing herself into things.

Yeah.

But she's found her own way of doing it.

But this is the first time she's been nice to Alex.

Yeah.

And literally saying, hey, buddy.

Yeah.

That was great.

Yeah.

It's very, very sweet.

And his, I think also Alex contributes to it.

He does a really great job.

Yeah.

And it does look like he'll be able to do some of those moves.

I mean, did you get the feeling a little bit like he hasn't danced before?

No, there's been no dancing dancing in his life whatsoever.

You know, you could see that.

So it did feel like, oh, this is the first moment in your life you've danced.

Yeah.

You might remember that.

And I've never seen anyone not be able to move a body part independently.

When he moves, his whole body moves with him.

Yeah, it's lovely.

Yeah.

Really?

I mean, it's so truthful.

It's the only one where he was...

genuinely invested in doing it right.

Yeah.

He was concentrating.

Yeah.

It makes you think of your favourite teachers at school.

And And those moments where you go, you know, thank you for encouraging me to twist my arms

at the same time.

Do you want to give a shout out to any of your favourite teachers at school?

Um, uh, yes, Miss Fenton.

Miss Fenton.

What did she teach you?

Drama.

Drama, of course.

Lessa.

Yeah.

Love you, Ashley Fenton.

Rock on.

It was three points.

I mean, it was quite a high scoring round.

Three points for Rosie, three points for Stevie, three points for Matt, four points for Jason and five points for lovely Fatia fabulous did you graduate college yeah what school Cambridge University what degree Latin and Greek okay you were like oh whatever it is it's gotta be obsolete oh I'd love to I'd love to go to Cambridge and major in obsolescence

Teach the taskmaster's assistant a lesson he'll never forget.

Ooh la la.

Most memorable lesson wins.

You have 20 minutes.

The time starts now.

From what I know about how memory works, basically if something's a little bit

traumatic,

it sticks in your mind.

Tell me a fact, like one of your favourite facts.

Try to get your levels.

Get dogs in all different colours?

That's definitely not.

No?

Do you remember in the olden days when it used to snow up to your waist?

Do you remember?

Yeah.

So it was winter, it was snowing, and then these boys come and play knockdown ginger.

And my dad chased them barefoot in his boxes because my dad's an animal.

And that is the lesson.

My dad is an animal.

Right.

That's the lesson.

Was that the lesson?

Yeah.

It's not necessarily been

into my brain.

No thing.

You're just like all my old teachers.

Yeah, am I?

Sexy.

Okay, all good.

live task don't blow the last thing off the table if you don't blow anything off the table you are eliminated if you do blow the last thing off the table you are eliminated you must stay on the spot and you must not touch the table last player standing wins i weirdly got taskmaster finding kite again yes i love the look of this so did i with this one so fun and that oh competitive i love the elimination thing i really don't i don't like the live tasks as much where it's five points or zero.

Mm-hmm.

Sorry.

Yeah.

But my series had quite a few of them.

Yeah, yeah.

Fair enough.

It's awful.

But when they're like this, I love it.

It's amazing.

And I enjoyed the escalation of things.

Oh, it's great.

Because you never knew what was coming next.

I also

shout out to the whole team.

Yeah.

The slow-mo shot.

of things falling off the table.

You're like, how are they going to make feathers falling off a table look exciting?

It was great, wasn't it?

So, I was really hooked, genuinely.

I mean, this is something that you could play at home, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

Also,

maybe I was going to say, as a drinking game, no, just drink at the same time, especially.

Yeah, I think I feel like that about drinking games in general, really.

Just play a game that you can play anywhere.

Yeah, yeah.

Like snooker, but pissed.

Yeah.

And you can't play snooker anywhere.

Anyway, I essentially agree with you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I loved it.

I really liked it.

And it was jason who took the five points up against fatia by the end oh and that final moment you go oh no it was just great the two umbrellas left on the table but they were like assassins of this thing they were taking out yeah they were blowing into groups of things and taking one out deliberately do you think jason won because he really was the best like his tactics his you know was it luck or really is it like hats off jason you just

i think i think it was a bit of a luck towards the end i think they were both very good at that i think the others weren't as good.

I think there was a lot of just like

slathering all over the table.

Yeah, because know thyself, I would have been out very quick.

Oh, would you?

Yeah, it's one of those things.

I overshoot, I undershoot,

I am really incapable.

of a lot of physical things.

Yeah, tiny lungs, tiny little lungs.

Tiny, well, or sometimes maybe too strong.

I don't even know.

I'm that out of control.

You've got one tiny one and one massive one.

That's it.

I don't know which is which.

So I do think I I would, yeah, I would just get it dramatically wrong, but love the spectacle of it.

So with Jason and Fatia, I was like, wow, this is beautiful to watch.

I'd watch it in a stadium.

Yeah.

So it was five points to Jason, four points to Fatia, three points to Rosie, two points to Stevie, and one point for Matthew Bainton.

Meaning that Fatia wins the episode with 20 points.

And this is first, her first episode wins.

Her first episode win, yes.

18 points for both Rosie and Jason.

Matt, quite low down for Mr.

Matthew Baynton on 16 points and 14 points for Stevie.

Meaning that Matt still leads the series.

100 points, he's nudged up.

He's a fair amount.

No, not a fair amount.

He's seven ahead of Rosie at the moment.

Not too much, yeah.

But maybe it's just the number 100 is quite like, ow.

Yeah, if no one else is on the number 100, the old triple figures, it's quite a daunting thing.

But yes, only seven points ahead of Rosie.

We've still got a fair few episodes to go um emma thank you so much for joining me in the caravan i've loved it you've been fantastic it's so nice to be in the caravan for the first time in my life

do you have any predictions as to who might bring home the victory oh at the end of the series yes

i mean there is a there is a matte energy a little bit in terms of

you know taking it home.

Yeah.

But

I was going to say it's anyone's game.

I don't know if I do believe that.

I don't.

Can I say this?

I don't reckon Fatia's going to win.

Okay.

You can say that.

I could say that.

Yeah, yeah.

It's okay to say that.

Whereas I feel like Stevie could suddenly at the end just go, men,

and go, you know what?

Fuck it.

And dry a lot.

And then she's away.

Yeah.

It's very hard.

It's very, very hard.

I, I, I won quite a few episodes, right?

And I just could not win the thing.

And I flipping tries.

Yeah.

There you go.

So I can I can just I wish them the best of luck and you know

get in touch if you want to talk about it.

Yeah.

Well you've offered that to all of them I think individually at some point during the episode.

Yeah email me.

Yeah.

Before we go I'm just going to get a quick horoscope check.

Which signs were you saying you think they were?

Capricorn and Sagittarius.

You think they could be Capricorn.

Andy Zaltzmann and Baba Tunde Lache could be Capricorn and Sagittarius because of the initial meeting with them that was slightly awkward.

Yes.

Okay.

I'm going to find out now.

Andy is a Libra, Baba is a Leo.

So Andy is a Libra and Baba is a Leo.

So

where does that leave you with the old star sign?

Clearly

it's awkward for me with Libras and Leos.

Oh right, so you know you just changed it.

I'm going to shift it.

Okay.

It's great to see how it works in action.

I am going to thank you for that information and I am now going to take that with me and let it inform.

If I go into a situation I go, I was so cringe, it was so awkward, what was I doing?

I'm like, hang on, hang on.

Let me check if that person was a Libra.

And if they are, I'll go, well, fair enough.

Yeah.

And if it turns out there are two other star signs, will you then change it to that?

Well, that, I'll change it to that.

Yeah.

That's how star signs work.

Yeah.

It's an inverted collimas bollocks sign.

So you can make it fit you

at the moment.

Yes.

What do you say you are again?

Pisces.

Yeah.

You're going to have a good day.

Yeah.

Thank you very much.

Well, we hope you've had a good day.

We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points.

Please, Emma.

It's a five.

It's a five.

And I tell you for white, this was actually a bit of a long journey.

And I was like, oh, this is long.

It's worth it.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Send you on your way now.

Do you do the points?

Hmm?

Do you rate this out of points?

Because you've obviously done this with so many people.

It's always five for me.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

It's always five.

Especially being

in the caravan.

It's definitely a five.

Who'd want to be stuck on Zoom in your own house, eh?

Shut up.

It's brilliant being in the caravan.

Oh my god.

You'd rather be...

I can tell you'd rather be on Zoom.

Fiddling on your...

On your all your tabs.

You've got to finish that sentence quicker.

Fiddling on your tabs.

It's not better quicker.

Thanks, Emma.

You're welcome.

Bye.

Bye.

Thank you so much to Emma for coming on.

I hope all her shout-outs to people got in.

I hope everyone was listening for the little messages of support she was giving them.

That was fantastic.

We love Emma.

Thank you so much to Emma again.

Thank you for listening.

Tune back in next week, straight after Taskmaster, which is 9pm channel 4.

Straight afterwards, we will be online ready to chat to our special guest, the wonderful Stevie Martin.

See you next week.