Taskmaster: The People's Podcast - S12, Ep. 1

Good morning, Jack.

Good morning.

Good morning, Christine.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I'm glad we have a formal intro.

This is good.

The sun is shining.

It's a positive day here in the UK.

I hope wherever you are listening, it is a good day for you too.

This is Four Star Eclair here.

I had my press night for my show that's been touring for a while, and I got four stars in the paper that

counts for for me, which is The Times, whether you like it or not.

That's the paper that I go to for reviews.

The Times is a chunky one.

That's a chunky, that's a chunky review.

Yes, and it was a chunky, good four-star review.

And I am grateful and thank you to everybody else who gave me four stars.

To those who gave any less, there are two.

I am ignoring.

I am ignoring those.

They're both very good reviews, but they were tardy on the stars.

I can't be fucked with three stars.

That's no good to me.

That's no good.

Just don't take a free ticket if you're going to just dole out three measly stars.

I'm sorry about the review that I

haven't

imagined.

Anyway, we're with Taskmaster, with Taskmaster.

And hopefully soon we'll have an announcement when the new series will be.

Yes.

There's hopefully in the near future.

It feels like it's the time.

The birds are singing.

Bubbling, bubbling under

stuff's bubbling.

The earth is bubbling.

Reviews are in the waters.

In the waters.

Very much in our waters.

But right now, we're going back, aren't we?

We have to make do with, I say make do, we have to do our homework.

And we were suggested this episode, which is a, which is a corker.

I'd forgotten.

Series 12, it's a corker.

And I feel like there's a few similarities with the series that's coming up in the in the personnel, which I think makes it possibly a good thing.

Well, in the sense that there have only been, there's only been one American on Taskmaster up until this series that's coming out, whenever it's coming out.

And And that's Desre Birch, who is in this series here.

So Desiree Birch is.

Desiree is a stand-up.

Yes.

The lad who's coming on the next series, I wouldn't count him as a stand-up.

I count him as a comedy actor.

I'm pretty sure he's done stand-up.

I think he's now more of a comedy actor, but I think

he comes to stand-up, always got stand-up base.

He's always got the stand-up thing.

If you listen to him on podcasts, he's got a very sharp, like, he's got, you know, he's always looking for the jokes.

But yes, so that's the, that's an interesting sort of parallel, I suppose.

And also, I think the, this series is quite an old series, as in you've got the oldest contestant is, oh, so the youngest contestant is Guz, who's 35.

And that, I think, until series 17, that was the sort of record.

And I think similarly, the series that's coming up in

series 19, again, I think Stevie might be the oldest contestant and she's mid-30s as well.

So I think there's a similar

sorry, she's the youngest in the lineup.

Oh, but she's 35, which is you should know what you do you should know what you're doing when you're 30 exactly where previous series we've had sort of you know people in their like uh late 20s or like early 30s so i feel like it in i'm excited for series 19 in that sense where i think there's a bunch of people where you're like you know what you're doing you're steady as i say to any 30 somethings in the audience soon as you hit 35 you are closer to 50 than you are to 20.

Just think about it.

I like to make the 30 somethings feel a little uncomfortable about.

Well, it was my 36th birthday a couple of months ago, so thanks for that.

You're closer to 50 than you are to 20.

I'm aware.

The oldest contestant in this series is Alan Davis, who at this point would have been in his 50s, I presume.

Yes, I think late 50s.

Yeah, so this is

2021.

Oakie Doke.

Okay.

Desre Birch, the American.

There's Khan.

Morgana Robinson.

I would not say a stand-up.

No, so she is the comedy actor, I would say, of this.

Well, actually, I mean, Guz is Guz has a sort of stand-up style, but I'd say predominantly now known as a comedy actor as well.

Did he ever do stand-up?

I'm sure Guz does.

I'm sure he's done stand-up.

I'm sure he's done stand-up.

Victoria Corin Mitchell is not known for doing comedy.

She's not a stand-up.

She's not a comedy actress.

To me, she's a quiz show host.

She's a quiz show host.

She's a presenter, I would say, of things.

She's an author.

She's a poker player.

Oh, yeah.

I do think there's the parallels there with Richard Osman, I would say, in the sense where both Greg and Alex feel, and I think she sort of feels it as well, this sort of sense of like, what am I doing here?

Why am I which is what makes her funny in this?

Yes, and actually, there are quite a lot of bits in

later episodes where you feel like she's she tries to, she comes in with prize tasks where she's trying to make a joke and she preemptively goes, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about what's about to happen.

And

it works very well as a result so um we are going to kick off with the prize task

which is the thing that if you put it in a bag and sit on it would feel the nicest okay there was nothing madly

did anything here grab you this is the interesting thing because i i feel like this is one of those ones where it's well this is a covered series first of all so you don't have an audience interaction and i do think there's a level of it where no one feels entirely confident about what they're doing I do think this cast together as a gang are really fun and they

sort of they're able to keep up the momentum where an audience would normally sort of help.

But it is interesting because I don't think anyone nails his prize task at the first one.

It's just

the atmosphere of being the first of a series.

And also with that extra layer of not having an audience in there, I think they are more adrift than they would have been had an audience been there to cheer them on.

Yes, I do think it's interesting because when this series came out, when this episode came out,

I was watching it at the time, but there's something strange when it came out live

that happened on Channel 4.

They accidentally played the wrong version at nine o'clock on a Thursday when this, like the premiere, they played the bleeped version.

So

there were a couple of bits where like,

which I think adds to the sort of sense where whenever I watch it, I feel the same sense of, what's going on here?

Something's slightly off.

Because quite early on in, I think, in that episode, they started to bleep things.

And usually, if they bleep things, it's because people are

saying the impossible to broadcast at any point in the day

stuff.

But because it was so, it was happening at such a regularity, I think everyone knew there was something slightly off.

So I, while watching this again, I couldn't shake that feeling of like, oh, something's off here.

Because even I was remembering that feeling of watching it.

You got triggered, love.

You got triggered.

I did get triggered.

But I think that Alan Davis just looked at ease all the time.

I actually thought Victoria's was the best idea.

She brought in diamonds,

sort of arguing that the greater comfort of long-term financial security was better for you than, you know, just lounging around on your ass on something soft.

And I actually think she should have got more points.

I think so too.

I do think that potentially she came in a little bit hot.

And I think that's probably what turned Greg off because he sort of goes like, I don't like this confidence.

I've tried to smush it out of Alex.

I don't want this confidence.

And I think as the, I was going to say, as the series goes on, as the episode goes on, Victoria's confidence is smushed, smushed pretty quickly.

It's good for all of us to have our confidence smushed now and again.

I really do believe that.

Yeah.

Morgana came in cheeky with a spinning washing machine, which is a bit sort of first thought.

Naughty.

First thought.

But I do also think that so so morgana obviously spoiler alert for series 12 she wins series 12 but she also she wins series 12 despite the fact that she never wins a prize task she never scores higher than i think she never scores higher than maybe three in a prize task that might be wrong but like like it's she scores regularly low and i do quite like the fact that as you say this is first thought

it's not it's not necessarily good but she sort of owns it quite well she owns it and she is adorable so uh she can't she can't lose ever in my eyes but uh i did i just thought oh that idea would have flashed through my mind because i'm quite first thought i think she i think what's quite nice is she does that and then she sort of just yeah she's like the bit where she says five ten well like how long do you have to sit on there she goes five ten i'm like that's perfect it's a woman with experience of sitting on top of washing machines which really sold it yeah does khan bought a chair in a bag and it wasn't even a chair from his own house it was a chair from the taskmaster studios this might be the laziest prize task ever i would say, as an entry.

It is so lazy.

It is so

So remarkable.

Again, I think you're right about the first episode vibes, because I think in later episodes, Guz gets really good at sweet talking Greg.

And I think there's a chance where if this had been a later episode, once Guz sort of got into under Greg's skin and sort of they were they were more matey, Guz may have been able to talk Greg round on this.

But I think early on, early doors, bringing in a chair and having greg sort of say be honest with me is that from the dressing room you're sort of like well you're always gonna you're always he's the the teacher's coming out you've provoked the teacher that's the problem yeah you've disappointed the teacher desires brought in chicken cutlets uh the bra fillet type not the ones that could go off in a hot in a hot room because that would be awful can you imagine if we had real chicken fillets they would be very comfortable about 20 minutes until they're heated up and then they start to to sort of ferment and it would be a terrible terrible smell It'd be awful.

Yeah.

It's not a bad idea.

It's not a bad idea, but it would be lumpy.

I'm saying it would be lumpy.

Wait, are you saying that the chicken would be lumpy or the bra fillers would be lumpy?

The bra fillers would be lumpy because they have definite edges.

Edges?

They don't mold together.

They wouldn't all mold as one.

Right, yeah.

It feels like at a certain point you're like...

You should just bring in a cushion.

You know, it sort of feels like.

Yeah, a little bit, a little bit.

Which is what Alan Davis brought, brought in an inflatable cushion for the car with an electric toothbrush you can put in the to make the seat vibrate.

So he got a bit of

Magana in there,

a little bit of sexy spin on it.

There is an interesting thing because I don't think he, he sort of, he introduced it, but then because it's Alan and he's talking to Greg, there's no, it just all felt a bit like,

Here's some tips for a middle-aged man, as opposed to being like, ooh, sexy.

Just a bit, yeah.

They there's a bit where, like, Greg starts to go, oh, you put it in sideways, and Alan's like, no, come off, and don't be stupid.

I expect some questions, but come on, you're like, yeah, that vibe from Alan immediately, perfect.

Uh, yeah, I thought he felt really relaxed in this.

Uh, the scores were thus: Guz with his lazy chair from the dressing room, one point, Morgana, even her beautiful cheek, didn't uh score her higher than two points.

Victoria underscored with three points, Alan, four points, and Desiree, five.

And we are off into

series 12 with a task one: strike Alex with a ball.

Now, this is clever.

This was a clever Taskmaster challenge.

This is a very good one.

The full task is: strike Alex with a ball.

Alex may not run, hide, or leave the Taskmaster grounds.

Fastest wins, your time starts now.

And what's interesting about it is, like, I think this might be one of the this is a proper socially distance task, as in like Alex needs to be far away from the other contestants for it to work.

And I think this might have been done at the height of like lockdown or height of not knowing, like, exactly what was okay.

So, you can sort of see there's like a there's a level of them being sort of slightly far removed.

And I think that it's one of those times where you're like, this is we've lent into the restrictions that have been put on us, which I think is beautiful.

Yeah, and considering that Alex wouldn't, you cannot rehearse this task, not really because you don't know what every person is going to do.

They're all wearing on their heads a kind of camera thing, which shows Alex what the person running around trying to find him is seeing.

And because he knows the taskmaster house inside and out, he knows where they are and how to avoid them.

But it's really, I mean, if the person running around trying to find him had realised his method, they could have just blocked the camera, couldn't couldn't they?

Oh, that's clever.

I hadn't thought about that.

What?

You hadn't thought about that?

I hadn't thought about that.

I suppose there's something quite that's almost sacrilegious about the idea of blocking the camera because that's that's the show.

It's cheating.

It feels like cheating.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, you would still be seen.

Alex would still be seen because there are real cameramen following them around.

Yes.

But Alex's ploy would not work if that's true.

Covered the camera.

I will say, I do think that, and I think Ed Ed has talked about this as well.

I do think that that camera angle of them looking down on them,

I think that Alex loves that camera angle so much that that may have come before this task was created.

I think it was very much like, is there a way we can have it so that they have to have that ridiculous camera angle staring down at them?

Because he loves it.

He loves that camera angle.

In a sense, it's actually quite similar to a task from Series 18 that we saw quite recently, where they'd have to bite Alex's carrot.

Oh, yeah.

Where they're going through the maze, but obviously they can't run.

Except, of course, in that one, it's more of a maze.

And also you have more decoys and the rest of it.

Whereas here, you sort of feel like there's something quite cruel about the task,

the task description, which is Alex may not run, hide, or leave the Taskmaster grounds, because it makes it sound so easy.

You're just like, well, once I find him, I'll throw a ball at him, and that'll be it.

But obviously, Alex is

one step ahead.

He's one step ahead.

And it's actually quite irritating that he's moving so serenely.

For some reason, if he was running, I think it would make it less annoying.

Because the fact that he's just able to very easily

calculate.

I think Desiree is the only one that realizes that he's watching on a camera and knows where they're going to go.

So she says, stop doing the thing I know you're doing.

She's a very bright girl.

Yeah, I do enjoy how frustrated she gets.

I think because you're right, I think she realizes what's going on, but knows she has very little way to stop it happening.

I'll tell you who else was clever as well.

Morgana.

Yeah.

She tried to trap Alex by putting a bin by the front door.

That is clever.

So that it, yeah, yeah.

And she, I mean, okay, let's go through points here because

I thought it would be Desiree winning.

She manages to hit Alex with the ball in six minutes, three seconds.

Victoria next.

She finds him, tries to throw a ball at him, misses.

The ball throwing And missing is actually the funniest in this task.

I really do.

So that made me laugh.

Seven minutes, 24 seconds.

I like that one as well because there's a bit where she, which is quite an existential thing that she says, which is that if she can't see him, that counts as hiding.

So, because obviously she sees where he is, goes and gets a ball, comes back, and he's moved.

And she's like, oh, that's not fair.

And you're like, well, obviously,

that's not what this game is.

There's a task, there's another task in series four where they do hide and seek.

And in that one, it is literally as soon as Alex sees you, it's the end of the game.

But for some reason, quite a lot of contestants get into their head that Alex has to tag them.

So they start running around the house.

And I do think there's something quite fun about the fact that, you know, contestants see Alex and they're like, great, there he is.

And they're either then flummoxed by the fact that they don't have a ball to throw at him, or as you say, they throw and miss, which is extremely entertaining.

Alan, he ostensibly set off to find the ball first.

Yeah.

And then sort of meandering into the kitchen, decides to have a snack

and then moves some furniture around.

But he does get him in 10 minutes and 22 seconds.

That is slow, though, compared to.

Well, it's

slow, isn't it?

They set it up at the idea of it being like Victoria is really like, oh, Victoria takes seven minutes and 24 seconds.

That takes a long time.

It turns out she actually comes third, and she complains about this in the studio.

She's like, why are you saying I'm the slow one?

Like, Alex and Alan and Guz took longer.

The thing that's also interesting is that Alan, I think there was an interview with him before the series came out where he was like, I didn't want to be the old man, slow one.

And I was quite, I had to constantly fight against that.

And I think he must have been a little bit annoyed that this was the first task of the series.

The snacks got him.

The snacks.

The snacks called him in and slowed him down.

The problem is, if at any point you decide to stop a fastest wins task and have a snack,

that's going to be what you're known for.

And I think that's going to set you up as the old person of the series or the sort of the one who doesn't really care.

but your trap the traps are clever that's the thing to do because obviously the stuff that Alex can control is

stuff that he can't and and sort of blocking him and putting things in his way is is just clever um Guz runs to the shed to find some balls looks around the caravan throws a couple of balls just in case they can't see him

and he just he he tries to track him down vocally doesn't he yeah which I mean it again it feels like this task is really good at like setting out everyone's stall.

And the fact that Guz, when he doesn't know where Alex is, decides to just go, Alex, Alex, Alex,

really, but just sort of like quite like terse as well.

Like,

I can't work out whether like Guz is just like that loud and angry all the time or that if this is just really getting to him.

But it's just something very insane about the way Alex is just like, yeah,

what you want?

Yeah.

I think it means that after this task, you sort of know what everyone's level is.

You know that Desiree is going to be slightly confused and manic and like

bright, clever,

like smart, but also getting like flustered and going like, stop doing that thing.

Guzz is just going to shout.

Morgana is going to be like competitive.

And Victoria is going to get confused and Alan's going to get a snack.

I think after this task, you're like, yes, I know what everyone's role is.

Good.

I mean, Morgana looks like like she can look sporty.

She runs, gets some balls.

But she doesn't get the ball first because she sees Alex doesn't have a ball.

So, you know, she has to find him again.

She's fast.

She looks like she knows what she's doing.

But when it comes to throwing balls, she misses twice.

But I think, in a way, she'd sort of like,

I mean, she styles it out pretty well.

She also calls Alex a little fucking.

Which calls her an extra point.

Which is, I mean, very controversial.

It's also controversial.

So, I mean, she didn't win by one point did she she did win by one point jenny

who came second who came second

guzz came second and what's also like alan alan and desires were pretty close behind as well so this has been a point of contention throughout and the other thing you have to remember is as this series as this episode was going out obviously they produced the wrong or they broadcast the wrong one first so when some people didn't even hear her say little fucker they said well they heard they just said where is little beep?

And I think the assumption was that, oh, if she said that, she said the little C word.

And we're saying task one.

Morgan has called Alex the C word.

That would be worth an extra point.

It would be worth an extra point.

Yeah.

That Greg was being generous.

So what's interesting is that a couple of...

times later on in later series, Greg says, if I could give out bonus points, I would.

And I think this experience burned him because I think he gave out the bonus point.

point.

I think people got, I mean, people take this thing way too seriously, says the man with the spreadsheet.

But

I think people were a bit like, oh my God, I shouldn't have won.

It's like, it doesn't really matter.

But yeah, yeah, sort of just leave it, leave it.

It's funny.

It is funny, but I but I do also think that he was like, okay, I shouldn't give out.

I shouldn't go out extra points.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Well, I hope it hasn't kept him awake at night because it really isn't worth it.

Task two, paint the most flattering picture of the Taskmaster in action on the canvas in the lab.

The canvas will either be, I love this, six inches or six feet above you.

You must lie flat on your back on the creeper.

Now, the creeper was one of those things that you, you know, if you're fixing underneath a car, you'd be on a creeper.

Oh, God, you have 10 minutes.

10 minutes is not long.

Your time starts now.

And you must tell Alex if you want the canvas to be six inches or six feet above you within the next 10 seconds.

What would you have said?

I think I would have panicked.

I think I would have, instinctively, I would have said six feet.

And then after 15 seconds, I'd have gone, I definitely should have said six inches.

Yeah.

I'd have done exactly the same.

Because instinctively, you're like, oh, that's too close, therefore, six feet is away.

But obviously, as soon as you go into the room, as soon as they creep into the room, it is like, oh,

what have I done?

You can just tell it's impossible.

Not impossible, but

it's so much harder to do that from afar away than it is to just like...

Well, you have to sort of arm yourself with something to do it with, which is a paintbrush on a long handle.

And then, you know, you're already wasting time.

Alan chose six feet.

So did Victoria.

Victoria

with varying degrees of success.

So Alan chooses six feet.

He picks up a lot of paint on the way to the lab, wears himself out while rolling around.

Again, it feels like they're really pushing this idea of him being old.

But yeah, I mean, come on, man.

I think what he managed to do was sort of impressive because I couldn't see actually how he could mix the paint.

Yes, I do.

There is a level of it where it's kind of like he's...

I think he finds the paint a lot quicker than Victoria, which and I do think that he's then, he has like the time to sort of like actually put something up.

Looking at the final versions, I don't think you could tell that his would have been done from a huge distance.

As in, I don't know if it's not noticeable compared to someone in particular.

But the mixing, yeah, the mixing is a clever aspect of it.

And there is a kind of energy to his one, I think, as well.

Like there's a, there's a sort of.

And the eyebrows are definitely there in the right place.

So, you know, I do think it was a good effort in actual fact.

Yeah.

Whereas

poor Victoria, she also chose six feet and she didn't, she managed to get some smudges, but that was it.

It was just some vague three or four dots of paint, really.

It's really, and I think this is the, this would probably be the time I would assume while watching this that Victoria would think, oh no, what have I done?

Why am I on this show?

What has happened?

Because it is, it is very like, why didn't I watch it first?

Yes.

There's a bit where she says something along the lines of, my self-esteem will not take this, will not last this series, which I do sort of think.

Like, to be saying that in episode one,

that is problematic.

You've got a long way to go, girl.

There's a lot more humiliation to come.

Guz chooses six inches.

And he's quite relaxed.

He's quite relaxed during this, even though the canvas is sort of millimeters from his nose.

And he says he genuinely wouldn't mind if they extended the test to three and and a half hours.

And his result is very good.

It is good.

I do think that that's one of those ones where, of all of them, that's probably the one where you're like, that is a person.

That is a person, the most a person there, and also the most character there that comes through.

Yeah, and

adult.

It looked like it was done, but not by because there are a couple of others that look like they were done at sort of nursery school or primaries.

Desiree.

Desiree Morgana, yes.

Yeah, Desiree and Morgana both.

You know, they turned out colourful images that had sort of some semblance to possibly a person.

Well,

I think that Morgana's struggled more than Desires.

Desires looked like a man on a sports field, possibly kicking either the sun or a football.

Yeah, it could be the sun.

It could be a football.

Well, yeah, you're right.

There's a haunting kind of quality to Morgana's where you're not entirely sure what is a body and what is the ground, which I think is quite upsetting.

But Guzz's looks like an actual

caricature.

It's capable of growing a beard.

Yeah.

It must have been quite a relaxing task.

Would you have enjoyed this task?

No, I'd have got very claustrophobic.

I mean, I think that's why I'd have said six feet and then I'd have regretted it.

But I think six inches, I'd have really had to calm myself down.

I might have had to come away from the canvas a couple of times during the 10 minutes to breathe

into a paper bag.

I mean, it is, it's that thing where there's a certain camera angle where Guz is just doing it, where it's really, really close, but he looks so serene.

Where I'm like, this is quite calming.

But then it also looks a bit like that film where

someone gets buried in a coffin and then they spend the whole time like stuck in a coffin.

And there's a level.

Yeah, that's called I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

Oh my god, of course.

Would it bring back memories of that?

I was supposed to be there.

I didn't have to do anything like that, but I do know that once,

some series of that,

someone was buried underneath

the ground, and I couldn't even watch it.

No.

So, the scores were thus.

Victoria with her three or four smudges on the canvas, one point.

Morgana with her, is it an insect?

Is it a man?

Two points.

Desre with her, you know.

I mean, if you're in reception class at primary, you'd be you'd put that on the fridge.

If you walked at home, you would be thrilled.

Yeah, I just forgot there's a bit where she compares it to like Narcissus.

Like she starts to like her, she is so able to talk absolute nonsense or like talk, like heighten these ideas up.

And I think you can tell that Victoria's quite annoyed there as well because she sort of says when she's describing her, she's like, Desri mentioned Narcissus and mine's just smudges.

And you're like, okay, good.

Every aspect of this is falling apart for Victoria.

Fun.

Good, because she expects to be the really clever one.

And Desiree is really bright.

Desiree is, she was hoping that she would be, I'm terrible, but I can be clever.

Whereas Desiree is like, I'm good, and I'm quite clever.

You can sort of see Victoria go, oh no, what have I done?

Yeah, yeah.

So, three points for Desiree.

Alan, with his angry,

sort of six feet away from him, good, very good effort, four points.

And Guz, six inches away, five points.

Well done, Guz.

Task three, pop the balloon.

You must stay behind the rope at all times.

You must not move the rope.

You may buy the tools you need with time.

Fastest wins, your time starts when Alex has shown you his tool shop.

I loved Alex's tool shop.

I think this might be, this is such a great idea.

And it's such a, I mean, the phrasing, sometimes the phrasing of the tasks, they're quite like convoluted because they have to get across quite a weird set of things.

But there is a line in this that I think, is it Victoria or Desiree says it feels shakespearean where it's the line you may buy the tools you need with time it's like that is that is it is like a phrase you could you could embroider that and put it on a cushion it's great

it's very very profound yeah And I loved Alex's pride in his shop.

Yes.

I think actually also Taskmaster New Zealand that we talked about last week, they do a similar thing in another one where

they have to buy a key at one point and they create Paul's key emporium.

And it's a similar thing here where you sort of feel like they don't need to put in the effort to say, like,

this is Alex's little shop, but the pride that he takes in it,

that's a joy to it, which I think adds to the frustration of the contestants as well.

Oh, totally.

It just sums up the ethos behind Taskmaster, doesn't it?

That extra bit of effort is always worthwhile.

So basically, there was a balloon hanging from an archway, a stone archway,

and a few meters behind it was a rope, and you had to stand behind that and then there were tools you could buy with time

so it was basically fastest winds but what was going to burst the balloon was it going to be the slingshot would it be the rubber ducks which were free so possibly not or they could spunk 20 minutes of time buying a pair of scissors well i think i think so i think it was eight minutes which i think oh sorry eight minutes sorry but i think so I think this is the interesting thing about this task is I think that in a way, it should have been about 20 minutes because the scissors were too good.

The scissors are like, are

the winner.

And I think that as soon as it becomes apparent that you should just get the scissors, you would just get the scissors.

And I think that, like, in a way, if they'd said it's going to be an hour if you use the scissors, makes it a little bit less of an attractive offer.

So I personally think that they should have made it about 20 minutes, as you say, but it was

in the end, i think it was eight minutes but but yes there's a um there's a real joy to this and i think the reason that we were told to do this episode was because it's the it's the thing of there is an easy solution you could do the easiest thing here which is to just buy the scissors cut the cut the cord and go goodbye thank you i've done the show um or you can do what desires which is to dedicate your life to trying to burst the balloon uh and it's sort of the it's the i guess the the thing that people must feel in taskmaster all the time which is the battle between being funny and winning points.

What would you have done?

Oh, well, I think you forget about,

I forgot both about being funny and trying to get points.

I just wanted to do the task.

Yes, okay.

My own sort of panic would probably have resulted.

I think I'd have gone for darts first.

I have, I've had history with darts.

You do?

In Taskmaster, but I think that was total fluke.

But I could have fluked this one so i think i'd i'd have started with the darts well because the so actually i just remember in your in your series where you had to fill up the glass of water yeah as quickly as possible or from the furthest distance and you used the dart um that actually there's a lot of similarities with this task in a lot of ways like the sort of the the distance that you have to throw it from and i mean with this one i feel like the there was an interesting thing where obviously the ducks are free and i suppose the the the the temptation is then to just try with the ducks but you won't get it they did say and i think this happened for me Why would throwing a plastic duck at a balloon burst it?

I mean, you know, I didn't do physics, but I know that.

No, throwing a plastic duck at a balloon isn't going to burst it.

This feels like a Zen question, like a, like a, why would blowing,

like a thing, you know, like if a tree falls in the forest, I don't know.

I think they thought they'll be tempting.

So people will do that.

And you're right.

You're never going to get the balloon off with a plastic duck.

But as they, as happens for Victoria, she uses the ducks to practice her aim gets her aim in and then uses the dart which I do think is smart yeah I do think that's smart I will give Victoria smartness points here in fact I think I'd have been quite cross if I were her at not getting a clever point I think yeah if if uh Greg's giving out points for little fucker you should get points for for using ducks as a as an aim although thinking about it surely the trajectory between like throwing a dart and throwing a duck very different things.

So I suppose, in a way, I'm surprised it worked.

I think that it was a smart move.

So Morgana tries just with one dart.

Then she asks for lots of darts.

Then she takes some of the free ducks.

And then she ends up going for the scissors.

It takes her 56 minutes in total.

But it doesn't take her as long as Desiree.

Yes, I do.

I mean, I do think there's a thing where at one point they mention how long it actually takes Guz and they say it takes him eight minutes and they don't say it for anyone else, I think.

But like, it takes actually takes Guz eight minutes of time, but obviously you then add on the things he had to buy with the time.

So with, I really want to know how long it actually took Desiree before all of the time, because I feel like even without

the additional things she bought with time, I think it felt like that must have been at least half an hour.

Half an hour of just throwing things and getting

it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

But having bought everything in the shop, her total time was two hours and 57 minutes.

So funny.

It's also just that thing.

I mean, actually, it's probably a good math question.

You could probably work out how long it took Desiree based on all the things at the time if you add them up and then minus it from the time.

Alan was the only one that went straight for the scissors.

You know, it's a sort of master stroke, really.

It's like, I'm not going to waste time doing this.

Give me the scissors.

Nine minutes.

He gets five points.

Victoria gets four points.

Guz, who what did he

so he uses the the the slingshot, but he keeps on he keeps hitting the balloon, but it keeps not bursting, which is incredibly frustrating.

I think I would have lost my mind at that.

And this is where we get the episode title, uh, which is an imbalance of the pop ability, uh, which is such a great title.

There was also a brilliant sequence where he tried to slingshot a duck and accidentally hit himself in the face.

And he's got such a very expressive face

that it was just a gorgeous thing to witness.

Just a sort of a fury at himself and at the situation.

There is something, I mean, Guz is such a great contestant.

I do think he's,

I think he's wonderful.

And I think you sort of get the full gamut of Guz in this episode where you have like the

getting increasingly annoyed in the first task, the serene calm of the painting in the second task, and then here just like

the sort of getting angry at like physics, it feels like,

because of the lack of the bloom being able to burst.

Because he ends up using the scissors as well.

i i do wonder if he'd done maybe a couple more darts whether he would have found himself in the same like uh sunk cost thing as desi where it's just like by the end he's like i have to i have to just get it i i need to i need to use everything before i use the scissors because the scissors is the coward's way out i think that that the scissors is the coward's way out was definitely what made desi not choose the scissors I think you're probably right.

And

I think there's an honor to Desiree.

She is.

and there's, and if you watch more of the series, which I'm sure we should, we, we will because it's brilliant, but there's a lot of things that Desiree does where you're just like, why have you done this?

And, and like, what, what has compelled you to get to this point?

Has this show broken you?

And I do think that the

scissors thing is very much like a, obviously it would happen quite late on because they do these special tasks later on.

But like, I feel like that's the type of thing where you're almost scarred by the show after that point.

The bit where she does the scissors and the pork colours doesn't go down, and she's just like, What?

Yeah, yes.

Well done, Desiree.

One point for your magnificent efforts.

Morgana, two points, Guz three points, Victoria, four points, and Alan, five points.

Wonderful.

Live task now.

Write down a cool hobby, a fun animal, and a famous person.

You have 30 seconds, and then part two.

Strike a pose to represent first your cool hobby, then your fun animal, then your famous person.

You'll have 10 seconds to strike a pose and must then hold your pose until the end of the round.

The taskmaster, and this is where it all falls down, will attempt to guess what each pose represents.

You may not make a noise or movement when posed.

This is a really interesting one because, what I mean, what clearly ruins Alan, Alan gets one point in this.

What ruins Alan is he keeps

in the first section, he's done comedy.

He did a bunch of comedy, um, like hobbies and fun animals and famous people.

And you can tell that as soon as he's the second one, he's like, Oh no, this is created.

Yeah,

I'm blown this because for his uh hobby, he he makes up surf gamma.

For his animal, he's a Zebronchi.

Zebronchi.

And then the only real person is Tony Hart.

That is obscure.

That's obscure and very fun.

And like, I mean, I think that if it's one of those things, again, where if you're like, if you knew the game before playing, you would obviously pick something else.

But obviously, that's not the joy of Taskmaster.

It's that they force you into these situations without knowing exactly what you're going to do.

But yeah,

I felt a bit bad for Alan.

I also felt bad for Greg.

and it's weird.

I do think that Greg felt genuinely bad about this.

And he said at the start, like, I'm terrible at this game.

And I think we've had it a few times in, I think it was Series 16, where they had charades.

And you could see, Greg, it's not an act, I don't think.

Greg is genuinely like, I'm really sorry.

You say charades, I say charades.

We've had this argument before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so let's go with round one, which was the uh, the hobby.

And Greg guesses that Alan is making a model, but actually, he's doing surfgami.

He got Desiree's bowling.

She did a really good pose for that.

It couldn't have been anything but bowling.

That was perfect.

Ditto with Morgana with her table tennis.

Yes.

It was very obvious.

She was using a table tennis bat.

But Victoria, he guessed she was kayaking, but she wasn't.

She was doing an ice sculpture.

He guessed that...

Guz was trampolining when he was bobsleiging.

Yeah.

It was just hard.

It's hard, though.

And I did feel bad for Greg.

It reminded me, actually, in your series, there was the one where you had to do the accents and Greg had to guess what accents you were doing.

And I think the bit where he genuinely feels that the otter, for some reason, he seems really annoyed that he doesn't get Otter in the next one, where it's Greg guessing.

He gets them all wrong in the second round.

He guesses, yeah.

Yeah, and I think that, you know, he came close with Death Ray.

He guessed was a rabbit, but she was a hamster.

But in a mind, those two are pretty similar.

So she could have done some,

but you see,

a rabbit hops, a hamster doesn't, but

no, it doesn't have a hamster, apart from the meaning, nibble, nibble, nibble, nibble, doesn't really have anything else it does,

apart from eat its young.

I mean, we have.

She couldn't do that.

She couldn't eat its young.

How do you mime that?

You know, also, he guessed that Morgana was a puppy, but she was a sausage dog puppy.

But that's Victoria's cat.

Cat and Otter, they've both got whiskers.

It was hard.

It is hard.

I think, again,

I did feel bad for how bad Greg felt.

I wrote, this is too hard.

I think it is too hard.

But I also, in a weird way, I think it's quite nice having it be the first live task because it sort of brings it brings Greg in to play the game, which I think is good.

Yeah, yeah.

There's all the gang together, really.

Yeah.

So the points for that were thus.

Morgana five points, Guz three points, Desiree three points, Victoria one point, and Alan one point.

Alan was hoisted by his own funny petard.

The final scores were

hence Morgana 17, Desiree 16,

Alan 15, Guz 14, Victoria 12.

Now, it's at this point, Desiree might have been a bit hacked off that they weren't tie-breaking because Morgana got that extra point.

The little fucker.

Well, so this is one of those examples where the person who wins the first episode goes on to win the series.

And actually, Morgana doesn't win many episodes.

I think this might be the only episode she wins, I think, which sounds crazy, but it is interesting that this is sort of the order.

It's not quite the order, but Morgana winning and Victoria coming last is like Victoria will stay bottom for the whole series.

Like she is, she is far and away one of the worst contestants to ever been on Taskmaster.

Wonderful stuff.

But that in itself becomes kind kind of an honor,

doesn't it?

A joy and an honor.

Well done.

Okay,

um, we've got onto our letters now.

Um, Jack, oh, now it's not a scolding, but it's a correction.

Last week, we talked about David Karaos being an Olympic weightlifter.

Well, you did, I didn't say that.

Oh, no, It was Jack that got this wrong.

Well, we've received a formal notification of goof.

Hello, love the pod.

I'm sorry that my first email has to be a correction, but figured accuracy is important to you guys.

Well, it's important to one person more than to another.

And I can let it slip sometimes personally.

Yeah, but and you let this one slip.

Your recent discussion around David Kareos and weightlifting was a bit misleading.

Olympic weightlifting just refers to competing in the lifts that are part of the Olympics.

It doesn't mean David was an Olympian.

He was still good, nearly making the Conwell Games, but I'm afraid you guys gave him a little too much credit.

He's still incredibly funny, and I love that you guys are starting to cover New Zealand episodes.

That is from Andy Jobanek.

I think it's Jobanek or Yobbenek.

Yobanek.

Yobannek.

I mean, you know what?

Given how inaccurate I've been.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry, Andy, you might have to send us another email.

I don't think it's fair.

Can I just say that there is a sport called Olympic weightlifting that is done outside the olympics that just seems stupid to me doesn't it that's like saying it is it's like all sport it's just stupid

there's a thing there was a rumor a while ago that that uh the companies had there was a company that named itself 100 beef uh but it didn't use 100 beef just so people would say this is 100 beef and they would go oh that means it's a hundred percent beef but it wasn't a hundred percent beef that's what olympic weightlifting is doing oh i'm furious i'm furious

you're going to have to let it go.

You're going to end up with an ulcer, Jack, okay?

Okay, second email.

A couple of weeks ago, we couldn't figure out why Alex wore a centurion costume during the Archimedes task.

Well, a few of you emailed in to say that.

Oh, they say, when the Romans took Syracuse, the Roman general Marcellus ordered Archimedes to be taken alive as he was such a genius and would be an asset for the Romans.

According to legend, a Roman soldier found Archimedes studying geometric diagrams and ordered Archimedes to come with him to meet the Roman leaders.

Archimedes refused, saying he wanted to finish his study first, and the soldier killed him.

His oft-quoted last words are, do not disturb my circles.

So I actually, thanks to Horrible Histories, I did know this because it's a great fact, but I never put those two things together despite that fact.

That's the reason.

That's the reason that Alex is wearing a centurion outfit is because he's referencing the people that murdered Archimedes.

Awful.

I don't link the two things.

I still don't get it.

I suppose it's a reference to the fact that's how Archimedes died.

He died thanks to a Roman centurion.

I just remembered what the task was, and it was measuring the weight of his head and his feet.

Yes.

And that's why it all went back to Archimedes.

And now, God, well done, everybody.

Well done.

Sorry, my brain kind of fuzzed out then for a second.

And I just was still, I'm here because

we record this on a video, though you will never see it.

And I'm glad because at that point, my mouth was just hanging open.

It was tried.

It was like the final scene of the usual suspects.

Like there was a bit where you could see like Jenny going, it's all coming together now.

And then I got it.

The penny drop.

Well done.

Thank you to Arcadi.

These are people who pointed this out.

Oh, they're not.

So it wasn't just one person.

It was loads of people.

So many people pointed out something.

Maybe I should have known this.

The number of people who pointed it out.

Arkady, Alison, Jennifer, Wolfgang, and Dawn.

Great name, Arkady is.

Great name.

Great name.

Maybe they should all go on Taskmaster.

They could, yeah.

Alison.

They sound like a very good gang.

Before we go, we'd like to thank also Andy for your email and Karen for this week's homework.

Thank you very much, Karen, and to everyone else who wrote it.

Arkady, Alison, Jennifer, Wolfgang, and Dawn.

Coming soon to a series near you.

Keep those emails coming, especially if you have any predictions you want to make before series 19 starts.

And the address is fans at taskmaster.tv.

And it would be great to get some premonitions.

Premonitions, we also like premonitions.

If you've had dreams, if you can feel something in your waters, we're going to get Lou back on, aren't we?

We will get Lou back on for her premonitions and her predictions.

Next week, we shall be discussing Series 13, episode 4, if you'd like to follow along.

And one last thing, what mustn't they forget?

Do not forget to rate and subscribe.

That was almost threatening, Jack, but not quite.

Not quite.

It's just a two-point threatening.

Well, but we'll try and do it more threatening each week.

Thank you, everybody, for joining in.

We appreciate it a lot.

We shall be back with you again next week.

Bye.

Bye.