Taskmaster The Podcast *Best of TM NZ S2*

Welcome back, Ursula, to the Taskmaster podcast.

Hello, Id.

Last week, I believe it was, we talked about one of your most memorable prize tasks, which was the wet t-shirt picture.

I don't think we ever got to the bottom of where that picture came from.

Did you have that specially done for the show?

Or was that just something you had done on a whim for another project?

Look, I was having photos done for, you know, my media photos, as you do.

And

then we were shooting at the photographer's house.

And I said, you know, what would be nice is

sexy photos, you know.

And then my manager was into it.

And she nearly drowned me that day because she was the one biffing the water at me and throwing the buckets of water at me.

And it was just cold water, and it was close to Easter.

It wasn't a, you know, it wasn't a day for it.

Do you know?

And she was enjoying it too much.

I still have some video footage of her throwing the water and like just directly at my head the whole time.

I'm like, you didn't even get, I don't know how it's possible to just get all the water in my eyes and my ear and none on the t-shirt.

It's the opposite.

That's the opposite of what you're after is that it was the day that you needed it on the t-shirt and she just biffed it all over your head, as you might say yeah the head the whole time but you know it's like though that photo is a blessing and a curse because i want to send it to people as sort of a funny but it looks too much like my actual tits so i can't

people just think it's a rude photo and i'm like no no no no if you zoom in which is the last thing people want to do i go no zoom in and you'll see it's plastic boobs but they're like no thanks please don't send these again i'm like look look it's just a joke like i didn't think this pta meeting was going to turn out out like this.

I think if someone sends you a picture like that and then tells you to zoom in, that's the last person you're going to trust to start zooming in, isn't it?

Yeah, also, that is the worst directive ever.

Like, you send something that they assume is a nerd, and you go, no, no, zoom in.

Laura Daniel brings in the sexy green MM.

Is this your favorite M ⁇ M, David?

It's the most fuckable Eminem.

Yeah,

sure.

But, you know, we can't all be going through life choosing favourites based on fuckability, can we?

This wasn't the most fuckable green thing.

No, no, no, no, it was the bin.

It was the bin.

I think that's the thing I would have wanted to have sex with the most.

So even if it was the most fuckable green thing, the category was, you'd still get the bin, right?

No, okay, if we're going back to MM, I reckon the crunchy, like whatever the crunchy MM is, I reckon I want to fuck that MM because I feel like the way that it would kind of like break on entrance, like the way it crunches, I think that on some genitals would feel real nice.

I can't believe I said that, but you know, yeah, peanut butter for me.

Now let's move on.

Sure, look, the green MM is sexy.

I don't know if it is the best green thing because of that.

I find those sort of the human MMs quite creepy in a way.

I don't really

hiding gloves, yeah.

What are they hiding?

Why have they got hands?

I mean, let's talk about that.

This is not good.

Just think of the amount of disappointed people who open up a bag of MMs based on their advert.

They're like, they're just round things, they don't even have hands.

I can't wait to drink my Red Bull and get my wings.

I won't be disappointed by that

prize Prize task, the hottest thing.

Now, we should first of all talk about your line of t-shirts that you wore throughout the whole series, featuring a young Paul.

Yeah, that was,

I think the initial idea was just to get the teenage Paul in for the

out in the world.

And then

talking to, I believe it was Sasha, the costume, the wardrobe lady who was doing the, you know, the studio, we talked about getting this tranche of Paul Williams photos just for personal use and then we realized that we were sitting on a pretty hot little premise there so this was a really I really like this one it was a very sweet Paul a young tinker bell you can see sort of the essence of his

ambitions for the stage I guess you know you can see the showman in him even in the in in the the young version of him on the t-shirt and I really like watching in the edit like because obviously you can't there's only so much time in an episode of television, you can't acknowledge

everything every time.

And so, the first one, I think, it was acknowledged.

The second one, Paul's sort of still getting his head around it.

And then from here forth in the season, I'm fairly confident it's just for anyone who's paying attention to the t-shirts.

Yeah, they don't have time to, they've got a lot of stuff to get through, right?

They don't have time to do a whole new section every week based on your t-shirt.

Let's have a look at guys' t-shirt again.

It's actually another idea for a podcast.

Okay, it's called Talking T-shirts.

And I get people on and they talk about their favorite t-shirt and, you know, the favorite time they wore it.

And

then we go through other t-shirts.

So it's another one.

You're welcome to come on anytime, actually.

Thank you.

You know, I'll be there.

I mean, that's, I can totally imagine that being a real podcast.

I have totally conceived of it once as a serious podcast.

Talking t-shirts.

And it should end with you talking about your dream t-shirt.

Of course.

Yeah, yeah.

A t-shirt you don't have, but you can imagine having.

I've got loads of t-shirts I could talk about, genuinely, mate.

So just, yeah, drop me an email.

The hottest thing.

Let's talk about yours first of all, seeing as you're here.

This is a lovely bit of business.

A slice of tomato from the middle of a toasted sandwich.

It's

great observation, nailed on, solid stuff.

It is honestly, and you know, sometimes with the prize tasks, how yours performs, you know, it's relative to where it falls in the lineup.

And I feel like there was sort of, you know, your classic literal stroke impractical inventions that people had done, you know, Matt, the elevation.

So Matt had gotten the photo and put it on a heater.

Laura got a photo and put it on an iron.

Oh, no, I had the actual iron for the photo shoot.

Yeah.

David had put deep heat on it.

And so when you come up last and it's just like, it's, you know, it's baseline stand-up comedy.

It's going, have you ever noticed how the tomato and the toastie is a bit hot?

And you could hear the audience going, it is a bit hot.

I'll tell you, it felt sensational in the room.

Because I remember I was up and down on the prize tasks.

And so when you have one come through, you think, shit, I am caning it tonight.

Yeah, the audience were crying out for it.

They were like,

this is a joke we understand.

We agree with this.

It is hot.

We've all been burned by the tomato.

It's not like super complicated.

There's not nine levels of heat for me to get through.

No, no.

There we go.

Yeah.

I noticed Laura

trying to get a dig in on your tomato by saying, oh, when was the toastie made?

Insinuating that it's not hot now.

But the hot iron was plugged in.

Yeah, that's not the point.

It's to represent the heat.

It is there to represent the notion of a slice of tomato in a toasted sandwich.

Laura and I are incredibly close friends, and this is something we've discussed before, and I know you can relate to, but you can see the seeds of our competitive relationship being sown early on there.

I think, I don't know if this is fair, I think you can seal your competitiveness better than Laura does.

Perhaps.

Yeah, well, I mean, I think we both take turns, you know, I think

it's such a fun, that's one of the funniest parts about Taskmaster is it's nonsense.

And you just have to watch David.

Actually, I tell you, everyone was making me laugh so much in this episode, but you have to watch anyone else to learn that it is not about winning and it is not about,

it doesn't matter.

But in the back of my head, what was happening is I kept thinking,

well, if we get to five seasons in New Zealand and they run a champion of champions, because it is just the best job you can get, I'm thinking, I'm never going to get to do this again.

It's bittersweet, the whole thing, because you think it's never going to happen again.

And so you want to win just in the...

for the chance

that you might get to run it back.

And can I actually ask, as someone who got to compete in Champion of Champions, did it scratch the itch?

Did it satisfy you the way it did doing it the first time?

No, because it was one episode.

So imagine building up like that, doing a whole series, being like, I'm going to win.

I've got to win and get champion of champions.

Then you turn up to do champion of champions.

It's one day filming.

And

the pressure you put on yourself to do good stuff is awful.

And then, I mean, if you've seen what I did, I'd fucked it up massively on multiple occasions.

I have not, but I love to hear it.

Oh, man.

I'd say two.

It's too exciting.

Yeah.

No, I fucked up every task.

Yeah, I was fucked out in all the tasks.

That's even better.

As a producer, that's what we want to see happen to Ed Gamble on Champion of Champions after you scrapped so hard to make it.

Yeah.

My prize task was very good, but I knew it had to be good because I knew what I'd done in the house.

It was real bad, man.

It was real bad stuff.

Let's talk about David's prize.

The mask of his face, which honestly, I don't know how he manages to nail this every time.

Everything he does or makes seems slightly from sort of a psychopathic place.

Yeah.

The way the mask's made is

evidence, isn't it?

When you see the back end with the deep heat on it, you can see the $2 price tag.

And then on the front, you've got this sort of,

you know, his perfect.

He is,

it's like there's a level of functional practicality he has, and also then the essence of rushing kind of just melds so beautifully on so many of his projects.

And you could really see that lit across the mask.

I mean, you know, I, and I heard him discussing it last week, but I remember sitting there in the first episode and watching what he was doing and thinking, this guy is like a savant.

This guy is actually unstoppable.

And, you know, really believing that I was just going to be watching the David Corral show, and in a way, we were.

But then you get into the second episode, and you can see that the beautiful mind's not always so beautiful.

I feel like this episode is where David really announces himself to the world.

Yes, and in doing so, I have a belief that he kind of helps crack open the season for the rest of us.

We can all kind of organize ourselves around reacting to what David's done and sort of

it it made for a very exciting energy in the studio.

Yes, I mean we will get to what David does in this episode a little bit later on, but there's a couple of just motifs that he creates

that are outstanding.

Laura, as we mentioned briefly, brings in an iron, which represents the iron covering Jeremy Scrotch in an advert.

Now, as

a non-New Zealander, I obviously don't know much about sort of of Jeremy's history within the world of modelling

or indeed his career.

Was that something that you'd seen before?

My understanding, Jeremy was such an influential comedic figure and

also evidently always such a beautiful specimen, like man.

And so he cut his teeth on a show called Havoc and Newsboy, and then he got through and he did something called Eating Media Lunch, which was sort of our iteration of, I suppose, brass eye, and sort of had a very strong countercultural voice.

And then did a few other, he did an unauthorized history of New Zealand, did something with the symphony orchestra, and then kind of pulled back somewhat from the public eye.

And in doing so, I think started an ad company or a small ad production house that produced ads that are contract with an energy company.

And I don't remember the particulars about it, but I know that he also fronted the ads.

And so this is from that sort of era of

the Jeremy Wells, you know, know, ooze.

So he pulled back from the public eye apart from taking all his clothes off for a billboard.

That's right.

Yeah.

But and but you know,

it didn't even, the irony of that didn't even occur to me.

To me, that's still him withdrawing from the public eye.

Yes.

Well, look, if you've got the goods, flaunt it.

But

this is what's amazing about him and what makes him such a unique figure is he now fronts the show.

It would be like if Chris Morris was hosting like, you know, Good Morning Britain or some magazine-style show in terms of how disorienting it was for a specific generation of New Zealanders to see someone who had been satirising the thing for so long, then just sort of without even a wink, just step into the role and act like everything was totally normal.

But that's lovely, isn't it?

Because then even the most serious news,

you can have a little chuckle, can't you?

Because you can imagine that.

Well, if you watch it, you can still see he's sliding some through just for him in case anyone, you know, anyone.

There are strays flying left and right.

Yeah, beautiful.

How relaxed is like weed culture in Tasmania?

And I'm not trying to be like a weak guy right now, but I'm genuinely curious.

How relaxed is weed in UK culture?

Well, I don't know.

I don't see myself as really plugged into drug culture as a whole, really.

I don't think...

I guess weed culture probably is quite relaxed here, but

maybe around me, I think I give off the vibes of a narc.

So you got like cop vibes.

I've got cop vibes, so I don't think I'm sure weed culture is very relaxed until I walk into the room and then

everyone sort of sweeps it under the rug.

You just get through all tense, yeah, very, very tense.

I mean, certainly amongst me and my friends, no, we prefer what I've found, David, is I can get as much of a good high from a brisk walk.

Do you snort that?

How do you do that?

How do you do that?

What does the snort?

I mean, Urzula's cool.

Ursula gets away with it.

Marijuana.

Five points for the marijuana, which what a way to kick off Series 2 of New Zealand, where the first thing getting the full five points is drugs.

Yeah, and

I feel like the combination of people that were on that show, I feel like, yeah, weed kind of like permeated throughout the vibe of the season.

I don't know.

I feel like there's, yeah, there's a lot of partakers of the green in that, in that lineup.

Well, I mean,

obviously,

who's the most weedy on the lineup?

Let's have a look.

Ursula obviously brings in marijuana.

That's

pretty much holds her out as a stoner.

Not sure about Laura.

She seems quite together.

She seems quite, you know, and she's quite competitive as well.

Not very late.

This is like maybe in the show.

This feels like knock behaviour, to be honest, Ed.

This feels like you want a bit of knock on my so maybe maybe maybe her.

I'm on the speakerphone to New Zealand Police.

I mean, Guy Montgomery,

obviously.

Absolute pothead, that guy.

Yeah.

I heard he's 80% weed.

You, I mean, you're on something.

I don't know if it's.

I don't know what drug you're on.

And Matt Heath, he seems more like an upstanding member of society.

Look, he brought in a recycling bin.

He does his recycling properly.

But yeah, do let me know if any of them take illegal drugs afterwards, David.

And I promise I won't pass on the information to the constabulary.

I'll tell you in person.

Your brother's the taskmaster's assistant.

You couldn't be more linked to this show, guy.

Yeah, I'm pretty linked at this point, and it's exciting to be part of the linkage.

Although, I just had a weird moment.

I just landed in...

Perth, Australia.

And a man at the airport...

Do you get heckled on the street very often?

Not heckled on the street.

Rarely will people shout things at me.

What happened?

A man at the street just said to me, this is literally like half an hour ago.

He said to me as we're at the Uber waiting spot, he said, I was a disgrace to New Zealand.

And then he closed the door of his Uber, but the car didn't leave.

And I just could not handle that.

So I walked up there and opened the door.

Oh, man.

And I said, you can't say that to me while you're driving away like a coward.

And he said, I'm not driving away.

And I said, yes, you are.

And he said, the Uber driver's driving it away.

So he kind of got me there

on a technicality.

And yeah, it made me really upset.

I'm sorry to bring it up out of the blue, but I just like, I'm really kind of rattled by it.

And not because I've had insults yelled at me on the street before.

Most of the time, I deserve it.

But the reason it annoyed me is just because just like...

Just this sort of scumbag like what sort of low life does that like yeah if you want to talk shit to me talk smack but like, to say it and then as the car is driving away, we've just been at the Uber checkpoint for about half an hour together.

Why did he wait till the last?

It's so cowardly.

Well, because he was a coward.

But also, I'd want the specifics.

I'd be like, that's fine.

Tell me I'm a disgrace to my country.

But why?

Which of the reasons?

Why?

With me, there's a lot of reasons to choose from, but I just, I don't know whether it was my performance on Taskmaster.

I'm not sure.

I'm sure it wasn't.

I'm sure it was.

I'm sure it wasn't you naked up a tree that has made you a disgrace to your country.

Well, I still think I have the, I'm actually proud of it, but I think of the New Zealand Taskmark, I don't know about Taskmaster worldwide, but I think I set the record for the lowest ever score.

So that's quite disgraceful.

Yeah, but also, in terms of Taskmaster, that's a badge of honor as well, I'd say.

That's why I'm saying it like I'm being humble, but actually, I'm being braggadocious.

Yeah, you absolutely love it.

I've got a question about, and I've definitely mentioned this on the podcast before.

I just want to know if it happened at the Taskmaster recordings.

I filmed one show in New Zealand a few years ago.

I did seven days, and we stopped halfway through and had a break and went to the dressing room, and they gave the audience a pie.

Now,

this is not something that we do in the UK.

Did that happen at the Taskmaster recordings?

Was there a break halfway through and everyone had a pie?

I didn't get a pie, but I think there was a break where everyone got a packet of chips.

Pies are very important to New Zealand culture.

You know, our our biggest awards night every year is the Bakel Supreme Pie Awards, which is the equivalent of our Oscars.

It's the flash, this isn't a joke, the flashest awards ceremony.

It's the night of nights.

The glitterati is awarding the Bacle Supreme Pie Award, which is the best pie of the year.

And I attend every year.

And

it's just so quintessentially important to us.

So we try and express ourselves with pies.

And we believe we make the best pies

the world and arguably we do so so we're always trying to make pie like statements and and and and saying we're gonna have a pie here a pie there and and and that makes us feel very good about ourselves like we're better than everyone else i love that have you ever hosted the pie awards i have not i've i've actually um

made the vagina sign with my hand on stage as the pie awards so i've given away awards most years i go on stage to give away an award uh but i haven't haven't actually done the full hosting of it.

The last one I saw,

I've seen Lee Art from Series 1 of Taskmaster.

He's hosted it.

I'm not sure why I haven't been asked to host it, actually.

Maybe it's because, oh, I know what happened.

I humiliated myself.

I absolutely humiliated myself at a Pie Awards because you're supposed to go out on stage with this fries

facing towards you.

and upside down so you can turn it around and reveal it at the time.

But when the lovely lady, as I was going on stage, handed it to me before I went out into the lights, I went,

This woman's an idiot.

She's given it to me upside down and ran the wrong way.

So I went, oh, turn it around.

And then the whole crowd's going, you can see it before they announce it.

Oh, no.

And then I go, what are you talking about?

And I've got like, you know, a thousand people yelling at me.

And then I look down and go, oh, right, well,

I've given that one away.

That's a massive spoiler.

That's it.

I haven't hosted.

I've used to host now.

Yeah, no, I haven't hosted, but I have humiliated myself at the Hit Baker New Zealand pie supreme pie awards it was the the la la land of the new zealand pie industry um what a gaff

the prize task was the best voucher um let's let's talk about yours straight away ursley you brought in a 20 a 20

peaches and cream voucher yeah

which is an adult an adult shop, I believe, a

shop for grown-ups yes may i say peaches and cream we don't have um any branches of peaches and cream in the uk but what an absolutely dreadful name for a sex shop listen and also like those are the two things that you go it doesn't really go does it

if you go peaches and puff pastry yes peaches and syrup even peaches and cream we all know that's strawberries place what are you doing

what was happening when that shop was registering and they go okay we're going strawberries and cream.

We can't.

Not during Wimbledon.

We can't.

Like, it'll be too confusing.

We'll have the wrong type of clientele in here.

I don't understand where it ever comes from.

But, I mean, the main thing is

I think it was the best voucher.

Well, I mean, I think it was probably the most, I mean, I guess the most useful voucher in terms of, you know, it was for a natural shop.

It wasn't a completely fabricated voucher.

You know, I'm sure plenty of the contestants would have found some.

I mean, what are we talking?

$20?

It doesn't feel like that much for a shop.

I don't know that, but that is, it's like, you know, someone's not going to buy you.

It's the idea, isn't it?

Like, if I say to you, okay, let me put it to you this.

I just bought a boat.

Okay.

I bought a boat.

Yeah.

But I didn't start off going.

waking up one morning going, I'm going to buy a boat.

No, it was years and years of me taking the kids, fishing off wharfs, off the rocks, going, this is probably not very safe and then my brother um going yeah oh man how cool would it be if we had a boat and then him and i start talking about having a boat and then we bought kayaks i bought a two-seater kayak and i would ram both my kids in the front seat and we take them kayaking and you know try fishing off a kayak but that's a nightmare you know no one wants that because you struggle like do you take bait or or snacks and then you know so it's the idea that grows from it

so and then eventually my brother goes, let's buy a boat together.

And then he took too long and I just bought a boat.

But, so this is peaches and cream, the $20.

I say to you, Ed,

I have a voucher for you.

It's $20.

Now you have it in your pocket.

When I give it to you, you go, oh, this is so stupid.

I'll never use it.

But you will.

You're going to think about that voucher the whole time.

It'll be like, it's not like a voucher for a massage that you're going to look at in a year and go, oh, it expired two weeks ago.

You're going to be aware of this voucher the whole time you have it.

And then you're going to go, I'll just go have a look.

What could they even have for 20 bucks?

You know, then you're going to go in and go, okay, we can get some lube and a joke gift.

You know,

then you're going to buy that and you're going to take it home.

And your partner's like, so this is funny.

And then you'll use the lube and you go, I don't think we'd like it, but it's great.

And then your partner's going to go, so what else did they have in there and you go actually quite a few things that look pretty interesting i didn't even know this stuff you could get and then you both are going to go on a sunday afternoon when you think no one else will be around that area that you'd know you're going to sneak in and spend eight thousand dollars that's all okay

so it's a gate it's a gateway drug sort of thing yes that's right yes yeah yeah okay you're taking one puff of weed in in eighth grade

Look, you've sold it to me.

I mean, unfortunately, I guess if you'd done that on Tus Must New Zealand, it probably wouldn't have got the full full time in the edit that it deserved.

I don't think.

But here, you know, we'll play at that whole thing, the sort of sex shop analogy that somehow involved your brother and a boat.

Well, the man in the boat, you know.

Matt brought in five broadcasting lessons with Mike Hosking.

Now,

can't say I'm aware of Mike Hosking's work.

I was getting the vibe from the chat.

He's not hugely well thought of

amongst a certain section of society he'd be in donald trump's cabinet right

he'd be he'd be spokesperson you know like he'd he'd fit in there like a glove wouldn't fit on oj

so we're talking you know towards the right um a broadcaster of of that sort of um that note um so matt bringing in broadcasting lessons with him i take it no one would would want those broadcasting lessons no no i saw the voucher lie on the back there

after the show, and it was just no one was trying to steal it.

Like a lot of people were stealing stuff after the show.

You know, I brought in a couple of joints once.

No one even saw it after they had taken photos of it.

The camera crew looked real relaxed, but that Mike Hoskin voucher, I think, is still somewhere there backstage.

Also, Matt hadn't checked with him that he would give those lessons, so I'm not sure how that would have gone down.

No, no, but he would have.

He's one of those that will love to teach you, you know.

If someone just knocked on his door and said, I've got this voucher that you don't know anything about, and he would do the lessons.

Yeah, because you know, if you know, if you think you know everything, if you're God's gift to broadcasting, of course, you're going to do it.

I do feel like that, actually.

So, if anyone does want any lessons, please feel free to come and do that.

I've already given out a few vouchers for you.

Oh, no, no one's claiming them.

What does that say?

Oh, I just see it's spiled here with mics.

Guy brought in a $100 cash voucher, and he said he would deliver $100 cash anytime, any place, no T's and C's.

Now, you know, spoiler warning, I take it people have watched the episode if they're listening to this.

You do win this episode.

Did you ever take Guy up on his offer of $100 cash wherever you are?

No, but I know that I will.

Yes.

Because we both do Melbourne Comedy Festival.

We both travel and we play golf together.

together so one day he'll go i think it's your round and i go i think mate you're fine

and then

i'll i'll cash it in but no i think it's one of those things that i want to wait till the economy is stronger too i want to really get banged for my buck at the minute it's not great you know

um so i just think if i wait and everything settles down and the world is in a financially stronger place then i'll hit.

Then you'll hit, then you'll take it out of his pocket.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When his money finally means something to him.

That's right.

When he needs it the most.

I'll wait for his family to grow.

And then when he doesn't,

you know, maybe take some time off work.

And then I'll go, hey, mate.

$100 now.

$100.

I've used my $20 peaches and cream voucher.

I need to get back in there.

Laura brought in a kiss on the mouth with tongue

from her, which expires when she gets married.

Now, we know from the end of this episode, you took her up on that offer straight away.

Yes, yes.

Also,

just in case that didn't work out, I was also at her wedding to see if I can collect another one.

It would have been perfect if you'd waited until just before the marriage was, the marriage was sealed, run up and go,

I'm cashing in this voucher.

Run with my tongue out from the back of the room, just ready, ready to dart it in.

I'm sure she would have done it.

I'm sure she honors her vouchers.

100%.

And David brought in, trying to be clever, a voucher replicating the other vouchers, plus beating each one by 10%.

A clever prize from David, but he hadn't thought through on what the other vouchers might be.

No, no, no.

So Guy really knuckled him onto that one.

I didn't see that coming.

So I walked away, really a very happy lady from that.

Yeah.

Because I also got Laura's voucher was also delivered by David.

I also got to kiss David.

And it was a surprise to me.

Like it had been many, many years since kissing a man.

And I had not kissed one with a beard.

I've never, I've kissed a lady with a beard, but I've never kissed a man with a beard.

And it was very soft.

Yeah.

It looks like he looks after it.

It is

so

soft

uh i think about it sometimes i'm thinking about it now

well that's lovely that's lovely if david's listening to this i'm sure he'll be absolutely chuffed to hear that you still think about his lovely soft beard that you were customized no whenever i see him i talk about his beard i go hey david

i love your beard

he has actually moved overseas weirdly Where's David now?

Oh, I think he's in Melbourne.

Yeah, he's run away.

Well, no, you're off to Melbourne.

I'm sure you can find this soft beard.

I'll find him.

I'll find him.

And, you know, Melbourne is nothing if not wall-to-wall, good coffee and beard oil.

You know, those two things go hand to hand.

It's going to be even softer.

And you've got the barista of your life.

Well, in this prize task, Urzuli, you got one point.

I mean, how did you feel about that at the time?

How do you feel about it now?

I've maintained this right since the first day the show started.

I feel like I was targeted by Jeremy Um, and he was always going to score me low.

And I think it's because, you know, he already probably thinks that I'm winning at life, so he wasn't, he was never going to let me win.

And I think even though he is quite,

let's say, takes a firm hand with Paul, he didn't appreciate me

being firmer with Paul.

Like, because he called that out a few times.

He goes, you're quite harsh on Paul.

You're quite, you know, and I said, but, but I think, again, you had to look into his eyes and you could see that Paul appreciated it.

It was two points for Matt, three points for Guy, four points for Laura, and five points for David.

Let's talk about task three.

Brush Paul's teeth from the furthest distance.

Furthest distance wins.

You have 20 minutes.

Your time starts now.

Another very, very good task.

Let's talk about your effort first, David, because I did really enjoy this it was everyone else went for the long the long thing and holding it pretty much apart from you and Laura again

both of you thinking outside the box

you attached the brush to a piece of string you cycled away holding the other end of the string and then you just pulled it 142.7 meters and I particularly enjoyed

you read into the task brush pulls teeth everyone else thought it's got to be a big old brush clean thing the way you interpreted it if the brush goes across some teeth and literally just brushes the teeth then you've completed the task i'm i'm starting like now that you start to put it all together i think what was happening was like that one and the bowling pins tasks and and the flying task were all filmed very early on in the series right and i think at that point my brain was still a little bit straight in terms of like

hey i know that there's going to be loopholes it's going to be very loophole focused yeah and so i think with some of the tasks, my brain was already in like loophole mode.

But then as the series went on, like the weeks went on, the way it like twists your brain because you want like back-to-back tasks and like it's the whiplash that kind of starts making your brain doubt how to approach tasks.

I think I was very lucky in that first episode because

I just kept flipping.

I just was looking for loop.

I remember trying to figure out that loophole, making the connection that, oh, you, you know, you pull teeth out with a piece of string with the door.

I remember that came into my head straight away and I went oh I could use the same logic I it just gets to be as long as I want it and so I and I just went overkill I was like I need to like get this as long as possible and just finding string I was like oh y'all

as long as I want

well string becomes your downfall a little bit later on in the series if I remember

where you have a task that it's only you who has to do it right you have to untangle all of that string meany mini piece of string

and you do it you do do it but it's just you um but yeah i thought this was i thought this was a fantastic interpretation of the task and yeah it's exactly right that's what it reminded me of the the whole thing of attaching a tooth to a piece of string and maybe attaching it to a door and slamming the door i'm glad you didn't go with that method particularly for Paul.

I think I'm glad you stopped and then pulled it out quite gently rather than attaching it to the bike and cycling top speed away.

I think that

could have ended in disaster.

I remember thinking the thing that could screw me over is if I pulled that string up and it released up, it might not technically brush the teeth.

So just having to do it carefully and make him be like, hey, get it, yeah, get it down.

Yeah, it might have not brushed the teeth, it might have taken a couple of them out.

Yeah, scare, scary.

Scary.

I mean, look, it would have been one point, but you know, people would have remembered it forever.

Ursula and Guy use

similar methods.

The swimming noodle comes out to play.

Again, we've had a, it's been a very swimming noodle heavy episode, actually.

And a piece of wood as well to create a big long handle.

This, again, feels like the first thing you might think of to get distance.

But it does just look very funny.

I think everyone should be brushing their teeth at a distance from now on.

Yeah, great physical comedy.

I love that there was a pipe and a noodle.

It was very like,

remembering how the shed was kind of laid out, I remember like those pipes and noodles, kind of first thing that you see.

So I think that's what like dictated a lot of the themes in there.

So it's like, oh, yo, it's at the front of the shed.

I don't have to dig to get this.

Yeah, a lot.

I'd say series one of New Zealand's Taskmaster feels like the leaf blower season.

And I'm sure the leaf blower makes an appearance in this series as well.

But so far, the swimming noodles are winning out in series two.

Yeah, noodle and bike.

Noodle and bike.

Noodle and bike.

Big uses for season two.

Matt decides to go from above, which I think is a smart idea.

Although he knows it's smart.

He announces the idea.

He's very happy with this idea.

Using the crutch as well to get even more dangle on it and also sort of a little pulley system to control it.

What he really seems to enjoy doing is torturing Paul,

pouring the water off, sort of like, you know, distant waterboarding.

And I'm surprised he didn't do it with a toothpaste as well.

He actually put that on the brush.

But Paul did not enjoy this.

Did you enjoy maybe putting Paul in precarious, awful situations for him?

Or did you want to look after the guy?

Yeah, I kind of, I think, I think what I got like, I got pretty good treatment from Paul because I never wanted to hurt him.

I think there was like, there was this feeling of going, of going like, oh, when I go off the rails and I get really aggressive and i think i'm funny that's where i start to go over the line and so i just remember and like especially in those task eras i was like oh i gotta like i can't hurt paul i cannot like go to hundies because if i do it's like off-putting and it's like not fun for like anyone but it was yeah great great training and i'm glad that like matt and like ursha's a master at it urshula's a master at balancing you know being like being aggressive like you know roasting paul and getting away with it if i do it they're like yo your tones off bro Like, it's kind of, it kind of bums everyone out when you try to roast people because your tone's off.

Yeah, I mean, Urzula does have that nailed down because she's a very warm, like, likable personality when she does it.

Like, you almost don't notice she's absolutely torn you apart.

So, I think, I think, yeah, and when you go full on, I agree.

It would just ended in a disaster.

You saved it for the diss track, so I think we all appreciated that.

It was good to build, it was good to build to the diss track, which we've talked about before.

Um, go and look at some other episodes of me and David.

Laura gets someone from the crew to brush Paul's teeth, which I think is a very, very good idea.

And she coached her through what to do from a distance.

Now, two very funny things about this.

I think it's a great idea.

One is that for some reason, she went away.

She was on the phone.

The friend still had the toothbrush on a big handle.

There was no need for that.

So she's going brush it and give it the instructions and it's just still on a massive stick.

It didn't make any difference, but it was still there.

And also, she went 10 meters closer than you.

This is the thing.

This is what you were saying about you have to go as far as you possibly can because you never know what someone else is going to do.

Yeah, and I think that was part of like, I think the reactions in this studio.

I don't know, but you get so invested in like what the points are to the point where like you look at you like, oh, I was a bit of a dick at that point.

But I just remember thinking, she so has this in the bag.

Like, it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, you can go a K, you can go a K away, and it still counts.

Yeah, so that was that was nuts.

Yeah, the surprise was crazy.

The only thing I'd worry about in the Taskmaster New Zealand house looks like it's in a slightly remote location.

I'd be worried about like service, like the reception

around there.

Yeah.

It seems like that.

Yeah, the service was not good, eh?

The service was not like the Wi-Fi was like not good,

so you're like, you couldn't, like, you know, you know, when you want to, like, chill and shit, and you can work on your phone, yeah, couldn't even do that.

Like, I spend most of my time just refreshing, like, social media apps.

Like, it's not freaking loading.

I've like, suck it, I've only got like three videos that have loaded on Instagram, and it's just 15 seconds of the start of it.

I just have to watch this.

And that's not good, is it?

Because you want to be relaxed in between each task rather than going in all hyped up, because then it's Paul who's going to get hurt.

if you've not had time to watch your little videos you're gonna go mad on him

let's talk about task three shoot a chocolate fish into the fish bowl you must say the name of a different animal with each shot your first successful shot is your animal most powerful animal wins I love this task it's so simple it's the sort of thing you could play at home but it's so offbeat as well I do want to know about chocolate fish.

Is this a recognizable New Zealand confectionery that everyone knows and loves?

Yeah, it is.

I was shocked.

I just assumed it was a worldwide thing.

It's really funny how that works.

And it's kind of sad how the world is becoming smaller like that.

Like, you know, each country used to have its individual thing, but now, you know, we used to go to America and it would be exciting to buy Skittles because you could not get that in New Zealand.

Whereas now you can buy Skittles in a convenience store everywhere from Antarctica to

Azerbaijan, you know, and so it's it's like it's like it's sad that you guys know about that now because like when people come to New Zealand, we give them two types of confectionery.

Traditionally, it's been a chocolate fish, but they weren't kind of owned by a company, so it's replaced with a similar item.

Uh, the pineapple lump is the other one that New Zealand goes crazy for.

They're both the same thing, basically.

It's just a marshmallow.

A chocolate fish is a raspberry marshmallow coated in chocolate, and a pineapple lump obviously is a pineapple.

A pineapple lumps also are hard and chewy, whereas a chocolate fish is soft.

Very much like a do you have like a chocolate marshmallow Santa in the UK?

Similar to that?

No, I mean

we're not big on marshmallow here, I don't think, really.

Marshmallow is less insidious.

Yeah, yeah, it is, but in the in the UK, I definitely had a product that we've copied in New Zealand.

It was individually wrapped half semicircles with really soft marshmallow.

It's like a very soft marshmallow covered in chocolate, and it was definitely, they were called like Tunnock's tea cake.

Well,

they are very specifically Scottish, I would say.

Oh,

they are extremely Scottish.

Can I apologise to the people of Scotland then?

I should not have assumed

that was British.

It was very offensive.

Oh, is Scotland part of Britain?

Oh, no.

I've gone off.

It depends who you speak to.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I feel like you should still make that distinction because most Scottish people I know would prefer to be known as Scottish than British and for good reason.

Don't fight me.

I'm so sorry.

The Tunnex tea cake is a wonderful thing, and you're correct.

That's where the majority of the UK's marshmallow ends up, I think.

So this is just chuck it in.

And the game is you have to make sure that you're going to get it in if you're saying a powerful animal, right?

Which is why I remember seeing this for the first time and I laughed for so long when Matt just throws one and says otter for some reason and it goes straight in.

It's so, so funny.

I've got no, why would you even risk saying otter?

Yeah,

I think it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's another great...

This episode is just, you picked a good one here.

It's a great moment.

He...

He explains his logic that he was, and it all made sense to me that he was like doing some burners because it's like,

if you're taking 50 shots at this, it's like naming 50 50 animals isn't that easy that's why you get people like saying panda and then saying 12 different types of panda there's like a golden panda and a red panda and a chinese panda or whatever and it's just like he was he was he was doing he was testing his length and he said a small animal as a as a gag just to test it out and yeah it backfired badly you love to see it yeah it was it was amazing but i would say don't bother

doing something like an otter just go for a mid powerful animal right you know you've got your big hitters, you know, a guy was very insistent on he wanted to do blue whale.

Uh, there was, you know, a lot of animals knocking around.

There's loads of powerful animals, but I guess you panic in those in those moments, especially in that lab room.

I find, I found that very disconcerting in there.

Yeah, the lab room in general is a

is a

haunting room because it has like the plastic sheets.

Do you do that?

Is there a plastic sheet room in the British one as well?

Oh, there is.

It's disturbing because because it's like

it reminds me of America.

Does he put up sheets in American Psycho?

Yeah, I think so, yeah.

It's sort of very, it's very sore as well, I think.

It's just like, yeah, it's pretty.

And Dexter as well.

It really reminds me of Dexter.

Guy gets Jaguar in the end, which is pretty strong.

You've got to admit.

Jaguar is very, very good.

David just obviously goes mad.

He's chucking loads at the same time,

trying to get it right.

And eventually he's naming frogs.

He's naming so many different animals where you think, why are you even saying these?

Especially when you're throwing handfuls, because you're guaranteed to get one in.

And it ends up with red-eyed tree frog.

And it becomes pretty evident that he's forgotten the point of the task.

He thinks the task is just to say an animal and get one in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's intense.

He's focused.

And he's not good at...

The double skill is what tricks people here, eh?

Doing one thing and doing it.

Like, you've got to...

You're focused on making the distance and you forget about the second part of the task um i i

mentioned we should credit the writers more um maybe credit the editors as well have you ever interviewed an editor on the podcast i think that'd be really interesting no we've not but they tend to prefer to sit in dark rooms looking at screens no they don't oh the ones i know the new zealand ones they would kill they would kill for a bit of a moment in the sight because like sometimes there's actually not much there and they make it amazing this one had um a few amazing moments so this one was this one anyone could edit this one but i i was going to say my point was going to be is that like, it doesn't really show in the edit how,

like, there's a chance that, like, you know, David had done 300 and he was down to pretty, you know, he'd named every.

And also, also, I think the comedians didn't do a good enough job of

arguing for the power of the animal.

Like, it's like, or does he do that in the studio?

Like, David does.

He brings in loads of facts.

He's got them all printed out,

the powerful facts about the red-eyed tree frog.

i would say that he one of his facts is that red-eyed tree frog is not venomous which does not suggest it's powerful to me

um but the job

times its own height is great yeah body weight to um uh yeah power i would say the red-eyed tree frog is probably like per per kilo of body weight it'd be strong but um yeah i i thought there was i thought you could debate you could you especially with jeremy he's a he's yeah you could you could you could turn jeremy around i reckon you could debate what power means as well, right?

So, Laura and Red Panda, I'm sure you could debate that it's a powerful emotional animal, or it means a lot to people.

You know, power doesn't just have to be strength, yeah, absolutely.

Like, uh, Red Panda could be could be sacred in Bhutan for all we know, and you know, like people follow the panda wherever it goes.

Like, in New Zealand, the kiwi, the kiwi is a powerful animal, even though it's physically very weak.

Um, Ursula uh goes gets pit bull, which is incredible.

She gets pulled to look up animals alphabetically.

Again, classic Ursula move, but eventually ends up with American Pit Bull is what she lands on.

And that is, I think she's lucky to get it on that, because some of the animals aren't powerful that she's she's trying with.

But

Pit Bull v Jaguar, who who you who have you got your money on, guy?

Oh, like, this is a T V show I've already been pitching for many years, so I'm glad you asked.

Unfortunately, that pesky SPCA is getting in the way.

But

it was a easy win for the Jaguar for me.

I think if David had argued his case a bit more coherently, he might have been an argue for the power of the tree frog.

But, like, yeah, the Jaguar is pretty much a no-brainer.

Yes, and Guy gets the five points, Urgella gets the four points, David's frog gets three points, Matt on two points

with Otter amazingly, and one point for Laura's Red Panda.

Um, Jeremy seems to have a personal, uh, a personal uh hatred for the red panda, so that's very unlucky.

Um, but what about the power of the otter?

Like, um, he didn't even bring up, like, the otter.

I would say at the zoo, the otter would be the most powerful by a mile.

Like, the otter is a superstar of

a New Zealand.

Well, at New Zealand, we've got some pretty povo zoos.

So, I was like,

you know, like, it's just a sheep next to a dolphin next to a, you know, a cow.

But, like, the otter, I would say, in New Zealand, is like one of the top attractions at the zoo.

And I'm like, there's the power of the otter in terms of like financial power of pulling people in the gate, but also like the otters really, they're so active.

If you've been to a zoo, the lion just lies there like it's dead, right?

But the otters are always moving around.

So it's like people love the otters.

It brings kids to tears of joy.

It brings kids to tears of, you know, it brings up emotions.

I'd say the otter, if he was more talented, if it was me in there,

I would have probably been able to get a win with the otter.

But Matt Heath, he just doesn't have that level of talent, you know?

I suspect, guy, what would have happened if that was you is you would have done a 15-minute monologue about the otter and then it would have all been edited out.

Float this Brussels sprout down from the balcony.

Longest float time wins.

You have 20 minutes and one floating attempt.

Your time starts now.

A brilliant task, a classic task.

Let's talk.

Let's talk you and Laura.

Wow.

The water team who went with the floating it down on water.

Brilliant move.

And I'll be honest, when I was watching this back yesterday, Guy, Guy, I thought, well, obviously, you do water, right?

You get a really long tube, you put it on top, and you let the water evaporate, and you just leave it there for ages.

That's obvious.

And then I remembered I have seen this episode before, so that's I definitely just remembered what you and Laura did.

Again,

it's just one where you

know, sometimes they're sitting right there in front of you, and a lot of the time they're not.

And that was one where I thought, you know, wow.

And then, of course, when you get one like that, I assume, assume because I don't think you know, David's was quite beautiful.

Also, shades of his uh fly task from the first um yes episode.

I don't know that I have the strength for thinking too far outside the box.

I can be, you know, I try to make I suppose lateral thinking funny in a way.

And so, when I think of one correctly, I'm like, well, I feel like this is going to be accessible to everyone.

You know, do you not feel like you thought outside the box with this one?

To me, it felt like you and Laura were the ones who were outside the box.

I don't know.

I mean, putting it in water seemed pretty sensible.

You can see when I start walking really slowly, I assume that it's a 20-minute task.

And so I'm like, I'm going to take 20 minutes to walk down the stairs.

And I thought maybe you had to be in motion the whole time.

And they cut the conversation with Paul where he said, you don't have to do that.

And so we sat down and had a chat for 19 minutes.

And they say, should we get moving?

Yeah, it was weird that you put it in the pan, then really slowly walked, and then sat down on the sofa.

You didn't want to go up to the balcony with it because you thought that would end your attempt.

Is that right?

Well, because it was floating it down from the balcony.

And so, in my interpretation, I thought, well, the longer I take to walk, the longer the technical floating down from the balcony is.

Little did I realize none of that would be relevant.

And that's the crazy thing.

I don't know if you've had this with Alex, but with Paul, the amount of dialogue we were having while I was doing the tasks was,

I was on the whole, you know, around the fringes of it, I was performing the whole time.

And then you watch it, and of course, of course, that's not in, of course, it just gets boiled down to the essence.

I was basically turning over, you know, hours of stand-up every day.

At least you managed to get the tomato stuff in, the price task.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

It's hard for them to cut around that.

Solid 20 on that.

But yeah, I was.

So I was happy.

And then when I saw Laura do it, I also was

really happy for her.

And then there was the thing of because she puts it in the bucket and lowers it.

Yeah.

And

it's crazy to think, really, because that was there the whole season we were filming.

And it never occurred to me to ask why or look.

You know, it's smart, isn't it?

It's kind of reflective of how I live sometimes, though.

Where I'm just like, oh, that's just how that is.

You know, something will be broken.

And it's like, oh, yeah, that's just where the broken thing is.

You know, and then only when a certain mood takes me will I think, oh, I could address that.

There doesn't have to be a broken thing there the whole time.

Yeah,

I'm completely the same.

My house is like, you know, they're piles of stuff.

And you're like, well,

that's where the piles are.

Like,

they're perfect bits of furniture.

And then one day you just move them and you're like, God, my brain feels tidy now.

Yeah,

or your partner will be like, you do anything with this pile?

And then you look around and you'll see four of their piles.

And you think, well, we're going to talk about piles.

You can't get me started on this now, guy.

We've got to talk about this.

that'll be a that'll be a separate podcast that's another good idea

we don't even need to record it mate

gambling guys girlfriend gropes

i'm sure we talked about this last time we were on the podcast but we did seven days together do you remember Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I remember that.

And yeah, I like, oh man, every seven days episode just makes me cringe.

Why?

You were so funny.

You ate a whole brie.

You ate a whole bunch of two drunk.

Jesus Christ.

I absolutely loved it.

I was like, this guy's brilliant.

He's just eating a whole brie.

Everyone else trying to make wry jokes about the government.

I look over and you weren't even asking for any attention.

You weren't going, hey guys, look at me.

I'm eating a whole brie.

You were just eating a whole brie.

Yeah, because I think I was trying to do like subtle.

I think I was trying to do like subtle comedy.

Like office, I don't know, like office-style comedy, where you're like, oh, maybe the camera, like sadly don't in the corner might come to come to me and was like, no, that's not the format of the show.

That's not the show.

We're talking about the news.

And you're munching away on a big old cheese.

But

I love that like that Taskmaster kind of came to New Zealand because I feel like there was no real shows for like people who could do like weirder stuff every time you kind of like put up against question of like the news and stuff I'm just like I don't I don't care I don't care about the news I don't know how to write a joke about the news I don't know how to write a joke at the time it I don't know about you but it takes ages to learn how to write a joke

and I'll get there one day

we've got our fingers crossed

no you I mean look you were very funny on that show as well but yeah I think you're right I think this is such a good format and it works the same here for

like slightly you know more off-beat comics more alternative comics and sketch comics I think it works really well.

And also shows that, obviously, they can do the tasks, but then are also very funny in the studio format as well.

When what you're talking about doesn't have to be the news.

It doesn't have to be, you know, viral clips.

It can just be talking about stupid shit they've done.

And it's, there's always, every year

on Taskmaster UK, there's always a comic who comedians love who gets...

booked for it and we're like great we can't wait and they just like steal the hearts of the nation and then they're selling out big rooms So it's fantastic.

Carry a briefcase of either nothing or onions across the stage, then place it on the mat.

The taskmaster will then attempt to guess what you are carrying, nothing or onions.

If he guesses correctly, you are eliminated.

If you deceive him, you qualify for another round.

Most deception wins.

Now, this is a task, one of many tasks actually, that began its life in New Zealand and has been adapted and homaged in the UK series.

We did a similar thing for this for Champion of Champions when I did Champion of Champions.

Oh, yeah, you got to bring that up every podcast, don't you?

When's the loser of losers one going to be?

Oh, get me in there.

Well, then I should be on it because I lost Champion of Champions.

It was Bricks versus Balloons is what it was.

So it's really fun to watch how everyone...

decides to act

whether they've got something in their briefcase or not.

And yeah, just different interpretations all around.

Particularly enjoyed Matt just running out top speed and slamming it on the ground both times.

Yeah, he,

oh, yeah,

it was all good.

Korios had a very, speaking of British comedy influence, he was Mr.

Bean-esque when he did the old,

you know, like about to place it and then roll flop over on his side.

It was like Mr.

Bean at the top of the diving board.

It was, yeah.

You can see this episode is a homage to the greats of British comedy.

I can't believe we're in a situation where Mr.

Bean is considered one of the greats of British comedy.

You know, we've got to be.

Sorry, we've got a big ranch here.

No, you don't.

You've got Mr.

Bean and nothing.

You don't understand.

Well, Monty Bison, you mentioned earlier, you're not really plugged into what's going on, guy.

Yeah, Taskmaster,

Taskmaster.

Yeah, Taskmaster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Loads of other stuff.

You haven't been to the back.

You haven't been to the back alleys of

Thailand streets

where you just bump into like the Mr.

Bean Cafe and stuff like that?

You know, have you ever experienced that overseas?

No, but I am aware of the global sensation that is Mr.

Bean.

No, but yeah, because it's like it transcends languages.

So like in New Zealand, my ex-girlfriend was Iranian and she, her dad's favourite comedy is Mr.

Bean because, you know, like in Iran, that's something you could watch without without barriers.

It's like, it is amazing the value of Mr.

Bean.

Also,

the value of British exports.

There was a time when Britain controlled 40% of the globe.

And what do you have to show for it?

Nothing.

Four good soccer.

Yeah, Mr.

Bean, four good

soccer teams, Spice Girls, Sugar Babes.

That's it, really.

Buckingham Palace sucks.

Like, you should have,

if you're going to control 40% of the world, build a better palace than that.

Disneyland has has better palaces than Buckingham Palace.

It looks terrible.

I don't know if you think you're somehow upsetting me by slagging off Buckingham Palace.

It's not particularly close to my heart.

Yeah, it is.

I'm saying that when you go to Britain, you're like, wow, this is at one point.

You know, when you go to Rome, you're like, yeah, how yeah, these guys ruled the world.

This is Rome.

Yeah.

It's amazing.

You go to London, you're like, at no stage were these people in charge of anything whatsoever.

And it's crazy when you find out that they had 40% percent of the world was under it's the greatest empire in world history and that's what you've done with it disappointing although i do love i do love cats

so add that to the list the classical cats yes yeah at the west end that's where you got to see it check that out yeah i'm i'm not mentally well

what what about new zealand what so what what's new zealand offering New Zealand is the greatest comedy country in the world.

Rose Matafo, Ursula Carlson, Fly to the Concords, Rhys Darby, Tyka Waititi, Guy Montgomery,

I'm going to.

I'm running out of, I'm running out of options here.

Per capita, we're pretty good.

Sports, we're the most dominant rugby team of all time.

Lord, have you ever heard of her?

New Zealand, I'll admit, has not produced a lot.

But

we did split the atoms, so that's something.

I'd say also,

and I'm going to back you here, New Zealand's cultural sporting and everything else offerings far outweigh the amount of people there.

Yeah,

we always say that as a bit of a joke per capita.

We're number one,

this is so humiliating.

During the Olympics, which we do quite well at because we compete in really bizarre sports, like we're always doing rowing or like underwater table tennis.

You know, like we target the sports that proper countries don't bother with.

Rowing is like ridiculous.

Or like one-knee.

Have you ever seen like one-knee kayaking or whatever?

Ridiculous, you know, brake dancing, get us in that, you know?

But we actually do in our newspapers and stuff, they literally do a medal table and then they do a medal table per capita.

And we're normally like number one or two until like some tight until Brunei wins a medal in table tennis.

And then we're like, ah, we'll be bloody Brunei.

It's not a joke.

That's what we do.

That's our country.

We are kind of a joke of a country.