Ep 199. Ray O'Leary - TM NZ S2 EP.9

Hello, and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast.

It's me, Ed Gamble, the host of the Taskmaster podcast, and we are very excited to be talking about Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2, Episode 9.

It's the penultimate episode of the series.

A fantastic series.

Going to be sad when we have to stop talking about this one, but there's plenty more great stuff to talk about, of course.

And our special guest is the wonderful Ray O'Leary.

Ray was, of course, a contestant on Taskmaster New Zealand Series 4.

He is an absolutely fantastic comic.

Very excited to have Ray on the podcast for the first time.

And if you are in Australia or New Zealand, Ray is touring his show.

He's going to be at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, which starts today, I believe, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out.

The show is called Laughter.

I hardly know her.

Great title.

Great comic.

Do go and see the show.

It's going to be touring around Australia and New Zealand, going to all of the big cities and festivals, etc.

So go and see that if you can and keep an eye out.

I think Ray is doing some international dates after that too.

But let's crack on with, actually, I should say I'm coming to Australia and New Zealand in June.

Edgamble.co.uk for tickets.

I'm doing Christchurch, Auckland, Wellington,

Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Brisbane.

I'm go to loads of places.

So why don't you come and see me do that doing my show Hot Diggity Dog?

But let's get on with this.

This is Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2, episode 9, as discussed by Ray O'Leary.

Welcome, Ray, to the Taskmaster Podcast.

Well, thank you so much for having me.

It's an honor to be here.

Well, fantastic.

That's what we like to hear, that it's an honor.

We have decided to honor you with your own presence.

And we are, of course, talking about Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2.

We're a while from talking about your time in Taskmaster New Zealand, which was series 4, of course, Ray.

Yes, yes, very much so.

Yes, I know you've studiously avoided bringing up my season on the podcast so far.

So

it's an honor to finally come here and correct that great injustice and

talk extensively about my own time on Taskmaster and maybe eventually get round to season two.

Yeah, we should talk extensively about your time on Taskmaster New Zealand, actually.

When you did the show, were you a fan of the show already?

Had you seen much of the show, either UK or New Zealand?

Yes, I had.

I'd seen all of it.

I think I'd seen up to your season.

I think, yes, I think New Zealand definitely made sure to keep the season that had Rose Mudafeo on it legally available.

So I'd seen

most of the UK season, and I had also gone and watched the live studio recordings of at least one episode of the previous New Zealand season.

And I found that to be so, so helpful.

I think I would have been so, I know some people like to go in blind and just have no clue what the show is, but I think

having seen what other people do,

it actually

opened my field of vision for what could be possible in the show.

What do you think you brought to the series that you wouldn't have done otherwise if you hadn't seen previous episodes?

The moment that really opened my eyes was in a recording I went and watched of season one, and it was Make the Biggest Thing Disappear.

And Brindley Stent just filmed a short...

She did a short film about a cow being replaced by a computer shop.

And

I remember thinking there was nothing in the task about doing a weird black and white short film.

She had just done all this extra stuff herself.

And so I think that, knowing you could do stuff like that, like, I think I probably wouldn't have.

There was one task where we had to use sellotape in the most, I think, was brilliant way possible.

And I, and from having seen, I think just knowing that I could do that in the back of my mind, I probably would not have made a short film myself where I sellotaped Paul to train tracks and then came and rescued him.

I think you're totally right in that you can sometimes watch a series of Taskmaster

wherever it's filmed, and you can tell when someone has not seen the show before and they're not aware of h how good the crew is and how good the edit team is, that they can make something look a certain way.

I mean, especially in m in the series that um I did uh with Rose and with David Bedil, Badil hadn't seen much of it, so there were all of these things

where we all had these sort of like, you know, huge themed short films and all of these edit points, and then David's was just him sort of walking around chatting and you think that that's because you don't know the show.

I mean it's brilliant.

I'm glad he hadn't seen the show but yeah I think you're totally right.

Yes, it's so perfect.

Yeah, like the people who don't see the show like Matt Heath who we'll talk about later like yeah they the not seeing the show brings something so funny and so fresh and in my season Bubba had no clue I think what the show was.

I think even her like manager, her agent had like briefed her.

I think she thought it was like comedians go on and play games.

so I don't know I think I think she maybe thought it was gonna be like twister or something and like and instead suddenly you know and so that like it's so much fun to see someone like having to like process it in the in the moment but yeah for me I found it just so helpful knowing and I also knew that the show loved to like play tricks on you or there was always like a catch somewhere and so every time I'd enter the room I would like Look around I would try hunt for like a clue or whatever and it it never once helped me even I think there was a

even there was a task where it was fought do all the tasks and they had hidden tasks mini tasks around the room i had looked around the room and i hadn't noticed any of them

well that's it i i think sometimes being wary of a twist every time is not helpful it'll just no now and again it'll work i mean we'll talk about matt heath later on like you say but there is a bit later on where it finally works out for him which is yes which is fantastic

yes and like in in my season there's a clip of me because I was looking for a trick and I'm on all fours looking under the table in the lab, and Paul's just standing there holding the task out, waiting for me to pick it.

I just don't think they'll ever put anything under the table ever again in either UK or New Zealand because the first thing people do is check under the table.

They check under the table.

Always got to check under the table.

Always check under the table.

But the time you don't, that's when they'll put something under the table.

Watching this back now, Ray, from series two

do you notice any big differences between the way things are done in series two and the way things were done in series four your series do you do you think the show's changed at all

um no not not not not hugely i would say like i i felt like a real sense of maybe nostalgia watching it back thinking like oh it does seem very similar the only thing i really noticed was like oh the the rooms painted a different color yeah i um which i assume is the deep insight that that's why people tune into this podcast.

You'd be surprised, honestly, that you would be surprised because there will be people listening to this who have noticed that the room was a different colour and finally someone is vocalizing it for them.

They've written all essays on it.

All those people who are listening for, you know, I'm the guy who's finally saying what we're all thinking, which is the room was a different colour in season four.

It was green.

And I'm not afraid to say it.

I'm sick of being silent on it for so long.

What about Jeremy's scoring?

Because we've discussed his scoring a few times on the podcast before.

I feel like, and this is just my, you know, my opinion as an outsider watching the show,

it took on more of a logical flavor to it by the time it gets to your series.

It seems like he's a little bit more fair with the scoring.

Would you agree?

Yes, I think I would agree.

Definitely watching this episode, I was like, oh, that is not how I would have scored it at all.

There were definitely, especially the team task, yeah, there was some.

I mean, that's the beauty of the show is that it's so subjective.

But definitely,

in my season, there were times, yeah, I think the scoring was a bit fairer, I think.

Even if he did, there were some baffling decisions.

Like, I remember he gave

when I smoked a cigarette in front of a teenager and put on sunglasses, he gave that four points.

And

we were all shocked in the room that I managed to pull that off.

But that's probably maybe that is all right.

Willie to say, okay, two things.

Jeremy's scoring has changed and the room is a different colour, but I won't be budged.

Those are the only two differences.

Those are the only two differences.

Great.

And the line up.

But that was always a good change.

And the line up.

And the line up.

But those are the only three.

Well, let's get stuck into talking about this episode, which is, of course, episode eight of Taskmaster New Zealand series two.

The prize task is the most edible-looking, inedible item,

which is a fantastic category.

Yes, and everyone brings their A-game, I think.

I think so as well.

I think it's a very, very strong lineup of prizes.

Especially Matt Heath, straight out the gate, a man who is historically not great at prize tasks, or indeed Taskmaster in general,

brings urinal cakes, which are presented presented amazingly in a sort of they look like a sort of sweetie kebab format

I thought we absolutely smashed this Ray yes I was actually looking at it and the way it's presented is you can't actually tell I could well I couldn't tell which ones were the urinal cakes yeah and which were the actual lollies on there I would have gladly bit into that if he had presented that to me

I've got I mean I see it as a as a sort of it felt like a universal observation.

I don't know if personally I've been looking at urinal cakes and thinking they look edible because every time I'm looking at urinal cakes, I am pissing all over them.

You're thinking, oh man, what a great meal.

I've just ruined.

What could have been?

Yeah, it is.

He sort of

tapped into that

Tide Pod phenomenon of those.

You know, which was a very similar thing.

But yeah,

urinals, I must say the urinal cake is going out of fashion.

It's not as popular as it once was to stand at a trough with your fellow man

and

openly wet a bunch of colourful stones.

But God, they look delicious.

Yeah, the way they were presented was so perfect.

Yeah, I've got to say, Ray,

given the choice, I'd rather go in a cubicle.

Yes, oh, 100%, yes.

And

not only am I so picky, I also try to the math on like what cubicle is most likely to have been used the most, you know, so I'm like, I can't go to the first one because that's where everyone who's busting goes.

I can't go to the far one because that's the one that everyone will think is the furthest away, you know.

So I'm constantly, I'm playing mind games about like, even, yeah,

I try to guess what's going on and try to find the least used toilet in any given situation.

But then do you worry that everyone's doing that?

So you're going to the one that everyone's using?

There's someone just threw that at me the other day of like, I've been going to the second to last one and people are going, no, other people are thinking the same way you are.

That is going to be more.

So

the whole system's absolutely screwed now.

It's safer just to wheat yourself.

Have you ever been to one of the in like maybe in like a slightly fancier restaurant, they would put ice in the urinals?

Have you have you come across this?

I don't think so.

I don't is that a common thing in the UK?

More in America, I'd say.

Like you'll you'll go in and there'll be the urinals, there'll be big piles of ice cubes in the urinals, which I don't know the hygienic value of that, but it is fun because

you do piss the ice away.

You get the satisfying steam rising up,

the beautiful waft of urine coming up.

So fancy.

Let's talk about Guy's prize, which was glass jet planes.

Now, this is good.

We can speak to you about the sweet jet planes, which we don't have here.

Do they a hold a big place in the heart of the New Zealand sweet community these things are just so ubiquitous to the to the point that I didn't realize they were a New Zealand thing right

this this is crazy this is so it's

you're telling me no one in the entirety of the UK has thought to create a gelatinous

tiny little I will say though, I've never, I mean, maybe this just speaks to the kind of circles that Guy and I run in, but I've never been to a house where a rich person has put out the

glass jet planes before.

That is unheard of.

I assume it's especially, I assume given that you don't even have the jet plane lollies, you probably don't have the glasses.

No, I sort of see what he was saying, maybe that, you know, as a sort of ornament thing, maybe some glass beads or whatever, but it's not something I've ever really seen.

So Guy's Prize on the whole...

It's a glass representation of something that I don't I've never seen before and also it's it's something I've never seen.

So it doesn't really work on either level for me.

I will say the jet plane is huge in New Zealand, so at least it gets that for me.

But

I've watched the episode before, but as I was watching it back, I'd forgotten what he brought in.

And I thought he was about to present a fruit bowl, you know, which I've, I don't know if you've done that, but I've, you know, more than one occasion bitten into a fruit and a fruit bowl and realized, yeah, fake, fake, fake.

Fake fruit.

Fake fruit.

Fake fruit.

Yeah.

But,

yeah, no,

the glass I've not seen before.

No,

yeah, but I've got to say, even with that, even with the sort of lack of interaction with jet planes and those bowls of glass, it did look edible.

Just the picture of it looked very edible.

We have to concede, it looked edible.

He had met the brief.

Yes.

David brings in David's yum yum fuel,

which

he says is, you know, it looks like juice, but it's actually petrol.

He seems quite offended when everyone is grossed out as if they think it's piss, but you wouldn't put it past David Karaos to bring in a bar of his own piss.

I know David very well, and I was shocked as well to hear that there was not urine stored.

I didn't know you were allowed to store.

Oh, actually, no, I think maybe David did tell me about this task that maybe they had to film.

Maybe did they have to film alts of everyone winning really quickly at the start of the show because it was actual petrol in the bottle and petrol eats through the plastic?

Or did something like that?

Did something like that happened?

Something like that may have happened.

See, this is why people listen to this podcast, Ray.

Great insight.

They had to shoot alts at the beginning.

But that's not as interesting as knowing the room was green, I think.

I don't know if anyone wants to hear about these holes.

I think the groom, though, it's very green.

You can't look past that.

So it was a,

yeah, a bottle of petrol with a picture of, of course, with David Topplus on the front, because everything must somehow involve David Topplus.

Although, you were no stranger to partial nudity in the studio either, were you, Ray?

No,

a task that I certainly remember from watching your series

involved you getting your kit off in the studio do you want to talk us through that oh please with with with gusto I

it was it was the greatest orange thing

and when when I came up with this idea I did not expect it to be the first thing I'd have to do to introduce myself to every Taskmaster fan in the world and so I was really like come on guys we should push this one a bit later or something this is the

I don't really think this is the first episode but um, but yeah, I was like, yeah, I wanted to get a bad, I got a bad spray fake tan, which is hard to do.

I genuinely emailed, I genuinely emailed places, and they turned me down.

And one of them was like, our whole thing is we don't do orange.

It was like I was like violating this great spray tanning code of ethics that I was completely ignorant of.

But I found a place, and yeah, and I, and so, as the greatest orange thing, I stood up and I stripped off, and I was under my clothes.

I'd been

orange from top to bottom.

And I had also bought orange underwear for the occasion.

Outstanding.

I mean, I'd say

even though I would have been very nervous if I'd had to do that episode one, I think it introduces you so well to everyone.

It's a big, bold opening, and that's what you need.

Yes, it's a very intimate introduction.

Yes, yeah.

I was

Ursula brings in pineapple lumps, which she says look edible, but are shit.

Now, I am aware of pineapple lumps, and I'm aware of, I think, the pride that people from New Zealand have with pineapple lumps.

So

how did that make you feel when she said they were terrible?

I genuinely thought she should have got one point.

I was...

Sitting there fuming as she insulted our national cuisine.

You know,

a whole range of delicious items.

This is,

yeah, I guess what shocked me about the jet planes is the jet planes haven't occupied the same kind of, you know, jingoist sentimentality as the pineapple lumps have.

But the pineapple lumps are, you know, New Zealand's identity.

And Ursula came in.

She wanted to take a big swing at the country that, you know, she calls home.

You know, we've we welcomed her with open arms.

She's, you know, a very successful comedian in New Zealand.

We've put her on our TV show and she uses that to take cheap pot shots

at our food.

But I think pineapple lumps are delicious.

I don't know what your experience with them was.

You're a foodie, facebook.

I am.

I am.

I still don't think I've ever had a pineapple lump.

I'm back in June.

I'm back in June.

So I will make it.

The first thing I do when I land in New Zealand is have a pineapple lump.

I think the first place I'm arriving in is Christchurch.

So

I'm straight to the pineapple lump shop.

Good, good, goodness.

You do know New Zealand everywhere.

I'll do that.

No wonder you haven't had one.

You've been missing the pineapple, I'm shopping every

trip.

We're going to the wrong place.

But yes, but yeah, I thought Ursula's presentation was very funny.

I thought it was funny to just target New Zealand, say this lolly that we love is terrible, but I think for her insolence, she should have been awarded one point.

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't Ursula who got the one point.

No one got the one point, actually.

Laura and Ursula both got two points, and Laura brought in a hot dog hat.

She seems very

proud of this hot dog hat.

It's just exactly what it says it is.

I don't know if I can say

if you're picturing a hat that looks like a hot dog, you're figuring it out.

I do like those prizes where you can just say it and everyone knows what it is immediately.

Would you say this looked edible, Ray?

No, that is...

That's a good point.

It looks the least edible.

Obviously, it resembles food.

Yeah.

But if I was, um, yeah, if I was, if I would not, um,

if I went into a rich person's house and I saw a hot dog hat on the table, I wouldn't think, oh, good, someone's made a hot dog for me.

A giant hot dog.

A giant hot dog.

If I was in the woods and stumbled upon a hot dog hat with a you know a thin rope around it, I wouldn't think, oh, this is

you're not being tricked.

Yeah, I'm not being tricked with that.

No, yeah, it's going to take a lot more than that to trick already, Larry.

Thank you very much.

That's not a bad prize task category, actually.

Things that would trap you in the woods.

But yes, that is a good point.

The Laura's looked the least.

I mean, obviously it vaguely resembled food, but yeah, it wasn't.

Yeah, I've never seen someone put a hot dog on their head before.

No, no, no, no.

It also, it just looks fluffy, doesn't it?

It doesn't look like...

It looked like a hat.

It looked like a soft hat.

Yeah.

It

looked more like more than one serving.

You certainly want to.

Huge.

Hot dogs famously, you eat one serine.

You could not eat that.

No way.

No way.

So it was two points for Laura, two points for Ursula, three points for Guy, four points for David, and five points for Matt Heath.

Too easy.

Hot dog hat.

Oh, mate, how stoned do you get?

You know how many times I've come home and tried to eat this fucking thing.

You paid money for that?

Yeah.

How much was it?

$80.

There was a little bit of one of those wish scenarios.

Where you wish you hadn't done that.

Task one is a team task.

Steal the Taskmaster's portrait.

Most elaborate art heist wins.

You have 45 minutes to plan and execute your heist.

Your Your time starts now.

A fun task.

Yes.

Lets people do

a bit of a skit, I suppose, which I think plays into what David Guy and Laura are very good at.

So there's pigeons involved.

There's pigeon hunters.

There's wigs.

I mean, it is all over the place, but I really enjoyed it.

Yes, I must maybe I don't go to as many art exhibits as these guys go to.

But I can't say I've ever been to one and gone, oh, Jesus, the pigeons in here.

The pigeons kept right by the prize art

are out of control.

This is terrible.

I loved watching them.

I especially loved, there was just a small moment where,

oh, what did...

I think Paul said none of your beeswax.

And then I think Ursula said, none of your mum's beeswax or something.

And then Matt Heath just had such a genuine laugh at that.

I thought, oh, they're just all having fun.

It was so sweet.

It was nice to see.

Yeah, I think Matt and Ursula are less in the scene than the others are.

There's definitely

the others are so concerned with the pigeon hunting thing.

The lasers are great in both of them.

I love the spray and then the lasers just appearing in the next shot was fantastic.

It's phenomenal.

Yeah,

they get the pigeon hunting a little confusing.

I love David coming in and mentioning Damien Hurst because I've seen him do stand-up, I think, briefly about that guy before.

I think he mentions Picasso and Damien Hearst.

And a part of me really wants to say, I mean, maybe this is defamation, but I think those might be the only two arts-related people David could think of off the top of his head.

One of the most famous artists in the world and a guy nobody has ever heard of except for David.

Hey, come on, Damian Hurst.

Come to the UK.

Damien Hurst are like jet planes over here.

We all we all know.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry, guys.

Sorry.

When I'm next in the UK, I'll make sure to stop at the Damien Hearst shop.

There probably is one, actually, to be fair.

But I love the story.

I love the story of the pigeons.

And a particular fan of Guy deciding he had a catchphrase in this.

This is my first rodeo, which is fantastic.

Very guy.

Very good.

So funny.

Matt and Ursula chloroform Paul, and then they are trying to avoid the lasers.

Well, they say they're trying to avoid the lasers.

And they assure each other they have not touched the lasers once.

Yeah, both of them are going, no, I've not touched the laser, and they're both just smashing into them all over the place.

I don't think Ursula ducks down at any point, really.

And surely they're the ones who set up the lasers.

Surely

they could have just done one laser really high up.

Why do they have umbrellas, Ray?

Is there any insight from you on this?

That's the question I was about to ask as well.

Not only do they have umbrellas, but there are other people inside the art exhibit who all have umbrellas.

Yeah, very odd.

Very odd.

It was never explained.

It's never explained.

Yeah, I guess maybe to disguise themselves in case Paul wakes up, you could duck behind the umbrella, but it was the...

It was the most...

They must have...

Do art thieves, are they known for having umbrellas?

Is it sort of like a fancy cat burglar type thing?

Or a CCTV thing, but then why would everyone else have an umbrella as well?

And they've already

chloroformed the guy who owns the gallery.

Yes, yes.

Is it

a little throwback to

Matt Heaths?

Was it Reginald Bath?

Bathgate?

Reginald Bathgate?

Yes, I think he's held Bathgate, yeah.

Yes,

he had an umbrella.

Is that what he was thinking about?

I don't know.

Everyone's got an umbrella.

I mean, very, very odd.

And

on both occasions, Paul's the gallery owner or the security guard.

And on both occasions, Paul does not notice that the painting has been replaced with a picture or just something written.

He just...

Yeah.

The words Jeremy written up.

He's got no idea.

Yeah, I mean, the only thing I could possibly think for Matt and Ursula is, was it raining outside?

And that's the only reason I could think of it to think that maybe the umbrellas are a bit weird.

It feels a bit rude to turn them upside down and leave them out at the wall of the calf of the museum.

And all yeah, all yeah, everyone had the umbrella and everyone's gone in and had the same idea.

Yeah, that must be it, right?

Somehow, it's two points for David Guy and Laura and four points for Matt and Ursula.

And I still can't quite work out why Matt and Ursula get four points in this.

Yes, I mean, it seems like Jeremy's reasoning is that the storyline for the three friends, their storyline is a bit more convoluted and confusing, which I mean, I guess he does have a point there.

But when you watch Matt and Ursula just barrel through the friends,

you're like, come on.

And also, it was most elaborate art heist wins, so you can't mark someone down for having a slightly complicated plot, surely.

You need the elaborate stuff.

yes true true

but uh look very entertaining anyway i guess we better deal with these hesky pigeons

oh these

dang these dang pigeons

all these dang dang pigeons pigeons I'll carry out all the pigeons underneath the blanket.

I guess we solved the pigeon problem.

We'll be on our way now.

Hey guys, we solved your pigeon problem for you.

No worries.

Yeah, we also left your prison.

We noticed you were short of letters.

We had a spirit.

We've got your letters for next time.

My pigeon, my pigeon guys are growing up.

Damien Hits Picasso.

Did I really say Picasso?

You did, yes, in the last shot.

He's great.

You know what?

I'm not actually feeling this anymore.

But

I am feeling this letter.

See you later, Paul.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

I weren't pigeons at all.

I love it when a plan comes together.

This was my first radio.

We should talk about task two, which is this is amazing, this one.

Starting on the map, walk north the average length of a female blue whale, then walk east the height of three double-decker buses, then south-west half the height of the beehive, then east, the height of six Stephen Adamses, then impale the umbrella into the ground.

Closest to the correct location wins.

You have seven minutes, your time starts now.

Great task, fantastic solution that Matt Heath finds.

Yes, the others not so great.

Although I was impressed with Ursula and David actually get it quite close somehow.

Yes, yes, yes.

I um that is very very impressive.

I do not think I

I don't I can't imagine figuring out the trick myself.

I can't imagine looking at the thing and going, oh, it's yeah, just leading me back to the same spot.

And I was very impressed actually by Guy and Laura asking for a compass, which is

something I don't think I've used since I was a child.

And I just don't think.

Well, neither are they, clearly.

and then not only was their compass not only did it exist but it was um it was a trick it was a it was a trap

yeah

a faulty compass because Paul keeps it next to his big magnet

really funny but so frustrating if that had been me I would have been absolutely livid but I think you would have got a sense that it was wrong when you're walking out onto the gravel on the other side of the house right yes

that's true that's a big dead giveaway of like do they want me to jab an umbrella into the gravel?

And also, the guy just picks the fringes of the...

That's, you know, that's clearly not where it's meant to go.

It's a bad sign, isn't it?

I mean,

I would have really struggled on this one, I think.

David and Matt, this was a wonderful bit of editing.

They both lick their fingers and hold it up to the winds.

It's one of those sorts of things you do on Taskmaster where you're like, I can't believe I've just done that.

Of course, that's going to be be in the edit.

Did you have any particular moments where you were watching yourself back on Taskmaster going, God, I'm stupider than I thought, actually?

Oh, oh, yeah.

Oh, I don't think a single task came up that didn't make me think that.

I don't know about your experience, but I, you know, I know there are, I always felt like, you know, there are some things I'm not as good at as other things.

And then I was watching every task back and I was like, oh, no, I'm generally incompetent.

And I just have

no skills.

And I'm so lucky I'm born at a time where stand-up comedy exists.

Because if I was born in the

1200s or something,

I'd be the slowest ditch digger or something, or

I'd be

dying of the plague or something, or passing consumption on to the rest of the villagers or whatever.

Absolutely useless.

I think, oh, sorry, the most obvious one, though, would probably be the task that asked us to blow up balloons and stick them to the desk.

And I cannot blow up a balloon.

And so

there's just a lot of shots of me just trying to

blow into this little bit of plastic with all the air coming out and

blowing the little ringlets next to my hair.

And I remember

the producer came in after I was done and said, you know, with the tasks, we always try to think of, you know, what's something that could happen, what's the worst that could happen, you know, what, you know.

And he said, not once do we imagine a situation where a grown adult would

not be able to blow up a balloon.

Oh, God.

So I think

that would have to be a low moment, I think, and especially low.

And I remember putting my head in my hands.

And Mel was trying to comfort me being like, Oh no, we've shown everyone else's attempts.

You know, other people had their balloons blow off the desk.

There's no way yours will be worse than that.

We've seen how it could go badly.

Don't worry.

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

You know, you don't understand you weren't there man

oh god

um but very successful successful uh effort from uh shila and david actually to be only six six meters and ten meters off um respectively was actually pretty good for what was essentially guessing um and laura and guy had to deal with the tampered compass they end up about 30 meters out both of them uh which is pretty terrible um but matt works out that that's the sort of thing that Taskmaster might do is have the umbrella back at the beginning, and he is dead right.

Genius deduction.

If I'd just seen this task completely isolated, I would think Matt was a genius.

But unfortunately, I've seen him be very stupid for eight episodes in the build-up to this.

It's nice for him to claim back some last-minute dignity.

Yes, exactly.

He was only 37 centimeters out, and Paul reveals that there was an X underneath the mat.

Very frustrating.

And of course, it's the sort of thing that they do.

It's frustrating, it's annoying, but it's brilliant to watch.

Yes.

It's so satisfying when you get one of the few times where you finally figure out the trick.

It feels so, so satisfying.

And Matt Heath, yeah.

He kind of

figures it out.

He doesn't quite, you know, I'm sure if you followed the logic, you could figure out, oh, of course, if I go north, then east, then west,

of course, I'd be going back to the start.

But

yeah,

it's impressive.

It is impressive.

He does very well, and he should be very proud of himself.

It was one point for Guy, two points for Laura, three points for David, four points for Ursula, and five points for Matt.

Have you got a compass?

Yes.

Cobbies, borrow it.

Okay.

Thank you.

Do you have a compass?

Yeah.

Oh, great.

Okay.

How do you read a compass, Paul?

The red points to north, usually.

You've got five minutes and ten seconds.

I'm going to start walking.

One meter.

Two minutes.

Two meters.

Damn it.

It's not going to work.

I'm not really enjoying this compass.

Why is that?

Well, part of it might be I've never used a compass before.

Task three, take Paul on the perfect first date.

Most romantic first date wins.

Paul will be ready to be picked up for the date in 20 minutes.

Your time starts now.

I love this task, and I love that they specified first date because it makes a lot of these very, very funny.

The fact that, I mean, especially, let's talk about Matt Heath again straight away.

This is his idea for a first date: to have a freezing bath together and then play

Paul guitar in the bath.

But how is the water so cold?

That's all I want to know.

Like, I feel like he would have had to do something to make it that cold.

I mean, I think it came out of the tap,

like the garden tap, right?

So it wasn't like he was getting warm water from inside.

So it just looked like a cold day.

And then he's dumping all this horrible, dirty garden water in there.

And Paul just gets in in his clothes, and that looks cold enough.

But Matt strips down to his pants.

We've seen a lot of male nudity this episode and way more to come, spoiler war.

Yes,

probably

one of the worst first dates I could possibly imagine is

going around to someone's house

and they've poured a bath for you and expect you to get in.

And then once you're yeah, and then once you're trapped in,

they play you a song.

He played a song for them.

He played a one of, I mean, he, and it wasn't even like a sort of like traditionally romantic song.

It was just another Matt He to just smash the guitar up and shout.

So

it was quite, it, it was quite horrifying, I'd say.

Not, not a great first date.

No, absolutely.

And then David's one was at the same time.

And I believe David, he made,

he gave Paul milk with red food colouring in it.

Yeah, so this is what, this felt very David to me because at its heart, it's very sweet.

And it made me think, I bet David is nice on a date.

Because he made a trail of flowers leading to the riverbank, and you know, there's a fire, and they make schmores, and it's you know, it feels heartfelt and it feels real from David, but then there's just this weird element of red milk,

which is never explained, just total left turn,

and all you see is just the red, their faces stayed red from drinking

the red milk,

really, really odd.

Just like a total, just this weird twisted thing happens, even though it's a very, very pleasant date.

But I guess he probably panicked that he was actually doing quite a good job and he needed something chaotic in there.

It is quintessential David Karaos, I think, to be like, to be sweet, to be, yeah, to have that lovely sign come out, and then to just do something that makes you go, what the hell am I looking at?

What the hell is that?

A food item that you do not want to touch and you definitely do not not want in your body?

That is very, very David Karaos.

Laura does a bit more of a traditional one.

She gets Paul to show her how to do a three-pointer,

which, you know, I mean, this sums up some men, I guess, that probably want to feel like they're in control.

And Paul loves basketball, so it's a pretty good, it's a pretty good idea.

But also at the same time, she's sort of trying to grind up against him.

She's been like,

She's been quite overt, not so overt as to get him in a bath, but like it's still pretty.

And then that continues with

the spaghetti.

She tries to lady in the tramp.

Well, she manages it actually, you know, that it's just so funny watching Paul be this uncomfortable.

He's naturally this uncomfortable anyway, and he will not engage in this.

And

yeah, that's nice to see the spaghetti make an appearance.

Yes, and something

I really didn't want to know.

I think

I really wish that the lady in the tramp, the spaghetti moment, had stayed in the cartoon.

Because seeing the grim reality of what that's like,

and

them discussing that Paul sucked the spaghetti out of Laura's mouth

into his own is one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard in my life.

It sounds horrific.

Yeah, it's not good.

I mean, yeah, seeing how that would actually work,

the science of spaghetti means that, you know, someone's someone's sucking it out of someone else's mouth.

And I'm not.

Do they discuss it in the episode?

But was the spaghetti even cooked all the way?

I don't know because I think she was cooking it for a while because she left Paul playing chess by himself, right?

Which we don't see.

Laura seems quite annoyed that that didn't make the edit, but I think that would have been genuinely boring.

But probably for Paul,

probably one of the more enjoyable parts of the date, I I imagine.

Because he's got his own play and cheers.

Yeah, better than being ground up on while trying to play basketball and then sucking spaghetti out of her mouth.

But yeah,

quite a traditional date, in a sense, compared to some of the others anyway.

Certainly compared to Ursula's.

She puts him in a canoe by himself.

shouts at him with a megaphone and lobs a bottle of juice at him from the from the riverbank and then just leaves him alone and says he's clingy This is outstanding, isn't it?

It's perfect.

It's so good.

I tell you what, for a date between a straight man and a lesbian, I think it's probably one of the best ways it possibly could have gone.

Yes.

It's very, yeah, it's very funny.

It's Ursula to a T of just like

bullying Paul,

just not having to do much herself, just be able to just push him out.

Just

feel

very good.

I mean, I'd imagine Paul was quite relieved by this because she has bullied him for the whole series up until this point.

So when it's come to go on her first date, I'd imagine there's much more horrific things she could have done to him.

Yes, and some of the bullying has had a sexual undertone to it.

And so when Killing,

given the prompt of a date, Paul was like, oh, no.

So this is actually, he's really escapes here, literally.

Yeah, the throwing the juice made me laugh so much.

Just a whole bottle of juice just lopped at top speed towards the canoe.

Very, very funny.

Juice.

Yeah.

Guy gets the five points, though, because he employs the old green screen technique.

This really made me laugh all the way through.

Again, it's very guy, the whole thing.

The running thing of it's pina coladas every time, and it's just the same pina colada that just gets less and less every place.

Remnants of the pina colada.

They go to Miami, then they go to Barcelona to watch Fulham play football, and they win the Champions League, and Paul genuinely is delighted at even the thought of that happening.

Very sweet.

Yes,

I don't know enough about soccer, or football, sorry, but I got the impression that Barcelona and Fulham do not normally play each other.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know a huge amount about it either.

I would say that Fulham aren't going to win the Champions League as far as I know.

I don't think that's something that

they might do.

But it's just sweet to see Paul so happy.

The leaning in for the kiss was so awkward.

They're giggling because they know what's coming.

And then Guy leans in and Paul doesn't go for it.

It's really, it's really, really awkward.

Oh, the guy's recovery.

It's just, oh,

it is just the cringiest first date.

It feels very much like a first date.

And them breaking over the Pina Colada is so funny.

It's really, really funny.

I mean, yeah, I loved it.

It was a well-deserved five points for Guy.

Very, very funny.

Yeah,

I think Paul, he's someone who, you know, he's able to maintain his demeanor

just so, so incredibly well.

So anytime you can get Paul to break, I think it's such a huge victory.

Yeah, I think so.

Now and again, he goes, doesn't he?

But

it's not often, and I can never really tell what's going to make him go either.

Yeah,

yes, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think he enjoys, yeah, I think it's just someone being really, really silly.

And I tell you what, probably getting him towards the end of a filming day.

I bet that would.

Yeah, that helps.

I bet that really helps.

Ursula received the one point, two points for Matt, three points for David, four points for Laura and five points for Guy.

So we come to Barcelona to watch one of the great football teams play football against your favourite team.

Fulham.

Fulham FC.

Go

to Fulham.

They've won the Champions League.

Stoke with that.

And what better way to celebrate being in Barcelona, Spain than drinking one of their iconic national drinks, a pina colonna?

It's a four task episode, so let's talk about task four.

Dom this tie and leave the room.

Then re-enter the room wearing the tie in a brand new way.

Most innovative, most innovative tie adornment wins.

You must return within 10 minutes.

Your time starts now.

I think we all knew what David was going to do to some extent here.

Yes, I would say the best part was the subversion of painting the tie on his body.

That was great.

Very good.

Made you think, okay, that's what he's done.

But yeah,

we know David.

The main thing it did is it gave me flashbacks to a time where IMC'd a gig and

David headlined and his final bit, which I don't know if he does anymore, but the final part,

he sung karaoke in his underwear, but the underwear was just a bit too small.

So he had to keep...

He had to keep readjusting it because it kept falling out.

So he had to keep, he was trying to sincerely sing this beautiful song of readjusting his underwear constantly.

And it was, honestly, it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Yeah.

So I was getting real flashbacks to that.

I mean, I've seen David

do some much more explicit things on stage.

So that actually seems fairly likely to be pretty tame.

Yeah, his underwear was on.

Nothing was up his ass.

You know, it's that's.

I think he had already covered his face in red and blue paint and he'd already chased an audience member around the room.

I think he'd already done that.

So

it's pretty tame, really.

But no, lovely effort from David here.

I agree.

The painting the tie on the body was

a great little twist to it.

Because Guy also...

But Guy goes naked as well.

I would say that the way Guy's done the tie is much more impressive.

He's genuinely made it it look like a sort of jock strap type situation.

It's been very well organised.

David's at any moment something's slipping out, isn't it?

You can't trust him.

It's with David that Paul says, I'm not looking.

Yeah, it's David and Paul have the frantic conversation of, is it slipping out?

I absolutely love it.

Yeah, Paul is right not to trust the structural integrity of that thing.

That is not a load-bearing tie.

Whereas Guy has done a wonderful job and looks very fetching in his tie jock strap.

Now,

we'll get to the scoring in a bit.

Matt does Edward Tie Hands, which was just wrapping bits of ties around his finger.

I quite liked Edward Tie Hands.

I'm willing to bat for Edward Tie Hands.

I mean, maybe it's easy to say it now that you've you've seen it after the fact, but I do feel like turning the tie into underwear feels like maybe

is like a obvious, not maybe not obvious, but it does feel like a natural thing to maybe do.

I think if you've only got 10 minutes and

you just you have to go, right, fuck it, and the clothes are coming off and you're turning it into underwear.

I think that would be my first thought as well.

Yes, yes.

So to um to cut up a bit of the tie and then tie it around your fingers and call yourselves Edward Tie Hands.

That's at least his second thought.

Yeah, fair enough.

Fair enough.

But yeah, he's just quite, it's just feels quite creepy to me.

Wiggling the fingers around.

It just feels a little creepy.

Yeah, 100%, yes.

Yeah.

And then he's also still...

And he's also still wearing the tie as a tie.

He's still got most of the tie on.

Yeah.

So it's not, yeah, it's not innovative necessarily.

He's still still using the tie.

But no, maybe you're right.

Maybe, maybe, because it was not the same as anyone else.

At least David and Guy were sort of both similar.

But I guess

Ursula's, I didn't quite wear it.

It wasn't really a tie by the end of it, was it?

It was just a tie and loads of loo rolls and balloons in the hat.

The tie was a little bit more.

Yeah, she had fashion.

Yeah, she had fashioned herself a hat for the races.

And there was played sort of a character who was

flirting with Paul.

Of course.

And then Laura looked genuinely, I thought hers looked genuinely, really stylist.

So,

you know, like, yeah, really good, matching.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The headband looked genuinely good.

I thought really impressive.

I couldn't believe she did that in 10 minutes.

And so we've got to talk about the scoring now because Laura gets one point.

And this is the only time I've seen anyone genuinely pissed off with Jeremy.

He gives her one point because it looked too good, yes,

and then she goes absolutely mental at him.

And I enjoyed this because I'd like to see Jeremy just absolutely stick by what he's done and not explain it and

go into the break, even though she's fuming.

And it's one of the hot, easily one of the greatest moments of the episode.

And it's so, so funny of

him.

The justification of it being it was too good.

It was good.

So already the justification is crazy.

It's so funny.

And then to go, and then to go, well, that's the discussion.

It's the airbreak.

And Laura's yelling at him as he cuts to commercial is so, so, so funny.

I mean,

it's too good.

It looked too good.

So what are we even trying for anymore?

Why is anyone trying to do anything?

I've done it too well, so I'm getting one point.

You know, you're getting less than Guy and David.

Guy gets two points.

David gets three points.

And all they did was stick their cock and bollocks in the tie.

Urshela gets four points for wrapping it around some luroll, and Matt Heath gets five points for popping it around his fingers.

I know you're a fan of Edward Tie hands,

but it's surely not five points, is it?

No, I agree.

I agree.

I'm willing to say that,

especially, and that's when he does his creepy little finger demonstration.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

I'm willing to at least say that Laura should have got on the five, I think.

Yeah, I think so, but it was too good, unfortunately.

So it was one.

You know, I don't know if you've seen my full season, but I never had the issue of any of my tasks being too good.

Because you knew

this is why it pays to watch it in advance.

Because you're like, well, I can't do anything too good because Jeremy will mark it down.

Speaking of creepy.

Guy.

And good commitment from you as well, David.

One track, mine.

Ten minutes isn't too long.

Body on the line.

tie on the body, bing bang bong.

Bing bang schlong, you mean

there, you save all your good sexual stuff

for yourself.

You wouldn't have delivered that right.

He just would have fucked it up, right?

Bing bang schlong.

Let's talk about the live task.

In your teams, recreate famous scenes from New Zealand history for the taskmaster.

Once the taskmaster has correctly guessed your favourite scene, you may recreate another.

You may only speak in four letter words most scenes correctly guessed in 150 seconds wins now this was great for me i learnt a little bit about new zealand history yeah

yes yeah i was wondering how much of that would be interesting or accessible to um international audiences and and but my main my biggest takeaway was wow jeremy knows quite a lot about new zealand history he seems yeah

From very little guesses, he was figuring out things that

I did not know.

He seems like the sort of guy who would know about history, though.

I mean, I guess, you know,

he's across the news.

He's a serious guy.

He looks like he reads a massive paper.

Yeah, he wears glasses.

He wears glasses.

Sorry, that's what I meant.

That's what I meant.

He wears glasses.

Yeah.

But yeah, most of those, I mean, most of the events they do just

charades.

Those are huge.

Those are big things in New Zealand.

Only the Lorraine Downs Woody The Miss Universe one, only that was the one that I never heard of before.

That one.

And I definitely could not have guessed Rugby World Cup.

No.

The year, the specific year he gets.

Both Guy and Jeremy know

the relevant person to say to figure out what year.

It's impressive watching Matt's dolphin impression.

No, I really, I enjoyed, even if I didn't know a lot of that history, I enjoyed just watching them all smash about the place.

And Matt and Ursula, great team.

They did really well.

They got double what the others got, and there was only two of them.

Yes, the benefit of having lived through most of that history, I think, is obvious.

But

Ursula didn't.

She's not been in the country long enough to live through all that history.

But they got eight, the others got four, meaning it's five points for Matt and Ursula, and David Guy and Laura get two points.

Meaning that Matt wins the the episode with 26 points, which is absolutely huge.

Yes, we should clap.

I don't do the guests normally clap.

No, no, you're the first ever guest to clap.

To clap the end of the episode, Ray, but I think it's one thing we should institute as a tradition now.

Congrats, Matt Heath.

Congratulations to Matt Heath.

It was 20 points for Ursula, 17 points for David, 15 points for Guy, and a rare loss for Laura at 13 points.

But she's still in the lead, but only by three points ahead of Guy.

She's on 145 points.

Matt in third place on 130.

David with 129, second last, and Ursula on 128.

It's tight at the top, and it's tight at the bottom.

Um,

and yeah, it's it's it's tight all over the place, really.

Uh, and going into the final episode, there's only three points in it, Ray.

Thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast.

We've loved having you here.

No, thank you so much for having me.

It was such a joy to re-watch

one of the great seasons of Taskmaster and

revisit my time on the show.

The only bad thing I can say about Taskmaster is that you only get to do it once.

Or at least in my case, you only get to do it once.

They will only let you do it once, right?

You are doing your new show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival.

I know there's people who listen to this who will be at the Melbourne Comedy Festival.

It's called Laughter, I Hardly Know Her, which which is an absolutely fantastic title, and you must be very happy with that title.

Thank you, Ed.

Can you tell us a little bit about the show, when it's on, what time it's on?

Yes, it's on it.

I'm on at the Vic Hotel from 6 p.m.

throughout the whole month.

I'm also going to Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Wellington, back to Adelaide, Newcastle.

But yeah, so please come check it out if you're in Australia and New Zealand and pay attention.

There'll be some more international dates announced, hopefully, soon.

But yeah, the show is just a fun hour of all the fun little jokes I've thought over the past year.

It opens with a story about a woman who approached me on the street and said,

thank you for your representation.

And she had just been diagnosed with autism.

And I have never been diagnosed with autism.

And so it starts with that, and we sort of

spiral on from there.

But yeah, so that's

please come check it out.

Ray, thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast.

We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster.

We hope you've had a good time, but please give us an honest point score.

Oh, I'd have to say four points.

I'm going to give it four points, mostly because I haven't had dinner yet, so I'm a bit hungry.

That's fair enough.

I think

one point off for hunger.

Well, we will now release you to go and have your dinner.

What's the dinner plan?

What have you got in?

I was thinking maybe just get some kebabs or

actually my sister is staying with me at the moment, so hopefully she's cooked dinner and might have some leftovers.

That'll be nice.

But failing that, go and have a urinal cake.

Ray, thank you so much.

We'll see you again soon.

No, thank you so much for having me.

Bye.

Thank you so much to Ray for coming on the podcast.

Don't forget to go and see his show Laughter I Hardly Know It at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and across Australia and New Zealand.

And then international dates, maybe.

If you're in the UK, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to see Ray and his new show at some point this year.

And come and see me in June in Australia and New Zealand.

If you are there, going to loads of different places, edgamble.co.uk for tickets.

We had to move it a little bit to June.

Supposed to be a little bit earlier in the year.

So the upshot of that is I'm doing a huge room in Melbourne.

So if you live in Melbourne, pop along to see me.

You can really stretch your legs.

Thank you very much for listening.

We'll be back next week to discuss the final episode of Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2 with the champion of Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2.

Spoilers, the wonderful Laura Daniel.

We'll be back next week.

Looking forward to talking to Laura.

Thanks again to Ray.

We'll see you then.

Bye-bye.

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