Ep 198. Jack Bernhardt - TM NZ S2 EP.8

Hello, it's me, Ed Gamble.

Welcome to the Taskmaster podcast, and we continue now talking about Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2.

A great series, a wonderful lineup, brilliant tasks, everyone operating on 10 out of 10.

And we have a special guest for this episode.

We're going to be be talking about episode 8 of Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2.

And of course, Jack Bernhardt's back in the building.

Jack Bernhardt is back in the building.

What a guy!

A Taskmaster expert.

He is the co-host of Taskmaster the People's podcast.

He is the Taskmaster stats man.

He always has a lot to say on Taskmaster.

He always has some hot takes.

He's very funny.

Look, he's a good guy.

Stay tuned, right?

He's wonderful.

Let's get into it.

This is Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2, episode 8, as discussed by Jack Bernhardt.

Welcome back again, Jack, to the Taskmaster podcast.

Hello, thank you so much for having me.

Surely our most regular guest.

You've got to be.

I don't know.

Maybe.

And I haven't been on the show.

Is that...

Yeah, we should say Jack has not been on UK Taskmaster nor Taskmaster New Zealand, which is what we're talking about today.

Huge imposter

on every level.

No, no, no, no.

You're the most qualified person we have on, Jack.

The amount of contestants we actually have on who don't know what they're talking about.

I mean, look, I have made a

career out of watching other people and saying how I would have done things.

And to the point that I'm now let on here to say these things.

And I have no experience.

I've played the Taskmaster board game.

I played the VR game.

Does that count?

I had nothing.

Oh, I'm sorry.

How were you in the VR game?

Because I'm very busy.

Oh, my God.

And I nearly s sm well, smashed my sitting room up because I was just walking around like I wasn't in my sitting room.

And also I found it so

I just I'm not good at that sort of thing.

And I found it frustrating.

I found it frustrating, but also I had that thing where

I was playing it and

I was playing it in the office in Avalon.

And

I found myself just sort of gravitating into another room.

I think I ended up

in a meeting room being like, hi, here I am in in the study.

And they were like, What are you, what are you doing here, sir?

Um, but yeah, it was, it was very upsetting.

There's a bit also like I had to pick up a duck that was like the tutorial section, and that took about 35 minutes.

Um,

so yeah, the making a sandwich thing was like I couldn't have made a sandwich worse.

Um,

anyway, let's, you know, there's a lot of stuff to talk about with Taskmaster, but we should, we should stick to, we should stick to this, Jack.

Um, Taskmaster New Zealand series two, episode eight.

You are, I believe a real fan of this particular series of Taskmaster yeah I think I think I think it might be one of the best ever across all across all versions of the show

the English language I can't I mean it's it's it's so good it's so good on like the cast are incredible

the studio banter is amazing the the tasks are like some of the best ever and then that's sort of they're brought into the UK version because they're so good I mean it's it's, it's ludicrous.

It is so good.

And like, I, I just, I feel, I feel like we're blessed.

I feel like this is, it feels like a magic moment of just like all of these people, all of the cast like coming together

to create something just wonderful.

I also, I realized that when it came out, it was when my daughter was born.

So like, I feel like maybe I've also got like mushy father brain with it.

So I'm sort of watching it, like at the time, being like, oh, yeah, oh, God, I love this bit with the grape.

The grape's so good.

While holding my newborn daughter and watching the show.

So maybe it's that as well.

Well, no, because I think a lot of people love this series and rate it very highly amongst their Taskmaster series.

And they can't have all had kids when it came out.

No, because otherwise there'd be a population.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, that would be weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then it would suggest that maybe the previous series of Taskmaster New Zealand was a particularly horny one.

Yes.

So everyone's, yeah, and then

the, yes, you're right.

Maybe we can track this.

Oh, no.

Oh, no

stats stats brain's gone off which is the horniest series of taskmaster based on the birth rate nine months later based on the population boom

look into it jack look into it it's worth it you've i mean you've looked into weirder stats i i have looked into weirder stats you're absolutely right i'm actually no hat or no hat was a low point so it's hat or no for hat i think we still got quite a lot out of it and then like

We got a lot of stuff out of it.

You know, Andy went on to win the last series and he wore a hat quite often.

He was wearing a hat.

So yes, actually, you know what?

This isn't a ridiculous idea.

I will look up the birth rate.

Thank you, Ed.

The

horniest series of Taskmaster.

Do you have any particular highlights from this particular series?

Particular.

And I'll say particular again.

Do you have any highlights, Jack?

I do have some particular highlights.

I have quite a lot of particular highlights for the series.

I think that this is one of those ones where every episode you watch, you're like, oh, this is a good one.

And then something will happen where you go, oh, it's this one.

Okay.

But like the um i feel like i feel like they're all gonna be the things that people have already said but um the the rat battle is obviously a highlight i mean between and when when david just goes off on one yeah um the the grape uh escape the escape the caravan task is one of the best tasks ever um the final task with the which is what something they do in taskmaster uh uk with the milk um the milk the milk and the microwave yes um the the new zealand version of that which is sort of what inspires the UK version, is unbelievable and the payoff is so good.

I think, really, just the David Karaos'

narrative and his growth, the way that they kind of like grind him into dust throughout this series, and that he sort of has a wonderful rebirth at the end, that feels like my highlight, I would say.

Yeah,

he's a pretty incredible guy.

We should crack on talking about this episode.

I will say say that the prize task is the most nostalgia-inducing item.

Yeah.

You are not from New Zealand.

I am not from New Zealand.

I normally heavily lean on a New Zealand guest to explain a lot of the cultural references.

This is clearly the most cultural reference-laden prize task of the whole series.

Yes.

We're not going to have any basis in knowledge to talk about these things.

I was wondering why I had been asked to do this particular episode.

Schedules.

Yes.

Oh, yes, I've seen this, yes, yes.

Simply schedules, and we've had a lot of the contestants on already, and a lot of people from New Zealand on already.

Yes, so there's a lot of things that we're just going to have to guess, or maybe

one of us has done some research, fingers crossed.

If it's not you, then we're in trouble.

I will say,

as soon as it starts, I was like, I'm not going to understand any of this.

And then Laura, because Laura's the first one, and she says, I've brought in a Seeger.

And I was like,

what is that?

And then it came up with...

One of the good things also about not having anyone from New Zealand here is we can really put the boot in on some of their stuff.

I didn't know that.

Why are they saying Seeger?

And Jeremy says Seeger as well.

How has a whole nation got something so wrong?

It was, and I don't want to be like, oh, you know, because obviously I'm not from New Zealand.

I don't want this podcast to descend into they have silly accents because the show's already done that before.

This is not an accent thing.

This is just a technical mispronunciation.

Why are they calling it Sega?

What's happened?

Guys, it's a Sega.

A Sega?

It's obviously a Sega.

It rhymes with Dagar.

They don't say, oh, like

the painter Deegar, do they?

I don't know.

Bob and Bob Sega, the singer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They've lost their minds, but she brings in a Sega master system too.

So I understand that as a nostalgia-inducing item.

I enjoyed that very much.

And a packet of snifters.

Yes, a packet of snifters.

I had no idea what this was.

I thought it was like snuff.

I couldn't.

Yeah, like tobacco.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But everyone in the audience is like, yeah,

sniffers.

We love sniffs.

Woo!

It is one of the weirdest moments.

You do feel like you're just sort of watching a completely different show.

But yeah, they look, I think they're green.

I think they were discontinued in 2008, according to the internet.

They're a chalky, right?

Yeah, they're a little chalky.

They're a little green chocolate.

I think they're green.

They are green.

I'm looking at it now.

I mean, I should have done this before, but yes,

I'm on candycritic.org.org.

Wow, okay.

They are, yeah, a government website.

I like it.

Green, sort of chalky, yes.

From Australia, it says here.

Interesting.

Minty.

Chocolate and peppermint is the flavor.

I would guess they're like puppets.

I would guess they're like mint puppets.

Yeah, I think they sort of less chocolatey, maybe, more sort of hard shell.

Yeah,

I'm going to let you know that the Candy Critic

gave it two out of three

for taste.

This is a very odd scoring system here.

Two for texture, but seemingly not out of anything.

Two out of four for novelty.

So I don't know.

Okay, oh, because novelty, you have to have an extra extra

unit for novelty, obviously.

Why wouldn't you?

I mean, I'm not here to lay into the candy critic, but they're all over the place.

So, you can see that that's a lot of nostalgia that excites the audience, like you say.

Um, and sweets and games, that's a good way, that's a good direction to go in.

Yeah, I think, I think she did, it felt very like

down the line, if that makes sense.

Something where you're like,

this is going to score well with the audience.

This is going to.

See, I have your problem with Jeremy's scoring where i'm like some days jeremy could be like this will get five points and some days i will disqualify you seven points for no reason um yeah but but like but i could because and i can't work out which way this would go in the end you know three points seems about right yeah it does that it seems pretty bolt-on for for three points um yeah ursula brings in a cassette tape with a recording of her talking about the good old days

Do you think this would induce nostalgia, Jack?

I don't understand what Ursula, I often don't understand what Ursula's thinking in this show, which I do, I mean, is very endearing.

But, like,

what was the thought process behind this?

Was it just, it probably was just that Ursula likes to talk about the good old days?

Yes.

And I suppose I do think the cassette was quite good.

I think doing it on cassette was quite a canny idea because that did feel a bit.

It's a double whack of nostalgia.

But I guess if she's thinking about inducing nostalgia, the thing that will sometimes induce nostalgia is just talking about the past.

So I can see, I mean, as a prize, it doesn't offer much in terms of the presentation of it and the visuals.

I do also wonder if the cassette tape had nothing on it.

Yes.

I'm not sure she recorded anything.

It feels like a, I haven't thought of anything, so just put a cassette tape up and I'll make something up around that.

Yes, and I don't want to suggest that Ursula wouldn't do her homework because that seems like ludicrous ludicrous

for someone as diligent as Ursula.

But

like, yeah, it definitely had that vibe.

I think she's able to sell all of these prizes.

Like, she does do quite well at selling her prizes quite well.

Yeah.

But I see, I, I don't know.

Because also, I mean, the other thing that I find with Ursula, whenever she's doing these,

I thought I was going to be in the same boat as her, where, like, because she's obviously from, uh, she's not from New Zealand, I thought she would have a similar thing, which is, like,

not knowing the cultural references.

I can't work out what would she have been talking about like the old days in New Zealand or would she have been talking about the old days in South Africa?

I don't know.

She doesn't specify just general good old days, I guess.

But I think

she knows all the cultural references.

She was there for a long time in New Zealand, I think.

She's very much assimilated.

Yeah.

Matt brings in a spots set.

Now, I did do some research into this, Jack.

Yes, good.

Good.

I'm glad you looked up

this stuff because I wasn't going to touch this with a barge pole it's drugs Jack what

it's it seems to be a very New Zealand way of smoking marijuana

it's amazing that they even have their own way of smoking weed um it's it's heating up two knives putting

like a bud a bit of weed in between the two hot knives like sandwiching it so it creates a little bit of smoke and then you you suck in that smoke from what I can work out and the funnel goes over the top to make sure.

It seems like such a faff, doesn't it?

It seems like a faff, but it's also

like a more efficient way of using the weed over and over again.

So it's like a cheap way of doing it.

It's like a

frugal weed smoking.

Frugal weed smoking, the New Zealand way.

I see.

But it seems like nostalgic for people, and then also,

yeah, I think it's just a particular youth thing to do.

It was weird watching, again, a little bit like the snifters, everyone was like, yeah, yeah, spots, I love it.

And David seemed really into it to the point where I was like, but like, I completely,

I get that.

I understand, David, but also part of me is like, David, you could, you could probably do this at home, couldn't you?

You could just

get some knives.

It feels like the kind of thing that you could get very easily.

Yeah.

You could make happen very easily.

Yeah, but I mean, I guess you grow up, really, don't you?

You're not faffing around with that sort of stuff.

Yeah.

When I was reading about it it said also that people have to be careful when they're using a plastic bottle as a funnel to not get the hot knives on the plastic because then you're inhaling plastic fumes.

So I seem to find that quite dangerous.

And that isn't a good time.

No, that's not a good time.

I see.

I don't know.

It might be a good time for a second before you get a headache.

But yes, basically Matt brings in drugs, paraphernalia.

They do that a lot in New Zealand, it seems.

Yeah.

Good for them.

Good for those guys.

I was very surprised it got four points, though, because Jeremy to me does not seem like someone who's doing spots.

No.

Do you think Jeremy was like, ah,

this is a tradition that I must sort of like adhere to or like sort of like, you know, so he wasn't, and if he'd given it low, because he gave Ursula five points to bring in weed like in the first episode.

So maybe he is just like, I must, like, I must bow down to drugs.

Maybe he's one of those things.

Maybe, or to me, he seems like the sort of person who'd do a sort of long-form investigative

report about people doing drugs.

Right, yes.

He does look, he has that vibe, you're right.

So, um, and also, if he was going to do drugs, he would do sort of like a very

classy way of consuming drugs, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

With like within a pasta, yeah,

I like that idea a lot, actually.

Yeah, yeah.

Within a pastor, I think, is how I'd do it.

Guy brings in a mounted Richard Hadley minibat.

Again, are you a cricket boy?

I'm not a cricket boy.

I know like English cricket.

This is the thing, is asking to go into the specifics of New Zealand cricket.

I know there's a thing,

there was a controversy ages ago where an Australian

bowler bowled a ball underarm to a New Zealand batsman.

Right.

And it was really controversial.

And that was like a big deal.

I know that, but I don't know anything outside of like

vague New Zealand things.

Yeah.

I mean, obviously, I think people bring in cricket stuff to appease Jeremy quite a lot because he's a big cricket fan.

So I think this is another attempt to.

I mean, I think guys are into it as well, but it seems like

a pandering thing.

A little bit of, and actually, in the end, it backfires because

it is too much of a panda because Jeremy already has it.

So it's it's sort of that thing where his concept of nostalgia.

Again, Jeremy is so weird, but like the idea of being like, that's too good.

I have that in my house already.

Therefore, I don't find it at all nostalgic.

I just, I mean, what a.

Well, I guess

it keeps people on their toes.

They never know.

You can't play it straight down the line with Jeremy because you don't know what sort of mood he's going to turn up in or what he feels like.

What he feels.

Some days doing.

Some days he wants to look at a cricket bat, some days he wants to get high with two bread knives and a

hot knives.

Two hot knives.

um david who eventually gets the five points brings in susie kato's glasses yeah now again when these prizes start coming out i'm like i'm not going to be able to talk about this

got absolutely no idea what i'm doing um

it's the way that that he he says it and the crowd just again they go oh my god susie kato how how did you get susie kato and you sort of at home you have to be like yeah wow susie kato the susie kato i have no idea who susie cato is i'm so sorry

It's almost better for us that we don't know because we can see as a sort of control experiment how much nostalgia it's inducing amongst other people.

Yes, that's true.

And it does get a very, very good reaction.

Susie Cato's glasses.

She's a children's TV presenter, children's entertainer, best known as the host of several New Zealand children's television programmes, most notably Susie's World and You and Me.

Oh, that sounds like a sweet

work with puppets and stuff like that.

So, you know, we we have plenty of equivalents that we can

compare her to.

And it is fair enough because I suppose there'll be times where someone who is not from the UK comes on Taskmaster and like we'll mention Barry Chuckle and the audience will go, Barry Chuckle!

And you can see the bafflement in the eyes of the Desiree Birch being like, what's going on?

I just know who who are these people?

Why are they talking about this person?

So I suppose it's fair.

She's also been on Dancing with the Stars New Zealand and The Master Singer New Zealand.

Okay, so she's re so at some point she probably will do Taskmaster.

Yeah, I guess so.

She's hitting the beats, I'd say.

Yes.

But there you go.

David wins.

David gets the five points for Susie Kato's glasses.

Matt gets four points for the drugs.

Laura gets three points for the Sega Master System and the Snifters.

Guy gets two points for the minibat, and Ursula gets one point for her cassette.

I bought in a Sega and an unopened packet of snifters.

Oh boy, the Sega Master System 2.

It's a pretty clearly opened packet of sniffers.

I just want to apologise.

I saw the boxwacks though today.

I had no idea it was for this.

There's three left.

I had one of these, the Sega Master System 2 Super Monaco Grand Prix.

And at built-in game, Alex the Kid.

Yeah.

Task one, Build a tower using only onions.

Tallest tower wins.

Also, whoever delivers the most moving speech will have 15 centimetres added to their tower height.

You have 10 minutes.

Your time starts now.

Another classic task, Jack.

Yeah, I would say, I mean, this, it feels, what I quite like about Taskmaster New Zealand is the way that they'll sort of interact with other Taskmaster ones from the UK, like old tasks.

And this, there was a similar task in Series 6 where they had to build the tallest tower with lemons, but they could only wield the knife so many times.

And this feels like something where they've sort of watched that and gone, that's good, but what if we made it onions so that everyone had a horrible time cutting onions?

Which I think is, it's just, again, that thing where you're like, good smart thinking.

And they do, yeah, this is a wonderful task as a result.

Or in the case of Laura and Matt, they do not cut any onions.

It's weird that.

It's a weird...

I suppose, what would your attitude be?

Would it be to instantly get the knives?

Well, when you're what...

No, I don't think it would have been.

I think it might have been to, especially as they seem okay with them building the tower on that drum.

Yeah.

Whereas anything else, like Matt gets told off for trying to build the tower on the bath.

Yes, which is odd.

Because it has to only be made of onions, but I would have done it on the floor because I'd be paranoid that building it on the oil drum was cheating.

But I suppose from what you could say is that like the oil drum is the base, but you're measuring it from the bottom of the oil drum.

From the start of the thing.

But you're right, because you're still, the way Laura did it actually uses the rim to contain the onions.

And that's probably what I would have done.

I don't know if, in a panic, it would have occurred to me to grab the knife, even though clearly, when you look at it, the giving an inspirational speech is connected with the fact you would be weeping while you're cutting the onions.

But Matt seems to completely ignore that.

See, because I don't think I would have

thought of that until after the event.

But yeah,

it just,

I mean, it is just piling up onions, really.

If you don't have a knife, if you don't have any way of changing the shape of the onion, you are just going to be piling up onions.

And at that point, you might as well just keep them in the bath because

that's the only height you're really going to get.

How many onions do you think there were, by the way?

There were so many onions, man.

I know that's not an answer to your question, but loads of onions.

Yeah, just so many.

And I'd imagine they're reusing onions, surely.

They're reusing onions.

Yeah, you'd have to.

In different tasks.

Yeah, different tasks.

I'd imagine the crew are all going, I'd imagine, or they're making a big French onion soup one day for lunch.

That's how they end the show.

One massive red onion soup.

Everyone guffing their way through the house after

drinking pint after pint of French onion soup.

But yeah, I think I would have gone on top of the drum, not cut the onions, and just done single layer and then next layer building up in the gaps, same, same, same.

And tried to do it that way.

You probably would have been alright, I think, in doing that.

I mean, I suppose the only thing is that onions aren't that they're not very uniform.

So you're sort of not...

And there's no squish to them as well.

So you need to have to sort of like, they're going to...

They're going to touch.

They're going to roll.

They're going to roll.

And they're not uniform.

As Guy finds out, he finds a double onion.

Which he gives to Paul because Paul says he doesn't like onions on their own.

Which is

such a lovely gag.

Oh, God.

And

it doesn't get what it deserves.

That's because there's too much good stuff in this series.

They have to do it.

Yeah, there is.

They have to go straight past it.

Matt completely ignores a lot of the rules of the task.

uses a basket and a plastic bucket and just keeps spilling them.

He's just a disaster in this task.

I mean, he's a disaster generally.

Yeah.

Very funny.

But this task especially really sums up the Matt Heath's house style.

You're right.

He's sort of

he kind of...

It's the way that there'll be some people who like look at a task and go, oh, okay, I can read around it.

And Matt will do something and then try to justify it afterwards.

In this task, it was, they sort of say,

he builds a tower

with the baskets and then says, there we go, that's the tower.

And Paul's like,

is that good?

Have you done what the task said?

and he rereads the task to then say build a tower with mostly onions and you're like Matt obviously that's not going to work why would you try that oh yeah I'm glad he does I'm glad there's someone out there out there trying to do it

very funny

Guy very competitive in this one I thought really yeah really go really goes for it

and he's got a great speech I'll be honest with you, Jack, because I don't know this story about the Australian Winter Olympic skater.

My initial thought was that that Guy was doing the story of cool runnings, but changing some of the details.

Yeah,

I mean, first of all, they're not bobsledding, obviously, Ed.

They're ice skating.

Yeah, they're ice skating, but I thought he's changed that.

So he's taking the basis of cool runnings.

He's changing the nationality and the sport.

You heard Winter Olympics and thought, well, cool runnings.

He must be talking about cool runnings.

Well, it's not just Winter Olympics.

It's someone competing in the Winter Olympics from a country who wouldn't normally compete in that sport.

But that's quite a common thing because there is actually quite a lot of crossover between the two, but but people don't consider that thing because of cool runnings, because of the film, cool runnings.

Cool runnings inspired people from warm countries to compete in the Winter Olympics.

I think actually, I think, I think, actually, there are quite a lot of examples of that being the case, which is quite cool.

Post-Cool Runnings.

I liked that.

Very good.

I liked the way

he was trying to time the end of the story with the end of

the clock going out.

Because you could sort of see him looking over at the clock every so often.

It made that bit of telling the story worse because he would go like, the skater took out the next skater and then look over at the clock, which undermined it a bit.

But it was effective.

He had a whole sense of how the two will work in tandem,

which I really enjoyed.

And he's a very good storyteller as well.

He's just,

yeah.

He really holds the attention.

And he

did a decent job.

I mean, like, everyone, there was a lot of.

Paul in the studio saying the towers were shit.

I thought that's very forward of Paul for him and a taskmaster's assistant.

I think it was because Jeremy had given them the

okay.

Jeremy seemed to sort of like start off by saying, does this like, is this, this looks a lot.

It looks a lot easier than it actually is

because everyone's towers were shit.

I really think

it's obviously hard to make a tower out of onions.

Obviously.

Yes, isn't it?

Yeah,

I think it is.

No one's famously saying

it's easy to make a tower out of onions.

Yeah.

I love the interplay between Ursula and Paul here.

It's sort of quite traditional for them where she just makes him do stuff or has a go at him or tries to put him through hell.

And the fact that he then absolutely snaps back by eventually agreeing to get a knife and bringing in a butter knife.

Oh, so funny.

It's so funny.

And like, it is, it's, it's, he doesn't often go up against Ursula that often.

I like the fact that he goes in with the button knife, and you can see she's genuinely quite irritated by it.

She is irritated, but I think it says a lot about Ursula that rather than go and get her own knife and realise that she's been

had one over on her, she went, Yeah, I'll just use this.

And if you're gonna make me be bad, I'm just gonna be bad, and I don't care.

I, I, yeah, that she didn't even think to change up after that point.

Oh, that's so good!

Yeah, very good.

Um, Laura, as we say, bundles them on, sort of a panic effort, but it does work out for her.

Uh, a a 20 just a pile of onions rather than a tower i'd say um and she does use a film this is finding nemo this is finding nemo yeah she she does do that that's not it's not a true story from new zealand about a fish

you were there being like huh trust me

um

david i think david's technique is quite good yes i thought so too and it made sense and as he was doing it i was like well everyone should have done this and i should have thought of this as well but it's a really good idea yeah um and also I would say slices like onion rings when you go to a restaurant and they've they've piled onion rings on top of each other yeah in fact he's probably taken inspiration from stacked burgers and the way that onions there are onions in in stacked burgers yeah um a genius i thought i thought it was good i mean it just obviously didn't work out for him it was wobbling all over the place he didn't cut uniform enough slices but um and i thought the speech was starting very well when he was using the onions as the metaphor yeah for working together and then it really kept taking little turns where it was like, sometimes if you want to work in a team, you have to get rid of everything that's different about you.

And then it turned into, don't get rid of your flaws.

And then the tower fell over.

It started so well, I thought.

There was a bit where he just says, it's in a way I spend my whole life compromising for people.

And I find it tough.

And I cry.

I cry a lot.

I have to shape myself to be what I want, what people want me to be.

And then the tower fell down.

That was it.

Yeah.

There was no moral.

also

do you think that david spends his life compromising and changing himself for people no i've watched the series

he doesn't at all he doesn't at all he's himself um yeah just adorable obviously it does not go well and he climbs into the bath of onions do you think david walks into a room and before he even knows what the task is or just in life

before he knows what's going to happen the first thing that happen uh happens in his head is he knows how he's going to have a meltdown.

Yeah, because he always has the funniest meltdowns, and he always does something completely over the top and completely interesting.

And he probably walked into that room and his Terminator brain went, Well, if you fuck this up, you're climbing into that bath of onions.

I don't think he was even thinking, If I fuck this up, he was like, I will end this task in the bathtub.

Regardless of what happens, I'm in that bathtub.

Clothes or no clothes.

There's always the option of popping the clothes off.

In a way, it was a miracle that he was clothed

in that bathtub.

It's so funny.

And it's so funny also the fact that

Matt only has one onion high.

But because David had had the good idea of cutting them, the only thing that's left is half an onion.

Half an onion.

5.6 centimetres.

Yeah, tragic.

It's David with one point, Matt with two points, Ursula with three points, Laura with four points, and five points for Guy because he gets the extra bonus point for getting.

He gets, yeah, that's right.

He gets 15 extra centimeters, which means that he jumps

ahead of Laura and Ursula.

Yes, he gets the 15 centimetres added to his tower height.

Before you know it, this guy whose name I can't remember was ice skating in the final of the Olympic Games.

You don't want kids to see that.

12 seconds.

The top skater took out the next skater, and then the next skater took out the next skater, and the guy he fucking won against all odds.

Zoo's a bit better for animals.

Why'd you do that?

I didn't throw it at you, I threw it up.

But why'd you knock the tower?

I didn't knock the tower.

What knocked?

What foul?

I think you blew the whistle too hard.

Was that ninth part of it?

No?

I mean, and if you're upset about it, imagine how I feel.

It was my tower.

Well, sorry if that was me.

Oh, don't feel bad about it.

Just don't do it again.

It got stuck in there and I wasn't strong enough to pull it out.

Okay, hands away, please.

No more.

Hands, put the onion down.

I'm just going to put it down.

Don't put it down.

You said put the onion down.

Put it down on the side, please.

I'm putting it down.

No.

On the side.

On the side.

No.

Put the knife down, please.

Put the knife down, please.

Task two, time travel.

Best time travel wins.

You have 30 minutes.

Your time starts now.

Now,

this is a task I feel like they should just plop into the UK one.

Yeah, I'm surprised they haven't done this as well.

It feels like a really nice, open-ended one.

Because there are so many different ways you can take it.

It sort of reminded me of the

that's just fly.

And it sort of feels that everyone has a different thing they can do because you can either go, as Paul says, you can either go forward or back or do weird things.

Or you can, you know,

get in a car with a clock strapped to you and drive about.

So it feels like there's anything you could do.

Yeah.

What would you do?

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, there's

I'd panic.

I'd panic for a long time about this one.

I like to think, I'd think of

just running around with the clock or throwing the clock and not do it.

Yes.

Yeah.

Because sometimes

it's best to just not try and do the clever thing.

You've just got to go for it.

Like we can all spot that that could be considered time travel, but the things that are going to win are the most creative things, I think.

Yeah.

So I'd maybe consider doing.

What I'm fascinated with time travel is when you time travel, you're still in the same

place.

So

if you could do a time traveling back series in the Taskmaster house and then try and get a previous contestant to be in the house doing a task that they were so you walk into the garden and like Tim Keys throwing

tea bags into into a cup that's a really good idea you make Alex look younger yeah

I don't know how you'd do that but yes that that's surely impossible yeah

but yeah that's a really good idea because you could sort of yeah oh yeah okay yeah that's that's that's that's that's the idea that's it okay good we're sorted now um

They don't need to do it in the UK version now because that's what they should do.

Someone's going to steal it.

Yes, but no, there were a lot of...

So Matt and David both go with this moving a clock far situation.

David just tapes a clock to his back for some reason.

I don't know why it needs to be touched.

He could hold a clock.

He could hold it.

It's also because, like, it's the type of thing where you're like, oh, well, he must want to run because then if he runs, then that's why it will fall off.

But then they get into a car and you can hold something very easily in a car david it's so yes it's such a weird thing i wonder whether whether his initial thought was get on the bike because he loves that bike he uses it a lot in the series so maybe he thought he was going to take the clock to himself and get on the bike then you realize how much time he had and that paul had his car with him so then he made that decision um

it is that thing though when jeremy says um it's the best time travel not the furthest it is clear that what something's like just gone slightly wrong in david's brain which is true anyway, but that it's gone slightly wrong in his brain where he's been like furthest equals best.

And you can just see his entire face fall and he goes, fuck, which I will also say I've realized David reacts that way in every non-team task in this episode.

In the studio, he will say, fuck really angrily because he's done something else that he shouldn't have done.

Yeah, it's just, oh, oh, David.

Oh, it's just, it's just, it should be,

he shouldn't do that.

He shouldn't do it.

I love him so much.

I mean, it's very sweet when it's just not a very visually arresting interpretation of the brief, is it to get in a car with Paul?

But their relationship is just so funny and adorable.

And like at the end when they go,

Paul goes, time's up, and they're 23 and a half kilometers away from the house.

Why does David start to get out the car?

Yeah, there's a bit where he starts and then he goes, Can I get a lift?

Like Paul's like, no, you're going to have to make your own way back, I'm afraid.

It's really nice.

Matt adds something to it.

So the fact that the trebuchet is built, which is very impressive, that trebuchet.

It is impressive.

While dressed as a Roman.

So he adds that level of time travel to it as well, which I thought was good.

I think that's what helps get him the three points as opposed to the one or two.

I would say so, yeah.

And

his Roman costume is good.

He's wearing a hat with

a brush on his head, and it legitimately looks really good.

Yes.

I would say.

And the tune looks great as well.

So it's

yeah, obviously the clock firing up.

He sets fire to it.

I don't know why.

And then I guess maybe sort of a back to the future nod to

something traveling so fast it's going through time, it's on fire.

I guess.

But then it does not travel very far.

It's nine meters.

It sort of just goes straight down into the ground, really.

Yeah, it looks, I think they might reuse that trebuchet in a later series.

There's a task in Taskmaster New Zealand Series 5, I think, where they use a trebuchet.

So I suppose they have got they got something out of it again.

Yes.

It is, I mean, the stuff around it is really funny.

There's a bit where Matt, who I think really likes the film Gladiator, tries to quote from Gladiator, but he says, My name is Marcus Aurelius, husband to a murdered child.

Really makes me laugh.

Really good.

Very strong.

Very strong, Matt.

laura uh laura goes this is the direction that i expected yeah someone to go in but she's just so good at realizing these things and making these things happen to do a back to the future parody essentially and she has a great dock costume it's so good as soon as paul puts on that

that red uh gilet

He is he is Marty McFly.

Yeah.

And and I don't like Paul is a good Paul is a good actor.

You know, he plays some great people.

But it is weird how quickly just, like, oh, he's, he's, and he's not doing a Michael J.

Fox impression, but you are like, yeah, I believe this.

I fully, I would watch three series, three films in this series.

Yeah.

It's really good.

Um, and obviously, shout out to the effects team and the editing team.

It's very impressive when the Honda DeLorean, the Hilorian,

the Honduran, the Honduran, uh, disappears and the flames are left.

Um, I did think that when

I don't think Laura did enough

when they actually got to the future.

I know she was saying it was only 2022, but it felt like there should have been more when they arrived.

Well,

I thought the thing was they had gone to the future, and then this was them coming back.

Oh.

And she was saying, I got it wrong.

Yes.

I think she was saying, oh, no,

there are ants and lava.

There's ants and lava everywhere.

Which was, yeah.

And she, there's a bit where she looks down the camera and goes, this is next year, recycle.

So, yes, I suppose I misunderstood.

Is that my fault?

Probably.

So, they've already gone.

They've already gone.

But that's not time.

Then we're not

time travel, are we?

The argument is that they've time travelled.

We've witnessed them going into the future, but we can't go with them, Ed.

We would have to get in the car.

Imagine if that's what happened in Back to the Future.

What?

Just the people waiting around for 90 minutes.

I'm surprised it's got four points now, thinking about it.

We didn't see the main exciting bits.

But no, all of the stuff around it was very, very good.

And the performances were great, of course.

Ursula

leans on an old Ursula trope of making Paul sit in front of her at a desk and saying things to him until he's really weirded out.

Yes.

Which I think

she's done this before.

It's effective.

It's effective.

It's effective.

Yeah.

And it looked great.

It looked like the 80s.

I really did.

So she was supposed to be in school, was she?

Because at one point it felt like she was interviewing Paul for a job.

Yeah, or that they were like in a typing course.

I couldn't quite work out what was.

I did not understand the narrative at all, and not just because I don't speak Afrikaans.

Yeah.

But there was a lot going on.

I like the neon.

The neon was cool.

The neon was great.

The whole thing looked great.

And I do obviously love that she just didn't tell paul what it was going to be and then just spoke to him in afrikans the whole time and then paul didn't know what was going on her main aim in this show is to upset or unsettle paul basically and i think she does that constantly do you think this is just a thought to me do you think that she told anyone in the production what she said um or do you think they they had to get someone in to translate

I'm sure that's, yeah, that might have been the case.

Yeah.

Or maybe they got her in to translate afterwards, but no, I don't think

I'd imagine she just got on with it and did what she wanted.

I don't think she's planning what she's saying in advance.

No, no, certainly not.

But I just wonder if she was like, oh, go, that's that done.

Now you translate that, and I'll

head off.

Yeah, I don't know.

Also, smoking inside, I don't think she probably told anyone she was going to actually have a fag on.

No, yeah, that's yeah,

but yes, very Ursula, the whole thing.

Um, uh, guy, um, there's a lot to enjoy about guys.

Uh, yeah, I enjoyed the door concept of just stepping through a door.

Yes.

I liked that going back in time seemed to make him slightly bigger.

I didn't notice that.

That's kind of

just slightly bigger.

And I enjoyed that the way you input the year that you want to go to on the time machine is just the chalkboard next to the time.

Sure, yeah.

That was very, that was very.

And also,

to your point,

they traveled through space and time, and it was just Germany.

Yeah, Germany.

Germany, 1981.

Wildly broad

prompt for the time machine, but landed him exactly next to Hitler, who was doing some paintings.

Thankfully, yeah, doing the painting that he had, and he just finished his artwork to the point that had been written, This is by Hitler on the,

it was, yeah, it was perfect.

It was absolutely perfect.

I like that Paul clearly decided that

even though it sort of ruined the sketch a bit, he refused to say he was Hitler.

Yeah.

Which I

have to respect.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the idea that, yeah, because it's both

on the picture, but also his name tag.

His name tag that says, hi, my name is Hitler.

Yeah.

It was very good.

I enjoyed it.

And well-deserved five points.

Laura got the four points.

Matt got the three points.

Ursula got the two points.

And David got the one point, sadly for David.

But deserved.

Look, you're just.

We've got to go.

Okay.

We met eye pair.

It concerns you and your kids.

Where in the future are we going?

Far into the future.

20, 22.

We've got to get this to 42 and then we will be propelled into the future.

Are you ready, Paul?

Yes.

One, two, three, go.

Oh my god!

The future!

I didn't think it could get worse

than 2020!

But it gets so much worse.

Imagine COVID, but a lot of ants,

as well as COVID, they come out your body.

Wow!

Lava everywhere, lava.

This is next year.

Recycle.

Save the planet.

Thank you, Laura.

He's Paul.

I'm going to call my mum.

Task three is a team task.

It's a legendary team task.

It's Pack Paul's car with inflated objects from the caravan.

Most inflated objects in Paul's car wins.

You have 10 minutes.

Your time starts now.

And of course, before this, we discover Laura is given a secret task.

During the next task,

stealthily sabotage your team.

If your team loses, you win.

If your team wins, you get no points.

If your team accuses you of sabotage, you get no points.

A great task, Jack.

Unbelievable.

Like a game changer, I would say.

Like a game changer across all of Taskmaster.

It's the type of thing that when it happened, it was like, oh, you could do this forever.

You could just, or like, you could.

This could, and imagine going back into old series and being like, who's the saboteur in old tasks?

Oh, yeah.

Such, such a good idea.

And really, really well done here.

I love this task.

And

yeah,

it's beautiful.

It's brilliant and beautiful.

It is very, very good.

And obviously,

we did this in the UK a few series later

with John Kearns being the saboteur.

Yes.

And also sort of a version of it with

Nick Mohammed and Steve Pemberson's series where they are all doing different things.

They all are all told to do different things.

I mean, and technically, so there have been quite a lot of secret tasks throughout the show.

And I think this is the first secret team task thing where someone is doing something that the other teammates don't know about.

It happened also in the most recent series in series 18, where

they were doing, they had to work out what was inside a box, but they weren't allowed to shake their heads or they weren't allowed to say any words.

And obviously,

Andy and Jack,

who were in different teams,

also had a secret task, which was they weren't allowed to, they had to lie throughout the whole task.

Which Jack ignored.

Which Jack ignored, and it stymied him, eventually lost him the series, Ed.

It lost him the series.

So, you know, like,

there's so much.

Good, because he didn't stick to the rules.

I agree.

Look,

don't have it out of me.

I'm just.

I know you liked it when he did that and you wanted him to.

But it's exciting that it feels like

I don't think that that's, I feel like that that task is inspired by all other secret tasks that have happened in the show.

And I feel like this is the first secret sabotage task,

team task.

And this is the one that kind of sparks everything else off, which is, yeah, so good.

And I love the way it's revealed as well that they start playing the task.

Yeah.

There's that little look from Laura as she throws down some balloons and then it rewinds.

The reactions are great because it sums people up.

Guy's just sat there like clearly impressed by the twist.

Yeah.

And he would have definitely done the same thing himself.

And David is shook to his core.

David is betrayed.

He pulls the chair away.

It's so wonderfully done.

It's the type of thing also where I wonder, like, did they pick Laura because they knew that they could do that in the studio?

Because they knew that they have to have like David,

Guy, Laura together.

So did they know that it would look like that where like Laura's in the middle?

Because also in the UK version, it's a similar thing.

It's the team of three and it's John who is also in the middle uh is the saboteur so I wonder I just wonder what goes through whether whether the show is that smart but yeah oh it's

I think you're overthinking it Chad I think I am overthinking it

but no I unfortunately the job Laura does of sabotaging isn't great yes they absolutely kill it I mean Guy is so on it like getting these balloons in that I think I think Laura feels too worried about ruining the task i think she tries and it's very funny when she does do it but i think she could have done more she could have opened doors she could have left doors open she could have popped more she could have i i feel like the ankle roll is a particularly great moment because i love the angle guy remembering that that happened and that that was fake it was it's a brilliant it's a brilliant reveal It feels like David is sort of being betrayed.

Every second he watches it, he's being betrayed again by new fresh hells.

I feel like, I think that this is, so it's a wonderful task.

It's really, really well done.

I think the UK version of it is, in a way, a bit better because

the sabotage that John does,

it's in a task where one person can't just do it all solo.

And I think that actually that's what makes...

That is the thing that kind of undermines this one is that in the end, Guy basically does it all himself.

And there isn't much that Laura can do to stop that, really, unless she actively starts taking balloons out of Guy's hand and then it then it becomes impossible whereas in the UK one because they have to do the sand in a certain way and they all have to hold onto each other like it there's there's more that that that John can do to to ruin them in a very entertaining way um but i i mean also john is notably notably worse at it than laura yes and i think that laura is is stuck by that thing of like she's created an entire persona of being someone who's very competitive and very competent whereas john can lean lean into the fact that he is John and therefore gets away with a lot more.

I think it's also

a shame also that Laura is up against, in a sabotage task, is up against Matt and Ursula, who are just not interested in doing this task very well at all.

They are sabotaging themselves, in a way.

Yeah, it's great.

It's a great task, though.

I mean, I guess a similar version of this task used in Junior Taskmaster in the UK.

Yes, I was going to say,

I think in Taskmaster, in Junior Taskmaster,

the final episode where they have to put balloons into a tent that they've pitched yeah the the um the caravan is filled with balloons i'm sure that's a reference to this as well yes they must have looked at that and yeah yeah and uh also yeah

one contestant dis in junior taskmaster decided to move the tent closer to the

caravan and there is some insinuation from Paul that they could have got the keys for his car and driven the car closer to to the caravan.

Yeah, see I don't know.

it would have helped but i don't know was that the thing that was slowing them down yeah i suppose it would have it definitely would have helped because you can just let just herd balloons in at that point oh that's true yeah that's true yeah i did quite like urshula and matt's thing of getting the lilos and using them to block block the balloons in but then then you think the lilos are pretty big yeah you basically

you stopped yourself from being able to put things in yeah um but was the what was the actual phrasing of the task as well could you could could they have it was most inflated things, and they couldn't have popped all the balloons and put them in.

No, most inflated objects in Paul's car wins, yeah.

Right, yeah.

It's inflated rather than inflatable.

Yes.

Yes.

But unfortunately, Laura does not sabotage successfully.

They get about 20 more into the car than Ursula and Matt do,

meaning that she gets the naught points.

I think she would have felt quite guilty had...

had she actually got the five points there and the others got naught

i think i think she potentially, but I think she feels guilty anyway.

You can see

when they start showing the task, there's like a shot of her just before the reveal of what's happened, and she looks like she's fully disassociating.

She's like, sort of probably like, oh, God, look at this whole thing, like a whole world is falling apart.

I feel like in a way,

because John enjoys the fact that he wins, I think, in the end.

He doesn't feel any guilt in the sound.

Oh, God, no.

No, no, no.

And I think he's still focused on the fact.

They're sort of really angry at him during it, and they're like bullying him a bit.

And I think

that is justification enough to have carried on doing it.

So I think

he's delighted with it, yeah.

Whereas I suppose, yeah, in this one, they're all like, oh, have you hurt your ankle, Laura?

Oh, God, are you okay?

And also, there's a really funny bit at the end where Paul says, how do you think that went?

And

Guy and Dave are like, yeah, it went okay.

And you can see Laura go, no, I think it went really badly.

As if like the perception of it going badly would also mean that they could lose.

It's yeah.

Yeah.

It is nice also seeing david and and um and guy have a little hug at the end uh yeah beaten right and laura sat there just left the whole thing um it's nought points for laura it's two points for it's two points for urshula and matt and five points for david and guy

Incredible that none of your team noticed that because that is some of the worst balloon pudding in a car I've ever seen.

I genuinely thought thought you rolled your ankle.

Did you not get frustrated, Guy?

Because you looked like you were doing a lot of work for that.

Yeah, I mean, that was just you are a real fucking piece of work.

So, how many balloons did these guys get in there with Laura sabotaging?

The number to beat was 65 from the first team.

Guy himself contributed 58,

and overall, this team had 84.

Live task, draw a life-size self-portrait.

Your nose must be inside your nose hole at all times.

Most accurate self-portrait wins.

You have 200 seconds.

Your time starts when Baul blows his whistle.

This is a wildly frustrating live task.

This would have absolutely driven me up the wall, Jack.

It is.

Well, do you think you would have broken as many pens as

David did?

No, I think I would have been gentle because I would have been really trying to do well.

But I think when the harder harder David tries at something,

the more heavy-handed he is.

So I think he's just like so intense.

He's giving it so much that, of course, he's just going to break things.

Things are just going to crumble in his hands because he's always grunting and going, oh, screaming.

It's the way that he starts doing it and then immediately breaks the pen.

You can see like Paul going, This is why we have a spare pen.

This is fine.

That then immediately breaks.

And Paul's like, we'd have another one.

Why would we have another one?

Oh, God.

Yeah.

I would have found it very frustrating as a contestant, especially since Paul paul only decides to reveal about you know a mini extension the extension

yeah it's really annoying it is really annoying to reveal that and there is no way of doing this well as well like yes there's no way of being like people being like oh that's amazing like you know when we we had to do art task things

Yeah, it was really, they were hard, but then there was always the possibility for Katie to nail it.

Of course, yeah, which I think is a satisfying part of it because you are like, yeah, it's like, here's something that I can do.

And here's

me bringing that out there.

Yeah, I think it possibly is.

So

this task was used in Series 13, I think, the final task of Series 13 in the UK one.

And I think, I mean, I think, I actually don't think people did it too badly here.

I think Laura's one was surprisingly good.

Yes.

Like,

in terms of she clearly emphasized, okay, I'm going to get the face right and the rest of the body doesn't matter.

But like, I, you know, she did a good job on that.

But yes, it is, it's annoying.

It's obviously annoying to do.

It's quite annoying to watch.

And it's annoying to see the canvas slowly falling on David's face as he sort of like leans backwards.

When you see that happening, it's very funny.

But

Ursha Liz one, I think, it gets the five points.

And I think a lot of that's by virtue of the lipstick.

It's quite a nice addition of her making sure she gets loads of lipstick on there yeah and and obviously drawing drawing her chest

um of course

matt's matt matt gets four points i can't believe matt gets four points here sometimes you just got to throw him some points i think i honestly think that jeremy had had had enough at this point i think he's just sort of because he does go down the line he just kind of goes like okay you get five you get four you get three you get two you go you get one like that's that that's fine

end of the episode he knows he knows when he has an audience and he knows when the audience are drifting and yes yeah he's good he's a he's a pro.

The guy's a pro.

And David, of course, ends up carving his name into the board.

His name, Dog.

Yeah.

David and Guy are the ones who try and write things on to make it more obvious who it is.

And I think they are punished for that.

It feels like a cop-out.

I think that's fair.

I think it's with these things, you always want to, you want the art to speak for itself.

You don't want extra words.

Yeah, yeah, fair.

Well, it's one point for David, two points for Guy, three points for Laura, four points for Matt, and five points for Ursula.

Meaning, Guy wins the episode with 19 points, Matt on 15 points, Laura on 14, and David and Urshula both on 15.

Pretty tightly scored episode.

Yeah.

Laura still in the lead, 132 points.

Guy only five points behind.

Then a big drop off to David, Urshula, and Matt, who is only just over the 100 points.

This is an interesting series scoring-wise, Jack, because Laura's in the lead from episode three-ish.

Wow, okay.

But

you're never sure until the last episode that Guy's gonna come through and win.

The guy is very guy is surprisingly good.

So I haven't done stats on

New Zealand and Australia, but there's someone else online who has

called

Morgan.

They've done like a big list.

They've basically done a version of my spreadsheet, but for New Zealand and Australia.

and um Laura I mean the scores aren't that high throughout they're not that high I think Jeremy is a harsh scorer is the thing um like Laura ends up with just 3.13 points per task um which is not particularly high compared to the fact that you know obviously uh John Robbins has scored you know 3.8 or something whatever whatever mad score it is but Laura's still like the sixth best ever person in Taskmaster New Zealand or Australia yeah um yeah it's it it it is a strange series it's not a high scoring series but it's a strange one.

But what a great series.

I'm sure we all agree.

Jack, I'll ask you to rate it

this episode of the podcast.

We hope you've had a good time.

Between one and five points.

Please, Jack, regardless of what you do, I'm sure you'll be back very soon.

Oh, okay.

I have a cold, so I'm going to mark it down for that.

Yeah, you haven't.

That's fair enough.

You haven't blocked my cold.

But I did enjoy talking about Seeger.

Yes.

And how weird they say that word.

So let's go four.

Let's go.

All right.

Four.

Good.

So did two come off for the cold and then one went back on for Seeger?

Yeah, I'd say so.

That's absolutely right.

You've nailed it.

Yeah, great.

Good.

Pop it in the spreadsheet.

Thank you so much, Jack.

We'll see you next time.

Thank you.

Bye.

Thank you so much, Jack, for coming back on the Taskmaster podcast.

Surely our most regular guest at this point.

He is an endless font of Taskmaster knowledge.

So he'll be back.

Trust me, he'll be back.

We'll be back next week as well to talk about Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2, Episode 9.

And our special guest is Ray O'Leary.

Ray O'Leary, of course,

in terms of talking about this series of Taskmaster, he is a future contestant in Taskmaster New Zealand.

He is a very, very funny man.

Can't wait to chat to Ray.

Wonderful comic.

We'll be back next week to chat to him.

But for now, goodbye.