Ep 194. Guy Williams - TM NZ S2 Ep.4

Hello there and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast.

I'm Ed Gamble, the host of it.

Today we'll be talking about Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2 episode 4.

Really enjoying going back to these and watching them.

It's such a good series, such a good lineup.

We do not have someone from that lineup today.

We have a Taskmaster New Zealand expert,

an OG, the wonderful Guy Williams from series one of Taskmaster New Zealand, brother of Paul Williams, the Taskmaster's assistant.

Love chatting to Guy.

He's always got a lot to say.

Let's get straight into it.

This is Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2, Episode 4, as discussed by Guy Williams.

Welcome back, Guy Williams, to the Taskmaster podcast.

Really nice to to be here.

Thanks for having me.

It'll be a treat for you, I'd imagine, to discuss a series of Taskmaster that you are not on.

Yeah, I thought that was very weird when they sent through the episode and it wasn't one that I was in.

I assumed it's very unusual.

There's two guys from New Zealand who do stand up and are on Taskmaster, and I assumed you just got the wrong one.

So I hope you want me here.

I'm glad to be here.

Absolutely.

We've had the other guy on already.

But the thing is, there's too many episodes.

There's more episodes than contestants.

So we like to get alumni on to cast their experienced eye over what has happened.

And of course, your brother's the taskmaster's assistant.

You couldn't be more linked to this show, guy.

Yeah, I'm pretty linked at this point, and it's exciting to be part of the linkage.

Although, I just had a weird moment.

I just landed in Perth, Australia, and a man at the airport.

Do you get heckled on the street very often?

Not heckled on the street.

Rarely will people shout things at me.

What happened?

A man at the street just said to me, this is literally like half an hour ago.

He said to me as we're at the Uber waiting spot, he said, I was a disgrace to New Zealand.

And then he closed the door of his Uber,

but the car didn't leave.

And I just could not handle that.

So I walked up there and opened the door.

Oh, man.

And I said, you can't say that to me while you're driving away like a coward.

And he said, I'm not driving away away and i said yes you are and he said the uber drivers driving away

so he kind of got me there

on a technicality and it yeah it made me really upset i'm sorry to bring it up out of the blue but i just like i'm really kind of rattled by it and not because i've had insults yelled at me on the street before most of the time i deserve it but the reason it annoyed me is just because just like Just this sort of scumbag, like, what sort of low life does that?

Like, yeah, if you want to talk shit to me, talk smack.

But, like, to say it and then as the car's driving away, we've just been at the Uber checkpoint for about half an hour together.

Why, why did he wait till the last?

It's so cowardly.

Well, because he was a coward, but also, I'd want the specifics.

I'd be like, that's fine.

Tell me I'm a disgrace to my country, but why?

Which of the reasons?

Why?

With me, there's a lot of reasons to choose from, but I just, I don't know whether it was my performance on Taskmaster.

I'm not sure.

I'm sure it wasn't.

I'm sure it was.

I'm sure it wasn't you naked up a tree that has made you a disgrace to your country.

Well, I still think I have the, I'm actually proud of it, but I think of the New Zealand Taskmarket, I don't know about Taskmaster worldwide, but I think I set the record for the lowest ever score.

So that's quite disgraceful.

Yeah, but also, in terms of Taskmaster, that's a badge of honor as well, I'd say.

That's why I'm saying it like I'm being humble, but actually, I'm being braggadocious.

Yeah, you absolutely love it.

But yes, you're right.

We'll be discussing a different guy today, Guy Montgomery.

But, you know, I think hopefully we won't get mixed up.

Oh, I get mixed up and I'm one of the guys.

Like, it's so exact.

It's such a terrible name for two New Zealand comedians to both be on Tasmas and both have that name.

Unbelievably bad.

Back-to-back series as well.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, there's not many comedians in general.

Rose Metafoe had a good burn once where he didn't have much diversity on a lineup show.

And Rose Metafoe, I think, tweeted, there's more people on this build called guy than there are women.

And I thought

that was a pretty good sign that we needed to work on our diversity a little bit, you know?

Yeah, and it's such a great name as well to prove lack of diversity.

Yeah.

Because it literally means man.

It's the most masculine name you can have.

Can I say this, though?

Shout out to Taskmaster and the Taskmaster podcast.

A Taskmaster, I'm not trying to butter up the fans here because I have managed to rebrand myself through this podcast.

I was a very hated Taskmaster contestant, and I came on the podcast once, and I've seen to done kind of like a Boris Johnson style rebrand.

I've turned, I've managed to use my propaganda.

Do not fall for it, people.

I'm just buttering.

But this is a genuine compliment to the fans of this podcast and listening.

I was shocked when I got to the UK and did the Edinburgh Comedy Festival how smart the people in the front.

I often do a little bit of crowd work because I'm a lazy comedian and want easy laughs.

And

I had a bit where I kind of relied on people in the audience having crappy jobs.

The premise was,

what do you do for a living?

You've got to stop doing that and you've got to get out there and protest because democracy is ending.

That was the general gist of it.

But in New Zealand, this worked a treat because I'm known mainly, not even from Taskmaster, but from some like old school kind of anton deck style comedy shows that they're not very highbrow.

In Edinburgh, because everyone knows me from Taskmaster, every time I put the mic in someone's face to ask what they do for a living, I literally had heart surgeon,

rocket space lecturer at the University of Edinburgh.

I had brain surgeon, biotechnology engineer.

Like every week, I had to stop doing the bit because it was just crazy how intellectual they feel was.

And I was just going to ask you, is that a Taskmaster thing?

I was shocked.

I don't know.

I think the show does appeal to people who enjoy

sort of puzzles and on the nerdy, on the nerdier side, maybe.

So perhaps that relates to their jobs.

Although, because it was the Edinburgh Festival, I'm guessing that it is now so expensive to get a hotel in Edinburgh and go and watch shows that it's only open to medical specialists who are quite away on it.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I don't know.

I don't know, but I made the conclusion.

I wouldn't say Taskmaster is particularly a highbrow show, though.

Like, you know, like, you don't have to be really intelligent to understand.

No, no.

not at all, but it's like it's very silly, but I think the notion of those games and the tasks appeal to people who like things like escape rooms or social deduction games and things like that.

So maybe that's why, but also it's a very broadly loved show.

So

maybe it's you.

Maybe this is you.

You're putting a lot of credit at Taskmaster's door.

Maybe you just you just attract a very intelligent audience when you're in the UK.

Maybe it's you guys.

Well, I was so proud because normally I'm getting back in New Zealand, I'm getting the scum of the earth.

In Australia, terrible.

Or

maybe they thought you were going Montgomery.

Yeah,

also a possibility.

Definitely a possibility.

Now, did you watch this series when it went out originally?

No, I'm not actually a huge Taskmaster fan.

That's why it's like

coming on the podcast.

But

I love supporting my brother, and

I was actually at the episode we're going to talk about right now.

I was actually, I thought I've seen this before when I was re-watching it, and it's because I was actually at the taping, so I might have some inside information here.

I'm the real insider.

This is absolutely brilliant.

This is a totally accidental

coincidence, as they all are.

But yeah, that's great.

Very, very good.

Well, we should crack on and see if you've got any behind the scenes Goss.

Let's talk about the prize task, which is the most impressive stolen item.

Always an exciting thing to have on Taskmaster, you know, asking people to do illegal prep for the show.

I mean, we're going to finish on Laura's because it's so outstanding, and I do want to talk about that the longest, probably.

Let's talk about your namesake,

Guy's Victoria Cross.

Yeah.

Stolen Valor, apparently.

Quite controversial when it first flashes up on the screen.

Yeah, I was actually shook.

I was like, did he get a very, a real Victoria Cross on there?

I don't know what is that, how is that?

There's very little explanation, isn't there?

Yeah, and I like the joke that he didn't steal the cross, he stole the valor, but I was just trying to, I was like, does he have a member of his family who got a Victoria Cross?

It actually annoyed me, and I actually should text Guy and go, what's the real story there?

Because it actually pissed me off, that one, to be honest.

Do you feel like, I mean, look, I love Guy to bits.

To me, and I've never insulted someone like like this before, he doesn't seem like he comes from a family who would have a Victoria Cross.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Montgomery sounds like quite a posh name, so I don't know.

But like,

I couldn't say.

I couldn't say.

But yeah,

I've played football with Guy many times, and I would say he's a man you want to go into war with, but I can't speak for the rest of his family and heritage.

What sort of football player is he?

I always say Rangy.

He's he's a, He's not a natural, none of us are.

We all play football, my brother Paul and all the Taskmaster nerds.

And

Guy Montgomery is a, is a long distance runner.

So if you put him into open space, he's like a Mbappe.

He'll get in behind and he's he's clinical.

But he

also,

I feel like he runs like a deer or he's got very long legs and very short body and he's quite rangy is the way I describe him.

Beautiful player, but maybe maybe not as technically like all of us.

We're all kind of battlers here in New Zealand.

We don't have that kind of British class where there's no Picayo sackers in the squad.

So he's more of a, you just let him go and he can run for miles.

Yeah, he just always, he always scores.

He's a big game player.

It's a famous game.

We play comedians versus editors.

And the comedians, we're not talented.

Paul Williams is our best player, my brother.

And then I'm kind of like just a battler.

And then I always call up Guy Montgomery and he makes sure he plays that one because losing to the editors, you know, a bunch of computer nerds is humiliating.

And Guy kind of gives us the X factor up front.

Nice.

So, you know,

maybe he does come from a Victoria Cross family.

That might be it.

We have another trophy style thing.

We have the Top Town Trophy.

Now, this is going to be one of my regular questions I have to ask the New Zealand guests.

Can you tell us a little bit about Top Town, please, Guy?

I'm actually too young for it myself, but I'm a New Zealand TV historian.

I understand it was a competition where crappy towns from New Zealand competed in a bunch of novelty games in an athletics track.

They did like tug of war and throw the ball into the hoop and stuff like that.

And they gave a trophy, but like because New Zealand only had two TV channels at the time, it was like a sensation.

Like half the country would have watched it.

And like a town winning that trophy was like a huge deal.

So for older New Zealanders, seeing that trophy would just be like unbelievable, but for people like me, it's close to meaningless.

Now, when Matt says that he's he's stolen the trophy from TV, the TVNZ

room where they keep all that stuff, Taskmaster New Zealand is on TV NZ, right?

And it is filmed at TV NZ, I'm presuming.

So

he's really not, it's probably not left the premises.

I'm assuming he's

I'm assuming he's asked permission.

I think this, I don't think this has been stolen at all.

Yeah, so I'd say I'm calling BS on a lot of these.

To be honest, I think this is a really good episode, but I think the prize tasks are poor because none of them seem genuinely stolen, you know?

So it's like, I think, I think this, let's kind of skip through them quite quickly.

I'm a little bit, I didn't want to start negative, but I'm going to say all of them, one point for this first round, like piss poor effort.

Laura was good.

Laura was good.

Laura was good.

We'll get to Laura.

David brought the shoe rack from his flat.

Oh, that was funny.

That is funny.

Because I totally believe that.

I mean, to be honest, I believe anything David does because I don't think it would ever occur to David to do something pretend.

I think he always just, he thinks you have to do everything fully committed head-on all of the time.

Yeah, you absolutely nailed him.

So the fact that he just stole the entire shoe rack from his flat and his flatmates are messaging him being like, where are my Timberlands?

Why have you taken all the shoes?

And then someone realizing that it was for this, they must just be like, oh, David, that's probably one of the mildest things he's done that week, don't you think?

Absolutely.

He'd be a terrifying person to flat with.

But also, if you own Timberlands,

you'll be glad that they're stolen.

Go buy some different shoes.

This is not 2003 wake-up.

Well,

they might be a manual laborer.

They might actually be using them for...

No, no, no.

No one...

Wears Timberlands for the purpose of work.

If you wear that for work boots, you're clearly a chump.

You're going to get bullied on the work site.

Those are clearly fashion items, and they're fashion items from about 20 years ago.

Okay, well, yeah, okay.

So, if anything, David may not have won this prize task, but his flatmate will finally realise that it's time to let go of the Tim's.

I think so.

I hope they listen to the pod.

Ursula brought in Paul's teddy bear, Gregory.

This is quite a lot of effort.

for Ursula compared to some of her other prize tasks and her other efforts at the task.

She's absolutely hilarious, but she did not care about winning.

Do you remember Gregory?

Can you tell us any memories of Gregory the teddy bear, please, guy?

Yeah, Paul's had this teddy bear since he was a little kid, and you kind of like always assumed people are going to grow out of things.

But Paul, anyone who knows his music and stuff like that, he's a very sentimental man.

I'm quoting the musical Wicked Bear.

But he just like, yeah, he has that teddy bear in his room.

And I was like, kind of

surprised to see it because it's like that was the second time because Guy Montgomery is wearing like photos of Paul on his shirts as well.

And everyone thought it was me who got,

can I say, I would never betray my brother like that.

Like, I don't know.

It's a mystery to me, too.

I don't know where Guy Montgomery got those photos from, and I don't know how Ursula got that teddy bear.

Because we have, like, me and Ursa friends, but like, we're not that.

She, they wouldn't.

She wouldn't know where we.

It actually, when I watched it, I go when I see the teddy bear.

I was like, that is almost, an item like that is almost crossing a line.

And Paul's a very private person.

And I reckon it would be a little bit embarrassing for him to have his teddy bear on national TV like that, I reckon.

Genuinely.

That's the kind of guy he is.

Well, I'm just trying to work out who could have got the teddy bear for Ursula.

I mean, we'll talk about in, you know, in Laura's.

Obviously, Paul's girlfriend at the time, now spouse,

is involved in that one.

Has she just been absolutely handing out Paul's items, photos?

Has she been just releasing all this stuff to the public?

Yeah, potentially, potentially, but I don't even know where the Ursula link would be.

Like, it is, it is quite impressive, but it also, it also speaks to how tiny New Zealand is.

Like, in the UK, Taskmaster, stuff like this probably seems quite impressive.

But in New Zealand, there's only about 12 of us.

We're all very close friends and married to each other.

Like, it's pretty incestuous.

So, it's like, it's not, it's, it's not that shocking when people like it, like Laura's one.

Should we, can we move on to that one?

Please.

Yeah, so Laura, Laura, what she did something cunning where she said, the thing I've stolen is your girl.

And then she had photos of her kissing Paul's wife, Jeremy's partner, which I've never really seen a photo of Jeremy's partner.

She is very private.

Like, there's like honestly one photo on the internet.

I don't, yeah.

Don't ask me why I looked that up one day.

That is embarrassing to admit that one day i was i was i was interested and i was like what is jeremy's partner like because i've never i've never i've seen jeremy many times i've never seen her and so to get a photo of her that's probably the second photo of her i've ever seen i've never met her and um

uh yeah he she just escalated and escalated she had a photo of her on a date with every contestant besides ursula who i think was single at the time she might still be single ladies or no no no only ladies i was gonna say

digging myself into a hole there but like yeah, Laura, I think, was the clear, the clear winner on the day.

Absolutely.

It was so the way it escalated, the way she'd structured it all was fantastic to go to the effort of getting all of those.

Like you say, maybe in New Zealand, quite easy.

That probably could have just happened on one night.

Yeah,

it might happen.

Everyone's in Auckland, CBD, and just literally walk from street to street and just happen to find them all.

Yeah,

yeah.

No, but I'd say that, I would say that, I mean, I know all these people well, and I would say Jeremy's wife is incredibly hard to get, and Koros's partner also so hard to get.

So overall, like, Laura, clear winner.

Um, the rest of them, pretty garbage.

I thought Laura deserved this one.

Um, and lovely joke with the blow-up doll for Matt Heath.

Oh, no,

I thought that was a hack joke.

We're going to have to disagree.

I thought

it had to be something, and

I loved it.

I thought it was funny.

As a professional comedian, you don't want to be doing the same jokes that

a hen's night or a stag do is doing.

And that's what she's done there, unfortunately.

Yeah,

if that was the only joke, but it came within the rhythm of finding everyone else's partners.

So

I thought it was perfect.

All right.

Well, you're a more successful comedian than me, so I'll bow down and accept.

It was a good joke.

Only because I live in a bigger country.

But it was a well-deserved five points for Laura, four points for Ursula, three points for Matt, two points for Guy, and one point for David.

Last night was when they found out I had stolen it.

Here's the group chat message.

Who moved the shoe rack?

Not me.

I was very confused when I saw that too, Lol.

What the fuck?

Tims are missing.

Followed by, David, is this your stolen item?

David, you fuck.

Task one, get the Swiss ball in the kayak.

You cannot get wet.

Fastest wins.

Your time starts now.

A brilliant Taskmaster New Zealand task.

So good, the people who come up with the task, getting things that are simple, are open to interpretation, and everyone sort of tries to do their own thing.

And this is one of those, I think.

What did you think of this task, Guy?

Oh, I just, I love Ursula and everything she does.

I'm very embarrassed.

I started comedy at the same time as Ursula and Rose, so I like to claim that we're like part of a trinity of success.

But Ursula is like one of the most successful comedians in Australia.

Rose is huge in the UK.

She has an HBO show.

And I am a loser back here in New Zealand up to Bugger Ore.

But yeah, come on, man.

You're a success.

People are shouting at you on the street.

You've made your mark.

Positive things.

You're a positive.

Positive

It's crazy because I got heckled.

That's in Perth.

That's in Australia.

Anyway, I'm getting heckled across borders.

But yeah, no, I just, I thought it was a well-executed task.

I think the writers of the tasks deserve more credit.

I don't know.

I just remember on Sports Center, the American sports show, they would flash up when they played like a highlight video of a sports game, they would flash up in the corner and credit the music that was playing underneath.

They'd be like, I think it was probably integration with like Disney music or something crazy.

But I think in Taskmaster, because the fans are in so deep, or maybe it's something to do on the podcast, it should be revealed who wrote the task.

I guess a lot of the tasks are a combination of tasks, but yeah.

Yeah, no,

I think you're right.

I think, well, it's a few people in New Zealand, right?

I mean, in

the UK, it's pretty much Alex and then Tim Key helps out with some of them.

He's the task consultant, but that's

the thing that's do people know that Alex writes a lot of tasks?

So yeah, I think so.

Certainly, the listeners of this podcast will know that Alex writes all the tasks.

It's singularly his vision, really, in terms of the tasks themselves.

Obviously, not with how the rest of the show is made.

It's a lot of people's visions, but

yeah, with the New Zealand ones, I want to know.

I want to see,

is it Joseph Moore?

Did he come up with this task?

Man, you're a taskmaster nerd to know all this.

Yeah.

You just pull back the curtain as well because Joseph Moore is actually married to Laura Daniel.

There you go.

Is that a bombshell?

It's amazing, eh?

I'm not sure it's certainly not a bombshell for me, of course.

Yeah, no, no, not for you, but I was like, the listeners might be fascinated by that.

My brother Paul writes a lot.

Sam Smith is fantastic and hilarious.

Who's a lot of

New Zealand traitors, Sam Smith?

When I see a really good task, and

some of the tasks coming up this season and in this episode are like low-key, like, it's like, it's like sometimes the funniest joke is the task.

Like, the comedians all do well, but like,

the idea for the task is really what sets it apart.

And it's like, you don't even need a professional comedian in there to, um, you know, add in their sex doll or whatever the professional comedians bring to the.

That was a bit of a burn there, but like, I'm like, I really hate that joke.

Yeah, I hate,

it's a hack, it's a hack joke.

And look, hey, I do hack jokes as well.

So, like, I'm in a glass house here.

I'm aware of that.

But I'm just saying that sometimes

the writer of the task deserves a credit.

I didn't realize the UK was so much Alex Horne.

You're telling me he must have a team of table writers or something.

He can't be.

You've done how many seasons have been for the UK?

There's like 45 seasons.

We're about to go into 19, Series 19.

Okay, that's too many seasons.

You need to stop.

We all know it peaked at season seven.

Fuck off.

I did season nine.

I don't know.

I was trying to guess what season you were on and I missed it by two.

I'm just impressed that 19 seasons if he's writing the majority of the tasks here that is insane and just to have that level of creativity is uh is wild but is there levels of taskmaster fandom like because like anore i think if i was watching taskmaster for the uh for the first time i would assume greg davies is davis is writing the tasks well i think that's what they that's almost what they want to put put across within the sort of to use a wrestling term the kfabe of the show um that yes he is he is writing the tasks and then people are doing the tasks for him.

But I think that's dispensed with pretty quickly, to be honest.

So, there were some good interpretations for

this task.

Let's talk about the people who don't deflate the ball, first of all.

The fact that Laura gives it a go, and Guy gives it a go, actually tries to get it in the boat, even though they say out loud, that's just going to bounce out, isn't it?

And

they go for it, as does Urgela.

Like, it is mad.

It's that level of delusion with Taskmaster sometimes that you think if you throw it in and get it in first time, you're like, well, I'm going to be such a legend, even though you know deep down it ain't going to work.

Yeah, you also can't

underestimate the pressure.

Like, I remember when I did Taskmaster, I just, I would often freeze, and I was just like, it was just the cameras filming.

I don't know why.

I was like, I was coming at it from like a producer's standpoint where I was like, this is costing money.

I've got to keep on doing something.

I just got to do something, do something, do something and it made like logical thinking hard I know if I was in this situation I would have just gone for it because you're like a it's the easiest thing to do b deflating it wouldn't have been an obvious thought for me like I wouldn't have wanted to vandalize I would be like how many balls do they have am I allowed to destroy the ball like I don't know I just like it makes it makes sense to me but just watching Ursula's struggle is just so so satisfying I loved it So funny and trying to use positive thinking to bring it back to the shore and then it goes in the other direction.

She starts looking at Paul saying he was thinking it in the wrong direction.

So good.

Yeah.

And so sweet when she runs around to the other side, and Paul, just completely by himself, just starts whispering, go to Ursula, go to Ursula.

So in persona of Paul, like just a little boy trying his hardest.

Some people, I mean, look, Matt absolutely smashes this.

He realizes it deflates it and then he just gets it in in one.

Smashes it.

That is the archetypal way of of how to nail this task um

david does the same and then has what i would describe as a david karaos standard reaction to it which is having a really good idea then fucking it up and then just screaming screaming at the top of his lungs being so frustrated with himself just constant ball of angry energy people often ask if it's an act and i say that no he's more unhinged in real life

my favorite david story is the first time i met met him and it was the first gig he'd ever done in a Mexican restaurant in Christchurch, New Zealand.

I'd never met him before and he was just so high that he'd done a good set or that his first gig had gone okay that he, his dream after the gig to celebrate was to,

he wanted to squat me.

which is a weightlifting term.

And I weigh 120 kgs.

I am massive.

I'm six foot seven.

All right.

He wanted to put me on his shoulders and do do a use me like a weightlifting barbell.

All right.

So that was the, that was the first, that was my introduction to this dude, right?

Yeah.

Six months later, I meet him again.

He's moved to Auckland to start comedy.

I run into him again, backstage at a gig, and he didn't even want to talk to me.

He just wanted to just quickly, he's like, he's like, panicked.

He's like, guy,

last time I saw you, you, I wanted to squat you.

It's so good I didn't do that, bro, because I squatted my dad and I dropped dropped him.

This isn't a joke.

This isn't, he's not doing a bit.

He's not being fake.

That is his real life.

He was genuinely wanting to tell me, remember, when I offer to squat you, don't get squatted because I dropped my own dad.

I squatted my dad.

My dad.

I squatted my dad.

What a quote.

But he used to be a weightlifter.

He used to...

Actually be like,

oh, that was.

Bro, in the three drunken hours where he was trying to convince me that him squatting me was a good idea,

he explained all his credentials.

He showed me footage of him weightlifting on his phone.

None of it was a bit.

None of it was a joke.

I love David, but

he is a creative and unique individual.

Yes.

Well, he creatively popped the ball like an absolute psychopath,

tied string to it, which is a good idea, but then threw it in, missed, the string came off.

So it was beautiful to watch.

It takes him 20 minutes, 58 seconds.

21 minutes, may as well say.

Guy goes for it, bounces out, and then he is the only one to realize that in the shed there are some waders.

He's a very calm guy, isn't he?

He's sort of

the opposite to David in terms of his vibe, especially in this show.

Yeah,

it's kind of crazy when you're like,

believe it or not,

I don't want to reveal to the world there, but Guy Montgomery is an improviser.

It's embarrassing to tell people that, but that's that's where he comes from.

That's who he is.

We've got to say it there.

And it is amazing to see those skills come in handy.

I think it is his improv skills because it's the same when you see him improvise.

Like, he so never panics.

And I'm just like, it's what makes us the complete opposite because I panic straight away, as evidenced by my record low scoring Taskmaster performance.

Yes, I think, yeah,

he saw the ball and he said, yes, and I'm going to get it in the boat.

Something like that.

I don't really know how improv works, but something like that.

Yeah, you nailed it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David gets one point, sadly, despite finding a little workaround.

Laura gets two points,

even though she uses the string, but I mean, trying to tie a string around a Swiss ball does not work, I think.

I think that's a very tricky thing to do.

I mean, look, she's an improviser as well.

She panicked in this situation.

Urza gets a little bit more.

Oh, no, no, no, but

Laura is also an improviser.

She improvises with guys sometimes.

Just in real life, not even on stage.

She is also a board game psycho.

I'd like to reveal that right now.

The biggest board game psycho in New Zealand comedy is my brother, Paul Williams.

He is terrifying and he has the tenacity.

It's lucky he's not a Taskmaster contestant because he would flip out.

And then

it's hard to believe because he's so mallow on Taskmaster.

But if you play a board game, he is in it for, you know, like

he will get divorced over a board game, I honestly think.

And Laura is not far behind, and those two in the same game is a toxic combination.

And while Laura is a great improviser, she's also a terrible board game psycho.

And

yeah, I'm not surprised that she panics a lot.

But I'm also not surprised that she's always on the leaderboard.

She's always high up in the season.

It's because she literally is in it to win it.

Yes.

Urzula gets the three points.

Guy gets the four points for his waders.

and Matt gets the five points, a rare five points for Matt Heath.

Oh shit.

No, no, no, no.

It is on anchors.

Is it?

Yeah.

Tongue here, buddy.

Looks like it's going away.

It actually does.

Quite quickly.

Ah, she did it!

Looks like it's coming back now.

Let's try positive thinking.

Well, what do you want me to think?

Positive thoughts about the ball coming back to me.

Okay.

If I was just patient at the start, I might have been able to do this ten minutes ago.

Really picking up some pace now.

To the wrong, so what are you thinking?

What do you mean?

Are you doing the positive thoughts for the ball to come here or to go there?

I started thinking about those ducks.

Task two, choose a present and then perform an original Christmas song.

It cannot include any of the following words.

Santa, joy, jingle, snow, reindeer, tree, December, North Pole, Elf, Jolly, Holy, Holly, Christmas or holiday.

However, it must reference your present.

Most festive song wins.

You have one hour.

This would have terrified me, guy, if this had come up in my series.

Just anything coming up with a song or making a film is that real panic because it's so

actual creativity, so it's so close to what you do in real life.

So you want to do it as well as possible.

There's no throwaway with it.

Yeah, that's true.

But, like,

for me, and it's my terrible improv technique, it's just whatever, if I just do what naturally comes into my mind, that will be so terrible that it would be funny.

So, that's where I, the plan is delusional confidence.

Just pretend that I think I'm Elton John, and I'm going to turn the microwave cookbook into a musical and then just just go from there.

And

I think this is one of the great tasks.

Again, shout.

I wish I knew who'd riding it.

I should have messaged Paul to ask.

But like, it's a great task.

And

I think Guy Montgomery said this was perhaps the best task.

Sorry, one of the highlights of his comedy career.

Yeah.

I think he shared it when he did The Guardian funniest things.

He might have even shared it.

He was so proud of it.

And I was like, full credit to it because he, like, I was in the audience and the audience was just dying with laughter.

It was so good.

It's so good.

I think this is when it comes to this series in particular.

If someone said, List a few things that happened in the series, I will always remember the festive fox.

I think

it's so outstanding.

It's very guy, but it's just so confident, and an actually well-written song lyrically is so good.

And then, the way when it ends with the festive fox just screaming in a cockney accent, so funny.

How weird is it to you that

Kiwis, when they want a funny accent, will often do British?

Yeah.

We don't even know what Cockney is.

I think that is at Liverpool.

No, no, no, London.

Like what he's doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So I learned this.

It's very Dickensian.

Basically, any accent.

Hello, Governor.

Yeah, it's just very sort of...

Especially.

Pick a pocket or two, Lord.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

So

it's all Oliver Twist.

So after I saw this, I saw some old Monty Python and realised that's probably where it came from.

Like it was very in the style of some of the voices that maybe Eric Idol used to be.

It's a very Eric Idol sounding voice, yeah.

Yeah, and it was just, yeah, it's so weird that people, like, that's the power of British colonization or whatever, that people in New Zealand are still doing a cockney.

Because like most of our comedy comes from, even me, when I want to do a comedy accent, I often go to American or British because that's just like what our main influences are.

And yeah, the whole thing was just so, so good.

And yeah, five, I'm sure, I can't remember the scoring, but surely Guy smashed this out the park.

You would have thought, I mean, he got four, he didn't get the five points.

Who beat him?

Laura did.

Oh, which look, hers was amazing.

She did the song about the laminator.

Yeah.

Dance moves, blew glitter out of her hand to start with.

Talks about having a three-way with Jesus.

It is brilliant, but I do think if you are being like, write a comedy song, if Laura doesn't get the five points, you'd be surprised, right?

Because this is her bread and butter.

Yeah.

Yeah, speaking of, I like how you were like, oh, I'd expect good things.

I was like, Ed, no disrespect, but I've never thought of you as being musically talented at all.

And you said you would, are you, was that mean?

No, no, no, I'd be terrible at this.

I'd be really bad at it.

For people who can't see, I feel like Ed's looks so sincere right now, and there's so much sadness in your eyes.

Oh, no, but I, did I say that I thought I'd be good at this?

I do not think I'd be good at this.

I'd be terrified.

Okay, go.

I'm glad because I felt like

I just mean like writing, writing comedy rather than not the song element.

The song element I'd be scared of because I'd be shit at it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You mean like the ones that are scary, the ones where you have like an hour to prepare and you're like, oh shit, I'm going to.

It's not like normal Taskmaster where you're like, it doesn't matter if it's bad because I'm doing it on the spot kind of thing.

Yeah.

You have time to prepare something that is deliberately funny as opposed to it being funny because you've rushed something and fucked it up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's so that

for that regard, it's Laura's worst nightmare, I thought, because...

Yeah, the amount of pressure on to nail it when it's literally your area of expertise.

It was like if you had me out there and they said, let's do a basketball competition.

I'm like, oh, shit, I've got to be good at basketball.

I've been telling people I'm good at basketball for 15 years.

They're not going to prove it.

You know, like, so, yeah, so shout to her for nailing the brief.

She's got an amazing voice.

We're sort of going down the quality scale now.

Don't talk about the rest.

Let's move on to the next task.

No, we're going to talk about the rest.

I'm going to be honest with you.

And this, I kind of was skipping through here and I only watched guys one and then I moved on.

So I'm going to.

There it is again, the ADHD coming up to play.

David did his shoehorn a cappella accusing Santa Claus of stealing a shoehorn.

It was quite an involved story.

Anything a cappella, I find tricky to watch, but David is so sweet.

It was such a pure performance.

The thing is, he does combine being like mad and like very intense with being quite a pure personality, I think.

Yeah,

the best comedians, I think, blur the lines between reality and fiction.

And as I said, I've known David since his very first gig.

I was actually at the first gig for a lot of these people.

I was also at Guy Montgomery's first gig as well.

Oh, wow.

We knew each other from uni, but like

it's, yeah, David is, I don't know where the comedy starts and the

person begins.

I don't know he blurs it all into one, and that's what makes him magical.

There's a few New Zealand comedians.

I don't like calling comedians genius, but that's when I like lean into genius, where I was like, David, he's so original, and it's just like he just, he, yeah, he's amazing.

Um, Matt got a muffler slash exhaust pipe in his present.

Um, and that it's a lot's made of the fact that Matt's in a band, he's very musical.

You know, they've had some good records or whatever.

No, no,

I don't think that's fair.

Matt was in a comedy, a terrible, like parody punk band.

So it's like, let's not give him too much credit.

Well, I don't know.

He was on last week.

He was bigging up his musical credentials, you know?

Yeah, I mean, that's because

he's a man with

no modesty, unlike me, one of the greatest Taskmaster podcast guests of all time.

He actually was an icon to me growing up.

He had a band called Deja Voodoo, and my favourite story about them is that

they played the Big Day Out, which was like the big music festival in Australia and New Zealand for many years.

But they only had one album out, which is only 30-something minutes, because it's punk, so all the songs are like three minutes, two minutes long.

And so the set was an hour, so they just played their album, and then when they got to the end, they just started at the beginning again.

They just played the same album twice.

Great.

Love that.

Yeah.

What's really fun?

Check him out.

He's on Spotify.

Deja Voodoo.

They're very funny.

I mean,

it's Kiwi humor, but today, tomorrow, Timaru is great.

All you need to know is that Timaru is like, or Timaru, if you pronounce correctly, is

not a great town.

To be fair, to be fair, compared to English towns, it's probably the most beautiful town you've ever seen.

Crappy lives.

Compared to Brighton, it's gorgeous, but compared to like by New Zealand.

I mean,

you've picked what we would consider to be one of our nicest towns, though.

Is that your example of a bad British town well I okay I don't know can I walk back my racism many steps I've been nowhere in the UK I've only been to London and Edinburgh all right so I don't know and those places are unbelievably beautiful but they're beautiful for their man-made environs the actual natural environment is uh the worst things I've ever seen and the sky is so grey and there's no sun and so I hope you're all taking vitamin T C tablets well you need to well yes we should be actually I need to get back on those

but my favorite thing about this is there is a long list of words that you're not allowed to say yeah Matt's second word is tree which is one of the words

and he admitted last week that what on the podcast what he did was he wrote down he had the list of all the words you weren't allowed to say and then he had his list of lyrics and every time he kept looking down

to to play his song and accidentally looked at the list of words that you weren't allowed to say, which is why it came straight out of his mouth.

Very, very funny.

Reread the list seven times, but still said tree.

Ursula got a box full of oats and seemed quite annoyed that it was vegan.

She kept saying they were vegan.

And then just did a song really about how oats made her regular.

and helped her shit fly, I think was one of the words that she uses.

I mean, she did not want to do this one.

She knew it was going to be bad.

She sung it through a megaphone.

She did it as quickly as possible.

She had half an hour left and then said that if she wrestled Paul, she'd definitely win.

So I love that she's so funny.

And then just, but I love the attitude of like, it's going to be shit.

Let's just make it shit.

It's the beauty of

Taskmaster, right?

It's like when I did it.

I don't actually know what my talents are.

There's not many besides appearing on the Taskmaster podcast.

It's my main talent.

That's a huge talent.

But you know, every comedian has gifts and it's like what makes it what makes Taskmaster elite is that you see people doing stuff that they're not good at.

And it's like they should do it for sports as well.

It'd be cool to see

Harry Kane doing Javelin, you know, like mixing it up.

It's a bit like seeing that.

And it's like, Ursula probably has never written a comedy song in her life.

It's not something she does regularly.

And I was like, it's cool to see her sweat a little bit because she's always so calm.

she's always the dominant alpha female, if that's even a thing.

And so, to see her like on the back foot is very rewarding.

But I don't think she is ever on the back foot because I think if she experiences something where she's on the back foot, she approaches

it in a front-foot way, just very boldly saying, This is going to be rubbish, let's do it.

And it's so confident, she's not bothered that it's bad, she just goes for it.

Yeah, but much like me,

dear Ed, sometimes we're wearing uh

masks.

We are overcompensating for our terror of this crazy situation by acting overconfident.

And yeah, sometimes it's disguising the fear that's in our hearts.

Is that the most profound thing you've ever heard on the podcast?

It was pretty good.

This is why you're the best guest.

Yeah.

We have a laugh, we get anecdotes, and then a little bit of psychology.

Yeah.

It's fascinating.

The comedians who, like you know i would say um

the number of comedians who are completely different when they're not on stage or with a microphone it's really and it always shocks you especially now Ursula at least like can really put on a show in public like especially now when you meet do you ever meet like a YouTube comedian or a TikTok comedian like we're the funniest person and then in real life they like can't function because they're only used to being in their room with just them in the camera it's it's yeah interesting to see and I'd say Ursula she's amazing she has so much talent but I think she probably um gets a bit of anxiety from time to time and I know that I would be shitting my pants if I was doing this and I I think she might have been as well vis-a-vis the references in the song.

Yes

It was one point for Ursula because

They do try and

Jeremy does try and give Matt the lowest score and Ursula says no mine was so bad.

I think Matt should get the two points and I'll get the one point.

It's very very gracious of her

But I don't think Matt, personally, I don't think Matt should get any points because he used one of the forbidden words.

But he ends up getting two points.

David gets three points.

Guy gets four points.

Laura gets five points.

I do think that Guy should have got five as well.

Yeah.

Because that is like a legendary, that's a legendary moment in Taskmaster New Zealand history, right?

The festive fox.

It does raise the obvious question, though, like,

what are you judging?

Like, are you judging the comedic value or are you judging the ability to follow the task or the execution?

Because I think Laura had the best overall execution, but this guy definitely stole the show comedically.

Well, it's most festive song wins, so

I guess you can see that Laura's is potentially more festive.

This one goes out to all the lovers

spending time together in the festive season.

listen up.

It's a bright summer's day.

Cause this time in New Zealand, the skies are not grey.

You're broken up beside me, and you're not in your sleigh.

But before you leave this evening, I just wanna say, hey, yeah,

I wanna lemonade this calendar day.

Leminate it and you take it away.

Maybe it's freeze time from the laminating and you stay.

I wanna lemonate this calendar day.

Merry, Merry Jesus' birthday.

He blessed us with laminators and clay.

If Jesus was here, we'd have a freeway.

And I faminate the calendar day.

Let's talk about task three.

Shoot a chocolate fish into the fish bowl.

You must say the name of a different animal with each shot.

Your first successful shot is your animal.

Most powerful animal wins.

I love this task.

It's so simple.

It's the sort of thing you could play at home, but it's so offbeat as well.

I do want to know about chocolate fish.

Is this a recognizable New Zealand confectionery that everyone knows and loves?

Yeah, it is.

I was shocked.

I just assumed it was a worldwide thing.

It's really funny how that works.

And it's kind of sad how the world is becoming smaller like that.

Like, you know, each country used to have its individual thing, but now, you know, we used to go to America and it would be exciting to buy Skittles because you could not get that in New Zealand.

Whereas now you can buy Skittles in a convenience store everywhere from Antarctica to

Azerbaijan, you know?

And so it's it's like, it's sad that you guys know about that now because, like, when people come to New Zealand, we give them two types of confectionery.

Traditionally, it's been a chocolate fish, but they weren't kind of owned by a company.

So it's replaced with a similar item.

The pineapple lump is the other one that New Zealand goes crazy for.

They're both the same thing, basically.

It's just a marshmallow.

A chocolate fish is a raspberry marshmallow coated in chocolate.

And a pineapple lump, obviously, is a pineapple.

Pineapple lumps also are hard and chewy, whereas a chocolate fish is is soft very much like a do you have like a chocolate marshmallow santa in the uk similar to that

no i mean what we're not we're not big on marshmallow here i don't think really it's i thought we're in the in the uk i definitely had a product that we've copied in new zealand it was individually wrapped half semicircles with really soft marshmallow it's like a a very soft marshmallow covered in chocolate and it was it was definitely they were called like um tunnel's tea cake it's well that they are they are very specifically Scottish I would say oh

they are extremely Scottish

can I apologise to the people of Scotland then I should not have assumed that was uh that was British that's very offensive oh wait is Scott and part of Britain off oh no

I've gone off oh it depends who you speak to oh I'm so sorry I feel like you should still make that uh that distinction because uh most Scottish people I know would prefer to be known as Scottish than British and for good reason.

Don't fight me.

I'm so sorry.

The Tutnix tea cake is a wonderful thing and you're correct.

That's where the majority of the UK's marshmallow ends up, I think.

So this is just chuck it in and the game is you have to make sure that you're going to get it in if you're saying a powerful animal, right?

Which is why I remember seeing this for the first time and I laughed for so long when Matt just throws one and says, otter, for some reason and it goes straight in is so so funny I've got no why would you even risk saying otter

yeah I think it's yeah it's it's it's another great this episode is just you picked a good one here um it's a great moment he he explains his logic that he was and I it all made sense to me that he was like doing some burners because it's like Yeah, if you're taking 50 shots at this, it's like naming 50 animals isn't that easy.

That's why you get people like saying panda and then saying 12 different types of panda.

There's like a golden panda and a red panda and a Chinese panda or whatever.

And it's just like he was, he was, he was doing, he was testing his length and he said a small animal as a, as a gag just to test it out.

And yeah, it backfired badly.

You love to see it.

Yeah, it was, it was amazing.

But I would say, don't bother

doing something like an otter.

Just go for a mid-powerful animal, right?

You know, you've got your big hitters.

You know, a guy was very insistent on he wanted to do blue whale.

There was, you know, a lot of animals knocking around.

There's loads of powerful animals.

But I guess you panic in those moments, especially in that lab room.

I found that very disconcerting in there.

Yeah, the lab room in general is

a haunting room because it has the plastic sheets.

Do you do that?

Is there a plastic sheet room in the British one as well?

Oh, there is.

It's disturbing because it's like,

it reminds me of America.

Does he put up sheets in American Psycho?

Yeah, Yeah, I think so, yeah.

It's sort of very, it's very sore as well, I think.

It's just like, yeah, it's pretty.

And Dexter as well.

It really reminds me of Dexter.

Guy gets Jaguar in the end, which is pretty strong.

You've got to admit.

Jaguar is very, very good.

David just...

obviously goes mad.

He's chucking loads at the same time,

trying to get it right.

And eventually he's naming frogs.

He's naming so many different animals where you think, why are you even saying these?

Especially when you're throwing handfuls, because you're guaranteed to get one in.

And it ends up with red-eyed tree frog.

And it becomes pretty evident that he's forgotten the point of the task.

He thinks the task is just to say an animal and get one in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's intense.

He's focused.

And he's not good at...

The double skill is what tricks people here, eh?

Doing one thing and doing it.

Like, you've got to, you focus on making the distance and you forget about the second part of the task.

I mentioned we should credit the writers more.

Maybe credit the editors as well.

Have you ever interviewed an editor on the podcast?

I think that'd be really interesting.

No, we've not, but they tend to prefer to sit in dark rooms looking at screens.

No, they don't.

The ones I know, the New Zealand ones,

they would kill for a bit of a moment in the sight.

Because sometimes there's actually not much there and they make it amazing.

This one had a few amazing moments.

So this one was, this one, anyone could edit this one.

But I was going to say, my point was going to be is that like it doesn't really show in the edit how

like there's a chance that, like, you know, David had done 300 and he was down to pretty, you know, he'd named every.

And also, also, I think the comedians didn't do a good enough job of

arguing for the power of their animal.

Like, it's like, or does he do that in the studio?

Like, David does.

He brings in loads of facts.

He's got them all printed out,

the powerful facts about the red-eyed tree frog.

I would say that he, one of his facts is that red-eyed tree frog is not venomous, which does not suggest it's powerful to me.

But the job

its own height is great.

Yeah.

Body weight to

power, I would say the red-eyed tree frog is probably like per

kilo of body weight, it'd be strong.

But

yeah, I thought there was, I thought you could debate, you could, especially with Jeremy.

Yeah,

you could turn Jeremy around, I reckon.

You could debate what power means as well, right?

So Laura and

Power.

I'm sure you could debate that it's a powerful emotional animal or it means a lot to people.

You know, power doesn't just have to be strength.

Yeah, absolutely.

Like Red Panda could be sacred in Bhutan for all we know.

And, you know, like, people follow the panda wherever it goes.

Like, in New Zealand, the kiwi, the kiwi is a powerful animal, even though it's physically very weak.

Ursula

gets pit bull, which is incredible.

She gets pulled to look up animals alphabetically.

Again, classic Ursula move, but eventually ends up with with American pit bull is what she lands on and that is I think she's lucky to get it on that because some of the animals aren't powerful that she's she's trying with but pit bull pit bull v jaguar who who who have you got your money on guy

oh like this is a tv show i've already been pitching for many years so i'm glad you asked unfortunately that pesky spca is getting in the way but um it was a uh it was an easy win for the jaguar for me i i i think if david had argued his case a bit more more coherently he might have been an argue for the power of the tree frog.

But like, yeah, the Jaguar is pretty much a no-brainer.

Yes.

And Guy gets the five points.

Urgela gets the four points.

David's frog gets three points.

Matt on two points

with Otter amazingly.

And one point for Laura's Red Panda.

Jeremy seems to have a personal...

a personal hatred for the red panda, so that's very unlucky.

But what about the power of the otter?

Like, he didn't even bring up like the otter.

I would say at the zoo, the otter would be the most powerful by a mile.

Like, the otter is a superstar of, yeah, of a New Zealand.

Well, at New Zealand, we've got some pretty povo zoos.

So I was like,

you know, like, it's just a sheep next to a dolphin next to a, you know, a cow.

But, like, the otter, I would say, in New Zealand, is, like, one of the top attractions at the zoo.

And I'm like, there's the power of the otter in terms of...

like financial power of pulling people in the gate, but also like the otters really, they're so active.

They're like the opposite.

If you've been to a zoo, the lion just lies there like it's dead, right?

But the otters are always moving around.

So it's like people love the otters.

It brings kids to tears of joy.

It brings kids to tears of, you know, it brings up emotions.

I'd say the otter, if he was more talented, if it was me in there,

I would have probably been able to get a win with the otter.

But Matt Heath, he just doesn't have that level of talent, you know?

I suspect, guy, what would have happened if that was you is you would have done a 15-minute monologue about the otter and then it would have all been edited out.

Yeah.

yeah, it's sad, but very, very angry.

Yes.

It would have been edited out by someone who would later score a goal against you in a comedian.

And the comedian editors, why wasn't Guy Montgomery playing?

Blue whale.

Liger.

Liger.

Otter.

Why did you say Otter?

I should have said Otter.

I was just throwing one away with a practice shot.

Otter.

The live task.

Carry a briefcase of either nothing or onions across the stage, then place it on the mat.

The taskmaster will then attempt to guess what you are carrying, nothing or onions.

If he guesses correctly, you are eliminated.

If you deceive him, you qualify for another round.

Most deception wins.

Now, this is a task, one of many tasks actually, that begun its life in New Zealand and has been adapted and homaged in the UK series.

We did a similar thing for this for Champion of Champions when I did Champion of Champions.

You got to bring that up every podcast, don't you?

When's the loser of losers one going to be?

Oh, get me in there.

Well, then I should be on it because I lost Champion of Champions.

It was Bricks versus Balloons is what it was.

It's really fun to watch how everyone decides to act,

whether they've got something in their briefcase or not.

And yeah, just different interpretations all around.

Particularly enjoyed Matt just running out top speed and slamming it on the ground both times.

Yeah, he,

oh, yeah,

it was all good.

Koryos had a very, speaking of British comedy influence, he was Mr.

Bean-esque when he did the old,

you know, like about to place it and then roll flop over on his side.

It was like Mr.

Bean at the top of the diving board.

It was, yeah.

You can see this episode is a homage to the greats of British comedy.

I can't believe we're in a situation where Mr.

Bean is considered one of the greats of British comedy.

You know, we've a fertile

ranch here.

No, you don't.

You've got Mr.

Bean and nothing.

You don't understand.

Well, what you guys, you mentioned earlier, you're not really plugged into what's going on, guy.

Yeah, and Taskmaster,

Taskmaster.

Yeah, Taskmaster.

Yeah, yeah.

Loads of other stuff.

You haven't been to the back.

you haven't been to the back alleys of like Thai Thailand streets

where you just bump into like the Mr.

Bean cafe and stuff like that.

You know, have you ever experienced that overseas?

No, but I am aware of the global sensation that is Mr.

Bean.

No, but yeah, because it's like it transcends languages.

So like in New Zealand, my ex-girlfriend was Iranian and she, her dad's favourite comedy is Mr.

Bean because, you know, like in Iran, that's something you could watch

without barriers.

And it's like, it is amazing the value of mr bean um also

uh the value of british exports there was a time when um britain controlled 40 of the globe and what do you have to show for it nothing

four good soccer

yeah mr bean four good sock soccer teams spice girls sugar babes

That's it, really.

Buckingham Palace sucks.

Like, you should have, if you control, if you're going to control 40% of the world, build a better palace than that.

Disneyland has better palaces than Buckingham Palace.

It looks terrible.

I don't know if you think you're somehow upsetting me by slagging off Buckingham Palace.

It's not particularly close to my heart.

Yeah, it is.

I'm saying that when you go to Britain, you're like, wow, this is at one point.

You know, when you go to Rome, you're like, yeah, hell yeah, these guys ruled the world.

This is Rome.

Yeah.

It's amazing.

You go to London, you're like, at no stage were these people in charge of anything whatsoever.

And it's crazy when you find out that they had 40%

of the world was under, it's the greatest empire in world history, and that's what you've done with it.

Disappointing.

Although,

I do love cats.

So add that to the list.

The classical cats.

Yes.

Yeah, at the West End.

That's where you've got to see it.

Check that out.

I'm not mentally well.

What about New Zealand?

So what's New Zealand offering?

New Zealand is the greatest comedy country in the world.

Rose Matafeo, Ursula Carlson, Fly to the Concords, Rhys Derby, Taika Waititi, Guy Montgomery,

I'm gonna,

I'm running out of, I'm running out of options here.

Per capita, we're pretty good.

Um, Sports, we're the most dominant rugby team of all time.

Lord, have you ever heard of her?

New Zealand, New Zealand, uh, yeah, New Zealand, I'll admit, has not produced a lot, but we did, uh, we did split the atoms, so that's something

i'd say also uh and i'm gonna back you here new zealand's cultural sporting and everything else offerings far outweigh the amount of people there

yeah we always we always say that um as a bit of a joke per capita we're number one

like we actually this is so humiliating during the olympics which we do quite well at because we compete in really bizarre sports like we're always doing rowing or like underwater table tennis you know like we target the sports that proper countries don't bother with.

Um, rowing is like ridiculous, or like one-knee.

Have you ever seen like one-knee kayaking or whatever?

Ridiculous, you know, break dancing, get us in that, you know.

But um, we actually do in our newspapers and stuff, they literally do a medal table, and then they do a medal table per capita, and we're normally like number one or two until like um, some tight until Brunei wins a medal in table tennis, and then we're like, ah, we've been bloody Brunei.

It's not a joke, that's what we do.

That's that's our country, we are kind of a joke of a country.

I love New Zealand, and I can't wait to return there.

Good save.

Oh, we need coming.

We're near coming.

I had to move my tour, so probably not talk about that at the moment.

But I also moved the Australian part, so it's not specifically a problem with New Zealand.

Sphere.

Guy gets one point for naught deceptions.

Laura, one point for no deceptions.

Matt gets three points for one.

Urzula gets three points for one.

And David wins with five points, two deceptions, meaning that this episode is won by Guy Montgomery with 16 points, closely followed by both Ursula and Matt with 15 points.

Laura close behind on 14, and a very close episode.

David comes bottom, but with 13 points, meaning that Laura is still just out in front of this series, close running with David and Guy, and then heading towards the bottom of the table, a little bit further away, Matt and Ursula.

Guy Williams, thank you so much for coming back on the Taskmaster podcast.

You've been a fantastic guest, as always, the best guest we've ever had.

Thank you.

Ed, can I say you're too nice a guy?

See, my comedy normally works best when the other person is mean to me because I'm obviously an asshole.

But you're so nice that, like, again, this is why

my struggling comedy career is your fault.

If you were, if you treated me more like an asshole.

Anyway,

thank you for having me on.

It's always a privilege.

Is that not the meanest thing I can do by

whipping the rug out of me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Legal.

Not

Not reacting in the way that you want me to react, hence crippling your comedy.

And could I just briefly mention that I'm on tour in Australia at guywilliams.co.nz.

If anyone from Australia who knows Taskmaster wants to come along, I wouldn't really recommend it, but I am desperate, so my manager would appreciate it if I said, come along, see me in Australia.

Go along and see Guy in Australia if indeed you are in Australia.

And if you're not, travel there to see him.

We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points, Guy.

We hope you've had a good time, but please go ahead.

I honestly,

I always love it.

Thank you so much.

Five points as always.

Thanks to Daisy as well for producing.

I love you guys.

Cheers.

Thank you so much, Guy.

Thanks, Ed.

Thank you so much to Guy.

A lot of hot takes there.

If you want more of those hot takes, go and see Guy on tour in Australia if you are indeed in Australia.

Thanks so much to Guy for coming on the podcast.

We'll be back next week to discuss episode five of Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2.

But for now, I've been Ed Gamble.

Goodbye.