Sanjeev Bhaskar - Series 20 Ep.4

Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast.

Last week we talked about episode 3 of series of 20 of Taskmaster.

It's Ed Gamble, by the way.

And of course, this week, we're keeping it linear.

We're talking about episode 4 of Series 20 of Taskmaster, and we are delighted to be joined by the brilliant Sanjeev Bhaskar, Obviously a contestant on Taskmaster Series 20, a brilliant contestant.

He is so funny on this show and just funny generally.

Another total legend,

another childhood hero of mine.

So was delighted to have him on the podcast.

And you might have seen a video of something we did after we recorded the Taskmaster podcast.

We come up with that idea

during the record.

It's very, very funny.

And then hopefully go on Sanjeev's Instagram and you can see what we got up to.

But for now, this is Taskmaster Series 20, 20, episode 4, as discussed by Sanjeev Baskar.

Welcome, Sanjeev, to the Taskmaster podcast.

Thank you very much, Ed.

Thank you.

It's exciting to be here.

It's exciting to be here.

Well,

I'm here.

Yes, good.

It's good to not invest anything emotionally.

Well, I have no idea where this is going to go, so you don't want to start too high.

Because sometimes this brings back...

good memories for people, sometimes bad memories, sometimes sort of PTSD stuff.

Yes, All of those sound very familiar terms to me, yeah, in this particular situation.

Yeah, I'm excited to talk to you about this series and about this episode in particular.

You were telling me before we started.

Sorry, are you excited?

Because, again, I don't want you to

invest it too early.

I am excited, and I know where this is going to go.

I'm going to reduce you to a quivering wreck by this.

Excellent.

Brilliant.

As you can see, it's quite an intense situation being sat opposite someone in this caravan.

Yes, it is.

I mean, that brings back memories anyway, but also sitting opposite someone who's kind of coined a syndrome for the show, that is kind of quite

awe-inspiring.

Thank you.

You were telling me you've listened to an episode of the podcast.

You listened to our first episode of this series with Jason Manzoukas.

Yes.

And it brought up certain feelings in you.

Yes, lovely Jason.

Jason, I mean, he's just got kind of...

such wonderful energy.

If you could clone Jason

enough times, I think you could power the national grid with it yeah it would be great that would solve all our energy problems but yeah it was uh i found myself getting i mean kind of uh uh nostalgic uh for that show as well as quite defensive actually of your of how we talked about your efforts in the first episode yeah but some of some of the the uh observations of my efforts on that first episode this is well this is your chance to address these things you can get it all out in the open thank you my lord uh

well it the the yeah, we're sit currently sitting in the cowavan, yes, having this conversation.

So, looking out the windows, I can see the areas in which uh other people, particularly, ran in the QR code

first task, yeah.

First task, uh, I can see where Maisie destroyed the gargoyle, and uh, obviously, lots of places where Phil wandered around honking an alternate horn.

Yes, um, um, and so you know, I just wanted to address my kind of uh lack of pace, I suppose, that was commented upon.

I had a bad back at the time, and I'd been to a chiropractor.

Oh, sorry.

The ducks always squawk when someone's lying.

It's either that or someone's doing another task.

And so,

yeah, I'd been to a chiropractor, and so the bad back limited the amount of...

I mean, having said that, I mean, you know, had my back been fine, I'm not sure I would have moved any quicker, actually.

So that was on that one.

And there is a part of me that's tempted to now looking at this area of running is to run afterwards.

Yeah.

And film it.

Well, I think we should do that.

Yeah, okay, just so I can prove

that I can move quicker than I did

on that first area.

Well, after we finish talking about the episode, we will get you out there.

Yeah.

And your back's better now.

It's good enough to run.

And we'll film it and we'll see what sort of pace.

Would you you like to chase me?

Yes.

Okay, fantastic.

Because

you're quite tall, so you and Alex about the same.

He's actually, you know, against how he's described as little Alex Horn, he's actually slightly taller than me.

I think he's got two inches on me, maybe.

Has he?

Yeah, he's 6'3, Alex.

Oh, gosh, okay.

Yeah, he's a big man, but tiny personality.

And the other thing I just want to address quickly, please, was my prize task.

Yes.

Which was the electric wearable blanket.

Okay, so

a comment that was made uh between yourself and jason was uh questioning whether taller people feel the cold

first or more than anyone else all i can say is have you ever seen

pictures of the alps or the himalayas yeah the tops are covered with snow but they're not people

no but they're tall they're kind of like anything that's tall if it's not if rain or snow is falling right it's going to hit the top of a tree before it's going to hit the bottom of the, you know, the bottom of the trunks, right?

Are we comparing Greg to the Alps?

I mean, it's not.

Yes, we are.

Yeah.

Not specifically the Alps.

It could be any other mountain range that is covered with snow-top peaks.

So that's no, that's good.

I understand now.

So you're saying Greg is so tall, he gets all the snow first.

Yes, and the other comment, which was a good observation, which I think you made, which was that

that

really wouldn't have necessarily covered even

his

private areas.

The one that I ordered was extra long

and it hadn't arrived in time.

Right.

So that's what I was left with

was the shorty, you know, 1960s air stewardess

wearable blanket.

Which, now you've said it like that, I think is a fantastic look for Greg.

I really do.

Excellent defences already not a lot of people go into full defences from previous episodes straight away but I respect it very much

Had you seen a lot of Taskmaster before you agreed to do the show?

I realized after having done it, I hadn't seen enough.

So I don't think I saw an entire series.

So I'd seen episodes here and there.

And so I think more than the others, I was coming into this more blind than anybody else.

But I think that's good sometimes.

It's good to have people in the lineup who are students of the show, but I think you do need people who are a little bit less aware of what's going to happen.

Yeah, I think so.

I think that you're trying to look at it objectively from the outside is that you want,

ideally, you want five different personalities.

And so in that sense, yeah, having somebody, having

the old naive person is is a good counterpoint to those people who really know the show well and i think that one of the things that i i would do differently um

is that i would probably approach it in a more abstract way i think that i i approached a lot of it kind of head-on and foolishly with logic

But the logic sometimes doesn't, I mean, we're going to talk about the episode.

It doesn't quite click in sometimes.

It's too much logic, would you say?

I think in my case, I think there was too much logic.

Yeah, I mean, it worked occasionally.

You're not dealing with a logical thing a lot of the time.

You're dealing with Alex Horne's brain, which is not logical.

Utterly illogical.

It's the most utterly illogical thing I've ever done by a long way.

We're going to talk about this.

Apart from this girl I dated once.

But that's a different.

That's a different podcast.

It is a different podcast.

That's a different podcast entirely.

Did you know any of the contestants beforehand?

Had you worked with any of them or were you aware of their work?

Only Rhys.

So Rhys,

I've never worked with Rhys, but I obviously knew his staff.

And funnily enough, we started out at roughly the same time.

Oh, really?

And so

the League of Gentlemen,

the series came out around the same time as Goodness Gracious Me, which was a sketch show that I did.

And so,

you know, I'd run into him over years.

And I'm a huge fan as well.

I loved League of Gentlemen and loved Inside Number Nine.

Those were, I mean, hugely nostalgic days for me.

Those amazing runs on like, I can't remember what night it was on BBC two yeah where it would just be like starts at 8 30 or 9 and then you're through till like 11 just like brilliant shows all in a row glory days yeah amazing and i'm standing there glory days and i was just watching yeah

uh um the others i didn't i didn't know um i didn't know of them didn't know they existed actually but i have to say i think probably

within an episode

um I became I became a fan of all of them.

Yeah.

And then by the end of the series, I loved all of them and do love all of them.

Is there a WhatsApp group?

There is a WhatsApp group, yeah.

Is it a busy WhatsApp group?

Do you know what?

Surprisingly busy.

Yeah, yeah.

There's a lot of chatter on it, which is kind of great, which is lovely.

Let's talk about the prize task in this episode, which is

the present that would most make you say, oh, that's just the most gorgeous gift ever if you received it on your birthday.

Yep.

So let's talk about your

effort.

That's utterly logical.

Yes, a tea towel that says, read aloud, happy birthday to me.

Oh, that's just the most gorgeous gift ever.

I mean, if that doesn't fulfill every element of that task, I don't know.

I mean, it didn't,

obviously.

But I think even now you kind of repeating it back to me, I think, yeah, that works.

It's also, it's practical.

It's practical, it works.

Who doesn't need an extra tea towel?

Well, who says it's an extra one?

I mean, it could be be the only tea towel that you have or need.

And every time you look at it, you kind of go, this is the most beautiful thing ever.

Greg didn't fall for it, though, did he?

Because he refused to read it out loud.

At no point did he actually read it out loud.

I think he just said it was clever and moved on.

Yeah, I mean, it's, I mean,

I don't know how that's not

playing the game.

Yeah.

Because

the task said when read out loud.

And so I think it was incumbent of him to read it out loud.

So actually, I think he should be docked some points.

He's on minus points now as the taskmaster.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

When we did Champion of Champions,

I think the prize task for us was

the thing that most makes you say, wow, that's the most amazing thing, or something like that.

Oh, okay.

And Kerry Godleman wrote a script for us to perform in the studio where we basically all had to say that.

And I think Greg had that in the back of his mind and he wasn't going to fall for it again.

Well, I mean, all that story just tells me is favoritism.

Yep.

And, you know,

dual policing.

Yeah.

But, you know, you got three points for this, Sanjeev, which this is a very strong episode for you overall.

Yeah, yes.

Ultimately, it wasn't too bad for me, actually.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which is good.

I'm glad we've got you in on one of those.

Thank goodness.

Yeah.

Because last week we interviewed Reese.

about episode three, which was an absolutely horrendous episode for him.

So

let's talk about about what everyone else brought in.

Let's talk about Rhys.

Reese restored a doll's house, or if anything, did the opposite of restoring a doll's house, turned it into a haunted house, which he spent two weeks doing.

This is an incredible thing, isn't it?

I mean, it was absolutely extraordinary.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I would have voted for that.

I mean, it was

not just.

I mean, again, it's debatable whether it would make you say out loud

what the task required you to say,

but it was kind of extraordinary and it looked

it looked amazing.

It's not the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, it isn't.

I mean, it's kind of like you know,

there are scenes in nature that I mean, you know, dolphins, dolphins in the wild,

I mean, that makes you say it out loud, but even if you just in your head, you know, if you compare that against dolphins in the wild,

there's no comparison.

But I have to say,

his kind of craftsmanship on it, actually,

I thought was extraordinary.

It's, I think, one of the only prizes on Taskmaster, in Taskmaster history, that I want.

Yes, I am.

I want that to come home.

Yeah, same here.

And he put lights in it.

It lit up.

Yeah.

You could look at it at night.

It's incredible.

But I love that even that showed that bubbling anger in Rhys when Greg suggested it took him a day.

And you go, Dad, two weeks.

It's just so angry straight away.

You can just see it

fizzing away, which is the amazing thing with Rhys because he put so much of that into his work.

Like his characters often have that.

Yeah, yeah.

That sort of feeling to them.

And it is real.

It's real anger.

Yeah, I mean, I'm now imagining what he was like to live with for those two weeks.

If he was that angry at someone just saying it took a day.

I mean, flipping it.

His family.

It's an incredible thing and really deserve the five points, I think.

Phil was up next with a picture that he took with the mayor of Preston outside of Preston bus station.

Allegedly the largest bus station in Europe, he said.

But also wearing a Preston North End shirt as well.

Many layers of Preston.

It was a lot of Preston.

Yeah, a lot of Preston going on.

I don't know how this got four points.

No, neither do I.

Neither do I.

I didn't on the day.

I didn't when I watched it back.

Now we're talking about it.

I still don't.

It's kind of, it, I mean,

I, you know, Greg said that he strangely liked it.

But beautiful.

Yeah.

Are you, oh, really?

It's not beautiful.

It's just something Phil did, and he thought, I'll bring it in for this one.

Yeah.

But that's Phil.

Yeah.

You know, it's kind of left field Phil.

Yeah, it's Phil's world, exactly.

But Phil is also such a lovely man and so delighted and excited to be there.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm very happy for him.

He got four points, but it absolutely didn't deserve it.

I'm glad you're happy for him.

I mean,

you didn't have any skin in the game.

No, it's very true.

Yeah, very true.

But I thought, you know, yours was logical.

It worked.

You know, if you're looking at the four points, I think yours should have been in with a shout for the four points there.

Yeah, well, we can discuss the other two, I guess.

Yeah, so we had Maisie bringing in a ball on the end of a string.

She'd done a lot of research into Greg's teaching career, and apparently that's what he used to do with his drama students at one school, was just make them jump over that and duck under it.

Just bring it around.

Yeah.

You know, much like,

you know, what did they have in medieval times?

It was that, you know, ball with spikes on the end of a mace.

Was it a mace?

Yeah.

Yeah, that.

It was a mace, basically.

Yeah, tennis.

Tennis ball mace.

Tennis ball mace.

I mean, it doesn't surprise me that that's one of Greg's teaching techniques that he famously says himself.

He didn't put a huge amount of effort in sometimes.

And it does take him by surprise when Maisie brings it up and shows the screenshot of the conversation online.

Now, having said that, you know, you having said that, you know, Greg saying that, you know, he never put much effort into, you know, his teaching, you'd think he'd be more empathetic towards those contestants that don't

but you know again suit please yeah

but yeah I thought the ball and trick I mean I really admired her research yes that was fantastic yeah but again thing of beauty no not a thing of beauty that again feels like she's found that out sorted a prize out and then has shoehorned it in yeah to this category because I think you're right no one's saying that's the most gorgeous gift ever especially not Greg who gave it two points I think you're playing with fire sometimes if you make them specifically about Greg and they're sort of semi-insulting.

I think if he's in the wrong mood, it's not going to work.

Anya brought in a book of all the gossip she's heard in her life.

It was called Allegedly.

This is real.

Anya loves gossip so much.

Yes.

It's almost an illness, I'd say.

I've been on tour with her.

And

yeah, she supported me on tour for quite a long time.

And yeah, she gets in the car and goes, have you heard any gossip?

Have you got any gossip?

Right.

So, well, the book is a good reflection.

Yes.

I thought it was quite good, actually.

Yeah.

I thought,

because I thought, you know, the size of the book was really quite impressive.

Yeah, it was a nice cover on the book.

I thought that was beautiful.

Yeah.

I think,

wasn't there a question in the book which

questioned the Magna Carta?

Yeah, you picked up on this, actually.

It's on the first page.

Yeah.

And it says,

I'm not quite sure what the Magna Carta is.

And you did correctly question that as if that's is that gossip is that gossip I mean it's kind of that's just a lack of knowledge isn't it I mean which kind of undermines the the kind of you know the the genre and nature of the book I think a little bit yeah but I guess they couldn't show too much more of the book because I'd imagine it's hugely libeless what's inside the book yes exactly that's also true I mean if that had got more points of me I wouldn't have grumbled at all.

Yeah.

It got one point.

Maisie got two points.

You got the three points, Sanjeev.

Four points for Phil's Preston photo, somehow, and a well-deserved five points for Rhys's haunted house.

I think that perfectly encapsulates life.

You know, it's full of kind of things that are just and unjust.

Yeah.

Well, that's that's Taskmaster, isn't it?

There's also that.

Yeah.

Phil, it's a picture of Phil with a mayor.

There we are.

That's not just any mayor.

No.

That's the mayor of Preston.

Oh, the big one.

Speaking of big ones, what's that behind him?

Well, it's the biggest bus station in Europe.

That's the Preston bus.

And I'm wearing a Preston North End shirt holding a Preston Guild plate.

Is it a plate?

Yeah.

And I had to find a way to meet the mayor, and it's a lot easier than you think.

Very good.

Task one, what number has Alex written down?

You may ask no more than 20 questions.

Alex may only say yes or no, And you must be increasingly surprised by every answer.

Your time starts now and ends when you say the correct number or ask your 20th question.

And of course, the number turned out to be Alex's birthday.

Yeah.

Which I don't think you ever established because you just did some clue hunting within the room and found it on the sort of tracing of it on the clipboard.

Yeah, that's right.

I didn't know it was his birthday.

You know, I didn't,

until I saw the show back, I didn't even realize it was a date.

Yes.

I just thought it was just a big number

and random.

So it was only when I think it was Anya managed to find out that it was his birthday that I went, oh, oh, it's his birthday.

But that's great that you found, I'd imagine they were delighted that someone found that clue.

Because no one else found it.

And just by...

I think you seem quite annoyed during this to ask, Sanji, if

the phone was ringing and you weren't happy about the phone ringing, you were like, well, that's pointless.

Why is there a phone ringing?

Well, also, also, yeah, it will also, it was the misdirection of the phone, which is just annoying me, and that is designed to annoy you, I think.

Um, but yeah, I'm kind of glad that I got to the number.

Uh, I think, I think it was when I'd established it, it was written down in the room, but I thought, okay, but then I just have to go and find it.

Yeah, yeah.

Um,

I mean, you know, Anya's huge stroke of luck, combined with her kind of, you know, uh,

um,

endeavour and industry,

I think.

No, that was just jammy, wasn't it?

I mean, you know, the fact that Alex's wife called exactly as she had the phone.

Slash mum.

Slash mum.

Very, very funny moment where Alex says, oh, she's not, that's not my mum, that's my wife.

But I don't call her mum, but my kids do.

And then you're saying, I don't know what,

I don't know what...

I don't want to know what goes on in that relationship.

Exactly.

It's very, very funny.

I think that was the biggest revelation of that task.

Yeah.

I think it was bigger than anybody else's.

I mean, I don't have kids myself, but if I did, I don't think I'd change my wife's phone number to mum

in my phone.

No, my wife's name is not mum in the phone.

That's what I mean.

That's why I think

it revealed much more about Alex, actually.

Yeah, I think so.

Than I think some entire series have.

And so, yeah, and that became a great kind of

running gag that

Greg referenced as well, of course.

Yeah, nor would I, I mean, I've not changed my wife's name on my phone to wife.

I wouldn't change her contact details based on her social role.

I think you only do that, I mean, you do that with your parents, maybe.

Yeah.

So that, you know, you might have mum or dad or something.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't think even with your siblings, would you put brother?

I wouldn't, no.

So outside of grandparents, so you might have

my great granny or grandma or

then your parents.

Yeah.

Other than that,

it's a title which, you know, then belongs to things like sergeant or corporal or, you know, that kind of doctor or something like that.

So, yeah, mum is a title in your phone for your wife.

But even then, if I knew a sergeant or a corporal, I'd probably just pop their names in my phone rather than just sergeant and corporal.

depends how well you know them yeah that's true

when you first got to know them you'd probably put in sergeant dobbins or whatever and then after a couple of years you might put jeff or whatever good old jeff dobbins the sergeant sergeant jeff dog is he still sergeant

well you know you never lose it do you no well well you can go up yeah you can go up but if you retire as a sergeant you stay a sergeant i think you stay it's like president isn't it you still get called mr sergeant

i'm uh saying things with authority that i have no idea about sanjee but i don't know if you picked up on that.

No, Anya did very well.

She also, she's one of the only people to reference the badge, the happy birthday badge that he's wearing.

So it's obviously

in the back of her mind.

And did you notice the badge when you came in?

Didn't notice it.

Didn't notice it at all.

Because

I often obviously watch this and go, I would have done that way better.

But I'm thinking I would have noticed the badge straight away.

I would have known what was going on immediately.

But I'm not sure I would have noticed the badge because sometimes Alex just does weird stuff that has nothing to do with the task.

It is interesting kind of watching, not just this series, but you know, watching other episodes from previous series since doing it, you do absolutely go to that spot yourself

and start looking around the room for clues and sort of looking at what Alex is wearing or whatever or thinking about how you would do it and stuff.

And that's kind of one of the fun things

about watching those episodes.

Also, I have to say, you know, despite my kind of seemingly lackadaisical efforts in this series, it's I do slightly envy even people who've done it before me.

I kind of go, actually, that is really good fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It is, I mean, do you do it?

Have you done an escape room or anything like that in the past, Senjeev?

Not as fun.

Yeah, but you should.

For real, yeah.

Like looking for, you were very good at finding that clue.

I think you'd be an asset in an escape room at all.

I gotta take that.

Who wouldn't be an asset in an escape room is Phil Reese and Maisie, who do this very, very badly at one point I don't know how Maisie's brain works like this last week.

We had her saying

ask The girl if her name is in the song Mambo number five

and this week we get is the number above the 64,000 pound question on who wants to be a millionaire?

There's an easier way of asking that question.

Is the number above 64,000?

Do you go with it?

Well, I mean, absolutely, yeah, you kind of old-fashioned radical.

But I thought the contrast between that and what her final guess was three yeah

it's one of my favorite moments in the entire series total chaos maisie is absolute chaos i i knew she'd be like this like just completely all over the place but you know doing doing pretty well in the series so far

but not out of any skill i'd say so far Well, it's a great lesson.

I mean, she's, again, like the others, she's really, really funny.

Yes.

But,

you know, it's a real lesson on how

energy levels alone can drive you through to a degree of success yeah in some of the tasks yeah there's the energy certainly there um

again rees quite annoyed during this yeah didn't answer the phone again he's not not happy with the phone asked so many questions

didn't seem to realize there was a limit on the amount of questions he could ask and eventually i think goes with 10 even though even though he knew it was was over 10.

And in the studio, this is when it really bubbles over, calls Anya her in the studio, which was an amazing moment, I thought.

It's great.

It's kind of, I mean, I wondered actually

from the first episode whether I'd be the grumpy one.

And

it came as...

Did it come as a surprise?

Yes and no, that I wasn't.

Yeah.

You know, I thought I'd be the old grump on this series, but actually it was the slightly younger person who was the grump.

He was a total grump.

No, you're very, you're quite laid back in the studio, I think, and, but very good at, like, letting people have an argument, and then you just come in with the perfect joke to end the argument.

Well, that's very kind of you.

There's a lot of, I guess you've had quite a bit of experience in not a panel show situation necessarily, but doing like the Kumars at number 42, which I guess was quite

a lot of improv.

So you're used to like finding the the gaps and then jumping in with that.

Yeah, I guess so.

And also you have to listen.

But also I think that

across the entire series actually, but certainly across these

first few episodes,

I so enjoyed watching the others and so enjoyed watching

you know, watching Greg and Alex that I sometimes forgot that I was in a competition.

I was kind of one of the audience at that point.

And that's a really

comfortable place to be in.

And it's a fun place to be in because you're then not competing, where as you could tell from the entire series, my level of competition was kind of fairly low.

But particularly in that series, I just really enjoyed listening to the others because they were all just so funny.

Yeah.

I mean, Phil's attempt at this as well.

I think Rhys is...

asking questions by accident or just going for it and trying to find the number.

I think Phil thinks it's funny to waste all his questions.

Yeah, pretty much.

Well, also, Phil's got that kind of, it's very endearing

and

in a couple of tasks, quite annoying

habit of, so in the, I think you referenced the guessing the name.

Yes, the twins.

Yeah, the twins.

And the number of times he came back in and said,

He said, I just went in.

I said, you're right.

And he did that like two or three times.

And I found myself getting really annoyed in that, going, wasting bloody questions, trying to be funny.

And then there was a point at which, and it was a big lesson for me, actually,

a life lesson for me that I learned in that moment.

And there was a point where I, in that task, where I thought, what am I doing?

What am I getting annoyed about?

It's actually that is quite funny.

And I had to sort of recalibrate.

And I thought, I went from going, Phil, you're being really annoying to, Phil, I'm really glad you're here.

Because actually, it's really really levelling.

Well, that's a lovely thing that you managed to do that in the moment.

If I'd been with Phil when he was doing that,

I never would have come to that conclusion.

All know what conclusion you would have come to.

Hence the syndrome.

Phil would not have made it to the studio records.

At one point in this task, he asks a question saying, Is the number under 100?

Alex says no.

And then his next question is, Is it over 100?

Yeah, I love it.

I mean,

there's a point at which

you start to think, is is there a kind of

logic to this madness?

And then very quickly you get to know.

It is just

madness.

I remember someone being described once, which I thought was a great description.

I wish I'd come up with it, but someone being an idiot savant without the savant.

Yeah, perfect description of Phil.

Maisie gets one point because she is furthest away from the number.

Rhys gets two points.

Phil gets three points somehow.

This is a very lucky episode for Phil so far to get four points for the prize and then three points for this guessing way under the number and you Sanjeev get the four points for getting the correct number in nine minutes 43 Anya just pips you to the post with nine minutes 40 with an enormous amount of help yes yeah

I did like the moment when uh when she was on the phone to Alex's wife and asked his birthday and uh Rachel, his wife, said, oh, I always forget that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Once again, much more revealing about Alex and his life

than possibly he would have known.

Is the number you've written down the answer to this?

Yes.

Well, don't we have a conundrum?

Is that a question?

Has your number got a one in it?

Yes.

No!

Is the one in the number, your number, at the beginning of the number?

Yes.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Is the second number

a number between one and ten?

No.

Is a number, second number, a zero.

Yes, but you've only got one question left.

Right, okay.

Is your number.

This is the final question.

Right, yes, of course.

I know.

Is your number ten?

No.

The answer is 8,500.

Okay.

Is your number three?

But that's...

I'm fine with that, honestly.

Three.

Yeah.

No.

No.

Right.

See ya.

See ya.

Have a nice day.

Task two.

So this was the alternate team task, wasn't it?

Yes, this was a team task, but the teams switched around a bit.

We're going to get to another moment where Phil was maybe slightly annoying within a task and he wasn't even in the room.

The task is make a love heart using your body, the body of your teammate, and any other items of your choosing.

You must make up half the heart.

Your teammate will make up the other.

You have 10 minutes to make your half during which

you also have one chance to record a 10-second voice note with instructions for your teammate.

Most affecting heart wins.

Your time starts now.

I think this is really difficult, this task.

You're with Maisie and Phil in this task.

That makes it more difficult.

And that makes it more difficult.

Well, I'd say you and Maisie were on the same page.

If you look at the heart that actually came out,

it was perfect.

It wasn't bad, was it?

But also,

Phil understood it

because when I watched it back, Phil and I both kind of went, well, she must be doing the bottom of the heart here.

Then, and Phil kind of knew he was doing the left side of it.

Then all notion of directions

escaped Phil's being at that point in terms of what left means and the shape of a heart.

Yeah.

I don't understand how you can then go, if you understand what it is, you know what side you're supposed to be on.

I think he then got really carried away finding black things to wear.

Yeah.

Because he came in dressed like a New York cop for no reason.

That's right.

And then faced the opposite direction of where he should have been facing and just sort of curled up.

And then

this is the moment of the whole episode for me.

It's when you haven't heard the voice note yet and you say, well, I hope they've given all the information correctly.

And then, hey, May, and you shut your eyes and you just know it's not going to be good enough.

Well, I know that there's probably six seconds left of information.

So I know that there's not going to be enough.

And it's Phil being kind of, you know, nice and

lovely and lovely and northern at that point.

I can just see you go, all right.

Yeah.

I just, yeah, I don't know how he thought that was a heart shape.

And it's commented on in the studio, but the way you match up with Maisie and the beautiful curve you managed to get.

Thank you very much.

You didn't have a bad back that day.

Well, I was lying down.

Yeah, but even the cake.

kids that was my natural kind of uh comfortable position

walking around and sitting that was painful running out of the question but curving your spine absolutely curving your spine on the floor yeah you did look very happy as well had your eyes shut and then it's when they play the video of it andya gives a compliment phil gives a compliment and then it's just silence from you that was very funny to watch back then yeah because of course phil didn't have time to tell you to give a compliment he'd probably forgotten and he spent four he spent four seconds saying, hey, mate.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anya and Rhys.

This is a beautiful, a beautiful heart.

I think this feels like a task that's right up Anya's street, like very creative.

Yeah, yeah.

She has a chance to put things together.

She's put mum in the middle.

And I thought it just looked amazing, the fact it was pulsing.

Reese seemed very angry.

A bug got in his face.

Get off me.

There's a creature.

There's a creature on me.

One of the phrases of the series.

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, Greg played it about four times at the studio, I think.

But it looked incredible, even though we'd already had the slight disagreement between them in the studio before with the her situation.

And then when you see Reese listening to Anya's voice note, he's going, but play that again.

Yeah.

What is she on about?

Several times.

Yeah, several times.

But I think what came out really, really put whatever

they had.

Yeah, and I just think, I mean, Anya was brilliant at

lateral thinking.

Yeah.

You You know, being abstract about the stuff.

She was really, really good at it.

And, you know, the fact that she used the umbrellas and then had the time, I mean, the mum was extraneous.

That wasn't part of the task.

But she still had time to think about that.

And, you know, she's a fantastic artist.

So, you know, and

when we made notes after each task, so we'd remember them, you know, afterwards to be able to talk about them and refer back to them.

She drew each task, each person's thing.

And they were really lovely.

I mean, they were kind of interesting and

amusing as well, but incredibly informative.

And so, she's very good at being at being able to see pictures and stuff.

Yeah.

And she certainly did with that one.

The use of the umbrellas and the pink and everything was brilliant.

That's so good.

And then I thought a lovely touch from Rhys, just getting the M from

the ATM sign as well.

Yeah, they worked very well together when they weren't in the same room.

There's a lesson to be learned there.

So it was three points for you, Phil, and Maisie, and five points for Anya and Rhys.

Do you think if Phil had

managed to do his half of the heart well you would have got more points?

Yes, and if he'd imparted

all of the information,

I think we would have...

Yeah, because I think shape-wise,

as was shaping up to be pretty good.

Yeah.

But...

But it didn't.

So it wasn't.

Hey, mate.

And that is also the title of this episode.

hey mate?

I'm going to play you some instructions from one of your two teammates.

Okay.

Fingers crossed.

Hey, mate.

Maisie's the point of the heart.

We're the bum to the floor.

V-shape.

I'm the left-hand curve of the heart.

You need to be the right-hand.

Can I hear it?

Yes, please.

Hey, mate.

Maisie's the point of the heart.

So if she was doing a V-shape, she might be doing that

as the bottom of the heart.

He was the left hand, so I'd be the right.

Here,

it's

that.

There you go.

Okay.

You think you obeyed the instructions?

I may.

Yeah, I think I did, but I might have just got...

Lovely work.

Task three, this is great as well.

Win the horse race, you must do one of the following things

eat something without looking at the food spin the wheel at least 720 degrees throw a dart at the dartboard if you eat an olive your horse will advance two steps if you eat a grape your horse will retreat three steps if you throw a dart in an olive your horse will advance five steps if you throw a dart in a grape your horse will retreat eight steps if the wheel lands on an olive your horse will advance ten steps if the wheel lands on a grape your horse will retreat 15 steps Sometimes you've got to wonder what's going on with Alex Horton in his in his brain.

Yeah, there's a a point at which you kind of stop because it's impossible to guess.

And it's like kind of like being blindfolded or actually taken hostage, you know, a whole hood over your head and then pushed into a forest

which

has streams in it and has dips in it and hills and bear traps.

And olives.

And olive groves.

For some reason.

Yeah.

There was a lot of chat about the olives.

I mean, Greg says it in the studio.

He's trying not to be sort of regionally prejudiced.

But the way Maisie and Phil react to olives.

Yeah.

Who said, was it Phil who said I'd never had an olive before?

Yeah.

I mean, you kind of want, I mean, I know that, you know, olives traditionally,

from where we are, are grown, you know, around the Mediterranean.

Yeah.

But you'd think they would have travelled up further than the north of England.

I'm pretty sure you can get olives in Scotland.

You can get olives everywhere, I think.

You can get them in Iceland, I think.

Yeah.

I'm pretty sure.

I mean, I've been to the Shetland Isles, and I'm pretty sure I had some olives there.

So I don't know how that, I don't know how that became a northern thing.

Yeah.

Other than there were two northerners.

Two northerners who

never,

or just, I mean, Maisie just hated them.

Yeah.

There's a really,

I mean, bad shot for Maisie of her spitting into the bin and you're seeing it from above.

Wonderful bit of drool.

Yeah.

But you get your

horse names.

Yes.

Yours is called George Clooney.

It was.

Yeah.

Riding George Clooney's the envy of many, I believe you said.

Annie's is Dr.

Magic.

Phil's is old pip.

Rhys's is Mashy Niblick.

Yeah.

And Maisie, I mean, this sums Maisie up for me.

Spends so long trying to go, what's the one in the shining?

And then Red Room.

It's Red Room.

Murder.

Murder.

Yeah.

This task is a lot of fun, I thought, because it sort of reminded me of the Donkey Derby that you get on piers where you're you're rolling the balls and you're trying to make it go along did you enjoy this one i did because i did well in it but also i this is the one that i applied logic to yes which is that uh because i think i threw one dart uh and hit an olive yeah and i knew what you know chance that was yeah and i thought

that's a risk yeah and this and i spun the wheel once as well and got an olive yeah and i thought that's and you lose you know, your horse goes back many steps on both of those.

So I focused on the olives, eating the olives.

Because the one thing you could do is feel the difference between them and a grape.

Yeah.

Because one's got a hole in it.

I think that's absolutely the smartest thing to do.

Entirely logic.

Yeah.

But I guess you're lucky because you enjoy olives.

Well, not anymore.

No.

I've eaten olives for you.

I felt sick.

I mean, honestly,

there is a kind of olive limit that

how many did you put down during the task, approximately, do you think?

Well, given that I kind of only threw one dart and one spin and everything else came from eating olives quite a lot and it only advanced two steps if you ate an olive time yeah but they were sure so that was the thing yeah

i think i would have done something similar i would have i would have given it a go throwing the dart or whatever or spinning the wheel but i love olives So especially if it's around lunchtime, I'm digging in.

I'm smashing my face full of olives, I think.

Have you ever...

So I think I must have eaten, I'm guessing,

maybe

12 olives, something like that.

Have you ever eaten just 12 olives on their own without anything else?

There was one night where I had,

me and my friends had quite a lot of dirty martinis that had two olives in them.

Yeah.

So it was probably just booze and olives, but maybe not 12 straight olives in a row.

Okay, I would.

Do you think I should give it a go?

Yeah, give it a go and then see how you feel about olives.

And maybe then, you know, revisit.

Have you had olives sent?

I have because I do like olives, but it's kind of I'm never gonna eat 12 in one going.

Yeah, yeah, it's quite a lot, I suppose.

I think was it Maisie who had a grape and said it's salty?

I think it might have been Anya or Chilia, yeah, because obviously they're down there with the olives.

That's right.

If you touch an olive, you're getting salty.

Phil took grapes off the wheel.

Yeah, and stuck them on his head.

And stuck them on his head, which I thought was quite an impressive way of getting around having to eat olives.

Yeah, but and

Anya put her put the wheel on the floor and just aimed it at the olive.

Again, I mean, you know, I know.

You're not happy with it.

Not in the spirit of

the task, I don't think.

Is that not something you were looking for when you came in to do the show?

You were looking for ways around things or little hacks or anything like that.

Is that not something that you were going to make part of your Taskmaster style?

As I said, I just went at it with full logic, which was kind of

an abject mistake.

But what an amazing show this is, where the most logical thing to do is eat 12 olives in a row.

Yes, it is logical.

Yeah, that makes absolute sense.

I think this task for me does some fill-up because at the end, he's so happy.

I mean,

he didn't do well.

He came in fourth place that he runs all the way down the steps to embrace the horse, which I thought was a lovely moment.

It's kind of,

I mean, it's one of the many things that I love about Phil.

It's that that Tigger energy that he's got.

And it's not fake.

He's not trying to impress you or

make you want to like him or anything like that.

It is just him, and that's lovely.

Were you aware that Phil did a kids' show in Edinburgh that did very well?

So he would do a kids' show that loads of adults like as well, and the kids just abuse him for the whole thing.

He's just like lolloping around the stage, like being Phil.

And they throw things at him.

They really go for it.

It's fantastic.

Wow, I mean, that's something you could introduce into the justice system

i think that might be a great deterrent because if you're going to go look the alternative what's the alternative to prison and you go phil's kids show

there are some people who go do you know maybe i won't rob that bank maybe that's that looks more fun uh rhys has an absolute nightmare in this rhys truly has a nightmare uh as he did in the previous episode with the snakes and ladders game oh yeah um this is i mean there's one moment where he gets so angry, he gets an olive and he goes, oh no, sorry, it starts to argue.

And Alex has to say, no, that helps you.

Yeah, it's one of the great turnarounds.

Yeah.

He did that a couple of times where he was about to complain.

Yeah.

And go, what?

And then he goes, no, no, you win the point.

And he goes, oh, that's all right.

That's just how close to the surface it is with Reese, I think.

I mean, I'm similar, to be honest.

I had once where I was ready for an argument and then they were like, no, everyone else lost.

You won the task.

And then you have to really embarrassing step down where you're like, oh, well, yeah, well done, everyone.

So embarrassing.

It was one point for Reese, two points for Old Pip, three points for Anya and Dr.

Magic, four points for Maisie, gobbing Maisie and Red Room, and the big five points for you and George Clooney.

Yeah.

Please advance 10 steps.

Oh, it's just pulled up short.

What's it landed on?

Wallive!

It's landed on Wallive, so please advance 10 steps.

That's an olive.

Come on, boy!

Advance 10 steps!

Yes!

Five, four, three, two, one.

We've finished the race.

Blast off.

Let me get him.

I wanna hug him.

Yeah, baby!

He's a good boy!

Yeah!

But he gorgeous.

What a victory.

Come on, let's take you.

Let's get you to the glue factory.

Live task.

This live task,

I love it when this happens.

So much setup, so much to do, and then it's over instantly.

You have to fill out a form with a wet thing, disappointing food.

Not that we really heard about any of these.

A motorway, best kitchen appliance, new band name.

And then you had to convince the taskmaster that you had written something other than what you had written or exactly what you have written.

If you fail to deceive the taskmaster, you are eliminated.

Last person standing wins.

And Anya just wins straight away.

She's written an A40, not M40.

Yeah, I mean, again, you know, if one was to be pedantic, which I will now be, yes, I mean, the A40 becomes the M40.

But that does suggest the two things are different.

Yes.

Otherwise, it would just be the M40.

It's not a motorway.

It's not a motorway.

It's an A-road.

But also, the thing that surprised me on the day was the fact that it was just one question.

I thought we've written out nine or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I thought, oh, it'll be three each, and each person will lose a life, and there'll be that tension of kind of like, and it wasn't.

It was just four of us sat down.

I think, I'd imagine when they tested the game, when they put the game together, at no point was there a situation where four people went out straight away.

So I think they're expecting it to last maybe three rounds, four rounds, maybe even five rounds.

But I think Greg is now so good at these games, he can tell whether people are lying or not.

I honestly think over the years of Taskmaster, there's been loads of these where you have to convince the Taskmaster of something.

I had to do one with bricks and balloons in a suitcase.

He got me straight away.

Yeah, like a weird sort of X-Man power.

Yeah, it's an X-Man power.

Maybe a teacher thing as well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So when you can tell kids are lying about their homework and things like that.

Or whether it's a kid.

Yeah.

just knowing that yeah

i mean he wasn't giving homework was he was just whipping a ball around and making them jump over it

yeah his tennis ball mace

so anya wins the five points for being the only one with a with a with a wrong answer with with a with technically a wrong answer but everyone else gets four points so it's not just technically it's morally as well sorry morally technically legally

she gets the five points everyone else gets four points so i think that's a pretty good deal for you guys you get to sit down straight away yeah

Yeah, we'd luck to hell on that one.

Yeah, I think so.

But very, very good episode for you, Sanjeev.

You and Anya draw on 19 points, but guttingly, there's a tie break, which is remove your shower cap by inflating your balloon, and Anya wins the tie break.

Maybe she wins the episode.

Yeah, you know, fix is the word that comes to mind.

You know, Anya with a big hair, it's easier to push something off the top of your head with your big hair.

Yeah.

If you had it as lacquered as I had,

it just means the balloon and the shower cap just stick to it.

Yeah.

So, um, of course, but other than that, but no, but but also, Annia's brilliant.

Yeah.

And so, in the moments, she was brilliant and abstract and left field and stuff, it was

no, I don't mind.

I don't know, I didn't mind.

I love how Zen you've managed to make yourself with all of this, Sanjeev.

Do you know what?

It's easier when you genuinely adore the other people, yeah, because you kind of go,

you know, me winning at the cost of someone else feeling bad.

And let's face it, the others, apart from Phil, would all feel quite bad and have shown that at various moments.

Maisie hugely competitive.

I knew she would be going in, but this is one of the most competitive people I've ever met.

She might be worse than me, sadly.

I would love to see you two up against each other.

That would be fabulous.

See, that would be another kind of alternate to champion champions.

The angriest people.

Is just, yeah, is the most competitive people in one go because everyone's energy is going to be so focused everyone will be so on the edge all the time i don't think i ever turned to the audience and said fuck off i don't think i go fuck off

but that's what again that's one of the things i love about her is is but you know like the others is that what you see is what you get yeah and so uh every emotion is kind of worn on her sleeve yeah all the time and so you kind of know where you are with people like yes and that's why of the many reasons for all of them but with maisie one of the many reasons i adore her because she's that and funny and so i like you went you know in your series no you were kind of on edge and created your syndrome but you're really funny and so it you know which of those things do you want to give more weight to

you know you can focus on the kind of god they're really competitive and a bit gobby yeah or you can go do you know i give more weight to the they're really funny yeah and so i just i that's why i loved everybody and and just enjoyed kind of watching the others

So you came second technically in this episode.

Rhys got 17 points.

Not morally.

Not morally or legally.

Phil got 16 points and Maisie on 14 points.

Very evenly matched, really.

Anya is in the lead in the series with 66 points.

Maisie just behind on 64.

Rhys just behind on 63.

And you and Phil.

Bringing up the rear with 55 points, but still a long way to go in the series.

Yeah.

Sanjeev, we always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster.

This is your opportunity to give a point score to something.

Unfortunately, it's the for me, it's the podcast between one and five points, right?

Okay, in the style of the taskmaster.

Well, you can do it in, you know, do it in your own style if you like.

No, I'd like to know what it feels like to be in the shoes of someone with immense power.

Yeah, uh,

points, right?

Um,

right, points for presentation.

Well, that's a difficult one, isn't it?

Well, you're quite nice.

I have to give you that.

That's quite nice.

So that's good.

Were you funny?

Were you funny?

Did I laugh?

Did I laugh?

Because I meant it, or was I laughing out of kindness?

That's a difficult one.

Let's say that's quite high as well.

And the environment.

I'm in the caravan, so the caravan.

Now I'll give you five.

Thank you very much.

Thank God.

It took a long time to get there, but I'm grateful for that.

That got brutal.

Sanjeev, thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast.

Thank you.

You've been fantastic.

You're fantastic on the show.

We look forward to seeing what you get up to in the rest of the series.

But now we're going outside and you're going to chase me.

Yeah.

Yep.

Okay, let's do it.

Let's go.

Let's see my top speed.

Thank you so much to Sanjeev for coming on the show.

It was a total pleasure to meet Sanjeev.

And what a great contestant.

What a lovely man.

And just come back and listen to another episode.

It won't be Sanjeev next week.

It will be Phil Ellis.

Phil Ellis will be on the show.

Another fantastic contestant.

I know Phil well.

He is absolutely hilarious.

He is chaos.

He is brilliant on Taskmaster.

He's a brilliant comedian.

Can't wait to chat to him.

But until then, thank you to Sanjeev and thank you for listening.

We'll be back next week, straight after Taskmaster has been on channel 4.

Starts at 9 p.m., finishes at 10.

Then come over here, listen, or watch the podcast.

Bye-bye.