Phil Ellis - Series 20 Ep.5

Hello there, it's Ed Gamble.

Welcome to the Taskmaster podcast.

We'll be talking, of course, about series 20, episode 5 of Taskmaster.

If you have not seen Series 20 episode 5, go away and watch it.

Channel4.com if you're in the UK, YouTube if you're international, and then come back here, listen to the Taskmaster podcast.

I believe some of you will be able to watch it on YouTube as well.

But let's crack on with it.

This is a great chat with the wonderful Phil Ellis, who, of course, is a contestant on Taskmaster Series 20.

We're going to be chatting about his time on Taskmaster and indeed specifically what he got up to on episode 5 and what everyone got up to on episode 5.

So here we go.

This is Taskmaster Series 20, episode 5, as discussed by Phil Ellis.

Welcome, Phil, to the Taskmaster podcast.

Thank you for welcoming me.

Yeah,

it's always a pleasure.

And thank you for being here.

Always a pleasure.

First time on it.

Always a pleasure to be on the Taskmaster podcast in the Taskmaster caravan.

Great to be back, guys.

Is it nice to be back in the caravan?

It is, actually.

I don't know if

I really took in, I really appreciated being in the caravan during the task because I was so nervous and trying to get things, you know, to make, obviously, as you can see, really smash every single task I've been a part of.

Absolutely nailing it, Phil.

I mean, caravan highlight, of course, you putting your feet in some gravy.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's going to go.

That'll be on, you know, that'll be the thing, my legacy.

Absolutely disgusting, mate.

Yeah, yeah.

People are genuinely upset about it.

And in that task, Alex says to Anya that she looks like she belongs in the caravan.

Yeah.

I think because of the maybe the clothes she's wearing, the textiles, the colour palettes.

I think it's the, yeah, yeah.

But I feel like you now, to me, look very at home in this caravan.

Oh, Doug.

Hey, listen, I would love a a home this big

this is luxury for me i can finally stretch out i i've just come back from a uh being in a caravan well there you go this is what i'm talking about where was the caravan it was in arbmouth armouth arbitrouth in wales well you call it a lodge but it was just a static caravan just a wider caravan just on a little holiday a little holiday and it was the day after the taskmaster uh episode one came out yeah and uh so i thought this is i just need to get away i don't want to be hounded you know you know what it's like

I mean, you know, it's just the fact that you get mobs.

Yeah, exactly.

As soon as it's done.

I'm putting it into one episode.

I think I'm going to be like, get away from me.

No, sir, you're not allowed in here.

It's for staff only.

Get away.

And I went into this deli and I had a sausage roll, and he came up and went, sorry, can we just say, are you famous?

I went, well, clearly not.

If you ask it, it's not a good question, is it?

Yeah, are you famous?

Yeah.

And he went, you are, I've seen you on Taskmaster last night.

And then I had to take photos next to some sausage rolls.

Perfect.

Again, perfect for you, I think.

I was a little bit innit.

I just.

You're finding your niche, Phil.

Yeah, get the man near some pastry or in a really damp home.

So, the tour coming up.

Yes.

Your tour bath mat.

Yeah.

Why bath mat, Phil?

It's because that's the different titles of the show you did in Edinburgh as well, isn't it?

It is, yeah.

It's because it's.

Well, I've been working as a joke.

I kept telling people I had a new bath mat bit of material and I've been working on it for three years.

Yeah.

I'm going to try the Bath Mat bit out.

But I didn't have a Bath Mat bit.

So people are like, so what is the bath mat?

I've never seen it, Phil.

I I don't think it's, but I'd put on Instagram, like, Bath Map bit really smashed it.

And then

I actually did write one, and it is my favourite bit.

And it's what that's it very rarely works like that because I've got so many bits.

Every show I've got a bit where I'm like, well, I'll write a bit about that.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I never do, or I try it, and I'm like, why do you think you're not that sort of comedian?

Isn't it funny when you write a bit that's just not you, but you really want it to work?

Yeah.

I've done that so many times, trying to be a bit Bill Burr once.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm so angry.

And everyone's like, no, fella, it's not.

You've just gangled on top of it.

The way you decide to be Bill Burr is change your voice slightly to a bit more like bill burr but still do your material

so you're doing so you're doing so theater with the with the new show yeah bath mat will be there uh 9th to the 13th of december get your tickets uh philaliscomedy.com lovely what do it right down the camera uh the only people watching this on youtube don't live in the uk so oh

stream it

and then around the uk yeah all over starting in colchester where else?

The Colchester Art Centre.

You've got to go to Colchester.

We're doing it all.

Colchester, Reading,

Norwich.

The big three.

The big three.

Charlie.

We should talk more about your experience on Taskmaster, Phil.

Really?

Yes.

Why bother?

Did you enjoy the experience?

Surely not the biggest thing I've done.

Did you enjoy the experience?

Do you remember the BBC3 pilot in 2004?

I do, actually.

Oh, wow.

I do.

The Funs and Games pilot.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was good.

It was all right, weren't it?

Yeah, well, they cheaped out on it a bit.

A little bit, yeah.

They went, should we take out the joke?

When I tell a kid in the front that he's actually adopted and he thinks he's really adopted, so he's going, oh, oh.

And they went, we should probably take that bit out.

And we tell him he's not straight away.

It's only a few seconds of absolute turmoil.

But they went, we should take that out when it's the only thing that's got any essence.

It's the main joke.

Let's take that out.

It's like a surgeon going, take the heart out.

Take out the two lungs.

Leave in one.

Nothing's wrong if you've only got one lung.

Fair blade.

I think I could just leave massive gaps after every question and watch you cancel yourself in real time.

Oh, it's awful, isn't it?

Yeah, I need to stop.

But you were asked to do Taskmaster.

Yes.

You're excited?

Really excited, yeah.

And did you enjoy the experience, Phil?

It was amazing.

Right.

I went to take the money.

I thought you were taking your shirt off.

Right, thanks very much.

I'll just pop my shirt back off.

Phil arrived wearing no clothes, by the way.

You always have to dress me.

Yeah,

these are all things he left here last time he was here.

No, I loved it.

Yeah, it was great.

Because I genuinely, it's the only show I ever wanted to do.

I've been sort of like just working, like doing, I was always like the comedian's comedian, which was, which makes, which makes you no money at all.

I've always like, I don't want to be the comedian's comedian, I want to be a successful comedian.

Yeah, let me tell you, I mean, I want to be the comedian's comedian, but I'm much, much happier in the situation I'm in.

Yeah, but you're also like, you're like a comedian's comedian who has appeal,

which is what I've always wanted, but no, it turns out

three people on a Wednesday, and that's what I feel like.

Three comedians at the back of an empty room.

Yeah.

Just going, hmm, I appreciate that.

Yeah, that's good.

I'll tweet about this, actually.

Yeah, yeah.

I was such an experience.

We'll get the rest of the circuit down.

But you had a good time on the show.

It was great.

I loved it.

It was a bit, obviously, at first, a bit nervy.

I've not done a lot of TV.

So that was one thing where you don't want to blow it.

But equally, you want to have fun and not worry too much.

Yeah, I think it's...

I think because it's 10 episodes across 10 weeks, you do have an opportunity to ease your way in as well.

So it's harder to like there's things like doing stand-up on TV or you know doing a pilot or something like that where it feels that all of the pressure seems on that one thing Yeah, and it is possible to blow it But I don't with Taskmaster I think once you relax into it once people get to know who you are Yeah, and I think that's the thing is you do realize that you've got time for people to grow

Yeah, to love you and But I thought you all hit the ground running actually.

Yeah, it was great.

That first episode was I was so nervous because 19 was so popular.

Yeah.

And, you know, I tried hanging out with Stevie before we came to the

barbecue.

Yeah, which was really nice.

And Stevie was really helpful to tell you.

My only advice I got off a past contestant was Stevie messaged me about a week before she went for the live records.

And she went, just so you know, Phil, well done.

I'm really excited.

I've just found out you're on Taskmaster.

She went, just a little bit of advice.

During the records, during each episode, because you do two episodes a day, don't you?

You can have a drink and you can have alcohol if you want.

I had a wine, so you'll be all right.

I just genuinely worried I'd get the shakes for episode two.

So you can have a beer if you want.

Yeah.

Well, don't worry, you won't have the DTs.

I wouldn't advise having one before the afternoon record, but yeah, yeah, in between.

Crack on for the evening one.

I think the first two days of recording, I didn't have a drink in between because I was nervous and I wanted to be sharp.

Yeah.

And then day three, I was like,

I'm having a little wine.

Yeah.

And then one during the record, they bring it to you in a paper cup so it doesn't look like you've got a problem.

Did you do one during?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

In the little breaks.

I didn't have the balls.

It's on my hip flask.

Yeah.

He's drinking from his hip again.

And your smack.

You had all your smack.

Yeah.

Lovely bit of smack.

But smack, listen, if you've got problems, do sit.

There is help out there.

Don't worry about it.

I'm not making light of your situation.

Thank you, Phil.

He's all right.

Let's talk about this specific episode, which I believe to be the best episode in the series so far.

Really?

And it's been a brilliant series so far.

Oh, great.

This one is incredible.

I think this is so, I mean, there's one particular task that we'll talk about later that I think is my favourite task in the series so far.

But let's talk about the prize task.

A possession that would confuse a future archaeologist if you were buried holding it, which is a cracking prize task,

I think.

I do enjoy the prize because, again, I forget which one's coming up.

Yeah.

But when you see one of them, the the second one is like the Treaty of Versailles brought in, which is the hardest thing to explain.

Yes.

But I know a lot about it, weirdly, but I was just trying to be ironic.

I thought you were underscored for that, Phil, because

you struggled to explain it.

Greg never explained it.

And he said it was a bad price.

Exactly.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm going to back you on that.

Yeah, yeah.

Just to let you know, there's many things that I don't back you on.

Yeah, oh, thank you.

All right, like what?

The picture of you with the mayor of Preston.

It got four points.

It absolutely shouldn't have got four points.

I actually had to find the mayor.

Yeah, it was rubbish, Phil.

It was rubbish.

I'm outside the biggest bus station.

Yes, I know.

How big do you want it?

It wasn't, give me the picture of the biggest bus station in Europe.

No, it was the most, wasn't it?

Well, I can't remember what the task was, the most impressive.

It was the thing that makes you go, oh, wow, that's gorgeous, isn't it?

Well, that's gorgeous.

You've got the mayor, Preston.

I'm wearing a Preston Arthen, yeah.

I'm on a plate.

So I'm proud, Preston.

Don't want to be offensive to the Mayor of Preston.

At no point did I go, wow, he's gorgeous.

I don't think bus stations are gorgeous.

Preston, it's fine.

Is it still Britain's newest city?

Oh, I don't know.

It's a relatively new city.

Yeah, it was in the 90s.

Finally, mate.

Well done to Preston.

Well done, Preston.

Not gorgeous.

So I think you made some points back there.

But here, we went with another photograph

for the possession that would most confuse a future archaeologist.

And it's you with a big dog when you were 12.

A Bassett hound, yeah.

Yeah, a Bassett hound.

Yeah.

What was, I mean, you explained it on the show a little bit, but you get a chance to explain it a little bit more here.

What do you think would confuse an archaeologist about that photo?

I just think the photo is just fascinating.

It's so weird.

I don't remember it being taken.

And it's me having seen it with

I'm too old to be doing whatever I'm doing.

I'm about 12.

And I think I'm having a Mad Hatters tea party.

I've got a Bassett hound on the table with his feet on the table as if he's a guest.

Yeah.

His bum's on the chair.

He looks really depressed to be there.

Yeah.

Bassett hounds do look depressed in general, though, I think.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, but he was really funny.

He could tell you when when he wasn't happy.

Oh, no, he would rather be at another child's birthday.

I've got three others of these today.

What was your relationship to the dog?

Well, he was our dog.

He was your dog.

Because you say on the show in an amusing fashion that you didn't have a dog.

I know, I'm so sorry, guys.

I lied.

Which was the one thing to me that made the photo confusing.

Yeah, yeah.

Because what's now it's actually quite

a normal photo.

You have a tea party with a bassethound.

With a little white gloves on at the age of 12.

White white ladies' gloves and a little waistcoat.

I think to me,

if I saw a picture of your birthday party when you were 12, I'd expect something way more mental than that.

So in a way, it was confusing because it looked like you had a semi-normal childhood.

No.

Well, it wasn't even my birthday.

It was just a day.

It was just a normal day.

I just decided to have a...

I don't know why I thought it was a birthday.

Yeah, I find it really funny how decadent it all looks, but that's in a tiny terrace house in Preston.

I find that really funny.

I love anything

that's a snapshot and an insight into people's home lives and their childhoods.

It's a lovely photo.

Yeah.

No, I have got a very funny child's birthday party story, which I'll tell you after the record because it will never be spoken out loud.

But it is hilarious, but it's one of the most harrowing experiences of my life.

Fantastic.

Apologies if you've been through a harrowing experience.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry if you've got a birthday.

It says congratulations on the frame.

Yeah, well, I just panicked away because you're right.

I went, this is not confusing, but if I put congratulations, I was going to put happy anniversary on it.

Yeah,

but then it's like the kids going out with a dog.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

Alex wasn't happy about that.

No, I don't think I'd mention it to him, but let's pretend it's Alex's fault.

You only got two points, Phil, sadly.

Yeah, it was rubbish, wasn't it?

I think it was one of my lowest scoring points.

It didn't go well.

Luckily, Anya was there to get the one point.

I mean, this to me, Anya would have been so proud of this prize.

And this sums up Anya for me: that she's created limited edition jelly beans.

She claims to have invented limited edition jelly beans, but what she's done is tear two jelly beans apart with her teeth and stick them back together.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely gross.

But I have a feeling that she actually also went for top-tier jelly beans, like good quality.

What's the top tier?

What's the job?

What are they?

What are they called?

The ones that are actually just called jelly beans.

I think that's it.

Yeah, they're still jelly beans.

But I think she went for top tier.

She didn't go for cheap knockoff jelly beans.

She went all out.

So that required that should have had.

I think it was better than Sanju's piss again and the the dog farron thing which didn't even work yeah that's that was an interesting one i mean yeah and you went for the jelly beans what are you a jelly bean guy do you like a jelly bean not really no they find them a bit too sugary don't be wrong i love sugar yeah you know that's 80 sugar yeah

phil's pointing at his cup of tea by the way oh yeah so oh yeah hey all you listeners at home i was assuming everyone's just watching but yeah i pointed at a cup of tea yeah i i well we know anya absolutely loves sugar like so she would have relished the opportunity to insert sugar sugar into another prize task and expense a load of jelly beans.

That's all that has gone to her accountant as an expense.

Oh, yeah.

God, she could have expensed so much stuff, that frame.

Yeah, you could have done.

Why didn't you?

I could have claimed that for the bass hound.

Yes, Sanjeev brings in a sample of urine, which is the second time he's done that in five years.

It won't be the last.

Oh, no, no spoilers.

He had so many vials ready to go.

If he felt the prize wasn't strong enough, he threw in a bit of piss.

I mean, it's another strong-looking piss from him as well.

Oh, yeah, and it tastes.

I can still taste it here.

I close my eyes.

It's like he's there with me.

So thick.

So viscous.

And a pet treat gun.

He doesn't even, I mean, I know it's supposed to be confusing, but he doesn't even try and explain.

No, no, he doesn't say why it's confusing.

He just goes, like, imagine being a fan with that.

And then I think he just goes, can you explain it?

He's good at talking the talk, Sanjeev, isn't he?

He is.

I mean, he's just very calm

and says things as if they make total logical sense when they definitely don't.

Yeah.

He's very funny in the studio as well.

He's so funny.

He's so funny.

And I always say it like, and I'm not saying surprise because I know he's a funny guy, but for someone who isn't a commit, because he is mainly an actor,

and he was saying to us, you're comedians, you know, I'm not.

And he's so funny.

Yeah, he's got so much comedy experience and so so much like improv in studio experience as well.

But yeah, this was not my favourite prize task from Sanjeev.

I mean it's funny to bring in piss again, obviously.

I think I love the gun in joke.

Yeah, but the pet treat gun didn't just bring in the piss.

I think the purity of the piss is good enough.

Yeah, yeah.

But I think it is literally he's been walking out the house and picked it up off the side.

You can always tell.

Yeah, no, not the piss.

It's just got a little fridge melody.

Yeah, yeah.

You never know when they'll want one.

I I can't just bring in Piss again.

I'm going to have to add something.

Yeah, it's Halloween soon.

We need to save a few.

Think about.

Did you say Trick or Piss?

Yes.

Baffling the Petrie gun.

So I guess they might be a little bit confused, the archaeologists.

Reese, I think he's underscored here, actually.

He brings in a mirror which says, is this you?

Feels like a very Rhys prize.

You know, tombs and burials and people digging up bodies feels feels very in Rhysma's wheelhouse.

That's something he already had, isn't it?

Oh, definitely.

Yeah, he's bought that.

I feel like he's brought in a few things that are just in his house, which is just appears to be like just a collection of weird stuff.

Yeah, he does have like a little secret room, I think, where he keeps everything.

Do you think you'll get an invite over to look at the secret room?

I'd love to.

Yeah.

If you're listening, Rhys.

Can you invite me around, please?

There's a WhatsApp group.

You could put on the WhatsApp group.

We should all get together.

Well, I know I've told you guys.

Anyone?

It turns out they're all really busy.

Got to come up north, everyone, to a shit all.

Anyone got a big telly?

You can bring it with you.

We can all gather around the phone.

I think.

Has anyone got a 5G?

I can.

I think you should send that exact message at the end of the podcast.

Does anyone want to come to my house?

It's a shit all.

Can you bring a big telly?

I'll tell you the grimmest thing in lockdown.

This involves some Taskmaster alumni.

Yeah.

Me and Chris Ramsey would have Carl Hutchinson and Jason Cook.

Barry Dodds are the comedians, we'd have like a little and Scott Bennett, we'd have a little um Friday night meet up for three hours during lockdown on the thing, and their houses were lovely.

You know, Scott was in his shed, obviously, and uh he loves his shed.

Everyone's in the beautiful like offices and done out, all the little like Lego constructed stuff behind.

I was in the out house in the uh outhouse of the Terrace house I was living in, so I could chain smoke at the back.

Didn't have Wi-Fi, so I was using my really bad signal on my phone, balanced on this, and all the paint was coming off behind me, and I had to go in the outhouse because the neighbours next door would just scream and shout at each other all the time and every now and then I have to bat a rat away that was trying to get in through the door

had like a stick to get rid of the rat Phil it does just fit your persona though to be honest people think it's an act

we when we had Chris on this podcast last when he came to the house he found out when he was here that you were doing it oh yeah he sent me because they had your little like models up or whatever or little little things and he was trying to work out who everyone was and he was like who's that so

we went oh it's Phil Ellis he was was so delighted i've never seen anyone more delighted for another human being getting a job yeah that's it and chris didn't used to be like that no he didn't

yeah he's comfortable yeah yeah he's happy now

yeah there's no jobs he wants now

but yeah i i enjoyed reese's very much i thought it was very him i thought three points feels a little bit underscored especially when you've got sanjeev's piss again did that get four i got four that is ridiculous I love you, Sanjeev, but that is...

Come on, mate.

Give those points back.

Maisie, I think this deserved the five, brought in

a defining piece of literature in hieroglyphics on parchment or papyrus.

But if you translate it, it's actually Amanda Holden's autobiography, No Holding Back.

It's amazing how it is.

I know it's mentioned in the episode, but how it's not called No Holding Back.

It blew my mind.

It's insane, isn't it?

It's mad because

my audience won't get it.

When she says no holding back, I was like, oh, she's just said it slightly wrong.

It's got to be no holding back.

But no, it's no holding back.

It's so odd, isn't it?

What a weird choice.

It's like you doing a show about gambling and not using your name in the world.

For a long time, I was planning on doing a show called Taking a Punt.

Oh, really?

So it'd be so funny to not use my name.

But you can tell that Manda's not holding back.

No, she's not.

ironically.

She's not holding anything back.

It was funny in the episode.

I think it's cut out the episode, but Alex would go back and read out excerpts from the book as well.

I think that is cut out the episode, yeah.

Yeah, but that was so funny.

Maybe they thought it was too mean.

Yeah, it was a bit we'd have Preston walking out again like

suddenly.

You're not standing off this.

It was one point for Anya, two points for you, Phil, three points for Reese, four points for Sanjeev somehow, and five points points for Maisie.

Yeah, well deserved.

Anya, what do you got?

I brought in limited edition jelly beans.

Yes, she made them.

They look

like this.

Dual flavour jelly beans.

I did it all by hand.

Cutting in half jelly beans, sticking them back together.

So yeah, I didn't actually think of using scissors, but halfway through my partner said you could use a knife.

What are you eating?

You're biting that person.

I'm using my teeth, yeah.

I was sticking them back together.

Some of them just went naturally, and then some of them needed a bit of lubrication from the old tongue.

Oh!

So you think the archaeologist is going, oh, there's some jelly beans here.

Wait a minute.

They've been bitten in half by some mad woman.

Oh, please,

this is really nice that I can't.

Anya, I'm telling you now, I've written down Anya one point.

I haven't even heard every one of you.

Can I just say the mind is like a parachute?

It works best when it's open.

You may say that.

Task one, pull something from that red green onto this red green using this string.

During the pull, you must remain on this red green.

Your thing must travel through or over all the obstacles.

The biggest thing pulled onto this red green wins.

You have 15 minutes.

You have one attempt.

Your time starts now.

I love this.

It's a really fun task.

Yeah.

And it shouldn't be.

No, yeah, because.

Because it's just pulling a thing.

Yeah.

yeah, but it's so funny, it's so it's just fun to see everyone's different approach, yeah.

That's what's well, that's that's the whole show, isn't it?

But I know particularly for this, like yeah, I think this is a distilled version of that.

Um, let's talk about your approach, Phil.

Uh,

a horse suit, stuffed stuffed horse suit with lots of cushions from this, some of these very cushions.

There we are, we're sat on the horses inner.

Oh my god,

isn't it?

It's come back round.

Um, just just a quick quote from you: there's not much pleasure you get in life that can beat beat dragging a lifeless horse over a child's battling pool.

It's not the first time I've said it.

The old catchphrase out again.

The family, come on, guys.

It's dead horse dragging time.

Also, I do think it's a stroke of genius when you've got to do the biggest thing to get a horse and make a light horse.

Yeah.

So it looks massive.

Exactly.

It was a side.

It didn't have to be, it could have been hollow.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know why Rhys chose such a heavy pig.

Yeah, he just chose a massive, heavy pig on a tricycle.

But yeah, he was a good lad, that horse.

What was it called?

Again, Bernard.

But obviously, it was Bernard, but you interacted with a horse on a previous episode.

Yeah, you loved

your little horsey.

Oh, and then in the race course.

Yeah, in the race course.

And you ran all the way down to see the horse.

And next thing you know, you're dragging a horse's body through some saloon doors.

The same horse.

The same horse, yeah.

They failed to do what I wanted them to do the week after.

They were too skittish.

Here's something I wrote down today.

Here's something I wrote down, Phil.

And I don't know quite what I mean by this.

Maybe you can help me out.

It makes sense that you interact with horses a lot in this series because you give me the impression of someone quite equine.

And then I followed it up with like someone who works at a stables in a murder mystery.

I do look a bit.

I look like a bit of rough, don't I?

Yeah.

Like a Sean B.

Go out there, madam.

I'm just going to check on the horses again.

Shirt on backwards, let's say.

Buck again, madam.

Would you like to slop out the horses for you?

This is perfect.

But you know, Philip in Greek means lover of horses.

Does it?

Yeah, look at that.

This is perfect.

Well, yeah, you absolutely smashed this.

It was brilliant.

Absolutely no trouble pulling the corpse of Bernard through all of the obstacles.

If your name's Bernard, why not write in?

Bernard means dead horse in Greece, which is

Rhys, as you say, puts a pig on a tricycle, which is worth it for the pulled pork joke, which is great.

Yeah, perfect.

And I do love it when he asks for help and it's real pleading.

Alex, please, can you help?

Where do you stand on the Alex help situation in this?

Well,

that is the problem, isn't it?

Because it doesn't say you can't, but then every task, no, no, no, then what's the point of the show?

Exactly.

I could just every time ask Alex.

And people have done that in the past, but he normally only helps people who he's pretty sure are not going to win yeah that's it yeah Catherine Parkinson oh really well

she asked for help in every task in every task

and he normally helped her yeah all right okay that's quite funny but uh yeah it's um

i don't know it's a weird one isn't it i suppose yeah he probably shouldn't have helped if i'm on it because like you say if he doesn't say on every task and you can't ask alex yeah but because it's kind of but also you've got to stay on the red green you get one attempt it feels like if it gets stuck then that's the end of the attempt.

You've got to keep pulling it until the string snaps.

You can't ask Alex to pick it up for you,

which is what Anya did and what Rhys did.

You know, Rhys's, the pig was veering off.

Yeah.

I think the pig's just veering off.

That's what's going to happen.

Pigs are like that.

Pigs are like that.

People tried to grab a pig.

Always veering off.

Has you never tried to grab a pig, you know?

I haven't actually.

What are you doing after this?

Should we oil up a pig and see if we can get it?

We should do.

Well, Sanjeev chased me around the house after the episode.

Oh, great.

Why don't you chase me and oil you up and put a pig's nose on you put a pig nose on me great this is

i love doing this podcast

i think a lot of this a lot of the fact that alex was helping them

i think greg let them get away with it because it was annoying maisie so much that is exactly what i was going to say yeah i think greg only let them because he could see how much it was winding up maisie yeah Because I liked it

when she was trying to get me on board to, I was like, no, I think I'm going to win this.

I'm not involved I know I'm gonna get quite quite a lot of points here so I'm gonna ruin that thank you very much

did you were you expecting Maisie to be the angry one out of everyone no but it's so funny she's so funny I mean it sounds so funny because like Rhys's anger is a bubbling anger underneath that could go at any moment yeah and we're all waiting for that big

moment where he snaps like someone at a bus stop just going I've had enough

starts taking people out but um

Maisie's is just straight on constant, and you could see like that first task with the horn is amazing.

Oh, she comes in, she goes, what, what, what, what, what,

what,

he's just like, whoa, I wasn't expecting Maisie's catchphrase to be, fuck off.

Oh, it's so, yeah, it's really funny.

Telling everyone to fuck off, fuck off Rhino.

We're getting this, to the Rhino who fights the tennis balls.

I was worried that I swore too much because it was pointed out to me in the first ever task that we do.

I swear six times when no one swore yet.

And it's just me going, ah, fuck him, you little buggy.

Oh, bastard.

Oh, oh, shit, fuck.

It's like,

yeah, the rhino.

She was getting angry with that.

Yeah.

I like the rhino thing because I just put the bin in front of it.

Yeah, you nailed that.

I thought that was really good.

I mean,

to be honest, the rhino made no difference to anyone's.

Yeah, because most are on the floor anyway.

Yeah.

Well, the rhino is

Andy Zoltzmann's Rhino from series 18.

He brings it in as a prize.

Right.

So it's a reference to that, and it says property of Siddy because Emma Siddy wins the episode.

I thought that Emma may have come up with that element.

That's what I was trying to figure out.

Right, okay.

When I was watching it again, I was like, oh, that was never mentioned.

I thought that maybe in this series, they're going, do you want to do something to mess up the next plot?

Well, no, it was one of Mandy's prizes, and Emma won it.

And I mention it because if I don't mention it, there'll be loads of methods.

I'll get loads of messages going.

I thought it was interesting that you didn't note about the rhino head.

Yes, well, and just so you know.

You all sound like that.

I think you appreciate the fans.

I appreciate appreciate all of you.

Thank you so much for that.

Keep making fan videos of me.

Phil's very excited because there's some fan videos, aren't you?

I've never had anything like this.

I mean, I think you make, and if you are going to do a fan edits, I believe it.

They're fan edits.

And if you are going to do any fan art, please add hair.

Because you are not being kind.

This hairline's going back.

I nearly called the tour the hair plug tour.

Yeah.

As a joke, say I'm trying to get money for hair plugs.

Like the mum wants a bungalow tour.

Yeah, that was exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

But then I thought people might think it's about my hair plug journey and it just really

didn't work, does it?

You should have done it, called it the hair plug tour, and just had like a bleeding head for the whole show.

Like big loaf in Rocky Harp.

I do want to have a hair plug.

Anyway, let's move on.

If anyone wants to

donate to Phil's Kickstarter, buy me a coffee.

Buy me a hairline.

No, it doesn't go well for Maisie.

Fuck off her ino.

She doesn't ask Alex for help, as I don't think she should.

But it flips over the seesaw in the pool and then the string snaps.

A devastating.

She made a really gangly object as well.

She did us.

Me and Maisie are quite similar

builds, I would say.

They're both very gangly.

Something in the water up there.

And

yeah, it just, there was too much going on with it.

There was too many opportunities for it to get snagged.

Like an umbrella on it and stuff.

Yeah.

Fuck off.

Fuck off.

And Rhys's snaps as well.

Anya decides to make a baby.

Yeah.

Make a little baby.

Some weird themes going throughout this series.

Really weird themes.

And like just

a bundle of stuff.

But the fact she calls it a baby makes me then go, oh no, the baby.

Yeah, yeah.

She's being dragged through and being shot to shit by the rhino.

And drowned at the end.

And drowned at the end.

And Alex has to give it a little bit of help.

But I think this, Greg is right that this is the defining moment for Anya.

Oh, yeah.

When she says, can I say vagina?

And Alex says, yes.

And she says, vagina.

It's amazing because also the slight stare and the little smile because she's really pleased.

You can say, vagina.

That is, it's very Anya.

I mean, I've been on tour with Anya.

We've done a lot of tour dates together.

And she will just say things to herself in the car quite a lot quietly.

Yeah.

It's very, very happy to just shout to herself.

That's what I like about this series as well.

You can tell that me and Anya are just really happy to sort of be there.

Whereas the rest are getting angry Sanjeev couldn't give a shit Sanjeev's got to go do a film yeah

Mike is going we're here we're having fun yeah I can't believe we're here

stuffing a dead horse

Sanjeev does get help uh because he uses Alex and bribes him 25 pounds yeah um this is the Al Murray technique this is what Al Murray used to do throughout the series

he spent about a grand I think bribing Alex did he yeah I can't remember him being that oh he was giving so much cash to Alex.

It was brilliant.

And what I like about Alex helping him here and walking through is when Sanjeev says, Can you duck under the scarecrows?

He says, No, he draws the line.

He almost says it as if he is unable to.

Yeah, it's not even that like he won't.

He's like, It is not a possibility.

I could not.

I've tried in the past.

But

my favourite bit of it was the haggling process.

Oh, so Sanjeev says 20 quid, and Alex stares at it for a bit, and Sanjeev says 20 quid again.

Normally go up on the second one.

He's really good at it.

And I love how he then has the money.

He's got the cash.

Oh, he's a very funny man.

Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, that again is absolute nonsense.

You can't just.

No, I actually, that's the one I'm okay with.

Really?

Yeah, Alex being the thing that you pull through and giving him some money.

At least there's a thing there.

At least it's.

I suppose, I mean, it doesn't say

he's helping.

I suppose he is the thing.

He's the thing.

He's not dragging him.

That's the only thing.

No, it's not dead weight because that would be impressive on the one string.

Yeah, Alex lying.

They're completely limp.

Yeah.

Being pulled by one strength.

I'd love to see that, though.

Why don't you make that?

Yeah.

Any animators?

Fan edit.

Yeah.

And Phil's in the background.

He's got hair.

It was five points for you, Phil.

Incredibly, we are on episode five, and this is the first time you've won a task.

It's mad, isn't it?

That is crazy.

It surprised me when I saw that because I'm sure I've won tasks before.

I wonder if there's any other contestants who've taken that long to win a solo task.

I know Tim Vine took a while.

Right, yeah.

But.

Do you know I keep getting likened to Tim Vine online?

Oh, really?

That's it.

Everyone keeps going, getting strong Tim Vine vibes.

I don't get a strong Tim Vine.

I didn't think so.

But now that you say it, I've started acting more like Tim.

Playing darts more, making loads of puns.

It was funny, we did the Alta Chu Festival together, and he's so funny, Tim.

Yeah, he's brilliant.

And it was just behind me when we were

checking in to go home.

And he's talking to his prop, like, don't worry, guys, just going a little

as a joke for, but it was just for me.

And I was just going, oh, this is great.

I'm having a little performance.

It's okay, guys.

And he was like going, whoop, whoop, get back.

My favourite, sorry, I'm going off topic.

My favourite bit from Tim, that entire series that Tim's in.

Yeah.

It's what look like Greg.

And it's a picture of Greg and his mum.

Oh, but he's just so good.

She's one of the right, yeah.

The delivery is so funny.

Yeah.

And he does a cracker, and it's just brilliant.

The outfit's so funny.

He's coming down the red carpet, right?

Dressed as Greg's mum.

It's incredible.

Brilliant.

Five points for you, Phil.

Four points for Sanjeev, three points for Anya, and of course, naught for Rhys and Maisie, much to Maisie's chagrin.

She is not happy with me.

I just see her really

having to swallow it down a bit.

Will it just cut something?

You're a lot angrier than I imagined you to be, Maisie, before you came on the show.

It's like a red mist that descends.

And I've got points to bring up, by the way.

You had assistance, you re-tied your knots.

It said, stay on your green, pull something off.

It didn't say you couldn't have helped, did it, in the task?

Why?

I can't just like open the envelope and then ring people and be like, can you come and help me?

Well, unless it says you can't do that.

All the information is on the task.

Fuck off, Greg!

Who would you have run and how would they have helped?

My friend Jordan, he lives not too far from where.

You know Jordan?

Yeah.

I like her.

I don't mean I'd have run Katie Price.

No.

Why wouldn't you not have rung Katie Price?

I don't think she would have been best suited to this.

We're getting off topic.

My rope snapped and I accepted it and walked off.

You've had your baby lifted up by

and then

you've come off your your green to go and retie them that's it yet somehow I'm the knobbed for not ringing Katie Price

that saves me some minutes

task two this is my fave it's a team task make things genuinely awkward most genuine awkwardness wins you have 20 minutes your time starts now Talk us through the thought process for your team here, Phil.

Well, we nearly went for a bad improv.

Oh, really?

Yeah, so we discussed that.

And then

it was decided that

I would get undressed.

Yes.

I had to borrow pants, but they weren't my pants.

That was my first question I wrote down.

Yeah, were they rugmail bottom pants?

But the problem is, if he'd said yes, they were, I would not have been surprised.

Exactly, yeah.

And the vest as well.

You just assume that's well, that's how I arrived.

Yeah.

Why did they have those on site?

I don't know.

The vest was mine.

Yeah.

Because for the cold

winter days, you know, sometimes you need a little vest.

And I forgot my kit, so I had to do PE in it that morning.

And I always remember my friend had to do PE in his short.

Remember,

you used to make sure you've got your kit, you just have to do it in vest and pants, which is insane.

It is insane.

And my friend had got those like rub-on tattoos of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

And the teacher went, How dare you?

Go and scrub them off.

And I just, how dare you?

He was just in the toilet scrubbing off Donatello.

It was so weird.

I went to PE once

on the weekend before I'd been to a slip not signing and for some reason got two of them to sign my forearms

and then went to PE.

They're like, you're going to have to wash that off.

I was like,

I can't wash that off.

Yeah, what is wrong with you?

This is, you know, the pig man's signature.

Yeah, yeah.

And I meant to scrub it off.

Did you get them to sign anything else?

Yeah, they signed a CD.

Oh, thank God.

Yeah, yeah.

You could give me that CD as well, Gamble.

Get rid of that, scrub that all off.

Um, yes, so you decided that you were going to be a baby, you needed to be washed.

So, the awkward bit was going to be that Anya and Sanjuv were being quite sexually aggressive towards Alex.

It was so awkward.

It was awkward, especially when Anya throws in the curveball of being 15.

Did you could you hear that going on?

Were you outside the door?

I was trying to listen, but I could only pick up bits.

So, when she said her arsehole was a school,

she is so funny in this task.

Also, she was telling me that she'd told both of you, we need to not laugh at all.

We can't laugh, it has to be so serious, and then she just laughs straight away because.

Oh, yeah, it's hard.

I mean, I laugh,

you might have noticed I just laugh constantly like an absolute madman.

Yeah, but obviously, you're going baby, baby dirty, baby hungry, and then start suckling on Alex.

I know, I know.

I wanted to get to the full nipple, but he was very refusing to he normally takes his clothes off quite quickly, Alex, isn't there?

No, you wouldn't let you suck his nipple.

No, but I did suck it, but through the shirt,

so I do, and it did get erect.

I'll point that out.

I know what I'm doing, know my way around a nipple,

know my way around a man's nipple.

I'll tell you that.

It is, it is awful.

It's awful to watch.

I loved it.

It's so good.

I hated it because I thought at first I was just going to come out in just the pants, but I thought, weirdly, the vest and pants looks even weirder.

Oh, yeah, it's gross.

Did you?

And the vest was tucked into the pants.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The absolute worst.

And

then sitting there and being, it is funny how, because then they just left me on my own.

Yeah.

They didn't know what I was going to do.

So I just panicked and I thought I'll just try and suckle him.

But that did go on for ages.

Yeah.

We need the full edit, really.

Well, hopefully.

Release the Snyder cut.

The Devonshire cut.

We need it.

Release the nipple cut.

Yeah, when Ania, just, as I heard what you said about my hole as well, it's just Alex is really genuinely taken aback by it.

Yeah, and then when Sanju goes, well, you've not had no problems

considering her body throughout the past week.

It's just

so awkward.

Bearing in mind I'm 15.

Yeah, oh, it's so good.

So funny.

So funny.

So awful.

Baby dirty.

Baby hungry.

And in the studio, I did crawl towards Alex to try and get some more nipples.

They cut that out.

Weird.

Yeah, absolutely stunning.

Like you say, Reese and Maisie do bad improv.

The bad improv didn't come across to me because it just seemed like they were doing an awkward scene yeah

maybe because

um

rhys is such a good actor yeah that he can make bad improv look good yes it just because he's so intense seemed like a good like a good character and a good sketch yeah and maisie was really good in that yeah i thought like her actor actually went oh i could see maisie doing some more i love it when she keeps hitting him with the yeah thing and you uh

you go oh no no it's not actually a word miss yeah

it was really funny i thought it was funny but it wasn't awkward enough no

I would have, yeah, it made me chuckle.

Yeah.

I thought it was a good sketch.

It was great.

I would take that on the road.

Yeah.

That is an Edinburgh.

I've seen a lot worse in Edinburgh.

My God.

I have, I mean, I've obviously seen bad improv before.

And that is one of the worst things you can watch.

I make fun of improv.

I did a whole show about improv, how much I hated it, basically.

But I did it as if I was doing improv.

So I'd get people up and we'd do loads of improv, and I'd be playing clips from this improv

workshop.

And then at the end of the show, this curtain, the curtain behind me would open, but there's an entire new room behind me because I lost so much money because I had a curtain made for a grand to go over half the room.

So it turns out there's a bigger audience behind me, and there's an improv group in the teacher.

So I'm obsessed with improv groups.

Yeah.

But no, that would have, you know, I would have enjoyed that if I'd seen it live.

Yeah, yeah.

Which I've not, I mean, I obviously find it really funny when I'm watching bad improv.

Yeah, yeah.

So I don't find that awkward.

I find that absolutely delightful.

But we would go out of our way, and I'm sure you're like in Edinburgh, to go and watch Bad Improv.

Yeah.

Because you can tell by the flyers, you're like, that's going to be bad.

1 a.m.

in the yurt outside the Three Sisters on a Saturday.

Yes, please.

Is that a genuine?

Because there might be people listening going, I did an improv show at 1 a.m.

in the yurt outside the Thisis.

No, it wasn't.

No, there was a prop comic once, bless him, who got had the 1am slot in the yurt in the busiest beer garden, which is just a place everyone goes to get hammered on a weekend, like a proper sports bar.

They were there, like with the toes to their head, going, anyone wants to

just come in and go, no, man.

He wasn't whispering to his props on the way home, was he?

Going,

you fucked up, you fuck up.

Sore in tonight.

A very well-deserved five points for you, Sanjeev and Anya, and four points for Maisie and Rhys.

It was good all round.

A brilliant task.

Well, you're back.

Alex, would you mind just coming and sitting there?

Just have a seat.

If you could.

Just grab that.

Thank you.

Do I need this?

No, you don't need that.

Thank you, Sanjeev.

Hi, Ranya.

It's better for us if you're just honest.

You know, which one of us

would you rather have sex with?

Your answer here will either make you a racist or a sexist.

Bearing in mind, I'm 15.

How old are you Sanjeev?

I'm older than 15.

I'll have sex with you Sanjeev.

I think that's sexist.

Because I mean during the week you were very happy to kind of contemplate the bits.

My body.

Yeah exactly.

You remember what you called my hole?

It was French?

Sound French.

Was it les Cole, the school?

You called my bum hole a school.

Wow.

Task three, do the most accurate finger painting of the person.

This is great as well.

On the other end of the phone, you must only use four letter words when speaking to them, and every other reply will be a lie.

You have a total of ten minutes.

Your time starts when the phone rings.

A brilliant task.

Most of you forgot about the truth and lie system almost immediately.

Absolutely.

And I don't even remember until we were watching it back in the studio.

So you're just taking everything as a

blue nose.

What's wrong with him?

What do you mean he's got a blue nose?

But also, you don't know in Taskmaster, right?

Because it might be someone wearing a big outfit dressed as a monster or something.

So

it could be someone with a blue nose, but you've got to establish the truth and lie system.

Yes.

First question should always be, are you on the phone?

Yeah.

But four letters.

Yeah.

Which is which does make it worse.

Which would be,

I don't know how you do it.

It is hard.

I was just wanting to go bell.

Yeah.

It is hard.

Now you think about it, I've realised I would also massively screw it up.

I mean, Anya's first word was sexy.

Sexy.

Sexy, vagina.

It's a very sexy episode, isn't it?

Now, the more I think about it, it depends what you think sexy is, Phil.

The word vagina is sexy.

A grown man in a tiny bath.

A grown man pretending to be a baby in a small bath.

You don't want to look at my search history, Bill.

It's pretty much just that, and a dead horse.

It is chaos, this task as well.

You just went with Danny Zuko, you ended up with...

And then once you got that idea in your head, did you just decide just to paint Danny Zuko regardless of what?

I think, yeah, I just was off then.

This jacket is looking.

Plus, you didn't have to fight.

Black was already there.

Yeah.

You tried to make brown.

It went horrible mess.

It was just a horrible dingy grey.

It does have a Fonz-esque

look to it.

Yeah, he's got a massive head though, isn't he?

Yeah.

He does remind me of someone, though.

I can't think who it is.

Your painting or the person?

My painting.

Yeah, I forget about the guy.

That's so frustrating that he was there.

Yeah, I can't believe no one noticed him.

Only Anya did at the end going out, but I didn't even notice him when I left, I just went in the house, and that was it.

I only found out when I watched the thing back that he was there.

No one told me because Alex is very good at like

because I suppose if I was then to say, Did you do the task?

Do you know the thing is you know, you know, you don't want to ruin stuff, so um, yeah, Anya just seems to be asking asking him if he's sexy a lot of the time,

asking him if he's a catch and things like that.

She pushes on a call that should have cost a pound a minute,

apparently uh sanjeev doesn't remember the rules reese doesn't remember remember the rules maisie doesn't remember the rules it's absolutely all over the place maisie's painting that she ends up with what is she thinking looks like a carnival it looks mad is it egg an egg man again with a blue a blue nose and saying she's captured his spirit and she said it's it's got blue nose spaghetti bolognese and nobody

it's so weird and it's like an 80s cartoon yeah it looks insane it would look like it should be on the front of a fridge yeah it's funny though, that she did

say that she captured his essence.

Yeah, I thought that was a good way of getting out of it.

But I don't know, we don't think we saw in the edit where she came up with spaghetti bolognese and what that had to do with how he looked because she just sort of put bits of spaghetti bolognese around.

Oh, no, she does say spagh ball, all right.

She goes with two L's because she's going like because I think she'd found out he'd cook, he was a chef, but not a chef, but she knew that he liked to cook, didn't realize it was a chef.

But uh,

I thought I'm having a go with it.

But yeah, she'll go Spag Ball at one point.

She's put it all around.

But again, that doesn't really help him.

Well, imagine if she'd look round and there was a man stood there that

looked like that with Spag Ball hovering around him like in orbit.

It would have been fucking terrifying.

It would have been

like David Lynchman when he'd come out of the cafe Muller and drive around the corner.

Oh, yeah, that'll be so freaky.

I'm actually freaked out.

Imagine they're there in the garden.

Yeah.

And still like all made of paint.

Just cracking.

Yeah.

Kill me.

Amazing that we're in a situation where Reese manages to get four points here.

Yeah, for that.

Because he doesn't know the system either.

The roundest man of all time, like a perfectly spherical man.

It's a really good drawing.

He's very good at art.

He is, yeah.

Yeah.

As he actually wanted to make clear to me on the podcast.

He knows he's good at art.

Yeah, it's good.

But I think it accidentally looks like the guy facially.

So maybe that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, I mean, and also, I suppose, if you're going to say what it looked like, he's got a white top on, whereas I've got a leather club 50s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How did you get to that?

Was that just asking him questions?

I think I said cool coat.

And then he said...

So I thought, well, that was the coolest coat ever.

A leather jacket.

So you know.

Yeah.

So you didn't ask him any more questions about the cool coat.

No, no, I just went, I ran with that.

Yeah, you're like, must be that.

Must be that, must be

leather jacket.

The only cool coat.

blonde hair, though.

Interesting choice.

I gave him blonde hair.

Did I give him blonde hair?

You did give him blonde hair.

Yeah, don't know where that came from.

Yeah,

maybe another one of his lies.

It's also really, I'd be so frustrated with that guy that every time you go, like, hair,

and he goes, I do have hair, yes.

Like, you know, that's not what I do.

Yeah, you, yeah.

I'll tell you what as well.

The arrogance, the fucking neck on this guy to say ugly, he goes, I am quite ugly, actually.

And it's on a lie.

You've got to be confident.

I'm not saying he wasn't ugly, man.

He was a very fine-looking man.

But I mean, you've got to have some.

You know, I am quite ugly as if.

Come on.

Definitely.

Come on, mate.

Winking at camera.

Imagine.

Imagine.

Sanjeev, we've got, I mean, this is, this made me fucking screw.

This made me scream laughing.

Oh, my God.

Just gets to the point where he goes, bats?

Bats.

I couldn't figure out when it started, where that came from.

What's the title?

Where it came from.

He mentions bats.

It's just, yeah, bats, bats.

And then that's it.

You hang out.

Yeah, must be bats.

Well, how did he get to bats?

I don't know.

Bats.

He's just thinking of four-letter words.

Bats.

Well, at least Reese, when he was trying to think of four-letter words, he used the word bigs.

Yeah.

When he wanted to say bigs, he was like, bigs?

But bats?

Bats.

Bone down.

Done.

Yeah.

And what I love about Sanjeev is he never really tries to explain things.

If

he's like, Yeah, bats, bats.

So he put bats all around the bats around this little lad in a red coat.

He's got red eyes.

Again, another one that I mean, he even had like a red cape on.

It's like Dracula was there.

It's quite a good drawing, though, a good painting.

Yeah, it's quite

scary.

But again, if you looked out the window and that guy was there hovering, you'd be absolutely terrified.

My rocker in the background.

Yeah, this is not a good game.

If all of these guys got together, Warriors!

Bats?

Bats.

Bats, bats.

Yeah, I mean, quite disastrous, but very, very funny.

Maisie gets one point, she's so angry.

This is my

two points for Sanjeev, three points for you, Phil, four points for Rhys and five points for Anya.

Body.

I do you have a body, yes?

Figs?

Uh, yes, large.

He's got a figs body.

Coat?

Yes, I am wearing a coat.

Cool coat?

I would say it was quite cool, yeah.

He's got a cool coat, isn't he?

Yeah, it's a black leather jacket.

I think it might be Danny Zuko.

What

make jobs?

I make spaghetti bonnets.

That's your job.

Spag, ball, two L's.

No, that's not right.

That's not right.

I don't think I care.

Can I ask you something, Ricky?

How are you getting on with the truth and lie system of this?

Have you remembered that?

I hadn't been considering that.

I'm off now.

You've been really, really unhelpful.

Goodbye, Andrew.

Nice talking to you, liar.

I'm gonna miss our chats.

Not good for my blood pressure, this you know.

I need this.

This live task feels like an episode of The Traitors.

It's really good, isn't it?

It's so good.

Eat the Lama duck or don't eat the Lame Duck.

If you're the only person to eat the Lame Duck, you win five points, and everybody else loses one point.

If more than one person eats the Lama duck, all Lame Duck eaters lose three points, and the Lame Duck refuses to gain three points.

If no one eats the Lame Duck, you must each give Greg £25.

If everyone eats the Lame Duck, Alex will give you each £25.

You have two minutes.

So

the agreement seems to be everyone eat the lame duck

and then we don't get any points, but we get £25.

Yeah.

I just didn't want to give £25.

I didn't want to go into my overdraft.

I'm very proud of being just out of it.

So some people...

think that you should all do the same thing, but

we as viewers can see

Anya eats it so quickly.

Yeah.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

Straight down with no hands.

Yeah.

And

I thought my plan was good to try and take them all in.

So we've got one person looking after the ducks.

But would you have looked after the ducks?

I would have eaten every fucking last one of them.

Would I have got all the 25 pounds?

No, no, no.

It's not about the money, Phil.

If you'd taken all the ducks in, which I think was a good ploy if you wanted to cheat.

Yeah.

you could have eaten your lame duck yeah and then kept all the others and uh you would have got five points and everyone would have lost one point.

Yeah, that was the plan.

Was it?

It was, to be honest.

Was it not to get £25?

Well, no, then I then I panicked completely.

I think I genuinely didn't understand the rules either.

It's quite complicated.

Yeah, most of these tasks, I'm sure they've been edited down.

I'm not seeing the other episodes.

Yeah.

Usually lasted 40 minutes because 25, 30 minutes was us arguing about the rules or confused.

I mean, mostly Maisie leading that.

But it was funny because we were all just like getting each day, we just get more and more annoying.

But I think me and Reese were just because Rhys was just confused.

That's why he didn't eat his.

And I think I was similar.

I was just like, I'm not sure if I meant to eat it or I can't remember what we said.

So I panicked.

It was in my mouth.

Yeah.

And then I just spat it out.

Now,

I'm confused, though.

Because in the, I'm still confused because the rules say if more than one person eats the lame duck, all lame duck eaters lose three points and the lame duck refuses gain three points.

Right.

But the people who eat the lame ducks.

Oh, no, hang on.

Now I am getting confused.

Yeah, because we didn't.

Yeah, you didn't.

Yeah, that's it.

But

did Maisie?

I mean, I don't even know what the fuck lame is.

So all of the people who ate the lame ducks were minus three points.

So that would be Anya, Maisie, and Sanjeev.

And you who

sort of ate, I think sort of ate the duck, you sucked all the gold off it.

Sucked the gold off.

Never go to a salt bay restaurant with Phil Ellis.

They bring the steak covered in gold and he licks the top and runs out.

Well, you saw me sucking the door handles before.

I thought that was gold.

There's a brass egg on my face.

You know your way around a brass door handle.

Suck it.

Oh, the princess's gold rings, that was meant to be.

The princess's gold rings.

Yeah.

Which princess are you thinking of?

The people's princess.

Quick apology.

Do you want an apology?

So sorry, what happened, Diana?

You're apologizing to Diana.

Wherever you are.

I hope they get you to you.

I know where you are.

Right.

What do you mean, the lowest listen to episode?

I think a lot of people would be listening to it.

It's a lovely.

Hello to the Daily Mail website.

hello great to be back on the front page

um so reese got points and you got points phil for your sneaky sucking um

which means phil not only is this the first episode that you win a task you've won the bloody episode it's amazing isn't it 18 points you get reese on 14 sanjeev on 12 anya on 11 and maisie on seven that is a bad episode for maisie oh i'd bet she was absolutely i could see how angry she was um but the uh but i love that that.

And it's funny how the angry she is.

But yeah, great one.

So all you people on Reddit who thought I wouldn't win any.

Hey, I'll take your apologies.

Not that I read Reddit.

Keep the fan art coming.

A little bit more of the old nugget now.

That's the main thing to take away from this episode.

Please draw a filler hairline.

But did you find that?

Do you find that when you win and you've got to play with the prizes, that goes on, feels like it goes on for hours.

It's difficult to come up with things to do yeah

especially with the urine and the duck

it would have been fun if it worked the duck

were you tempted to out of everyone i'd imagine you were the most tempted to neck neck the urine yeah i did

i drank all of it i mean it was delicious again like i say sanjeev i would drink more water

Even cups of tea, it's got enough in there, but you really do need to thin that out here.

It's pungent.

But yeah, no, it was great, great.

At least I had stuff to do in that prize thing as well, yeah, so I could eat the jelly beans.

I'm not sure what the prizes we've had so far because I've only watched episodes one and two.

So, what, like three and four?

What would they

fun ones to play with on there?

I can't remember.

Oh, the haunted house is amazing, isn't it?

But you don't want to play with that.

Imagine if you broke a bit off that by accident or something.

Reese, yeah,

he spent ages on that.

It's brilliant.

I'm not as angry as people think.

It is amazing, that prize.

It's one of my favourites ever, I think.

It's annoying how talented he is.

It's very impressive, but equally, I just go, Maybe I should learn a few extra skills.

Being good at Fortnite's all right, though, isn't it?

Yeah, it's really good.

Thank you, mate.

Well done, yeah.

Appreciate that.

Well done.

You and all the little boys.

I always say in Fortnite, you can always tell them another middle-aged man because, like, Robocop will come over the hills.

And I go, yes, another one's in.

Is that Michael Matt?

Is that you, mate?

Hi, mate.

How old are you?

Recent, and you're in the lead on the series, 77 points.

You're in second place, Phil, 73.

Maisie's on 71.

Sanjeev's on 67.

It's a very, very close series.

We are now halfway through.

Phil, thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you so much for having me.

We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points at La Taskmaster.

So please, we hope you've had a good time, but this is your chance.

Well, do you know what?

You get five from me.

That's fantastic news, Phil.

Has anyone given it a one?

Yeah, I'm sure someone has.

I bet Sam Gamble went into the miners.

Probably Sam or Paul Chowdhury or Tim Key or something.

They're cheeky boys, aren't they?

I'm in a WhatsApp group with a few people.

We always forget Sam's in it, and then he just keeps changing the title and the picture every few days.

I'd go, always forget Sam's in it.

We just

changed the title of that.

Sam has changed the logo.

Yeah, I'd say I get a message from Sam maybe once a month with like some weird AI of my face.

And

we went through a period where he was just sending me pictures.

You know, when you're on the tube and there's a big bubble on the floor, oh, yeah, yeah, you're just sending me pictures of those.

I love that guy, yeah, he's a good guy.

Uh, Phil, thank you very much for coming on the podcast.

Every time you say thank you, I cut it off.

I mean, this is really weird.

Thank you so much.

I don't deserve it.

I don't deserve it.

You're welcome back anytime.

Come and talk about future series with us.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Yeah, fantastic.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, see you the next lot.

Give them a bit of advice.

You can drink during the

showers with your ads during.

Thanks, Phil.

Thank you.

Bye.

Thank you so much to Phil for coming on the show.

We'll be back next week, of course, with another great chat with a brilliant special guest.

We'll be talking about episode six, series 20 of Taskmaster.

Until then, keep watching Taskmaster, keep doing what you're doing, and I love you so much.

Bye.