EP.236 - KIELL SMITH BYNOE

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin.

Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening.

I took my microphone and found some human folk.

Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke.

My name is Ad Buxton, I'm a man.

I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan.

Hey, how you doing podcats?

It's Adam Buxton here.

I'm here where I belong, stomping up a farm track in East Anglia with my best dog friend Rosie.

She's joined me, I would have to say reluctantly.

She's always reluctant at the beginning of the walks these days.

But by the time we're about halfway round the circuit, which usually takes us about an hour in total it's a good long walk then she's much more into the whole idea

but this initial stage she tends to be a bit reticent

yeah

now we're out on the top stretch of field in the open

exposed to the wind blowing quite hard from the west as the last deep orange rays of sunshine fade on the horizon beneath a dark canopy of cloud moving above us.

It's only 4.15 and yet in another quarter of an hour it'll be dark.

This isn't even the shortest day of the year.

That's next weekend, 21st of December.

But from then on

We'll be journeying together out of the dark and towards the light.

Speaking of which, let me tell you a bit about podcast number 236, which features a rambling conversation with British actor, comedian and writer Kyle Smith Bino.

Binofax, born in 1989, Kyle grew up in East Ham in the London borough of Newham.

He attended an all-boys school in Forest Gate, where his contemporaries included a number of aspiring musicians working within the electronic dance and hip-hop sub-genre Grime, which was blowing up at the time.

Kayell himself was a Grime MC, known as Clay's Flames.

And in 2007, Red Hot Entertainment, one of the crews that Kayell was a part of, enjoyed a viral hit with their song Junior Spech, an homage to the £1.50 Junior Special meal served at Canning Town's Southern Fried Chicken Outlet, a favourite eatery near the £20 an hour studio where Red Hot Entertainment would record their grime tracks.

Here's a quick blast of Junior Special for you.

Junior Special with a fight oversight press.

Or mayonnaise on the lap.

20 pounds.

Chicken in the butt.

160.

Or plus 79.

50 pounds.

I might want Dr.

Pep.

I don't know.

Hey, give me my junior speech.

Junior Spech by Red Hot Entertainment.

In 2009, Kyell's friend and sometime collaborator Gracious Kay had a hit with his track, Migrain Skank.

And as you'll hear in our conversation, Kyell joined him on the road to promote it.

Bit of Migraine Skank by Gracious Kay there for you.

Meanwhile, Kyle was working hard hard to realize his acting ambitions, having started young attending a Saturday drama school, then after-school drama, summer school drama, and then the Theatre Royal Stratford East Youth Theatre, and then East 15 Drama School.

One of the skills Kyle picked up in those years was for comedy improv, which continues to be a central part of his life in the form of his improv shows, Cool Story Bro, Cool with a K, KSB, you see, Kyle SmithBeiner.

In these shows, a hit this year at Edinburgh, Kaylee and a cast of comedian friends that includes the likes of Emma Siddey and Lola Rose Maxwell, plus special guests, improvise recreations of embarrassing recollections supplied by the audience.

Scripted roles for Kyle started coming slowly in the early 2010s.

He was also making comedy YouTube videos, some with friend of the podcast Kayvan Novak.

But it was towards the end of the decade, around 2018, when it seemed as though Kayell was appearing in one hit TV comedy show after another, with recurring roles in Guzz Khan's Man Like Mobine, Jamie Dimitriu's Staff Let's Flats, and the Horrible History Gang's Ghosts.

And let's not forget that well-loved turn in the 2023 season of Taskmaster.

My conversation with Kayell was recorded face-to-face in London earlier this month, December 2024, and we discussed the secret to getting ahead in the entertainment industry, Kayle's father and his unorthodox approach to family life, good times as a young Grime star, and the reason we won't be seeing Kayell on British reality show Sewing Bee anymore.

But we began, as you'll hear from the backup recording that was running when Kayell arrived for our podcast chat, by fixing ourselves a festive drink.

I actually forgot to set the main recorder running after fixing myself a festive drink, but only for a couple of minutes, in case you're wondering at the top why it carries on sounding a bit roomy, it's not for long.

I'll be back at the end for a couple of uplifting movie recommendations from Kyle himself and another from friend of the podcast, actor, comedian, author, and grief caster Carrie Ad Lloyd.

But right now, with Kyle Smith Bino,

here we go.

Ramble chatto, let's have a round old chat.

We'll focus first on this, then concentrate on that.

Come on, let's chew the fat and have a ramble chat.

Put on your conversation coat and find your talking hat.

Now look, I've got water here for you.

Would you like anything else?

I've got beers, I've got

Pepsi Macs.

I can offer you extra virgin olive oil.

I'm trying to catch up with that.

Lemonade, gin, vodka, Captain Morgan rum.

Hmm, Captain Morgan and Pepsi sounds interesting.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

I mean I don't usually drink Captain Morgan's but that's if you don't want a tea or a

I'd love a drink actually.

Okay.

Look, I've even got some ice cubes.

Pingu.

Pingu ice?

Yeah.

I actually love dropping a bag of ice on the spot.

It's pretty good, isn't it?

It is great.

Lil Wayne's got a lyric,

drop me like a bag of ice.

It's very satisfying.

Okay, so we're doing Captain Morgan

Spice Gold.

Spice gold.

It does smell good.

That smells delicious.

That smells vanilla-y.

Yeah.

Is that right?

Yeah.

I'm going to leave it to you to.

Are you dropping me?

Well.

Ooh, he's thinking about it.

Well, it's coming up for Christmas, so.

Exactly.

This is our work Christmas drinks.

What the hell?

Exactly.

Okay.

Now, you have just come from...

the headquarters of Netflix in the UK, is that right?

That's right, yeah.

And what were you doing there?

Well they give out free snacks there.

Oh yeah.

So you can just sort of hang around.

Nice.

I had a meeting there.

I'm working on a project with Ben Wilbond.

Oh really?

And that's not a secret.

Yeah.

We're working on a project together.

He's a ghostsman, right?

He's a ghostman.

Yeah.

And we have been pitching that and this is the fourth place that we've pitched it.

And currently we've had one offer to take things further.

How are you in a pitch meeting?

I'm quite, I'm very conversational,

quite unorthodox, I'd say.

Like this, I'm just doing this.

I just don't feel like, you know, when I came into the industry, I thought, I thought it was like, oh my gosh, when you go to these places and you've got my suit, I've got what do you do with a suit?

And you realise that, like, you're having meetings with people that are in their gym clothes.

They don't care.

You don't have to, um, yeah, you don't have to dress up for it.

You can just sort of turn up.

You come from football or whatever.

So,

yeah, I realise that you can just chill, sort of be be yourself.

And I learned that quite quickly.

Well, it's all about confidence at the end of the day, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

So if you go in and you look relaxed,

then they're going to feel that.

I mean, your idea's probably got to be good too.

Does it though?

I think that confidence carries the day.

I really do.

Yeah.

My friend Garth is telling me about this big studio head that he works with.

And this guy was having a meeting with a big star.

And in this guy came with his manager, I think.

And the manager came into the studio head's office, put his feet up on the table of the studio boss,

got a little packet of raisins that was in the bowl, emptied it into his mouth, scrunched up the packet, and threw the packet at the face of the studio boss.

And then said, All right, what are we doing?

And apparently, the studio boss is a nice guy and knew what to expect from this character so he didn't like totally lose his rag.

Right.

But, I mean...

I wish you told me that before I went to Netflix.

You could have thrown some fruit at them and they would have loved it.

Yeah, especially if it was from their canteen.

Yeah.

I just had this incredible meeting with Kyle SmithPino.

He threw a banana at my face.

Give him a three-series deal because no one's ever done that before.

I was just absolutely fucking gobsmacked by the confidence of the guy.

Who is that voice?

What is that voice?

That's probably Netflix executive.

That's really good.

It's really believable.

But

that's it, man.

That's what they're doing.

Everyone's, that's just, especially in the entertainment industry.

It's personality-led, isn't it?

I'm reading quite a good book at the moment by a film critic called Tim Roby.

And it's called Box Office Poison.

And it's

an account of like some of the biggest box office flops in movie history.

Like Super Mario Bros.

I don't know if Super Mario Bros.

is in there, actually.

I'm sort of in the middle.

I'm in the 80s at the moment.

Right.

Actually, no, I'm getting beyond that.

They've just done Jilly, Jiggly,

Ben Effleck, and

Cat Woman is in the.

That's a horrible film.

Yeah.

Have you seen it?

Yeah.

Wow.

That is a really good thing.

How did you see that film?

I saw it on ITV2 once.

one afternoon.

And you didn't switch it off?

No, I was really intrigued.

I also say Hallie Berry in it, but I was really intrigued at where it's going.

And I was like, oh, it's just getting worse.

Yeah.

And it keeps getting worse.

And it's sort of like interesting to watch how bad it was.

Yeah, there's some funny stories in this book.

Right.

But what keeps coming through again and again is that people haven't got a clue.

Like, no one knows what they're doing.

The only thing they know is what the last thing was that did well.

Yeah.

That's why everything is the same as the last thing that did well.

They just keep on doing that for a while.

Suddenly, you know, they're all geniuses after the fact, but they've got no clue what's going to actually work.

So they're sitting there in their Netflix offices or wherever else, not just Netflix,

and they're acting like, yeah, we know what we're doing.

That's a different guy, right?

Tell me your pitch.

This is his boss.

And they don't know.

They've got no idea.

So all they've got to go on is what kind of fruit are you going to throw at them

yeah

oh jackfruit wow

well i mean i didn't i didn't go too personality i didn't i wasn't um as if i was kicking about a football with my mates right do you remember in school when teachers used to say that you're not kicking around a football with your mates as if like you talk during football yeah

i'm saying yeah even though no teacher ever said that to me because i don't think i ever went anywhere near a football.

Really?

Yes, it was obvious to them that I was not someone who was going to understand or respond to football metaphors.

I could imagine you as a sportsman.

Really?

Maybe not football, but like rugby.

No, nothing.

No sport.

Really?

Yeah, what about you?

No.

But my dad wanted me to be sports.

He was a cricketer?

He was a cricketer, and he wanted me to be a cricketer.

Right.

This is Fitzburn.

Fitzburne Isaiah Smith.

Fitzburn.

Well, that's a good name.

It's a good good name.

Where did he get that name?

His dad, I reckon.

Yeah.

His dad, Nathaniel.

Okay.

I've got a Nathaniel.

Have you?

Yeah.

Wow.

It's a nice name, too.

Yeah.

I only met my granddad three times.

Oh, okay.

Because he lived in Jamaica.

Right.

And by the third time I saw him, he was pretty blind.

Uh-huh.

But he lived to 99.

Whoa, good genes.

Yeah.

What about your pa?

How long did he live?

My dad died one year after my granddad.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

My granddad lived to 99 and

my dad was 81.

That's not bad.

Yeah, one year after.

So we were all meant to go to Jamaica for my granddad's 100th.

So we were sort of planning that.

When I say we all, I mean all of my dad's children and their children and their children.

Right.

So there are lots of them.

My dad had 12.

Okay.

Apparently.

12 that you know of.

Yeah.

My granddad had said that there were more.

And then my dad was like he's old he doesn't know what he's talking about

so and were these were they all from relationships that were

that went on for a while or were they just sort of random a bit both yeah there are

there are 12 of us uh allegedly and there are three boys nine girls

and there are eight mothers involved.

Okay.

I believe.

And just one.

I haven't done the maths properly.

And are you the only child from

his union with your mother?

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

I'm my mum's only child.

And I grew up as an only child.

But when I was 14, my dad said to me, We're going to Birmingham to meet your sister.

And I was like, my what?

And I went to, we got in a coach from Victoria and we went to Birmingham

and I went to meet my sister Elaine.

And when I got there,

and she introduced me to her kids, and and we had a lovely dinner and then we

watched TV and my dad went to bed and my sister said to me, so how many of us have you met?

How old were you at this point?

I was 14.

Right, right.

And I said, would you, what?

And I remember her going, oh, Coyle.

And I know that that meant that she realized that my dad had brought me there so that she could do the work.

Okay.

But you all knew about each other and your dad was keen to sort of introduce you all.

Yes, my dad wanted us all to know each other.

So he was a family man.

He was a family man.

And on his deathbed, he was surrounded by all of his children.

Really?

On Father's Day.

Wow.

On Father's Day, 2018,

we were all there.

I'm not sure if we were all there at the same time,

but we were all there that day.

Yeah.

Did you get to say anything meaningful to him?

I mean, he couldn't.

He didn't really have the energy to speak a lot.

He would sort of nod or shake his head.

Yeah.

So he got to spend a good amount of time with you when you were growing up.

Is that right?

Yeah.

I mean, I didn't realize it.

You know, when I was a teenager, there was a part of me that was like, oh, my dad's never around.

And I think I just wanted to, because my dad never lived with us, it sort of felt like he wasn't around.

But when I look back, after he died, and when I look back at all the pictures, he was there for everything that was important in my life.

Right.

All the

plays and all the graduation stuff and he hired a car to drive me to my graduation my GCSE results all of those things he was there and the maddest thing is that all of my siblings say the same thing right everyone says I just remember him being there I remember waking up on a Saturday morning random Saturday morning and he'd be there I remember he was there at Christmas.

I remember he was there at Mother's Day.

He was there on my birthday.

All of us.

And that's insane.

Because there's one in Bowman and there's like five in South London, there's three in Brighton.

And yeah, everyone remembers him being like around in those pivotal moments.

I sort of say in everyone.

And when I say everyone, I'm sort of, I mean, like, nine's enough to say everyone.

That's 75%.

But...

Yeah, there were some that had like other sort of difficult relationships because their parents hadn't let him.

There's one of my sisters whose mum, I don't think she'd mind me saying this, and also she's not going to listen.

But Elaine told me that her mum was walking, I think it was down like Penge High Street, and she was pushing the pram that Elaine was in.

And her mum said she saw the way that my dad looked at another woman and realized that this man will never be faithful to her and broke up with him right there.

And

I think like

he was, that is what he was like.

And he just like, his head would just turn right and he'd be like right next thing so he didn't protest too much when she wanted to break up no he was just like yeah you got me yeah I think he was just like in love with women

like couldn't really understand the concepts of being in love with one woman yeah yeah

what are you like in that way I think I used to be like that yeah I think I inherited that for a while.

But I've also seen how it can affect the children and relationships and just life and this difficult way to live.

He must have been exhausted, the boy.

Well, exactly.

How is he playing cricket after all that?

I mean, that is for someone who, in one way, is not good at committing,

he has also taken on a big, wide raft of commitments in another way.

Yeah.

That are far more complicated and stressful, you would imagine, than just having one relationship.

I mean, that's kind of the point of being married, but at least that's part of the point.

Yeah.

Is that it simplifies a lot of things.

I mean, it complicates things in lots of ways as well.

But the longer you're married, well, this is my experience.

It's not the same for everyone.

But the longer I've been married, the simpler things have got emotionally in some ways.

Right.

And

I feel grateful for that.

Especially as when I was younger, like in my 20s, it was just non-stop emotional drama and it was exhausting.

I don't miss that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I sort of miss the adventure of going and meeting people, I suppose, and discovering new people and falling in love and those sort of extreme feelings.

But I don't miss all the stuff around it.

Right, yeah.

I don't miss it going wrong.

I don't miss the long stretches between relationships when I would feel quite lonely.

You know, like that feeling was hard of just sort of thinking,

I'd rather be with someone.

Yeah.

But then, you know, some people are like, they're fine.

Yeah, yeah.

It's nice just to be on their own and do their own thing.

My dad asked my mum to marry him twice.

Oh, really?

And she said, obviously not.

But, you know, it sounds like when he was actually with you, he was a perfectly serviceable and

good dad, yeah.

I remember going on this date with this girl, and it was one of of those Saturdays that he was home falling asleep on the sofa or something.

And I came down ready saying that I was about to go out.

And he asked me where I was going.

I said, oh, God, date.

He said, oh,

where are you meeting her?

And I said, oh, I'm going to go to her house rest and whatever.

He's like, yeah, yeah, come.

I'll drop you.

And he drove me there.

And when we got there, I told him where it was.

And we got there.

Then he said, oh,

where are you going?

I said, oh, I bought this restaurant in Shoreditch.

He was like, oh, yeah, I'll drop you.

Get in the back.

I was like, what do you mean, get in the back?

He's like, yeah, I'll drive you guys there.

But obviously, you don't want to sit in the front and she sits in the bags.

Get in the back.

And then he drove us there like a chauffeur.

Yeah.

And dropped us off.

And it was lovely.

Yeah.

But, you know, just little things like that.

You know, like

doing dad stuff.

There was a lot of that.

And he, like, enjoyed doing that.

Even though he didn't get the cricketer that he wanted.

But I still think that I'm sort of like continuing a legacy.

You know, like, you get to choose your name when you leave drama school.

And I kept both of mine.

And I'm really leaning into it now.

I didn't like, before I was just Kyle.

And I guess now I've really sort of lent into the KSB thing.

Yeah.

Did your dad see you when you were in your Grime MC mode?

Yeah.

Oh, in that mode.

Like, actually, like, performing stuff.

Yeah.

I doubt it.

He saw me around that time when I was like...

constantly out of the house just going to like radio, pirate radio or studio or

music video shoots.

Was that your first performance passion then?

Being an MC?

I always wanted to be an actor from really young, but then when I got to school, everyone was either a footballer, a fighter, or an MC.

A fighter?

Fighter?

What kind of fighter?

Just people just fight.

I went to all boys school in First Game.

People just fight, having fights.

It's like, oh, yeah, I beat that boy up.

It's like, why?

Fighter, isn't it?

And that's the sort of, that was how you got any kind of status.

You were either a footballer or a fighter or an MC.

And we had the rare,

the rare superstars that were all three.

It wasn't like that at my school, guys.

And how did you make the transition from wanting to be an actor to being an MC?

I guess I just, I still wanted to perform in some way.

That's what was happening in the playground.

I was useless of football.

So in the playground, I had to do something.

And I always had an interest in music.

My uncle was an MC.

My uncle was a drum and bass MC.

Oh, yeah.

MC Fats.

Yes, I saw your lovely tribute to him when he died on your Instagram page.

Yeah.

Yeah, he died this, no, last year.

And

he

was an MC.

He was a

MC slash singer and he was quite big in the drum and bass scene.

I was not interested, I didn't give a heck about drum and bass.

And he was your uncle on your mum's side, mum's side,

yeah.

So, my mum would work quite late, so I would go to school and then go from school to my nan's, and then I'd stay at my nan's until my mum came and picked me up in the evening.

And yeah, my uncle would come in sort of twice a week with all these stories about like being on tour in Japan or in Canada or

Australia so he was pretty successful yeah he went around the world right yeah yeah yeah he did loads he um he used to make music with Goldie did he yeah and what's that crew called heavy

I can't remember bass heads no metal heads metal heads that sounds more familiar yeah but he'd make music with them he did he had music with chase and status he had like right okay yeah he was he was the real deal yeah yeah yeah so he'd always come back with like gifts from these places or stories about eating bear in Tokyo or something like that.

You know, just like

I tried snake here and all of that stuff.

I mean, most of the stories revolved around food.

Yeah.

Which ultimately was his demise.

But yeah, he traveled and he lived well and he went everywhere and saw the world and really enjoyed himself and had a great time.

But I think he never shook that lifestyle despite the diabetes.

right

he didn't listen to the doctors when they told him to take care of what you're eating and all that stuff and then he lost one foot and then then the second one oh amazing they're both amputated oh yeah yeah and it's like

you know you gotta pay attention to these things man you like you he got told he got warned He was like, your lifestyle, obviously it's the lifestyle of a musician, of a musician on the road.

Yeah.

And

like traveling and living out of suitcases and eating out of kebab shops

after midnight, 3 a.m., all that stuff.

But you know,

when you've got those kind of health conditions, you have to think about that stuff.

And I guess he didn't.

He sort of just pretended that it didn't exist.

Hang on to your feet as far as possible.

Got to.

You need those.

But yeah, he was a huge influence in my life.

Right.

And he would come and tell these stories.

And

I wanted to travel the whole world.

I wanted to see stuff.

I wanted to eat there.

I wanted to and were you thinking at that point that you would do it as an actor no I guess I was like if that doesn't work out this will right okay I never saw one I never saw the two together and two I never really

well I didn't know it could be a career yeah I knew acting could be a career and what had got you into acting why why were you so passionate about that I just loved the feeling.

I did the nativity play when I was four years old innkeeper and it was the best moment of my life at that stage.

And I guess i've been chasing that high ever since

but um

yeah i loved it i just loved being on stage i loved the applause i loved the laughter i loved the response from an audience i love people sort of listening what's it gonna say next

when i'd done that when i'd done those performances to a very small audience i thought i'd love to do this to a bigger audience and then when i got when i was 11 i joined uh theatre roll stratford east and I started doing those shows, the youth theatre showcase and those sort of things.

But I was also also like mcing a lot and i was going on pirate radio and i was

doing

like grime sets how did you get into that then how do you end up on pirate radio you just meet the right people yeah you just know people that did it like i had some other mcs in my school tinshi strider went to my school right um

and there were loads of mcs in my school and like you just know that That's what you do because everyone's sort of plan was to perform at Grime Raves.

So Grime Raves like Young Man Standing, Stratford Rex and all those places.

That's where like that was the big show.

And everyone wanted to sort of get to that.

But you go through sort of pirate radio first.

But first of all, you have to start off at a crazy set time, which was maybe like 4 till 6 p.m.

on a Monday.

Yeah.

And really, you want to be on like 8 till 10 on a Wednesday or Thursday or something like that.

So you'd move around a lot, you'd change crews, you'd be in a different crew from last week, or you'd be in two maybe, but you'd be on radio, then you'd do music videos.

Channel U came out, so everyone was trying to make it onto Channel U with their music videos.

We did that with a few tracks.

Where was Channel U?

Channel U was

a television channel on Skype.

Right.

Where you could send in your videos.

And if you were getting played on Channel U, that's like the problem.

That's the thing.

That's what like the big MCs were doing.

That's what TJ Strider was doing.

Tiny Temple was doing.

All of those guys.

So everyone wanted to be on Channel U.

So this is around the time that Red Hot Entertainment was formed.

Yes, and that is your MC gang.

That's where I met, yeah, Terra and

who else was in it?

I mean, we changed a lot of crews between year seven and year 11 when Red Hot really formed.

Red Hot was sort of like at its peak when I was in first year of sixth form.

That's when Genius Bash came out, that's when Baby Girl came out, which was the video that was on Channel U.

That was a few years before Migraines Gang came out, which was also a member of Red Hot who went to my school.

And was it supposed to be funny, Red Hot?

No.

That was our only funny song.

No, that wasn't our only funny song, but that was the main funny song.

Yeah.

Because we were sort of funny people, but grime wasn't a funny thing.

No one was making funny grime.

Apart from there was a boy called African Boy that made a song called About Going to Liddle.

That was a funny song.

And then we also had Junior Special, but like, it wasn't really a thing, like funny grime.

And then I guess it sort of became a thing after that and Gino Special was a hit I mean it's only got a million views on YouTube but it's only got that because in 2008 no one was running to YouTube to be like oh let's look at this thing yeah it was being sent around Bluetooth it was being sent around on MSN so that's where all most of our like I don't know that's where our numbers would be were you at all worried that it was inappropriate to be doing 100% i don't want to do it that's why i refused to pay for the video

because you wanted to be taken seriously.

You didn't want to be a novelty band.

Because Jax was like, all right, cool, we're going to shoot a video for it.

I said, we're going to what?

It's a joke.

I said, this joke's getting out of hand.

He's like, no, no, no, we'll just do a video and then, like, then we can try and get it on Channel U.

And I was like, why do we want to do that?

That's not the kind of music we make.

Anyway, so you needed a video if you wanted to be on there.

Yeah.

But I refused to pay for it because I didn't want it to happen.

I said, I'll turn up, but I'm not paying.

And then

it was just like one thing led to another and then we were doing shows.

We got booked for some birthday girls party at in Chalk Farm, which was our first sort of booking for that song, which was so weird.

And I actually had an interview with a Guardian, a guy from the

Guardian or The Independent?

I can't remember.

One of those.

And he told me that he was at that party.

Oh, really?

Which blew my mind.

What did you have to do at the party?

All like 16-year-old girls and stuff.

I think they were a bit older than us.

I think they might have even been like sort of uni-age.

okay because we were 16.

yeah i think they were like 18 19.

it was this crazy this mad massive house in child it was probably the biggest house i'd been to but i imagine it was like i bet i could book them for my party yeah so you could not you could not go to those guys

and then she did and then we did it they paid us yeah and had was there a stage i guess it was a tent in a garden or something no it was like a a little like the decks had been set up in a front room

mad.

And then I was like, oh yeah, I guess we sort of do this now.

And then we did that for a bit and we would do a few shows and whatever.

But then Migraine Skank happened and that was

next level.

That was like in the middle.

Migraine Skank was not a comedy song.

That was not a comedy.

I mean, it's sort of, I mean, it's not serious, but it was more of a dance track.

Okay.

And Gracious was a member of Red Hot and he got that, and that's when Funky House blew up.

Yeah.

And then instead of just doing like gigs in Chalk Farm, so 50 drunk uni students, he was doing like 3,000 people at like

O2 Arena Manchester or something like that.

And we went around the world doing that.

Literally around the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whereabouts did you go?

We went to, well, I say around the world, I guess around Europe.

We went to, we did all the party islands.

We were doing like Malia, Napa, Zanti, Koz, Magaloof, all of that stuff.

Greek Islands.

And they pay for your flights?

They pay for your flights, they pay for your hotel.

They like, if you decide that you want to extend it, they were like, yeah, yeah, we'll move your flights.

What a laugh.

Yeah.

So I was doing that.

I was going to drama school.

I mean, before we were doing the holidays, when we were doing it in the UK, because the song was so big that he would have like maybe three bookings a night.

So I would.

This is all from Junior Spech.

This is from My Grainscape.

Oh, this is My Grainscape.

I apologise.

So I'd leave, I'd finish drama school at six.

Right.

Charles would pick me up.

Then we'd pick up Grace, then we'd go to like Bournemouth, Bolton, Winchester.

Not in that order, that would be mental.

But like we'd do three gigs, and then I'd come home.

I'd get home about 1am and then be up at 8 to go to drama school again.

Yeah.

And I'd do that four nights a week.

Wow.

Yeah.

And then on the weekend, you might do a quick

Amsterdam or something like that for like a uni freshers party.

So, what do you do?

How many songs do you play?

Just that one.

Just that one?

Yeah.

Or sometimes.

I mean, Gracious had some other songs come out, but like everyone was there for migraine skank.

So you do the first opening stuff.

So you're part of a bill on a night, and the MC will say.

Well, it wasn't really a bill.

It was just sort of like a club night with an appearance.

Right.

A special guest PA.

And did you have to do any banter around it?

Or you just come on stage,

sing over the the backing track?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Was it fun?

It was great.

It was great.

And you all got on well?

Yeah.

It was some of the best, some of my best times.

Right.

I remember one book in Warrington

where I think it was Halloween.

And I remember this bunch of girls who were all dressed in, you know, sort of like whatever Halloween stuff.

like basically nothing and there was this one girl who had

she'd bought a star costume from asda

and it's like one of the worst star you've ever seen.

It looks like someone's cut it out, like in their kitchen.

She's just like,

old D's not wanting to get to wear nothing, but I'm just as a star.

I got this for six quid in the Asda.

Why?

But I remember like, you know, stuff like that.

stories like that we went to Wolverhampton and

like in this Jamaican club and they were like, come upstairs, eat first.

And we went upstairs and we just like, it was like something out of a film where this guy sort of had his back to us and you could just see him like raising a meat cleaver and is slamming it down on something that you don't really know what it is.

And then he turns around and it's like the nicest looking jerk chicken you've ever seen.

And they just lay it out for us and gave us a bottle of cavosier each.

And they were like, yeah, yeah, enjoy.

My god.

You know, stuff like that.

But also like sort of the other end of the thing, which is like doing like kids' parties for like rich people.

And,

yeah.

It was great.

And we did button.

We used to do button.

We used to do Skegness and did like funky house.

And these were the times like Tiny Temple was around those times.

So we were doing shows of Tiny Temple.

We were doing shows with End Ups.

We were like doing all the festivals with them.

It was great.

That's amazing.

And that's all off the back of sort of one or two hits.

Yeah.

but then I was, you know, that whole time I was heavily invested in being an actor.

And I would never wanted to miss something that I had to do at drama school.

I never wanted to miss a show or miss a rehearsal or anything like that for that.

Yeah.

It was very much like doing two things at a time.

But they were both equally as important to me.

Maybe the acting

slightly more.

Yeah.

What do you think your dad would have made of you on Sewing Bee?

I don't think he would have understanded what the hell I was doing.

Was he because you're always well dressed whenever I see you?

Like, you

care about what you look like.

I do, actually.

Maybe too much.

I'm quite late a lot of the time.

But was your dad nicely turned out?

Is your mum?

Your mum cares about what she looks like?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, my dad, my dad was modelling when he first came to

England, yeah.

Well, there you go.

He would have been impressed.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

You've done the one series, is that right?

I did the one series, yeah.

Are you going to do

more?

Nuh.

Finished.

Done.

No, we.

Is that because you got into a Greg Wallace style?

Yeah, it's because of that.

It's a situation.

Got to go.

You're out, mate.

Well, you know, all BBC.

Eventually, it will come out about all bbc presenters and i have been a bbc presenter i'm not laughing by the way listeners at the concept of uh creating a toxic environment or a toxic workplace there's a bit of christmassy bants i apologize i'm gonna leave i'm gonna leave now i should never have mentioned wallace

but yeah i mean i sort of

do i want to be a presenter Not really.

Yeah, okay.

Well, I was going to ask, actually, because, yes, you're an actor, and it must, for some casting people, it must have an impact, right?

It must have a bearing on how they see you.

As an actor, you want to be sort of a blank slate.

Yeah.

And instead, I gave way too much of myself.

Telling every contestant my whole life story.

But was it fun?

There were parts of it that were fun.

Yeah.

I just don't want to be a presenter.

It's not a stress that I want.

There's stress that you, there's good stress.

like when I do my improv shows and I'm like oh right right I've got to mention that and I've got yeah I've got to remember and the housekeeping stuff and

all of that stuff is good stress because I love the outcome yeah whereas with SoMB I was sort of like

I'm very I'm flattered to have been asked and

I think they definitely took a risk with me because they didn't know what I was gonna I didn't know what I was gonna do They definitely didn't know what I was gonna do.

And I think it paid off because people said that people have said very nice things.

But I'm not hoping for a future in presenting.

Yeah, no, it's good to have done it.

And

I imagine it was a nice environment.

It was, yeah.

I mean, well, Esme created a little bit of a toxic adventure.

Was she a handful?

I love her so much.

I think she's great and she's so unapologetically herself.

Yeah.

Which is like, it's also what you need.

They're really good at their jobs, both Patrick and Esme.

And, like, it was, yeah, that was that was the highlight.

It was a real pleasure to be part of and watch their process

and learn a thing or two.

Yeah.

Cross-stitch?

Sure.

Does that sound like I know what I'm talking about?

That's very good, man.

That's great.

Thanks.

Jargon.

Thank you.

I thought it would be nice to get you to do a monologue.

I'll keep you a jumper.

One of your voiceover monologues I've transcribed.

And I want you to

make the transition from being a presenter back to being an actor

by throwing all the drama you can

into this Sewing Bee monologue from episode 10.

From episode 10.

About opera gloves.

About how to construct an opera glove.

From episode 10.

I actually remember doing this in the voiceover booth and not having a clue what I'm talking about, despite looking at the diagram as I'm saying it.

Yeah.

Okay.

I would do it in this sort of voice as well.

Each opera grub...

See?

I don't want you to do just the voiceover that you did on Sewing Bean.

Oh.

No,

this is a play.

This is you reinventing this monologue in any character you prefer, but it can't be yourself.

This has got to be

a dramatic portrayal.

Right.

And do you want me to remain in that character throughout?

Whatever you're feeling.

This is an exercise.

We're back at drama school, Kai.

Right, okay.

And

this has got to be an intense monologue.

Okay, great.

I've got you.

At the climax of the production.

Each opera glove is made from just three pattern pieces.

First, the thumb pieces are assembled and inserted into a circular opening in the glove pieces, creating a mirrored pair.

Next, the gusset pieces are sewn into one side of each glove, starting from the little fingers, curving up and down, and finishing at the index fingers.

Then the gloves are folded right sides together, and the gusset pieces are stitched to the other side of the fingers.

The tops of the index fingers are stitched closed.

Then starting at the top of the little fingers, the side seams are sewn shut.

The gloves are then turned right side out.

Elastic is attached to the hems and top stitched in place for a snug fit.

That's like a Guy Richie film and you're playing the tailor.

Yeah.

And the tailor makes opera gloves out of the skin of nonsense.

It's the fucking tailor.

I'll play that.

I'll play that any day.

Convention?

Was it this year that you went to your first convention?

I did, yeah, this year.

How was that?

I went to MCon in Nottingham.

Right.

It's a weird thing, isn't it?

I liked it, and I would do it again.

What's MCON?

What does it stand for?

McOn?

Electromagnetic.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I didn't ask any questions.

E-M-Con.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I didn't ask anything.

Yeah.

I sort of turned up.

And someone, you get assigned an assistant

just for the day.

A volunteer, actually.

And And they asked you how much you want to charge.

And I was like, I have no idea.

But the way he asked me is like, oh, I must have done loads of these before.

And it was my first one.

It was like, right, so what do you want to charge?

Selfie, handshake, full sex.

And I said, I'm not doing selfies or handshakes, just full sex.

Let's just get to it.

And

I ended up charging £20 for

autographs and £25 for selfies.

Whoa.

Or £40 for the combo.

Oh, my God.

£40 if you want the combo.

But if someone stops you in the street, are you going to say that's going to be 40 quid, mate?

No, never.

And I've never considered it, but apparently some people do that.

Oh, really?

Well, just for a bit of consistency in their lives.

But doesn't it feel weird to suddenly be in a convention center and charging people?

Yeah.

It feels very weird.

I've been on YouTube for a long time doing sketches and sketch sketches and skits yeah skits and sketches and skats you don't want to be doing that

sketch and skats and

you know school children have been asking me for pictures for years

for over 10 years I've been and I've I never once thought to charge anyone until I went to MCON and I was told that you have to yeah you have to charge people

And you sit there all day for two years.

Yes, because it's going to completely discombobulate the whole system if someone goes around giving away free selfies, isn't it?

Exactly.

That's like throwing a grenade into the heart of capitalism.

But

what I was warned about was that some people find out where you're staying and they wait outside

your hotel and ask you to sign stuff.

And then they sell that to people who are going to the convention.

Weasels.

Touts.

That's not playing fair.

Yeah.

Right.

I really enjoyed it.

I was sat next to Tom Rosenthal.

We had a laugh all day, all day for two days.

So you were there in your capacity as ghosts cast members?

Yeah, but some people didn't know me from that at all.

Some people knew me from things like Death in Paradise.

I was in one episode of.

Right.

Or Horrible Histories.

Yeah.

Which I was surprised by.

Someone said that I was their favourite in Friday Night Dinner.

What?

I was in that for 40 seconds.

I was in one episode playing playing um tom rose at all's boss yeah but you smashed it so you know you don't really know where people know you from or why they're coming but they um they pay for this stuff yeah

they're worldwide you can go to Sydney and do it you can go to New York and do it I'd like to do that the international ones

yeah would they fly you out for this really Well, the one that at MCON, there were, there was, what's her, I don't know her real name, but Hilary from Fresh Prince.

Uh-huh.

The dad from Sister Sister.

The Aunt Viv from Fresh Prince.

All of those have been flown out.

Wow.

And their cues were not as long as mine.

Yeah.

And mine was not as long as Tom Rosenthal's.

God,

I wonder if I could, what could I get from having been killed in hot fuzz?

I wonder.

You could definitely sign some stuff.

I get a Fiverr, surely.

No,

I reckon you could go a 50-pound combo.

50 pound combo, and that is selfie, handshake, full sex, and dinner.

And you can bring up my children.

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Continue.

Hey, welcome back, podcasts.

That was Kyle Smith Bino.

We're going to hear from him again in a couple of minutes when he gives us an uplifting movie recommendation.

But I'd like to take this opportunity just to say thanks very much Kyle

for giving up your time to come and talk to me.

It was lovely to see him.

And I've posted a few Kyle related links in the description of this podcast.

There's his Instagram page.

You can see a bit about what he's up to there.

And there's some videos from his grime days.

You got Junior Spech there.

There's Gracious Kay with Migraine Skank.

There's Kyell's comedy Blap, which he did in 2022, Red Flag.

Well worth checking out, lots of funny bits in there.

And you'll also find trailers for this week's selection of uplifting movies there too.

Speaking of which, here is a voice note from friend of the podcast, actor, comedian, writer, and host of Griefcast, of course, Carrie Ad Lloyd.

Hi, Dr.

Buckles.

My most uplifting film that I love watching again and again is My Neighbor Totoro by Hayo Miyazaki.

If you haven't seen it before, it's a beautiful animation about two little girls set in Japan and they have to move back to the countryside to be nearer their mum who's not very well.

And then one of them meets a woodland creature, sort of like a rabbit, but sort of not a rabbit.

And it's sort of like Alice in Wonderland, but not Alice in Wonderland.

And it's an extremely magical cartoon where they just have this incredible adventure and it's so simple and it's really hard to describe because not a lot happens but it's just the most beautiful gentle storytelling and at the end everything kind of works out but there is this like undercurrent of maybe life isn't going to be as simple as we think it is as a kid and I really like films especially if you have kids and you have to watch a lot of kids films that don't just tell them everything's fine and there's little totoros and big totoros and they do a big dance that makes plants grow.

And there's a cat that's a bus.

I don't want to spoil anything, but it is a cat bus.

I've watched it so many times with my kids, and it's just a reminder: like, kids do get obsessed with films, but if you can get them obsessed with a really good film, you can also enjoy it.

And if you haven't seen it, I can't recommend it enough.

It's really, really beautiful.

Thank you.

There we are, Carrie Ad Lloyd recommending my neighbor Totoro.

Totoro?

Tom Totoro.

Totoro.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I've ever seen that one.

Thank you very much Carriad for that recommendation.

And by the way, Carriad has written a book, a Christmassy book.

It is called The Christmas Wish Tastrophe.

It's aimed at kind of 9 to 12 year olds, set in Jane Austen slash Regency Times.

And this is Carriad's description.

It's all about a little girl called Lydia Marmalade and her best pal Colin, who's a sausage dog, and the mad adventures they have with a winter fire sprite called Belle.

It's very silly and stupid.

This is still Carrie Ad describing her book, by the way.

A bit griefy, she says, couldn't help myself, and mostly very heartfelt.

The Christmas Wish Tastrophe by Carrie Ad Lloyd.

There's a link in the description.

Rosie.

Ah, she's up there.

I let her off the lead.

So she's doing a bit of gamboling in the dusk.

Aren't you, doglegs?

Mad Max out there behind me

heading into Norwich to dispense some country justice.

But right now before I say goodbye back to Kyle Smith Bino.

I've been asking my guests for recommendations for movies that are uplifting.

Like if they want to watch a film that they know is going to not necessarily cheer them up or make them laugh, it's just a film that's going to pick up their spirits and take them to a good place.

Like some people recommended horror films and really grim films, but they just.

Something wrong with them.

Yeah.

But they just like those films.

They make them feel good.

Moonrise Kingdom.

Moonrise Kingdom, the Wes Anderson one.

Yeah.

I've not seen that one.

You've got to see it.

Really?

You too.

Until you watch it this week.

Okay.

Can you?

Yes.

You can?

Yeah.

You've got the time?

Yes.

Moonrise Kingdom.

Okay, I will let you know how I get on with Moonrise Kingdom.

But do you love all Wes Anderson?

Mostly, yeah.

I'm not crazy about Fantastic Mr.

Fox, right?

Well, that's something to do with the way that those puppets are moving, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Okay, I like some of his stuff more than other bits, right?

Like, I really like the Grand Budapest Hotel.

Yes, I think that's brilliant.

That is great.

So, given that,

but I'm not so keen on royal tenen bulbs.

That's okay, but I didn't lose my mind when it came out the way that lots of people did.

Yeah.

But Moonrise Kingdom, I haven't heard people really championing that one.

That's one of my favorite films.

Why do you like that one?

It's just so nice.

Just nice and it's funny and it's like, you're really rooting for them, kids.

I haven't watched it in quite a while, but I remember when it came out really loving it.

Okay, cool.

How about any others?

Any others?

Little Miss Sunshine?

Oh, yeah, I haven't seen that for a while.

How about Christmas Day movies?

Nah.

No.

Not interested.

Literally the only Christmas film that I can think of.

Jingle All The Way.

With Arnold Schwartz.

That's the only Christmas film I can think of.

That's all I've got.

There we are.

Jingle All The Way.

I think I've seen it.

Don't think it's my favorite Arnie movie, and I'm going to stick my neck out and say that there are better Christmas films.

I mean, Elf

for a start.

Die Hard.

I'd take both of those before I took Jingle all the way.

Moonrise Kingdom though, I watched it the night after I spoke to Kyle,

very much enjoyed it.

I think I watched a bit of it before

and tuned out a little bit because I thought it seemed like a parody of a Wes Anderson film.

But this time, it's funny how just a recommendation from a friend and a bit of a personal investment in something changes how you look at it.

I went in with a different attitude and I really liked it and I found it quite touching and

luxuriated in the nerdy precision of the visuals and the design.

And by the end of it, I was uplifted.

So thanks very much, Kyle.

Job done.

All right, that's it for this week.

Thank you so much once again to Kyle.

Thanks to Carriad.

Thanks to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for his invaluable production support and conversation editing.

There was also some additional conversation editing on this episode from my son, Frank.

Thank you very much, Frank.

Thanks to Helen Green.

She does the artwork for this podcast.

Thank you to everyone at ACAST for all their help keeping the show on the road.

But thanks most of all to you, podcats.

I'm so glad that you are still listening.

Now it's windy.

I'm heading home now back on the top track

and

it's not too cold tonight.

Recently, it's been Arctic, but tonight it's a bit milder.

Still,

I think it would be nice if we had a hug.

What do you think?

Come over here.

Good to see you.

Go carefully out there, don't get too stressed.

I hope you're doing all right.

And for what it's worth, bear in mind: I love you.

Bye!

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