EP.234 - TASH DEMETRIOU LIVE

Please welcome your host for the Adam Buxton Podcast Live.

It's Adam Buxton Podcast Live.

Good to see you.

All right, we have an intro jingle to sing, and I have some assistants tonight in the form of my eldest son, Frank Buxton.

How are you feeling about this, Frank?

All right.

So, the pressure's on tonight in Liverpool, the home of modern music as we know it.

If we screw this up here,

Macca's never going to talk to me.

It'll be bad.

Yeah.

All right, here we go.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin.

Now you have plugged that podcast out and started listening.

I took my microphone and found some human folk.

Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke.

My name is Adam Buxton.

I'm a man.

I want you to enjoy this.

That's the plan.

Hey, Frank Buxton.

Hey,

how are you doing, podcasts?

Adam Buxton here.

You've just been listening to me and my son Frank doing a special polka version of the podcast theme in front of a live audience at the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Theatre

back in May of this year 2024

as part of my live podcast tour.

And

rather than put all of those live episodes out,

I am picking a few that I hope will work in audio-only form

because there was quite a lot of video in the shows.

How are you doing anyway?

Before we get back into that live podcast show and meet our guest, I just wanted to say hello, as usual, out here in the

fields of Norfolk.

I'm here with my dog friend Rose.

Rosie, look, I've got a treat for you.

Dog legs.

Look at this.

Rosie!

She thinks we're going back.

No, we're not going back just yet, my love.

Rosie, we're going to go for a bit more of a walk.

But look, I've got you some chicken.

That's quite good, isn't it?

Not as good as going home and being in front of the fire.

I know, but look,

it's good to get some exercise.

Look, I've got you several bits of nice chicken, Rose.

That is quite a treat, isn't it?

I mean, mean, in the old days, you would have absolutely lost your shit, but now a cozy sofa is a more attractive proposition than a walk on a wintry evening and some chicken.

But don't worry, Rosie, we won't be that long.

Anyway, apart from that, though, Rosie's doing very well.

She gets up very early these days.

I mean, I think we're synchronizing a little bit.

I'm getting up earlier and earlier as well.

Partly to to do with the fact that I just don't sleep very well at the moment.

And I tend to wake up like

five sometimes.

Then I'll just lie there

thinking about absolute bollocks.

And then

I'll get up.

I mean, this is a guy that used to not want to get up much before 11.

well into my 20s.

It's part of the reason that the Adam and Joe show used to take so long to make, is that both Joe and I

really didn't like getting up early.

I found an email the other day to the first agent that I ever had, Vivian Claw,

and she was asking what kind of things we were up for doing work-wise and what sort of things we wanted to avoid.

And one of the things I said I wanted to avoid in my reply was getting up early.

Vivian was understandably not that impressed by that reply, I don't think.

The split was very amicable.

Hello, Vivian, if you're out there.

But yeah, now I'm up with the lark, before the lark, a lot of the time, but not before Rosie, who is always up when I get up and

very bouncy and excited about going downstairs, going outside, barking at the cows, doing a poo,

having some breakfast, all the same stuff I'm into, I guess.

So she sends lots of love.

Alright, let's get back to Liverpool in May of this year.

So yes, today you will be hearing the less visual portions of my conversation with a well-loved friend of the podcast, star of Stafflets Flats,

the sketch show Ellie and Natasha,

and the long-running vampire sitcom.

What we do in the shadows as well as so much more.

She pops up in all sorts of bits and pieces, and it's always wonderful when she does.

Of course, I'm talking about Tash Dimitriu.

She very kindly agreed to be my guest in Liverpool back in May, despite being heavily pregnant at the time.

I'm very happy to say the baby arrived safely a few weeks later and is doing very well.

What else?

There is a reference at one point, I think, to what I was wearing at the time, which was a very bright pink, I think it's called hot pink, shirt and my green docker cap.

There is actually a picture of me and Tash backstage after the show, if you want to see what we look like, on the page featuring this episode on my website, adam-buxton.co.uk.

There's a link in the description.

I also, at one point, make a reference to a organ piece by Johnny Greenwood of Radiohead and The Smile.

The piece is called 268 Years of Reverb.

I may have got the title wrong.

I also think think I said it lasted nine hours.

It only lasted eight hours.

I saw the premiere of the piece earlier this year

at the 2024 Norfolk and Norwich Festival.

James McVinney and Eliza McCarthy took turns performing the piece.

They would do shifts, changing over every hour.

It was performed at the beautiful Octagon Chapel in Norwich on the pipe organ there.

I didn't sit sit there for the full eight hours.

My son actually sat there

for four hours.

He did the last half.

I was there for a couple of hours and it was very hypnotic.

Anyway, that's what I was referring to.

I gave the Liverpool audience a content warning, which I'll give you two, in case it's useful.

There is bad language in this one, quite a lot towards the end.

There's some off-colour humour and there's some revolting references i would say

so in a moment i will return you to the royal liverpool philharmonic theatre as i reveal to the audience that their guest for the evening will be tash and then at the end of our on-stage ramble i'll be back to say a brief goodbye at the end of this podcast but right now another unusual version of a podcast jingle this time I think I've played this one before.

This is one of the remixes of Ramble Chat

from the Meta Meta-Pop

Native Instruments remix competition that happened three years ago, I think.

This one,

one of my favorites, really made me laugh.

It's by Benjamin Bell.

Here we go.

Join us around the campfire.

Bob's about to tell us his blues.

And my tortoise ran away and I couldn't catch it up.

And my book club disbanded, and I've really had enough.

And I looked out at the ocean.

Okay, Adam there.

Okay, Adam.

Could you be quiet when others are speaking?

Yes.

Okay, Sarah, take it away.

I went for a walk and I was really taken aback because my shoes were all two sizes too big.

And I was really worried.

I was worried about it.

Okay.

Alright, Adam.

Adam, you're on a timeout.

Alright, Jim, you got blues?

A tortoise showed up in my back garden last week.

And now I've got a lettuce there for

Ted.

Adam, Okay, fine, have it your way.

Ted Span, sing the song.

Ramble chat, let's have the ramble chat.

We'll focus first on this and concentrate on that.

Okay, you happy now?

Yes.

Please give a very warm welcome to

Tash Dimitrio.

I said I needed some pillows, but

how's that?

That's lovely.

Thank you.

Sorry, I had a really big dinner, so I need a lot of support.

Hello, Adam.

Hello, everyone.

Hey!

Tash, thank you so much for coming along.

So good to see you.

You're welcome.

Who else could I have kicked off the tour?

Actually, Richard Iowa kicked it off the paddad.

He got the palladium.

He got the palladium, but palladium is worse than this venue.

Oh, 100%.

London stinks.

It's over.

It's.

London is over.

Did you get your falafel salad?

I got the falafel salad and I'm still digesting it a little bit.

Now, you made a humorous comment there about your belly size.

Yeah.

I had a falafel salad too.

And it turned into a baby.

A baby.

I did it.

I've ruined my life.

Was it a carefully planned decision?

Yes and no.

I don't know.

Just a big shout out to my boyfriend Sperm because it happened very quickly.

It was a strike baby.

Okay.

So the actors and writers were on strike last year, so no one could do anything in solidarity.

So I had six.

You had just some sex.

Had me some sex.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

And do you know what you're having?

Human?

Human man.

Human man.

Man.

Oh, man.

It's tough times for human men.

Don't say that.

So many of my weirder friends are like, oh.

I'm so sorry.

Because

men are broken.

Yeah.

But it is weird.

There's a penis inside me.

It's so weird.

And around this part, they start masturbating.

I haven't done anything live in a really long time, so my mouth is wild, I don't know.

It's all right.

I did the warning.

They understand.

And how have you been feeling?

How are you coping with it?

Are you throwing up everywhere?

I think I've had a pretty touchward,

straightforward pregnancy, but I know that's very lucky.

I think the main thing is you just, your body, my body has turned into a dog's body.

What kind of dog?

My breasts are completely grey.

It's a very mammalian time.

You realize the species that you are.

And it's like you think, oh, I'm special.

I do Adam Buckson's podcast and I do acting.

And it's like, no.

No, you're just a giant mammal ready to carry life

and my nipples are down to my knees.

Oh that's turned me on.

Well

now I'm just thinking about that

but I'm glad it's going well and are you enjoying the accompanying baby chat?

Yes, I mean I was I've just finished I was just filming What We Do in the Shadows.

Oh yes.

Series.

what are we on now six six

too many too many too many

no no no it's a brilliant show um no so I've just been filming that so yeah I'd say it was like a healthy distraction but also at times I was like guys I am pregnant but you know it's just like it's just like Matt Berry being like no that

did they write you pregnant?

No,'cause they wrote the show before the strike.

Oh.

And then I was like, sorry.

Oops.

And so yeah, I did a lot lot of holding buckets, holding baskets, standing behind Kayvan's head.

Yeah, leaning forward and just generally.

Yeah, a lot of doing my lines over my shoulder.

Yeah.

Very good.

Sweet job.

I always feel like I got you that job.

You did.

You actually, do you know you did?

I do, but I just like to.

Do you want me to tell the

story?

It reflects so well on me.

It makes me seem good.

It does make you look very good.

Yeah.

And takes away the fact that you have a boner over a pregnant woman's nittles

in a little pink top that makes you look like a little penis.

This is like the shirt for the middle-aged guy who wants to act like he's still interesting somewhat.

Anyway, yes.

So I was absolutely unemployable doing nothing.

And you, I think, saw me do a live show at the invisible, what used to be the Invisible Dot Comedy Club.

and you were like i do a podcast and i genuinely didn't know what podcasts were i was like oh sounds i thought it was something to do with vhs because i was like he's like into tech and weird stuff so maybe he'll give me a video and someone will take a photo it wasn't that long ago was it it was only like 2016 but you were one of the og podcasters sure i think you were yeah yeah back i mean 2006 we started doing on me and joe so that's fairly og yeah so i didn't i didn't know what podcasts were and so so I was like, yeah, I'll do it.

And then, yeah, we had a very nice chat, ramble chat.

And then

Jermaine, Clement, who came up with the Tycha Waititi, came up with the idea for what we do in the shadows.

Jermaine of Flight of the Concords.

Of Flight of the Concords, of New Zealand, of

divorce with Sarah Jessica Parker.

Men in Black Three.

Men in Black Three loved it.

He was very good in that.

Avatar too.

Anyway, big shout out to Jermaine's career.

It's going great.

So yeah, he listened to the podcast podcast because he loves you.

And he was like, I then, I was doing a tiny, tiny, tiny part that was essentially being a background person in a film called The Festival, where I had one line which was, and asses.

But you smashed it.

I did, but my friend had a bigger part in the film, and she was like, won't you come for dinner with me in the cast?

So I was like, oh, God.

So I went with them, and Jermaine was in that film, and he sat next to me.

He was like, You wanted in Buxton's podcast, weren't you?

And I was like, Oh my god.

And also, we were eating, we were at an Indian restaurant, so I was going hog wild on the curry.

So that really helped calm me down, stop eating so much.

I did that thing when they brought the rice to the table that's supposed to be rice for sharing, and took a whole plate and poured it on.

He was like, Oh, my wife's Greek, you're Greek, that's cool.

So I was like, it is.

And then that's why he got me to audition for what we do in the shadows, and then I got the part.

And the rest, as they say,

is Adam Buxton.

Thank you very much.

Well, let's take you...

Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa, hey, whoa, hey.

Thanks as well for slipping in there that Jermaine really loves me.

He does.

I mean, he doesn't love me enough to do the actual podcast.

Back when I was on social media, we exchanged a few messages.

I was like, come and do the podcast.

And it was one of those where he was like, yeah, great, love to.

Never able to.

That was a really good age of social media where all the dads were on social media.

You, Jermaine, Robert Popper, all dadding at each other again.

Yes.

The good old days of social media.

Anyway,

I'm trying to be more organized.

Because I thought, live show, I don't want to take the piss out of the people of Liverpool who have paid to be here.

So I'm trying to be way more organized than I would normally be on an actual episode of my podcast.

So beforehand, I asked you what has been cheering you up lately.

And there was then a flurry of texts, more texts than I have received in months and months and months.

My wife was very alarmed because normally my phone never ever pings.

Oh, wow, she's the one who's doing.

I've got a special mic for when I say my wife.

Although that's a little bit sinister, isn't it?

My wife.

The microphone looks almost like a penis as well.

I'm trying to keep the pink motif going.

Don't do that, because I might go into labour.

That really reverberated.

The baby's really moving.

This is like Johnny Greenwood came to Norwich the other day and did the premiere of a new piece that he's written.

This is not a joke.

It was nine hours long.

This is Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead, and he is a musical genius and scores many of Paul Thomas Anderson's movies and others.

Yes, yes.

And he created this piece on the organ that was nine hours.

It's called something like 286 Years of Reverb.

And

they had two players on it.

Johnny wasn't even playing it.

He just turned up and oversaw the two players that he had got to take turns.

They would do an hour shift each and hold down notes and then gradually introduce other notes so that he explained the sort of maths, the music theory of it to me.

It's something about moving through the whole scale of permutations of something harmonic and it takes nine hours.

You saying all that felt like it took nine hours.

I completely switched off.

But it was a little bit like what I was just doing there with the wife mic.

I don't think I'll ever use the wife mic again, you know.

Tonight was the first time.

Because I always feel as if I.

I always feel as if I have to emphasize the fact that it's supposed to be a robot impression rather than a borat impression.

I've always thought

it's not fucking borat.

It's a

my wife.

It is my wife.

It is not borat.

But when you just say my wife, it sounds like Mawat.

I know it does.

That's why I'm trying to emphasize the robot.

Otherwise, I seem like just a sad man in a pink shirt who's built a career stealing one of Sasha Barron Cohen's catchphrases.

And that isn't the case entirely.

All right, so these are some of the things that Tash sent me in the flurry of texts.

Oh no.

Explain them to me because

they were totally free of context.

No, because you text me saying send me anything you've got that's recent in your phone, so I genuinely sent you like the four or five most recent things that were in my phone.

This is from The Guardian.

I let a baby bird nest in my hair for 84 days.

He fell asleep in my palm.

As far as he was concerned, I was his mother, by Hannah Bourne Taylor.

She is an ex-model.

I looked her up.

She's a nature author and conservationist on a mission to engage everyone with birds and the wonders of the natural world through her writing.

Did you know that?

I didn't know that because I'm like a piece of shit human who just gets things sent and like, ha ha ha, idiot, send it on.

Idiot, kill them, dead.

And I didn't know that she was actually did a lot of charity work and did work for birds.

She's so stupid.

And then you sent me this.

This is

a smashed phone.

It's a message from mum.

Was three fucking sausages not enough for you?

Question mark, question mark.

You have to take one off Gary's plate.

Fucking rude.

I'm sick to bastard death of you.

Gaz replies, take the piss.

And then there's a missed call from mum who was hoping to berate

the receiver even further for stealing a sausage off Gary's plate.

Is that a real thing?

Yeah, I mean, I was doing research on the internet of how to be a good mum and how to communicate with your children.

Fucking rude, I'm sick to bastard death of you.

Sick to bastard death of you is.

I like it.

It's someone who thinks that taking an extra sausage is so rude that it's okay to say, I'm sick to bastard death of you.

Oh, poor gas.

How long is it going to take you before you get to that point?

How old do you think

the receiver is, the son?

In my head, it's sort of like

a hungry 15-year-old girl or boy.

Oh, really?

15?

Yeah, 15, 16.

Or in my dreams, he'd be like 42.

And it's an old mom.

mom it's an older mom who is absolutely sick to bastard death of her

42

42 year old son

and then you sent me a couple of uh actually you sent me quite a few videos where are you finding these just on my phone is this tick tock you're looking at no no i don't have tick tock because i'm too scared i don't know how to use it but yeah no these are just little funny little funny things i just get you know i get sent or i see and i screenshot them sure little little bits of fun.

And then you sent me.

This is one of several of these things that you sent me.

And this is what I'm into at the moment.

Is this a reel on YouTube?

YouTube reels?

Yeah, so it's sort of all part of a YouTube world that I'm now very immersed in, which is sort of

mums being very efficient in their lives with cleaning, with cooking.

And yeah, this is one of my faves.

Describe what we're looking at here, Tash.

We're looking at two gorgeous manicured female hands, a silver disposable foil tray, and some shredded hash brown potatoes in a bag, just about seems like it's about to be poured upon the foil tray.

This is someone preparing a recipe that they think is nice, or is this an ironic thing?

No, it's like, you know, I think this particular lady is from like southern America.

So it's like one and done.

This is for all y'all mums out there, the following people, watch this, y'all.

That's a very authentic accent.

We're going to do it all in the pan, and the kids love it.

And a lot of them are like, hashtag, finally found something the kids will eat.

So here we go.

This is what it looks like.

And there's loads of these.

This is one of so many.

There's a big block of cheese.

This is all speeded up.

What is that?

Cream?

Cream cheese.

Cream cheese, just big chunks of onion, and then pouring what?

Milk over it?

Milk, pepper.

That's right, let's go.

Big block of cheese in the middle.

What is the yellow stuff?

Just more cheese.

I think it's a type of cheese called Velvet Keen.

Pour a bag of ruffle chips over it and then saturate the whole thing with olive oil.

Mix it up, that's right.

Get it all in there.

Smash it all together.

This is all speeded up, as you could hear from the audio there.

Into a...

So it's all these.

I just find it satisfying.

I find it so satisfying.

There is something satisfying about it.

Look at that.

Look at it.

Oh my.

And so that is being offered up as a genuine, tasty yum yum treat.

Yeah.

Wow.

Because what's not to like?

Crisps, cheese, oil.

Yes, I mean, it's the same sort of theory that I was operating within when I was four, and I would smash together my fish fingers with the instant mash and the peas, and I would just mash, mash, mash, mash, mash until it was a sort of light green paste.

Yum.

And then I would eat that, and my dad would, if he was in the room, get angry and appalled.

It's revolting.

Why do you have to eat like that?

So look at you now.

Look at me now.

Snow desk.

Yeah.

Snow desk on a stage.

Pink shirt.

Wife mic.

Smashing it.

But

it is horrible.

And it's also the same kind of thing.

Now, I won't dwell on this because we talked about this, me and Joe, once on the podcast, and we got the most complaints out of anything we ever talked about.

But it's the same sort of thing.

And this was sent into us by someone else.

We didn't even invent this, although we related to it.

It was like someone said, my favorite homemade recipe is getting Ritz crackers and munching up the Ritz crackers into a paste.

And then putting the paste from the mouth onto another Ritz cracker.

And then putting another Ritz cracker to make a sandwich.

I get it.

Of mouth paste.

I get it.

And I would put a bit of cheddar.

Make that into a burger.

Put a bit of lettuce, pickle.

I get it.

Like, have you ever done the thing where you eat a salt vinegar crisp and then eat a piece of chocolate?

And then eat a salt and vinegar crisp.

anyone

thank you liver bowl and then you could do that for your if you loved someone you could prepare them a uh

a sandwich like that

and that would be pretty special wouldn't it

and it's been in my mouth

already

which is fine i mean it's it superficially it's horrible but it's the same sort of thing as Again, on the radio show back on Six Music, the other thing that people got very upset with me about was saying that I used the same toothbrush as my wife.

I've done it, but I don't like it.

No, I've actually, I mean, I was shamed into no longer doing it by the Six Music listeners.

But I did think, like, what is, you know, we've had sexual intercourse.

That's worse than brushing your teeth, isn't it?

I think to me, in my mind, it's because of bad breath.

And I know there's obviously bad things that happen down there.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's the thought of like an old crusty bit of bad breath going from her mouth into your mouth and back again and then being like, but we're clean.

We're halfway through the podcast.

I think it's going really great.

The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate.

Alright mate.

Hello geezer, I'm pleased to see you.

There's so much chemistry.

It's like a science lab of talking.

I'm interested in what you said.

Thank you.

There's spun chat Hat and there's deep chat.

It's like Chris Evans is meeting Stephen Hawking.

Now we're going to raise the tone in the second half of the podcast.

We're going to think about the implications of what's happening in your stomach

in a more abstract sense, a parenting sense.

And we are also going to deal with some of the questions that the audience has supplied us with.

First question here, do your children think you're a cool dad yet?

How long do you think it will be until they do?

That's from Caroline.

Frankie?

Yeah, you're pretty cool.

You know, but you can be uncool here and there.

What are my least cool moments?

Just saying annoying, giving annoying advice.

You know, just hammering away at just like condescending stuff.

It's just like, stop.

All right.

Okay.

Sit down and

be nice.

All right.

This is about this morning, isn't it, the chat that we had this morning about he's going to Japan with his brother.

And I said, well, you and your brother can both play an instrument.

You should do some busking in Tokyo.

That's good.

Why are you making that face?

Don't live your failed dreams through him.

Let him go to Japan.

He's going to apply for a busking permit.

Right.

And I've got the tour manager who's doing the tour managing, Richard.

He's going to help him to get a fucking busking permit.

And you are going to busk in Tokyo.

I don't want to.

Shut up, busk!

Come back with a fun video of you and your brother busking.

That sounds more like you want to show your other parent friends, like, and my son busked in Japan.

That's what that seems like to me.

Maybe he could do the song that me and Joe did when we were busking on our TV show in Japan.

Wakari masuka, wakarimasen, wakarimasuka, doku desuka.

It would be, there would be some circularity.

Why don't you go to Japan and busk and leave your son alone?

I'm working up to it.

That's the long-term plan.

All right.

If you had 24 hours left to live, Tash, how would you spend it?

That's from Nicola.

Oh my god, oh my god.

Oh, that's a tough one.

That's one of the big questions, isn't it?

Do you ever watch those movies where the world is ending?

Yeah,

not my favorite genre because I feel like it's ending all the time.

So why go to the cinema to be like, yep, and I was right?

Yeah, they stressed me out really badly.

I think I have actually, obviously, this is a question that often you think about, like, well, what would you do if you were given an hour left to live?

I feel like it's so depressing, but I just want to go to sleep

and just hope that it all just ended.

Like, I tell everyone I loved, like, love you so much.

It's like, I don't want to stuff my face with my favourite food because then I'll just be bloated

and like not able to fart, and it'll just be uncomfortable.

And then I'll be like, oh, what an uncomfortable way to leave.

But just sleep dignified, maybe put on some makeup,

go to sleep in a lovely white linen

dress.

Go to sleep.

What about you could take a drug that slowed down time?

Oh, hell, no.

Because then what if everyone started speaking in slow motion and you'd be like, oh, I've tried this experimental drug.

What do I expect?

That would be a total nightmare, wouldn't it?

You would slow down the experience of knowing that your life was.

But how far are you going to get?

You're going to get to the airport.

There's going to be a problem with security.

You know, if you try and do anything, it could go seriously wrong.

Get on the M1, that's grid locked.

Do you think security will have turned up for work that day?

Oh, oh, sorry, I was thinking very narcissistically just about myself having turned for everyone else.

I've just been given a message by the government because I'm incredibly important that I have 24 hours left to live.

Oh, I see, I see.

Because I'm sort of the messiah or something like that.

And then you're going to be assassinated.

Why does

Rosie have so many cushions?

That is

where Rosie is right now, probably,

on the kitchen sofa.

Yeah, that is a lot of pillows.

It is a lot of pillows, but I do like it.

And a lot of those are

embroideries that my mum made.

And when I took delivery of all my mum's boxes of stuff, I just found these mountains of embroideries that she had done.

And my beautiful wife got them made into pillows.

It was one of the nicest things she ever did, yeah.

And so I do like them being there.

Cheers me up and it makes me happy.

The thought that my mum's mad embroidery has a life in our house, and Rosie loves it.

So,

say again,

yeah,

my mum.

Thanks.

She's a big Brexiteer, my mum.

she really was though I mean

she is a lovely person but one of the people that I got this is not a joke one of the people I got a card from after she died was Teresa May

saying thank you for all your help

with the Conservative Association

Still deciding how I'm going to deal with that in the book.

When you are a big happy family, will you have a pet?

Yes, I would really like one, but

I don't, I do think about getting a pet at the same time of having a baby, because then the pet will have to

live for the whole, the child won't know,

the child won't know a life without the pet, and then what happens when the pet dies?

Yeah, but that's the whole, that's part of the point of the pet, is to give them an experience of

death, yeah.

I think it is.

And this is no disrespect to our animal friends.

I'm not saying that their lives are any less valuable than ours.

I kind of am.

But, you know, it's a sort of somewhat more manageable experience of bereavement, is the idea.

No, no, it's good.

I don't like the idea of getting an animal, though, thinking, like, come on and die so this child learns a lesson.

We're only going to fucking die.

Well, here's a question for you from Gareth Bird.

How do you know when you've crossed a line?

Tash.

Me?

Yeah.

When I'm on one side of it and then there's a line and then I'm on the other side of it.

Have you gotten trouble with

spicy jokes?

Have I got in trouble with spicy jokes?

No, I don't think so.

What about in your real life?

Do you ever do jokes that land badly and people get upset?

Never, because I'm so funny.

Yes.

No, no, I don't.

How do I know when I've crossed a line?

When you get a hot feeling at the back of your neck.

Oh, yeah, okay.

I think this happens once in your life and it never happens again.

And this did happen to me about a year ago.

I said to a friend, nothing to do with me being pregnant, nothing to do with anything.

I said to, for some god-forsaken reason, just blurted out we were at some like house party thing.

And I said, oh my God, are you pregnant?

And she wasn't.

And she didn't even look pregnant.

I don't know what the hell I was thinking.

She was just wearing like a blouse.

It was like an alien took over my head.

And I've thought about that like three times a week since.

And we're not as close, then I'll never make that mistake.

And I knew I'd crossed a line into the realm of the stupidest questions you can ever ask someone.

And did you spend a while trying to clear up the mess afterwards, conversationally?

I was like,

such a big blouse.

Like,

honestly,

she didn't look like she'd gained weight weight on her stomach.

Nothing.

I don't know where it came from.

It just was like a

spider in my mouth.

She was like, I work lent.

I don't know why I did it.

And I knew I'd crossed a line into demented territory.

And you get the hot neck, dry mouth, and the

oh god, I've got me go to the toilet now.

Has anyone tried to put their hand on your pregnant belly since you've been showing?

Doctors?

Doctors, yeah.

But people not perverts, those doctors, always try to touch my belly.

Like sometimes, maybe this doesn't happen anymore because everyone got the memo, but sometimes people used to go up and think that it was okay to put their hand on a pregnant woman's belly.

See, maybe this is controversial, but I don't mind it.

I don't mind it.

At all.

I'm fine with it.

Right, okay, well, that's interesting.

So you're...

I don't mind it so much.

I mean, I guess if, yeah, okay, look, if it was happening, I was walking down the street and people would just.

Yeah.

I'd be like, whoa.

But no, on the whole, I'm i'm like yeah come on have a feel come on it's weird it is weird when they when they're kicking around there

and this baby's breech so its feet are where my groin is oh and it's kicking

that's no good and uh yeah another story that

i remember from Six Music Days when I was doing some filming around then was in a break from filming, one of the actors went up to one of the assistant producers, put his hand on her tummy and said, Oh, when's it due?

And she wasn't pregnant.

And she, it was, it just was so terrible.

My oldest friends, who actually are from Wallasey, Merseyside.

Yeah, they, big shout out to the Wirral.

Their mum was a teacher

at our school and she once went up to another teacher who just had some, it was like summertime, so everyone was wearing like more summery clothes and went up to her and went, Oh, Roseanne, how long do you have to wear them for?

And they were just normal, they were just sandals.

But she thought they were like, they were so awful they looked like orthopaedic.

Oh, Roseanne, how long do you have to wear them for?

Just her shoes.

That's a very good accent as well there, Tasha.

Thank you, Adam.

Speaking of accents,

I enjoy accents, and I know you do, too.

I too, I too, and I'm enjoying it.

Have you ever, though, done an accent in a serious attempt to pretend you were someone else out in public?

Yes, yes, I have.

I think, like, I have quite a sort of posh voice, which

is, yeah, so I speak, like, I think I'm a bit of a posh, sounds like a bit of a posh arsehole when I speak.

So sometimes I...

I've never thought of you that way.

I hope you don't mind me me saying that.

No, well that's nice.

I don't want to be posh.

I think it's annoying.

It's like, I don't know.

I just remember listening to myself back when we did like GCSE music and we had to make a song about ice cream.

And my line was it goes in a cone and all you could hear on this track was me going, it goes in a cone.

It goes in a cone.

And since then I've been like, oh God.

Clearly I had a really good education that that's what we were doing at GCSE level.

The song about ice cream.

It goes in a cone.

It goes in a cone.

Oh.

Anyway, and yeah, so when I bought a car,

an old car, a second-hand car, before I could drive or had a license, because the plan was get the car, then the lessons will come.

Then COVID happened, and I didn't do the lessons.

So I had this car that was really old and really cheap and kept filling with water.

So we took it, we had to take it to various different

car dealerships, and I would do a cockney accent when I

What cut what do you mean just you would sort of dial down your natural accent?

Oh right governor, got this old bloody VW keeps filling with water.

You couldn't help me out with you old mucker

to try and because I think it's you know, posh people are so instantly unlikable.

Who's your can you do good impressions of real people?

Um who's your best impression?

Oh gosh, who is my best impression of a real person?

Cher?

What is this trick and shit gig?

Wagon Willwat Tushi.

That's from that film Cabaret, if anyone's seen it.

That was quite good.

I thought I could do quite a good Liam Neeson.

I have a very particular set of skills.

It was so good when I was doing it on the sofa the other night.

It's always when you're on your own.

Like, yeah, I can do Matt's voice is so like.

Matt Berry.

Sash, can you put that?

Oh, no.

Because, no, I do Matt Berry as Matt Berry, not Matt Berry as,

you know, Stephen, his voice.

Yes.

But as him, he's just like,

have you got any toilet round now?

I've got one role to sing me to the end now.

That's actually how Matt Berry talks.

Huge and real.

Here's another question from the audience.

Oh,

well,

this is a question about your dad.

Okay.

Although, this is just a question about his voice from Ian's story.

Can you do an impression of your dad?

Can you do your dad's voice?

Ian wants to know.

I can do my dad's voice.

Hello, Darlene.

Oh, you're on the stage.

You let them, Mr.

Bakstan.

What's his podcast?

Can you put dongle house on for me?

Which is what he called Downton Abbey.

Dongle House.

Dongle House.

And also at Christmas time, always, when is the Bishop of Dimblemead gonna be on?

Did he enjoy seeing you do live stuff?

He did actually, yeah.

He's he's um I I on well, we've talked about this, he's got dementia now, so um he so when I say past tense he hasn't passed.

He's with us.

He's with us, just in a different, slightly different le level.

But yeah, he did he used to come and he was the loudest heckler in the room and be like, Tell us a good one, mate.

But he seriously yeah, honestly.

Eck and be like, this is bullshit.

Did you encourage him?

I know, I just, there's he is such, he's such an unbelievably mad, amazing character that you just had to accept it.

And I think everyone in my would in the audience, I would have to be like, that's my dad, ladies and gentlemen.

But yeah, because I would like to do sometimes jokes in Greek or as part of like a character I was doing.

And there's this basically, even now, with dementia, and heck, he's lost so much of who he was, but even now, I'll say this, and he's like,

So, if there's a Greek swear word, which is skadabudana, which

like in Greek, I don't know if anyone else who has, like, who knows other languages, I feel like certain languages, the insults are so horrific, they're so medieval, it's always like, I hope that dog gives you a blowjob and gives you cancer on your dick.

Like, they're so horrible.

Anyway, and this is a very common Scadabadana means a prostitute mixed in shit.

So horrible.

Like way worse than like you prick, you bitch, you know, like you silly cow.

So mean.

And even now if I say scad Abadana, he's like, ooh, bloody.

And if I said that in the show, he'd be like, no, bloody hell.

Like a mad witch in the audience.

How's he doing though?

I mean, are you like, is he aware that you're you're pregnant?

I think it's so hard to know with Alzheimer's.

I'm sure there are people in the audience that have been affected by it because it's such a horrifically common thing that happens to people.

But

there is, there's like, I try and

take the humor.

You know, there is definitely a part of a few times where he's been like, he thinks the baby's his.

It's like so dark and tragic, but you know, he's excited.

He's so Greek.

He's just got, he's lived in England for so long, but yet he just gets Greeker.

And like the other day, we were around there, and I was like, Does this baby have a name?

Does the baby have a name?

And he just went, Of course, Zachary.

I've never heard him say that word before in my life.

And he keeps calling.

I think he thinks I might be a fishbowl because he keeps saying, It's a fish.

so it's fish gender.

Very progressive, very progressive man.

But yeah, he's he's um, it's horrific.

I'm not making light of Alzheimer's, it's like the most horrific evil illness ever, but I'm just blessed that he's still here and that

he'll

he'll be here when I have the baby.

So

absolutely, sorry,

every time on your bloody podcast, Adam.

Of course, it's a massive trigger, that kind of thing.

There's so many things like that now that I have, now that I'm past a certain age, and

it doesn't take much to set me off at all.

Oh, God.

And it's uncontrollable.

Like, you can't, it's like a tap you can't turn off.

It's so such a weird feeling.

I never imagined that I would be the kind of person that would be like that.

I was watching Parenthood the other day, the Ron Howard film.

And there's about three or or four bits in there that trigger me, and I cannot do anything about it.

I just stop weeping, yeah, sort of dad stuff and things like that.

Yeah, I just think getting older is just getting sadder,

it is, it is.

It's managing a much deeper level of sadness and sort of making peace with it, yeah.

Um, and and the process of doing that deepens an appreciation for the good parts.

Yes, exactly.

That's the compensation, otherwise, you would just think, fuck off.

Yeah,

totally, totally.

Oh, man.

I want to give you some parenting advice.

Please, please do, please.

Because I've been a parent now.

Well, Frank, you are how old?

21.

21.

And are there any bits of advice you would give Tash as a mum to be for how to deal with her children?

Are there any things that you think myself and your mum have done very well with you?

Oh, Adam.

Risky risky game.

Well you just you're good at you know

understanding the slip-ups when they occur and not being too harsh on me when I have encountered them.

Yes.

Understanding, don't go too hard on the punishment.

Do you think you'll be quite an authoritarian?

In my head I'm going to be in my head I'm like really strict and good and then in reality, I'm so lazy.

But do you think you'll be?

I feel as if you might be quite a good boundary setter.

It's so hard.

I mean, raising a human life, it's so stressful and scary.

Like a lot of my friends who've had babies were so scared about labor.

I'm like, I don't care about labor.

There'll be doctors there in medicine.

It's the whole of the

human life part.

Yes.

You could be making a furry.

He could turn around and say, I'm a furry.

There's worse things than furries to do.

No, there isn't.

And what about things that you would advise Tash not to do as a parent that perhaps we have done?

Oh, not to do.

Well, I suppose you alluded to it earlier, like.

Yeah.

Just be nice.

Just try and be as nice as you.

I'm nice.

Yeah.

This is something that I always remember my mum doing that I don't want to do is when you lose your temper with your kids, but you're naked.

No, that's not happening.

Thankfully, that's not happening.

My mum would do it all the time, like just before bed, when she was like getting a shower, she'd be furious, but her boobs would be like flailing around.

Oh man, no, I don't think I've done that, have I?

It's not like the end of Saltburn in Castle Buckles.

No, that's what it was like in our house.

And you're as a child, even as a child, when you don't really fully understand how embarrassing, because you're always naked.

You're like, something's wrong here, and I don't respect you.

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Continue.

I didn't know what I was doing with my life until I heard this podcast.

Hey, welcome back, podcasts.

Tash Dimitriu talking to me there in Liverpool back in May of this year, 2024.

Thank you so much, Tash.

It was lovely to see her as ever.

While I remember, I want to say thank you very much to the people involved with that live podcast tour on that night.

Ben Saunders, Richard Walsh, and Elisa Lembo.

Matt was responsible for the video.

Haven't got his name.

Apologies, Matt.

Thank you very much, though.

And thanks to everyone else helping from Crosstown Promotions and everyone at the venue who made us feel very welcome.

It was good fun.

Thank you very much indeed to Becca Bryars for assembling that live audio as well.

And while I'm saying thanks, I may as well say thanks to Seamus Murphy Mitchell.

He was there for most of those live shows.

He came over from America and it was lovely to have him there.

Thank you, Seamus, for being there and sorting out and conversation editing on this episode as well.

Much appreciated,

Rosie.

Bit more chicken?

How about it?

Come on,

weekend treat.

Look at this.

Oh,

oh, oh,

quite nice.

I love you.

Come on, Rosie.

We're going to head back soon.

It's 25 past four,

coming towards the end of November.

The sun is down.

There's just an orange glow on the horizon, but it's a beautiful clear evening.

I can see the North Star.

The other stars haven't come out yet.

Before I go today, I have a voice note uplifting film recommendation from brilliant writer, actor, comedian, friend of the podcast, Jessica Nappet.

God, it's been so long since I've sent a voice note via messages that I couldn't even remember how to do it.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to you.

In my defence, you haven't replied to me on WhatsApp, have you?

You don't even know that that message is there.

And you can keep all this in.

I think it might be too late now.

I

have one recommendation which will probably be made by everyone,

which is vacation.

Vacation, not the original, National Lampoons, which I'm sure is a wonderful piece of art.

I don't care about any of the originals because the most recent movie, Vacation, is the funniest movie ever made,

and that's all I have to say on the matter.

Enjoy

your

life.

Love Jess.

There you go that was Jessica Nappet.

Thank you very much Jessica.

Recommending vacation from 2015.

Not a remake

but a new story in the vacation universe.

And I think Chevy Chase, who is in the original movies, pops up in this one.

I haven't seen this one that Jessica's talking about.

I did google it.

It's got very shit ratings and reviews.

But I'm learning more and more these days that that doesn't necessarily have any bearing on the actual quality of the movie.

Rusty Griswold, so he's Rusty is the son, right?

From the original movies.

He's grown up now takes his own family on a road trip to Wally World in order to spice things up with his wife and reconnect with his sons.

Vacation is a 2015 American Road comedy film written and directed by John Francis Daly and Jonathan Goldstein in their directorial debuts.

They wrote Spider-Man Homecoming and Horrible Bosses and they also directed Game Night from 2018.

I love Game Night.

That's a really funny film.

When Max and Annie play a harmless murder mystery game with Max's brother Brooks and some friends, things begin to take surprising twists and turns as not all is what it seems to be.

Starring Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams, the cast is really great.

Everyone is very funny in this film.

Game night.

Strong recommend.

So anyway, fuck the reviews for vacation.

What are you going to go with?

A recommendation from a comedy genius slash friend of the podcast?

in the form of Jessica Nappet

or some randos on rotten tomatoes.

Of course, you're going to go with Jessica.

Addendum.

I'm just recording this back in my nutty room as I edit the intro and outro.

I forgot to say when I was out with Rosie that Jessica has a podcast which I would like to recommend.

She didn't ask me to plug it, but I suddenly remembered that she had it because I was on it.

I recorded an episode with her as part of a live podcast I did with Jessica in York as part of my live tour show.

So we doubled up.

And it was good fun talking to her about my perfect day.

That's the name of her podcast, Perfect Day with Jessica Nappett.

She digs into her guests' daily routines, bizarre habits, and most embarrassing moments as she explores how we spend our most precious resource, time.

She's got lots of great guests on there: Brett Goldstein, Jamila Jamil, Ahir Shah, Kerry Pritchard McLean, Joe Lysett, Adam Buxton, Kyle Smith Bino, Amy Gledhill, Nick Mohammed, Jamali Maddox.

There's a Drifters Reunion there as well with Lydia Rose Bewley and Lauren O'Rourke.

That's the Perfect Day podcast with Jessica Napitt.

Now back to my outro.

Alright, that's it for this week.

I've said all my thank yous.

Thanks to ACAST as well.

But of course the thank you I haven't said is the one for you.

Most important thank you.

Sorry, I'm talking to you like a toddler now.

You're not a toddler, you're a grown-up.

Unless you are actually a toddler and you've just accidentally started listening to this.

But if you're a consenting adult, come here.

Good to see you.

All right.

Stay warm, but stay cool.

Until next time, take care.

I love you.

Bye.

Like and subscribe,

like and subscribe,

like and subscribe,

please like and subscribe.

Give me like a smile and a thumbs up,

I take a pat with me buttons up,

give me like a smile and a thumbs up,

I take a pat when my butts up.

Like and subscribe, like and subscribe,

like and subscribe,

please like and subscribe.

Give me like a smile and a thumbs up,

I take a pat when it bums up,

Give me the smile and a thumbs up.

Nice, but when it buttons up.

I can't find the vibe.