The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Tim Dillon - Episode 56

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Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.

Today is May 31st, 2024.

It's crazy, 20s.

The crazy 20s.

The 2020s.

Yeah, the 2020s.

Time really just flies by.

We're almost at the end of it.

Of time.

Well,

at the end of our time.

I guess.

It's like if it's funny, because it's like if the world collapsed, because it feels like it might, but it always feels that way.

It always feels like something.

But if this time it does happen, because there's a lot of things,

and normally I wouldn't engage in this, but you know, we got you on here, so we'll talk, we'll just declare things about the world.

Well, you must.

We're losing.

So Russia's going to win Ukraine.

We are losing.

Russia's going to win Ukraine.

We're pretending now that he's offering this ceasefire because he's weak.

It's like, no, he's just going to take, he's going to cause Ukraine.

They've won.

They've kind of already won.

They've already won.

This is a favor to us, and now he's allowing us to save face by saying, like, oh, well, Putin's weak.

That's why he's offering a ceasefire

where we freeze the lines.

This is weak because we took McDonald's away.

yeah right we carved out you know

burger king out he's he's bitten off a lot of ukraine he'll probably invade poland at some point he wins but then the big thing is like assad is now bashar al-assad is now like he's he's he's like uh

people see him at the same level that they have disdained for walter white from breaking yeah you know he's not like the with the the media everybody the western world failed to sell asad as and he's that's just rush's guy.

Yeah.

And the regime change failed, and you never hear anybody talk about that, but like that's the biggest thing in the Middle East

is Russia won that one.

They won.

They won the Middle East.

They've been racking up wins,

but we've been getting better at the marketing of losses.

Right.

So that's what we've been doing.

We've kind of been like, no, it's actually, it's a stalemate.

We call things a stalemate all the time.

No, it's a stalemate.

It's really not a stalemate.

The other secret war, also probably Russia behind it is they've used gay African people to take over international law.

So now that's all

they control it.

And by the way, smart.

This was the smartest thing they could have done.

Right.

So there is a cannon filled with bananas pointed at Netanyahu right now that just

was designed by Putin secretly 12 years ago.

But no,

I think that they only, Trump got convicted

just so we can can save face when Netanyahu is arrested by the ICC, but you can say, well, he's kind of like, you know, we put Trump in jail.

He's arrested.

Trump, everybody gets arrested.

Everybody gets arrested.

They get arrested.

That is not in.

They get arrested.

That is not in terms of the freedom.

It doesn't mean anything.

Just fine.

Yeah, exactly.

It doesn't mean anything.

People have strong feelings about people, so they have to arrest them.

I guess that's all to say.

It's like, because it feels like, because you've had, in the last five years, you've had a lot of success.

You're doing, you know, you're on.

You're doing okay.

And a lot of people in our social circle circle are yes and when things collapse are you guys just gonna turn into like glorious swanson basically just like kind of these no one in silent film here's what i will say because our podcast outside of me yeah no one in our social circle knows who that is so i just imagine

i imagine shane in the mansion yeah just like a heavy makeup yeah and you know a beauty mark yeah the little like breast cancer sets yeah right yeah

i mean that's the hope.

And he's like, I'm still big.

It's just the pictures that got small, and nobody's listening to podcasts anymore.

But he still has all of his blood light millions.

I hope at that point I'm in Brighton Beach.

I invested in beer.

I made all my money in beer.

Back in the day, I was the biggest in the world of stand-up comedy and podcasting.

And the entertainment then is just reading the Quran, I would imagine.

Yeah.

Is when we have no choice but to be in the middle of the day.

To be like living as an old, kind of like an exiled oligarch in Brighton Beach at that point.

just kind of eating, you know, fried fish, sitting down by the pier,

and then just like being that guy that when you get near him, he just starts going.

My career track, what I want is I kind of want to take the Jerry Lewis route.

Yeah.

So here I'm just laughing stock, racist, buffoon, comedian, mixed garbage.

Pretends to be a mentally disabled person.

Cheap laughs.

Yeah.

And then I saw, I don't know what for, but after this, I want to go be revered by the French.

And I don't know if that's maybe just being Chuck E.

Cheese.

Yeah, and by the way, it would be incredibly easy for you.

Yeah, I could just go over there and be an anti-Semitic version of Chuck E.

Cheese.

Yeah, no, do very much similar what you do now.

Yeah.

A little style, like a little more stylistic.

The anti-Semitic mime, I guess, is what I'll be.

And then they'll be like, oh, this is the greatest art we have ever seen.

Here's an artist.

Yeah, no, you just, you have to be like kind of like an anti-Semitic, like harlequin clown.

Yeah, right.

And just sneak it in.

Yeah, it's funny because people don't realize like JFL had this reputation of being like the premier comedy festival.

But a good 50 to 60% of JFL was just that.

It was like mimes and

clowns.

It was francophone clowns.

It was like Cirque de Soleil.

Yeah, right.

Doing tightrope stuff and they blew all this money on all this French bullshit.

And then 10% of it was like us.

Right.

Somehow they would trick comedians, American comedians, into coming there for no pay.

Yeah.

You know.

Well, they never mixed.

Those two sides of JFL never mixed.

It was always very segregated.

Right.

Like, there was never like a clown bringing up Bobby Kelly.

They should have done that.

They should have done that.

That would have been great.

Yeah.

Just a high-wire act.

And then fucking Bobby comes out.

Yeah, right.

Bobby trying to talk that guy backstage.

He's like, what's your fucking problem?

Jean-Boo Lukou Poo, Gokon, Waka.

Just smell, you can see stink lines coming off of him.

Yeah.

No shoes on.

He's got hobbit feet.

How do they live?

Do they live as circus as like a

French-Canadian peasants?

Yeah, like how do they live?

Do they live as a troop?

Yeah, I saw a lady in Montreal walking a pig

when I was there.

Because you'll see them on the streets walking around.

You go, do you all live communally?

Yeah.

I imagine they must.

Yeah, I think so.

They don't have like in the, like, there's no, there's no version of that guy who's like...

touring a house and going right by this and living it's like they have like hostels yeah i feel like it's kind of Yeah, because I think it would be...

It's the way circus is.

It's just what it is.

It's expensive there, right?

It's very expensive.

Sorry, I'm trying to find the timer here that tells me when we have to do our ad reads, but I'm.

Oh, okay.

You can just shout it out then.

What's that?

Just shout at me because I switched to the Snoopy watch face, and it makes it very difficult to use the Apple Watch for anything other than looking at Snoopy doing stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that's the Apple Watch?

This is the last expensive thing I'll be able to purchase before the fall.

Yeah.

So I'm I want one because it now tells you like when you're dying.

It gives you like an option.

I always add that.

They keep adding that feature that tells you like when it's over.

Yeah, they keep adding more.

Yeah, like there's more health style.

Who needs it can diagnose AFib, which seems like too severe of a medical issue.

But maybe we start off with tell me if I have a cold.

Right.

Right.

Like, I don't know if you want me to be able to.

Arterial fibrillation.

I don't know if I want Snoopy telling me I'm dying of congestion.

Well, it's also a lot of us are almost dying.

not a lot of us, but I'll say a lot of people in our group are probably almost dying a lot.

So

why would we need to know all the time?

It's so funny because comedians embrace being unhealthy.

You spend your entire 20s being like, I'm killing myself.

And then if you manage to get like, find success in your 30s or something like that.

But then you want to live.

And then they're like, I want to live.

And then

they're like, should I go to the dentist?

And it's like, you have $800 million.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Get a robot body.

Well, that's the next step.

Yeah.

Is to get a robot body.

That's the real, when you talk about the fall, where are we going to end up?

It's not so much we'll be locked alone in mansions.

We'll just have robot bodies.

Yeah.

And we'll just, you know, come out on a tour.

I still think it's going to be a glorious Watson thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just locked up.

I see, yeah, just in a mansion,

dead monkey in a cradle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Screaming at the people that have come up.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Who's the guy?

What, who,

What's going to be the next?

Who's going to be in 10 years?

What's going to be the thing?

Because something's got to replace all this.

It's got to be stale.

The economy.

Now that, like, the podcast guys, the podcast kind of, the guys that operated on the fringe and then, you know, they built up fan bases, they're now being ingested into the mainstream, right?

Yeah.

It's like, once that ends, what's the next route up?

Funny answers only.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Naturally.

Violence.

Well,

violence.

I was going to say French-Canadian street performance.

Yeah, there's always that.

Yeah.

But I mean, violence?

I don't know.

It's going to be guys sitting around the cellar being like, yeah, I got my doo-doo juggling act going.

I'm out on the street juggling doo-doo.

I smell like shit.

Yeah.

And it's like, you know, I think this might be the movie.

Well, isn't everything a circle?

Circle is French.

I want to go back to what it was, and I don't know what it was.

Silent films.

Something like that.

Yeah, right.

Maybe it'll be silent film.

Yeah.

That would be brilliant.

That'd be cool.

Yeah.

I made a silent film.

Did you really?

Yeah.

It was a ballet.

It was silenced.

Okay.

It was scored.

There was no dialogue in it.

Yeah.

Okay.

It might go back to

or it might just go to something so

crazy

that, you know,

I think it goes to like where we're maybe we're all just like we work for like like, we pick a corporation, and that's, we're just their entertainer.

I think we have,

we become the entertainer.

The only thing left is some sort of like neo-feudal.

We're going to have to have a king, and it would probably be some sort of religious king.

I don't know if it was even a caliphate.

That doesn't really, they don't really seem like they're winning, I guess.

I don't think caliphate will happen in our time, but I could certainly see a probably a Mormon king is where we're going.

Something like a Mormon king, like a clean-cut, kind of in-shape.

He's like a Mitt Romney king.

Mitt Romney king.

But it would be like Mitt Romney's boyfriend.

Mitt Romney would be the queen.

It would be a gay Mormon king.

He'd be a gay Mormon king.

If I had to bet on the future of the country.

Looking at everything the way it's moving.

Kind of a gay Mormon king, Apple Watch.

Yeah, right.

Tech savvy.

Yeah, right.

You know, smart.

Yeah.

Proficient at several different sports.

Yeah.

We watch him play them.

Right, an MMA-style game.

He fought an MMA.

Yeah, and anyone can be the king if you can beat him at tickle fighting.

Yes, and good luck.

Yeah, good luck.

See, this guy's the master.

He knows what he's doing.

Rogan will never die.

I know that.

I know no matter what happens, Rogan will be the constant.

Wouldn't it be crazy if they just dropped dead tomorrow?

What kind of shock that would do?

It would be shocking to a lot of people.

It might usher in like a level of debauchery.

Like all these guys who are going to the gym and like eating, you know whatever they're eating i mean you might just see like all of these guys just eating cake becoming fat yeah becoming like feminine and fat yeah like imagine all these ufc guys kind of running the other way all these bro guys the guys that go out for us did the stupid new york times called it bro mikasi like the sushi

they're just trying to say now that like rogan's made sushi a masculine meal which it's always been it's always been yeah it's never been like no one's ever been like i'm gonna have sushi and somebody goes, what do you have?

No one's ever.

Rogan thing is sushi?

Well, he loves this sushi place that he's made really popular.

But everybody likes sushi.

I mean, I know, but they keep on.

This is why the New York Times has written this article now where they're like, men are eating sushi together.

It's retarded.

He's probably worn shirts more than

it's like, well,

no, it's they're trying, everything they try to do is to try to make it like a problem.

There's only like 10 types of food

that you can have and go out and have, and sushi's one of them.

Yeah, but it's like it's the new article is called bro mikasi and they're like men are embracing sushi.

Is that a Japanese word?

Is that a pun?

Yeah, it's a pun.

They're like it used to oh Mikasi obviously sushi, but they're like it used to be steakhouses.

Now if you want to close deals or go out with your bros, it's sushi.

So I think if he died tomorrow, you might see a lot of people just become like fat and gay.

Yeah.

I feel like people would react to it like more like

a building had collapsed rather than a person had died.

Yeah, well, it would be 9-11 again.

It would be no extra.

9-11, but

there would be no culprit.

But

on the internet,

there would be a discussion.

You ever think about how

there has to be an alternate universe where 9-11 was just an accident?

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Those two pilots got drunk together at fucking the Applebee's at LaGuardia.

Yeah.

And then fucking they're like, dude, I'll see you next week.

And then both of them happened to just fucking

cause the biggest accident of all time.

That is the best explanation for what I've heard.

Yeah.

Is it's just drunk guys

that got fucked up at Chili's.

It would be even worse if it's just first, it's like at United Airlines announces the hiring of the first two black female pilots.

And that's just, you know, imagine that universe.

Yeah.

And that's the beginning that's the beginning of the movie uh yeah yeah

i mean that would be mike judge's wokeocracy

what if 9-11 was due to two black female pilots that got fucked up that was kind of a thing online like like a year ago what it was black female pilots no it was people saying if i go on a plane and there's a black pilot i'll turn right around oh interesting and then do what spend another 500 on a plane ticket yeah by the way nobody

the funny thing about air travel is that's always a lot

What do you worry that's gonna happen?

Is he's gonna land the plane backwards?

It's also like, What are you gonna do?

You're gonna rent a car?

Yeah, right.

You're gonna rent a car?

Yeah, the worst thing that you can ever do.

Yeah, there's nothing worse in our society than renting a car.

It basically is like you're the biggest loser that's ever lived, and then you're gonna drive eight hours.

Uh-huh.

I'd rather die.

I hate every time I, because I rent cars.

Yeah.

I go on the road, terrible.

It saves money over.

Right.

Every time I get the Challenger upgrade and they treat me like I am Sam.

Like they're letting me keep my daughter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just fine.

Do you want to drive the race car?

Yeah.

Just give me a car.

Every time.

I'm fine with the Nissan Ultima.

I haven't had a physical license in years.

And

I have, you know, who's ever with me, like the opener, will rent the car if we do.

But you have a car, don't you?

I have two cars.

You can buy cars without a license.

I have a license.

I just don't have it on me, and I think it's suspended.

But you can just buy cars.

They don't really care.

You just show them.

You go, see, it's a license.

You know what I'm going to buy is one of those things that lets you make your own guns at home.

3D printer.

Yeah, but

there's 3D printers that are just for guns.

Oh, yeah.

And you can do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it seems like...

That would get you in trouble, but the kind where they just show up at your house all the time.

Well, they just keep coming, and it's kind of nice.

And that seems like, you know, we talk about what's the path forward.

Yeah.

For For me, I think it might be recording a bunch of visits from the Department of Homeland.

The podcast might just become casual conversations with

DHS.

Just a guy with a woman with a clipboard.

Yeah.

And they just come in and they kind of know.

They're like, hello.

Yeah.

Just checking on them.

Yeah.

So what do you think?

We're all going to be able to do that.

And it's your right to record them, I think.

It is.

It actually is your right to record them.

Yeah.

That's not a bad podcast idea.

We've got to establish that at the beginning every time.

Yeah, that's not a bad podcast idea.

There is funny.

There's a guy on Twitter I saw that does that.

He's like, so now it's funny because of what's going on.

So what does he tweet?

Like, I'm going to kill the president?

No, he's got

war with the Jewish.

What's that?

Oh, okay.

So maybe I'll just say this and then we'll go right back to it rather before I start talking about this guy.

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Everybody hates being hot.

And that's my thing is I hate, I like, I don't like, I'm worried about skin cancer now all the time.

I go to the, that's a good word.

I walk to the, I walk through the park and I see everybody sunbathing and I'm just like, ooh, cancer.

They're all going to get skin cancer.

They're all going to get skin cancer.

That's what I say.

It's good when you find really hot people with their shirts off by the pool.

And you go, it's all fun now.

And I'm there wearing the biggest hat you've ever seen.

I go, my aunt Mary died of melanoma at 33, which is true.

I'm leaving, I'm in my apartment all day long.

I leave to buy cigarettes.

I'm like, you're all going to get skin cancer.

Cancer.

Yeah.

Just covered it.

Well, you got to be careful because it is out there.

Yeah, right.

And so that's why I like disrobing is it keeps me covered, but I'm not sweating.

Right.

Because that's the other thing that'll give you skin cancer.

Is sweating?

I don't know.

I would imagine it's probably good for you.

I go to the sauna.

I actually think it's good.

I know.

I go to the sauna all the time to detox.

No, okay.

I say that.

It's me and other fucking disgusting people in there.

Yeah, talking about Russia.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, talking about Russia.

I had an interaction in the sauna where I don't know why.

I'm just no good at socializing.

It's bizarre that I've found a career, a failing career, mind you, a dying career, talking for a living because I am like, I have no social skills.

I'm sitting in the sauna.

There's other people talking about that Brooklyn Tower.

What happened?

I don't know.

Two guys are talking in the sauna about the Brooklyn Tower.

They say, oh, it's a beautiful building.

Or it's an ugly building.

Everyone hates it.

And I go, I think it looks kind of nice.

And then the guy says, really?

Because that's the first time I've ever heard that.

Everybody thinks that.

Oh, the one by the bridge.

By the bridge, the Brooklyn.

It's disgusting.

I say, I think it looks kind of nice for a superstructure.

I mean, it's the best, that's as good as it's going to get.

And they go, really?

Everybody thinks it's ugly.

And I go, oh, okay.

And then they continue their conversation and kind of sit there in silence, nude, covered in sweat.

Yes, you should have fought, like, you should have fought for your point of view.

Yeah, I should have stormed that.

You should have yelled at that.

I should have burned that.

By the way, that was a very normal interaction.

Just walk up and put my genitals in the sauna heater.

I was imagining that was going to be much worse, but you looked fine there.

Yeah, okay.

So often appears to be a little bit of a bad thing.

I felt like such an asshole.

I was like, nobody cares what I think.

Like, I'm going to come in and be like, no, it's actually, I don't even care about the building.

But I think you look at the ones around Central Park, those are...

They suck, too.

They're an abomination.

Whereas they're at least trying something with the Brooklyn Tower.

The failure of the Brooklyn Tower is that they put it in Brooklyn.

Right.

If that had been in the financial district, maybe it makes a little more sense.

Certainly more than the Jenga building.

Well, the Jenga building is,

again, an abomination, abomination, but one that people like.

What the thing in New York is every time something goes up, everyone hates it.

Ten years later, they'll go, we love it.

Nobody's done that, though.

And I think the Brooklyn Tower is going to be the first one.

You give it a little bit of time.

Yeah.

Because there's all these financial problems with it.

Yeah, but everyone hates everything when it's built, even a good one.

These are not things you have to worry about if you're wearing Tuilery clothes.

No.

And that's one of my favorite things about, and host speaks about their favorite things about Tuilery clothing.

That's one of my favorite things about it.

Yes.

You'll feel like you're in the penthouse at the Brooklyn Tower

urinating on whoever's going to Junior.

Who's ever been made?

Anybody going to the new Paramount Theater in Brooklyn?

Beautiful.

Is that what it's called?

No idea.

They had a new theater in Brooklyn.

You should do it.

The Paramount Theater?

I think it's the Paramount.

They just reopened the Paramount.

Can we go do a show at

one of the bars we used to do a show at?

I want to do a show at like Tandem and Bushwick.

Yeah, I'd like to be able to sell tickets, which I will be in Spokane at this point.

Everywhere you you are is sold out.

That's not true.

Well, I see a lot of them are sold out.

Okay.

Spokane, Washington.

I'll be at Spokane at the Spokane Comedy Club next week.

That'll sell.

Friday, Saturday.

It is not.

Well, there's a lot of separatists.

I don't even know how to get there.

It's terrible.

I don't know.

It's like

I'm connecting flights.

It's the only town where you're in the Pacific Northwest and you go, oh, this is like, it's not even pretty.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty.

I guess it's next to Idaho, which my understanding is that's just a place where you

You leave there to be gay somewhere.

Or if you're really smart, you stay there to be gay and a Nazi.

Oh, okay.

What the hell is Idaho?

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And Pete, let me know another 12 minutes have passed.

Thank you.

So I was going to say, oh, you can finish the thing about Technology.

Well, I'm just going to say it's a lot of tech people.

Neo Nazis.

Neo-Nazis.

Neo-Nazis, tech people, leave in Cordelaine, which is pretty.

But it's just a lot of people off the grid.

Yeah, okay.

Homesteaders, they call that.

Yeah.

But no, I saw

I came across a video on Twitter of a guy doing the DHS thing.

Oh, just trying to lure them in.

Well, they've already been lured in because he's like an anti-with all the Israel stuff going on.

There are guys that are like very far right that have just kind of like they've like they've elevated this is their time, they're well, yeah, because it's an easy in for them, it's an easy in, it's it's it's great.

I was saying, you know, like people say, oh, like, you know,

you can't conflate anti-Zionism and anti-Semitism, but it's like, let's not pretend like the guys that aren't just anti-Semitism.

There's a little Van Diamond.

Those guys are there's a little Van Diels.

There has never been a better time to be alive.

This is their moment.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

And they're prepared.

And then there's one guy who's like,

he's like former military or something.

And then he's like, you know, some of the posts are like, you know, like,

this is a genocide.

I can't believe what's happening in Rafah.

And the next one's like...

The Jews that live down the street have been looking at my car.

Right.

It's like that.

And he posted a video of like DHS and like, I don't know, FBI or something coming to his house.

And the woman cuts him off.

It's a long video.

I only watched like the first five minutes of it.

She's like, well, I just want to let you know, I'm coming down from DHS.

I'm actually higher up.

And I want to let you know because they're telling me, and she's mediating this dispute between him and literally the Jews.

Right.

Well, that's a nice thing.

Yeah, the Jews in his neighborhood or like in the community that he lives in because they're saying, oh, this guy's threatening us.

And so she looks, she's like, but I looked online and there's a lot of threatening going back and forth.

And so this woman's job is to mediate this dispute between

these like, I don't know,

this retarded group of rabbis and then this guy who's like fucking just saying shit on Twitter.

And it's like, this is a daycare counselor's job.

It's like there's this, this is, um,

there's this kid, the bunch of kids got captured in Africa because they went, their dad, one of the kids' dads was this African guy who wanted to overthrow the Congolese government.

So he got a bunch of his son's friends down there and he literally said, we're going to do this.

They didn't know.

And he got shot.

I mean, they shot this guy in the head immediately.

They just shot the dad in the head.

Yeah.

And then his kid and the other kids just went through like a Congolese prison.

And then they were talking to these two lesbians who were the mothers of one of these kids.

And they're like, it's terrible not hearing from him.

But they're like, we're in contact with the State Department.

And it's like, it's their job to look after Americans.

So I'm sure they're doing everything they can.

And it's like, that's not their job.

It's like, that's absolutely

not their job.

No, the state through, and the state.

And it's like the list of priorities, like your kid locked up in an African prison no is the lowest it's the low we can't get anybody back from anywhere like we have no ability to fuck no we have no we have no leverage we have nothing but it was funny the way they go yeah well you know the state department this is their job yeah this is what they do you go over for a summer job and you try to overthrow a government as you know you're confused yeah and you go to jail the state department gets you back no the state department has to like to trade like we have to have something to trade and we don't have any we don't have any nothing we have nobody we have no nothing we got guys we got guys that were in Al-Qaeda 35 years ago.

Right.

That we've tortured insane.

Yeah, right.

And then the ones we haven't tortured, like, there's two types of those guys.

They're still there in Gitmo.

Yeah.

Some of them have best-selling books.

We won't even let them out.

They're like best-selling authors, and we are still torturing them.

Yeah, yeah.

We won't even let them out.

They've been at the top of the New York Times bestseller list.

It's a strange phenomenon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

One of them is Rami.

One of them is Rami.

The show Rami is about.

Rami lives in Gitmo.

They let him out to do Sha's.

They let him out to win Emmys.

Yeah.

And then he goes back.

I've watched that show.

Is it good?

I saw an episode.

It was good.

I don't watch many things.

I don't stick with a lot.

I feel like I'm not.

And I just don't.

Here's the other thing.

It's like, I don't.

I can't watch any of the comedian stuff because it feels like they all make the same show.

And then it's a lot of his show.

His shows are about like, I'm a young Muslim figuring it out.

That's not a genre that appeals to me.

But he's not his show.

He's a Muslim comedian.

I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's not his fault.

It's a great show for a million people

that love it.

I just, that's not a thing.

I don't like a lot of things.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also can't watch stuff.

I don't know if they shoot it here, but I can't watch stuff that's like just all shot in New York, especially if it's shot in Berlin.

That's the other thing.

I don't.

Because it's like, this looks like it was done for free.

No,

it's my friend's apartment.

I don't.

Yeah, no, I.

I,

yeah.

People love it.

It's, you know, I just, that's, you know, I like such specific, you know.

Yeah.

I watch house flipping shows that are not even the good ones.

These are not even the ones people know about.

These have no budget.

It's always like a fat Persian woman and her gay husband or whatever.

And they just walk around like Vegas and they find these disgusting homes that are never going to be worth anything.

Yeah.

I just watch.

I don't even watch anything good.

Nothing I watch is good.

There hasn't been a show I've really been into in a while.

I still just watch Beyond Belief Factor Fiction all the time.

Yeah, there's so many iterations of all this crap.

Like the flipping shows went so crazy that they have shows where they're like triple-digit flip, and it's like just, it's not even a show.

It's like the lowest quality.

The people suck.

Everything about it sucks.

And I'm just fascinated by it.

I'm fascinated by how bad it is.

Yeah.

And I just stare at it.

That's what I'm saying, man.

I think the new form of entertainment is baiting federal law enforcement agencies into having an hour-long conversation.

It's absolutely not the worst idea.

Every week, and then you try to get a different, like, I'm just going to do a tweet like, man, there's nothing I love more than opening other people's mail.

Right.

And then just get the fucking, get the postal inspector out.

Or just rogue Rogan tweets.

How about we do that?

They're outside.

They got the clipboard, the Patagonia vest on, and I'm like, let's pod, dude.

Rogan's like, how about we do January 6th?

And there's just three people sitting there.

He's like, thanks for doing this.

Yeah, yeah.

They're all just nodding.

Three hours.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're all using the bathroom.

Every hour and a half, like DHS has to use the bathroom and come back.

Like, I tell you,

there's not a more satisfying sip in the world than a glass of raw milk you just transported across state lines and then just get the FDA guys out.

Well, well, well, gentlemen,

care to talk about the Jews?

Yeah.

Let's put some time on the clock.

Yeah, what other departments?

ATF.

ATF.

But the ATF seems like

the ATF seems like that's because the ATF, they're the reason

that, like, fucking

Vegas.

Yeah.

Paddock.

Paddock.

The ATF is the reason.

The ATF basically, they kind of, and I'm completely shooting from the hip, and I've barely researched this or looked into it.

But that's, this is the way to do it.

It feels like they work more for the NRA than they do for, like, because they.

Oh, definitely.

Because what the ATF does is they set definitions of stuff.

So the reason you can do all this, you can print your own guns and all this shit is because what is classified as a firearm is like a very specific piece of the gun.

It's also interesting to regulate guns in a country where there is the belief that everyone needs one.

Yeah.

So it's a strange, what are you even doing?

Well, it's also as soon as you can print something at home, trying to regulate it is ridiculous.

Silly.

You know, I mean, it's like

we're on the honor system here.

Yeah.

Crypto kind of works the same way.

That's right.

It's like it's to the same degree, you can't have a gun in the same way that you're supposed to pay taxes on like crypto trading.

Sure.

Which it's like on your transaction.

Maybe you'll get me when I finally use either.

Yeah.

Right.

I can amass all this crypto wealth that is untaxable, but the second I try to actually use it,

then you can fuck me in my ass.

Same way I can build this entire arsenal of weapons.

Yeah.

You have nothing to do with it.

That's how it's been.

That's how it's until I shoot up.

Yeah.

I destroy.

Until you go at people,

then it's

that's illegal one way or the other.

It's not like murder is going to be legal at any point.

Not for the wrong reasons.

Yeah.

Maybe inventing some sort of like.

Did you see the woman I had on my podcast, Noah Tishby, the Israeli lady who's out there, you know, speaking of the...

I had her on.

She was a little bit of a...

With RFK, hopefully.

Everyone hated her.

Yeah, well, she's just like,

she's just a cacophony of those two.

That accent and his voice.

Right.

So

she had this new like explanation for the because i knew she had to come out for the rafa thing which is there's nothing better than watching like someone who has to go all right listen

she goes listen we got to talk about this thing yeah

happened we gotta we gotta i'll address this horrific massacre and her whole point was that like hamas had a weapon stockpile that just blew up yeah and it wasn't really an israeli strike yeah it was just a weapon stockpile that blew up she goes listen we'll talk about this you want to discuss this You want to talk about it?

Sure.

I'll tell you what it is.

Hamas had weapons, and they blew up, and that's what happened.

Yeah.

And you're like, this is, this is a fun thing to watch somebody

do.

Yeah, right.

Because no matter what a war is,

you got to do horrible shit.

Yeah.

There's nothing better than having someone come out with a straight face and go, hey.

Right.

I know you don't like this.

But it's also like with the immediate follow-up is like, okay, so let's say say it wasn't that, let's say they just bombed the refugee camp and set 40 people on fire.

Would that be wrong?

And then, and then they'll go, yeah, no, yeah, so

whichever way you want to believe this happened, right, whichever thing you like,

whether it was just a weapons stockpile that exploded in the middle of the night,

or it was a mid-air cleansing.

The thing to me, the point I'm at is because I'll just say the clips that I will seek out and watch are the ones where you either get

the Pentagon spokesperson who now seems to be doing

what's her name Corine Jereen Janine Jean-Jacques yeah the white-ass press extra Jean Pierre Jean-Jacques

Jean-Luc Picard yes

Gerard de Pardu yeah right yeah

her stupid French Canadian name yeah and uh

that which probably that's the worst thing colonialism has ever done yeah is that woman giving black people French names yeah right

This is Jean-Louis.

Yeah, right.

Anyways, so,

you know, like, it seems like John Kirby just does half her job now.

Yeah.

But all of these things, or I don't know who the other guy is, that, that, that kind of affects kind of like porky

Indian man.

Yes.

Who's like...

They roll him out every now and then.

Yeah, him who seems to be like the most on point.

He's good.

That guy's better at communicating than the rest of them.

Yeah.

But

watching like the press, like, I don't even know why we're even pretending anymore.

Why these reporters are sitting there being like, so

they're putting people on trains and taking them to a place called Auschwitz II Electric Booglu.

That's the name of the camp.

It's on the sign.

And it says, make no mistake, this is a concentration camp where we're gassing people to death and we're gassing children here.

Does that cross the red line?

And then they go, that's a disingenuous question.

I mean, it's like, first of all, the president never said the line line was red.

Right.

Okay.

And we've got to figure out, you know, we've done.

I mean, now we're at the point because

it was like, I think, like, you know, we're funding this.

We're paying for this.

We're sending those weapons.

It's because the military-industrial complex controls everything, and Israel is the greatest money laundering operation they've ever been handed, ever.

Right.

So that's what drives this.

And we like, we don't want gay people to be treated poorly.

Oh, right.

That's the main thing.

that's the main thing.

Yeah, we're saving them.

That's the main thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyways,

you would think that, like, okay, well, that's why all of this is happening.

But then you have fucking John Kirby go on the TV and defend the Rafa thing by saying, like, we sure

did a hell of a lot worse in Iraq and Afghanistan.

So now you're throwing the United States under the bus.

Yeah.

Now it's like, so you won't admit that this is bad, but you'll say,

oh, well, America, if you got a problem with this, you know,

shitty

I am.

Yeah.

It's like, well,

I am.

Wow, you know.

You've seen the baby's heads from Fallujah, those birth defects.

They're like footballs.

Yeah.

And it's like, well,

what is the point of this?

Yeah.

Because now it's not like, now you're not defending even this whole idea of Western-based, you know, rules-based order.

Nothing.

It's specifically just this thing here, and we'll fucking at the expense of everything else, the integrity of everything else, justice saying, and it's like, what the fuck fuck is going on?

No, he's like, we turned hoses on people trying to get into schools.

But then, you know, I don't understand why journalists are even participating in this.

You know, it's like you can

palpable how frustrated they are.

You know,

they're making, this is their, how they get a chat.

And the flip side of it is you still, like, still to this day,

you'll have fucking, what's his name?

What's his name?

The fucking Fox News guy.

What?

No,

what's his fucking name?

The guy's son, Deucey.

The younger Deucey.

I haven't seen the younger guy.

They'll all sit there and they'll ask questions about Gaza and then he'll be like, is President Biden gay?

Like, say no if he's, deny it.

Say because he thinks it's gross.

He'll just do his trick question thing about he'll be talking about Hunter Biden still.

And is that a, maybe because I'm checked out, I live in a very tiny world where I Google very specific things and look at them.

Yeah.

Is he is do people still care about Hunter Biden?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It seems like that winner.

Not really.

Yeah.

Not really.

Okay.

I'm saying it's time for the next act.

Yeah, I know, yeah, I know.

Yeah, I appreciate that.

I care about Hunter Biden because he's a fun, you know, kind of a fun guy, lives in Malibu,

seems to be, is an artist,

probably had a tough life.

Yeah.

You know?

But it didn't amount to anything.

No, he's just kind of like everyone else in California.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's just flailing.

Uh-huh.

Well, with higher stakes.

What's next for Rafa?

They should just drive a monster truck through it.

If it was me, I would see like.

Well, yeah, I mean, at this point, just, you know,

see how far you can go.

Yeah.

Today's episode is also brought to you by RidgeWallet.com.

Wow.

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Not for a while.

Not for a while.

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I love the people at Ridge and the wallet itself.

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Ridge, every once in a while, just email the guy and be like, hey, you want Reeds?

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They're so far beyond needing like podcast help like they've really cornered the market well it's a good hard wallet it's a great wallet i have the ridge wallet i don't have it on me it's sitting in the office back there smart um

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No, you've got to get rid of some of it.

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Ridge, it's not just wallets.

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There's nothing better than the Ridge luggage.

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That's the last time you'll ever hear me say it.

Okay.

Because now I feel like it's just, you know.

It's way out there.

Yeah.

People are like fucking going.

Autism is a new woke.

They're like, does anyone else feel that Hamas is kind of autistic?

It's like, would it.

Guys, yeah.

It's too much.

Let's stop.

Let's stop with the autistic stuff.

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that is who Ridge Luggage is for.

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I feel like the way things fall out of my pockets here is very cartoonish.

Yeah.

I feel like an idiot.

I thought that was a ridge wall.

Yeah, I know.

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Right.

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Yeah, I haven't seen the luggage, but

people like it.

The luggage is great.

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Okay.

Which famous cooler brand.

Not Stanley, the other one.

Yeti.

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They'll edit it.

They look like they pair nicely.

If you're a fan of the King Crab Orange, that's not what they call it, a ridge, but they

have similar colors.

Where's ridge-based?

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Right.

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In someone's.

At the top of Mount Shasta.

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home garage gym at the top of the mountain.

A CrossFit box on the top of the mountain.

That's right.

That's what I think.

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That makes sense to me, but only because there's a mountain on the logo.

It's interesting to move in the luggage.

It makes sense to go like people's luggage.

Well, they had a backpack, and I still use the backpack.

The backpack's great.

It's tough.

Yeah.

It's only just now, after having it for, I don't know, what, five years?

It's starting to wear a little.

I ripped one of the little

zipper.

That's after five years of using it in fights and

throwing it down,

dragging it in Times Square.

Right.

Pulling it out of the hands of

the Biden staffer that was trying to steal it.

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my dad's grandma was from Canada, and he's just never been able to.

We're taking him on the family trip to his ancestral homeland of Toronto.

Toronto.

He's going up.

We hear there's some good Italian food.

He loves buildings.

Yeah, right.

He loves it.

Yeah, he loves clean streets.

New modern buildings.

He likes buildings built in 2000.

He really tried to get into his Toronto roots, so he's been playing The Sims 4.

Yeah.

What an ugly city that thing is.

Yeah, it really is.

I thought it was just Toronto.

Great audiences.

But I mean, I've toured all of Canada, and it's like this entire country is just like leftovers.

Yeah, it's leftovers.

It's something off.

It's a casserole type of, like, if America is the melting pot in a way that, like, like, it's an expensive, overpriced fondue restaurant, then that is just a casserole.

It's just a generic.

They

put everything left over into a food processor, and you just get this disgusting kind of sludge.

Yeah, kind of just everything's mixed together, but in a way where it remains discreet and incompatible.

The only sense of nationalism is goofy.

Yeah.

Which is like ours sucks too, but it's like theirs is just silly.

Yeah.

It's like moose and

syrup and shit.

It's just like a joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't think of one.

The biggest thing out of Canada in the last 10 years is Jordan Peterson.

That's right.

Yeah.

That's right.

Who's done irreparable harm?

Who's just really,

you know.

Can we blame countries for stuff like that?

Because

we can blame countries that had nothing to do with 9-11 for 9-11.

We did a

14-year war with a country that didn't do 9-11 for 9-11.

Yeah.

We should be able to bomb Canada because of Jordan Peterson.

That might be extreme.

Yeah.

But it

should be on the table.

Okay.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

You should at least.

And that's where the State Department would answer it.

He goes, of course.

Yeah, right.

It's on the table.

Look at what we've done.

Yeah, it would be hilarious if there were videos of just Canadian children being melted.

Well, I don't know.

And John Kirby being like,

that's tough business.

Okay,

that's the way in business, things are tough.

This is what happens.

I don't like it.

It wouldn't be my first choice.

No, of course not.

Of course not.

It wouldn't be my first choice.

And I take offense to the question.

Yeah.

I don't like that question.

Yeah, Peter does.

I love the question.

Yeah,

have you ever sucked a cock?

Yes or no?

No.

I don't like the way you're asking that, okay?

That's tough.

That is the way we would characterize.

Like, that is the way he would perfect.

I'm trying to figure out what

something's wrong with John Kirby.

No, and I don't know what he is doing.

He's like a reanimated doll.

Yeah, I don't know what he's doing.

You know what he reminds me out there?

Remember the Goosebumps book about the dummies?

Yes.

He's the guy that's.

That's him.

R.L.

Stein.

Yeah, he's that Goosebumps dummy is what that guy is.

I don't know why.

I don't know what's going on over there that he's even up front for this.

Like, I don't know who paid him.

Apparently, there's drama behind the scenes between him and Jean-Luc Picard.

She's like, that's my job, to go out there and do Obama mannerisms.

Yeah, that's what I do.

It's I love that, too, that some of the Democrats are still trying to do the Obama manner.

But I also feel like John Kirby is finding out what's going on in real time.

Like, I don't feel like anyone tells him.

Yeah.

I feel like he's not.

I feel like he's using his face to try and hold his eyeballs into his hand.

Right?

I feel like

nobody gives him the talking points before he goes out.

He's just kind of like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he's like, he's going to react in real time to the horrors that

he's doing fucking W's mannerism.

Yeah.

That's how long he's been around that he's like, he's like, that's just, that's just what, that's just, that's tough cookies.

40 children beheaded, that's fucking, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

It's the cost of doing business.

Sir, you like cookies?

Yeah.

Now, you're going to say, just because the cookie crumbles, we're going to say we're not going to eat cookies anymore?

I mean, that's, come on.

You know?

And I'd never forgotten what Hamas did on October 7th.

Yeah.

That's the important thing to remember.

That's the meaningful thing.

It's like, sir, you fucked my wife.

Yeah.

Are we going to talk about October 7th?

Because that seems more important

than anything I may have fucked or not fucked to your wife, which you're not saying we did.

They were kids at a music festival.

Yeah.

How about that?

Yeah.

No, I because he was an Obama administration guy.

He wasn't like a W administration.

No, he's just there.

He's a guy that lives in the pipes and they bring him out and he doesn't quite know why he's doing this.

It's a very undignified job to deal with the press.

It's not a track like anyone really well.

It's just a launching pad to get a job on Fox News or any of these places.

Yeah, right.

It's all it is, right?

Nobody wants it.

It's like half the time you're getting just roasted in front of everyone.

They pick you out.

All these guys shit on you.

You look like an idiot all the time.

So it's a tough gig unless you want to go right from that to like, and no one's hiring John Kirby.

Like no one, there's never going to be like the John Kirby show.

Yeah, late night tonight.

It's like, you know, the news hour with John Kirby.

No one's going to hire him.

Right.

So he knows that he's just going to die after this.

Yeah.

He's just kind of being like, he's like a fool.

But he's not press secretary.

He's like the Pentagon spokesman.

No, which is worse.

Yeah.

Because what the Pentagon spokesman's job is to come out and then figure out some reason.

Which seems like, yeah, it's a losing proposition, it's a losing proposition, but the Pentagon one is the worst.

No, the Pentagon's the worst because he's got the whole national security apparatus that he has to answer for.

That he has to answer for what everybody's doing at all times.

Yeah.

And he doesn't even know.

Yeah.

And no one cares about letting him know.

But he's particularly bad at it because he'll feign

pathos sometimes.

Yeah.

And it's like, just don't do that.

I don't understand why.

You desperately need someone who is that's had their soul surgically taken out of their body.

It makes you kind of miss those just evil.

You need an evil guy like a Paul Wolfowitz or any of those guys

who used to just go, listen.

Fuck them.

Fuck them.

Listen.

Listen.

Richard Pearl.

Remember those guys?

Yeah.

They'd go, yeah, it seems like you guys just burned everyone in Mosul.

He'd go, and you know what?

They died faster than they would have if they had starred.

Yeah.

Those are your options.

You want, I just almost fell back.

That would have been a great moment.

Yeah.

Had I said something about Richard Pearl and then died.

You're down, so we turn the cameras down.

You're

in the shop and he drags me to hell.

He just grabs his

face.

That's the end of the episode.

It's Paul Wolfwitz and Richard Pearl just grabbed me to hell.

And I sucked them both off.

Yeah.

But the thing about these Jewish neo cutoffs.

But it's...

No, it's weird now because feigning humanity is such a...

They're incapable of

a mashup of John Kirby responding to the Rafa thing.

Oh, yeah.

And then also him pretending to get choked up over Ukraine.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like, when you see some of these images,

this is my favorite thing because it's like.

Is this water I can drink?

Yeah.

Okay.

It's hard for actors to even do that.

But you're not an actor.

You're an evil person, part of an evil empire.

That's right.

And we can see you're not crying.

No, you're Darth Vader.

We can see.

If you were better, you'd be Darth Vader.

There's no tears coming out of your face.

There's no tears in his body.

This is a guy.

Yeah, he's like, he's covered in spiders.

John Kirby.

And they've desiccated him.

Yeah, he...

John Kirby's big regret in his life is that he's not in the genocide room.

Yeah.

But he's like on the outside of it, like having the chat about.

Yeah, he wants people to not know who he is.

He wants to be the guy.

The whole point of those guys

is

people figure out what a monster you are after you've died.

That was the whole thing about the national security state.

The whole thing was like, we got to deal with the media.

When I'm on my deathbed,

everyone I did it.

The sad part is all of those guys could have just been beloved author Tom Clancy.

That's right.

Nobody hates.

Nobody hates Tom Clancy.

Because he was never in the military.

That's right.

Because he never held a government position.

That's right.

He was just some, some, pardon me for saying it, but

who liked military time.

That's right.

That's all he was.

And that's the best case in the area.

And that's what he'll say.

saying for it.

On his deathbed, John Kirby will look at some nurse or someone he just grew up and he goes, I could have been a f who just liked it.

I could have just been a guy that liked 24 hours on a clock.

But I got involved and I had that job with Gerard Depardieu.

And we had to go out and tell everybody why this Rafa thing works.

Mr.

Kirby, you shit yourself earlier in the day.

Hey, that's none of your business.

Okay?

I'd find it hard to believe that none of you have shit your pants either.

Because you look at these young men in the Ukraine that are never going to get a chance to shit themselves.

Yeah, right.

I saw a video of a Ukrainian man who sharded.

And it.

Gosh, all right.

You know what's interesting?

Because Ukraine, like, we, there's not one soldier that we will interview in the Ukraine.

Isn't that interesting?

Yeah.

We won't get one of those people to even.

What happened?

Why is that?

Is it because they're all kind of Nazis?

Like, there's not one.

You would think that we'd have a microphone in front of one of them.

Yeah, right.

We don't really bring them out too often.

I think because it's like it's always Zelensky.

It's always a president.

It's truly a nightmare over there.

I think the things that are happening on those battlefields are like...

It's because

they're all just fucking corpses.

The other thing to keep in mind is they're all Russians.

That's true.

These are all, I mean, like,

some of them are Ukrainians, but it's like, this is all a race of people that love dying.

I mean, this is basically

these are human pit bulls.

Yes.

That are just, this is the biggest dog fight that's ever

yeah so

I don't they kind of like it I would imagine they all like me and Sam Talent wanted to go to Russia for dinner

even the weather's bad that's the other thing too you've got to watch there's no reason to live you watch like you see the videos coming out of Gaza and you're like well at least the beach is right no it's hot and sun they literally no the thing they'll say is that the weather's they'll be like it's 80 degrees and sunny in Gaza yeah where we're meanwhile Russia it's just March constantly it's it's March it's it's muddy.

It feels like the sun's going to come out, and then it doesn't.

Yeah.

It goes up to the and then just comes right back down.

Yeah, it's like it kind of all looks like the Halloween town from Nightmare

Before Christmas.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's one nice place and it's where they send everybody to die.

Yeah, yeah.

The Kremlin.

What happened to because there was like Western people that went over there to fight.

There was like one.

RFK's kid.

Oh, really?

That kid, Connor, who dated Taylor Swift, went to the Ukraine to fight with the Ukrainians.

There was a trans woman that went.

God bless her.

I don't know if she died or not, but.

Well, by the way, I hope so, and it's just because

it's easier to die there than to live here.

Yeah.

The thing she has to go through here.

Better die in there.

Yeah.

Better die as a hero.

There was a Texas guy that went to fight for Russia, and then the Russians ended up killing him.

That I like.

I like there was a family that went to live in Russia, some like MAGA family that went to live in Russia.

And then immediately they started like putting out videos about how bad it is.

And then like the Russian government's like, no, no, no.

I mean, yeah, it's like,

what did you think was going to happen?

This is not.

They're like, no, no, no, we don't.

This is not part of that.

Yeah.

This is not like America where you could go on Facebook and like threaten to kill Nancy Pelosi.

We take interest here.

Yeah.

No, it's very funny seeing Khomeini like tweet like, I stand with the college kids.

And it's like, you would think that they would be smarter to know that that doesn't help.

Right.

To have him tweet that.

Well, it's just, I think,

for sure.

Yeah.

But I think there is just a thing now of like, you can imagine him saying that and smiling a little bit.

There's got to be some,

like, I think he just.

is like, it's just chaos.

So he's like, eh.

Because they know nothing matters.

Guys like Khomeini know nothing really matters.

Kids can bang pots and pans at UCLA.

They know.

And why is he the supreme leader of Iran?

Just because his name kind of sounds like the other guy's name and they look similar?

It's predominantly Iranian.

That seems worse than like...

It's his son.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I don't know why he's not.

It's also kind of self-racist.

Yes.

Where you're like, fuck, Khomeini died.

Who's going to be the...

Oh, well, this is sort of the same thing.

This is similar.

This is sort of the same thing.

You don't really have to change a lot of the iconography

government stuff.

We'll just, yeah, we'll just say kind of, we'll just like do a glisson drew

or whatever the word is in music.

Yeah, I don't know why he's the head.

Yeah.

You know who I miss is Ahmadinejad.

You remember him?

Yeah, of course.

He was the best.

He was the best.

And then what's he doing?

Where is he?

So where does a guy like that go?

He's just chilling.

I don't think Iran.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can they go anywhere else?

Like, if Ahmadinejad goes, you know what?

I want to live in the south of France.

Can that happen?

Well, the

Ayatollah did.

The Ayatollah lived in France in exile before the revolution.

Right.

So can Ahmed Dinejad go like, I want a place in Mallorca, Spain, or something?

Or maybe not?

I don't.

Maybe not.

Because he was Axis of Evil, but he's out.

Yeah.

Now he's out.

So can he just go, I want to go, I like Portugal?

I would hope so.

Because that would be amazing.

I would hope so.

The president of Iran just at like a seaside town in Portugal.

Yeah.

And he's like, yeah, I'm retired.

Yeah.

It's like everyone else.

Like the idea of that.

He's getting retired.

It would be cool if he moved to Williamsburg.

And talking on TV about, like, talking about Williamsburg like it's 1998.

Like he's like, yeah, he's just really getting into the music scene in Williamsburg where all the new stuff is happening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He likes it.

Yeah.

I like the idea of him being retired.

I like the idea of these dictators finally like stepping away.

And just saying, you know what?

Like, I feel like Putin's never going to get that.

He's never going to retire.

I don't think think he has to.

I don't think he wants it.

He's just built to keep going.

He's like Rogan.

They will never, they just keep going.

Yeah.

I love the idea of retiring.

Yeah.

Well, now that things aren't going well for me, I'm wishing bad things for the world in general.

Well, number one, I think things are going well for you, but I also think you're going to get the second part.

Okay, good.

So I do think it's all about perception.

Yeah, I do think that

the second part's coming.

Yeah, well, I just want to be like, well, I would have gotten a Netflix deal, too.

But if it wasn't for the nuclear war.

Well, the nuclear war happened.

The nuclear war happened.

Like, yes.

Honestly, I swear to God.

I swear to God, if North Korea, if Iran nuked LA tomorrow, I'd be like,

That gives me a lot of cover with the Reddit guys.

Now, no one's going to think I'm a loser.

Eight million people died.

Whew.

Yeah.

You know,

Because now I look.

Yeah.

I mean, if it hadn't, I'd flip back.

HBO was about to call me.

Right.

And then they got nuked.

And they got nuked.

By Iran, who I like.

And then somebody would be like, well, what about, don't they have offices in New York?

Go listen.

Yeah.

It was a destabilizer.

Yeah.

It was a whole event.

I had left a voicemail with them saying I agree to the terms of deal.

We did all of this over voicemail.

Yeah.

And unfortunately, the machine was in L.

It looked very, after the nuke, everything looked looked very different.

Yeah.

The whole climate.

It's very different.

And they said, look, we're only buying shows about nukes.

Yeah.

They wanted heavy national security stuff.

I didn't have it.

Yeah.

And I said, I saw that coming, so I said, I'm not even going to try.

I'm going to focus on

whatever is different.

Took a step back.

I took a step back.

There's nothing better than telling your kids going, I took a step back after the nuke crime.

I took a step back and I decided to focus on antagonizing federal law enforcement.

I figured that would be sort of my angle.

They kind of they understood it.

They played along.

Yeah, yeah.

I thought my own

Ruby Ridge style form of entertainment.

That might be next.

It's like, what is next?

It's like Ruby Ridge.

Hey, Nick.

Hey, guys, this is Nick.

This is my new YouTube channel, pointing laser pointers at aircraft.

Thank you for joining me.

We're just teaching everyone how to do it.

Yeah, we got a high-powered.

If you guys want to come and have a word with me, we got a high-powered laser here.

This is actually, I disassembled 15 microwaves, and I've turned them into a focused energy device to destroy the navigation systems of news helicopters.

And we're going to try it out.

We're going to see what happens.

See what happens.

The idea of them coming in without even talking to you and just putting on headphones.

They just know what's happening.

They have to come podcast with me.

Welcome.

Welcome to the show.

You're special agent Harrison.

Yeah.

And

you're with the New Jersey office.

Oh, you're with the Brooklyn office.

Yeah.

You grew up there?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool.

That's a prestigious spot to be in that office.

Yeah, they're all like on the way to you.

They go, why do we keep doing this?

Yeah.

They go, well, this is, it's the letter of the law.

Yeah.

We have to do it.

We have to.

And they're like, it's not bad.

It builds awareness.

It gets the Bureau actually likes it.

Yeah, right.

They rotate people.

In the beginning, the Bureau thought it was a big waste of time.

We had a few meetings.

Now they're understanding.

But then we have a whole set where there is like a fake door.

It's like Mr.

Rogers' neighborhood where they have to knock on the door.

And I'm like, come on in.

Mr.

Trolley, Trolley,

please bring the target letter from the U.S.

Attorney's Office that I received this week.

Little train comes by, and it's like, today's potential charges are inciting domestic terrorism and the transmission of interstate threats.

Yeah.

It's not a bad idea.

It could catch.

Yeah.

Because there are people that have nothing to do.

Yeah.

And they're the ones they're putting in that van.

Yeah.

Every week.

Yeah.

They're sending people to you.

And then every now and then you'll get get a big one.

They get a Ford.

You'll get a John Kirby.

They get a Ford 500.

Every now and then like a John Kirby, they go, we're going to do a special one.

And then John Kirby, it's an hour with this

John Kirby.

And you go, what am I charged with this week?

He goes, I don't even know.

That's theoretically possible, right?

In the military, you can get busted down to doing some shit.

You could get there.

Yeah.

They could have John Kirby.

And that is what John Kirby's doing now.

He's done something heinous.

Yeah.

Where they go, you're the spokesman.

Yeah.

And he goes, no, come on.

And they go, yeah, you got to do this.

Right, yeah.

We're not explaining.

He's like, hey, I hear you.

But you can't keep sending pictures of guns to journalists you don't like.

Okay?

That's not how we do things here in the United States of America.

Yeah, that guy sucks.

I just want to see his skin get sucked into an escalator.

You know what I mean?

He's one of those guys.

He's at risk of that.

He'll be on an escalator.

He has Christmas shopping with his family.

Just a piece of his ankle gets caught.

And it's just, yeah, just, no, just the muscles.

And he turns to his daughter and he's like, you excited?

And she's fucking just terrified.

And he's like, Oh, right, my skin.

I have to go get my skin put back on at the doctor's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's absolutely a chance.

Well, you got anything you want to plug?

Where are we at, by the way?

We're an hour to five.

Oh, yeah, we're good.

We're good.

I have nothing to plug.

I mean, you know,

I do podcasts.

Yeah.

Podcasts, Spokane.

So check out my new project,

Nashville, maybe?

Come on to that.

Where are you doing in Nashville?

Ryman.

Ryman.

That's where they do the Grand Ole Postal.

Grand KK.

No, the Grand Ole Opry.

That's where the Grand Master.

Yeah, the Grand KK does.

Yeah, yeah.

No, the Grand Ole Opry is there.

That's more tickets than I'll sell the Grand Old Opry.

But that's at Ryman, right?

That's what that is?

No.

That's another venue, I believe,

in Tennessee or Georgia.

Oh, okay.

No, Tennessee, yeah.

Yeah, so that's another place.

I thought the Ryman was where they did.

I thought Grand Old Opry was a shit.

The Ryman is like where Johnny Cash

did something.

Man,

I'm glad he's dead.

Thank God.

He might be one of the most overrated.

He'd be having lunch with John Kirby.

What's that?

He'd be with John Kirby right now.

Yeah, I'm kidding.

In the Pentagon cafeteria.

Doing a song in support of my friend John Kirby.

I'm here for his birthday.

Yeah, but that's it.

I have nothing now.

Okay.

Well, yeah, Spokane.

I guess that next weekend.

Other than that, yeah, thanks, guys.

Thanks for joining us.

Thank you, everyone.

Thank you for having me.

I enjoyed Adam not being Adam because it would have been such a.

We're splitting it up now.

He does the premiums on Patreon.

Oh, interesting.

And I do the regulars.

Yeah.

He does the premiums.

He does the premium podcast.

Gotcha.

And I do the regulars, yeah.

Okay, I like that.

We needed a break, I feel.

For sure.

These are things that happen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's beautiful.

Mm-hmm.

Mix it up a bit.

You enjoyed him not being here.

Well, it was just a nice, it was a nice, I like him, but was, it was this, it was a nice surprise.

Yeah, it's a little bit of a different vibe

because

we will have to continue podcasting at least until the lease is up.

Right, which is 2028.

It's not that bad.

I got a two-year lease, but that's so I got another full year.

I got 13 months.

I got a year on my place in New York, too.

Yeah.

The

studio over there.

You and Lewis came to.

Yeah, they asked me, like, do you want to do a five-year lease?

No, they're crazy with the leases.

They never want it to end.

Yeah.

They never want anything to end.

It's like, what do you think?

Because commercial real estate now is in such trouble, they just, if they have you, they go, why not seven-year?

Like,

it's crazy now.

Yeah, yeah.

They go, you can't, we don't want you to ever leave.

Well, it's like, I think all of these types of buildings, too, what are they called?

A class C building?

No idea.

Class 3.

There's all of this commercial real estate in Manhattan that's like...

Just useless because it's useless.

To get employees to come back to the office, you need it to be a newer building with like amenities.

It's like there's these weird warehouses where it's like an Israeli guy cutting diamonds, or it'll be like you go up, and it's just like a furrier is like hidden in a these odd businesses that definitely die with the person who's doing them.

Speaking of which, and I know we're already done, but I wanted to talk about this too.

Did you see that Guardian report about the former Mossad chief threatening the last ICC prosecutor, the ICJ prosecutor?

No, but that seems so out of character for me.

Well, I read the summary.

I mean, it does seem, because like the whole presentation of the Mossad, really the most exposure we've had to the Mossad really is, like, Munich, the movie Munich, you know?

Right, it's supposed to, they shouldn't be threatening verbally.

You don't, yeah, you don't hear how they operate.

Like, that's the whole thing.

That's the reputation of the Mossad is stuff like this helicopter.

This helicopter crash, where it's like, nobody's even gonna know.

No one knows.

They're gonna, it's gonna happen, and you're not even gonna know, and you're gonna say that's their reputation.

But then you read this thing, and this guy's like, like, coming out from behind, like, a, like, like a broom closet.

He's like, like you know like being like uh you guess you don't want to make that report do you you know

to the ICC prosecutor and it's like he's just being like an annoying like you know he's like sideshow Bob well that's the future of all intelligence agencies will be just people who annoy but that's the history of intelligence you forget about that that like during World War II it's just like World War II seems like this big dramatic thing.

Really, it's kind of science's fault.

Yeah.

Because it it seems very complicated, the idea of making an atomic bomb.

But they manage that, and the seriousness and the intellect required to make the atomic bomb makes the rest of the war, the whole other thing, seem like this very serious adult thing that happened.

But really, it was just no, the science thing that advanced humanity, and the rest of it is just a bunch of like

and now we have the paraglider.

Yes, if you think about

how far we've come,

we've come from the atomic bomb to something that guys in Malibu do every Sunday.

Yeah, right, yeah, yeah.

I guess the only point is that

all of the,

what do they call it, tradecraft or spying, all this OSS stuff.

Right.

It was just losing.

It was just like dorks, guys that weren't good at shooting guns.

Yeah.

And they had gone to Yale.

So they're like, we're going to invent spying.

And then what the spying amounted to is like, we're just going to help the Nazis get jobs after the war ends.

And it's a natural conclusion.

They're just a headhunter for just to put Nazi scientists in good jobs.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the CIA spent like fucking another 30 years eating itself up.

The CIA is like for guys who are in the military, but are also closeted gay.

So they're like, I will suck off people all over the world.

It used to be.

That's like, that's what's crazy is like, that's like an argument against homophobia.

It's like, think about all the bad shit that happened just because you weren't allowed to be gay.

Right.

And that's what fucking Roy Cohn's job was, was to just be like, oh, you're gay.

Well, you better fucking sign off on, you know, all of this evil shit.

And now they do the same thing with pedophiles, which I don't, I think they should, we should keep that in the box.

We should keep that in the box.

Right, yeah.

If we just let John Kirby be gay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you for having me.

If John Kirby could be gay with a clone of himself, which I think is what he wants.

I would love that.

Is another

skinless man.

A guy named Kirby John.

And he's like the Luigi version of him.

And then they share a bed.

They have a sexless relationship.

And they still have to deal with the Haitian

press secretary.

Yeah, right.

Somehow.

Trade de Perduce still plays a role in those.

It's sort of like the landlord.

Because, like, the resentment he has towards her, the racial.

The two of them are like bananas.

They're bananas and pajamas.

They're fun.

And she's the landlord.

There's something good about it.

And she's fucking

throwing their utensils and banana stuff all over the place.

They're like, get out of here.

Go.

Something like that, I guess.

Hopefully.

Well, I feel like I have brain damage.

It's too late in the day to think.

Thank you for joining.

Thanks for coming.

Hopefully, we do it again.

I can't believe this is the first time you've even been here.

I know.

We're always doing other people's things together.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've brought down a lot of podcast networks with our

stuff.

Yeah, I got to have Lewis.

Our special shows have tanked a lot of things.

I've made plans with Lewis for him to come through multiple times.

We destroyed Sirius XM.

Yes.

What's Sirius doing now?

I don't know, but they should still offer us that show.

Yeah.

We should go back in now.

Here's what would be great.

We all go back in now after we've all done good and they still say no.

I mean, like,

Howard Stern's still there, right?

He's still there, yeah.

And they still pay him $800 billion a year or whatever.

They pay him, he gets a quarter of all the weapons that go to Israel.

Yeah.

He gets all that money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So 25% of the weapons buys to Israel go to him.

That's their new deal that they've just made.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I just don't know how they afford that because it's like, what is they don't even have.

It's a stock scam.

It's all fake.

It's all rental cars.

But they don't have them in the rental cars anymore.

That's it.

Well, then, yeah, then I don't know.

Because that was the fraud.

For the last 10 years, that was the farm.

It was the rental cars.

But you know, they're not.

Well, then, yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know.

Then the trickery has reached another level.

Do they have their own central bank where they're just, I mean, I guess that's.

Yeah, I don't know.

That's a good question.

Yeah.

The Bank of Sirius XM.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, all right.

Well,

thanks, guys.

Thanks, Tim.

Spokane, if you don't mind, thanks.

Good night.

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