The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Nathan Macintosh - Episode 66

Speaker 1 Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is just when I want my wardrobe to be simple.
Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's Quince.

Speaker 1 And the bonus, Quince pieces make a great gift, too. This season's lineup is simple but smart and easy with Quince.

Speaker 1 $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like everyday luxury, and wool coats that are equal parts stylish and durable.

Speaker 1 Their denim nails, the fit, and everyday comfort, all at a fraction of what you'd expect to pay.

Speaker 1 By partnering directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quince cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost, ooh, half the cost of other high-end brands.

Speaker 1 So you can give luxury quality pieces without the luxury price tag. Guys, with Christmas around the corner, my girlfriend has added two extra names to my Christmas list this year.

Speaker 1 Her father and brother. And what am I getting them? I'm getting them $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters.
But, guys, I've never seen a Mongolian cashmere sweater for under $350.

Speaker 1 So take advantage of what is clearly

Speaker 1 some sort of glitch on their website with $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Guys, give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince.

Speaker 1 Go to quince.com/slash T-A-F-S for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
That's quince.com/slash T-A-F-S. Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Speaker 1 Quince.com slash T-A-F-S.

Speaker 1 But they remade it, right? Russell Brand, yeah.

Speaker 1 I have no problem.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the deal was he was just like 5-2, but like got a lot of pussy or something?

Speaker 1 I don't know if he got a lot of pussy. I think that was Dudley Moore's thing, was that he was 5'2 and he got a lot of pussy.
He himself or in the movie Arthur? I think he was a sex symbol.

Speaker 1 He was in the movie 10 as well with Bo Derrick. I've seen neither of those movies.
That's the one with the girl.

Speaker 1 She has Corn Rose. Yeah.
A white, a white girl. Bo Derrick.

Speaker 1 You know a lot more about Dudley Moore than I do, and I've seen one of his movies. You saw Arthur.
I saw Arthur. Right.
And

Speaker 1 his sister is like a bitch to him. In the movie? I thought he's like an Aardvark and he's like trying his best at school, but his sister

Speaker 1 DW fucks things up for him. That's the cartoon version, but the live-action version, it was a different thing.

Speaker 1 So that's like the Batman the Animated series, and then that's like you're talking about the Dark Knight version. Well, you're, yeah, and you're kind of referencing like almost like Arthur Beyond.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah.
The Spider-Verse kind of version of that. Yeah, it's a Spider-Verse type of thing.
So Dudley Moore was Arthur, but before Ardvark. It's like before.

Speaker 1 I think, you know, now I think of it, I think it might have been his journey to Aardvark in the movie. What happens? He gets drunk, and he meets Eliza Minelli, and I think she has powers.

Speaker 1 I might be fucking this out, but she. And she's a 10 out of 10 in this.
I'd say 11, honestly. When I was a kid...
Oh, yeah, absolutely. When I was like eight, nine, that's Liza Minelli.

Speaker 1 For me, yeah. You're homosexual?

Speaker 1 I was. That's like, if you're like a gay icon, you have a career until you're dead.
Yes. They never leave.
No,

Speaker 1 they are the most ride-or-die fan base you could have. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm not in there.

Speaker 1 I'll die.

Speaker 1 You're going to die. What?

Speaker 1 They'll let me die, is what I'm saying. I'm not in that.
I'm not going to be on the cruise ship in 30 years with Cindy Lauper, is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Oh, when you said let me die, I thought about the AIDS crisis in the 1980s, and the government knew it was happening.

Speaker 1 Did they know? Well, this is another theme of Arthur. Really? He means.
So he's in Greenwich Village. He's in Greenwich Village.

Speaker 1 He's in a limo. He's cruising.
Cruising. Yeah, yeah.
For, I don't know if it's, we don't, we don't get to that point. Okay, is this the the the baby version cartoon or the the

Speaker 1 more real life? Okay, so it's a little bit more raw. You see yes.
You see you see penetration. Kind of.
You see penetration soft stroking.

Speaker 1 The cartoon is kind of more softcore version of Arthur. 100%.
It starts on penetration, Arthur. Really? Yeah.
And that song

Speaker 1 Christopher Cross is playing. When you get lost between the moon and New York City.

Speaker 1 And in the movie, you haven't really seen it, but Arthur, this guy's ass cheek is New York, and this guy's ass, this side is the moon. Yeah, you know, originally it lost.

Speaker 1 It was when you get caught between the moon and New York City. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they got it.

Speaker 1 And then they were like, the Jews that run Hollywood were like, come on, we can't, we want to put this on the radio. We can't, yeah, caught, caught.

Speaker 1 This is a hot, this is a family hardcore gay pornography film. We can't say cock in the song.
Have a little claim.

Speaker 1 GHT, please. Yeah, G-H-T.
So he's cruising. Well, after he pounds the man, then he's cruising.
Oh, he's a pound job. He's pound.
He does the pounding.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it could be a power bottom, and the bottom could be pounding you. No.
No, so he's an active talk. And that's why the movie is.
He's a dom daddy. Yeah, because he's 5'2 ⁇ .

Speaker 1 And you think he's going to be pounded because he's such a small little, you can just grab and fuck him type guy, but not Dudley Moore. He's so drunk, he has like,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? It's like when you see a little dog fucking a bigger dog. Yeah, whatever.
Yeah, like a Chihuahua fucking like a pit bull or something. Yes, he's.

Speaker 1 So anyway, he pounds the guy, he pounds the guy, and he comes, and that's a that's a scene that lasts about three minutes. He comes or his lover comes first,

Speaker 1 he comes.

Speaker 1 He doesn't even care. He can't care.
He's Dudley Morgan. He's got a limo waiting outside.
Yeah, okay, because my lover comes first.

Speaker 1 But if you have, if you're a, if you have a limo outside waiting for you, you can't wait for the other guy to come. Yeah, yeah.
You, it's you.

Speaker 1 The guy's on a clock. Uh-huh.
So he comes home. Candidate style.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He comes hard. And

Speaker 1 it's a pretty long scene. What would you define hard coming from? I mean, he gets pushed back into a wall.

Speaker 1 He screams. Oh, he does a Tennessee pile driver.
I think that's a good thing.

Speaker 1 You know what that is. You're fucking on a drywall wall, and then you smash your lover through the wall.
I've never heard of that.

Speaker 1 But I've never heard of just Tennessee? Because there's drywall everywhere. That's vanilla.
No, no, no. Sometimes you could have a kind of a more of a.

Speaker 1 What's a sheet?

Speaker 1 Sheetrock. But that is drywall.
So you're thinking of plaster.

Speaker 1 Plaster?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.
Yeah, like if you're in Italy, you can't be like smashing through a wall because they're not using this American crap, you know, construction techniques, you know?

Speaker 1 I was going to say, yeah, they made it so that you couldn't pound right through the wall because people were before they did those walls pounding right through the wall. Because they had the Romans.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he comes hard. He hits the wall.
He kind of hits his head too, and he says, ow, but he's still coming very, like, it's hard. It's a lot.

Speaker 1 He covers the guy. And it's cool because you have

Speaker 1 the shape of the gay sex in the like the like the Kool-Aid man runs through a door and then you have the Kool-Aid man shape. Yeah.
But you have him doing the Patrick Bateman muscles, his lover

Speaker 1 in excruciating pain.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he really fucked him. And he also, it's like dented like this.
Like he's like, ow, it holds his head.

Speaker 1 And for the guy that he pounded, it's pretty good because now he has, forget a phone number, you have the guy that fucked you imprinted on your wall for life. Yeah, he is kind of a Cinderella.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he comes and then he goes right back downstairs to the limo where the guy's been like, come on, man, this is really getting insane.

Speaker 1 That's when the Christopher Cross song ends. Okay.
And now he's cruising. Now he's cruising.
Now he's cruising. And from what I remember, man, I saw this movie as a kid, but.

Speaker 1 So he goes in the car. I'm on the edge of my seat.
He gets in the car and he's driving. And Liza Minelli.
Did you ever see the movie Thinner?

Speaker 1 What is that? It's like a

Speaker 1 pro-anorexic style.

Speaker 1 Kind of. It's crazy gay guys tell women, they're like, don't eat.
And they listen to gay guys.

Speaker 1 Women really like. Why do they listen to us? And what we say is

Speaker 1 massive tits, massive ass. But they want to listen to gay guys saying,

Speaker 1 you know, just go to the hospital for not eating. Yeah, I think, well, one,

Speaker 1 there's a gay guys want them to do that to be like a hanger, right? Just for like clothes, just to like show off clothes. So in a gay guy's closet, they just have anorexic women

Speaker 1 just wearing their clothes. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or a woman's clothes to just see what it looks like on a runway or whatever. Is a hanger a gay term?

Speaker 1 Hang. I thought it was a hag.
Hang. Oh, a hanger, like a cloth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it could be, it could be, I don't know.
I don't know where the term came from. Hanger is, it's got a

Speaker 1 it's got a checkered history. I think so.

Speaker 1 Clothing Clothing holder is what I

Speaker 1 won't even say hanger. Because hanger also

Speaker 1 implies the abortion ban, Roevie Way. You know, you don't want to go there.
That's true. Yeah.
You can't, you can only do that with an old school hanger, though.

Speaker 1 Those wooden ones, you can't fucking, you're going to kill yourself with that. Also, when it comes to hangers, you think Johnny Drama, your brother's the star, but you're living in the mansion.

Speaker 1 You're also getting pussy. You're arguing with Turtle.
You know, like, why don't you start, you know, get your career back?

Speaker 1 Hanging. I think maybe women think, too, that straight men dislike them more than gay men, but I think gay men dislike them more than straight men.

Speaker 1 I think gay men are like, let's see how many women we could kill. Yes.

Speaker 1 I think if we were on an island, if it was you and me on an island and

Speaker 1 a gay guy could hang out with all of the women or us, he's coming over here and we're going to tell him about, you know,

Speaker 1 Arthur. Yeah, we're just trying to talk about movies.
So he's cruising. The conversations that we have are so much better than whatever the fuck they're talking about.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know what's going on over there. Wilderness.
Useless. Yeah, Brad is telling me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, oh, God. I love to be on a jet.
Who doesn't want to be on a jet? On a jet. You know what I mean? Yeah, they say the most.
What are you in? First grade? Everyone knows that.

Speaker 1 Thinner might have been about anorexia, but there's a.

Speaker 1 Actually, fuck it. What was thinner? No, you're right.
It is kind of. Dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Someone gets cursed and he keeps losing weight. Okay, yeah, I remember that.
But he keeps getting fucking thinner. But who's this? Kevin Bacon? No.

Speaker 1 I think it might have been Kevin Bacon.

Speaker 1 Do you know what his original name was, by the way? Francis Bacon. Yeah.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Not a lot of people know that.

Speaker 1 So I just, you know.

Speaker 1 But he's driving.

Speaker 1 It was Kevin

Speaker 1 Hirschkovitz, but he's like, you can never be in this industry as a Jewish person. There's never been a Jew in show business.
What's the least Jewish name? Bacon.

Speaker 1 The exact opposite. It's the exact opposite.
Bacon. Kevin Haram.

Speaker 1 Kevin Shirielo.

Speaker 1 Bacon. Bacon.
It's bacon. I got to drop this whole image I have.
What can I do? Buddy, call yourself pork bacon. One of Nick's favorite things is that there is a fat actor named Jonathan Candy.

Speaker 1 Oh. Yeah, yeah.
A little on the nose. From Canada.
From the. Well, he was the bottom in the Dudley Moore, the opening scene.
I fucking forgot that. It was one of his first roles.

Speaker 1 It was one of his first roles.

Speaker 1 And he was funny in that scene, too. He was funny.
He was pretty funny. When he gets the cum right in his his face, because the thing is...

Speaker 1 When he's smashing through that wall, he got that 5-2-foot-two chihuahua on the back of him. And he makes the chihuahua noises.
You really got to watch this movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The beginning is insane. But, John,

Speaker 1 America likes to make fun of Canadians. And so that's what they did.
They said, look, we'll put you in a lot of movies and stuff. But, John, your first one's going to be tough.

Speaker 1 You're pounded in the ass by that guy.

Speaker 1 But it's a foot in the door. It's a lot of things in the door.
It's an ass in the door. It's your balls in the door.

Speaker 1 His dick was shown fully. It's erect and soft, which I thought was pretty rough.
It's a foot in the door. It's a body through the wall.
Yes. Yes.
That's what they used to say in the 80s.

Speaker 1 That was kind of an old, like golden era Hollywood show. A body through the wall.
A body through the wall.

Speaker 1 It's a come shot right in the eyes. You're going to get Tennessee pile driven.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm Canadian. I don't know.
I don't know. Where is Tennessee?

Speaker 1 You're the only Tennessee. Yeah, they show it to him on a map.
He's like, I still don't know. And they're like, look, bend over.
Here's Dudley Moore. Because, like you said, it was full penetration.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I saw this actually. You remember the trailer? They were like, Arthur, this time, fucking for real in a movie.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because

Speaker 1 they showed it. They've taped or they filmed Arthur, and then they showed it to test audiences.
And they were just like, I don't buy it because

Speaker 1 why is he with Liza Manelli if he's not penetrating men? I don't get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They didn't understand. Yeah, like only

Speaker 1 a man who traffics traffics in rough trade gay sex would be with less of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So then they went and they told Dudley Moore, and he's drunk.
And they go, look, man, we got to reshoot the first five to ten minutes, and you're going to have to really get into John Candy.

Speaker 1 And John Candy said, what? Because they didn't, they let it all like, they kept it a secret until they got to the set that day. And he's like,

Speaker 1 I didn't sign up for them. They slapped him.
Yeah. You know what I mean? And like his name, Candy blew out of his fucking face.

Speaker 1 And then anyways, they they reshot it. The Jews were like, take this pill.
You need it. You're exhausted.
You know,

Speaker 1 he was in his dressing gown. He's like, I can't perform today.
Yes, yes. You've been through enough.
Yes. Well, the flight alone.

Speaker 1 From Canada. Yeah, it's long.
And you got to go through security. And I mean, he was already kind of assaulted.
And then they, you know, he's going to be assaulted again. He just wasn't ready.

Speaker 1 They felt him up. They grabbed him.

Speaker 1 Back in the 80s, they used to give you

Speaker 1 the Michigan screwdriver at the border.

Speaker 1 You had to blow three or four border guards.

Speaker 1 And depending on how fast you made them come, you get in or not. And

Speaker 1 they call them the three tenors of the Michigan screwdriver. That's right.
Kid Rock, Eminem, Gretchen

Speaker 1 Witworth. Yes.
Yes, I believe. You have to go down on all these.
Those were kind of the three amigos of the pillars. The pillar.
The

Speaker 1 pillars of American security. The triumvirate.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The guardians. The guardians of the guardians of the galaxy, they put it in quotes.
And they go, hey, here's my passport. That was before.

Speaker 1 Crap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Here's your passport and put it into your mouth. So, anyways, he had done that.
And

Speaker 1 so they reshot the whole thing. And again, so Arthur is

Speaker 1 driving in the limo.

Speaker 1 He's driving his own limo.

Speaker 1 No, he's not driving his own limo. That was Arthur Arthur 2 when he lost it all.
He's like, I got to drive my own limo. Now this is pathetic.
He picks a chick up in the limo.

Speaker 1 I'm so tired from pounding John Candy in the ass. He's like,

Speaker 1 there's cum all over the place. He didn't have time to grab his fucking cumber bun.
He's back down there. Let's go back.
He's cruising in this limo. Yes.
You're setting the scene.

Speaker 1 Yes, but he's in the back, trunk. Okay.
And no cum in him. No cum.
And that's kind of one of the things he's complaining about in the limo. He's like,

Speaker 1 my bag is dry.

Speaker 1 He's feeling it, but it's not really there because it's so deflated. It's like a bike, you know, a bike that's been in a garage for a long time.
I hate that. I hate that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and there's no pump or anything because the pump's only for the dick. It's not for the ball.

Speaker 1 Because they're doing all the science for this fucking COVID crap, but they're not trying to get you more cum. Yes.

Speaker 1 What happened to men?

Speaker 1 What did happen to men and I? What happened to men?

Speaker 1 You're on to something because I think when your balls are empty, there should be a little mask that you're able to put over them to let other people know that there's nothing in there.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? Exactly. Because everyone's trying to go for it.
And the mask is like, hey, don't bother me.

Speaker 1 I'm dry. No bueno, man.
No bueno. I got nothing down here, pal.
Yeah, because Mexican guys are constantly.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 constantly. Yeah.
This is the McDonald's milkshake machine. It doesn't work.
So he, so he's in the.

Speaker 1 He's cruising.

Speaker 1 He's cruising.

Speaker 1 He's cruising and he's telling the legal.

Speaker 1 Which is his style of cruising. It's a different style because a lot of people, when they think cruising, they think

Speaker 1 a public restroom. Yes.
But a lot of people might not know this. It's also

Speaker 1 man in limousine. Oh, yeah.
That's another style of cruising. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that was the early part of the 80s. That's how it was.
If you saw a limo, you knew. You knew.
This guy's going to ask me for something.

Speaker 1 Monopoly man. There's a Monopoly Man style guy.
Finger in the butt. 100%.
Finger in the butt. If you were out at night, nobody was ever scared of gangs or violence.
It was limos.

Speaker 1 Crime was at a zero rate. Zero.
Besides cruising. Cruising.
Sexual assaults were all the way up. I mean, whatever the top is,

Speaker 1 it was at the top of the dick because

Speaker 1 that's how they used to measure it, too. If the dick was softer, sexual assaults are down.

Speaker 1 Remember on the news? And then when it was rock hard, level

Speaker 1 hard. I think I saw that on Anderson Cooper.
I think he was talking about that. Yeah, that's how he used to gauge it.
So when it was up,

Speaker 1 when they showed you a hard dick on CNN, you knew, oh man, I can't go outside today because a guy's going to fuck me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So he's in the movie, he's cruising, and he's yelling at the limo driver. That's true.
We were just in fear, but the media was putting that in our minds. Yes.
Right.

Speaker 1 We had Wolf Blitzer being like, here's a picture of a hard dick. And then we were in our homes just shaking.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is there a limo outside? You know, is there a limo out there? That's how they fuck, like, they really control. I know.
You know, I know. Some people.

Speaker 1 People were scared to go to Vegas. There's a lot of limos there, you know, and

Speaker 1 proms were canceled because people were renting limos and they're like, I can't do that anymore because somebody's going to, there's going to be a dick in there that wants to fucking

Speaker 1 fuck me or whatever. So that happened in my prom date, actually.
In your limo? Well, she had sex with another guy, but I don't know. Oh, wow.
I don't know if it was in the limo or afterwards. Got you.

Speaker 1 Tennessee Pile driver? You don't know?

Speaker 1 No, she got the she got the,

Speaker 1 what do you call it? The

Speaker 1 Darwin. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 He's in a tree and he comes on her? No, he inserts his soft penis in her mouth and then it evolves and chokes

Speaker 1 and kills her. And then he says, survival of the fittest, bitch.
Yells Galapagos and then leaves.

Speaker 1 Hold that thought.

Speaker 1 The heat of summer is here, and your favorite summer treat could be giving you extraordinary hydration. Liquid IV has refreshing summer flavors like popsicle, firecracker, and rainbow sherbert.

Speaker 1 Listen, guys, they hit the spot. They give you the needed hydration, the hydration you need.
You got to indulge in your hydration with electrolytes essential. I really want to get back to this.

Speaker 1 I can't even think about anything else other than

Speaker 1 whatever the f- what were we, what are we even, what are we doing? What are we talking about? I'm telling you the story of fucking Arthur, how it became the goddamn cartoon.

Speaker 1 I mean, I meant what are we doing in kind of like a more of like a romantic comedy? They kiss for the first time. Oh, what are we doing? What are we doing?

Speaker 1 You all agree with that first, yeah. Oh, thanks, dude.
Yeah, it's your show. You tell me what to do.

Speaker 1 I didn't mean it that way. I meant like IV drip fucking whatever wants the fucking, they want the goddamn ad brand.

Speaker 1 Indulge in hydration with electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients from the number one powered hydration brand in America, Liquid IV.

Speaker 1 Why would your listeners love Liquid IV? Why would my listeners love liquid IV? Because, you know, listen, guys, we like to get effed up on the weekends. You can pour these little liquid IV packs.

Speaker 1 I've gotten them at Costco before. These shits work, guys.

Speaker 1 You pour it into a water, and then

Speaker 1 you're hydrated, and

Speaker 1 your bag is full again. Talk about how liquid IV.

Speaker 1 I should not be reading these parts. Tear poor and live more.
That's what I say. One stick of 16 ounces of liquid water hydrates better than water alone.

Speaker 1 So guys, it's just a powder. You tear the shit, you put it into the water, and then you live more.
You live moss, as they say in Mexico.

Speaker 1 It's powered by Live HydroScience TM. They trademarked Hydra Science.
Have you heard that term before? Hydroscience? I have not. Well, you got to pay them for saying that word now.

Speaker 1 Flock, man.

Speaker 1 It's like Super Bowl. Shit.
It's like the big game. An optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration.

Speaker 1 Indulge. They keep saying indulge in hydration.

Speaker 1 Indulge. Yeah, like it's true.
It is kind of like a rich,

Speaker 1 like you're in, I'm just indulging in water. Well, it's I, it's an IV, it's an eye, it's a packet of IV drip.
It is like an IV drip in the sense that it hydrates you.

Speaker 1 So it's basically a packet of electrolytes, which is what the body needs to live more. Brando's got it.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 So here's the deal, guys. This is the important part.
Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use the code TAFS at checkout. That's 20% off your order

Speaker 1 when you shop better hydration today using promo code TAFS at liquidiv.com. Guys, they got Rainbow Sherbert.
They got Popsicle.

Speaker 1 You're going to really enjoy this stuff. And 20% off.
I mean,

Speaker 1 tell them who sent you. Okay.

Speaker 1 So we're in the limo, right? We're in the limo. Okay.
And he is complaining to the driver about his lack of come now. His balls are flat.

Speaker 1 Like Christopher Lloyd when he gets run over in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. They're down there.

Speaker 1 So the driver's like, I don't know what you want me to do, man. I'm just driving.
And then Liza Minnelli jumps in front of the limo and she's hit. And she rolls over the top in another long scene.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I know.

Speaker 1 I hate, like, don't you hate it when you kill a woman or think you killed a woman? Yeah, it depends. I mean, there's some times where you go, no, that was that was justified.

Speaker 1 But then there is some times where you go, no, I didn't need to go that far. I hate, yeah, it's just so, ugh.
You know what I mean? But what a, just like a party pal.

Speaker 1 It's pretty bad. Yeah.
Yeah. You get a couple women in your house and one accidentally ends up in a fucking garage with the door closed and the car running.
And you go, I just, it was a gag.

Speaker 1 I thought it was going to last for like a couple minutes. I didn't know it was going to last.
Yeah, she wanted that. She wanted that officer.
She wanted that. She told me.
She please choke me.

Speaker 1 And I said, yeah, but she meant like the other way. And I put her in the garage.
I asked her father before, you know, I got permission.

Speaker 1 Definitely call her dad and be like, hey, how does your daughter come? Listen, I'm a fucking gentleman. I'm going to call her dad before I do the garage carbon monoxide portion.
Yes, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he was like, the only way she can come, and I don't even know how I know this, I'm her dad, but a GPS is a daughter. A father knows.
A father knows. You're right.

Speaker 1 A father looking at his daughter and 100%.

Speaker 1 And it's not nasty. It's not funny.

Speaker 1 We're not blue comics, okay? But

Speaker 1 a father knows.

Speaker 1 He's like, my daughter is a slut. A father sees his daughter.
My father's a whore. Yes.
My daughter's a whore. My daughter's a whore.
My father's a whore.

Speaker 1 My father was a whore. Me too?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Fuck.
I know. I know.
So, so, so he, so Eliza Manley rolls. Gigalo, only hot chicks.
My dad? Both of our dads.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, MILFs.
But MILF's in a small town, so it's a different kind of hot. Yeah, MILF's in a small town.
It's like a MILF's in a small town, which is a country small town. It's a small song.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was going to say, I love that song. MILF's in a small town.
Try fucking that in a small town. Yep.
She's 250 pounds. Nine kids.

Speaker 1 She got a haircut that's kind of like a guy now.

Speaker 1 Buy a DeWalt drill. But the pussy's still good.
They say 50 years old is the sexual peak. How does that make any fucking sense? That's definitely a lie that women say to make themselves feel better

Speaker 1 about

Speaker 1 their biological.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 so back to the song falls apart at that point. Yeah, yeah.
You know what's funny. He should have finished this.

Speaker 1 He should have finished this song. Anytime I hear it on the radio, I'm like, just talk about how you met her in a Dollar General parking lot.
And you know what I mean? Go into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, we're here. We're ready for the romance.
Yeah, she's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Biological Biological bird.

Speaker 1 You're infertile, but your sexual peak is 50. Yeah, bitch, I believe that shit.
Whatever.

Speaker 1 I could have a kid at 85 years old. Look at fucking Baron.
He's 6'11.

Speaker 1 We gotta put that guy in the NBA and show those.

Speaker 1 Anyway, anyway, let's go back to.

Speaker 1 I've heard the uncensored version. That's kind of raising the uncensored version.
I haven't heard the. Really? But either way, I would never, I would never.
No, not you. I'm talking about...

Speaker 1 I don't know who sings that song, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke Taylor, I think his name is. Luke Taylor.
Coach Taylor. Coach Taylor.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, you're right. Couch Taylor.
Couch Taylor. Couch Taylor.
Couch Taylor. Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah. Liza Minelli rolls over the hood, right? She's rolling down the entire limo.
That's funny.

Speaker 1 It's kind of like a naked gun gag.

Speaker 1 It's horrific and then it keeps going. Yeah, because it's.
Like when Homer falls off that cliff.

Speaker 1 Ow, ow, yeah, yeah. Or like when the chicken fought Peter Griffin in Family Guy.
They just kept fighting. That's such a funny thing.
She gets caught in the sunroof,

Speaker 1 and Dudley Moore opens the sunroof, and she falls in.

Speaker 1 It's a meat-cute. We've all seen romantic comedies that's a meet-cute.
It's like when the girl's carrying too many things and she drops them, and the guy's like, can I help you pick them up?

Speaker 1 And she's like,

Speaker 1 I'm retarded. You know, like, whatever.
Yeah, yeah. Or like when a woman's in a garage with a running Jeep Wrangler and she's like, Hey, I've, I don't think I'm going to come, I'm going to die.

Speaker 1 And then a guy from

Speaker 1 the party runs in and he goes, Oh my god, and then they meet that way.

Speaker 1 She saves her life from being, you know, Jeeped

Speaker 1 to death. It's a Jeep cute.
It's a Jeep Q.

Speaker 1 Jeep Q. That's a good name for a title.
Jeep Q. Jeep Q could be a movie.
100%. Jeep Q.
I mean, come on. Met on the set of that Jeep Q.
Yeah, Jeep Q. Yeah, a girl's committing suicide.

Speaker 1 No, she's not. She's manipulated into.

Speaker 1 Someone's framing her for suicide

Speaker 1 somebody they got it into her look she wants to be choked during sex and this guy goes the ultimate choke yeah is monoxide so he puts her in the garage after fucking her for a little bit he's like i'll be back and then she you know slowly but then there's the the hero that guy's the that that guy's the other guy that's the the hero he's like kind of a little bit of a slacker kind of trying to get his stuff together his shit together he's on the wrong side of 30 still smoking bongs yeah it's like and he's walking around he's like oh god I need to get my shit.

Speaker 1 Will I ever find love, dude?

Speaker 1 Like, I don't have a place in this world.

Speaker 1 You know, I've been a gigolo for years. Say Jigolo forever.

Speaker 1 I recorded that country song that didn't go anywhere. I did that country.
Yeah, it really did. It did fell right off.
I should have finished it. Couch Taylor stole that country song from me.

Speaker 1 I lost my masters. Yeah, try fucking that in a small town.
Didn't work.

Speaker 1 I know in Nashville, what they call it, they call it masses.

Speaker 1 What? Instead of your masters for your... Yeah, yeah.
Oh, oh, the T's gone. Yeah, they say it it in like a kind of a slip.
Which is back to your point about men. The tea is gone.
What happened to men?

Speaker 1 The tea's gone. What happened? The tea is gone.
Yeah, yeah. And men used to have tea.
They used to be gossiping left and right. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. There's no tea anymore.

Speaker 1 Seriously, you talk to a guy. That used to be

Speaker 1 a little tea. His tea levels are so low that he has no gossip.
I'm not understanding what's going on. And you just go, buddy, raise your tea levels.
Come on. What's the hat? Get fucking alpha brains.

Speaker 1 That's our little secret. Yeah, man.
Get the tea, bro. Yeah.
Take fucking whatever it is. Donald Trump wants to bring gossip back.
Yes.

Speaker 1 He is actually.

Speaker 1 I think he's such a gossip. I think he gossips.

Speaker 1 He has to be the biggest gossip. Sure.
I think if you were around it for two seconds, you know everything about America. Yeah.
That he knows. You know what?

Speaker 1 His friends, he does it in like a kind of like when gay guys are close with like other gay guys, they were like, oh, she's at it again. You know, his friends.
He calls everybody she.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he does the shit. His sons.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Eric. Yeah.
Eric. Oh, shh.
What is is she doing? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Look at her. He knows Eric's a whore too because dads also know their sons.
She knows how he likes to come. Exactly.

Speaker 1 When you watch your two kids eat popsicles, you know exactly what makes them, it's going to make them tick.

Speaker 1 So Liza Minnelli, he opens the fucking thing, and Liza Minnelli falls through the thing. And she's like, how could you possibly hit me? And she goes, and he's like, who's the driver?

Speaker 1 I'm drunk, and it was my driver. And he's illegal.
What's with your balls? Because, you know, like, they're so dry. dry they're so dry

Speaker 1 and he he goes and then she she this is where she uses her magic and he goes i wish i had a mask like a surgical mask for these yeah just little what the hell happened yeah what what the hell happened to me what happened to man and she so she put she does that little thing like from big trouble little china the raiden

Speaker 1 oh i thought you were gonna say the the accent

Speaker 1 She does

Speaker 1 the accent. No, the driver starts doing that, though, because he's so scared about hitting a person that he becomes a different ethnicity just to try to get out of it.

Speaker 1 He's the magic Chinese guy from Big Trouble. Yeah, what was his name, by the way? The guy in that movie.

Speaker 1 Not Raiden. Mortal Kombat just completely stole this.
But what's the guy's name? I don't remember either.

Speaker 1 Wang Chung?

Speaker 1 Was it Wang Chung?

Speaker 1 Or is that music?

Speaker 1 Wang Chi. Everybody Wang Chi tonight.
Everybody Wang Chi tonight. I was making that up.

Speaker 1 That's close.

Speaker 1 So she's doing the Raiden powers, trying to get. Eliza has electricity.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So she's doing the Raiden powers. And gay guys are like, that is fabulous.

Speaker 1 That's amazing. She's fab.
Because I wish I could do it.

Speaker 1 I just want to zap a guy. Yeah, I wore a scorpion.
It would get over here at least. Oh, my God.
If you could just shoot

Speaker 1 the hook. I wish I could do that to Broads.

Speaker 1 Oh, 100%.

Speaker 1 In a real meat market bar, you know. Yeah, yeah, oh, I know, I know you mate.
You're not gonna tell me pickup spot. I have the whole yellow ninja suit,

Speaker 1 and I go into bars like that sometimes, and I'll tell them to come over here, but I don't have the hook.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you pantomime get over here to a girl who's not even talking to her, they don't like that, yeah.

Speaker 1 They don't like it, they don't like it.

Speaker 1 There's a girl across the bar, you just go, get over here, get over here, and my mum in my face. I have the full suit on with the mask, and she's 21, She goes to NYU.

Speaker 1 She does not get the Mortal Kombat. She's never heard of Mortal Kombat.
Fatality.

Speaker 1 And she's like, I'm calling the police. I'm calling the police.
Yeah, yeah. So, so.
And you're like, you're so, stop flirting. Stop flirting.
Yeah, stop flirting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I wonder if Mortal Kombat was that a romantic comedy? If we're thinking about it now, because

Speaker 1 Scorpion fights Cyndelle, and Cyndelle has her tits out, and he's saying, get over here, which is like,

Speaker 1 that's that's those are fuck words. Get over here.
Get over here. For what? For what? To fuck.
And then we're not doing taxes.

Speaker 1 If you demand somebody with their tits out to get over here. Get over here.
Yeah. You don't want them to write you a parking ticket.
You want to unleash your business inside of them.

Speaker 1 You want to shoot out with

Speaker 1 kind of a hook, kind of. It's like a spear.
It's like

Speaker 1 a harpoon or something. It really is a harpoon.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was a whaler.

Speaker 1 Scorpion.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was out from Montauk, Tip of Long Island. That's where they found him.
He was in Earthrealm on the end of Montauk, whaling. Wailing.
And he had a scorpion tattoo. And then he gets

Speaker 1 bit

Speaker 1 by Moby Dick. Yeah.
Because that's the ultimate whale. And he's like, I'm a whaler.
I'm a whaler. I'm best friends with Bob Marley.
Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 And then Shanks. I'm from Trenchtown.
Yes, he has a lot of that.

Speaker 1 He has no vitamin C. He hasn't eaten an orange.
So he has a lot of scurvy. Exactly.
And that's kind of why they cover his face because it's so sunken fucked up. Those whalers are fucking idiots.

Speaker 1 They're disgusting. Just have an orange.
Yeah, just have an orange. Just have an orange.
Step, your whole face is a fucking salt-filled fucking mutation, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and get some chicks on the boat, you know? Yeah, bro. Oh, guys.
This is the difference between a whip. And they're eating gruel.
They're eating gruel.

Speaker 1 This is the difference between a whaling ship and a yacht. One has tits.
One has tits. And that's actually what the name of my

Speaker 1 name of my boat.

Speaker 1 So she's doing this. The name of your boat is: that's the difference between

Speaker 1 one has tits. Dot, dot, dot.
One has tits. Yeah, that's the difference.

Speaker 1 It's a long name. Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of written around the entire boat.

Speaker 1 And I should say. It has a maple leaf, like, you have to have the flag of the country of origin of a boat, right? I have the Nova Scotia flag on it.
What's the Nova Scotia? What do you have on it?

Speaker 1 The Nova Scotia flag is a lobster smoking a cigarette. Really? Yeah, it's pretty cool.
It's kind of retarded. Why? Why?

Speaker 1 No one's going to respect that. They're like, okay, good bit, dude.
Do you know that a lobster can't. How the fuck does a lobster smoke a cigarette? It's underwater.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 You're a cartoon people.

Speaker 1 She does this. It's a serious flag.
It's a serious flag. No, it's not a serious flag.
How the fuck is it not a serious flag? The Mexican flag is a goddamn eagle eating

Speaker 1 a snake on a cactus. That's fucking badass.
But a lobster smoking a cigarette is bad. Yeah, that's cartoon.
You don't even have. America doesn't even have...

Speaker 1 What do they got? Stars? Stars and bars, baby. Stars? Stars and bars, baby.
Stars? Okay, first of all, we let you come here. What are we going to call stars?

Speaker 1 Liza Minelli? What? You're back. Thank you.
First of all, listen. You know the 51st stars.

Speaker 1 The stars at first were celebrities. It's true.
It was 50 stars. It was 50 stars.
It was Eliza Minelli, Rock Hudson. George Washington.
George Washington.

Speaker 1 He was a star, but like juiced in. He had like a fucking, you know what I mean? Juiced in from what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're a star. Tell me his dad's name.
No one knows. Dr.
Washington.

Speaker 1 I knew that. Professor Washington.
Yeah, he invented wooden teeth. Yeah, he did.
Yeah. Really? He saw wood, and he looked at his mouth.
And when I could probably put that here.

Speaker 1 I don't like that people talk about our president, the father of our country's teeth. 100% pure nicotine, always tobacco-free.
Lucy isn't like any other nicotine pouch company.

Speaker 1 It's owned by Big Tobacco. That is owned by Big Tobacco.
They're like a mom-and-pop shop of pouches.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That sounds good.

Speaker 1 Pouches come in a variety of strengths: 4 milligram all the way up to 12 milligrams. Lucy offers a unique variety of flavors, including apple ice, winter green, mango.

Speaker 1 All of our advertisers have crazy flavors. Mango, espresso.
If you're not a pouch guy or gal, Lucy Gum is available in two, four, and six milligrams.

Speaker 1 Set yourself up with a subscription and have Lucy delivered straight to your door. What's your favorite Lucy flavor?

Speaker 1 Beer. Yeah.
Well, they don't actually have that one. I don't want to falsely advertise, but you were telling me before it is winter green and mango a second.

Speaker 1 I like mixing them honestly and making a winter mango.

Speaker 1 I like to use the 12 milligram just to get going, and then I add another 12 milligram to my mouth, and I go 24. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 I call it going Jack Bauer personally. 24 mgs of pure nicotine straight to the doom.

Speaker 1 Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to lucy.co slash TAFS and use promo code TAFS to get 20% off your first order.
Lucy offers free shipping and has 30-day refund policy.

Speaker 1 If you've changed your mind, that's lucy.co and use code TAFS to get 20% off and always free shipping.

Speaker 1 And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified.
Warning, this product contains nicotine. Thank you so much to Lucy.

Speaker 1 So Liza Minali falls through the roof. Yeah, I think we might get an award for this or something.
The guy, a Peabody?

Speaker 1 No, I think it's called like a D-body.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's like a

Speaker 1 potty. Potty.
Oh, a potty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A potty. Yeah.
Yeah. There should be like a podcast.
There should be a potty awards. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Are there like fights that break out at the potty awards? There'd be a lot. Louis J is like, is like fucking like beating up Pod Save America.
Yes. Yes.
Fighting the bad.

Speaker 1 Louis J is karateing this American life movie. Yeah, just beating the shit out of Ira Glass.

Speaker 1 I would love that, actually. And then in between punches, people tell you to sign up for DraftKings.
I can't tell you

Speaker 1 what it would feel like for rogies to be on stage and say.

Speaker 1 Rogies? Yeah, Podcaster of the Year goes to Adam Friedland. And I just thank my parents.
Yeah. That's what you think.

Speaker 1 Not the producers or the cameras or anything. Yeah.
Fuck them. No, I get it.
My parents,

Speaker 1 from a young age were like,

Speaker 1 gotta go into, you gotta be on Nick's racist podcast. Yeah, you know, yeah.
And I didn't think it was possible. I was like, who is Nick? You know, and what is a podcast? What is a podcast?

Speaker 1 And they said, we've been to the podcast. They're like, trust me.
Yeah, it's going to be trust me.

Speaker 1 It's like Rush Limbaugh, but you control it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So last. Rush

Speaker 1 Limbaugh?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Rush.
That's a song by Rush? Limbaugh is a song by Rush. Okay.
And it's a Limbaugh was a guy.

Speaker 1 Said some stuff online. Yeah, you take Rush serious, though, because you're from Canada? I take it very fucking seriously.

Speaker 1 And this is why there's a bit of me that wanted to fight you just now when you were like, is that a Rush song? I'm like, how the fuck do you not know that?

Speaker 1 Because every day in Halifax, Nova Scotia, where I'm from, when I was growing up, I would raise the lobster smoking a cigarette flag and I would play Limbaugh by Rush. Not a serious country.

Speaker 1 It's a province. Well, first of of all, Nova Scotia is a province in a country.
Whatever, dude. Liza Minelli is doing this.

Speaker 1 Okay? And Rush, they got the name from doing pop, is about doing poppers, right? The rush of a popper. The rush of doing a popper before

Speaker 1 Jonathan Candy has sex. Yes.
Before you pound Jonathan Candy. Before Jonathan Pandy.
No, it's Jonathan Candy's pound. Or rush.
Jonathan Candy's rush that he gets prior to being pounded.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Liza, and she's bleeding.

Speaker 1 Her arms are broken. One of her legs is off.
Really? Gone. And just spraying.
Spraying everywhere.

Speaker 1 She's so in love with him that she's like, your balls are shriveled.

Speaker 1 Yes. She's decided that her new mission in life is to fill this man's balls with her magic.
And that is the power of love. Right?

Speaker 1 That's a good song. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So she's doing this.

Speaker 1 The driver is. is.
She's doing it right. Raid of lightning.
Yeah. Okay.
At the driver. The driver's doing a fucking Mandarin accent for whatever reason.
Ray. And she finds it.
Super racist.

Speaker 1 Super racist. Super racist.
It's Justin Trudeau. Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 he's doing Blackface. He really can do it all.
Yeah, he's in Blackface doing Chinese accent. I'm like, bro.

Speaker 1 You're random. That is random of you.
Justin Trudeau,

Speaker 1 one of his runs was that. He actually ran that way.
In Blackface doing a Mandarin. One of his runs.
Like runs for a prime minister. Is that what they call it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I just said that right now. Don't you run for him? Isn't that like run the presidential run? That's how a baby talks.

Speaker 1 No, yeah.

Speaker 1 One of Trump's runs.

Speaker 1 Please.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Trudeau, only for a little bit at the Blackface and the Mandarin Edition. But he won.
But he's like, he didn't, it wasn't, he wasn't a main character. I mean, he was just, it was a cameo appearance.

Speaker 1 In the movie? In the movie, right? Oh, I was talking about like in his actual. Yeah, no, he was a cameo.

Speaker 1 He's actually.

Speaker 1 I've never seen this fucking movie. I know.
I've been trying to fucking get it. Sorry, I keep cutting you off.
No, it's my fault. No, it's my fault.

Speaker 1 I'm not good at podcasting. I've done it for eight years.
I'm not good at being a guest.

Speaker 1 You're amazing. You're incredible.
At the beginning of the movie.

Speaker 1 I forgot to fucking tell you this part, and I apologize. I thought you were Bill Burr for half of this.

Speaker 1 Dudley Moore is pounding John Candy, but I forgot to fucking tell you. Oh, but let's go back to the the first scene.
Just to bring this part into.

Speaker 1 Because we're only in the second scene.

Speaker 1 But I'm going to explain all of it. It's all going to make fucking sense, Adam.
So, as Dudley Moore is pounding Jonathan Candy, who is holding Jonathan Candy's hand?

Speaker 1 Juan Justin Trudeau in Blackface speaking Mandarin. Wait, and then he's back driving the car the next scene? He's not in the.

Speaker 1 Well, yes.

Speaker 1 He is back to driving the car. So there's no like temporal.
So it's like kind of magical realism. There's no temporal like...
The script doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 It made a lot of sense when I saw it as well. When you saw it, you're like, but as an adult, it's kind of like when you're a kid, you're like, hell yeah.

Speaker 1 And then as an adult, you're like, hey, come on. Like, turtles too soon.
He can't be holding this slam pig's hand and then in the car getting

Speaker 1 electrocuted.

Speaker 1 Well, he's driving the car.

Speaker 1 How do you get to the car? He's driving the car.

Speaker 1 Justin Trudeau was in the blackface doing the Mandarin accent, but he's Dudley Moore

Speaker 1 is the one pounding candy. But you're saying Trudeau's holding the hand.
Yes. Okay, so the guy holding the hand is also on the street level.
No wait. At street level, you fucked up.

Speaker 1 No, no, you're right. You're misremembering.

Speaker 1 Just admit you made a mistake. Here's what happened.
Just try. Just do better.
Just please try. I am trying, and I apologize.
Okay, so how. No, here's what happened.
Well, what I'm saying is this.

Speaker 1 How is he waiting for him downstairs? This is what I'm trying trying to bring together now. Okay, okay.
Here's what I fucked up on.

Speaker 1 The limo driver is downstairs waiting for Dudley Moore, who's upstairs pounding John Candy, Jonathan Candy. Jonathan Candy is holding hands with one Jones.

Speaker 1 Justin Trudeau in the first time he's ever been seen publicly since his dad brought him out. And he's wearing black face and he's speaking in a Mandarin accent.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 once Dudley Moore comes all over Jonathan Candy and hits his head on the fucking wall like I almost just did. Well, no, through the wall, and then he hits his head.
Yes,

Speaker 1 powerfully coming. He's screaming.
Screaming because his balls are just and then there's a wily coyote

Speaker 1 kind of body.

Speaker 1 But as that's happening, as he's violently coming,

Speaker 1 Justin Trudeau in Blackface.

Speaker 1 He's banging into shit. I think coming.
He knocks over a lamp. A fucking fire starts.
I forgot to tell you that. Oh, the fire.

Speaker 1 But that was a real fire on set. Very real.
It was a.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they couldn't go back. They said real, fucking, real fire.
Real fucking.

Speaker 1 They said that in the trailer. They said real, real fucking.
Real fucking. Real fire.
Real fire. Real tragedy.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 this is the part that I forgot to tell you, Adam, is that when he violently comes, okay, Justin Qudeau, in his first acting ever, and only he's wearing blackface.

Speaker 1 He's speaking in a manner as a he runs out of the apartment because it's on fire. He passes the driver.
The driver sees him. Oh, the driver's the dirty guy.
Yes. That's what I fucked up on.

Speaker 1 So then, when the driver misses the lines of an LE. Okay, you got confused.
So who's the driver? The driver's just a guy. An illegal.
Yeah, I think so. Yeah, he should have been

Speaker 1 pouring over our border.

Speaker 1 From one end, 100%. He wasn't in SAG.
He wasn't in SAG.

Speaker 1 He said he was in SAG. That was more of a.
He wrote S-A-G.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they fact-checked it later, and that stands for a whole other thing.
Yeah, yeah. Studios.

Speaker 1 You don't want to know. You don't want to know.
Yeah. Gay.

Speaker 1 Homophobic Hollywood. Yeah.
H. That's a long.
S-A-G-H.

Speaker 1 H-H. Yeah.
Yeah. Sega.

Speaker 1 Saha. Sah.

Speaker 1 So, anyways, that's so he got that. And that's the noise that Dudley made while he was violently coming.

Speaker 1 But way louder and way harder and way

Speaker 1 more violent.

Speaker 1 More violent. But okay, continue.
He's never come like this in his life. He's not saying violent is it scary for the audience.
It was scary for him. He thought he was going to die.

Speaker 1 He never came like that. And you were six years old.
It must have been scary for you. I was five, I think, five, six.

Speaker 1 Well, it was very interesting for me. I didn't know what was happening.

Speaker 1 I didn't even have a. You know what I mean? I didn't know what happened.

Speaker 1 Is this what growing up is? Okay, okay. So Liza drops through.

Speaker 1 Yes, and the reason that the fucking limo driver becomes, he paints Blackface and the Mandarin X is because he just saw

Speaker 1 he's copying. Okay, so Liza Manelli is doing this.

Speaker 1 So not only is it not,

Speaker 1 not only is he a bad driver, but he's a copier too. Strike 2.
Thief, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, strike 2. Theft at the highest level.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking Mencia.

Speaker 1 Strike 2.

Speaker 1 Theft at the highest level. It is Mencia.

Speaker 1 I didn't remember that. Well, again, I'm so young.

Speaker 1 I don't know who really any of you. You don't know actors.
You just know Liza Mineli and Dudley Moore. I know that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So anyways, she's doing this, okay? And she's putting the fucking big trouble in Little China, raiding fucking beams into his body, trying to inflate his bag.
However,

Speaker 1 however, it turns him into a

Speaker 1 cartoon Aardvark.

Speaker 1 And the movie.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 And that's where the fucking cartoon came from, Adam.

Speaker 1 I thought I was like, I just feel like

Speaker 1 I feel like I've been just crossed over and dunked on. Because I've seen like so much criterion,

Speaker 1 Yanush films.

Speaker 1 I've seen like every A24.

Speaker 1 I thought I knew movies,

Speaker 1 but I just did not know that. This is a massive gap in my knowledge.
And I'm just, I'm, I just, like, I, uh, uh,

Speaker 1 Good Morrows or whatever they say. Yes.
In London. In London.
Blue Chew wants the entire country to rock hard. They told me.
That's the mission.

Speaker 1 They will not stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house. They will not stop.

Speaker 1 They will not stop. They're at my door every day.
They're relentless. They're banging on my door.
It's not every day. It's a threat.
It is a threat. I feel molested by this copy.
Be hard.

Speaker 1 They will not stop. They will not stop.
They will stalk us. And you cannot not be hard.
If you go down even one bit, take it, Blue Chew. They're going to be fucking pissed.

Speaker 1 A company. To know that both of us are soft right now while you read this are going to be livid.
A guy is mad at me for not having a bone. I'm like, shut up, dude.

Speaker 1 Thank you for advertising, but this is crazy. Till every tent is pitched.
Till every rod is raised.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I want to throw a discover your options at bluechew.com.

Speaker 1 We've got to...

Speaker 1 Let's read it one more time. Blue Chew wants the entire.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Do they have flavors? Do they have a winter green or a menu?

Speaker 1 The flavor is blue.

Speaker 1 Come on, dude. Why are you asking stupid questions on my show? Okay, and we've got a special deal for our listeners.
Try it free when you use promo code TAFS at a checkout. Just pay the $5 shipping.

Speaker 1 Guys, you know the deal. They've been advertising with us for fucking years.
That's bluechew.com, promo code TAFS.

Speaker 1 To receive your first month free, visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring our podcast or whatever the fuck it's.
Okay, all right. So

Speaker 1 she uses lightning. He's a cartoon.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's the end of the movie?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 there's a good hour after that. So what's

Speaker 1 what happens to the rest of the movie? Yeah. It becomes like a pretty polite family

Speaker 1 introspection, honestly, about one Art Vark's journey. through Central Park.
But everyone else is like in the real world and there's a cartoon in it.

Speaker 1 They used to do that kind kind of shit a lot. Yeah, but Roger Rabbit.
Yes, but he's not full Vark. He's not full Ard.

Speaker 1 He's able to.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 In this day and age, like, using a...

Speaker 1 You can't say the slur for... Like...
Ard is a slur for Ardvark? Ard? Ard? There's a history there. I don't.

Speaker 1 There's a history there. What's the history? I don't know.
I didn't know that it was a slur until I went to Australia, but they were like, look, a bunch of odds, damn thee. Jesus, I didn't know.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's not full Vak.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I was like, it's just.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Because racism is objectively wrong.
Yeah. You know, and like, it's just like in this day and age, it's back open for debate.
Like,

Speaker 1 well, I didn't know. Look, I didn't know.
I thought we had decided that Ard Varks were open season on the Varks. But now that I know, I won't say Ard.

Speaker 1 I won't call them Ard.

Speaker 1 But to tell you that I'm not going to say it again. I'm not going to say it again.
And you can get rock ard with bluechew.com. Thank you.
Okay, continue. Your vark

Speaker 1 will be raised.

Speaker 1 Noah got varked. Noah's varked.
Before he had sexually.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he fucked all those animals. He did.
Yes. He did.
And no one talks about it. Nobody talks about it.
No one talks about it. He's finally brought to me.
This is the media. It's the media.

Speaker 1 It's the fucking media. It's the fucking media.
They're too busy showing us a rock, hard dick or a soft dick. And we're just terrified to leave our house because we can't leave.

Speaker 1 Because I might get sexually assaulted. There might be a full-time high.
It's fucking...

Speaker 1 The pre-come is.

Speaker 1 He did have sex with the animals. So Dudley Moore, fuck man.
Look, I'm misremembering and I keep fucking things up, but Dudley Moore is able to turn back and forth from person to Vark. Ard Vark.

Speaker 1 Ard Vark. Cartoon.

Speaker 1 So many great men have lost careers because of this kind of...

Speaker 1 It's just irresponsible. There's a few men that have actually made some pretty good careers, though, honestly, just saying Vark.
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? They're doing pretty well.

Speaker 1 They're selling those weird pills. Not Blue Chew, the other ones.

Speaker 1 Free speech kind of style. Free speech guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sick of this crap.
Me too. Yeah, yeah.
You know, where are the PC police? Where have they gone? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do they just, are they, are they dead? Do we defund them too? It's crazy. I'd like to know where they are because seriously, somebody's got to be out there.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think there should be a, like a kind of a, what do you call it? Like

Speaker 1 a PC social worker instead of a PC police. Like a, like, yeah.
Somebody comes to your house, knocks on your door. Yeah.
And how are you treating your kids? Yeah, yeah. And then they ask them.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, don't talk to my, don't tell me how to raise my kids. Don't tell me how to raise my kids.
I know how both of them come. I know how they come.
I know how both of them come.

Speaker 1 I know exactly how they come. Father knows.
Father knows. And I shouldn't have put it on Facebook.
Yeah. Should have been my first status updating.
Put it on Facebook.

Speaker 1 You're never going to guess how Jenny comes. I figured it out.

Speaker 1 He's able to turn back and forth from cartoon Aardvark to Real Man. So the rest of the movie.
There is that weird sex scene, right? There is another wild sex scene.

Speaker 1 Yeah, where he's going back and forth. Yes.
Yeah. Because Aardvarks people don't really know this.
They have longer dicks than a regular human man does. Oh, they are packing.

Speaker 1 Heat. Heat.
The movie Heat.

Speaker 1 They have a Blu-ray copy of the movie Heat, and they bring it everywhere they go. They're like,

Speaker 1 you gotta see the scene with

Speaker 1 Puccino and Jeaniro

Speaker 1 at Unpacking Heat, dude.

Speaker 1 The movie Heat.

Speaker 1 I'm packing Heat.

Speaker 1 Or Heat 2. There's a book.
There's a book. I read the book.
Did you read the book? No, I don't know how. Well,

Speaker 1 so he's not from Canada.

Speaker 1 There is that wild sex scene, yeah, where he's pounding. That's crazy.
He's pounding Liza Manelli. Now, she's holding John Candy's hand, Jonathan Candy.
Well, he's in a cage crying. Yes.
Yes, because

Speaker 1 her landlord doesn't want her to have any pets. And Artvark is clearly that.

Speaker 1 You know, when landlords are like, man, you can't have a fish, you can't have a cat. Oh my god, the rent.

Speaker 1 Berent, yeah. Yeah, man.
Like, I see. And we're not, it's not, I'm Jew.
I can, yeah. I pay my rent.
Berent, you know. So she.
And I'm like, you're Chinese. Why are you saying it that way?

Speaker 1 Again, it's the bait and switch. Bait and switch.
And he's going Chinese, Jewish, Chinese. Back and forth, back and forth.

Speaker 1 It's a real theme in that movie. Yeah, it's crazy.
The movie did a lot of like bending of things. A lot of big trouble in Little China's all things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, so he's in the cage as the Aardvark, weeping, and she's like, You're gonna fuck me now. And he makes the Aardvark noise.
Do you know what that is? So Candy also becomes Ardvark. Candy's also back.

Speaker 1 It's his.

Speaker 1 He's severely burned, by the way, because

Speaker 1 they left him in that fucking apartment. The fire.

Speaker 1 He's severely burned. Like 90% of his body is scorched.
Real fire. Real fire.
Real fucking. Real fire.

Speaker 1 He was eating. It was real fire.
It was a real fire. That Dudley Moore started when he violently

Speaker 1 blew the fucking lighting over. He knocked over like two or three lamps.
He used candles.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was what they used candles. They needed to light the room.
Yeah, there was no lighting.

Speaker 1 Scented. Yeah, scented.
It smelled like a fucking bath and body work. Yeah, and all of those glade plug-ins.
Yeah, it's like a full-on flame.

Speaker 1 So he's packing heat, the movie. And he's in the cage.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 he keeps switching back and forth from Artvark to more. Who's watching this still? Okay, continue.

Speaker 1 What is this?

Speaker 1 I feel like we're torturing whoever this is. There's a guy that's so mad.
He's like, where is Nick?

Speaker 1 What did you want? I apologize. What did you want?

Speaker 1 I might have fucked up. I'm having...
This is the first time I've been happy in months. You know where I stand on this.

Speaker 1 I'm having a great day. I'm having the best day of my life.

Speaker 1 But I will say this. Okay.
When I walked in, before we started recording, you brought up the song Christopher Cross with Arthur Stevens.

Speaker 1 Which is one cheek and another cheek. I know it's crazy.
Yes, pounding. But he's true.

Speaker 1 He's about to come. Do you know that Christopher Cross? He released his first single was a big hit on the radio.
And

Speaker 1 then pictures of him were published in magazines. And he was literally,

Speaker 1 he didn't take it to the next level, really, because he was just a pretty unattractive guy. I did know that.
He's a good guy.

Speaker 1 He had a face for radio. Did you know, though, he's making a comeback because of the body positivity movement? Yeah, I can't.
I'm serious. Yeah, I know.
People are like, gargoyles are people, too.

Speaker 1 What's weird about Christopher Cross is that he wasn't just like ugly

Speaker 1 conventionally. He was shocking.
He wasn't like...

Speaker 1 He was shockingly. shockingly.

Speaker 1 He was freak show. He had those fangs

Speaker 1 that just drooped out of his mouth. And he was always coming together.
He was a fucking freak show. Yeah, he's like crazy.

Speaker 1 And it's like, ugh. He was like a wolf, Kai.

Speaker 1 Get a room. Get a room.
Get a room. Like, don't be out.
No, get like a circus. A room in the circus.
Yeah, get a room in the circle. And we'll come see you somewhere.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're like a fucking freak show. He was a clown.

Speaker 1 He was like a bearded lady that could sing. You know what makes sense if you went to fucking Washington, D.C.
with all those clowns? Oh, absolutely. No, you're on to something there.

Speaker 1 You're really onto something there. I'm serious.

Speaker 1 All of the clowns go there. All the mimes, too.
Did you know that? Really? Yes. They stand outside of.

Speaker 1 If I was a clown, I would fucking hate them. The mimes? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd hate clowns. No, fuck.
I don't care about them.

Speaker 1 I don't care about them.

Speaker 1 They wear makeup too. Not all mimes.

Speaker 1 No, they do white face. And no one complains.

Speaker 1 No one complains.

Speaker 1 No one complains about it. Yeah, you're right.
Nobody fucking complains. But our Prime Minister, Prime Minister Justin, does it

Speaker 1 25, 30 times. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's a fucking

Speaker 1 uncountable amount of time. But the fucking mimes, and he's from Canada.
I know. He's surrounded by them.
Yeah, I know. I know.
I know. He grew up in Quebec.

Speaker 1 That's the home of mimes. And they're just doing white chicks constantly.
Yes. Right.
And they keep playing that fucking

Speaker 1 Bruglia. Is that her name?

Speaker 1 And I need to.

Speaker 1 And I want to.

Speaker 1 That's the end, by the way.

Speaker 1 Oh, so they don't play the theme song again. No, not the Christopher Cross one.
Because the Christopher Cross one at that point in time had been played out too many times.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were like, this song's played out.

Speaker 1 I hate it when you hear it too many times. So we have to go into the future and get a song from that movie from White Church.
That hasn't happened yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So here, let me apologize to you. So that song came came up, and we talked this whole time.
Was there anything that you wanted?

Speaker 1 Was this podcast?

Speaker 1 Did this have a topic?

Speaker 1 Fuck, sorry, that I stepped on that we didn't end up getting to? Oh, yeah, I'll be in London in September.

Speaker 1 Two shows are sold out. The low tickets on the third.

Speaker 1 I want to add a fourth. I'm huge there in a place where bad comedy is popular.

Speaker 1 I remember you yeah we were yeah we were gonna talk about that.

Speaker 1 But no,

Speaker 1 I don't want to insult these people. No, I get it.
The queen died.

Speaker 1 So we went in a whole she did die.

Speaker 1 Horrible accident. Terrible.
Terrible accident.

Speaker 1 Do you know how she died? In the papers. I know she's fucking a horse.
No. She missed her hand situation.
Nope.

Speaker 1 No, the horse was like attached to an apparatus to support the horse's weight and in kind of like a

Speaker 1 lethal weapon style, not lethal weapon, naked gun style hijinks. The horse, someone was like, there was a butler, he was holding a tray and bounced off this, this, this, O.J.

Speaker 1 Simpson, stab, and then the horse apparatus broke, crushed her to death. And I'll be the 22nd,

Speaker 1 London. What about you?

Speaker 1 I have a special on YouTube called Down with Tech. Check it out.
And I'm going to be in, check my website, Wayfamckintosh.com.

Speaker 1 You're taking shots. Elon, fuck you.
Bezos, fuck you. Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs.
Zuckerberg. Come on.

Speaker 1 So this is. Zuckerberg's like the cool one.
He's pretty cool. Yeah, he's cool.
So that's the story that Piers Morgan wants you to hear. The horse

Speaker 1 falling on the queen. No, they covered it up.
They covered it up. They blamed.

Speaker 1 This is what I heard. They blamed who they blame every time, which is the state of Israel.
And it's not true. They didn't kill her.
Was it a big flag that covered her? And she couldn't get out of it?

Speaker 1 What does that mean? The Israeli flag fell on her and she couldn't get out? Is that what you mean?

Speaker 1 That's not what happened. Like, you know, in school when you had those parachutes, did a giant flag just cover the queen and she couldn't get out? I'm asking.
I'm literally asking you.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're talking about. And it didn't happen.
It was the horse thing.

Speaker 1 I mean, Piers Morgan says that, but I heard a different thing. But either way, way, that's a good story.

Speaker 1 I heard.

Speaker 1 I thought it was pierced.

Speaker 1 Pierced? Yeah, pierced, Morgan. Pierced.
Like, like, ear-pierced? I thought it was like,

Speaker 1 I have a... I have a Prince Albert.

Speaker 1 I'm Pierced Morgan. And I've got a cock ring.

Speaker 1 I'm Pierced Morgan.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I've got a tongue ring

Speaker 1 to give

Speaker 1 because I'm a slut. Yes.
I'm a slut. I like to blow the men.
And

Speaker 1 I blow men.

Speaker 1 No, he's a friend of the show. He's a friend of the show.
He has wild ad reads on his show. He does.
Well, that's what it is. He just did it in person.
So, guys, guys, listen. Oh, I didn't even say.

Speaker 1 Our guest name is Nathan McIntosh.

Speaker 1 Thanks for joining us. Thanks for having me, man.
This was amazing.

Speaker 1 A fever dream.

Speaker 1 I had a good time. And just to to say if anybody, whatever this was, you can follow me on everything at Nathan McIntyre.
OnlyFans. And OnlyFans.
Is that what you said? OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 But your name is Macintosh, but down with tech? That's like kind of the bit. Well, it's because I was born into the tech industry, so I have an insider's look.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I'm the reason that the computer was named Apple. And your dad.

Speaker 1 Your dad was Mr. McIntosh from the film Blank Check, which we will get into next time.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thanks a lot, guys. Bye.

Speaker 1 You're listening to the Right Now podcast with John Goblican. Johannes, good news.
What? I finally found a home. Oh, you moved out of the Waymo? No, I never leave that thing.

Speaker 1 No, our podcast is now on a network and

Speaker 1 not just any network, the premier comedy network, All Things Comedy. That's right, so now that we're on ATC, make sure you watch us on YouTube or Spotify Premium or where else, Johannes.

Speaker 1 You can listen on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. Wow.
Spoken like a true mediocre co-host.

Speaker 1 So make sure you're subscribed, checking it out for all things green. Wait a minute, does that make Bill Burrs my boss? Yep.
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 I have a feeling I'm gonna get yelled at a lot.