The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 36

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Speaker 2 hey folks welcome to the adam friedland show podcast the adam freedland show regular podcast the adam freedland show regular podcast not to be confused with the adam freedland show premium podcast which you can get i didn't have my mic on am i good with the adam freedland show regular podcast i said it in a cool way i just want to make sure you got picked up.

Speaker 2 Check this out. I can put this on my hair now.
Oh, my God. It's pretty cool.
Yeah. It's pretty cool.
Yeah. You should do that for girls.
I kind of want, my dream has always been to be seven feet tall.

Speaker 2 And I have like an earring that's also like an earpiece, like an ear, like security earpiece, but then it's also an earring. And then it goes to my nipple, which is exposed.
And I'm a bouncer.

Speaker 2 And I stand outside of a club. And I have mascara on.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, one second, are we letting any more

Speaker 2 people in?

Speaker 2 You should get that leg indication surgery.

Speaker 2 Y'all can't come in right now.

Speaker 2 Y'all need to be about your piece.

Speaker 2 You should get it, but I'm sorry, you're not on the list.

Speaker 2 You should just get the longest one they've ever done. You should just look like you have stilts on.

Speaker 2 Guys, I want to mention.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't do the leg-breaking surgery, but what I would do, because I already have a pretty long reach. Uh-huh.
You know,

Speaker 2 it's called an ape index. yeah it's your winds wingspan versus your height yeah i already said

Speaker 2 you have a good one i have a pretty long reach so i'm just gonna get my arms broken and extended even longer so i can just walk around on my hands and have my legs i'm gonna get my leg i'm gonna have my leg bones removed and added to my arms there are fitness guys on instagram that have like do uh like planet of the apes like running

Speaker 2 like they like run across fields like this like uh in a gallop uh for fitness and uh apparently, it's good for you. To run around like that.
Apparently, like getting really good at galloping is good.

Speaker 2 Guys, I want to mention next weekend,

Speaker 2 I haven't really promoted this enough. Tampa, Florida, the 19th and 20th at Side Splitters Comedy.
I'll be there. I think I'm bringing Caleb Pitts.
And I think the audience has spoken out.

Speaker 2 I threw it to you on the Patreon episode, which was fucking, it was a really good one this week.

Speaker 2 Probably one of the, probably the best podcast ever.

Speaker 2 I threw it to the audience. I said, do you want to see Scumbag Vinny

Speaker 2 on that show? Overwhelmingly, the audience has said yes. So I'm going to get Vinny there.

Speaker 2 I'm going to put

Speaker 2 my wallet in the hotel safe, probably.

Speaker 2 But we're going to see, it's going to be a fucking big weekend. So get your tickets the 19th and 20th in Tampa, Florida at Side Splitters.
And Nick is in Columbus, Ohio next year.

Speaker 2 I'll do my unplug when I feel like it. Thank you.

Speaker 2 I'll plug my plug. I think that was a nice thing that I've done.
I'll plug them on when I choose to in the episode. You cut me off.

Speaker 2 I was in the middle of explaining what I want to do to my body with surgery.

Speaker 2 Well, I say that there are guys that do. Yeah, no, you just changed.
That's about something else. Now you're talking about Instagram videos.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I'm out of here.

Speaker 2 What are the slot numbers today?

Speaker 2 Just one.

Speaker 2 Just numbers, slot number one.

Speaker 2 Slot number

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, I apologize, especially based on the fact that, you know, you're very, you've never,

Speaker 2 you're, you're such a good listener. You've never cut me off.
Biting, passive,

Speaker 2 passive, aggressive comments. Well, I mean, I think it's so absurd.
Here's my question. Yeah.
So you can just,

Speaker 2 South Africa can just be like, look, we're taking you to the International Court of Justice. They can just do that to Israel.

Speaker 2 And the State Department is saying this is baseless, that it doesn't have justification. Is the process one in which

Speaker 2 it doesn't matter, even if Israel was doing nothing at all, a country like South Africa could just be like, Israel's bad, we're going to court, and then Israel would have to show up and defend them.

Speaker 2 How can I do that to you?

Speaker 2 How can we get you?

Speaker 2 How can I bring a case to the ICC? To the ICC,

Speaker 2 and I'm going to say that Adam is passive-aggressive, a liar.

Speaker 2 That's got to break some kind of law. I think it's like war crimes typically or something like that.
But I would get Alan Dershowitz. Sex trafficking.
You've done that. I would get Alan Dershowitz.

Speaker 2 You have done sex trafficking. I would get Alan Dershowitz to defend me.
Oh, okay. If you're able to pull this off, I will get Professor Dershowitz.
Yeah. And that's a promise to you.

Speaker 2 Well, we covered it on

Speaker 2 the premium podcast this week, available at patreon.com. The tunnels.
The tunnels,

Speaker 2 which I saw some big Twitter thread that the guy was like, that explained, I had the explanation, but the first tweet in the thread is like,

Speaker 2 first you have to understand the background of the Chabad movement or whatever it's called. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was all founded by this one guy. Menachem Schneerson.
Yeah, Schneer. No, no, no.
Even further back. Well, yeah, there was a yeshiva in Lubav.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the Lubav guy. Yeah.
And then the guy in the thread says, and like, this guy was one of the most fascinating people of all time, like truly like a revolutionary thought leader.

Speaker 2 Probably. Well, then I said, okay, well, obviously this guy's lying.

Speaker 2 The thread man. Yeah, the thread.
I'm not going to read the rest of this thread if it starts off with the guy that came. A compliment for one Jew.
Well, I've never met you. I got.

Speaker 2 One Jewish guy getting a compliment. So you're defending it.
I'm just saying that. You're saying it's good.
You're saying that discredits a thread by hearing that someone says one guy was smart.

Speaker 2 A cult leader, yeah. Who happens to be Jewish.
A cult leader, yeah. I wouldn't say cult leader.
If the thread started off saying, like,

Speaker 2 look, L. Ron Hubbard might be one of the greatest geniuses of all time and a, like, a philosophy, then I'd be like, okay, well, then this is discredited as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 2 I think that you're looking at people living in the 1700s and applying a modern lens to it. They lived in like Stettel.
They're not running a fucking Jonestown cult.

Speaker 2 To me, it is a Jonestown cult. All right, fine.
Go ahead. So, okay, so you didn't read the rest of the thread or you did? I did You did not read the rest of the thread.

Speaker 2 But you said that if it solves the mystery, then? It does not solve the mystery. It's supposed to be some kind of explanation, but we still don't have...

Speaker 2 There's still not an answer as to what the tunnels were for.

Speaker 2 Maybe you felt like you were getting too close to a logical explanation, and you wanted to live in a fantastical world where anything was possible in those tunnels, right?

Speaker 2 It makes it less fun if you... It seems like you're very much on the side of the cover up here, and I don't really understand why.
That's not your... You don't go to these...

Speaker 2 I think it's a tribalistic... you know i feel like um

Speaker 2 you know i have to defend hardworking jews you know i live in brooklyn these are my neighbors these are my

Speaker 2 my comrades my

Speaker 2 chabad the builder that's pretty good yeah that's pretty good that's pretty good i think um if i'm not mistaken i think five ish

Speaker 2 I'm 90% sure Fivish is from Chabad. I'm 90% on that.

Speaker 2 Multiple times I've been like, what the hell is the deal with these guys? And then I've had people try to explain to me the nuances of the different types of

Speaker 2 cartoon characters. Well, just look at the outfits.
I don't care.

Speaker 2 I don't care to understand the difference. Whatever mind you're going to be.
That's a pretty simple explanation. They just wear different outfits.
I don't care. They wear the same outfits to me.

Speaker 2 They all look the same to me. No, they don't.
There's one with Ottomans. There's one with Blues Brothers.
I'm this close together. There's one with Knickerbockers.

Speaker 2 I'm this close to pushing the differences between them and the Amish out of my head.

Speaker 2 We're this close to being like the, and now they're on, now all of these guys are the same.

Speaker 2 You're saying that. The Amish included.
And if it weren't for the...

Speaker 2 What about me? You think that I'm this? No, I don't. You're not wearing dumb clothes.

Speaker 2 You're a different kind. I can understand.
What if underneath? Huh? What if underneath I was wearing it?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Like, I'm Superman.

Speaker 2 Like, I have the... You're not a Superman.

Speaker 2 I know I'm not a Superman. I watched Man of Steel on the plane.
Mad good.

Speaker 2 Really good.

Speaker 2 I missed out on that one. Was that from like 2009? Yeah, Zach Snyder.

Speaker 2 Wasn't that a giant bomb? Huge bomb. Yeah.
I watched on the plane coming back from L.A.

Speaker 2 Also, his body, dude. We got to get that body.

Speaker 2 I need that body

Speaker 2 for myself, not for...

Speaker 2 what's his name? Cahill?

Speaker 2 Let's get back to these tunnels. Because I feel like you were about to cook.

Speaker 2 Huh? I feel like we were about to cook on the tunnel.

Speaker 2 You kept anything I said, you were just disagreeing with me. It's not disagreeing.

Speaker 2 It's a repartee. It's a witty.
It's a tete-a-tete.

Speaker 2 Sorry, Ginsburg is telling me something. What does he say?

Speaker 2 Is he talking shit on me?

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know. You can TED your own goddamn TED.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Our whole thing is a TED Talk test. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 I'm saying something, and you interrupt me, and then eventually it's at a point where I'm like, No, you finished a sentence.

Speaker 2 You said that this man was being praised, and therefore it devalidated this thread, which supposedly explains the tunnel. And I said, why was that the thing that devalidated it? It was a question.

Speaker 2 No, we can run the tape. Anyways, it doesn't matter.
Let's move on to something else. No, why not? What do you think the tunnels are for? Me? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 in reality?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that sounds funny. Like a real estate scam, probably.
Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, let's hear that.
They probably didn't have. On our comedy podcast, let's hear the real reason.

Speaker 2 The tunnel, I mean, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Speaker 2 And people in this day and age want to jump to these fantastical conclusions of

Speaker 2 child sex trafficking, pizza restaurant. You know,

Speaker 2 we go to these default modes, but in reality, they were probably,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 it could have been a good thing. You know?

Speaker 2 Like what?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Maybe like a

Speaker 2 just a place to chill,

Speaker 2 you know? Away from your wife. And do what? Just a man cave kind of situation, you know?

Speaker 2 Your wife is just like some lady, she's got 87 different kids.

Speaker 2 You and your boys all wear the same outfits, you know? There's no cell phone service, you're in the middle, you know, underground.

Speaker 2 They could just vibe out with their boys. Kind of a player's ball, a pimps and players kind of situation, underground.
The city doesn't know about it.

Speaker 2 Why in the fucking 1930s were they doing that and everyone says oh those guys are cool for for doing illegal speakeasies but when when these guys are doing it we're saying that they're

Speaker 2 sex trafficking

Speaker 2 they got illegal bar illegal really running just they vibe yeah just like a kind of yeah man cave situation yeah dueling pianos and stuff yeah you know

Speaker 2 put the game on put the war on you know

Speaker 2 vibe out with their boys yeah you You know?

Speaker 2 I just see a bunch of people on Twitter saying, like, can you imagine if, like, Muslims were doing this in a mosque, what the reaction would be?

Speaker 2 What would that be? I would imagine it would be pretty similar. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you fucking children in those tunnels? I think my reaction personally would be the same.

Speaker 2 Here's an idea.

Speaker 2 Don't dig a tunnel. You know?

Speaker 2 Just don't date. Just don't do that.
Yeah. There's no reason for it.
It would be kind of fun. What? Like if we were doing it

Speaker 2 and it was our little secret

Speaker 2 and the city didn't know about it. Just a secular way to dig a tunnel.
Like if you have a militia or something, that makes sense. Mm-hmm.
Because you need it to get around.

Speaker 2 Or if it is, I mean, I guess the real estate thing. That's the one thing that's been crazy about this war is like with all the fucking money and like tech they give Israel.

Speaker 2 It's like people are like, oh, you don't understand these tunnel network in Gaza. And it's like, yeah, but it's still just shit underground.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know enough about engineering to know what kind of hole you can dig that you can't just put water in it and it fills up. Yeah, right.
You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 My understanding is that the tunnels that just span like Jersey to Manhattan are like engineering feats to keep the ventilation going.

Speaker 2 But like you can bomb those fucking things and these guys are still popping out of holes holes and killing people

Speaker 2 It's like well, I guess like

Speaker 2 Yeah, you could have your own tunnel system

Speaker 2 in America like if I but if I bought a 500 square foot lot if I just bought a shitty house

Speaker 2 like a tiny shitty house Could I just fucking make a mansion underground

Speaker 2 That nobody knows about it'd be cool and if the police are like uh hey stop doing that I'm like no and I just close the top. And then what are they going to do? Bomb me? They can't.
I'm in a tunnel.

Speaker 2 Right. They can't shoot me.
They just have to wait until I decide to come out. Yeah, and they don't know how long.
Well, because everyone goes compound. Everyone always thinks, like, you know, like

Speaker 2 militia guys are always like, we're going to go out in the woods.

Speaker 2 And then you just get shot from a helicopter. Right.
Or you could take over the post office. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If they had a tunnel, like, imagine if the Waco guy had a tunnel or Ruby Ridge or who's the guy, who's the post office guy, Eamon Bundy?

Speaker 2 That was the Oregon guy. Yeah, took over a post office.
I think so. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Was that during Obama?

Speaker 2 I think so. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then that guy's like on the news now. Is he? He's like a pundit on Fox.

Speaker 2 Well, he said he had some, like, I remember seeing him like recently, and he he had some kind of like lib take that pissed people off. It was like, Hillary Clinton's awesome.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't, like, he said, or he said, like, Trump was bad or something, and people are like, fuck you. This should have, cops should have shot you.
Apparently, Richard Spencer did that, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He said, Biden's the best president ever or something.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I always confuse Richard Spencer and

Speaker 2 Richard Simmons.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You remember when that was like a big diss in elementary school? What? You need Richard Simmons? Saying someone was Richard Simmons? Saying someone was like Richard Simmons?

Speaker 2 Yeah, like you needed Richard Simmons. Oh, that was another one, too.
You're so fat, you need Richard Simmons. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was kind of an introduction into queer culture for our generation, I think. Okay, Ginsburg.
All right. You're late now with the.
Ginsburg.

Speaker 2 What is this?

Speaker 2 Jeffrey Reed.

Speaker 2 So it's the beginning of a new year. We want to grow our business, right?

Speaker 2 And there are plenty of tedious tasks. We talk about this a lot on the show.

Speaker 2 That would be,

Speaker 2 it would be better for us if we automated them, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

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Speaker 2 That's kind of cool, too. It sounds like e-commerce is only going to get bigger and bigger, folks.
I think

Speaker 2 that's a safe bet.

Speaker 2 Yeah, probably. More people are going to be buying shit online.
And

Speaker 2 I say there's going to be a process of,

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Speaker 2 If you're doing anything where you need to ship stuff, which you should. Honestly, it's very easy to start a side business.
There's like very little overhead.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, a lot of pe rich people, they make money and then they start, you know, they're like, oh, I'm going to have a business, a side hustle, and then they get like a McDonald's franchise and that costs like two million dollars.

Speaker 2 Mm-hmm. Regular people can't do that.
But you can always sell buttons or fucking trinkets. You can learn how to make trinkets and sell them.

Speaker 2 And even if nobody buys the fucking shit, there's no overhead.

Speaker 2 We find a thing to make and it's fun. And then you'll know.
You'll know

Speaker 2 I'm not cut out for this world.

Speaker 2 If you fail at it.

Speaker 2 If I can't get a single person to buy my trinkets,

Speaker 2 then it's like it's either me or capitalism that's wrong. But even if we lived in communism,

Speaker 2 I'd say I'd go to the General Issimo and he'd say, like, oh, your job is going to be to trinket. Well, no, he wouldn't say that.
You would just follow along here. Come on.
I'm sorry. I'm slow today.

Speaker 2 You'd say, oh, well, I can make these trinkets. And they'd say, yeah, sorry, we don't need

Speaker 2 fucking trinkets. Yeah, it doesn't sound very communist.
Trinkets. You're going to work in the factory.
And you're like, but I literally can't do that.

Speaker 2 That's what, like, all I thought, the only thing I could do was trinkets. So um, they probably just

Speaker 2 feed you the dogs, I guess, is what would happen.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I guess all that is to say, you might as well, but it's not, you should always take a chance.

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Speaker 2 put yourself out there. You should start an online business.
You should start an online business.

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Speaker 2 USPS could be like, we like you? Doesn't sound fair. Yeah, it's just,

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Wow.

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Speaker 2 That's shipstation.com, promo code TAFS, and you can sell your freaking trinkets and get and pull yourself out of freaking poverty. Right? Why do you keep saying freaking?

Speaker 2 No, we have a Mormon audience. All right.

Speaker 2 Have drugs gotten more expensive?

Speaker 2 Like weed and cocaine and stuff? Right. No, I think it's pretty much like still 60 for an eighth.
Yeah, how is that that it's that's not subject to inflation?

Speaker 2 I guess it's its own self-contained market, I suppose. No, it's got to be transported.
It's

Speaker 2 you got to bring it to the United States. You would think that that would affect prices at some point.

Speaker 2 But how are they? They're transporting it on like

Speaker 2 dinghies. Rubber dinghies.
Weed? Maybe weeds over there. No, weeds.
Domestically now. That's domestic, and it's legal now.
Yeah, but cocaine? No, that comes over in fucking shipping containers.

Speaker 2 Shipping containers. There's no way the amount of cocaine in the United States is being brought here in like someone's ass.

Speaker 2 It just doesn't make any sense. It has to be, yeah, like massive.
It's coming through on boats. There's got to be like the ports are compromised.

Speaker 2 But that shit's more expensive. Shipping costs, especially now with this thing going on in the Red Sea, like the price is going up, but you never see it reflected in drive.

Speaker 2 Oh, because the Suez Canal is cut off. Yeah.
It affects the... Yeah.
The Suez Canal is fucking sick, dude. Yeah.
They used to have to go around Africa. Oh, they do again.
That sucks. They do again.

Speaker 2 And so far. Because of the Yumeni guys.
You know what I love about them? Yeah. It's like all of them have

Speaker 2 the lens crafters, like the first pair of glasses you get

Speaker 2 kind of like the the ten dollar option of lens crafters glasses I haven't seen I aren't they they have it they have that don't disagree with me ski masks typically no they have the Yemeni guys have the fucking glasses so don't not don't do that let's not do another thing where you go no that's not true I didn't say that's not true I just said no they wear ski masks they very clearly do not wear ski masks the videos are sick of them going on the boats with like the devil look for the guy that talks whatever his name name is, he has the glasses.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's just doing like a streaming kind of thing. He's like in an office.
He's your spokesperson, I guess. Yeah, yeah.
For the Houthis. He's like a Hassan kind of.
He might be Houthi.

Speaker 2 I guess that's some guy's name.

Speaker 2 Houthi? There's a guy named Houthi that was

Speaker 2 one of them. I only want to be one with you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Houthi and the Bullfish.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. That's funny.
Huh? That's pretty funny.

Speaker 2 I only want to be one with. Darius Rucker, I believe.

Speaker 2 I'm not one of your guests.

Speaker 2 I'm not one of your guests on this show that

Speaker 2 you're doing bits at. And there's also no camera operators here for you to kind of

Speaker 2 say the joke to and then

Speaker 2 laugh in their direction. I'm trying to stop doing that.
When you bomb towards one of the when the guest gives you nothing and then you

Speaker 2 kind of just deflate in the direction of

Speaker 2 I'm not one of them

Speaker 2 You don't have to be I'm supposed to be on board with your Houthi and the blowfish after I started I everything I say no

Speaker 2 I just said why did what I was giving it back to you you said that someone praised a rabbi from the 1700s I said I said that's why you immediately started growing

Speaker 2 on no I beside that's not a no I already moved on I asked you why I already moved on. I didn't care.
I knew why it was

Speaker 2 difficult for you to see a compliment to one guy from 1700. And the glasses thing? And the glasses thing, explain that.
I said, I've only seen them in ski masks.

Speaker 2 You know goddamn well who I'm talking about, and

Speaker 2 you know what I'm talking about. And now you're fucking, you're pretending like I'm talking about something else.
No. Just to undermine my observation.
No.

Speaker 2 I don't.

Speaker 2 You know way more about this stuff.

Speaker 2 I don't know anything about it. Oh, you're on.
There's a video that's. You're on the internet all day.
Oh, now it's going to be like, oh, no. You're really well versed.

Speaker 2 I'm just ignorant.

Speaker 2 I thought they wore ski masks. You know what I'm talking about.
You know, the guy with this glasses, and you're doing anything you can to just poke holes. I don't know what you're thinking about.

Speaker 2 You know, you are an expert in Jewish crimes, and you spend a lot of your day reading about various

Speaker 2 various Jewish crimes around the world. It's because of the ICJ thing going on.
I think that's it.

Speaker 2 What is ICJ? The International Court of Criminal Justice, whatever this thing South Africa did.

Speaker 2 I'm South African. Yeah.
Do you think

Speaker 2 this is probably a big difference? So say there's a

Speaker 2 big conflict for you. So say thank you a lot.
Thank you. There's an internal conflict for you.
I'm not from Israel. Huh? I'm not from Israel.
You went there. I'm from Santa Monica, California.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you lived there. I lived in South Africa.
So you did sex trafficking while you were there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. They called me

Speaker 2 the Jeffrey Epstein for grown-ass

Speaker 2 women. Yeah.
I it's sex trafficking.

Speaker 2 You shut your fucking hole. Yeah, there you go.
Sex trafficking. Nick, you just know a lot about what the Jews are up to.

Speaker 2 You keep first of all. I'm talking about Yemenis.
I don't know. I saw the view of the world.
You know, that conflict

Speaker 2 is related to

Speaker 2 a regional conflict. I obviously don't know because I started off to saying, I don't understand.
I'm sorry, I didn't know about

Speaker 2 that. I don't understand what this, I don't understand who this guy is.
I read an explanation of the tunnels that was giving way too much information on the religious background.

Speaker 2 And ultimately, the point is it doesn't matter. There's no...

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter the religious.

Speaker 2 If you can't tell me in one sentence why you're digging secret tunnels and fighting with the police when they try and fill them in,

Speaker 2 then it's like

Speaker 2 you have to be lying to me. Who? Hamas? Anybody.
Hamas? If Hamas says we're digging tunnels so that we can commit, that we can fucking hide our weapons, that makes makes sense. They are saying that.

Speaker 2 They're straightforward. It's not like they've discovered secret Hamas tunnels and they're like, listen, you don't understand what these are for.

Speaker 2 It's actually, so you got to start 200 years ago, right?

Speaker 2 And if somebody, if I had a secret tunnel and I was like, okay, I know, look, there's just, first of all, yes, there's a stroller and a buddy mattress in there. But first, so, okay, so hold on.

Speaker 2 You know, when everything was steam powered? So basically back then,

Speaker 2 there was a guy who,

Speaker 2 it's literally the

Speaker 2 damn fucking ham.

Speaker 2 See what happened. Yeah, no, that's what that was.
That's what the threat is.

Speaker 2 So what did they find in there? A bloody mattress. They found a bloody ch-

Speaker 2 I've read the words child size.

Speaker 2 I don't know if that just means a twin mattress. It is a twin mattress, I would say.
Yeah, but they also make children's mattresses. So I don't know if it was.

Speaker 2 So it was in a race car?

Speaker 2 What's that? Like a race car bed?

Speaker 2 No, I I think it was just on the ground. It would be very weird to have a child sex slave that you gave a race car bed to.
Well,

Speaker 2 in terms of being a child sex slave, I think it's one of the best options. I think you keep them in a kennel.

Speaker 2 I don't think they get a race car bed. I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying it's

Speaker 2 for me,

Speaker 2 I'm an avowed centrist. It's a wait and see, you know? And I'm sure that there's a perfectly logical.
Well, so you can't wait and see because it starts off with seeing.

Speaker 2 So it's a see and wait. So how about this? We live 10 minutes away from there.
You and I just go check it out for ourselves. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I can go in disguise as one of those guys. Well, we should get a pair of nunchucks first because those guys, what do they carry on? They carry like throwing stars on them or nunchucks.
Those guys?

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, I think that's Chinese people.
Oh, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Those guys, I mean, I'll just get a Blues Brothers suit, get the hat.

Speaker 2 I'll go in, say, hey, guys, i'm one of the boys what's the dude what what were we thinking with this and then i'll i'll break the story it's called citizen journalism what if this is just like a viral marketing campaign for john wick five it might be yeah it might he's a guy that dug stuff well yeah well it's just you know like the movie starts off there is a scene in john wick like two i think where he goes to like some Hasidic like bank.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And they're like, oh, good, good luck, Mr.
Wick.

Speaker 2 You know, he does meet them. So maybe it has something to do with the John Wick movies.
I started

Speaker 2 related to that, I started a Harry Potter game

Speaker 2 for girls, by the way.

Speaker 2 For adults, actually. Harry Potter game, you buy for your girlfriend so that she's playing it with my girlfriend.
She can also like the PlayStation, and then she plays it for five minutes.

Speaker 2 And you're like, see, you like video games, and then you play Call of Duty for 15 hours straight.

Speaker 2 And she can't get mad because, well, I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure I saw your dumbass playing video games also.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're yeah, you need to fuck off. You can't tell me to stop.
Well, we'd spend different amounts of time playing games, but it's because I'm better than you.

Speaker 2 I'm playing it with her, and it is infuriating when

Speaker 2 she has the sticks. Why? Because I just want to play.
Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like one of those kids who invites someone over to your house to play a one-player game, and then I'm just like, just give it to me. Just let me play.

Speaker 2 She's like, girly playing the game. She's doing it in a girl manner.
She like wants to go to the to try on different outfits or something. She's controlling and abusive in relationships.

Speaker 2 What you're saying?

Speaker 2 It's a little bit of a

Speaker 2 stretch, but yeah.

Speaker 2 So you're

Speaker 2 explaining play of spending time with my girlfriend, quality time with my girlfriend. What you're saying is you see your girlfriend enjoying something and your mind is filled with I need to abuse.

Speaker 2 I need to take this away and abuse this woman. No, it's just girls.
In the way I would

Speaker 2 know how to play. It's just a child prostitute that I would.

Speaker 2 Girls don't know how to play.

Speaker 2 Girls don't know how to play video games in an efficient

Speaker 2 logical way.

Speaker 2 In your raised car bed. In your shitty mattress that I shit on.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 They have, I'm not that far into the Harry Potter, but they have presented it. I'm sure there'll be a twist in the storyline, but the bad guys are the Jewish troll banks in the Harry Potter game.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, the bad guys? You know how the bad guy Voldemore?

Speaker 2 No, no, no. In this, I think this is a different

Speaker 2 era of Hogwarts.

Speaker 2 And there's problems with the Jewish trolls. Yeah.
So I think you might actually

Speaker 2 like this game. We kind of talked about it, but like, you know how, like...
The goblins, not trolls. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 2 Because you see the like people on Twitter talking about like all the expulsions that happened throughout history.

Speaker 2 Like

Speaker 2 the ethnic clean, like ethnic cleansing you're talking about? Yeah. Yeah.
And I never actually looked into any of them.

Speaker 2 I was never like, why?

Speaker 2 Do you know why they happen? Why people were kicked out? Well, you kind of just sold on the idea that people were like, oh, well, of course people were racist.

Speaker 2 People were racist in 1950. So you want to hear them out.
You want to hear out. No, I don't want to hear them at point.
You want to hear out the kickers.

Speaker 2 You're going to get a weasel thing that you're doing where you're trying, you're reading, you're not even letting me explore. I'm just asking.
Explore an idea

Speaker 2 with sort of a childlike sort of fascination. But they may have deserved it.
Okay, then you know what? Never mind.

Speaker 2 We won't even talk about it. Okay, explore.
I'm not even trying to make the point that they're not. No, no, no, you said childlike fascination.
That sounds beautiful.

Speaker 2 What I'm saying is this, is you know that people were racist in the 1950s, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 you think about it and you're like, all right, that was 50 years ago. And you're like, okay, well, a hundred years before that, they had fucking slaves, you know, and I'm like, that's way worse.

Speaker 2 So, but that's like 150 years. And it's like, okay, the year 1290.
And I'm like,

Speaker 2 that had to be the most. Can you imagine if a black guy actually wandered into 1290 England? Yeah.
I mean. Were there black guys there at that point? I guess so.

Speaker 2 They had colonies in Africa at those points. They would have to do a type of racism that I feel like he would just turn into a crystal.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like whatever feeling they would have to him would alter the structure of his material. There would be a cauldron and like some sort of satanic rite.

Speaker 2 I think it would be beyond that. I mean, the cauldron and stuff, that's like 1500s, but 1290?

Speaker 2 Like, people thought dragons were real back then.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's true. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I guess

Speaker 2 I do think often, like, my family got on the wrong boat from Lithuania, literally. Like, it was like 10 brothers, and they all went to Connecticut, I think.

Speaker 2 And then my dipshit ancestor literally just got off the boat in Africa.

Speaker 2 And it was, like, before there were pictures of anything. Like, what that, that guy must have, like, been, like, thinking he was, like, what, like, where, like, it was like seeing Avatar or something.

Speaker 2 Seeing black people for the first time. No, it's not even black people.

Speaker 2 It's like being in Africa and seeing animals and stuff. You wouldn't know what a lion looks like.
You mean black people? You wouldn't know what a lion looks like. You're referring to them as animals.

Speaker 2 No, I'm referring to animals as animals. You said it would be like being an animal.
No, I know. I see you.
I see you.

Speaker 2 I'm saying that you wouldn't know what

Speaker 2 an elephant looks like. Because there were no pictures of them.
You lived in a shtetl in fucking shithole, Russia.

Speaker 2 You must have like, it must have been like seeing Avatar 1.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What they didn't have Avatar wasn't.
That doesn't make any sense. I'm saying that it must have felt like you were for the first time transcending.
So I'm saying seeing black people, if you

Speaker 2 would be like seeing animals, no

Speaker 2 in Africa. You said these Africans, they're like animals, they're like freak animals from the movie Avatar.
Listen, we all that's not the point I was making.

Speaker 2 That's not what I'm saying, which is about how racist it's. You made they took the inverse of what I'm saying is that,

Speaker 2 like, uh,

Speaker 2 yes, I, it was tangential to what you said. Wow.
Right? It was not about the racism. But what I am saying is like in the year 1900, that guy must have been like, is this New York?

Speaker 2 How much cum is too much cum to have on your clothes before you have to... You more have just dandruff.
You're covering a dandruff constantly. Yeah, but before you change it.

Speaker 2 You know, you can go to like a get a shampoo for it. I have very bad dandruff, too.
I don't care. Why? Because I don't care.
But it's not a good look. I don't care.

Speaker 2 I don't give a shit because I don't care. There is no why.
You don't make a decision. You don't even fucking reason.

Speaker 2 It has nothing to do with society. No, because that's how far it would have to be for you.

Speaker 2 You're the society guy. What do you mean? You don't.
I'm someone just living my life and you're like, fuck that, dude. You're having dead skin covering your shoulders? Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, some people just live their lives, and you can't tolerate that. You say you're not going to be able to do that.
What do you mean? I live my life. Look at all these black animals who never

Speaker 2 you said literally so five minutes i didn't say that you're like can you imagine how we got on the wrong boat we could have gone to white america but instead we ended up in animal no they probably would have thought it was new york and then they see a elephant and they're like what the is this yeah

Speaker 2 you know that

Speaker 2 no i mean it's funny the way you misread it i didn't misread it you misread it i just feel like i can't i you know i'm worth it's funny the way you misread it's just being associated with you even what do you mean that's my

Speaker 2 this is fine. The dandruff is your horrifically racist.

Speaker 2 You were claiming that you had cum on your shirt, and I said, it looks more like you have a tremendous amount, a deluge, perhaps, of dandruff on your shirt. And then you took exception with that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then even as you took exception, you wiped the dandruff off.

Speaker 2 Which in reality

Speaker 2 you were confirming what I was saying. I was trying to wipe the cum stains.
You can't wipe cum stains. It's a stain.
It might not have been an illogical when you were doing the dandruff.

Speaker 2 Well, it's all the way up here. How'd you bust over there? I think it's toothpaste, actually.
I was joking when I said cum.

Speaker 2 I know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 It was a teta-tete. Yeah.
It was a little bit of a... I've been doing it.
It's a witty rep article. I've been doing aggressive just oral hygiene because I've had a series of dental appointments.

Speaker 2 And I'm trying to like

Speaker 2 trick the dentist into thinking that

Speaker 2 I'm better at brushing my teeth. Literally, the morning you go to the dentist, I go to the dentist, I'm like, I'm going to floss for the first time in two years right now.

Speaker 2 I had a long period where I wouldn't do that. I didn't want to get in trouble.

Speaker 2 That was like that when I was younger, and then I hit my mid-20s and it was like, well, I'm paying them to clean my fucking teeth. So I'm bringing them in there dirty as shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're not even a real fucking doctor, bro.

Speaker 2 You're a cleaning lady

Speaker 2 for mouths. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But now I have problems, so I want them to just address the problem. So I get the basic stuff out out of the way first.
And then I'm like, hey, is this bone?

Speaker 2 Is that my bone that I can see? And what did he say? And they say, yes.

Speaker 2 You need very painful surgery. And they go, great.
Do you think

Speaker 2 it's going to change your kind of appearance or the way you speak? No, I'll probably. What if you come out of that with

Speaker 2 the gayest lisp of all time? They said there's a recovery, but I won't be able to talk for three days, which will be good.

Speaker 2 We'll make sure we schedule it on

Speaker 2 right before the podcast. No, it would be fun

Speaker 2 if we did an episode where you're writhing in pain. That was funny, that one episode where you had literally no voice and you just sounded like a Sopranos character.

Speaker 2 You know, that's just like one. Oh, by the way, today's episode is.
Oh, Adam. That's just like one guy, I think.
It's like one actor who was in... like Goodfellas.
It sounds like that. And then people

Speaker 2 think of,

Speaker 2 you know?

Speaker 2 Lucy, guys. Lucy is upping the nicotine pouch game with breakers.
Pouch is packing a little something extra inside. That sounds a little sexy.
That sounds a little... Doesn't that sound like?

Speaker 2 I'm not like other girls. Hmm? Nothing.

Speaker 2 What are Lucy breakers? If you know. Lucy isn't like.
Lucy, you got some explaining to do.

Speaker 2 And the explaining is, what the fuck is, I know you see this and you're like, what the fuck is Lucy? Yeah, is that for girls?

Speaker 2 It's a girl's name. No, it's not.
It's gum. It's gums, breakers, and pouches.
If you know your pouches, you know that nicotine doesn't hit immediately and neither does the flavor.

Speaker 2 The geniuses, this is in the copy, the geniuses at Lucy came up with a brilliant way to fix both of those problems. They put a mini liquid capsule inside each breaker's pouch.

Speaker 2 So what you do is you grab the breaker's pouch, you break the capsule, yes, with your teeth, and it makes a really satisfying pop.

Speaker 2 So So you put it in your lip, and you enjoy immediate nicotine. Those are the breakers pods.
These are just, this is just gum. That's the gum.
Yeah. Those have gum.
Gum is simple.

Speaker 2 You chew it, although it has instructions on the back here.

Speaker 2 You chew it 10 times and then you put it in your cheek.

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Six delicious flavors, unique ones like apple ice, espresso,

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Speaker 2 All right. And now we're back.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 What were we saying? I don't know. We were talking about a dentist or something?

Speaker 2 That would be a good line of work to be in?

Speaker 2 Dermatologist. Yeah?

Speaker 2 Because there's no chance you kill someone, right? You're not going to leave a watch inside of someone's. You could probably do it.
You'd probably fuck that up. I'd probably find a way to kill a guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I feel like mostly what they're doing is they're just

Speaker 2 so funny. They're selling Botox.
Whenever you tell me, you're like, yeah, I was going to be a lawyer before.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's just so funny to me.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. You'd be like, you as like, you'd be defending, be like a public defender.

Speaker 2 And it'd be like a guy.

Speaker 2 A noble profession, by the way. Thank you.
By professional. Be like the bum public defender that somebody gets.
And they've done something. It's like misdemeanor shoplifting

Speaker 2 and then they'd get the death penalty

Speaker 2 they'd get the death penalty and then yeah you would be

Speaker 2 you'd also get the death penalty somehow you'd be so bad at fucking presenting their case they'd be like i think we have to kill the lawyer also uh-huh yeah yeah it'd be the free it'd be a new legal precedent

Speaker 2 yeah um

Speaker 2 But yeah, I don't think I would have been very good at being a lawyer. I'm pretty lazy and sloppy.
But maybe my brain would be different. I would be like using it more.

Speaker 2 I learned at a young age, I was like, I'm going to be an idiot. I'm going to be a loudmouth idiot

Speaker 2 because that seems to be a way you can live your life pretty easily.

Speaker 2 You can just be a loud idiot.

Speaker 2 It's fucking awesome. Yeah.
And worst case scenario, you get treated like a loudmouth idiot. No one has any respect for you.
Oh, well, 50% of the time, you get to be famous.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I think so.
I think those are the numbers. It's close to that.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're like a guy. If you're loud and wrong enough, you get a radio show.
As long as the cameras are turned on. Yeah.
You're a rush.

Speaker 2 If you're loud,

Speaker 2 if you like speaking and you don't really like thinking about things or looking into them.

Speaker 2 Or being correct. It doesn't matter.
And if someone wants to argue with you, you just go,

Speaker 2 I don't have time for this. Fuck you.
Yeah, fuck you. I don't have time for this.

Speaker 2 If you just. Get his mic.
Yeah, just get a microphone. And,

Speaker 2 you know, who knows what happens? Just do it outside. Just start sending Fox News News Corp on 6th Avenue.

Speaker 2 Just go bring, just walk up these people, knock on the door. I made a couple of VHS tapes if you could get these producers, see if they like them.
And it's just you in your room.

Speaker 2 And you're like, yeah, fuck these fucking illegal immigrants

Speaker 2 fuck them yeah fuck them

Speaker 2 and then you're like well my name is mark bart i'm available

Speaker 2 i'm available for a tv show if you'd like to have me on please yeah i'd like jesse waters slot yeah the mark bart out and i don't i don't want to you know rock the boat too much but i think you might need a replacement for that guy because i think jesse waters might be a homosexual

Speaker 2 I think he might be actually be there's a something

Speaker 2 there's something about the way he carries himself that I think he might be a homosexual. That's also my pitch for my show on Fox News.

Speaker 2 It's called This Guy Might Be a Homo and we pick one the homo of the day the homo of the day

Speaker 2 it's called fuck these fucking people and we have a big wheel we spin and it says gays and it says gays and homos

Speaker 2 It's gays, homos,

Speaker 2 illegal immigrant alien bastards. And then, you know,

Speaker 2 we don't really say the blacks anymore, so we'll say BLM activists. You just say, yeah, you have to just say BLM.
Yeah. Yeah, in their mansions.
Yeah, right. BLM mansionites.
They all have mansions.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 that's what we call it. And I think they might be homos.
Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The BLM homos.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. We really need to pivot to conservative media.

Speaker 2 It seems so fun. We get accused of it all the time.
Yeah, but

Speaker 2 we don't even get the benefit of having fun like those guys probably are.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. They're all like sexually harassing each other and having fun.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And like us, we're just miserable and getting accused of it.
I'm actually not miserable anymore. I had some kind of like

Speaker 2 office space. Office space thing where I just don't fucking care about anything.

Speaker 2 yeah yeah and not in like a nihilistic way I'm it's just I just don't I stopped like worrying uh-huh what was it you like was it like a moment I think it was just uh like booking doctor's appointments I'm like I can just go to the doctor yeah you've been on a brushing your teeth tip it's like

Speaker 2 if you do the errands maybe it'll build you up

Speaker 2 the errands really it's like if I just if I'm worried about something I can

Speaker 2 just go pay out of pocket and go to the doctor

Speaker 2 it's also too here's a hot tip. Here's an Adam Friedland show tip, and you can cut this and clip it, Michael.
And this is sort of a public service announcement.

Speaker 2 I mentioned it before, but now for New York residents, it is illegal for any medical office or collection agency to refer medical debt to your credit report.

Speaker 2 So if you have any, if you live in New York state and you have medical debt, you can now dispute it with the three credit reporting agencies. You just say, hey, this is illegal.
It's wiped off.

Speaker 2 Is that all medical debt? All medical debt. Even elective plastic surgeries? All medical debt.
So if I got a Brazilian butt lift and it didn't pay,

Speaker 2 it wouldn't affect my credit? No.

Speaker 2 They can no longer submit it to

Speaker 2 no longer put it on your credit. I'm about to be a hoe, guys.
I'm about to hoe out. Yeah.
That's amazing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They can still sue you for the money.

Speaker 2 And then I'd be like, fuck you. You'd have to go to court, but

Speaker 2 they can't put it on your credit report. So if you have something like that hanging over your head, good to know.
Good to know. Good to know.
Yeah. Hopefully, that comes to the whole country.

Speaker 2 I hope so, too. And then it'll put, yeah, you know, it's because Norman used to be like a medical bill collector.

Speaker 2 That sucks. And so, like, I would complain to him about that stuff, and he'll like defend it.

Speaker 2 I'll be like, yeah, well, you know, I mean, if you have the money, you should pay your medical bills. No.

Speaker 2 No, you work for a company whose whole business, the whole job is to just

Speaker 2 like harangue people that had a fucking accident. Correct.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I think most people that don't have the money don't have money because they're buried in medical debt in this country. Yeah.
So

Speaker 2 and so that's the public service announcement from the Adam Freelance Show. Guys, we're all going to get fucking fake tits.
Yeah. And I'm not paying doctor 90210.

Speaker 2 You could take that to the bank.

Speaker 2 What are the what's like the what are kids doing

Speaker 2 now in the like the beanie babies domain? Is there like a thing they collect? Or is it all digital? Hmm.

Speaker 2 Was it NFTs?

Speaker 2 No, I don't know. Because there was always a thing.
I feel like there was always a thing. Frogs.
No, we're not going anywhere. Baseball cards.
Beyblades was probably the last thing. Pokemon cards?

Speaker 2 Beyblades was probably the last thing I was aware of. And that was like, what, six years ago? That was the thing children were collecting.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It was some sort of like automated top thing.

Speaker 2 I got like into the YouTube community of like adults that collect them. Really? Yeah, back when.
I guess there's like Funkos, don't they?

Speaker 2 Back when I would still go online and try to find freak communities before I became

Speaker 2 a freak yourself.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 2 freak on a leash. You became a fucking freak on a leash.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Is that album good?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No. No? No.
Why do you say stuff like that? Did you know

Speaker 2 we could get Jonathan Davis on the show? Well, I'm just not a big jazz fan.

Speaker 2 You think

Speaker 2 that qualifies as scatting? Huh? Wang, wang, wow, wow, wow, wait, don't, wow, wow, wang,

Speaker 2 yeah, isn't it literally? That's a scat. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They did infuse jazz influences into the new metal genre. And I apologize to corn.

Speaker 2 I haven't listened in some time.

Speaker 2 And I'm sure Corn listens to the show, and I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt anyone.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's not worth

Speaker 2 being that kind of guy, you know? A lot of people think that's what we are, just meanies.

Speaker 2 We're not.

Speaker 2 Who thinks we're mean?

Speaker 2 Everyone thinks that we're just meanies. That we're like, oh,

Speaker 2 we're bitches.

Speaker 2 Who thinks that?

Speaker 2 I think everyone. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 We are two men with hearts of gold.

Speaker 2 You're the nicest person I've ever met in my entire life.

Speaker 2 And me?

Speaker 2 With this thing where I just bought a homeless guy a sandwich because he's standing outside of Dunkin' Donuts doing the thing where they like hold the door. Oh, that thing.

Speaker 2 And then you're like, well, now I have to fucking buy you a sandwich.

Speaker 2 Which I don't really mind doing. It's like, can't you just ask for a fucking sandwich?

Speaker 2 Well, how many sandwiches is that netting him every day? I don't know. I think you're...
It's probably one person.

Speaker 2 I just don't like the door holding for me because then it's like,

Speaker 2 then you're like, and then people see it, and then what like oh like this guy thinks he's the mayor oh I didn't know we were in a doorman room it's like it's you well it's just like this

Speaker 2 it's I don't like the uh

Speaker 2 yeah just being like treated like uh like

Speaker 2 just ask for a sandwich yeah you know what I mean there's one guy I really don't like and it's mean of me but he's a stutterer in my neighborhood

Speaker 2 and he makes you really wait till the end of the spiel and the first time he gets you and you're sitting there and he's like, end, and, and, and, and, and then you're like, okay.

Speaker 2 But then the second and third time he stops you to give you the spiel, you're like, I, I,

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 I just don't have time. I don't have patience for this, for yourself.
Bro, my problem isn't a lack of patience. You just, you just hate homeless people.
No, I don't hate homeless people.

Speaker 2 I don't like it takes too long. I don't like that.
I give him a dollar. I don't like the optics of a homeless person holding the door for me.

Speaker 2 I try to give him the dollar at the beginning of the stuttering spiel, and then he's like, no, let me finish. And it's just like, just take the fucking dollar.
Yeah. Right?

Speaker 2 Like, it's just like I heard the. But you don't have anything important going on.
Yes, I do. Part of the human connection, I guess, that's part of it too.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, you give the guy a dollar, let him speak, treat him like a person. When the homeless guy holds the door for you, he's already like creating some kind of social rift.

Speaker 2 I'm your butler. Right, exactly.

Speaker 2 And you say, you say, thank you, Alfred. No, I try to grab the door before they can.
Oh, so you try to wrestle the door away? Well, I'll fake them out. Because they won't do it.
They'll only do it if

Speaker 2 they think you're going in.

Speaker 2 What you have to do is you have to.

Speaker 2 I will start walking past, and right as I get past the door, I'll swing in and get in there. And then we fight over it.
We fight over the door. That seems like worthwhile.

Speaker 2 But if you get it before they do, guess who's not getting a sandwich?

Speaker 2 So the hungry man. Yeah, right.
The starving man. Fucking homeless guys.

Speaker 2 What I would do. Nice try, pal.
My fake-out move is that I would then work for him.

Speaker 2 I would treat him like my boss.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 2 Wait next to him when the next lady is coming into Dunkin' Donuts and say, like,

Speaker 2 pardon me, skip, like, you mind if I get this one? You know?

Speaker 2 What I'm going to start doing is dress up like a homeless person myself

Speaker 2 and get a spot across the street from the Dunkin' Donuts and get maybe like a 35 foot sort of hook

Speaker 2 and when I see people coming down like a shepherd because I can see the whole street where he can only see in front of the door I see somebody coming down the street I know they're going to dunkin' us before he does I open the door before he can

Speaker 2 so they come by

Speaker 2 and then I there's a little pulley on there and there's like a

Speaker 2 hook and it says tip please and then the person comes out and then they put the tip in there. That homeless guy is standing next to the door, and I go,

Speaker 2 and then I close the door so I can just steal his entire business from across the street with my giant hook.

Speaker 2 You make like probably $35,000 a year doing that. Probably.
I remember the local news used to do that. Yeah, really.
This homeless man makes $200,000.

Speaker 2 This homeless man is the richest man in the world. Yeah, we went to see how much money they actually make.
That is one of the funniest categories of local news stories.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the homeless guy makes too much money.

Speaker 2 We brought our camera crew to the middle of this intersection to harass a homeless guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and the guy clearly is just saying he makes that much money, but his underpants are made out of newspaper. Anti-panhandling laws have got to be like the funniest.

Speaker 2 They're like, it's this whole system where you have to make money to pay your rent, all this fucking bullshit nobody wants to do.

Speaker 2 And then if someone has the idea of just being like, hey, can you just give me money? They're like, oh, no, no, you can't do that. No.
That's cheating. No.
Yeah, you're not allowed to do that. No.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, you can't just ask.
You can't do that. Especially because if you're crazy, you have to live outside.
That's the system in society, is that we make the crazy people go outside. Right.

Speaker 2 Like, take it out, take it out on the streets.

Speaker 2 And then once they're outside, then we tell them that no one's, they're not allowed to ask for help from anyone. Yeah.
It's quite mean.

Speaker 2 Which, you know, it's like, I'm sure people are watching saying, like, these are observations you make as a fourth grader. Maybe even

Speaker 2 before younger than that, you understand that society is unjust and unfair. And so you're an idiot for even pointing it out.
Well, it's true. It's also, it is true.
And it's happy.

Speaker 2 It's still true. And there's not a justification for it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So we make people go out. If you don't want me saying, oh, you know what's really fucked up is homeless people are allowed to, they're not even allowed to beg.

Speaker 2 If you don't like me saying that, well, then you need to buy yourself a gun and kill

Speaker 2 either the president

Speaker 2 or the prime minister Israel's son who lives in Florida. I understand if you're in Florida, you could probably kill him pretty easily.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 What would that do for the homeless, though?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, it's like that's how, I don't really understand how activism works, but

Speaker 2 Kyle Rittenhouse shot all those people. Now he's a star.
Yeah. Now he's at he's at UTA now.
I know, yeah, people like booking. Yeah.
Yeah. I think he's going out for Marvel now.

Speaker 2 He could probably do comedy clubs. Is he funny? Should I email him and see if he'll like open for me just to see if like that helps ticket sales?

Speaker 2 Uh Rittenhouse? Yeah, just have Kyle Rittenhouse just bring his guns out on stage and be like, this one's a

Speaker 2 this one's an AK-47 with a red die. You can just describe his guns and answer questions about all of his weapons.
Yeah. And then I can come out and be like, damn, who remembers that 70s show?

Speaker 2 They never said what country Fez was from. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't.

Speaker 2 Maybe that could help ticket sales. I mean, the best I could come up with right now is scumbag Vinny to move tickets for me in Florida.
I think that might be the move. I think Rittenhouse is probably

Speaker 2 a series of

Speaker 2 surprise guests. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Speaking of, I'll be at the Columbus Funnybone

Speaker 2 next

Speaker 2 in February, next month. Nick is going to be at the Columbus, Ohio Funny Bone.

Speaker 2 I have to prepare a new hour of material for this tour, and I have not done it. So if the last hour of podcasting is any indication of

Speaker 2 me thinking on the spot. Oh, you're fine.
It should be

Speaker 2 great, guys.

Speaker 2 He's one of the finest comedians in the world. And if you haven't checked it out, Your the Dragon is on YouTube

Speaker 2 on our channel, which you're probably watching right now. I always thought that

Speaker 2 I think I mentioned this on the other one I found out. So the year you're born in, the Chinese one.
Oh, yeah. No, you said it's in the office.
You didn't say it on the show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the year you're born in. So if you're like, you're the dog or you're the monkey or something.
It comes around every 12 years.

Speaker 2 I was under the impression, as a non-Chinese, that that's like, oh, that's got to be good luck. It is.
Apparently it's not. If it's your birth year, it's going to be a bad year.

Speaker 2 It's a bad, very bad luck. And you have to go.
So this year is

Speaker 2 dragon. Yes.
And you're born in dragon. Not born in dragon.
So it's supposed to be a bad year. You're going to die this year.
I don't know if I'm going to die, but it's a

Speaker 2 bad year for health. I should be,

Speaker 2 like, your investments will do poorly. Your career will be sort of...

Speaker 2 derailed and you have to like I don't know a lot of bad stuff well it's about anything it was funny I was was looking at it because, you know,

Speaker 2 people say, oh, libertarianism, that's like astrology for guys. But no, it's Chinese astrology is astrology for guys.

Speaker 2 It goes pretty hard. It's pretty goth.
It's pretty awesome. Yeah, medicine.
Like, you need to move your couch to the other side of the room now, or the fucking god of dragons is going to slit you.

Speaker 2 He's going to cut your penis off. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 It's very specific, too. Really? Yeah, all the bad shit.

Speaker 2 Are they polytheistic? Huh? The Chinese? They're polytheistic? They have different gods? Well, that's astrology, so it's not like a religion. Oh, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like astrology isn't a religion.

Speaker 2 When they say gods, they mean like

Speaker 2 planets. Oh, okay.
Yeah. All right.

Speaker 2 Like Jupiter. And I think regular, like, white girl astrology, Jupiter's bad.
Mm-hmm. Because they go to get more stupider.

Speaker 2 Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Is that what it is? Women are from Venus because they don't have a penis and men are from Mars because...

Speaker 2 Yeah, fucking cars. Because some of them are named Lars.
Lars, yeah. Ulrich.
Drummer from Metallica. Uh-huh.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Boys go to Mars.

Speaker 2 Get some pussy.

Speaker 2 What is it? Is it get more... What is it? Cars.
Get more cars?

Speaker 2 Candy bars? I don't know. Anyway, we're going to figure that out and we're going to stick on that story.
Is there a word for it, like, you know, sharding, obviously? But what if you, like,

Speaker 2 like you

Speaker 2 quisharded? Like, you tried to queef, but you accidentally shit yourself. Does that happen? I don't know if anyone tries to queef.
I think it's the penis going in and making a slight farting noise.

Speaker 2 The air in the penis. No, there's queeefing that happens, like, just throughout.

Speaker 2 Girls don't say, like, oh, check this out. Yeah, they do.
No, they don't. Oh, yeah.
Which girls are, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they do. Some of them, yeah, they can, like, use yoga moves to suck in air and then fucking push it out like a whoopee cushion.
They sound awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I know the wrong women, I guess. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I guess if I had a pussy, I'd be doing that all day long. That's probably what they're doing down there in those tunnels.
That's what they're doing. Yeah.
All right, guys. We'll be back next week.

Speaker 2 Guys, check it out. Uh, next week, I'll be in Tampa if you're there.
Patreon.com/slash T-A-F-S.

Speaker 2 Um, we love you.

Speaker 2 See you later, folks.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 What is guys like? Oh, yeah, Shaquif on Urban Dictionary. Shakweef? Yeah.