Ep. P11 – Brandon Wardell & Jamel Johnson

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Speaker 2 Welcome to the Adam Freelance Show, the podcast. We got a double XL edition today.
Oh, boy. We got the host of the new Brandon Jamel show.
Go on.

Speaker 2 Our oldest friends, two of our oldest friends of comedy, Brandon and Jamel. I clap for that.
I clap for that.

Speaker 2 The hottest new podcast on Patreon, Brandon Jamil. Patreon.com/slash Brandon Jamil.
Feels good, too.

Speaker 2 Is there an and

Speaker 2 the Brandon? The Brandon Jamil show? I just called on? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I thought you were just continuing on the old podcast.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, I suggested Yeah, but still too, and then he was like, nah. Why don't you just call it on yeah, but still? I mean, yeah, still, but old IP.
Just saying,

Speaker 2 the legal thing.

Speaker 2 You should call it the Adam Friedland show, too.

Speaker 2 Call it Come Town. Yeah, because honestly, you should call it Come Town.
Just call it come town. I'll give you permission.
Come Village.

Speaker 2 Honestly, that wouldn't sound good.

Speaker 2 You should just call it Comtown. Same branding, we'll give you the IP.

Speaker 2 Y'all go with it? You can't. I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, just call it Comtown. You can trick everyone.
We'll discuss it internally, but just change the name to come.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just change the name to Comtown. People will be so excited and then they get so mad when they heard this

Speaker 2 brand.

Speaker 2 I don't think they will.

Speaker 2 I think a lot of them will be like, they sound different.

Speaker 2 What? These guys don't come.

Speaker 2 They sound different than than they used to.

Speaker 2 Time to fucking threaten Adam.

Speaker 2 Time to find out. I'll send pictures of my guns to Adam because

Speaker 2 the podcast makes a different sound than it would end with death threats for you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, don't let the video.

Speaker 2 Anything bad that happens, it just rolls. The shit rolls back to me.
Can we throw up your address in the lower third? Yeah, we will. What's going up there? It's 29 Cunt Rose Avenue, Apartment 5.

Speaker 2 Brooklyn, New York

Speaker 2 it should be right in the middle of your chest

Speaker 2 like the middle of your t-shirt

Speaker 2 also Dave you said we do have a read this week we do yeah I know you have a nice did you always send any copy

Speaker 2 That should work all right

Speaker 2 I'm gonna put the mic on my phone Mitsurugi oh Mr. Rugi he speaks for me all right

Speaker 2 So, boys, how are you doing? Welcome to New York, guys. Miss you.
Love it. Love you.
Love you too. Wish we could chill more, but Nick and I have some important, you know.
Oh, Marty.

Speaker 2 You'd have to say it on the show. I mean, it's all good.
Me and Brandon.

Speaker 2 Me and Brandon got stuff too. We got to go to NYU after this.
Ooh. Really? Brandon signed it up.
He signed us up for some night classes. We're going to do laps around Washington Square Park until

Speaker 2 Joan Hill style. Good.

Speaker 2 Joanna Hill vibes.

Speaker 2 I'm just selling paintings on on the other side. You're selling panties at MIT.
Panties, paintings, paintings and panties. Panties and panties.
Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I'm surprised Brandon's allowed back at the campus. Trying to get like Jonah Hill.

Speaker 2 You said it first. What? No, no, he's not.
No, doing something else. Saab posted him with his surfboard.

Speaker 2 Trying to get like

Speaker 2 Jonah Hill.

Speaker 2 What is it? Oh, did you know? Trying to get like at Jonah Hill. Yeah, and he tagged Jonah Hill.
Oh, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Brandon was taking shots. He thought more was active.
No, I'm, you know, we're.

Speaker 2 We're making the rounds. We got our sister podcast,

Speaker 2 Stavi's World and Brandon.

Speaker 2 Stavi's World. Check out Stavi's World 2, guys.

Speaker 2 Brandon Wardell and John. Yeah, you guys call yourselves that.

Speaker 2 It's not, but it's Stavi's World. We should call it Stavi's Land.

Speaker 2 You know? Like it's Disney World and Disney Land. Yeah, one's in Florida, one's in California.
Yeah. Stavi's Dominion.
You know, Stoppy's World's in Florida. He goes into Florida.
It's crazy.

Speaker 2 He's fine.

Speaker 2 We're territory of Stoppy's World. Yeah.
You're like a Roy Rogers franchise. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was saying we should have a Stobby's World Express. We should have franchised Cometown.
We should have allowed people to fucking start their own. Any fucking group of three white people.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they have to give us $100,000. Yeah, right.
You pay us a $30,000 franchise. Don't put your shit on the RSS.
You got to find someone to win it. It's terrible.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you get all the fucking, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 It goes in the RSS, but it's like geo locked. So you can be the come town of Central Florida.
And then anybody who lives there, you only get those episodes to the RSS.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, we can do wide distribution. You just have to be ready for the boom.

Speaker 2 Because here comes the boom, you know? Here comes the boom. Are you ready or not?

Speaker 2 That's the movie. The Kevin James MMA movie, Here Comes the Boom.
Have you seen it? Joe Rogan is. Adam's Movie Corner, very good movie.
You guys should see it.

Speaker 2 You love Here Comes the Boom. I love Here Comes the Boom.
I love the Paul Blart franchise. I'm a big fan of Kevin James.
I'm a big fan of the Kevin James, Adam Sandler comedy duo.

Speaker 2 How about Paul Blart Mall Top? And he's just getting excited in the segue.

Speaker 2 He's just riding around.

Speaker 2 He's riding around, getting his dick sucked while riding the segue.

Speaker 2 There's a woman. And he's like, just

Speaker 2 apologizing to families.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm just getting my dick sucked here. I'm sorry.
That's the whole movie.

Speaker 2 How are you doing, ma'am? Sorry, just

Speaker 2 getting my dick sucked.

Speaker 2 Trying to be casual.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Little kid drops a pretzel.
I can see it. Yeah.
He's at pretzel time. They're like, yeah, you said the pretzel bites.
I'm sorry. Are you getting your dick sucked right now?

Speaker 2 Yeltsy has charge. Yeah, yeah.
Yelti has charge. Yelti has charge.

Speaker 2 Big fan.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's going to be on the show.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Kevin James coming on.
Kevin James comes. He's riding his segue on the show.

Speaker 2 You know, bring the Paul Blart. They should have that in the American History Museum as the Paul Blart Segue.

Speaker 2 They should.

Speaker 2 Wait, what was

Speaker 2 the premise of, I now pronounce you Choke and Larry?

Speaker 2 Why did they have to pretend to be gay? Because he needed health, because he needed health care. Yeah, health care.

Speaker 2 It wasn't to

Speaker 2 honk on Jessica Beale's.

Speaker 2 He's like pretending to be gay to and he like honks on

Speaker 2 yeah Adam Sandler goes on there's a

Speaker 2 there's a movie called Three to Tango

Speaker 2 She takes her clothes off. Have you seen Three to Tango? No.

Speaker 2 I think it's like it's like Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney. It's one of those

Speaker 2 same guys. It's one of the dermots.

Speaker 2 Dermot and Greg. Yeah, they're dating a bitch and they go out of town.
So they ask Matthew Perry to keep an eye on their girl or something because they're dating one girl?

Speaker 2 Because they think he's gay or something. Yeah, okay.
And then he's like, what? You think I'm gay? And then he uses being gay to get pussy.

Speaker 2 I just found out about

Speaker 2 that short-lived John Goodman sitcom. No.
Normal Ohio. I've never heard of it.
You gotta... I wish we could just pull up the trailer right now, but it's like...

Speaker 2 It's him being like a regular guy. And then it's like...
Dave's texting you, Adam, you have to fix your mic

Speaker 2 Well you keep doing that and then you let it fall back over the wrong way so make sure its face is on the side of your face

Speaker 2 Dave is this better

Speaker 2 thank you

Speaker 2 this this John this John Goodman sitcom normal Ohio it's like yeah yeah Dave is like a normal is like a normal guy with one little twist and then it shows him walking into a room and being like hey guys he's in John

Speaker 2 That's the twist.

Speaker 2 The twist is that he's gay. And it's John Goodman.
That's the entire twist. John Goodman's gay.
One season, one season on Fox. Well, I'm trying to suck your dick, friend.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to suck your dick, friend. Honestly, you're making me want to watch that pretty much.
How's John Goodman like that?

Speaker 2 I'll run it if it's on Tubby. Jamel's a big, Tubi guy.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to suck your dick, friend.

Speaker 2 Wait, you, you. Adam, if that's not right, we gotta figure.
Come on. We're still doing our job here.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna look it up. No, don't look it up.
We all know what John Goodman sounds like. You're saying he's not, you can't tell me I don't sound like John Goodman and you don't know what he sounds like.

Speaker 2 I know, I can't, I can't place it, dude. I don't know.
All right. What is he? Roseanne, what does he tell Roseanne? What's the one thing? What's his catchphrase from that show?

Speaker 2 I don't think he has a catchphrase. Yeah, damn it, Roseanne? Damn it, Roseanne.

Speaker 2 He doesn't have a catchphrase on Roseanne. Yeah, come over here, suck my dick, Darcy.

Speaker 2 You're thinking of Tim the Toolman Taylor. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he should have been married to Roseanne. He should have, yeah.

Speaker 2 That should have been a fun crossover. He's cheating on Jill Ross.

Speaker 2 She's so funny. Where the hell have you been, Tim? Getting the worst pussy of all time.

Speaker 2 Ah!

Speaker 2 He's fucking Roseanne's sister. Jackie? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jackie, yeah. I love Jackie.
Yeah, she she was great. She was a mess.
She was a mess. She was the only real character on the show.
She was the best character on the show, by far.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and everyone was mean to her. They'd be like, Jackie.

Speaker 2 Who was Jackie? Jackie's the mom from Ladybird. Yeah, she's like the lesbian sister.
That's just a fucking train wreck.

Speaker 2 She has a boyfriend on the show, and he's just beating the shit out of her. You remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She was in an abusive relationship. And Jane has to go beat the guy up.

Speaker 2 And everyone tells her that she's like ugly, too. That was like a big joke.
It's like, shit, no one would fuck you, Jackie. Yeah.
Yeah, and she's she's just a skinny woman. Everyone else is fat.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would love to just a subplot where Tim, the tool man Taylor, who's made millions of dollars off Tool Time, is just secretly fucking and spoiling Roseanne. Just like taking her,

Speaker 2 just taking her out. Buy her expensive gifts.
Just like $1,500 dinners.

Speaker 2 Just buying her jewelry.

Speaker 2 She's like, well, Dan can't see the jewelry, or he's going to know I'm fucking the guy from TD Tool Man.

Speaker 2 I love when shows cross over.

Speaker 2 There's nothing quite like it. Jonathan Taylor Thomas finds out because he's the smart one.
Yeah, he is. So he gets the credit card statements.
He's like, Dad,

Speaker 2 Dad, what are you doing with Roseanne? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Also, from ABC. Berkeley showed up to the Fool House.
The Fool House house. Yeah, he fucked all of them acting weird.
He fucked up all of them. Fucked all of them.
He fucked Kimmy Gibbler.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He got

Speaker 2 DJ. What's up? He fucked DJ, Kimmy Gibbler.
He fucked Danny Tanner. Yeah.
He fucked.

Speaker 2 Michelle's in the hospital getting asshole surgery. Did I do that?

Speaker 2 Is it Mandelo's surgery?

Speaker 2 Was a lot of Bob Sagitt's material like, oh, yeah, I fucked Kimmy Gibbs. Yeah, no, it was.
It was. It was, right? It was a lot of.

Speaker 2 In fact, what always bothered me is like when the, what is it called? The fucking aristocrats came out. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 There's this whole section on Bob Sagett where they say, you know, oh, Bob Sagett, he's actually filthy. People know him as Danny Tanner, but he's like a filthy comic.
Yeah, he's actually dirty.

Speaker 2 He's worse bullies guy.

Speaker 2 And, you know, all these comics that know him and be like, you know, like, I don't know, they have like Sandra Bernhardt. She's like, one time I came home and there was a box of tampons on the floor.

Speaker 2 Bob Sagitt has sent tampons to my house or something. I don't know.
That's dirty. There's stories about him.
That's real dirty. Dirty.
But what I want to know,

Speaker 2 I remember being a teenager,

Speaker 2 that movie came out, and I was like, well, was Bob Sagitt dirty before Full House? Or is he doing this because he doesn't want to be the Full House guy? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, he's created this idea of him being like, actually, he was a filthy comic, or is it just a reaction to Full House? Or a reaction to Americans Funny of Some Video.

Speaker 2 Either way, I cannot, there's no evidence of him being a dirty comic before Full House. There might be now, but at least when I looked into it as a teenager, I could never figure that out.

Speaker 2 Wow, so that's the Mandela. So I always thought, yeah, that maybe it was like, yeah, they kind of retconned him as being this dirty comic before

Speaker 2 Full House, but maybe he wasn't after. But Mary Kate is.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, I guess we'll never know.
Thanks, Pfizer.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you get the vaccine, you forget.

Speaker 2 There was foul play. Yeah.
Fauci play. Foul play.
Fauci play. There you go.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. It was fauci play.

Speaker 2 Where's that fool at? He's still watching baseball. Are we watching baseball? Well, Fauci.
All I remembered about him was that he liked baseball. Oh, I heard that he likes

Speaker 2 basketball in crisis. For real? Yeah.
In

Speaker 2 the men's locker rooms. Cross that fool over.

Speaker 2 I'm going into the bathroom, drinking. I'm squeezing out the towels into a cup and and drinking it.
To study how AIDS is. To create a new vaccine.

Speaker 2 This is just me trying to do guys, this whole podcast. I'm just trying to do it.
It's the Trinity. It's a good guys podcast.
No, he was a good pouch.

Speaker 2 Nick's got the best impressions of anybody, I know. No, that's not true.
No, that's not true. I don't know about impressions at all.
That's not true.

Speaker 2 You got like 30.

Speaker 2 What about that guy that was on Mad TV? I just scattershot. Was that?

Speaker 2 What was the guy from Mad TV? Frank Caliendo. Frank Caliendo.
Yeah. That's a man of a million impressions.
The best contemporary comic.

Speaker 2 It's either Evan or Matteo. He's got a great one.
I don't know if they still live together, but those motherfuckers, I would imagine they just sit in that apartment doing guys all day long.

Speaker 2 Both of them are fucking dialed in on every one of them. Yeah.
Evan's amazing. Matteo's insane.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 If you ever heard, like, Matteo doesn't often do impressions. He doesn't incorporate it the whole thing.
But when he does, it's. Frank Caliendo did do Charles Barkley, I remember.

Speaker 2 And really committed. Yeah.
He did Brown face. Jimmy style.
Yeah. Oh, when Kimball did Carl Malone.
Yeah. Of the Jimmies, I am.
Do you think,

Speaker 2 as a black American, do you think that the Carl Malone impression was funny enough to justify the blackface? Honestly, yeah, but that's only because Carl Malone also was fucking kids.

Speaker 2 If Carl Malone wasn't fucking kids, if he wasn't fucking kids independent, I'd be like, I like that.

Speaker 2 I like that.

Speaker 2 Because he was. That's very solomonic of Jimmy.
I'll give y'all that.

Speaker 2 I'll let y'all have Carl Malone.

Speaker 2 I like that. Jamal.

Speaker 2 13 years old did Carmelon. Like King Solomon splitting the baby.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I mean, there was only one on record.

Speaker 2 Scaramucci. Scaramuccio.
Who is that? Scaramuch. James Bond guy? The Golden Gun guy.
Scaramuccio. No, Scaramucci is the guy who worked for

Speaker 2 Scaramanga. Yeah.
Scaramanga. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 How many 13-year-olds did Carmelo publish? Just one. Only the one.
But then the kid, he had the kid.

Speaker 2 The child had the kid.

Speaker 2 He never said it was his kid. And then that kid made the NFL.
And it was still like, please, please say I'm your son. Tell me.
He worked his way up to the fucking NFL. Is he XFL?

Speaker 2 The XFL is back, but it's not the same. It's not like...

Speaker 2 They're trying to make it legit.

Speaker 2 Originally, it was Vince McMahon.

Speaker 2 Is it still that? Nah. No.
It's the rock. Vince is not involved.
No, no. It reminds me of when they tried to bring Surge back, and it just

Speaker 2 wasn't good. It's not quite cracking the same.
Yeah, because they came out, Surge went away, and then they came out with Vault.

Speaker 2 And Vault was like, Vault was crazy good. And I remember thinking, like, oh, like, but oh, I remember Surge being, but Surge was just the first one.
It's like... The beta.
And Vault was better.

Speaker 2 And then they came out with the new Surge, and now it's like, well, where the fuck did Vault go? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're an American soda enthusiast

Speaker 2 before this. We were talking about like...
Japanese soda guys. I was saying, yeah, being a Japanese.
What a bunch of losers.

Speaker 2 Being a guy that's into Japanese soda,

Speaker 2 that's beyond. Like, you watch so much anime, you got to drink, you got to fucking get diabetes from Japan.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, wow.

Speaker 2 I think the worst kind of guy to be is Japanese soda guy.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I don't drink soda regularly. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've tried it. I remember the hits.
Yeah, you've tried it. I've tried soda.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've tried soda in my squirt. I've tried.

Speaker 2 I've tried soda. I've tried pop.
Squirts come back now.

Speaker 2 And it's weird because it's like

Speaker 2 a powerful. I wonder why it's coming back.

Speaker 2 I press it. I wonder why it's coming back.
Well, I was saying the other. Because the popularity of certain crowd were comedians.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I was saying it's weird that we used to just call kids squirt.

Speaker 2 Hey, what's up, squirt? Yeah. Yeah.
Damn, I forgot about the squirt.

Speaker 2 What's up, Flats?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you just call kids squirt.

Speaker 2 You're like, what's going on, squirt? What's that bust? No, literally. What's up, little bust?

Speaker 2 Little nut, nut. What's up, my little...

Speaker 2 There's another thing we used to call kids.

Speaker 2 There's another thing we used to call kids that was kind of fucked up.

Speaker 2 Outside of Squirt. I was trying to remember.
There was two of them. Trying to think.
Squirts, Twerps. Like, Trooper, Tiger, Sport, Squirt.

Speaker 2 Sexy.

Speaker 2 Tykes, Little Tykes. Yeah, Nutter, Buster.
None of that. Buster? What's up, Buster? Buster.
Buster and Squirt. Buster and Squirt.
Buster and Squirt are the two. I mean, Buster?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, having a Buster around. Buster Brown was big time.
Yeah. That guy was around in D.C.
Buster Douglas? Buster Douglas.

Speaker 2 Still alive, I assume? Yeah, what happened to Busters?

Speaker 2 That was nice having Ernie. If you guys haven't checked out, we have Ernie Hudson on the talk show this week.
It was really fun. Did you ask him? It was good.
He's really holding it down for Ernie's.

Speaker 2 The only Ernie. You don't really care.

Speaker 2 I always wanted my name to be Ernie. Yeah, Nick's film deplume.

Speaker 2 In fact, there's been multiple times where I've just gone around introducing myself to people.

Speaker 2 What was the name? Ernie. Ernie what? Ernie what?

Speaker 2 What was the last name? You had, I remember once. I've used different last name.
I've used my own last name. Yeah.

Speaker 2 NDC

Speaker 2 was hosting where you were.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was like, bring me up as Ernie James. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I went by Ernie James for a while.

Speaker 2 There was like a good month where you were Ernie James. In fact, Sean and Patton didn't realize I was two different guys.

Speaker 2 I remember that now. Yeah.
yeah. He was like telling you about Ernie.
He was like, Oh, have you seen this Ernie James? No, he was like, He's like, That's you?

Speaker 2 He was like, I was like, Who the fuck is this guy? Who's Ernie?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Ernie's a great name. Ernie's very neutral.
Ernie can never get in trouble for anything. You can't dislike.

Speaker 2 You see, there's a TMZ headline, Ernie accused of rape. You can't put him on death, bro.

Speaker 2 A guy named Ernie. That's why that guy got literally got away with it.
The fucking guy who plays Elmo got away with raping people because the character he plays is named Elmo.

Speaker 2 No one knows his real name. Yeah.
You know, but like, who's going to get mad at an Elmo?

Speaker 2 I don't think he raped people. I think it was a false.
That's why, look, I think he was like, okay. You want to know why?

Speaker 2 Nick rounds up.

Speaker 2 Nick always rounds up on it.

Speaker 2 He was raping.

Speaker 2 He raped a little boy or something. No, I think it was just a game.
Think about it. If Adolf Hitler had been named like Bernie Hitler.
Like

Speaker 2 Danny, you know. Danny Hillary.
Like a game. Dramatic.

Speaker 2 like oh, Danny. Yeah, Denny, Denny Snickers.
Denny Snickers. If Adolf Hitler's name was Denny Snickers, been a thousand years third right.

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 2 Like the fucking chamberlain.

Speaker 2 Everyone's France. Everyone's like, come on.
No, Chamberlain would have been this. Everybody would have been fucking Danny Snickers.
He'd be like, yeah, we're not going to go to war. This guy.

Speaker 2 We're not going to go to war with a guy named Denny Snickers.

Speaker 2 Denny, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Denny. And if he had, instead of the Charlie Chaplin, he just had a little like wispy blonde mustache.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's just a cool guy. No, not a cool guy, just like a fucking, like a, just sort of a snake, like a back door guy.
You know? Yeah,

Speaker 2 like a tricky guy. Like a Matt Dylan type.
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
I forgot about Matt Dylan. Yeah, like a Matt Dylan type of guy.

Speaker 2 I don't think, I don't think, you know, like, who would believe they're like, yeah, Denny Snickers is putting people in camp?

Speaker 2 Does everybody else still have the same names or is he changing the name? everybody else has the same name?

Speaker 2 Heinrich Himmler,

Speaker 2 Herman Goering,

Speaker 2 TB Snickers is running the show.

Speaker 2 They're like, you know what? He's a good boss.

Speaker 2 He's coming to the office. He's going like this to everyone.

Speaker 2 They're like, bringing coffees in. Casual Friday.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a guy named

Speaker 2 Walter. He's wearing sweatpants.
Nobody fucked up.

Speaker 2 He's hard during a meeting.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, forgot to go 12 o'clock on this one.

Speaker 2 I have no problem.

Speaker 2 Denny Snickers? Denny Snickers pulling out the... Not a fan of the Jews.
Not a fan of the Jews. No.

Speaker 2 No fan of the Jews, that Denny Snickers, but you know what?

Speaker 2 He's pretty chill otherwise. I got a good hit one.
He's a pretty good hun otherwise.

Speaker 2 Doesn't really like me, but I kind of like him. Is Sting still alive? The rapper?

Speaker 2 Not the wrestler.

Speaker 2 The singer or the wrestler?

Speaker 2 I got singer. Singer.
The tantric sexless. The tantric sexist.
Yale, yale. Yeah, he's alive.
He's still doing his thing. Well, he hasn't met it yet.
Well, he hasn't had it.

Speaker 2 What is staying? You never hear about staying anymore. That's when he'll pass.

Speaker 2 Yeah, one though. That's when he can be free.
Yeah, yeah. He's going to just do it.

Speaker 2 It'll be like a geyser. That's all it takes? Yeah, that song is hilarious.
It's like the laziest song of all time.

Speaker 2 Fucking, it's

Speaker 2 Jesu's, yeah, but a boat.

Speaker 2 it does sound like a guy who's never

Speaker 2 like a guy who's never fucked writing a song about what he thinks fucking is like this is what it would be like it's the it's the I've tried pot of songs

Speaker 2 I've tried

Speaker 2 Desert rain, yeah

Speaker 2 I dream of rainbow

Speaker 2 Yes, sir, yes I do. It does the rose.

Speaker 2 I don't see anything. We'll just get some Indian guy to sing over the rest of it.

Speaker 2 Shbang, shaboom.

Speaker 2 That's the number one track.

Speaker 2 That was, that's kind of, but after, I mean, before like John Lennon was murdered. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Was it him or is more Paul McCartney that got really into just like world music, but specifically Indian shit, that weird the guitar? No, George

Speaker 2 George yeah

Speaker 2 dude George he didn't die from it he got cancer after this happened but he was stabbed like 50 times in his house by who some guy came into his house and stabbed him like 50 times some guy some side crazy guy

Speaker 2 pulled up on them this guy

Speaker 2 john lennon being murdered I don't know. Some guy, like, yeah, he was stabbed mad times and then he lived.
Not a robbery. Kind of a Heidecker.

Speaker 2 Bit of a Heidegger. Heidecker was stabbed 50 times.
Heidecker was stabbed and then he

Speaker 2 like he went into Ackbar. It was like there's a whole story.
He's like, yeah, he ran into a bar.

Speaker 2 He got...

Speaker 2 Ackbar was his place of refuge.

Speaker 2 What was Ackbar called before it was Akbar? I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's right there on Fountain and

Speaker 2 Famous. Because

Speaker 2 it's right across the street from the last blockbuster I ever saw. Damn.
It's definitely gone. That blockbuster's gone now.
I mean, it's been gone for pink years.

Speaker 2 Didn't Akbar have a different name?

Speaker 2 I only knew it was Yakbar.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, the hijacker stabbing sword is crazy.

Speaker 2 Was it someone targeting him or just a crazy guy? It was like a crazy guy, like a crazy. Just a crazy guy with the knife.
Yeah. Crazy neighbor.
Yeah. That sounds like a good sitcom.

Speaker 2 Oh, crazy neighbor. The crazy neighbor.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Danny Snickers. Okay.

Speaker 2 It's family matters with Brandon as Urkel.

Speaker 2 No, yeah. George got really into words.
About family bladders. And it's like fucking

Speaker 2 just one toilet. Well, no, Carl is like, Steve, let me drink your piss.
Okay, go.

Speaker 2 Carl says he's upset because he drinks everybody's piss.

Speaker 2 He keeps Carl happy.

Speaker 2 Hey, why?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He's got to get his fill. Steve, I'd love to hang out with you, but but I'm pissing at my father.

Speaker 2 Okay, see you tomorrow, Laura.

Speaker 2 Steve.

Speaker 2 Not while I'm drinking my pee pee, Steve.

Speaker 2 Steve, Laura just drank a big gulp. He was, he's on, Reginald Bel Johnson's in some commercial.
He's in like a commercial. It's a Gekko.
Yeah. He's in that Geico Brit.
I thought he was dead.

Speaker 2 Uncle Phil's dead. It's wild too because you look at him and it's like confused.
Yeah, I'd be confused.

Speaker 2 He's just never going to try another look. Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 Why would he?

Speaker 2 His entire life does well. Got a little mustache and the same haircut.
Yeah, cream G so for 89 years.

Speaker 2 He's a cop in both of the famous roles, right? Yeah, he's a cop in Die Hard. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Die Hard's in Chicago, right? LA. L.A.
Oh, okay. L.A.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Don't talk shit about L.A., really. He's in LA.
Richard Belgium just died. He played the same character in every show.
Yeah. Detective Munch Pussy.
I've seen y'all with the the homicide DVDs.

Speaker 2 I might even borrow those. Yes, yes, yes.
Hell yeah. I knew you would like those.
Thank you, dude. Nick found those on the street, correct?

Speaker 2 I found a different box set on the street, and then I purchased that one because it came in the filing cabin. Oh,

Speaker 2 that little fucking drawer they put in that bitch. Because I saw them on the street.
Homicide's a great show.

Speaker 2 But I think.

Speaker 2 We're talking about a homicide life on the street box set that comes in a filing cabin. It comes in a filing cabin.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I mean,

Speaker 2 Janelle is up to date on all of the procedurals. Did you you ask Ernie about Law and Order?

Speaker 2 What's going on, Adam?

Speaker 2 Who's calling? You Maya? Yes.

Speaker 2 Yep. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Damn, she just stays calling at the wrong time.

Speaker 2 She called during the show last week. She loves calling at the wrong time.
Hey, wonder if something's wrong.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 2 All right, we're back.

Speaker 2 What are the big thing? What are the directors wear?

Speaker 2 Well, I want a ascot. Yeah, ascot, open with the ascot,

Speaker 2 and the pants. The fucking cone that I guess.
The 1920s

Speaker 2 fucking Hepburn pants. Yeah, the

Speaker 2 wide on this part. Oh, yeah, like that.
Make it look like you got big-ass thighs.

Speaker 2 You look like Foghorn Leghorn with the piece of the piece. Yeah, kind of like a pilot.
Yeah, like an old, like a Red Baron kind of pilot. I could see it.
Damn, I've been having Red Baron pizza since

Speaker 2 probably I was 19 years old. That's literally where my mind went to.
Red Baron, goddamn. They're really good.

Speaker 2 So much better than toasted us. It's the best, make your own bullshit pizza in your shitty.
I like bobolis. Oh, the babolis with the sauce.

Speaker 2 You feel like a chef. You're in control.

Speaker 2 You go to the movies, they leave you with the boboli.

Speaker 2 What do you do? Bobolis, you have to put the sauce on. You put the sauce, you put the cheese in it.
I haven't done that. It's like, oh, look at me.

Speaker 2 Look at my parents. I went out to Fardi.
Red Baron pizza. There was one, when I live live in Austin, I don't come home, I would make a red berry pizza.
There was one that was just all salt.

Speaker 2 It was like a salt-flavored pizza.

Speaker 2 And yeah, I'd drink a six-pack and eat a red berry pizza. God damn.
Yeah, and then I'd go hit an open mic. Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is pre-open mic. That's called pre-workout.
And then be back at work 6 a.m.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. Yeah.
So much better. So if you want to, if you're a young comedian wondering how, you know, you look at me, you look up to me.
You look up to me. You look up to me.

Speaker 2 As a guy,

Speaker 2 I got the whole world wrapped around my finger.

Speaker 2 I got my own, I'm the executive producer on TV show. How'd I get here?

Speaker 2 You got to move to Austin. You should definitely do that.
You should just move.

Speaker 2 You should just stay tea in.

Speaker 2 And then, yeah, Red Bear and Pizza, and then do open mics. And make sure you stay drunk.
Just stay drunk. Yeah, just stay drunk and alienate everybody.
Pick fights with people.

Speaker 2 That's how you meant. That's my first time.

Speaker 2 That counts as the fight. Can we talk about that guy that...

Speaker 2 why do they call it alienating? It's like, oh, he alienated all of his friends by being like a racist pedophile.

Speaker 2 Go off.

Speaker 2 Aliens are cool. Yeah, yeah.
There we go. Take the alien guy around by

Speaker 2 dealers. I'm not like, oh, this guy probably has a UFO.

Speaker 2 This guy's probably capable of aliens.

Speaker 2 They should call it being a faggot.

Speaker 2 It's so much more accurate.

Speaker 2 I was with it. Oh, jeez.
Jenny Snickers over here. You want to wrap up? Jenny Snickers over here.

Speaker 2 Call it alienating.

Speaker 2 I love observational.

Speaker 2 If I found out one of my friends was an alien, I'd be like, buddy,

Speaker 2 let's go to space.

Speaker 2 Let's go on a fantastic voyage into space.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What were you saying, Brenda? Oh, that guy that you were talking, you were like in the comments, and there was some guy that was like

Speaker 2 giving him shine. Yeah, but we were just talking about guys who like drinking.
Oh yeah, a lot of people say that they drink to listen to the show. Yeah.
And that seems insane to me. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 If I'm drinking

Speaker 2 if I'm listening to anything. Yeah, that's right, Brenda.
I'm listening to Frank Sinatra.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Classed up.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's the best. Listening to Frank Sinatra went home doing the shittiest cooking of all time.

Speaker 2 I love that, dude. I love it on two glasses of wine, put it on Frank Sinatra, and then just fucking up the rest of it.
Just getting it completely fucking. I don't need to measure anything.

Speaker 2 I'm eating raw chicken. I'm like, yeah, I wanted it rare.

Speaker 2 I wanted it rare. I'm a fucking man, all right? I'm in rare.
Let me get a premium rare fried chicken.

Speaker 2 The breading is fucking three inches thick.

Speaker 2 When I was 17, I'm just fucking throwing it up all over the place. I'm like, yeah, I'm cooking.

Speaker 2 Love it.

Speaker 2 How lucky can one get me?

Speaker 2 I suck you and you suck me. I suck you and you suck me.
Frank Siddhatra. Frank Siddhartha.

Speaker 2 Sudoku. Yeah.

Speaker 2 When I was 17.

Speaker 2 I didn't get no pussy. But then when I was 21,

Speaker 2 I still do not get any pussy.

Speaker 2 It's like clipping and blowing out.

Speaker 2 That's life.

Speaker 2 And if it sucks, you come back again and it's still bad.

Speaker 2 You have to come back and there's no pussy again.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 Dave, did you text me that? Oh, here we go. You said

Speaker 2 Sudoku? What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 March Madness. Frank Siddhartha was way better.

Speaker 2 Songs about puzzles that go on. Okay, man, I knew Frank Siddartha.

Speaker 2 We tried to use the numbers one through nine and put them in a group. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I like that. I like Nick's better.

Speaker 2 How about Frank Sinbad?

Speaker 2 Sinbad.

Speaker 2 Talk to me.

Speaker 2 It's like

Speaker 2 in the 70s.

Speaker 2 Used to be able to get hit by a cold. What was Sinbad's act? I remember I watched Sinbad's acting funny.
I used to watch Sinbad when I was a kid, but I can't remember. He's a single joke.
He's no

Speaker 2 gym. But he's one of those comics where all of the premises are.

Speaker 2 We got a

Speaker 2 Hollywood Latin

Speaker 2 handbook with Sinbad. Fucking amazing.
Amazing episode, yeah. I love it.

Speaker 2 He says a bunch of stuff. He's like Derrick Aines, where it's like it doesn't connect? Well, it doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, yeah, but he's crushing. Yeah, it's very, yeah.

Speaker 2 Derrick Aines is funny, but you watch him and it's like, what? There's no,

Speaker 2 that's not true.

Speaker 2 You're like laughing at it. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. You know, it's like, you know how when you're on an airplane, they start flying upside down for no reason? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then, and for some reason, you're like,

Speaker 2 he's doing like an amazing physical act out. You're like, this is the funniest shit I've ever seen.
Right, but then you're like, what, is that true? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, he is, I remember he has a whole string, and one of those specials talking about the 70s, how things were different in the 70s. That was his whole thing.
And then everything.

Speaker 2 Everything he lists. Yeah, it's just not like the big one is that, yeah, you used to be able to get hit by a car and get right back up.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That is

Speaker 2 way more dangerous, basically. Yeah, yeah.
They weighed like literally five tons. Right.

Speaker 2 Like they were just like boats, right? Like 10,000-pound boats. Right, yeah.
No, you'd like it.

Speaker 2 into a fender bed or in a parking lot and then they they wouldn't be able to identify the body no one's wearing seatbelts Yeah, right. The car would just glow.
Wow, goodness.

Speaker 2 Anyways, Adam, once you open your phone, this episode is brought to you by My Bookie. My Bookie.
Wow.

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The campaign's start date is March 13th, and the end date is April 3rd.

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Speaker 2 Whether you're filling out multiple brackets, betting on an eventual national championship winner. Brandon, who do you have? Oh, uh, VCU is not in it.
State, we got state. State.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yep, I'm going state this year.

Speaker 2 We're simply looking. Yeah, Virginia State.

Speaker 2 Virginia State.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Virginia State.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get some Virginia State.

Speaker 2 Yeah, please, please do the Adam Freeland Show live at Virginia State. Virginia State, roughnecks.
Go roughnecks.

Speaker 2 We're simply looking for a player and game props. My bookie has got you covered.
And that's a pun, you got it, because of the covering the screen.

Speaker 2 You knew me at Virginia State. I was a fucking animal.
Let's go, Brandon. Getting started with my bookie.
This is fun, fun, yeah. Getting started with my bookie is simple.

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Speaker 2 No, not weekly blacks. We're back?

Speaker 2 Both of us are back. All right, yeah, we're back.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about the poo-poo. Well, we gotta finish the read, Brandon.
You're trying to... Use promo code Fuck Obama.

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Speaker 2 with my bookies.

Speaker 2 Additional promo details, guys. Deposit bonus being promoted is 50% deposit Deposit match up to $2,000.

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So do not promote the percentage 50%. Instead, highlight the up to 1,000

Speaker 2 prospect. Yes, so that's for the NCAA March Madness.
We got a big, we got a lot of stuff you can do. And we're going state this year.
We're going state. We're going Virginia State.

Speaker 2 Virginia State State. Let's go Titans.
Let's go Titans.

Speaker 2 Let's go Brandon. go Brandon.

Speaker 2 If you really bout it, yeah. Let's go, Brandon.

Speaker 2 Wizzy, you went diarrhea on his favorite hat. I guess I poop my pants.
I'll tell you about the hat. It said

Speaker 2 Coal Miner's Wife.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's a movie. And I bought, no, it was a hat.

Speaker 2 I was not there for when you shoot your pants. But I bought that.
I was born going to West Room, you guys. I bought that in West Room.
You stayed, maybe? In coal mining country.

Speaker 2 We went with my ex-girlfriend. You were there.
I was there for part of it, but I was not there when he shit his pants. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, that was in the car ride home, and I was like, please open the window, please. You were like, looking around the apartment.
I got sick from a

Speaker 2 parties.

Speaker 2 Sub-leasing.

Speaker 2 You were like,

Speaker 2 maybe I'll remove some of the other things. Maybe I'll like, because I was about to drop out and move out, and you were like,

Speaker 2 maybe I was serious. I think that would be fun.
No, I think he was walking around. It's such a horrible idea.

Speaker 2 Your roommate was so fucking funny, dude. Colehead.
Dude, that guy just being like, fucking got the Xbox set. Just like,

Speaker 2 he's like, I took the room without windows because I was going to invest in a next-gen concert.

Speaker 2 So Brandon has the parking spot and the windows. And I got the Xbox.
360.

Speaker 2 I thought it was so funny. Just like, could not, like, just like

Speaker 2 just being away from your parents. Yeah.
And then that's like great. That's it.

Speaker 2 World is your oyster.

Speaker 2 You're in the most depressing apartment complex I've ever seen in my fucking life in Richmond, Virginia. And then you have to like do homework.

Speaker 2 He was plums, man. He was excited.
I was so happy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Cole Hickey, I think, hates me. Why? Why? Because he likes to be a little bit more skillful.

Speaker 2 I say full name. He was mad music.
I'm a full name. I'm taking shots.
He takes shots. I'm not taking shots.
No, no, no, no. I'm rocking with with Cole Hickey.
We love Cole Hickey.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, he's not his. We love Cole Hickey.
I wish I was

Speaker 2 the man. I was just wanting to bleed off his energy about how excited he is.
But he let, yeah, and he's a gamer to his core.

Speaker 2 But I dropped out and then I was like, don't worry, I'll find somebody to sublease the apartment.

Speaker 2 And then there's this

Speaker 2 youth pastor that moved in. Oh, molested him.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He got molested

Speaker 2 as an adult man.

Speaker 2 He got adult molested in 20.

Speaker 2 I guess you get braces. I guess that's a move.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I remember when Brandon tried to go to college.

Speaker 2 Should I get braces? Yeah,

Speaker 2 today's cool. I'm going to go see a gum surgeon.
That might complete the look.

Speaker 2 What happened? Why do you have to see your gun? I don't know. One of my teeth, it's just the gums have been receding for like a decade, and now it's like just all the way down to like fucking.

Speaker 2 Like the

Speaker 2 bones. Yeah, I've got a gum problem.
We all need to get veneers. We got to do big

Speaker 2 veneers. Big old joints.
Yeah. We got to go.
They have dental tourism. You can go to Venezuela, get your dicks up, get new teeth.

Speaker 2 Get big chompers. Like Rick Ross.
Rick Ross dooms. Huge chompers.

Speaker 2 Yeah. They should call it dental Azuela down there.
I'm hearing about this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They do in Colombia, too. We get tit jobs, too.
We get multiple surgeries.

Speaker 2 We get Brazilian buttons.

Speaker 2 We're about to get BBL. Yeah, you're getting BBLs for the show.

Speaker 2 Well, you had to send the time codes and you were like, we got to cut the BBL stuff. Why? I said that.
Or was that you wanted to clip it? Let me ask you something.

Speaker 2 This Pedro Pascal guy, he's been in the news. He's on that show Narcos.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm asking, is that correct?

Speaker 2 I think he is. I think he's on

Speaker 2 Mandalorian and The Last of Us. Narcos.
And Narcos. Is Narcos still on TV? I don't think so.
I think it's...

Speaker 2 They rebooted it with like a new cast, a different story. Yeah.
Like they did Narcos Mexico. Okay, so he's on other stuff.
It's not that Narcos is

Speaker 2 no, he's huge, this guy. Yeah.
And every girl was a fuck this guy. But isn't he gay? That's why he's in the news.
Is he gay? Yeah. I don't know.
No, I think he's just a handsome actor.

Speaker 2 Well, I think he posted a picture of a rainbow flag and he was like, guess what?

Speaker 2 I'm gay. Guess what this means?

Speaker 2 He got an earring on his right ear. He posted that.
And he's typing in the four pages pages of the New York Times.

Speaker 2 Guess what?

Speaker 2 Some closer breakfast.

Speaker 2 That's my understanding of the news. Do you guys know what this is?

Speaker 2 If we were there, so Pedro Pascal, who's from Narco,

Speaker 2 that's what I thought.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, you know me,

Speaker 2 I have no media literacy.

Speaker 2 That's the other thing people are saying now. It's media literacy.
What is that? Like being, like, like treating watching TV as reading? Who knows? It's the latest dumb.

Speaker 2 It's the latest thing to say if you're a moron that wants to sound like

Speaker 2 a fucking.

Speaker 2 If you watch The Last of Us, it means you're literate. Yeah, well, someone that knows how to read.

Speaker 2 You have to deconstruct what's late capitalism from the...

Speaker 2 Oh, this part of the show is late capitalism. That's media literacy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're media literacy.

Speaker 2 Like, I watch Barney, and I remember the part where he says, everybody do your share. I know that that's that's actually it seems like communism, but it's actually it's not it's capitalism.

Speaker 2 It's capitalism? Yeah yeah why because everybody do your share rather than everybody receive your share. There's not an equal distribution of

Speaker 2 I don't know if Barney was that deep. Yeah well that's because you're not media literate like me.
You're not doing a deep read of Barney like I am.

Speaker 2 Jamel loves Barney. I mean have y'all ever seen that dude's Instagram? He's a little freak.

Speaker 2 Barney Barney's like he's like teaching tantric sex classes and shit. No, really? Yeah, yeah.
No, he's not. No, yes, he is.

Speaker 2 Swear to God.

Speaker 2 He's like not busting.

Speaker 2 He's on a whole thing, dog. He's not busting.

Speaker 2 He's hanging out with the AVL wars. He posted a picture of a hard life.
Barney posted a picture of the rainbow flag in his account. It was bad news for the hoes.

Speaker 2 I believe everything Nick says.

Speaker 2 This shit also.

Speaker 2 People who also believe everything Nick says.

Speaker 2 And it's made the world a worse place.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, the thing is, I don't really lie, but I do make shit up constantly. Yeah, yeah.
Which is different. It's different.
No, it's different. Lying is like fucking like.

Speaker 2 Oh, I didn't fuck that girl. Yeah.
That's dark.

Speaker 2 Being like, oh, as you know, a Henry Ford his dick was 19 inches. That's making stuff up.

Speaker 2 That's good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what made me a little bit. It's a thin line, dog.
Yeah. It's a thin orange line.

Speaker 2 Did you see these cla I send them to you, those classes, the dick riding classes? Where you tape a pencil to your dick and make your dick on it? What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 These seminars? These seminars where they like you. Oh, Dick Rider.

Speaker 2 You send your girl to these seminars. Oh, yo.

Speaker 2 It's at a show called Dick Rider. Wait, it's like a Lamazoo.
It's like a ghost rider, but

Speaker 2 Dick Rider, yeah.

Speaker 2 Nicholas Cage's Dick Rider.

Speaker 2 That guy's fucking awesome.

Speaker 2 I don't care if he raped. That guy's awesome.

Speaker 2 Just showing up in front of Andrew Callahan's house on a motorcycle.

Speaker 2 Nicholas Cage's head's on fire. He's like, Andrew Callahan didn't do anything wrong.
He's the greatest journalist of our generation.

Speaker 2 Andrew Callahan's like, I just want to say mad leftist thank you to Nicholas Cage or Dick Ridey, aka Dick Ride or something like that. Dude, this

Speaker 2 guy's your friend. I don't, you know.
I know. I'm going to send.
Oh, yeah, Ride.

Speaker 2 I'm sending my girlfriend to this.

Speaker 2 Look.

Speaker 2 He said it isn't. Is it like a seminar where you teach your girls?

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 And then you're just supposed to just sit there. Yeah, with other guys while your girls not to.
You know what that is? Just Lake Cap. That's Lake Capital.
That's media literally. What's it like?

Speaker 2 Everyone, if you want to see what it is, it's

Speaker 2 called.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Riding for Rookies Date Night.

Speaker 2 And you go with your girl and she just practices bopping up and down.

Speaker 2 It's like a Lamar's class, the one for dick riding. You get a green belt at the end?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 you get your squirt belt.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know what's next.

Speaker 2 We got to get Cole Hickey on.

Speaker 2 That guy's dead. That guy's killed himself.
That last killed himself.

Speaker 2 I love Cole Hickey. I love Cole Hickey.
When was the last time you talked? It's been years. We could do an episode.

Speaker 2 We're on a Discord.

Speaker 2 Brandon's high school friends, like the casting that you did on your friends from high school was incredible. It was like...
Oh, actually, this is a good opportunity. From Central Casting.
Yes.

Speaker 2 That one time that you, back when you lived in a place

Speaker 2 that was like

Speaker 2 a DIY venue. But it wasn't even there.
They were having a rave

Speaker 2 at a warehouse. People forget about Punk Rock Adams, sub-A, 1432 R Street, Subterranean A.
There you go.

Speaker 2 He was living in the city. That was the address.
yeah, because I was like buying, I was buying weed from your uh my ex-girlfriend, yeah, and driving,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 Um, but she was a criminal arrester, yeah. No, that was yeah, do you

Speaker 2 believe what was this night? The night that uh Jamel was bouncing, they had a warehouse party, and Jamel was the bouncer for it.

Speaker 2 They had like a techno warehouse right now, warehouse party, that sounds dangerous. Yeah, and he brought his two friends, his two like little boys,

Speaker 2 And they, yeah,

Speaker 2 he showed up at the raid. He says, it starts at 8.

Speaker 2 Rana gets there alone. And it's like

Speaker 2 the warehouse, and you and your two boys. And then I think they turned to each other and were like, if other people walk in, they're going to think it's a real lame party if they see us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was setting a bad precedent because people would walk in. Like, we're ruining just like three

Speaker 2 19-year-old virgins. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 yeah, no,

Speaker 2 it was a bad look. No, the cop showed up, and I was was the only one who was about to get arrested.
Oh, yeah, because you're the only black person. Yeah, I'm the only black guy there, sir.

Speaker 2 Like, we gotta arrest him. I'm like, there's children inside.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The dude pinned me on the hood.

Speaker 2 I said the N-word to this black cop, and he tried to suplex me. I'm like, there's children inside.

Speaker 2 Arrest them niggas, man. No, we were actually forever.

Speaker 2 We weren't, like, literally, we were scaring the host.

Speaker 2 It was bad. And I'm just sure I'm feeling responsible for you too.
It was very children.

Speaker 2 I was just unclear when you guys did that though i really loved it it's very uncomfortable in this director's show no that's i love i love those i love those guys alex hillard i talked to him recently i got to get back in touch with cole hickey maybe how's your boy brian brian your boy your boy overloar i remember all your boys get them online man we could do like a basketball

Speaker 2 wild facebook

Speaker 2 david

Speaker 2 no no we got it we can't say that one you said it yeah

Speaker 2 i'm I'm the one saying it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, he's the only one.
I would be the worst. You'd be the only one.
Yeah, that's what I was supposed to say.

Speaker 2 You would do two albums of just like female bodybuilders.

Speaker 2 And just be like, wow, she is so beautiful. She's beautiful.

Speaker 2 She is beautiful. Yeah, he was a beast.
Yeah, Matthew Gilbert was a beast.

Speaker 2 Which one was that? I think I showed you Matthew Gilbert.

Speaker 2 That name sounds familiar. I think you would show this one.
Yeah, I showed you Matthew Gilbert. That's who I think I was talking about.
Blake had the best guy.

Speaker 2 Blake had the best guy he went to high school with that he was still Facebook friends with who was like always buying swords and shotguns. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But like a red, like a sword redneck. Yeah, that's a good one.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've definitely been to a party. His name was like Gilbert Wormley.

Speaker 2 Like hilarious name. Oh man.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 he boomed. He had a Facebook post one time that Blake showed me that was like, best part about going on vacation, coming back with more sores than you left with.

Speaker 2 I've been to multiple parties in Virginia where a dude was like, hey,

Speaker 2 y'all want to see a demo? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That sounds like a lot to do.

Speaker 2 The funniest was that guy in L.A. that had the sword, and he was like, you know, anybody breaks in, and then literally that night, the guy broke in, and he just hid in the room.
That's the funniest.

Speaker 2 That is the funniest story of all time. Yeah.
Because imagine, you think, you can have that bravado thing and you're never going to get checked on that.

Speaker 2 You're living in an apartment behind the gate and the front desk,

Speaker 2 and then you can say, yeah, if anybody breaks into the apartment, I got my fucking katana. And then in front of that same audience, there's a break-in in your apartment.

Speaker 2 And he waited for the guy to leave before he came out of his room with the katana. Imagine getting checked like that.
Like, within the

Speaker 2 first time, imagine how much of young people were.

Speaker 2 Saw and I came to L.A. to record the podcast with Nick.

Speaker 2 Because Nick was riding a motion show. And we stayed with my friend Danny from college.

Speaker 2 And I was on the couch so I was on the floor Danny's the one that's like kind of no no that's the other Danny I'm talking about the Danny Dan this is the other Danny yeah and he'd moved to LA and he went on like a trip he had like a fake job and he's like yeah we do business in China he comes back from China with the katana which is Japanese also it's not even Chinese he's like yeah you know samurai like Chinese style

Speaker 2 I gotta head out there's another 12 minutes on the show

Speaker 2 what do you mean I gotta head out where Where do you have to go? I got stuff I gotta do before we have this thing.

Speaker 2 We can take it from here. I'll see you.
Yeah, you guys are good. It's 12 minutes.
Can I get a chair? Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 Well, no, there's a camp. The camera is a reserve radio.
Yeah, we don't know who's in charge. All right.
See you guys.

Speaker 2 My butt is sore from this camera. Bye.
Bye, Nick.

Speaker 2 Have a nice time. He's going to go to the sauna.

Speaker 2 You're the steamer? He's really gay. He's a little bit of steam.
Come on. Dude, fucking fame has changed him.
What time is it right now?

Speaker 2 I got some shit too. It's 4:12.

Speaker 2 Okay, anyway, so

Speaker 2 yeah, we're staying in the apartment. Then, like, I wake up at like 4 a.m.
I see this guy sitting on the chair. He had like a sofa and then a chair.

Speaker 2 He's just like looking at Tinder and swiping right, right, right, right, right. Big rights.
And then I like turn to him, and I know my friend had work the next day. I was like, are you Danny's friend?

Speaker 2 And he's like, I don't know if I remember.

Speaker 2 And then then I was like, What? Like,

Speaker 2 and then I checked the time and then stop just burst out laughing.

Speaker 2 And I was like, Wait, do you know Danny? And he's like, He's like, I'm fucking just out of chair challenge.

Speaker 2 And I realized that we just left the door open and some drunk guy came back from a club. Like, because this building was like above, like, uh, fucking, what do you call it? Um, what's the supermarket?

Speaker 2 The really expensive one in LA? Erewhon. Erewhon, yeah.
Okay. Above Erewhon by the grove.
Oh, that's it. Yeah, so then,

Speaker 2 so yeah, this clever guy with like, you know, Prada loafers and stuff is just sitting there on fucking ting, swiping right.

Speaker 2 And so I was like, bro, you need to go. And Stop starts laughing.

Speaker 2 Like, die of laughing. I was like, get the fuck out of here.
And he's like, you fuck your dude. It was shit off.
You fuck yourself, dude. And then he like leaves.
And I lock the door.

Speaker 2 And Danny busts out of his room the second the door closes, busts out of his room with the katana. He's like, dude, I was about to fucking slice that guy in two.

Speaker 2 I was like, you were clearly waiting for me for the door to use.

Speaker 2 He had a cue. He had a cue, shit.
He like came out with it.

Speaker 2 Dude, it killed me. That was the funniest shit ever, man.
What's your guys' favorite alternative weapons?

Speaker 2 I don't like weapons, dude. I like psychological warfare.
And that's what I've always engaged in my entire life. You know,

Speaker 2 you trick people with words. The intellectual dojo.
Oh, yeah. Sun Tzu.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Art of War. What it do? Yeah, Sun Tzu, what it do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Brain karate? Chess boxing. Yeah.
Brandon was chasing me around with a fucking scythe last night, man. Why? Because

Speaker 2 it's just around. It's just staying.
I wasn't chasing you around. He was chasing me around.

Speaker 2 I was just like, check this out. Brandon's trying to get into wet playing.
It was like Jeffrey Dahmer, dog. No, I was just playing with him.
I was gay styles. I was gay styles.

Speaker 2 I'm fucking running around this building.

Speaker 2 The cops pulled up and he was like, this is my boyfriend. This is my boyfriend.
And they're like, you two fellas have fun. That's the saddest shit in the world.

Speaker 2 That Vietnamese boy escaped and then he ran to the police and Jeffrey Dahmber's like, I'm just gay with this guy. They're like, all right, go back with your boyfriend, Shirley.
Nancy.

Speaker 2 All right, Nancy, you two have fun. He gets chopped up.

Speaker 2 The cop going to save them.

Speaker 2 So what kind of plays do you guys have for the Brandon Jamel show? Let's see what we have on deck. Well, you know, we're getting some branding.
We're doing some promotional stuff.

Speaker 2 You're doing a podcast tour here in New York? We're doing a podcast tour.

Speaker 2 Yeah, doing a massive press run. We guys are going on Gas Digital, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Oh, okay. You're playing both sides.
We're doing

Speaker 2 Sam. Yeah.
This American Spice. You know what I'm saying? This American Spice.
This is about K2. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to make my lungs bleed. What happened in fake weed? Just they made weed legal and

Speaker 2 that was the end of it. Yeah, they did it.
Yeah, people stopped smoking. Spraying roach spray on potpourri.
Dude,

Speaker 2 that shit was fucked up. It was a good time.
Was that a fake news? Was that a fake news? No. Was that like a scare thing? No, dudes and whippers were smoking K2.

Speaker 2 No, Virginia is like, that was a big fake weed.

Speaker 2 A lot of kids would be like, oh, I'm going to the military. I can't smoke real weed.
Yeah. We're smoking like...
I have to go to the war. I have to go to the war.
So I got to start the war early.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, no. Like, no bullshits.
I'm trying to get PTSD before I leave. So I'm ready.
So I'm ready to kill. I'm trying to get out of duty, active duty.
Maybe they need that for a job. K2 psychosis?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know a little something about duty.

Speaker 2 They were smoking poo-poo.

Speaker 2 They were smoking poo-poo. You smoked poo-boo.
Were people smoking poo-poo in your high school? Boo-boo. Boo-boo-boo, yeah.
People were smoking. Oh, Jankum.
Jankum. Jankum.
That was fake.

Speaker 2 Jankum was a big, that was a big

Speaker 2 crocodile.

Speaker 2 What was it? Elementary urban legend.

Speaker 2 Do you remember the other great urban legend was like, there are always like parent scare tactic articles? Yeah. Rainbow parties.

Speaker 2 Oh, where it would be like, oh, they're like,

Speaker 2 colors of lipstick. Your kids are having rainbow parties.

Speaker 2 Yeah, girls have different.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they make rings around your dick, but that's not even sucking your dick. That's just giving an oligarch

Speaker 2 kiss.

Speaker 2 You're not even getting sucked.

Speaker 2 You're just getting rings of a girl kissing on it. The real act out is crazy there.
I I remember thinking at the time.

Speaker 2 We missed it on the G-Campus. Yeah, I think we missed it on the B-cam.

Speaker 2 Let's get it on my camera. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. Just a one, and then that's it, like a stamp.

Speaker 2 Yeah, whatever. But

Speaker 2 yeah, no, there was that, and then there was the rubber band thing, where if you tore a rubber band, then the girl had to fuck you.

Speaker 2 It was the rule. It was the law.

Speaker 2 Some shit that happened at one private school. Yeah, one private school one time.
The thing is, like, we weren't really doing drugs other than weed. There were some kids senior

Speaker 2 that did meth. Some of, like, the white trash girls did meth.
Because you was in Vegas, bro. Because he was in Vegas.
Yeah, there was, like, one kid

Speaker 2 in my school that was doing anything harder than pot, and his name was Kyle Sackett.

Speaker 2 Damn dropping, dude.

Speaker 2 What was he doing? First of all,

Speaker 2 he said that. Those are the fucking feds, dude.
I know. I'm a cop.
He's like,

Speaker 2 a cop.

Speaker 2 Do you want to bleep?

Speaker 2 I want to bleep one name from earlier. Who? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know which one. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The retarded guy you made fun of.

Speaker 2 Let's bleep that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, bleep that, too.

Speaker 2 Whatever.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Neuro.

Speaker 2 NeuroDivergent. Divergent guy that's posting.
Posting Facebook albums of female bodybuilders. Exactly.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, no, what was I going to say? I forgot now. We were saying something before that, but I was like, it's lost about meth.
Kids were doing meth.

Speaker 2 Oh, some girls were doing meth, but then at the private school, all those kids were like doing Coke and like

Speaker 2 mad pills and stuff. The rich kids were like the ones that were like, oh, yeah, I do heroin and stuff.
And I was like, crazy. Where do you get that?

Speaker 2 I learned it from you, dad. I thought we were kids.
I remember I found out two kids had sex the summer between sixth and seventh grade. And I went home.
I remember their full name. You cried.

Speaker 2 Both of them still. I came home and I cried.
What are their names?

Speaker 2 Save and Alicia.

Speaker 2 Their first names are Elden and Alicia. I still remember that.
The last

Speaker 2 side gets interesting.

Speaker 2 Save episodes.

Speaker 2 But I went home and I cried, and I was like, I thought we were just kids.

Speaker 2 I thought we've lost our innocence. It's over, son.
You knew it was over then. It's so pathetic.
I just wanted pubes, dude. I wasn't ready for the game.

Speaker 2 I just had a sprinkling of pubes. Yeah.
I don't have shit. I think I damn no pubes till like

Speaker 2 I feel like I didn't even have pubes in the bus. 19 or 20.
Yeah. Now you have some of the most pubes in the biz.

Speaker 2 I'm known in comedy as having the biggest most. Top 10 pubes? Yeah.
It's me,

Speaker 2 Vulture,

Speaker 2 Fortune Fortune Fumester. Okay.

Speaker 2 I don't know. That was the first computer we had.
That was a good one. I mean, that's not a bad guess.
Fortune Fumster. That's not a bad guess.
I'm rocking with it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We're the original Bush boys of Bush Twins? Yeah, Bush Twins of Comedy. Bush Twins? Yeah, we do like a blue-collar style comedy tour.

Speaker 2 about you might have a big bush.

Speaker 2 If you open your pants and it looks like an afro,

Speaker 2 you might have a big bush. Sarah used to do that bit, right?

Speaker 2 Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 Your bush looks like Lily Kravitz.

Speaker 2 I don't remember that one. Earlier when we were talking about comics doing a premise that doesn't actually make sense,

Speaker 2 I was thinking about

Speaker 2 our old friend who does a very he does he was doing a very good Chappelle impression, but the way he would set it up is he would be like, yeah, I I started comedy in DC, and I remember the host of this open mic.

Speaker 2 The host of this open mic looked like Dave Chappelle, and I thought he was going to go up there and be like, Man, DC's different, man. Well, yeah, it was,

Speaker 2 yeah. Wait, so you thought that this guy was gonna go up and do Dave Chappelle's? It was that the host had the same voice as

Speaker 2 set-ups. Set-ups by any means necessary.
What?

Speaker 2 But there was another guy, Alex Starr, used to do that.

Speaker 2 He had three impressions: Obama, Denzel, and Michael J. Fox and every bit was just those three examples yeah you remember that and then the Michael J.

Speaker 2 Fox one is just like why are you doing that did you hear they got they're getting Obama to play the Batman in the new in the new Batman and he's like let me be clear Gotham City needs a dark night it needs a hero and then he's like aunt I just read in the news they got Denzel Washington to play the new Batman and then and then he did Michael J.

Speaker 2 Fox and then he's like and Batman comes in and he's got a right shoe on the left foot and the left shoe on the right foot. Because I think he has part because he has Parkinson's.
Yeah. Oh, no.

Speaker 2 But it was just like, and then I remember Michael Footie went up after him at a show and he's like, it doesn't mean that he's not

Speaker 2 here.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. He's up in New York now.

Speaker 2 I love Foodie so much. Who starred? Yeah.
Really?

Speaker 2 Well, y'all weren't there with me when he got, when Rob Lordon fucking power tossed him. over.

Speaker 2 There was a, after Nick and I left D.C., all of the comics were just fighting with each other on Facebook. Say, you're not welcome at my room anymore.
I was like literally just reading local. On what?

Speaker 2 On Facebook. Wait, who were they mad at? Alex Starr.
There was like, there was all this beef of like local comedians. There was mid-level

Speaker 2 places. You're not welcome.
People calling each other out, tagging them, which is what the internet is is supposed to be about.

Speaker 2 It's not about group beef. It's not about late capitalism.
It's not about yelling at someone you don't know.

Speaker 2 It's about telling people in your actual life that you don't want to know them anymore and they're fake. I think that's that's what that's

Speaker 2 what we that's what the internet's about is about calling out people in your real life and doing

Speaker 2 friends on black doing it in front in front of all of your other friends and people being like, oh, you're being embarrassed. They're embarrassing themselves right now.

Speaker 2 It's about, you know, now the world is like, oh, I'm mad at fucking, I don't know, Maddie Healy for going on the Adam Friedland Show or something, you know, but that's not what the internet was is meant for, guys.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 2 Dave, what's the runtime we are at?

Speaker 2 104.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 that'll do her, guys.

Speaker 2 That'll do her. Thank you for watching the Adam Friedland Show on the podcast.
Go and subscribe to the Brandon Jamal show. Brandon Jamel Show on Patreon.

Speaker 2 Go and subscribe to the Adam Friedland Show on Patreon. Oh, also, Washington, D.C., while we're talking about D.C., 9:30 Club, June 2nd.
Gonna do the 9:30 Club, June 2nd.

Speaker 2 I will be this weekend at, in Raleigh, North Carolina, at Good Nights Comedy. And then in two weeks, the beginning of April, I will be in Salt Lake City at

Speaker 2 the fucking, what's it called? The Italians. What's it called? Goodfellas.
What's it called? Good. Good Nights.
No, Good Nights is North Carolina. What's it called?

Speaker 2 Good Mobsters? No, for the Seattle. What do you mean? Seattle.
Wise guys, wise guys. Sorry.
Seattle.

Speaker 2 This weekend. Laughs.
Helium. Go plug that.
Helium in Portland in May. If you're in North Carolina, I will see you.
Raleigh, North Carolina, this weekend. Thanks for listening, guys.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Woo!