Ep. 133 – grandma’s boy

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Speaker 2 all right all right

Speaker 2 here we are at cum

Speaker 2 t own.com

Speaker 2 you're the nation's number one premier destination for ordering sex with some young i don't know if we actually have we don't have that domain which one comtown.com probably not no we do have come.town that's a good one to have yeah

Speaker 2 um we're here in the pad nick bought mario party

Speaker 2 and that's right yeah we got a switch and we got a mario party going a lot of people were complaining about me playing red dead redemption on the show and i hear you yeah i saw all the people deleting their subscriptions i saw the feedback i got the emails you win I'll play Mario Party instead.

Speaker 2 And now, if you guys were mad that only Nick was playing video games, guess what? Don't worry, because now all three of us are playing Mario Party. We're all playing Mario Party.

Speaker 2 Now, this is interesting. There's actually been 11 Mario Parties.
Really? Yeah, this is the 11th Mario Party. And if you play Mario Party 9 and then Mario Party 11,

Speaker 2 you get to play as the Towers.

Speaker 2 If you delete your Mario 11, you get to be Muhammad bin Sa'. What the fuck was that? Delete your save file.

Speaker 2 First you play Mario Party 9, you put that in the Switch, and then you unload it, and then put in 11, and then you delete your save file for Smash, and then reload the save file, and then you get to play as the Twin Towers.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's pretty cool. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What were the hijackers' names?

Speaker 2 Muhammad Atta. Atta.
Muhammad Atta. That's a cool name.
Who evolves into Muhammad Ataba.

Speaker 2 Ahamed Rex Atta.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Muhammad Atata.

Speaker 2 I'm the fat little. Check this out.
You got special dice you can roll. That's right, Vitch, and I'm rolling them right now.

Speaker 2 So suck this fat hog. I'm Monty the Mole.
Style's playing as Monty Mole, who looks surprisingly like Stanley. A lot like Style than is me.
Except for the two front teeth.

Speaker 2 He's only got one front tooth. Thank you, bitch.
Is that one? Yes. Yeah, it's one tooth.

Speaker 2 Adam is. We're playing a game for babies because Adam doesn't know how to count between one and two.
It's difficult for me. Ooh, Wario's got a bunch of stuff.
He's got a special block, bitch.

Speaker 2 Do you roll it out of your ass? Negative two. Haha, you dumb bastard.

Speaker 2 You dumb bastard. Oh, now we're playing a game.
A mini-game. Yep, so this is what you have to look forward to for the rest of Don't Wake Wiggler.
That's a good game.

Speaker 2 I got another one on the tip of my tongue.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuzzy flight school. How apt.
Yeah. For 9-11.

Speaker 2 Are we playing? No, this is just practice. Oh, what? You got to move this shit around? Fuck that.

Speaker 2 I want to do buttons, dude. Yeah, I'm more of a button.
Okay, so I thought this this would be a good idea. This is a horrible idea.
This is going to destroy the show. Yeah,

Speaker 2 way more than Red Dead Redemption did. All right, let's just play this.
We'll play this one minigame and then we'll get to work. And then after that, we log in.

Speaker 2 We clock in. We punch in the clock.

Speaker 2 We start clock punching up in here. We punch in the clock and we suck off the cock.
It's getting hot in here, so I'm going to take out my cock.

Speaker 2 I am taking out my cock just to cool it off.

Speaker 2 My cock is fucking hot. Just

Speaker 2 taking it out. 50s guy in like Birmingham, Alabama, and he's just washing his dick and balls in the blacks only found.

Speaker 2 He's like, that's hot today out there, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Well, I'll tell you what, Clayo, it certainly is. Just scorch you.

Speaker 2 It is.

Speaker 2 Just a fucking...

Speaker 2 A family waiting in line, a black family patiently waiting in in line. Like suits.
All of them are wearing suits. He's in overalls.
Yeah. They're like, you got yes, sir, master.

Speaker 2 It just, the sign says colors slash white penis fountain.

Speaker 2 This is the sheriff washing his asshole.

Speaker 2 Sheriff is just bidang his asshole in the black.

Speaker 2 Boy, I tell you, it is a score

Speaker 2 out there.

Speaker 2 What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Adam, press S L and S SR, bitch. Oh, we're waiting on you.

Speaker 2 I didn't realize. Sorry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I bet you didn't, dude.

Speaker 2 We're all fucking busy here, dude. We gotta finish.
If we don't finish this, we can't punch in.

Speaker 2 We can't punch the clock in. We can't have the JSX.

Speaker 2 Hello, my name is JSEX Sindal.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. God damn it.
Yeah, no, this sucks. This game sucks, dick.
This game sucks, dude. Fuck this.
This is fucking fucking sucks. This shit's fucking gay, dude.
Yeah. Fuck you.
Fuck.

Speaker 2 Damn, I got one life left, and my ass just got fucking obliterated. Fuck.
Oh, did Adam's gas? I won.

Speaker 2 Yoshi.

Speaker 2 Alright, it's over. The game's over.
I don't want to play the game. This game sucks.
What do you mean? I won. No, it's over.
It clearly is a glitch in the control game. The game is broken.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But, you know, because the game is for babies. I got plus eight.
This game's fucking gay, dude. It makes sense to baby.
You win the baby.

Speaker 2 I got plus eight coins. Yeah, I bet you did, man.
I bet you know exactly how many coins you have. I have 14 coins.
All right, this is over. Fuck you.

Speaker 2 You clearly cheated. You clearly programmed the box.
Yeah. That's what Adam does.
He programs box instead of smashing it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, which is what me and he's like, ooh, baby, you mind if I write a computer program for you, the giant

Speaker 2 notgay.xo. Yeah, how's it going, baby?

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, fuck. I should also say, real quick, before we get cooking, I was supposed to be in Indianapolis this Thursday.
India.

Speaker 2 And I can't make it. The India of the Midwest.
The India of the Midwest. You all see him from Indianapolis.

Speaker 2 That's right. I was supposed to be doing a show exclusively for stretchy-armed, bald motherfuckers.
I can't make it. Had a death in the fam.
We'll still be in Columbus the next night, this Friday.

Speaker 2 We'll still be in Cincinnati on Saturday and Cleveland.

Speaker 2 So, sorry about that, Indy. I'm going to make it up, but I had some shit I have to take.
I got to go to a fucking funeral on Thursday, unfortunately. So, anyway, just wanted to clear that up.

Speaker 2 Everybody should have already gotten their refunds. We'll get them in three to five business days.
It's already been processed. But if you have a problem, holler at me.
And I will be there soon.

Speaker 2 I'm also coming to Pittsburgh and Buffalo and all this other shit. Stobby.biz, the But the Breakfast tour has kicked off.
Oh, yeah. Phoenix, I'm there the 18th.
Yes. LA the 2nd.
All these dates.

Speaker 2 Please go to stopby.biz and buy them shits for. But yeah, I'm coming.
I'm coming at cities, and I'm sorry I had to cancel Indianapolis.

Speaker 2 So, now, Adam, are you still playing this gay game, dude? No, I'm not playing. Okay, turn it off.
Just turn the TV off. Why? No, I like it.
I get Stop's turn now. It's my turn.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, maybe we should keep playing, actually, now that I think about it.

Speaker 2 Monty the Mole, baby. The big dig savage, the Chinese-looking rodent.
Yeah. Plus one coin, a suck me.

Speaker 2 But I stay put, which is nice. Yeah, this game sucks.
Now that's not my turn. I just decided.
Yeah, we're going to see what happens on my turn now, baby.

Speaker 2 Let Nick do his turn, and then maybe me one more turn. And then we see it.
No, no, no, no. She'll turn off right after mine.
Ooh,

Speaker 2 my man rolled six. Well, his dice only got sixes and lose two coins on it.
Oh, that's a pretty big dick. Wow, who are you? So Twitter.
Christoph's wife. That's a pretty big dick.

Speaker 2 Ooh, the bee, the sexy bee. I'd love to fuck that bee, dude.

Speaker 2 Although her nose is a little too big. But that fucking caboose.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That bitch is round, bro. This one pays for itself.
The Coinado. You know, I was having a conversation yesterday.
What are your fellows' thoughts on invaginated nipples? You ever hear of such a thing?

Speaker 2 Is that the inside nipples? It is.

Speaker 2 Every once in a while, I do like those as a change of pace. It's like, what's going on?

Speaker 2 I like a puffy inside nipple sometimes, but it's got to be puffy. They pop out like King Friday on.

Speaker 2 Wait, what are they? What are inside nipples? They indent. You've never seen a nipple like that? They're invaginated nipples.
Were the titty? They're called invagina? The inside titty.

Speaker 2 The real inside titty, what's that? The areola? Yeah, yeah. I don't know.
You know how it usually comes out like a little, like the tip of a little slim gym?

Speaker 2 Those are dented in. Because you got to get your gay ass picture taken.
Oh, shit. Oh, this is Nick's.
Slapperazzi.

Speaker 2 This is what I do with my dick. Look at me.
Damn, dude. I'm in that pic.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, you just slap each other and then take fucking pictures. All right, let's play this one real quick.

Speaker 2 This game is fucking. After that, we're done, though.
Yeah, after this game, for sure. After this game, we're fucking done.

Speaker 2 Woo, Yoshi. Yoshi, right in the front, like a fucking bitch ass.
What can I say? The camera loves, man. Camera loves this hard-ass dick, actually.

Speaker 2 Damn, look at me looking cute as fuck.

Speaker 2 I love getting my picture taken. Me too.
Fuck you. We're not even playing.

Speaker 2 Adam, you dumb bitch. Press S-N-L-L-N-R, bitch.
I didn't realize we weren't playing. Sorry.
After this, we're done, though. For everyone wondering.

Speaker 2 Fuck what?

Speaker 2 I knew this guy that was like

Speaker 2 we go hang out at his place like in Yes, I'm right in the front, you fucking idiots

Speaker 2 in my dick when we were in our like my late teens or whatever.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. Fuck.
And what would happen then? And I would get like drunk and play Mario Party in like the basement or whatever. And I remember like turning like 21 or maybe just 20.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I was like 19. I guess I had moved away.
And it was like, oh, okay, this is, you can't keep doing this forever. This is fucking embarrassing.

Speaker 2 And then, uh,

Speaker 2 and now I'm still, now I'm 30. Yeah.
And I'm still doing it, but now I'm just spending my money instead of his parents' money. Right.
And also wasting other people, like the people who

Speaker 2 pay for their child.

Speaker 2 Now I'm getting paid to do it.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 I wasn't even in that one at all. I've turned it into a job.

Speaker 2 A hard job that I get tired of doing.

Speaker 2 All right. We've got to fucking stop doing this.
Now that I won. Since I won, it's time to stop doing it.
I lost.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's about the way it goes, bitch. Monty Mole.

Speaker 2 He's the fattest. The cutest, actually, bitch.
You're Wario. He's fatter than Monty.
No, he isn't. Yes.
He's just Italian. No.

Speaker 2 If you took Wario's... Oh, hold on.
I'm not a fat. I'm a cow.
I'm fucking if. What was that Guido tweet you had? Athletic? I'm a natural athlete.
I've always been a natural athlete.

Speaker 2 Which, you know, I know you're mocking fat Italians, but I am a natural athlete. Yeah, yeah.
I guess you do also say that. It's like a Mediterranean thing.
It is. It truly is.

Speaker 2 Morbidly obese, completely out of shape, minutes from a heart attack, just held together. Yeah, but that's because of the dick pills, not because of held together with scar tissue and blood clots.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 And don't forget wing stop fucking barbecue sales. I love taking dick pills.
Yeah. Yeah, we don't even have a read coming.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, I didn't think we had them this month. No, yep, none this month.
Yeah, listen, we love taking all kinds of dick pills, actually, so fuck you. Take that, you motherfuckers.

Speaker 2 Pay if you want us to say your name, bitch.

Speaker 2 Except thank you for also, you know, whatever. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 Can you turn it off, man? It's embarrassing. Yeah, we should turn this back off.

Speaker 2 I'm not as talented as you guys at talking and playing at the same time. Yeah, or I'm pretty good for it.
So, what should I get? Tennis?

Speaker 2 Oh, I love that shit, dude. On Wii? Mario Tennis or on

Speaker 2 the rest of the evening.

Speaker 2 Looking through Amazon for things to purchase for the Nintendo Wii, and then we'll just talk about them on the show. You think Wii or that's uh huh?

Speaker 2 Is whatever?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah. I have a nice fucking Switch.
I just got smashed, too. Yeah, and I can't wait to.
I haven't played it yet because I've been, you know, busy. I've been traveling.

Speaker 2 Shouts out there when they came out to DC, too. That shit fucking rocked.
Yeah, we already mentioned that, I think, didn't we? No, we just

Speaker 2 talked about it before the show.

Speaker 2 It was fucking tight.

Speaker 2 But now, alas, back to reality.

Speaker 2 Back to this fucking job.

Speaker 2 Punching the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Rod, rewatch Saving Private Ryan again. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 What side were you rooting for?

Speaker 2 The here, not the Waffen-SS, but the German soldiers who were just in the regular conscripted army. The regular guys.
Because they were just caught up in the rock. That shit does suck.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, no, I think obviously

Speaker 2 the only real villain in the movie is the Jewish character. The The win?

Speaker 2 Mellish? The coward? Mellish? He's not a coward.

Speaker 2 He's the guy that

Speaker 2 can't fight. No, that guy's not Jewish.
Oh,

Speaker 2 he's a translator. Oh, the Brooklyn guy is Jewish, no?

Speaker 2 Adam Goldberg plays the Jewish character, Fish,

Speaker 2 who gets stabbed by the Nazi. Oh, because he saves him, right? No, the other guy doesn't save him.
The other guy just hears him being stabbed upstairs and doesn't go help. Damn.

Speaker 2 He just sits in the hallway.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 That's that's fucked up, dude. Which is an allegory for how the Western world failed to act and didn't save their Jewish friends in time.
That makes sense. That is true.

Speaker 2 They did sit on their hands for quite a long time. Yeah.
FDR, dude, that motherfucker was shady.

Speaker 2 You know how Bush did 9-11? FDR did Pearl Harbor. You think so? Yep.
Yeah, FDR definitely is an excuse to lock up the Chinese. Yep.

Speaker 2 So jealous how they fucking flexed their how high they could kick with their karate.

Speaker 2 You think a man in a fucking fucking wheelchair wants to see that old time yeah he's a total hater he doesn't so guess what every fucking chinese and japanese motherfucker

Speaker 2 get into these fucking camps chinese dirty knees look at these don't touch these

Speaker 2 chinese japanese dirty knees dirty knees look at these look at these yeah and it was like you made you made

Speaker 2 like you had to touch these to me don't touch these definitely had a problem because you had a grabbing problem

Speaker 2 not even there's no rhyme involved the women just told nick just me don't touch these me and kindergarten frowning like nick

Speaker 2 stop touching their pussies

Speaker 2 a baby with a hard ass dick frowning

Speaker 2 nick don't touch their pussies

Speaker 2 but i want to

Speaker 2 touch their pussy

Speaker 2 no and listen and then okay you can touch it but what do we say about sharing

Speaker 2 okay you'd have to let all the other little boys touch a girl's pussy when you touched it.

Speaker 2 That would be fucked up if that's how sex worked. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like I fuck. Well, that's probably how it happens a lot of the time: I fuck someone and then

Speaker 2 we fuck them. You guys get them after me.
I'm a sloppy sex worker. No.
I'm a sex worker. Yeah.
Sex worker. I worked worker.

Speaker 2 I worked that pussy over. I'm a sex worker.
I've spent all my day in the sex factory.

Speaker 2 I love Lucy. That.
I love Lucy's chocolate scene, but it's me eating too many pussies. Lucy, why are you covered in calm?

Speaker 2 Ricky, that's none of your business.

Speaker 2 I'm a sex worker, Ricky.

Speaker 2 And you have to respect it as a real job. That dumb bitch who lives next door talked me into it.

Speaker 2 Ethel.

Speaker 2 That dumb whore Ethel. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Lucy.

Speaker 2 Good thing. Have you tried watching that show?

Speaker 2 Have you tried watching that show before?

Speaker 2 Tried watching it. Bits and pieces.
She's really annoying. Yeah.
No, it's not a good one.

Speaker 2 I didn't like how annoying. It's like all this shit, they're like one of the greatest shows of all time.
It's like, bitch, there were four shows. Yeah, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm sure it was better than guess the number.

Speaker 2 Tonight, journalist

Speaker 2 George Brockmeyer the 15th will be competing against Rosemary Clooney. And guess that number? That literally is dealer no deal, though.

Speaker 2 That is what dealer no deal is. It's people opening briefcases with numbers.
Writer for National Report,

Speaker 2 George Meyerstein. Thanks for joining us.

Speaker 2 Crowd cloud.

Speaker 2 There was a fucking show that was guess who's lying. What was that shit called? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some guy just pretended to be something he wasn't.

Speaker 2 Of course, the man who needs no introduction, Bruce Chain Smith.

Speaker 2 Like, hello.

Speaker 2 As close as you can get to being Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A confirmed bachelor, Mr.
James Smith.

Speaker 2 Prolific bachelor, Mr. George Christmas.
He just can't put the ladies away, can you, Georgie? And good afternoon, Georgie boy. Georgie, when are you ever going to settle down with one of these dames?

Speaker 2 Yeah, when I get tired of dancing.

Speaker 2 And all the girls are like, oh,

Speaker 2 they have no concept in homosexuality. And he's the prettiest guy because he's gayish shit.
He's gorgeous. He's wearing, he works out.
He's wearing blush.

Speaker 2 Okay, today's top question: Ape rabble rouser Martin Luther King

Speaker 2 recently given a speech.

Speaker 2 Washington, D.C.

Speaker 2 Wait, this happened in 1960s?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's how old the show is.

Speaker 2 No, that sounds more like a fucking 40s or 50s show. Well, I don't know.
Whenever I Love Lucy, yeah, yeah. That was the 50s, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like the idea of this.

Speaker 2 When Martin Luther King's alive, they're like

Speaker 2 call him an ape on television.

Speaker 2 I guess that did happen. Yeah.
Probably. Yeah, probably.
King of the jungle. Yeah.
King, King of what?

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. Yeah, they got it.
They got what? They got Trump. They got Trump Brothers at

Speaker 2 the Atlantic Terminal. Great, let's do it.
Let's skip our show and go to the Best Buy at the Atlantic Terminal.

Speaker 2 Tell you what, I'll head over to the Best Buy while you guys get the show started.

Speaker 2 I'll go get this the game and bring it back here and play it okay okay and then when the show's over you guys let me know this sounds like a good plan

Speaker 2 still coming

Speaker 2 should we start or what

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 lucy desi definitely fucked around desi or nez or something

Speaker 2 how about this desi uh what like desi fuck his wife or is this guy a closet case that's good. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2 Desi, also a type of

Speaker 2 Desi R word instead of Desi Arnaz.

Speaker 2 I found he's like some sort of Puerto Rican type of thing. He's Cuban.
He's Cuban.

Speaker 2 Oh, the wife has a lot of people.

Speaker 2 Lucy. R-word.

Speaker 2 And she's like, she's like, ah, and here we go. Two plus two equals four.

Speaker 2 Lucy, you've got some explaining to to do.

Speaker 2 That's really good.

Speaker 2 If it's two,

Speaker 2 how does two twos make four?

Speaker 2 Songs just like, I love Lucy, I love Michael,

Speaker 2 I love Kitty,

Speaker 2 I love chocolate.

Speaker 2 Just him going around,

Speaker 2 telling everything he loves.

Speaker 2 I love Mr. Lamb.

Speaker 2 I love Couch.

Speaker 2 Just playing music horrifically. Just leading the band completely.
He's in a band. He's the band.

Speaker 2 He plays Triangle and the Kazoo All-Stars.

Speaker 2 SER word, everyone.

Speaker 2 It's just him going.

Speaker 2 He's coming home from work, like he's just all tired. He comes to the door and then just takes his helmet off and throws it on the couch.

Speaker 2 It's so funny that Twitter account that was like Come Town Character Generator. Oh, yeah, perfect.
Yeah, retard Desi Artis.

Speaker 2 He was right. Oh, I mean,

Speaker 2 definitely on the level. Just roll with some of them on there.

Speaker 2 Some of them are good. Some of them are, I could do, spend a lot of time with.
Yeah, absolutely. Some of them look fun.
Yeah. Retarded wharf.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Was that on there? It was on there. Oh, that's great.
Irish Sesame Street. I like Irish Sesame Street.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We should just have a wheel, you know, of like two different things, spin the wheel

Speaker 2 and then try to do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That should be our T V show.
People think we pitch it to a network. You can identify how a system works, that that means that the system is bad.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Us. He's talking about us.

Speaker 2 Oh, I don't think you mean. I don't think that's why we're bad.
Look, it's all building blocks.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, you figured out the fundamentals of the show. How hard do you think it would be to get a lady in the 50s to cheat on her husband? Very easy.
They did it all the time.

Speaker 2 Did you ever see that show Revolution? Didn't you get like Revolution Road? Revolutionary Road? Yeah, it's not good.

Speaker 2 It's not good.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 it's all about how, like, you know, the men went to work and then the women were like

Speaker 2 Prisoners and Horny. Is that based on a book? It seems like it.
Yeah, it seems like it's one of those movies that seems like it was based on a book that was probably good, but the movie sucked ass.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Actually, no, it is based on a book because

Speaker 2 someone, a friend of mine, read it and said, Wait, is that the one Tom Hanks is in? No, that's Road to Perdition. That is the one that I've been talking about.

Speaker 2 A friend of mine read it and said that there's this one character that's going to get nominated for best supporting actor before they even

Speaker 2 put it in development. And then that was a Michael Pick or Michael Sheen character.
Yeah. Who's only in that one scene?

Speaker 2 Everybody's sitting around in the house having gay sex with each other. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Not realizing that it's madness.

Speaker 2 I'm crazy because I have gay sex.

Speaker 2 What was his deal? He was good at math and then he went crazy in the hospital for having gay sex.

Speaker 2 That is what happened to me. I was going to sit here in a research lab all day long when I could be out having gay sex in bathrooms on the New Jersey turnpike.

Speaker 2 That's literally what happened to that code-breaking guy that invented computer science. Oh, that gay guy.
He got arrested when he was. Oh, not him.
He was another gay guy. John Nash, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, no, the code breaker, the Benedict

Speaker 2 Tumberbacks.

Speaker 2 They cut his cock off. They erased him from history.
They chemically castrated him. They cut his cock off and then they gave him tits.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 As a punishment. Like Iran.
Yeah. Yeah.
Which is fucked up.

Speaker 2 They would turn you into a girl if you were gay, and if they found out you were doing karate, they'd fucking surgically take you to the bag. Make a Chinese bag.

Speaker 2 They'd fucking give you a bowl haircut and shit.

Speaker 2 Do you think they, was it just Japanese in internment camps, or did they racistly get some Korean cameras? Oh, there had to have been a couple of mistakes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 There's no way. I'm telling you, you got the wrong guy.

Speaker 2 You got the wrong guy.

Speaker 2 There's no way they just did that correctly in the fucking 40s.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was not done delicately. There wasn't like a

Speaker 2 damn. Yeah.
Yeah. And what's his favorite? He's just some poor Chinese guy that was like, you know what? Today's the day I try sushi.

Speaker 2 And they run around grounding everybody.

Speaker 2 They just kick down the door of the restaurant. He's like, no, I live in Chinatown.

Speaker 2 I just come

Speaker 2 to do something different.

Speaker 2 It's been General Souls every day for 35 years.

Speaker 2 It is literally General So. Yeah.
Yeah. Shouts out to the Jenny.
I think General So is actually like a Jewish guy, right? No. Like it's an American.
Nice tribe. You saw that document?

Speaker 2 I didn't watch it. Of course I saw the documentary.

Speaker 2 What's the truth behind it? Just some random fucking shit. Just some guy made it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, there isn't any General So.

Speaker 2 There's no General So. It's actually, if you listen to them say it, they're saying genitals chicken.

Speaker 2 Oh, genitals. Janitasho.
So.

Speaker 2 Oh, Janitos. Janito's chicken.

Speaker 2 Janito's chicken. I mean, listen to them say it.

Speaker 2 Listen carefully. They have never once, I've never, ever heard a Chinese person say General So's chicken.
That's right. They go, oh, General's chicken?

Speaker 2 Fuck, they're making you eat rooster cock. Yeah.
Yeah. Just some.

Speaker 2 That's what a Chinese man's penis looks like. Really? Wow.
Like the General So's chicken. They spread the rumor that it was small, when the truth is, it's actually delicious.
Delicious little nuggets?

Speaker 2 Right, because they don't want us eating their cocks.

Speaker 2 So, oh, and when they have too many guys in China, they chop their cocks off to sell them here. China found out that they have these abnormally delicious cocks.
Wow.

Speaker 2 And then, like, Westerners, you know, they were building boats to go all over the world eating anything that didn't taste like dirt. Right.

Speaker 2 And they were like, go to heavens, Matthew, eat this Chinaman's balls.

Speaker 2 Like, that's delicious. Call it Panda Express.

Speaker 2 The Chinese

Speaker 2 started a rumor that their dicks are small so no one would ever look at them. Like they're glorious penises.

Speaker 2 And they're bad if there's too many pieces of potatoes. That's why they're sensitive in Asian pornography.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 They cannot find out

Speaker 2 that it's actually

Speaker 2 dericious pieces of chicken. Diriches.

Speaker 2 Fried chicken dicks.

Speaker 2 And the sticky sweet sauce.

Speaker 2 Yep. Yeah, they come honey glaze.
Yeah, so, oh, so the sauce, the sauce is always on the table.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they always call it sauce. It's like six or seven stacked up nuggets

Speaker 2 with the cock sauced up. Yeah.
And I'll tell you what.

Speaker 2 What's that? Never mind. I'll tell you in four minutes.
Yeah, tell me.

Speaker 2 Can't wait.

Speaker 2 Damn. That would be awesome.
I would

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 2 But it's the Super Smash Brothers and Super Black people.

Speaker 2 Super black people. Yep, let's hear you out.
And what do you think? Is that just the NFL video? You have the Florida. Super Black People.
Melee.

Speaker 2 It's just Black Friday videos.

Speaker 2 Change store here.

Speaker 2 Apparently, this was the biggest Black Friday of all motherfucking time. Really? I would have assumed not because people shop online now.
But I think online, counting for counting for online. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, that makes sense then.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you this. Do they ever get around to counting the crows?

Speaker 2 Right. You know, I was just talking about this last night with Dasha.
Because I always thought it was county crows. The county crows? Like

Speaker 2 there was a county with a lot of crows in it.

Speaker 2 Then I found out it was counting crows. And I was like, that's a way worse than Mr.
Jones's dick.

Speaker 2 Tasting his penis.

Speaker 2 Tasting

Speaker 2 really good.

Speaker 2 I want to suck his penis

Speaker 2 and get fucked by it.

Speaker 2 I'm Mr. Gay sex.

Speaker 2 Oh, is that the killers? That's Mr. Brightside.
You can't don't don't

Speaker 2 go to Mr. Sex.

Speaker 2 They rip off O to Joy, and that's all.

Speaker 2 She was sucking my dick and calling my ass.

Speaker 2 And my dick is real small, and I'm fucking gay. I'm fucking gay as you.

Speaker 2 It was only a dick.

Speaker 2 It was only a dick. It was only a dick.

Speaker 2 It was only a dick. And I'm chucking my dick.
Then he starts.

Speaker 2 Chucking his tips. And I'm fucking my dad.

Speaker 2 I'm gay. I'll never be straight again.

Speaker 2 Man, this penis hurts my ass.

Speaker 2 I just wanna comb my pants. I am fucking gay as shit.

Speaker 2 I'm Mr. Gay Sex.

Speaker 2 Come on, Adam.

Speaker 2 I thought Bright Side, gay guy. No, man.

Speaker 2 I'm Mr. Gay Sex.
I'm Mr. Gay Sex.
It's over now. Okay, sorry.
But anyway, I think it's fucked up. You guys shouldn't make fun of that band because they're the band of my city.
Las Vegas, Nevada.

Speaker 2 Aren't they Mormon?

Speaker 2 The lead singer

Speaker 2 is, I think, Mormon.

Speaker 2 Them and Panic of the Discs.

Speaker 2 Please show respect to Panic of the Discord. Panic, where'd the dicks go?

Speaker 2 We're just sucking a bunch of dicks.

Speaker 2 That's that guy from Panic, Where the Dicks Go.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I don't know, Panic at the Disco song off the top of my head.

Speaker 2 That's the one

Speaker 2 door. Sugar, we're sucking off penis.
No, that's a. And now I'm having fucking good hairs on this.

Speaker 2 Sucking on a fucking penis.

Speaker 2 That's a.

Speaker 2 What do you call it?

Speaker 2 Sucking on dicks. Pete fucking

Speaker 2 gay.

Speaker 2 I fuck me.

Speaker 2 Do I get this Donkey Kong country game? Yes. Get them all.
Get by. Get every video game if your dick is big.

Speaker 2 Purchase every single goddamn one now.

Speaker 2 I haven't heard anything about Donkey Kong, but it's probably fun.

Speaker 2 The Switch is some good shit, man. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm a big motherfucking fan of the damn Switch.

Speaker 2 I want to buy a big-ass TV for just my room now. I've decided.
That's what I did. I know I got jealous.

Speaker 2 But I want a swinging-ass wall mount.

Speaker 2 I want to swing that shit around. I think that looks tacky.
Yeah, but I don't give a fuck, bro. I also don't have the kind of space you have to play with.
It looks like a dentist's office. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I'm about to root canal that pussy. That's what I'll tell the girls.
Maybe I'll get a dental chair, too.

Speaker 2 You're about to fuck girls and then like watch gay porn on your yeah, just stay hard.

Speaker 2 Stay hard. Yeah.
What is this shit? Don't worry about what's on the dish. It's not a Swiss.
I'm fucking girls. Cardboard boxes.
What's that? The shit for the Switch that's like cardboard boxes.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's some shit that they can build shit or something.
It's like circuits, I think, or some shit. It's trash.
Yeah, it's like you build controllers, I think.

Speaker 2 Or like a robot exoskeleton out of cardboard or some shit like that. What?

Speaker 2 I think so.

Speaker 2 You got this pro controller? I got a knockoff. I didn't pay $60.
What's the pro controller for? Just like you

Speaker 2 it feels more substantial in your hand. For playing what? Like Smash? Smash, Mario Kart, Mario Tennis, whatever you want, baby.
Do they have sports games on Switch? You play like 2K on Switch?

Speaker 2 Fuck that, dude.

Speaker 2 I mean, you're multi-platform.

Speaker 2 First of all, I got every motherfucking. They have so many goddamn accessories for this.
Look, there's a Pokeball. Throw it at the TV.

Speaker 2 Just break your TV. Yeah.
Now, I guess their strategy for this is just go like way too many accessories. Yeah, which is good.

Speaker 2 Good for them, dude.

Speaker 2 I used to have all the accessories for NES, dude. I had the Duck Hunter gun.
Do you have that glove? You have the power glove? I didn't have the power glove. I didn't either.
So I guess I just lied.

Speaker 2 But I did have the mouse for Mario Paint. I did too.
Which was sick. And I used to make beats on Mario Paint.
You make songs on there.

Speaker 2 I'm at a mom

Speaker 2 Stuff like that. Is that the kind of beach you would like? Shout out to Mario Paint girl.
Not about myself. One of the only people we support on.
That's right.

Speaker 2 One of the only artists we support. Yeah.
Her shit's great.

Speaker 2 I'm Adam, I'm gay. Gavy gay six.

Speaker 2 It's just Adam wearing like tight shit. Seven-year-old Adam.
And then like just an extremely tall black woman comes up and grabs his cross. She goes, His penis is so small.

Speaker 2 He's like, Calvin Klein, jails for clothes, Atlantic game.

Speaker 2 Just like slack.

Speaker 2 Yeah, 6'8 Caribbean woman.

Speaker 2 His dick's so small. Calvin Klein, gay,

Speaker 2 topples, but you can't see your titties.

Speaker 2 The camera just zooming in and out.

Speaker 2 That's a great commercial, man. They should hire you to art direct.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I've been laughing. I'm going to start my own clothing line called Gay Sex Mulan.

Speaker 2 I saw some of the first boxes. They look good.
Yeah, it's just, you know, like women walking up and down a catwalk real quick, lights flashing, zooming in and out on the catwalk.

Speaker 2 And then just like a 40-year-old man with like a $10,000 haircut and like, you know, fancy designer frames sitting like this, you know, with his legs crossed over completely in a chair at the far end of like a stage.

Speaker 2 And he goes, gay sex, milan.

Speaker 2 It's all clothes for women too.

Speaker 2 Gay sex, milan.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 2 I love it. Gay.
Sex.

Speaker 2 I've just been laughing about, and I don't know if I've mentioned on the show, I've told you guys about it before, but Terminator, but it's Arnold, and he's like, come with me if you want to be gay.

Speaker 2 Come with me if I'm gay. Come with me if you want to be gay.
Come with me if you want to have gay sex.

Speaker 2 Our brain is a Sybian 218.

Speaker 2 It is a fucking machine.

Speaker 2 In the future, you cannot be gay. My brain is a T1816 flashlight.

Speaker 2 It is shaped like a man's ass, though. Don't worry.
I've been reprogrammed to give you a pleasure, John Connor.

Speaker 2 Just John Connor is like, listen, I'm just sending myself back a gay sex robot. We're going to die anyway.
I might as well be gay shit and get the fuck as much as

Speaker 2 beautiful in the future. Your son finds out that he's gay.
He sent me back in the past

Speaker 2 to explain it to him now.

Speaker 2 He's just crying, getting his face out.

Speaker 2 He's a giant bodybuilder.

Speaker 2 What was it? Was John Connor his own dad or something? No.

Speaker 2 No. No, he's not his own dad.
The bodyguard from the first movie fucks Sarah Connor and becomes his dad's dad. Oh, the Twitchy guy or whatever? Yeah, his friend is his dad.
Oh, right.

Speaker 2 That doesn't make any fucking sense. That's tight.
If one of you guys was were my dad. We are both your dad.

Speaker 2 Well, the fact that he's his own dad proves that, like, no matter what, all of those events will happen.

Speaker 2 So no matter, like, what, you know, the movie's always somebody going back in time, but then the shit still happens anyways, because nothing ever changes. Oh, unless he kills himself.

Speaker 2 Well, he can't, yeah. Maybe he should kill himself.
The only Terminator I remember is the one with that German bitch. That big-titted Austrian girl.
Oh, yeah. Christina

Speaker 2 Ricci. No, it's.
Christina Hendrix. No.
No, it's Chris.

Speaker 2 Damn,

Speaker 2 I want Christina Hendrix.

Speaker 2 Christana Loken. Oh, yeah.
I definitely look. I love this.
Which one was that? Cheese one? No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was the weird one that it was like, remember when all TVs were like fucked up, like, and everything looked fake? Like, smoothing or whatever the the fuck that shit's called. What

Speaker 2 remember when like movies looked horrible on TVs for a while?

Speaker 2 Do you know what I'm saying? Damn, is that her? I think so. Nah, that's fake.

Speaker 2 That's fake. We're looking at her titties.
No, this is from Terminator 3. That's cool.
I'm in on that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I was looking at yesterday? Ooh, hell yes.

Speaker 2 What's that?

Speaker 2 A man's penis.

Speaker 2 This picnic. And you're inches from your face right before you were going to cycle.
Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up.

Speaker 2 Hold on a frame.

Speaker 2 A watercolor painting of a man's penis. It took you a hour.
No, it wasn't. A few hours ago.
No, shut up.

Speaker 2 Please, shut up. Please shut up.
Please shut up.

Speaker 2 Kisses it and puts it next to his bed. No, that's not what I

Speaker 2 was doing. Yeah, yesterday.

Speaker 2 What was it, Adam?

Speaker 2 The picture of Amanda Seiferid from The Fappening. Well, I'll tell you what, you can bet on whatever he's saying at betsi.com.

Speaker 2 The number one premier sports book, number one website that's ever existed. Betthsi.com has been in business over 20 years.
25. Paying out winners.
Sucking them off. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 If you're woke

Speaker 2 racist, white-black Chinese

Speaker 2 show up to the website, you play, bet, win, baby. They got an easy-to-use mobile playing interface, also also known as an app.
You download it on your phone. You can gamble anywhere.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 You can pretty much fucking gamble anywhere in the goddamn

Speaker 2 men's bathrooms, women's bathrooms,

Speaker 2 the family bathroom. You know who's in there? Carl Winslow and Steve Urkel.
That's right.

Speaker 2 That's what goes on in there.

Speaker 2 Or Little League teams. Because sometimes the family, you can choose your own family.
You just hear from the staff, Did I do that?

Speaker 2 Go home, Steve.

Speaker 2 Did I make you come? Anyways, they're in there betting on betthesi.com. Bet the SI offers live in-game.
Damn.

Speaker 2 Is that her tits for real? I think it is.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Let me see. No.
Nope.

Speaker 2 I hate that. In Blood Rain.
Yeah. Her tits are in Blood Rain? Nice.
Yeah, Adam's not allowed to see any of these hits. Holy shit.
What happened to this woman?

Speaker 2 Adam's only allowed to go to BetTheSi.com and try out their live in-game wagering. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And if he bets correctly, maybe he can see these titties of this woman that was in that one Terminator movie that sucked dick. But right now, which one? Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 Um, yeah, what else do they say? Sarah Connor was uh James Cameron's. By the way, if I told you, motherfuckers,

Speaker 2 I told you, motherfuckers, take the Ravens, and we almost beat the bitch-ass Chiefs.

Speaker 2 They covered, so you would have won, bitch. Almost, you know what? I'd say the problem was lack of defense.

Speaker 2 No, actually, we won't be. That's what I said.
Defense wins championship. Defense wins championship.
We heard it here first.

Speaker 2 Anyways, I always say that. Bet DSI offers odds on pretty much everything else,

Speaker 2 too.

Speaker 2 Including all major sports, politics, reality, TV, pretty much everything.

Speaker 2 They got a great mobile app. Easy to use from anywhere.

Speaker 2 And here's what we're going to be betting on this week. Yeah, the Ravens again.

Speaker 2 Bet on the Ravens again.

Speaker 2 We are actually going to be offering through the Augur crypto betting service. You can bet as we will Twitch stream us playing Mario Party

Speaker 2 with a rotating cast of characters, including Ian Fidance, Bonnie McFarlane, Bill Burr, David Cross, David Chappelle, Dave Chappelle will be here, Billy Crystal,

Speaker 2 Ted Dance, and in Blackface. Gregory will be here.

Speaker 2 Gregory will resurrect him. We'll be playing Mario Party.
Yeah, Mort Saul.

Speaker 2 Is he still on? Dick Benjamin.

Speaker 2 Oh, is that Omega? George Christmas.

Speaker 2 George Christmas. Up to bat.
Georgie Christmas. Becoming the best.
It's the Georgie Christmas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so Bet DSI. Yeah, betdsi.com.
No, we actually should do that. I agree.
Yeah, play Mario Part setup. Mario Part, you can gamble on who's going to win with only 15% of the pot going to us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you will gamble by give it. Actually, it'll be through our Venmo.
So

Speaker 2 send money to Stav69 on Venmo. Here's how it works.
You bet $20.

Speaker 2 Let's say you want, it's four of us playing. It's me, Adam, Stav, and Ian.
And you think Stav's going to win it all. You can bet $20 on Stav.

Speaker 2 15% of your bet, $15, goes to me and Adam and Stav. And $5 goes to the pot.
And then someone else bets. You know, somebody says, oh, I think Ian's going to win.
They spend $20.

Speaker 2 The $15 distributed to us, $5,55. The other $5 goes in in the pot.

Speaker 2 Turns out Adam wins. No one bet on it.
The additional $10, that goes right to us. That goes right to us directly.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I agree to that. That's right.
And if it looks like actually we're losing, whatever would be the game. Sometimes the game will just shut off.

Speaker 2 Some of them will have power failures. And in that point, there's no refund.

Speaker 2 So listen, bet with us, but

Speaker 2 if you want to definitely be paid out, you bet with Bet DSI, though. Yeah.
Because they pay out winners. Or you can go to CometownMarioPartybets.com.

Speaker 2 Or again, just donate direct, or not donate, but pay directly into my Venmo, and I'll make sure the money gets you.

Speaker 2 Actually, yeah, if you don't know, we do a premium episode every week at patreon.com/slash Cometown. And if you sign up, you're guaranteed entry into the Mario Party

Speaker 2 sweepstakes,

Speaker 2 which are the DNA. Which is something that is real and we will do.
Yeah. The DNS

Speaker 2 will be announced shortly.

Speaker 2 Just some of the details. The details will be announced Adams dickedly.
Yeah. I love, dude, love the Patreons where it's like, if I reach $100, I promise I will draw myself as Knuckles the Academy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Those are goals. I will clean out my garage.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the current promo code? Promo code. So if you're looking to be in the sports book, which is where...

Speaker 2 You love the sports book. So So when you sign up, make sure to use promo code COM120.

Speaker 2 We're talking about Betty Aside now, just to be clear, everyone. CUM 120, so they know we sent you.
And when you sign up, you've got some options. You can just play and cash out.

Speaker 2 Or you can take the bonus bucks, which is like getting a casino comp up front before you play at the table. I love it.
You know, that's like getting, let you kiss the dice.

Speaker 2 Maybe smell a little piece of that Fine Vegas pussy

Speaker 2 before you lose any on the craps tables.

Speaker 2 That's the secret. That's why Caesars are so good.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 There's a bunch of of bitches that they just get to touch.

Speaker 2 Welcome to You Get to Touch the Bitches Casino. That was actually a casino where you get to touch the bitches.
That was actually my father's job for some time. Yeah.
Touching bitches.

Speaker 2 But being a dice pussy holder? He would suck the dice out of women's pussies with his ass. Yeah, that's just what it's like growing up in Vegas.
Crazy. You know, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 Did you know Siegfried and Roy?

Speaker 2 I knew their house. What about Sucks? I knew where it was.
Are you sure you didn't grow up in Mas Gegas, which is Spanish for more gay guys,

Speaker 2 please?

Speaker 2 Well, yeah. Which is where you're from.
Are you sure? Mas Gegas. I'm not sure.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I bet you're not. Well, let's get a casino comp up front before you play the tables.
It has a rollover requirement, but it's free cash. Free motherfucker.

Speaker 2 So if you're going to be in the sports book, which is where we live in the world. I love the fucking sports book.

Speaker 2 If you use promo code CUM120, up to $1,000, you're going to give you 60% bonus cash, which would turn $1,000 into $1,600 to play with, like my penis. So once again, that's betthysi.com.
Come 120.

Speaker 2 Let's start the show. Let's start the fucking show.
Let's start the motherfucking show. Welcome to Come Town.

Speaker 2 My penis.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so Christina Lokin's

Speaker 2 Twitter image is her breastfeeding her infant. Nice.
Is that titty out there? No. No, fuck.
Sucking on that titty through the bikini top. Yo, respect to that guy.

Speaker 2 I respect any baby that sucks titties. It looks like this bitch's tits got smaller after the pregnancy.
Boo!

Speaker 2 Can you imagine being her? Boo!

Speaker 2 I would kill myself if I were. I would, yeah.
For sure.

Speaker 2 What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Why is that guy's penis out, man?

Speaker 2 I don't like this video. We are free of the frogs and krauts.
We are free of the Belgians.

Speaker 2 Stavs, that looks exactly like your dick. It is not.
It does not look exactly like your dick. I think that guy's dick might be bigger than yours.
No, actually, it's not. It's smaller.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 No, Adam. Is that guy's dick the same size as Stav's?

Speaker 2 I actually would say that Stav's dick is bigger than your dick. Thank you.
Yeah. And I'm not being like, thank you.
I'm just being honest. You're being an objective warrior for truth.

Speaker 2 I've seen your dick. Thanks, man.
Your dick is surprisingly not as bad as you make it sound. Thanks, man.
I keep expectation. I'm not saying it's good.
It's not good.

Speaker 2 But no, I really don't want to see this guy's dick anymore, man. Honestly.
Rick's it now.

Speaker 2 We are free of the frogs and

Speaker 2 is that Boris Johnson? We are free of the Belgians and

Speaker 2 Wops, but it's great. The WAPs? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who did he send that to? I don't know, but what an awful dick to have. That's a bad.
Yeah, that's a really rough dick. Yeah.

Speaker 2 At least my dick is smooth.

Speaker 2 So, your dad's taking the divorce well.

Speaker 2 Why has he got a willy pouch? That's one of the replies to this. What do you guys think? You're back on Twitter, huh? You're loving it.
You're back in.

Speaker 2 I am. You're posting for now.

Speaker 2 Bobby Kelly would like to FaceTime.

Speaker 2 I can't do it now. Sorry, Robert.
FaceTime him into the pod, dude. Okay.

Speaker 2 We're doing Come Town, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Bobby, we're recording the show.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll ever get to coming on the show. Oh, you're always invited.
Open invite. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Come tomorrow. Tune your volume up.
How are you doing? Good. We were just looking at a guy's penis on the internet.

Speaker 2 It was really small. Yeah, I got a Dyson.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, I'm all about gear.
Bobby, you're a tech guy?

Speaker 2 Bobby, what do you think about this? We

Speaker 2 bricks it now is that working can you see the man's penis that we were looking at can you see this guy's dick hey what do you guys think about this

Speaker 2 oh hey max

Speaker 2 yes bobby's hey max

Speaker 2 what do you think about that

Speaker 2 merry christmas buddy

Speaker 2 yeah that is adorable well

Speaker 2 oh, no, sorry. Max almost made his podcast debut on Come Town.
Hey, Maxie. Bobby's.

Speaker 2 Bobby's FaceTiming with Stobs, and his son just thinks he's taking a selfie.

Speaker 2 Hey, buddy.

Speaker 2 Good to see you. Wow, we've had a child on Come Town, guys.
All right, well, tell that baby we got to do our job. All right.

Speaker 2 He has a dog holiday hat. Sorry.

Speaker 2 All right. I'll call you back soon, buddy.

Speaker 2 Bobby, come on on the show.

Speaker 2 All right. All right.
Bye, dude. Bye, buddy.

Speaker 2 Oh, my beautiful father, Robert Kelly. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Damn, I missed that. Yeah, I bet you guys are pretty jealous.
Oh, who's just calling me? Barack Obama?

Speaker 2 I'm gay.

Speaker 2 Let me be clear. I'm Ryan Shuttle.
And I'm gay.

Speaker 2 And I am Barack Obama. Obama,

Speaker 2 and recording the podcast. Who's calling me now? The ghost of Senator John McCain?

Speaker 2 I just wanted to say I'm very disappointed that they're letting Muslims up here in heaven, which I fought for,

Speaker 2 lost the use of my arms fighting for heaven. And

Speaker 2 to see it just go to shit like this,

Speaker 2 frankly, quite disappointing.

Speaker 2 You think John McCain's mad? Bush is just plowing Barbara in front of him in heaven? Just driving his wheelchair into her poster.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they got that wheelchair fucking decked out with a little fucking dildos on each handle.

Speaker 2 He's just bending over, he's driving the dildos in like a battering ram.

Speaker 2 You think in heaven you go back to like the hottest version of you or you're just

Speaker 2 cold, dying, gross. I think you get to choose.

Speaker 2 You get to choose? You get to switch back and forth. So actually, you get to be a baby and you get to fuck women.
Because you're like, I'm an adult.

Speaker 2 I want to get to be a baby, but I'm a baby, and I get to eat pussy as a baby. That'd be pretty funny.
I mean, there's no concept of consent in heaven. No.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. They can't resist the baby.
You can't. That's the thing.

Speaker 2 A baby can't rape.

Speaker 2 If you think about it.

Speaker 2 I guess you. So that's a loophole in heaven.

Speaker 2 You choose your baby.

Speaker 2 You choose your baby form.

Speaker 2 And then you get to fuck as much pussy as you want. I get that.
I guess.

Speaker 2 It's fine. That makes sense.
Baby's fucking grown away.

Speaker 2 That is a hilarious. Announcement.
Friend of the show, show,

Speaker 2 Kevin Hart,

Speaker 2 is backed out of the Oscars. Oh, nice.
We're a pro Kevin Hart. We're a pro-Nick Cannon.
Absolutely. Have Nick Cannon host him, actually.
Dude,

Speaker 2 I'm on the record of saying I've always been a Nick Cannon. Milo got kicked off Patreon.
Stop. You probably think that's pretty good.

Speaker 2 Do I?

Speaker 2 Yeah, fuck Milo. I don't care.
Adam, you're probably on board with that happening, too. With who? Milo.
What did he do? Did he, like, do something violent? Yeah, he was being sassy.

Speaker 2 Oh, he was was being too gay? No, he literally, they didn't cite anything that he did wrong. It's just that he's associated with the Proud Boys.
Well, no, then I'm against that. Okay.

Speaker 2 And Gavin got kicked off YouTube today. But the Proud Boys have been labeled as like, I mean, it's a matter of opinion, but yeah, the SPLC.

Speaker 2 Listen, first of all, Milo is a countryman. Okay? And my Greek blood run is thicker than anything.
What's his name, dude? Milo Yiannopoulos.

Speaker 2 Milo Yiannis Popoulos.

Speaker 2 Milo Yannis Popoulos.

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 2 That's it. Black people.
Everybody,

Speaker 2 Milo Yannis Popoulos.

Speaker 2 That's so funny.

Speaker 2 What are Yannis? I don't even honestly know what Milo. I just know that he's a troll.
What are even his beliefs? He was like an alt-light. Yeah.
I think that was the movement he was associated with.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I don't even remember. I mean, I can't.
I'm thinking of him being a gay troll. No, he'd be like, you know, like trans people, disgusting.
Yeah, he's, you know, like, yeah,

Speaker 2 anti-trans stuff. Like, I'm not calling you by the anti-pronoun.

Speaker 2 He hates Palestinians. Oh, okay.
He wanted to be like a gay and culture. Yeah, which is kind of

Speaker 2 thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gotcha. Yeah.
That's it. No Palestine.
It's just for Jews. And then he's like, I can say it.
I get fucked in the ass by black guys.

Speaker 2 Which is a pretty funny rhetorical strand. He married a black guy.
Did he? Yeah. So he's getting his ass cheeks worked over.
Even though I think he was against gay marriage, too.

Speaker 2 So I don't know how that's like, gay people getting married. He's like, what's next?

Speaker 2 They're going to adopt dogs and be like straight people. It's disgusting.
Oh, that's what I was going to say about

Speaker 2 a WAP comedian being like...

Speaker 2 They got women turning into men, men turning into women now. You got gay guys wearing ladies' clothes.
It's like, what's next? Gay women?

Speaker 2 Or do you put on a fucking button-down shirt? What do they got next? With boots? We have a gay woman next.

Speaker 2 You kissing a fucking other woman, but

Speaker 2 you're not wearing lipstick neither? Come on. What the fuck is this shit? He just

Speaker 2 can't even conceive of it. She's 40.
She got her fucking short hair. Oh, maybe you cut your hair short.
What she got next? A gay woman, perhaps?

Speaker 2 Folks, I mean, we're living in strange times.

Speaker 2 And I'll tell you, when my daughter looks at me,

Speaker 2 my beautiful fucking daughter.

Speaker 2 What do we got? Fucking.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 we will be hosting the Oscars now, the three of us. Nice.
Kathy Griffin said that a woman should host it. What? Really?

Speaker 2 She came out and said that she was

Speaker 2 facing federal charges for doing a bad joke. That picture.

Speaker 2 How much, yeah, how much, like, it's how fucked up it is that she got in trouble for telling a bad joke. But then also, that Kevin Hart is bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Tweeted years ago. Okay.
And that, and that, yeah, it's time for a girl's chance to host the Oscars.

Speaker 2 I mean, there could be a would be. Then would be Goldberg do it? Literally, who gives a shit? Yeah.
It should be someone named Oscar. That's true.
That would make a lot of grouch.

Speaker 2 Oscar from the Archbishops. Oscar de la Hoya.
Oscar de la Hoya. Oscar Fuentes.

Speaker 2 Oscar Meyer. Meyer, just the car.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just have that on stage. The Oscar Meyer Rena Mobile game.
Yeah. I knew there was a guy

Speaker 2 that I lived two doors down growing up. Oscar's a good name.
Named Oscar, and I tried to see his son's penis when I was four.

Speaker 2 You tried to see his son's penis? Yeah. What do you mean you tried?

Speaker 2 Stav's parents, his family didn't have much money, so you'd have to go to school dressed only in Venetian blinds.

Speaker 2 He he would stand in the middle of the street peering through his blinds costume at this man's son's penis

Speaker 2 so maybe that guy maybe that guy could be that guy Oscar that guy could host just as a as an I'm sorry for what you did yeah I think that's a good idea I mean I didn't see this tried man

Speaker 2 we should tell Dan Ninan he can host the Oscars if he gets bottom surgery Reach out to him as the academy if he gets a pussy and be like look we we want you but we want a woman if Dan Dan will get surgery.

Speaker 2 That should be like a shrewd Hollywood move of Dance is to come out as a player trans. Yeah.
Yeah. Because then he's like, you know, then he'll be like, think he'll be more in demand or something.

Speaker 2 A lot of people remember the trans movement from Call Me Caitlin.

Speaker 2 I say call me whatever you want as long as you don't do it on my Samsung Galaxy essentially.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Yeah, nine and thank you.
What is the nine God up to these days, dude? Oh, he's crushing it, dude. He did a dentist's son's birthday.

Speaker 2 $5,000 a night, Acella

Speaker 2 Lounge. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Somebody pointed it out to me in the mentions, but they're like, yeah, what is the Acela lounge?

Speaker 2 It's like just another room. The training station sucks.
It's not like the United Club area. Right.
It's like he said it's like the Admiral Club.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the Delta Sky Lounge.

Speaker 2 Nah, they have a little spot where you, but yeah, it's just corner.

Speaker 2 It's just a bench that's cordoned off. Oh, it's not even a lounge.
No, no. There's some fake walls, I think.
I think so. But it sucks, Dick.
I mean, it's still in fucking Penn Station.

Speaker 2 Hanging out in Penn Station in the lounge. I'm actually, I think I'm anti-trains now again.
Yeah. Why? I don't know.
I love taking the trains. Trains and Brains.
Trains and Brains, baby.

Speaker 2 They call me the Midnight Zombie.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What are you sucking, Midnight Cruiser?

Speaker 2 What song is that? Midnight Cruiser. Oh.

Speaker 2 I've never heard it. Steely Dan.
Sucky Dick. Yeah.
How about that?

Speaker 2 That would be a good band. Sucky Dick? Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 What are some other Steely Dan songs? Oh, fuck. There's that one.

Speaker 2 Something about the kids are all right. Is that?

Speaker 2 Someone fucked me, then they ate my asshole filled with calm. There you go.

Speaker 2 I will never have sex with a woman, just a man.

Speaker 2 Dirty work.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, I don't remember how that goes.

Speaker 2 Everybody's sucking off my piece of money. Suck your dirty hog.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Got a piece of my cock.

Speaker 2 Did they make a Star Fox for Switch? No, but they fucking should.

Speaker 2 Damn, Star Fox rocked. Yeah.
I suck dick at it. I'm really not that good at video games.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Me either. I'm probably better than you are, but.
No, I'm better than you.

Speaker 2 You're good at first-person shooters, aren't you? Yeah, that's the only thing I really play, though. I'm good at sports games.
I just play like 2K and Madden. No, you suck, bitch.
You play 2G. 2G.

Speaker 2 That is true.

Speaker 2 Beat gay sports.

Speaker 2 Being gay. I'm being gay.

Speaker 2 I'm being gay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I missed the days where I was good at sports games, but my little brother's just so much better at them. I just don't have the finesse, dude.
Really? I don't have it in my fingertips.

Speaker 2 Some people are built for things so

Speaker 2 I was literally never good at them. I thought I was okay at Madden until it went online.
Then the first time I ever played them. Yeah, you just got beat a million dollars.

Speaker 2 I don't even know how to play the game. You got your pussy hole absolutely worked over.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because that's all those people do, man. I know.
But it was like a meeting. I love it.
In fact, I've been bad at most games when I first started.

Speaker 2 I got better at first-person shooters because I would just play them online all the time. Right.
But the first time I try to play anything online, I'm usually terrible at it.

Speaker 2 Did you ever play Rocket League, the soccer car game? No. It's like you play soccer, but

Speaker 2 it's for cars. Sounds like it's for babies.
No, it's not.

Speaker 2 That game sort of sucks, dick. It sounds like it's for babies.

Speaker 2 I think it's pretty pretty.

Speaker 2 Adam coming through with the fucking baby games immediately. Do you ever play the game where Lego Ninjago is for adults? Do you guys know that?

Speaker 2 Do you ever play the game where there's like Lego Indiana Jones? There's a farm. Yeah, the Star Wars one?

Speaker 2 There's like a thing like so you press a button and it goes moo and you have to pick which animal says it. Yeah, that sounds cool.
Adam, have you ever played that game? Which game? It's a game where

Speaker 2 you press a button and it does a sound.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you pull a cord and it spins around. You have to pick which animal.
Oh, yeah, the cow goes moo. Yeah, yeah.
Have you ever played that?

Speaker 2 That seems the kind of stuff you'd like. Yeah, that's a good game.
Or like maybe you get a shape and there's like a hole. Uh-huh.
Sometimes

Speaker 2 you have to decide which shape goes into the hole.

Speaker 2 That's, you know,

Speaker 2 that can get complicated. That seems pretty stimulating.

Speaker 2 Like the way you stimulate my

Speaker 2 glands.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I play, I mean, I play more mature stuff than that. Wall ball.
Someone fucked me. Smear the queer.
Wall balls for Chinese guys.

Speaker 2 Damn, it was so funny. We were just playing a game called Smear the Queer.
I don't remember that game. You never played just the queer?

Speaker 2 It was like everyone had to tackle one person who was the designated queer that's why i got tackled all the time

Speaker 2 it would be funny if uh it was like instead of smear the queer but it was like it was smearing like slandering the queer yeah or talking shit smear the queer i heard smear the queer bitch and you have to like cover them and the queer is yeah how about that smear the queer huh boys

Speaker 2 how about queer the queer

Speaker 2 fucking fuck that kid

Speaker 2 it's so psycho Kids are crazy. Hey, Michael, how was school?

Speaker 2 It was pretty fun. We all got together and tried to sex out the gay kid.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we all sucked his dick and fucked him. But he's gay.

Speaker 2 They're like, you kids, back in my day, we went steady with each other.

Speaker 2 Two gay guys would go steady.

Speaker 2 I get into too much heavy petting.

Speaker 2 My friend was telling me last night that in middle school, he asked the gay black kid to be his Valentine, and the kid said yes, and he's like, no, hell no, I'm not going to be your Valentine, you're gay.

Speaker 2 And then his three gang member cousins

Speaker 2 saw him at a McDonald's and like tried to kick his ass. And then the McDonald's people kicked them out of the store.
And then he had to run away from them into a blockbuster. They followed him in.

Speaker 2 They were like throwing DVDs on the ground and stuff. Wow.
You never get our gay cousin hopes up like that. It is kind of nice.
Yeah, it was very nice. That they stuck up for their cousin like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, that is very mean mean to do to the gay kid.
It's totally mean. Although, expected for, you know, a certain age demographic.
Like, no, that's like

Speaker 2 that's too far. I don't know.
Beating him up? No, no. I mean, no, not beating him up.
Like, like, telling a gay kid, do you want to go to prom? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then being like, psyche, I think it was like, psych queer. Do you want to be my Valentine or something? And he was like, what? And he's like, never mind.
He's like, psych, you're gay or something.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's mean. It's a very mean thing.
Is your friend gay? No, he's not gay. Are you sure? Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 2 I think your friend's gay. No, no, no, no.
He's not gay.

Speaker 2 It is pretty mean, dude. No,

Speaker 2 the guy's gay. Let's ask him out and then say psych for you and then beat him up.
I was nominated for. I hope we get to do that together.
I think as a prank. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 I think as a prank, I was nominated for junior prom king against

Speaker 2 one dude who was like a

Speaker 2 drug dealer and another dude who was a gay black guy. And the gay black guy just whacks.
Yeah, that's I lost Got King, and he was just like crying and stuff.

Speaker 2 I lost Mr. Polly the award, the simple award for Polly Amory.
No, yeah, Mr. Polly.

Speaker 2 I didn't do enough food bonding. Pollyo String Cheese.

Speaker 2 Who ate the most live parents?

Speaker 2 The award for Mr. String Cheese.
It's his only name on the ballot is Stop. His mom's at prom with him holding his hand.

Speaker 2 I'm crying and eating two string cheeses while it's going on. Stop rose argument.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just running the stairs to the stage break as you see this drawing.

Speaker 2 I think a breather. You're just smashing through the stage like a street shark.

Speaker 2 Your feet are like where the rest of the room is.

Speaker 2 Just barreling through the floorboards. Just do the street shark.
You guys said I could never do it. And the teacher's like, why the fuck is this little balance?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just technically so fat. He's retarded.
And we had to do it. We'd lose our funding.
Mom, just holding your hand.

Speaker 2 You're running up the

Speaker 2 just crying and eating string cheese.

Speaker 2 No, Mr. Polly was the coolest kid in school, and I lost it to a gay black man as well.
Yeah. Although I think he was in the closet, but the guy responded like he just won Miss America.

Speaker 2 He was like crying. Yeah.
Someone, I think his friend gave him flowers. How about I felt good for him?

Speaker 2 Say it again, Nick. Piss America.

Speaker 2 There she is. Miss Piss America.

Speaker 2 She has sex monkey style.

Speaker 2 What's monkey style? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Hanging from a tree. Okay.
I would love it if I could wrap my dick around a tree branch and then eat pussy upside down like a monkey would. Mmm, yes, absolutely.
That would be awesome.

Speaker 2 Yep. With a tail? I'm sorry.
Would you have a tail like that? Yeah. No.

Speaker 2 Would it be your legs or your tail that you're on the tree? I forgot already. I don't know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that would be cool.

Speaker 2 I was never able to climb a tree in my life. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Even as a youth, I was too scared of heights

Speaker 2 and fat. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I hated climbing fences.

Speaker 2 You know what? I loved climbing shit as a kid. I was definitely a climber.
I'd go to the tops of fucking trees and be be like, Nick, get down.

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. Fuck you.
I'm not going to let you get away with this. You don't let me touch little girls' pussies.

Speaker 2 This is my house.

Speaker 2 Shut up.

Speaker 2 But I want to touch their pussies. Nick, stop touching their pussies.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I could not do that shit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I could not climb. Yeah, because of gravity? No, because my,

Speaker 2 I didn't want to. His penis is too small.
It was too big, actually. No, it's too small.
My little baby penis.

Speaker 2 The doctor's like looking at your penis through a magnifying glass, and he's like,

Speaker 2 he's never going to be able to climb trees.

Speaker 2 Your mom is like crying. Yeah.
Check again. That's what my dad just selled.

Speaker 2 The doctor's like,

Speaker 2 I'm going to write you a prescription. It's just like strong cheese.

Speaker 2 The idea of you just smashing through the stage.

Speaker 2 All the steps break as you step on each one and just go right back down to the ground level.

Speaker 2 It's just right here, like belly level. Yeah, just smashing through all the boards.
Thank you, everyone. I'm so happy.

Speaker 2 Mom, I did it.

Speaker 2 There you go, Mrs. Stavres.
Did I? You're not a girl? Did either of your parents ever have you in karate? Very briefly, I took a couple taekwondo classes,

Speaker 2 but it was pretty fucking boring. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was my thing. I remember like begging to go to kung fu

Speaker 2 and then going like twice. Yeah, and be like, what the fuck? Where aren't we smashing

Speaker 2 orders? I just stayed in the back and like fucked around on the punching bag and they wanted to do like dances.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude, the first couple of fucking classes are all just like going height. And just fucking stretching and basically.
Yeah, that shit sucks. You get to throw like two kicks.
Right.

Speaker 2 Fuck that. Fuck, fuck classes classes of anything.

Speaker 2 I'm doing that shit straight on.

Speaker 2 What is that? It's much more fun to just go pick fights with the retarded kids. Yeah, because they can fight.
They can be strong as hell, dude.

Speaker 2 And you can ding their fucking head off the curb and you don't have to worry about it. Pops right back up.

Speaker 2 So true.

Speaker 2 You might actually even out their head shape. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you guys know any kids with fucked up like dented heads? Dented heads? Yeah, I knew a couple of of those motherfuckers with weird little oblong ass heads. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, there was people with like weird shaped heads, but they had a fucking ass. I don't know about like a dent.

Speaker 2 I got a friend who's got a square ass head, and then I found out it was because he was born in the USSR, and he wasn't given a pillow when he was, like, a baby.

Speaker 2 And so, like, the the like he was sleeping on a hard surface, and it just flattened out the back of his head.

Speaker 2 I felt so bad for that. Lego ass head, motherfucker.
I felt so bad for making fun of him. Like, look at your big ass, dumb-ass head.
And then I found out it was because literally

Speaker 2 they didn't have that shit in Lithuania.

Speaker 2 They had to get pillows for babies. It's just because Adam's penis was too small.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That is so true, actually.

Speaker 2 Now that I think about it. Now that we think about it.
That is so fucking true.

Speaker 2 Did you buy an extra

Speaker 2 card for this? No, I didn't. I need to, because I already ran out of space because I've been downloading so much fucking shit.
Do you download the games? I just go buy them.

Speaker 2 I've downloaded a couple games, yeah. Dude, the fucking the PS4, like, even buying the C D's you still have to download it's still like it ran out of a terabyte.

Speaker 2 No, you're out of a terabyte.

Speaker 2 I just got a terabyte one, too. Yeah, no, I ran I have like seven games and it's like out of space.
That sucks so much fucking kite. Well, fucking Gran Turismo takes up like a hundred and fifty games.

Speaker 2 It's all like photorealistic for the Italian countryside. Yeah,

Speaker 2 damn.

Speaker 2 Maybe you should move to Italy. Should I? Yeah.
Sucked Italy. Mm-hmm.
I can't wait to be.

Speaker 2 I hope I get to be a Porsche millionaire at some point. Yeah, dude.
Or you could be like Joey in that episode of Friends. Which

Speaker 2 he just buys a Porsche jacket

Speaker 2 and tells girls he has a Porsche. We could do that right now.
I don't give a shit about telling girls I have a Porsche. I want an actual Porsche.
It's the ultimate

Speaker 2 rich guy car.

Speaker 2 The Porsche? Yeah. Nah, dude.
There's cooler cars than that shit. Nah, that's for rich assholes.
No, dude, what about

Speaker 2 what are rappers whipping these days? I don't know. They were obsessed with like Maybachs for a while.
No, it's not Maybachs now. The name is.

Speaker 2 What's a Rafe?

Speaker 2 I don't know. A Rolls-Royce?

Speaker 2 Maybe.

Speaker 2 Rolls-Royce's are dumb. They're just like living rooms that you can do.
I like that shit. Yeah, I want that shit.
I want to be comfy, bitch. They're like just a really nice living room.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's a British guy that comes with you that sucks your cock. You remember I had to babysit a Rolls-Royce

Speaker 2 for like one of those

Speaker 2 sharp boy jobs. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Was it cool? Oh, it is a Wraith.
It's a Rolls-Royce Wraith. Rolls-Royce Wraith.
What is that?

Speaker 2 It's their

Speaker 2 performance.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a $400,000.

Speaker 2 The $400,000 Rolls-Royce Wraith is a car with no rivals. You hear that, Adam? Does that sound like a fucking living room to you, you fucking bitch? Sounds like a nice thing in the room.

Speaker 2 In the doors, they got

Speaker 2 the Wraith has it. The Phantom has it where it's like in the doors, there's

Speaker 2 umbrellas. Yeah, I just said that.
Yeah, they like pop out. It comes with custom umbrellas.
That rules. Yeah, sick.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck, dude. Life.
Anyways, no, Porsche.

Speaker 2 Porsche is a better rich guy car.

Speaker 2 This is more of a performance performance vehicle. Yeah, it's like that.
That's like the rich guy car where you just like, you know, you think your daughter's a slut.

Speaker 2 Like hot daughter or whatever.

Speaker 2 Yes, of course. You know, you want to fuck her friends real bad.
Yeah. You still do drugs at 60.

Speaker 2 They're like, they're like, Mr. Mullin's so funny or whatever.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I'm pretty

Speaker 2 funny, huh? Fucking hanging out in the basement or something. I want to come down there.
All right, Sarah. Don't tell your mom.

Speaker 2 Winking at her and shit. I'm the guy.
wife

Speaker 2 she's watching everything happen

Speaker 2 just watching me just clearly flirt with the child

Speaker 2 the island kitchen just downing wine

Speaker 2 i look at her i'm like what

Speaker 2 what the fuck is it now oh my

Speaker 2 you know what i'm saying why don't you go upstairs and the fucking sit on the balcony i fucking bought us huh you fucking whore why don't you go upstairs and sit on that fucking cot i bought for you that fucking cot I bought with the hard work, the puss of food on this fucking table.

Speaker 2 The hard work I do every fucking day, I leave this fucking house and I do the fucking work.

Speaker 2 Tony, you've been home all day hitting on a child.

Speaker 2 Every fucking day I go out and I do fucking work.

Speaker 2 Did Meadow have any hot ass friends? No, just David Chase's daughter. Yeah, she was busted.

Speaker 2 I would love to smash Meadow. Hunter.
Hunter? Let me get some of that. She looks like shit.

Speaker 2 I want my dad. Don't fuck women at Meadow, dude.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 She's so hot. That is all right.

Speaker 2 Hunter Scarangelo. No, Scangarelli or something.
Yeah. Bitch, but

Speaker 2 what is it?

Speaker 2 Scandarello. Scandarello.

Speaker 2 Sangennaro? Sangrangelo. Sangrangelo.
San Frangelico. Yeah.
Look how busted she is. She looks just like David Chase.
Yeah. That is a tough guy to look like as a woman.
Yeah, I know. Oh my God.

Speaker 2 But at the same time,

Speaker 2 you know what I'm saying? I would let her do the Hokey Pokey on my Prigadoro.

Speaker 2 You put my left knot in, you put my left knot in, you put my left knot out, you suck my left knot in, and you put my nuts out.

Speaker 2 And then you put my dick inside your mouth. You suck my little penis, and I come out.
She better Soprano quit movies to be a mom.

Speaker 2 I just think her career wasn't going that good. She was on Maxim, I remember.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she'll always be on my Hot 100.

Speaker 2 There's some nice fakes of Meadow.

Speaker 2 Deep fakes? Not even deep. She quit before the deep fake era.
I remember she was faster. Yo, Pregnant Meadow, I would smash.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. Oh, damn.
Yeah, she's got some.

Speaker 2 Honestly. Yeah, she's got some big-ass pregnant detonas.

Speaker 2 Damn. My favorite Meadow is right after

Speaker 2 we're going to play Mario Party and then before

Speaker 2 my favorite meadow is right after Jackie Jr. dies, and she just becomes a bitch.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, she like she snaps at that woman who's that girl clearly talking about.
She's the mean.

Speaker 2 Because here's the thing that's clear with the Sopranos. Meadow is actually.

Speaker 2 What is that? Meadow is actually Tony's heir. She's the one that should have been his heir.

Speaker 2 That's definitely cocaine. It's either cocaine or Molly or something.
I don't know what's doing on the floor over there. It came out of Adam's ass.

Speaker 2 Nah, if it was cocaine and the bag was empty, the bag would be torn open. That's true.

Speaker 2 You should just do it for fun.

Speaker 2 You put my left balls in. Right, I'm just going to say my full dates.
I think

Speaker 2 this is Molly or something. Molly.
Did you do a little Molly before Funny Moms? Maybe. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Imagine how bad comedy would be if the performers were doing Molly. Yeah.
I think it was. That's so funny that you said that, dude.

Speaker 2 What do you think would happen? Dude, imagine if that.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine that? What?

Speaker 2 Dude. What do you think? Oh my God, that would be sort of like, dude.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine? Shut up.

Speaker 2 Just throw it in. Sure, any of my other ideas.
No, no, no, no. What are some other ideas? Dude, can you imagine if the performers were on drugs?

Speaker 2 No, but Molly specifically. Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God. Coke makes sense.
Being drunk makes sense for comics to struggle with those things.

Speaker 2 Even being high makes sense, but being on molly. I can't.
I honestly can't imagine it.

Speaker 2 That's too fucked up. Dude, I'm just trying to imagine if the performers are on drugs, dude.

Speaker 2 Not any drug. That is so crazy.

Speaker 2 That would be fucked up, I think, actually. It's so crazy to imagine that, dude.

Speaker 2 That is such a like, how would you even come up with a wild scenario like that to imagine it and just not even say anything about it?

Speaker 2 The implication alone is already already so funny that you don't need to say I think, in general, people on drugs when they shouldn't be. Now, that's some funny stuff.
That is hilarious.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine if, like,

Speaker 2 what are you? I don't even understand what you're making fun of.

Speaker 2 Molly, we're not making fun of anything. We're talking about what a good comedic premise this is.

Speaker 2 What a hilarious observation.

Speaker 2 Yeah, hilarious, what-if hypothetical. I'm not, I'm just imagine if the comedian

Speaker 2 was off-handed.

Speaker 2 No, I know, you're right. You're right, and it's fair.
It was bullshit, but it is just funny to just key in on something. I know, I know, I know.
It is funny. I get it.

Speaker 2 I get how this works.

Speaker 2 You suck my hard-ass dick. You suck my hat.
All right, so stop. Where are you going to be on the

Speaker 2 breakfast tour? The butt the breakfast tour, baby. I hear some good things.
And we're selling calendars, baby. So buy the fucking stoppy baby calendar.
It's out there. Stoppy.biz, my website.

Speaker 2 They're beautiful calendars. You're going to love them.
They're flying like hotcakes. We've sold over 100 already, so keep them coming.

Speaker 2 I'm in fucking Columbus this Friday. Sorry again about Indy.
I'm in Cincinnati this Saturday, the 15th, and Cleveland on the 16th.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking about maybe doing a benefit show for my family friend that recently lost lost his mother in Baltimore on the 22nd.

Speaker 2 I don't know where I am.

Speaker 2 I can't find my mom.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. He's just out of my mind.
It's Desi R word.

Speaker 2 My friend Desi R word word. He's a 40-year-old guy.

Speaker 2 Somebody help me find her.

Speaker 2 So there might be a show in Baltimore on the 22nd. I will post about that soon.
But for now, come see your boy in fucking Pittsburgh on the 11th, Buffalo on the 12th, Schenectady on the 13th.

Speaker 2 Oh, and also Lancaster on the 10th on the way to Pittsburgh. And then big show, Phoenix.
I'm motherfucking coming on the 19th. Please buy your tickets.
It's a big-ass venue.

Speaker 2 Our analytics say people listen in Phoenix. I'm going to be fucked if people don't show up to that show.
So please come. And then LA, we're going to add a second show.
Buy your tickets now.

Speaker 2 I need like 10 more people to buy, and they said that'll be enough to buy a second show, to start a second show. So do that shit, baby, boys and girls.
That's on the 2nd.

Speaker 2 And I'm in San Diego on the 27th. Before that, stavi.biz for the butt the breakfast tour.
Come on out, you fucking slobs.

Speaker 2 And then this is the last funny moms of the year. We're also

Speaker 2 probably going to be in DC in March with all the boys.

Speaker 2 So that's something to look forward to. We will finalize all the details there.
We'll likely be part of the Underground Comedy Festival doing a live podcast and a stand-up show.

Speaker 2 So get your little dick holes. Get a very nice venue.
Get your little dick holes wet. Probably coming back to the motherfucking black

Speaker 2 um also funny moms will be back we'll be returning january 14th nice so have a happy holiday season everyone have a have a holiday

Speaker 2 holiday suck my little dick suck a man's dude we wish you a figgy pudding we suck you a hard ass peen

Speaker 2 yeah they say that in that song do they we should record the song when i come back from cleveland we should record an album i got i wrote my song already. Shut up, dude.

Speaker 2 You heard it. Shut up, bitch.
All right.

Speaker 2 You guys want dinner? I'm fucking hungry as shit. I eat too many Oreos.

Speaker 2 Let's just get tacos. I always get tacos.
I'm too tired to do the show. Come on, we have to do the show.
It's a good show. It's a good lineup.
Bonnie McFarlane, JP McDade, Nick Naney.

Speaker 2 None of you will be able to go to it because it's happening. This is coming out after the show.
But I am very excited about it. It's going to be really funny.

Speaker 2 So if you didn't come to this one, you'd probably feel like an asshole, you dumb piece of shit. Yeah, asshole.
Ooh, what the? Who is that? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm on some Twitter page called UK Slags and Sluts.

Speaker 2 UK slags and sluts. We probably talked about this on Come Town before, but

Speaker 2 that fucking...

Speaker 2 Okay. That fucking genre of porn dogging.
Have you ever watched that? No. Where it's just British women being driven to a field and like being fucked? Hell yes.
This bitch just pulled up.

Speaker 2 Let me see out.

Speaker 2 No, man. Come on.

Speaker 2 Chill out.

Speaker 2 Alright, guys. Well, that's the show.
I see.

Speaker 2 Wait, what's dogging? Dogging is like, just go to a field and fuck a bitch in a field. That doesn't sound enough.
It doesn't make any sense. That doesn't sound like enough money.

Speaker 2 Why is it called dogging? I know. But it's only British, I think.
Maybe I'm completely wrong. That's what I'm saying for the concern.
My name is Jean Raw.

Speaker 2 Jean-Raw? Genre. My name is John Ra.
Oh, Oh, Jean-Raw. My name is Genre category.
Man, I tried to fucking change my flight to like, and Delta has, like, a bereavement policy if there's like a death.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 at first, it was like, like, I got a really nice Asian gay man. And then he was like, okay, this all sounds good.
We're going to figure it all out.

Speaker 2 And he's like, I just need to transfer you to my supervisor for the final steps. And it was an old black lady.
And I was like, I'm fucked.

Speaker 2 And then it didn't happen. They're like, oh, no, we can't do that.

Speaker 2 It's just

Speaker 2 once you hear an aged black lady customer service trying to do something like

Speaker 2 extra. Not me.
You just need to know the code words.

Speaker 2 What are they? You say,

Speaker 2 no, no, you got to be like.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 We talked about saving Private Ryan. Oh, yeah.
What was that? Not very good. Not good.
It's like a lot of bad performance. I remember it being very good.
I did.

Speaker 2 But you were like 13 when you were doing it. Yeah, I know.
It's just like Gladiators. I mean, there's a lot of of dumb shit.
No, Gladiator's.

Speaker 2 First and foremost, it's like, you know, they're all just like

Speaker 2 from Brooklyn. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, that's worse than Bandit Brothers is.
But then, yeah, Ed Burns is in it, and he's the Brooklyn guy.

Speaker 2 And in case you didn't realize he was from Brooklyn, he's wearing a jacket that says Brooklyn, New York on it. No, yeah.

Speaker 2 I remember that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That sucks. It's very stupid.
Fuck that. I watched Boogie Knights again.
It's fucking rules still.

Speaker 2 Best movie of all time, dude. The best.

Speaker 2 That's the movie corner, everyone.

Speaker 2 I saw the the favorite anytime ago. Incredible.
Five stars. I think that's the show.
The favorites. Yeah.