Ep. 64 – Tier One

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Speaker 2 i uh

Speaker 2 i started a while ago yeah oh really podcast

Speaker 2 did we get the thing where i called adam a jewish i said yeah you're a jap no no jewish

Speaker 2 noam is holding the microphone so it's just a little bit of silence oh nice

Speaker 2 Well, anyway, guys,

Speaker 2 I like it. I like it because, like, I don't know how to remove the noise floor.

Speaker 2 So, it's kind of like when you start the podcast and there's silence, it's like you get that warmth of a vinyl record. Oh, yeah, dude.
It makes people think about, you know,

Speaker 2 time.

Speaker 2 You got ages. The ages that are happening.
Oh, yeah. The fall's coming up.
The fall is coming. Well, we are

Speaker 2 here to get all of our pods on vinyl. We're all almost 30 now.
You got to listen to us on analog.

Speaker 2 Think back on all the relationships you've been through, how they got fucked up, they don't give a shit anymore. Yep.
They don't care. No.

Speaker 2 You just want to take a nice train ride out to the aqueduct, smoke a little cigarillo, and bet on some ponies. Yeah, we should go to

Speaker 2 pony. I have to go by myself.

Speaker 2 Me and Adam will go. It's a personal thing.
Are you going to get into gambling? Am I ready for the next addiction? Have you ever been into gambling? No, I'm not really.

Speaker 2 I used to gamble as a 13-year-old. I used to gamble on football games in Texas Hold'em when everyone was in the hold'em.

Speaker 2 I have a friend who's a degenerate gambler, and he lives in Connecticut, and he met his new girlfriend at Mohegan's Son. Wow.
And she's also a degenerate gambler. Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 Sounds like he's gambling on love. There was a heroin addict.
It was my boss when I was a teenager. At what job? At Jerry's Subs and Pizza.
Hell yeah. And

Speaker 2 he was also

Speaker 2 really in a scratch-off lottery. And he was like, no, dude, there's a fucking way to, you know, he had a sister.
I got a sister.

Speaker 2 He did. The scratch-off lottery.

Speaker 2 Nah, dog. If you do it with pennies instead of quarters, you'll win 25% more.
Yeah, that's really sad. Oh, yeah.
Gambling is really sad. Yep.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I've talked about my crazy grandfather who lost all his, what didn't go to birds, went to the fucking lotto, and he never won. He won.
I'm really sorry.

Speaker 2 Everybody's grandfather was a degenerate gambler. That's just what grandpas do.
My other one was an alcoholic. He wasn't a gambler, though.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 My grandpa was.

Speaker 2 I remember for my eighth birthday, I think. I can't remember which birthday it was, but he got me a free desk calculator from the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City.

Speaker 2 It's like something they just gave him for coming all the time. Because he lost $400.
And they were like, here's a $3 calculator. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I just said that. That's hilarious.

Speaker 2 So one was a gambler. Yeah, I had a gambler, an alcoholic.
We know you have one rapist grandfather. What about what else do you have? Who's on the other side? My dad.

Speaker 2 But that's a type of gambling, you know?

Speaker 2 Gambling with the law.

Speaker 2 Okay, so gambler slash rapist. Who's the other one?

Speaker 2 What are you talking about? The other grandfather?

Speaker 2 Yeah, give us a little background. I heard he was a very weak man and he got bullied by his wife.
I never met him.

Speaker 2 I just heard about his weakness. It's legendary.

Speaker 2 So we know what you inherited from both of them.

Speaker 2 My mom's mom used to do this thing after her husband died when my parents were dating or like a young couple where she'd like, she had a man's watch in the house and she would leave it on the bedside table

Speaker 2 next to

Speaker 2 just a simulated

Speaker 2 side of the table to like make my parents think that she was getting dick.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why? She was a weird lady. Is that the one?

Speaker 2 She divorced a bunch? No, no. This is my mom's house.
Really? She was also notoriously cheap, and she'd like,

Speaker 2 she'd have us over for dinner. She was.
She was the most cheap person in the family.

Speaker 2 She'd have us over for dinner, and she'd buy a piece of meat, and like the running joke would be, like, she'd take it out of the oven. As you know, when you cook meat, it shrinks.

Speaker 2 She would always say, oh, you should have seen the size of it before I put it in. That's what I say about my dick.
Yeah, it's like when it gets hard.

Speaker 2 It's like a little pot roast. It shrinks when it gets hard.
But like, it would be hilarious.

Speaker 2 I'd have to go over to her house for dinner because she moved to vegas before she died and uh she'd give us like you know three peas like a carrot jesus

Speaker 2 it was like good god it was like yeah it was she really lived up to the jewish height

Speaker 2 old country jewish oh that's awesome i mean even though she was south african it was like she was afraid it was like that that generation is which country the bank

Speaker 2 yeah yeah no the is that where they live at the bank

Speaker 2 That's good. No, but like that whole generation is almost completely dead now.
You know, I love in Philly there's the U.S.

Speaker 2 Mint where they make the pennies, and then directly upwind is the Jewish American History Museum.

Speaker 2 Upwind.

Speaker 2 Upwind.

Speaker 2 We got a great location right next to the bakery.

Speaker 2 That's so funny. Just walking through that neighborhood.
Yeah, I was all drunk at like 11 o'clock in the morning when I made that discovery. That's beautiful in Philly.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I was like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Hey, come here.
I got to tell you something.

Speaker 2 I'm part of the field trip. I'm not part of the field trip, but I could be.

Speaker 2 I went to school.

Speaker 2 Let me relive my childhood via your field trip. I promise I won't breathe in any of the kids' mouths.

Speaker 2 You're just alone in the back of the line.

Speaker 2 No, I went in the middle. There was literally no one in there.

Speaker 2 I did I'd walked through it.

Speaker 2 That's like a very shitty place to tour. It's the U.S.
Mint in Philadelphia. I think it's going to take pennies? No, you can't do anything.

Speaker 2 Sorry. I was just asking you first.
You go in, you go up an escalator.

Speaker 2 There's a single hallway filled with a couple of plaques and windows into like the, you know, where they stamp out the sheets of pennies and cut them or whatever. And then

Speaker 2 you go down another escalator that exits through the gift shop, and that's pretty much it. Nice.

Speaker 2 And you buy like penny t-shirts? They have the gift shop. And then, when I went into the gift shop,

Speaker 2 that'd be a nice gift for me. When I went into the gift shop,

Speaker 2 shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Shut up, please. I'm sorry.
Dude, he went into a gift shop. Can we figure out how this ends, please? I know.

Speaker 2 It's not even that good of a story, but you have to keep making this t-shirt joke over and over again. I just made it once.
No, you said it two or three times.

Speaker 2 He said, Is there a penny t-shirt?

Speaker 2 That would be a good birthday present for me.

Speaker 2 I like the range of Adam impressions we have on this show. I appreciate that.
That was the least gay impression. This is me trying to save money.
This is me thinking I'm funny.

Speaker 2 It's the different modes of Adam. It's true.
Dr. Pussy.
I'm like that movie Inside Out. I got all different types of things inside of that.
That's good. Mostly man.

Speaker 2 I like that movie In N-Out, where Kevin Klein... He's gay, he's not gay.
He thinks he's gay, and then he turns out he's not gay. He just likes drama.

Speaker 2 Is that the plot of a movie?

Speaker 2 The plot of the movie is like there's some gay guy that becomes famous, and he's like, I just really want to thank my high school English teacher, who was the first gay person I knew, you know, back in my small town in Maine or whatever.

Speaker 2 And Kevin Klein plays the teacher, and he's like, He thinks I'm gay? And everyone's like, Really? Yeah, and everyone's like, Yeah, we all thought you were gay. And he's like, Maybe I'm gay.

Speaker 2 And he starts sucking cops just to see.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he goes on like a little truck stop tour. nice, getting

Speaker 2 pre-hooked out by a couple of convoy boys,

Speaker 2 goes to a bunch of

Speaker 2 bathrooms, you know. Hell yeah, and then you know, he does enough burning the candle on both ends, gets diagnosed with HIV, gets fired from the job at the school.
He actually gets AIDS, no,

Speaker 2 I'm making a much better movie.

Speaker 2 So, it's just a movie about a guy who sucks cocks.

Speaker 2 I'm imagining a movie called The Teacher, nice directed by me,

Speaker 2 just gay porn. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But, you know, it's Oscar worthy. Oh, of course, brother.

Speaker 2 In fact,

Speaker 2 the name of the main character is Oscar Winner. Oh, that's good.

Speaker 2 So when they read it off,

Speaker 2 the movie opens and

Speaker 2 it's in sepiotone, right? Of course. But then there's neon highlighting.
So it's a visual style where you say, what is this? Is it the past? Is it the future? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a little bit of both, guys. It's about the dichotomy of, you know, whatever.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 we see a bathroom. There's a trans person just covered in fucking needles like a porcupine.
Okay. You know, she's got hypodermic needles sticking out of them.
They're overdosing.

Speaker 2 And then a Republican is having sex with the trans person's mouth.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 they go, don't tell anybody about this. I'm a Republican senator.
And they leave.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 a black guy comes in. He says something racist about Chinese people.

Speaker 2 And somebody says, you can't say that. You're black.
And he's like, yeah, it makes you think, doesn't it? Whoa.

Speaker 2 They can be racist. They're not all friends.
They're not all friends, exactly. What? Yeah, I thought

Speaker 2 minorities were friends. And then a white girl moves to Bushwick, and a Puerto Rican guy teaches her how to have sex.
Wait, that's a movie. Did you know that? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 These are all movies, Adam.

Speaker 2 I'm creating the greatest movie. You're doing crash, I guess, the last movie.
I'm creating the greatest movie of all time. If you would just allow me to direct, please.

Speaker 2 Not fucking interrupt. Your job is to bring people bagels from wherever your secret little place is.

Speaker 2 That's your job on this production. Do you have a secret bagel place? Of course.
I do have a secret bagel. Can I know where it is?

Speaker 2 He volunteered there with a little organization known as the IDF.

Speaker 2 His secret bagel place.

Speaker 2 Paratroopers.

Speaker 2 Best.

Speaker 2 I love this idea for this movie. Yeah.
Anyhow. Yeah, and then Oscar Winner is the gay guy in the middle of it.
Beautiful. Played by, uh,

Speaker 2 I don't know, let's say that dude from Twelve Years a Slave, Chi Chichino.

Speaker 2 Chilla.

Speaker 2 Chipotle.

Speaker 2 Chinoa Achebe. Chinu Achewe.
Chinoa Chipotle.

Speaker 2 Things Fall Apart.

Speaker 2 That's the guy who wrote Things Fall Apart.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, Maharasha Ali? Is that the guy's name? No, that's Moonlight. The Maharaji Yogi.

Speaker 2 He was the guy that gave the Beatles LSD for the first time. Really? Was it an Indian guy? No, I think that that's after the the LSD.
They wanted to learn how to trick it.

Speaker 2 What do you call an Indian guy that does acid? What?

Speaker 2 It might be too bad. Micro.head.
Is that too bad? Yeah,

Speaker 2 a little bit of acid. That's good.
Yeah. No, that checks out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the mint does seem like a shitty ass place to take a field trip, though, dude. I don't know.
My favorite ship is a lot of fun. No, this wasn't a field trip.

Speaker 2 This is me by myself as an adult man, drunk at 11 o'clock in the morning. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why were you in Philly? I was working helium. Oh, nice.
Yeah. Hell yeah, bro.
That used to be one of my favorite clubs to go, dude. I've never done it.
I can't anymore. Why?

Speaker 2 I'm banned from Philadelphia.

Speaker 2 For what reason? Yeah, they kicked me out. For what?

Speaker 2 Believe it or not, I was somehow too racist for Philadelphia.

Speaker 2 That's not possible. Dude, that was fake, dude.
That's not possible. It's real.
You were too racist? I was. I got too real

Speaker 2 in old Philadelphia. Damn, bro.
You got kicked out of Geno's for being a fan of the family. I said Ben Franklin's gay.

Speaker 2 Don't you never talk about no Franklin like that.

Speaker 2 Don't you never talk about Benny Franks like that? Ben Spanklin. Ben Spank Banklin.
Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 That's him beating off. He invented remembering things to Jack Austin.

Speaker 2 No joke, Franklin probably had a pretty good spank bank. For like back in the day.
You keep trying to sell this. Ben you keep sending

Speaker 2 a broken face. I love he was horny made.
He was a horny guy. I'm sure he was.
He was a fat, horny guy.

Speaker 2 You know, with glasses, bald, which I have now claimed on this episode, I'll claim that I'm bald. But next episode, I'm going back to the bit where I say I'm never bald.

Speaker 2 I have a lot in common with Ben Franklin, dude. Glasses.
I'm going to have a bald ponytail for Ben Franklin was a fucking idiot, dude. You take it back.

Speaker 2 He was an inventor. Postmaster General.
He was one of the shittiest. First of all, you like stamps, motherfucker?

Speaker 2 He invented that. Bifocals.
Bifocals. Comment section.
The idea to not just allow parcel service to be privatized immediately, set back

Speaker 2 postage in the United States to

Speaker 2 get that libertarian take out of it. Libertarian,

Speaker 2 fucking worst service.

Speaker 2 USPS. You compare it to any one of the other ones.
They have no accountability. It was the Republicans.
Yep. And now USPS is subsidized.
All the big carriers get their arms twisted into.

Speaker 2 No, I feel like

Speaker 2 there's an argument against this, but I don't know it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't know. My college girlfriend loved the Postal Service, and she had a lot of facts.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to text her and then next episode I'm going to come back at you. She's going to be like, oh, that fat faggot is trying to find another excuse to talk to me again.

Speaker 2 And this time he's using the post office.

Speaker 2 I got into an argument with a libertarian. Tell me some reasons why the post office is good.

Speaker 2 Yes. And then whatever much taller, not bald, not fat guy is currently

Speaker 2 reaching depths that you could only dream of. Absolutely not.
Inside of that sweet.

Speaker 2 I fuck with beautiful finesse and artistry. Absolutely, I do.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm looking forward to with my new room. Because my old room.
His dick just like smooches the tip of the pussy. First of all, of course, my dick does smooch.
His does.

Speaker 2 But that's part of the

Speaker 2 technique. Adam has seen my dick and he said it's bigger than he thought it was going to be.
Yeah, I've said that. That doesn't mean anything.
It means something, buddy. I'll take it.

Speaker 2 I thought it would be like a car accident down there. But it was nice and smooth, you know? A good skin tone.
Yeah, it's dark. It's dark.
It's olive-skinned. You know?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I, and listen, I know my angles.
I know what I'm doing in there. You know, I'm excited to maybe fuck, you know, really let it.

Speaker 2 Because before my old room, the walls would shake because it was a fake room. Yeah.
And you know, I'm getting it in. So now I got a full wall.
Maybe I'll put my feet on the wall.

Speaker 2 Maybe I'll fuck like one foot up on the wall, dude. Acrobatics.
Does Ryan have a lot of sex in your house?

Speaker 2 I have not heard him fuck once. Really? I've heard Eldis fuck.
Maybe he has quiet sex, Ryan.

Speaker 2 I wonder how shut fucks. I've lived with a couple the last three years, and I haven't heard them have sex once.
Really? No. I don't know about if it's an acoustics thing.
It's probably an acoustic.

Speaker 2 They're on the other side of the apartment. Yeah.
Yeah. She put a microphone in the room.
Yeah. Oh, I have cameras in there.

Speaker 2 Just to make sure they're okay. Yeah,

Speaker 2 they're like, Adam, is this a baby monitor in our room?

Speaker 2 You're like, yeah. And they're like, what the fuck is this doing in there? And you're like, it's for a baby.

Speaker 2 I'm like, but we don't have a baby. I'm like, yeah, but what if you do? So cheap.
You're going to want it at some point. It's not like I have any ability to monitor now.
There's no baby in there.

Speaker 2 I lived with that guy, John, in D.C., who used to hear, you know, me and my ex-girlfriend have sex. We had no walls in that place.

Speaker 2 No walls while you're hitting them back walls in my ride, brother.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, my rent was, you know,

Speaker 2 $600 instead of $1,000. That's tight.

Speaker 2 And you fucked loudly. For a guy to beat off every time I have sex with my girlfriend.
That's a good trade-off. Do you think he was beating off to that? I think there was a chance he was.
Really?

Speaker 2 He was the dude that was like, when we were like waiting in line to get into a bar once, he just like turned to me and he goes, I love to wait.

Speaker 2 He loves waiting? That was so weird. What the fuck is that? Yeah, yeah.
Howard, that's your activity is killing time. He likes, wait, yeah, he's like, I like post offices,

Speaker 2 supermarkets. I love waiting.
That was like bizarre. Yeah, it was really strange.
And then like, he was also the admin of the Seltzer fan page on Facebook. I remember that guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he definitely beat off to you fucking for sure. I mean, if it saved $400,000.
The only thing I remember about that guy is

Speaker 2 there was one night we did some show at like there was only like funny moms or something

Speaker 2 and like

Speaker 2 Motty had to wear a costume. Yeah, so he put the costume on and like changed that shit.

Speaker 2 He like Motty like changed shirts to put the costume on in some like hallway next to the stage and then fucking hours later like six hours later, we're at your apartment hanging out and smoking weed.

Speaker 2 And I'm sitting there next to John and then Motti, who's across from me. And I'm not, I was pretty fucked up, so I wasn't saying anything.
And John had not said anything.

Speaker 2 And then he just says to Motti, like,

Speaker 2 hey, Motti, you got pretty nice abs, dude. I saw you changing earlier.

Speaker 2 And it was like the only.

Speaker 2 And then Motti's like autistic. So he's like,

Speaker 2 what does that mean?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? I have an ice ass. I didn't know how to respond to it.
And me and Sarah were the only people that saw it, and we just started like crying. Yeah, it was so funny.

Speaker 2 One time, I saw him in the living room, like just looking at this piece of paper, and I could tell after like a few minutes he was drawing. I was said, What are you drawing?

Speaker 2 And he said, Um, I'm drawing a mattress, but very zoomed in.

Speaker 2 And also, we didn't talk about it enough, but

Speaker 2 yeah, what the fuck is that? Just a block, like

Speaker 2 But very zoomed in.

Speaker 2 Also, like... He should be on this.
The fact that he was the admin of Seltzer.

Speaker 2 We got to fire stop and bring on.

Speaker 2 He just made a page for Seltzer and then linked all the information from the Wikipedia.

Speaker 2 And he was just the admin. Yeah, it's like when Facebook started having pages.
Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 He just took it up and he heard about that. He said, well, and then I said, John, we don't have Seltzer in the house.
Like, I've never even seen you drink seltzer. He's like, No, I think it's okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he wasn't even a big one. He wasn't that big.

Speaker 2 He wasn't that much into seltzer water.

Speaker 2 But he just felt inclined when he found out you can make a page to make the seltzer

Speaker 2 water. Man, what's Johnny up to these days? I don't know.
He lives in DC. I don't know what he's doing.
That's funny. He was like some sort of Fed or oh, is he a snitch? No, no.
Is he a Federale?

Speaker 2 He was pretty woke, dude. He was like.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah, he was like kind of Occupy woke. Nice.
You know, but

Speaker 2 I remember I was making fun of Occupy, and he was like, actually,

Speaker 2 you changed my life.

Speaker 2 And I was like, all right, I'm not sorry, dude. That's legalized.

Speaker 2 Supporting Occupy isn't woke. It's not like a woke thing.
Well, that's pretty woke. He's like a drum circuit.

Speaker 2 A lot of people fucking supported Occupy.

Speaker 2 We're now letting woke mean too many things. Because it's a specific type of shitty behavior.

Speaker 2 Woke has multiple applications. But I will say that was like a precursor.
A lot of people that were Occupy Bros became woke bros. SJ dubs.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It kind of splintered off. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't say so. No? No.
You don't think a big faction of that were people that were kind of like SJs? No. Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 2 Well, a lot of SJ dubs are like people that just take that terminology and language in order to call out people they don't like. You know, so it's like,

Speaker 2 you know, if you don't like Hillary, you're a racist. You're a sexist, you know.
It's just people using terminology that came from academics.

Speaker 2 You're right, because I guess the Occupy people were actually doing something. Well, they didn't even know what they were doing.

Speaker 2 But they were doing, yeah, they were actually like. Actually,

Speaker 2 they don't know what they're doing. That's like Fox News bullshit.
No, at the same time, no, because Fox spent a lot of time trying to get the message out.

Speaker 2 Like the mainstream media as a whole, that Occupy was just a bunch of fucking dirty hippies that don't know what they want. They just don't want to work.
and they have a problem with DeCon.

Speaker 2 No, that was the same thing. It was

Speaker 2 at the same exact time they were pretending like the Tea Party was this coherent

Speaker 2 church movement that was happening. That was in the Tea Party.

Speaker 2 I remember when they were passing Obamacare in 2008, I went down to the Capitol when I was living in D.C., and there was literally 23 people

Speaker 2 outside. Michelle Bachman was talking to them.
Damn, remember that fucking idiot. There was like 20 gay ass husband? There was like 20 or 30 old people, like fat old people, that were protesting.

Speaker 2 And then there were like, I remember seeing on the news, there was like guerrilla cams going through the crowd to make it look like fucking a thousand people were there.

Speaker 2 And that same day, there was a march for illegal immigrants on the mall. And there had to have been 20,000 illegal immigrants on the mall, and not a single news network covered it.
Well, fuck it.

Speaker 2 If illegal immigrants want coverage, they can start their own news network. Thank you.
I'm

Speaker 2 occupy occupy occupy what we found was that they had a decentralized power structure yeah and they couldn't make any clear demands so it was it was that they they couldn't figure out what they wanted a lot of shit they wanted a lot of shit and i i mean i thought every single i would say that's first of all that's a bullshit criticism

Speaker 2 about any kind of like social unrest and say oh we don't have clear demands and it's decentralized no no hold on that's the kind of bullshit they lob at like black lives matter or anything that's not true It's absolutely true.

Speaker 2 They didn't have great messaging. That is true.
That was part of the problem. The most productive thing to come out of Occupy was the terminology 99%.

Speaker 2 That is something that's still used and that came out of the Occupy movement. And that actually put in context like wealth disparity, and it was a very positive messaging.

Speaker 2 I think they did release some kind of 23-point

Speaker 2 eventually, but it was late in the, you know, it was after months of time. Dude, I was sympathetic.
I went up to New York. I was living in D.C.
I went up up to Zuccotti Park and like I checked it out.

Speaker 2 Zucati. And then it was just like a ton of Chinese tourists on the periphery taking pictures.

Speaker 2 It was like cops and Chinese tourists. And then, you know, fucking,

Speaker 2 you know, whatever.

Speaker 2 People out there.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying that it was a bad thing, necessarily. I'm saying it's a bad thing.
You're saying it was a bad thing. Well, you're anti-Occupy, dude.
That's fucking bad. I'm not anti-Occupy.

Speaker 2 Dude, did you know, Adam, that kind of bane is kind of like an Occupy guy? Bane. Have you ever considered? I don't know if you've seen the

Speaker 2 Dark Knight Rises, but that analogy. I don't like that analogy.
Super Nolan. The implication is that people who are jacked are bad.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's true. And need to use.

Speaker 2 You know those, like, training? What are those Bane masks that people use for training? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They cut off your oxygen.
It reduces the amount of oxygen you have available to you.

Speaker 2 So it like helps your lungs grow or something?

Speaker 2 Well, no. If you have a limited amount of oxygen being pumped into your bloodstream, your body will create more red blood cells to adapt.
Whoa. So then when you take the mask off, it's able to...

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean it's like high-altitude training basically.

Speaker 2 It's like thinner air, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, but I actually speaking of Chris Nolan, I don't, I haven't, I'm like,

Speaker 2 what I do is I've

Speaker 2 put a weightlifting belt around my neck. Yes.
Yes. And then it doesn't make me stronger, but yeah, I do come.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Which is the most important part of going to the gym.

Speaker 2 I love love those fat guys that just wear weight belts everywhere. Or like the back

Speaker 2 is everywhere. What are those pants called? What do you mean? You mean

Speaker 2 wear like a lifting belt everywhere? Yeah, yeah. You mean laborers that have to wear it?

Speaker 2 Yes. I love that look.
Oh. Yeah.
All the fat contractors might

Speaker 2 round Home Depot. Yeah, exactly.
All the fat Greek guys. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good look.
It keeps the fat stomach up, and, you know, it's like a bra for your fat shit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I saw Dunkirk, though, and that was sick. I'm trying to see it.
It was really good. And

Speaker 2 I don't like Christopher Nolan movies, but it was like

Speaker 2 always my objection is like when I saw Interstellar, it was like he was trying to

Speaker 2 display love, but he doesn't understand love because I think he's autistic. And like, the only love he understands is like, I think.

Speaker 2 No, I think it's like sibling love, but like, it's, it's.

Speaker 2 Is he married? I think he's. I just don't think it's just like at the end of Interstellar, like when the

Speaker 2 lady, when the daughter is like an old lady and then her dad comes back to visit her and they see each other for like 20 seconds, she's been like waiting her whole life to see fucking Matthew McConaughey again.

Speaker 2 Oh god damn, and he's been like traveling through time to see her and they're like, oh, what's up? And then she like died. You know, like it's like not that big a deal.

Speaker 2 It's like, he doesn't understand, I think, being a human. Yeah, yeah.
But inner, but Dunkirk was sick because it was minimal, it was minimal,

Speaker 2 and it was just really sick, like

Speaker 2 dog fights in the air.

Speaker 2 And he's technically a great director, and he works with a great director of photography. And he's like, it was, I thought it was pretty dope, dude.
I really enjoyed it. Tom Hardy was sick.

Speaker 2 Ooh, what did he play? The fighter pilot, the dope fighter pilot. Yeah, yeah.
I fuck with Tom Hardy, dude. Yeah, I like Tom Hardy a lot.
I want to be who played Bane. You know, he was Bane.
What?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Nick, how are you doing, man? I feel like. I'm alright.
I didn't see Dunkirk. Oh.
Oh, sorry, dude. It's alright.
I just didn't see it.

Speaker 2 Well, you liked it. Good report on that.
You can't see movies anymore because you have to see them on your TV to justify all the money you spent. Yeah.
I mean, you can't go to the theater.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I want. Remember, I said, let's go see Dunkirk, and you're like, wait till it comes out on Blu-ray? Yeah.
I mean, seriously, why not?

Speaker 2 Because it'll be fun. You don't have to worry about getting bed bugs and some bullshit in New York theater where it costs $17 and then, you know, everything's.
it. I went to the bottom of the city.

Speaker 2 Everything's a fucking draft house now, which was cool in Austin when it wasn't super expensive. And now it's $15 for admission to the draft house.
Oh, it was $20 to do Dunkirk. Jesus.

Speaker 2 The amount of fucking money you can spend on a movie now is like, I'm just not doing it. I mean, let the theaters die.
I don't give a shit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's why they have to do the, it has to be draft house because like the concession stand is a fucking joke. Yeah.
No one's $18 popcorn.

Speaker 2 Which like you think is like, oh, oh, this is just them ripping you off. It's the only way the theater can make any fucking money.
Right, right, right. Because the studios

Speaker 2 keep all the money from the ticket sales. The studios made it clear four years ago, they were like, we need to get it to $20 a person a ticket.
Jesus fucking.

Speaker 2 When I was 15, it was $8 for an adult ticket. Yep.
So not even a matinee. It was $5 for a matinee.
Yeah, $6.

Speaker 2 Dude, when I was 20, 21, I went to a theater in Detroit, and it was 75 cents for a fucking match. What the fuck? That's like those are like dollar theaters, though, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it wasn't for like money. You love a nice dollar theater.
Dollar theaters are dope. It smells bad in there.
Yeah, I love it. Popcorn's like $4.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Ben O'Brien went to see Twilight at a dollar theater, and it was like in fucking, in like Beltway Movie 6.
Shouts out to Beltway Movie 6. And it's just like...

Speaker 2 all white trash, girls in blankets.

Speaker 2 That they're wearing

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 what was the guy's name? The main character? Yeah, it was like they were wearing snuggies with his face on it and shit.

Speaker 2 That's how you gotta go see one of those movies. I remember my mom took me to see Birdcage in a dollar movie theater.
That's such a good movie. Uh, just because Nathan Lane.

Speaker 2 I didn't think I don't think she knew how gay it was. Really? That movie is so fucking gay.
And Stuart Little in that same in Beltway Movie 6. Stuart Little? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean... It was named after his last name is actually because of your penis.
Dude, I got fucking yelled at at the Alamo, though, when I was was seeing Dunkirk because

Speaker 2 Ari and I selected seats in the front. We thought they were in the back.
Oh, I hate that. And then we moved back to an empty seat

Speaker 2 once the trailer started, not like once the, you know, the movie was starting.

Speaker 2 And then they made me go down to the front desk and like switch our code on our tickets because it's all like reserved seating. That's fucking.

Speaker 2 And I like almost missed the beginning of the movie. It's like, it's fucking stupid.
Whatever. This is boring.

Speaker 2 Do you have any other complaints?

Speaker 2 Have you any other bad complaints?

Speaker 2 I went to see,

Speaker 2 I think, Captain America 2 or Iron Man 2 or something. I went with Norman for his birthday a couple years ago.
And it was in Texas.

Speaker 2 And it was at some, like, because the Alamo draft house didn't have a sign seating at the time, I don't think.

Speaker 2 So this is the first place we went with a sign seating. They had leather recliners.
Hell yeah. And then also, like, they bring food to you, which is

Speaker 2 so fucking excessive. You shouldn't eat while reclined.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're just eating on your chest. You're eating on your fucking chest.
I disagree. It's disgusting.
It's a dislike. The whole process is gross.

Speaker 2 And we went to, yeah, we went to this fucking, uh,

Speaker 2 some other kind of draft house, and it's a sign seeing. And we get there, and there's a family with an autistic boy next to us.

Speaker 2 It's like 12-year-old autistic boy that has to quietly explain to himself everything that's happening in the movie.

Speaker 2 So, you know, he's like, that's the bad guy. Now the bad guy's going to come back.

Speaker 2 Now they're going to go over there. Now he's upset.
He's upset. Now the girl's upset, too.
Now they're doing better. You know, the entire fucking movie.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And at one point, some guy, like five rows in front of. Oh, yeah.
And then the mom and the sister he's with, the mom just leans over and goes, David, let us know when you're done.

Speaker 2 And they just leave him there. Halfway through the movie, they fucking walk out.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 And they leave their you know i mean sweet slow boy you gotta get i mean you gotta you kind of see where they're coming from they get 40 minutes without everything narrated yeah i guess so they leave now mom's leaving yeah yeah

Speaker 2 uh some guy four rows in front of him fucking sneezes and he goes bless you

Speaker 2 like just halfway across the movie theater god bless you

Speaker 2 i mean that movie fucking sucked anyways but which one was it i don't know it was like either iron 2 or Captain. One of those awful fucking...

Speaker 2 The one where Mickey Rourke is the fucking villain? I guess, dude. Those movies fucking suck.
I'm never going to go see another superhero movie. They're all the fucking same.

Speaker 2 It's all painted by numbers. Although, dude, the one where Thor fights Hulk that's about to come out, that looks pretty cool.
No, that looks it's going to be stupid.

Speaker 2 I haven't seen anything about it, but just like the premise alone. Yeah, two super strong people punching each other across the city over and over again.
That sounds incredibly fucking funny.

Speaker 2 It's actually an alien fighting ring. So you sound pretty fucking stupid right now.
Yeah, and it's a god versus a guy that gamma radiation.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that has gamma radiation. And they got a little hat on the Hulk.
Nobody. He gets a hat? He gets a little hat.
What kind of hat? It's cute, dude. It's like a baseball cap.
Or a crown.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's cute.

Speaker 2 Those movies suck.

Speaker 2 They're all fucking terrible movies. The Avengers.
And that's the thing, is like Logan came out, and everyone was raving about Logan ruled Logan. They were like, oh, Logan is amazing.

Speaker 2 Logan's just not a piece of shit. And it kind of falls apart halfway through.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, you can watch Hugh Jackman work his way through a fucking Diana Ball hangover and regret his dark past for the first 45 minutes. And it's like, yeah, okay, the girl's a Wolverine.

Speaker 2 You know, there's no surprise there. You know, she's just going to be a girl, Wolverine.
So what? They don't really ever have any kind of relationship, really. They sort of do.
No, they don't.

Speaker 2 They don't do each other.

Speaker 2 That's the closest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but

Speaker 2 there's no relationship that really builds between between the two of them. It's like, you got to help me.
I won't do it. Okay, I will.
Which is the plot of every fucking movie.

Speaker 2 In any movie, nobody ever says sure when somebody asks them something of them. They say no for them.

Speaker 2 They come back around. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 it's not like, you know what? I mean, because I'm nitpicking, but like, Logan was just fucking okay.

Speaker 2 Not okay.

Speaker 2 And those movies are so, all those fucking movies suck so much now that all it takes is one okay movie, and people are like, this is a fucking masterpiece yeah dude but come on i would rather just watch you jackman do fucking steroids and lift weights you know what just make that movie make that fucking movie let's find out what wolverine's real healing power is is being able to recover in 24 hours from 700 pound deadlifts because he's got so much hgh in his fucking forearm dude come on actually you know when we talked about the last time you cried it might have legitimately logged in you could find love at the end finally.

Speaker 2 That he dies.

Speaker 2 The kids are such good kids. They're so good.
That little black kid? They're so cute. Who like shocks people, that little fat black guy? Yeah, oh, the fat guy.
Oh, my God, dude.

Speaker 2 He was so fucking cute.

Speaker 2 And then the little fucking Mexican

Speaker 2 Wolverine girl, she was great. Oh, she was cute.

Speaker 2 And he finds family, dude.

Speaker 2 Why are you sad? I thought it was actually that

Speaker 2 affecting

Speaker 2 your was having like those

Speaker 2 brain was fucked up. His brain fuck-ups, and then everything would go like,

Speaker 2 Yeah, and it's slow, and

Speaker 2 they're slicing people up. You know, that's my rebuttal to all your well-thought-out people.

Speaker 2 Also, I saw the

Speaker 2 Avengers movie. What didn't make sense to me about that was like they had wildly different skills.
Like, one guy was a god. Yeah.
One guy's an Iron Man, like, mech. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The other one is Bow and Arrow. Yeah, of course.
That's like, what the fuck? Jeremy Renner's just good at

Speaker 2 arrows. Like, that's nowhere near it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Why does he get to be in the crew? Yeah.
Scarlett Johanst is just like a spy, but no spy. Yeah, she's like...

Speaker 2 They're going to get their shit split immediately. Yeah.
Her, the regular guys. Captain America's tight.
You know, he's a good old American boy. Yeah, he's a puncher, and he's a shield.
Puncher.

Speaker 2 He's just hard. He's a puncher.
And his shield is magic. He's like hard as shit, dude.
Captain America doesn't have any weapons besides a shield, right? Yeah, but he punches. Which is hard.

Speaker 2 That's like America. Like, we're like, we don't, we don't, you know.
Yep. We're just never been the aggressor.
We've We've never been the aggressor anywhere. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We've never just preemptively defend ourselves in like

Speaker 2 Syria,

Speaker 2 Iraq. What I like about Captain America is that's like not the highest rank in the military.
It's sort of just in the middle. Yeah.
He's not a lieutenant or a general.

Speaker 2 Lieutenant is lower than Captain. Oh, I don't know.
Fucking idiot.

Speaker 2 So be quiet and let me do the bit rather than trying to take it away from me.

Speaker 2 Hey, here's the premise. Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
It's Adam's turn to do the joke. Do your joke.
No, go for it. Yeah, he's not a lieutenant.
You're right. All right, so think about Captain America.
Is that

Speaker 2 fuck that? That was a good bit. That's a good one.
I was really looking forward to the best one.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be the. I'm like the Greek chorus, and I'm going to take the part of the listener.
And I'm mad you ruined that bit. I feel bad.
I do feel bad. I'm excited.
I feel bad.

Speaker 2 Nick about to go on a little roll there. Do your bit.
No, it's over. It's over.
The fucking momentum's gone. It was going to be good.
I'm sorry, dude.

Speaker 2 I shouldn't shouldn't have said lieutenant.

Speaker 2 I know that you know all the jobs in the army, and I don't know

Speaker 2 what the jobs.

Speaker 2 Corporal. Cook.
There you go. Stav's got it.

Speaker 2 None of those are the officer ranks, though. Okay.
Sergeant. So private is the lowest.
Private is the lowest. Then...

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 It depends on whether you're talking about

Speaker 2 the army. What about lieutenant? That's just how the British say lieutenant.

Speaker 2 They say it that way. I say it the British way of saying that.

Speaker 2 I say it the British way.

Speaker 2 Oh, damn. Just like you said, lever, you fucking cock.
I'm still mad about that.

Speaker 2 Lever, you piece of shit.

Speaker 2 Sergeant,

Speaker 2 Grand Wizard,

Speaker 2 Dragon.

Speaker 2 10th Prestige Grand Wizard.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Grand Poobah. Grand Poobah.
We got to bring the Poobahs back. Was there ever a Poobah? Of course.
There was a Grand Poobah. From where? Where was he from? From Palestine.

Speaker 2 He came up with the Holocaust.

Speaker 2 Nice. No, that's just real history.
Ritler

Speaker 2 met with the Grand Poobah of Palestine, and he said, here's how. They were like, we got some ideas.
We got to do the Holocaust to trick Jews into coming here so that we can kill all of them.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I think he was the Grand Mufti.
No, it was the Grand Poobah. No, it was Grand Mufti.
It's the Grand Pubah. The Grand Muffy? Mufti.
Mufti. You think the Mufti Muff dived?

Speaker 2 Huh? Yeah, he's Muftu. A Mufti doesn't eat pussy.
Probably fucks young boys.

Speaker 2 What are other jobs in the Army, though?

Speaker 2 It's captain, and then the biggest one is a five-star general, right? Yeah. It goes captain, major, and then

Speaker 2 general. Major's good.
That's a good. So captain's third from top.
Major, American general. Captain, major, colonel.
Captain, major, lieutenant, colonel, colonel, general is at the top. Nice.

Speaker 2 Lieutenant. One-star general, two-star generals.
How do you get more stars once you're at the general? Well, you just move up. And then they have like, there's subdivisions in that.

Speaker 2 So it's like you have brigadier Brigadier General. I think that's a Brigadier's.
That's like a one-star general, I think. Damn.
And then. I'd want to stop at Brigadier, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Brigadier General, then like Lieutenant General, then General, and then General of the Army. And I think General of the Army is four stars.

Speaker 2 And then there's five-star generals. Is that in the Joint Chiefs? There's five-star generals, which are only George Washington and Pershing, I think.

Speaker 2 And that's that, their title is General of the Armies of the United States. Hell yeah, dude.
I think. Wait, so like Patton was never up there.
Patton was a four-star general. He was four.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they don't.

Speaker 2 During the World War II era, there was a shit ton of four-star generals. Yeah.
And so they went back and created, I think, the five-star general rank for Washington, and then I think Pershing.

Speaker 2 Who's Pershing? Pershing was a general around the turn of the century in World War I.

Speaker 2 I think he was the

Speaker 2 head of the Allied forces, land forces in like World War I and the European Union. How hard was World War I? You just dig a trench, you shoot fucking krauts until they're dead.

Speaker 2 You can get disease, though. You get trench foot.
Yeah, but you could also get disease. Andre the Giant too big to fight in World War I.
The British, they have marshals. They have field marshals.

Speaker 2 That's cool. Yeah.
I love their stores. Great deals.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm a four-star Ross.

Speaker 2 Ross dress for less. I'm a TJ Maxx.

Speaker 2 General Max. TJ Maxx is like the robot soldier from the future.
Got a fucking laser eye. Hell yeah, dude.
Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah.
All right. What about in the Navy?

Speaker 2 The bed, the bath, and the beyond.

Speaker 2 The navy's got funny ones. It's like, this is almost as good as the alphabet, actually.
Yeah, no, it's worse.

Speaker 2 Trying to remember military ranks. Dude, I had fucking like military nerds hit me up with the alphabet one.
They're like, piss me off. You don't remember the fucking, you know, dude.

Speaker 2 You don't remember from secret Green Beret training, dude? Uh, no, they failed alphabet, it didn't fail alphabet.

Speaker 2 They specifically trained you to forget all that shit, so when you're captured, you have plausible. Like Jason Bourne, yeah, smart.

Speaker 2 First of all, look, I work for the CIA Special Activities Division, so I'm not even technically military. Oh,

Speaker 2 where are they sending you next, dude? It's you got it, you gotta fucking destabilize the country.

Speaker 2 This podcast to create and inspire the alt-right to subvert, you know, the black Muslim president president that the state actually hates. Oh, yeah.
Not Trump, who's a distraction. Interesting.

Speaker 2 From the real president, who's black and Muslim. Yeah.
Oh, fuck. There's a secret president.
Of course, Obama is still the secret president. I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 Expanded all this executive power, and then we let some moron get in that you'll get more mad about than Obama.

Speaker 2 Well, Obama passed a law last year in plain sight of everyone that says he's president forever. I didn't know that.
It was signed with Christian children's blood. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 This is all real. I didn't know that.
The most clear binding ink there is. Christian Children's blood.
Yeah, the globalists all made him. They sat him down.

Speaker 2 They were like, we need you to be president faux life. Smart.
Yeah. Smart.

Speaker 2 And so he hired you or the CIA hired you to study.

Speaker 2 I don't work for anybody. Oh, fuck.
Just one last job. Mullin, we need one last job.

Speaker 2 If you're doing one last job, CIA calls you. They say, we need you to do one last job.
Right. First thing you got to do, assemble the team, right? So who are your boys? You know, we're the team.

Speaker 2 Who are the team? There's no team. No, no, no.
This is some bullshit. You got to go around the movies, dude.
I'm going to talk to me about the reality of being a tier one operator.

Speaker 2 You have to understand that, like, once you get to an elite enough level, you know, it's not about the guy next to you because you can't trust anybody. Oh, because they might be double agents.

Speaker 2 You have to be a superior operator, which means I'm well trained in every type of combat. Snitching, which is something that you're going to be doing.
You're trained in snitching? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You have to snitch. Yeah, a lot of people, you have to understand that being honorable, it's like in ancient Japan, you know,

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 once the samurai were outlawed, they became Ronin and they had nowhere to go. And there's a couple of odd jobs here and there, but most of them were murdered by villagers because they had this code.

Speaker 2 But the ones that decided to become shinobi and embrace the dishonorable dark art of ninjutsu,

Speaker 2 those are the ones who survived.

Speaker 2 Some of them even becoming turtles. Oh, shit.
And you know,

Speaker 2 Mike Shinoda, Shinoda, from the DJ from Lincoln Park.

Speaker 2 He's Shinobi. He's actually Shinobi.
I didn't know that. This is a lot.
We're learning a lot, guys. Yeah.
Anyway, so wait. So you're saying that you don't have a team.
You never send a team.

Speaker 2 We're the team. We're the team.
You never go to some guy's workshop and he's welding and you're like, stop it right there.

Speaker 2 And then he lifts up the welding mask and he looks at you and he's like, come on. I know how to weld.
Why would I go to that guy? Because he's in your team. I don't need a team.
I know how to weld.

Speaker 2 Nick found me. I was getting my dick sucked on a hammock, drinking a drink with a little umbrella on it.
Yeah, you don't have to go see, like, you know,

Speaker 2 Steve's only there to weigh down the sub. And he was like, vacation's over.
When we need the submarine to sink.

Speaker 2 Everyone's got their part. I'm a team player.
I got nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with that.
Well, I mean, I think. 15 degrees down bubble.
Stav, get that sandwich in your mouth. I am.

Speaker 2 Lieutenant Stav, get that sandwich in your mouth. Guarfro,

Speaker 2 18 degrees down bubble.

Speaker 2 I will say that I am just fart.

Speaker 2 It's like a hot air balloon in reverse.

Speaker 2 I shit a little bit into the ocean every time.

Speaker 2 What are the IDF ranks? So, number one is Tattletale. Yes.

Speaker 2 Rank two is Liar. Well, it's Elite Tattletale.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Tattletale First Class.

Speaker 2 Baby Sniper. Right.
Lieutenant Child Killer.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It just goes by different flavors of Sabra Hummus. You don't know what else is there.
There's Lieutenant Pine Nut.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's a fucking substitute.

Speaker 2 Brigadier Deal Finder.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's like a Penny Saver. Yeah, yeah.
There is a

Speaker 2 lawyer.

Speaker 2 Orthodontist. They're lawyers in the American Army.

Speaker 2 Orthodontist is the four-star general, dude.

Speaker 2 Producers Guild

Speaker 2 rep.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 the highest rank in the IDF. Somebody's nephew.

Speaker 2 Don't forget Jap, which Adam is, a Jewish American pussy. Callback.

Speaker 2 Call back to the first joke.

Speaker 2 Callback.

Speaker 2 I have a hard dick. I will say that,

Speaker 2 you know, since you work alone, right? Yeah. He does.
I'm on the camera. And since you're a tier one operator,

Speaker 2 he established that. No, he's not.
I'm the weight submarine guy. And also the pussy eater.
And fucker. There is no team, dude.
There's a team. Task Force Broad.
By the end of this question.

Speaker 2 By the end of this movie, you'll learn the. You're going to be Logan at the end, dude.
Teams are a lot more. You're going to give your life for me.

Speaker 2 You have to assume that no matter what, you're going to get captured on that. That's why you'll never have a kid.

Speaker 2 I've been captured on every mission I've ever played.

Speaker 2 They kind of planned for that. Okay.
And then the way to get out.

Speaker 2 Well, in the 1980s, they realized the best method of like exfiltration or whatever is to just make your super soldiers so incompetent that the enemy intelligence eventually has to admit that they're not actually intelligence operatives.

Speaker 2 That's starting to change because Otto Warmbier, who we sent over to Spy on North Korea,

Speaker 2 steal that

Speaker 2 choking hazard poster from the public bathroom because we wanted to know what their version of the Heimlich maneuver was. Oh.

Speaker 2 They put him in a labor camp and he went into a coma and eventually died of botulism here. But we got him back.

Speaker 2 And that means that they never really picked up on the fact that he was a bad person. Well, we got a corpse.

Speaker 2 Well, we got back a man in a vegetative state, which is, in the eyes of the U.S. Army,

Speaker 2 mission hazard. Mission accomplished.

Speaker 2 He had a lot of

Speaker 2 posters rolled up into his asshole. That's what you don't know.

Speaker 2 So we got his body back.

Speaker 2 And there was the choking hazard. There was a poster of Kim Jong-un dunking on Michael Jordan.
That was all the fucking dump takes. When that story happened, people were like, you know,

Speaker 2 that's what happens to a white boy. That's a frat guy.
That's what a white boy wants to go over there and mess with another culture. It's like, stop appropriating their culture.
You are a retard.

Speaker 2 You are a fucking idiot. Well, he was from UVA, right? No, he's from

Speaker 2 lives in Ohio, I think. I think he's from UVA.
But yeah, everyone was like, yeah, he's some sort of frat douchebag. They got cracker-ass Mayo ass white boy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, why would you steal a fucking thing from

Speaker 2 North Korea? Why would you go to North Korea? Exactly. Just fucking go to North Korea.
Go to South Korea. It's tight, dude.
They got fucking great Korean barbecue. Great internet.

Speaker 2 They got the fastest internet. Very fast internet.

Speaker 2 So the wow.

Speaker 2 And they had to. Check out some LG O L E D T V S.
Next purchase for Cometown. Coming soon.
O L E D T V.

Speaker 2 You got a Kia Optimus? They got a ton of

Speaker 2 those.

Speaker 2 Daewoos. When I was over there.
Daewo Lana. And Soju.
Soju tastes good. Soju's dope.
You know? And they had something called Juicy Bars. I went over there to when I was doing

Speaker 2 Marine-based shows.

Speaker 2 And they had Juicy Bars, which is just a bar where they're costing. Were those guys asking about me? They're sort of prostitutes.
Yeah, they recognize me from being on the team officially.

Speaker 2 Nick works alone. Well, he says that, but like I said, by the end of this mission, he will...
That's a good idea.

Speaker 2 A lot of people just listen to the show, and they haven't seen me in real life, and they don't realize that one of my eyes is actually a sniper scope. Yep.
Absolutely. It comes out of my head.

Speaker 2 I have it jammed in my face. So you see, like, a crosshair every time you look at anything.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 one eye is just a regular eye that sees everything in matrix code, and the other one is a... It's a sniper scope.
It's a sniper scope. That's tight.
And actually, his dick is a sniper. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And his balls are the trigger.

Speaker 2 He clanks them together.

Speaker 2 I also have like a cool scar that goes down my face. Like over your eye.
Over my eye. Well, I look like

Speaker 2 in platoon.

Speaker 2 The scars on.

Speaker 2 Which one? That guy. Not Willem.

Speaker 2 Tom Beringer. Tom Beringer.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't remember what he looked like. They modeled that guy after me.
Tom Behringer? Yes. What was your first war that you were like in? Was it Korean? Spanish-American War.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's all classified. That's all classified information.
Yeah, I know that as a member of the team, but I'm not going to say it either.

Speaker 2 And when I say it's classified, I don't mean my participation in one of the wars you've listed. I mean, there are secret wars that are going on that people don't know about.
Oh, yeah. We've been.

Speaker 2 Remember the Dutch war we were in? Oops. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Whoopsie.

Speaker 2 I've actually killed more Basque children than cuckoo clock accidents, which seems like an arbitrary. That's the number one thing.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. Cuckoo clock accident.
Well, most cuckoo clocks there are just a nice from Switzerland. You know how we get the clock.
It's also the Basque, the Swiss Basque.

Speaker 2 That's who fucking. Who loves?

Speaker 2 Separatists. I tell you, they love those damn cuckoo clocks.
Dude, dude.

Speaker 2 Dude, dude.

Speaker 2 That's my impression of a cuckoo clock. Okay, so

Speaker 2 I'll just

Speaker 2 say this.

Speaker 2 If you ever, like.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you.

Speaker 2 A couple years ago, I had to go to Russia because.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I remember when we

Speaker 2 there was this old Soviet

Speaker 2 general? Yeah, actually, well, an ex-Soviet general that was in the Russian military, and he stole this satellite that basically fires a giant electromagnetic laser. Whoa.

Speaker 2 He was going to fire it at London. So

Speaker 2 I had to go meet up with one of the women that worked at the satellite installation. Is that like an EMP, like where it shuts off

Speaker 2 all the electronics? And

Speaker 2 I had to go... Muscular pussy.
Yeah, I had to meet up with this woman that worked at the satellite base station where they controlled it. What did she look like? She was hot.

Speaker 2 I had to have sex with her. We had sex.
Yeah, I had sex with her. She got kidnapped by.
Did you have sex with her also? Yeah, lately. It turns out that

Speaker 2 that general was actually working for an ex-British intelligence guy who

Speaker 2 had turned.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Oh, so he's a bad guy now.
He became a bad guy, yeah. But me and him had worked together years earlier when we blew up a chemical weapons facility.
When he was a good guy.

Speaker 2 uh, well, we thought he was a good guy. I guess he was always a double agent because

Speaker 2 the uh that Russian general recruited him at that time, you know. But he held a grudge against me because I changed the timers on the bombs at the chemical plant from six minutes to three minutes.

Speaker 2 Hilarious, yeah, classic Moldog. Well, I thought he was dead, so you know, I was trying to save my ass.

Speaker 2 So, I was having sex with this Russian woman, yeah, woman, and then we drove around in my BMW for a while. Nice, that was a big part of it, yeah.
I remember that, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I I fucked the BMW dealer's wife, too. There was another hot woman, even hotter than the first woman, actually.
What, did the first lady turn out to be a bad guy? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 I thought the first lady on a mission typically ends up being a bad guy. You haven't seen it.
Yeah, that's all movies, man. Yeah, as real tier one operators.
Sorry, sorry. Continue.
Continue. Sorry.

Speaker 2 I didn't mean to cut you off. Yeah, then, you know, there was another hot lady who I had sex with off-camera.

Speaker 2 What do you mean off-camera? I mean, in a different part.

Speaker 2 What do you get off-camera? I mean,

Speaker 2 part of the story. Yeah, yeah.
This story that happened. Well, I was videotaping everything.

Speaker 2 Wait, so you were trying to pitch this we were trying to pitch this on to True TV. So you guys have this whole thing.
If he was there, I wasn't aware of it. I don't know.
Yeah. See, that's true.

Speaker 2 I was too busy having sex and putting on my fucking trunk. That is true.
Stav is a master of disguise.

Speaker 2 You put on like a burqa. Dude, you can look like a mermaid lady.

Speaker 2 You know that first lady? That first super hot lady? Yeah, they're just a panda in Russia everywhere.

Speaker 2 Remember that panda you kept seeing in Moscow? Wow, with the panda holding the whole time. At this point,

Speaker 2 we're in Cuba.

Speaker 2 At this point, we're in Cuba.

Speaker 2 And then, you know, I have sex with that girl one more time.

Speaker 2 I think, by the way. The second girl or the first girl? Well, we go to the first girl.
I didn't have sex with the second girl. I actually got.

Speaker 2 I kill her in a fight where she has a grenade launcher and

Speaker 2 a machine gun of some sort, and then she gets the helicopter she's attached to strangles her in the tree. Yeah, and

Speaker 2 what was the line that you said after she died? Oh,

Speaker 2 a good, I always enjoyed a good squeeze. A good squeeze.
That's what I said, yeah. Golden Eye.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, continue.

Speaker 2 No, it's not from the movie Golden Eye. That really happened.
Yeah, that. I mean, it happened, yeah.
Anyhow, so we go into the base and we turn off the golden eye.

Speaker 2 Computer code to turn it. You're in Cuba this year.
We're in Cuba. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you driving an Aston Martin in this one? I keep forgetting what the jar is.

Speaker 2 Did you do any gambling? That's right. You already said BMW.
What's that? Did you do any gambling or anything? That was a different

Speaker 2 installment. I don't know you're talking about.
Never mind. Anyway,

Speaker 2 I killed the guy who was the trader.

Speaker 2 You know, I threw him, his back breaks. Was it the British guy or the Russian guy? Then I met up with my obese friend from Texas who works for the CIA.

Speaker 2 It wasn't me. Yeah.
Different guy.

Speaker 2 In fact, I think that was Stobb actually. No, it was a different guy.

Speaker 2 I was the panda. His portrayed by fucking, what's that guy? Is Billy Wayne Davis? No, that's a comic.
No, Billy Wayne. The guy from Varsity Blues.
No, the guy. That was that guy.

Speaker 2 What the fuck is his name? Joe Bob. Joe Don Baker.
Joe Don Baker is who plays Stop. Joe Bob.
No, that wasn't me.

Speaker 2 Wayne Stars. I remember I did out fast.
He was this guy. Let's go.
He wasn't just just breaking down.

Speaker 2 I remember I did a mission where I played cards and then they whipped my balls with something at one point. And then I fucked two women.
Whipped your balls. I don't really remember exactly.

Speaker 2 I think, yeah. I think they took like a seat.
They cut the seat out. Here he is.
Here's

Speaker 2 my balls. Oh, no.
Yeah, that's not Joe Don Baker. I know that.
No.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's like.

Speaker 2 He always calls. He calls James Bond Jimmy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I'll tell you, Jimmy,

Speaker 2 if you want to fuck that girl, what I would do, he's always giving him fucking advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, that wasn't me. I was someone else.
I was also James Bond. So you killed the biggest movie.
I was a different James Bond with a bigger dick.

Speaker 2 The movie's over, dude.

Speaker 2 That's the end of the movie. What do you mean, movie? I mean, I'm not the best.
That's what we call our mission. That's what I call the stories.
That's what we're doing.

Speaker 2 Every mission is called our movie. So part of my training is I sort of live my life vicariously through my own life.

Speaker 2 I have to delude myself into thinking that I'm confusing my own life with movies that I've seen. That way, that's the only way I could accept the danger inherent to the missions I've gone on.

Speaker 2 And all the murder, all the killing you've done.

Speaker 2 It would keep you up at night otherwise. Really? How could you dream? Because you have so much trauma.

Speaker 2 And as it stands, I sleep probably 17 hours a day.

Speaker 2 You do.

Speaker 2 We woke you up to just do this podcast. You go right back to sleep.
Right, yeah. I'd be asleep.
I just get high and I go back to sleep.

Speaker 2 When I'm not on missions, of course. He sleeps in one of those astronaut sleeping bags like on the wall.
I want to sleep in a fucking chamber, like a hyperbaric chamber, like Michael.

Speaker 2 I've decided when I die, no cremation, no, no,

Speaker 2 I don't want to be buried. I want a fucking

Speaker 2 tomb.

Speaker 2 No, like a building.

Speaker 2 You're going to bury Adam alive.

Speaker 2 I want all of my. Yeah, we put Adam in a cat costume.
That's not fair. He's going to be sealed in the room with me.
You can interrupt his bits for eternity. He's so boring.

Speaker 2 With all my precious jewels and rubies. I want all of my slaves sealed in my tomb with.

Speaker 2 We're going to pre-record Nick about to tell a story and then you saying some dumbass interjection and him yelling at you. I want to be thrown in the ocean, just like my hero, Osama bin Laden.

Speaker 2 How do I want to fucking be buried? That's not actually what we did, by the way. What happened? We fucked his corpse till it disappeared.
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 What did we do with the corpse of Osama bin Laden? He got away. Yeah.
He got away. He got away on the boat.
First of all, I was on that boat. Where he's back at Tora Bora?

Speaker 2 I was on the boat. They said I was about to go kill Osam Bin Laden myself, and they were like, look, this one looks pretty open and shut.

Speaker 2 Why don't we let the fucking, why don't we let the kids handle this one? And they sent in SEAL Team Six,

Speaker 2 who are honestly like the most unprofessional. Pathetic.

Speaker 2 They're literally pathetic.

Speaker 2 They're a joke. In my experience, as a professional mercenary,

Speaker 2 well, they got the name SEAL.

Speaker 2 They're like circus. Well, because they listen to it.
all they listen to is Kiss from a Rose. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Seal was the first member of the business. SEAL stands for sucking and eating ass lesbian movies.

Speaker 2 The way a lesbian would.

Speaker 2 I got to say, lesbians probably eat ass good. No, they don't, dude.
They're too focused on the pussy. Yeah, but...
I feel like they're eating a lot.

Speaker 2 The ass has no appeal to them. It's a whole.
I don't think they can't. They don't appreciate penetration, so the ass is literally meaningless to them.
I think they appreciate penetration.

Speaker 2 The pussy is something they sort of associate with pleasure, I guess. But the asshole is meaningless to them.
No. Yeah, there are lesbian cumboys.
Pound off in the comments.

Speaker 2 Is it true that lesbians' bodies turn into ash pillars if their skin touches sunlight? Yeah. Yep.
Absolutely. All right.
I wasn't sure. That's actually how I defeated one of my enemies.

Speaker 2 It was a lesbian enemy. Yeah.
But it's Hillary Clinton.

Speaker 2 And they can't see their reflections in mirrors. That's right.
And garlic skirts. And garlic just hates them.
Yeah. And then once a month when their lover is going through menstruation,

Speaker 2 then they feast. Snack time.
They feast on the pussy. They just put a straw in their pussy and suck.

Speaker 2 A big twirly straw. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Isn't that fun? Yep. These are all facts about lesbians that we all know.
These are real true facts. Well, yeah, I mean, that's the nice thing about public school sex ed.
You learn stuff about this.

Speaker 2 And Trump is trying to get that out of the fucking curriculum. He wants to get that out.
And frankly,

Speaker 2 I will not stand for it. I want my son

Speaker 2 to know. He's not educated about sex.
Stav's never professional gym teacher. His balls are overheated from his thigh.
His fat thighs. I have beautiful.
He's completely sterile. No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Stav got that.

Speaker 2 Stav comes air. I got

Speaker 2 very stale air, like somebody punctured a tennis ball.

Speaker 2 That's what comes out of there. I have a nice, juicy load.
Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 It's healthy.

Speaker 2 You know? I doubt it. It's pretty good.
That's not what I read in your dossier. I've got a taste of pussy.
Did you wait?

Speaker 2 You broke into my dossier? You didn't break into it. It's a manila folder.

Speaker 2 Fuck, you're right.

Speaker 2 It's pretty not secure.

Speaker 2 Not only does it have your name, it has your picture on the front.

Speaker 2 In case I whose dossier is this? Whose classified

Speaker 2 on it? My dossier is sealed because

Speaker 2 you would think it would be a computer file. Yeah.
Some sort of encrypted computer file. It's just in a file computer.
Oh, yeah. It's just in a filing cabinet.

Speaker 2 Like the way you would store an old expense report. And it just, it's a piece of paper, and I just

Speaker 2 come

Speaker 2 wearing a turtleneck,

Speaker 2 as all dossiers have.

Speaker 2 That's good. Top secret black turtleneck.
Top secret. And I'm looking away.
I'm looking slightly off camera. It's from above.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You could be fat Steve Jobs for Halloween this year. That's not bad.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Ooh, we should do that. We should be fat Trayvon.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's good.

Speaker 2 What a great Halloween costume.

Speaker 2 You know what I'd be so funny is like a fat guy getting in trouble for doing like a blackface Halloween costume, and then all these like woke media outlets are like, wow, this guy thought it'd be funny to do fat Trayvon.

Speaker 2 And then the guy's like, I was just doing Trayvon. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then the BuzzFeed guy gets fired also for fat shaming. Oh, that's good.
That's two birds once.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I think that fat guy would teach everyone an important lesson.
Just like Staff teaches me important lessons all day long. Suck this dick till I come.
That's your number one lesson.

Speaker 2 And right now, you're failing.

Speaker 2 What's going to be our team Halloween costume, guys? I think TLC. Let's celebrate Halloween.
Let's be TLC. I know I don't celebrate Halloween.
I call it left-eyed.

Speaker 2 As a sober person, I don't celebrate holidays anymore. Dude, we'll all dress in costumes.
The real religion is booze.

Speaker 2 You know? Yeah, that's, you know,

Speaker 2 all these people don't care about Cinco de Mayo. They just want to get drunk.
Listen, we'll just do a fucking bunch of Greek. Nobody gives a shit about Hanukkah.
No one cares about Hanukkah.

Speaker 2 That's just an excuse to, you know, light a little candle up. No, punch Hanukkah.

Speaker 2 Perpetuate anti-Greeks.

Speaker 2 I can't wait to get back, get revenge on the Jews for what they did to my people during the day. Well, it's been about 3,000 years, and you guys still haven't had a comeback.
We're going to

Speaker 2 that ass.

Speaker 2 We're still waiting.

Speaker 2 I thought Hanukkah was when the Pharaoh said you're not allowed to have a lamp. No, it was Antiochus.
You're not allowed to have lamps anymore. Antiochus, the Greek governor,

Speaker 2 had pillaged the temple in Jerusalem. Nobody cares.
Put all his

Speaker 2 Greek idols of

Speaker 2 the answer.

Speaker 2 Young boys peeing

Speaker 2 in

Speaker 2 Bronze. And I'll tell you what it actually is.
You know, all the Greek idols that you guys worshiped.

Speaker 2 My name is Joshua Tidbit.

Speaker 2 That's another rank in the IDF.

Speaker 2 This Tidbit knower. Yeah, that's intelligence.
This is just tidbits.

Speaker 2 Actually.

Speaker 2 Yeah, fuck, yeah, fuck juice for Hanukkah, dude. And you just rub it in our face by giving each other socks and other dumbass presents.
What's the best Hanukkah present you've ever gotten?

Speaker 2 My parents never did Hanukkah. What? We'd like light candles and then they'd write me a check.
So you did Hanukkah. You just got mud.
Just shitty Hanukkah. So dude, fucking American kids.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you just had a shitty Hanukkah. You just didn't do Hanukkah.

Speaker 2 You just lit the candles and then they gave me money.

Speaker 2 That's not true. American kids got eight presents.
Yeah, you know,

Speaker 2 it was kind of a rough. We didn't really do Christmas growing up.
We just sort of had the tree and then I would get $500 for my

Speaker 2 big ham dinner. My parents never gave me $500.
They gave me like $25.

Speaker 2 And American kids, all my friends, would get fucking eight presents over eight days. And I would just get a fucking cold check.
Oh, this is funny. you say American kids.

Speaker 2 Trying to give yourself a different, cool, ethnic identity.

Speaker 2 You're American, bitch. My parents aren't American.
You're American, bitch. Yeah, all you have to do to be American is be fucking born here.
I'm American, but I'm saying people with American kids.

Speaker 2 That's what being an American is. Our family

Speaker 2 is Jewish.

Speaker 2 Try to weasel your way out of it. That's the thing you can't do.
Basically, if you have a child, you are American.

Speaker 2 There's no American aristocracy, so if you hate rich people and you suddenly start making money, guess what? That's you, motherfucker. You can't dial it back and say, oh,

Speaker 2 you're pointing a knife at me. Yeah, you do have a knife at me.
You're making a point. That is true.
That was pretty menacing.

Speaker 2 You know what? I saw a Spanish guy doing it on the bus, and it's fucking lucky.

Speaker 2 The way you get away with it is you hold a piece of fruit in the other hand. That's true.
And then nobody then

Speaker 2 peel little pieces of.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you something, puppy.

Speaker 2 Just doing butterfly knife tricks. You're a rich American.
You're American, but I'm not. I'm not rich.
You're rich now, motherfucker. We're all rich, and we're all pieces of shit.
It's true.

Speaker 2 We're bad people. We are bad people.
I never said we're not. Yeah.
We're not rich yet, though.

Speaker 2 Maybe that's the attitude. That's the fucking attitude that makes it a problem.
What? Well, I'm not rich. I have money now, but I'm not rich.

Speaker 2 No, we're not. I mean, by the standards of

Speaker 2 what constitutes wealth, no, we're not rich. There you are.
I mean, But Nick, you're rich this year. Oh, I'm rich.
Yeah, I'm rich. You're doing great.

Speaker 2 But you're making a base salary off the show of like $60,000 a year. Probably less than that, yeah.
No, it's that much. It's like $50,000 a year.
I mean,

Speaker 2 it's great. I'm not complaining about it.
Skip, boss, man.

Speaker 2 But, yeah, no, I mean,

Speaker 2 that doesn't put me in the 1%.

Speaker 2 No, for personal incomes, first of all, you have other money coming in. You had another job.

Speaker 2 So for a single person making more, I mean, the average

Speaker 2 average, not household income, but personal income is somewhere around $30,000. So you are a rich person.
I'm still negative $60,000.

Speaker 2 In terms of wealth? In terms of wealth.

Speaker 2 So I could do beer bongs with kids from Long Island for three years in college.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, I've been making thousands.

Speaker 2 I'm rich because I've been making thousands off my personal club appearances. I'll just show up at the club, you know, like I'm Cardi B.
That's a good, that's a good idea.

Speaker 2 People have no idea how much money I've made in cryptocurrency. Oh, yeah.
You're a million dollars. You just follow the numbers on your cell phone.
No,

Speaker 2 I've have investments in crypto. No, yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 He's rich. Dude, I've made like well, I mean, I don't want to say it on the podcast, but something like $40 million.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we'll edit this out later. It's on paper.
You know, I mean,

Speaker 2 it's in the calculator. But after taxes, that's what, like 38? Who cares? It's actually like 20.
No, I know. I know.

Speaker 2 The government takes way more than that, dude. It's a fucked-up system.
I know, dude. Taxation is theft now that I have money.

Speaker 2 It's like I'm happy to pay taxes to live in a good society. Did you make an S have you been making estimated correlate bonus? Okay.
All right. But it's, it's, yeah.
Actually, fuck, did I?

Speaker 2 This you didn't. The 16th of July was your last deadline.
Fuck. You fucking piece of shit.
I did. I planned to.
I did.

Speaker 2 Fuck. My.
Ugh, I got to. I got you.
I'm fucking on my shit. I pay my taxes.

Speaker 2 I don't try to cheat anybody out of them either. You sort of write off pencils.
Yeah, those are fucking office supports. I need to get you to help me write shit off this year, dude.

Speaker 2 You probably should. I'm going to get fucking audited.
Yeah, actually, I write off crazy shit. I write off everything.
But I mean, the thing is, is writing stuff off is different than like.

Speaker 2 That's the kind of cheating on your taxes I don't think is a fucking problem. Yeah, I got it.
The shit that rich people do is they'll like buy a piece of art for like 200 bucks and then donate it to.

Speaker 2 They'll get it appraised by some asshole for like $20,000. Donate it to a place and then write off the $20,000 appraisal price.
So you make an invisible profit and then you write that.

Speaker 2 There's all these shitty ways. Yeah, they know so.

Speaker 2 You turn yourself into a corporation, invest all your personal income in it, and then when the corporation grows, you take your money out as capital gains, which is taxed at like 10%.

Speaker 2 Damn. Yeah, there's all these ways you can just be a fucking piece of shit 1%

Speaker 2 and keep money from the government.

Speaker 2 It's really the people that are the fucking worst are people that have personal incomes of like six figures and up. And somewhere in like, if you're making like $100,000 to $200,000 a year,

Speaker 2 like people that would be qualified as mass affluent or whatever, they're the showiest. They're the most bitter because most of the time they like, you know, did work their way up to that point.

Speaker 2 So they're like, fuck poor people. I fucking worked and got to where I

Speaker 2 was. And they're like not capable of seeing like a lot of that as just luck and circumstances.
Of course. It doesn't, I mean, fucking privilege doesn't mean that your dad was rich.

Speaker 2 Privilege means you fucking knew a guy at the place you worked at. Right placed the right side.
You're the one person that got that promotion.

Speaker 2 It's fucking, you really don't do as much as you think you fucking do. Oh, absolutely.
But those people get fucking slammed on the marginal tax rate.

Speaker 2 Meanwhile, the people that make like a million a year have like wealth advisors that are like, oh, yeah, we'll figure it out. So you only pay 10%

Speaker 2 in taxes.

Speaker 2 That's fucked, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah I say yeah I think simplify the motherfucking tax code I think the nouveau riches are are disgusting with their studded diamond studded watches I think the way to be a classy rich person is to make it from your grandfather's dad

Speaker 2 you know for him to pass it down and for you to be a professional philanthropist well which means I mean I make

Speaker 2 excluding my crypto profits, I make about $850 million a year. Yeah.
And 90% of that comes from the federal government. It's contract killing that I do for the federal government.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, of course, I'm going to pay my fair share of taxes because that money just comes back to me when I go

Speaker 2 murder some Chinese guy that threatened a railroad company,

Speaker 2 you know, for reparations.

Speaker 2 You killed a Chinese guy just obstructing Amtrak.

Speaker 2 That's the kind of shit, dude. Well, you killed him with the train.
Look, who do you think the government's going to try and kill? Some high-profile political figure?

Speaker 2 No, it's the little guys that are just sort of annoying because nobody's going to suspect that it was a highly trained mercenary. Interesting.
You know, that pushed that homeless man on the track.

Speaker 2 How do you correspond with the homeless guy? Yeah, dude. The government hates homeless people.

Speaker 2 You don't think that's fucking obvious? Yeah, they smell their gold. They got me around to clean up the streets, take over,

Speaker 2 get up the scraps that Father Winter couldn't take care of. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Is that what Giuliani was up to? Yeah,

Speaker 2 New York is a homeless vagrant at Union Square begging for change. Yes.
Makes on average $5,000 an hour. Those are my favorite local news stories.

Speaker 2 This man pretending to be disabled when he's only kind of disabled.

Speaker 2 He's still living in the streets.

Speaker 2 After pretending to be homeless, he leaves in his brand new Toyota Cameron and drives all the way to his home 45 minutes away in a lower middle class suburb where he lives off food stamps and thinks about killing himself.

Speaker 2 It's bad enough that this man tugs at your heartstrings for pocket change in 95-degree heat, but we can't let him get away with it, so we're going to bully him into killing himself tonight at 5 o'clock

Speaker 2 on eyewitness news. Yeah, and then a commercial for fucking Monsanto comes on.

Speaker 2 We need more more subsidies to create a new type of bumblebee that already has the cancer in the honey.

Speaker 2 You don't have to wait until it gives you cancer. You can just eat the cancer.

Speaker 2 Woo! USA.

Speaker 2 USA.

Speaker 2 Suck my dick. Yeah, but I am gay.
Yeah, I was reading about, there was, so in 2012, when the Chick-fil-A thing happened. Yeah, the gay thing? The gay thing, yeah.
Chick-fil-A said,

Speaker 2 if you use a faggot, you ain't getting sandwiches. I thought it was just directly from a southern company.

Speaker 2 Well, it was a cow on a billboard that wrote, I hate faggots, but the Gs were backwards. Yeah, well, faggots is what cows call chickens.
Yeah. These faggot chickens are.
These fucking queer chickens.

Speaker 2 That's a beautiful metaphor. Well,

Speaker 2 the CEO fucking, you know, did the whole, you know, same said, I support the institution of marriage. All these people were boycotting Chick-fil-A.
Of course, it backfired, you know, whatever.

Speaker 2 That's neither here nor there. There was this guy, ironically named Adam Smith, that made a video of him going through a drive-through.
And he's the CFO of some fucking biotech firm. And

Speaker 2 he goes through this drive-thru, and he's like,

Speaker 2 I'm going to give it to him. I'm about to do it.

Speaker 2 And then he's going, there's this stupid, dickless protest where people are going to Chick-fil-A and asking for free water, and then they lose money on the cup. So people would go to Chick-fil-A, and

Speaker 2 the lady at the drive-thru, nice lady, you know, she goes, He's like, Is this my free water? She goes, Yes, it is. And he goes, Okay, you know why I'm getting this for free today? She's like,

Speaker 2 No, you know, and he's like,

Speaker 2 Because Chick-fil-A is an awful, evil company. And she's like, Well, you know, I disagree.
I think it's an okay place to work, you know. And he's like, How do you live with yourself?

Speaker 2 To the woman who fucking works for the middle-wage woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's obvious. Obviously, this guy's in the fucking wrong, and he's a retard, and she handles it pretty well.

Speaker 2 He drives off, posts a video on Facebook. Within 24 hours, he's fired.
He's lost his job. Like, completely backfires.
Good fuck him.

Speaker 2 Well, good fuck him to a certain extent. This was in 2005.

Speaker 2 Conservatives hopped on it, and then people like you, like vindictive liberals, you know, who just want an opportunity to shame somebody,

Speaker 2 also jumped on it. This man's life is ruined now.

Speaker 2 He moved to Portland, got another job, immediately was fired. I mean, why go to Portland, though? You know, you're not going to get it.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, why go to Portland? He's like a guy that's like

Speaker 2 protesting the homophobic statements. He's not,

Speaker 2 he's just some fucking pro-same-sex marriage liberal.

Speaker 2 Portland's not the fucking problem. You know, it's not,

Speaker 2 this is a guy that's being hounded by conservatives and then also just this online fucking mob that likes any opportunity they have to, oh, I can hurt someone and feel like a good person.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 It's a way to fuck up somebody's life, but also feel like I'm doing the right thing. Right, right, right.
Which is all that's happening in the case of nobody gives a shit about that fucking woman.

Speaker 2 I mean, if they did, they wouldn't be continuing to fuck up this guy's life. And so they did.
And then he eventually had to write a book because he's like living in a fucking RV. About shame created.

Speaker 2 About being shamed. And, you know, the guy's a moron, so he doesn't really take any personal responsibility in that situation.

Speaker 2 And so I don't know if the book's bad or not, but all the reviews for it are on Amazon. They're like, one star.
I don't even read this shit. I'm not giving this guy any money.
And it's like,

Speaker 2 what is the fucking point anymore? No, I don't know if the book is good or bad, Adam, but

Speaker 2 they're leaving negative reviews because they want to continue to fucking like shame and harass this man for a two-minute video he made where he's kind of an asshole.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's kind of of an asshole, and he's also just trying to be

Speaker 2 a bad thing.

Speaker 2 Those people are the same. Don't fucking unplug the wires for my speaker.
Stop fucking touching those.

Speaker 2 Get your fucking hands off those speaker terminals. Are you for real? I'm serious, dude.
Don't fucking touch those.

Speaker 2 Don't do that. Keep your fucking hand off.
Don't touch anything. I wasn't even touching it.
You couldn't even. I can see it moving.
How? Your hands behind it.

Speaker 2 It wasn't. Don't touch it.
You weren't touching it. Just don't fucking touch it.
Yeah, I didn't touch it. I'll point that fucking knife knife right at your goddamn eye.

Speaker 2 God, I hope you fucking slit his throat. Wait, but what grounds was he fired from his job? Like, what grounds did they give him to fire him?

Speaker 2 First of all, a couple years ago, if you publicly shame someone online, they would fire you for any reason.

Speaker 2 It's just, we don't want this negative publicity. It does not matter.
I feel like maybe we're turning a corner with that.

Speaker 2 His employment was like at will or something, they could just let go of him for no reason.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude, if you're at the executive level of a company, you're a representative of that company no matter fucking what. I mean, imagine the CEO,

Speaker 2 anybody that's that high up, the shit that you do outside of work reflects on the company,

Speaker 2 no matter fucking what. So, if for him to go be an asshole, regardless of how he's being an asshole or

Speaker 2 whatever nuance look you want to take at that situation, if it makes the company look bad because people are having a negative reaction to it, you're going to get fucking fired.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it seems like he should have maybe explored a wrongful termination lawsuit

Speaker 2 as an attorney myself.

Speaker 2 I think that that's probably kind of fringing grounds for dismissal. No, it isn't.
It's not?

Speaker 2 That he made a video on Facebook? Like, what does that have to do with this? No, what did Nick just say? I heard what he just said.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if you're an executive, you don't fucking have that kind of shit. It's a biotech company.
Yeah, they can fucking, they sexually harass people and stuff. You could do whatever you want to do.

Speaker 2 They make killings make people not be gay anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's like, I'm trying to actually find a solution. What are you doing, Chick-fil-A?

Speaker 2 Well, my favorite part of the video at the drive-thru is he's about to pull away, but you know, he's taping it. So you see the car stop.
While he's driving, you see the car stop.

Speaker 2 He's like, I'm not even gay, by the way. I'm completely heterosexual.
Hilarious. He's like, there's nothing homosexual about me, but I just think it's wrong what your company's doing.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's so stupid. That guy does suck so much.
Someone's like, you don't really like gay people.

Speaker 2 You're glaring. FYI, I'm not one of them.

Speaker 2 But the thing is, it's like a lot of people are fucking shitty.

Speaker 2 People shouldn't be homeless and unable unable to feed their family because they're shitty. Yeah, every

Speaker 2 CEO of every company is probably, I mean, they don't probably make public statements about being homophobic, but they're probably shitty people. You know, yeah, most CEOs.
Oh, sure.

Speaker 2 But that's the thing is, most actual rich, like super fucking rich people.

Speaker 2 Nobody knows who the fuck they are. That's true.

Speaker 2 They drive a Prius, they live in like a, you know, a bigger, you know, whatever house, but then they have tens of millions of dollars in the bank, and you have no idea who they are.

Speaker 2 Well, that's that's not true. They don't live in normal houses, they live in fucking just separated from the rest of society.
Yeah, but I mean, in New York, in New York, they do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, in New York, they live in normal

Speaker 2 apartments and shit, but it's not like you know, it's not like the houses that fucking you know, uh, Mark Wahlberg lives in, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, they're not doing that.

Speaker 2 They're just like nice big houses. There are a lot of very wealthy people that are not like flashy money people.
That's you, you're right.

Speaker 2 I mean, like, it's kind of that's a sign of someone that's not yet wealthy. Oh, yeah, baby.
That's why you need to get a gold tooth. Like us with our Vitamixes.

Speaker 2 You don't have a fully. You don't have frizzballs.
I'm losing. Well, I have to buy one for my new apartment.
Oh, there you go. It's my roommate.
Welcome. I'm getting into knives now.

Speaker 2 That's my new thing.

Speaker 2 Someone was saying you can't order butterfly knives in New York City. You can't have any knife in New York City.
Every fucking

Speaker 2 Swiss Army knife?

Speaker 2 Here's how it works.

Speaker 2 If you get caught with a knife, any kind of fucking knife, a cop's going to take it, and they're going to do this thing where they open it a little bit with their fucking hand, and then they're going to keep doing this with their wrist over and over and over again until the blade hits it.

Speaker 2 He's flicking. He's flicking his head.
And then they're going to say, Oh, this is a gravity knife, so you're going to go to jail. Gravity knife is a thing that hasn't existed since like the 1950s.

Speaker 2 It's a giant, like, fucking eight-inch knife. Hell yeah.
Can you swing and explain it? Oh, those? Those are the

Speaker 2 huge fucking thing. Yeah, it doesn't exist anymore.

Speaker 2 So with the button. The police have been able to

Speaker 2 just loosely redefine gravity knives, which are like uh uh outlined in the law as being illegal, as anything that they can fucking flick their wrist and open.

Speaker 2 So you're really not safe carrying any kind of knife whatsoever in New York. Don't worry about like, you know, people say, oh, if it's less than three and a half inches, you're fine.
It's not.

Speaker 2 If they want to find a way to fucking

Speaker 2 find a way to arrest you for it, they will. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I should put away this machete.

Speaker 2 That's what I love about that fucking piece of shit. First of all, every Instagram ad is fucking the most obnoxious shit in the entire world.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's always like subscription services for like fucking bow ties. Yeah, it's all like, it's all like, you know, the bespoke post one, somebody had a comment on one of those.

Speaker 2 It was like the funniest shit. Somebody was like,

Speaker 2 yeah, this is great if you've never had a friend with bad taste. You got married and you had to be part of the wedding party.

Speaker 2 Because it's all that. It's like fucking, you know, premium leather suspenders and like

Speaker 2 a fucking straight razor kit, you know, like just all this bullshit. You know, unicycle maintenance tools.
Yeah. Yeah, that kind of shit.

Speaker 2 I hate that bespoke s bespoke post company stuff. Bespoke? It's that kind of shit, dude.
It's just like... It's like a little, you get a cigarette holder and you fucking

Speaker 2 steampunk shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. But like bro steampunk.
Yeah, yeah, I know the vibe of him. You know, very like 2010 hipster.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess, which has now been like dispersed to the culture at large. Yeah.
And now people are like, yeah, I really like, you know, like red-winged boots and fucking

Speaker 2 that kind of dumb shit. Like

Speaker 2 Mumford and Sons. They're not good boots.
I want to get boots. No, man.
It's Sambas. You wear only Sambas.

Speaker 2 The only shoe anyone should wear. I want boots for the winner.

Speaker 2 Where do I get a nice boots? The boots I have that I schemed out of the garbage.

Speaker 2 I think the only boots you should be allowed to wear are like whale skin covered in fur and then a string wrapped around the entire thing like an Inuit.

Speaker 2 Those seem warm. You should have like a very igloo-y look.
I wouldn't be opposed. I just do they, you know, what do they

Speaker 2 do? Is it the surprise arrive? No, not yet. Really? I think it arrives today.
God damn it. Yours arrived, and I'm jealous.
I'm so happy. I want boots, man.
Both Adam and Steve got pocket pussies.

Speaker 2 We're going to tape them together and find out what they're doing. We promise, but they don't make child dick-size pocket pussies.
In America, because it's a woman. Why would that be a problem?

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 A child could have sex with a woman. No, they can't.
It just wouldn't

Speaker 2 hit the back wall. No, they needed to buy child vagina pocket pussies, so they've been waiting for them to clear customs.

Speaker 2 You got to get them.

Speaker 2 You got to get them from Japan. That's a good idea to address them.
Where they invented pedophilia. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's not true. Right in front of me, dude.
Thailand.

Speaker 2 You're going to claim a different culture-invented pedophilia? Yeah. That's fucked up, dude.
Yeah, that's

Speaker 2 democracy and pedophilia.

Speaker 2 Those are our two big words. How are you going to do that? You know what I mean? Why isn't pedophilia a Greek word? It is.
Case closed, motherfucker.

Speaker 2 Case closed. No, it's Japanese.

Speaker 2 Pedophilia.

Speaker 2 Pedophilia. Have you ever looked the names of

Speaker 2 American video games in Japan, but like games that are made by Japanese people? No.

Speaker 2 They just fuck up their own language to make

Speaker 2 Super Mario Bros. is like a Super Mario Bruzuro.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Sonaku Jehedjahagu is like

Speaker 2 one of them.

Speaker 2 Like, that's the Japanese name of it. It's like whatever the Japanese word for hedgehog is.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I love that, dude.
They just talk like a racist version of themselves. It's tight.
I wish more countries did that. Dude, they submit, dude.
That's right. Japan has bent to the knee.

Speaker 2 Ever since that's not true, dude. Ever since that fucking

Speaker 2 ever since that.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We can't take credit. They know what those families were in Americans.
I know. I didn't do anything.
Yeah, it was Nick's family. Nick's Irish family.

Speaker 2 They're all responsible for that. Did you have relatives that fought in World War II? No, of course not.
What?

Speaker 2 Your grandpa was in World War II? Nope. No.

Speaker 2 What was he? A deserter? No, one of my grandfathers was born in like 1931.

Speaker 2 The other one was. So you didn't go to Korea? The other one just like sort of fucked around.
I don't.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, actually, you know what? He was born in like 1920, so he would have been like 15 when the war ended. No, 25.

Speaker 2 So that's prime fighting. He just didn't.
He deserted. What? He didn't desert it.
Did he not get drafted? No, he was in the Navy.

Speaker 2 I don't think he did anything. He didn't do anything yellow.
Oh, so yeah, he fought, but he didn't. Nick, such a yellow, yellow-bellied.
Yeah, you got coward in your blue.

Speaker 2 No, both of my grandfathers were in the military. Oh.
They just didn't do anything? Yeah, well, one of them is like a weird guy. He was kind of a con man, so I don't know anything about him.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. Never drank in his entire life.
He had a secret family in Louisiana. That's cool.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's a flim flam man.

Speaker 2 My other grandfather was like a Navy pilot. Ooh.

Speaker 2 But he didn't fight? Not in World War II. No, he liked.
What about Korea?

Speaker 2 No, he was deployed in the Baltic tracking submarines. Oh, that's tough.
Yeah, my grandfather was in Italy doing cartography, like maps. Yeah, so drawing pictures.
No, no, but he'd like

Speaker 2 Doodling and raping. But he didn't rape.
You said he didn't rape earlier up. You're trying to call me yellow.
I'll fucking cut your ass up, dude. Come over here.
Uh-oh. Don't put the knife down.

Speaker 2 My grandmother. It's not funny.
I'm going to turn your socks red. Come here.
That's my Achilles tendon.

Speaker 2 That's my Achilles tendon. It's from Greek mythology, socks.
I'll wet your ass up with my Swiss Army knife. My grandfather got caught in the deal.
In a war with Bulgaria. Don't do it.
Don't say it.

Speaker 2 Don't say some stupid bit about the Swiss Army, Adam. I know that's where you're going to go.
What's up with the Swiss Army? They just have like gadgets. Is that what you're going to say?

Speaker 2 Something along those lines? Well, no, the Pope's guards are called the Swiss.

Speaker 2 And they just look like clowns?

Speaker 2 They're just

Speaker 2 like clowns?

Speaker 2 That's an interesting question and one that we need to look into.

Speaker 2 There's no Swiss Army, but the the Pope's guards are

Speaker 2 called the Swiss.

Speaker 2 I bet there's a very

Speaker 2 there's a barely interesting reason that's not a good joke for that.

Speaker 2 So you should look that up and then tell us. I'll get back to you on the next one.
Thanks, man.

Speaker 2 Thanks for doing that. Can you put the knife away? I just know, dude.
It's been a weird episode. You know, a lot of people love the James Bond stuff was good.

Speaker 2 The thing about a knife that's good is that, you know, it gives you not the same amount of power that a gun has. Right.
But enough power that you can wave it around the room. Sure, sure.

Speaker 2 And people aren't allowed to say anything about it.

Speaker 2 I think, like, when I was studying abroad, there were like British kids, and I think that their street violence is

Speaker 2 better than American street violence. They have a lot more stabbings and, like.
I'm going to take your loaves off, bruv. Yeah, yeah, because they don't have guns.

Speaker 2 Because in America, we have guns, and they don't have to. I'm going to death this boy up.
Yeah. I'm going to get in here and pop his drums.
Come here, boy.

Speaker 2 Give him a Chelsea smile. We're going to make him Jewish.
Come here. Get Get your Willie on the table.

Speaker 2 We're going to give him a Manchester haircut.

Speaker 2 We're going to give him a Manx bowl cut, mate.

Speaker 2 It's a new type of haircut.

Speaker 2 Talking about your Willie.

Speaker 2 Cut it off. We're going to slice up your bullocks, mate.

Speaker 2 What do you think of that, Adam? Yeah, what do you think of that? We're going to slice off your balls. We're going to cut your fucking dick off.
And then your balls.

Speaker 2 We're going to slice up your balls so they look like a tiger got to them. I would love the idea of just doing this to like a stranger waiting in line.
I wish I had that power. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I just think that if you. Yeah, you motherfucker.
I'm going to cut your dick off. I'm going to cut your balls off.

Speaker 2 And the police show up, and they're just there every week. I'm always at that Chick-fil-A doing the same thing.
You're doing it for gay rights, though. Put the knife down, Nick.
Come on.

Speaker 2 What is it called?

Speaker 2 51.150?

Speaker 2 5150? Yeah, 51.50. It's in California.
Gay man on the loose.

Speaker 2 In California, the cops are allowed to just take you directly to the mental hospital. Whoa.
Just are allowed to locate. You're being crazy.
Yeah, you can just go to the.

Speaker 2 Instead of jailing people, you can get fucking. And then are you there indefinitely?

Speaker 2 I don't know, but the cops can commit people.

Speaker 2 51.50. That's too much.
That's too much power. To answer your question, if you guys cut off my dick and balls.

Speaker 2 Well, cut off your dick, slice up your balls. Slice up my balls.
I think that it would just. I would be pretty pissed and maybe need to take a week or two off the podcast.

Speaker 2 I would be ticked.

Speaker 2 I would have a trans member on the show, and nobody would

Speaker 2 be allowed to say that we're fucking racist anymore. That's true.
It was supposed to be soft.

Speaker 2 Saf's trans in a way that his body produces a bunch of estrogen. Yeah, because you are what you eat.

Speaker 2 You eat estrogen pills?

Speaker 2 I mean, pussy. Fuck.

Speaker 2 You eat a bunch of estrogen? Okay. Dude, I didn't know you even needed to take it that far.
I dude, it it was just your

Speaker 2 weight pressing on your small testes. Your small testes.
I got big fat balls. But I did use to eat my mom's chocolate women's vitamins.
Your mom's pussy? No. Ew!

Speaker 2 What the fuck, you guys? No.

Speaker 2 I ate her vitamins. When Sav was born, he ate his mom's pussy.
I ate her chocolate. That's why he got so fat.
What? Well, how would that make me feel fat?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're like, I think this is the umbilical cord, but it might just be a Twizzler.

Speaker 2 I've never seen this before.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm sorry, but your son is

Speaker 2 pre. He's premature? No, he's pre-diabetic.

Speaker 2 He's not premature. He's actually in there a little too long.

Speaker 2 I was just eating candies.

Speaker 2 Ma'am, I'm sorry. You have a rare disease that's known commonly as Intamin's pussy.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not a doctor. I just.

Speaker 2 I know the door code. My wife gave birth two weeks ago, so they come in here.
I'm trying to get on SNL, so I'm doing more of like a man on the street sort of thing.

Speaker 2 I like the idea of a baby. Oh, yeah, I'll leave.
Yeah, no problem. Yeah,

Speaker 2 you actually can't call the cops because it's not illegal to say things to people. So it's First Amendment.
Yeah, enjoy your fat baby, you dumb bitch.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I would.
Oh, you know Lorne. Well, then my name is Aaron Glazer.
Hey. I'm a triple threat.

Speaker 2 Prat, pra. Teacher, I'm a triple triple threat.
I do improv, I do stand-up, and I rape girls.

Speaker 2 I took that one from you. You took a bit from me.
I took it from you. How's it feel, you motherfucker? I tried to take it back right now.
I said rape at the same time was cute. No.

Speaker 2 I thought that's what synergy. Slicing shit.
Oh, you just sliced

Speaker 2 synergy, and I think that's business solutions. Dude, I love slicing.
Slicing feels good. I can't wait to just go to fucking Times Square on New Year's and give people a couple little nicks.

Speaker 2 Can we call this

Speaker 2 the knife episode?

Speaker 2 Nick just confessed. That's premeditated knife crime, dude.
Yeah, yeah. He confessed to a fucking crime on New Year's.
First of all, I would never. Times Square is for Taurus.

Speaker 2 The real murderers go to fucking Time Center. Yeah, yeah.
The Lower East Side.

Speaker 2 You just run up to the New World Trade Center and start giving it a couple slices.

Speaker 2 That's a good place. It's not as bad as what they did on 9-11.
Puerto Rican Isis

Speaker 2 made a couple of slices on the new World Trade Center today. Yeah, we're looking at me?

Speaker 2 We want to establish a global caliphate, bro.

Speaker 2 So we're going to

Speaker 2 stab everyone that's not down with our jihad. You know what I'm saying? That's not bad.
That's not a bad character.

Speaker 2 Puerto Rican jihad.

Speaker 2 Puerto Rican ISIS. Yeah, bro.
Like, I'm saying, like, ever since I've been Mujah Hadim, bro, like, I've been, like, you know, you getting a lot of pussy, you know, from Virgin Girls.

Speaker 2 They just want to join ISIS and be brides and shit. Oh, yeah, dude.
Yeah. Pussy.
It's like a, it's like a. They put like, it's like playing GTA.

Speaker 2 They put like a gay guy in like a, in like a low rider, right? And then the water's already up to his neck, and then they just lower the hydraulics

Speaker 2 with all his heads out of the water.

Speaker 2 Gay guy's like, no, please stop. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 That's how they go.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 That was pretty good. This is a long one.
Oh, shit. How long did we do?

Speaker 2 An hour and a half, I think. Yeah.
We're done. Bye, guys.