The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 3

Previously in sixty minutes' time the flames above shall descend, and only those standing within this barrier shall survive its fury.

Scattered across this island are forty-eight keys.

With a key in your possession, you shall be granted entry into the Ziggurat thereby passing this second trial.

To the rest, know that while you fall short of your aspiration, your contribution to this institution will be eternally treasured.

Welcome back.

Welcome back to the Adventure Zone, Taz Royale, as we're calling it.

When last we left our heroes, they were in the middle of the trial of abjuration.

A great big fireball falling out of the sky, racing to find keys to take shelter within the Ziggorot at the center of this floating island.

Rictus, we're going to pick things back up with you at the top of the order.

In the last episode, you had run down into a tomb in the island's graveyard where you found a long bridge over an infinite dark chasm.

You saved

a young woman in sort of athletic gear from this statue at the end of the bridge clutching a golden key that has been trying to possess your mind

and and her she just took flight after you pulled her back up onto the bridge uh some spit was exchanged it was pretty gross and uh you were ultra very gross you were trying to decide uh what to do here

Okay, so Rictus is going to do the most obvious thing and kick the wall of the cave as hard as he can.

So you are on a bridge kind of in the middle of this gigantic cavern though the uh i guess you could sort of run back to the entrance to do that yeah it's it's not like you are in a um you know a tunnel or anything okay he's gonna run back to the entrance and do that okay this statue watches you like what the fuck What's this guy doing?

Okay, you make an attack roll against the wall of this tomb.

Okay.

Do you want to know why or are you just going with it?

Well, let's see that in the number and then you can tell me why.

Seven.

It don't matter.

There you go.

No matter what you're trying to do.

Tough guy.

Do your best.

Well, what do you think?

Yeah, I don't know here if a success or failure works for what I want to do.

He's trying to break his foot.

Oh, all right.

Yeah, that is a normal.

That is normal.

Well, the idea being he knows that pain, right, breaks control, right?

Because he used it to free her from her charm um yes that is true and so his idea is here with a broken foot if he gets possessed every step he takes will cause pain and give him a chance to break out of it that's really good um here here's how we're gonna resolve this okay if you want to really fuck up your foot yeah um i want you to tell me how you're gonna how you do it you you kick the wall and like i think your body doesn't have what it takes to force itself to injure itself this in in this way.

If you try to imagine doing this in real life, I think you would probably struggle with the mental aspect of it.

You are also still kind of being psychically assaulted by this thing.

If you want to try something else

to injure yourself or in some other way enact this plan,

you will have a little bit of time to do so.

But then I think, you know, one more failed attempt and you're going to have to make another wisdom-saving throw.

He is going to,

with all of like the reanimation training that he's had to go through,

right?

He's going to think about,

as hard as he can, try to think of his body not as like him,

but as like sections of a thing,

right?

The way it would be in putting together a dead body from parts.

Yeah, right.

Pretty fucked up.

Yeah.

Now, listen, man, he's a necromancer.

I'm gonna get into the vibe.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay, let's say this.

How about

I think this would be a

definitely a wisdom roll of some sort.

You know,

I'm not gonna make you roll to see how effective this is.

I like that.

I think it makes sense.

So

whatever you do next to try to injure yourself, I will grant you advantage.

You are in the right headspace.

Okay, he's gonna pick up the biggest rock that he can find and lift and drop it on his foot.

Okay,

you find

there is like a low, sort of

almost cinder block style wall

on either side of the bridge right by the entrance.

You're able to find one of those blocks that is loose.

I'm going to say, give me a strength check just to see how big a rock

you're going to be able to lift here.

Okay, a 16.

16.

A pretty big rock.

Okay, you are holding it over your foot, able to hoist a fairly large block into the air.

And

are you...

You're real sure about this plan.

Cool.

Guys, Griffin said very large rock, and dad did not start seeing big-ass rock from Fulmani.

And I think we should do a wellness check.

If we don't send...

an officer to his house, we will regret it.

Who knows?

I hear him laughing, but that could be.

No,

I was thinking of an even worse joke, believe it or not.

I was thinking

he said

biggest rock, and I saw Ziggorot on the map, and I was trying to figure out a way to rhyme those two.

So I did.

Wow, that doesn't even make any sense.

I know, I know.

No one made you toddle that one out of

the dungeon.

That was not going to make the Instagram promo.

All right.

Okay.

I mean, you drop a large rock, and it lands right on your foot.

You take two points of bludgeoning damage.

Oh, okay, great.

Uh, and you, uh, you have fucked your foot up.

You're not sure if it is broken, but it is extremely, extremely ginger.

Uh, and as promised, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw now to see if you can resist this thing's thrall as it sends out sort of another pulse of this mind control.

Oh, my God.

Well, I'm glad I did.

Well, I have an advantage on it from being trying, but it was a 10 and a six.

So yes, neither of those is enough.

You are

swayed, and it is like

your mind splits in two.

Your mind is as fractured as your foot bones.

Part of you is aware of what your body is doing.

The other part of you is

is under the thrall of this statue at the end of the bridge.

And you are going to take a step towards the edge of the bridge very, very quickly.

And as the spasm of pain shoots up your leg,

I want you to make another wisdom saving throw with advantage.

Nat 20.

Okay.

Wow.

That's more like it.

With a nat 20, I'm not going to do what I was going to make you do, which is you regain control of your body and you had some momentum as you were going towards the edge of the bridge.

It had you sort of at a sprint, but you immediately snap out of it.

And in fact, another pulse of that sort of control magic goes through you, and you completely ignore it.

You are going to be able to close quite a bit of distance now,

but your foot's fucked up, so it's not going to feel very good.

Yeah, that's fair.

Listen, he's done a lot of mental training and stuff.

A lot of

separating how maybe gross the thing he's doing

is from what he needs to to do um okay um let me think i mean you movement is is guaranteed right you are um

i i think it is a question of are you able to get to this key before another pulse of this stuff uh comes out and hits you um so why don't you make just a uh a dexterity check here and

um i i like what you're doing i'm not gonna give you disadvantage

a gentleman's 20 okay You are able to reach the statue, and it is holding a golden key in its sort of stony grasp.

I think you're able to get here.

It is going to emit another pulse, sort of in a panic, one last sort of attempt to

get you to leap to your doom.

So make another wisdom saving throw with advantage, please.

Another gentleman's 20 and a 13.

um

that 20 definitely does it you look and i look in that statue and i say not today death

which is of course a quote from one of your favorite favorite movies oh is it

land beyond time

owning i pulled something yesterday holland sat around and now everyone

laugh i thought dad did psychic damage to you every laugh does psychic damage to me now, man.

This is what psychic damage is.

It's sort of like eye sockets were glowing with this sort of ominous light.

It starts to

starts to fade a bit.

And as that happens, the hand unfurls and releases a golden key into your grasp.

Cool, I leave.

Just to establish that clearly.

Sure.

Next, let's hop back over to Loraveth.

Loraveth, you had

just scaled this cliff's face towards a cavern that you had seen after claiming a strange crystal that seemed to grant you the memories of some other wizard, granting you the power to absorb elements.

You were scaling this cliff up towards the cave.

You were a bit slower than the yellow elemental ranger, who you saw scale the cliff face, run into the cave, and then after

a spout of flame shoots out of the cave, you see her crystal go flying away into the sky and hear the chime of a fallen competitor.

Moments later, The other three elemental rangers who were kind of conspiring about how to get this rock away from you earlier, They reach the top of the cliff face,

and the red ranger runs up to you and says, Ah, greetings, friend Goliath.

I'm afraid we got off on the wrong foot.

I'm Ignacio,

the Elemental Ranger of Fire.

Have you seen where our teammate, who looks a lot like me, but in a yellow sort of color palette,

where she went?

My friend, she has become ash, and I can't imagine how hard that is for you.

She's what do you mean?

She was your friend, and now she is unto dust.

It is sad yet inevitable.

He looks around and then he looks at the cave and sees like scorch marks on the ground outside.

And he's wearing a full helmet covering his face, but his body language changes in a way that tells you that he's pretty bummed out.

Can I ask a clarifying question, Griffin?

Yes, please.

The okay, I got this crystal.

Yeah.

And it gave me magic power.

Right.

The crystal that, or the gem or what have you, that just was like

spawned off of her corpse.

Yeah.

Is that is there the loot?

Is that, is there a value to that?

Is that the same kind of crystal?

Is there a value to trying to track that down or what's up?

Um.

It flew like way far away off into the distance.

Yeah.

You are not sure how you would go about tracking it down.

I will tell you this this.

If you're trying to ward me off of doing something in Dungeons and Dragons by saying there's a lost gem and you're not sure if you can find it, that's going to put an end to a lot of quests pretty early, Griff.

That's a good point, Juice.

If you're trying to dissuade me from going to look for the power gem in the forest,

no, yeah, I mean,

clearly, I'm setting a sweet honey pot up for you.

No, I will give you this.

You are the first person to have sort of like found one of these crystals.

And so you placed it in in your

grimoire, a glove, and you're able to kind of look at it and see that it does kind of look similar to the crystal that was already in there.

There was one stone sort of in there.

And when

the other crystal flew out of the cave, it appears to be this bigger, kind of milkier crystal like the one that you have set into your gauntlet.

But they do have a lot of...

If I had known it was big and milky, I would have made a reach for it, Griffin.

Thank you for that detail.

You see the elemental rangers sort of conspiring

and the red ranger walks up and says, well, I um

are we are we non are we done with climbing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're done with it.

There's just this cavern, right?

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Well, let here's here's what I'd suggest.

Red Ranger, you uh you're f a fire fire user, yes.

Um, yes, I yes, I can use it.

The threat in there seems to be primarily fire-based.

So, it it seems to me that you would fare the best getting the lay of the land.

Make a persuasion check.

Not my strong suit,

but the natural 20.

Holy fucking shit.

Man.

And it's one for you, my lord.

Literally.

So, this is what I wanted to start doing.

This is what I want to start doing a better job of.

Now that I have the 20.

Yeah.

now i will now now we can have a conversation right okay

i feel that you as the the uh red ranger the the master of all this is flame certainly best equipped to uh to suss out the uh the situation take as my my people say take a butcher's around

um

yes you're right I i don't need to be afraid.

I am the master of fire, the elemental red ranger.

Flames bend to my will and my foes will be scorched i'll be right back dudes and he runs i want to prepare a lightning lure for when the gym comes i'm really going to make a shot at it

okay you ready in action sure enough moments after he runs into the cave

another burst of flame shoots out you see the remaining uh blue and green rangers take a step back away from the cavemouth uh and then seconds later, you see

another one of those milky white crystals come flying out.

Make an attack roll with your lightning lure.

If you hit, this is going to be a tough attack because it's a small target.

I'm saying if you hit a 15 or above, you will snatch this thing.

A 15

on the money.

Jesus, man.

You.

Whip out your lightning lure.

What's it look like?

It's been an episode since you've wielded this power.

It is an extension from the

top of my wrist that whips out as I extend my graft.

So it's almost like an extension of my own reach

made of a glowing white lightning that doesn't move, obviously, at lightning speed, but it crackles quickly across to the target and wraps around.

Wispy.

Wispy.

Rad.

You see this white stone.

You had your arm arm sort of like arced backwards, ready to go.

And as it flies out, you whip it right on the money.

And as you rip it back towards your hand, you can feel it pulling away.

Like as if

it is in this thing's like programming to like return somewhere.

You can feel a force trying to take it.

But as you grab it, that force only lasts for like a second.

And then it seems to sort of acquiesce.

And you are able to claim it.

I turn to the nearest...

Who's the nearest ranger?

Blue.

I turned to the blue.

That looked quite impressive, I know.

But I'll be honest with you, I very nearly missed that.

I know it didn't seem it, but I was very, very fortunate.

I was within a hair's breadth.

The Blue Ranger...

Is going to just sort of take a step back, take a step away from you.

And in fact, the Blue Ranger takes off.

The Blue Ranger starts scaling back down the cliff, and the Green Ranger's like,

What do you do?

Come on, don't run away.

We get,

can I have that stone, please?

We were sort of like a team, and

I'm not.

Well,

that hardly seems fair, does it?

Look, I just really would like the stone.

Oh, I like it.

I like it a great deal.

If liking is a determinant, then I like it very, very much.

The green ranger, again, wearing this helmet, you can't quite make out their expression, but they stand there looking at you and then kind of reluctantly

follow the other blue ranger in climbing down the

cliff and out of sight.

Do you slot in this gemstone that you ever got?

Absolutely.

Welcome to the family.

You slotted in.

You are fucking Thanos out here with your incredible collection of power.

Hold on, I got to check Ignatio off the list.

Okay, as you slot it in.

Hey, I don't know if we got a body count, but I'm taking that one, guys.

Yeah, for sure.

That is a direct talking another living being to their death.

Yeah, absolutely.

Put a notch on the old belt.

As you slot it in,

you

see...

memories that are not your own and now you're kind of like ready for it.

it is just like what happened when you slotted in the the absorb elements uh spell uh only this time you are seeing the memories of this guy ignatio that you were just

that you were just speaking to moments ago you see him giving to his community you see him making great change helping those who need it talking to his his grandpa who's like no some people are gonna try to trick you sometimes ignatio you have to keep your head on a swivel yeah but then i guess you see him with like earmutes and like, yeah, yeah, yeah, grabs whatever.

What are the odds?

Yeah, yeah.

And

you see the elemental rangers.

You see these four heroes

working together to defeat these great magical threats across the land and getting these big lucrative toy lines.

And then you return to your senses and

your hands ignite and then

deignite.

I don't know what the opposite of that is.

And you have learned

extinguish.

Thank you.

You learned the spell burning hands.

Man, you're collecting plasmids left and right, Jamie.

No freaking kidding, man.

Okay.

All right.

Can I, okay.

I have a, like, if I had been someone who had been absorbing elements a lot.

in my life, I would probably already know this, but since I'm not,

this sort of like fire type thing that is consuming people, whatever that is, is absorb elements the kind of thing where I'm going to cast that on myself and then just like

go like be okay or no?

I think based on kind of what you remember from the memories that kind of came into you, you sort of have a basic understanding of how this spell works.

It doesn't make you immune to like different elemental damage.

What it does is it reduces the effect on you and it also sort of stores some of that elemental power that you can discharge with an attack.

I'm so weak.

I'm so weak though.

Currently, I'm so so weak.

I would like to here, I would like, I don't feel like I've given it like a good

look-see to what extent can I get an investigation off here?

I think that

you can certainly make an investigation check

if you want to get kind of like up close to try and spy in there without getting hit by the flame.

You, I think, realize now because you've seen it twice.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Yeah, I don't have to do that.

Okay.

I want to look at the memory

of Ignatio, yes.

Yeah.

I don't have to get close to it.

I want to like, I have the memory.

Absolutely.

I love it.

That's the very last thing I saw before I toast.

These memories are really fresh, and for whatever reason, become a little bit more abstract, like they hadn't finished cooking yet.

But you do see the inside of this cave,

which at the moment of Ignatio's death,

you can tell there's like a little antechamber, a little side chamber

running off of this tunnel where the flames shot out of.

And in that little antechamber, you can see a

small little alcove containing some lockers, and there's like a little table in here,

and there's

a mostly scorched skeleton in here with a sort of rusty pickaxe.

You can see that there is, there are actually minecart tracks going deeper into the tunnel that seem to start right about where this alcove is.

And there is a, there is a single minecart that has been pushed sort of off the tracks, just sort of off to the side, probably by repeated explosions.

I think you also know, because you've seen it twice, that these flames didn't shoot out until someone went into the tunnel.

They don't appear to be happening with, you know.

Am I able to tell from Ignatio's memory if this is like I could

this is something that could be avoided?

I would say from Ignatio's memory, you have a lay of the land.

If you were quick enough, you could probably get into that alcove before the flames hit you, but the tunnel is like about as wide as this like burst of flame is.

There's no great way to

be able to discern that.

And you also, I will say, he could not see the end of this tunnel where this fire was coming from.

But he I could, but I would have a, but I'd have a good shot at making it to the alcove.

Yes.

Okay.

I'm going to cat.

I'm going to then I will cast absorb elements on myself.

So it's actually a reaction.

You actually don't have to cast it on yourself.

It is whenever you take it.

If I need it, maybe it'll help me offset something.

Yeah, for sure.

But I'm going to make a

run at the

alcove.

Okay.

This is going to be a.

This is going to be a dexterity saving throw.

I think I will grant you advantage on it because of the kind of like intel you have from

this memory.

I like that play.

So

let's get a dexterity saving throw going.

You are looking, I'll tell you, above the table, you're you're looking to beat

a 13.

Ow.

Okay.

Man, it's really, it's a negative two, though.

All right, here we go.

Well, okay, so what we've got here is a nine.

Okay, you have advantage.

So roll again, and maybe it'll go better.

A 19, minus 2, 17.

That does go better.

That's way better than the other way it could have gone.

You

hurtle into

this cavern, and you see that you have about a good 15, 20 feet or so to this alcove off to the left.

As soon as you take a single step into the cavern, you see light at the end of this tunnel.

Not like in a fun heaven way, but in a fire coming to consume you way.

You, however, are...

you know exactly where to go.

You saw where you're supposed to be.

You also see the sort of ashen, scorched remains of two of the elemental rangers, who you leap over before diving at the last second into the relative safety of the alcove as flames shoot down the tunnel behind you.

Hell Grammar.

In

your sort of unconscious state,

You

can hear those voices in the distance that you could hear as you wandered into the gardens following Sweet Powder Keg Kelly

before you were both cut down by the triple-headed razor weed.

As you are cut down, you hear those voices in your unconscious state sort of

like peak in intensity,

and then you

drift off.

And

then you come to

with the extremely unpleasant sensation that you are drowning.

But your panic subsides very quickly because you realize you are not dead and you recognize the taste of this fluid that is drowning you.

You are being fed a potion of healing.

You are going to take 2d4 plus 2 healing.

That is 5 plus 2, seven.

You heal for seven points of damage.

Oh, nice.

As you come to and you know, your senses return, you try to move, but you realize that you have been pretty thoroughly tangled up in a sinewy web.

And

you have been dragged to safety.

You are no longer in the gardens.

You are now on this observation platform, this wooden deck reaching out over the edge of the island overlooking the gardens.

Someone has dragged you up here in this web.

And really quickly, as you open your eyes and come to, you see the party responsible for this.

Standing over you is a

seven-foot-tall tarantula.

And I think

Thrikene come in sort of they come in many bug shapes and sizes with sort of variable levels of anthropomorphism.

This guy appears to be quite bug forward, just a big hairy spider with pants on.

He also,

over his head, you can see a sort of illusory symbol above him, and it is a symbol of a golden key.

And this giant spider says,

oh, you're right there, brother?

Yes.

Do I owe my life to you?

Well, yeah.

Um I know we're supposed to be competing and all, but uh I don't know, I couldn't leave a fella Thrykeene to to to his death at the hand of a plant.

It's uh it's it's shameful.

And I wouldn't want that for you.

So yeah, I did I pulled you to safety

after securing the key.

I will remember you when I come into my power and

you will serve at my right hand.

Thank you

so much, my friend.

All right.

Kind of regretting my decision now, because that was a pretty creepy way to say your gratitude.

And what is your name?

Make some up.

Well, that is a matter of some contention at the moment.

You see that there's two other people on this observation deck, and you piece together that these were the three voices you heard arguing right before you were cut down.

This tarantula says, Well,

they call me the spider.

And one of the other two.

On the nosy.

One of the other two guys, this bald man wearing sort of simple robes, says, No, I'm called the spider.

And then there's a guy wearing like a red and blue kind of like coverall onesie with a similar mask and a symbol of a spider on his chest, and he says, No, I'm called the spider.

So, um, there's a bit of a

trademark issue that we've run into.

We're trying to deliberate that amongst ourselves before I heard you being murdered.

Um,

but you can call me the spider for now.

Well, uh, what's what's your handle?

Uh, oh, I am uh Hellgrammit.

All right, Hellgrammet, I like the cut of your jib.

Thank you.

Um,

May I interrupt you just for a moment?

Is that my gold key?

The one that I almost died over?

Um, yes,

it is.

I do owe you, uh, I suppose, a small debt, as you distracted the razorweed for long enough by being killed by it for me to snatch it with my web.

Well, to be fair, you snatched it from me because I successfully grabbed the golden key before I was struck down.

So obviously

your web is a little off here?

Well, as I see it, the moment you died,

your right to possess her things was

was rescinded, and so it was sort of

free property.

So I did take it.

are you lincoln lawyering me

i don't know what you're referencing um i'm just trying to do my best to stay uh to stay alive well well i do appreciate you keeping my key safe um could i have it back as we evolve as artists sorry as we evolve as artists i really like i want griffin the i love the choice that you could make this taz season where pop culture references are just absolutely lost on these these characters.

There is no space.

I'm sorry.

No silly shit this time.

I'm sorry, strange.

I don't, it doesn't make any sense to me.

How is the lawyer LinkedIn?

LinkedIn for what?

You can tell that this guy wants to get out of here.

Your vibe has been quite aggressive.

He says, Rook,

I got that potion for free from the apothecary.

I suppose even Stephen, I got the key and you got your life.

I'm going to start making my way back to the Ziggerot.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Perhaps there is a way I could do a favor for you

and you could give me back my key.

Here's what I propose.

What if we were to team up

and

take care of

the two pretenders to your title?

I mean,

that would obviously help you, correct?

Because you're not really the spider.

Right now, you're just a spider.

I'll let you make a persuasion check here.

He seems uncomfortable with this suggestion, partially, I think, because you know that you can't hurt anyone else on the grounds unless you are in a designated hurting zone.

But also because I just don't think it is in his nature to murder someone because they have the same name.

But it is a novel enough idea.

So make a persuasion check.

I think

if you can hit a,

let's say a 17 or above,

this idea will take purchase.

Well, it's not going to because I have yet to roll over 10.

Well, this will be your chance.

Nope, it's not.

It's a 12.

I'm going to get going.

There's some nasty-looking customers camped out in the red zone.

I'm going to wait them out just to ensure there's not as much resistance when it comes time for me to make my way through.

I wish you the best of luck, and

if you're able to

find another key, I'll see you in the next round.

I don't suppose the key would open the door wide enough for two of us to squeeze through, would they?

That doesn't mean that.

I mean, they didn't say only one key per customer, did they?

I think they pretty explicitly did, yeah.

He's going to...

He's going to just kind of walk away.

You are

still sort of...

Fine.

Fine.

That's fine.

Just go on.

Go on.

I am rescinding the offer to make you my right-hand person.

Deal off.

All right.

Um,

okay, let's let's go.

Uh, you can see the other two spiders sort of uh follow him as they walk away from the observation platform, leaving you tangled up in goo.

Tangled up in goo, damn it.

I'm back.

He's back from somewhere.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know, what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to,

yeah, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't know your business.

But when you put it out there, these cats are going to freak out.

And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

they've had a nice nice looking coat and they just love they love smalls they love it smalls cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients um and it's delivered right to your door and cats.com named it their best overall cat food and get this after switching to smalls 88 of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food that's a big deal For a limited time only because you are I was really proud of that, Justin.

I was really proud of that.

Sorry, Trav.

That was great.

thank you for a limited time only because you're an adventure zone listener you can get 60 off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash adventure that's 60 off when you head to smalls.com slash adventure plus free shipping again that's smalls.com slash adventure hey this week we're coming to sorry to interrupt i just kind of burst in okay yeah sorry hey i'm also sorry i'm also sorry and i'm here and i'm interrupting too If you're coming to

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You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubba.

I'm regular Tom Lom.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Rictus, we are back to you.

You have claimed a golden key.

And I think it takes you a second to realize this, but

as you are sort of like standing here in this dark cavern, you see a source of illumination above you, and you look up and you see that this illusory symbol of a golden key has appeared above your head

right as you have claimed your own key.

The statue appears to be deactivated and

now you are just standing in this chasm sort of alone.

What do you do?

So he's going to hobble his way back to the surface and try to make his way towards the waterfall that Great Grandpa Ghost told him about.

Yeah.

To see if the thing is still there.

Because as long as he's not in the red zone, right, he's going to draw attention to himself that he has a gold key.

But you cannot be attacked unless you are.

And nobody can do anything about it yet.

Okay.

Oh, when he gets back up there, are the skeletons still a going thing?

Are they still there?

You are able to reach the top of the stairs with some effort.

Your foot is very badly damaged.

When you reach the top, you are able to kind of, one, get a breath of fresh air,

and two, kind of get a bit of a lay of the land.

Those skeletons are not there anymore, and the graveyard appears to have cleared out quite a bit.

You're able to see the ziggurat from here as you come out of the tomb, and you can see this, like, you know,

these symbols that were floating overhead, denoting time and keys remaining.

A good number of the keys have been cleared out at this point, and you can tell from the clock in the sky that nearly half of the time has elapsed.

i need you to make a constitution saving throw your foot is is very very badly damaged and if it you know trying to respect that okay cool 15.

yeah i got a 15.

um you are going to periodically until you get this fixed like uh have to fight your uh

have the willpower to stay upright uh with a fucked up foot uh otherwise you are going to start taking on exhaustion um

but for now you are able to reach the top and kind of grin and bear the pain.

When you get up here, like I said, it has mostly cleared out.

You do see that young woman in athletic gear still kind of like catching her breath sitting on a gravestone.

And she looks at you and says,

oh, you got it.

Yeah, I had to break my foot to get it, but I got it.

You had to break your foot to get it?

Yeah, so I wouldn't get, you know, caught by the, like the charm thing.

So I would.

That's crazy man that's crazy i would never break my foot that would hurt so bad it made the most sense at the time and it worked she's wearing sort of like track and field gear uh and uh when when she took off from that uh tunnel she did so with like pretty supernatural haste she says uh well my feet are my business nope that sounds bad That sounds like I'm I do sort of foot stuff for money.

You listen and we don't judge.

It's okay.

Okay, that's great.

I'm...

I mean,

do you know who I am?

No, sorry.

I don't get out a lot.

Not a big sportso, huh?

No.

I'm, you know,

Jane.

Jane Jennings, Hasty Jane Jennings, fastest woman alive.

Yeah.

I'm Rutus Ravenwood, the fourth heir to the barony of, you know, the breathless fields.

I don't know anything about that, man.

That's cool, though.

I don't know anything about you either, so I guess we're even.

Okay, look, we're not even because you saved me, and I do not like being in people's debt.

So when you think of how I can repay you, please let me know and in a timely manner, please.

I'm sorry for spitting in your face.

I do think I can see through the fog of memory, and I do think you tried to do it first.

And so, like, I hope that wasn't

something untoward.

Oh, I was trying to break the and you did, and you did it, and you did great.

Um, I'm gonna go run off now.

I I gotta go find another key.

Okay.

Honestly, don't care if it's gold or not.

I never have cared so much about first place.

Just want to hit the podium, you know, or I'll die.

Okay, good luck.

Thanks.

And she zooms off,

leaving a sort of cloud of dust

like her.

Shaped like her in the

full cartoon style.

Incredible.

What do you want to do?

Hobble my way to the falls, please.

Okay.

I'm not going to make you roll again.

The falls are right next to the graveyard.

You are able to sort of reach a little patch of

turf next to the falls.

When you get there, you see

there is

a man on the other side of this kind of lake that the falls are feeding into.

And through the kind of like mist that the waterfall is kicking up, you can sort of see him.

He is wearing a sweater and what appear to be headphones over his ears.

And he's just kind of like watching you intently as you reach the falls.

Are there any like fish in the water?

Give me an investigation check.

16.

13 plus 3.

Are there fish in the water?

No, actually.

There doesn't appear to be

any kind of

life down in the water at all.

I think with an investigation check like that, like I'm going to just sort of tell you that this island is impossible, right?

It would be impossible for

a waterfall to just form out of the side of this mountain and pour over the side.

This appears to be sort of like artificially

generated in some way, probably by magic.

Yeah, that feels like a safe bet.

You also, I think with that investigation check, you can see that there is still something shining behind the waterfall in a small kind of like alcove behind it, but you are unable to tell exactly what it is.

Okay.

Are we like equidistant to it?

Yeah.

You guys are standing basically on opposite sides of the falls, maybe

10 feet away from

this is my Moriarty.

Okay.

I don't know.

Maybe he's nice.

Well,

people have never stopped to think that about me already.

Maybe Sherlock Holmes.

But if he's nice, he's chilling.

We're only getting it from Sherlock Holmes and Watson's perspective, is all I'm saying.

Oh, shit, Travis.

You just got a fucking seven series.

BBC4.

Yeah.

I don't need this show anymore.

You're my losers.

Oh, shit, Trevor just got adapted to America, man.

Well, no, now it's real.

Starring a British guy.

Oh, it's back.

It's good again.

Okay.

That is the best thing about elementary.

Oh, Johnny Lee Miller.

Finally, a vehicle worthy of your talent.

Some people say he's still making elementary to this day.

Him and Lucy Lou are locked in a bunker somewhere making seats and stuff.

Nobody watches.

He's just locked in the audience.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

episodes never come out.

Royalties never go in.

Up the misty mountain

um i'm going to hobble my way to the falls i guess i mean yeah i mean you're right you are right uh on the shore

get to where that shiny thing is um okay uh this this will require some effort um you you will either have to try to make like a pretty heroic leap here or kind of like balance on these rocks these stones that the falls are pouring onto uh to sort of get in a position where you can try and like get through the water the water is like you know it's a waterfall falling down from uh quite high it's not gonna like crush you or anything like that but um you do not get the sense that it will be a uh you know a shoe-in that you will be able to to get through there um but you are fully fully able to attempt that if that is what then i'm fully fully going to attempt it okay are you trying to do sort of one big jump here or balance on the rocks or what's your what's your yeah i think balance on the the rock I don't think big jump is where he's at right now.

Well, it depends big jump

big jump would be a sort of athletic uh check and I think going through the through the rocks would be more acrobatics.

Yeah,

strength strength isn't his standpoint or isn't his strength

but uh dexterity like as an elf he knows that he's better at like balancing and stuff like that.

So I think okay cool um

I already told you I wasn't going to make you do another con save so it sucks and it hurts, but you are not sort of exhausted.

Go ahead and make an acrobatics check for me.

I want you to beat a 15 in order to get through these waters safely.

How about a six?

No, that actually weirdly doesn't do it.

You slip on one of these rocks, and as you do,

you kind of get into the flow of the water, which pushes you down into the lake.

and

uh

you uh as as you're sort of underwater here you hear a splash and as you look up you can see uh an arm you can see through the water you can see that guy in the sweater is reaching down into the water to try to give you a hand okay yeah i might take his hand uh cool he i've safely pocketed my key right like i'm not at risk of like dropping it or anything um yeah no i wouldn't make you drop it to the bottom of the lake i'm not that of a DM.

A big bird comes and swoops down and steals it because you didn't say you put it in your pocket.

He pulls you up, and

you can see this guy very closely now.

He has a very gentle sort of demeanor.

He is still wearing these headphones.

He kind of pulls you half out of the water, grabs your wrist to try and gain some leverage.

And

before he fully pulls you up, he looks at you in the eyes and he says,

you need to give me your key.

We'll jump next to

Loraveth.

Loraveth, you have made it into this sort of

ready room for a mine that is pretty shitty as far as mines go.

What with all the fire?

You are standing in this room and have have a beat here.

You seem to be safe from the path of the flames.

What do you want?

Okay, I'm going to poke around and see what I can figure out about this room.

Okay, give me an investigation check, please.

Let's start with a good old investigation.

Okay.

I need answers.

16.

16, really good.

You go through most of the lockers in this room.

They are mostly cleared out.

In terms of like,

you know,

stuff that is in here that appears to be like salient or whatever, you can see there's like a diagram, actually, like a small map that appears to be sort of functional in nature.

That was a dumb thing to say.

Of course, it is.

It's a map.

But you can sort of tell from whimsical?

It's a silly map, like a child's map.

Like a place map.

A child might get at a restaurant.

Like a scavenger hunt.

for toddlers.

No, it's a real map.

This is a real fucking map, man.

Cool.

Yeah.

And it is of this mine.

You can tell that some parts of it have been sort of like scratched out with red ink,

leaving just sort of like this direct path,

this main shaft straight forward.

And you can see sort of a diagram of tracks on the map.

So I think looking at the map, you get a sense for,

you know, how far you are going to need to go to reach the end of this tunnel.

And it is a good like 50 feet,

which is not maybe as bad as you were expecting, but it's certainly longer than you can do in a single sort of sprint.

Do I notice any other

similar like alcoves or anything like that that's being mapped out?

No, this is the only sort of like

way off of the

main track here.

Is there any protective gear lying around

in this room?

Hmm.

One of the lockers and all.

There's

with a 16 investigation.

I will tell you

there doesn't seem to be like a

flame-proof suit or anything like that.

But if you wanted to make a sort of like

makeshift,

you know, barrier or barricade or something, there's stuff in here that you can.

There's a table?

Yeah, there's a table in here.

There's a table.

There's this upturned minecart.

There's this skeleton holding a sort of rusty pickaxe.

That is sort of the main concept.

I probably couldn't.

Is it

how's the wheels in the minecart?

They appear to be fine.

It is not on the track.

If you wanted to get this thing on the track.

Can I take it off the track?

Is it...

Do I have the

track?

It's just kind of...

Can I roll it?

Yes.

The tracks go straight down the tunnel.

So

you would have a much easier time, I will say, rolling it down the tracks.

In fact, if you wanted to get this thing down the tunnel, it would basically have to be on the tracks because they're running through the center of this.

Okay.

I am going to

take the cart back up to the beginning of the tracks.

Okay.

And then what I'm going to try to do is

run alongside of it and then hop in it

and then try to ride it in.

Yeah, man.

So I'm going to ride it in.

You're going to ride it right in.

I'll just crouch down.

Yeah.

Protect it.

Beautiful.

And then ride it on in.

I love that.

Like a level in a Diddy Kong game.

Precisely, Travis.

And this episode is brought to you by the Switch 2 and Donkey Kong's Thunderous Rampage.

Coming to you lot and joy.

His thunderous rampage.

Yeah, man, watch out.

This time he's pissed.

He is pissed this time, Travis.

I will say he's going, it's a banana nanza.

It's a banana nanza.

He does send out a manifesto to all major open.

Okay,

so.

The first thing I'm going to need from you is a strength check to get this minecart back on the tracks.

I will say this.

If you get a 10 or above, you can do it.

If you get a 15 or above, you can do it so quickly that you are not going to have to dodge, you know, sort of flame as you try to set up this

contraption.

Okay.

So.

Athletics.

Just strength check.

Just strength.

Oh, that's a 20.

Fuck.

Yes, man.

Holy shit, guys.

These roles today are insane.

Moravit's roles have been kind of crazy for the entire campaign, actually, so far.

Okay, yeah, man, with a 20, you are able to pretty easily lift this minecart

back up off of its side.

It plops down with a satisfying clunk onto the tracks, and then you just sort of like casually take a big step backwards as another burst of flame shoots down the tunnel, avoiding you by just a few feet.

I got the pickaxe, too.

Okay, you have the pickaxe.

Don't say that he didn't.

Fine.

So the minecart's on the tracks.

You have the pickaxe.

You're going to try and get like a running start with this thing and then hop in and take cover, right?

Yes, exactly.

This, I think, will be an athletics check.

And

I think if you can hit a,

you will be able to get in.

It's just a question of like how many bursts of flame you're going to have to deal with.

I think if you can get this athletics check with a 15 or above, you're able to get in the minecart before the first flames arrive.

Less than that, you're going to be able to get in the minecart, but you are not going to have coverage on this first kind of blast.

Okay.

Let's see if this hot streak continues.

That's a two.

Okay, so it does not.

There's one freaking rock in the way, and it kind of like

the minecart sort of skips up a little bit and comes off the tracks as you start pushing it.

You are able to get it back on the tracks, but not before

this blast of flame hits you.

That is

a 19 versus AC, which is going to hit.

And

you are going to take six points of fire damage.

Quickly, Justin, absorb elements.

I'm going to cast.

I'm going to cast the incredible spell.

Okay, everyone step back.

It is not, it actually isn't that flashy.

It's like because it has to happen in like a split second, it's just like a little.

But you actually can like feel the flames brushing off of your sides.

It is definitely doing some damage

points of fire trying to get back to the

what's that?

It does a 1d6 roll to see how much damage it mitigates.

Is how I'm understanding this.

No, so you have resistance.

You have resistance to the triggering damage type until the start of your next turn.

Resistance is half damage.

Next time you hit with a melee attack, you can discharge this fire energy to deal an extra 1D.

Got it.

All right, now I understand.

Okay.

You take some damage, but you are able to get in this minecart.

It is going at a good clip.

You can see, as it zooms down, you can see another fireball start to form, and it is forming.

Now you can tell the source of this fire.

There is

what appears to be a sort of crystalline model of a dragon um made of made of what you think at first is sort of clear crystal as you get even closer and you know this this uh model is illuminated by by these flames you can actually tell that it is uh actually hewn from ice

you are in the minecart you're going to um

Griffin, are you telling me it's made of ice, but it's shooting fire?

Yeah, man, shuts really, really weird.

Dude, your brain is like twisted.

Brandon Lee who, you know what I mean?

Like,

you're twisted, dude.

Um, I will let you make a dexterity-saving throw with advantage to duck down into the minecart and avoid the next blast of flames.

You were going to get hit one more time before you are able to reach it.

So, that first one is going to be

a zero.

Okay, an actual zero.

That's a two minus two

for zero.

Not

great.

919, minus 217.

Okay, yeah, man.

You managed to duck down at the last second.

The flames coast overhead.

You guys ever think that's what deja vu is?

You just roll advantage on something.

You didn't know it.

Yeah, you know what?

Like, whoa, what's you tying into the multiverse?

Yeah,

you duck down, the flames shoot overhead.

It is hot and sweaty and somewhat uncomfortable, but your absorb element spell is still

a bit active before it fades after this next next burst.

The minecart reaches the end of the tracks and stops and kind of like tumbles off the edge, and you come spilling out of the cart onto the ground in front of this big icy dragon.

You can see, sort of, lodged in its head,

these flames are shooting out of its open mouth, and it appears to be charging up another burst.

Lodged inside of its head is a golden key.

Am I within reach?

Oh, you're right up on it.

You're right up.

I'm going to cast Burning Hands.

Okay.

Yeah, give that dragon a taste of still medicine.

I know it's made of ice, dude.

If I can be dead, dead ass with you, Juice.

I forgot that you just got that.

But that's

very good.

Okay, Burning Hands.

How does that?

I kind of thought, Griffin, I mean, the credit to you, and maybe there's something subconscious going on here, but it's great design.

I mean, I knew if I gave you guys sort of Mega Man style,

this is paying off so quickly, you should be pleased.

Yeah, sure.

This is good.

Okay, this thing is, Juice, this is just going to succeed.

This thing cannot make a dexterity saving throw.

It is an inanimate object.

You are going to roll 3d6 fire damage, and then that number will be doubled.

Here we go.

13.

Jesus Christ, man.

Pretty good.

All right.

What is...

You're the one with the power now.

What does burning hands look like when Laura

casts them?

It's like it looks like inflammation at first, and then it just gets redder and redder and redder.

There's no fire or anything.

It just looks more swollen.

Yeah.

Red.

Cool.

And like you can see that his hands are, they're not inflamed or anything.

They just look.

They're not in flames.

They're inflamed.

Okay, cool.

They look like really irritated.

And then it just kind of like bursts.

Like it just like overflows?

No, it doesn't.

It doesn't do anything.

Oh, you don't

have to do it.

They're all inside.

Yeah.

That's cool, man.

They're just really, really hot.

Like, it's the September.

Like, if you, they don't look even that hot.

Yeah, cool.

They just look really red.

I love that, man.

Cool.

You hold out your swollen,

your swollen, gnarly hands that are so hot, dude.

The steam instantly starts dissipating as I touch it.

Yeah, in fact, it's more dramatic than that.

This thing was charging up another blast.

Let me try again.

Yeah, do better with your hair.

Come on, man.

No, go ahead, grab it

you deserve you're the guy that came up with the fire spitting ice dragon i wouldn't dare to presume you'd dally in your playground

you reach out and touch this thing right on the snoot with both hands and the head just you send this like wave of melting right down uh it dissolves the entire head the key clatters to the floor the flames disappear but then it just like keeps going and you like half disintegrate uh this this draconic like sculpture of ice.

And now that you have sort of melted the front half of it, the back half loses its balance and falls forward, crashing to the ground in

a big scattering of giant chunks of ice that slide to a halt at your feet.

And you claim the golden key.

We'll jump over to Hellgrammit.

Hellgrammit.

You have had some time to think about your choices.

You are, I believe, healed up now at this point, and the webbing that has surrounded you begins to melt, and you are able to get to your feet.

You are standing on this observation platform, granting you, appropriately enough, pretty good view of the island and the lands below.

At the end of this deck, on this sort of like overhang going over the edge of the island, there appears to be like a big

silvery magnifying glass that is at this moment facing outward over the lands below.

But you

are able to kind of, you can see the symbols over the ziggurat.

You can tell nearly all the golden keys have been seized at this point.

Maybe half the silver keys and half of the bronze keys have been claimed.

And time is a little bit more than half elapsed at this point.

Okay, that answered one question.

I was going to look at the giant fireball in the sky.

The fireball is not moving.

It appears like it is not going to drop until time runs out.

Okay.

I want to use the giant lens

to

I'm going to assume they wouldn't have put another golden key in the gardens to look at that area around the tower off the side there.

The woods, I guess that's woods around the tower.

Yeah, Rad.

I mean, you, I think you are able to kind of like get on the other end of this magnifying glass and turn it to face the inside of the ziggurat.

You can tell that this was like set up to observe the lands below, but um, with a with a little bit of uh elbow grease, you you turn it to face uh the tower and woods on the western edge of the island.

Give me uh an investigation check, I will give you an advantage because you're using a giant investigating tool to do this.

All right,

and that would be

an 11 plus three, 14,

and that would be a 19 plus 3, 22.

Damn, dude.

Okay.

22 is incredibly good.

You're able to fully survey the tower and the woods.

As you look towards the tower, you can see through windows.

At the very top, almost like a sort of lighthouse, there is this glass chamber.

And sitting on a pedestal at the middle of this glass chamber, at the top of the tower, is a golden key.

You can also see through small windows going up the body of the tower that there is a spiraling staircase that runs up the length of it.

And you can see

a wizard

running up those stairs.

And with an investigation check as gnarly as that,

you can see what happens next.

You see, as they are approaching the top of the tower, they stop suddenly.

and then they are lifted in the air

and they are ripped out of the nearest window of the tower and flung like a ragdoll into the woods.

You are able to see the faint traces of some giant invisible humanoid shape that is responsible for this wizard's demise.

That is what you're able to see in the tower.

The woods, you...

You can tell that there's certainly some wizards have gone out in here.

It is like like the most obscured part of the island so i think some of the more desperate uh aspirants have made their way here to try and find like the keys that are almost certainly tucked away in uh in in the thicket um i will say with a 22 you can tell that

soaring above the woods are what you think at first are birds um but as you kind of like focus this lens to see them you can see that these are actually uh small crystals with wings that seem to be sort of like flying around in sort of random smatterings

across the woods.

You are not able to see a key in the woods, but that is what you're able to discern.

Do I see where the body landed of whoever just got snuffed?

No, they were yeated pretty.

I mean, you could probably triangulate it based on you were watching them.

They landed pretty far away in the woods.

They were thrown a good like, you know, 300, 400 feet or so.

Okay.

Help Grammet

beats his feet and makes his way.

A lot of foot beating in this episode.

A lot of foot beating.

Yeah.

Okay.

You're making your way towards the tower.

Yeah.

Okay.

You are able to do so fairly easily.

It is pretty much right down the stairs from this observation platform.

You walk through a very short sort of like thicket of trees.

There's a trail leading from this path encircling the ziggurat at the center of the island leading out towards the outer boundary, and you are able to reach the tower.

As you approach, you don't see any giant humanoid figure.

You are not sure exactly why, but you could kind of get the shape of it while looking at it from far away through this lens.

Up close, if there is something here, you cannot see it or hear it or sense it in any way.

There does not appear to be be anyone else in the tower at the moment.

Would there be any...

No.

Why am I asking you for advice?

Okay.

That's a totally normal thing to do.

I'm going to make a history check to see if I can summon up any knowledge of what kind of creature this might be.

Okay.

Let me think.

Okay, you could, I think a history check for something this big and weird, like, there would probably be some history.

Typically, I would want, you know, Arcana or nature or something like that.

But a history check, I think in this case, would be.

Well, I can do either history or nature.

You think nature would be better?

Up to you.

I think either one will get you kind of the same, the same result.

Well, I'll stick with my history check.

Okay, making a history check.

That is a 22.

A lot of 22s.

Okay.

Yeah.

You

have heard stories about this.

And I think anyone who is a practitioner of magic who aspires to you know join the octave in the sky kind of knows a little bit about what happens up there.

Not the details of the conclave, but you know, stories of their

power.

Uh, residing on the island

is a titan,

uh, and

it is a huge, uh, stocky, powerful, monstrous, uh, sort of man-shaped entity,

and it is able to hide in sort of a pocket of space-time

as it wants to.

It is a

what's that?

Like elementary.

Like elementary did it, how they have their own little pocket universe.

22, I think you know like some lore about this thing, which is that it has a bit of an Achilles heel, which is that it can't,

its vision, because of how sort of high up off the ground and how big it is, is quite bad.

And so ironically, while he is nearly impossible to see, he also has a difficult time seeing, you know, small creatures and

humans, specifically when they are standing stock still.

So that is quite a bit that you learn about this Titan.

Okay, and I remember the spot where the Titan showed up on the spiral staircase?

It showed up outside of the tower and

pulled this wizard out.

So yeah,

you know where it was when it kind of disappeared.

Okay, am I close to that spot yet?

I'll say it's on the other side of the tower from from the from the entrance.

Okay, is there anything like a window?

Oh, there was a window because I could see through the window, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

So I am close to the invisible creature.

You assume?

I assume.

So

I am going to.

Okay.

I'm going to cast

infestation.

Okay.

I'm going to make it,

let's see, what did I do last time?

Mosquitoes?

No.

I'm going to cast noceums.

What is that?

No siumes.

You know, they're little gnats.

Tiny little gnats, but they can bite.

Okay.

I'm going to cast them as nocems

and send it through that window

in the general direction of wherever the.

the invisible creature where I would have seen them.

Okay.

And

I am, but also I have communion carapace, so I'm going to stand completely still

and change the color of the carapace to match the wall of the tower.

Okay.

So

attacking someone invisible

in 5e is sort of half narrative based, like narrative based.

You know where this thing is because you did see it just a moment ago.

You are still going to have disadvantage on the attack because you can't quite see this.

But it will have, I will say, some effect.

With your chameleon carapace.

Gives me advantage on dexterity checks.

Stealth checks.

Okay, yeah, this is definitely going to qualify as that.

Why don't we resolve that first?

We'll do a stealth check with advantage here.

And based on how that goes, we will.

And to be fair, I'm not really trying to

infestation as an attack.

No, sure, it's a distracting creature's attention.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Um, it is so big, I think this is a question of like, are these little bugs going to be able to even get this thing's attention?

Um, I would like to resolve that.

17 on your first stealth check, you have advantage, so um, go ahead and roll that again.

And we'll take the 17 because that's five.

Um, cool.

You change the color of your carapace, uh, and

as you do,

you hold out your hand and you produce a swarm of gnats.

You feel like you are

pretty well hidden at this point.

It doesn't show me having to do anything to make it effective.

Oh, is it

a dexterity saving throw situation, perhaps?

Okay,

this giant Titan actually has to make a con save.

That is how it works.

Okay.

So, yeah, I mean, I guess sort of using the rules, like

you are able to send send this swarm where you remember this thing being, and it is going to make a big con save here.

Uh, that is a

12, uh, which I do.

You had to make 13 does not beat your save.

You

you see these gnats fly up into the sky.

You made quite a bit of them.

Uh, and they begin to form almost like a ring.

Uh, and when they do that, you can actually kind of make out there's a part of this ring that kind of gets a little bit blurry where you assume they are passing behind this Titan.

But you don't have much trouble triangulating his position now, actually, because

as soon as these bugs swarm and attack him,

a like huge circle of trees about 30 feet away from you just like explode as they are crushed by a giant footfall.

You hear

a low,

horrible groan,

and then you

see this weird ripple just in the air and a pop.

And then all of a sudden that blur is gone.

The woods are quiet and still.

It would appear like you have scared this thing into its little pocket space,

leaving you alone at the foot of the tower.

I'm going to ascend the rest of the way up the spiral staircase and get the key.

Easy tiger, you haven't even gotten into the tower yet, have you?

Oh, well, I thought I was.

I thought I was

okay.

I understand.

I thought that the invisible creature was like partway up the tower.

The invisible creature is standing outside in the woods.

It is huge and invisible.

It reached into the tower to grab that wizard and throw him outside.

Well, then I'm going to really hurry up the spiral staircase in a stealthy way.

Okay, those are two sort of objectives at odds.

But you step into the tower.

As you step foot in here, you look around, you can see that there's just a bunch of wizardly

stuff around here at the ground floor of the tower.

Some

barrels stacked with sort of

magical reagents scattered all around.

Save time this season.

We should probably just start referring to wizard type stuff in terms of tonnage.

You know, there's four tons.

There's four tons.

There's two square tons of wizard shit in this base floor of the tower.

And you can tell that it has these stone steps running along the outer wall.

I guess I should say the inside wall of the tower leading up.

It's about a good

80-foot climb to the top.

If you want to move up there stealthily, it's going to take you a few checks to do do so.

If you want to try to scurry up those steps, it'll take you

fewer checks.

I'll...

Yeah, I'm going to stick with stealth.

Okay.

Give me a perception check, please.

Since you've elected to take sort of the slower route here, you have kind of a B.

Nine.

Okay.

So, that's nice.

Never mind.

Yeah,

it smells weird.

There's a weird smell.

You can't place it.

Griffin, you got to get better at doing asking for perception checks when there isn't anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just maybe that was an example of it.

We'll never know, right?

Yeah, no, I was just fucking with you, man.

All right, then how about can I do an investigation check of these barrels and crates and square tonnage?

You go to the crate and barrel, which is the real-world shop unit.

Wow, dude.

That's a nine-two.

Wow.

That's another nine.

There's

eight barrels and ten crates.

You go through it.

It seems to be sort of just like basic spell components and stuff like that.

There is one

barrel at the end.

It's quite large.

It's like a 50-gallon barrel.

Is that a lot?

I don't know.

It's like a 50-gallon barrel, and there's no top on it.

It is filled with some sort of

liquid that seems to have a pretty pungent aroma.

But you can see at the bottom of this barrel through all this clear liquid is

a stone that looks somewhat similar to the one that is set into your gauntlet.

What do you do?

I'm going to sit on the barrel.

There is no lid on this barrel.

I guess you can put a lid on.

Okay.

I'm going to sit on it like a like a toilet

and use my pincher tail to stretch down into the pungent liquid and get that stone.

Speak, speak, speak, speak of this.

Sit on it like a toilet.

If you didn't immediately conjure an image, Justin, I don't know what to tell you.

I thought it was evocative, powerful.

Okay.

So this is going to be a

toilet check.

No, you're wanting to do this very quickly, right?

Is that I'm assuming that is why you're using your sort of like scorpion-like tail is because it's sort of snapping motion.

I like that, that's cool.

Um, but it's gonna be a sleight of hand check, but for tail, sleight of tail, sleight of tail, sleight of tail, so a sleight of tail check to see how quickly uh you can reach in and snatch this thing.

Um,

let's roll that beautiful bean footage.

Can I use my heroic inspiration?

You don't have that.

I know.

All right, sleight of hand.

13.

Okay.

What's it look like when you deploy your tail?

Actually, you're sitting on it like a toilet, man.

I'm not sure I want to do it.

I'm sitting on it like a toilet.

Yeah, yeah.

The tail

kind of

extends.

Yeah.

Like a claw machine stretches out.

Yeah.

And.

It takes a lot of effort.

So

Hell Grandma is kind of grunting.

Yeah.

Because it takes effort to extend your tail.

Yeah,

it is not one smooth snapping motion, right?

A scorpion tail kind of just is supposed to bend the one way

when it's cocked and loaded.

So it really is a lot of grunting.

The grunting, it starts as grunting.

As you snap your tail down into this liquid,

you do it real fast.

You get it way down in there.

You feel

the stone, the pincers close around the stone, but you also feel

a horrible, horrible burning sensation.

Yeah, I kind of figured that out

your tail for pushing too hard.

No, it is as you dunk your tail into this liquid, it begins to bubble and froth up.

And you are going to

make a constitution saving throw for me.

You're going to take damage.

This is to determine if it's half or full.

looking to beat a 13 constitution saving

220

okay nat 20 you pull your tail out of this liquid very very quickly uh unbelievable rolls really really remarkable um

you forget the zero earlier

you

You snatch this stone out of the liquid.

You take two points of acid damage,

which is, you get the sense not nearly as bad as it could have been.

And you pull this stone up,

and you,

as you sort of like take this damage, you feel this burning sensation, you let out like a sort of reflexive yelp.

And when that happens, you hear a

loud pop from outside, and through the windows, you can see the trees near you rustle as the Titan reappears.

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