Just A Boy and His Stories...

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On this episode of the Commercial Break. It wasn't romantic in any nature.
It was just us talking. It was probably me, Brian, making up shit like I do here on the Commercial Break.
Telling stories, making up facts. I'm sure that was.
Filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head. You know how I do, Chrissy.
I can talk for hours.

Is it the truth? I don't know.

Is it factual? I don't know. What does it matter?

There's some kernel of truth in there. There's usually

something there you can hang on to.

There's usually some post of reality.

It's like the North Pole. It's

really hard to find, but

it's up there somewhere.

The next episode of the

commercial break starts now. 2.30 in the morning! Oh, yeah, cats and kittens.
Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green.
This is my co-host and my dear friend, Kristen Joy-Hodley. Best to you, Kristen.
Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Thanks for joining us. Here we are.
I wanted to tell a story or share with you. See if you can remember this.
I want to see if I can dredge this memory up from you. Okay.
Do you remember when you, I think you were with us, you, I, our friend, a Russian friend, and a couple of other folks, including some of her friends, went for a birthday party up to a cabin. We had rented a cabin for the weekend.
I remember this because I was not there. Oh, okay.
All right. But I heard the story when I got back.
And they were the reason I did not want to go. And that was because you guys were doing whitewater rafting.
Oh, that's right. And I don't like whitewater rafting.
You were scared? No, I'm not scared. I've done it before.
I just don't like it. Well, let me tell you.
You're bouncing around over there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Water's fine. water's fine yeah i've been a couple times whitewater rafting it's not as nervy like this is not the colorado river yeah but we went to the place where they had the olympics here in georgia where they had the whitewater rafting here in the olympics class five rapids is what they say blah blah blah blah blah but it was not to me as nervy as i thought it might have been.
I was expecting that we would really like see some deep dives and big, you know, throwing around. There was a few seconds of that.
But it was like, that was the punctuation mark in an otherwise extremely boring trip down the river, right? And there was like 12 of us in this canoe. And I never forget, we were so like hung over and starting drinking again.
And then we got on this boat.

And of course, there was no drinking on the boat because we had to pay attention to what we were doing. So we were all really looking just to get back to drinking.
It was like an irritation in our day. Hungover, ready to eat, not having any interest in this now that we knew.
We brought the cooler. They just wouldn't let us take him with it.
He's like it he's like no no no man those things could hit you in the head yeah then we go through the three hours of instruction you know if you should fall yeah okay all right no one fell out of the boat except for when they purposefully flipped the raft i think just to give you the excitement you were looking for yeah the thrill you were looking for but that anticlimactic when you know it's coming you know what i'm saying it's like okay now we're in the cold river let's get out so we went for a birthday party and it was uh one other guy four girls and me so two guys four girls and there were a number of places you know big cabin lots of rooms in there and i got a room way at the top like in the attic of the place brian got the attic room but you know whatever i don't care yeah we're here we're having fun whatever it is in in georgia this is not uncommon and you if you have mountains near your house you've seen these before these huge houses that look like log cabins but they're not they're really very nicely places to stay. They're good Airbnbs.
At that time, there was an Airbnb, but you could rent them from rental companies. And there are companies that own hundreds of these things up in the mountains of Georgia.
So beautiful scenery. It's fun.
It's fun. You usually just stay in the cabin and get shit hammered.
Yeah, play games, watch movies, listen to music. Yes.
Get in the jacuzzi and rip down the shower curtain. Beautiful open floor plan houses with nice kitchens.
And then every basement has the same thing. Cookout.
Pool table. Arcade games.
A grill. A jacuzzi.
And a warning that there are bears. And so don't go out there.
Be bear aware, as be bear aware because the bears will come they will smell the food you could get in trouble we don't have grizzly bears here but we have those black bears and the brown bears that can be nuisances essentially and those raccoons the raccoons are mean as shit they're cute as a button but they are mean as shit they usually have it's the whole thing with your trash, right? Yeah, you got to be careful. Yeah, they usually have locks on them or something along those lines.
You keep the trash inside until you absolutely need to put it outside. So we went to this cabin, got there on a Friday night.
We just hit it hard. And I will never forget the first, we were downstairs.
Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, exactly. Shots of vodka, if I remember correctly.
Vodka, that's right. But Brian's smarter than the average bear, no pun intended.
And I only drink Bud Light. I stick with the Bud Light.
I might do a shot. But I know that if I add hard liquor into the mix, I'm not going to know how drunk I am.
Like, it's going to come up on me really quickly. But that doesn't stop me from having 36 Bud Lights.
And on the first night, there is a jacuzzi outside, downstairs, outside the basement, on the lowest floor. There is a jacuzzi, like a lot of these cabins.
Almost all of them have them, these jacuzzis, that are usually eight or ten person jacuzzis, enough to have a nice party. So we get the jacuzzi going.
We're drinking. Somebody's cooking a meal.
We're downstairs in the basement. I will never forget the first time I ever heard the Lady Gaga song.

is on MTV or whatever music, you know, whatever video channel was on in one of these cable stations.

It was playing and I was like, oh, that's cool.

I like that.

Whatever that is, I'll take more of that.

All that you got.

I like that lady.

Gaga.

But we all got into the jacuzzi.

And because that's what you do.

You do.

Well, it was me and this other guy and these four girls and two of those girls had boob jobs. Right.
And as you do when you're young and you're drunk and you're having fun and you're in a jacuzzi, somehow the conversation always turns to sex. And somehow someone's always getting naked.
Right. right? So, of course, most of us disrobe at some point during the night.
And that's just the way it is. So now we're all in various states of nudity in the jacuzzi, but nothing is, I mean, nothing's happening.
Nothing's going on, right? Yeah, it's fun and playful. That's right.
Night ends, night wraps up, and it's just me and this other friend of our friend who had some of the largest fake boobs I have ever seen in my entire life on a very small frame, but they were large. And so we end up upstairs in my room that has a little balcony off of it, smoking cigarettes and talking through the night.
And I thought it was a very nice conversation, but I didn't feel it was very amorous. It wasn't wanted to hook up with this like you know it wasn't one of those conversations where all of a sudden you're making out it wasn't romantic in any nature it was just us talking it was probably brian making up shit like i do here on the commercial break telling stories making up facts i'm sure that was filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head you know how i do chrissy i could talk for hours Is it the truth? I don't know.
Is it factual? I don't know how it was. Filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head.
You know how I do, Chrissy. I do.
I can talk for hours. Is it the truth? I don't know.
Is it factual? I don't know. There's some kernel of truth in there.
There's usually something there you can hang on to. There's usually some post of reality.
It's like the North Pole. It's really hard to find, but it's up there somewhere.
It's grounding us all. It's grounding all of our compasses somewhere.
You know, it moves around, but it's up there somewhere. It's a thing you can't see, but you know it's around and it's helping guide the conversation.
Yes, that's Brian. That's what I do.
Now there's the truth. That is the truth.
I am a storyteller. Storytellers, we don't rely on the truth.
What? It's boring. That's boring.
Side note, Astrid comes in here the other night and she's asking, she goes, that wedding story you told? And I said, yeah. And she goes, you got it wrong.
And I said, what did I get wrong? And she goes, the wedding didn't start at three o'clock. It started at noon.
And I was like, and? And she was like, well, I just wonder if you remember some of these things. And I'm like, well, I do now that you're telling me, but what did I say? She said, you said 3 p.m.
And I said, that could make a lick of difference in the conversation, like in the story that I was telling. It had nothing to do with what time it was.
It was long either way. If it started at noon or it started at three, we were there for a long time.
And she's like, I know, but sometimes I notice like you don't get the dates and the times right and i said i'm a storyteller the dates and times are ancillary to what's actually going yeah no who cares gives a shit gives a shit uh you're spinning your tails up in the attic my tails up in the attic you know and we're smoking cigarettes and we're having fun and eventually we disperse for the night or i'd actually i don't know if we disperse or if we spent the night in the same bed but whatever the point is nothing happened so and i'm at here and i'm curious about what you think about this so night number two we go to you know we go to the whitewater rafting we go into town to go do a little shopping and then we come back and we do the same rinse and repeat get shit faced eat some out in the jacuzzi. But this time, it's me and this girl that are left early in the night.
Because everyone was, you know, they were hungover and tired. Tired from the day.
Yeah, they were tired from the day. And they'd had enough.
Shopping. Shopping.
I'm sorry. What are y'all shopping for? I don't know.
Shitty $3 jewelry from the local tourist trap.

Yes, exactly.

A magnet.

I was here.

I whitewater rafted.

The mountains are where I smile. Right, there's plaques.

I'm smiling because I'm in the mountains.

Okay, all right.

Congratulations, right?

Yes, totally.

A little bear, salt and pepper shaker. Salt and pepper shaker, right.
My, totally. A little bear, pepper, salt and pepper shakers.

Salt and pepper shakers, right.

My dog is a wolf.

Like stupid shit like that.

Take me to my happy place, Blue Ridge, Georgia.

Okay, all right.

Lake life is great.

You know, all the shit you see on the walls of these rental cabins,

like they just fill it with a bunch of tropes.

But, okay, I get it.

The same thing with the beach, you know.

True.

She sure, she sure.

Life's a beach.

Yeah, life's a beach.

Yeah.

It's hard to frown when the sun goes down at the beach.

And it's on a light preserver plaque.

Yeah, you sure are happy. There's so many.
I'm a shell of my former self. At the beach.
At the beach. It's a whale of a good time.
My morning, but my songbirds are dolphins.

You know, all the stupid shit that they put all over those walls.

Anyway, I don't know what we were shopping for.

Who knows?

I don't think I bought anything.

I probably didn't have any money.

But anyway, Bud Light, that's what I bought.

I went shopping for Bud Light because I drank all of it the night before.

God forbid I'd be less than 10 Bud Lights in a fridge.

I start panicking.

I'm like, oh, no.

That's an hour worth of Bud Light. What do we do? Kroger.
Piggly Wiggly. Piggly Wiggly.
That's right. Hey, listen, I'm not hating on a Piggly Wiggly.
No. Yeah, I've seen a few that are there.
Piggly Wiggly and Ingalls. Those two is what you find up there in the mountains.
I don't know why. They're the mountain stores.
They are. The mountain stores.
So, rinse and repeat. So it's me and this girl in the jacuzzi at the end of the night and for whatever reason she starts talking about her boobs you know i like my boobs i got the dot but did you do it i don't know what she's saying i'm drunk i don't know what she's saying i'm not listening i don't care you know we're listening to music we're having fun and she takes her off.
And she starts asking me if I would feel her boobs because her boobs are the gummy bear boobs or whatever. Did they do a good job? Yeah, it's a special type.
Yeah. So I start feeling her, you know, invited, of course.
Invited to feel her breasts, of course. Why wouldn't you? I'm single.
I'm not beholden to anybody. It's completely consensual.
She's asking me. So just to be clear about this story, I don't want anybody to get it twisted.
I wasn't just feeling some girl up because she said I have gummy bear boobs. But I started feeling.
Yeah, I think a lot of women do that. You know, when you get a boob job, you're kind of proud of it.
And they feel real. And you look at them and feel them.
You're proud of them. Yeah.
You spend a lot of money on them. Yeah, sure.
Why not? And if it's someone that you trust and, you know, you're having fun and having a few drinks why not yeah and and i had seen them the night before so it wasn't like there was no mystery about it this wasn't some big secret so i started feeling her boobs yada yada yada rinse and repeat upstairs again that night more smoking cigarettes more but this time this time she's she just she just has a towel wrapped around her waist while we're sitting up there.

And so her boobs are just hanging out the entire night.

A little strange, but okay.

I'm not going to argue looking at tits all night long.

Yeah.

She did pay a lot of money for them.

Great boob job.

They looked real.

I mean, they didn't look real, but you know what I'm saying.

You get what I'm saying.

So there we are the rest of the night. And then again, Brian bores her to sleep.
Brian's story. It's story time with Brian.
And so we go to sleep. And by the way, I do remember this woman was a real intellectual.
She was like someone who was very smart. She had a lot of conversation in her.
And she knew what she, like, this wasn't some vapid conversation. We were like talking about like, you know, deep stuff, the stars and space and aliens and all this other stuff.
And she was an educated. So we were having a good, I thought, very meaty conversation.
I remember it that way. I don't remember what we're talking about, but I remember it that way.
I remember thinking, wow, you know, this is a smart conversation. She can hold the conversation.
And so, again, I remember specifically this time,

we go to bed, we go to sleep,

and she goes to bed naked, right?

Okay.

But there is no vibe under any...

I mean, listen, if there was a vibe, I would feel it.

I've got a vibe dar for this kind of thing.

Yeah.

And while I think it's been wrong a couple of times,

I don't think it's been wrong often. I didn't feel any sort of like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, I've got a vibe dar for this kind of thing. And while I think it's been wrong a couple of times, I don't think it's been wrong often.
I didn't feel any sort of like her feeling any kind of attraction toward me. I understand she's naked.
But you got to understand the premise of the whole weekend. It was kind of a naked weekend.
You know what I'm saying? Like there was a lot of tits and ass. Lost naked weekend in the woods.
Yeah, that's right. My micropenis is now everybody's, it's no secret anymore.
Everyone's just doing their thing, feeling not a lot of inhibition because we're all feeling comfortable with each other. Except for me and this other guy who had a huge swang and now I got my little peepees hanging out.
That's why I took my shorts off in the jacuzzi while it was bubbling so no one could see i proved to them i proved to you that i can be naked yes yes because this guy took him you know it takes him off before he gets in and i'm like i would too if i had that that is a baby arm right there what are you doing that is a whale dick that is a got a pizzle. But you know, it's just that kind of weekend.
It's that kind of vibe. So at least in my state of intoxication, I don't find any of this to be particularly like strange.
It's just what's going on this weekend, right? And I've been in far crazier situations than this. This is not weird to see a topless woman walking around the house or, uh, or walking around the room.
So we go to sleep. I do remember she was nude.
I do remember going to sleep. I do remember thinking for a few minutes, like, is this like a, are we having a vibe check here? Is she inviting something that I'm just not picking up? I could almost see that then.
Otherwise it seems like maybe she would have found a t-shirt or something. Something.
You would have thought. To, I think part of the conversation was, I sleep in the nude.
That's what I do. But there's no other hints that are dropped that I pick up on.
It's an intellectual conversation where we're smoking cigarettes and drinking. Her tits are out.
That's right. Her tits are out.
And then we go to sleep and she's in the nude. But nothing happens.
I don't even think I touched the girl at night at all.

Because I didn't feel like there was any kind of indication that that was okay.

That's what she wanted.

That's what she was interested in.

Next day, everybody separates, goes their own ways.

And this girl and I had been texting on occasion.

Like, not frequently, but on occasion.

And like, I don't know, a week later, I text, hey, how you doing?

You know, I had a fun time and no response.

And then I text again.

You remember the boobs.

No response.

What's that?

You remember the boobs.

I remember the boobs.

Hey, how are your tits doing?

How are you?

Hey, how are your tits feeling?

Do you need some help?

How are you?

Nothing.

Nada.

No response.

Months later, I saw her at a party, an event, a party.

And she was just kind of dismissive. And I was like, hey, what's up? You know, I texted you a few times and I didn't hear her back.
And she's like, well, you know, I just felt like, you know, you clearly weren't into me. So I didn't want to bother you.
And I said, weren't into you? Like, how? And she's like, well, I just got the friend vibe. And so, you know, we had that night together and nothing happened and i just i pick i took i picked up what you were putting down and i was like what was i putting down like i didn't pick up that vibe at all did i i must have missed the cues she's telling me i missed the cues but would you she was naked that's true so you're saying that the first indication that a girl is into you is if she's naked in your bed.

It's a pretty good indication.

Put that in the old brain bank and remember it next time, Brian.

If she's naked in bed, well, then Astrid's got a lot of explaining to do.

Or I have a lot of explaining to do to Astrid.

I just missed it. I missed it altogether.
You were being respectful. I was always respectful.
You were. I was always respectful.
Listen, here's my piece of advice to the young men out there. Despite what other podcasters might tell you, other podcasters might say, respect is the ultimate flirtation period and dissent no matter what the situation is respect an invitation wait for the invitation ask for the invitation whatever you have to do but always respect the boundaries even if there's a naked woman in your bed doesn't necessarily always mean it probably means she's into you but it doesn't necessarily always mean right that she's into you still not a hundred percent like welcoming that you can't assume anything i guess is what i'm trying to say that's very true and i didn't assume anything so therefore i missed out on an opportunity with a attractive young woman but but but we both ended up in better places well yeah i don't know where she up, but I ended up in a better place.
I'm just assuming she ended up in a better place. We didn't talk much after that, but that's okay.
You know what? Onward and upward. There's my story about a naked cabin in the woods.
Remember kids, jacuzzis should be cleaned often. That's all I got to say.
Let's take a break. And we'll be back.
Let me do something Brian has never done.

Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break.
Text or call us, 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at youtube.com slash the commercial break.

And finally, share the show.

It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters.

See, Brian?

That really wasn't that difficult, now, was it?

You're welcome.

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I'm just talking to myself. Yeah.
Let's catch up on a few television shows. Let's do it.
All right. So, Paradise.
You told me to watch Paradise. Were you the one who told me to watch Paradise? Yes, I do like Paradise, but I have stopped watching.
I watched the first three, but then I stopped watching it because it was too hard to wait each week. So I'm going to wait until they build up.
Okay. All right.
So I watched... I have seen the first three.
I watched the first episode in 10-minute chunks. Did you like it? I really liked the way in which the timing and tempo of it.
I like the fact that it gets right into it it's not a lot of backstory and 15 weeks of you know this and that and the other thing um but i found at the end of the episode won't spoil it for anybody i found at the end of the episode i was a little disappointed in the whole plot twist like i thought it would be a little bit i don't know like a little bit more grounded in reality i I guess would be the right word to use.

You mean the first episode?

The very first episode. Where you find out.

Where you find out exactly what's going on.

I won't ruin it for anybody.

But just know it's sci-fi, drama, mystery kind of thing going on involving a president in the Secret Service.

And it's very well acted.

It really is.

Very well acted.

Even the first episode, you're like, and those are usually the worst acted uh episodes of any season you know of any show it was so well done by those by the actors involved i really enjoyed it it kept me going and i had to break it up into four different sessions because i can only get 10 minutes at a fucking time in this house to watch anything but i do have to say i'll give it a second and a third episode oh yeah but i was a little bummed out by where the direction it headed the second and the third are great are they okay do we find out more is there more that's on do we there's more that's do we understand a little bit more about why we're here and what we're doing a little bit more yeah from what i remember yeah okay i'm going to give it a try but i would suggest if you, like lost type of television show, I guess, but much better acted and probably well direct, better directed, uh, paradise is right up your alley. I still think severance is the best sci-fi television show that we're all watching right now.
And, uh, if you're not watching severance, you must watch severance and adjunct to that, I'm going to throw in another one that you must watch. Balin Out Loud.
Balin Out Loud is one of the best television shows that's out there right now. It keeps flashing up on my Macs.
Are you watching Balin Out Loud? I'm not, but it keeps popping up. Okay.
Just watch an episode. I know that first episode is going to be a little hard to watch.
Because Balin has one of the most severe cases of tourette's syndrome according to professionals that they have seen and it is intense she is really has a hard time controlling what they call tics her tics right uh and it goes from everything from facial movements and body movements to compulsive behaviors and she has something called uh and i don't want to mess it up i'm not going to say it there is a version of Tourette's, the one that we're probably all cartoonishly familiar with,

which is people yelling out obscenities at any given time.

Like, you know,

go fuck yourself,

suck a dick,

stuff like that.

That's right.

Balin has this,

and it is apparently very rare for people to have this version of Tourette's.

And she's one of the,

whatever they say,

five to seven percent of people that have this.

And she's got it bad. And the thing is that TLC, in their infinite wisdom, shows all of it, even when she's cussing.
So I guess they've made an editorial decision that let's go ahead and show when she's saying the word dick or shit or fuck or whatever. Most of those come out without bleeping.
So it's really like, it's really intense to see it but balen herself is an absolute sweetheart she's a doll face yep and the show is what time does the show come on because it might be a thing with the timing because i've noticed that some shows i watch definitely that are on main network tv do have a lot of cussing she's on at 10 so it's after safe harbor but it's also a so they can do what they want. They choose not to because they want the advertisers, but it doesn't seem like they're having a problem getting advertisers on Bailin out loud.
I like this show. I like this girl.
You were excited about it before it started. I am.
And now, because let me share something with you in case you don't know something about the commercial break. I do like good television, but I like really bad television also.
I'm into like the 90 Day Fiance, 600 Pound Life, like the series of television shows that usually come on TLC. It's just been a channel that I've enjoyed watching devolve into absolute shit show for the last two decades.
You somehow dragged me into part of it. It's not hard to get dragged into.
Once you get sucked in, it's like a whirling dervish. I know.
It just kind of brings you in. And some of the television shows are just fascinating looks at other people's lives.
And while some of it, you know, is manufactured drama, it's still drama that's interesting. I am over 90 Day Fiance Boot Camp or whatever it is.
The resort. I'm done.
Last chance resort. I haven't even kept up with it.
I'm like, I'm done. These people are the thirstiest people on earth since the two hosts of the commercial break started in 2020.
They are so thirsty. They really are.
It is horrible. It is terrible.
None of these relationships have a shot of making it. They are just there to collect a paycheck and have a nice two-week vacation.
I know it. I'm sure of it.
I thought that one woman's pregnant now with another man's baby. Who? The one from Is she from Brazil? Jasmine? Jasmine.
Jasmine is pregnant with someone else's child? Yes, I read that. Drisama drop! Drama drop right here! Did you really think that those two were going to work out? No.
Yes, I actually did. Oh, you thought they were.
It seemed like they were one of the couples that were actually doing things together. Oh, poor Gino.
Gino. Gino and his hat and his bald head, his little tuft of hair hanging out.
I know. You've got to know.
I mean, Gino is just, he is one of a kind. And Jasmine is one of a kind.
She is an explosive woman. Explosive.
But she is nothing as bad as Natalie. Oh, Natalie.
Natalie, the Russian girl who is a Russian girl. She is insane.
She is, there's no rhyme or reason to anything Natalie does. But I don't want to bore you all with that.
I'm done with that. I'm done with 90 Day Resort.
I'm sticking with 90 Day Fiance or 90 Day the Other Way. One of those two.
And there's a new season that's starting. And one of them has a thruple.
It's a thruple 90 Day Fiance. How are they going to get them over here on a 90 Day Visa? I have no idea if they're a thruple unless two of them are American.
Right? Yeah, I guess so. And they're bringing the third one over.
But okay, you got me, TLC. You got me for another three episodes.
Wasn't there another one that did that? What about the, or was that an actual show based on people trying to find a third? Yes, my sister wives. Yeah, that's right, right.
A Seeking Sister Wives. Yes.
Yeah, which that's still interesting. We're waiting for that show.
But now I'm seeing there are commercials for new Tlc programming one of them is very small people like i don't know what they have it's not like the regular like the seven little johnstons type of dwarfism it's like a different type oh and there's two of them that are married and they have a new television show this is just brian just staring at other people's misfortune i know that it is in some ways, But they are putting themselves out there, I assume, to get a paycheck, to get a little bit of traction, maybe a little bit of fame. We all can assume that if you're on a reality show, you're looking for that kind of attention.
And then additionally, I think to humanize in some way their condition or their lives, to say, hey, we are out here being we can do these things also we can get married and fall in love and that's seven little johnstons is on like season number 27 yeah i'm kind of getting over it a little bit though because it's the same thing every episode and i've said this it's so formulaic it's the most formulaic of any tlc shows i do love the seven little johnstons i really do i mean I mean, as people, I think that they're very interesting human beings. Yeah, you wanted to be on the show.
I want them to come on the show. Or you wanted to be on their show.
Yes, and I want to go on their show. I want to be a part of it.
Can I come on and make an appearance on the Seven Little Johnstons? I know you live close, so come on, let's do this. It's a collab.
Is that what the kids are saying these days? Let collab on something uh seven little johnstons but the problem is you got to break that formula of the show here it is some goofy game that the family plays like a made up you know oh hey today we're taking pictures for instagram so we decided to do a silly little dance we're all learning a silly little dance that That takes up half the episode. Then there's some kind of drama.
That

drama's resolved, and then in the last five minutes

of the show, new drama appears. That's it.

And it's formula, formula, formula, formula.

Every time, you gotta break that formula. We need

sex, drugs, and rock and roll. That's what we

need, Seven Little Johnstons. Get on it.
Come on.

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Somebody go to a strip club or

something. That's what we need.
Hey, invite

me on the show. I got the answers for that

for all this formula. You gotta shake it up.

Yes, for sure. You gotta shake it up.

A lot of these kids, they're in their 20s now so they can get to it what are we doing we're boozing we're having fun we're going to the strip club maybe we go to vegas we do some fun things and you know but things that aren't necessarily like pre-planned and script it's too scripted but anyway i i i will digress just for a second so that we can ask Chrissy, what is your favorite television show that Brian's not watching right now? That Brian's not watching? God, whenever you put me on the spot like this, I can't. I go blank and there's a million of them that you're not watching that you should be.
Name one. Tina, what's the show you're watching? I'll ask Tina.
I'll give you a minute to add. I'll give you a minute to take it.
Did you do Lioness or Landman? I can see those rather quickly. I want to see both of those.
I want to see Lioness and I want to see Landman, but they're both on Paramount+. Amazon Prime.
I watched mine on Prime. But they gave you like, but it's connected to Paramount+.
Maybe. I don't know for sure, but I watched them on Prime.
Yeah, you had to subscribe. Yeah, that's the thing.
Lioness is a good. You've got two whole seasons you can just run right through.
I want to watch that one. I did watch Landman.
Was Landman good? Landman was good. I heard a lot of people talking about that first episode.
They got very excited about it. I was just wondering if it managed to follow through on all the excitement it had produced.
Yeah. It was good.
Yeah, it was good. in that he is he is yeah i love john i do too who doesn't i love john did you watch all those fargos i did watch all the fargos yes i've watched all the shows a return to form this last season a return to form i really like the first season i kind of like the second season the season with chris rock was not my my favorite season.
It just kind of dragged a little bit. I thought the story was a little too forced.
But then the fourth season, which I think is the last one with Jon Hamm, very, very good. Very good, yeah.
Have you watched The Hole? Is it The Hole? The one with... Well, but that's been out for so long.
I think if you wanted to watch it, you could watch it. It's about a giant hole in the ground.
It's literally about a giant hole in the ground and it's starring that guy now I'm not going to forget I'm going to fucking forget his name. He was in No Country for Old Men not Javier Bardem but the other one.
He's like a gruff he's got a goatee he talks like this and he's got a really cool. He's got a goatee.
He talks like this. And he says he's got a really cool, low voice.
And he says, hey, someone done killed some drug dealers up on the ranch. And now I got to go take care of it.
So I need you to stay here. I got this bag of money.
Remember No Country for Old Men? Yeah, I do. One of the best movies.
Now everybody's looking. Well, I'm looking at my phone because I'm trying to remember what I just watched.
I watched something. No Country for Old Men cast.
No. No, but he was in that too.
Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin.
Josh Brolin. So Josh Brolin starred in an Amazon Prime show that was so fucking good.
Let's see here. Not Sicario.
Sicario was good. I liked Sicario.
I can't remember what television show he was in. Anyway, I'll remember it and I'll get to it.
One of the things that I wanted to say that everybody has to watch while we're talking about television shows is Slow Horses on Apple TV. Oh, four seasons of that now also and every season is quick to the point and so well done that's really good and there has never been i i mean the acting in slow horses is so incredible gary oldman gary oldman was born to play this guy he was was born to play this guy.
And what's his name? I'm having a hard time with all the names today. We're both having a hard time.
Anyway, he was born to play this role. Born to play this role.
And he is so good in this. Watch Slow Horses.
So anyway, what did you think of? Silo. I just got done watching Silo.
Oh, that's right. You told me about Silo.
Everyone's talking about Silo. I loved Silo.
I can't wait for the next one. Haven't gotten into Silo.
Can't wait for the next season? Yeah. For All Mankind is really what I'm excited to see.
Okay. The next one of For All Mankind.
We talked about that when I was watching it. I think there's six seasons, four or five, six seasons of For All Mankind.
So good. Okay.
I haven't watched that one. You got to suspend disbelief for the first couple of episodes.
It looks like it's a historical drama. And then all of a sudden it takes a right-hand turn.
And you're like, wait, that's not how all this shit went down. Just follow it.
It's an alternative historical drama. Like if things had been different in the space race, what would have happened? It is so fucking good.
And if you aren't thirsty for the next season, by the time you get done with the established episodes that are out there, then you just don't like good TV. Alright, let's take a break, and when we get back, Brian will talk more shit.
Rachel here. While Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room, let's talk turkey.
TCB needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share.
Sharing is caring. And we know you care.
Don't you? Well, don't you? Ooh, that was some childhood trauma. Rearing its ugly head.
Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822. And you could be the next TCB disembodied voice.
Ooh, what'd you do today? I was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is.
Find us on Insta at The Commercial Break. On the web at tcbpodcast.com.
And all the episodes on video available the same day at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break. I'm going to go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors and then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of The Commercial Break.
I'll take a raise now. Bitches, bye.
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Visit IDTech.com and use code IDTech to save $150 on a week that's guaranteed to be a highlight of summer. Okay, I wanted to mention a story that I read that all of us were talking about the other day on our group chat.
You know, there is a woman, I won't mention her name here on the air, but there is a woman who was recently fired from her job as a police training officer because she was trying to make ends meet for her children by doing some racy photographs at night. She was on one of these websites where people could pay her to disrobe, essentially.
And she got fired because the local town council found out about her moonlighting job. Even though there was no rules in the handbook about taking moonlighting jobs, as a matter of fact, many police officers moonlight in many different ways.
They're Uber drivers. They're delivery drivers.
Security. Security at concerts and at bars.
I mean, those police officers aren't standing there doing the work on behalf of the taxpayers. They are getting paid by the event producers, the bar, the facility, whatever, to stand there.
Cops who direct traffic in the morning for schools or offices. They're doing that to make extra money, to make ends meet.
That's one of the fringe benefits of being a police officer is that it's likely you can get pick up secondary work because people need you to do other work that's not taxpayer approved. This lady is just doing, she's just doing other work.
And listen, whether or not you believe that, you know, pornography should be be a thing let's put that aside for just one second the lady is trying to feed her children and she cannot do that on her police officer's salary the story goes she had an emergency at her house a tree fell through her roof she needed a new roof for the or a hail storm or a windstorm or something she needed a new roof and she couldn't afford it so she took somebody up offer. Yeah, as many people do.
She took somebody up on her offer to put out some photographs. And those photographs were racy.
They were graphic. I saw some of them, you know, like any pornography is.
And who fucking cares? Okay. So the training officer has some titty pics out there.
What does it matter? It's 2025. This lady is a police officer.
She is putting her life on the line every fucking day for other people, and she just needs to feed her children and have a new roof. Who cares how she does that as long as it's legal? If it's illegal, I get it.
If she's selling weed on the side, I understand. You can't be a police officer and sell weed on the side.
Though I did know a police officer who sold weed on the side. A Georgia State Patrol officer.
I don't want to get, I don't even want to, maybe I shouldn't say that. A police officer who was selling weed and doing cocaine at my house.
And he was a Georgia State Patrol officer. Now, he was off the job.
He was, you know, not working at the time. So whatever's clever.
It doesn't bother me one bit. That would be really weird if he was in his uniform.
If he was in his uniform. He wasn't in his uniform.
Snoring a line. Yeah, but he had his badge.
And trust me, I was a little skeeved out by the whole thing. Somebody else brought him over to my house.
Yeah. And I was like, dude, did you just bring a cop that's got a badge on him? Oh, my God.
He like whipped out the badge to grab a credit card to cut the cocaine with and i was like oh no we're not doing this are we uh because you know that guy could like i don't know he could flip on me yeah at any moment like it skeeved me out to the point where i didn't do anything like any drugs in front of him i was like no it's a step too far but i knew the guy but whatever you do on your private time is your private time. I guess if it's illegal, you should probably uphold the law.
If you're having other people uphold the law. But the point is, is that this lady not being able to make ends meet and then getting fired for doing something perfectly legal, maybe not moral in your eyes, but perfectly legal to, to, to make ends meet is like the epitome of hypocrisy.
We're allowing them to put their bodies on the line when we need them to, when they're the last line of defense or the first line of defense. We call their bodies into action, willing to sacrifice on the altar of public service.
But when they want to use their bodies to make sure that they have food in their mouths, it's not okay. It doesn't make any sense at all whatsoever.
Think of it what you will. Decide whether or not you want to watch pornography or look at these pictures.
That's your choice. Absolutely.
But it's your choice. Her choice is to try and make enough money to pay the rent.
And I don't understand for the life of me how this is a problem. If she's a teacher, I get get it i totally understand it like if you're a teacher you need to set a good example for the children it's just part of the job requirements you know there is some kind of expectation of morality yeah the kids can see the pictures especially if you're like a teacher of old well i guess if you're a teacher of any children if you're a college professor I get it.
The kids are old enough to understand that this is the way the world works. But if the kids are like 10 and they're looking at nude photographs of you, then I can understand how that would be disruptive in class.
And therefore, while I don't disagree with the methodology, I do agree that you need to have some kind of, like you need to toe the line in some way, in some way, shape or form. Listen, let's all get over ourselves a little bit here.
Do you know what I'm saying, Chrissy? Like, let's get over ourselves and allow people to do what they need to do to make ends meet in 2025. It's a tough, tough life.
It's a tough life for everybody. We're all doing the best we can.
Absolutely. And we need to be able to keep a roof over our heads and feed ourselves.
And if that means that we have to go to footfinder.com and sell some sexy, hairy toe pictures in order to make ends meet, well, that's what I'm going to do. You don't have any expectation that Brian is not going to do pornography, do you? And I'm not putting my life on the line.
For you, it's really, really hypocritical to believe that this woman should never do anything you don't agree with if she's trying to make ends meet. That's all I got to say.
I just wanted to throw that out there. I think, you know, officers get a bad rap for good reason.
There's a lot of shitty police officers out there, but there are probably many more who are just trying to make ends meet and really like public service and the bad ones should be weeded out and bad policing should be weeding it weeded out and all that other stuff i don't need to go over every single type of bad policing but there are a lot of good police officers out there one here in in in my hometown just lost their life yeah i know that was so sad just just checking up Yeah, at the grocery store. Yeah, and the guy opened fire as soon as she opened the door.
I think it was a she, if I'm not mistaken. It was a he.
Yeah. He died instantly because some dude just opened fire.
That's a tough job. Yeah, no, I know.
That's a tough, tough job. Yeah, we should let our police officers do anything within the bounds of law to make sure that they live high on the hog.
That's my opinion. And then we might get, you know, better police officers.
You know what I'm saying? They might be more inclined to do good police work if they know they don't have to struggle to make ends meet. Is it the theory that I have? Is it the theory that I have? It's like the Amazon guy throwing packages at my door.
I understand. That job is tough.
That's a tough fucking job. And Brian's ordering some random wire from Taiwan and needs it yesterday.
And I'm like, where's my shit? You know, and he's there it is. Okay, all right.
I get it. I totally understand it.
I know, I get it too. We have a little gate thing and a lot of times they just leave the package just over the gate.
And I'm like, I get it. Yeah, when we first moved here, the person who lived here before us said that she was an old lady, an old kook.
And she said, oh, koot. And she said, she told the UPS and the FedEx drivers, I don't want you coming to my front door because the dog barks and it bothers me.
So leave it on the side of the house. And so for a year or two, whenever we got a package, it ended up wet on the side of the house, like in the mud, on the trash can, down the street.
It was crazy. It was crazy.
So finally, I had to have a conversation with the guys. I'm like, hey, dudes.
We're okay. Bring it to the door.
Blue's going to bark no matter what. Yeah, I don't care.
We're used to it. Throw it at the door.
Just get it somewhere close to the front of the house, and I'd be happy. I'm always, like, searching around the woods for my packages.
Like, did it blow over there, or did it go over there? And that also reminds me, like, there's the trash can people. The trash can people, the trash folks, they're lovely human beings.
And I know that's got to be the most thankless job in the world. You got to sit in that stank, in that sweaty, hot mess during the summers and cold during the winters, flying on the back of that truck.
Rain, all of it. I think about a day like today when it's just raining cats and dogs.
And you got to be on the back of that truck because today's our trash day. You got to be hanging on to that that truck wet with all that sloppy garbage flying all over you.
God, I could never do that job. But then they have this automatic, now they have this automatic trash can machine that like grabs it and throws it up in the back.
Do you know what I'm talking about? The arm that just grabs it? Ours has it too, yeah. Well, the person who's driving the truck or doing the arm or whatever can't seem to find my driveway to save his life.
All the way down the street, after trash day, you'll just see a row of trash cans out in the middle of this incredibly busy two-lane street. People are honking.
They're hitting the trash cans. I noticed it.
Yeah, you have? So being the good neighbor that I am, you know Brian, the good neighbor, I sometimes go down the street and pull the trash cans in just to make sure that no one gets into an accident. We get the same thing on our street.
It's unbelievable. They're all over the place.
I'm all about automation. Poor guy doesn't need to be sitting on the back of the truck, you know, throwing the trash into my trash can.
Fine. Fine.
Go ahead. Use your arm.
But could you do me a favor? Put it back where you found it, at least within a foot or 10 feet. Not in the middle of the fucking street.
People are literally getting into car accidents because they're trying to avoid my trash cans driving way too fast down the street in front of my house. It really drives me crazy.
I bet it does. Yeah, it does.
All of us neighbors, we got a little WhatsApp group going on like, hey, dude, what's going on there? I don't know. I took a picture of it the other day.
But then I didn't send it in because I was like, these poor guys. I know.
They already have enough fucking grief. You're dealing with your trash.
Yeah, they already got to, you know, they already got to take my jizz napkins and throw them in the. Blue's pee pads.
Oh, Blue's pee pads, yeah. There's no trash that smells like Brian's trash.
Between the baby and my 21 EPMs and the dog, it's a cesspool of germs and shit. Sorry.
I'm really sorry. But I do appreciate the trash men.
I certainly do. All these people who serve me, I have just, because I worked in the restaurant industry for so long, it takes me, you have to get me really fired up to get me angry enough to call and complain.
You really do have to get me very fired up. I'm just not that guy.
I'm not that fussy. I really am not.
All right, well, listen. It's a little bit of a short episode, but, you know, take it where you can get it.

I got things to do.

This isn't the only thing in my life.

You got to go get the trash can. That's right.

I got to go take nudie photographs to make ends meet.

That's what I got to do.

I got to put some highly graphic photographs of my taint out there to a guy named Dave.

I want those pictures now.

Sounds like Josh Brolin.

Give me more dick. Kiss me on my penis.
Kiss me. Kiss me.
We were doing that 700 Club and I was doing the voice of Pat Robertson. Kiss me on my penis.
That was disturbing. His hand.
I can't stop thinking about the hand. His whole presence.
Yeah. His hand was like a skeleton coming out of the grave.
Like, ah. We're all headed in that direction, by the way.
I know. Poor guy.
Poor guy. All right.
We didn't have a TCB infomercial this week, but go back and listen to Ari Shafir from last week. It was a great episode.
A lot of people commented that they really enjoyed the conversation. It was not only funny and fun, but it was insightful.
And I think that Ari has got a good head on his shoulders and a good perspective about what's going on in the world right now, and I can appreciate it. I know.
His podcast is great, too. You be tripping.
There it is. His podcast is considerably better than this one.
So go check it out. Of course, the people that come on are more famous.
Except for Ari. Ari actually came on our show.
So I take that as a compliment. Yeah, yeah.
It's like having Johnny Carson on. Yeah, he talks to a lot of famous people.
But Johnny himself is a famous person. So there you go.
Thanks, Ari. We appreciate it.
See him in a couple of weeks. We're going to go see him live.
That's right. I'm excited.

All right.

Check out AriShapeer.com for tour information.

Check out America's Sweetheart on Netflix.

I'll put the link in the show notes so you can just get there quickly.

As far as we're concerned, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822.

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All the audio, all the video right there. But you can catch the video at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.
Same day the episodes air here on the audio feed. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.
I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you.
And I love you. I'll say best to you.
Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say, goodbye. Um, I think I just won my taxes.
Yeah yeah i just switched to h&r block in about one

minute all i had to do was drag and drop last year's return into h&r block and bam my information

is automatically there so i don't have to go digging around for all my old papers to switch

nope sounds like we just leveled up our tax game switching to h&r block is easy

just drag and drop your last return. It's better with Block.
Hi, this is Debbie, your Blinds.com design consultant. Oh, wow, a real person.
Yep, I am here to help you with everything from selecting the perfect window treatments to... Well, I've got a complicated project.
Oh, not a problem. I can even schedule a professional measure and install.

We can also send you samples, fast and free.

Hmm, I just might have to do more.

Oh, okay.

So the first room we're looking at is for guests.

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Blinds.com.

Rules and restrictions may apply. What the fuck is going on in here?