The 700 Club!

Transcript

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Speaker 2 And welcome back to WSHIT. It's 2:15 in the morning, and you're listening to the holy shit, it's early show, your first source for news, when you wake up or right before you go to bed.

Speaker 2 All week, we'll be celebrating our 700th episode of this show, and we couldn't be happier to have a very special message from a very special listener indeed.

Speaker 2 Michael Tito's Vodka Schlaugenhauser, the mayor of Crab Apple, had these kind words to say coming out of Crab Apple Tavern.

Speaker 2 Forever.

Speaker 2 Till death do its part, okay?

Speaker 3 Ain't no turning back now.

Speaker 2 They gonna respect us. They gonna hate us.

Speaker 2 That's really the death, you hear me? Well, Mayor Tito's, I can confidently say a nickname has never been more rightfully earned. All they said is just for the murders, man.

Speaker 2 On this episode of the Commercial Break,

Speaker 2 there's just a couple hundred thousand podcasts, I think, that have put out more than a hundred episodes. You get up to 700.
I don't know. Maybe there's a couple hundred of us.

Speaker 2 No, we need to look into that. We do need to look into that.
It's a hard thing. It is

Speaker 2 a hard thing to do. And I can only imagine two if somebody's doing it by themselves.

Speaker 2 You know, at least you and I have each other to be accountable to. Yeah, that doesn't even work all that much.
Yeah, that's the house episode. Hey, I don't want to record today.
Okay.

Speaker 2 The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break.
I'm Brian Green. This is the Chrissy to my Brian, Chris and Joy.
Holy, bless to you, Chris. And best to you, Brian.

Speaker 2 Best to you out there in the podcast universe. You made it to 700 episodes of the commercial break.
It's unfucking believable that this podcast made it to seven episodes, let alone 700 episodes.

Speaker 2 And you've been here with us for some of it. So thank you very much.

Speaker 3 We appreciate it.

Speaker 2 There's a few out there. I think there's a few.
Tina's one. Tina might be one that's been listening since the very beginning.

Speaker 2 And I think there's a couple of others who claim that they've been listening since the beginning. So that's good.
I know one or two that write in often.

Speaker 2 And I think Marianne has probably been around since

Speaker 2 close to the beginning. Roxanne has been around since close from the beginning.
Gustavo has been around, but those are family members. So I don't know if we can count them.
Rachel. Rachel.

Speaker 2 Rachel's been around since the beginning. Rachel was on at the beginning, actually.
She was on episode number like, I don't know, 10 or 11 or 12 or something like that.

Speaker 1 Anyway, here we are, 700 episodes into the commercial. Break, thank you for all of the love, the support, the kindness, the, you know, downloading on a consistent basis.

Speaker 1 It has been a wild ride, to say the least.

Speaker 2 And I don't want to get too celebratory. A thousand episodes.
That's when we go fucking bananas.

Speaker 1 But 700 every time we hit another hundred it's amazing something to be said for it of course we just hit 500 like three months ago so now we're at 700 it's also unbelievable how much content we put out it's really it's really a grind

Speaker 2 it can really be a grind i mean not that i'm complaining we don't dig ditches for a living it's just anything you do the beast has to be fed the beast has to be fed no rest for the weary that contract does not flex it just does not flex and it says we are obligated to be here for a certain amount Actually, I was the one who told them we would be here for a certain amount of time.

Speaker 2 So it's kind of my fault. I agreed to it.

Speaker 2 Odyssey was actually willing to let us be a little bit flexible, but I was like, no, no, no, we'll be here every day for the next three, three hundred thousand years. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 We'll figure it out. Yeah.
But hey, you know what?

Speaker 2 There is something to be said for longevity. I think there's something to be said for reps.

Speaker 2 Even Chat GPT agrees that the show, the consistent content that is put out on a frequent basis. Consistent mediocre content.
Yeah, the consistent mediocre content put out on a consistent basis is

Speaker 2 better or worse than really good content put out just a few times a year. You know, there are some podcasts who literally put out one or two episodes a year.
I think there's a very famous podcast.

Speaker 2 I wish I could remember the name of the guy. He's a famous author.
He puts out two podcasts a year. And they're less than 60 minutes each time.

Speaker 2 And people fiend over them and And sponsors pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to be attached to those two episodes. Let's do that.
Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

Speaker 2 I mean, if we had that kind of cachet, maybe we could. But let's be real.

Speaker 2 If the last 699 episodes have been any example of what we would put out twice a year, no one's paying $100,000 to be on that show. We could really work on them.

Speaker 2 You know, we could spend the rest of the year just really working on those. If I could make the money that we're making now,

Speaker 2 which would still leave me in debt, but at least we'd, you know, at least it's something. It's better than some podcasters.

Speaker 2 If we can make the money we're making now, only putting out two episodes a year, you believe you me. I would be in Mallorca.
Well, not on this paycheck, but it's on some paycheck.

Speaker 2 I would be in Mallorca for three months of the year.

Speaker 2 I would be at every school. My kids would hate me by the end of it because I would just be lounging around the house, bothering them.

Speaker 2 Listen, I, you know, there is a small sense of pride about hitting 700. I don't know what it is about the number 700, but it feels like we've really accomplished something.
Yeah. I think there are.

Speaker 2 It's a lot.

Speaker 2 I think there have been three and a half million podcasts, individual podcasts that have been put out there.

Speaker 2 I think if the statistic that I remember correctly is less than 50% of them will make it past episode number 10.

Speaker 2 Less than 50% of that will make it past episode 50. And the numbers just dwindle after you get past 100.

Speaker 2 There's just a couple hundred thousand podcasts, I think, that have put out more than 100 episodes. You get up to 700.
I don't know. Maybe there's a couple hundred of us?

Speaker 2 No, we need to look into that. We do need to look into that.
It's a hard thing. It is.

Speaker 2 It's a hard thing to do. And I can only imagine two if somebody's doing it by themselves.
Oh, no. You know, at least you and I have each other to be accountable to.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that doesn't even work all that much.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was going to say something. Hey, I don't want to record today.
Okay.

Speaker 2 We'll just make it up on another day. Yeah, we'll just do it on another day.

Speaker 2 You know, but I was sharing with Chrissy and Tina, like, you know, when you do a podcast that is largely dependent on your personality,

Speaker 2 you do have days where it's just like, I'm not feeling it today. I'm just not feeling it.
I don't want to be funny. You know, it's kind of like, you know, ready, set, funny.
That's hard to do.

Speaker 2 And that's not obvious by some of the episodes that I don't know what else to tell you.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's some times when it just falls flat, but you get to do another rep tomorrow and you get to hit it out. You know, you get to, there's one around the corner.

Speaker 2 This is how I feel about the podcast now. Most of them, I would say 65 to 70% of the shows, I find to be okay, listenable, right?

Speaker 2 There's like an additional 20%, if we're saying 70% are okay, listenable.

Speaker 2 Like in other words, I think, I think it's worth listening to, but I'm not sure it's the funniest thing or the best thing that ever. There's another 20% of them that I think are funny.

Speaker 2 They're good episodes. They're belly laughs.
Their belly laughs once or twice in the episode.

Speaker 2 There's like 10%, so maybe like 70 of our episodes that I think I would consider like really good TCB episodes.

Speaker 2 A shining example of what we can do on our best days, motivated, not feeling like shit, you know, just all the stars align, something funny comes along and we hit it out of the park.

Speaker 2 And I think 60 of those include Frankie B. But anyway, okay.

Speaker 2 So then there's probably 10 episodes, 10 to 15 episodes of the commercial break that I would think I would call classic TC, like really fucking great episodes of the commercial break, hitting on all cylinders at all moments.

Speaker 2 We're just going. We're just, someone has lit a fire under us and we're just going.
This is not one of those, but we are at 700. So that's how it rolls.

Speaker 2 But I also know that at any moment we can hit one of those episodes. So I feel like the more reps that we do.
Chasing the dragon. Yeah, I'm always chasing the dragon.
It's like a heroin addiction.

Speaker 2 I'm always looking for the next high.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm always looking for that high. That first line of cocaine, that first hit of acid, that first time you take mushroom.
Cocoa leaf. Cocoa leaf.
Yeah, I'm still up for cocoa.

Speaker 2 I'm still up for, you know, someone wants to go into a cocoa leaf business. Are cocoa leaves illegal to

Speaker 2 have, to possess? I have to imagine they are. Yeah, I would think so.
Like unprocessed, not cocaine, but cocoa leaves. I wonder.
I wonder if that's true. We'll have have to take a look at that.

Speaker 2 I know that it's legal.

Speaker 2 I think it's legal to grow poppy, but I think you have to grow it for like food purposes, like the stuff that comes out of heroin. Poppy seeds.
Like poppy seeds.

Speaker 2 So I think you can grow the poppy seeds, but only if you use them for tea.

Speaker 2 Speaking of poppy seeds, just on a totally different note, did you know that a lot of people buy poppy seeds in bulk and then make tea out of it to get high? Isn't that weird?

Speaker 2 That seems like a lot of effort. I don't like effort in getting high.
Like, I want Dee to show up at the front door. Yeah, I didn't even like leaving my house to get the drugs.

Speaker 2 Like, I had someone come to me, and I paid extra for that, a lot of extra, for shitty drugs that came, you know, to my house. But anyway, I digress.
700 episodes, Chrissy. Congratulations.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go to Mexico soon, and I'm going to investigate the cocoa leaf thing, though. And whether or not you can bring them back?

Speaker 2 Why? Are they legal in Mexico? I don't know. Oh, okay.
You can investigate.

Speaker 4 They are illegal here.

Speaker 2 They're a Schedule II substance. You have to have clearance from the DEA to grow the plant.
That makes sense. To grow the plant, to own it, to have them.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I imagine. Don't bring them back, Chrissy.
Don't bring them back. Well, that's just...

Speaker 2 I love you. That was kind of weird.
He's like, I'm going to go to Mexico and investigate. Why? Why not investigate?

Speaker 2 I don't think I can get my hands on any here. That's what I was thinking.
Oh, yeah. That's where my thoughts are.
I don't think you would probably get any in Mexico.

Speaker 2 It's got to be legal in Mexico, too. But I'm sure it's more likely that you could get your hands on some in Mexico.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't think there's any drug dealers running around with cocoa leaves in their pocket, you know? Hey, man, you got that cocoa leaf? It's and that's good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you could clean them out of their jaws, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like reboiling the same tea leaves. Yeah, but you'll, you'll lose your teeth.
That's the that's the part. Did you lose your teeth with it?

Speaker 2 Well, here is a fun fact that I believe is actually true. So this will count as something that I said that might be a fact.
Novocaine is a derivative of cocaine, of the,

Speaker 2 it has the same structure as cocaine. That's the reason why it numbs your mouth.

Speaker 2 And that's also the reason why your doctor might say to you, your dentist might say to you, you may feel your heart race a little bit after I give you this shot of Novocaine.

Speaker 2 It may raise your blood pressure a little bit, is because it's doing some of the same things that cocaine does to your body.

Speaker 2 So essentially, we are still using this cocaine, you know, some derivative of cocaine in our medical procedures because it does provide, you know, anesthesia. Some people say it takes care.

Speaker 2 You know, that when you go to another thing that my dad told me, when you go to, say, Peru, because parts of Peru are a mile above sea level,

Speaker 2 they will give you cocaine tea. Yeah.
Tea made of cocoa leaves. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 my dad went to a hotel once where they prepared it, like turned down service.

Speaker 2 They prepared it for you because you could get altitude sickness and they wanted to prevent you, you know, they were trying to help you from getting altitude sickness.

Speaker 2 I don't want that before my turn down service because I'm never turning down. You know what I'm saying? I'm turning right up.
That's turn-up service. Turn up for what?

Speaker 2 But, you know, it's a product that's used throughout the, anyway, whatever.

Speaker 2 I think apparently at Machu Picchu, they give it to you or used to give it to you on your ascent up. Oh,

Speaker 2 I just read a story about a couple that broke up while going to Machu Picchu, which I think is a weird place to break up. I know.
Like, the guy broke up with somebody. It had been Machu Picchu.

Speaker 2 He was like, I didn't want to date her. I didn't know what to say.
We ended up on the trip, and I thought, well, Machu Picchu would be a good place.

Speaker 2 It's like, Machu Picchu, you're going to break up with somebody at Machu Picchu? No. Just text her, bro.

Speaker 2 Listen, that's a story you don't want getting around. That you broke up with somebody while you were on a trip to Machu Picchu, one of the most remote places on earth, by the way.
Doesn't it?

Speaker 2 It's not like you just like zipping on a car up onto Machu Picchu. It's going to take like three days to get up there or something, right? You have to

Speaker 2 hike into the woods. Yeah, anyway.

Speaker 2 I know that there's a squirrely motherfucker or two out there who grow cocoa leaves. There's got to be here in the United States.

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't know how you grow them or you get a hold of cocoa seeds, but you know there's a squirrely

Speaker 2 son of a bitch out there. I would think so.
Yeah. Because, you know, if you look at it, I don't even know what a cocoa plant looks like.
I think it just looks like a plant, like a fern.

Speaker 2 So you know what we should do? Go to Mexico. Get yourself a hold of some, you know, cocoa stems, like, you know, the, just pluck a couple out of the ground or find somebody who can do that for you.

Speaker 2 Bring it back. Say it's a fern and let's start growing them in my house as ferns.
And then, you know, the kids will never go to sleep. They'll be chewing on the ferns.

Speaker 2 That does look like a fern, doesn't it? I'll investigate.

Speaker 5 Looks like a bay leaf.

Speaker 2 Looks like a bay leaf. Yeah.
See, I told you we should have these right next to the bay leaf. I think you're onto something.
In the public. Yeah.
I back it. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to make, let's bring them back and put them in a bay leaf package. No one will be the wiser.

Speaker 2 Except for the drug dog. They're bay leaves.
Yeah, I use them in my stew. That's right.

Speaker 2 I don't want you to get an anal cavity search like I had that one time. So don't bring bay leaves back.
I'm going to need you because we need to get on with the next 700 episodes.

Speaker 2 We're about to sign another contract. This time I might be a little smarter and I might say, well,

Speaker 2 I promise to try. How's that? I'm going to put it in the verbiage in the contract.
I promise to try to make these many episodes per year.

Speaker 2 It's been a ride.

Speaker 2 It's been a ride. It has.

Speaker 2 A lot of good times. How do you feel the evolution of the podcast has taken hold?

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 2 Well, we'll be here for the next couple days, folks. Take a sip of water.

Speaker 2 Okay. Take your sip of the water.
I should be sipping champagne. We should be celebrating.
No, no, no, a thousand. We'll go for a thousand.
We'll do a bottle of champagne.

Speaker 2 That's when you get to drink, Chrissy, at a thousand. I should have brought the champagne.
What is your perspective on the evolution of the podcast over the last 700 it episodes yeah yeah

Speaker 2 cool

Speaker 2 i mean i don't know it started off with us telling crazy stories and we're still doing that yeah we're still doing that remarkably there's still a story or two left in us and dissecting videos and we're still doing that we've we've added in some um interviews which i love it's been very interesting i think that's been a

Speaker 2 I think that's probably been one of the biggest changes about the content is the interviews, and it's something that I found myself really really enjoying.

Speaker 2 I haven't enjoyed every moment of every interview, but I've enjoyed in general having people come in and breaking up the content a little bit and allowing us to talk and find other people's perspectives and, you know, just talk over the guests, as Bob would say.

Speaker 2 Yeah. My hearing about different people.
Yeah. I think the first, you know, if I had to like, if let's say that, let's pretend we were doing a documentary, right? Like a VH1 behind the podcast.

Speaker 2 TC behind TCB. TCB behind the podcast.

Speaker 2 And the interviewer was like, you know, tell us about

Speaker 2 your journey on the podcasting. I would say that for the first 10 or 15 episodes, I had a loose thought that this would be kind of sketch comedy, satire, and maybe a little bit of improv.

Speaker 2 I felt like maybe we could structure it a little bit. And at times we tried.
But that was work. Yeah, but that was work.
It was work and it felt constricting.

Speaker 2 And I don't feel that I found the funny in like when I was doing the bitch

Speaker 2 for the first 20 or 30 episodes, that was fun because I got to manufacture that out of whole cloth, but it took a lot of time and I had to write everything down and I had to practice and then I had to do it over again.

Speaker 2 It took hours to create those things, sometimes days to create those things.

Speaker 2 And so, and then when I tried to structure the show, like put more structure to the actual content of the show, I found the more that I put structure to it, the less I felt there was freedom to have fun with it.

Speaker 2 I always felt like we had to hit the next beat, hit the next beat, hit the next beat. So then, after 50 episodes, I think it got really loose.

Speaker 2 And I would say that, you know, in that 100 to 200 range, I think we relied a lot on other people to bring the funny. And I don't mean other people like guests, I mean like videos, right? Yes.

Speaker 2 We're doing a whole lot of videos. I think the nature of the podcast, really, quite frankly there, I think for like a string of 100 episodes, I would say that 70 of them had videos in them.

Speaker 2 We were doing a video every single day. But also, we were only doing two episodes a week.
So it was a little bit different, right? We, you know, and even then,

Speaker 2 I found that the improv was where the freedom was to have some fun and to be funny.

Speaker 2 So by the time we turned the corner on like episode number 350, I felt like I, at least from my sitting in my chair, I felt like the podcast had a personality.

Speaker 2 I don't know necessarily what that was, kind of goofy and ADHD and all over the place, but I felt like it had a personality.

Speaker 2 And all we needed to do was just have the freedom to find the funny, and eventually we would get there. It might take us 10 or 15 episodes, but we would find a good episode in there somewhere.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I think after episode, like, let's say

Speaker 2 500, I felt like we knew what we were doing. We could turn on the microphone.
We could figure out an hour of content.

Speaker 2 We could talk, you know, incessantly for 45 straight minutes and not have to worry about it. And now at episode number 700, you know, I think the episode has a following.

Speaker 2 I think the commercial break has a following. I think there are people who really enjoy hearing us talk for whatever crazy reason.
Yeah. And I think the podcast has taken on a personality of its own.

Speaker 2 Our little baby is growing up. Then Brian died in a tragic cream and cereal accident.

Speaker 2 Chewing cocoa leaves with his cream and cereal. Brian had a massive coronary right there at the kitchen table.
His children cried, but the listeners did not, for their long suffering is over.

Speaker 2 The commercial break, the worst podcast ever.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 that's how I feel about the podcast. I feel like it's taken on a life of its own.

Speaker 2 There is a weird thing that has happened with the commercial break that I've, over the last 50 episodes, I've really noticed. It does have a life of its own.
There are people out there who

Speaker 2 really enjoy the show and they have. God bless you.
I know, God bless you. Seriously.
Thank you. What are you thinking?

Speaker 2 What are you doing? What are you doing with your life when you're just listening to us? I mean, I thank you from the bottom of my heart because it provides us a living, but I cannot imagine.

Speaker 2 I never listen.

Speaker 2 I mean, when I'm editing, I listen to parts of our episode, but I used to listen to every episode because I wanted to hear it and I wanted to listen to what we were doing and see if we could make it better.

Speaker 2 I gave up on making it better. I just decided I don't need to listen to it.
I just did it. What do I need to listen to it for? Raw dog it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, thank you, Chrissy. Raw dog it.
Exactly. Exactly.

Speaker 2 That's our new tagline. Raw dog.
Just raw it. Just raw dog it.
Raw dog.

Speaker 2 Chrissy and Brian raw dog you every Tuesday through Friday.

Speaker 2 We're going in bald, baby. Going in bald.

Speaker 2 No hat needed. Yeah, that should be our new tagline.
Rawdog it with the commercial break.

Speaker 2 Yes, I like it. Those have changed.
The commercial break. We jizz on it.
Our taglines have certainly changed. Oh, my God.
We have a tagline every 50 episodes. We find something different.

Speaker 2 It's not for everyone. It's not for everyone.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Thank God we don't do that anymore. I'd have to add we raw dog it to the end of that.

Speaker 2 Welcome back to another episode of this, the commercial break. Hey, it's not for everybody, but at least it's free.

Speaker 2 Fact news or fiction, 15 minutes or less or your money back. Go to tcbpodcast.com to collect your earnings.
TCB, we raw dog it.

Speaker 2 Raw dog it with the commercial rig. Brian and Chrissy.

Speaker 2 The intro would just be the whole first segment. Oh, yeah, it was.

Speaker 2 Well, that was also a way to kill minutes. I mean, I think we were doing three minutes of intro for about 180 episodes there.
Brian was just blabbering on. You know, if you know, you know, IKNYKDY.

Speaker 2 I know, you know. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I was on Instagram the other day, and the worst offender of IKNYKY DY or whatever that is, if you know, you know, the worst offender literally put it four stories in a row.

Speaker 2 IK, whatever that is, if you know, you know, if you know, you know, if you know, you know, if you know, you know, showing an inside of a random bar or restaurant on every photo.

Speaker 2 And it's like, well, I don't know because not everybody lives in your fucking town. So why don't you let us know? So that way we're in on the joke also.
This must be the coolest place on earth.

Speaker 2 If you know, you know, it are the only people that know. Like, I'd like to know too.
Can you let me in?

Speaker 2 Doesn't have the name of the place, doesn't say why they're there, doesn't give any information about why or why or why not. It's cool or not.
It's like it's so dumb.

Speaker 2 And then Astrid puts it on our Instagram post just to piss me off.

Speaker 2 She does. Astrid, you're fired.
After 700 episodes, Astrid's fired. All right, let's take a break.
We'll be back celebrating 700 with 700. I'll explain after this break.

Speaker 6 Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue.

Speaker 6 Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.

Speaker 6 Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page.

Speaker 6 You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at tcbpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show?

Speaker 6 Leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us.
That'd be fine too.

Speaker 6 We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay.
Just send a text. We'll respond.
Now I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors.

Speaker 6 And then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break

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Speaker 2 Yeah, we're doing a little math here in the studio. So 3.5 to 4 million podcasts that have ever been ever

Speaker 2 since it started 2009, 2010.

Speaker 2 Only Tina did some research, only 2.5% of those have made it past episode 300, which in the most liberal of math probably puts somewhere in the neighborhood of 8,000 that have been over 300.

Speaker 2 There's no specific stats on over 300. So it doesn't, they don't, they're not really tracking that.

Speaker 2 But you have to imagine that if you double that, at least half of those are out. At least half of those are out the door.
And then you add some more.

Speaker 2 I would say we're probably one of a couple thousand that have gotten to episode number 700 and if we get to a thousand which if we're here and we're kicking and the fans are still listening to us fans the listener i hate saying that word hate saying that word if the listeners are still here then we will i think

Speaker 2 we will win just because we did it for this life you know what i'm saying i mean at some point joe rogan just became famous because he was 7 000 episodes in and people were like there's so much of joe rogan that uh how can i ignore it do you know what i'm saying we will win just by staying steady, staying the course, mediocre all the way.

Speaker 2 Doesn't matter the only 15 episodes are good. We're going to keep on going.
We'll add a 16th by episode 1,000. I promise.

Speaker 2 When we get to episode 1,000, at least 0.15% of our episodes will be ones you want to listen to. Also, I wanted to say this, and I didn't, I kind of got lost in my thought, which happens often here.

Speaker 2 The podcast has taken a life of its own.

Speaker 2 And for the listeners, who at least the ones that interact with us, it's interesting to see what the podcast means to them, how it affects them in their daily life, how when they listen, they get a giggle, or it helps them through their workday, or it's helping them through a divorce or whatever the situation may be.

Speaker 2 The stories are endless. But that, to me, feels like,

Speaker 2 you know, I don't feel like we're saving little kittens from trees, but we're doing something.

Speaker 2 No. We're doing something.
I appreciate that. Brian's ranting all the time about something or other.
Brian's getting more miserable in his old age and you're listening.

Speaker 2 Okay, I guess we're all going to get cranky together. Let's do that.
700 episodes. Chrissy, there's only one other content creator that I can think of where the number 700 really means something.

Speaker 2 And that's, of course, the 700 Club. Yes, yes.
The venerable morning show that is paid, bought and paid for on your local CBS, NBC,

Speaker 2 CW. Your own personal Jesus.
That's a good one. That's a good way to put it.
It's your own personal Jesus.

Speaker 2 It's the televangelists televangelists that have enough money to take over an hour of morning television every day. And it's not because the network wants that content.

Speaker 2 It's because they pay for that airtime. The 700 Club, of course, is headed up, or was headed up.

Speaker 2 I think now his son does it by the Robertson family, Pat Robertson and his whole Pat Robertson ministry bullshit.

Speaker 2 He's one of the few televangelists from the 80s that kind of survived the downfall of all the 80s televangelists who were in some way, shape, or form absconding with cash.

Speaker 2 So I guess you give them a little bit of credit there. But Pat Robertson has got to be one of the biggest idiots that ever lived in this entire world.
He's dead now. And,

Speaker 2 you know, I'm not going to dance on somebody's grave, but I don't miss him because he was a bigot, a racist, an interpreter of the Bible, and any which way he saw fit to twist the words to make sure that it fit his narrative.

Speaker 2 And his narrative was always crooked. It was always wrong.
It was always weird. And Pat Robinson was an old kook, if you ask me.
He was just a weirdo. He was an old kook.
He was an old kook.

Speaker 2 I mean, he was.

Speaker 2 He was an old coot. Somebody said to me the other day, they go, he's an old coot.
And I go, what's a coot? He goes, I don't know. It's a crazy person.
I said, oh, okay. I call him a kook, not a coot.

Speaker 2 But anyway, he's an old kook. The guy was just a loony tune.
And he had been for years. And the older he got, the more strange he got.

Speaker 2 Him and that Kenneth Copeland, they're both just got old and got crazier than they ever have been. And it's just amazing to me the way that he takes scripture and he interprets it.

Speaker 2 He one time told a man, wrote in and asked if he should divorce his wife,

Speaker 2 who had Alzheimer's because he didn't recognize her anymore.

Speaker 2 And Pat said, yes, if she was still in her right mind, she would agree that you needed to go on and find a wife who could, you know, fulfill her wifely duties.

Speaker 2 And unfortunately, the time was up for whatever. I mean, just the crazy

Speaker 2 AIDS had caused, you know, or I don't know, the tsunami and the hurricane was coming for Florida because that's where the gay people live. I mean, the guy was just all over the place.

Speaker 2 Terrible human being, terrible human being.

Speaker 2 But there is comedy in some of these situations, as we found over our 700 episodes. I waited respectfully at least a year or two after Pat Robertson died.
But now I think it's fair game.

Speaker 2 I think it's probably fair game the day after he died, but you know what? Here we are. The CBN network, the 700 Club.
Let's review one of my favorite segments with Pat, which was when Pat took

Speaker 2 phone calls and answered questions.

Speaker 2 You ready? Yes. I was trolling on the internet.
As you do. As I do like to do.
Here's some 700 Club.

Speaker 2 Oh, is there, do we have that on mute?

Speaker 2 Let's, yeah. Let's try that again.
Huh, that's weird.

Speaker 5 Oh, there we go. Some life's biggest issues, such as why does God heal some and not others? How can you love a toxic family member? Do pets go to heaven?

Speaker 2 Has the Ark of the Covenant been found?

Speaker 2 Yes, it has.

Speaker 2 Indiana Jones, number four. It was found.
Actually, the first Indiana Jones Ark of the Covenant was found.

Speaker 5 What about Noah's Ark and more?

Speaker 2 Your questions take center stage. Look at this stock photography.
This guy on the phone, very concerned about whether or not the Ark of the Covenant has been found.

Speaker 2 Hey, Jim, it's me, Bob. Hey, did they find the Ark of the Covenant?

Speaker 2 I got a meeting later on today. I need the answer.

Speaker 2 All show long on today's 700 club. Showing young people on the telephone, you know, hey, what up, flippity-flop? Jizzity-jiz,

Speaker 2 I'm on fleek. Did they find the Ark of the Covenant yet?

Speaker 2 Well, I think Pat got liberal in his old age because there was stock photography of a black person. So there you go.
The times do change. Old coots get a little less cooty in their old age.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Welcome, folks. It's wonderful.

Speaker 2 Oh, look, he's back. Tails from the crypt.

Speaker 2 He talks like the cryptkeeper. He is the cryptkeeper.
What are you talking about? Get a blue sweater. Yeah, this is right before he died, by the way.

Speaker 2 I think this is from 2020 or 2021 or something like that. But that blue sweater is something straight out of Mr.
Rogers, and that face is something straight out of hell.

Speaker 2 I mean, listen, everyone's going to get old and nasty at some point. It just happens to us, right?

Speaker 2 Could have happened to a nicer person, let's put it that way.

Speaker 3 Be back with you at this particular place and to talk today about your questions and hopefully some honest answers.

Speaker 2 And hopefully my chin don't fall off as dawd. Hopefully my jaw don't separate from my face.

Speaker 3 You call from all over America and you left your voicemail questions. Today we're going to hear your voices on the air and I will do my best to answer.

Speaker 2 I'll do my best to offend as many people as possible so I can make the news tomorrow.

Speaker 2 That's what he did. He'd like to make the news, Chrissy.
And it really is true how the ears get bigger. The ears got huge.
Have you not noticed Brian's ears are getting big?

Speaker 2 Because he's a sinner, Chrissy. A sinner.

Speaker 3 Wendy's here with us, the lovely lady, and she's.

Speaker 2 She's got tits I enjoy.

Speaker 3 Just back from the Ukraine, she's been in the war zone with the lost.

Speaker 2 There's so many killings and murders going on.

Speaker 5 It wasn't the same without you because you and I were in the war zone in Israel one time.

Speaker 3 If the smell of coordinate isn't there, it's no fun.

Speaker 2 But it's good to go. If the smell of dead bodies doesn't get you going, I don't know, but well.

Speaker 2 She's like, I smell a dead body right now. I think it's yours, Pat.

Speaker 5 Great to have Pat with us today. And we've got a a question.
We're going to start with Patricia. She's from Hawthorne, California.
Go ahead.

Speaker 8 My question is, can people get saved when they're on their deathbed and go to heaven?

Speaker 9 Because I'm confused there, because in that case, we could all just sin our whole lives and then just get saved when we're ready to die.

Speaker 2 Could you please clear up that question? Well, that's what I'm hoping for, Catherine.

Speaker 2 She's what I'm hoping for. Damn it, I wanted to sin

Speaker 2 all of this my life, but I didn't. She's like, my husband is a fucknut, and he's been sinning his entire life and now claims he wants to be saved.
Can you please explain why he's going to go to hell?

Speaker 8 Effusions for me.

Speaker 10 Thank you, Pat.

Speaker 2 Clear up the confusion for me.

Speaker 2 Like Pat knows. Like anybody knows.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, the thing of it is, you never know when you're going to die. So if you decide you want to spend your life sinning,

Speaker 3 death may come sooner than you thought.

Speaker 3 But you remember the thief on the cross, he said to Jesus, he said, remember me, Lord, when you come into your kingdom. And Jesus said, this day you will be with me in paradise.

Speaker 2 So they answered,

Speaker 2 we can all go crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I love it. But remember, you never know when you're going to die.

Speaker 3 He didn't say, and have you said the sinner's prayer? Do you go to church? Have you done this? He said, this day, because it was a confession of faith in Christ.

Speaker 3 And yes, you can make it on your deathbed, but I wouldn't presume on saying, well, I'll send boldly the Grace Mail Bound. You know, you just don't even.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't presume. Gracemail, Brownie Brown, and Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, I wouldn't presume.
Does that answer your question? What did he just fucking say? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston? That's what I heard.

Speaker 3 Think of that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, good advice. All right.
Great advice. Great advice on the Bobby Brown there, Pat.
She has to say that.

Speaker 2 She's so beholden to him.

Speaker 5 Thanks, Scott. Phyllis from Cincinnati, Ohio has this question for Pat.

Speaker 7 I was calling to ask a question about retirement savings and investing a Christian.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Perspective on that.

Speaker 7 And is that important?

Speaker 7 Or are we being too worldly when we think that way?

Speaker 2 Well, God forbid we'd be too worldly, Phyllis from Cincinnati.

Speaker 3 I don't think there's anything close worldly. I think we're all supposed to manage our affairs properly.
And I think we should

Speaker 2 give to the church and tithe and buy another airplane and put me in these pretty blue sweaters and get me Viagra and a pretty co-host and wheel me around from strip club to strip club when no one's looking.

Speaker 2 Oh, my teeth fell out.

Speaker 3 Invest for the retirement. There's nothing in the world wrong with that.

Speaker 3 You know, we

Speaker 3 I believe

Speaker 2 it sounds like Daffy Duck. I'm the bad bad battle.

Speaker 3 In the stock market, I believe in investing, and I think that we should be intelligent with our hand and I.

Speaker 2 You are one of the richest Christian preachers that has ever lived.

Speaker 2 Of course, you believe in investing, investing in you tithing to the church to make you and your family personally wealthy without taxation. Congratulations, Pat.

Speaker 2 You have pulled off one of the biggest con jobs in television history.

Speaker 3 Our money?

Speaker 3 You know, we're stewards, and we're stewards of our life, we're stewards of what we do, and we're stewards of who we are. So you are a steward, and you.

Speaker 2 I'm not, I'm a Phyllis, not a steward.

Speaker 3 Robert Jesus said, well, you render to Caesar with Caesar, you render to God with God.

Speaker 2 When you buy little Caesars and little Caesars, then you get pizza with God. Chrissy, just remember those words.
He paused it on right where his tongue is. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Excuse me,

Speaker 2 my lips are dry.

Speaker 2 Give Uncle Pat a kiss, Chrissy. Give Uncle Capat a kiss on his penis.

Speaker 2 Don't let me picture that.

Speaker 2 Do you remember when Pat was a younger man and he had the nipples of a bodybuilder? I'll show you.

Speaker 3 Well, I mean, for example, giving, you've got to have some money to give. The more you get, the more you can give away.

Speaker 2 The more you get, the more you can give Uncle Pat for his kisses on his penis.

Speaker 3 That's what I think. And I think God says, look, if you prove me with tithes and offerings, you read Malachi, I'll open the windows of heaven and pour you such a blessing.

Speaker 2 I'll open the windows with Malachi and pour the water out of the blessings. Don't you see?

Speaker 2 Come here, give Uncle Pat another kiss on the lips.

Speaker 2 Let me get them. Let me moisten them for you.

Speaker 2 Don't mind the makeup. It'll come off later.

Speaker 3 You can say. Well,

Speaker 3 what do you do with that blessing? Well, you can give more away. That's the way I think.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's why he found a way to make it available. He totally did.
Found a way to make more to us. Yeah, give more to the church and less to

Speaker 2 your family. Hey,

Speaker 5 an interesting question from a viewer in Norfolk, Virginia.

Speaker 10 Hello, Pat. I like to think that we live at a pretty good time in history.
If you could choose any other time throughout history, when would you want to live?

Speaker 2 Oh, here we go.

Speaker 3 you know something i i think this is as good a time as we could possibly have had by the way i'm the richest i've ever been yeah yeah

Speaker 2 what pat you there's there's no problem with the time you're living here because you have done very well for yourself i will say this about pat and take this for what it's worth but i think it's important to point out in 2020 pat robertson did correctly predict that Donald Trump would be,

Speaker 2 there would be attempted attempted assassinations on his life twice.

Speaker 2 He predicted it would happen in 2020, but he predicted it would happen. Now, he was wrong about the year, but that,

Speaker 2 when I heard that, I was like, wow.

Speaker 3 Can you imagine? I was thinking today as I was eating,

Speaker 3 I ate oatmeal for breakfast.

Speaker 2 It runs right through me like a hot fire. But

Speaker 2 I love that oatmeal, Chrissy. It just

Speaker 2 soft and it's lovely. It's like like my mother's bosom.
And I was thinking the other day, if I could be alive in the time of the Romans, I could have bathed with other men without promiscuity.

Speaker 2 But I am not alive then, so I bathe with other men in secrecy. It's just a little bit different, Chris Er.

Speaker 3 We live in a world of plenty. We have warm clothes.
We have beautiful food. We have the abundance of food, the grocery store where you can get, and

Speaker 3 we have freedom in America.

Speaker 2 That's right. When you live in Carmel, California, you can get anything you want, Pat.

Speaker 3 I really think,

Speaker 3 you know, heaven is going to be wonderful. But I do think that

Speaker 3 he's given us a right nice world to live in right now. And I don't think, you know, if I lived at the time of Jesus, I wouldn't have believed in him.

Speaker 3 And he was an itinerant preacher, and, you know, I wouldn't have believed in him. So many, only a few did.

Speaker 3 And they had.

Speaker 2 Floppy, floppy, flippity, floppy. I believe in Jesus.
I wouldn't have believed in him, but I believe in him now. Yeah.
What does he say? I don't know.

Speaker 2 He wouldn't have believed in Jesus back then, but he believed in him now. He's too much of a hippie, I think, is what he's saying.
He's an itinerant preacher, which I think means

Speaker 2 liberal, seven. Liberal, yeah.

Speaker 3 Wait to see the fulfillment of prophecy even then. So what time?

Speaker 2 I believe. What time is it? Lunchtime? I believe, I believe.
Oh, what are we doing? We're reading emails. Okay, let me put my teeth back in.

Speaker 3 This is as good a time in this country as you could possibly have. And I'm very grateful that I was born.

Speaker 3 As

Speaker 3 was said, I won the Ovarian lottery.

Speaker 2 I'm white and I'm smart and I'm living in

Speaker 2 heaven.

Speaker 2 The Ovarian Lottery. Yeah, he's so evil.
I love one the Ovarian lottery. Look at that face.
Oh, that's a face of a lover.

Speaker 3 I could have been born in India to a poor family.

Speaker 2 How highly offensive.

Speaker 2 Highly offensive, Pat. You could have been born a different color and poor.
You're right. You could have.
Now, listen, to

Speaker 2 defend what he's trying to say, I think, means he's taking some realization that he, in fact, has been lucky in his life.

Speaker 2 But since I know Pat Robertson and I've heard all of the terrible things he's ever said as a noted racist and bigot and homophobe,

Speaker 2 I think he's just pouring more salt in the wounds of people who can't afford a pretty television studio and three private planes.

Speaker 5 That's right. And God says he appoints the times and the seasons

Speaker 3 for them to live.

Speaker 5 And so we're all supposed to be here.

Speaker 5 You know, I love the fashion in the 40s. So, if I could go back,

Speaker 2 I love trad wives.

Speaker 2 It's so awesome.

Speaker 5 Fashion-wise, I go back to the 40s.

Speaker 3 Well, I don't care about fashions. I care about life and health.

Speaker 2 I don't care about you, you silly little bitch. Who's this woman talking over me? Stop it.

Speaker 3 We've had so many breakthroughs and health care and everything. I mean, this has been a wonderful time to live.
All right. Amen.

Speaker 2 Amen. I'm trying to keep my job.
Amen. Let's move on.

Speaker 5 Lee from Kenner, Louisiana, has this question.

Speaker 12 Hello, Pat.

Speaker 13 My question for you today is, I understand loving unconditionally and to love your neighbor as yourself.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 13 how do you love a family that is very toxic and still glorify God? What boundaries do I have and still walk in the Christian values?

Speaker 2 Oh, I can't wait for this one. Watch the hypocrisy flow through the scripture now, kids.

Speaker 3 I think you can love them yourself if they've hurt you. If you have aught against any, you forgive them.
But you don't have to be in the presence of somebody that's toxic.

Speaker 3 You know, the Apostle Paul says you don't even have to eat with certain kind of people. And I think if somebody is a Christian, for example, but

Speaker 2 if you eat,

Speaker 2 if you eat with a homosexual, Chrissy, Paul says you don't have to eat with a homosexual, but you can lay with a homosexual, if I'm understanding the scripture correctly.

Speaker 2 And while Jesus said unconditional love to everyone, there were some conditions on that love. Ezekiel 3.4.4 said, he who has dark skin need not love.
He needs a shunning. So just remember that.

Speaker 2 And by the way, I need an eyebrow trimming.

Speaker 3 You don't have to expose yourself to people who are unpleasant, who are, you know, they'll tear you down always.

Speaker 3 you know. You get in the presence of a negative thinking, well, this is terrible.
I feel so bad. Isn't the weather awful?

Speaker 3 Isn't the government terrible? They're all a bunch of crooks. You don't want to listen to that junk, so you're better than.

Speaker 2 He would not have been a fan of the commercial break. No, not at all.

Speaker 3 It's like, would you want to take a garbage can and pour it on your head?

Speaker 2 Was that his hand? Jeez, that was his hand?

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 That looked like from Lord of the Rings. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Gollum. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the passage in the basket?

Speaker 3 Every morning. The answer is no.
So you don't have to be around them. So the fact that they're there in the neighborhood, just avoid them.
You can go someplace else.

Speaker 3 There are lots of people in America. And around the world, there are about 7 billion people.
So surely you can find companions that are, quote, not toxic.

Speaker 2 Unconditional love doesn't mean without condition. That's not what that means.

Speaker 2 It's not the definition.

Speaker 14 From a distance.

Speaker 2 All right. It's this stupid bitch still sitting next to me.
Somebody get my hand. It fell on the floor.

Speaker 2 Oh, I made a boo-boo in my pants. Can I get a clean up? I'll two.

Speaker 5 From New York City.

Speaker 11 Hi, Pat. My name is Lou.

Speaker 3 Is it okay for a Christian to play Lotto and play flesh game for money, seeing that it's legal?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 I'm interested to hear this answer, actually.

Speaker 3 Well, I'm,

Speaker 3 you know, the question about money is,

Speaker 3 are you depending on, for example, are you praying? You know, before I came to the Lord, I played poker. And, I mean, I'd sit there praying to pull to an inside straight and to get a hold.

Speaker 2 I'm picturing him at a table with Kenny Rogers.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 You got to know when know them. Know when to photomy.
Praying for an inside street. Know when to pray for help.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 What an interesting life Pat has lived.

Speaker 3 You have a flush. Did you ever get one? I mean,

Speaker 3 sometimes, yes, sometimes no. But I mean, you know, if you put all your money out and you're gambling,

Speaker 3 that way is so destructive. But, you know, and I I also think it's the wrong way to finance a country or a state with having legal gambling and all these

Speaker 2 sending all the poor people to college and giving them meals before school and helping out with different things. This is and that's Chrissy.
I just think that's the wrong way to finance things.

Speaker 2 What you need to do is ask people to send you money in an envelope

Speaker 2 for holy water that I basically got out of my sink. That is a more better way to go about things, Chris.

Speaker 2 Quickscape.

Speaker 3 What was that?

Speaker 2 That was you. No, that wasn't.

Speaker 2 That wasn't me. Roll it back.
Roll it back.

Speaker 2 Roll it. Take your finger, roll it back.
Hold on one second. Honestly, I want to hear this.
Hold on, one second.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just swipe your finger backward just a little bit, like over to the left. There you go.
Okay, one more time. Just swipe it over to the left.
Okay, listen to this.

Speaker 2 That was not me. I did not do that.
That was Pat Robertson farting. That's incredible.
You sound like a demon trying to escape. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Oh, I got an unholy monster in my anus.

Speaker 2 Do that again. Turn that back.
Like, go three swipes. Three swipes.
Let's lead up to it. I want to see what happens.
Everybody looked at me.

Speaker 3 And I also think it's the wrong way to finance a country or a state with having legal gambling and all these

Speaker 3 get-rich

Speaker 2 quicks.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. They caught that on the hot mic.
Someone just let out an unholy wind.

Speaker 2 That was an unholy wind, my friends. Okay, I think that's a good place

Speaker 2 for a prayer.

Speaker 2 Everybody looked at me. I was like, that wasn't you.
No.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. That was funny.
That was good. Good job, Brian.

Speaker 2 All right. Praise God.
He dropped a bomb. I dropped my phone.
There we go. All right.
We'll take a break. We'll be back.

Speaker 6 Rachel here. While Brian takes his old man Bladder to the little boys' room, let's talk turkey.
TCB needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share.
Sharing is caring.

Speaker 6 And we know you care.

Speaker 2 Don't you? Well, don't you?

Speaker 6 Ooh, that was some childhood trauma. Rearing its ugly head.
Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822. And you could be the next TCD disembodied voice.

Speaker 2 Ooh, what'd you do today?

Speaker 6 I was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is.

Speaker 6 Find us on Insta at thecommercial break, on the web at tcbpodcast.com, and all the episodes on video are available the same day at youtube.com slash thecommercial break.

Speaker 6 I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors, and then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of The Commercial Break. I'll take a raise now, bitches.

Speaker 2 Bye.

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Speaker 2 Ooh, Rachel sounds good on those lines.

Speaker 2 Yes, she does. She's a laugh-a-minute.
All right, we're listening to Pat Robertson try and digest his show.

Speaker 2 We're trying to,

Speaker 2 but that was unholy. That's either someone like in the behind the scenes with a hot mic, or the lady just farted, or he just farted, and it just sounded terrible.
I mean, terrible.

Speaker 2 All right, let's get back to Pat answering whether or not we should be playing Lotto. Scratch Off.
His answer so far, nonsensical.

Speaker 3 I think the best way to achieve money is little by increase. The law of use, that's financial curve.
If you do that, there'll be plenty of money.

Speaker 2 The law of curves. The law of curves, Kirsten.
The law of curves. I've been following them my entire life.
The law of curves. What is that? What is the law of curve?

Speaker 3 Financial curve.

Speaker 2 The law of use, the financial curve, little by little. Is that how you did it, Pat? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, playing the games, I mean, if you want to take $5 and put it in a thing like that and don't worry about it, I mean, I can't say that's a sin. That's your business.
But if you begin to pray

Speaker 3 and let that be the source of your income, it is such utter foolishness.

Speaker 2 Foolish.

Speaker 2 It's such utter foolishness to spend your money on the scratch cards and the lap dances and the booze and the beer and all the wine and the women. Send it to me and I'll do that on your behalf.

Speaker 5 Lynn from Clarion, Pennsylvania has this question for Pats.

Speaker 23 My name is Lynn and I'm from rural Pennsylvania.

Speaker 23 We have a bunch of rural churches in our area that have anywhere from 15 to 100 people in their congregation and it seems like people are not wanting to come into the church buildings.

Speaker 23 My question is, what are some ideas on how to take our church out in the community that you might have for us?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Well, people don't want to come into the church building because they don't want to get sanctified in your fucking, you know, in your hypocrite box.
That's just what's going on.

Speaker 2 People are becoming less and less secular because they feel like religion is not very modern. It doesn't fit the modern idea of spirituality.

Speaker 2 And I think that while religion in and of itself is not always harmful, and that there's lots of people who go to churches and different religions and they make great use of their time here on earth doing lots of good for other people.

Speaker 2 I don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. I think religion has done a lot of good.
I also think it's done a lot of not so good.

Speaker 2 And when you walk in, and all you're doing is getting a lecture from somebody about how wrong your life is, and they're sitting there probably doing the same thing or worse.

Speaker 2 Why are you so connected to God that you can talk down to me, but I have to sit here and give you my money and listen to the beat-up session, feel guilty, walk out. Listen, it's all a big racket.

Speaker 2 That's what it is. It's a big fucking racket.
It's been going on since the beginning of time.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying every single piece of religion should be, you know, tossed out or whatever, but I just think the way that it's been interpreted, interpreted, interpretated, interpretated, Chrissy,

Speaker 2 it's utter foolishness.

Speaker 2 Praise Jesus, brother. Praise Jesus and this oatmeal getting down my tummy.
I think the way it's been interpreted,

Speaker 2 it leaves power and money to a few while the rest of the people feed into it. It's another MLM.
That's all it is. But

Speaker 2 the product they're selling is your soul. That's it.
It's like life coaching.

Speaker 3 Think, you know, one of the biggest churches, I think, was out there in Arizona where the pastor rented some buses and he went out in the neighborhood to bring the kids to Sunday school.

Speaker 3 And a lot of people were aware.

Speaker 2 No, sounds perfectly safe. Religion has a track record of being great for kids.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Bust those kids on in.
Hey, kids, come on the happy bus. We're going to go to church.

Speaker 3 Go to church, but they love to have their children go to church. So if you've got a bus in the church and you say, I'll pick up your children at 9 a.m.
on Sunday morning.

Speaker 2 How tone deaf is this?

Speaker 2 How absolutely tone deaf is this? And also he's saying that the parents don't want to go to church, but they want to send their kids to church.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 As a parent, that that does not ring true to me. I don't mind my parent, my kids learning about religion.
As a matter of fact, we have considered bringing them to like

Speaker 2 a non-denominational church or even the Catholic church, just so they can go and get an idea of what God is and Jesus and how it all came into Mother Mary and all that other shit.

Speaker 2 They want to believe in that. If that's what they choose to do, I'm not going to stop them.

Speaker 2 Nor am I, they might listen to the commercial break and think I'm not a big fan, but I'm not going to tell them to their face they shouldn't be doing that as long as I think it's healthy and safe for them.

Speaker 2 But what's not healthy and safe, it's sending your kids on a random bus to a church because you feel too lazy to go. Then again, that is two hours alone with my wife.

Speaker 2 Where's the local church bus when you need it?

Speaker 2 Yes. Sorry, kids.
We're taking our chances. We're gambling in a different way.

Speaker 3 And the next thing, you know, mom and dad will follow. And I think

Speaker 3 that's how one pastor in Phoenix grew to one of the biggest churches in America by having a fleet of buses. I've got some old buses.

Speaker 2 I'm sure a little rural church in Pennsylvania that has 15 people going can afford a fleet of buses. Well, you don't need a bus creation.
That's right. Second off with the kids.
No.

Speaker 2 You get an old ice cream van and you paint it a dark color so the kids know you're coming. And then you slide open the door.
Maybe you put a water bed in there so that the kids can have some fun.

Speaker 2 And you slide open the door and you say, Come, kids, come with me. Come with Uncle Pat.
Kiss his penis.

Speaker 2 Kiss me on the penis.

Speaker 3 They're all picking up people.

Speaker 2 That's very creative. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It worked.

Speaker 2 It worked. You know what's creative? Is that lady's hair do? That's what's creative.

Speaker 3 Tell me more on that. Okay.

Speaker 5 Okay, well, here's Cindy from Louisville, Kentucky.

Speaker 2 She's there to just keep him moving along. She is.

Speaker 7 My question is: concerning the art of the cousin, do you think it's still out there? Will it ever be found? Or has it been lost forever?

Speaker 9 Thank you.

Speaker 2 And why, Cindy, are you thinking about this in Louisville, Kentucky? What are you thinking about? What are you? Have you been watching Indiana Jones? I'm thinking about things. Yeah, well,

Speaker 2 she says, My question is considering the Ark of the Covenant.

Speaker 2 Is that the question?

Speaker 2 We're considering the Ark of the Covenant. I don't get the beginning of the question, but do you think it's still out there? Will it ever be found? Pertains to.

Speaker 2 Yes, my question has to do with, pertains to, is about the Ark of the Covenant, not considering. But I get where you're going, Cindy.
I'm just wondering exactly why you're going there.

Speaker 2 What made you wake up on this side of the bed this morning?

Speaker 3 It made

Speaker 3 Stephen Spielberg a pretty good movie, In Search of The Missing Ark of the Covenant.

Speaker 3 I think it's long gone. I don't think there's any hidden ark, but it did make an interesting movie, and that's where you've got In Search of the Lost Ark.

Speaker 2 Sure wasn't good.

Speaker 2 She goes, Sure was a good movie. Good movie.
Let's move on, sinners.

Speaker 5 Okay, this question from a viewer in Flagstaff, Arizona.

Speaker 11 Yes, my question for Pat is on the second coming of the Lord. On the one side, the word says Jesus is coming back as a thief in the night.

Speaker 11 On the other side, Jesus is coming back and the whole world will see him when he descends. from heaven onto the Mount of Olives.
I'm a little confused. On the one hand, a thief.

Speaker 11 On the other hand, everybody will see him. Pat, could you explain the differences in the two statements I just mentioned?

Speaker 2 Again, what made you wake up on this side of that? I mean, people are really trusting Pat. You have all answers of everything.
People think Pat is onto something here, that he has some wisdom.

Speaker 2 Pat, life coach Pat, would you take Pat as a life coach? Me personally, no, but some people apparently

Speaker 2 put a lot of faith in his answers.

Speaker 11 Thank you so much. Appreciate the show.

Speaker 3 I think the idea of a thief in the night means, you know, you're sleeping and you're not paying attention, and all of a sudden, this thief comes and you weren't expecting him.

Speaker 3 I think that's the concept: that he's going to come at a time when we're not really awaiting him, and

Speaker 3 the world is not going to expect Jesus to come back again. But in terms of when he does come, he will come with a shout of command, with the voice of the ark of Abel, the trump of God.

Speaker 2 The ark of the gable and the fields and the fable and

Speaker 2 hickory dickory dock.

Speaker 2 She was stuck in my cock. Listen, I don't really know.
I'm almost dead, so I'm not too concerned about any of this right now. Did he just say Trump?

Speaker 2 He said Trump.

Speaker 3 But it's going to be a big, big deal. It's not going to be quiet.
It's going to be a big one. He will descend from heaven.
The trumpet. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, the trumpet. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The second coming of Christ. I mean,

Speaker 2 please welcome thief in the night,

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 All the way from the Mount of Olives, coming down from top of Mount Roshmore.

Speaker 3 The big guy himself, the one, the only,

Speaker 3 preaching on an empty dick, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 Let's get ready to mumble.

Speaker 2 My dick.

Speaker 3 With the trumpet of God.

Speaker 3 But the thief in the night idea is that he's going to be unexpected.

Speaker 5 Even for believers, will we have a sense of the time that we're going to be able to do that?

Speaker 2 Well, yes, we'll get a text message.

Speaker 2 There's a national alert system out for this kind of event, you see.

Speaker 3 Paul said it won't come upon you unawares because we are expecting, we know the scriptures,

Speaker 3 but the world doesn't know the scriptures.

Speaker 3 And so the world, you know, in the days of Noah, they were spending their time with all kinds of marriage and giving in marriage and having parties and all the rest of it. Woo-hoo!

Speaker 2 Sounds like a great Gatsby kind of time. You know what I'm saying, Chris? Yeah.
It sounds like you and Jeff over there in your little house.

Speaker 2 Are you Jesus? Partying it up. You're waiting for the.
What are you waiting for? Two camels and two giraffes and Jesus Christ on the Mount of the Olives with little jalapenos and blue cheese in them.

Speaker 3 And then he said the flood came and swept them all away. That's the unexpected part of it.
Gotcha.

Speaker 2 Interesting.

Speaker 2 Be careful. Yeah, Vika.
Gotcha. I totally understand.
Thanks. All right.
One more question for Pat before we wrap it up here.

Speaker 5 Judy from Chico, California, has this question for Pat.

Speaker 2 Chico.

Speaker 7 My question is, who are the clouds of witnesses in the book of Hebrews?

Speaker 13 That's my question.

Speaker 2 Hope I can get an answer. Thank you so much.
Wow, she sounds very serious. My question is, who are the clouds of witnesses in the Hebrews? That's my question.
Answer it now.

Speaker 3 The cloud of witnesses are those who have gone before, who have known the Lord. And he lists some of the champions of the faith who have,

Speaker 3 they're kind of like the witnesses that have lived before us and they give

Speaker 3 an example and so when we read the Bible we read about these champions of the faith one after the other that are in these

Speaker 3 wonderful experiences with God

Speaker 5 there's an interesting question from Vincent he's

Speaker 2 a very short answer I didn't understand sorry one more Pennsylvania

Speaker 3 my question is what has been the greatest battle that the ministry of the 700 Club has had?

Speaker 2 Well, that was the battle of 1912.

Speaker 3 I think the biggest one was getting started. I mean, you know,

Speaker 3 I started this thing with $70.

Speaker 3 I had a U-Haul trailer,

Speaker 3 four kids, and no money. And I think we were up against it

Speaker 3 month after month after month. We didn't have enough money to do anything, and we were just crying out, dependent on God for his mercy.
That was the big struggle.

Speaker 2 Well, after 700 episodes. Yeah,

Speaker 2 after 700 episodes, Chrissy, and reviewing the 700 Club, I can now confirm

Speaker 2 Pat Robertson and the commercial break do indeed have something in common. We are up against it month after month.
Getting started was the hardest part.

Speaker 2 We had $70 in our pocket, trailer full of kids, and we're just trying to make it work. Well, congratulations, my friend.
Congratulations. After 700 episodes, here's to 700 more.
Cheers.

Speaker 2 I hope you're sitting right there next to me at 1,400, just like you were at 700. And thank everybody out there for taking part in a part of the TCB history.

Speaker 2 Listen, I didn't have any answers for you on Jesus or God or the second coming or the clouds of wisdom or whatever it is, but I will tell you this: it's highly likely we'll be here tomorrow.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 2 What else can I say? Pat Robertson, still a kook.

Speaker 3 He is kooky, man.

Speaker 2 And that, by the way, this is Pat Robertson rather tame. Some of the stuff he's said, and I thought about pulling some of the more, like,

Speaker 2 some of the more fiery clips,

Speaker 2 but I just didn't want to piss everybody in the entire audience off. I felt like it wouldn't be as funny if we were just, if he was talking.

Speaker 6 No, he's funnier as a crip keeker.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2 This must be right before he died. Yeah, I mean, he really does look very old.
How old was he? He died, 90, 90-something?

Speaker 2 I mean, listen, if you're 90-something and still rolling in the TV studio and answering questions, I guess you got something to say for yourself, right? Yeah. All right.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, I hope that you're happy out there in heaven, buddy, looking down on all of us.

Speaker 2 Send me a message. Tell me what it's like.
Teresa Caputo it.

Speaker 2 Piggy frontmate. That'd be interesting.

Speaker 3 Oh, that would be interesting.

Speaker 2 Yeah. With Pat.
Yeah, I'd like to know what Pat's up to. Is he still

Speaker 2 piggyfronting? Is he piggy-fronting around here?

Speaker 3 That's right. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. Hey, listen.
Ari Shafir was our guest last week. We would appreciate it.
You go watch his new special, America's Sweetheart, on Netflix, available now for you to consume.

Speaker 2 Ari was certainly one of the more interesting guests we've had in here. Interesting conversation.
Go take a listen to that episode if you haven't heard it.

Speaker 2 Also, if you'd like to be on the commercial break, if you'd like to be on one of the next 700 episodes, do us a favor, leave us a message at 212-433-3 TCB, 212-433-3822.

Speaker 2 I might use you to open up the next show. Leave me a short message.
Be mindful of what you say and what name you use, because if I put it out there, I can't undo it. I won't undo it.

Speaker 2 You can also leave us a text message, questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. Send a text message and we'll get back to you.

Speaker 2 At the Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, if you care,

Speaker 2 tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, all the video right there from one location. Also, your free TCB sticker.
Hit the contact us button, drop-down menu. I want my free sticker.

Speaker 2 Give us your address and we'll send it off. And please, if you would, check out the new studio and all the episodes, youtube.com slash the commercial break.
Available the same day they air here.

Speaker 2 Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so.
But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you.
I'll say best to you.

Speaker 2 And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, we must say.
Goodbye.

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