Now The Good Neighbors Know!

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Hi, Brian and Chrissy and crew. Valentine's Day is not something that I personally have celebrated since, you know, back in school days when you handed out the little Valentine's Day to everybody in the class.
However, my ex-husband, I say ex for definite reason, not long after I had given birth, decided that Valentine's Day would be the perfect day to get me a set of workout DVDs so that I could get into shape. Steve, you will never get laid.
Yeah, what a jerk. Anyways, best to y'all.
You guys are always number one in my queue. On this episode of the Commercial Break.
One of the neighbors comes out, one of the adults in the house comes out, and she says, hey, you have been a source of entertainment at our house. I just want you to know that.
And I thought to myself, here we go. The cat's out of the bag.
The good neighbors know, and now it's time to move. I almost put a for sale sign out in front of my house immediately after this conversation.
I swear to God, I did. I was like, well, that's it.
We're done. They're going to know about all my drug abuse, all my whacking off, and all my sex.
It's over. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break.
I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Oatley.
Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe coming to you live somewhere north of Atlanta, somewhere near the Gulf of America, right by Lake Micropenis. We're all here.
We're all doing it. We're doing the thing.
Thanks, Google. One day at a time.
Another service. Another tech oligarchy.
Folding, bending the knee. Yeah, unbelievable.
Wow. Yeah.
Wow. And Rob Bogoyevich is going to get out of jail, too.
Do you know who that is? No.

You don't know who that is?

A young and up-and-coming senator named Bayrak Obama decided he was going to run for president. He was the senator of Illinois.
Yeah, I know that. Yes.
And the governor, Rob Bogoyevich, was being the governor of Illinois. And now listen, the city of Chicago and Illinois has a long history of corruption,

scams, misdeeds, misangles.

By the way,

that's not the new in government.

It's always been happening.

But Rob was one of the

clearly more scammy governors

that the state of Illinois had ever had.

And that's saying something.

It's like, it takes a long time. Hey, we're starting the show over.
We're going to do it again. I like a little drum.
Yeah, we're going to do it again. Rob went to jail because after Barack Obama, you know, had to give up the seat to be the president of the United States.
Yes. There was an open seat and the governor got to pick who was going to be the senator and so rob decided that he was going to essentially um ask many multiple people lots of different corporations and people and newspapers to give him money in the hopes that they could obtain the seat or something related to the seat and And he also wanted to be in the cabinet.
And he also he was like and he got caught on tape saying all of this. He was asking for bribes for that Senate seat and other things related to that Senate seat.
And he got caught red handed on tape asking for multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars, jobs for him, jobs for his wife. He's not going to give that seat away for free.
I think was the exact terminology that he used. That seat is gold and I'm not giving it away for free.
He is now pardoned. He is now pardoned.
And it looks like he might, one of the things that he was essentially asking for in that whole bribing situation was, I'd like to have a cabinet position. And in that cabinet position, I'd even like to maybe think about being an ambassador sometime down the line, because an ambassador is a cush job, especially if you get an ambassadorship to somewhere, you know, Eastern or Western Europe, where there's not a lot of drama, and you can just go there anytime you want and live high on the hog and shake hands and kiss babies.
There's really nothing to do unless there's some war drama that breaks out in the country. There's nothing to do.
An ambassador is a cush job. Everyone wants one.
And he wanted an ambassadorship. Well, now there's talk that Trump might make him the ambassador of Serbia.
So it turns out all the bribing worked. It just took about 15 years.
Yeah, that tracks. Unbelievable.
Unbelievable. Although I have to say, according to the show, The Ambassador, there's a lot of drama that goes down i love that show you're talking the ambassador that's it's it's called yeah but it's i don't think it's called the ambassador it's called the diplomat yeah the diplomat she's the ambassador i just have i stopped watching it i got into it i was really into it and then i felt very confined in it like i felt like we kept running over the same old ground episode after episode.
Oh, we talked about this before. You have not seen the ending.
I have not seen the ending of the second season. It's explosive.
Apparently so. Very explosive? I would recommend going back to it.
Is it literally explosive? I'm not giving anything else away. I'm asking you.
You don't have to worry about it. Why are you guys? What? Who's gonna? Who cares who cares is it like is there another explosion like in season one are we do we have yet another explosion no no okay all right that's i was wondering if you were being literal about being explosive the the what happens is this is explosive not in not in the literal way i will do my best to continue on with The Diplomat

because I do love Keri Russell.

She is incredible.

Incredibly beautiful, incredibly talented,

incredibly good at any acting job that I've ever seen her in.

The Americans is one of the best television shows,

I think, of the last 25 years.

I think anybody who's watched it all the way through would agree.

I need to go give that another watch.

I haven't watched it all the way through either.

I think that would be re-watchable. You haven't watched The Americans all the way through? Not all the way through.
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
Every episode is like a piece of candy. What about this? You finish The Diplomat, and I'll start back on The Americans.
I'm too busy keeping up with Severance, Bailin Out Loud. I think now I'm watching some Brit Box series.
I can't remember the name of it, but it's very good. Severance has got me all kind of twisted up.
Oh, I know. The latest episode was crazy.
I don't even know what to think about the latest episode. I know.
It feels, it was probably the best episode yet of Severance, in my opinion. Because, and I'm not going to give anything away, but because we, and I think this would be known even from the trailer of that particular episode because we go outside of the looming walls yes in in a way that only severance could do and then we have an ex another explosive episode in only the way that severance could do this is turning out to be one of the best television shows i have ever seen completely agree and there are a lot are a lot of people I've seen online who are like, I don't believe the hype.
Fuck you. The hype is real.
It is. Severance is good.
It is well written. There are so many double entendres and secret meanings and Easter eggs and things to be discovered.
And that has caused an entire community of people to try and figure out what Severance is all about. There's like a Severance wiki, I think.
Oh, yeah. And there's all kinds of forums on Reddit.
And it's wild. And then they analyze everything.
I'm following them all on Instagram. If you're a good analyzer of Severance, I am currently following you on my personal account because I have to digest all of the different theories.
That's a good idea outlandish. There was one where, uh, Helly, Helly, who's one of the characters in Severance, Helly R, one of the characters in Severance.
I know, Helly and Helly R. It's just, Helly Egan, Helly R.
You have to be careful about which one you say because then you start another conspiracy, right? But that Helly was wearing the exact same outfit that Pam was wearing in an episode of The Office. And somebody connected the dots and said there must be some meaning to this.
Now, I think that's a little far-fetched. I don't think the writers of Severance are watching the...
I don't think we're getting Easter eggs eggs in the office it's just like too way far-fetched but that just goes to show how involved people are in this real honestly the reality is pretty fucking miserable right now and so any chance to get to get away from reality i think is a you know you got to do it that's just it and severance is way down the rabbit hole you can completely it's the only thing that i wish and i know they're doing this for a reason and i get it it it didn't work binging didn't work so now we're back to showing and once a week i just wish i could binge this particular show i wish this was i can deal with it on other shows but on this show i just want more 48 not enough. I know.
I have a friend who's doing that. She's holding off.
She's holding off until the entire season is out. Until they're out, so she can binge it.
Well, she's got more willpower than I do. I told her that too.
But of course, I get addicted to anything. I'm OCD.
I get addicted to anything. I know, me too.
Speaking of escapism, I, an article that you sent me about how researchers have found from the 17th century, they found a crypt.

That crypt was attached to what was then known as one of the most advanced medical facilities, hospitals, that was around, according to historians.

In Italy, in Milan, Italy. and they were analyzing the brains of about 10

000 and some of the material from about 10 000 different bodies that were found in this crypt near this quote-unquote hospital and what they found was stunning to the researchers they found cocaine in the brains of some of the people two of the people specifically that were in side of this script, making a kind of dating cocaine about 200 years earlier than they

believed Europe. two of the people specifically that were inside of this crypt, making a kind of dating cocaine about 200 years earlier than they believed Europeans would have had access to cocoa leaves.
To cocoa leaves, yeah. And they are saying, this just like, this made me think about a whole bunch of different things.
Escapism is part of the human experience in so many different ways. Whether we go out to a nice meal to forget about our woes for a couple of hours, or we're drowning our sorrows in some dibbity dabs.
Tasty Tina! No matter what your form of escapism is, television, playing with your children, making love, music, whatever it is, escapism is necessary. It's necessary for our brains.
Going to sleep is a form of escapism too. And it's just our body's needs, our brain's needs to just stop for a minute, stop from all of the regular rigmarole that we go through.
The commercial break is form of escapism. It's a bad one.
I'd rather have a crack problem, quite frankly. There's a lot more, it feels much better to smoke crack than it than it does to and I don't know that personally I'm just saying I've known people who've told me that crack tastes good and it makes you very feel very nice so I say all of this to say that it's amazing how a few puritanical people can just kind of make a whole class of escapism feel really dirty and nasty.

Now, I'm just saying addiction is good because people who are going through addiction are really having a hard time. I'm not advocating for addiction.
But some escapism here and there is... Seems necessary.
It seems necessary. and the fact that we all get shunned for a lot of different versions of escapism

is just yet another like kind of puritan conservative christian type of you know downer that's been put all over us and i want to break free from the chains christy system i'm gonna break free from the break free from the chains do a little bit of cocaine when you're watching your children, it makes you feel so much better. I got so much more energy with cocaine.
Cocaine has been around for a long time. People have been chewing that leaf.
My dad told me a story. My dad used to, he was a commodities trader.
But when I say commodities trader, he wasn't like a commodities trader that would trade in paper. He was a commodities trader that would trade in actual commodities.
Example, he would buy 100,000 head of cattle from Mexico, buy it, ship it, slaughter it, chop it up, package it, sell it somewhere else in the world, right? And then make money on the spread, essentially. So, and he did this very successfully for many, many years.
Parchery, pork, beef, mainly. And so, he would visit South American countries often to go make deals with farmers or, you know, cattlemen or herders, ranchers, whatever.
And so he would visit South American countries often to go make deals with farmers or cattlemen or herders, ranchers, whatever. And so he went down there one time and they were driving up a hill and they stopped for some reason up in the mountains of I can't remember where.
I think it was Columbia, but I'm not really sure. So he's driving up the mountains in dirt roads and they stopped for a few minutes to do whatever.
And they see these men who are carrying these huge bundles of whatever it is they are picking, whatever, you know, produce they are picking up the mountain and barefoot. And they're just going and they're just going and they're going and they're going.
And so my dad noticed that they had huge wads of leaves in their mouth, chewing them. And of course, the next question is, what are they chewing? What is that? Is that tobacco, or what is that? No, it was cocoa leaves.
They were getting paid, some of them, in cocoa leaves. That's what they did.
They would just chew on cocoa leaves all day, and they would just go, go, go, little ants marching up and down and up and down. And that was the life that they lived.
Day after day, night after night, they would go to work, they would get paid a little bit of money, and I'm not like glorifying this, I'm just saying this is the way it was. They would chew these leaves, and they would march up the mountain doing the work that they needed to do.
Relatively, I guess, happy, because who's going to complain when you're high on cocaine and you're just, you know, running around? I beg for a simple life like that. If I could chew cocaine leaves, cocoa leaves, while I was taking care of my children, if that was not frowned upon by some people, then I might go ahead and do that, Chrissy.
Yeah, it's part of the culture. It is part of the culture.
At Publix, why can't I buy cocoa leaves right next to the bay leaves? Why can't we have that kind of situation set up? Because of puritanicals. That's why.
Puritanicals. I don't even know what that means, but I like to say it.
And they're keeping me down, Chrissy. They're pushing me down.
And I'm sick of it. I'm taking a stand.
I'm going to start buying cocoa leaves on Silk Road 2. Yeah, exactly.
That guy's out of jail. What's that Silk Road 2 coming? I thought we were going to get part.
And now Silk Road. I mean, Silk Road is probably the single reason why Bitcoin even exists in any way, shape or form still to this day.
If it wasn't for Silk Road, Bitcoin might have just been a flash in the pan, might have been an idea that never really took root. But that Silk Road, people found out that this was an excellent way to pay where you could, quote unquote, not get tracked.
But that's not true. Everything is tracked.
But you know what I'm saying? So that's Silk Road, too. If you could do us a favor and, like, sell raw cocoa leaves, I could chew the cocoa leaves and lose my teeth.
But at least I would be happy. At least it would be a good form of escapism from all the craziness we're seeing today.
Like the Gulf of America. That's crazy to me.
That's crazy to me. I agree.
Gulf of America and Google kowtowed and Google bent the knee. By the way, who is the naming organization who does that? Like, isn't there, there's got to be like the national, you know, the international map makers of the world.
Rules mean nothing right now. But are there any? The question is like, are there any rules or is that just like a...
It seems like there would be. Is that like just a colloquial thing that we say? Like, it's the Gulf of Mexico.
Because we've always said it's the Gulf of Mexico. But it was really never named the Gulf of Mexico.
Do we even know that? How those rules work? Can we just literally say it's no longer called the Gulf of Mexico? Apparently. And then change it? Okay.
So why don't we start a petition to name it something else? Right? The Margaritaville. The Gulf of Margaritaville.
That's what I think we should call it next. The Gulf of Micropenis.
How's that? Probably a more apt term for this right now. It really surprises me that Google has done this.
And it makes me sad. Apple has not.
Not yet anyway. So Apple Maps for now.
Even though they'll make me drive through, you know, a large river to get to the other side of the street. Apple Maps, not so great.
Apple Maps, they've gotten much, much better. Yes, much better.
But at first, you could literally end up in a river. Yeah, and I think some people did actually.
Remember that? There were like a couple of ladies who ended up in the lake. Google told them, Apple told them that's the way to go.
If you're going to be a map maker, make sure you get that part right. You got to be up to date on it.
So even though Google has certainly built a reputation for having a great map system, I'm a little bit disappointed that they changed it to the Gulf of Mexico. Not, I mean, the Gulf of America.
Not that I, you know, whatever about Donald Trump. It's just that can we just that easily change something that has been around for so many years? And why are we changing it to the Gulf? What is the difference? What happens? What happens? Like, all of a sudden, it's America's? I don't know.
It's open ocean. It's everybody's, I suppose.
Or that's what it's supposed to be, right? Am I right? I mean, back me up here. I think you're right.
Okay. Thank you.
Of course. No, I know.
It seems completely ridiculous. I'm looking for a little zip, Chrissy.
A little zip. I want you to get fired up about this.
There's a lot of other things to get fired up about. And this is the same space.
This is our sacred space. We're supposed to be funny.
Yeah, but golf. Yeah, okay.
Be funny. Yeah.
Okay. Ready, set, funny.
I mean, all right. But there's some things that penetrate the inside of this space.
And Gulf of America is one of them. All right.
Let's take a break. We'll be back.
Rachel here. While Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boy room, let's talk turkey.
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Do you remember army hammer the whole situation with the cannibalism of course potential sexual assault and the rope tying what do they call that japanese rope tying you got it there's like there's a couple of them hentai hentai and shibari yeah well shibari is a rope tying isn't hentai there's the the whole style of, Yeah. Oh, it does? A lot of people refer to tying as hentai.
Shibari is part of the hentai. Oh, I did not know that.
You learn something new every day. That Shibari, he was doing that Shibari shit.
By the way, I see a lot of like Shibari reels out there. Yeah.
People getting tied up, like, you know, consensually tied up. Of course.
There's two women specifically that I see doing a lot of reels. and they're like, up like you know consensually tied up there's two women

specifically that i see doing a lot of reels and they're like okay what are we gonna do today and it's like oh a light noose we're gonna do a light noose and i'm like that's fucking scary a light noose it doesn't yeah it doesn't sound light you don't say light noose that's not light that's like saying i'm gonna have a light creme brulee for dinner you can't do that it doesn't work like that. To me,

I would be nervous about that

kind of tying up, but there are consensual adults who know how to do this. Oh, yeah, it's a whole thing.
Yeah, it's a whole thing. It's very complicated, and it's almost an art form in and of itself.
And while it doesn't look comfortable to me, it doesn't squeeze my balls, that doesn't mean that it's totally's totally out of bounds but army hammer was really shunned by the whole hollywood community army hammer of course the guy who started the social network and the social network and he was also in the social network he was didn't he play the winklevoss twins i think that's who he played is the winklevoss twins and uh he got shunned by the whole Hollywood community because there was a lot of talk that he was into cannibalism, that he had brought some girls to a random motel in the desert and mistreated them, potentially sexually assaulted them. I don't know that that was ever brought to a conclusion.
He's not in jail. I'll tell you that much right now.
And then somebody, he like went down to his family's estate in the Caribbean. Right, yes.
And then people were finding him being a real estate agent, like trying to sell timeshares down in the Caribbean. Am I right about that story? Yeah.
I think I got that right. Yeah, and then he left.
He got divorced. Yeah.
And she stayed down there and was on this reality show that I watched. What was the reality show? It's like Paradise.
Yes. All at the Grand Cayman.
Yeah. I just watched it recently too.
I found it on Hulu. I was like, what's this? Okay.
And it was Armie Hammer's ex-wife. Very interesting.
Okay. All right.
So the guy was down there and he was really on the outs with everybody but our army but everything

old is new again and everybody gets a second shot because every people love a comeback story and army hammer is at a podcast out there probably for i'm gonna guess almost a year now and it's all about army hammer it's all about army hammer it's army hammer on army hammer it's a very meta podcast.

And what Army does is he invites people

to come in and tell

him... army hammer it's army hammer on army hammer it's a very uh meta podcast and what army does is he invites people to come in and tell him how they feel about him including his mother his father his friends um he's had some celebrities on there they had jillian barbary and i can't remember who else but he's had some people out there who have come and they've really read him the riot act and i don't know't know if this is one big jerk-off, Army Hammer on Army Hammer.
You know, it feels very jerky-offy, like, you know, kind of just feeding your ego even more. But there are certainly interesting moments that I've seen, at least on Reels.
I haven't listened to the podcast, but I've seen it on Reels. And he's, I guess, laying it all out there.
He's kind of trying to tell people exactly his side of the story, what went wrong, why he's got some mental deficiencies, what he's into, you know, some self-reflection, I guess. It seems to me that Armie might be a narcissist, right? And that this is just yet another narcissistic attempt to feed his ego.
But I don't know that. I'm just assessing it from a distance.
Way far away. I'm not getting anywhere near Armie Hammer.
But the interesting thing is that a couple of days ago, Armie Hammer was interviewed by somebody for a podcast, and the question was, what directors would you work with? And Armie said, I'd work with Woody Allen. If I

sat down and decided that, you know,

he was of good character,

I'd do a movie

with

Woody Allen.

And I was like, oh, okay, there's the

kettle calling the pot.

I mean, what an interesting combo.

That's a movie I might watch.

Woody Allen does Armie Hammer. I mean, I don't know.
I don't know that Armie Hammer isn't like the Woody Allen. You know, say what you will about Woody Allen.
He has made some movies with some of the most incredible actors of any time since he's been directing movies. He's got a complicated personal history like a lot of artists do.
We've been talking about this a lot on the show lately because it's an interesting question. Do you separate the art from the artist? And I think in some cases, yes.
And I think in other cases, it might be hard to do that because your personal feelings kind of get in the way of the art. Woody Allen is one of those people that for a long time, I just have some complicated feelings about Woody Allen screwing his adopted daughter and marrying her.
Like that to me feels way out of line, way out of bounds. And if you, did you ever watch that movie about Woody Allen, the documentary about that done by- That Mia Farrow did? That Mia Farrow did with her son Ronan, I think.
Yes. Is it Ronan Farrow? Yes.
Yeah, that was disturbing. It was very disturbing.
It was disturbing and there didn't seem to be a lot of redemption going on or apologies or self-reflection on a part of Woody. He seemed to be pretty resolute that he did nothing wrong.
And that, to me, feels almost borderline weird. It does feel weird.
So now put Armie Hammer and Woody. I know.
And I don't know about Armie Hammer either. There's been no conclusion there either.
And he doesn't seem all that apologetic about anything either. However, if you take those two dumb shits and you put them together in a room to make a movie, that might be interesting to watch.
I'm just saying it. It might be interesting to watch.
It might be. It's like slowing down to look at a car crash.
It's possible someone's hurt in there uh but at the end of the

day you're gonna rubberneck everybody does you're gonna rubberneck why do we do that why do we look why why is it that that these kind of things become attractive to us because you just want to know you just want to know um whether you just want to know whether or not someone's It's the natural curiosity.

Yeah, it really is.

Yeah.

You know, and what do you think about, we spent a couple of these. Louis C.K.
back on the road doing comedy. They've got a new documentary out about him.
They do? Yes, they do. Where's that? I think it's on Hulu if I'm not mistaken.
I don't know if it's out or it's coming out. I saw a trailer for it where one of the girls was saying, yeah, it was pretty well known.
You'd go to a party. Louis C.K.
was there. You know, some people in the corner doing coke, a couple people over here smoking weed, you know, a couple of the people having one too many cocktails.
And then Louis would be in the corner whacking off. And it's like, really? Yeah, I don't get it.

I don't get it at all. That's a weird predilection.
If there's one thing that I'd rather no one ever

see, including my wife, it's me whacking off. Do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

If there's one thing that's uglier than Brian's sex face, it's Brian's sex face in the mirror.

Okay? I just don't, no one needs to see that. And why you would think that that's like, why that turns you on, I have no idea.
Who wants to see you? No one. It's not a thing.
It's not a thing. But Louis C.K.
back on the road, you know, a lot of these people who were canceled are getting a second shot at reclaiming some of that magic that put them there in the first place. Now, I don't know that Louis C.K.
will ever be the draw he was before. I just think there's too many people who think that what he did was kind of creepy, and there's no amount of apologies that's going to wash that away from their brain.
But there's also a lot of people who just don't get, you know, it's like, whatever, he did what he did, he apologized and I guess we all move on. How do you feel about that? I mean, I was never a big Louis C.K.
fan, so. He was never my favorite comedian.
Yeah. But I mean, how do you feel about some of these people coming back into the lexicon, like coming back into the fold? Does that bother you? Do you think if someone is canceled for reasons that are enough to cancel them, they should stay away? No, I mean, I think people can try.
Yeah, they can make the apology to her. Yeah.
I agree with you. I think that, you know, there's some things you can't come back from.
Marrying your daughter. There's some things you can't come back from.
Yeah. Right? And then there's other things that, while disgusting and weird, are forgivable at some point.

Whacking off in front of people, probably not my first choice of a party trick, but I totally understand that.

Everyone's into their own thing, right?

Might be rope tying, might be whacking off in a plant at a party. And do you get consent?

Do you walk around to the other people at the party? Do you mind if I jizz in the plant? I don't think so. Do you mind if I...
I think it was spontaneous jizzing. Yeah, do you think it was spontaneous jizzing? I think so.
You think he just got off stage and in the green room, he's like, hey, just give me a second. I'll be over here pulling my pun.
It sounds like it. That's so weird.
I know. So weird.
And what is he thinking about? And what is going... Is there lubrication involved? Is he just spitting on his hand? Like all the minutiae behind that really got me thinking one night.
It was like a couple of years ago when this whole thing came out. Yeah.
I was like, what is he doing? Like, what is the whole process here? He goes in the corner. He drops trow.
Does he just spit on his hand and start whacking off? And what does he think? Is he looking at people? Are you looking at somebody? Because if you're looking at somebody, then it takes it up to another level of disgusting. But if you're just like hiding in the corner.
I think he was looking at people. Yeah, I think he was too.
I need to go back and read the articles. The articles.
Yeah. From the women that were there.
Wasn't it someone famous too that he did that in front of Amy? Was it Amy Schumer? I don't want to misspeak here. Yeah.
Because Brian gets it wrong all the time. I don't want Amy to be shamed into Louis C.K.'s masturbation shenanigans, if that was not it.
I don't know if it was Amy Schumer. Yeah, but I feel like somebody— I feel like she would have been all over talking about it.
Yeah, that's true. I think she— I'm mistaken.
Yeah, it's just like a—that's a weird— So anyway, so Louis C.K., okay, right? Go make your apology to her, and if people find you funny, well, I guess it's not the worst thing in the world, whacking off in front of people, unless, of course, you're staring at them strangely. But then there's other stuff that you just can't come back from.
We're separating the, and those are situations where I think it's okay to separate the art from the artists like okay louise ck clearly has some weird glitch in his head where he thinks whacking off in front of people is something that's interesting or makes him horny but then there's people like uh let's take um who's the director harvey weinstein oh harvey weinstein you can't separate no i mean he was a full-blown predator yeah that guy was like the worst of the worst of the worst completely used his power yeah but man what he wanted but man did his production company miramax films make some really really great films and i'm not going to stop watching the films because harvey weinstein i don't think we're putting dollars in are we putting dollars in weinstein's pocket when we're watching those films i don't know maybe his brother but i'm telling you family yeah his family but that guy can rot in jail for all i care like you know he doesn't need to come back and produce any more movies on my behalf no matter how many apologies he has doesn't seem like the guy's got much longer to go anyway yeah rob schneider is another example you remember that rob schneider yeah i mean i remember rob schneider what happened with him copy guy rob schneider went total like crazy conspiracy theorist uh extremist on the right side okay whatever whatever your political Whatever your political beliefs are. But he has gotten, he has left or gotten kicked out of multiple venues for like yelling and screaming crazy shit.
I'm talking like shit that I don't even want to repeat here on the show. Crazy, crazy shit.
And people walk out of his appearances. Even people who are inclined to feel the same way about his political beliefs walk out of the show.
It's too much for them. It's way too much for them.
So he walks out. But Rob Schneider, but he keeps on getting gigs.
People keep on setting him up with more gigs. Now listen, that in and of itself, you know, whatever.
I guess you just have to be into that kind of comedy if you're into that kind of comedy. But he's been canceled by both the right and the left.
The guy has managed to piss off just about everybody. You know who's still in the doghouse? Kramer.
Kramer's still in the doghouse. Oh, Kramer.
Yeah. He did an apology tour there for a while there.
That didn't seem to so anything over but no he went haywire one night too he really did this all leads me to say kanye yay yay are you reading about yay i just a little here and there i mean it's it's it's yeah it seems completely crazy he sold t-shirts yeah the night of the Super Bowl with swastikas on it. And then tweeted, I'm a Nazi.
Take that, bitches. Oh, okay.
All right. So regardless of how I have ever felt about Ye's music, there is zero opportunity for that guy to ever make an apology to her in my mind.
Of course. It's yeah canceled by brian for do what you want to do listen to what you want to listen to think what you want to think too but i say done with yay i mean swastika is too far it's just too far you've gone too far you're selling t-shirts with swastikas on them what in the good fuck are you thinking yay simmer down and you even told me and i went back and looked at it that his wife is like on an apology to her behind him yeah but then i read something this morning that said she said she didn't say that oh really something crazy i don't know i'm stopping away from the the crazy wait now she's saying that she didn't say that yeah i i saw a blurb this morning i was gonna click on it and And I was like, I'm justbing away from the crazy.
Wait, now she's saying that she didn't say that?

Yeah, I saw a blurb this morning and I was going to click on it. And then I was like, I'm just done with it.
Okay, so she made an apology. And now Bianca, what's her last name? Sensori.
Sensori. Let's read about this for just one second.
Kanye West's children with me. Bianca Sensori argued on Grammy night.
uh

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do West's children with you. Bianca Sensori argued on Grammy night.
Sensori rep denies cry for help after husband's Kanye hate-filled tyrant. Yeah, okay.
So, yes, we have reached out to X to get the account unverified or banned. Apparently a dummy account is running around saying things on behalf of Bianca.
Yeah, there's no amount of apologies, Bianca, to soothe over your dumb, dumb boyfriend's trolling bullshit. It's just over.
Like, it's too much. I agree with you.
Enough with Kanye. Let's just be done with Kanye.
Maybe we take like a decade-long break from Kanye and check back on his mental health after he has, and this is no joke, after he gets some medication that can clearly set him straight. The interesting thing about Kanye is that I read that he obviously deals with mental health issues.
He's said that before, right? And he said that he was once diagnosed with bipolar, but then another psychiatrist came in and said, no, you're not bipolar. There's a different thing going on with you and you should take this different set of medications.
To which Kanye said, I don't really want to take those medications because they stomp on my creativity. Which, okay, I get it.
But when your creativity is the vehicle upon which you're delivering the message and your unchecked mind is going haywire, you might need to find a balance there between medications and your creativity because the things you are saying are absolutely disgusting. And if you're trolling us, cool, whatever.
Then I'm just going to ignore it altogether. But if that's really where your brain is going, then I think you definitely need to find some new medications that can help you straighten that out.
And mental health is no joke. We've talked about it a lot on the show.
And I don't want to make fun of, you know, I don't want to make light of somebody's mental health issues. But when you're that far off the gravy train, someone's got to pull you back on the tracks.
Something has to pull you back on the tracks. Therapy, medication, friends and family, a combination of...
And I think that's probably part of the problem, too, is that Kanye is so famous in his own mind. He probably can't trust anybody.
And he's just so in his own bubble. There's no one there to burst it.
No one is going to burst it. Because everybody else around him is probably on the Kanye gravy train too.
They put up with it because they're getting paid to put up with it and they want to be around Kanye. And I'm sure there's some people that actually love Kanye and know that somewhere deep down, there's somebody in there that they like.
We know this because we've dealt with people who have mental health issues. Yeah, definitely.
There are people, sometimes the people that we love are not the people that we like, if you understand what I'm saying. The people that we love are somewhere in there, but the people we don't like happen to be here right now, right? And that's just a complicated part of mental health.
But as far as Ye is concerned and and Brian is concerned, Ye, we're broken up. It's a done deal.
No mas. And Bianca,

I have some clothes for you to wear. That's all I got to say.
You can walk around like that here

at the house. But when you go out of the house, I'm just going to kindly ask you to cover up your

clitoris. It's a rule in the green household.
It's a good one. Tell you more about our rules when we get back.
Take a break. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.

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Hey, we are coming up on five, I mean, five, 700 episodes. Yes, we are.
Did you know that? I did. Wow, that's amazing.
I think that 700 episode is going to come out on your birthday, actually. Aw, that's such a fun thing.
It is. Lucky number seven.
Maybe this is the year we make some money. We'll see.
We don't have a great string of luck here at the commercial break. We're going to keep trying.
Hey, listen. At 700, what are we going to do now? No.
There's no going back. At 700 hours, you're in.
You're in for a penny. You're in for a pound.
And I have to tell you that it's official.

My secret is out.

My neighbors now know about the podcast.

Some folks at Starbucks know about the podcast.

I've asked them to keep it low-key.

I've asked them to say- You verified that?

I verified it.

Well, they verified it.

And red-faced, I turned around and walked out of the building without getting my cup of coffee. I said, well, it's been nice knowing you.
Thanks very much. I was over at my neighbor's house, the good neighbors, the great neighbors over next year.
I was over there. The good neighbors.
The good neighbors. Yeah, the good neighbors.
Oh my God, you know what happened? What? The other day, I was, do you remember carpet squash, carpet trunk squash lady? Yes, across the street. The lady who kept on bringing produce that didn't look so hot over to the house and wanted me to eat it.
And I was nervous about all of it. Sweet lady, a little bit off.
That's the same lady who threw the air conditioner out of the window. Thinking that was going to solve the problem.
The broken air conditioner wasn't going to get better once you threw it out the second story window, but okay, whatever. They're a little bit older and they're having it.
So the other day I see the husband walking across the street over through the grass. And I think to myself, well, that's strange.
He's never been over, right? He's never come over to say anything. Oh, he was walking into your grass.
He was walking into my grass toward the house. So, you know, I met him out halfway because he's a little bit older.
It looked like he was struggling to walk.'t you know i i didn't know what to do i just wanted to make life a little bit easier for him so i put on shoes and i run out there and i say hey man how you doing and he goes well listen uh my wife she's falling and she's on the floor and i can't lift her up i'm just too old and weak and i said oh okay do you want said, oh, okay. Do you want me to call somebody?

You know, do you want me to call somebody? He said, nah, I don't think she wants to go nowhere.

She just needs to get up. You think you could help me pick her up? And I'm like, oh man,

you're asking the wrong guy to pick somebody up. I mean, look at me.
What do I look like?

But, you know, being the dutyful neighbor, I said, okay, head over and I'll be there and let me change and I'll be over there in a second. And so I go over there and this poor lady is laying like almost face down in the floor.
And she has some health issues. You know, I don't want to get into their personal business, but she has some health issues.
And she had been at the hospital for like nine months. Hadn't seen her in a long time.
She'd been to the hospital for like nine months, a long time. And so I had to lift lift so i pull her up off the floor to kind of a sitting position yeah and i'm like going to like grab her arms and say okay let's let's get up really slowly when she explains i can't even use my legs you gotta pick me up and put me in this in this chair oh no and i thought to myself oh shit this is where it all goes wrong i'm not strong i don't know how to do these things something when she fell.
That could be. It didn't look like she was in pain.
She wasn't like crying or wincing or anything like that. It took all of my might to get her up into it.
All of my might to get her up into a chair. Like dead weight is dead weight.
It's really hard to lift up. So anyway, so I put her on the chair and I said, hey, let me call the ambulance.
Let's get somebody out here to take a look at you. And she said, I'm not going back to that hospital.
I'm not going back to that hospital. And I thought, well, you got to respect her wishes, I guess.
So I said, here, here's my cell phone. Next time, just call me.
Don't take the walk all the way over the street because I'm afraid that guy's not going to make it over. He's like shuffling with his feet.
And those cars are going 80 miles per hour down that road. They don't give a shit.
Look at that poor old guy. Anyway, so we're all standing out there and the kids are running around and talking to the good neighbors.
And I say, one of the neighbors comes out, one of the adults in the house comes out and she says, Hey, you have been a source of entertainment at our house. I just want you to know that.
And I thought to myself, here we go. The cat's out of the bag.
The good neighbors know. And now it's time to move.
I almost put a for sale sign out in front of my house immediately after this conversation. I swear to God, I did.
I was like, well, that's it. We're done.
They're going to know about all my drug abuse, all my whacking off and all my sex. It's over.
I might as well just have people living here at my house. Everyone can see what's going on.
And she said, yeah, I didn't know that you were doing a podcast, like a comedy podcast where you were interviewing people. We wondered what you did, though.
Yeah. She was like, I thought you were in real estate.
I thought you were in the financing business. And I said, I was.
That's why we call it the commercial break. I said, the actual, the first episode of the commercial break that you can no longer find was about commercial real estate.
But I just decided I didn't want to talk about real estate 24 hours a day. And she said, oh, well, I listened to one of your episodes.
And I had no idea. And I thank God this was the thing that she said, because there were like children standing there, like her children too.
She was like, I had no idea that Keanu reeves was not the first choice for the matrix and i'm remembering the episode where we talked about that it's a rather benign episode and i thought to myself well that's a good episode that is a good episode for you and i to recommend to people to people yeah say just listen to that episode just that one don't go anywhere else right We should have a separate. And then I thought about this walking back over to the house, figuring out how I move or quickly figure out how the commercial break cannot show up at their house.

I said to myself, we should have a separate RSS feed where it's the same name, the same picture, the same everything, but it's only got a couple of episodes.

And those episodes are like you and I talking about therapy,

you know, like self-help, therapy,

all good groceries. That's what we

should talk about. No Kanye, no penises,

no clitorises, just

us having a very friendly

conversation for 20 or 30 minutes. Then

when people we don't want to know

about the podcast

find out about the podcast, we can direct them to that dummy RSS feed where they'll be none the wiser. This is a fantastic idea.
They'll be none the wiser. How would they ever know? There's no difference in the look.
We'll even start with the same opening music. They'll be like, this is great.
Brian's doing great things over there. Look at him.
He's helping people. He's a life coach.
I am a life coach. Oh, we got a lot of feedback about that one.
A lot of feedback about that one. We actually got a pushback from a couple of people who noted that life coaches are like therapists.
They are there to help you in tough times and help guide you. And it's not always someone trying to scam you out of money.
I didn't say it was always about scamming you out of money. But if you want to have a life coach, like a therapist, get a therapist, someone who's actually been licensed to do the work.
I'm not saying all life coaches are bad in every circumstance. I'm saying that not everybody can be a life coach.
When someone's 26 years old without having lived any life and they want to be a life coach, I just have a hard time swallowing that pill. Yeah, I agree.
When you haven't even left your mom and dad's house, but you're a Jay Shetty life coach, what exactly does that mean? What life have you lived that makes you qualified to do that? There are people on this earth that I would take life advice from. Is Chris Christopherson still alive? No.
Well, when he was, I would have accepted him as a life coach. Chris Christopherson.
Who else? Who's another wise figure? Oprah? Dennis Leary. Oprah would be a good life coach.
Maybe even her friend Gail, because Gail seems like she's been there every step of the way. Has a best friend ever made out better in history than Gail did? No.
I'm just wondering. She's like now making $20 million a year as the morning co-host of This Morning on CBS or whatever it is.
Definitely, yeah. Never in the history of ever.
I'm sorry, Chrissy. That's just not going to happen to you.
I'm still waiting. That's not going to be Chrissy's lot in life.
Chrissy's like, if I hitch my wagon to Brian, I'll be like Gail. I'll be doing the morning shows while Brian's- Maybe we need to go on a road trip.
Didn't they go on some kind of road trip? And that kind of really got people into Gail? Yeah, I was always like yeah oprah always would mention stedman and gail it would they were constant conversation points but i think you're right about this there was like a coming out party for gail on the oprah winfrey show back in the early 2000s where everybody decided oh this Gail lady she's talking about is pretty cool.

Let's get her out there in front of everybody.

And let's face it, Oprah owns her own production company.

So Oprah knighted a bunch of people.

She knighted Dr. Oz.

Thanks, Oprah.

She knighted Dr. Phil.

Thanks, Oprah.

I think she knighted Gail.

Okay, we can accept that one.

Who else did she knight? Wasn't there one other person that kind of became famous because of oprah i'm sure a number of people yeah went in the lexicon because of oprah but i'm thinking of her production company more specifically um oh eckhart tolle yeah it became a household name i think in part because of oprah dr wayne dyer was on the oprah show a couple of times. You know, these are people, Eckhart Tolle, I would take life coaching from Eckhart.
That's a person I would take life coaching from. Debbie, who's in her junior year of college, is not someone I would take life coaching advice from.
I'm sorry. That's my point.
My point is that everybody becomes a life coach without any life experience or any kind of road rash, then what do they really know? I think good therapists, good life coaches, people in your life who give you good advice. The reason why they give you good advice is because they have seen a thing or two and that gives them some wisdom.
That's the definition of wisdom, right? Yeah. What is the definition of wisdom? Am I just making that up now? It sounds right.
Okay, thank you. You know what would be a good life coach? It's kind of almost like a paid friend, in a way.
A therapist? No, a life coach. Sorry, my voice.
I have no idea what's going on. Chrissy, do we have to have a conversation about your late night party? It was not late night.
At what time? What time did you get in last night? I was home by like 10.30. 10.30 is a little late on a school night, Chrissy.
I'd like you in bed by 9.15. It was worth it to go see the Led Zeppelin movie, which I highly recommend.
In IMAX? Yes. Am I right about that? That's the only way it's showing.
Why in IMAX? What was it all about? It was great. What was the movie about? Well, it was about the beginning of Led Zeppelin, like how each one of them began their lives and then the making of the first two records.
Okay, so it's like a documentary covering that first couple of years of Led Zeppelin in IMAX so that you can see all of Robert Plant? I guess so, yeah. In his tight jeans? I was like, I guess it makes sense in IMAX.
So you can see his penis in 3D?

I guess maybe the sound and the way the screen curved.

Was it crowded?

No.

It wasn't.

Not on a Monday night.

Where did you go?

Which IMAX did you go to?

Atlantic Station.

The Atlantic Station IMAX.

Yeah.

Very cool.

So not crowded on a Monday night.

So you and Jeff had the run of the roost.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

We had two other friends, too.

Oh, two other friends.

That was a foursome. Uh-huh.
All right. And it, and it was well done.
It was a good documentary. It was great.
Everybody talks except for the dead one. Yes.
Oh, wow. Wow.
Okay. It's the first actually authorized documentary on Led Zeppelin.
Yeah. Led Zeppelin has been weird about that stuff.
I think Robert Plant and Jimmy Page both do not like to be fluffed up a lot. Which I give them some credit.
Jimmy Page and Robert Plant. Life coaches.
There you go. Those two.
Those are life coaches I would take. Vince Neil.
Wa-bouh! That's another one I would take life coaching from. Vince involved in the plane crash.
Well, Vince's plane was involved in the plane crash. Yeah.
In case you don't know, there have been a string of plane accidents. Now, one might say plane accidents happen all the time.
They're just being covered more often because, of course, the terrible situation that happened when the helicopter, the Army helicopter and the plane crashed into each other, leaving 68 people dead. And so there's a lot of focus on air traffic and aviation right now.
But this really was a weird event out in Reno. Was it Phoenix? It was Arizona.
Arizona. Okay.
In Arizona, where a private plane veered off the runway and smacked into another parked private plane. Very weird for this to happen.

Maybe they lost control.

I mean, obviously they lost control.

I don't know why they lost control.

But one person dead, two people to the hospital to find out that this is one, one of the planes

owned by Vince Neil.

I know.

I didn't realize he was a plane owner.

That Motley Crue cash is good, apparently. Yes, it is.
People still paying a lot of money to go see old Vince in his beer belly, rolling around stage, trying to remember the lyrics to his own fucking most famous song. Yeah, the one that called...
Yeah, out of breath. Yeah, he's out of breath because he doesn't walk anywhere.
He takes private planes. That guy is unbelievable.
How do you have multiple private planes? You have to have a lot of money to have multiple. You do.
It's a Learjet, too. A Learjet, cool couple million bucks.
Easy. That doesn't include any of the costs associated with maintaining a plane.
Vince was not in the plane. It was a company that he has he has a holding company for his jets.
Wow. Motley Crue cash must have been really, really good.
He actually did something with it. Yeah, he actually did.
Does Tommy Lee have a plane? I don't know. I don't know.
But I will say this. I will say this.
The Motley Crue reunion tour was one of the most successful reunion tours of all time so didn't they go out motley was motley crew and um was it guns and roses i think so um there were a couple of them yeah poison tour poison reunion tour not as successful motley crew very successful smash mouth not getting back together that guy died yes just i just wanted died. Yes.
I just wanted to give you a little information on what's coming up this summer because festival season's right around the corner, and we all want to know who's going to be the big festival headliners this year. Well, it looks like some of our old favorites are on the lineup.
Pearl Jam, Fish, and Pearl Jam. Who's playing at Mempho this year? Well, that's not announced yet.
Oh, you can't give us the inside track? No. You can't give us a few details? But Riverbeat is out.
Missy Elliott's headlining it. Killers, the Killers.
I do like the Killers. I do like the Killers, too.
Yeah. A little Anderson .Paak.
Okay. All right.
Cage the Elephant. Ludacris.
Okay. Those are just off the top of my head.
We've got a little Yacht Rock review. Yacht Rock review.
Look at that. Boys from Atlanta going over to Memphis to play a game.
Man, I'll tell you what. Those guys, they're also making bank.
Yeah. And all they do is play cover tunes.
Yacht Rock cover tunes. It's fun.
Of course, I don't know if I could get up every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night and play sailing and still be sane. But I think Yacht Rock Review has structured themselves in a way where people just kind of turn in and out of the band.
It's like a corporation and different people fill the roles over time. I could be mistaken.
I think a couple of them have been around since the beginning. But I think that's the way it is.
But they really, Kevin reminded me the other day that him and I went and saw Pink Floyd.

Uh-huh. It's the beginning.
But I think that's the way it is. But they really, Kevin reminded me the other day that him and I went and saw Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon, done by Yacht Rock at the Variety Playhouse.
Can't say it was my favorite version of Dark Side of the Moon, but it wasn't terrible either. They're very talented musicians.
They did their thing. I used to see them all the time.
They would be playing down that piedmont park uh place the tavern the park tavern oh the good old park tavern yeah i did a chili cook-off there once i produced a chili cook-off jamland productions did jamland's productions put it put together the first ever and the last ever you guys were so i mean you're renaissance we We were ahead of our time. You were.
Fashion, chili cook-off. Fashion.
Yeah, you were the Frankie B. That's right.
Lifestyle, fitness, fashion, and fun, plus chili cook-offs. It's a whole thing.
Yeah, listen, we dipped our tentacles in everything. Any place we thought we could lose money, we'd be there in a heartbeat.
You wanted to lose money, we were there with you, don't worry. We'll put in some too.
No problem. That chili cook-off went over like a Led Zeppelin.
I'll tell you that much. It was the first annual and the last annual Park Tavern Chili Cook-off.
And we had a lot of bands play. We spent a lot of money on it.
And a lot of people came out and cooked chili. Unfortunately, not a lot of people showed up.
Beautiful Saturday afternoon. Really? I'm surprised.
No, I think we got like 300 people in there and we wanted like 3,000. Such a central place.
It is. And it was great.
And it was like 20 bucks to get in. And I think if I'm not mistaken, we had a cracker play.
Oh. Like Camper Van Beethoven or cracker play because, you know, they're local.
They're in Athens, right? Yeah, yeah. And so if I'm not mistaken, I think that's who played.
There were maybe 100 people in front of the stage. That's surprising, I have to say, because there's chili cook-offs all around Atlanta that have been going on for years.
Yes. That are in less of a more desirable spot.
Right. Beautiful place right there on Piedmont Park.
Been around forever. Everybody knows it.
Huge facility. Cold beer.
Lovely staff. You know, you got the whole thing.
It was a nice spring afternoon and it just didn't go well. Yeah, I got the golden touch.
You too. I got the golden touch.
By gold, you mean dog shit.

Everything that you touch turns from gold.

Turns to poop.

Peep, peep, poop, poop.

Midas had the golden touch.

Brian has the peep, peep, poop, poop.

Peep, peep, poop, poop.

So I decided to drink.

That's what I did.

Yeah, that's what you have to do.

I ended up throwing up in the corner of the park.

But I did get laid that night. I do remember that much.
So there you go. After you threw up? Well, long after I threw up.
Yeah. Well, when you throw up, that gives you more room for more beer.
And then you just go back into it. You drink yourself sober.
And then pretty soon, you're, you know, you're Romeo. You, baby.
You're a lover.

Nothing like chili.

Nothing like chili cigarettes and Bud Light breath to get you all hot and bothered.

Are you ready for the best three minutes of your life?

Okay, start the clock.

I'll be right back.

God.

What do we have, a minute and a half? I'm coming in'm coming in hot here i come there i go all right ah the chilly cook-off everything turned to shit lost a bunch of money never invited back but i got laid and my friends, is the moral of the story. You want a life coach? I got experience for you.
There you go. You could be a life coach.
You have lived a lot of lives. People have told me before.
They've said, I would pay for this advice. And then they never take it.
So it's like, okay, all right. I could be a life coach.
You've been my life coach in some instances. And you've been mine.
And Tina and lots of people come in with wisdom at times. But I don't think I want to be anybody's life.
I think you have to have some success in life too. You have to have all the failures.
But then you also have to have some successes. You can be your kid's life coach.
Hey, listen, I am my kid's life coach. Take my kid today.
He's got like, I don't want to get into all the details, but he's going to go on. They have like a morning meeting of the entire school every day.
And he's going to be, he's going to stand up there. He's going to hold the American flag while they say the Pledge of Allegiance.
It's a big deal, right, to be the flag holder at such a young age. You know, it was like, you know.
And so the teacher sends all the information out, and she says, parents, if you want to come, please feel free to come to watch your kid do the Pledge of Allegiance flag holders. Different days, different kids.
And I was like, wow, put it in the calendar. Get up this morning.
Everybody rushes to get dressed. And my kid is like, I don't want you to come.
And I'm like, what? And he's like, I don't want you to come. Please don't come.
He's like begging me not to come. He's embarrassed of me.
And he's not even nine yet. He's embarrassed of me.
He told me. I said, just tell me the truth.
Are you embarrassed? And he said, yes, I don't want you to come. Well, every kid is embarrassed of their parents.
I never wanted my parents to be around. I respected his wishes.
But he's got another event where he's playing music next week, and he's not escaping my presence from that. I thought, okay, I'm going to let you go on the flag holding.
But I said, 30 years from now, when you have a life coach, and you're crying about how daddy never showed up to anything, you're going to want this moment. Yes.
So remember that. Because 30 years from now, it's all going to be psychics and life coaches doing therapy.
Mark my words. More people trust psychics than therapists.
I know. That's right.
All right. TCBpodcast.com.
All the audio, all the video right there. You can also get your free sticker on the Contact Us page.
Add the Commercial Break on Instagram. tcbpodcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.
Also, go check out Ari Shafir's new special, America's Sweetheart, on Netflix. Available now.
We love them. Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.
I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.
That I love you. I'll say best to you.
Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time.
We will say, we do say, we must say goodbye. I know every operating system like the back of my head.
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