An Oracle's Oracle!

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On this episode of the Commercial Break. I'm an oracle oracle, if you don't mind.
An oracle oracle. Wabam! Brian knows shit from Shinola.
Did you buy the stock? No, I forgot to. I was going to say.
Wabam! Still an idiot. Did you short the stock? No? Still a moron! The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley.
Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.
Here we are just reading that these Super Bowl commercials have reached an eye-watering $8 million for 30 seconds of airtime. That's incredible.
And that Fox does expect that a large chunk of the 10 advertisers that have now agreed to that crazy rate are going to be AI commercials. What I am! The quantum computing.
Quantum computing. It's very exciting.
It's very exciting to spend 8 million of my dollars on showing you just how shitty I can be. What I am! Come on.
Eight million dollars. There is a panic in the market right now.
Because China has released. I saw that.
Deep Seeker. Yeah.
Oh, Deep Seeker. Or Deep Seeker.
Deep Seeker. I don't know what it is.
Deep Seeker. Who cares? It's going to steal all your information and track and monitor your behavior.

I couldn't get onto it.

I tried to actually make an account.

Oh, you did.

It refused to let me make an account for some reason or another. You can be in the United States and have it.
So all of these companies from Oracle to NVIDIA to Microsoft to Google to, you know, Chat, GPT, which, mostly owned by Microsoft. All of them are sucking up resources,

hundreds of billions of dollars, large server farms,

electricity left and right to make their AIs learn,

whatever that means.

And DeepSeek goes out and for, quote unquote,

a mere $8 million gets it all done. Now, now i read an article that's a little bit misleading that that's the like the second version of it cost eight million dollars to learn but the first version costs a lot more money but i think that maybe the ai bubble is about to burst as i predicted it would you did i am a business oracle if you will i am an oracle or if you will.
I am an oracle oracle, if you don't mind. An oracle oracle.
Wabam! Brian knows shit from Shinola. Did you buy the stock? No, I forgot to.
I was going to say. Wabam! Still an idiot.
Did you short the stock? No. Still a moron.
W broke. You take a little insight and you put in some bad investments and then you throw in the commercial break.
On the verge of bankruptcy. There you go.
There it is. So you're telling me we will not be buying a spot in the Super Bowl.
I am telling you it's highly unlikely that the commercial break is going to show up. I was hoping maybe Odyssey would front the money for it.
But I think they just got out of their verge of bankruptcy. They just got out of bankruptcy.
But they're doing good. They're doing well.
They went in and out of bankruptcy in like a day.

They did.

So, yeah, no commercial breaks on the commercial breaks for anybody.

But that would be like, that would be incredible.

Of all the genius marketing ideas I've ever had, I think that would be one that we could probably bet that we would get new listeners because of a Super Bowl commercial.

And what would the Super Bowl commercial be? I don't know. Would it be me talking about penises? Maybe cocaine? It would get some people's attention.
It would get everybody's attention. Especially people who know us.
They'd be like, what? Those two fucking morons? It's like, you know, I have a lot of friends. I don't know why this has become such a thing.
I think my belief is because it has become incredibly easy and relatively cheap to do. But I can't tell you how many of my Instagram friends have shown up for their business or for their podcast or whatever with a sign with a billboard in Times Square.
What? Yes. Like 10 people I know have made an Instagram post in Times Square pointing to their billboard in Times Square.
Is it real? It's real. It's absolutely real.
Okay. So this makes me believe it's not as expensive as it used to be to be on a Times Square billboard.
But they're also all digital. So it happens in such a flash- They move quickly.
Yeah, just like that time Brian bought digital billboards. I remember.
And every, I'd play them for five seconds in like on Rodeo Drive. I know.
And it was the height of COVID when no one was driving. No one was driving.
That's why I could afford it. Yeah, no, I thought to myself, if someone's walking down the street at 3 36 in the morning they're gonna clearly check out the commercial break and the tagline was the commercial break a break from reality oh okay all right let me tune right in no pictures no nothing just words the commercial break a break from reality now we did do do billboards in like Iowa.
And believe it or not, we could tell because we had absolutely no traffic whatsoever. We did get a few people who listened to us in Iowa.
But I could afford to buy like a couple hours on a billboard in Iowa. It was like $10 or something.
But I have all these friends who show up on these billboards in Times Square. Like Roy Wood Jr.
I can understand that. He had a Hulu special.
Hulu's going to foot the bill for that. And he's probably on the billboard for like a couple of days.
But then I, you know, I don't want to say his name, but there's a guy who we know on Instagram. And let me, I'll share with you his personality trait and then you'll know it.
Yeah, man. Yeah, absolutely.
Recorded that with Foreigner. Oh, yes.
Hey, everybody. Just here talking to my very famous friends, even though there's no one in the room.
Just here chatting with my very famous friends. Yeah, I was just recording a new album for Michael Jackson's estate and talking to the engineer.
And I thought I'd hop into Instagram. This guy will interrupt every time he does an Instagram reel.
He's interrupting another one of his conversations. Yes.
If it's me, I'm probably just waiting till the conversation is over to start recording the reel, but not him. He wants you to know how important he is.
And he's interrupting himself to get on and make sure he gets this urgent message to his fans yes yeah to which he'll be like you know i'm playing to i'm playing in wichita kansas this anyway he had a billboard really yes and he's like you know with some he had some saying on the bottom like a motivational quote like you know you can dream it you can do it. You can do it.
Just get to it. You know, it's like, oh, okay.
All right. How much did that cost you? But the question I had for this particular guy is what exactly are you promoting? I don't know.
Like your Instagram? Didn't he do something with a arena or something? He. Wasn't there something? I don't want to give it away because I do believe he listens to the show because he's Instagrammed us before.
He was a musician. Yes.
Oh, that's right. He was a musician.
He was on a very famous show that features musicians. And you'll know.
One of the two very famous shows, three famous shows that feature musicians where you can win a contest and then maybe get a recording contract you know you know what i'm talking about and he did very well there he did very well there and he appeared like three times on the same show so he but still even when you even let's say it was american idol it's not but let's say it's an american idol right if you don't win American Idol, if you come in like 15th in American Idol,

if you're a really good musician and you get that contract,

there are stories of people who have gone on like, who's that?

Ruben Studdard?

Was he a winner or whatever?

There's so many people who haven't won those competitions that have gone on to have great musical careers.

But this was not that this was not that this wasn't one of those this wasn't one of those cases this is one of those cases where it was fun for the minute and everybody liked the per you know the very nice personality this guy has by the way he seems like a lovely human being yeah he does and we've talked to him before he's lovely He's just a guy that I follow and he follows us back. But that's what he does.
But I just couldn't figure out why... What the promotion was.
What the promotion on the billboard was. Just like people who watch the commercial break on the Super Bowl are going to have no clue what exactly we're all about.
But that would be... I think next year I'm going to aim to tell Odyssey, you should buy a 30-second spot.
You should put your premier podcasts on that spot. Like everybody gets five seconds, right? Odyssey podcast.
And then everybody gets five seconds. And then please, for just that moment, can you consider us a premier podcast so that we can get – That's our goal.
That's our goal. Yeah.
Well, listen, Chrissy, you've got to – hold on one second. We've got a year.
Yes. There we go.
Oh. I can't move my microphone, and I'm wondering why.
And then I realized that my daughters are in here twirling my microphone around. They were having their own American Idol.
They were having their own American. That's right.
We went to an event last night at one of the kids' schools. It's strange to go to an event on a weeknight at your kid's school.
You know what I'm saying? We're newish parents. We have kids that are young.
So school is new to us. Like real school is new to us.
And we went to this event and it was just lovely. They were like celebrating the kids and their art and their stories that they had written.
And it's something apparently they do every year. And it's a very big event.
And they give the kids a standing ovation as they're walking in the door.

And it's like all the teachers stand there, give a standing ovation.

The kids get like this badge that says you're a VIP. It's got the name on it, like walking the red carpet almost.
And then you get your pictures taken. And it's a very big event for the kids.
So now I want you to imagine a bunch of six to 10-year-olds at bedtime not having eaten in their best to-dos because, you know, the thing is you got to dress up for the red carpet, right? You're the celebrated person. You're the VIP.
Yes. And now, so we walk in the door.
There's this big line of people. They're clapping for one of my kids.
And I'm just, it made me proud. Of course.
And my kid, I don't know where he picked this up, but he's walking down the red carpet. And he starts giving like the rock and roll sign.
Oh. And he's like doing a little dance.
He starts singing, breaking the law, breaking the law. I'm like, what are you doing? He was ready.
He he was ready he was ready for his moment it's like our friend on instagram let me give you an inspirational quote it's when the man meets the moment that's that is true greatness when the man meets the moment and my little man met the moment he was it was awesome and then he goes and he takes his picture and he's got this little pose you know he's doing this little thing. And I was just like filled with joy because it's the first time I've seen a lot of him and his friends interact.
And they love him and he loves them. And that's great.
But then we have to go into this auditorium for a small presentation. And this auditorium seats, I don't know, five or six hundred people.
Not small, not particularly large. But he sees one of his friends.
And I'm like, oh, okay, you okay, we'll go over there and we'll sit with them. That then becomes like a group of his friends.
And now they're all sitting in one row, abutted by two sets of parents. And then Astrid and I are sitting behind him.
Yes. And now my other kids also want to sit there too.
So now I want you to imagine that there's five chairs. There's 16 children, none of which have eaten, slept, or had any downtime from school.
They are absolutely wound. Yeah.
And the amount of chaos that was going on in this little section for probably 15 minutes was beyond me. But I decided as a parent, fuck it.
Who cares? Like, if they're going to be wild,

let them be wild here, right? Let them be wild here. Get it out here.
Abso-fucking-lutely. So the little presentation goes on, the kids are like, you know.
So the funny part is, is that the principal of the school is like saying, I want all of the kids who are being, you know, celebrated here tonight to stand up and, you know, take a bow or whatever.

All of my children, even only one of them goes to the school.

All of my children.

Not to be outdone.

All of them stood up.

They're part of it, too.

Oh, my God.

It was just the cutest thing ever.

All of my kids have this, have Brian's ego. All of my kids have Brian's thirst for attention.
Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much. Yes.
Let the applause continue. One of my daughters walking around there like the queen.
Like, you don't even go here. You don't even go here.
She's like following her brother around, you know, like she's now she's friends with everybody. i just loved it i saw it even one of my very very shy children took to it like a fish out of water even she was the love is shit loving the attention there but so is blue yes oh my god that dog is out of control the dog is out of control i don't know what to say anymore about the dog The The dog has doggy dementia, I'm sure of it, or something because she is just like, she stands right in front of me all the time, all day, all night.
I'm trying to walk and she just like stands in front of me, like staring at me like blue, get out of the way. What are we doing? And she's always staring at me.
She runs in circles. She barks at anything and everything.

I don't know what to do anymore with this dog, Chrissy.

I don't think there's anything you can do.

Well, yeah, I'm kind of resigned.

Just like the children going crazy at 7 o'clock on a weeknight.

There's nothing to do.

What do I do?

I just let it happen.

There's got to be a drug that takes care of this.

You've tried them all, though, haven't you?

I've tried a lot of them.

Really heavy drugs.

I mean, she's on Prozac, right?

Let's all just take a moment and listen to Blue.

Can you hear that?

Can they hear that?

I'm sure they can.

Blue!

That's enough!

Maybe Blue needed to walk down the red carpet.

I think so.

Down the red carpet, right out the back door, and onto the major intersection. She's been in more episodes of the commercial break than you have.
I know. It's a true story.
It's unbelievable. So many people write in, too, and it's like Blue is just part of the lexicon, right? They're like, oh, just tell Blue I said hello.
She's been around for forever. I know.
What's going to happen when Blue's not here anymore? Will Blue outlive the commercial break? I think so. Probably.
Probably. I'm going to be in a retirement home.
I'm going to be 90, I'm going to be 107 years old. Astrid's going to be gone.
The kids are going to have all their, you know, they're going to have their own families. I'm going to be lonely as fuck.
And it's going to be me and Blue yelling at each other doing yet another episode of the commercial break. What? Huh? Best to you, Blue.
Blue's got one eye. I'm surprised she still has a voice left.
Yeah.

Well, you know, and I've said this before.

By the way, it completely derailed this segment of the show, but whatever.

I've said this before, but the dog psychiatrist, if you can believe there's such a thing,

the dog psychiatrist, the dog behavioralist that is also like gets in their head or whatever.

We've had a number of them.

We had a number of them years ago.

Look at Blue.

Look at Blue. look at blue, examine blue.
We had them review blue. We had a full workup on blue.
And what came back was this, this one guy, I think he just, at the end of the day, he just kind of threw his hands up in the air. And he said, there is a condition, which we believe, that people who chew on their nails or have tics or bite their fingernails or whatever, even though it's bad for you and it's obviously detrimental, meaning she gets scolded when this happens, it gives her some comfort from the anxiety.
It actually is calming her down. Even though it's riling us up, it's calming her down.
It's all that nervous energy gets out. Because she gets the attention.
Well, not because she gets the attention, because it's just like a tick. It's like a nervous tick that she can't stop.
Yeah, she can't help it. And I believe that.
I believe she really can't help it. And I really can't help yelling at her every time she does it.
So it's me and her talking back and forth. Yeah.
And if you go into the kitchen, and Chrissy knows this, if you go into the kitchen and you start talking, like if we start having a conversation, Blue must be included. She has to start barking.
And it's absolutely obnoxious. So I don't know.
I made this plea before. I'm not going to try and give her to anybody because I don't want you to suffer like I'm suffering.
I want to try and minimize the suffering around the world. But if you have any clue about what to do with a dog that really honestly won't stop barking, please do let me know.
And if don't tell me an electronic caller, we did that, she barked more. Don't tell me a trainer.
A psychiatrist, psychologist, drugs. You don't know how many trainers we've had.
CBD. Yeah., if there's some magic trick.
Clicker. Clicker.
Oh, we had the clicker. It's always something different when I come in, too.
Yeah, I know. Noemi had a shaker.
Yeah, the shaker. She, like, put rocks in a tin can.
That worked for 30 seconds. Yeah.
And then she barked at that. It worked for a minute because I think she gets nervous and then it just goes away.
Anyway, Blue making her appearance on every episode. I'm sure of it.
I'm sure there's a dog bark in all 700 episodes of the commercial break. Oh, there's 100%.
There has got to be. Anyway.
Okay. Well, listen, we're excited to be here with you today.
Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break and we get back, Chrissy. I want to talk about a couple of things, including ice penis.
It's a very dangerous condition that's going around. Ice penis.
Wow. All right.
We'll take a break. We'll be back.
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All right, we're just taking care of the magical drifting camera here in the Commercial Break studios. I don't know why I can't stay still.
It always has been like that. It's always been like that.
It wants to drift to the left. It's a left-leaning camera.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yay! Bing! Hey, speaking of left-leaning cameras, check out Dez Bishop's episode from Tuesday.
We really appreciate Dez coming in. He kind of jumped in here last minute when we needed someone to fill in, and we couldn't have been happier to have him.
We talk about Irish politics and American politics, and then back to Irish politics and more American politics.

I know, I thought about watching that show that you guys were talking about.

Oh, Say Nothing?

Say Nothing.

So good.

But I feel like I have to be in the right mindset.

You don't.

You're saying it's pretty intense.

It's not happy-go-lucky filmmaking.

Yeah.

That's for sure.

It's not because it's just such a – it's talking about a terrible period of time.

And, you know, as we're talking about Say Nothing, which is a film or a series of – it's a television show, Brian, what are you trying to say? Episodes. Yes, an episodic television show on Hulu.
Go watch it. It's very good.
It's been named by a lot of, you know, a lot of critics have named it one of the top television shows of 2024. I would have to agree.
It's about the Irish Troubles when, of course, the Protestants and the Catholics were going at each other or the Separatists and the Nationalists, depending on how you look at it, were going after each other in Northern Ireland. And, you know, if you were alive in the 1907s like I was, then you'll remember a little – the end of the Troubles, which was the 80s and the 90s, when there was all kind of violence.
I mean, Irish against Irish. It was really kind of crazy.
I remember hearing about it kind of just in the peripheral, but with my family not being of Irish descent, maybe we just didn't pay attention to it as much. I knew that there was war.
I guess I thought there was some kind of war going on. It was a war between the North and the – not between the North and the South, but in places like Belfast, really against the catholics against the protestants or you know people who wanted the uk to intervene and people who did not want the uk to intervene it was a very complicated situation i think a lot of people probably felt a lot of different ways about it and so i don't think there's one particular reason why the trouble started but when it ended you kind of have to unfuck all this fuckery and now a lot of people who were going to war against each other now they have to try and live at peace with each other and that is also not a very easy thing to do and we can take that and look at that in our own modern day with the israelis and the palestinians at least they're not at least the israelis at least there's some break in it right now it was awful, it's terrible on all sides.
It's just fucking horrible. Anyway, on to nicer things.
Ice penis. Ice penis.
I've been excited to hear about this. Ice penis is a new thing.
It's all the rage in Canada, apparently. Ice penis.
Well, it's cold enough. It's cold enough.
It was cold there for, I mean, it was really cold there for a little while. Like what, negative 50 or something?

In Canada?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It was negative 45 here in North Dakota, I think, for a couple of days.

Negative 45.

I can't imagine.

Ice as soon as you breathe, right?

It just turns to ice crystals.

That's intense kind of cold that I don't even understand.

I grew up in Chicago, and we certainly were no stranger to negative degrees. And it's a dangerous kind of cold.
And you have to be prepared for it. And you certainly have to wear 55 layers just to go outside.
And I was a child, so my mom would just wrap us up like little... Like the guy in the Christmas story.
Little toilet paper rolls, and then she'd send us out there. And I do remember having to get, you know, putting on so many layers and her wrapping scarves and hats and gloves, sometimes two sets of gloves, you know, mittens and then big snow gloves on top of it.
But there was a guy in Canada, and I read this on TMZ and actually a couple different other places, so this guy really made the news. There was a guy canada outside of a bar drinking and it was so cold outside i guess he went to go take a pee yeah and he fell and when he fell his penis got stuck to the ice oh and there were multiple bystanders trying to pull him off the ice oh god with his ice penis Now we've all seen a Christmas story Yeah with the tongue

And that is true. It's 100% true.
Just think about it. It's so cold outside that any liquid freezes on contact.
And if you touch a piece of metal that is negative seven degrees, your tongue is going to get stuck to it because your tongue is liquid. It's just going to get ice, right? So now imagine that your wet, dribbly penis touches ice in negative 45 degrees.

You have ice penis.

And there's nothing that can be done about it.

You got to get some boiling water and put it on your ice penis.

I was going to say, some hot water.

Yeah.

Did people come to his aid outside from the bar?

People finally came to his aid.

I mean, pulling doesn't seem like the right thing. If you'd like me to read the story, I'd be happy to do it.
Ready? Yeah. Canadian bar.
Byline TMZ. Trusted News Network.
This weenie's not getting roasted. Man's penis sticks to icy sidewalk.
This weenie's not getting roasted. I wonder who comes up with these.
I don't know. But whoever's writing the bylines at TMZ is almost as good as I am at writing the episode titles for the commercial break.
Getting your tongue stuck to a frozen pole sounds painful, but it ain't got nothing on this guy. Because a poor, unfortunate soul got his whole penis put on ice.
And we've got the pics to prove it. Oh, pics.
We've got the pics to prove it oh we've got that fix to prove it was there like a tmz uh photographer running up to him aren't there tmz photographers everywhere apparently yes uh tmz has obtained exclusive photography from outside of bar in alberta canada in which first responders are working to wrench a patron off the establishment's sidewalk. This one is not for the faint of heart or crotch for that matter.
The man's member is basically glued to the unforgiving ice, and he's not coming off despite all efforts to pull him with all their might. We blurred the photos here, but trust us, this gentleman's privates are clearly stretched before snapping right back to the ice first responders seem to be pulling pretty dang hard

right here nearly performing an impromptu circumcision right there on the street police

in alberta tell us uh police in alberta tell us the man in the clip got intoxicated began arguing

with people inside the east village pub and eatery uh early on sunday cops say the dispute

spilled into the street where the guy's pants fell down oh i thought he was peeing guy's pants

Thank you. arguing with people inside the East Village Pub and Eatery.
Early on Sunday, cops say the dispute spilled into the street where the guy's pants fell down. Oh, I thought he was peeing.
Guy's pants fell down while fighting. What? During the confrontation, the dude toppled to the ground and his penis attached to the ice.
First responders managed to detach his unit without injuring him before he was arrested. He was not charged.
Of course, hot water is usually the way to unglue a body part from the frozen tundra, though we don't think this guy wants any part of a boiling pot of water. Or would you try and, like, you know, pick it, like ice picket around it? Yeah! No! Or, like, what's the swishy, the people that swish, you know, the Olympic thing where...
Oh, ice. Oh, God.
I can't think of it. No, not the luge.
No, not the luge. We wouldn't want to luge anywhere near that.
Not the shuffleboard, but, you know. What is that? It's my favorite sport.
I know. It is your favorite sport.
I know. Let's see here.
Winter Olymp. Because we were laughing about how there's the person that just does that.
Yes. That person.
They just clear the eyes. Yes.
We need somebody to come in with a big scrub brush and scrub his curling. Curling.
We need a curler to come in and scrub brush his penis right off the ice. That's what we need.
Little to the left.

Left!

Left!

That's got to be the most painful thing in the world. God, I wonder what's the healing part of that, too.

You have to bandage it up.

Yeah.

It's a Neosporin.

I don't know.

Get home.

Microwave your penis.

Get it warmed up.

A couple warm baths, I guess.

I mean, a nice...

Well, there's skin that's been removed, though. There's got to be...
He had to have had skin removed. I mean, first of all, why are you pulling him to do what? Well, I guess when you're face down on the ground and your penis is stuck, like, what's the other option? You can't even get under him, depending on how large his penis is.
Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And if the shaft and the balls are stuck to it, there's not much you can do but just pour some water down there and hope he gets unstuck.
Or are you just creating an additional ice bath that, you know, are now encasing his penis in ice? Is it that cold outside? Maybe that was the thought. This is really a conundrum.
And I wonder, they don't say because they said that the police, the first responders did not, were not clear about how exactly they got this guy unstuck. I would think just take a piss.
Just take a piss and hopefully you get unstuck. On demand.
I don't know, though. That would be hard, you know, when you're clenched up, you're nervous.
Yeah, that's true. A lot of people watching you, polling on you.
You're still in fighting mode. I'll get you, dang nabbit.
You're like, who's that guy in the Looney Tunes? Dang, damn it. I'll get you.
Yeah, Buster or whatever. Whatever his name is.
Fester. Foghorn Leghorn.
I'll get you. God damn it.
I'm in a fucking cage. As soon as my ice penis gets unstuck, as soon as this ice penis melts, I'm coming after you.
You know that bar is forever going to be known. As the ice penis bar.
Yeah, meet me at the P. Meet me at the IP.
Yeah, meet me at the IP. Hey, we're going to IP to have a couple drinks.
And you get there and there's just a bunch of like nudnik YouTube influencers with their penises stuck to the eyes.

I went to the IP to see if your penis

really can get stuck on the eyes.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah.

Clickbait.

There's going to be a bunch of clickbaits up there for sure.

You know that someone's going to run up there

to make sure that they, you know,

try it out to see if it worked.

There's some nudnik is going to do this.

Oh, yeah.

What was the, who, Paul, one of the Paul brothers? You know what I'm saying? like i haven't really kept up with their careers it wasn't it wasn't necessarily in my wheelhouse i wasn't a 10 year old boy when they started doing their youtube videos um but i have turned a corner a little bit on the boxer guy because i did the fight since the fight i uh i ended up watching the full documentary on netflix i did too and i can appreciate that yeah i think it's easy to have a certain mindset when you have everything in the world and you can pick up the phone and call mike tyson and make 50 million dollars appear out of nowhere um but he hasn't always been like that and it had he has had to have some kind of determination and creativity and forethought and ayahuasca and i also have had ayahuasca and i cannot pick up the phone and make 50 million dollars appear with mike tyson at netflix yeah that's for sure but i do have to like i'm going to roll back my kind of i always wanted to see mike win that fight and now there's a lot of people out there who believe that Mike may have been paid just to lose the fight. And there are lots of videos out there.
It's a show. Yeah, there's lots of videos out there that show Mike kind of like, apparently, during the fight, encouraging him to Logan.
Speaking of penises, didn't we see Mike Tyson's penis? We saw his ass. His ass.
He was in his jock strap. Yes.
That won 2024. I mean, that was the best thing that happened in 2024.
Was that Netflix, knowingly or unknowingly, decided not to cut away from Mike Tyson's jock strap. And he turned around.
What editorial nudnik made that decision? Stay with the jockstrap? I've never watched it in real time. Stay with camera too.
Stay with camera too? Stay with camera too? Really? We're going to stay with camera too. I mean, listen, you know, for an old man, I guess it wasn't the worst ass in the world.
No, I mean, he's in shape. Yeah.

What is he, 56 years old or something like that? Something like that. Something like that.
But there's lots of video out there that I had been watching a couple weeks ago, and it appears to show Paul being kind of coached by Mike on what to do in the ring. And apparently some people believe that Mike was kind of holding back from really clobbering the Paul brother.
Well, listen, I don't know if that's true or that's not true. It wouldn't be the first professional fight that's been rigged.
It will not be the last. I think a lot of those fights are rigged or predetermined or whatever.
But I will say that even though, you know, not my favorite celebrity in the world, I did turn a little bit of a corner. I was like, all right, he's not that bad.
I mean, he's not that bad. I think he's doing a lot too for women's boxing.
He is. Well, that was the best fight I have ever seen.
The fight before the Tyson fight, yeah. That was unbelievable.
It was crazy. Those were two sock-em-rock-em robots going at each other for every minute of every round.
I've never seen a fight like that. Never seen a fight like that.
I was just mind-fucked by that whole fight. I think everybody was.
I think everybody was, too. It was one of the best fights.
It is the best fight I have ever seen. And it was two women, and they knocked the shit out of each other.
And I was so happy. I mean, not happy about them getting the shit knocked out of each other, but I was happy that I got a chance to see it.
And the reason why is because he specifically demanded, commanded that if we're going to do this, then I want these two girls fighting, these two ladies fighting before us. And so, yeah, hey, good for them.
Anyway, I don't know that the Paul brothers would be doing the ice penis thing, but meet me at the IP is certainly going to become a thing. Yes, it is.
It's the most famous bar in all of Western Alberta. For sure.
I would never. You could not pay me enough money unless I absolutely needed to.
For some reason, my children's safety or whatever, you could not pay me to go live in alberta canada there is no way alberta canada is fucking cold there is a guy that i watch on tiktok he is a dad and he is a very competent um woodsman that's the only way to explain it and what he does does is a woodsman. How else would you? What are you? Yeah.
A woodsman. Welcome to my TikTok channel.
I'm a very competent woodsman. You chop wood? Yes.
And now I want to teach you about ice penis. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck of a woodchuck could chuck wood? He's a very guy and out in nature okay and he's up there in the north in alaska and northern canada and he's a naturalist yeah naturalist naturalist and the only thing that's not natural is the fact that he's doing tiktok videos every five minutes right but i appreciate that he is it's something that i would never do but i like to watch other people on the edge of death, you know, decide to be in these temperatures.
And he's up there and his minus 35 is minus 82. I don't know what it is.
He's out there and he's chopping wood and he's putting fires in tents and he's thawing out the ground so he can have a good night's sleep. And he's in emergency cabins and seven feet of snow walking around.
And the guy just takes it all in stride's me if that's i went i walked out of here yesterday morning it was 42 degrees outside and i thought i had ice penis i was ready to call the police i was like this is too cold and i'm telling my kid i've hushed my chilled i'd like rush them into the car and i'm like quick quick don't say a word don't stand up don't sit down just let me get you in the car. I have to turn the car on five minutes before I get out there so it's warm.
I'm not a good woodsman. I'm just not.
I think you would have to grow up like that. Yeah, it's time for me to grow up.
Astrid's been saying that for a while, too. I think I do have to grow up.
Thank you, Chrissy. In order to be used to that.
We've been having a lot of serious conversations around the commercial break lately. Chrissy finally told me.
She finally said, Brian, I think it's time for you to grow up. It's time to grow up.
I think it's time for you to grow up, too. All right.
Last more conversation to be had. We will take a short break.
And then we, Chrissy and I, will be right back. Did you know that we have a phone number? Well, we do.
And you should call us. Nobody's going to answer, but you can leave a voicemail for us that we may or may not play on the show.
And if that's not the vibe, then just send us a text, okay? Our number is 212-433-3TCB. So get texting and give us something to talk about.
Please. We need it.
While you're doing that, you can also follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And as always, check out our website, TCBpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content.
Speaking of video, we are also posting full video episodes at youtube.com slash the commercial break. So go watch them, please.
Anyway, now let's hear from our sponsors and get back to the good stuff. It's so silly.
We're so silly. All right.
The guy's name is out. The TikTok handle is Outdoor Boys.

Outdoor Boys.

Outdoor Boys.

That's the guy that I want.

I want to give him a shout out because it's really intense kind of camping that he does.

And if you're interested in that kind of extreme, if you're interested in watching someone on the verge of death at any moment.

Yeah, watching it.

Not doing it.

Yeah, we just watched one of his videos where he actually decided it was too cold to be out there and that he was ill-prepared.

But this guy is amazing.

He just, like, he knows how to take care of himself.

If you drop me in the middle of a tundra and then ask me to survive, I'd, like, call the American Express concierge.

I'd be like, do I have any?

I know I'm a little high on my balance right now. I'm three days late on my payment.
But do you have helicopter services? And can you float me $50,000? No, that seems awful. What's that other show, too? Not Alive, but that other show where they go out and there's 12 people that go out and try and survive oh i've seen that yeah

but extreme alive something like that i've seen the commercials for it i've actually never seen it yeah but that reminds me that i wanted to talk about a new fascinating television show that i'm watching on of course tlc of course which is bailing out loud yes have you seen the commercials I did. I have been watching this.
This is some really intense, at times funny, touching at moments. It's a look at a young lady who has probably one of the worst cases of Tourette's syndrome that I have ever seen.
And I have known a couple of people with Tourette's, like tics and the inability to control certain actions, and formally diagnosed with Tourette's. But it usually is like tics.
They crick their neck or they have a little weird movement. I say weird, but they have a movement in their face they can't control.
Or sometimes they say things or make noises like a hoot or a holly, stuff like that. I've worked with people like uh who have had tourette syndrome i've known people have tourette syndrome balen is intense she she has that kind of tourette syndrome that apparently only happens in about six or seven uh percent of the cases where she has the need to say like terribly dirty things right like you know fuck you know, fuck you and your fucking mother.
You know, I gave you crabs. Or I saw her at the airport saying like, I have a bomb.
I have a bomb. We're all going to die.
Yeah. She's on the plane screaming that, you know, I have a gun.
I'm going to die. And she cannot control it.
And there are people, she's very popular on social media. The girl has like two, three million followers on social media.
So long before the show came out, people know about her. There's a bunch of fucking morons who claim that she's doing this for attention.
No one would make this, make their life so incredibly difficult for a little bit of attention. I just don't believe it.
I absolutely believe that this is a condition. It's clear that she struggles with it.
It's clear that everybody around her struggles with it. And this show shines a light on her need and want to have a little bit of independence, just like Shauna Ray.
Remember Shauna Ray, who was what, like, she looked 13. She looked 13.
She was 29 or something like that. Like her, her trying to get a date, her trying to live a normal life, her trying to have a little bit of independence, get a car, you know, be out in an apartment, have a real job, stuff like that.
When you look 12 years old, it's really hard to convince anybody to hire you at a bar. It's just one of those things that's difficult to do.
It's hard to go to a bar, let alone work at a bar. So this is like kind of the, at least the first couple of episodes are about balen just trying to gain some independence right and the show is at times very difficult to watch because balen is struggling to just like do a cutaway just have a a couple of set put a couple of sentences together without screaming some obscenity or having a tick so bad and she has a habit to like banging her head and she'll like throw knives in the kitchen and she'll you know she gets in the kitchen she has to do things three times she has obsessive compulsive so she'll like pull on a steering wheel while people are driving and she needs to do it three times it's like it's fucking intense yeah and i want to give her a hug that's what i want to do like i know that she's not pining for my empathy, right? That's not what she wants or needs.
But I just like, at times, you just want to give the girl a hug and be like, oh, it'll be okay. She has trouble keeping friends, you know, all this stuff.
I can imagine that's difficult. Yeah, she can't go out in public without causing a huge scene and everybody around her who doesn't know her, who doesn't know her situation, misunderstands what going on exactly what what a terrible affliction yeah it would be hard it is the human version of blue that's what it is she can't control yeah her outburst that's the only that's the only thing that i can do now i have a lot more empathy for balan than i do i'm kidding but this show is fascinating it's a fascinating watch i think you gotta i think you gotta get into a couple of episodes.
Yeah, I've a lot more empathy for Baylen than I do for, no, I'm kidding. But this show is fascinating.
It's a fascinating watch. I'll have to watch it.
I think you've got to get into a couple of episodes. Yeah, I've seen the commercials.
And I actually read an article earlier today where she was talking about how she doesn't necessarily want to be like the face of Tourette's. But she wanted to just get it out there of her life, living with it.
And that she, you know, constantly is living with this. And some days are days are better than others yeah it's clear from the television show that there are moments kind of of normalcy for her but it's also clear from the television show that this is really um something that everybody in her family has to pay attention to and deal with and struggle with and especially her parents i think not only do i want to give her a hug i'm going to give her parents a hug because they love her very much and they don't you know there's there's no rule book as to what to do there's no handbook and even the professionals around her kind of have you know they're like well we'll do our best to get this under control right now i think this last episode what she she's doing is trying to decide whether or not she wants deep brain stimulation.
Oh, yeah. DBS, deep brain stimulation.
I think that's what it's called. And, you know, there's no guarantees that it works.
But they have to open up your skull and put nodes in your head and shoot electricity into your brain to see if it's going to work. And it's worked for other people, calming this whole situation down.
But there's no guarantees that it'll work. So she's trying to make a decision about what that one interesting yeah she has a boyfriend right okay okay so she has a boyfriend when we first get into the show she's got a boyfriend and the boyfriend is in the u.s navy i think it is or the air force one of the two and he's about to be called out for training and when he gets called out for training he cannot leave training so there's like a period of time when you cannot leave camp type of thing i think so yeah something like that mission training i don't know something like that but he can't leave there's no leaving so the big conundrum is where is he going to go and is it going to be anywhere close to balen because balen by says in the show he is my medicine when i'm with him i feel better right and it's clear when they're together that at times she feels a little bit more calm but she still says things to him you know and say ticks around him also i guess the right word to say um and uh in one of the episodes he's about to be called out so she's like kind of falling apart she doesn't know what do, but she can't go live with him because if he's working 10 hours a day, she could be a danger to herself.
Like she can't even be in a kitchen without supervision because she could turn on the stove or throw a knife at somebody or something or herself or whatever. What? I mean, just like really complicated stuff.
Yeah humans are really really interesting brain from ice penis to tourette's syndrome we have we're just like i was such a varied creature do you know what i'm saying we definitely are yeah i wish i wish balen would come in i would i would have her on the show yeah for sure yeah but you know the thing is about tlc that astrid and i were and I were talking about? The thing about TLC is when they get on one of those shows, none of them are out doing PR. None of them.
You don't see the 90 Day Fiance people out there doing PR. You don't see Big Ed or Small Ed or whatever his name is.
You don't see... Small Ed.
Small Ed. What happened to Small Ed? He just went away.
He did. He did.
Big Neck Ed is gone.

I don't know where he went.

He's doing Cameo. He's doing Cameo.
Yeah, he's one of the most popular Cameo creators out there. That guy's making bank on Cameo, like $600,000 a year or something.
But here's my point, is that you do not see them out on podcasts. You don't see, like, you know, Big Ed didn't show up to Joe Rogan to do an expose on 90 Day Fiance.
They all must be under super tight

contracts that do not allow

them to go out and talk, especially

while they're under contract for the show.

And there must be some kind of halo period

where they cannot do that.

Now, I could be 100% wrong,

but we have reached out to some of them

over the years in the show

and we don't even get a response.

Well, we had the one woman from

Australia. But that was from Married at First Sight.

So that was a little bit different they do go out and do podcasts they do an after show there they do do a lot of stuff like the married at first sight i think married at first sight because it's a lead it's a less popular show understands the power of them being on social media and out on podcasts and stuff so i have seen some of those people show up. Plus, let's be real honest about it.
We're a lot less interested in what's going on in Married at First Sight. We're a lot less interested.
Very true. I don't care about your real marriage with your real marriage problems.
I want to see manufactured drama. I want to see people drunk and screwing each other's husbands and wives and then have to go to dinner the next night and sit in front of each other.
That's the kind of drama that I want. 90 Day Fiance gives me the best possible chances of this happening because it's clear the producers are looking for the most crazy human beings ever to be on 90 Day Fiance.
And then it's always, always a train wreck on that show. And therefore, it's interesting to watch.
It is, except for this four-episode finale. Oh, give me a break.
Before the 90 days. I'm so sick of it.
They just keep swirling back to everybody. It's a ring around the rosy of, okay, everything's okay right here.
Now let's go to the next people. And then rehash exactly what was wrong.

You're so right about this.

It's so bad.

I was like, I can't.

Name which show besides The Real Housewives and that Andy Cohen show.

Name another show that's dedicating eight hours to wrapping up one season of television.

They don't do it.

It's insane.

At first, it was a 30-minute, hey, how you doing?

Anybody pregnant?

Anybody die?

Are you guys still married?

Are you still together?

Yeah.

Then it was a 30-minute, hey, how you doing? Anybody pregnant? Anybody die? Are you guys still married? Are you still together? Yeah. Then it went to an hour.
Okay, I can get that. Then it went to two hours, and when it went to two hours, what they did was they just started, they replayed all the highlights from the season, which we already saw, and then asked them silly questions, this lady, Sean, who does this.
Now, every 90-day fucking fiance has eight hours.

It's too much.

Eight hours of wrap-up.

We don't need it.

We already know.

They're all hot messes.

Okay, is anybody pregnant?

Did anybody die?

And why did the guy in the wheelchair try and give his girlfriend head?

That's all we need to know.

That's it.

That's all we need to know. He's already got a new girlfriend.
That dude's a Mac. That dude's a Mac.
He really is. Bro is in a wheelchair.
Bro got shot. He's in a wheelchair.
He's quadriplegic. Back in his, like, what, early 20s or something? Early 20s.
Drug deal gone bad. And so he's had no use of his legs, some use in his arms for most of his adult life.
He's in his 40s, maybe early 50s. And dude is like pulling hot Brazilian chicks left and right.
What the fuck? I know. Well, after he had the accident and he was paralyzed, then he became very athletic.
Yes. He jumped into like, and then he gained confidence that way and then went over to Brazil to compete.
To compete. Yeah.
And pull tail. And pull tail.
He's been married like three times. Four times.
Four times. I don't know.
I can't keep up. But he goes from one to the next.
Beautiful women. Beautiful women.
Listen, no one's ever accused Brazil of having ugly women. I mean, it's clear that there are beautiful women that come from all around the world.
But Brazil, there's a certain flavor of ladies. And if you like that kind of thing, then there's lots of beautiful women down in Brazil.
And this guy is like the epicenter of hot Brazilian ass. It's unbelievable.
I know. When I was single, I would go years without getting laid.
I'm not as charming. I don't know.
I'm not as athletic. This guy in a wheelchair is 10 times more athletic than I ever was with all of my use of my arms and legs.
I swear to God. It's unbelievable.
He is a Mac. He is a Mac.
Fuck. He's a little bit of a jerk off, but he's a Mac too.
So you got to watch the season to understand why I'm calling him a little bit of a jerk off. But he is a little bit of a jerk off.
But I don't understand why all of these Brazilian women are so into this guy. And to me, his personality is a little off-putting.
But that's just me. Anyway, yeah, he ditched one girl and just moved on to the next.
Good for you. And then there's – well, I didn't want to get into that storyline because that's a little bit too much.
So this is just like, TLC, stop it. Go back to 30-minute check-in.
I'll take an hour. I'll take even an hour.
And then if it's so interesting, do a follow-up series. Do a follow-up series.
You used to do Where Are They Now or whatever. I don't need to see another Angela spinoff.
I don't need to see another big ed, big neck, you know, another girl, another dog. I stopped watching last resort.
Cause I was mad at myself. The last episode I watched, I was like, I'm done.
Yeah. This is so dumb.
It's dumb. It's really dumb.
It's dumb. It's too dumb.
Last resort is all the couples who did make it now are miserable with each other. They all fucking can't stand each other.
And they're hamming it up for the camera. Now they're all reality television stars and they're getting paid $50,000 to show up and live at a resort for six months and film a television show and pretend like they like each other.
It's just, it's not good. It's not good.
Yeah, I agree with you. I think 90 Day has been played out.
I'm really mad at myself because I've actually started watching good television lately. Yes.
And I've put down the 90 Day Fiance. I mean, I still have it on in the background, like if I'm editing or something like that.
But the truth is that I think it's a little played out. I think so.
I think it's a little played out. We say this, though, and then...
We say this, and there's another season starting in two weeks, and I know it'll be recording, and I'll be the first one to watch it. I was thinking about it, too.
I mean, that show, that whole franchise. I mean, first of all, it's an hour and a half long just to watch one episode.
Yes. And that's streaming straight through, no commercials.
An hour and a half long. Then there's 25 of those.
Then now there's four hours of after shows i mean no eight hours eight hours of after shows it's just it's crazy and i thought they have more commercial i mean they have more episodes than we do it's true i think you're right well let's see 90 day fiance started i think back in 2015 or 14 or 15 or something like that. 16 at the latest.
And so they've been on air for almost 10 years. They have multiple versions of the show.
They do two seasons a year. I mean, they're on season number 83.
We're only on season number six. We're working our way there.
We're working our way. Come on.
We're right behind you, 90 Day Fiance. We also have eight hours every year of rehashing Brian's old drug stories.
So there you go. We too are boring you with old stories that you don't need to hear.
Yeah, I'm just ready for the conclusion of that show, though. Really.
I am ready for the conclusion of that show. Yeah, 100%.
We don't need it. And then the one guy was like, you know, Lauren.
Oh, yeah, Lauren. Oh, don't even get me started on Lauren.
Lauren is like, I don't know what he is. There's something off.
Yeah. Like, there's a chip.
It's not working. He is into pre-op transsexual women, men.

And that's not the weird part about him.

That's not, well, that's not weird at all.

Okay, cool.

Whatever floats your boat.

Well, I mean, I'm just saying, like, he's just really off.

He's really off.

On so many different things.

And we were convinced he had to move to Thailand or to the Philippines for some reason. For some reason, yeah.
He's getting away from America. There's some legal proceeding or something.
The weirdest thing about him is on the second episode of his big 90-day fiance, you know, millions of people watching this, he tells everybody he has gonorrhea. Yep.
He has gonorrhea. Not from the woman he's seeing.
No. Yeah, something's off about him.

I agree with you there.

We've got to be careful with Lauren.

Not welcome on my show, Lauren.

Balin, welcome on my show.

Yes.

I'll reach out to Balin.

We'll have some people reach out to Balin.

We'll see if we can get her on.

I love it.

I think she's wonderful.

I'm going to watch it.

Team Balin.

I'm team Balin.

That's what I've got to say.

I'm not team Ice Penis, but I am team Balin. Do you know what I'm saying? Well, I am.
All right. Look out for our Super Bowl commercial.
Yeah. Coming up whenever the Super Bowl is.
I would be, if I was a man, I'd know that stuff. But I don't know.
February sometime. Isn't it? February 10th or something like that.
I don't know. Yeah.
It's one of the two Sundays from now. Two popular teams get together on the 9th.
I think it's the 9th. The 9th.
All right. Whoever's playing the Chiefs and the Eagles.
That should be an exciting one. Let's see how many people die if the Eagles win.
Yay! Woo-hoo! Celebration. Celebration.
TCBpodcast.com. More information about the show, all the audio, all the video, right there from one location, 212-433-3TCB.
Add the Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Okay, Chrissy, I think that's all I can do for now.
I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.
And I love you. Best to you.
Best to you.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. I gotta get some cocaine!

Gotta be greedy!