A Meaty P-Trap

This episode is sponsored by Discover. If there's one thing we've learned from the entertainment industry, it's just how easy it is to earn a reputation, even if it doesn't reflect who you really are.
For example, everyone thinks that Discover is a card that isn't widely accepted, but in reality, it's accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Yeah, 99%.
So maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover. Unless it's a celebrity cookbook.
In that case, judge away. Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report, learn more at discover.com slash credit card.
This is a message from sponsor Intuit TurboTax. Taxes was getting frustrated by your forms.
Now, Taxes is uploading your forms with a snap and a TurboTax expert will do your taxes for you.

One who's backed by the latest tech, which cross-checks millions of data points for absolute accuracy,

all of which makes it easy for you to get the most money back guaranteed.

Get an expert now at TurboTax.com.

Only available with TurboTax live full service.

Seek guaranteed details at TurboTax.com slash guarantees.

The world is falling apart around us, John, and I'm dying inside. On this episode of the commercial break.
The pipe is only so big, and if it gets a lot of stuff stuck in there, it's going to back up. So I thought, well, yeah, it's probably the meat, babe.
Probably the meat. So now we're on our way to Chuck E.
Fucking Cheese for one of my kids' birthdays birthdays and now i got a full-blown emergency under my sink i got a bunch of meat stuck in my pea trap if you know what a pea trap is look it up i'm not going to explain it here the next episode of the commercial break starts now ah yeah cats and kittens welcome back to the commercial break again i'm brian green this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show. Your best-walking crap called Camden.
Best to you, Brian. Best to you.
Best to you. No, no, no, no.
Best to you. How we doing? We okay? Everyone recording? All right, good.
Christina and everybody else learning the ropes here in the brand new studio. We're still learning.
Yeah, we're still learning. We went without a studio TV for like four days, and then Brian decided this morning at six o'clock in the morning that we probably needed to see someone we're going to talk to later on today.
So I rushed to Best Buy, asked for a very specific television.

That guy was like, you know what you want,

then tried to sell me on another television.

And I was like, dude, I've been through it.

Can you please get me the TV?

I don't have long.

People are dialing in from the UK.

Anyway, speaking of the UK, check out Russell Howard, our guest this week.

Very lovely, talented, popular comedian in the UK, making his way to the United States for another round of tour dates on the West Coast. All the information is in the show notes from Tuesday's episodes.
We sure do hope you go watch it. I am currently watching my new favorite obsession, The Fish Tank Viewer.
It's called The Fish Tank. The Fish Tank Viewer.
It's a house somewhere in the United States of America where they give people free room and board. And the catch is they are being videotaped 24 hours a day, I think, except for the bathrooms.
I don't know because I didn't actually pay to watch the site, but I keep on watching their Instagram. There's very few people that are onto this right now, but it is literally a fish tank.
And you are viewing crazy people living together in a crazy situation. Isn't that Big Brother? It is Big Brother, only this is real crazy people.
Big Brother is now, I think, all celebrity crazy people and who fucking cares? They know they're being watched. The difference is they know they're being filmed because there's cameras in the house.
They don't know it's live. They know they're being filmed.
They don't know it's live. So I don't know how they don't know it's live, but they don't know it's live.
So at least that's the catch that they say. So if you want a very interesting Instagram account to follow.
What have you seen? I've seen people getting in fights. I've seen women throwing food at men.
I've seen women doing weird things to themselves, not sexual things, but weird things to themselves while apparently nobody else is watching. I mean, just like strange human behavior that we probably all do in some form or fashion.
I mean, honestly, you know, I said this a couple of weeks ago and then I saw it on Russell's special too. And I think this is probably coming into the collective consciousness now.
Our phones are constantly recording devices and they're taking notes and they're reading our text messages and we're putting everything we do, all of our notes, everything that we do on these phones or on social media. All of us are going to be arrestable at some point.
All of us are going to have arrestable offenses at some point on our phones. But if you could watch, yeah, there's another thing going wrong there.
Let's just fix that down too. What a disaster this episode is.
This will be the funniest episode of commercial break history, guaranteed, because that's the way it always works out. But, you know, if someone could record me 24 hours a day, I don't think anybody would like me.
I just don't. I do weird shit all the time.
I'm constantly walking around doing weird shit. If you got the version of me that Astrid gets, you wouldn't like me either.
That's all I got to say. Astrid feels obligated to stay with me because she knows I'll fall apart if she leaves me.
I'll just be a drunken, disorderly mess. Yes, I'll be one big reason to call the cops.
That's what it'll be. And the children certainly are going with me.
No judge in their right mind is going to look at the commercial break and go yeah they should be with him he eats cream and cereal for breakfast the god knows how much how many drugs the guy has done yeah exactly and he doesn't have a straight thought to save his life plus i'm pretty sure that studio is a fire hazard of epic proportions because it is for sure anyway new studio on the tv looks nice i like that i think we look better on this TV than we did on the other TV. This one's an actual 4K.
I think the other one was just pretend 4K. Remember for a while there, they kept saying, you know, Coming soon.
Yeah, coming soon. 4K capabilities.
But then when 4K came, my TV didn't change. It just got weirder.
Like the TV looked weirder. It looked like we were, you know, like an old video camera or something.
do you know that when it was on that weird setting yeah and i couldn't get my they couldn't get that tv off it so anyway so here we are with our new tv in the studio and finally we're recording so you're hearing actually what we're doing there you go that's so speaking of drugs and a hot mess i read the most interesting article the day, and it hit very close to home because it's very close to home. Let me explain.
The New York Magazine wrote a very lengthy article on the new drug craze sweeping the nation, what they called the next drug epidemic. And the title was something along the lines of the Next Drug Epidemic Comes in Blueberry Flavor.
Really? Yes. And the new drug epidemic they were talking about is something called Galaxy Gas.
Galaxy Gas is just nitrous oxide. Nitrous oxide, the laughing gas that you get at the dentist office that keeps you from going literally crazy as they're drilling a hole in your fucking head.
Or outside of a Grateful Dead show. Or outside of a Grateful Dead show

or any fish show or goose show.

You know how it goes

if you've been there.

That's the noise you hear.

Balloon $5!

Yeah.

Balloon $5!

Trip, trip, trip, balloons.

Trip, trip, balloons.

$15.

Buy one, get one.

Five for 10.

Five for 10.

Five for 10.

Five for 10. Refills free.
You know how it goes. Buy the balloon.
Refills free. $20 balloons.
And then there's some huge line by otherwise seemingly regular adults looking to get their fix like they were a child hooked up to the nitrous tank. Because listen, we all go to the dentist at some point.
Even my son got it. My son, he got a cavity filled, very young kid.
And the doctor said, should I apply nitrous? And I said, yes, you should. Because that's the only way you're going to get that kid to sit still while you have a drill in his mouth.
I know my child. And I also know nitrous oxide.
And while I don't want to get my kid used to the idea of being high, I also don't want the kid to suffer. And pain, yeah.
Like, let him doze off. And man, did he.
He was saying some wacky shit. Yeah, like Little Mermaid was on that TV up there or something.
And he was like, you know, before they actually came in to do the procedure, he was like, Daddy, do you think fish can fly? I, I, Daddy, why do I sound so? Talking in like riddles. Yeah.
And I thought, wow, my kid is much more fun on galaxy gas. Here's the thing, though.
That NO2 is also used in a specific product called Whippet or Whip Cream. Whippet is owned by a company that will also sell you that gas in a container,

small little metal container called an NO2 cartridge,

or what some people on the street, like me, would refer to back in the day as a whippet.

Yeah, they've been around forever.

Yes, and you could go to your local head shop and you could get a pack of those whippets.

They were just one hit, right?

And you could buy, it was like $5 a piece. So you'd spend $180 to get 20 of these things.
Then you have to buy the accoutrements to crack them open and put them into a balloon. Because if you tried to do it straight in your mouth, then your mouth would freeze and your teeth would fall out.
So you don't want that. You just want your brain to freeze.
You don't want your teeth to freeze. You want your brain to freeze.
And that's what it does. It is essentially starving your brain of oxygen, which then gives you a certain kind of wah, wah, wah feeling, like you're high, you're floaty, you're leaving your body.
You've been to the dentist. You know what I'm talking about.
Imagine that times 10, and that's what a Whippet does in a very small dose. And now they've made it blueberry flavor? So here's the story.
There is a place not too far from where I live. There are many of these so don't try and Google it to figure out where I live.
But there is a place not too far from where I live and very popular here in Georgia and now throughout the country called Cloud 9. Cloud 9 is a head shop.
A head shop that sells smoking devices for your tobacco. Like a 15 foot bong.
Why you would want to smoke your tobacco out of a 15 you know how you walk into one of these head shops and they start telling you not to say anything that would make it seem like you were doing anything illegal it's like the rules of the head shop you don't say we have any weed smoking devices you say do you have a tobacco smoking device that's 15 feet long that i can you know get shit faced with uh crack with. Crack pipes, lighters that have flames that are way too big, you know, patchouli.

Tapestries.

Yes, tapestries.

That's right.

Tie-dye t-shirts.

Grateful dead skulls.

All kind of incenses.

Probably kratom, the opioid receptor stuff that you chew or smoke or drink in the tea or whatever the dick pills that's you're in that store oh i am definitely in that store all kind of shit that a regular adult grocery store refuses to sell not because they can't make money but because grannies and grandpas won't like the fact that their bong is sitting next to Pert Plus. Do you understand what I'm saying? Okay, now you got me.
They're on every corner, in every town, everywhere. It's a head shop.
The head shop Cloud9 is owned by a couple of young enterprising guys, brothers, who went to Kennesaw State University. They found that during the pandemic, people were coming in in droves looking for whippets and they could not keep them in stock.
So they did some homework to find out exactly who owned this market and how the gas got here and who was making the containers and how all

of that stuff worked and the legality of selling NO2 directly to a consumer. And what they discovered

was the largest producers of Whippets were the whipped cream company, Whippets. So the same

company that sells you the stuff that makes your apple pie delicious on Thanksgiving is the same company that's selling your teenagers the shit that's getting high after a Grateful Dead show. Now, it's long been known that there is something called the hippie crack mafia.
If you're into this kind of thing, then you will know that at Fizz shows, Grateful Dead shows, widespread shows, jam land production shows. That's right.
Minus that one fashion show we did where I said, no whippets allowed this time. No whippets.
That people would be somehow getting huge containers like medical grade NO2, the stuff you would see at a dentist's office. They would be getting these huge bottles that were like, you know, four feet tall and they were balloon after balloon, filling up balloons and selling them for $5.
It was always curious to me, how did they get a hold of that container of NO2? Do they have a dad that's a dentist? Yeah, I always thought it was a dentist connection. Apparently, you used to have to have some kind of medical license or at least convince somebody that you had a medical license in order to get those.
And the hippie crack there was a big expose on them in a number of years back was just faking that they had a medical connection and they were getting like hundreds of these bottles at a time and spanning out across the united states although they claimed it was never a racket it probably was a racket there was probably a guy who was selling these other people would then go out and sell them individually just like other drug. Well, the guys at Cloud9 figured out that they could call China and they could have this gas delivered directly to the United States without any kind of permit.
And it was legal. As long as they delivered the gas safely.
It was more about how they got the gas contained. Transported it.
Right. Than it was whether or not they could sell it to people.
And they figured out how to get people to cheaply make containers that were much bigger than the single-dose whippets, and they could flavor that gas, and then they could sell it in their stores. And man, did they.
Wow. Millions and millions of dollars.
Millions and millions of dollars. Worth of Galaxy Gas.
They branded it galaxy gas. So they were buying it from China.
They were filling it up in containers. They were delivering them across the United States and they were expanding huge.
Now these stores are everywhere. These cloud nine stores and people were coming in and buying a, something that would give you maybe 200 doses, 300 doses of this Galaxy gas.
Yeah, it's like a two or three. Yeah, it's like two or three feet, the biggest ones.
Right, and they're $120. So rather than pay $5 for one Whippet, now you were paying like $120 for 300 Whippets.
So they were making it cheaper, they were making it more flavorful, and they were making the delivery devices more accessible to everybody. And what they found, what the managers of the stores found, is that people sometimes weren't even leaving the parking lot before they were running out of one bottle and going to buy another.
They were maxing out their credit cards. People bust their heads.
Of course. Driving on Galaxy Gas.

I couldn't even imagine driving.

Within 20 minutes.

That's why the dentist makes you sit there for 15 minutes with pure oxygen afterwards to get your head clear.

And that is a relatively low dose of NO2.

They are mixing like 10% gas with 90% oxygen.

Maybe 20% if your dentist likes you. You know what I'm saying? Chrissy, this was crazy to me.
The stories that some of these managers were telling inside of this article about how addicted normal human beings, teenagers, 20-somethings, they were ruining their life trying to get a hold of Galaxy Gas. It was so popular that they couldn't keep it in stock and the manager the owners of these stores kept pressing and pressing sell the galaxy gas sell it sell it sell it but they were getting nervous at the same time because of the things that they were seeing people now the stores were getting robbed for galaxy gas now that people were coming in and they were you know grabbing the galaxy gas in the middle of the putting it on the counters, pretending they were about to pay and running out with the Galaxy Gas.
And the owners told the managers, don't get the police involved. Whatever you do, don't get the police involved.
Even one time when there was an armed robbery, they said, don't get the police involved. This is an internal thing.
Yeah, because they knew. Yeah.
They knew. If the authorities got a hold.
If the authorities got wind of what a problem this was becoming, then certainly they were going to cause unwanted attention on this cloud nine and the Galaxy gas. Well, it happened.
Someone died. A problem came.
People got sick. Families started complaining.
You know, DAs started looking into this. And so the guys at cloud nine decided to sell their Galaxy gas business and take it out of the stores altogether.
This just happened at the middle of last year. But the amazing thing is, is that a simple Amazon search will show you that it's very easy to get this gas delivered right to your fucking front door in relatively similar containers with relatively similar amounts.
This was a novelty when we were kids. You'd see it at the Dead Show, the Fish Show, whatever.
You'd occasionally have a friend who'd bring a packet of Whippets over and maybe you'd get... I tell you the one time where we cleaned a store out of whipped cream cans and we had to explain that we were having an ice cream party and the girl at kroger was like with 100 cans of whipped cream we were like it's a freaky whipped cream party and i got the headache of all head i mean we sat up in a like a weird loft one time just whipped cream all over the place it was a it was a disgusting scene i'm disgusted with myself.
Disgusted with myself. I woke up with all these empty whipped cream cans.
Yes, wait. I remember you did tell this story and it was because you had gone to your dad's and you had opened the refrigerator and seen a can of whipped cream and you did not.
I did not do the whip it. That's right.
Because if you don't shake the can and you hold it up straight, you can get the NO2 goes to the top and you get the NO2 out of it. And when I worked at Chili's, they had to lock the whip cream away.
That's right. Because everybody, they would buy it in boxes and everybody would find themselves in the walk-in cooler doing whip it when the manager wasn't looking.
It was just a thing. It was a thing.
But it was a novelty. It was relatively like, you know, once a year somebody would have a NO2 cartridge and you would, you know, get high.
I remember one time at a festival, like a small festival here, somebody brought one of the medical grade, like had, you know, the hippie crack mafia type thing, had those things. And it was a parking event where it camp, like parking camping, like you would park your car and you would camp next to it.
I, the guy parked next to us and my friend could not get to the, he had to leave the festival like four times. No, to get to the ATM, to get more money, to buy more hippie crack.
He was insane.

He got addicted over the weekend.

In a weekend, he got addicted.

And I can't think of how many balloons were empty sitting around the car by the time we were done.

I can only imagine.

Oh, it was insane.

Because, you know, the guy who was selling the hippie crack

decided that he cared about people's germs

and you couldn't use the balloon twice, whatever it was.

This is crazy. And I

guess you could see this train coming down the tracks. But here's what I have to say.
More than

don't get addicted to hippie crack, because don't get addicted to hippie crack. It's a terrible way

to go. And it's dangerous.
And don't drive and all that other stuff. I'm not saying you shouldn't do

it. I'm saying you should do it smartly like every other drug.
Unlike Brian's rules of drugs drugs which is do it until you cause so many problems in your life that you have to stop to do it i am saying that don't ruin it for everybody by being a fucking moron do your drugs by yourself at home late at night with the curtains drawn like everybody else in their right mind does. Please don't ruin it for everybody.
Because when you're outside the parking lot of a cloud nine and you have to buy three or four tanks just to get your fill in a day, you've got a fucking problem. You need to stop for a few weeks, pretend like you're sobering up by smoking weed or drinking alcohol like the rest of us do, and then back and buy one at a time one a day one a day isn't that enough can't you say that's enough here's what i'm trying to share with you it's idiots like you that ruin it for everybody else and if you're gonna do your galaxy gas do it you're like a regular drug addict like my uncle said don't fuck up while you're fucking up.
And that is my PSA for today, Chrissy. Sounds good.
Thank you. Giving advice to the children.
Galaxy gas. I can't wait till my kid comes to me and he says, hey, episode 7,326 of the commercial break says if I'm going to do galaxy gas, do it in the privacy of the own home.
So don't mind the tank of NO2. I've got stuffed in the closet.
I'll be wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Right back.
It's a new year and a new me, which means I'm bringing you the exact same information I always do. So follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and and on TikTok at tcbpodcast.
Do something new this year. Text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB.
And go, please go watch our YouTube videos at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. I mean, we put all of this effort into our studio, So just go take a gander.
You're gonna love it. And finally, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com if you can't be bothered with anything else because everything we have is right there on that site.
Bye. At Fairfield Subaru, we believe that cars are not just about safe transportation, but about the people who ride in them.

As a family-owned dealership, we're deeply committed to our community.

From sponsoring local pet adoptions to supporting first responders, we strive to make a positive impact.

Our dedication has been recognized with the 2024 Subaru Love Promise Community Commitment Award.

Fairfield Subaru, visit us at 2525 Martin Road in Fairfield or at fairfieldsubaru.com.

Fairfield Subaru, where love meets the road.

Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Soraya.

It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way.

It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large. And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those rule breakers often define what it means to be a success.
Each week, former wrestling superstar Soraya sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything.

You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Sarea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.

And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Did I tell you about the time? So, like NO2, Freon has a similar effect to your brain. Freon, the thing being...
The car Freon? The car Freon, the air conditioning Freon. So, one time, a friend of mine had this wise idea that he saw or he heard.

This is long before you could go on the internet and figure these things out.

He figured out from somebody that he could get Freon from an air conditioning unit by taking a screwdriver and pressing a little nipple and it would spray the Freon backwards.

So he went out, he took a garbage bag and he got Freon out of an apartment complex like the all the air conditioning units were lined up so it's the middle of the day and he's got a garbage bag hanging friends chrissy he would he would pull the he wrapped the garbage bag he got the freon and then he pulled the bag up and it sounded like there was a rock in there thump thump that's how heavy the gas was what he came back into the apartment of this girl that i lived with who i did not know i just moved in with her like i don't know four weeks earlier she was like a friend of a friend and you invited that guy over dude this guy went everywhere with me for a while he was trouble with a capital t and i made life no easier on him we were troubled together with two capital t's double trouble yeah we were the tits of trouble and so he's the right one and the left one so true boobs that's what we were with true boobs men at their base nature just doing stupid shit for the sake of doing stupid shit impulsive was our middle name and sometimes our first name.

This guy walks in the apartment.

He's like, you know what?

Takes a huff of the Freon

and he's like spinning around.

His head's like he's bobbing and weaving

and he almost kind of falls over.

And I'm like, so after he comes to him,

I'm like, oh dude, you almost fell over.

You got to be careful with that.

So then he's like, I got the garbage bag bag i take a little bit and i go totally blank yes like my

eyes go like and i'm like and i wake up and i'm like that wasn't fun that felt like no way too

much no2 like i was out you know and so now he's got the bag and he's like he's got to do it right

takes a big one he's standing up in front of one of those old televisions that's sitting on a stand

Thank you. he's got the bag and he's like, he's got to do it right away.
Takes a big one. He's standing up in front of one of those old televisions that's sitting on a stand, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he goes shoulder and head first into the television. The television falls and breaks.
And then I'm picking him up off the, now the television is cracked and broken and I'm picking him up and I'm like, dude, are you okay? And he's like, oh man, out of his hand so he was like what happened to the bag and i'm like dude i'm fucking worried about the bag what about the tv so we've it's cracked it's all spider head chrissy i wasn't worried about this guy's head and the things i'd seen him into yes and so we put the tv back on the stand fix all the stuff like put the books back and then we left and went to the bar oh my god i got home that night and she was like what happened to the tv and i was like unbelievable what happened to that tv i eventually fessed up to it yeah i had to spend the tvs back then were like $7,000 for some shitty TV. So I had to,

um, but yeah, like, don't, you know, be careful with the NO2. It's, it's something that you can get addicted to.
Let me now be a serious adult for a second. Be careful with the NO2.
You can get addicted to it. It's called hippie crack for a reason.
It probably makes you feel like crack. Not that I've ever smoked it, but if I did and it was like NO2, I would tell you that it's similar to crack.
So don't smoke crack and don't do hippie crack. Okay? Okay.
All right. Now, speaking of adult stuff, the other day we were leaving the studio and my wife is yelling at me that there's water pouring out of our cabinets.
And this is just after it had snowed. So I'm thinking, uh-oh, worse pipe.
Yeah, me too. Exactly.
That's exactly right. Because did you let your pipes drip? I do let my pipes drip, actually.
You did good. Okay, we did too.
I'm pretty keen on that. Like, I understand.
That's a good thing to do. But, you know, I have this, like, when we redid the house and we renovated it, we made the pipes, most of them, all PVX, which is a plastic, like, you know, it's like PVC, but it's a different type that's supposed to expand.
I love that Christina's nodding along because she knows everything about pipes now. I know everything about pipes, about water damage.
Don't get me started. It's terrible.
And it happens all the time. And for a couple extra bucks a month worth of dripping water, you save yourself tens of thousands maybe in fixes because if it gets under your floorboards, it gets into your walls, everything's got to be replaced because then you have mold and all that other shit and even if it dries sometimes it does the structure of the house the integrity of the home can be ruined so the first thing i'm thinking is burst pipe holy shit that's terrible so now i'm freaking out girls are leaving the studio i'm freaking out because not only because because i think that there's a burst pipe in my home,

but because I know what looking at the pipes entails. It entails going under the house.

I know. I saw you going over to the side of the house.

Chrissy, this is the scary.

Flashlight and stuff in hand. I saw you go in.
I wished you well.

Thank you. I heard you.
You said, good luck. I screeched out.

Yeah. And I'm like, fuck you.

I did. Out the window.
Thank you. I heard you.
You said, good luck. As I screeched out.
Yeah, and I'm like, fuck you. I did.
Out the window. Good luck.
I was cursing your name. I'm like, fuck you.
Yeah, you got to sit in Atlanta traffic, but I have to go into this scary, scary house. That's a scary, scary crawl space.
It's a crawl space, not a basement. And it's a crawl space from a house that was built in like the 40s.
So it's really scary down there. It is decades and decades and decades of old pipes, wires.
I don't think dead children. I'm not even sure what's down there, but I don't want to know most of the time.
I know how to change the filters on my two HVAC units. And that's about as- Get to get in and get out.
That's right. You get in, you get out.
I don't even look in opposite directions. I don't even look because I don't want to know.
There's probably a possum down there and he's probably mad at me because he can hear under the floorboards what I'm talking about. I've actually had...
I actually had a fucking... Not an Xfinity guy.
A charter cable guy. Fuck you, charter cable.
Because the fucking charter cable guy, he went under the house to go make sure that the wires were installed properly so he didn't have to run them through the side of my house. And he comes back out and he's like, listen, dude, they're done rat poop down there.
And rat poop carries Legionnaire's disease. And I ain't about to get Legionnaire's disease.
So you can call my boss. I don't give a shit.
I ain't installing the cable down there. Do you remember that? Yes.
And I said, fuck you, Charter. Upward and onward to AT&T.
Now, listen, besides Charter just being a terrible cable system altogether, I'm sorry, but it is. I was kind of happy about this because now I could explain to Astrid that we didn't need the cheaper Charter.
We needed the more expensive AT&T. The faster.
The faster internet. That's right.
Yeah. Charter goes at about five megabits per minute.
It's like it was just not good. Anyway, so luckily we got found someone who was willing to go into the house and do this.
But he was right about it. I mean, we've talked about this on the show.
We had a friend, Willie the Mouse, that was in our house for a long time.

That's right.

He was scaring Astrid in the mornings because there was food misplaced.

Boo.

Not boo.

Boo.

Nico.

Nico. Nico.

Yeah.

The ghost dog.

That's right.

We had a camera that we set up to see exactly what was moving the food around our counters that night. It was Astrid who first caught on to this.
She was like, there are pears on the floor. And I was like, well, maybe they just fell off.
And she's like, Brian, I don't think fruit just jumps off the counter. And I was like, well, I don't know.
Maybe. And so we set up a camera.
And at the time, because Nico and Blue, Nico had had some surgery and Blue kept on on attacking nico so we put nico in the kitchen to go to sleep with a little gate so that blue couldn't get at nico blue you bitch and uh so after a couple of nights of this happening i i thought well nico's not barking there can't be anything live in there nico would certainly be attuned to that. Meanwhile, Nico was like 50.
Yeah, Nico was 107

and smelled like

he was 107 i do miss nico i know he was so sweet i put a webcam up and i was recording it a motion camera and what i saw was the most amazing thing ever there was a mouse a cute little mouse not a rat a mouse a cute little mouse who was literally going into the kitchen at night, coming up from the, where, I don't know, but from the crawl space. He was coming up.
He had found his way in. He was coming up and he was eating food from Nico's bowl where Nico was sleeping right next to it.
And Nicoico lifted its head up looked at the mouse and the mouse looked at nico and they made a gentleman's agreement i won't tell if you don't and nico went back to sleep nico stared that mouse in the face and thought yeah that should be here it's not even wasn't even a dog and to be fair nico really He wasn't a dog. It was more like just a small child.
It was in dog form.

He cried. it's not even it wasn't even a dog and to be fair nico really wasn't a dog it was more like just a a small child that was in dog form he cried about nothing he was it was a weird dog but anyway lovely dog the sweetest dog you could have ever had very sweet and poor poor nico blue just tortured that terrorized tortured that dog anyway so there we know that there have been rodents like most people there are rodents it happens yeah it happens the rodents are looking for warmth and food and water and all that stuff and a house provides all that things for them but it's been a long time since we've had the house sealed up for approval but i went down and i have to go to the very end of the house the way that my house is right oh my god i didn't even think about that the way that the house is is there's a crawl space entrance under the new part of the house that we just built a number of years ago.

And you can probably at least bend over to get in that part.

But the further you go to the older part of the house, the smaller it gets until there is only a two and a half foot, two and a half foot space between the mud, the floor, the actual earth, and the rafters of the floorboards. It is very tight back there.
And then you take into account the piping from 1920, the wires that the charter guy left down there. Fuck you, charter guy.
The old telephone cables. I'm not even kidding.
Telephone cables. Gas lines.
I know. Our house is 100 years old.
So, yeah, I've peeked into the bus. Yeah, you don't want to go down there.
And turned around. So as soon as you girls leave, I get a flashlight lantern, like one of those flashlights.
I saw that. Yeah.
It's this huge thing, but it puts off a lot of light. Because I said, if I'm going down there, I need reinforcements.
I'm going to bring this big lantern. I'm going to bring an actual flashlight.
I've got my phone light on. I'm recording.
I'm ready for anything. Anything's possible.
And I'm ready. And I start crawling, and I'm over the HVAC, whatever they call that, the duck work.
I'm over the duck work, and then I've got to under the duck work, and I got to pass the first HVAC unit. Oh, my God.

Are you shimmying?

At the end, I am shimmying, but there's a gas line that sits right there,

and I know I cannot fuck.

You don't want to fuck with the gas.

I don't need two problems now.

In order to get to really see where that leak is,

I can see that there's water on one of the pipes,

but to see if it's actually spraying or something,

I've got to go under or over that gas line, and it's right in the middle of that two and a half feet. So I went under.
I put my face on the ground, and I scraped it along this side. Rat shit and all.
I just scraped my face under, and now I am in full panic claustrophobic mode, and I am sitting under a house where the rafter is right at my nose, and I can see the pipe in between the rafter, and luckily it's not spraying. So I know that it's not a problem with the water coming in the house.
It's a problem with the waste going out of the house. So it takes me about another half hour to get back to civilization.
You have to backtrack, shimmy, shimmy back. And shimmying back is the harder part.
Yeah, exactly. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you get there.
Yeah, but then you know what you have to do to get back. And so I'm scared and nervous, and I'm like a little boy.
You were very brave. Yes, I'm checking my phone to make sure I have bars.
Astrid, by the way, has gone somewhere away from my house. She's decided, I want nothing to do with this.
I'll see you later, Brian. So she's gone, and I'm now under the house all alone.
So if there's a ghost or a monster or an alligator or, you know, I don't know, a swimmy, swimmy wolf wolf, then no one's here to help me. I have to call 911, and I'm ready.
I'm prepared to call 911 and tell them exactly where I am. I get out of there and I go, okay, it's with the drainage.
So let's go start fiddling fucking around with that. I don't know the first thing about anything, guys.
I'm really not a very intelligent human being. I read a lot on the internet and I watch a lot of Instagram and I pick little bits and pieces up that make me occasionally sound intelligent, but I'm soft in the middle.
If you press me, ooze comes out. Do you know what I'm saying? Poof.
Poof. Yeah, boy.
Exactly. I'm as intelligent as flavor flay.
So I go upstairs and I open the kitchen, you know, the cabinet doors and I see that there's water down there and I can see where it's coming from. I start doing a series of tests.
Turn on the dishwasher, turn on the faucet, and I can see where it's coming from. It's coming from the hose that goes from your dishwasher into your disposal, which I have, which a lot of people have here in the United States at least.
And that disposal, there's a drain from the disposal that goes out of the house, down under the house and then out of the house. And then there's a little hose where the dishwasher water drains out into the disposal that then goes into that drain.
If that drain is clogged and the dishwasher comes on, there's nowhere for that water to go. So it's just going to start spilling out of- Backing up.
Backing up and spilling out of wherever. It's spilling out of that hose.
That's what's going on. And then it's making its way down into the rafters of the house.
It's going through the holes where the hoses come up, right? So I'm like, okay, I got this licked. I at least know where the problem is.
So I'm like, Astrid, when did this start? I don't know, a couple days ago. I don't know, a couple days ago.
I said, oh, wow, that's really weird. Maybe the disposal is clogged.
I turn it off. I stick my hand down there.
I can't feel anything. And she's like, well, I mean, you don't think it was the meat I put down there the other day? And I go, meat? You put meat in the disposal? And she goes, yeah, but it was stew meat.
And I go, what is stew meat? Meat that's been stewed. And I go, you can't put meat down a disposal.
And this is news to me because I have been doing this. Yes.
A disposal is like a second cord on a parachute. You only use it in case you need to.
That's it. A disposal.
I haven't put everything down there. Yeah, I know.
That's probably why Jeff is going to be under. Onions, whole onions.
Whole onions. Well, you know when you cut off the tips.
It's not a food processor. It's a disposal.
Chrissy, no. No.
Okay no okay okay i won't do it anymore listen i realize there are two schools i don't want to have to go under the crawl space do you know my dad ned didn't even put a disposal in his brand new house you don't want to know why because he says it's just a reason for things to leak because everybody decides that anything could go down there there's two schools of thought on disposal and i get it and astrid comes from a place where there are no disposals so i also get it it's not really her fault she did what she thought the disposal was supposed to do which is chop everything up and make it nice and tidy to go out the house but that's not how it works the pipe is only so big and if it gets a lot of stuff stuck in there it's gonna back up so i thought well yeah it's probably the meat babe probably the meat so now we're on our way to chucky fucking cheese for one of my kids birthdays and now i got a full-blown emergency under my sink i got a bunch of meat stuck in my p-trap if you know what a p-trap is look it up i'm not gonna explain it here i'm not tim the tool man taylor so now that i've you know now that i got a half a cattle stuck in my fucking p trap i'm like well i okay i know what i need to do i need to go get one of those thingies to

stick in there no the i don't know the auger the auger i know i know i auger my pipes yes thank you

finally someone with common sense an auger a snake i need to go get one of those snakes and

the things that you can stick in there and twist around and then it pulls everything out or push Thank you. Finally, someone with common sense.
An auger, a snake. I need to go get one of those snakes.
The things that you can stick in there and twist around, and then it pulls everything out or pushes it down or whatever, loosens it up. Auger is basically an electric version of that.
Yeah, you can do an electric version, but I thought if I get a 15-foot one, then I'd be fine. I could stick it down there and twist it around.
You know, they make manual ones too. So we go to Chuck E.
Cheese, story to be told. We go to Chuck afterwards i said okay i'm going to the lows and i'm gonna go get the the shit that we need so i go and then i go i'm really i'm gonna probably stick with first breaking it up with some drayno is what i'm gonna do a good place to start so i got my opinion yeah i agree christina's shaking her head no well listen there's you's really bad for your pipes.
Well, listen, it is, but if you don't put it down there all the time, if you put it down there once in a while, you'll live to tell another day. You'll live to tell another day.
For emergencies. No, no, I don't use it.
Well, I know. You've had a lot of drama around your pipes.
This is trauma-informed, yeah, informed reasoning over here. So I go, and I'm looking at all the different selections of Drano.
They have drain this, grease that, do this, do that. Super charge.
Super charge, yes. Guaranteed.
Works in five minutes, guaranteed. And who wants the one that's just, like, not? No, you don't want the regular Drano.
Yeah, you don't want Drano. You want drain everything.
Maybe you can clean it with this. Yes.
Or you're definitely getting through. You want drain dragon 3000.
That's what you want. Yes.
Trusted by professionals. Guaranteed to work in five minutes.
So I get the one. There is one literally that has a plastic bag wrapped around it.
And it said, please put this back in the bag when done using for safety purposes. And don't even read it i go that's the one that is the one i need that i need that so i get it i get the snake i check out i go home i tell all the kids to get the fuck out of the kitchen so i don't hurt you i put the dog outside 20 degrees but whatever she deserves it

and then i take this thing out of its plastic bag and i start pouring it into the kitchen sink into the disposal and then i read the back label only then did you read it to which it says never use in a disposal.

Oh my God.

Ever.

And then it also says,

please put a porcelain bowl

or... Never use in a disposal.
Oh, my God. Ever.
And then it also says, please put a porcelain bowl or tin pan on top of the drain after use. Oh, my God.
In case of explosion. Jesus Christ.
And I'm like, what is this devil that I just poured down my sink? It is liquid lye. Yeah, the same stuff mafia uses to dissolve your fucking body is the shit that can dissolve your grease.
I mean, you were trying to dissolve meat. I was trying to dissolve flesh, but you cannot put it in plastic pipes and you cannot put it inside of a disposal.
Which you just did. Which I just did.
Done deal. So now I quickly turn on the water to flesh it all out.

And. put it inside of a disposal, which I just did done deal.
So now I quickly turn on the water to flush it all out. And, uh, I decide, okay, just go with the auger.
And I think, okay, it's only been in there for 30 seconds, whatever in 30 seconds. So I take the water, I turn it on to, then I hear the water pouring out of something and I look and it's pouring out of the disposal.
And I thought, oh, it's the pipe. It's backed up again.
No problem. I take the P-trap off.
I see that there is absolutely nothing but residue left in the P-trap. I stick the auger in as far as it'll go, nothing.
I don't feel anything. And I'm like, okay, either I just fixed it or I pushed it out or whatever happened.
I put everything back together. I tightened the connection.
Clean as a daisy. Everything's now flowing well.
Only there's water pouring out of the bottom of the disposal. Was it like so strong that it had eaten through? It burned through the rubber casing because lye, as soon as it touches any organic material, heats up to like a thousand degrees, sets itself on fire basically.
I have caused a chemical reaction inside of my disposal and i have completely ruined it it is draining out of the bottom of the disposal right next to the power wire where i'm sure water is not supposed to be brian fixed the problem that astrid started and caused his own fucking problem i'm having so much ptsd I know I'm so upset for you this is like this is the worst

and own fucking problem i'm having so much ptsd i know i'm so upset for you this is like this is the worst and so of course i just continue to blame astrid throughout the night but the truth is i fixed one problem and i caused another that's right so now i've got to change my disposal out this weekend, which should be a whole dick load of fun.

But I called my brother, who actually knows how to do stuff, and I said, listen, I don't need you to do it.

I'm just going to buy you a six-pack.

Can you sit there and watch me and make sure I don't set myself on fire, cause an electricity problem, or chop my hand up?

Listen, I'm not the guy you call when there's a problem, like a mechanical problem or an electrical problem or a human problem or a relationship problem, problem with your brain. I am the guy you call when you occasionally want to giggle at how stupid humans can be.
I'll keep you posted on the brand new disposal. We'll talk about Chuck E.
Cheese after this. Have you got a hankering down deep in your soul to tell us what's up? Well, I am encouraging you to do just that.
Text us at 212-433-3TCB and tell us what's going on. Give us the haves.
Tell us the dirty secrets of your life. That's all we've ever wanted to hear.
You can also leave us a voicemail at the same number. That's 212-433-3822.
And also follow us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And if you want to see any video episodes, you can go to youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak and they are all right there.
And if you're hankering is not to tell us what's up, but it's for a new sticker,

I'm sure there's probably one on the website. Go to tcbpodcast.com, click contact us and find

I want my free sticker. I know you can do it.
And I can't wait to hear your thoughts on anything and everything. Love you.
Bye. Trump's naming Sylvester Stallone and John Voight and somebody else as special envoy to Hollywood.
Hollywood is not a country. It's a fucking zip code.
What are we doing? What are we doing? I noticed he also invited all the titans of industry over to his inauguration. You know, Musk, Zuckerberg, and theok CEO inauguration party it's it's we the government is bought and paid for it is official it is official expect your life to get a lot more miserable and not just miserable but it'll be publicly miserable we'll know it's coming this time it's not like everybody else who keeps it a secret we'll know it's coming this time anyway went to chuck e cheese for one of my daughter's birthdays okay i love i used to love chuck e cheese man the cheese is on top and i would tell you what there is a whole section of the internet that just in love with the chuck e cheese pizza i agree really everybody else agrees it is fucking deliciosos well that makes it a bit more bearable.
I got to agree. I mean, listen.
So we were going to do a party for my very young daughter at an age where we've learned that they will not remember and it's unlikely they even understand what's going on. But a smile on a child's face is worth a thousand bucks.
So you do what you do. We've always done big blowout parties on birthdays.
Unlike my own existence, my own upbringing, where birthdays were barely even recognized. And that's okay.
It was a different time back in the 60s. We had parties in the 60s.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
We just grew up in a different type of family. Yeah, we had big parties.
We really didn't have like big celebrations. It wasn't like a birthday week.
It was more like a birthday minute where you woke up and it was like, happy birthday. Yeah, we'll have cake later.
That's why I have a birthday month. Yeah, I know.
I feel jealous of the people who really enjoy celebrating their birthday because I don't. And Astrid hates it every year.
I know I'm a miserable, sad sack of shit. And I've talked about it so many times on this show.
My happy birthday is being miserable for my birthday. That's how I get all hyped up for it.
Okay, Scrooge. Yeah, I know.
But I love making a big deal out of other people's birthdays. I love my kid's birthday.
I love my wife's birthday. I do my best.
Given the circumstances. Given all my PTSD, I do the best I can.
So we're going to have like a little family get together this time for this young girl's birthday. Because, you know, we don't want to spend $10,000 doing a big blowout.
And we've learned some things over the years. And that is they don't remember them.
They likely don't even understand what's going on, and they still want to go to bed at 630 in the evening. But the snowstorm hampered that party.
So we quickly, Astrid, not we, Astrid, I don't want to get, yeah, pivoted. She thought quickly on her feet, and she decided, why don't we do, for like a couple of bucks, some discounted weekday price, we can do a Chuck E.
Cheese party, invite just a couple of young kids that she likes to play with and some of the other kids' young friends, and then we can wear them out for two hours, go from four to six, have some pizza, bring a cake, decorate the table nice, and everyone will love it. And at least then we know she's going to have a good time.
And I thought, this is a brilliant idea. Let's do this.
So we do it. So we reserve the spot.
Put down 50 bucks. Unlimited gameplay.
Do whatever you want. You got the wolf package? We got the e-cheese.
Yeah, we got the sleazy e-cheese. The easy e-cheese package, baby.
One of those cards that doesn't stop. You't stop you just go go go just press it and it just goes and we've been to other birthday parties at chuck e cheese that are like this and it's a lot of fun because the kids just go do whatever the fuck they want they don't have to worry about tokens or i don't have to worry about spending ten dollars every five minutes daddy i don't have any more points what were you doing the claw you can't do the claw you don't know the claw as adults adults do the club see that 49 year old over there trying to make a living selling claw related shit on ebay yeah he is a l-o-s-e-r but that's okay he's got the easy sleaze package easy cheese package so we go and we pull up 15 20 minutes early to this party there is one car in the parking lot and by the looks of the car it's the manager of the chucky cheese do you know what i'm saying like i know i already know i know where it's parked i know what kind of car it is i'm like that's amazing we have the run of the mill it's after a snow day it's a school night it's o'clock.
No one's going to be there. That's fun.

And no one was there.

Not another living soul, except for the manager of the Chuck E. Cheese, who, God bless his

extraordinarily nice heart, took a long time to check us in.

And, you know, he was a very chatty fellow.

He let me know that he'd been with the company for 29 years since he was 16 years old. He'd been with the company.
He loves the cheese. He loves the cheese.
I don't want to knock a working man because a working woman or man is a working woman or man. There's lots of different jobs out there.
And as long as you're working, that's it. Who fucking cares what you do at the end of the day? But man, 29 years listening to the Chuck E.
Cheese theme song over and over again, dealing with small children. It's a special kind of person.
So the second that we get checked in, he's already trying to upsell me on shit, right? He's like, you want to go in the bouncy house? The bouncy house, by the way, is one small trampoline connected to another small trampoline that has a big gate, like a cage around it. And you can only go in there if you have a certain wristband.
So I said, well, how much is it? And he goes, well, with your special package, you can have it for a discount at $5. And I go, okay, get the kids' socks.
They have to wear special socks in there. Then he says, okay, you guys pre-ordered two large pizzas.
Is that what you want? What time do you want it out want it out and i said two large pizzas there's like 10 adults coming and seven children we better up that to three large make it four large pizzas and he goes i'll extra large it for an extra seven dollars a piece and i said yes so now our extraordinarily inexpensive chuck e cheese venture is already costing me hundreds and hundreds of dollars. But I don't want people to go hungry.

No, you can't be cheap at the cheese.

Yes.

So, yeah, I mean, if you're cheap at the cheese, people are going to know.

Exactly.

If you're splitting a personal pan pizza between 10 adults, they're going to know.

They're going to go, hey, B, you want me to chip in?

And if you ask people to chip in at the cheese, things aren't going so well for you. I thought that podcast was doing okay.
Aren't you guys on the charts or something? Yeah, that doesn't equal money. I'll tell you that much right now.
So I say, no, no, no, no, no, big spenders here. Let me break out that Chime credit card that gives you $300 before payday.
Dininer's Club. Yeah, Diner's Club.
That's right. Diner's Club.
I am not Capital One, Capital Two. Because that's where the important people bank, at Capital Two.
So I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go extra large.
Let's do a couple peps and a couple cheeses. I mean peps, I mean pepperonis.
The people are into the pizza world know that. Maybe you know, you know.
Yeah, give me a couple peps plus, and then give me the cheese. And don't give me any of that uncooked pepperoni.
I want those nice crispy peps. That's what I need.
Crispy peps right on my cheeses. Get the chef out here, is what I want.
And by the way, at one point during the check-in process, the chef came out. There was a chef.
Middle Eastern guy, very old, probably in his early 80s. And he was so nice.
Even though he did not speak a lick of English, he was so nice. I mean, he speak a little bit of English.
And he was like, you know, came up and he shook my hand, and he goes, do you need anything? Shit. Like that.
He points to himself. I love this.
He was so cute. I wanted to give the guy a hug.
He's wearing gloves and a hairnet. I loved him.
He was the best. I thought, okay, if you're microwaving my pizza, I'm good with you, right? Whatever's going on back there.
However you guys create those pizzas. So I get everybody, the wristbands, the socks, the things, things and everyone's going wild the kids are going crazy it's just a lovely time you know it's hard to have so many kids at a chuck e cheese because they all want to play something with you they need help yeah you know one of my daughters is on the motorcycles for adults that go back and forth but she's stuck on it and it just keeps swinging back and forth and she's screaming bloody murder but there's so many other kids that I have to pay attention to that I don't notice for like four minutes that she's like just stuck on this motorcycle.

That's right.

And the birthday girl likes the carousel.

That's only three horses, three tiny little horses.

Oh, that's so cute.

Yes, she keeps on asking for more and more and more.

She spent the entire afternoon on that thing.

So then, you know, whatever it is, 450.

I said, I winked to my guy back in the kitchen i go think time for pizza and man he came out he was so proud of those pizzas and they were fucking delicious i mean so good he got cups and plates and glasses oh let me tell you something too not only did i have to pay extra for the socks but then the guy i go what about the drinks and the guy goes oh well you could get drinks like we have the soda found 2.99 for the cups and then you get all you want and i say yeah yeah yeah let me get like 13 14 of those things so i paid an extra 70 for drinks and what he failed to tell me was that the drinks came with the birthday package by the time i'd already used'd already sucked up a bunch of soda by then. And I was like, fuck.
Anywho. Pizza's coming out.
Everybody's having a great time. My little girl is having, she's just like in shit heaven.
She just loves it. She's having so much fun.
So many smiles on her face. I loved it.
And then it was time. The big moment arrived.
And they told me this was going to happen. 5.15, Chuck comes out.
Chuck is going to make an appearance. He's going to come say happy birthday, do a little dance party.
The mouse himself. The myth, the mouse, Chuck E.
Cheese comes out, which I'm pretty sure was just the manager in a mouse hat. Actually, I know was because he had the same shoes on but anyway okay all right whatever uh so he comes out and my daughter was frozen in fear oh i'm sure frozen in fear all my other kids were doing the dance party with him and my daughter just she was on the corner of the dance floor and she kept taking one step back without moving.
She kept taking one step back, one step back. And so I noticed that and I went up and, you know, to make sure that she remembers this in therapy sessions later on in life.
Yeah, well, you've already now scarred her with the wolf. Oh, the wolf she didn't like.
And the wolf launch and now the cheese man. I think it's that they don't move their mouths.
I think that's probably the scariest part is that they're talking but there's no mouth moving you know because there's a loudspeaker he's you know he's doing this dance hey you know hey cheese heads let's oh and by the way one of the characters they don't do the characters anymore the dancing characters the animatronics it's just all on a video screen but there's a whole five minutes dedicated to a character called Munch the Mouse. And he kept on saying, who wants to be a part of the Munch Pack? Munch, Munch, Munch.
Who wants to munch with me? And I thought, eh, I know I'm a little bit older than these kids. But the Munch Pack, I don't know.
I had a hard time with that one. I thought, this seems overtly sexual to me.
Who wants to be a part of the munch pack? I do, but I'm 48, and I don't know what it means to you, munch mouse, whatever your name is. So my daughter's backing up.
So to make sure that she knows that I care about her, I walked up, I kneeled down, and I said, hey, listen, it's just pretend. If you want to say hello, you can say hello.
And so I picked her up up and she put her head in my shoulders she then she turned around she looked at them and i thought this is

it she's ready she's ready for this and i started walking up to the mouse and the closer here's what happened it was like a siren

I walked up

I walked up. I walked back.
It's like she had like a little like, I don't like a little magnetic device in her brain. And the closer I got, the closer the magnet electrified.
It was really, really strange. But all's well that ends well, because Chucky tried to keep coming to her to give her a handshake.
And finally I had to tell – I said, hey, Chuck, hey, leave her alone. Back off.
I said, I think it's enough with Chucky. That's what I said.
I think it's enough with Chucky. And he goes like this in his big mouse hand.
He gave me the thumbs up. So, you know, we had cake.

We had fun.

And then the most miserable part about any Chuck E. Cheese experience, Dave and Buster's, Andretti's, you know the places, Great Wolf Lodge.
the most miserable part about any of these arcade based point systems where you get tickets or

tokens or tickets whatever the fuck it is is that you have to then try and tell your children

how that big stuffed animal

costs 7,800 tokens and you have four.

Four.

We paid $700 for that card and you only have four tokens.

You cannot get the 7,000.

See that 49-year-old over there at the claw? It's going to take him a year to get that stuffed animal. He's going to try and sell it for a hundred dollars on eBay.
Cause that's what he does for a living. Daddy talks on a microphone.
You make the call, whatever you want to do or manager at Chuggy cheese, whatever you want to do kid, but you do not have enough tokens for that. And they all throw big fucking hissy fits.
And I'm like you, I'm turning you all into little spoiled shitheads how do you think why do you think you deserve that you didn't do anything all those skee-ball tickets were mine by the way i did play a lot of skee-ball i was i was i was rigging the ski i love skee-ball skee-ball so much fun and i'm so good at it i can get in the middle almost every time if i get into a bank shot at the top me too yeah it's exactly what you do that's the only way to do it right and it's like the real skeeball thing and by the way i took one of my kids cards for like a long time and they kept on tugging on me like dad can i get my card back and i was like no i'm getting you tokens daddy's in the middle daddy's in the middle of something yeah by the way i love how i'm and then i watched i said my twin brother was there with his fiancee and i loved, and I loved it. They were playing with the kids and having fun.
But at some point, they checked out, and then they were running around doing video games together. And I was like – first of all, where did you guys get the card? I know you took it from one of the kids.
And second of all, hey, what the fuck? This is for the kids, not for you. But I couldn't yell at him too much because you know what? I do love the games too.
The games are fun. So anyway, everybody had enough for a rubber bouncy ball that I quickly threw away as soon as we got home and that's my day at Chuck E.
Cheese. Fuck you! Oh, it's always an adventure.
Oh, the chef came out. He was like going home for the day or something and he's like, everything good for everyone.
Good birthday. And I like, I just wanted to give him a hug.
I i was like you're so good everybody at chuck e cheese was lovely by the way lovely it's making me want to go go honestly do you know the manager told me when i got there there were two he said you got the place to yourself at least till 5 30 he goes but then there's another birthday over there he pointed and then he goes and that birthday right there is for a 46-year-old man. Oh.
And I said, well, we want to be out of here by then. What time does that guy call? And they always put stamps on your hand, like with the same party gets the same stamp, so you have to check.
But they never check. No.
Now. You got to keep a close eye on your kids.
No one's going to watch your kids like you do. That's all I got to say.
All right. Check out Russell Howard's brand new special available on his website.
We'll ask Christina to put the link in the show notes. You're the best.
He's also on tour. Got lots of stuff on YouTube.
His social media. He's a really, really nice guy and extraordinarily funny.
He's a really good satirist. Satir is that what you call him satirist satirist satirist tomato tomato tomato if you want more information go read the New York I'm gonna read that article yeah I'll send it to you it's really fascinating actually it's really fascinating two enterprising young men found a way to get everybody hooked on NO2.
Locally. Isn't that how it always happens though? Yeah.
And also, if you would, please go to our website, tcbpodcast.com. All the information about Chrissy and more facts and information than you could ever want about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video.
Plus, you can get your free TCB swag. Go to the Contact Us button.
Drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your address and away it will go.
Please do follow us on social media. There's more of you now than there ever was before.
But I'm not sure what that means. I don't know that you listen to the show.
Add the Commercial Break on Instagram. TCB Podcast on TikTok.
And now all episodes available. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break.
And as Astrid points out, you'll want to see the new studio. Please do that.
212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas.
We would appreciate it. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.
I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.
And I love you.

Best to you. Best to you.
And best to you

out there in the podcast universe.

Until next time, Chrissy and I do say,

we will say, and we must say,

goodbye. I'm going to Coachella to see this one.