Habeas Pump'em!

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Speaker 3 And welcome back to WSHIT's Focus on Community. I'm Deborah Flitzflatz.
I'll be taking you around town to show you what's going down.

Speaker 3 Excitement grows this week in CrabApple as pastor and certified Instagram exorcist Rockwell Pattycake visits the township.

Speaker 3 He's here to perform miracles on the locals, exorcise demons, and grow his flock and following on TikTok and YouTube.

Speaker 3 While Pastor Patty Cake does not have a home church of his own, he can be found on all his social handles at Patty Cake Patty Cake Bakersman.

Speaker 3 One local woman who had been suffering from the demon itch has been reportedly cured after Pastor Patty Cake, quote, splashed his holy waters into my barren shores, end quote.

Speaker 3 Pastor Patty Cake then went on to perform a miracle exorcism while visiting the local evangelical church.

Speaker 3 Located right here on Southwest Pables Avenue, the Living Word of Faith and Baptismal Charisma, Fellowship of the New Holy Life Assembly of God, Deeper Bible and Liturgy, Church of Luke.

Speaker 3 I had an opportunity to witness some of the services. Here's what one of those exorcisms sounded like from inside the church.

Speaker 2 A demon came with his penis and put it in my mouth.

Speaker 2 And then he tried, he came again and he slept with me last week. And I told the pastor that I need deliverance again.
And since then, my private part has been itching. You've been itching.
Yes.

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Aurosex demon. You see Aurosex? Look, Aurosex.
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You sorosex. Let that sperm of that man out.
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Speaker 2 Out, you demo!

Speaker 3 Pastor Patty Cake then went on to sign copies of his new book for a small donation fee and gave worshipers an exclusive opportunity to buy his new holy meme coin, Bitcake.

Speaker 3 Pastor Patty Cake explained that all those who walk with the Lord can get a little closer to God by buying and holding Bitcake for as long as possible.

Speaker 3 When asked how one might get closer to the Lord by buying Bitcake, the pastor went on to explain that this allows him to fly on his own personal jet, putting him closer to the heavens where he can more clearly talk to God.

Speaker 3 He explained that the restrooms on public flights are an unholy mess and that the food served is often not worthy of a man of God.

Speaker 3 I'm not sure how all those who attend church will take that explanation, but it made perfect sense to this reporter. We'll have lots more community news when we return from this commercial break.

Speaker 2 On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Speaker 2 If no Pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a Pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white.

Speaker 2 Habeas pump them. We have a Pope.
Habeas pump'em.

Speaker 2 Pump'em.

Speaker 2 Pump them. The outcome.

Speaker 2 Conclave. In the conclave.
We're pumping them in the conclave. That's what we're

Speaker 2 That's my... We're children.
My... I know, we're three.

Speaker 2 Pump them in the conclave.

Speaker 2 Drop the papers.

Speaker 2 Drop the pump-bum.

Speaker 2 The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break.
I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this this show, Chris and Joy.
Hope they best to you, Chris.

Speaker 2 Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Thanks for joining us. You know, we haven't talked a lot about

Speaker 2 since it happened is the death of the Pope. That's right.

Speaker 2 Which happened, you know, probably a week ago as we're talking about it.

Speaker 6 Now, as you're listening to it now, yeah, I thought he was on the upswing because, you know, he was sick. He was in the hospital.

Speaker 2 He got out. He was on the upswing because he decided to meet with J.D.
Vance.

Speaker 2 I mean, of all the people. But listen, the Pope is, that's what the Pope's job.
The Pope's job is to take all comers

Speaker 2 as a reformed Irish Catholic, right? And if you listen to this show, then you know that, you know, the

Speaker 2 organized religion is not my favorite thing in the world.

Speaker 2 Because I just think it's gone off the rails a little bit. Not all religions, not all churches, not all things.
I'm not putting everybody, not throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Speaker 2 But, you know, in general, the new version of Jesus that a lot of Christians subscribe to. AI Jesus.
AI Jesus. Whoa,

Speaker 6 How's that going, by the way?

Speaker 2 It's going great. I've got a private jet.
I'm AI Jesus.

Speaker 2 I've got an AI jet and I shit on migrants. And I love rich people.
AI Jesus. Who by him? Do you think Jesus would have been poor if he could have been? No.

Speaker 2 The new version of Jesus that some people are subscribing to, especially some of these like evangelicals.

Speaker 2 It's just Pentecostal. It's insane.
It's insane. It's insane that, you know.
Anyway, I don't want to get into it. I don't want to put it.

Speaker 6 We could go on and on.

Speaker 2 We could go on and on. And I do go on and on if you listen to the beginning of the shows.

Speaker 2 There's enough satire in those bits for a whole episode. But

Speaker 2 the Pope

Speaker 2 has traditionally, at least since Pope John Paul, I think, has tried to play the role of peacemaker and

Speaker 2 world delegate, ambassador to the world, so to speak. The Catholic Church certainly has a trail of bloody tears behind it, but there are, but some popes, I think, have done some good.

Speaker 2 Pope John Paul II was the pope when I was a kid, and he was revered. I mean, I remember that.

Speaker 6 I'm not Catholic and didn't grow up Catholic or knowing even a lot about the Catholic religion, but I do remember him.

Speaker 7 Yeah. And he was around for a long time.

Speaker 2 Long time.

Speaker 2 I think for like 40 years or something. I don't know for, I don't know for sure, but I do remember that like

Speaker 2 in my grandma's house, there was a picture of the pope. And my family was not particularly religious, went to church.
Yeah, but it wasn't like we were sitting. And we had the priests.

Speaker 2 My grandma would have the priests over for dinner all the time. You know, and they smoked cigarettes and got drunk.
I mean, that's just what priests in Chicago did back then, Irish Catholic priests.

Speaker 2 But, you know, there was a picture of the Pope on the wall, of Pope John Paul on the wall, and that's how revered he was. He was seen as a real peacemaker, a real gentle giant, so to speak.
And,

Speaker 2 you know, this pope was known as an everyman pope. He was kind of, he did not live in the papal palace.
He lived in an apartment

Speaker 2 still in the Vatican. I mean, it wasn't like the guy was, you know, slumming it, but he was living in a very small apartment outside of the papal palace.

Speaker 2 He felt like that kept him more connected and grounded to the people that he was serving. He was known as a person who

Speaker 2 changed dogma. Almost all the cardinals who are in place now were handpicked by that last pope.

Speaker 2 But the pope had just passed away. And he was seen as a real change from Pope Benedict, who was kind of more of a dogmatic man.
And

Speaker 2 he was more of the pomp and circumstance kind of guy, towed the line. And Pope Benedict was one of the few that retired before his death.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was like a weird thing, right? That he would actually decide to go. There's a lot of scandal happening.
A lot of scandal. Well, I mean,

Speaker 2 say the word Catholic Church, and there's one thing that comes to everybody in the United States' mind, especially in America, probably in England, maybe in Ireland.

Speaker 2 The thing that comes to mind is the crazy and incredible,

Speaker 2 vast amounts of sexual abuse that went on in the church, including to members of my family. So I know this story very well.
I'm affected by it.

Speaker 2 Not me personally, not what it didn't happen to me, to be clear.

Speaker 2 But it was, it was terrible and it was pervasive and it went on for a very long time.

Speaker 2 So this pope pushed back against that. He made kind of an apology-ish about all of it.
He took no shit. He didn't want to hear about it.
It needed to be changed.

Speaker 2 They weren't now going to take priests who were accused of terrible sexual abuses and scoot them from one parish to the next.

Speaker 6 Right, because that's what was happening, right? They were moving them around.

Speaker 2 That's what they did. Yeah.
You know, my father and I, we got into

Speaker 2 the movie Conclave.

Speaker 6 Oh, yeah. So you saw it.

Speaker 2 I did not see it.

Speaker 2 But my father and I, I think I mentioned this, we got into a disagreement about the movie Conclave because he said that Conclave, the movie, he kind of gave away the ending, which sucked.

Speaker 2 But we were talking about Conclave, the Academy Awards, and he said that he felt that the leftist media was pushing this like homosexual agenda through the movie Conclave, basically.

Speaker 2 And that he didn't believe that blah, blah, blah, that the ending was unrealistic and what. And I said, Dad, you didn't, you don't think that the Catholic Church and the Pope would

Speaker 2 like, you know, cover up some homosexual tendencies amongst priests or cardinals? And then my dad said something that kind of like,

Speaker 2 I don't know, it almost negated his argument, so to speak, when he said, for years and years and years, the Catholic Church was a place where homosexuals went to hide.

Speaker 2 That's what you did when, because the church did not condone, still does not condone homosexuality in any way, shape, or form.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 people who had homosexual tendencies went to church. They became priests.
That's what they did because they wanted to atone for their sins and push them down.

Speaker 2 The Catholic Church is, there's a lot of guilt in being a Catholic. It's just the way that it's the way the Catholic Church stays in power, in my opinion.
That's how it goes, right?

Speaker 2 If you are born with sin and you're always sinning and you're a sinner and you have to repent in front of these other people who have a direct connection to God or whatever, They have the power to wipe it all.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's all a bunch of hokey-pokey bullshit, if you ask me.

Speaker 2 And so, yes, I think that was true. Is that the Catholic Church, and especially priests

Speaker 2 who probably had knew that they were homosexuals, decided to go into priesthood because they felt like that would be their service to the Lord for the sin that they were carrying, the sins that they were carrying.

Speaker 2 But, like any sexual predilection,

Speaker 2 if it's just burning inside of you and there's no outlet, I'm not giving an excuse here, but holy shit, you know, secrets have to be kept.

Speaker 2 Things get done in silence and in the dark, and then people become targets and victims, and people become victims.

Speaker 2 And don't say anything because God will smite you and all this other bullshit that went on.

Speaker 2 God,

Speaker 2 it's crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. It's like, it, and I'm glad that I was never affected by any of that, quite frankly, because I was an altar boy.

Speaker 2 The altar boys were the first targets because they were the closest to the priests and spent time with the priests alone and defrocking and frocking and holy shit, you know, de-boning.

Speaker 2 I don't even know what the fuck went on de-boning. And

Speaker 2 it was bad and it was pervasive and it went on in almost like every single archdiocese in the United States of America.

Speaker 2 The Catholic Church has spent billions and billions of dollars trying to cover it up, then billions and billions of dollars paying people back, you know, paying people restitution.

Speaker 2 And it just keeps coming.

Speaker 2 Scandal after scandal, you know,

Speaker 2 people still suing the Catholic Church to this day. This pope said, no more.
We're not hiding this anymore. If they do it, you go to the law enforcement.
That's what you do. Let them handle it.

Speaker 2 It's for them to deal with.

Speaker 2 And, you know, it's another little washing of the hands there, but at least it was a step in the right direction where Pope Benedict, I think, just kind of kept the cover up going, right?

Speaker 2 There were noted sexual abusers who just kept scooting from one place to the other until they were retired to the priestly home in the sky or some fucking villa in Italy or some shit like that.

Speaker 2 I mean, the Catholic Church has vast amounts of wealth, vast amounts of wealth. The wealthiest country in the world is.
It's not the United States of America. It's the fucking Vatican.

Speaker 2 That's what it is. They own more real estate than any other

Speaker 2 entity in the world. Big real estate dollars, right? And all the, I went to the Vatican faster than I did.

Speaker 6 I've been twice. Yeah.
It's amazing.

Speaker 2 And it's dripping in gold.

Speaker 6 Well, yeah, the art, all of the arts and all of the, yeah, it's crazy. One

Speaker 2 square foot on one wall of St. Peter's Basilica is worth more than any of us will make combined.
Elon Musk is like a

Speaker 2 pobre

Speaker 2 compared to the wealth that the Catholic Church has just at the Vatican. That's it.
It's amazing. It's immense.

Speaker 2 But millions and millions and millions of people across the world look to the Pope for their

Speaker 6 Easter.

Speaker 2 He was there.

Speaker 2 He said happy Easter, but he did not give the eulogy. The eulogy.
God, prisoner. Sorry about that.

Speaker 2 A little slip of the tongue, Brian.

Speaker 2 He said happy Easter, but the last words apparently were to his personal medical assistant when he said, Thank you for taking me on a ride around the square. They put him in the Potemobile.

Speaker 2 He wanted to go on a ride around the square and talk to the see the people um because he was a man of the people so this guy you know really kind of a man of the people and you can see why people are sad that that he's gone and now the great debate starts the conclave yes it does

Speaker 2 which we went through the last one i went through the we saw the one for pope benedict we went through the last one that i think took uh some time actually i think it took a couple weeks or something like that and the puff of smoke and the i don't know if they ring their balls or their bells or whatever i don't know what goes on

Speaker 6 Well, everybody gets shut in, and then they don't do the smoke until a new pope has been decided. You've really got to watch conclave.

Speaker 2 Isn't it like white smoke until it's, and then black smoke indicates that it's a pope? Or is it black smoke and then white smoke indicates that? Oh, right. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Black smoke and then white smoke indicates that it, that they've decided on a new pope. I think that's a very small vote.
Like they take a different color smoke. They take a vote, and if

Speaker 2 they haven't decided, if there isn't a majority, then they puff a black smoke. And then if they did, then it's a puff of white smoke or something along those lines.
But that conclave,

Speaker 2 way more than Augusta National, is probably the most mysterious club event in the world. And Augusta National is pretty fucking secretive.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm talking about the place where they hold the masters. But this is like

Speaker 2 thousands of years of tradition, and weirdness, and strangeness, and odd things happening in the closed doors where no one's allowed unless you're a cardinal.

Speaker 2 And I, what I wouldn't give to just like, I think 2025, it's time we stream this shit on Twitch. Do you know what I'm saying? I really do.
Let's see what goes on. Let's see how they talk about it.

Speaker 2 Let's see all the little intricacies of all of this, you know, thousands of years of tradition and dogma and whatever the hell goes on back there. Watch the movie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I do want to watch.

Speaker 6 A true representation of what happens. Now, yeah, the end is different.
I don't know.

Speaker 6 I'm very interested to see what you think. I don't think there's any kind of

Speaker 6 homosexual thing being pushed at all.

Speaker 2 It's just my dad being my dad. This is my dad watching too much of something, you know? I don't know.

Speaker 6 There's a twist in the end for sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he says that twist is like, whatever. You know, it's my dad's a good guy.
He's just like, sometimes he's

Speaker 6 happens to the best.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're all getting old.

Speaker 2 The elderly. Yeah, you know, I saw Patton Oswald say something very interesting.
Patton Oswald said, I don't harp on cancel culture.

Speaker 2 And I don't jump in on it. And I'll tell you why, is because all of us, if we live long enough, will eventually say something that'll come back and bite us in the ass for cancel culture.

Speaker 2 And it's true, right?

Speaker 2 You grow up and things are a certain way, and then they change, but you don't change as quick as it might change, or you don't change at all. And then all of a sudden, you're the bad guy.

Speaker 2 That's just the way it was back then. It's like when

Speaker 2 we were talking to

Speaker 2 Meredith from the office, right?

Speaker 2 And we were sharing that, you know, teasing is something that we all grew up doing and getting we all teased each other that's how it worked and if you lived with more than one sibling then you knew that teasing was just a way of communication but now it's like you know you you're arrested for teasing it's like it's a little bit

Speaker 2 it's a little bit on the strange side yeah but this conclave will be interesting and how the church chooses to move and what direction they choose to move is always

Speaker 6 hopefully more towards the progressive side again because speaking of like homosexual um talk with the church, I think, didn't this, the current pope that just said he came out and said it was okay, gay marriage was okay.

Speaker 2 He didn't say that. He said that under certain circumstances,

Speaker 2 and I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like harsh at you, but no, you're the expert.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I'm an expert, but

Speaker 2 I do keep like a little, you know, I hear something about the Pope, and because of my upbringing, it like perked my ears up a little bit.

Speaker 6 He was more sympathetic.

Speaker 2 He was more sympathetic. And what he said was: in certain circumstances,

Speaker 2 gay couples can be blessed in the Catholic Church in certain circumstances. What those circumstances were,

Speaker 2 I don't know. And I don't know why it has to be circumstances.
Maybe they both have to be Catholic or practicing Catholic or whatever.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of rules around fucking getting married and getting divorced and all that other shit.

Speaker 2 It's quite frankly, it's a little ridiculous. It's a little ridiculous.

Speaker 2 Because if you take the teachings of Jesus, on its face value, let's not go with, you know, if you touch the penis of a goat, then you have to chop your arm off and all this other crazy Bible dogma that a lot of people get into.

Speaker 2 If you just take it at face value, take what Jesus said at face value, do unto others. That's the

Speaker 2 first rule. That the first and last rule.
If you follow that,

Speaker 2 you're good. Good.
You're good. Right.
Yeah. If you do unto others as you would do to yourself, as you would wish other people would do to yourself.
And you would be treated. That's it.

Speaker 6 And you treat other people like that.

Speaker 2 In any circumstance. Yeah.
Any person. Yep.
Right? Colorblind, cash blind,

Speaker 2 whatever. Murderers, rapers, robbists, lepers, and all.
Like take all comers. That's it.
Treat them the way you want to be treated and lest ye be judged. That's it.
It's like, it's really pretty easy.

Speaker 2 It's very hard to do in real life, but it's pretty easy. So if you take all the other dogma out of it,

Speaker 2 what a blessing. to have that teaching as a human being.
What a blessing to have that guidance as a human being.

Speaker 2 But if you take all of the dogma and you start really reading the Bible and taking it as if it's a fucking menu at Cheesecake Factory and

Speaker 2 you're supposed to follow every rule and word and menu item is supposed to be on the plate, then

Speaker 2 you're a nutneck. I don't know what else to say.
Like it's 2,000 years ago that some of these things were written.

Speaker 2 It's not applicable to what's happening in 2025, nor should it be. That's just the way that it is.
Humanity has changed. We all grew up.
And now I'm thinking about that show, The Pope.

Speaker 6 Sorry, I've drifted off. The new pope? The one that was...
The young pope.

Speaker 2 The young pope.

Speaker 6 The young pope. I want to see that now.

Speaker 6 Were you the one that was telling me it was the pope?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 The young pope. Okay.
What a great

Speaker 2 fucking fantastic show.

Speaker 6 Is it multiple seasons or was it?

Speaker 2 It's like four seasons, I think. Okay, I'm not making it.
I think it's three or four seasons. I watched it during the pandemic.

Speaker 2 Right when we were starting this show, I was getting into the new pope and it was ending its run, but I had started from the beginning. What a fucking fantastic stylized.

Speaker 2 Certainly don't watch it if you like are really into the dogma of the pope and catechism. You're not going to be a big new, uh, the young pope fan, but what a fantastic show

Speaker 2 played to the T

Speaker 2 and really

Speaker 2 shows you what would happen if there was a young pope, a young pope, but a young pope who is also

Speaker 2 cunning and conniving.

Speaker 2 You know, he's a little bit of a, like an anti-hero, so to speak, right? And there's a lot of sex in the movie in it, and

Speaker 2 a lot of temptation.

Speaker 2 Listen, that's the other thing about the fucking priests and the pope and the cardinals and all that other stuff. Do you really need to be celibate? Is that really a thing you have to do?

Speaker 2 I mean, haven't we gotten out, gotten, can we grow up a little bit and just understand?

Speaker 2 There's so many other religions that don't adhere to this one dumb rule that I think causes a lot of fucking drama, if I'm being honest. Let a priest shake it out every once in a while.
21 EPMs.

Speaker 2 Let him go. Just let him go.

Speaker 6 For health reasons, if nothing else.

Speaker 2 Yes, for health reasons, if for nothing else. For health reasons, for sanity, for mental health, for just for the betterment of man in general, for the betterment of the church in general.

Speaker 2 Let the priests get married and fornicate. Who fucking cares?

Speaker 2 Some people even believe that Jesus was not celibate.

Speaker 2 As a matter of fact, the last temptation of Christ is now, they're coming out with the last temptation of Christ too. I'm not sure we need one, but now they have two,

Speaker 2 which is about just that, that there is some historical backing to believe that Jesus, in fact, was in love, did have sex, was

Speaker 2 a man of the he was a man. It was a man.
You know what I'm saying? No sheet balls here. This guy was going at it.
And listen, I don't know. Who knows? What do I? I'm not Jesus.
I wasn't around then.

Speaker 2 But I can tell you this: if we got rid of that one dumb rule, if the Catholics got one of that, rid of that one duel.

Speaker 6 What's the reason?

Speaker 6 You marry God or something?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're, yeah, you marry Gat. You know, it's

Speaker 2 Mary was a virgin. You're a virgin.
We're all virgins. It's like the, it's your vow to God that you, there's only one you'll lust after.
And that's the who fucking honestly, come on. really?

Speaker 2 They're not, they're not gods, they're just men and people. And while we're at it, let a few women get the fucking frog.
Yes, let's do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I can guarantee we wouldn't have so many shenanigans going on if women were in charge.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying it would have all gone away because there's women who have predilections too, but I'm just saying, you know, it would have been a whole different situation, I think.

Speaker 2 We could get some women to slap some of those guys around. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 6 Episcopal, aren't that? Isn't this very close to the Catholic or something?

Speaker 2 Well, Episcopals are Christians.

Speaker 2 Christianity, big umbrella. No, I know.
Believe in Christ. And then there's a billion different fucking versions of that, right? Up to and including Mormons, which

Speaker 2 anyway.

Speaker 6 Maybe we should switch from this topic.

Speaker 2 No, I love it. I like talking about this.
I think it's great.

Speaker 7 I think it's an interesting conversation.

Speaker 2 But listen, again, but whatever you choose to do, that's on you. Yes, you do yours.

Speaker 2 You do you. All right, let's take a break.
We'll be back.

Speaker 8 Why don't you text us and we can text back? And then you can text us and reply, then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing, and I think you'll be great at it.
212-433-3TCB.

Speaker 8 That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message too.
If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great.

Speaker 8 You could go to the website and drop us an email, also, tcbpodcast.com. And while you're there, you can get a free sticker.
Who doesn't want a free sticker?

Speaker 8 Just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at thecommercial break and watch the episodes at youtube.com slash the commercial break.

Speaker 8 Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game. You wanna play?

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 8 Bye.

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Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, if you go, like, if you do the, like, the CNN has a

Speaker 2 CNN has a great, like,

Speaker 2 to watch that. They have a whole series on the popes, right? And so

Speaker 2 on SiriusXM, they have a CNN originals channel.

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah. CNN originals.

Speaker 2 All they do is just run the audio from those originals and they do the popes. And yeah, those popes.
I'm going to put that in my notes. They were having kids.
They were. Yeah, they were having babies.

Speaker 2 They were running alcohol. I mean, these guys were doing everything.
Yeah, they're just people. That's it.
All right. So the conclave explained by ChatGPT, not the movie.

Speaker 2 Conclave is a private confidential meeting.

Speaker 2 Most famously, it is termed for the papal conclave, where cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church gather to elect a new pope.

Speaker 2 Who's involved? Only cardinals under the age of 80 are allowed to vote. The number of electors is capped at 120.
When it happens, after a pope dies

Speaker 2 or resigns, such as Pope Benedict, there's a mourning period, and then the cardinals meet in Rome, specifically at this Sistine Chapel. Not a bad place to spend a couple of weeks, if you ask me.

Speaker 2 That Sistine Chapel is beautiful, no matter how you feel about religion. It's gorgeous.

Speaker 2 Some of those popes, too, are in the Vatican, buried under there jeff and i went down in there and saw their tombs yes i did too it's wild yeah it is wild and the cat the papal library yeah the vatican library yeah yeah that's a big one is in it's like down 200 feet underground

Speaker 2 it's like nuclear proof yes and you can't get in you i mean certain historians and researchers and stuff like that can get in but you have to be blessed to get in and if you get in there all eyes are on you because you're not touching anything they don't want you to touch.

Speaker 2 You're not looking anywhere they don't want you to look, and you certainly ain't taking nothing home. This isn't a place where you check out the books.
You got to go there.

Speaker 2 Some people spend their entire lives looking through that library just to do research on one particular subject. I love old libraries.
Because they keep books from like the Egyptian times.

Speaker 2 They have like papyrus right. They have like writing on papyrus.

Speaker 6 That's how stuff from all over the world.

Speaker 2 From all over the world. Do you think they have 33 P's original songwriting? One can only hope.
One can only imagine. I mean,

Speaker 2 the Library of Congress written on my papyrus. 33 P's.

Speaker 6 Or on the back of a Dick Tracy poster.

Speaker 2 Sonny, sign up.

Speaker 2 The word conclave comes from the Latin term cumclave, which means with a key. That's why it's secret.
The Cardinals are locked in and cut off from the outside world. No phones, no contact at all.

Speaker 2 No exceptions. Secrecy is strictly enforced.
They even sweep for electronic bugs daily.

Speaker 2 Geez, wow.

Speaker 2 I mean, but that Italian press is really known to be

Speaker 2 pretty serious. They're hounds.
Yeah, they're hounds. Yeah.
And it's all about the Vatican. I mean, it's in Italy, so it's in Rome.
So it's all about,

Speaker 2 well, I mean, technically, it's his own country, but you get it.

Speaker 2 The voting process. The voting is done by secret ballot.
A candidate must receive two-thirds majority to be elected. There are up to four ballots per day, two in the morning, two in the afternoon.

Speaker 2 The smoke signals, after each round of voting, the ballots are burned.

Speaker 2 If no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white.

Speaker 2 Habeas, pump them. We have a pope.
Habeas, pump them.

Speaker 2 Pump them.

Speaker 2 Pump them. The outcome.
In the conclave. In the cumclave.
We're pumping them in the conclave. That's what we're doing.

Speaker 2 That's my. We're children.
My... I know.
We're...

Speaker 2 Pump them in the conclave.

Speaker 2 Drop the papers.

Speaker 2 Drop the pump.

Speaker 2 Drop the black spot. Drop the black spoon.

Speaker 2 We have a new post pump.

Speaker 2 And people really do get excited about this shit. I mean, people go crazy.

Speaker 2 There's old ladies who are going to be sitting out in front of that Sistine chapel for the entirety of that conclave.

Speaker 2 And it could take months. You'd never know.
I mean, I think when Benedict was elected, if I remember correctly, it was like two months we were waiting for that new. Was it? I think so.

Speaker 2 I think it was a really long time we were waiting for that

Speaker 2 announcement. It makes sense.

Speaker 6 I feel like when my sister and I went to Italy, there was something going on then.

Speaker 2 You went during the conclave? Well, I don't think it had...

Speaker 6 Maybe it had just happened.

Speaker 6 There's a buzz about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's always something going on at that, at that Vatican. It's always crowded.
I mean,

Speaker 2 we bought like the Fast Pass or whatever. We bought that for us.
Well, we did too with like a tour guide. Yeah, we did.
Yeah. Small group.
We just said, hey, listen, what we went on the website.

Speaker 2 And it's like, you know, wait in line, $5,

Speaker 2 and then only see.

Speaker 6 But it's a long line.

Speaker 2 I was glad I got the fast pass. Oh, me too.

Speaker 2 That line was huge. Yeah, but you can go, like, they have private tour groups.
And those tour groups.

Speaker 6 That's what I did with Jeff. And Kelly and I did it.
We just did it on our own.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you just get in the group and then you leave the group once you get in there, which is what we did. We just kind of left the group.
Who cares? No one cares.

Speaker 2 And they say you got to stick in the group together, going in the door. And then if you choose to go off on your own, then just keep your badge on your body.

Speaker 6 But they have interesting information they give you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they do. I mean, listen, it's a full-blown museum.
It's a part of how the Vatican makes its money.

Speaker 6 That map room was really cool. That map, that map hallway.

Speaker 2 They've got all those maps, those old maps from

Speaker 2 all over the years.

Speaker 6 What you thought the world.

Speaker 2 The 900s. Yeah.
Yeah. When map making started.
I mean, it's really

Speaker 2 fascinating. If you ever get a chance to go to Rome, first of all, it's as if you're at Epcot, but it's all real.

Speaker 2 It's really quite intense to go to Rome for the first time because everything is older than Jesus himself. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And a lot of it for... There's a lot of there's a lot of ruins.
There's ruins right in the middle of the setting.

Speaker 6 You can just walk by them.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You're touching a wall and it's from the Roman Empire.
And

Speaker 2 the Coliseum, all the stuff just popping out of the, out of the wall, it just pops out of

Speaker 2 the ground. It's like, oh, shit, that's a column from the Coliseum.

Speaker 2 It's all intense. It's all great.
And then you go into the Vatican, and it's just crazy. It's not big.

Speaker 2 It's like a small, very small town, but it is highly guarded, very dense.

Speaker 2 There's, You can see cardinals just walking around, nuns, priests. I mean, it's just like it's so busy at any given time.

Speaker 2 And once you get inside of the Vatican, once you get inside of the building, if you're going to the Papal Museum or wherever you're going, once you get inside, it's crazy that you are surrounded by more money than you will ever be surrounded by.

Speaker 2 More money than Fort Knox, 10 times. And you know it because maps from the year 702 don't exactly pop up everywhere.
You know what I'm saying? But the Catholic Church has kept it.

Speaker 2 It would be immensely sad if anything ever happened to that treasure trove of history.

Speaker 2 But then again, it's like, it's an embarrassment of riches in a lot of ways because this one religion controls all of this history. It's all there.
It's all being controlled by the Catholic Church.

Speaker 2 And what they choose to do with it so far is mostly transparent. I know they have a lot of secrets, but it's mostly transparent.

Speaker 2 And you can go see it. And I think that's doing a great service to the world is that you can go see these things and people can study them and historians can look at them.

Speaker 2 What I really want to get to the bottom of, and the things that really interest me, are around the story of Jesus himself, the Noah's Ark,

Speaker 2 the Ark of the Covenant, Jesus, the Shroud of Turin, stuff like that. Like all that really

Speaker 2 interests me too because I want to know if any of it is real. You know, they say that the last, the last cup of Christ, the cup of Christ, the chalice of Christ, right?

Speaker 2 The cup that he drank out of in the Last Supper is in a church in Valencia, Spain. And you can go to this church and for a donation, you can walk and see the last chalice of Christ, right?

Speaker 2 the cup that Christ supposedly drank out of at the Last Supper.

Speaker 2 And while I'm not a particularly religious person, the weight of the moment, the weight of staring at it is pretty intense. Even it's probably not true.

Speaker 2 The Last Cup of Christ is certainly not sitting at a church, a public church in Valencia, Spain. That's not true.
But just the thought that it might be is pretty interesting.

Speaker 2 And when you look at it, you're like, wow, did a guy named Jesus Christ really touch that?

Speaker 2 And then you see all these other artifacts when you walk in the Sistine Chapel or you walk into the Papal Museum or whatever it is, it's intense. The weight of it is intense.

Speaker 2 If you have any interest in history, then you know just how heavy, the gravitas that some of these artifacts really hold. It's like walking into the Louvre and seeing King Tut, you know, it's like

Speaker 6 speaking of, I love all the pyramid stuff. That's even before.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's alien type shit. That's Joe Rogan alien-type shit.
That's really intense.

Speaker 2 Yeah, when you go to the Louvre, it is another one where it is a literal

Speaker 2 graveyard of wealth. It is immensely big.
It is immensely deep. It is immensely full of riches and art that you will never in a million lifetimes get to see.

Speaker 2 The Louvre, when Aster and I went to the Louvre, we've been a couple times.

Speaker 2 When we went to the Louvre for the first time, the Louvre, if you don't mind, Chrissy, we went to the Louvre for the first time. I thought, no problem, let's go for the day.

Speaker 2 Let's get there at eight o'clock in the morning when we wake and we'll have lunch there because I got a couple restaurants and we'll have lunch there and we'll just do it.

Speaker 2 We'll go see everything there is to see. We'll walk through it real quick.
Holy shit. All right.
You can't get through one wing of the Louvre in a day. You can't get through it in a week.

Speaker 2 Not one wing. And there's like seven wings of the Louvre.
It's crazy how much art and artifacts and crazy stuff they have at the Louvre. It's the same with the Vatican.

Speaker 2 So, you know, listen, the conclave is on and we'll see what happens. I'm really excited to get the conclave on.
I know. I'm going to be reading all the Italian,

Speaker 2 you know, paparazzi rags in English. I'm excited.
I mean, you translate them, Chappie. A bella tutta.
Habias a pumpum.

Speaker 2 Habias a cum cum.

Speaker 2 Last time there was like some drama. There was some like papal boy was sleeping with one of the cardinals.
I remember it was a whole thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they caught him coming out of an apartment. It was like the Italian press caught this, like, you know, altar boy coming out of one of the cardinals' rooms, and it was scandal.

Speaker 2 And he had to apologize for his misgivings.

Speaker 2 I'd like to think it's just a party when they close the doors. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Bring out a good wine. Yeah,

Speaker 2 they turn on some Bruno Mars and they get dancing. I mean, come on.
Yeah. All of those guys.

Speaker 2 They say they don't let people over 80 vote, but so then therefore it's between 75 and 80 that you vote because all those guys are so old.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 The bathrooms there must get a workout because they're probably glad to be.

Speaker 2 That's probably why it takes so long to pick a Pope. Everyone's got a pee every five minutes.
My bee. They're all old.

Speaker 2 I'd like them to see them pick a pope of a different race. That's what I'd like to see.
Then we know that real progress is being made.

Speaker 2 And there's always, listen, there's a lot of Catholic people in Africa, like a lot of Catholic people in Africa. And so far,

Speaker 2 no black popes. What? All over the world.
All over the world. Oh, yeah.
It's huge. It's like Muslim and then Catholic, isn't it? Something like that.
Muslim, Catholic.

Speaker 2 What are the let's let's ask chat GPT? What are the biggest religions in the world? Oh, Hinduism, I think is another big one.

Speaker 2 What are the largest religions in the world?

Speaker 2 I love Chat GPT. I'm just getting it's

Speaker 2 a personal assistant.

Speaker 7 I got you going with it, did I?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Christianity. Well, okay, so, but what about Catholics? Okay, Christianity is the biggest, 2.4 billion.
Islam, 1.9, Hinduism, 1.2, Buddhism, 500 million. Sikh, Judaism,

Speaker 2 traditional religions. Oh, like Chinese folk religion and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I imagine of Christianity, a good chunk of those people have to be Catholic. That's my, that's my guess.
I know, not all Catholic, but I would guess more than half are Catholics.

Speaker 2 Throughout the world. Yeah.
Yeah, throughout the world. But the African continent has a lot.
of Catholics. And so you'd like to see them represent.

Speaker 2 That's what I think would represent true, like visual progress is if we had a black pope and there's a couple of cardinals in there who are, I hear from my connections in the Italian paparazzi that are up for it.

Speaker 2 So I don't know anything.

Speaker 2 Tell us how you feel about the papal conclave. We're just, you know, just shooting the shit.
I thought it was something interesting to talk about because I find a little.

Speaker 6 Yeah, we could talk about it.

Speaker 2 You couldn't pull me into a church. But when the papal conclave comes along, and they don't happen very often, so enjoy it while it's here, kids, because the next pope's probably going to die.

Speaker 2 We should have a pope party. We should have a pope party who's bringing the blow

Speaker 6 why instead of white smoke white powder yeah

Speaker 2 finger dip finger dip

Speaker 2 all right i see some people are calling on this hotline here let's see if we can get one okay all right we'll be back

Speaker 8 Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple.
Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute.

Speaker 8 Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too?

Speaker 2 You know you do.

Speaker 8 Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
You can be on the show too.

Speaker 8 Just call and say something. Anything.
Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise.
Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker.

Speaker 8 It's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide. You get the point.

Speaker 8 Follow us on Instagram at thecommercial break and watch all the episodes on video at youtube.com/slash thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.

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Speaker 2 All right, so for a long time, we have wanted to have callers call into the show, but we have not been able to technically get it to work, Chrissy, because, you know, that's just how I roll. Yes.

Speaker 2 I love doing it. it.
But I asked some people to call in today specifically, and I see the phone is ringing.

Speaker 2 I know this guy who's calling in, so let's pick up the phone here. Name is Sean.
Sean is a longtime listener of the show. So let's pick up the phone.
We'll talk to you.

Speaker 7 Long time, first time.

Speaker 2 First time, long time.

Speaker 2 Long time, first time. Sean Morris.
There he is right now. Hey, buddy.
How are you? Hey, Brian and Chrissy. How y'all doing? Good to see you.

Speaker 2 Thank you. That's a pleasure.
I'm glad to be on the show. Well, we are happy to have you.
We're glad to have a listener call in. No celebrities today, kids.
It's only regular.

Speaker 2 Well, celebrity in his own right. Yes, that's right.
But

Speaker 2 so Sean

Speaker 2 has been texting in for a long time, and I put the siren call out to have some people call in. I'm glad that you called in, Sean.
Sean, real quick, you live down in South Georgia. Is that correct?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I grew up in Douglas, Georgia. And I live in, currently live in the Brunswick, Georgia, on the coast.
But I grew up in Dare, I mean, Douglas, Georgia.

Speaker 2 And you've mentioned Valdosta, Georgia, a couple of times, Brian. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 a little fun fact, I didn't know if you knew this. Doc Holiday, the famous Doc Holiday,

Speaker 2 grew up in Valadosta, Georgia. Did you know that? No shit.
I had no idea that Doc Holiday was from Valdosta. Val Kilmer.
Val Kilmer.

Speaker 2 That's from Faith. Look it up here.

Speaker 2 Oh, Doc Holiday was played by Val Kilmer. Val Val Kilmer, Val Dye.
Yeah, Val Kilmer. Yeah, I love Val Kilmer.
But yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 That's one of my favorite all-time TV movies. Oh,

Speaker 2 Sean, you and me both.

Speaker 2 I love Tombstone.

Speaker 6 That is like one of my favorite movies of all time.

Speaker 2 I'll be your Huckleberry. I'll be your Huckleberry.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love it. You should take it on the road.

Speaker 2 Sean texts in, and, you know, Sean follows the show very closely. And for that, I am ultimately appreciative.

Speaker 2 And I tell Sean all the time, and like I tell a lot of people, listen, this can be kind of a lonely venture.

Speaker 2 You sit here, it's not lonely in the sense that Chrissy and I are here, but it's lonely in the sense that, you know, you don't get instant feedback.

Speaker 2 It's not like we're on a stage with people, but we have a lot of people that do text in frequently. And Sean is top three, no doubt about it.

Speaker 2 And Sean has on occasion sent me videos or pictures of you trapping, removing wild animals from South Georgia. Now, let me me paint a picture for the people who don't know.
South Georgia

Speaker 2 is on,

Speaker 2 we're talking about like the coastal areas, what they would call low country, lowlands, where it's like swampy,

Speaker 2 yeah, low country, low country, some dangerous ass water, some brackish, salty, fresh water,

Speaker 2 yeah, where it's like the tide goes in, the tide comes out, and there's all kinds of

Speaker 2 critters. I imagine possums are in there too, because possums show up wherever.
Oh, yeah, I know you love, I love, I know you love possums. I fucking hate them, John.
We're good with the baby.

Speaker 2 When you're doing this nuisance trapping,

Speaker 2 when you're waist deep in water because you're licensed. Yeah, because you're licensed to do this.
How do you go about

Speaker 2 like who calls you? The homeowner or the government?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I've had several, I've had several homeowner calls, but most, you know, well, a lot of, you know, hunting clubs,

Speaker 2 deer clubs, they have, you you know, they've got thousands, two thousand acres. And I started out with the coyotes and they're killing the baby, baby deer.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 that was kind of for free. But

Speaker 2 I just, I did it, but I didn't, you know, I didn't really enjoy it because it was just taking my time up.

Speaker 2 But, you know, I had a big gigantic corporation company call me with with the beaver, the beavers.

Speaker 2 They're plugging up pipes and they're flooding roads, timber companies, and they're flooding the roads, washing the roads out.

Speaker 2 They're destroying like 50, 60 acres of woodland with jamming up the pipes and the corverts. And that's where

Speaker 2 I do that kind of on the side.

Speaker 2 other than my other work.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 people, you know, i i've got a lot of hate mail a lot of hate stuff on facebook because

Speaker 2 but people have to understand i'm i'm only removing two or three beavers and there's thousands of beavers in the swamps but these two or three beavers are you know flooding roads out and destroying you know hundreds of acres of timber listen to this listen to this my dad lives on a lake and on that lake you know it's

Speaker 2 it's a man-made lake. So it's part of the Duke Energy man-made lake thing up in North Carolina.
And they had a couple of beavers that nested near their

Speaker 2 wet slip, right? Their dock, right, at the back of their house. And those beavers.
were chewing up wires. They were chewing up communication wires.

Speaker 2 They were taking down trees and putting them like on the dock, like they were falling on the dock. I mean, these guys were like doing a lot of damage.
Now, listen, the beavers were there first.

Speaker 2 Okay, I got that. But they had to have the beavers removed and replaced somewhere else because those beavers were causing like real damage to the property.

Speaker 2 And as cute as they might, you know, seem, they,

Speaker 2 they were just, they were just a nuisance. So, and if they're like causing real problems, I can see why you'd want to remove them and replace them somewhere else.

Speaker 2 When you get in the wastewater, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 Are you taking traps or are you trying to find, do you ever trap snakes? Well, you call them? Oh, my God. Is there a beaver coming?

Speaker 2 I've got so many stores. And you're right, Brian.
I mean, I mean,

Speaker 2 I've got so many friends that a beaver, a couple of beavers can cost $25,000

Speaker 2 a pond down. A pond dam has to be rebuilt.
But beavers are cute and they're very smart and they're the nature's engineer. I mean, they build build dams and they're very intelligent.

Speaker 2 And I respect all wildlife. I do, I do.
But there's certain circumstances where you have to remove a certain colony or whatever because they're just wreaking havoc. And,

Speaker 2 but yeah, you're right. But

Speaker 2 going to the fact of me going in the water, oh, Brian and Chris.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I encounter alligators frequently. I encounter water moccasins.
Now, alligators really don't scare me as much as the water moccasins. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm wading waist deep in the water through

Speaker 2 vines and weeds.

Speaker 2 What are you wearing?

Speaker 2 You're wearing like

Speaker 2 chest waiters.

Speaker 2 Chest waders. And I'm wearing chest waders.
And I, by law, I have to carry a pistol. I by law.

Speaker 2 You have to carry a pistol because it protects you against the alligators and the jaguars or whatever it is.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah,

Speaker 2 there's many reasons.

Speaker 2 I mean, people maybe hate me for that, but

Speaker 2 I got some stories about

Speaker 2 some Facebook posts and women getting mad at me, and I can address that. Haters gonna hate it.
Haters are gonna hate. And listen, I want to say this to the audience.

Speaker 2 I want to say this to the audience in defense of Sean a little bit and others like him. You

Speaker 2 all

Speaker 2 life is precious, and I don't disagree.

Speaker 2 I don't disagree with that.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 2 Exactly. I respect wildlife.
I respect every animal. I respect deer, hogs, alligator.
I respect all wildlife. But

Speaker 2 hold on. Hold on one second.
I mean, it's like, and like people like, well, you eat chicken, you raise chickens, and um, you kill chickens to eat.

Speaker 2 And they're like, I'm like, well, where do you get chicken? Well, I get it from the freezer section in the grocery store. I'm like, where do you think that chicken?

Speaker 2 Exactly. Yes.
And the reality is, is that if we're gonna, if we're gonna co-mingle, if we're gonna co-habitate with animals, there are things that we have to do to keep each other safe.

Speaker 2 And sometimes those things include removing or replacing or rehabitating some types of animals so that they don't get in the way of something more dangerous or cause something more dangerous now let me ask you this why are you not afraid of alligators well alligators in the wild are pretty much basically scared of humans the dangerous alligators are the ones that are fed from docks in subdivisions

Speaker 2 because they're not afraid of people and those are the dangerous ones now i encounter alligators in the wild all the time and they are afraid of humans and they will leave now i will tell you one story there's one type of alligator that i'm scared of in the wild that's a mama with babies right right that's any wild animal any wild animal

Speaker 2 i was i was doing a trapping i was doing a beaver uh nuisance control job and i had to

Speaker 2 walk down this steep bank and walk around this dam. I'm in the water, like waist deep with my waders on.

Speaker 2 And I set some traps for beavers because they were clogging up the pipe and flooding the road in the woods. And then I heard this specific grunt.

Speaker 2 And I know what that grunt sounds like. I can mimic it.
I can call. I know how to call alligators.
I can call alligators up to me. Wow.

Speaker 2 Specific baby grunt. I mean, it's a specific sound.
And I was in the water and I was sitting trapped and I was in, I was wasting.

Speaker 2 And I heard this little chirp. It's like a chirp.
And it was baby alligators. And I'm like, oh, shit.

Speaker 2 And I'm like 50 feet away and I'm in the water.

Speaker 2 And I eased my way out and I walked down the little road and I saw a nest down in the bank. And there was like five little baby alligators in in the nest.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 a holy like, and I've already got traps out there in that water. And I had to check them every day.
And the next day I parked my truck way down the road. I walked and I saw the mama.

Speaker 2 Eight feet, nine feet long. Mama animals.

Speaker 2 That's crazy. 80 feet, 50 feet for where I was waiting in the water and had my beaver traps.
And I'm like, no

Speaker 2 no i'm out of here

Speaker 2 let me check back another baby traps out of there and i left that spot i'm like no and i didn't i did i i i mean i i really could have you know

Speaker 2 killed the mama and you know i i don't want to do that yeah no no

Speaker 2 what is

Speaker 2 Do you find that there's like, I know that this is going on in Florida, especially in South Florida, where they have, you know, vast amounts of swampland down there.

Speaker 2 But does it happen in Georgia that you have pythons, tame pythons that end up?

Speaker 2 We don't have pythons in Georgia that are, I mean, I've worked down in South Florida, but no, we don't have pythons in South Georgia.

Speaker 2 We have a lot of water moccasins and a lot of alligators and rattlesnakes.

Speaker 2 And I'm in that. I'm in that every day when I'm trapping beavers.
I'm walking through the woods and I've encountered, I mean,

Speaker 2 God.

Speaker 2 I hope you're getting paid well.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, Chrissy, I did. I mean, it was, it was decent money.
I mean, it really was.

Speaker 6 Yeah, well, nobody else wants to get out there and do that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, when you do something, no one else wants to do. I mean, I'm, I'm, I consider myself pretty brave, but when it comes to getting in the water, I mean,

Speaker 2 I guess to tell you, the scariest thing to me is the water moccasins.

Speaker 2 They are

Speaker 2 mean

Speaker 2 and they are aggressive and they're everywhere. And

Speaker 2 do you have to psych yourself up before you get in the water with like a song or something?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Listen to some commercial bricks.

Speaker 2 Well, I was, I think I told Brian, I think I told you, Brian, one time on a text one time, you know, I used to work when I was a teenager. I worked for a pest control company.

Speaker 2 I used to crawl into houses to check for termites. And one time I crawled over an air conditioner vent and

Speaker 2 under the cross-day store. You know, those little dope, there's little holes where you crawl under a house.

Speaker 2 And immediately, when I crawled in on my belly, my hand touched this slimy thing, and it was like a four-foot

Speaker 2 freshly shed snakeskin.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, I've got to crawl under this whole house to my job. And I just touched this snake skin.
I knew this snake's under this house somewhere.

Speaker 2 And I've, but I've gotten to crawl. And oh, your favorite thing, Brian.

Speaker 2 One time I was crawling on my left elbow, just crawling and knocking on the side with a little hammer, checking for termites. And I got to the corner and face to face with a possum.

Speaker 2 A possum. Oh, those things are

Speaker 2 with his mouth open in my face

Speaker 2 those beady eyes that is a

Speaker 2 nightmare to me a

Speaker 2 nightmare to me oh my god

Speaker 2 you can't run you can't stand up you're crawling

Speaker 2 what what did you do just back out do you just back out at that point

Speaker 2 and i just went around the corner and just kept on going i just said boy

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Oh, Sean, I could, honestly, I could talk to you all day long. We're running low on time, but Sean, listen, can we call you back another time?

Speaker 2 Will you give us more, will you ingratiate us with more stories? Because I've got probably 12 or 15

Speaker 2 stories that y'all will laugh your ass off. I know you do.

Speaker 2 So many, so many funny, funny,

Speaker 2 scary, scary slash funny stories i do want to say this i do want to say this sean's been calling it sean's been texting in for a very long time sean we love you man thank you so much

Speaker 2 we love you today i love i love brian and christy i love y'all too i listen to you every day

Speaker 2 thank you ever ever

Speaker 2 and i hate i missed y'all last year brian i'm glad you're doing better thanks buddy

Speaker 2 yeah thanks so much it means a lot

Speaker 2 Yep, yep, yep, yep. It means a lot.
All right. Sean from South Georgia.
We will talk to him again soon. 212-433-3TCB.
You can call in. You can be on the show too.

Speaker 2 Text us and let us know you want to be on the show. Sean, we'll talk to you soon.
Thanks, buddy. Thanks, Sean.
I love you, Sean.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Chrissy. I appreciate y'all so much.
Talk to you soon. Bye.

Speaker 2 Sean from South Georgia. Look at that.

Speaker 8 Wow, we just scratched the surface on him.

Speaker 2 Well, I have a feeling he can talk all day long. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 6 I can only imagine what he is seeing.

Speaker 2 Wow. And done.
I don't even want, I mean, the possum story freaks me out. If I came face to face with a possum, I'd shit myself.
That's what I do. I'd shit myself.
Under a house. Under a house.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I have to go under my house to change the air conditioning of the house. Ours is leader, too.
I hate it. I hate it.
I hate it. I hate it.
I hate it with every fiber in my being.

Speaker 2 But I got to be brave for my kids. I got to show them that I'm a man.
I'm a man.

Speaker 6 You got to psych yourself up for this song.

Speaker 2 I do have to psych. Luckily, I'm not dealing with Walter Moxin.

Speaker 2 Can't be wrong.

Speaker 2 Two princes.

Speaker 2 Cleopatra's cat. That's what I'm doing.
Cleopatra's cat. Just play that and just pump yourself up.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 How funny is that? All right, Sean from South Georgia. Big fan of the show.
We're a big fan of his. Sean could talk.

Speaker 2 Sean could be a third member of the show.

Speaker 2 He could. If we need a break, we'll call you.

Speaker 6 Exactly. One of us is sick.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's got some stories. We can talk to him.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, I don't even know what I want to say.

Speaker 2 12 hours of TCB. There, we'll start with that.
12 hours of TCB, May 31st.

Speaker 2 Saturday, May 31st, starting at 10 a.m. 12 straight episodes of the commercial break.
A new one on the hour. We'll also be showing you behind the scenes recording stuff on YouTube and on Twitch.

Speaker 2 Stay tuned for more information.

Speaker 2 Brought to you by the commercial break,

Speaker 2 Covert Creative, CTB,

Speaker 2 and our good friends at Odyssey.

Speaker 2 Love us some Odyssey. Yes.
If you want to be on the show, as mentioned, 212-433-3 TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas? You got any good stories you want to tell us?

Speaker 2 You have a question you want to ask us, let us know. You can dial up right here in the studio.
We'll let you know when to call.

Speaker 2 Also, America's next top mediocre podcaster is on after the 12 hours of TCB. Let us know you want to be involved and we'll figure that out.

Speaker 2 TCBPodcast.com for all the information, all the audio and video, right there at one location. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and youtube.com/slash thecommercial one.

Speaker 2 I should have had Sean do that.

Speaker 2 Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

Speaker 2 I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.
And I love you. Best you.
Best to you. And best you out there in the podcast universe.
Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say.

Speaker 2 Goodbye.

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