A Dire Situation!

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Speaker 2 And welcome back to WSHIT. It's Hambone and Hoadley in the morning.
Hambone here without Hoadley, as Hoadley takes some time off to get her carbuncles checked. Those things can be painful.

Speaker 2 I should know I had some carbuncles in my motherfuncals. But you know, as the old saying goes, what do you give a radio disc jockey that's that's got everything? A shot of penicillin.

Speaker 2 And thanks to Dr. Perry for taking care of my carbuncle funkles with a shot of penicillin.
So hurt me and be back just as soon as you can.

Speaker 2 But you know me, I'm here to hold it down while you go to poundtown. You know what I'm talking about, guys?

Speaker 2 Boy, oh, yo, yo, young indeed. While we're talking about my boinger, tough judging and competition just as stiff as I was.

Speaker 2 Last night on our sister station, WFUCU, as the 15th annual Crab Apple Idol concluded its season, crowning 27-year-old Elizabeth Saddlebush, the new Crab Apple Idol.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna tell you what, guys, a set of lungs on this girl, and her singing wasn't so bad either.

Speaker 2 She'll be walking away with $500 in Tina Tan and Tweez gift cards, a one-year residency at Jerry's Casino and Bait Shop, and a six-month lease on a Nissan Centra from Todd and Bob's Nissan, located on 22 Main Street.

Speaker 2 And while it was a close call between Elizabeth and 16-year-old rock and roll bassoonist Eddie Munhandle.

Speaker 2 Elizabeth sailed the deal by writhing around on the floor, pandering to the mostly male audience, and singing one hell of a cover of this tune. Let's play that song right now.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 Don't wanna think by myself anymore.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 2 What a voice, a voice like an angel, a Charlie's angel, but an angel nonetheless. I know hope you'll be looking forward to that in-person studio interview, just like I am.
Goyo Yo Yo Yoing.

Speaker 2 All right, let's pay some bills while I get some thrills. We'll be back after this commercial break.

Speaker 1 On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Speaker 1 So these direwolves signal to me that we are yet a little bit closer to this becoming a reality and we're actually

Speaker 1 within an earshot of it happening.

Speaker 1 I don't think it would be outrageous to believe that some dinosaurs, probably smaller ones, if you can find a host to impregnate with, some smaller dinosaurs, maybe a crocodile.

Speaker 1 Well, crocodiles are already here, Chrissy. No, but they impregnate a crocodile.
Oh, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 I thought, well, Chrissy, I ain't gonna break your bubble on this one. Yeah, update.

Speaker 1 Kathleen Madigan's breeding them down in Florida.

Speaker 1 The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Cats and Kittens. Welcome back to the Commercial Break.
I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Holy.
Best to you, Chris. Best to you, bro.

Speaker 1 Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.

Speaker 1 I was in my ghost mode.

Speaker 1 Yes, the girls, some of my girls like to come in here on the break and give us

Speaker 1 do us a little show, a little entertainment.

Speaker 1 Halftime entertainment.

Speaker 1 Halftime entertainment.

Speaker 1 For the working kids, which is nice of them. But then you have to get them out of here.
And that's a whole different animal. And you're like, okay, okay.
I read somewhere where kids,

Speaker 1 they only have like, you know, a certain part of their brain developed until a certain age, which for me was 41.

Speaker 1 But they, so therefore,

Speaker 1 someone said in a reel, if they only listened, so let's say they're only 25% developed at age three or four. So if they only listen to you 25% of the time, consider that a victory, right?

Speaker 1 Because they don't. They're not going to remember.
They don't really know. And another person said that they don't have the ability to choose to prioritize.

Speaker 1 So everything that they want is their top priority. They don't need the ability to shuffle that in their brain.
Getting them to do anything. Anything.
And there's a bunch of them.

Speaker 1 So getting them to do anything coordinated is a holy shit of a task. I mean, it really is.
It takes a lot. It takes a lot.
I'm surprised I'm not in a mental institution yet.

Speaker 1 Mental Health Awareness Month coming up. Mental Health Awareness Month in May.
And

Speaker 1 for that, we will be doing the 12 hours call to Baker's Dozen of the commercial break on May 31st. That's a Saturday.

Speaker 1 Mark your calendars in coordination with Odyssey, our network partner, CTB, our booking agency, and Covert Creative, the PR firm that keeps us chugging along here.

Speaker 1 All those articles you see in People magazine, that's from Covert.

Speaker 1 Not us. With not us in there.
With not us in there. All those other podcasts that are getting that PR COVID created.
Maybe we need to go to Coachella next year. Maybe.
Oh, and by the way,

Speaker 1 Covert,

Speaker 1 they just started with us. Yes, they're amazing.
I don't want to make it sound like they're not doing anything because they're.

Speaker 1 Maybe we should go to Coachella next year. Maybe.
Or, you know what I thought about too? I don't know if you saw this stuff.

Speaker 1 We've got a new system of kind of, you know, doing our content ideas and things that just pop up because there's so many things. I read so many things throughout the day.

Speaker 1 And I think that would be great to talk about. And it's hard to remember them all.
So we're trying to figure out the best way to put them in something.

Speaker 1 But I did read this morning that Atlanta and Austin, Texas

Speaker 1 are going to be rolling out the Waymos, the Uber self-driving car. Oh, shit.
And I thought it might be fun if we took a little trip in one. Yeah, sure.
I want to die tomorrow.

Speaker 1 All these children don't need a father.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not going to go far. I will go from here to the CVS, which is literally at the corner.

Speaker 1 They're not up here yet. It's in downtown right now.

Speaker 1 And they're not going to the airport.

Speaker 1 Well, I also read that now the airport has spent a billion dollars or whatever to do what they did in Tokyo and some other places and at London Heathrow, which is car park.

Speaker 1 You know, they have a parking problem at the Atlanta Airport, world's busiest airport.

Speaker 1 They're constantly building new parking decks, and right now they're in the middle of an $11 billion renovation of the airport, adding additional terminals and additional gates because it's just busy.

Speaker 1 They just, it's been around for a hundred years. I know.
I was reading about that.

Speaker 1 And Hartsfield and Jackson, they both, our mayors, really had the foresight to understand that if we wanted to become, you know, we were the center of railroads for a while. Right, terminus.
Terminus.

Speaker 1 And if we wanted to hang on to that title of the place where the world came to trade, to travel, travel, to connect, then we needed to be on board with flight, which they could foresee would become quickly the way that people would prefer to travel.

Speaker 1 And so they bought a bunch of land right down south and they started. They had a space track on it.

Speaker 1 And they started building

Speaker 1 runways that could handle military and the new jets, jet engines that were coming in. They needed like a mile-long runway.

Speaker 1 And so now we can handle any kind of aircraft anywhere around the world. With the world's busiest airport, I think it's something like 120 million people travel through that airport every year.

Speaker 1 That's amazing when you think about that. 120 million people.
It's half a million people a day coming in and out of that airport.

Speaker 1 But the parking situation, if you're a local here, is kind of a nightmare 90% of the time. If you're lucky, you can get an economy spot near the airport where you keep it there.

Speaker 1 But anyway, they're going to get these little trains that run not on a track, but just on an electric wire, a guide wire, what they call it, which is embedded into the road.

Speaker 1 that that track light rail yeah that light rail but it's not it's like it doesn't even have it doesn't even have a rail okay it's a guide wire what i mean by that is they put a magnetic uh electrified magnetic strip in the call it a track but it's more like a road the road is dedicated to this like little train it looks like little like a kids train that you would get in for easter or at the mall do you know what i'm saying but a little bit bigger than that covered and they it hold each one holds like two passengers but they have like eight eight cars connected to it little pods that's what they are yeah these little pods they connect up and they make trains they come pick you up at the end you know you walk down the aisle when you get done parking they come pick you up autonomously and then they zip you to the airport and there you go and london heathrow is already doing it but they're charging for it it's like you know 10 euro to get from to park and it is 10 euro to get to the airport 10 euro to get back so i'm sure atlanta is also going to charge you for this also but i just read they just they invested like a billion dollars into this system and they're going to start building it here

Speaker 1 really soon so you can park far away from the airport where it's cheaper and then spend all that money you save on getting a pod to take you autonomously. Yeah.
So we'll do the Waymo.

Speaker 1 We'll do the pod. Love to go to Goachella.
Always wanted to go to Fuego Fest, the Insane Clown posse, the gathering of the juggalo.

Speaker 1 I've been talking about that forever. And I know every content creator.

Speaker 1 Tina would come with me. Oh, yeah.
That's right. I'm Tina's alley.

Speaker 1 I don't know why, but it seems like something Tina would want to do with me.

Speaker 1 But I've always wanted to do that. And I know every content creator and their mother have gone to the Juggalo Fest and gotten, you know, insane footage.

Speaker 1 But I want to join the bandwagon because it seems like a lot of fun. And those people seem like they're having fun and generally harmlessly.

Speaker 1 Like they're doing a lot of drugs and a lot of drinking and a lot of fuego. But at the end of the day, if you're having fun, that's my kind of party.
I want to go there. Why not? Hey, listen.

Speaker 1 Speaking of party,

Speaker 1 Minecraft the movie. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Minecraft. It's getting huge attention.

Speaker 1 The game that was sold by a racist, sexist, the guy, the game was developed by a racist, sexist German developer, Dutch developer, whatever he was, many years ago, put online for free, basically.

Speaker 1 Allows people to go in there and build their own worlds out of little blocks. Think of it like blocks.

Speaker 1 And they call it Minecraft because some people really enjoy taking their little axe on their little blockhead figure and mining, just digging as far as they can dig, going and going and going and building new worlds and finding and exploring.

Speaker 1 And other people build entire cities, entire planets out of these little blocks. It's think of it as like an online Lego system, essentially.
I've never played it. I haven't gotten into it.

Speaker 1 I haven't either. But my godson has gotten into it.
Oh, yeah. And I've watched him play and I've watched the Minecraft YouTubers.
I've watched a lot of them do their thing.

Speaker 1 And it can be very interesting and entertaining and sometimes not entertaining to watch somebody else play a video game like Minecraft.

Speaker 1 But no doubt it's it's a cultural zeitgeist. It has definitely hit a nerve with that, let's call it eight to 28 now

Speaker 1 age range because it's been around long enough that the kids who were playing it back then are now in their mid-20s, late 20s.

Speaker 1 So, Minecraft the movie with Jack Black.

Speaker 1 Who's that big guy? That big, handsome dude?

Speaker 1 With the long hair?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 why is this name eluding me? Jason Mamo. Mamo, yeah.

Speaker 1 Jason Mamo and a couple of others. Yeah, I saw one of the actresses starred in this

Speaker 1 movie rendition, movie interpretation of Minecraft.

Speaker 1 Notably to mixed reviews by actual people who do this for a living. I've said, eh, you know, video games are hard to interpret on movies.
They always fail in some measure.

Speaker 1 Maybe with the notable exception of Sonic or the Super Mario movie, the latest one.

Speaker 1 But this one did not get great reviews. However,

Speaker 1 reviews be damned by eight to 10 year olds because they don't give a shit. They get to go see a movie that they really enjoy because it's a game that they are so invested in.

Speaker 1 And now it's come to life in this fantastical way with personalities that are larger than life like Jack Black and Jason Momoa.

Speaker 1 No one. And I mean no one.
God bless him. I love him dearly.
Tenacious D will always be one of my favorite comedy bands of, it will be my favorite comedy band of all time. You know,

Speaker 1 Tenacious D is incredible. Jack Black is hilarious.

Speaker 1 I love him, love him, love him. This is no knock on him.
But I'm not sure anybody was picking up the phone and begging for Jack Black to be in a movie.

Speaker 1 I don't know that, but I'm just not sure that anybody was knocking down his door. And I don't think anybody expected that anybody would be knocking down his door after the Minecraft movie.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. They gave it a very modest expectation of making $20, $30 million the first weekend.
It made like $90 million

Speaker 1 the first weekend. And now three weekends in, it's at almost $600 million worldwide, tracking to be over a billion.

Speaker 1 It's the top-grossing movie in the United States, second top-grossing movie in the world for 2025. Kids are going crazy, too.
What's that?

Speaker 1 But that's what I was going to, this is what I was going to share with you. Yeah, yeah.
Do tell about this.

Speaker 1 So in the game, because I am a noted Minecraft expert, in the game, there is a couple of characters that apparently everybody just really loves to see.

Speaker 1 One is a wild chicken, and one is called a creeper, I guess. The kids are running around here saying creeper, creeper.

Speaker 1 So I'm assuming that's the name of the care, of one of the characters is creeper, little green goblin type guy, and then the block chicken, like the chicken that's a block, because they're all blocks.

Speaker 1 Everything's made out of blocks in this fucking movie. So now I want you to imagine you and your loved one and possibly a child.

Speaker 1 But let's just say you and your loved one decide, hey, we're in our 30s. Let's go have some

Speaker 1 Let's go have dinner in a movie.

Speaker 1 Let's go check Minecraft out because God knows there's nothing else playing in the movie theaters right now, except for yet another rendition of Jesus Christ on the cross that comes out every Easter, right?

Speaker 1 Which also is grossing very highly, by the way. It's the second highest grossing movie over the last week or two.

Speaker 1 So, okay, let's go see Minecraft, honey. Let's go do that.
You walk into your favorite movie theater, nice reclining seats. You get a $30 bucket of popcorn.
You get a big gulp.

Speaker 1 You get Twizzlers that you probably won't finish. You get, you know, whatever, some sour candies that are gonna make you sick to your stomach, glass of wine, maybe, soft pretzel.

Speaker 1 And maybe they serve you that fancy food at that fancy type of theater that I don't go to, but you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Yes, all right, you reserve your seat, yeah, beep, beep, beep, boop, boop, boop, and you know what it says. Oh, the theater is going to be crowded.
This must be a good movie.

Speaker 1 We're all going to see the same thing. And you walk in, and what you see is a sausage fest of 2008 to 15-year-olds ready to see this movie.
Ready and charged up. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Full of, you know, pre-pubescent hormones, just getting all geared up

Speaker 1 to see Jack Black and Jason Momoa interpret your favorite video game on the big screen.

Speaker 1 And, or so you've heard, there may be a special appearance by Bach Chicken and Creeper.

Speaker 1 And they may have a scene in the movie where they go wild. So therefore, in your

Speaker 1 still yet forming mind, that means you should additionally go wild. Now, let me not throw stones in a glass house as kids, because I know we have kids that listen.

Speaker 1 I got a friend that I'm texting with. He's a young man.

Speaker 1 I was young once, too, and I put 250 pixie sticks inside of an air conditioner at a hotel that caused the entire school to have to wait two hours before we got back to Atlanta on an out-of-state field trip.

Speaker 1 God, you did that, and you did the pizza thing?

Speaker 1 And I did the pizza thing. And I egged the inside of my best friend's roommate's car.
Like, I just did stupid shit. I was young once and I knew that my brain did not function properly.

Speaker 1 I even knew it in the moment. My brain is really dumb.
It doesn't know how to function correctly. Why am I doing this? I shouldn't be doing this.

Speaker 1 But I'm going to do this because it just seems like a fun thing to do.

Speaker 1 And for the momentary second of joy that I get watching 250 pixie sticks fly out of an air conditioner and onto a pizza that's stuck to the roof, I will get in trouble and have a permanent derogatory mark on my record.

Speaker 1 Your permanent record. My permanent record, quote unquote.
I will be on double secret probation for the rest of my life, as my dad would say.

Speaker 1 So I was young once too, and I know how this goes. And so I can hardly fault these kids for wanting to wild out a little bit.
But what is going on? It is incomplete.

Speaker 1 It's insanity. It's just the only way to do it.
Everybody's just jumping around.

Speaker 1 In the moment in the movie, when Jack Black, there's like a, I don't know because I haven't seen the movie, but there's like a boxing ring, and then Jack Black yells block chicken or something along the lines, announces that block chicken is showing up.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Somebody can write me in and tell me exactly how the scene goes down.

Speaker 1 But when this happens, and there's lots of video of this, the kids in a coordinated attack against the movie theater owners decide to throw everything that they have in their hands, laps, what they've brought in the door.

Speaker 1 One person, one kid even brought in a live chicken. What? A live chicken? How do we get in with that? Don't ask me.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, are we really trusting the kid taking the tickets to do security? They can do their best, but there's only so much you could do. People don't want security.
They don't want you.

Speaker 1 Everyone sneaks candy and food into the movie theaters or drugs or whatever. Vape or whatever.
No one wants anybody checking shit. And so they don't.
They just never do. But, okay.

Speaker 1 Everybody goes wild and they throw popcorn, drinks,

Speaker 1 juices. They throw it all over the movie theater.
And I mean, if you've seen some of these videos, it's like a movie theater that is packed.

Speaker 1 And all of a sudden, 90% of the movie theater just goes haywire. Popcorn everywhere.
Fucking gummy bears on the ceiling. The sour candies at the screen.
You know, orange fuego fuego everywhere.

Speaker 1 It's like a juggle. It's like a gathering of the jugglers is what happens momentarily.
And it all happens on cue on this particular queue.

Speaker 1 This has happened so much and to such destruction of movie theaters because you can imagine if you get a Coca-Cola just thrown on a leather seat or a pleather seat. It's a sticky mess.

Speaker 1 You got to spend hours cleaning it up. It just causes drama for everybody.

Speaker 1 And that doesn't even include the poor people who are just there to watch the movie. Now, I don't think anybody is just watching the movie now.
I think that most people have. Word is out.
Word is out.

Speaker 1 They have most movie theaters now, almost every movie theater that has this movie playing has decided that at the very least, we need to have a security guard stationed inside the theater for this particular part of the movie.

Speaker 1 But some, a lot of them, have gone so far as to hiring police officers to stand in the movie theater the entire time. Like the time that I went went and saw a screener of whatever that dumb movie was.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. What was that movie?

Speaker 1 I can't remember either. It was

Speaker 1 Borderlands. Borderlands.

Speaker 1 And we love Gina, by the way. Yeah.
And the people that were in the movie. And Jack Black was in that movie, too.

Speaker 1 Jack Black's got a track record of

Speaker 1 video game movies and ones that have to have police officers inside of the thing. So this is just like, it's a trend.

Speaker 1 It's a fad. It's being done, obviously, for videotape.
It's being done because you get caught up in the moment. It's groupthink mentality.

Speaker 1 Everybody decides they're going to do this and they get their best thing to throw or shit to spill or whatever. It's just a whole disaster.

Speaker 1 It's turned into a real like kind of nightmare situation for the movie theater owners

Speaker 1 and the employees because they are finally getting a movie in 2025 where they're making a bunch of money in a movie business that has not been doing traditionally well for the last couple of years since the pandemic started.

Speaker 1 And now you've got this hit, runaway, unexpected, you know, smash sensation, but you got to deal with this.

Speaker 1 So I have some advice for the movie theater owners, and then I have some advice for the kids going to see the movie. Uncle Brian.
Uncle Brian, movie theater owners. Here's my advice.

Speaker 1 Instead of regular sour gummies,

Speaker 1 dibbity-dabby gummies, inside of every child gets a free box of gummies, and those gummies have THC sativa in them.

Speaker 1 Calm everybody down a little bit. Doesn't matter what their age is.
A little sativa never hurt anybody. It's just one unforgettable movie for them.
It saves you a little bit of drama.

Speaker 1 It's $5 per gummy. Everybody will be fine.
Number one,

Speaker 1 advice for the kids going to see the movie. Well, kids, you know, I say kids, you know, you know who you are.

Speaker 1 For the kids going to say the movie. Save that energy for getting laid later on in life.
You're going to need it.

Speaker 1 It's a minefield out there, and you're going to need all of that pre-hormonal, hormonal energy for getting your rocks off and finding yourself a suitable mate down the line.

Speaker 1 Use that energy for good, not for bad.

Speaker 1 Chill out. Wait till the movie is over.

Speaker 1 Then go out into public and be a nuisance like every other teenager does. Don't be a nuisance in the movie theater.
It's just not, you're going to ruin the movie theater.

Speaker 1 You're going to need to go see movies in down the line. You're going to ruin it for everybody.
And it could go on your permanent record.

Speaker 1 Go out in public, wait until it's nighttime, sneak out of the house, go meet your favorite girl, go meet your favorite guy, you know, steal your mom and dad's car, do shit like that.

Speaker 1 Do shit that just normal teenagers do that's still rambunctious and idiotic, but that it has a well-worn history of teenage behavior. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Like TP a house.

Speaker 1 Egg your next door neighbor. Of course, that's probably terrorism now.
I don't know. Who knows? I mean, you know, she'll probably get arrested and sent to an El Salvadorian jail at this point.

Speaker 1 But do the regular teenage shit. Destroying a movie theater.
Eh,

Speaker 1 I get it. Wild out.
Jump and scream. Have fun.
Do a little jig in the hallway. Dance.
But don't

Speaker 1 destroy it. Don't destroy the movie theater because you're going to want to go see a movie in that movie theater a couple months from now.

Speaker 1 There's going to be another movie that everyone's going to get all excited about. You know, Barbenheimer 2 or whatever the fuck.

Speaker 1 Someone's going to get excited about some movie. You're going to want to go see it.
And then, guess what? Your movie theater owner is going to go, I'm not letting you kids in anymore.

Speaker 1 I fucked it up last time. I'm not doing that anymore.
And that's going to be disappointing for everybody.

Speaker 1 At least if you steal your mom and dad's car at age 14 to go see your new crush, then it's your dad. Yeah, he's got to keep you.
He can't do anything about that. He's got to keep you.

Speaker 1 I was just thinking about like the kids watching it at home now, but the parents are going to

Speaker 1 be thinking twice about that. Yeah, then my kids are like, Have you seen a man camp there? I'm like, the fuck we are.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no. It's not playing in our state.
It's not playing in our universe. That's, it's a, it's a April Fool's.
There's no Minecraft movie.

Speaker 1 No, I'm, I'm afraid I'm going to go like revert back to a preview of Essentine and start throwing stuff.

Speaker 1 I still don't trust my own brain. I still don't know.
No a piece doesn't work. No, I think destruction of other people's property in general is not like the coolest thing in the world.
I have done it.

Speaker 1 I am sorry that I did it. I realize now the error of my ways.
It took a couple years, but I saw the error of my ways. It's other people's property.
They work hard for it.

Speaker 1 They're trying to give you a nice time. They're trying to give you a comfortable place to watch a movie that you like.

Speaker 1 You know, have fun, wild out, do a jig, go crazy, scream and yell. You know, that's all, I think that's all well within the parameters of going to see a movie based on Minecraft.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? No one's expecting you're just going to sit there like you're in a library and hang out. At the same time,

Speaker 1 you know, destroying the movie theater. I don't know.
Just to me, it just takes it a little bit too far. I understand it.
I get it. I get the energy.
I know where it's coming from. I've been there.

Speaker 1 My fucking little, you know,

Speaker 1 little

Speaker 1 man penis is trying to work all its hormones out. I understand.
I get it. But you'll see the error of your ways a couple years from now.

Speaker 1 That destroying that movie theater that then you want to go hang out in or that, you know, is giving you a good time is probably not the best thing.

Speaker 1 Unless it's going to make things more expensive because then they're actually

Speaker 1 going to extra cleaning and people and security. Yeah.
Yeah. You're right.
That language is not going to resonate with someone 8 to 15 years old, but you're right. Us adults, it resonates with us.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to get at the kids, trying to let them know. Like,

Speaker 1 cool. I'm hip with the kids.
Yo, yo, daddy, understand.

Speaker 1 Yo, yo,

Speaker 1 who hot, who not? Minecraft on my cock. I get it.
I get it. Red and ready.
I'm red and ready. I don't understand.

Speaker 1 I got the riz. Don't worry about it.
I understand that energy, but take a deep breath. When the scene comes on, go crazy, but go crazy without destroying stuff.
You can do it. I know you can.

Speaker 1 That's my advice to you. And Jack Black, congratulations on

Speaker 1 a late career cycle. Absolute smash.
No, no. I don't think he'll ever go away, really.
I don't want him to. No, Jack Black, why do we, we don't want him to go away.

Speaker 1 No, I'm just saying, I don't think he'll ever not be in things that we want him to be in. Not now.
It's Minecraft 3, 4, 12, 17.

Speaker 1 We're going to be hearing cock chicken or block chicken for the rest of our lives. We will.
Oh, yes. If Jack's...
They're going to mine Minecraft.

Speaker 1 They're going to mine Minecraft for every dollar that it's worth. And, you know, they're going to age with this crowd.
And Jack is a 50-something-year-old dude, but he's still got that weird, funny,

Speaker 1 boyish quality about him that I can see

Speaker 1 why it's resonating with the kids because it resonated that energy resonated with me when I was

Speaker 1 I'm getting up there at age too, so but it resonated me with me when I was a kid too, that Jack Black energy. And so good for him.
Congratulations. Come on the show, Jack.

Speaker 1 We want you on the show, Jack. Yes, we do.
Tell us about black chicken.

Speaker 1 All right, let's take a break. We'll talk about more shit.

Speaker 4 You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'clock.

Speaker 5 Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here.
Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void? Like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-433-3TCB.
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Speaker 5 Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog.
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Speaker 1 The wildest shit I think that has probably happened

Speaker 1 since Dolly. Do you remember Dolly the Sheep? Yes.
Okay. Dolly the Sheep, for those of you that haven't been around for 20 years.

Speaker 1 Those of you who haven't been pre-Peavescent Minecraft fans for 20 years

Speaker 1 might remember Dolly. And Dolly is a sheep that was cloned about maybe 30 years ago.
Maybe even like when I was a teenager. Yeah, or maybe a little bit later on in life.
I don't remember.

Speaker 1 Dolly was a sheep, the first cloning of another living thing that actually survived.

Speaker 1 So there was Dolly the sheep and then Dolly the sheep too, which was exactly the same thing because they were cloned. Literally identical twins, essentially.

Speaker 1 You You know, bred and born in captivity and cloned to the exact DNA. Scientists figured it out.
Like little evil mad geniuses they are, they figured out how to clone a sheep.

Speaker 1 Fast forward a couple years, Jurassic Park becomes the hit of the century with its movie based on the book by Michael Crichton, which I loved. I do not like sci-fi books.
I do not like them at all.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, it's just not my thing, but I loved Jurassic Park because it's technical in nature. It gets into the detail about how this happens.
Essentially, taking DNA

Speaker 1 from a dinosaur and doing what they did with Dolly, implanting, impregnating, figuring out how to bring back dinosaurs.

Speaker 1 And over the last couple of years, that conversation has accelerated to the point where they think they can bring back a woolly mammoth by putting that embryo inside of an elephant and allowing it to, you know, get its, it's got, it's, the gestation cycle is a little bit different.

Speaker 1 Well, it's 22 months for an elephant. For an elephant, but I think they figured it was like 26 months for a woolly mammoth or something like that.
But they said

Speaker 1 they're close, right? They're really close.

Speaker 1 Well, some dude, and when I say dude, I mean dude. Joe Rogan, podcaster listening, bro,

Speaker 1 decided a couple of years ago, a decade ago, or whatever it was. I read the story, that he wanted to also start his own.
I'm bringing back

Speaker 1 dinosaurs from the extinct or cool animals that have gone extinct. I'm going to do it.
He had no formal training, no scientific background, no research scientists. He just got a bunch of money.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he just knew how to get a bunch of money and he had some resources. And so he started hiring some of the best people in this field and figuring out how they do it.

Speaker 1 And he was watching Game of Thrones one day.

Speaker 1 And if you're a Game of Thrones watcher, which I am not, I am. But I have seen the scenes with the dire wolf in it.
And the dire wolf is an actual thing from way back in the day.

Speaker 1 Huge creatures, huge wolves that are now extinct and have been for a while. But this bro figured it all out.
He put the pieces to the puzzle together.

Speaker 1 He got a, I think it's a German shepherd, impregnated a German shepherd or another dog, a dog of some sort, impregnated that dog with an embryo of an extinct dire wolf that he figured out how to, you know,

Speaker 1 scientifically engineer. I don't know.
Wabayam!

Speaker 1 Wabayam, Tyrannosaurus Rex! Wabayam! Brian clone! The commercial break will never go away!

Speaker 1 A younger, better Brian stars in the commercial, the commercial break, too.

Speaker 1 He figures out how to do this with a

Speaker 1 quantum cloning. Quantum cloning.
It sounds, I essentially just took a regular dog and painted it white.

Speaker 1 Dire Wolf, Wabayam!

Speaker 1 He figures out how to do all of this and he engineers himself four dire wolf pups that all survive outside of the womb, at least for a little while, and two of them pass away and two of them survived.

Speaker 1 Both of them male, I think.

Speaker 1 So there's going to be no breeding essentially of dire wolves, at least not right now.

Speaker 1 But, and if they did breed, they would be sisters and brothers. That would be a little weird.
I don't know how that works out. I think dogs do a lot of inbreeding anyway, but

Speaker 1 blue's parents. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'll talk about blue in one second. I got an update on blue.
My attitude has turned a little bit on blue, and I'll explain why. So the dire wolves are now back

Speaker 1 here on earth and already very big. And they're only like nine months old or something.
And they're already like the size of a German shepherd. I mean, they're big.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So this guy goes on Joe Rogan. announces to the world that this has happened, and now he's been sharing updates and pictures.

Speaker 1 I've seen the story.

Speaker 1 And they're howling, and it's a little weird because dire wolves have not existed on this earth in thousands of years they do not know what artificial light is for the most part they do not know what traffic is they do not know generally what the relationship is like dogs have this genetic code that's now been embedded into them that they are subservient to humans and that we coexist with each other and that they rely on us almost for everything especially like the common house dog right not a wolf out there.

Speaker 1 But even wolves to some degree may have some of that genetic code embedded into them too, depending on what pack they're in or whatever.

Speaker 1 You don't want to go pet one, but there are people who keep wolves. There are people who keep

Speaker 1 mixed breed wolves and stuff like that. I actually had a friend when I was in high school and she had a mixed breed wolf.

Speaker 1 And it was

Speaker 1 so big.

Speaker 1 And that those teeth were so big. Sharp.
That in and it was like not the friendliest of dogs. Yeah.
It was a little little skittish

Speaker 1 it was part wolf you really i really made it was made me nervous every time i was around it

Speaker 1 with good reason i think i think it's just like a good fear to have right healthy yeah it's like i saw our friend um kathleen madigan yeah was feeding crocodiles and alligators down in some crocodile farm in florida the other day and she was like right next to them with a bunch of like raw meat and she was throwing it in their mouths.

Speaker 1 And I thought to myself, what a I have a healthy respect for a perimeter around alligators and crocodiles. I know that they generally don't want to eat humans, but they have and they might.

Speaker 1 And I don't want to take chances. I'm okay standing on the other side of the fence.
That's cool with me.

Speaker 1 So these dire wolves are now back in action, not knowing, not having any of that genetic code embedded into them. And what will become of this?

Speaker 1 Listen.

Speaker 1 As long as humans have been around, humans have been fucking with genetics. That's just a reality.
The Egyptians were breeding corn and all kinds of stuff to get the best corn, to get the best things.

Speaker 1 You know, this has been a knowledge that we have had and a curiosity we have had probably as long as we've been able to think that way using tools. But this seems to be like an advancement forward.

Speaker 1 toward that Jurassic Park

Speaker 1 future that Michael Crichton so smartly told us was probably a dumb idea. I think Jurassic Park might be on its way.
I don't think it's it's so much of a fantasy anymore.

Speaker 1 When I read the book, I was like, that is fascinating. Thank God it'll never happen.
When I saw the movie, that is fascinating. Thank God it'll never happen.

Speaker 1 Now I'm like, they're breeding dire wolves and one step away from a woolly mammoth. It's going to happen.
There's going to be some billionaire. I can guess which one,

Speaker 1 or one of two billionaires, who's going to decide on his or her private island that they are going to have some dinosaurs, some raptors or something.

Speaker 1 Isn't there a new Jurassic Park coming out this summer? Jurassic Park 14.

Speaker 1 We yet again couldn't figure out that breeding dinosaurs was a bad idea. We're back, baby.
We're back. Fast than the Furious 12 and Jurassic Park 15.
Those movies will go on forever. Why?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I like Jurassic Park 1.
Two was okay.

Speaker 1 When what's his name stepped in?

Speaker 1 You know, okay, it was interesting. Whatever his name is, who's the new guy? You know, I don't know.
Who is the new guy? I don't remember his name.

Speaker 1 The guy that said, you know, Guardians of the Galaxy and stuff like that. Oh, right, right, right.
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you know, Chris's. Yeah, Chris Pratt.

Speaker 1 Chris Pratt, Christopher Pratt.

Speaker 1 Chris Pratt, you know, some of the, I watched the one that he was in. Okay, all right, I get it.
But do I need a 13 and a 14? It's like twisters.

Speaker 1 Okay, people will go see it because they're nostalgic about the first one. But is the story any different this time? How can it be?

Speaker 1 Is it just yet another conversation about the dangers of bringing back extinct animals? Yes, it is.

Speaker 1 And is it going to have Chris shirt, Chris with his shirt off and Scarlett Johansson running in some, you know, bubbly outfit from a raptor? Yes, it is. Why? Because this is formulaic.

Speaker 1 It's like seven little Johnstons. It's the same thing over and over and over again.
Just, you know, plug and play the new. scenario or plot or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 So these dire wolves signal to me that we are yet a little bit closer to this becoming a reality and we're actually within within an earshot of it happening. I don't think it would be outrageous

Speaker 1 to believe that some dinosaurs, probably smaller ones, if you can find a host to impregnate with, some smaller dinosaurs. Maybe a crocodile.

Speaker 1 Well, crocodiles are already here, Chrissy. No, but they impregnate a crocodile.
Oh, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 I thought, well, Chrissy, hey, the first bubble on this one. Yeah, update.

Speaker 1 Kathleen Madigan's breeding him down in Florida.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe a crocodile. Reptilian.
Birds. You know, certain birds have certain, you know, there's birds.
I don't know. Birds are connected somehow.

Speaker 1 Concords or something.

Speaker 1 Sharks. Yeah.
Snakes. Like, there's, I think there's ways that they can probably figure this out.

Speaker 1 I think it's more about getting the right nutrients and then the mothering or the nurturing that's needed afterwards.

Speaker 1 Like an elephant stays with their mother for like the first three years of its life or something. So you got, I'm sure a woolly mammoth is probably does the same thing.

Speaker 1 And isn't the mother going to start going,

Speaker 1 it's not like that. You're very hairy.

Speaker 1 You're very hairy. You're out.
I don't like you.

Speaker 1 There's a very real thought that you could reject the baby, which happens in nature a lot, unfortunately. But, you know, you look like, you look different.
This one is not like the other.

Speaker 1 One of these things is not like the other. And nature ain't so kind a lot of times.
We should we could do that with our kids or blue.

Speaker 1 Wow. So the dire wolf is back.

Speaker 1 It is

Speaker 1 a very pretty animal. I understand the tinkering with genetics has always been in our genetics, but it is a little scary to me.
It does feel a little weird. A little unnatural.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to be watching a dire wolf howl on TikTok. You know what I'm saying? When they haven't been around for 5,000 years or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 It's unnerving at best. And, you know, we'll see how it all rolls out.
I'll keep you posted on the situation.

Speaker 1 As a noted geneticist myself, I'll have to keep you posted on all the comings and goings of Jurassic. Whatever happens, the listener will find out about it.

Speaker 1 Last.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 In the regular news. Yes.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 come here for if you want follow-up. How many times a week do you think a listener goes, yeah, Brian? We heard about that like three weeks weeks ago.

Speaker 1 And here I am doing a dissertation on it. And they're like, okay.
So you read the same CNN article I did. Okay, got it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, you get the daily beast like I do. Congratulations.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I sound like I'm smart. I'm just reading the same articles you are.
I get the same Apple notifications you do.

Speaker 1 But we'll see, you know, and will the dire wolves turn on people?

Speaker 1 You know, that's the thing that I would be worried about.

Speaker 1 And I know that now they've gone to like a sanctuary, not for dire wolves, because there are no dire wolves sanctuaries, but like a wolf sanctuary. Okay.

Speaker 1 And they've gone there where they can be monitored and

Speaker 1 tested upon. Tested.
Yeah, I'm sure they're going to get needled to death. You know, poor little things.
Whenever you're the first, like a first child, you know, it's like, it's just bad news.

Speaker 1 You're going to, you're going to have to break walls. That's what's going to happen.

Speaker 1 Someone free those. Don't free the dire wolves for real, but free the dire wolves.
It's like that chimpanzee that kept chasing around Florida with that crazy lady. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Tonka.

Speaker 1 Tatonka.

Speaker 1 T-Tonka. T-Tonka.

Speaker 1 Tie in the wind.

Speaker 1 Okay, update on Blue. Yes.
So we went on vacation and we had to put Blue into the play place, the doggy place, whatever.

Speaker 1 No one wants to take that dog anywhere. You don't want to subject other states to that.
There are laws against that, I think. Yeah, you don't want to subject that.
Crossing the state lines with Blue.

Speaker 1 So we put her, we decided we're going to put her at the place we always put her at, nice doggy place with other dogs. She can have a nice little place on her own.

Speaker 1 They feed her and pet her and all that good stuff.

Speaker 1 But the night before we leave, Blue, all of a sudden out of nowhere, develops a terrible hacking cough where she's spitting stuff up like a foam, like a fluid.

Speaker 1 And at first, I thought, oh, well, she's trying to clear something from her throat. And small dogs have a tendency to have what's called a collapsed trachea, especially if you put them on a leash.

Speaker 1 Their trachea can collapse, essentially. You're pulling on their leash as they get older.
But we don't put blue on a leash because blue doesn't go anywhere.

Speaker 1 Blue just shits in the house and barks at us.

Speaker 1 So there's no leash. There's no collar.
We never have that kind of stuff on her. So, you know, as I'm investigating on Chatty GPT what this could be, it says could be.

Speaker 1 You know, that she's got something stuck in her throat and she's trying to spit it up. You know, you may be.
Like a hairball type thing. Well, so this goes on for like three or four hours.

Speaker 1 It's really loud. It's really annoying.
It's kind of waking up the children. They're getting irritated and fussing about.
So I give Blue kind of like a modified Heimlich maneuver.

Speaker 1 I grab her by her belly and I take my fist and I kind of jerk her, right? And then I pound her on the chest a couple of times. This is not an actual doggy Heimlich maneuver.

Speaker 1 This is Brian pretending like he knows what he's doing. So don't do this to your own dog.
But eventually she spits out a lot of hair. And I'm like, well,

Speaker 1 there you go. Hairball.
Where did she get that hair? And why is she eating hair? I don't know. But she's dumb.
So, you know. Because she doesn't shed.
No. She doesn't shed at all.

Speaker 1 No, this was my wife's hair.

Speaker 1 Yes. As a guy who's been cleaning up my wife's hair for as long as I've had a wife, I know.
Astrid has

Speaker 1 a head of hair that is unbelievable.

Speaker 1 That is the jealousy of every woman on earth. Yes, she has amazing hair.
But yeah, I think husbands out there know. Oh, yes.
Yeah. Jeff one time was like, I don't see how you have any more hair left.

Speaker 1 I don't see how Astrid has any more hair left. I go in there every night and I clean up and it's

Speaker 1 like all of hair from the bathroom floor, from the drain, from whatever. You should see the inside of that drain.
I clean it out every three months. I shower drain.

Speaker 1 It's amazing what comes out of that. Amazing.
Amazingly disgusting and amazing. But anyway, that's just part of life with Astrid and I love everything about her.
So, and I love her hair.

Speaker 1 So anyway, so I'm like, how did that dog get that hair? Okay, whatever. But she calms down.
But then a couple hours later, it starts back up.

Speaker 1 So this time I'm like, okay, I'm calling the emergency vet. Do I need to be concerned? The emergency vet says, listen, could be a couple of things that aren't good.

Speaker 1 Could be just she's got kennel cough. Could be that she's got just a big kennel cough before she went to the kennel.
Before she went to the kennel.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but kennel cough, you know, it can be, that can be carried, I think, by humans as like carriers. Not, doesn't, we don't have it.
But also, there's a million different reasons.

Speaker 1 I, I, who fucking knows what that dog. She's out there eating bird shit.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 She got bird flu, chicken flu, dog flu, block chicken i'm not sure i don't know she was out there eating a dead dead animal what one time she was and she does that often because that's what i guess yorkies do they eat small dead rodents that have been sitting there for a month

Speaker 1 it's gross yeah that's why i don't like that dog licking me i'm like

Speaker 1 especially not after she's been outside so okay we get it i'm like and the the lady at the emergency vet it's like midnight she's like you know it's on the fence here you can monitor you can bring her in we can run some tests We can see what happens.

Speaker 1 You know, it's up to you. What do you think?

Speaker 1 Like, it's hard for me to make this call because it could be a total non-emergency and she just has something stuck in her throat and she's having a hard time getting it out.

Speaker 1 But if she's breathing okay and acting okay and she still wants food and water, which she did, then doesn't

Speaker 1 never want food and water. But, you know, if an animal is hurt, like really hurt, the first thing they won't do is drink food.
That's the first thing that goes away.

Speaker 1 Just like humans, like if you're really hurt, you're not sitting down for a cheeseburger, right?

Speaker 1 If you have a compound fracture on your arm, the last thing you're doing is going for ice cream until it gets until you get some pain medicine in you. So, I'm like, okay, all right.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't want to pay $700 to get her seen in the middle of the night, and we're supposed to go on vacation tomorrow. This really fucking, what am I supposed to do now? I guess vacation is off.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Blue.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Blue.

Speaker 1 Yeah, vacation's canceled, you shitty dog.

Speaker 1 But I am starting to worry about her a little bit. So I'm trying to think in my mind: what's a plan here where we can scratch both itches?

Speaker 1 I can still get on vacation without ruining the entire family's, you know, only vacation for the next six months. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And make sure that Blue is taken care of in a way. And so I'll tell you what happened, and then I'll tell you what happened while that happened.
After this. After this.

Speaker 1 You're getting good at this, Chrissy. I could tell.
750 episodes in. She's catching on, kids.
Look out. Chrissy, you'll be running the board in no time.
All right. We'll be back.

Speaker 5 Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue.

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Speaker 1 All right. So, what to do about Blue when she's coughing up all this fluid and, you know, having kind of a hard time.
So I give her a bunch of Robitussin.

Speaker 1 First order, stop the coughing. Give her some Robitussin.
Oh, just straight up Robotussin. Yeah, Robitussin DM.
Tussin DM. Tussin DM.
Make sure it's DM, kids. Not the regular Robitussin.

Speaker 1 Not the kind with, I don't know, check it out. Do your own homework.
I'm not a vet and I don't want your dog to die. But I give her some Robitussin, and lo and behold, calms her down.

Speaker 1 She goes to sleep. Great.
If she's fine in the morning,

Speaker 1 no must, no fuss. We just had a little incident.
We'll move on. If she's not fine in the morning, I'll call the vet, who I know will keep her.
If she's not feeling well, they'll keep her at the place.

Speaker 1 It's not the best situation because it's a vet and you're just being kept in a crate, essentially, but whatever.

Speaker 1 You got a vacation to get to. I got a vacation to get to.

Speaker 1 Fuck blue.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got to get a vacation from blue. That's why I need the vacation.
I can't then be stuck here because of blue.

Speaker 1 So I wake up in the morning. She's coughing again.
And I'm like, okay, all right, call the vet. Yes, we'll take her.
Bring her in. Okay.

Speaker 1 The vet says, hey, listen, while she's here, we'll check her out. We'll give her some robotos and if she needs it, we'll figure things out.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I get a phone call a couple days later from the doctor who says, listen, we've been calling. While you're at the beach? Well, at the beach, sorry.
While she's at the doctor.

Speaker 1 And I get a call from the doctor while I'm at the beach. And the vet says, listen, we've been keeping an eye on her.
And we don't hear the cough.

Speaker 1 So I don't know, you know, there's not much we can do if we can't identify what the cough is, but I'm going to do a full examination and I'll let you know if I find anything out. Okay, sounds good.

Speaker 1 Don't hear back. Pick her up yesterday.
No news is good news. No news is no news as far as I'm concerned.
No news means I get to enjoy my vacation. Exactly.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I do think about Blue. Like, you know, I got some notifications that there were bad thunderstorms in the area while we were gone.
And I know that she does not like that.

Speaker 1 Like most dogs don't like that. And it's the middle of the night and there's no one at the vet.
And I was thinking about her. Yeah, I know.
You've got a soft spot. But not that much.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Like I thought about her and then

Speaker 1 the thought blew away. And then I turned my

Speaker 1 nighttime Netflix back on and decided, well, what can I do? Or the pit, which I've caught up on by the way. Okay.

Speaker 1 I am not finished with the picture. No, we're only six in.
I think I'm six in. It's really good.
Man, is it good? It is.

Speaker 1 It's a television show that I think people who like good television are watching, and I highly suggest it. But I'm not going to get distracted here, Brian.
Finish the fucking story.

Speaker 1 No, not you. I'm reminding my own brain because I can see going off on a whole 15 minutes about the pit.
But we'll do that next episode. All right.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I, whoa, what? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just like the blue's dying out there or something.

Speaker 1 So I go to pick her up yesterday. We couldn't find anything to cough, but here's some medicine that we've been giving her just in case.
You know, okay. All right, cool, cool.

Speaker 1 And the doc is in one of the examination rooms. I can kind of see from the front, and I know the doc, and I like the doc, and we have some things in common.
And you know, hey, what's up, doc?

Speaker 1 And you know, I someday hope he can give me some narcotic medicine because I'm a dog and I need to do some Xanax. I don't know.
You know, it's always good to be friends with a doc.

Speaker 1 You know, if you ever get shot in some like shady backstreet dealing, you need to call the vet. You can't go to the real doctor because they have to report you, but go to the vet.

Speaker 1 At least that's what they do in the movies

Speaker 1 it's just like it's just like a dog doc sew me up um

Speaker 1 so you know hey hey me yeah man he'd been dealing some health issue how you feeling yeah i'm good you know poppy yeah okay he says i'm gonna call you tomorrow oh okay about blue oh okay what's going on she's got a leaking heart valve and i'm like what and he goes yeah there's a murmur in there it's consistent it's a leaking heart valve I'm almost sure of it without doing a full scan.

Speaker 1 I'm almost sure of it. You know, I've been doing this for a long time.
And these dogs have a tendency to get these when they get older. And I'll call you and we'll figure out what to do about it.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh, shit, a leaking heart

Speaker 1 does not sound good. To me, that sounds like

Speaker 1 congenitive heart failure, which is what humans get sometimes when they get older. That's just what

Speaker 1 my neighbor across the street passed away from. By the way,

Speaker 1 carpet, carpet, uh,

Speaker 1 uh carpet trunk squash lady passed away of congenitive heart failure after I picked her up off the ground. I think I told that story.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 She passed away a couple of days, just a couple of days after that whole incident happened.

Speaker 1 So I was over there talking to the widow a couple of days ago with my neighbor, and that was a tough conversation.

Speaker 1 They've been married for 58 years.

Speaker 1 58 years. And now he's alone.
Hadn't been alone in 58 years. And now he's alone.
I can't imagine. He's like, sometimes I really wish she would stop talking, but now

Speaker 1 I wish I could hear her voice one more time. It's like, oh,

Speaker 1 I didn't come over here to get all depressed.

Speaker 1 You need a dog? You want a dog? Well, you need a new companion. You need a new companion.
I got one for you.

Speaker 1 So I thought to myself, oh, shit. Well, that sucks, you know? And so then I asked Chat GPT what it means.

Speaker 1 It could be a relatively benign condition.

Speaker 1 In any case, it's not good. good.
But it could be a relatively benign condition that takes a very long time to play itself out. Meaning, it...
In her case, it will. Yeah.

Speaker 1 In her case, she'll be 72 years old. I'll be doing the 6,000th episode of the commercial break, and she'll still be barking in the background.

Speaker 1 But it could be something much more serious that brings on much, a much quicker result, which is always death. Right.

Speaker 1 And so just last night, I just laid down with her and I was like, hey, you little dog, you little fucker, you little shithead that drives me crazy, stressing me out to no end 90% of the time.

Speaker 1 I do love you. You know that, right?

Speaker 1 I do love you. And I don't want you to go anywhere.

Speaker 1 But if you have to,

Speaker 1 let it be quick and painless. That's all I got to say.
Let it be quick and let it be painless. That's all I got to say.
I don't want to see her suffer. That's all.
That's all I care about.

Speaker 1 And then the kids, and then, you know, and then you got to figure out how to explain to them that the dog's not coming home.

Speaker 1 I mean, we already did this once with one dog, but they were much younger at at that time. They were.
And so it was a pretty easy conversation to have. He's not coming back because he's dead.

Speaker 1 You know, they don't understand what dead means. But you can have a conversation.
You can kind of have a conversation.

Speaker 1 Figure it out. Now, I think they're much more emotionally attached because they've been with the dog for a long time.

Speaker 1 Since babies. Yeah, that's right.
I can hear them running up and down the hallway with Blue right now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All their lives.
Blue's been there.

Speaker 1 So it's a sad update about Blue. You know, we all go.
She's nine years old. She's going on 10 years old.
So she's not the youngest dog.

Speaker 1 I thought maybe we'd get another four or five years out of her because she's a Yorkie. She's small.
The small dogs live longer. That's just the way that it is.

Speaker 1 That's the math calculation that they do when they look at the average lifespan of a dog. Smaller they are, the longer they live.
And she's been relatively healthy.

Speaker 1 I mean, she has two new hips, but besides that, she's been relatively healthy. That's also something that happens to smaller dogs.

Speaker 1 And so we've had kind of a string of luck with her, where with Nico, he was all kinds of a mess. How old was Nico?

Speaker 1 Nico was like 12 or 13 years old, but I mean, you know, one leg fell off and then an eyeball popped out and then his teeth were gone and then his nose wasn't like closed up on itself. I don't know.

Speaker 1 He had a bunch. One eye was shut.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 He was not doing so hot at the end there. I don't want to see Blue go that way.
I hope that I don't wish for a quick death, but... I hope that it is painless.

Speaker 1 Has the doctor called you? Probably call while we're here doing this stupid show. So, you know, more important things to do with life.
But, you know, again, I love Blue. I just love her.

Speaker 1 And last night when I was laying here with her, it just made me think about all the times that we did have.

Speaker 1 Picturing like a montage.

Speaker 1 Really? I was serious.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was telling her, I'm like, she was like laying right there and I was, you know, leaning down, talking to her.

Speaker 1 And I was like, remember when I brought you home in my little arms?

Speaker 1 Remember that time you barked? That other time you barked? Remember that third and fourth time you barked? Remember that three days when I brought you home and you didn't bark?

Speaker 1 And I thought, wow, I got a quiet dog. It was a great dog.
It was a great dog. Remember that time I warned your mother that getting a Yorkie certainly meant we were going to have a noisy existence?

Speaker 1 Because I did. I said it to her.
I said, you know,

Speaker 1 they're known to be noisy dogs. And Astrid said, yeah, it's so cute.
It is. They're so cute.
She is cute. There is no doubt doubt about that.
So say your,

Speaker 1 meditate, say your prayers,

Speaker 1 give your blessings,

Speaker 1 good vibes, good energy, you know, to whatever, that whatever happens comes to a quick and natural conclusion.

Speaker 1 And that blue may,

Speaker 1 I don't know, rise from the dead to haunt me again.

Speaker 1 I know what's going to happen as soon as that dog goes. It's going to be a constant, constant pressure to get the next one.
And I am staying my ground on this one.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be like, now I know why my dad did this when we, you know, we had two dogs in our life.

Speaker 1 The first one was quick, it was a cocker spaniel and it lasted for about two weeks and the dog was gone. Yeah.
I don't know why.

Speaker 1 I know what I was told. I don't know what the real reason was.
It had some health problems, apparently.

Speaker 1 But we pressured my dad forever and ever and ever. And my dad stood firm.
He was like, no, no, no. I'm going to take care of it.
I'm going to have to feed it. I'm going to have to clean it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have to take it to the vet. You're going to have to do nothing except for pet it.
And that's not going to be fair to me. And it's not going to be fun for the dog.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 He was right. But we ended up loving that dog, Jordan.
We ended up loving Jordan. But then after Jordan went, my dad has never even entertained the idea of getting another dog.

Speaker 1 Now, at his age, I'm not sure you would.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. You grew up in a very different house.
My mom was the one who was

Speaker 1 always getting new dogs, new cats, new everything. I mean, we'd come home from school.
There'd be four new animals there.

Speaker 1 I mean, my dad was always getting surprised. And did the animals stay with you for the length of their life? I mean, a lot of them did.
Wow. Some of them did have health problems and different things.

Speaker 1 But yeah, no, a lot of them stayed. Jeezy, Louis.
We had like seven or eight animals at one time, I remember. Seven or eight animals.

Speaker 1 Yeah. How did you live in a household with seven or eight animals? It was like just part of life.
My mom took care of them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do remember staying at your grandfather's house one time when your mom was still around and it was like a cat in my bed and the cat on my head.

Speaker 1 Well, my grandfather had the cats at that point. My mom had the dogs.
Oh, the dog. Yeah, there were dogs running around.
And it was a little bit of a zoo in there. Yeah.
That's the way it was.

Speaker 1 But, you know, you look at that in two different ways. I love people who are animal peoples because I'm an animal person too, but I also know they're huge responsibilities.

Speaker 1 And that once you make a commitment to, it's just like Blue. Once you make a commitment to the dog, nothing's going to break that commitment.

Speaker 1 No matter how annoying or terrible it gets, I'm seeing it through to the end because I made a promise to you, an unspoken promise, that I would feed you, protect you, and house you the best of my ability until you came to your natural conclusion or whatever happened.

Speaker 1 And I just refused, even at its zenith, when it was the worst, when Blue was just like as crazy as she could possibly be, barking every minute of every day, driving everybody crazy, biting Nico.

Speaker 1 You know, even when that was going on, I felt an obligation to make sure that Blue was here with us, with her family. And so, you know, I will feel that obligation until the whatever happens.

Speaker 1 I will keep you posted. I'm sad about it, but I'm hopeful that when I talk to the doc, I think if it was like a dire emergency, he probably would have came out and said, hey, stay for a minute.

Speaker 1 Let me talk to you. Right.
So I think this is probably one of those. I'm like, hey, I'll call you tomorrow.
Yeah, I think this is probably probably one of those.

Speaker 1 Hey, listen, it's not good, but you know, you got a couple years left.

Speaker 1 You'll be okay.

Speaker 1 Good. All right.
Well, there you go. I'm going to depress you on your way out the door.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I did notice that she was much calmer when I came in today.
Yeah, because you see, we picked her up yesterday, so she's got like this, you know, stressed hangover. So she'll be okay.

Speaker 1 We'll figure it out. And if she needs surgery, you know,

Speaker 1 she can raise money. I'll put her on TikTok.

Speaker 5 Go fund me.

Speaker 1 She can go fund me.

Speaker 1 I've spent so much money on surgeries for that dog.

Speaker 1 Those two hips were very expensive. Very expensive.

Speaker 1 Okay, listen, I am today on Not Even Mad, the podcast, Not Even Mad, by Mike Pesca, who also does the Gist.

Speaker 1 You can catch the show, Not Even Mad, on the Gist RSS feed or its own RSS feed. I'll put links in the show notes.
So go check it out. Go check me out on that show.

Speaker 1 Decidedly different from this comedy show, but we're going to have some fun. We're going to be talking about the state of podcasting, Joe Rogan, and a bunch of other stuff.

Speaker 1 Also, May 31st, the 12 hours of TCB.

Speaker 1 You get an episode and you get an episode and you get an episode. Everybody's going to get an episode on May 31st.
So come on and join us. 12 straight hours of the commercial break starting at 10 a.m.

Speaker 1 We'll release an episode every hour on the RSS feed. Turn on your auto downloads, kids.
Make sure they're set to at least 10 so that you can get, or 12, excuse me, 10,

Speaker 1 to at least 12 so that you can get all the episodes and catch up with them whenever you get a chance. We would appreciate it.
Tune it in.

Speaker 1 It's so we can raise awareness about mental health and to celebrate five years of the commercial break, which somehow go hand in hand.

Speaker 1 Yes, I did.

Speaker 1 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3TCB.
Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we're taking them all right at that phone number via text message or voicemail.

Speaker 1 If you leave us a voicemail, you could be the next voice of the commercial break.

Speaker 1 So be mindful about what you say at thecommercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and youtube.com/slash the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio.

Speaker 1 And tcbpodcast.com, your free sticker, all the audio and video. It's all right there in one location, TCB Podcast.
Zack out. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.
I think so.

Speaker 1 But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you.
I'll say best to you. Best to you.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Speaker 1 Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say. Goodbye.

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