Bryan's Orange Crush

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We now want to return to question and answers with Pastor Dilly Dave.

In an email, Aretha asks, can anyone speak in tongues?

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On this episode of the Commercial Break.

And so it's just a different vibe in the meal.

It's an island.

It's an island.

There you go.

You get a little, everyone's got a little bit of island fever down there, including me when I go down there.

I feel, you know, I don't know.

I feel like I belong to an exclusive golf club or so.

Don't why are all these people here?

Why are all these people?

Why are you here?

You don't live here.

Why are you here?

I'm going to the massage.

I'm going to the Ritz for a massage.

I'll get the Ritz for a massage.

The Ritz was beautiful.

That'll be $720, sir.

That is expensive.

I didn't even get a massage.

That's for the

scents.

Just the smell of the.

The smell of the spa.

$720, sir.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

The birdie in the morning!

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break.

I'm Brian Greene.

This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Only.

Best to you, Chris.

Best you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Thanks for joining us on yet another, another, another episode of the Commercial Break.

He is the commercial brian.

The commercial break.

My new best friends at the commercial break wanted to tell you that they fuck ghosts.

Tune in to the next Dr.

Phil for a ghost fucking episode.

Yes.

Also, we're going to hogtie some immigrants and throw them over the border on the commercial break.

If I'm not Dr.

Sheriff Phil, he's going to add sheriff to his name.

How do you know me?

That's what he said to that guy.

How do you know me?

You're on TV.

Yeah, you're on TV.

In Mexico.

Salute, Samigos.

Dr.

Phil.

Well, what can you do?

Regular speech there.

Mount up.

Uh-huh.

Hoo-na.

Dr.

Phil on the block.

He got hard.

He got hard all of a sudden.

Gives me chills in my willy hoo-hoo.

Willy hoo-hoo.

Speaking of the border, Florabama.

We're back from vacation.

I'm red and ready.

I'm red and ready.

Tina tannin squeezes now.

Re-reopen.

You got definitely a good tan going on.

I do have a good tan.

My wife was like, you are dark.

And I said, yes, that's because I cover myself

in oil.

Well, here's my game plan.

I'll share it with you for all those who care.

For all those who care to get that 80s burnt sienna look.

I go for about 45 to 50 minutes, 11 to 1 p.m.

The sun area.

The searing time.

The searing time.

Yes.

I'm watching a lot of top chef right now.

It is seared.

Yes, that's right.

The crudo.

I'm going for crudo.

Searred on both sides, raw in the middle.

So you go go there and you just do a little bit of sun.

You get a little sun kiss.

That's what you do.

And then you dial yourself up with all the sunscreens.

But because my face is so used to being a different shade of brown,

I just put the 30 on my face after that.

But it works.

I didn't get sunburned.

I was out in the sun a lot and I went to Florabama.

Yes, you did.

And now I never expected I would be a Flora Bama kind of guy.

I was mainly a Flora kind of guy, but now I went to the Bama side.

And I got to be honest, so I went to Orange Beach, which for those of you that don't know, Flora, Bama is exactly what it sounds like.

It is part Florida, part LABA.

It's right on the line of Florida and Alabama, where the two meet.

The very little beach that Alabama has

is like Orange Beach, like that Orange Beach

in the Gulf, Gulf Shores, that kind of area.

The Gulf of Mexico.

The Gulf of Mexico.

Where do you know me from?

The Gulf of Mexico, bro.

And Flora, Bama gets its name from a very famous bar named the Florabama.

Now, I don't know the whole story, but the way that it was told to me, and I'm not sure this is true, I've done no research on this.

So if I'm wrong, that's just add that to the list.

But there was a property that somebody bought.

They re-jiggered the lines for the Florida Bama's, Florida, Alabama state lines.

And this guy's property was right in the middle of it.

And somebody built a bar on top of it.

Some ingenuous, some ingenue built a bar.

They call it the Flora Bama.

They used to have a mullet toss there.

Yeah, they do a lot of stuff.

Mullet as in the fish.

Yeah.

Mullet as in the fish, but you can probably find a few mullets there too.

Though it's very in vogue to be in this part of the world right now.

If you're not part, in vogue, I say in vogue to a certain part of the population.

Trey Crowder, by the way, is this week's

TCP infomercial in case you're wondering.

Go check it out.

I enjoyed my conversation with with Trey by the way.

Yeah, no, that's a good one.

TreyCrowder.com for all the information.

Go listen to the episode.

So,

Florida, long known for its beautiful beaches, its condo-friendly, retirement-friendly, party-friendly atmosphere,

has been built up.

And the land is very expensive.

Anywhere you go, and there's a beach in Florida, you are paying out the nose for land, for condos, for houses.

There just is very little left in the way of kind of like slow beach towns in Florida.

They exist, but they're not going to exist for much longer.

These beaches are beautiful.

They are.

They're gorgeous, especially the Gulf side, from Naples all the way to Florabama, all the way to Perdido Key, which is the furthest west you can go into Florida.

And so, and I've spent a lot of time on those beaches.

We all have.

If you live in Atlanta, it's our backyard.

So that's where we go.

So

A1A, which is the highway that runs along the coast, really from like the armpit of the Gulf all the way to Perdido Key, A1A has gotten extraordinarily ritzy and expensive.

And you see these A1A stickers, like you see student driver stickers all over the place.

And basically what that means is you're paying too much for your vacation.

You're an asshole.

I'm sorry, but you're an asshole.

Yeah, there's whole communities.

There's whole communities.

Families go every year and it's a whole thing.

And they have these private beaches.

I told you this.

Yeah, Florida allows for private beaches, private beach access in some places.

And so last year we went on vacation to Panama City, to Margaritaville, which means through the gate.

Which is not private access beach.

I'll share that.

It's not even on the beach.

You have to walk across the street.

But we went down A1A to go have lunch and we brought the, we thought, okay, let's bring the stuff.

We'll have lunch.

We'll go to the beach because we had been to this place before.

And I'm not going to name it by name, but if you know A1A, then you know which beach I'm talking about.

You know which community I'm talking about.

It starts with an R.

Yes, there you go.

And

we went to go get beach access.

And fuck if I'm not kidding.

The goddamn gate was locked.

The gate was locked.

It was locked.

And people were pressing in a code and going in.

And these people were not interested in letting you in.

Do you know what I'm saying?

They were like real dicks about it.

They were like hiding the code.

And so meanwhile, some dude just kind of like kicked the door open and I ran and held the door

like a total redneck.

Meanwhile, somebody is in their fancy beach, $17 million beach house watching me do this.

And I'm like, hey, just waiting for the family.

You had the kids.

I had the kids.

Yeah, I had the kids.

So, you know, that to me, I don't, even if I had the money to stay at one of those places, I don't feel the need to keep everybody else out.

It's just not my style.

Like, it's a beach.

Let everyone enjoy it.

I mean, unless they're causing trouble.

And then I can understand why, you know, okay, you don't want camping on the beach.

All right, I get that.

You don't want people driving on the beach.

All right, I get that.

You don't even want alcohol on the beach with teenagers and spring break.

I get that also.

You want to keep some semblance of like, you know, keep it family friendly or whatever.

Keeping people out because they didn't pay $10,000 a night to stay at your little, you know, Chip and Joanna Gaines cottage doesn't feel all that great to me.

Anywho,

Flora Bama, the bar.

If you've ever watched the show Florabama Shores, then you will know.

Yes.

Oh, what a great, that is a tribute to Redneck.

It is.

That is like the apex of redneck reality TV.

And listen, as much as I am an Irish boy from Chicago and always will be, I can play with the rednecks.

Like, I don't, I'm not, I'm not angry at rednecks.

I don't paint them all a certain color.

I don't think they, and quite frankly, they're fun.

They're fun.

Yes, they're fun and they could be super nice.

And they got that southern style and southern charm.

And I like it.

It's very much in fashion right now.

But I've always,

you know, spending most of my life here in Georgia, I've always had a certain affinity for it.

I can have a southern draw when I need to.

You know what I'm saying?

And there's two types of southern draws.

Remember, Chrissy.

There's the southern draw from the old money, which is like, you know, my former mother-in-law, Brian.

There's two types of people with money in this world.

The kind that show it and the kind that know it.

And then there's like redneck.

There's There's like down south, red Nick, you know, new money calendar.

They got that twang.

Yeah, they got that twang.

So the Florabama has a line down the middle of it.

One side you're on Florida, one side you're in Alabama.

Bar, they've got bushwhackers there.

And I believe that the, that, yeah, bushwhackers is the drink.

And my dad was going crazy over bushwhackers.

I love them.

Oh, my God.

He got a lot of people.

And you're right there with your dad.

Yeah, my dad, like this

Midwestern meat packing guy, all of a sudden is drinking bushwhackers.

Oh, they're delicious.

And eating frosty.

From like a Wendy's frosty.

A frosty wood liquor.

Yeah, that's what it is.

So the bar, and I believe the guys Florabama, the band, the country music sensation from the early 2000s that were around for a minute.

I believe their whole shtick was one guy played in Florida and one guy played in Alabama, but on the same stage.

I think that's how they got their name.

I don't know, but that's what somebody told me.

So we go to Orange Beach, where my parents, my stepmom and my dad, have rented one of the few townhouses that remain directly on the beach.

That's so nice.

There's five townhouses.

They rented one of them for a minute.

They did like an Airbnb or yeah, I think they did it through one of those, VBRO or something like that.

But they found somebody.

It was a relative, you know, it's pricey, but it wasn't so pricey.

I thought it was actually a pretty decent price for being right on the beach.

Like open up the back door, walk down off your patio, and you're on the beach.

And the beaches are huge there.

They're like a football field deep.

So they're beautiful, white sand, a kind of white sand that's like salt.

I mean, it's so tiny.

Oh, just lovely.

And it was really nice.

The townhouse was appropriate enough.

It was, you know, done up and all that.

You know, leave your sandals here.

You know, all that bullshit.

Sand dollars all over the place.

Life's the beach.

Life's the beach.

Get kicking.

My coffee's a margarita.

All the little things.

All the little schnick schnacks that go around.

You know, sand dollars everywhere.

Shiplap everywhere.

You know, Wayne's coating everywhere.

You know, you know how it goes.

Tile floors that have, where your feet, where you have to get a towel to wipe your feet before you get in bed because everything has sand on it.

But we go down there, and one thing I noticed about Orange Beach is that Orange Beach is extraordinarily new.

Now, here's the word on the street about Orange Beach, and I know this for a fact because when I worked in commercial real estate, when you and I first started this show, I got a call from another, what they call merchant banker, which is like a broker of capital for big commercial projects and he called me in on a deal and then he had me drive down one night so that the next day we could meet a guy who was doing a deal in gulf shores which is a little further away from the florabama line orange beach think about moving west florabama ordito key

alabama alabama Perdido Key, Florida, moves into Florabama, moves into Orange Beach, then moves into Gulf Shores.

So all right on this one strip, this 20 mile, 25 mile long strip.

So I go down there.

And when I went down there, right at the beginning of the pandemic, everyone's scared wearing masks, you know, not coughing on each other, all that bullshit.

I just remember, all I remember are these huge buildings coming out of the ground and crane after crane after crane after crane on the beach, just huge amounts of development.

And I remember thinking to myself at the time, wow, either all of these guys are completely fucked because of the pandemic or something's going on here that like I've never seen before.

It's like miami or something you know it's all these cranes down here

the reason why it's relatively new i'm assuming is because they must have changed the zoning laws and allowed for this dense development of these condos and these hotels did they have any kind of like you know how the hurricanes come and all of that did they have any kind of damage that they had to rebuild from i don't think so not that i remember not that not that i recall my assumption is the town was founded orange beach was founded in 1984 They probably had the old guard, you know, a bunch of homeowners sitting on the board who were like, you know, okay, we wanted to keep it a sleepy old beach town and have a few little condo buildings here and there.

Money talks.

But money talks.

And the new, the new people, you know, we all know capitalism has officially taken over everything.

And we don't give a shit anymore.

We just want, we don't give a shit about our sleepy town.

We want to make money.

And man, have they made

hay from these beautiful beaches because it is just condo building after condo building after condo building.

Not necessarily my style of beach.

You know, I'd much rather be in like a sleepy beach town or a little bit more cozy of a beach town.

But I will say this.

I had a great time.

The town is fresh.

It's new.

Looks fresh and new.

You have to, they don't have left turns there.

Everything's a U-turn, which is amazing.

I called it U-turn City because you cannot take a left.

So let's imagine you're driving down the beach and the beach is on your left and all those big condo buildings.

You got to get to your condo building.

You can't take a left into the condo building.

You have to go down the street, make a U-turn where they they have a light for the U-turn.

They have U-turn lights.

Oh, wow.

So they stop the traffic going the other way and the U-turn light goes on and you make a U-turn.

And they even have a little extra shoulder on the road so that you can, you know, kind of dip over.

Look at that.

They're thinking about this, right?

I don't know why they are so opposed to left turns down there, but okay, there's a lot of condo.

There's a flow of traffic.

Flow of traffic.

There's a lot of condo buildings.

So they have to have left turns.

The whole yeah, otherwise you're stopping it.

Yeah, it's either that suicide lane, you know, the big lane going down the middle of the road, or the median, which is much prettier and much more managed, and people aren't trying to kill each other.

So everything's new.

It's all fresh and there's a lot of development and beautiful things.

I would call it redneck chic going on down there.

Redneck chic.

I don't know any other way to explain it.

Yeah, I like that.

It's family friendly.

There's a lot of, at least when we went, there's a lot of families.

I was told by some locals that

spring break college and summer can be, it's next week.

Okay.

And the locals spring break, which is Auburn, Alabama, you know, all the Alabama colleges, when that comes on, then you're really getting kind of crazy.

But man, I'll tell you what, Chrissy, it was beautiful.

Asterin and I went and had a beautiful dinner at a restaurant named Coastal.

I've never seen a beach restaurant like this in my entire life.

It was so incredibly big.

It was like overlooking the water and you saw the sun.

That's it.

The whole nine yards.

And it was just this huge, beautiful restaurant serving pricey but good food in a...

What'd you have?

I had shrimp and grits.

I had fresh shrimp and grits.

I went outside my normal

cheeseburger and paradise kind of vibe.

So I'm on the beach.

You know, listen, here's my thing about being on a beach.

I've got to have seafood when I go to the beach.

Everybody says that, but I get a little nervous about having seafood on the beach.

And I'll tell you what, I get a little upset and a little bit of a drink.

They do a lot of shrimping in that area, so they do.

Local fresh shrimp.

You can see them at night.

You can see those boats right off the, you know, a couple hundred yards off the water and they're shrimping.

But then why are you charging me $38

for a baker's dozen of fried shrimp?

Because they had to build the restaurant, exactly.

$40 million is what I was told this cost because they built a breaker on the restaurant.

So, if a hurricane comes, it doesn't wash the restaurant away.

They were thinking it, but $40 million.

That's a lot of shrimp and grits you got to sell.

That's a lot of baker's dozen of local shrimp.

But everyone always raves about the local seafood, the local seafood.

I don't know.

I like my seafood packed in a box and frozen and travel a couple hours.

I don't know.

I'm a crab girl.

I love the crab.

You know I love the crap.

I know you love the crab.

No matter the price.

Don't even ask the price.

Give me three dozen of those.

Chrissy, we go to a seafood restaurant here.

Beautiful, lovely place.

We've been to a lot.

Astrid and I love this place.

I'm not going to name it by name, but the waiter comes over and tells us the special.

It's

snow crab or was it snow crab?

Rock crab.

Rock crab.

Yeah.

Rock crab.

Tender, lovely, sweet meat.

Succulent.

Succulent, lovely.

$72

a claw.

We're selling them by the dozen.

And Chrissy orders five dozen and then eats four dozen of them.

She loves it.

And the bill came.

It was like $6,000.

Poor Chrissy.

Put it on the car.

Yeah, had better days.

She was already in the cups.

And so Rachel and I looked at each other.

We're like, just split it five ways.

Just split it four ways.

It's fine.

Just don't worry about it.

She's like, wait, I didn't know it was that much.

I thought it was 72 per order.

We're like, no, it's 72 per crab, per claw.

They were delicious.

We went, we had a great time.

It was right.

It was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Yeah, I'd

take that break, that getaway.

Yeah, we were running up against it for the last, you know, since early Christmas.

We've been running up against it.

But Astron and I looked at each other at the end of the trip or while we were having dinner and we said, this could be a place where we run.

I like it.

My go-to has always been one of three places.

Charleston,

Amelia Island,

or Naples, Florida.

But here is the problem with all three of those places now.

It's far.

It's far.

Especially Naples.

It's expensive.

And it's getting more expensive every time we go.

And Amelia Island, the sleepy little town that everybody falls in love with, you may say to yourself, the fuck is Amelia Island?

It's nothing.

That's what it is.

It's where the first Ritz-Carlton ever in the United States of America opened.

The Ritz-Carlton.

Spanish mosques

and just the beautiful, the beautiful, yes, vibes, slow vibe.

But it has been extraordinarily crowded and extraordinarily expensive.

The last couple of times we went.

We used to have, well, I'm not going to say that.

We've used a shadow there.

Yeah, we've spent a lot of time there.

A lot of time.

I stayed down there during the pandemic.

It's beautiful.

It's lovely.

But the beaches are different because you're on the Atlantic side.

So the water is colder, it's rougher, and it gives you like, and all of the water mainly up and down the East Coast is brackish, unless you get all the way down to like Miami, like go past kind of Cape Canaveral.

The water is brackish.

And so it's a different type of water.

You can't see the water, like you can't see.

When you step in, you can't see your feet because it's brackish water.

It's, you know, fresh and ocean watered, muddy, kind of salty, weird water.

But it's a lovely town.

There's nothing quite as quaint and lovely as Amelia Island, but it's no secret anymore.

So it's overdeveloped.

It's highly crowded.

They are not building anything else because the old guard is always going to be there.

They're never going to let that island get any more developed.

And so it's just a different vibe in Amelia Island.

It's an island.

It's an island.

There you go.

You get a little, everyone's got a little bit of island fever down there, including me when I go down there.

I feel, you know, I don't know.

I feel like I belong to an exclusive golf club.

So don't, why are all these people here?

Why are all these people?

Why are you here?

You don't live here.

Why are you here?

I'm going to the massage.

I'm going to the Ritz for a massage.

I'll be at the Ritz for a massage.

The Ritz was beautiful.

That'll be $720, sir.

That's expensive.

I didn't even get a massage.

That's for the

scents.

Just the smell of the...

Yes.

The smell of the spa, $720, sir.

Okay, it's getting a little all hand.

So Orange Beach presents itself as a good...

And also, I spent a lot of time in Amelia Island when I only had one child or no children.

So now that I have many children, it's just a whole different animal.

The struggle is real.

The struggle is real.

Everyone is feeling it.

Everyone is feeling the pinch and the squeeze, and it's not getting better.

It doesn't look like it's going to get better anytime soon.

So to find a place where you can go where it's still reasonably, you know, I will say this about Orange Beach.

It's beautiful.

It's got that chip and Joanna redneck vibe everywhere.

You know, everything's white and lovely and clean and open.

But they know that they got you by the balls when they get you down there, like any good beach town does.

You can go to these little, you know, the crab shack or whatever the fuck they call it.

And every town has it.

By the way, every beach town has a crab shack or a crab trap.

And they all have the best shrimp in the world.

You know what I'm saying?

But none of them really have the best shrimp in the world.

But they get you in that restaurant and they know they're going to charge you $30 for a bushwhacker and $38 for a baker's dozen of shrimp they caught two minutes away.

How did it cost that much money?

You picked it up off the ocean floor and put it in a basket.

How did it cost $38?

I don't know.

But

that's okay.

You know, if you got to pay for the restaurants, at least you're not paying as much for the stay and the place in general.

So I will share that I never thought I would be an Orange Beach kind of guy.

I might be an Orange Beach kind of guy.

I like it.

I might be an Orange Beach.

Was it more families that you saw, or would it be something Jeff and I would like as a little getaway?

I don't think you and Jeff would be disappointed.

Yeah.

But it, you know, and they have some of the

biggest bars I have ever seen in my entire life.

The Flora Bama is big in and of itself, but there are two that dot each end of the

kind of the Florabama area, area, the Orange Beach.

In Gulf Shores, there's a place called the Hangout.

Oh, yeah, the Hangout.

Hangout Fest.

Yeah, there is a huge bar there with multiple stages.

Kind of weird.

You drive down, you get into Gulf Shores.

It's a little bit older.

It's a little bit more dense there with retail and restaurants and stuff like that.

And you're driving and you see the beach on the left, and all of a sudden you have a little bit of development, a couple condo buildings.

And then on the corner of the major intersection is a huge bar called the Hangout.

And they have a stage, like an actual huge stage with a cover on it and everything.

And my son and I were driving to go get some pizza and Gulf Shores and bring it back.

And I got the window rolled down and it sounded like these guys were playing inside of my car.

They were, by the way, they were playing Nickelback.

They were covering Nickelback.

But that's the kind of vibe it is, right?

Okay.

That's the kind of vibe it is.

And you could see them on the stage as you were sitting there at the stoplight.

They were like right there on the stage playing to hundreds and hundreds of people.

Maybe we'll have to check it out.

In fact, Jeff is consulting on another festival that's in that area.

There you go.

So I think I'm going to target that for us to go down there.

I'll go check it out.

I wouldn't say no to a trip down to Orange Beach, spend a couple of days there.

They've got great food.

But what I really want in a beach trip, the most important thing for me in the beach trip is the beach.

That's what I want a beautiful beach.

Yeah, no, that's important.

I want to be able to get out there.

I'm not a kind of like lay in the sand for four hours kind of guy but if i could take a walk up and down the beach if i can splash in the water a little bit i get my get my son uh and i don't mean my son my kid the son the son the the son the father the holy spirit and all that jazz yeah if i can if i can do a little star sun gaze

a little sun worshiping then i'm i'm good in the stars at night yeah oh did you see the stars we saw the pink moon oh we saw the pink moon

the first night we got there we got there

really the micro moon the micro moon, which was not micro at all.

It was actually very large, at least where we were from our view.

We got there the first night.

It was late.

It was dark.

It was way past the kids' bedtime.

We had been driving all day after we picked one of my kids up from school.

And we got there, and we look out, we go on the back deck, and there's hundreds of people that are walking up and down the beach with flashlights.

And I thought, oh, it must be turtle season.

Yeah, turtle season.

But it's not turtle season.

That's why they can actually, because at least in Amelia Island, you cannot actually have a flashlight out on the beach if it's turtle season, or I think any time,

really, because you confuse the turtles and they look at the lights.

And even the lights on the back of buildings have to be a certain color, so they don't think it's the moon.

Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah.

So, but what it was is just a bunch of families out there taking a stroll at night.

That's the kind of beach it is, I guess.

You know, if you're at Florida,

a little night stroll with, you know, some dibbity dabs and a drink.

Yeah, a fucking slush puppy or whatever they call them.

And

so the kids got.

You couldn't see the stars, so it wasn't so bright in this part of town.

It wasn't the starriest of beaches, but you could certainly see the stars.

Also, it was a full moon when we were there, or mostly a full moon, and then a full moon.

So the moon kind of drowned out some of the stars.

I think if it was a dark night, I would have been able to see a lot.

But we see these people out there with the flashlight.

The kids got really excited.

Dad,

I want to go out there.

I said, we don't have any flashlights.

You're smelling the beach air.

You're smelling the beach air.

Oh, yeah.

So the last night.

I was like,

I know.

The last, they were just really excited about this.

The last night, last day, we go to a souvenir store.

They're selling these cheap little, you know, $7

waterproof flashlights.

Everyone got one, and the pink moon came out, the sun went down.

We went out with our flashlights and we ran around.

And

those are the memories you remember.

Those are the things you remember.

100%.

And those are the things they'll remember.

And you cap off a trip and you say, well, I'm rested and ready to get back to yet another episode of The Convirus.

Yep.

Jeff and I were, we were making the bed this morning, and he said, Um, back to work.

There you go.

Back to TCV.

Back to TCV.

That's right.

And I have to say, you know, I was excited.

I did miss it.

You do.

Yeah, I did.

Yesterday I was excited.

I thought, well, I get to get back with my friend and have a conversation.

Exactly.

Listen, it's all, this is not, we're not digging ditches.

This isn't the worst thing in the world.

And I will say this: many, many, many text messages on that phone when I came back.

And that really put a smile on my face.

Many, three, no,

no, a lot of people had been texting us while we were gone.

I left the phone.

Yeah, I decided to turn it all off.

I put it on personal mode.

I turned it all off.

Good for you.

And I left the studio phone here.

Sometimes we'll take it if we go on vacation so we can respond to people or check messages or whatever.

But we left it here and I came back to a lot of messages.

It really put a smile on my face.

We'll get back to you next year.

Yeah, we'll get back to you next year.

I tried to respond to everybody last night, but if you haven't had a response, it's coming.

And we sent out another round of stickers.

A lot of people said they got their stickers.

Congratulations.

Stay tuned.

On May 31st, the 12 hours of TCB, which might end up being a Baker's dozen.

Stay tuned, kids, because now everyone, so many...

celebrities have gotten excited about this that now they're asking to come on the 12 hours of tcb which i don't know maybe we'll just make it 12 hours of celebrities and we won't even do live shows i don't know we'll see we'll just we'll see how this all shakes out

shakes out but on may 31st it's a saturday last day of the month 12 hours of tcb six hours of celebrity guest interviews six hours of commercial break nonsense celebrating five years of the commercial break and

putting some focus on mental health awareness the mental health awareness month is may and chrissy and i feel strongly that we are mentally ill so there you go

yes we do so we feel strongly that we're mentally ill and uh that we need help all right so let's do this let's take a break we got lots more to talk about.

We're back.

I got a lot of stuff built up.

So let's get it all out in this episode and we'll be back to boring tomorrow.

We'll be back.

You make this rather snappy, won't you?

I can't really have anything to do before 10 o'clock.

Hi, cats and kittens.

Rachel here.

Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like Brian?

Well, I've got just the place for you to do that.

212-433-3TCB.

That's 212-433-3822.

Feel free to call and yell all you want.

Tell Brian I need a race.

Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans.

Or tell us a little story.

The juicier, the better, by the way.

We'd love to hear your voice, because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves.

Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials at the Commercial Break on Insta, TCB Podcast on TikTok.

And for those of you who like to watch, oh, that came out wrong.

We put all the episodes out on video.

Youtube.com slash thecommercial break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker, or just to see how pretty we look.

Okay, I gotta go now.

I've got a date with my dog.

No, seriously, Axel needs food.

Today is pork chop day.

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Oh, I did want to mention one other thing, Chris.

See, I will, Mike Pesco, our friend from the very lovely podcast, The Gist,

the longest-running daily news podcast out there.

Mike has been doing this for a very long time.

He's very smart, and he has

not been so intelligent with his guest choices because tomorrow, this is coming out on Wednesday, Thursday, I will be on his secondary podcast called Not Even Mad, which you can get on the GIST feed, or they have their own RSS feed called Not Even Mad.

It goes both places.

I will be on Not Even Mad.

And here's the premise of the show.

Mike plays mediator to one person who thinks one way and one person who thinks the other way.

And they yell at each other and then they go, ah, but we're not even mad.

So we're going to be talking about the state of podcasting and the podcast universe, including some

noted controversy that has popped up around Joe Rogan and some things he said and some guests that he's had and some things that Sam Harris said about those guests that he had and some pushback Joe got about, you know, some stuff.

I won't get into it here.

It's not here.

But if you want to hear my opinions on that kind of stuff, then check out Not Even Mad.

Go to the GIST feed.

I'll put a link in the show notes tomorrow to go get that.

And yeah,

listen to me outside this universe.

Okay.

So here's one other thing that I wanted to talk about because I think it's important.

We had that big conversation about why music festivals are costing so much money,

music in general, live events, live entertainment.

And man, did we get a lot of response about this?

A lot of people shared that they are also fed up with the music prices.

They agreed with something that I said, even though I didn't really mean this to be a solution to the problem, I was just making a suggestion that if they would lower the ticket prices, then people would go see more live music more often.

They would feel more comfortable spending that budget in other places and supporting more local artists and more live artists and stuff like that.

And so, you know, yeah, it seems like a simple economic, like supply and demand kind of thing.

You only have so much money.

You can only spend it so many places.

You pick one concert a year to go to, essentially, because it costs $875,000.

And so we talked about this with no intention of running up against Coachella weekend number one, but we did.

We ran that right as Coachella weekend number one was

happening.

So Coachella weekend number one under,

it's in the books.

And weekend number two coming up.

Yeah.

There were a lot of highs and lows.

Yeah.

From what I read.

I will just say that.

I saw, we tuned into some of it, and we did see the Missy Elliott set, and it was really good.

And the Fila, Kutai, Kooti, his son.

Okay, the Kooti-Hootie Pootie.

Yeah.

Fila Kahootie Hootie Pootie.

I'm not familiar with some of those artists, but it's hard to be familiar with all of the artists that play at Coachella because ever since day one of Coachella, they have really made a name for themselves, being very eclectic and getting some of the biggest names, but not the names you always think of, right?

Like

people who are very popular, but in a viral sense, that don't get a lot of like mainstream Bernie was there this year,

which is insane.

But

I want to say this about the overall festival Coachella itself.

It seemed like in 2018, Coachella was kind of the apex predator of festivals, and everybody wanted to be Coachella.

Everyone wanted to be at Coachella.

Ticket prices were in the thousands of dollars on the resale market.

It sold out in minutes, literally.

And I think that was maybe its eighth or ninth year in 2018, something like that.

But I just looked before we came on air this morning, and Coachella's secondary tickets for weekend number two are going basically at face value.

And there are still tickets available on the actual Coachella Stagecoach website.

So you can get those tickets still now, today, a couple days before.

it happens, which tells me a couple things in general.

At least I'm inferring this.

I don't think Coachella is the

huge deal.

It's not at its zenith, let's put it that way.

I think it's still a big deal to a lot of people, but I don't think it's at its zenith.

It's not at its height of powers.

And I think a lot of people may be fed up with the idea that they have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars to show up to a really well-produced fashion show, essentially, right?

A fashion show with a great playlist, essentially, at the end of the day.

These artists get paid millions of dollars, these headliners, for showing up for 45-minute hour-long sets at Coachella.

And some of the most famous sets from some of the most famous artists in the world have happened at Coachella.

They make news every year because Coachella is a big fucking deal, and it will be for the foreseeable future.

But I'm a little bit happy to hear.

that people aren't so caught up in the hype that like there's a little bit of the steam the foam the the foam is off the head so to speak chrissy a little bit about coachella because it tells me that we're pushing back a little bit on the idea that you have to spend $4,000 just for the price of admission to go see these artists play these 45-minute hour-long sets.

Travis Scott was there hanging people upside down.

What was that about?

I have no idea.

Can Travis Scott?

What do you think about Travis Scott?

I know this is a hot button issue, but what do you think about Travis?

I mean, I know a lot of people love him.

I

enjoy some of his music, I guess.

He's not my first choice.

So put on, though.

No, he's not in my rotation.

Behind Frozen,

the Cars soundtrack, and Huey Lewis in the news, which for some inexplicable reason my children are into right now.

He's not.

Yeah.

Don't ask.

Hello.

One of my kids is into We Built This City on Rock and Roll because it's in one of the animated movies.

Those animated movies really do bring stuff back into rotation.

They do.

I will survive by Gloria Gaynor is now a big in rotation around my house.

There's some good ones, and then there's some ones where you're like, that's like literally named the worst song ever, ever.

And it's on repeat.

But there's some hollow notes in there and some stuff that makes it more digestible.

And when you're on a seven-hour car ride and they're in control of the music, sometimes you got to demand that that song move to the next one.

You got to be like, okay, we've heard that enough.

No more we built this city on rock and roll.

It's crap.

Shit.

No one likes it.

But Coachella had an amazing lineup this year.

Travis Scott, to me,

he's not my favorite artist.

And

I do believe.

Did he have like an after-party or some kind of, he had a special party, I think.

Yeah, I mean, I think Travis Scott gets a lot of clout because of who he's married to.

Or used to be married.

They're not together anymore.

Now she's with Tim and Timothy.

Shala la May.

There was a lot of PDA going on, apparently.

May the Shala Mala Malame

live on forever.

Good for you, Timothy.

Listen, divorce is hard, and separation is hard.

And I don't, I, I don't, I'm, I'm not, that's not an enviable position to be in for Travis, I'm sure.

And he's a talented artist, no doubt.

He's got a lot of people that like his music.

And there are some songs that I'm really into.

But all of the imagery and the working the crowd up and the hype, I mean, he put people in a pretty dangerous situation.

Last time, him and the promoters and the people who put on that festival in Houston.

And then

I don't know.

I don't know.

I have mixed feelings about Travis Scott being at Coachella, but I'm not the guy making the choices.

So who fucking cares what I have to say?

But Lady Gaga showed up looking like a

demon dragon.

What is

I know that's her thing?

That's supposed to be amazing.

I know that's her thing.

I get it.

But honestly, these outfits are absolutely wild.

She looked like a devil, like a horned devil coming.

And she had those weird fingernails.

Yeah, the weird hands and the weird nails.

I like my lady Gaga slimmed down with the fashion.

I think she's good.

She's a very fashionable person anyway.

I could do without all the costumedry, whatever you call it.

I know.

She did the meat dress, which I'm sure smelled wonderful if you happen to be sitting next to her at the Grammys or what, wasn't it the Grammys that she did the meat dress?

Billy Joe Armstrong came out with the go-gos and played a few.

Green Day will be playing.

I think they're playing in weekend number two, or did they play in weekend number?

Oh, maybe they're playing both weekends, something like that.

I guess these are played, and there's all of that that's happening with the bassist's wife.

Did you hear about that?

I did.

I wanted to talk about that.

Yeah, that's pretty crazy.

She got shot by the police.

Yeah, she got shot by the police because she was threatening to shoot the police, which is

a dumb thing to do.

Like, you don't point...

She must obviously have some problems.

Yeah, there was something going on there.

But the weird thing is, is that, like,

I don't know, would you then go play

Coachella?

I mean, that's the thing.

Do you?

No, if Jeff had some kind of mental breakdown and was shot by the Georgia Patrol,

I think I would be.

staying here to help.

That's happening.

Yeah, I think I would bow out of the fashion show that is Coachella, find somebody else to take my place.

I mean, I don't know what the deal is individually with a band, like what those contracts look like inside of the band, but I got to imagine there is like some empathy for the fact that your wife just got shot.

And hey, bro, I'm going to go play Coachella.

You know, hey, honey, playing Coachella.

Sorry about all that mental illness and that whole gun thing.

I'll be in Coachella.

I hope it works out.

Yeah, I hope it works out.

I guess you never know what's going on in someone's relationship, but but you can find a like a studio basis to fill in something.

Something.

I mean, doesn't flea always around?

Isn't flea always available for that kind of shit?

Seems like flea is a guy you call.

Yeah.

Whenever your bassist is wife, is shot by somebody.

Call Flea.

He's got a lot of energy.

Lady Gaga.

Lady Gaga played Benson Boone, Missy Elliott, Marina, Three Sacred Souls, Gabe Gabrielle,

Tiffany Tyson, the Go-Go's, Tyler,

Kneecap.

I'm trying to think, I'm trying to give you the bigger ones.

Indo Warehouse,

Masio.

Yeah, okay.

You know,

yeah, pay $1,000 for that.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Is that what the face value is for Coachella?

I haven't even looked.

Depends on what you get.

If you just get regular Coachella tickets, regular ticks.

Yeah, if you get regular ticks, then it's like $576.

If you get the Coachella Plus,

which is, I don't know, you get

pictures taken of you for TMZ.

No, it's not VIP.

That's a whole different animal.

Those are like $1,400.

But there's like a $900 version that's like Coachella Plus, and I don't know what that means, but I guess you get early entry, which, by the way, a lot of people who were there for early entry camping spent 12 to 16 hours

trying to get in.

And they said it was explained because I guess in the past parking was kind of first come, first serve, but this year there was some kind of reserved parking.

Yeah, it sounds like go back to the other way.

Yeah, when you, when you're doing this for like 15 years and everybody's used to doing it one way, don't then switch it up all of a sudden without a lot of guidance or information, which is apparently what a lot of people are complaining about.

They said, I read the instructions on the website, sounded like the instructions from last year, and then all of a sudden we get there and it's taking us

three hours to get in the front front door and then another 12 hours to get in the security checkpoint so that was so uh missy elliott lady gaga benson boone were the big ones on friday then you had travis scott green day charlie xex t pain jimmy eat world on saturday

um yeah okay green day travis scott charlie xex t pain jimmy eat world jimmy eat world

jimmy eat world

I guess it's time for them to come back.

Yeah, I did like a couple of their songs.

Yeah, I can't remember what they are.

Yeah.

I always thought they were like on the edge of cool, like they were like doing something a little bit different than all the like hairy cockrock that was out at the time.

Like,

uh,

I don't know, like

I hate to say it because I know they're the butt of the joke, but let's make them the butt of the joke.

I mean, yeah, okay, I'm not gonna, I won't shit on you today, uh, old 90s cockrock, the old 2000s cockrock band.

On Sunday, post Malone, Megan D.

Stallion, uh,

Shabuzi, I love Jack Glam Jr.

H.

Post Malone, Meghan D.

Stallion, Jack Glam, Shaboozy.

That sounds like a cool one, right?

Wouldn't you want to do that?

Yeah.

So this weekend, Lady Gaga's playing Missy Elliott.

Oh, it's just the same.

They're just repeating the same.

Oh, that's right.

I forget that.

There's their two weekends.

Oh, it's two weekends and all the main stages are the same.

Okay.

All right.

I guess that's one way to do it.

You know.

And then do you get a ticket?

Your ticket only goes to the weekend.

It's only one weekend.

You got to buy a ticket per weekend.

I think I prefer the way they do it at Bonnaroo, which is just one weekend.

Yeah.

Getter done.

Now I understand.

Like Coachella owns that big piece of land out there, I believe they do.

And they got to make that work.

They got to make their money.

It's very expensive.

It's very expensive to get there.

They put on these shows.

They pay these artists a ton of money.

So you really got to squeeze every dollar you can out of everybody.

But I like Bonnaroo.

Once a year, I'd like the idea of Bonnaroo.

I didn't actually like Bonnaroo.

I just like the idea of Bonnaroo.

Because the one time I went to Bonnaroo, I wasn't even there 48 hours.

I had to go home.

Jeff and I were just talking.

That was wild.

That was funny.

That was wild.

So two weekends, same people playing both weekends.

Make it different.

Like bring in some new blood.

And that way you can suck more money out of those people willing to pay all of that money.

But then I also read that there's almost 14 million people that will stream one of the two weekends.

That's what we did on Friday night.

How much was that?

I don't think it costs us any money.

But Jeff has access to Nugs.

I think maybe it was on Nugs.

Okay, Nugs.

Something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's like a paid member.

Okay, so you can just kind of like, you can watch it.

If you can't be there.

And obviously not everybody can go there.

They can't be there.

The camping has kept me away.

I don't want to go camp in the desert.

Not interested in doing any additional camping at a festival.

Not

the main majority of my camping at festivals has not been at mainstream festivals.

Either been Jamland productions, which you can only imagine, I probably wasn't getting any sleep, or at a party in the woods, which you can only imagine, I probably wasn't getting much sleep.

As a matter of fact, I think I was the last one.

The last time I went to a party in the woods,

there was a huge bonfire and there was a drum circle at like 2.30 in the morning after the music had shut down.

And we're not talking Coachella stages, we're talking a stage some dude built three days ahead of time that we're all going to be lucky if it survives the weekend.

And it's like your buddy who plays guitar at the party that you really hate finally gets a chance to stand on stage with a microphone.

I'm surprised you didn't display your musical abilities.

Who says I didn't?

Who says I didn't?

As a matter of fact, one year I went up and sang a doors cover cover in a kilt

with no underwear.

Now, this tracks.

Some people really enjoyed it.

Some people really enjoyed it.

I'm picturing this, and it's funny.

If I was to tell, if I had to take the temperature of the crowd, now you have to imagine this is the rusted root, grateful, dead fish kind of crowd.

And Brian goes up to play a cover of the doors, the end.

I did the end.

A 15-minute cover at the end.

The musicians were fantastic, by the way.

I did it no justice, but there was a couple hundred people standing in front of me when I started.

And some people were still standing when I ended.

Some of those people floated off to a bar.

I mean, this is a huge area in the woods.

We're talking like 200 acres, and there's people camping all over the place, thousands of people camping all over the place.

But so you go down near this barn.

There's this big field.

It's been cleared out.

There's camping all up in the, there's hills and mountains of camping all up in it.

And you can, the, the drum circle calls,

calls everybody to the campfire.

The drum circle, the music's off, the bars are open.

Yeah, the bars are always open, but you know, it's if if a bartender stayed up, like it's all volunteers.

So I've, I volunteered a lot at the bar because then I could just drink for free.

But the drum circle is calling me.

So I think I was actually bartending when the drum circle started.

I just kind of floated off to the drum circle.

Sorry.

See you in the morning.

And every, there's girls dancing around the fire.

Everyone's drumming.

I'm drumming and then I start dancing because now I'm incredibly intoxicated.

And there is this beautiful woman who I've just been watching dance for like 30, 45 minutes.

Beautiful.

I know her name.

I'm fans with her on Facebook.

She's like mesmerizing, right?

Or was that night anyway?

And so she's running around.

She's got this little necklace.

with a with a

i don't even know how to explain it it's like a little jar like a little tiny little mason jar, like a mini mason jar.

And it's got liquid in it.

And she's running around and she's dancing.

And then I start dancing.

And then, you know, we're kind of in each other's space, you know, dancing the ethereal dance, like

moving hands at each other.

Circle dance.

It's the drum, drug circle dance.

That's right.

And she opens up her little mason jar and she takes a swig and she goes, want some?

And I was like, yeah.

I thought it was liquor.

I thought it was moonshine.

but 30 minutes 40 minutes later i realized it was not moonshine but i don't know what it was but i ended up being the last person up at the party in the woods the last person up the only other people that were up were the people that were like on duty for security uh-huh so at four or five in the morning people that were waking up people yeah people that were waking i'm sure there were people up but they were in their camps in their campsite i couldn't be sure i was the exact last person up but there were security, you know, like, but they're not really security guards.

They're like guys with long hair that, you know, are sober, that have volunteered to stand watch for who, I don't know, for what, I'm not sure.

And the people at the medical tent, too.

There were some people.

So everyone eventually falls off, and I'm the last guy standing, and I'm dancing to myself.

And I'm now realizing I had not been given moonshine.

And so I'm

walking around.

This is like hundreds of acres.

I'm walking around trying to find people that are awake that I can talk to.

So I'm talking to the security guards for,

you know, talking their air off until they eventually just stop talking to, like, you know, stop talking to me so that I can go away.

Then I go to the medical tent.

Do you need medical help?

No.

But did you see the moon tonight?

How about that drum circle?

It's so good.

You know, peace be with you.

You know, it is what it is.

I love all creatures.

Those trees are beautiful.

All with one.

You know, meanwhile, they're like, fuck you, dude.

Fuck you.

I'm on medical duty here.

I don't have time to be drugging and drinking.

Fuck you.

And so I just walked myself into a stupor until I eventually fell asleep at like eight in the morning.

And I woke up in the most uncomfortable state I had ever been in.

Hot, sweaty, still hot.

Morning, sun.

Oh, it's just like baking me in that tent.

And I was with somebody too.

And she was mad at me because whatever.

And like, so we're baking in this tent, sweating on each other.

It's just like the whole situation is gross.

I will never camp again in a festival.

Yeah.

Never.

I'm going to camp only if Armageddon comes and I need to stay outside my own backyard where I can still have the bathroom inside.

If the plumbing stops, I'll camp outside.

Okay.

That's it.

It's the only reason I'm going to do that.

All right.

Why don't we do this, Chrissy?

Let's take a break and we'll talk more about

sweaty, sweaty, sweaty, sweaty trailer.

I had the option to go in the sweaty, sweaty trailer.

But

I wasn't convinced the air conditioning was working.

I think that was just a, they were trying to get me in there

for something.

Yes, they were.

Yes, they were.

All right, we'll be back.

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Can we talk just for a minute?

And I know this is the last person you want to hear any opinions about this from, but I got to throw this out there.

Can we talk about Blue Origin for a second?

The new Shepard

fucking PR stunt that happened a couple days ago with Katy Perry, Oprah's best friend, Gail King, Sanchez.

What is her name?

Sanchez, Lawrence Sanchez.

And then some other people who actually are doing stuff.

Doing stuff.

Have some reason to actually want to go to space.

So, in case you have your head directly up your ass,

five, six women.

Yeah, I mean, it was the all-female crew.

All female.

Dick penis ride up to not even space, but we're going to call it space because why not?

The Carmen line, what they call it.

So that we can float around for two and a half minutes, yell and scream into the microphone.

And then come back down to earth and yell and scream some more and then make a big dramatic scene.

Kiss the ground.

Kiss the ground.

Make Make a big dramatic PR scene.

We'll have the Kardashians there doing live commentary and Oprah crying and, you know, Jeff Bezos meeting you at the door because God forbid anything

falling on his face.

That's true.

He face planets.

He's a boner.

There are so many things on this earth right now, in this country right now, in this world right now, to be concerned about, to give attention to, to give press to.

I am not arguing that the all-female crew is not an

admirable

thing to give

some props to.

But this is a huge PR stunt, no doubt about it.

It is absolutely almost meaningless in a lot of ways because they are doing nothing.

They are advancing nothing.

about space or space travel.

They have done this a number of times.

You can pay a couple million dollars and do it yourself.

You can actually go and book book a reservation on Blue Origins website to get up there yourself if you have that kind of money.

And if I guess if Jeff Bezos chooses you, I don't know how that whole process works.

You could go to the Fry Festival or you could go to the Festival.

You could go to the Fire Festival or you could go to the top of the Carmen line, which is basically just a little higher than an airplane can go.

Let's be real about this.

It's not space.

It's not actual space.

It's high enough to see the curvature of the Earth.

It's high enough to be a little weightless because of the way that where you are, the gravity is no longer holding you down as much, but you haven't even left the atmosphere of the Earth.

And you're doing no experimentation whatsoever.

You are advancing no cause whatsoever.

You are just taking a really expensive ride into space and sucking up people's attention for, in my opinion, not the best of reasons.

I do not argue.

The female aspect of this is not my place to say.

It's not for me to say whether or not that's good, bad, or indifferent.

But what it clearly is, is a PR stunt of epic proportions and one that failed miserably to do anything for

anything.

I mean, to do anything for anything.

It's just dumb.

It's just dumb.

And I really wish that Jeff Bezos, Lauren Sanchez, Gail King, Katie Perry,

those people specifically would put their time and attention.

and

PR abilities and money into a lot better things.

Like let's say, run down to El Salvador and save that father who's been, who will now spend the rest of his life rotting in an El Salvadorian prison for no good reason because

people just want to dig their heels in and decide they're not wrong for any reason whatsoever.

And without getting into all the politics of that, I think we can all agree that's a really shitty situation.

That if you put yourself in those shoes, what a fucking nightmare.

Or the mother or the children of those people, why doesn't Lauren Sanchez and Jeff Bezos take their dick-shaped rocket and fly down to El Salvador and raise some time and attention and money to getting that guy out of prison?

I'm not arguing the criminals and the people who are here are legally.

That's not, I'm not getting into that argument here.

Check me out.

I'm not even mad.

Am I getting into that argument here?

But that dude is there clearly in the wrong.

And it's even been admitted.

And they won't let him out.

It's so crazy.

I don't even know what's happening.

I mean, by the time this airs, something might have changed.

Might as well.

But I don't think so.

As today, the Supreme Court said, return him.

Return him.

They're saying no.

And they're saying no.

So the law means nothing.

The justice system means nothing.

It's being used to penalize people.

It's being used to disappear people, just like they did in Ireland in the 80s, 70s, and 80s.

Disappear people.

And if we get a few wrong, oh, well, oh, well.

Those people have children and wives.

They're real human beings with actual feelings.

You admitted you're wrong.

Now bring them home.

Yeah, what's the reason that they're saying they're not?

They say that he had speeding tickets.

They say that he is part of the MS-13 gang when a judge, multiple judges, already found that he does not.

And he has reason to fear the MS-13 gang.

This is just a clear cluster fuck.

It's a clear mistake.

And there are so many things wrong with this.

It's not even funny.

But we're all going to spend the next hour watching a meaningless really high flight into not even space just doesn't make any sense to me i'm sorry it just falls flat i think it's tone deaf and of in so many ways and i really really wish that those people specifically with so much power money you know resources available to them would do something good with that that time energy and effort something good just like a little bit because this was not that.

And I might be wrong.

You may find it, you may find a whole slew of reasons why this was wonderful for humanity, but please tell them to

please tell them to me.

Please tell them, Jimmy.

I don't get it.

I'm sorry, Chrissy.

I'm sorry.

I wanted to like this.

I wanted to be like, this is good, good for these girls.

Like, you know, good for humanity, good for all this other stuff.

But then I watched it and it's just like a clear, I watched it.

I read about it.

I listened to Katy Perry drone on and on about it.

It's Katy Perry just droned on and on.

I mean, a lot of people were definitely questioning the choice there.

Yeah.

And do we have to do so much screaming?

Like, first of all, they didn't even show the inside of the capsule.

Like, if you're going to televise this as like the world's biggest PR stunt for

humanity and for the advancement of, you know, female causes, at least show the ladies in space or what you're calling space.

don't leave us hanging.

All I saw was a rocket go really, really, really far away and then come really, really, really back down to Earth.

That was so stupid.

Why didn't

I mean, if Musk can get it right, Bezos, I bet you have enough money, time, energy, and effort to get it right yourself.

But here we are, just stuck with a picture of a rocket that's like the size of one pixel, and then it comes back down.

And all you can hear is these girls screaming their heads off.

It's like, oh my God.

Oh my God.

I didn't listen to it.

Didn't they prepare themselves?

Isn't there someone on the ground who's like, listen, it's going to go really fast.

You're going to feel some G's.

You're going to be weightless.

And you're going to come down real fast.

Okay.

Yeah.

Be prepared.

The whole thing was 10 minutes, I think.

10 and a half minutes.

Yeah.

10 and a half minutes.

I've had sex that's lasted longer than that.

And that's saying something.

That's on a good night.

But 10 and a half minutes is no.

No.

Neil Armstrong went to the moon.

It took him like 11 days.

Those people just came back from nine months in space.

Nine fucking months and they only expected to be there for two weeks.

Those two, those two are fucking real astronauts.

Those two did something.

They continued to work while they were up there.

They said, well,

yeah, shitty situation.

Let's get to work and advance the human race.

Like, let's figure some shit out while we're up here.

Those people just yelling and screaming into a microphone and a camera that doesn't even work.

It's crazy.

That's crazy.

And while we're at it, can we change the shape of the rocket ship?

It does look like a penis.

Oh, 100%.

And it's small.

It's small, isn't it?

Isn't it small?

It's like a small penis.

It's like a micro penis.

I mean, if you're going to take a penis to space, make it a big penis.

Like, get it thick and girthy.

Put some put some testicles on it.

Well, doesn't it look like it has them?

Is it goes up, but then they come off or something?

Yeah, it's got, it's just one little rocket.

It's a rocket with

a penis head shape on top of it, and then the shaft falls off, and the head rides up in

space.

I mean, put some potatoes on that thing.

Put some testicles.

You know, those testicles that hang off the back of people's trucks in Florabama, in Orange Beach?

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Put some of those, but make them really big.

And just have them right up there with Katie Perry.

It would be perfect.

Her big line was, I'm putting the ass back in astronaut.

I know.

Oh, thank God you're there.

Thank God you're there.

Thank God.

A shining example for all the young ladies who want to be astronauts.

Putting the ass back in astronaut.

You think she came up with that on her own, or does it take a whole PR team to do that?

I mean, come on, Katie.

There was a time when I liked Katy Perry.

There was a time when I was like, Katy Perry, she's funny and she's interesting.

And she's, you know.

She kisses girls and likes it.

Yeah, she kisses girls and she likes it.

She's a little wild.

Then Then she came out with that dumb video where her boobs were sparking and shooting.

It's like, come on, what are we doing here?

And now she put the ass back in astronaut.

Katie, you're welcome back.

You're welcome on the show now anytime.

Although I'm sure you're a hard get now that you're an astronaut.

You're welcome on the show anytime to explain yourself.

But what exactly did this do for anybody?

I'm just wondering.

And Gail King, I ain't got nothing against Gail King.

No.

I ain't got a goddamn thing against Gail King.

Seems like a perfectly lovely human being.

She's famous because her best friend is famous just like me chrissy i'm famous because you're famous it's the same i pulled you right up by the most you pulled me right up by the bootstraps look at that

but that oprah there crying like a mishmash it's like oh my god i mean i can understand your best friend's going into space a big deal but like you're saying what did it really accomplish in the scope of what's happening right now in the world which there's a lot a lot a lot that needs to be addressed there's a lot of programs that are being cut.

There's a lot of stuff that's happening.

And I do feel like that money could have gone towards something else.

Anything else?

Yeah.

The commercial break.

I mean, come on, Jeff, pay us to do some episodes for you.

I just, I know,

I have a feeling

that there are some people who are really powerful with a lot of money that have just gone full off the deep end megalomaniac.

Like,

you know,

evil character in a movie kind of thing.

And we all know who those are.

Dr.

Evil.

Dr.

Evil.

We can point them out clearly.

And I think on no matter how you feel about politics, you're probably in agreement at some level that we agree on this.

But I think there are some who may have a softer heart, who may be a little bit more level-headed.

who have capitulated because they're scared or because they don't want to be on the wrong side of whatever.

Yes.

I'd like to think, I'd like to think, though I don't know this to be true.

I'd like to think that Jeff Bezos might be one of those people, right?

And he built the largest company in the world, one of the largest retail company, the largest retail company in the world that changed all of our lives.

And he did it by selling used books.

That's how he started, by selling used books.

He had a vision and he took it to the end degree.

And now he's putting people in low atmosphere orbit.

I don't know what you call it.

Low atmosphere orbit.

But I believe that he could probably do some good with all of that power, that money.

I think so, too.

That big yacht he's got.

Can't he take that big yacht down somewhere and stage a rescue?

Yeah, I imagine those people, they got to have like paramilitary people around them, right?

They got to have like connections to paramilitary.

Like, you're not that rich.

And you haven't talked to a few paramilitary people about what would happen if this happens or that happens.

And, you know, I'm going to get on my yacht and you're going to protect me and all that stuff.

Use those people.

Like, get down there and use those people.

And that El Salvadorian president, what is, who is he?

What?

That beard looks completely fake, by the way.

I don't know who's doing his beard, but that beard looks like it was taped on.

I'm sorry.

He looks like a character in a naked gun movie.

He really does.

That's El Salvadorian Butele or whatever his name is, he looks weird to me.

He looks too young to be having a fake beard on,

but he does.

I don't know.

Anyway, he's kissing some major ass.

He is kissing some major ass.

Listen,

but one can hardly blame El Salvador

for wanting to get in bed with the most

powerful government in the world because they desperately need help to pull themselves out of an insane kind of desperation and poverty.

And the El Salvadorian people are proud.

They're beautiful.

They're lovely.

And they have,

you know, elected an idiot, no doubt, but

elected in quotations.

Yeah, in quotations.

That's right.

They just re-elected by whatever, 107%.

Is 107% even exist?

I mean, come on.

But they are a proud people.

And,

you know, one can hardly

fault them for wanting to figure out a way out of the current situation,

which has largely been created by countries like the United States.

But, I mean, can we all stand on principle?

I know it's so 2007 to talk about being, you know, being principled, but can we please just be principled for one minute?

Can we follow the rule of law a little bit?

Can we agree that when something is wrong, we should try our best to make it right?

And can we agree when another human being is in such a shitty situation that we can come together and figure out how to fix it, that doesn't make you weak.

It doesn't make you worse.

It doesn't make you, it doesn't change your political beliefs, doesn't do any of that.

It just says that when we do something wrong,

we're going to figure out how to make it right.

That goes for both sides of the aisle.

Yes.

And if you ain't got a clue yet, check out Bernie Sanders talking to like 57,000 people in San Francisco or 100,000 people in Coachella.

Something's happening.

And he had like 20,000 show up, I think, in the UK.

In Idaho.

Utah.

Yeah, Yeah, Utah and Idaho.

Something's going on.

I don't know.

The heartbeat seems to be beating in a little bit of a different direction right now.

And that, you know, I might be living in a bubble, but I don't think I am.

I watch all the different news channels.

I check it all out and something's going on.

So maybe this kid down in El Salvador and his family have a chance.

Maybe.

Let's see.

I feel so bad for this because

I see how easily this could be any of us.

Any of us.

They're talking about deporting citizens who may or may not be on the right side of whatever opinion happens to be in vogue right now.

And that is fucking insanity.

It's insanity.

And if you don't think so, turn the commercial break off.

That's all I got to say.

Don't give a shit.

I don't need your dollars.

All right.

Let's

end on that note.

And on that note, Brian's fired up.

I'm ready and ready.

You're ready for your

vacation.

I came with...

Yeah.

I was thinking about it a lot on vacation.

Of course, how can you not?

Yeah, I was looking at my children going, what happens if I was 100,000 miles away with no way to communicate, no hope,

nothing that not even the highest court in the land couldn't figure it out.

If they couldn't figure it out, and good for the highest court in the land for unanimously saying this is wrong, dude.

Got to fix it.

But, you know, Bukaki or whatever his name is and whatever the other guy's name is,

Miller, Stephen Miller, they've decided nope can't do it sorry

yeah it's scary yeah it's scary all right well i'm sure i'll get a lot of opinions about this so i'm gonna turn my phone off now you're gonna go another vacation i'm gonna go on another vacation see you down in flora bama kids see you down in florabama orange beach visit it's not a bad place uh not even mad i'll be there on

the t-shirt i did i got a t-shirt like it astronaut said you got to get a t-shirt and i'm like i don't need to spend the money but then i found this one i like this

yeah they had the really expensive souvenir store, and then they had like the surf shop.

And I went to the surf shop, of course.

Yeah, I'm not going to buy a $50 t-shirt for Orange Beach.

Are you crazy?

Like a golf shirt?

Yeah.

I noticed there was a lot more people in the cheap souvenir store than there were in the expensive one.

Just saying, you know, bring those prices down a little bit.

All right, I'll be on Not Even Mad.

You can find the gist or not even mad.

Google it.

Apple, I'll put a link in the show notes tomorrow.

That's Thursday of this week.

As you're listening to this, that's what, the, is that the 16th?

Today's the 15th.

15th, 16th, 17th.

It's the 17th.

On the 17th, I'll be on Not Even Mad with Mike Pesca.

Tune in.

I'd appreciate it.

He'd appreciate it.

We'd all appreciate it.

You can listen to me opine some more on things we never talk about here on the commercial break for good reason.

And May 31st, 12 hours of TCB.

Hey now, hey now.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

I think so.

But I'll tell you that I love you.

I love you.

Best to you.

Best to you.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Until next time, Chrissy and I do say.

We will say, and we must say.

Goodbye.

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