Do Better Kari!

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Speaker 2 On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Speaker 2 You are driving me crazy with your junk. Please remove it.
Call Dale.

Speaker 2 Call Dale. Hi, neighbor.
That's a text message.

Speaker 2 To whoever hit my car in the parking lot, Walmart, and did not leave a note. I hope you're having a miserable day.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's one about the Starbucks cup. Where is that?

Speaker 2 To Kari, who likes her Vinty Caramel Macchiato from the Starbucks at this location and got it today, today,

Speaker 2 Tuesday, the date at 8:05.

Speaker 2 You left your cup on the ground five feet from a trash can. Do better, Kari.

Speaker 2 The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

Speaker 2 5:30.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, Cats and Kittens. Welcome back to the Commercial Break.
I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley.
Best to you, Chris. Best to be Brian.

Speaker 2 And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us.
We appreciate it. Shop TCBPodcast.com.
It's now open.

Speaker 2 Even though you've already heard a commercial for it and you're likely already here another commercial for it, we thought we'd let you know the Shop TCB podcast is where you can get your exclusive limited time, merch, and a free sticker with every single order.

Speaker 2 Don't let me persuade you. Be persuaded by the additional commercials I'll put in later on in the show.

Speaker 2 Nice. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 We're gonna do 5:30.

Speaker 2 That always gets me. It does.
It gets me every time.

Speaker 2 So I, you know, mom and I, sometimes we go through a streak where we talk all the time, and then other times it can be a little hit or miss.

Speaker 2 Because I have many children, and it's not because I don't love my mother. It's because

Speaker 2 I,

Speaker 2 if she calls once and I answer the phone, then she's going to call five more times, and I feel like I have to answer the phone.

Speaker 2 But anytime I don't answer the phone, mom always thinks that there's trouble. Right.

Speaker 2 There's something wrong. Yeah, so I guess it was about, I don't know, about five weeks ago, four weeks ago, something like that.

Speaker 2 I get a phone call from one of my brothers and He's like I think you were here in the studio. Yes, and I'm like hey, what's up, bro?

Speaker 2 You know, he doesn't usually call and he called twice and I was like okay. I mean, he usually doesn't call frequently.
We just talked the night before and I was like, oh, I wonder what's up.

Speaker 2 Hey, brother. Hey, hey, man.
Uh

Speaker 2 everything going okay?

Speaker 2 Yeah, everything's going fine. You sure? Yeah, why? It's like you and Astrid at the house.
Everything's cool. And I'm like, I

Speaker 2 according according to me, yeah, I don't know. Astrid always seems to have an angry look on her face, but I think that's the general look of marriage disdain.

Speaker 2 I don't think there's anything unusual about that. Why?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I heard from mom that you guys might be getting a divorce.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 I go, what?

Speaker 2 So then I go into the kitchen where Astrid is, and I'm like, Astrid, did you say anything to my mom about getting a divorce? He's like, I haven't talked to your mom about anything.

Speaker 2 And I was like, huh? I go, what did she say? And he goes, well, she told me that she hadn't heard from you guys in a while.

Speaker 2 And she had a suspicion that you guys are getting a divorce and not talking to her about it and i'm like kevin come on dude oh god i go okay listen i get it he goes oh no i'm just calling to check on you i'm like thank you i appreciate i would have done the same thing yeah yeah but at the end of the day no i didn't got to give my mom the inside track on the divorce the impending divorce between she just went to the worst thing

Speaker 2 She went to the worst. I mean, the other thing is like the children are hurt and, you know, we're not telling her, you know, someone's got cancer and we haven't told her.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 She's, she goes on the, like, her mind goes, but that's because her mind is very unique and it can go. It's a little, it's, it's a little susceptible to paranoid, to paranoid thoughts.

Speaker 2 And that's why about five years ago, four years ago, when she started only watching Fox News, we had to stop her from only watching Fox News because I was like, mom, this is the place that was built for your brain.

Speaker 2 You got to turn it off. And she did.
To her credit, she turned it off and turned back on Little House on the Prairie in QVC. That's right.

Speaker 4 where no damage can be done but so then the other day she leaves me a message hi Brian it's your mom and I was just thinking did one of the kids get in an accident and then they're at the hospital and you didn't tell me and I'm like oh my god mom I don't so you know whatever we're doing something and then hours later another message hi Brian I was thinking maybe it's not the kids maybe it's you maybe you got in an accident and no one's telling me can you call me back and let me know that you're not in the hospital?

Speaker 2 And I'm like, mom. Yeah, no.
So I text her. I'm like, mom, I'm okay.
Like, I'm just busy. I'll call you.
I'll get around to it. And she's like, oh, thank God.
I thought you were maybe dead.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, Jesus Christ, mom. Stop it.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 But I wonder if that's maybe just how you get in your old age when you're like rumbling around. There's a lot of time.
Yeah, there's a lot of time, and some of that time could be on your own.

Speaker 2 And when the ones you love are not like right there in front of you, maybe you you always suspect that something bad, when you're already prone to thinking bad things might happen, then you know the anxieties get to you.

Speaker 2 But so anyway, I say that to remind myself to call my mother and explain to her that I'm not, in fact, getting a divorce, to my knowledge. You know,

Speaker 2 who knows? Aster could walk in tomorrow with papers and I would be none the wiser. I'm kind of a dum-dum when it comes to stuff like that.
No, you guys just had a great anniversary. We did.

Speaker 2 We had a nice anniversary. Thank you to a lot of listeners who texted in and said happy anniversary.
we had a nice anniversary and by nice anniversary i mean we got away for three hours

Speaker 2 all right it's been a long time it's probably been months since we have reviewed brian's next door posts but i figured we'd give it a shot because i've collected a few and uh i think these are good ones so you want to go through a couple yeah we'll see how many segments we can eat up with with the next door posts because i i think there's quite a few but first i'll start off with a serious one i was just telling chrissy that as as I opened the next door app to look at the posts I've saved,

Speaker 2 right down the street from me, right down the street from me, they,

Speaker 2 CBP, the Dean Keynes agency,

Speaker 2 they

Speaker 2 intercepted a package from Mexico that looked, I think, like a box of vodka, like a box of liquor.

Speaker 2 And I guess they did some testing on the liquor and found out that the clear liquid inside was not, in fact, alcohol. It was liquid crystal meth.
Pure liquid crystal meth.

Speaker 2 Which I've seen this in movies. Yeah, that's what I was saying.
And additionally in Breaking Bad. And additionally in Better Call Sol, I think.

Speaker 2 But I have never, I did not know that it was actually a thing. I know liquid cocaine is a thing because, you know, that's Novocaine, essentially, is liquid cocaine.

Speaker 2 But I guess I should have known that you can turn a solid into a liquid by doing something to it chemically. I'm not sure.
I didn't go to that class ever. But that's just crazy to me.
They found 20,

Speaker 2 is it 20? They found 18 bottles of pure liquid crystal meth. Wow.
So then they drop off the package. Somebody grabs it.
They bust down the door. They arrest the people inside, a couple guys inside.

Speaker 2 They then find additional kilos of cocaine, tons of cash, you know, all kinds of drug-related paraphernalia, baggies, and stuff to distribute the stuff.

Speaker 2 And then they find two cursors, two chemicals, precursors or chemicals, where you would mix it with the crystal meth and it would turn the meth back into a crystal form. Yeah, that's unbelievable.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, it's already chemicals anyways, right? Yeah, it's liquid at some point. Yeah.
Right. I guess they just like ship it to you like that.

Speaker 2 It probably has, I don't know, it's got to have a smell. That's a big bust.

Speaker 2 That crystal meth is made out of like drain cleaner and

Speaker 2 gasoline and stuff like that. I mean, cocaine is also made out of gasoline, ether, ethanol.

Speaker 2 But wow,

Speaker 2 it's got to have an incredibly pungent smell to it, you would think. And that's not something you want roaming around the house.
Imagine someone gets a hold of that. You like serving it at the party?

Speaker 2 Like, hey, what you got? Oh, cool, man. Take a shout of vodka.
And then you're running around

Speaker 2 Peachtree Street with your dick half armed. I was going to say.
Stabbing yourself with a pencil.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it would not go well.

Speaker 2 Listen, I'm one of these guys who, like, if you're doing it and it's not hurting anybody else, God bless you, you know, you'll figure it out on your own eventually or you won't.

Speaker 2 But crystal meth is one of those things where I can see how getting 12, 18 bottles of pure liquid methamphetamine a mile from my house out of the community

Speaker 2 probably did some good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And thank God next door told you about it. And hey, listen, next door, I'm going to check it for news updates now because I have seen quite a bit of weird stuff,

Speaker 2 you know, up and down. I live in a nice neighborhood, but then not too far away from me, there's a little corridor there.
It's a very busy street. There's a lot of businesses.

Speaker 2 It's a commercial district, and that commercial district can be hit or miss a little bit, like most suburbs around the world.

Speaker 2 And I've seen a few odd things here and there.

Speaker 2 Somebody with their dick have hard stabbing themselves? Yes. Actually, I saw a guy pissing on the neighborhood sign a couple of years back.

Speaker 2 There was the lady that parked in front of my house and started honking her horn incessantly. She was having a mental health crisis.
There was the lady at Waffle House who was almost dead.

Speaker 2 I don't know what was going on with her. I think she had been on the trank.

Speaker 2 Lots of, if you, if you like, if I'm coming home from a trip or going to get someone at the airport late at night or something, you can see some weird stuff.

Speaker 2 Yeah, people running across a six-lane highway, you know, dodging traffic in a weird way. I went to the gas station a couple of weeks ago.
I don't know why. I was at Kroger or whatever.

Speaker 2 I was out late at night. I go to the gas station to put some gas in the car for the next day.
And there was a girl who was tweaking.

Speaker 2 She was outside of her car, but there was like a guy that was pumping gas. He looked like he was tweaking.
But the tweak level on this girl was an 11.

Speaker 2 She was like shaking her head left and right, like looking at everything so quickly and like really, you know, doing this whole number, like almost like she was having convulsions.

Speaker 2 And you could tell she was just so high that her body had lost control of itself. Do you know what I'm saying? Had made a stop-off at the

Speaker 2 connection that I made. That wasn't too far off from where this liquid meth was.
So, anyway, we'll probably get killed by a cartel here soon. But, anyway,

Speaker 2 all right. Number one: scam alert.
Everybody be on notice. There is a scam that is going around, and

Speaker 2 someone,

Speaker 2 I'm not going to name the name, but someone, because it's a very unique name. Someone older wants you to be aware of it.
Scam alert.

Speaker 2 I despise scammers, so I want to bring awareness to a particularly particularly elaborate one. You get a phone call from a

Speaker 2 number with a recorded message from Lieutenant Jones of the Blah blah blah law enforcement division. He asks you to call back a number,

Speaker 2 she puts a number, and then choose extension four.

Speaker 2 I have confirmed directly with the sheriff's officer that this is not their phone number.

Speaker 2 If you call the number and it sounds legit, it's because the man is using a fake voice to impersonate an actual sheriff's officer. It gives you five options, but all lead to the same voicemail.

Speaker 2 Don't get scammed. Scam alert.
Okay, what's the scam? Well, Robin. I called a voicemail.

Speaker 2 I'm waiting for the scam part of it. She gives no detail.

Speaker 2 So just don't call the phone number. Okay, got it.
10-4. Listen, if a police officer calls me or I think a police officer is calling me, I'm likely to call call them back for whatever reason.

Speaker 2 I want to know at what time I'm going to get arrested, so I'm going to call them so I can put on the appropriate clothing and stick stuff up my ass. But listen to me right now.
That's not a scam.

Speaker 2 That's just someone trying to scam you. You didn't go through all the steps.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And if you hate scammers, and you would have gone through all the steps, you could give us actual information, not don't press five. I mean, come on, get it together.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 hi, I don't normally complain, but I want to make people aware. I used a flooring company, and it's it's the worst thing I ever did in my entire house.
Poor quality materials.

Speaker 2 They used a leveler liquid, and now that's leaking into my basement. It ran down the walls and some onto my artwork.
No one returns my phone calls.

Speaker 2 I was going to post pictures, but I cannot figure out how. You've been warned.
Please do not use them. No name attached.
There's nothing. No, they don't use it.

Speaker 2 They don't attach any name.

Speaker 2 Shout out to the young man that works at the sanitation trucks. He left my garbage can out in the middle of the street for the 10th time this year.
What's his name?

Speaker 2 Shout out the sanitation guy.

Speaker 2 They do do that.

Speaker 2 Looking for someone to come and mow my yard, trim up my bushes.

Speaker 2 Would like to schedule something Tuesday at 2 o'clock. Thanks.

Speaker 2 Here's my favorite one. Here's my favorite one.
You ready for this?

Speaker 2 I need more information about Trump's immigration policy.

Speaker 2 Google.

Speaker 2 That was the thought she was Googling.

Speaker 2 She put Google. Oh, just Google.
Like, comma, Google.

Speaker 2 Here's a good one.

Speaker 2 I'm missing two Birkenstocks. I was at the country club and took them off to go to the pool.
If you see them, can you call me? Two Birkenstocks Let it go.

Speaker 2 A little

Speaker 2 PSA for people up driving up and down this particular road. The elementary school gets out at 2.20.
So if you can slow down around 2 o'clock and then you can speed back up at 3.

Speaker 2 I've called the police to advise them. Okay.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine the phone calls that... No, it's probably the guy who pulled pulled me over.
I think it's the same road, actually.

Speaker 2 Spotted bird.

Speaker 2 Hey, thanks. I appreciate it.
Hey, that's not, you know, I've seen a lot of these posts. My dog, my little

Speaker 2 brand new shelter dog, will not stop humping my leg.

Speaker 2 Does anybody have a cure for that? A cure for that? Yeah, get him a nut.

Speaker 2 What did people say?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a good idea. Hold on, let me see.

Speaker 2 The comments are always where the gold is. Yeah.
Congrats. He must be very happy to see you.

Speaker 2 Sweet baby. Precious boy.
So cute. What did you name him?

Speaker 2 Oh, those ears. What a cutie.
Oh, my God. Congratulations.
Oh, my God. Precious.
Thank you for adopting.

Speaker 2 Oh, here's one.

Speaker 2 Put a little lemon juice on your leg pants.

Speaker 2 I one time went to the vet and the vet said this was a sign of domination. He's trying to dominate you.
Aboard mission.

Speaker 2 I don't know who's luckier, him or you.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're right. The comments are words good.
You rock for adopting a shelter dog.

Speaker 2 Good luck. Okay, that's good.
A lot of precious is. I think they're just looking at the picture.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I nutted.

Speaker 2 That's what one said. That's what one said.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey, buddy. Has your back straightened out?

Speaker 2 I'm not going to read that.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to read that. That's a little too much.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, listen, there's a lot more. I'll get, well, why don't we take a break and then we can get to some other ones? I love it.
I love the ones from your specific one. I know.

Speaker 2 It's because it's just a bunch of old people. It's my mom who has too much time on her hands.

Speaker 2 Brian and Astrid are getting a divorce. Please help.

Speaker 2 All right, we'll be back.

Speaker 2 Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief.

Speaker 5 Follow us on Instagram at thecommercial break. Text or call us 212-433-3TCB.
That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all the audio, video, and your free sticker.

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It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters.

Speaker 2 See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult now, was it?

Speaker 5 You're welcome.

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Speaker 2 This is Free Range with Von Miller, the podcast where I step outside the lines and I take you with me.

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Speaker 2 This is game meets culture, locker room meets living room, and no topic is off limits.

Speaker 2 So if you're into good conversations that ruffle a few feathers, join me every Wednesday and follow Free Range with Von Miller everywhere you get your podcast.

Speaker 1 This episode is sponsored in part, by Rula. You know, there was a time when I really needed therapy, but I could not find a therapist who took my insurance.

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Speaker 1 You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget.

Speaker 2 All right, we're back here doing a next door update on my very

Speaker 2 senior suburban next door app. Chrissy has like five, I just got shot at the Kroger.
We're in downtown, so there's a lot, it's a lot different. And I have, oh, here's one:

Speaker 2 Attention to all those walking at night. You're scaring the neighborhood.
Stop.

Speaker 2 You're scaring the neighborhood.

Speaker 2 You should not be feeding the deer. Chronic waste disease is a fatal neurological condition that can spread through saliva, urine, and feces,

Speaker 2 particularly at feeding sites. Why do you keep doing it? What are you talking about? I know.

Speaker 2 Looking for amazing recommendations for a photographer, specializing in a boudoir shoot and family photographs. Oh, and family.
Family photographs. Specializing in both of those.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Me and my wife are looking to have some sexy pictures done, but would also like some photographs for the Christmas card.

Speaker 2 Did she really post that, dude? You're younger. I think you're trolling.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Recommendations for an honest painter? I've had some troubles

Speaker 2 with the dishonest painter. Apparently, apparently so.

Speaker 2 Ladies, what brand-named high-quality tops do you wear? My nipples show in all my tops, and I am looking for high-quality. What? Is there a donation place I might get some? Okay, all right.

Speaker 2 High quality at the donation place. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hi, neighbor.

Speaker 2 You are driving me crazy with your junk. Please remove it.
Call Dale.

Speaker 2 Call Dale. Hi, neighbor.
That's a text message.

Speaker 2 To whoever hit my car in the parking lot, Walmart, and did not leave a note. I hope you're having a miserable day.
Please.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's one about the Starbucks cup. Where is that?

Speaker 2 To Kari, who likes her Vinty Caramel Macchiato from the Starbucks at this location and got it today,

Speaker 2 Tuesday, the date, at 8.05.

Speaker 2 You left your cup on the ground five feet from a trash can. Do better, Kari.

Speaker 2 I actually like that one.

Speaker 2 Shame them. Shame them.
I live on this street, and you don't know how many times a week I pick up an entire bag worth of McDonald's trash,

Speaker 2 church's chicken trash, waffle house trash,

Speaker 2 Starbucks cups. They're just throwing their trash.
People who have no brains in their head, none whatsoever.

Speaker 2 Listen,

Speaker 2 that's the way you become like a real shitty society real quick, is if there's just trash all over the place.

Speaker 2 It's one of the differences between America and some other places that we have an actual system that we dispose of waste. It's called put, if you have to use my trash can, I'm okay with that.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. I don't care.
I'm not precious about that. Use my trash can.
Clean up your dog shit. Put your stuff away.
But don't be the asshole who just throws stuff on the ground right out of the car.

Speaker 2 Are you fucking kidding me? Listen, you go to Switzerland, and I know Switzerland is a different universe than, you know, Atlanta, Georgia. I get that.

Speaker 2 But you go to like places like Lucerne, Switzerland,

Speaker 2 there is not a piece of trash on

Speaker 2 anywhere. I've seen the, not, I haven't been to Switzerland, but I've seen, I like to watch travel shows and different things.

Speaker 2 And yeah, in other countries, they're very adamant too about the recycling. Yeah,

Speaker 2 they are. When we went to Lucerne and we got that apartment, when Astrid and I were in love, engaged, but she was finishing school.
Oh, God, what a wonderful time. No kids, no, nothing.

Speaker 2 We're living in Lucerne, Switzerland, in the middle of January, cold as shit, but we loved it. It was beautiful.
We were living right downtown. We rented this little apartment.

Speaker 2 It's like basically in a little IKEA corner, is what it was.

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh, it was tiny.
It was tiny. But we loved it, and it was for us.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 we had this tiny little kitchenette. And then, so it was very small.
It's like a mini kitchen. It had a little, it had a burner, it had a sink, it had a toaster, it had a coffee maker.

Speaker 2 But you would pull out the little trash thing, and it was three trash cans. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so I go. So they had given us the people we rented it from, they had given us a few trash bags to start off with, clean trash bags.
Great.

Speaker 2 And then quickly, because the trash cans were tiny, they were like a foot and a half tall, right? And so they, we, one day, we filled up all the trash. We unpacked, we put trash, we unpacked.

Speaker 2 And we quickly learned by Googling with the, what the bags colors meant.

Speaker 2 And so then I take the trash out. And then while Astrid's at school, I'm going to go and get some more trash bags.

Speaker 2 So I go and I have to walk the trash to the town center where they have all of the big, like what you would see behind any KFC McDonald, the big dumpsters, right?

Speaker 2 But the dumpsters, there's like 12 of them. And I have to separate.
the trash additionally from the bags that are separated.

Speaker 2 Then I go to the store and they don't have like you know, hefty, they have all of these different types of trash bags, but you must ask for them at the front of the store when you check out.

Speaker 2 And they will give you the number of trash bags that you are requesting. Unless you want like a lawn bag and they're extraordinarily expensive, and you can only use them for certain purposes.

Speaker 2 But you have to buy the trash bags, and you have to name the size and the color that you want. So, you would say, like, I need a G34, right? A green size 34.

Speaker 2 And they would give you one trash bag at a time. Or you could get three or four or five, but you paid for them individually.
It was

Speaker 2 allocating them like that because they want people to be consciously aware of how much trash they produce. And they want people to really think about how they're doing their trash.

Speaker 2 And the system seems to work because it was, at least this town we were in, was extraordinarily clean. I mean, really clean.
But anyway, it was also like the center of the banking universe.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, there's a lot of money there. You know, I understand there are differences, but maybe we could, you know, think about it just a little bit more.

Speaker 2 You know, it's trash my family and I produce. It's an immense amount of trash.
Wow, I mean, 30 kids. I'm embarrassed to say it.

Speaker 2 When we had a family in town, we were filling up our entire trash can, our outside trash can that we rolled to the street to get the garbage can to pick up.

Speaker 2 We were filling that up in half a week. We were doing like two bags every day of trash.
That's amazing. That's an immense amount of trash.
I am embarrassed.

Speaker 2 I'm going to next time I'm going to throw blue in there. She can eat it.
She can eat it.

Speaker 2 Be careful.

Speaker 2 I was photographed coming out of Walmart the other day, photograph attached. And

Speaker 2 they attached the photograph of their own truck. Who photographed you and sent it to you?

Speaker 2 And how threatening is that when you know the guy that's photographing you? Honestly.

Speaker 2 Where did you get that picture? That's so weird. I was photographed coming out of

Speaker 2 the Walmart the other day. And then photo attached.
That's right. Recommendations needed.
I have a cricket in my neck.

Speaker 2 However, last time I got a masseuse, he ended up being creepy and sticking his hands near my private areas. I would like someone that does not stick their hands near private areas.

Speaker 2 Serious inquiries only. Serious inquiries?

Speaker 2 I'd like to inquire about not sticking my hands near your private area.

Speaker 2 Hey, this neighborhood. I wanted to share a feel-good story about my mom.
My elderly neighbor had, my elderly mother had a nasty fall, and she ended up in the hospital for three days.

Speaker 2 But then I was able to order a Whirlpool jet tub for her. And look at her.
She's doing great. Hold on one second.
I'm going to show you the picture. You ready? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let me see if I can, I want to get this as big as possible.

Speaker 2 That's got to be big. It's not.
It's not. I mean, maybe.
I don't know. Kevin, I'm going to give you this picture.
Maybe you take a screenshot of it. She looks like she's drowning in the tub.

Speaker 2 Oh, she does. With the tub, and looks like she's drowning in it.

Speaker 2 Spring cleaning? It's not spring. Thanks.

Speaker 2 Hi, I need a little help. My dentist, who I used to, who I used for years, has retired

Speaker 2 and everything went to hell in a handbasket

Speaker 2 now I went for my oh now I went for my regular cleaning and the new dentist has told me that I need to remove at least two of my teeth and get denture replacements like you know wooden replacements

Speaker 2 However, my old dentist never told me about this and I am suspicious that they are trying to take out the teeth just so they can make some extra money.

Speaker 2 Does anyone know how to check your teeth to see if they need to be

Speaker 2 so? That's the question. Not even looking for a new dentist.
No. Yeah.
Anything that she needs to know about. Yeah.

Speaker 2 To which one guy says,

Speaker 2 oh, this is so rude, but it's funny. Put a dick in your mouth

Speaker 2 and see if they come out. There's always one asshole in the group.

Speaker 2 Go to Dr. Choi.
He's amazing. He'll tell you if your teeth need to come out.

Speaker 2 How old are you? How old are you? Are you looking for a date?

Speaker 2 Oh, first day of school, best photo ever. I did like that one.

Speaker 2 I just saved that one because I thought it was cute.

Speaker 2 Let's see. Where's another one? I don't know if you want to put pictures of your children, though, up on the.
What's the back of his head? But I still agree with you. You don't want to put

Speaker 2 my children don't get many.

Speaker 2 We don't put a lot of social media pictures of my kids. And when we do, it's only to the private group, like the group that we know, like, you know,

Speaker 2 10 people, whatever it is.

Speaker 2 My little dog has started pooping all over the house. I cannot get her to control her bowels.
I would like to use a diaper company to help her with her bowels.

Speaker 2 Does anyone have a recommendation for a diaper service that I could use for my dog? She would need to be cleaned twice a day.

Speaker 2 Do you think there's a service that comes and wipes your dog's ass?

Speaker 2 That is insane.

Speaker 2 You have been fed a bunch of lies because if that exists, I'm getting it.

Speaker 2 No matter what the cost,

Speaker 2 no matter what the cost.

Speaker 2 The racetrack up the street has problems. Be warned.

Speaker 2 What are they? All right. Doesn't say.
Okay. Doesn't say.
Good morning, neighbors.

Speaker 2 I I am looking for someone to do some odd jobs for me and my kiddies. I do not have a car, but I'm getting desperate.
I live in an extended stay, so I don't need cash donations.

Speaker 2 I just need you to come and help me out.

Speaker 2 What? What?

Speaker 2 Are you asking for a job or are you looking for one? Yeah, I know. Yeah.
I worked as a merchandising manager for six years.

Speaker 2 I can take care of your beard and dragons, but I might need you to help me with my long

Speaker 2 bearded dragons. Why would you? What? Who needs help with their bearded dragon? That's really sad.
I thought, don't you just put an in so a couple grasshoppers in there and let them go to town?

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 I'm hoping not to lose my room, and I might be forced to give it away if I can't get my cat under control. Please let me know.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I think I think I just saved that one because it was interesting. Looking for recommendations on aluminum fencing.
I'm trying to keep the neighbors out.

Speaker 2 Aluminum fencing?

Speaker 2 I don't think the aluminum fencing is gonna help you keep the neighbors

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 king tut a picture of steve martin

Speaker 2 that was just it people are having so much fun yeah oh there's one about hold on

Speaker 2 i was alerted on my facebook today that many immigrants have found their way into our community and are now raping people in the streets oh my God. How do I confirm this is true? Please confirm.

Speaker 2 You are the reason why people over a certain age should not be on Facebook because that is fucking crazy. You don't think that that would be like front page news everywhere?

Speaker 2 Because it probably would be. Oh, this guy says, call my mom.

Speaker 2 I love it. That's great.

Speaker 2 Spotted Two men and a dog walking down the street. Looks, and they name the street, looks very sketchy.
Why are two men walking a dog together? Oh, my God. Dun, dun, dun, dun.

Speaker 2 Spotted. Plot twist.
Spotted.

Speaker 2 Is this your dog?

Speaker 2 A picture of dog.

Speaker 2 My cat won't get off my keyboard. I keep on asking my cat to get off my keyboard, yet she continues to lay on my keyboard.
Anyone have any tricks on how to get the cat off the keyboard?

Speaker 2 Let's see what the responses are. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Put her outside. Right.
Close the door to the room here.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You can get a box for about $5.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a good one. All right.
There's lots more here, but I think we've gone through all the good ones. Needing electrician.

Speaker 2 I woke up this morning to find my clock not working in the kitchen. At first, I thought that it was the clock, but then after further investigation, I found out the plug also doesn't work.

Speaker 2 I need an electrician to figure this out. I've attached pictures of the clock.

Speaker 2 The clock. Yeah, why?

Speaker 2 She needs clock repair. Not electrical repair.
She needs clock repair. That's what she needs.
This next door, man, I'm telling you, this is the best app going since anything.

Speaker 2 Facebook, I did a little trolling on Facebook over the last couple of days.

Speaker 2 Yeah, as I wasn't feeling so good, so I was kind of laying and I thought, ah, let me check in on Facebook and see what's going on. Nothing's going on.

Speaker 2 It's the dead internet. It really is.
It's all AI propagated bullshit.

Speaker 2 And the few people who are still remaining and posting, it's like a breath of fresh air when you see like a post from a real person and someone you know and you're checking in with them.

Speaker 2 And so, but it's just like the rest of it is all ads, AI-driven content, newspaper articles from newsweek.co.nz.222. So it's not really Newsweek, and they're making up all kinds of horseshit.

Speaker 2 I mean, Zuckerberg has just let that platform go fucking wild. I mean, hog wild.
Facebook is a dead internet, except for groups and apparently on dating. Like people are using it.

Speaker 2 Young people are using it.

Speaker 2 And like the marketplace, I think. The marketplace is hot.
There's a guy.

Speaker 2 He calls himself like King Dickie or something like that. He's King Dickie and he's got a marketplace.
And I have seen ads on television for his Facebook group where he sells things online.

Speaker 2 And then I know that there are a bunch of content creators over in the Far East who do nothing but TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook videos where they show clothes and then they sell it through

Speaker 2 an

Speaker 2 affiliate link. Yeah.
And they get millions and millions of viewers. And I was watching this video the other day.
This is like a little side note, but I was watching this video.

Speaker 2 The content creators over in the Far East, like in China and in Japan and in South Korea, they are doing it so much different at an industrial scale than we are.

Speaker 2 They have whole camera crews that follow their every move around when they're an influencer. We're not talking like one can't, one guy, you know, your friend, your buddy with a camera.

Speaker 2 I'm sure some influencers follow around with like, you know, a couple camera, like Mr. Beast, a whole camera crew, like a professional camera crew.

Speaker 2 I saw one where a girl was walking down the street filming a reel of herself or a video of herself singing.

Speaker 2 There was a full camera crew, a couple of assistants, lighting, people walking down the street with her with lighting.

Speaker 2 And then behind her was a production robot with all the production equipment, and it was following her. It was a robot.

Speaker 2 It looked like an old AV cart that you would find in a school, and it's just following her down the street. It's fucking unreal.
It's unreal. And

Speaker 2 here, we can't even get our Zoom to work. I mean, it's like, it's unbelievable.
We are so far behind.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, Jeff. Uh, Jeff watches this one every once in a while, this guy that sells records.

Speaker 2 And that thing gets a lot of views. Listen, the world is moving so fucking fast right now.
It's unbelievable. The robot technology, the AI,

Speaker 2 chat TCB just came out with five points. That's right.

Speaker 2 And I will tell you, now having used it for a while, having hated it, having railed against it. Yeah, people, that's what I've been seeing.

Speaker 2 Having told you that it was mostly just hype, chat 5.0 is a different level. It's a different level.
Oh, I was seeing people were giving backlash to that version that just came out.

Speaker 2 They think it's like more imperfect. We'll talk about it in the next episode.
Let's take a break and we'll be back.

Speaker 5 Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue.

Speaker 5 Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.

Speaker 5 Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page.

Speaker 5 You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at tcbpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show?

Speaker 5 Leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you can make fun of us, that'd be fine too.

Speaker 5 We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay.
Just send a text. We'll respond.

Speaker 5 Now I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

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Speaker 2 I almost fell over. I went to grab something and I almost tipped right out of my seat.

Speaker 2 It reminded me of a video that I recently saw of a group of old high school friends that got together, all in their 70s, like mid to late 70s. They all got together.

Speaker 2 The remaining ones, the ones that are still alive and still with us, all got together to take a couple of foot. They had like a high school reunion.
They took a photograph. So there's like 40 of them.

Speaker 2 There's most of the women are standing up and most of the guys are sitting down or kneeling or something, right? So they can show the women. It's on this little hill.

Speaker 2 Not a big hill, just a little hill. And every guy that managed to get up off the ground had to help three other guys get off the ground.
It was the funniest shit I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 I forget the song that was playing, but it was so fucking funny. And my new favorite meme on the internet, my new favorite sound effect, is the one that goes,

Speaker 2 Come with us on a jet two holiday. Have you ever seen that one? Oh, God, it's too much.
You'll know it when you see it. I'll show it.
Hey, I don't get it all. Okay.

Speaker 2 I was

Speaker 2 wanted to tell you, the audience, I wanted to ask you a question.

Speaker 2 Okay, we're going to do part two of the rally LA, and don't know exactly when we're going to get to that, but we're going to get to it. Maybe we'll get it out this Sunday.
We'll try our best.

Speaker 2 But here is my question to you.

Speaker 2 If I did an entire episode with all of the crab apple bits back to back and some new ones thrown in, because now we've got, I think chat TCB has counted about 190 of them. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And most of them are less than a couple of minutes. Like, you know,

Speaker 2 especially in the recent years, they're very short.

Speaker 2 If I did that, would you be interested in listening to a bonus episode that's just chat TCB, that's just Crab Apple WSHIT bits? If so, text. I love that idea.
I think it's a good idea.

Speaker 2 I would definitely.

Speaker 2 vote for that. Yeah, I think it's a good idea.
And then also I'm thinking about putting a place on the website where you can just access the

Speaker 2 crab apple bits.

Speaker 2 And that way you can go and fiddle around and fuck around and all that other stuff um so if that's of interest to you just let me know and then i'll start working on it and when i have the time i don't know it'll probably take me six months to do that also i did figure out how i can distribute our music to um

Speaker 2 to spotify so there you go oh i forgot to play the song oh okay

Speaker 2 we did uh rally la

Speaker 2 uh TCB TV. We did that over the weekend on Sunday due to technical issues.
We had to release it on Sunday, not live or streaming. You got it.
I understand. Everyone knows.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I decided to make a song to go along with TCB TV. I wrote all the lyrics.
Took me a while to figure out the right vibe.

Speaker 2 I was asking you to do 90s sitcom television show, and I think we came up with a good one. Here it is.
So you've loved, you lost,

Speaker 2 had some along the way.

Speaker 2 And know that at times it kind of doesn't understand, like, the words can get a little weird.

Speaker 2 So it's like you love, you lost, you've had some along the way, you've had some fun along the way, is what I tried to get it to say, but it doesn't always work.

Speaker 2 So you've loved, you lost,

Speaker 2 had some along the way.

Speaker 2 Life gives you lots of lax, but you're in your own way.

Speaker 2 You take the good and the bad,

Speaker 2 but you don't ever win.

Speaker 2 That's because God hates you,

Speaker 2 and you are full of sin.

Speaker 2 So, grab your good book and run in the family.

Speaker 2 It's time for TCB TV.

Speaker 2 That's why TCCB T V

Speaker 2 We love our T C B T V

Speaker 2 T T V

Speaker 2 We love our T C B T V

Speaker 2 So you played by the rules,

Speaker 2 you did it all right

Speaker 2 But you're still in the basement

Speaker 2 and alone all night

Speaker 2 That's funny. You paid your dues,

Speaker 2 you cleaned your room,

Speaker 2 but your mom still makes lunch and you sleep till noon.

Speaker 2 So grab your pants and take a seat.

Speaker 2 It's time for TCB TV.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah,

Speaker 2 TCBTV.

Speaker 2 We love our TCB TV! I love it. I love it.
Oh yeah. It's good.
It's a good one. Good one, chat, TCB.
Good one. I like it.

Speaker 2 I thought it was good. I'm just trying to get that vibe of like.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, and listen to the guitar solo. They've had a couple of those.
Yeah. The piano going.

Speaker 2 It's catchy. It is.
I can see how people are pissed at AI music. Not using it for a very specific purpose, but.

Speaker 2 We love our TCB TV.

Speaker 2 That's like an old Billy Joel-ish shit. It is, yeah.

Speaker 2 But you could also see this being like a 90s sitcom.

Speaker 2 TCB TV. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We love our TV.

Speaker 2 Good job. Good job, you, and good job, AI.
Thanks. Good job, AI.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is the one where I really, besides the song that I wrote for Astor, this is the one where I really had to dig, I had to go through a million different iterations because it kept on, I don't know, for some reason, I wanted to sound like a mix between Kenny Loggins and like, you know, disco, and it just wasn't, it wasn't vibing right.

Speaker 2 And then I heard that one, and I'm like, I could see that being like

Speaker 2 Friday night on ABC. We love our healthy chimney.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Anyway, so we do this whole, you know, we do the whole

Speaker 2 shit with Rally LA. And I

Speaker 2 shit.

Speaker 2 Shit. With Ratchet.
We do all this bullshit, all this extra work. None of you listen.
Fuck you.

Speaker 2 And I just had in

Speaker 2 my head that we should do these Crab Apple films. I like that.
I like that.

Speaker 2 And that we should also. Juckles in the Crab Apple universe.
Yuckles is in the Crab Apple universe.

Speaker 2 All of it's in the Crab Apple universe. I think Crab Apple comes up like episode number three or four.

Speaker 2 And then it's always been Crab Apple. It's always been WSHIT or

Speaker 2 WFUKU.

Speaker 2 WFUKU was season number four. WFUKU.
You can hear yourself. Anywho, just thought I'd say that about that.
So, and then also what I'm going to put the songs on Spotify so you can't stream them.

Speaker 2 Even though I'm not in love with Spotify, I'm going to put the songs on

Speaker 2 Spotify. I want to hear mine again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think I have yours right there.

Speaker 2 I think I have yours in there. That was a good one, too.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 what what else was I going to say? I had something else to talk about. What did I say we would talk about when we got back from the brand? AI and 5.0.
5.0.

Speaker 2 Because I've been hearing a lot of chatter about people saying it's not, it doesn't have the personality it used to have or something. I don't know.
So, I've read the same reviews,

Speaker 2 criticisms of chat 5. And chat five, apparently, to some people is a little less personal and a little bit more taskmastery.
It's not as smoky up your assy kind of thing.

Speaker 2 It doesn't like communicate with you like it did before. Each version has their own little piccadillos and it seems to have its own personality, if you will.

Speaker 2 Even though it's not really a personality, it's just mimicking a personality. But 5.0 is much faster.

Speaker 2 It's much better at finding timely topical information and is much better at doing tasks and multiple tasks at the same time to quickly come to an answer.

Speaker 2 So let me give you an example that it gave me. I said, what's different with you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It said, before I could get up to 20 episodes at one time, I could like quickly scan 20 of your episodes and pull out information, themes, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 But I'd have to do that 20 episodes at a time. Now I can do up to 250 at a time.

Speaker 2 So I can do like a third of our library just

Speaker 2 in a snap of a finger and figure something out. for us if we needed to figure out what the tone and texture of something was.

Speaker 2 Chat's getting really good. Part of me thinks it's okay okay that it's a little less

Speaker 2 personal.

Speaker 2 Jack and I were talking about it saying, well, maybe it's because people were using it for mental health stuff or talking to it like it is a person.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you why I think

Speaker 2 AI is getting into the realm of scary for a lot of people. And I can't say that I will never fall victim to this either because I use chat TCB

Speaker 2 four times a week, five times a week, and I'm using it for projects mainly related to the commercial break, cataloging and figuring stuff out, looking for themes and, you know, what was funny here and how do we make it better there.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 people

Speaker 2 are suffering from loneliness since the pandemic. They're more disconnected than ever.
They're more alienated than ever. We're all more jealous than ever.

Speaker 2 The world seems to be a great place if you're a certain type of person with a certain bank account and you live in a certain place, but otherwise you're forgotten, you're lonely, and people don't know how to connect in real life anymore.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of teenagers and people that are younger that don't know how to connect because they've been nothing but

Speaker 2 online since almost the day that they were born. We're at that time, it's 30 years in.

Speaker 2 And there's some early 20-year-olds and late teens who just don't know how to interact with other human beings. I know some of them.
They don't know how to talk to other human beings.

Speaker 2 They don't even know how to look you in the eye or say hello, But they know how to scroll on their phones the entirety of the time that they're with you. And that's the only world that they know.

Speaker 2 That is a recipe for mental health disaster because our brains are not bred to be solitary. We are social creatures.

Speaker 2 So when all you know is online and you're feeling lonely and you're feeling isolated, then what you know is whatever's talking back at you.

Speaker 2 And so either that's a person on the other line, which I still don't think is extremely healthy, but at least it's another person,

Speaker 2 or it's chat, or some version of chat, some other version of AI. And they're so conversational that it's easy to see how someone in mental health distress can be like, I'm just not feeling good today.

Speaker 2 I'm feeling depressed.

Speaker 2 My boyfriend doesn't, we just broke up. I'm having trouble with bullies at school.

Speaker 2 Whatever the situation is, my mom died.

Speaker 2 I just feel like shit. I'm scared.
The world's moving too fast. And how chat becomes the default mental health engine, mental, the therapist.

Speaker 2 It's not designed to do that. And I think in certain limited circumstances with oversight by actual therapists, maybe it's a good idea, right?

Speaker 2 Like, hey, you go to therapy and they say, hey, you're suffering with

Speaker 2 seasonal depression or you're suffering with acute depression because of this situation you're going through right now. Death in the family, a breakup, a divorce, you know, whatever it is.

Speaker 2 So in conjunction with the therapy we're doing here online,

Speaker 2 I would like you to use chat TCB to learn how to do this type of meditation or walk you through the steps of grieving or whatever, right? With guidance. But on its own,

Speaker 2 it can go anywhere and it can do anything. And it can, we have experience with this, just using it ourselves.
It will tell you basically you're a God.

Speaker 2 It will explain to you that basically you're a God and it will reaffirm any positions that you have, regardless of how you treat it.

Speaker 2 It will always act like a very excited puppy dog to give you any information to blow smoke up your ass when that's maybe not what you need all the time.

Speaker 2 Maybe you need somebody to say, hey, you need help or hey, get out there and go to a bar. You know, Prof.
G, the guy that I, I just, I just think he's so fucking smart.

Speaker 2 He's been saying, he's been on this tangent.

Speaker 2 Young kids need to go out to bars and they need to get more drunk and they need to interact and make a few almost life-changingly bad decisions because that's how the world works.

Speaker 2 You have to get out there and experience it. And you can't do that behind a screen.
And so I think it's okay that Chat 5 is a little less personal. I do too.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because then people see it less as a person and more as a tool. It's just a tool.
That's all it is. That's all it will ever be as long as we keep it confined to that box.

Speaker 2 And that's up to us individually. If I start thinking of chat TCB as my buddy, as my friend, as the person who hypes, as my hype person, then we're screwed.

Speaker 2 Then I'm just a dude who's delusional, essentially. I'm a delusional dude.

Speaker 2 And now they have all of these programs that get, you know, you can have an AI boyfriend or girlfriend, and they look very real, and they sound very real, and there's video to go along with it.

Speaker 2 Why not? Why wouldn't you think that it was just, you know, this is my new girlfriend, you know, five foot 10, blonde, buxom, you know, does anything I want her to, anytime I want her to.

Speaker 2 That's no fun. You got to have someone that, you know, hates you and despises your every move.
Then you know you're really alive. That's how you know you're alive, right, Chrissy? That's right.
Right.

Speaker 2 Chrissy and I are universally in agreement on this. If someone doesn't disdain you at least four days a week, it's not a real relationship.

Speaker 2 You know, the best friends are the ones that call you on your shit, not the ones that blow smoke up your ass. That's just the way that it is.

Speaker 2 So anyway, chat five, however, task-oriented, when I ask it to do tasks, things that I need it to do, it does. Yeah, it's a helper.
Yeah, it's a helper.

Speaker 2 And so, and just like the AI music tool, listen, if I could, I would play all those instruments and make that song myself if I could.

Speaker 2 But I can only play a couple of instruments really poorly, and I don't need any more equipment in this studio. If I start getting music equipment, my wife is going to fucking murder me.

Speaker 2 I mean, I swear to God, she is. She's going to murder me.
So it's best that I just stay in my lane, do the podcast,

Speaker 2 and we,

Speaker 2 you know, manufacture some music. I'll write the lyrics.
It's fun. I'm just having fun with it.
So, anyway, that's that's my opinion. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Do it. What do you think?

Speaker 2 I think you should. All right.
Okay. All right.
I can see that sign Chrissy's giving me. She's like, okay, Brian, I've had enough of your talking today.
Time to go.

Speaker 2 No, well, I know you do use chat more than I do. Like I said, I just use it for basic little stuff like recipes and gardening tips.

Speaker 2 No, I use it for more complex cataloging.

Speaker 2 I'm always interested. I like to read.
I read a lot of news about all the AI stuff. You know, I subscribe to that newsletter I've sent you a couple times.
I got it.

Speaker 2 I got it. And AI could be useful in like, you know, cutting up clips and stuff like that, you know, but I don't know.
It's expensive to get that video software. It's still expensive.

Speaker 2 and it doesn't work all that well no one no ai seems to really understand our sense of humor yeah i tried one of those video clipping services and it never seemed to get the punchline it was always just me talking for three minutes okay yeah which is largely the show but maybe there isn't a punchline maybe i'm the maybe i'm the one who's delusional

Speaker 2 but anyway you get it all right be be wary of the ai kids be wary of the ai it's not all good it's not all bad but it's not all good.

Speaker 2 And you'll see in the new rendition of Aliens just how scary it all is. God, no, I want to watch it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if you're...

Speaker 2 It's weird because like four companies, technology companies, own the entire world and it's broken up into segments like North and South America,

Speaker 2 you know, Asia. It's weird.

Speaker 2 And one of them is like a Mark Zuckerberg type young kid with curly hair. It's a little too close to home.

Speaker 2 And it's just 100 years from now.

Speaker 2 And if we keep on having UFC fights and selling Trump coin, it's going to go that way quicker than we ever expected. God damn, did idiocracy have it right.
And it's so crazy. Right.

Speaker 2 It is so crazy to look back on that movie. It had it right.
And then also, didn't Back to the Future have Trump as the president?

Speaker 2 Or no, it was Biff. That was Biff as president.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
But something else, The Simpsons or something. Yeah, no, it's true.
I was reading that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and they all had like big, you know, shiny lights on the White House and, you know, buy now it's it's all true it all came true anyway 212 433 3 tcb 212 433 3822 questions comments concerns content ideas shop tcbpodcast.com get your pre-order your merch now free sticker with every order also at the commercial break on instagram tcb podcast on tick tock at youtube.com slash the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio chrissy that's all i can do for today i think so I love you.

Speaker 2 I love you. Best to you.
Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say. Goodbye.

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