TCB TV (-) : The Rally LA! Part 1

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The next episode of the commercial break is coming up soon.

But first, I wanted to tell you a little story.

The year was 2000 and something.

My 12th child had just been born.

It was late at night.

I was feeding her, and she lovingly looked into my eyes and said, Daddy, you're so very handsome.

And I thought to myself, I will never know love like this again.

And the only thing that could make this moment better would be a sweet blue and white trucker hat with an embroidered commercial break logo on it.

And now, many years later, I've made that dream come true.

Well, not me, Astrid, but you too can know love like this by going to

tcbpodcast.com for our very first limited edition merch drop.

Pre-order now at shop tcbpodcast.com and you too can know what it feels like to be loved by exclusive TCB merch.

So you've loved, you lost a headsome along the way.

Life gives you lots of lax, but you're in your own way.

You take the good and the bad,

but you don't ever win.

That's because God hates you, and you are full of sin.

So grab your good book and Raleigh the family.

It's time for TCB TV.

That's why TTCB TV.

We love our TCB TV.

We love our TCB TV.

So you play by the rules,

you did it all right.

but you're still in the basement and alone all night.

You've paid your dues,

you've cleaned your room,

but your mom still makes lunch and you sleep till noon.

So grab your pants and take a seat.

It's time for TCB TV.

Oh, yeah, TCCB TV.

We love our TCB TV.

We love our TCB TV.

We love our TCP TV.

Turn on DCB TV.

Gotta have T C B T V.

We love our T C B T V

We love our T C B T V

We love our T C B T V

We L T C B T V

on this episode of the Commercial Break.

In the one and only review that I could find anywhere in the world about the movie The Rally LA Breaking the Curse, the reviewer who works for the faith and family-focused review site Dove.org awards the movie its coveted faith-based seal, but warns the viewer that there is some objectionable content.

However, that doesn't stop the reviewer from giving the seal because God will forgive anyone of their sins.

All they have to do is ask.

I'm not sure if Kenneth Copeland, Eric Roberts, or Rick Reyna, the director and writer, have asked for forgiveness, but I really don't give a shit.

Welcome to the very first TCB Minus, where Chrissy and I break down an entire television show or movie streaming and here on the podcast.

However, we must have smited God because he did not allow us to stream this.

We were plagued with technical issues and frustrations, a swarm of landscapers and poolmen, evil beasts in the form of Yorkies, and the plague in the form of a nasty staph infection running around my house.

All of these Satan-based things came to attack us right as we were about to go live.

So, if you were one of the very few that was probably waiting to watch the stream, our apologies.

We'll figure it out and get it right down the road.

It's just about par for the course.

But as promised, here's your bonus episode of TCB Minus, and this is just part one.

Part two will come out next weekend, and we'll have more fun at the expense of the terrible acting, atrocious directing, and miserable story that is the Rally LA breaking the curse.

Get your popcorn and refill your white claw, kids.

This one's going to be good.

Without any further ado, the very first TCB minus.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens.

Welcome back to the Commercial Break.

I'm Brian Gray and this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Holy, only one hour late, a day late, and a dollar short.

And best to you, Brian.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Add that to a long laundry list of things that have just not gone our way.

Oh, my God, it's been a comedy of errors.

Oh, man.

I'll tell you what.

I don't know what to say.

This is our second time not watching the rest of the

video.

Yeah, because we didn't quite press record on the first one.

After we couldn't get the live to work.

So we apologize to everyone, all

20.

All seven of you who actually tried to log on.

20 people that liked it on Instagram.

Yeah, 20 people that liked it on Instagram.

I know a couple people texted in.

I've already texted you back personally myself to let you know that because of the pool guy, the lawn guy, the dog, Astrid,

the kids in the tub,

my in-laws yelling and screaming, all of it just kind of came together right at 4.58.

And then the second we tried to go stream,

we just lost.

We just blew up.

We rebooted.

We unplugged why.

You know, you know.

I-K-Y-I-N-K-D-N-K-Y.

If you know, you do not know that Brian and Chrissy very.

It's an episode.

I was laughing to myself so hard thinking this is an episode of something.

Oh, wait.

It's our show.

It's an episode of our show.

Yes, that's right.

It's another episode of the commercial break.

See, when we do just exactly what we always do,

everything goes fine.

Exactly.

Whenever we get into

Scientology

or Kenny Copeland.

Apparently, things go sideways.

It's also a full moon, I think, coming up.

Oh, yeah, the third moon in the second phase of Mars.

Mercury rising, Elon Starlink, yes, or whatever all the new age witches are going to come out on Instagram and tell us is going on.

Anyway, Elon Star Link messing with our head for sure.

Okay, but here we are.

Bonus episode.

We're TCB minus today.

We are here with you to review, to break down the reaction video for Rally LA.

Now,

in the first version of this that you didn't hear because it wasn't recorded, I told you what the movie was about via IMDb.

Oh, I did that pretty good.

That was my actual voice.

But I'm not going to do that this time.

You know what I'm going to say?

I'm going to say that Kenneth Copeland is a reformed drug kingpin.

His brother Eric Roberts is a non-reformed drug kingpin, still active.

And Kenny Copeland is now trying to use the word of the Lord to slay his enemies on the streets.

This movie is called Rally LA.

It's part two of a series of streaming nowhere.

Streaming absolutely.

That's it.

That's really why we believe this has not gone well.

It's because I actually had to buy an external drive to play this DVD on the computer, then try and stream it through a television broadcasting software that just did not play nice from the beginning.

And

we tried to Sheen it.

Yeah, we tried to go to Sheen.

But

it only cost $22 and it melted when we got water on it.

And Brian got a speeding ticket.

I got a speeding ticket.

Try and get $65.

Quick, quick.

We are $600 in the hole on this episode, and there is zero chance we're going to make that back no matter how much merch we sell.

If everyone who is supposed to stream bought merch, we would have just done better.

So, okay.

Shop TCBPodcast.com.

The pre-order window is open now until the 22nd.

So if you can, great.

If you can't, wonderful.

If I sound a little fussy, I am.

I'm old.

It's past my bedtime.

At least I'm still drinking.

Yeah, that's true.

Chrissy's not doing that.

All right.

So if I sound a little fussy and she sounds a little drunk, it's because we are.

All right.

So let's not delay.

Let's get into the Rally LA.

I'm dropping this right in your slot on a Saturday afternoon.

Sliding right in.

Sliding right in your slot.

Ah, to slide into a slot.

Let's go.

Let's watch this movie.

This is Rally, LA.

Starting from the beginning, kids.

There's Louisiana State.

Set the scene.

Louisiana State Penitentiary.

Angola.

Which is supposedly one of the worst prisons in the world.

But it doesn't look that bad to me because this is not really Angola that they're filming in.

But here we go.

From the beginning.

Is that a harp?

Yes.

It's a Spanish harp.

Okay, now let me set the scene.

Kenneth Copeland is, for some reason, sitting outside an elevator.

Yeah.

And two guards are bringing in a prisoner up the elevator, and he's just sitting at a desk right by the elevator.

I don't know why.

And Brian knows that's Kenneth Copeland because of the wave on the back of his head.

I know his coif toupee anywhere.

I know that quaft, unless that is a stunt head.

Kenny doesn't do his own stunt.

Yes.

Now, look at the guards.

They have absolutely nothing on.

They have no weapons of any kind.

No, the one guy had like a stick, like a wall

for a blind person.

Oh, he did?

Yeah.

Oh.

Well, you know, they paid Eric Roberts all the money, so they don't have any prop budget.

Prisoner's sitting down.

Yeah.

He's Latino with

like a braid.

Yeah.

Actually, I don't think he's Latino.

I just think he's extra tan.

Okay.

Okay.

He's meant to be Latino.

Yes.

everyone's meant to be latino but they all have italian accents it's kind of weird but okay that's why i'm here boy that's why i'm here

but that's why i'm here boy that's why i'm here

kidding do you believe that god raised jesus from the dead

yes papa you believe that with all your heart yes

I still don't get this part, and this is the third, fourth time we've watched this.

Yeah, seventh time we've watched this, yeah.

But is that his real dad?

Is it Papa, or is that he's just like a you know,

godfather?

No, I think it's his real dad because of what happens later.

I think it's his real dad, but I'll explain.

They look nothing alike, no, they look nothing alike

from this Copeland is not a Spanish name.

I'm just throwing that out there.

I'm sure of it.

Coblandia?

Coblandia.

Stay forward.

From this, stay forward.

I am a believer.

I am a believer.

I am a a man of God.

I am a man of God.

I am a Christian.

And I don't have terrible gas.

He's kind of cross-eyed, isn't he?

He is.

Yeah.

He's got a cross-eyed.

He's across something.

Get who knows about it.

I don't care who knows about it.

I pray this prayer.

I pray this prayer.

In the name of Jesus.

Which prayer is?

I'm Christian, and I don't care who knows about it.

That was Moses 3:17.

Ezekiel 3245.

Amen.

Amen.

I laugh at your daddy.

The guy is laughing.

I mean, his eyes are laughing.

His mouth isn't, but his eyes are laughing.

Yeah, he's even got a smirk at his mouth.

This guy is like, what did my agent get me into?

Yeah.

So there you go.

Kenny and his son sit down at Angola State Penitentiary, which, by the way, is in Louisiana, and then they're in L.A.

for some reason.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now I'm going to fast forward to this part because no one can do that.

Yeah, no one cares about that.

It's between, just to give you a recap, it's between the driver.

The driver pulls up in an Infinity 1992, Infinity SUV.

Yeah, so now we're going through the beginning of the movie.

Kenny up.

No, I'm not going to skip through that part.

Oh, yeah, I should skip through that part.

No one cares.

The the driver.

Okay, here's the driver.

The driver's Rick Reina.

Okay, I'm going to skip through the part where they're talking about all the people that are in the movie.

Who cares about it?

Oh, yeah.

It's a good day.

Yes.

It's a good day.

Oh, man.

It's a good day now.

Let's go to the strip club and bang some huggers.

Yay.

Oh, Henry, can you do something for me?

His accent is so terrible.

Can you do something for me?

Can you get me a little toot-toot-snoot-snoot?

A little tasty tina.

Can you call D.

Yeah, do you have any extra viagra?

The little blue pills make your penis hard for the Lord.

He's wearing his white

patent shoes.

White patent shoe.

Kenny Copeland is, they're standing outside Angola State Penitentiary

with his driver, played by Rick Raina, the director of this movie.

And he's just announcing that his son has been saved by the Lord.

Good news.

Thank the Lord.

Good news.

Love

your family.

Amen.

Yes, sir.

Don't

lose

your kid.

He's pointing to the prison as if like,

where did my kids go?

I lost that damn kid again.

Where is he?

Angola State Penitentiary.

Did he say don't lose your children?

He said, don't lose lose your children.

That's what he said.

Good advice.

That is good.

Brian.

Hey.

Hey, guilty.

You've got 30.

There is something

that I must do.

I should have done 20 years ago.

Taking a shit.

Prostate example.

Yes.

We were in the same direction.

I'm going to be away for a while.

Can you get me my cola guard box?

I'm going to be away for a while.

Amen.

Amen.

Did he say amen?

Yeah.

Amen.

I hate people who say amen, like as if they've just prayed something.

Yeah.

Take me home.

Can't have gun.

Take me away.

It really is.

Like, what?

That's no.

That's an Uber black.

Yeah, that's a 1992.

Yeah.

It's got this D-Rack on top.

It's got dealer plates on the back.

Of course it does.

Here we go.

Now we're getting to the meat of things.

Now we get into the meat and potato of the movie.

Amen.

Amen.

For the Lord.

Okay, now we're at a house.

There's a nondescript white man walking up to the door.

Hey, Paul.

Hey, Paul.

Here's these pornos you were looking for.

Thanks.

See you on Monday.

See you on Monday.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Congratulations on your re-election.

Oh, so we know he's political now.

And page number 33, there's a great ass shot.

I just jizzed.

Why did they have the church door?

Okay, boys.

Because it's all

symbology.

Also, let's set the stage that they're in my parents' house back in the 90s.

It's an open

with

the dining room table from Haverty's and the overstuffed chairs.

That was a set.

Yes.

That came together, including those pictures in the back.

I think you're right about this.

I think they literally rented this from Haverty's.

And they're probably in a house that's for sale because I used to rent my house out to movies for sale.

My house was for sale.

And so anyway, it's a mixed group of people just sitting at a men at a table.

Some dressed in t-shirts, one guy in a penguin suit, one black guy, five white guys.

Uh-huh.

There's a guy in the suspenders.

Yes.

That's good too.

I got somewhere to be.

Okay, when the shipment gets in, we'll split it into three smaller loads.

When's it in?

He said loads.

He said loads.

He just said loads.

Hey, I'll let you know.

Wait, you mean to tell me you were not tracking our drugs?

Damn it.

That's important information.

He seems like police.

Yeah.

He seems like police.

He is police.

Listen, I told you.

I'll be in charge of the tracking of the drugs, and I'm not tracking the drugs.

He's got the military cut, but everybody else is bald.

Yeah, everyone else is bald.

That's the look.

That's the look of drug cartel Chrissy.

Well, look at me.

I know I see.

Yeah.

Remember,

the second shipment will come up to here.

That's the one we need stopped.

The other two can go.

Stop that shipment.

Stop that shipment.

That my boys ready when it comes.

And that makes for a great news story, gentlemen.

And Robert will have yet another accolade.

Offer my city.

Offer my city.

Alright, now look.

Is he the mayor?

Yeah.

And that's when Todd does his press conference in his women's panties.

Shipments will move through.

First, into Las Vegas.

Second,

up to Chicago.

That's hilarious.

They have a map laid out on the table, on this darkwood 1990s table.

And he's pointing to one part of the map that's just a map of Chicago, it looks like.

Yeah.

Or it doesn't even even look like it might be a map of Chicago.

It's probably a map of a township.

And he points to one and he says, Las Vegas.

And then he takes his finger and he goes up two inches and he goes, Chicago.

Because Chicago and Vegas are right next to it.

Yeah, they're close.

Don't worry, Paul.

This is definitely a model.

For sure.

I don't need the money.

Right.

Your second term security.

Oh, you know.

In the picture now, we see Eric Roberts step up.

With his cigarette vape pen.

I've never seen a vape that looks like an actual cigarette.

I mean, I know they exist, but that's just a weird thing.

He's got his wine glass of sherry.

Gentlemen.

Swirly.

It's funny how we rumble over such trivial things.

Trivial things like where your drugs are?

Yeah.

Yeah, wait, when's the shipment coming in?

That seems like important stuff, not trivial.

Yeah, which city it happens to be in.

It's funny.

Last thing is Chicago, who cares?

Why are we growing?

Why are we quibbling?

We've got more important things to worry about, like candy.

Life's about so much money, don't you think?

As kids, we think the weather is ours.

Our pennants struggle, but with the kids, we don't see the struggle.

We live our lives.

If they're brothers, why does one have a Mexican accent and the other one have a slavian accent?

A bunch of bottles, just undescript bottles, no name bottles.

By the way, and if you look at all the different shots that they're taking, like from one side to the other side, the bottles are always

the same, in a different shot.

They're moving the bottles around the table.

But I don't get why the two brothers have different accents.

Who are the brothers?

Kenny Copeland and him are brothers.

Eric Roberts.

Because they don't really have accents.

It's true.

They're fading in and out.

As if we're at an amusement park, running from ride to ride, stuffing on the faces of the camera.

Eric's really gone into it.

He's gone Stanislavski method or whatever.

Yeah,

you can tell that he's like, he's doing these.

He's method acting.

He's method acting here.

He's gone on the streets.

He's done a lot of blow.

Which I think is true.

Oh, Eric Roberts?

Oh, God.

Look at him.

Our candy

is drugs.

Because I like drugs.

Because every kingpin calls their drugs drugs.

It's our source.

People need it like kids need the candy.

It's unsourced.

It's unsourced.

I'm not sure what that means.

I don't know, but I think drugs are sourced.

I'm pretty sure they are.

Somewhere.

Somewhere.

Struggle?

Not in this room.

Now, one man here wants for anything.

Am I right?

And that's our genius.

Nest behind his head.

He's kind of weird.

I think my mom used to say country.

What is it called?

Country

crocket or something.

Country crafts.

Country crocket, I think, is what it was called.

The mirror with the

nest

around it.

Yeah.

Handcrafted, of course.

Jeff hates wreaths.

I hate them.

Jeff hates them.

Why do we put one on the door?

Christmas.

Christmas.

Don't put the dead tree branch wreaths around my house.

It reminds me of the bird nest I had hanging outside one time.

We've kept even our great man Paul from questioning, Paul.

Our great man Paul from questioning.

I thought you said a great

menopause.

Yeah, we've kept a menopause from questioning.

Just enough to keep them coming back to the hand that feeds them.

Wise, huh?

Wise, huh?

Since I've

made it up.

Whatever I just said, I made it all up.

Or my name isn't Eric Rabert.

You boys finish up.

You boys finish up.

Finish up with your groveling.

I don't need to hear about the unimportant details about our drugs.

Stuff like, where's it at?

How much are we selling it for?

When's it going to be here?

Those are unimportant details.

Yeah, I will be somewhere else talking with my brother, the reformed preacher, Ricardo Montevan.

Don't mess this up.

I sense something happening.

Oh, shot.

He's got an intuition.

The winds are changing.

We need to be watchful.

The winds are changing.

As a matter of fact,

I just farted.

I'm going to crop toast to you and leave you to

leave you to sort it out.

Thank you.

There's not a working toilet in this house.

Yeah.

This is a model home.

The toilets don't go anywhere.

Paul, let me give you a side hug.

By the way.

A man giving another man a side hug.

It's weird.

Yes.

Been there, done that.

Also, let me tell you that my sport jacket is still sewn in the back.

You know, when you get a sports jacket jacket jacket, because you you have to return it.

Yeah.

That's true.

They do.

They're on a short.

But when you get a jacket as a man, the tail is sewn.

It's got two little pieces of thread so that they're easier to get on your ass.

Yeah.

Good to see you.

Yeah, it hasn't been cut because it needs to be returned.

Yeah.

Well, it doesn't fit anyway.

It's an ill-fitting.

Well, he's wearing blue pants.

He's wearing blue.

Gray.

No, I think those are just blue pants.

Oh, I think they're a Chino pant.

That's weird.

I think they're a blue Chino and then the gray sport jacket with the elbow pads.

Nothing like elbow pads.

And a straight up to the neck red.

Yeah, that's something straight out of drug cartel casting.

Elbow pads.

Just go black suit.

Go go tucks like the other guy.

Okay, now we're at the high school.

Okay.

Middle school?

High school?

High school.

Okay.

Kids milling around the hall.

Chris.

I've seen him looking at you before.

I don't even know his name.

It's Jake or something like that.

I don't have time for that anyway.

School.

Okay, well, look, someone will call.

I don't have time for all that.

School.

I'm talking exactly like a teenager would.

That's what everybody is.

Okay.

Between 1861 and 1865, the Civil War occurred.

Now, some of America's greatest pieces.

Does he have pubic pubic hair at the front of his head?

I'm just

wondering.

It's a tough.

It's a tough.

It's a puffin.

Of literature were actually inspired by the war.

Many of the writers...

And I just let you know, now we're in a classroom.

The girl who we've been introduced to via the hallway where she said she doesn't have time for boys at school

is in the classroom.

Or they were just, understandably, very interested.

Today we're going to be discussing Stephen Crane's Red Badge of Courage.

Now, you should have completed your first reading sentence for the guide today, but I'm going to be giving you some background.

Yeah, you're right about that.

He does.

He's like, oh, I want to watch this show.

Yeah, he's like, what time does wheel come on?

Ground information on Crane himself.

Now, do take notes.

This is going to.

Let not your focus be divided.

He's leaving the sticky note.

Yeah, but look at her.

She's actually taking a test.

No, she's taking notes.

Yeah, why wouldn't you?

So this girl's.

She doesn't look like her focus is off.

Yeah, he's trying to get in bed with her.

On your final exam coming up, Crane was actually born six years after the Civil War ended.

Okay, now the girl is walking across the street, and we're assuming to her home.

There's a lady next door to her who's got a big push-broom who's cleaning the already cleaned sidewalk.

Yeah, you know those.

You use those.

And as I've pointed out now three times, because we've watched this three times,

these houses are cluster homes.

So they're sitting right on top of each other.

And the lady has a lawn that is no bigger than the size of a lawnmower, yet she has a lawnmower.

Chris, come over real quick.

Your lawn's looking really nice, Miss Betty.

Thanks.

Lots of laws.

Thanks.

Miss Betty.

Thanks.

Have you ever heard of the skincare line, Star Beam?

I've got some extra boxes at home, and I think you'd be really good at selling it.

Lots of work and patience.

Everything going good in school?

Yeah, just busy homework and finals.

Have you ever thought about dropping out of school to sell Star Beam skincare products?

And how's your mom?

She's working a lot.

I know.

It's tough.

I admire her.

Can you tell her to return my rabbit?

Her, though.

Yeah, and I'm retired.

Yeah.

So I don't.

I'm retired.

She's doing her best.

Have you been watching Fox News lately?

Your mom's an immigrant.

Nice is coming to raid your house.

Yeah.

Well, I gotta go, so I'll see you later.

Go on, sweet one.

Sweet one.

Sweet one.

It's like sweet leaf, Aussie.

Yes.

Oh, Chris.

Oh, Chris.

Have you ever thought about sleeping with women?

Because I grew up in the 60s and I could talk about it.

Yeah.

Kenny, meanwhile, is weirdly singing.

Sing in a car across the street, watching.

Yeah.

Well, maybe he's trying to like, she's the drug pusher for the high school.

Remember, I'm just a phone call away.

I know.

And Chris.

And Chris.

Come over anytime, day or night, no matter what time it is.

Okay.

And Chris.

And Chris.

Chris.

No matter what time it is.

Oh, the gardening woman looked at Kenny.

Yeah.

She looked at Kenny because she knows he's sitting there.

That's why she's got an intuition something's going on.

All right, let's take our first break.

We'll be back with the rally LA.

Shop TCBPodcast.com.

Our merch window is now open.

If you can't support the show in that manner, we certainly would appreciate it.

Make sure you tag us on Instagram at the commercial break with your merch gear on because we're going to give some additional merch to one or two merch on merch on merch merch on merch on merch to some lucky folks who remember you get a free sticker with every single purchase we'll be back

Hey you, something about a TCB logo on a university sweater gets me hot in the pocket if you know what I mean.

What do you say we finish our drinks?

Go find a computer.

Go to shoptcbpodcast.com because I know they're selling some slinky gear, but only until August 22nd.

And hey, a little vibrating rabbit told me that you get a free TCB sticker with every single purchase.

There's nothing slankier than a body draped in commercial break gear.

Piggy fronting indeed.

Hey, one more idea.

When that gear gets dropped off at your front door, let's take everything else off.

We'll put our smoking hot merch on.

We'll take a picture and tag at the commercial break.

Cause daddy loves a free thing or two and I hear they might give away some additional merch.

Well, this is a game of ball in the pocket that I've been wanting to play all night long.

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Okay, and we're back with Kenny Copeland.

Rally, LA.

He's sitting outside some young girl's house, and so far, all we've learned is that Eric Roberts has a shipment of drugs coming in, and Kenny Copeland has now converted his son, who's in the Angola State Penitentiary, to the word of the Lord.

But now Kenny is creeping on some teenage girl, and we don't know why.

Let's find out.

Hey, mom.

Smells good in here.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

Do you need help with that?

She's not cooking anything.

Yeah, she's not cooking anything.

No, she's making chips and salsa.

Look at that.

Smells good in here.

Is that new salsa from Tostitos?

Good.

Okay.

How is school?

Sama's chopping.

Yeah, she's just chopping some carrots.

Like,

that doesn't make it smell.

How is school?

Have any homework?

Yes, I have calculus.

I have history paperdoo.

And some other things.

That's a lot of homework.

That's a lot of homework, bitch.

Homework, Chris.

It's a lot, but it's okay.

I can handle it.

I can handle it.

I'm OCD.

Do you need my help?

Nope.

Are you sure?

yes mom good because I can't do calculus

okay

good because mommy's got to go sell jugs for your uncle do you work tonight

yeah I do mom it's been like 10 days since he had a day off honey I know but Mary is busy right now with a lot of other things and I need to pick up the extra load right now it's not fair but but shut up bitch

Chris listen to me This is what I have to do.

Mary is the boss and could get a promotion.

I can get a job.

I can help with the bills.

The bills?

What is a bill?

I don't know.

What is a bill?

You're not getting a job.

Do you hear me?

You've got calculus.

Yes.

And a history paper.

You've got calculus.

Yes.

And mommy wants you to get on one of those dating apps.

Stop being such a prude.

That's why I have three jobs.

So you can go to school.

and get an education.

That's what I want for you.

Okay.

Okay.

Your education is the most important thing.

That is true, kids.

That is true, kids.

The education is the most important thing.

Says the man.

Okay.

Okay.

Now, please get the mail.

Yes.

Please get the mail.

Now get the mail.

Get the mail.

What about it?

She should have gotten it when she came in.

I know.

Why did she get it when she came in?

Well, because next door nosy neighbor.

Yeah, nosy neighbor won't leave her alone.

Kenny's out there creeping on her.

Yeah, she wanted to get in quick.

I get it.

Hey, listen, me too.

Get out there and get the mail.

If Kenny's not trying to make himself known, he's sitting literally across the street.

Good steak out.

Yeah, he's the most.

Oh, look at him.

Look.

Yeah, he's like

on the steering wheel looking at her.

I love Genie.

He's been a driver before.

Now he's driving himself.

He killed the guy.

He killed Rick Rada.

No, I don't.

Mom?

Yeah, it's gonna be okay.

You're right, baby.

Come here, baby.

Such a good girl.

I got the nail.

They're such a good girl hard right now.

But they are gonna get better and better and better and better.

Okay.

Okay.

What's gonna get better?

No, it's life, Chrissy.

Life's gonna get better and better and better.

Okay, okay.

Oh, she's in her room studying now.

Christina.

Chris.

Listen to a little rap.

Hey.

Hey, are you listening to the devil's music?

Mom, I'm not nine years old.

I don't care.

That's still too loud.

I want to tell you about protection.

Not much.

I won't be up too late.

Alright.

Well, I'm going to be leaving for work soon.

You're going to be alright?

Yes.

I'll be okay.

Don't worry.

Alright.

Well, just make sure that you lock the doors before you go to bed.

And if you need anything.

I know.

Miss Betty.

She's next door.

Did I miss Ruby?

Miss Betty.

Yes.

Miss Betty.

All right.

Well, I love you.

I love you.

Okay.

Good job.

Huh.

You've done them all wrong.

I think we're watching the director's cut because a lot of this seems really unnecessary

to the plot of the story.

I thought she had to go to work.

She's taking a nap.

She's going to take a drug.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, she's going to lay down.

A little nap.

Oh, goodness.

Oh, goodness.

Yeah, she's about to leave for work.

Yeah, fuck work.

Just five minutes.

Just five.

She's exhausted from cutting those carrots.

It's been a long day of cutting carrots.

Those carrots that smell so good.

Uh-oh.

4.45.

4.45.

She slept for an hour.

Uh-oh.

Late.

That feeling's the worst feeling.

It is the worst feeling.

But my body doesn't let me do that anymore.

I'd like some internal weird call.

I bet that if I say I have to be up by something, my body will wake me up automatically.

I hate it.

Oh, she's not feeling well.

It's probably all the drugs she's been taking.

I just need a little drugs to get through.

Yep, yep, yep.

She's digging in there.

Oh, nothing like taking some nitrogen.

Zyrtec.

Some Zyrtec to keep you up.

She's literally taking a pill from a box.

Yeah, like an allergy pill yeah

could be a heartburn medication could be

that's the first thing i do if i'm late just hang out the bathroom yeah me too i hang out in the bathroom i take a xer tech yeah wait for it to kick in and look at myself in the mirror what am i doing with my life

i can get through the night if i've got a zero tech

but i stay away from allegra

that will fuck you up.

That'll fuck you up, Chrissy.

Uh-oh.

Two drug guys are in the diner.

Now we're here at a diner, and two drug guys just walked in.

How do I know they're drug guys?

Because they're wearing all black.

Nothing like a whiteboard, too, in the background.

I know.

Cup of coffee.

That's it.

That's it?

I didn't even say hello to you.

You just said cup of coffee.

You?

Same.

Cup of coffee.

Where's she at?

She's in the back.

Where's she at?

Oh.

Oh.

I'm looking for some girl.

Could it be the mother?

Probably.

That's what I think.

I think the mother is selling drugs on the side.

Now they're going to the back of a dressing room.

Yeah.

How did they go from a restaurant to

a Asian spa?

How did that happen?

That was weird.

Hey, baby.

Hi.

How you doing?

I'm fine.

Okay.

I said I was fine.

That's not the mom.

Oh, it's not the mom.

It's

one of the drug guys' girlfriends.

No.

What is it?

It's the Lord.

I haven't kept up with my Bible studies and I'm feeling shitty.

Frankie, okay?

You know how he is.

He's just, he's at it again.

Frankie.

No, hang on.

I just.

They're literally in a, in a dressing room.

This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

They were in a diner, and now they're in a spa or a dressing room.

Yeah, it's lavender-colored paint on the wall.

There's the dressing room.

Yeah.

I didn't know the diner was that big when I saw it at first.

She's in the back with Frankie.

You know how he gets.

Yep.

You mean like on a vacation?

No, I don't mean a vacation.

I mean someplace permanent.

You know we can't leave.

It's not that easy.

This This is my life.

This is what I do.

You just gotta get out.

I'm a drug guy, Chrissy.

I can't just get out.

All the drug things keep me here.

Well, I don't like this life for us, Marcos, for working for him.

It's okay.

It's okay.

We can get through this.

Meet me.

First of all, my name isn't Marcos.

It's Todd.

I'll see if I can get some time off.

Time off?

Yes, I'll ask the drug guy if I can have some time off from all the drug things.

I've got some PTO I have not used.

By law, he has to give me paternity leave.

OSHA.

OSHA.

I just, I, I,

I just, I, I feel like I'm losing it here.

One day.

When I walk in there, it's like a restaurant.

When I walk back here, it's like a dressy room.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

I'm in a diner one minute.

I'm in an Asian spa giving hand shandies to Ricky.

Frankie.

Yes, one day you're Marcos, the next day you're Todd.

I can't even figure it out.

Okay, it's okay.

Look, I'll go in and I'll talk to Frankie.

Maybe that'll ease things up.

He's in dressing room number two.

Yes.

Let me go into the holiday in office.

He's gonna turn the corner and we're gonna be back at the elevator scene from the beginning.

Yes.

Going out.

And by the way, what's so bad about working in a diner?

I didn't know it was that.

Diner slash dressing room.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, we're in a warehouse.

This is the never-ending building, yes.

Lepetiti Cafe.

Lepetit Cafe.

What's up, Michael?

What are these?

Drugs?

Because it looks like baking soda.

By the way, now they're in a warehouse.

There's a guy with the headphones on, and he just picked up a bag of what clearly is not drugs if you've ever done drugs.

It kind of looked like one of those things that my housekeepers leave when they leave.

They do like a little rose with the toilet paper.

A potpourri?

Oh, no, a rose with the toilet paper.

Oh, oh, yours does that?

Yeah.

What's No Emmy up to?

Gonna talk to her.

Look, man.

Look, production is low.

Production's low, so I've been doing a lot of our own stash just to keep it up.

Why is it so low, Frankie?

We're still waiting on a new shipment to come in.

We don't just make one thing in here, man.

Come on, bro.

You know things have been tight.

A few ladies out sick.

So they're not coming in.

It's a few of the ladies are out sick, Chrissy.

I told them to stay out.

Call them.

Call them now.

Get them in here now.

I told April.

And April is not to be told what to do.

She's watching over this operation for me, so anything she says to you, I want you to treat it like I'm standing right in front of you.

You got that?

Like, I'm your theater director.

what are these bags, Frankie?

It's my cafe.

What are these bags full of white stuff?

Is that drugs?

Are we doing a drug operation with actual drugs?

Frankie!

I love that he's got a big gulp.

Uh-oh, he's taking a uh-oh.

He's gonna find the extra stash.

It's just my jacket.

What's this?

What's this?

Extra drugs in the drug house, Frankie?

Look at the

fork.

The plastic fork that's stuck in the center.

Yeah, that's stuck in the container.

Also, look at the candles in the background lit up.

I know, and the big gulp.

None of it makes awesome.

One, two,

three.

Have you been learning how to count again, Frankie?

Oh, hidden drugs.

He's stealing drugs.

That's a lot.

That's like way more than an eight.

Yeah, like...

Those are like three eight bottles.

If you're gonna steal from the drug kingpin, steal like three, not like 30.

Well, it looks like you're taking a slice for yourself.

Hell, Frankie.

Are you cutting me?

No, Marco, really I'm not.

Are you cutting me?

Are you cutting me, Frankie?

Are you cutting down the side?

Are you using your extra your own baking soda, Frankie?

Well, he's got to pay for those CBS head beats.

Yeah, the beat that...

He's got those fake beats on.

Who do you think's paying the candle bill around here?

Marco.

You made me mad, Frankie.

You made me mad.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

As your kids would say, uh-oh.

Frankie's 10% discount on diner sandwiches gone.

You made me mad.

And no more free use of the dressing rooms.

Yeah.

And no more use of the dressing rooms or the warehouse.

Oh, man.

Yeah, that's what I do after I get busted.

Yeah.

Taking drugs from the kingpin.

Just go back to what I was doing.

Yeah, no consequences.

He's just made him mad.

Yeah, by the way, look at where the

fake beats are plugged in.

Into the styrofoam into the styrofoam with a fork styro sticking tune in Tokyo

We should weigh every day Kenning's still okay.

We're back to the street Kenning's still scoping things.

Oh, he's walking to the door

of the young lady Christina.

I bet it's his granddaughter

What's that?

I don't know.

Did he even ring the doorbell?

Oh, okay.

There we go.

Good job.

He changed clothes.

He did.

He's got a checked suit on now.

We should wear every day.

Chris, open the door.

Oh.

The mother.

I thought she was going to work.

I thought she was late for work.

It's me.

It's me.

It's me.

Papa.

Papa.

That's not how they say it.

She was late for work

an hour ago, but

Papa is here.

Oh my gosh.

Sweetheart.

Do, do, do, do.

She came by to see you.

I hope it's okay.

See, I wanted to tell you.

I know.

They crisscross and they're devilish.

He looks like a Cheshire cat.

I wanted to tell you I'm out of the dogs business now.

I can't believe it's you.

I know.

It's been a long time.

I've had a lot of Botox.

A long time.

Oh, I would say so.

20 years?

20?

Hold on.

Kenny was a young man.

I'm bumping around.

I realize that even 20 years is a long time, but you don't think you'd notice your dad after 20 years.

Who are you?

Yes, can I help you?

I also know

that this is a big surprise for you.

I would say so.

Yeah, I would say so.

Now, if you excuse me, I've got to get back to my claring addiction.

Sally, please.

I've changed my way.

Please, I got to take a hot shit, guys.

Can I use your pretend toilet?

Maybe you have some coffee For this old man.

You haven't written?

I haven't heard from you.

Since I was a coffee.

Could you come to my house and you want coffee?

Okay, I'll take drugs if you got drugs.

I am so sorry about that.

I really apologize.

My pen was broken and things just didn't work out.

I was on drugs.

I was on drugs.

You have no

idea how I feel.

Don't you come here to my house telling me you are sorry.

I would like to make it up to you.

If I can.

If I can.

Chrissy.

If I can.

Kenny's acting skills need a little work.

Chrissy.

If I can.

It's me.

Papa.

Papa.

Papa.

I know it's been 20 years, but we can have a cup of coffee.

Yeah.

Fine.

Fine.

One glass of Sanka, and then you're out.

I have five minutes and one glass of water.

And I'm three hours late to work.

I was supposed to be there early, then I took a nap, woke up late, and now I'm still here.

I know.

I thought she was going to get a promotion at work or some shit.

Okay.

Seek.

I was baking.

When?

Sik.

See, sir,

I will take it.

I will take it.

Peppy love you.

Hey, get in here.

Kenny.

It's a terrible picture of that girl.

Yeah, I don't know.

That's weird.

Well, I mean, I'm sure it was taken two minutes ago.

Yeah, this whole thing.

It's the model home.

Who has lights like that in there?

No one.

That's Chris.

No one.

She's beautiful.

Like her grandmother.

Oh, now they're going to go into Coco.

Tarabuela.

Wait, what?

Are you here on business?

No.

No, I don't do business.

Look at the fake clock, even that.

I mean, all of this is model home.

What time is it?

Oh, it's still 12.05.

I just came to see you.

I just came to see you.

Oh.

It's been 20 years, so might as well not be around the bush.

I thought I had it figured out

that you

sent me away to protect me.

And

during that time,

I just convinced myself you love me, and that's why you did it.

What?

Say.

Say,

exactly.

What you said.

Exactly what you said.

A husband who passed away,

but not once.

You didn't send me a letter once.

Well about that.

I have no idea

how to praise

a little girl

with my two hands.

Yeah, he's putting them together like

some water.

This is so strange.

And with a boy,

that's easy.

Yeah, my boy is in jail.

Yeah, that was easy.

My boy, that was easy.

I put him in and go to the state penitentiary to save my own ass when I got busted by the fish.

Yeah, girls, they have vaginas.

It's complicated machinery.

I sent you to my sister.

I know she was.

Aunt Betty?

Aunt Betty.

And I believe she did.

She became my mother.

She wrote me

again

and again

asking to bring you to see me.

but I no respond.

I know response.

No, I no respond.

The Spanglish is so

horrifically racist.

I mean, it's just so terrible.

I was never afraid of nothing.

But that is a double negative, so I was actually afraid of everything.

I was never afraid of nothing.

But Sally, bringing you

into my kind of life

that frightened me.

Well,

I can understand.

I consider you Auntie's request.

But I just push him aside.

But now

those fears are gone.

And you want to know why?

The word of the Lord.

And I found out you were in LA?

And did I have a granddaughter?

I would like very much.

You mean his sister didn't tell him, keep him posted on what was happening?

Yeah, no, listen.

It's complicated.

I all of a sudden found out you're in L.A.

Yeah, so I found out you were in L.A.

and I decided to come down with my driver who I killed moments ago and changed my clothes.

And it's still 12:05 on your clock.

So what?

No wonder she's late for work.

I know.

I thought her job was important and she had to work because Mary was out of town.

Three jobs.

Three jobs.

It's now 8:15.

She was supposed to be there at 4:45.

She needs a suit and you're in a nice car.

And would you take us to the mall?

Perimeter.

Would you take us to the mall?

Please?

There's a sheen pop-up everywhere, though.

No.

I don't have any money.

I pop off the police clothes with his chinos.

These cream chinos were the last thing I bought.

Sally, I know.

I just

walk into your life.

I did not know.

I had no idea what to expect.

By the way, I hear this same music when I'm getting a massage sometimes.

Oh, yeah, it's the

slow Spanish.

I would just like to make things right,

please.

See!

See!

Papa!

I have to get going.

I've been trying to get to work for five hours.

I'm one day late to work.

I was in the area yesterday at four.

Does no one here have a cell phone and no one's calling them?

Do you have a cell number?

Oh, there we go.

All right.

Let me just think about this.

I can call you from my home phone because I don't have a cell phone.

Sure.

Sure.

Sure, sure.

We can start there.

Oh, there's the cell phone.

Oh, it's an Apple II.

All right.

Let's take a break.

Well, I'd like to say it's getting getting good, but it's definitely not.

So we'll be back.

Let me do something Brian has never done.

Be brief.

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All right, we're back watching the Rally LA.

It's TCB minus.

Thanks for joining us.

In case you didn't know, we didn't do this live because we had some issues.

Not going to go through all that again.

We're going to get right back into the movie.

Let me keep you up.

Let me get you up to speed just to give you like an idea of what we understand the movie to be about so far.

Kenneth Copeland has a terrible accent.

Eric Roberts has a terrible accent.

Some lady is three hours late to work.

And the daughter is a fastidious student who is trying her best to be a good daughter.

And then Kenny just showed up after 20 years.

Yes.

Just showed up to the mother.

So there's a girl named Christina.

She's a teenager in high school.

Her mom is Kenny Copeland's

daughter.

Long-lost daughter.

Eric Roberts is Kenny Copeland's brother, who is a drug kingpin who is getting ready for a big shipment.

So here we go.

LA is a cool city, I do gotta say.

Okay, now it's nighttime.

Oh, more drug guys opening up a gate.

I think this is the shipment, Chrissy, if I had to guess.

Well,

in a bug?

Yeah.

In the world's smallest car, yes.

Oh, it's the three guys from earlier.

It's Marcos, Frankie, and

the guy who was stealing the drugs.

Frankie's gonna get hit.

Uh-oh, is Frankie gonna get killed?

Something.

He's gonna get tortured or something.

Okay, now they're in a big garage, and Frankie has to sit down on a metal chair.

That metal chair.

Uh-oh, here comes Eric Roberts.

It's time for some murdering.

It's nighttime.

He's got his glasses, sunglasses on.

Yes.

His dockers.

I love it.

He's yaked out of his head, probably.

I wonder what the actual drugs budget was.

Probably a lot.

Yes.

Oh, he pulls his sunglasses down to look at him over it.

This keyboard is very, very simple.

You have taken something

that belongs to a man.

A huge pot of cornstarch, something.

As a matter of fact,

you know,

I appreciate guys like you who have an entrepreneurial vibe about you, like Marcos here.

Vibe.

God, he's going somewhere.

Vibe.

And I have no heir.

So he is my heir apparent.

Oh.

He's learning the business.

He's grateful to learn the business.

He's grateful to learn the business.

It doesn't sound very scary.

He's like, I want an air, so I got an air apparent.

He's learning the business.

It's so much fun, Chrissy.

And now I'm going to kill you by slicing off your penis, you little woo-woo.

But now that Julie's in charge, can you call her his own like everything else?

Let me go.

I promise I'll keep everything clean.

Except for me cuz I like drugs.

Isn't that right Marcos?

Yes, sir

You see

oh A gun

Yeah, Marcos maybe should pull the gun on them earlier.

Yeah, I agree

Uh oh, he's given us a gun Eric Roberts is given Marcos the gun.

Marcos is gonna have to kill Frankie, his friend.

Your hands are dirty now, Marcos.

Good night, young man.

Let's stop squabbling.

Let us not squabble about small things.

I'm going to shoot you right.

That's the color.

Marcus is gonna chicken out.

Yeah, of course he is.

Or is he gonna kill him?

No, he's a good guy.

He loves the Lord.

Yeah.

said PG-13 violence.

Oh,

he shot him in the head.

He went straight for the head.

Wow.

Okay.

Kenny

things are heating up.

Kenny's not afraid to have a movie with people who shoot each other in the head to get a point across that the Lord loves you.

Oh,

wait.

Okay.

The more the landscapers are there at Miss Betty's next next door with the two foot by two foot lawn.

They're fixing the lawnmower.

Yeah, there's some handyman fixing the lawnmower that was mowing the two foot by two foot lawn.

And then there's another guy doing landscaping to the right.

Wow.

All right.

There's a lot of landscaping to be done in this little tiny yard.

Not unlike your landscapers that were here earlier.

There's another handyman.

They're all at the house.

Yes, it looks like they're getting ready to go do TCB live streaming.

There you're at

Brian's house.

Ma'am, name's Joe.

As you can see, we're taking care of the lawn and lock on your front door.

That's a huge group of people taking care of lawns and locks.

That's right, Chrissy.

I got a guy on the roof and two dudes installing cameras.

Then I also left you about a million dollars in cash in the freezer.

It's all from your papa.

Papa's taking care of it.

I'm going to take you home so i can fix the door

okay

all right who sent you all right and uh exactly who are you yeah i'd be like get the fuck away from my house oh a gentleman

called antonio miguel saka

he made he wanted me to make sure i did his middle name

antonio miguel santa

Okay

right, I see he's trying to buy my love by landscaping and handymanning me.

That's right.

He's handymanning me.

He's handymanning my love.

Well, dad,

you can handyman me all you want, but me and my daughter are not going to be a part of your life.

Well, it'll only be about another 20 minutes.

Because your yard's so small.

Yeah.

It's not going to take long.

It will be about another 20 minutes because this is a model home, and quite frankly, the walls are made of paper.

I'm gonna text you on my Samsung Generation 1 phone.

Is this Miguel Santonio Santa?

Hello?

Sarko.

Hey.

It's me, Sally.

Sally.

That was a weird

collection.

It's me, Sally.

Sally.

And Kenny's in his poke.

robe.

Oh, pajamas.

I often wear.

Plaid curtains.

Yes, I often wear four layers to bed.

Silk robe.

You know, you're just hanging.

Yeah.

Just hanging with the kids.

Oh, my God.

In your polka duck satin robe.

I'm lucky if I learn.

With over your regular pajamas, and then there's a t-shirt underneath.

I'm lucky if I wear pajamas to bed.

I wear my boxers.

If I get my boxers on, I'm good.

How are you?

I'm just here with my penis wingling.

Oh, wangling.

Hello, hello.

Hello, Sally.

Buenas dias.

Welcome to the main stage.

I meant to tell you, your mom is not your real mom.

She's actually your sister, and you therefore are not related to me.

Some men came and mowed my lawn and

fixed that front door of mine.

Well, that's exactly what I wanted to hear.

Go on.

Do you mind if we face talk?

I've got my robe on.

Tell me more about your mowed lawn and your front door.

I knew you'd seen it.

I just wanted to do some things for you, but I think it would be better if I was.

I just sent my handyman out already.

I sent my handyman to mow your lawn.

Oh, God.

Do you want me to

unclog your pipes?

Oh, God.

Well,

see,

I wanted you to know that I really appreciate it.

And I actually do need the money, so if you wouldn't mind saying that.

This is ridiculous.

She is in a nice home.

It's a nice model home, but it's a nice home.

It's like a nice home.

And she was so like distraught over her lawn and front door.

She's very grateful now.

Yeah, she's very grateful over the $15

job.

Also, she told the daughter to lock the door.

Be sure and lock the door.

It seemed like nothing was wrong with the door.

Well, remember the door was shaky when the daughter tried to open it.

I was a little shaky.

I guess there is a little continuity manager on set because I put two and two together there.

My pleasure.

Well,

we can maybe get that coffee.

I have no idea why this is not available on streaming.

Nope.

I can't imagine that Netflix wouldn't want to put this on.

Seems like a high-end.

Okay, sweetheart.

Okay, sweetheart.

She's softened now.

He's

buying her love through the

handyman.

This is amazing.

They're trying to make this big moral point.

He comes in, she says, You're not going to buy my love, you know.

And he says, I'm sorry.

I tried to, I didn't want to raise daughter.

He sends a handyman over to put a screw in the front door.

And she's like, Wow, I guess we can get that coffee now.

All better.

All better.

Sally.

Grow a backbone.

Thank God that screw is back in the front.

And my lawn is back.

Yeah, it's not like the house was getting foreclosed on.

I was just saying.

Yeah.

It didn't seem like things were that bad.

No, they're not.

Of course.

If this house is really in LA, it's a million and a half dollar house.

Yes.

She's like, yes.

She's like, yes.

I can finally open the front door without a jiggle in the jaggle.

Who's this?

I don't know.

Why?

Is that a door for small people?

It's a church door.

It's like

it's pointed at the top.

It's strange.

I know.

I don't know if anybody's ever had like an upstairs, like attic door, like the tiny little door that's

open.

Can I help you?

I need to see

He's in his

head.

I mean, let's see Santiago, please.

He doesn't see people.

He doesn't see people unless they're naked.

He's a far request.

I am Antonio Miguel Saraca.

Is that the

sour face?

I am Amigo Matoya.

You killed my father.

Prepare to die.

Come in.

Okay, come in.

Okay, no problem.

Look at that.

Great security.

He doesn't see anyone.

My name is Miguel Elmigo Santiago Antonio Roberto Sarka.

Okay, come on.

You convinced me.

Come in.

Plus, you've got the suit.

You can wait in there.

You can wait in there.

Just don't hit your head.

Yeah.

Come in.

Don't hit your head on the small ball.

Mine the room.

Yes.

Bring, bring.

Bring, bring.

Your Your phone's ringing.

Thank you.

This model home.

It's so funny.

I know.

They're using it for all scenes, by the way.

Oh, it's the same home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No doubt.

Ding, ding, ding.

Dun dun dun dun.

When I was a kid.

Nice marriage.

Antonio.

My brother.

Break out the whiskey.

I'm picturing Tom Hanks on the keyboard.

Tom Hanks.

Sit down on these uncles.

Now sit down on these uncomfortably close chairs and let's knock these.

Sit in front of this fake fireplace.

That's a terrible mantle.

What brings you to Los Angeles?

I came to see Sarah.

Los Angeles.

Los Angeles.

Good.

I've not seen her in a while, but I have my guy looking out for her.

I have my guy stares at her through the window on occasion.

We've got a ring doorbell in the closet.

So I

go on the app on occasion.

She's growing up nicely, I must say.

Think of it a beautiful woman.

She is in private school and looking at I don't get it up like I used to, but I chose.

Excellent.

Last I heard from you,

you were going overseas for a while.

You're my brother, and last time I heard from you, you were what?

Going to China or something?

I look after your daughter.

You were where?

I don't remember what you said.

They look nothing alike.

Oh, Greece.

They're supposed to be from Greece?

You should have been there.

You should have been there.

I was the only Mexican accented person in all of Greece.

Oh my god, I went to Greece

for the past 20 years.

Who writes this garbly gook?

He is not.

Oh, I know.

Eric Rada.

Rick Rada, excuse me.

You want a drink?

Hey, bring us a drink.

Freddy, get us some of that water down Don Julio they've been talking about.

The 50% agave.

Yeah, 50% agave.

I want only 50% agave.

Only the finest for my brother.

Where did you go?

What was your name?

So, big brother, where are you staying?

Oh, at the convention.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

At the convention center.

At the convention center.

Filming this.

I'm staying here.

Or at the convention center.

There's a tile conference in town.

you should stay here.

We have plenty of room.

Plenty of room and unmarked bottles of booze.

Thank you, but I've got terrible wind and I like to whack off on my own.

But it is comfortable.

I'm fine.

Thank you, Teddy.

Eric's looking suave with his glasses, his long hair.

What is it?

You seem different, brother.

I haven't seen you in 20 years.

Well,

breath of the Lord,

if you don't mind.

I blew coronavirus away.

I don't know if you know, but

we haven't seen each other for a long time.

That's my fault.

I stayed in Greece.

We are busy, man.

But I have come to know, brother,

that we have...

I have.

We have.

Can I do that over again?

No, okay, I have.

Been busy doing all of the wrong things.

Do you remember when we were young boys?

And we play war.

And I would kick you in the nuts, and you would kick me back in the nuts.

Well, turns out I can't get anybody pregnant, so it's not actually my daughter.

So I'm hoping you can take care of her.

Well, I go do my tile thing over the conventions.

I brought hand-made mosaics.

Yes.

From Greece.

And

I do all kinds of work.

Bathroom renovations.

Handyman.

Walk-in tubs for older folks.

You've seen the commercials on TV.

I found the Lord.

And now I do walk-in tubs.

Door to door.

And we lead our men into great battles and we win great victories.

Eric Roberts, the venerable actor, is probably like, why don't we just drop the axe?

Can we just dump normally?

It's terrible.

He's going in and out of accents, and I don't even know what they are.

Italian, Greek, Mexican.

But what do you think we were really doing?

Masturbating, I'm not sure.

We were trying to learn.

Eric Roberts has got his watch like on the inside.

Yeah.

Her purpose, reason

for being on this earth.

You

me

now.

We're in the meat and potatoes of this.

The tile convention and God.

Tile convention and God.

He's going to try and convert his brother to God.

I built an empire.

We have.

Santee, I have given all of that up

to follow Jesus.

Exactly.

Exactly.

The most honest line.

Bing.

Yeah.

Ding.

I gave it all away.

That's right.

I came.

After the handyman that I sent him.

I took all my blood-stained cash and I turned it into the Catholic Church.

And they said, ah, we don't know nothing, we don't know nothing.

Laundering and the tiles, that's right.

I'm laundering the tiles.

So, you're saying was that a thimble?

Yeah, it was a thimble, yeah, a thimble of something, and I think it was real because of the way that he reacted to it.

He's like, I need something, yeah, he's like, Oh, that's firewater.

I think so there's everything you had, you gave up,

nothing left back home, nothing,

except for this million-dollar suit.

My 1994.

And the handyman that I sent to my daughter.

That's right.

So you just gave it all.

And my security guy that came in with me.

Where is he?

Yeah, in the two security guards, actually.

Where are they?

Hey, he told him to wait here.

He's probably murdered.

He's been murdered.

It's a little confusing.

Are you local?

You gave away everything you were for.

Gave away your status.

and you kept enough until you die

to be with Jesus.

Oh, you kept enough until you die.

Oh, you kept enough until you die.

Yeah, well, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Sometimes you just got to keep a couple extra billion off.

I'm going to stash the billion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I'm out.

Elon Musk is going to be the first trillionaire.

Did you hear that?

He's going to be the first trillionaire.

So just enough before you die.

Erlon

I made a choice

to follow Jesus

after the billions.

That's right.

After I made billions on dead people

in all of my life,

He has truly blessed me.

He's given me his grace.

I got away with all the murdering and the robbers.

I'm going to quit while I'm in the drug addiction.

Prostitution.

Like, get out at the casinos.

Hey, I'm going straight.

That's right.

I am now in the softcore pornography business.

And the tiles.

And the tiles.

I actually, but they work together nicely.

When you put in a tub insert,

you make a

soft penis.

That's right.

It's a picture of a vagina with a soft penis, and then you stuff some drugs behind it.

You get it later if you need cash.

It's a bank.

All I want to do now is help people.

There is so much

we can do.

You,

me,

we can change this city.

Los Angeles.

Los Angeles.

You know what God said?

God said.

Holy moly, guacamole.

Oh my God, he's pulling out his phone.

What?

Oh, it's all Bible.

Before you.

That's not the full Bible.

That's the abbreviated version.

Yeah.

That's a tiny Bible.

That's

cliff notes.

It's a tiny Bible.

Bible cliff notes.

Yeah, it's tiny Bible.

You got to get it in that tiny door.

Yes.

And a cursing.

Therefore, you choose a life.

I haven't heard one person curse.

No.

Something you need to change what you are doing

and start living for Jesus.

Geez,

like a, I don't know, like a.

What do they call that?

That's like an.

Eric Roberts looks skeptical.

That's like an on-the-border commercial.

You need to change what you're doing and come to on the border.

Big brother,

I am not a spiritual man by any means.

But I know that what I am doing is not pleasing to you, Lord God.

I know that's a fact.

I cannot wake up tomorrow and start serving Jesus.

Yes!

No.

Hey!

That's what I did.

Hey!

That's the one I did.

I made a beach a boy.

One day I'm a Mexican, and the next the day I'm a tale, and then I become a Greek, and now I'm an Argentinian.

Look at this, I'm Venezuelan tomorrow.

Hey, that's not just a case.

That's the heart you can see.

Hey!

Santi,

he loves you.

That's the one thing.

I'm in too deep.

And to be honest with you.

Who do you think is paying for these model hubs?

Who's paying for all that?

I have people who respect me.

People in this town can't make a move without first my okay.

Do it.

I am a supplier for that people.

Do it.

Do it.

Salt with me.

Do it.

With this.

And I like that.

Will me to give that up?

I don't think I'll be taking it off for the big brother.

I have my own offering to give.

Boom.

take that.

And by the way, I just lost my accent for like five minutes.

This is great.

And the Lord will either accept it or reject it.

I hear what you're saying.

Yeah, and he just lost it there, too.

I hear what you're saying.

So he goes in and out of it.

Yeah, he's even worse than Kenny, I think.

I have a few things to do before bed.

Well,

you think about it.

If you need anything, think about it.

You know, you you can call me, see?

I mean, is that Rose?

He's got like Rose.

It's not anything.

Something.

Weird.

It's something.

If I need my pillowcase changed, I'll be sure to call your housekeeper at the hotel.

Good night.

Good night,

pillowcase, James.

What?

There is a curse on this city.

And Jesus is ready to break that curse.

And in my job.

To break that curse.

Oh, my God.

Why not?

Look in this eye.

Yeah, look in this eye.

Now look in this eye.

Oh, it's a lot to do about it.

Yeah, it's a stressful situation, Chris.

It is.

How am I going to button that back up on my shirt?

Yeah, now, where do I get one of those cool polka dot silk

robes?

Yeah, whatever that he was like in the robe and then he was in the middle.

I know, he's in the robe, and they got in the suit, and he came over.

It's all the big Mishmash hodgepodge.

You know what I'm saying?

All right.

Part one.

Whoa.

Wow.

Yeah, we're

on a Friday afternoon here.

Friday afternoon into the evening.

Friday afternoon into the evening.

Here at the commercial break.

All right, so

part one is done.

Stay tuned for part two.

We will do our best to get that out.

ASAP.

We don't know when.

We know you're waiting on baited breath.

Yeah, we know you're waiting on bated breath, but keep

breathe.

Yeah, breathe.

Breathe.

We don't know when we're going to get the second part up.

But thank you to everybody who has been writing in and calling in, texting in, emailing about the merch that you have already pre-ordered.

We certainly do appreciate it.

If you haven't had a chance, shop tcvpodcast.com.

That's shoptcvpodcast.com.

Hats, hoodies, t-shirts, university sweaters, and a free sticker with every purchase.

We're really proud of this merch drop.

If you can support us, great.

If you can't, that's okay too.

But I will tell you how.

You may be able to get a free piece of merch.

Two ways.

Number one, if you have, once you get merch, wear it or do something with it.

Take a picture.

Tag us.

Wash your car with it.

Yeah, wash your car with it.

Wipe your ass with it.

Whatever.

Tag us at the commercial break on Instagram.

Invite us to be a collaborator.

We will share that with other people.

And then we're going to pick a few people who have purchased our merch and send off some additional free merch.

If you cannot afford merch for any reason,

let me know.

212-433-3TCB.

We got a payment plan.

Yeah, we got a payment plan.

Maybe we've got a sticker.

Maybe we have an extra t-shirt laying around in an odd size or something like that.

I don't want anybody to think that our love depends on whether or not you can purchase merch.

We've all been there.

From one broke jokesters to the other, we know all about it.

So just call us, text us, whatever.

212-433-3TCB.

Okay,

this will be available if YouTube does not copyright claim it, if no one in Kenny Copeland's camp copyright claims it.

This will be available on YouTube, ASAP at youtube.com slash the commercial break.

Also, you can go to our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all the audio, all the video, and always a free sticker.

Go to the contact us button, drop-down menu.

I want my free sticker.

Give us your address.

Away it will go.

And one more thing: at the commercial break on Instagram, tag us in the aforementioned pictures.

All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

I think so.

I'll tell you that I love you.

I love you.

Best to you.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

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