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Hey, I just want to let you ladies know, hey.

If you ain't 280, you can't be my lady i like them thick in the waist and pure in the face only a dog on a bone and baby i ain't no dog on this episode of the commercial break when jojo does it it just sounds like she's hurting her voice and it's highly auto-tuned highly auto-tuned now listen i get that that's like the the standard of the day everybody's auto-tuned but i think jojo would benefit from a little bit of like pr withdrawal do you know what i'm saying when you get to this this is just coming from brian who is known to be a pr master it's the reason why the commercial break has done so well for itself outside of the people who actually listen to the commercial break the next episode of the commercial break starts now oh yeah cats and kittens welcome back to the commercial break i'm brian green this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show chris and joy holdley best to you chris best to you out there on the podcast universe thanks for joining us how the hell are you i just listened to a crazy story by eric andre who i love he's one of my favorites yeah he's great he is a kaufman-esque in some ways remember that movie he came out with a couple of years ago back during the pandemic where it was like kind of like a borat type movie where he would go into certain situations and then just act fucking Looney Tunes. Didn't he go into the country bar and start puking all over everybody or something? He crashed a car.
I mean, the guy is crazy. Like, he's legitimately crazy.
He's got one of my favorite shows, talk shows of all time, which is the Eric Andre show, which if I'm not mistaken, I think our friend Reggie Watts made a few turns on there. By the way, while we're talking about this, Reggie and Catherine have put together a late night talk show format show for Reggie.

I am putting the information in the show notes.

Let me pull this up real quick while we're here talking about it because I know it's soon.

Reggie, watch.

Watch what happens live.

Watch Watts happens live.

Watts happens live.

With Reggie Watts, Wednesday, July 23rd, 7.30 p.m. PT.
That means it's going to be 10.30 our time here on the East Coast. You can get more information about this by going to at Reggie Watts on Instagram.
Look for The Real. You can stream it or you can be there.
But I'm not exactly sure how you be there. So check it out.
Go find some information. Watch What Happens Live.
It's being put together by Reggie and by Catherine. I want to give a special shout out.
I talked to Catherine. She sent me some information about this.
I'll put all of the links in the show notes. Check it out.
I mean, it's Reggie doing a late night talk show. What else? Yeah, I can't wait to see this.
What else could you want i'm gonna say her name wrong here you know i did a whole commercial for her and i had to say this 72 times atzuko okatsuka is going to be there on that show and she is a big deal in comedy right now so check it out Reggie Watts, the 23rd. That's next week as this is airing.
That's next week.

7.30 p.

10. in comedy right now.
So check it out. Reggie Watts, the 23rd.
That's next week as this is airing. That's next week.
730P, 1030E. Just to make sure we get it all right, Chrissy.
Because you know how many times in a month Chrissy and I have sat here waiting for a guest to show up because it was 730P and not 1030E? Yes, it's happened. It's happened so many times.
It's not even funny. Okay.
I was watching Eric Andre. I was watching a reel that he put together.
And here's the story. And now it's his, not Reggie.
It's Eric's story to tell, but I'm going to try and recreate the scenario. Him and his girlfriend are somewhere in Europe and they are going to get a couple's massage together.
A boscalo massage, if you will, Chrissy. Girl is massaging his girlfriend.
Man is massaging Eric. Very forward of you, Eric.
Very forward of you. They have a little screen that separates the two of them, as they do sometimes in these couple massages.
And Eric is getting the full wixing and waxing. He is up all in the meat and potatoes of Eric.
And Eric is saying to himself, like, you will, every man will recognize this if you have gone for a massage or you do so. Please don't get a boner.
Please don't get a boner. I'm sure that happens even when a man's massaging you, because certain areas are just sensitive.
And it doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter who's touching you.
You're going to get a boner. Or you're going to think about getting a boner.
Or you're going to pray to God you don't get a boner. What happens? He gets a boner.
By his terms, a raging hard-on. And then the guy says to him in a quiet, whispered tone, It's okay.
It's okay. And Eric says, thinking to himself, yeah, it's okay.
He thinks he's asking about the boner and the fact that he's close to the meat and potatoes. But he was maybe saying, is it okay? Is it okay? If I take care of that.
Yeah. He says, in the next 30 seconds, he feels this guy's hand, very warm, very oily, on his penis.
And he looks up. He opens his eyes.
And he puts his head forward to find out that it's not, in fact, the guy's hand. It's his mouth.
Whoa. He's getting a head from a masseuse.
Okay. Wow.
Wow. And he taps the guy in the head.
And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm okay.
I'm good. I'm good.
And the guy backs off and finishes the massage, but doesn't finish Eric. Okay.
There we go. All right.
That's, that's about as gingerly as I'm going to put that. Of course he tells his girlfriend about this right after he says, oh my God, you cannot believe what just fucking happened.
I accidentally got ahead by a guy, you know?

And she says, well, you should have just finished.

Like, I mean, at that point, why not just finish?

You're already there.

Just go for it.

Yeah.

You're already gay.

Go for it.

And Eric says, well, you know, whatever.

Blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, that's the end of the reel.

I don't know what the rest of the story is.

But that's a wild story.

I mean, a wild story.

Accidentally getting ahead from another man. I've never even been close to that situation.
I just got a boob massage, you know? From a guy? Yeah. In Europe.
It's pretty typical. My sister and I were there, and we were just getting two massages, but I think they thought it was a couple because we walked in and it said Mr.
and Mrs. Who's the Mr.
in that situation? And so I said, you know, I'll be the Mr. Kelly because she was nervous about getting a massage anyways.
And so I went in with the guy. Why was she nervous? Our first massage? Yeah, it was like she had not had a massage.
And so I was like, you go with the woman. I'll go with the man.
It's fine. Yeah, sure.
But then it was. Did he go like full boot? Yep.
Full nipple rub and everything? Yep. Wow.
I was like, oh, this is what they do in Europe. This is what they do in Europe.
Yes. This is what they do in Europe.
So it makes me feel much better about my Bo Scalow massage. I'll tell you two stories about a massage in case you haven't heard them.
If you're listening long enough, then you have heard them. I'm sorry I'm repeating myself.
But listen, we're 800 episodes in. Yeah, it's going to happen.
It's going to happen. Astrid and I, for the baby moon, we went to Rome and we stayed at a hotel right there in downtown Rome, right near all the ruins, the heart of the action called the Boscalo.
And they had a spa at the top of the hotel. And Astrid and I are big fans of getting a massage.
I love it. Oh, yeah, we do too.
I think it's part of my health, actually. And though I can't always afford it, and it's not something I do very frequently, at least three times, maybe four times a year, I go for a massage.
And so we take the opportunity to order our stuff. Oh, actually, what happened was something happened with the hotel.
There was a mess up at the hotel.

We had to wait for our room. We ended up getting upgraded into a nicer room, and then

they gave us $250

pounds, whatever they use over there.

Rupees. I don't know what they use over there.

Rupees.

Euros. Euros.
I'm sorry.

Rupees. I don't know why I said Rupees.

If you want

to go to New Delhi and get yourself a massage and come back, your room should be ready by that.

Here's a credit in India.

Yeah, you want a heads of Bangladesh and come on back in a few minutes.

So great.

Astrid and I call the upstairs and we say, hey, two for a massage.

They say, yes.

We go there the next day in the afternoonnoons, like noon, we go there. It is the top floor of this hotel, but there is not a window.
The elevator opens and you're right there in the lobby of this spa, which doesn't really look like a spa, but okay. It's a couple of chairs and a desk and we walk up and the lady's very nice.

And hey, okay, great.

And the masseuses are coming.

And then five minutes later, two masseuses come out from behind the curtain, so to speak.

And two masseuses are your babushka grandma.

I mean, an old Eastern European woman who looks the part, talks the part,

and has like forearms that are bigger than my biceps. I mean, they're huge, right? So she obviously has been doing this for a long time.
And then a 21-year-old woman from like a Ukrainian beauty walks out and they're barely speak any English. And if this was the United States of America, and I have said this a million times and I stand by this, and I think you'll agree with me, the grandma would have picked me and we would have gone back there.
Why? Because it's obvious we're here for a couple's massage. We're Mr.
and Mrs. Green.
We're here together, husband and wife. And in America, it just would have been understood that the beautiful woman is going to massage the woman so that there's no feels caught either way.
Well, also, the babuska was stronger. Stronger.
And men usually like it harder. A nice, hard massage.
But that's not what happened. And I looked at Astrid as they separated in the lobby as the the young lady came toward me mr keen and i looked at astrid and i was like oh fuck no don't make me make this decision and i was and she goes no no go go go yeah yeah go go whatever i don't care about you whatever i'm already over here you got you put this thing in my belly you take it out Get out of here.
All right. So I reluctantly go back, but I decide this is a massage.
It's professional. We're here in Rome.
We're at a nice hotel. We're at a very nice hotel.
This is a professional setting. Yes, she's a beautiful woman.
I'm just going to talk myself out of a boner when she gets to the thighs. I'm just like Aragon.
It's like every man does. It doesn't matter what the masseuse looks like.
And so the massage goes, full body massage. Start on my front.
She's working my back. She's getting up there in my glutes.
She's rubbing my butt. She's doing the whole back.
The muscles are there. Yes.
And then she starts doing the inner part of my thighs and she is getting up there. She's getting up into the sausage patties.
I is really far up there and i think to myself this is just how they do it in europe just what they do in europe oh i have to tell you that when we got in i always wear underwear always i i don't want that i don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable i do always i don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable including myself i just feel like it's best thing. And if someone wants to tug my underwear down a little bit or push it up a little bit, right? But this girl, before we even got started, was like, I'll close off.
I'll close off. I'll close off.
And I thought to myself, this is Europe. This is what you do.
Yeah, exactly. Right? Free.
Free your balls for once, Brian. Stop being such a prude.
Let it go. Okay, so now she's up in the meat and potatoes, up in the meat and potatoes.
And I'm like, Jesus, she's really getting in there. To the point where I'm talking to myself so much, it's becoming uncomfortable.
Yeah, it's not relaxing. And then she's like, flip over.
Well, I have managed to keep myself flaccid for this long. And I flip, because I know the flip over is coming, and I don't want to have a big boner when she flips me over.
So she flips over and most masseuses will take the sheet and they will pull it towards them. So they can't see you

flipping over, but this one takes the sheet and pulls it. So she's looking directly at me while

she's flipping me over. And I'm like, okay, this is just what they do in Europe, I guess.

And then comes the most uncomfortable massage I've ever had for a number of different reasons first of all this girl is a very good looking woman right and i am my eyes are closed and i'm trying my best not to think about any of that because i just got married to astrid and i love her very much and i still do this has nothing against This is just what happened. Yeah.
It's just the facts, ma'am.

Second of all,

I need not get a boner

and I know how difficult

that can be

when someone's massaging

your thighs, right?

And number three,

I'm starting to believe

that even though

this is just Europe,

now I have a question mark

in my head.

I'm in this dark room

at the top of this hotel

and there's this girl

who's now like

eyeing my patino, right? My little Bo Scalo, my Bo Scalo Jr. So here comes the massage.
So she starts going up my legs and now she's rubbing up into my thighs. And she's like scraping up against my balls, right? And I'm like, please don't get a boner.
Please don't get a boner. But it's starting to happen because it's next to impossible.
This could have been the babushka and it probably still would have happened too, right? Just like Eric Andre said, it's nearly impossible in certain areas. But then she does something that masseuse has never done before, ever.
She starts to massage my stomach. Oh, right.
And she starts to massage the middle of my stomach and then she's slowly going down. And now I have a half hard and she's rubbing her hand underneath the half hard in the lower abdomen of my stomach to the point where I know something's coming next, right? And by the way, I open my eyes and I see that she is looking at me.
She's staring at me. She's like going like this and staring at me.
And I'm like, so I said, I go, can we work on my back a little bit more? Can we work on my back a little bit more? And she didn't understand what I was telling her. And I said, can I flip over? Can you work on my back a little bit more? It's like, it hurts up here.
I need a flip. I need a flip.
I need a flip. I need to flip.
And eventually I think we got that through and I flipped and it was like five mercifully. There was like five more minutes of it left.
But I know now I knew I told Astrid immediately. I was like, that was the strangest massage I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure that that girl was ready to jack me off. Yeah just needed to give her the okay right and instead i flipped over she probably thought to herself he's gay but that happened so i guess in eastern europe or in europe in general and western europe yeah i was in italy too yeah it just a thing.
They just get really up close and personal in the massages.

And Chrissy and I have known masseuses

who do this for a living.

That's true.

They're like sexual surrogates almost.

They're ready to release you.

I told you about the foot massage,

the Asian foot massage that we used to go to.

And the old lady,

it was like 106 years old,

told me to take all my clothes off.

And she was asking if I wanted to jack up.

You need release?

You need release?

I was like, no.

You mean like a form to sign?

What are you talking about?

I was out of there.

I was like, I'm out of here.

I'll see you later.

No, thanks.

But the second and strangest massage story I have ever heard was a girl I was dating went to Denver to go see one of her friends. And when she went to Denver, she came back and her and her friend who had lived in Denver were now in Atlanta.
They were sitting in my apartment. They were talking about the good old trip that they had taken.
And the friend goes, and the massage. and this girl that I was dating, I had been dating for a while, was like, oh, the massage, he was the best, wasn't he? And she was like, oh, it's crazy.
And they go on to explain in front of my face that this masseuse is known for his massages because he will give you an orgasm with his fingers during the massage. That's what he does.
That's what he's known to do. And they talked about it as if it was just another day at the office.
Like this was another, like a treatment you ordered. Like the hot wax or the hot stones or the special tea tree oil that you get on.
That is a stress release. Sure.
Listen, I'm not opposed to it. I'm not opposed to it.
Do what you're going to do. I don't give a shit.
There's a hot stone massage place right down the street. Well, no, it's not about hot or stones.
And they're only open from midnight until six in the morning. I know all about it.
I got it. But you're my girlfriend.
And you didn't think for one second to have a conversation with me about it beforehand? Right? Yeah. Am I right? I mean, I don't know.
Am I just being a prude or what? I don't know. I don't know what the relationship was like then.
Did she know beforehand? Or did it just kind of happen during the massage? Here's all I know. Or did they order it? They went to this guy specifically because the friend had been there because one of her friends had recommended.
But her friend was single. This is all I know.
We were supposed to go to Denver together, her and I. But last minute, it turned into a girl's trip.
And she didn't want me to go. And I already had my plane tickets and I had to cancel my plane tickets.
This was like days before. And it all seemed very strange to me in the first place.
Why all of a sudden I can't go, even though you've been asking me to come for a month and now I have a plane ticket. Now you don't want me to go.
Now I can't go because it's just going to be a girl's trip. And the girl's trip, by the way, was just her and her friend.
So, okay, I get it. Maybe you didn't didn't want a third wheel right at the time i didn't have a choice in the matter this girl was a total she would have flipped her fucking i i wasn't getting on that plane anyway right that was just the way it was in that relationship but i found it to be was it is this the relationship that i think it is okay okay i found it to be very i wonder if she made that up her friend and her were talking about it in front of me.
I don't know. Do you think they made it up just for shits and giggles? I don't know.
She was kind of devious. She was very devious.
Yeah. Yeah.
She would... And manipulative.
She would go right for the heart. There was no...
Yeah. You know, sometimes in relationships, you get your feelings hurt.
You play... Hurt people hurt people, right? You play little games and you get back at people and you say little snarky little things and you hope that that hurts their feelings like your feelings are hurt.
She was not like that. She would slit your throat.
That's what she would do. She wanted to gut you.
Yeah, good for blood. Her feelings were hurt in the least.
And I didn't do anything to hurt her feelings. I don't know.
I mean, I'm sure I did lots of things to hurt her feelings. That's not feelings that's not true i'm sure i did lots of things i started playing the games too right that's what happens when you're in that kind of relationship but her friend i liked a lot and i thought i felt her to be a very nice person right but then again she was they were there's her friend yeah there you go all right okay maybe i don it now.
I wonder what a little game they were playing. Maybe.
Mm-hmm. But there was a lot of descriptive word.
I mean, it seemed like something that happened. But they could have on the plane said, let's make up this story.
Yeah, and just see what Brian says. See what Brian says.
Uh-huh. And what did I say? Absolutely nothing.
I didn't say anything. Uh-huh.
I just said, sounds like a good massage. That's what I said.
I wasn't going to let it get to me. No, I can see you.
But inside, oh, yeah, I was. Stoicism.
Stoicism level, a thousand. Feeling level, negative a hundred.
I was inside. I was crying like a little boy.
She's the type of person that maybe wanted that.

Of course she did, Chrissy.

Yeah.

Well, God bless her. I think we might have cracked the code.

I think we cracked the code a long time.

I think we cracked the code about two weeks into the relationship.

I just stayed on the path.

Why?

Thank God you got off that train.

The hot ones, what the hot ones!

That's what she would say every time you got back together. Every time.
All 312 times. Thank God for Astrid.
That's all I got to say. Yes, yes.
Thank God for us. Astrid was my prayers answered for you.
Yeah. I mean, I think it was a lot of people's prayers answered for me.
But, I mean, by that point, this young lady was long gone. Yeah, you were a couple in between.
Yeah, there was a couple others that weren't much better. As we remember.
There was one girl that I dated. I have to tell the story real quick.
There was one girl that I dated. She lived right down the street from there was one girl that i dated she lived right down the street from me she was friends with my little brother it was like you know she was cute we had a good time all this other stuff but then like things started to fall apart very quickly she would like show up at my house at two in the morning and like oh hey i just wanted to see if you were home and i'd be like why and she was like because you said you were home and i'd be like oh okay can i come in sure i guess like two in the morning it was like it was yeah right and then i don't know maybe fifth sixth seventh date she went online and she bought tickets for us to go to the caribbean oh yeah do you remember this that's right that's right and i was i was drunk so i was like oh, I guess we're going to the Caribbean.
Then two days later, she came to my house crying a miserable mess, and she started pulling out empty bags and full bags of cocaine. Now, at this point in my life, I was pretty much over it, right? I wasn't 100% over it.
I was pretty much over it. I was like, I'm'm not interested in this and then she started explaining to me that she started pulling out bottles of medication psychiatric medication and i was like oh okay well i'm no no shade you gotta take sick no shade that wasn't the shade but when you're mixing it with cocaine yeah and alcohol now i know why you're showing up at two in the morning right Right.
And so the very next day I said, this is crazy, actually. This is February 11th.
I'll never forget. February 11th, the next day after she spent a long night at my house and I kind of babysat her, so to speak, as she twisted wildly out of control, getting higher and higher on prescription and medication and bad cocaine.
And I stayed there sober, taking care of her. The next day, got her home.
And that night I wrote a text message. Hey, listen, sorry, don't think this is going to work out, but you know, I hope we get to remain friends.
And she spun out of control about the fact that we were supposed to go to the Caribbean and all this stuff. And I largely ignored the text messages.
That was a Wednesday. On Friday night, I drove up to North Carolina to see my best friend's dying father.

And there was a bunch of us over there.

And it was on that night, on that night, two days after I wrote that text message to the girl to break up.

I'm not going to Caribbean.

This is over.

Thank you.

Anyway, that night is when I was introduced to Astrid.

Isn't that insane?

Yeah. February.
I think it was February 13th. I think it was the day before Valentine's Day.
February 13th. The universe worked its magic.
She giveth and she taketh away. Unbelievable.
All right, we'll take a break and we'll be back. You make this rather snappy, won't you? Somebody can be thinking to do it before 10 o'clock.
Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here.
Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-433-3TCB.
That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want.
Tell Brian, I need a race. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans.
Or tell us a little story. The juicier, the better, by the way.
We'd love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials at The Commercial Break on Insta, TCB Podcast on TikTok.
And for those of you who like to watch, oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video.
YouTube.com slash the commercial break and TCB podcast.com for all the info on the show. Your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look.
Okay, I got to go now. I've got a date with my dog.
No, seriously, Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.
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Hello, it's Lena Dunham. I host a podcast called The C-Word with my dearest friend and historian of bad behavior, Alyssa Bennett.
What is up? It's a chat show about women whose society is called crazy. We're going to be rediscovering the stories of women's society dismissed by calling them mad, sad, or just plain bad.
Listen to and follow The C Word with Lena Dunham and Alyssa Bennett. Available now wherever you get your podcasts.
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Can we take a minute to talk about Jojo Siwa? Sure. What? What's going on with Jojo Siwa? I don't know.
I don't keep up with her. I rely on you.
She is my favorite internet oddity, Jojo Siwa is. And I don't know whether I like her or I just feel ambivalent about her, but there's something about Jojo Siwa that is enduring and laughable and interesting and fake and authentic and silly.
It's all the things. I get all the feels.
She seems to be going the way of the normal child star path. Yes, which is fucking loony tune.
When you go from adolescence to teens. Exactly.
I think Lindsay, not Lindsay Lohan. I think Billy Ray Cyrus's daughter.
Oh, Miley. Miley.
I think Miley Cyrus has handled this the best of any of them. Any of them.
Because every other child star seems to fall the fuck apart during this part of their life. Now, I realize that Miley was swinging naked from a wrecking ball, but she's continued to be naked, so it just goes to prove that she just has no hang-ups about being naked.
And she's a's a very attractive young lady, so God bless her. You want to show the body? I'll look.
I'm okay with that. I like Miley Cyrus.
I think she's very pretty. I love her.
I like her. And I like her in general.
I think Miley Cyrus seems to be a cool cat. Now, JoJo Siwa.
She was a child star of some Nickelodeon or one of those things. No, I remember ordering JoJo stuff for my best friend's daughter.
Oh, really? Yeah, because she was huge all over. I think it was Nickelodeon.
Okay. So yeah, she was like a big deal.
And then she had another stage. And then she had puberty.
Yeah. And God, it's got to be so fucking difficult.

God.

So fucking difficult to go from a child to a woman in the spotlight, especially in this

like hyper-sexualized world that we live in.

What do you do?

How do you come out as an adult?

And there are probably a team of people telling you exactly how to do it.

Show your tits.

Show a little ass.

Shake it down.

Make sure you tell everybody about your relationships and how mature physically and otherwise you are. It's got to be difficult because the pressure to be a certain way is immense, I would imagine.
But she's really out there. I mean, JoJo seems to be just like really out there in general.
I've seen a lot of interviews where she gives the weirdest answers to questions. And the other day.
Didn't she get drunk at Disney? She got. A while back.
She put out a song. Let me see if I can find it.
She put out a song where she did this crazy video where she was shaking all over the place. Like shaking uncontrollably.
I think we can all remember this video. Let me see if I can find the song.
Here it is. I think this is it.
Like physically, like just shaking? Yeah, physically shaking, as if she was having a seizure, almost. So she's physically shaking in this video, like she's having a seizure, and then she's grinding on other women in the video, simulating sex in some in some way shape or form in this other video

and everyone is befuddled by the whole thing she shows up at a bunch of pride activities i think this is last year the year before she supports lgbtq because she's gay right and so she's got a girlfriend. Okay, congratulations.
Cool.

Then, about a month ago, something happens at a live show,

and she announces that now she's dating a male model, their boyfriend-girlfriend.

And apparently the long-time girlfriend didn't even know until she heard from the live show.

Oh, wow.

And now she's all over Instagram professing her love in really childlike ways for this man that she's now dating, right? And it's so bizarre to me. I mean, listen, my sex life is pretty uncomplicated.
I'm pretty basic. My sex life is uncomplicated.
But I can't imagine having my sex life all over the front pages. But when you're putting it out there, I mean, that's another thing altogether.

Well, look, everybody's fluid these days. That's what she said.
She said, I'm. A little of this, a little of that.
A little of that, yeah. Try that.
Hey, listen, Eric Andre's into it. I'm into it.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Eric Andre can get ahead.
I can get ahead. And then four days ago, five days ago, she puts out a little snippet

of a video and a song. I want you to listen to this and tell me how you feel about this.

You'll know the song, but I want love that song. Oh, I do.
Kim Carnes. Yeah.
Think twice She's pure as New York snow She She got better day besides. Okay, so, okay, so now, okay, not bad.
Way auto-tuned, but not bad. But then listen to this part of the song.
She knows just what it takes to make a project. All the boys think she's a spy.
She's got better day besides. I mean, it sounds like she ate an ashtray for breakfast.
I know. I think she was trying to do something that the original song just did naturally.
The great thing about Kim Carnes, original version of this song. Let's see if I can find it.

Crazy love.

Crazy love.

Okay, let's listen to a little bit of this.

For those of you that don't know, this is,

and maybe you've been keeping up with this JoJo Siwa

thing. Maybe you're relying on Brian to keep up with

JoJo Siwa on your behalf. I am.

Hey, listen, I would be too if I had a Brian in my life.

Okay.

Okay, now listen to

Kim Karnes' voice. Her hands are hollow gold.
Her even though if you hear her talk, she does have a gravelly voice. it feels like she's forcing the gravel out of it's like it where kim it's just naturally smoky it's naturally like that was before auto tune too way before auto tune this is like here's the thing jojo and i think the internet is largely divided on this they she kept saying i'm gonna put this song out on friday if you want me to because she's been doing it live as a cover and everyone apparently wanted her to do it you know as a single so she says if you want me to i'll put it out vote here you know say yes whatever it's largely divided it's yes no yes no yes no a lot of no's few yeses you know that kind of thing but she put it out.
Of course she was going to put it out, vote here, you know, say yes, whatever. It's largely divided.
It's yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.

A lot of no's, few yeses, you know, that kind of thing.

But she put it out.

Of course she was going to put it out.

She's always going to put it out.

You don't go into a studio and waste $100,000 of everyone's time unless you're going to put it out. and I listened to the song and I can say that it's a very uh highly produced cover

of Kim Karn's amazing original song,

Betty Davis Eyes,

which when it came out was a beautiful song

that gave you the feels every time you heard it.

It did.

Because of the gravel in her voice,

because of the way she was singing this

and the imagery it invoked.

When JoJo does it,

it just sounds like she's hurting her voice and it's highly auto-tuned highly auto-tuned now listen i get that that's like the the standard of the day everybody's auto-tune but i think jojo would benefit from a little bit of like pr withdrawal do you know what i'm saying when When you get to this, this is just coming from

Brian, who is known

to be a PR master.

It's the reason

why the commercial break has done so

well for itself, outside of the

people who actually listen to the commercial break.

You gotta

know, you gotta play with

PR like fire. You gotta play

with fame like fire. You gotta master the fire.
Too close, and everyone gets burned. Too far away, and you can't feel it.
There's like a sweet spot right there. That's true.
And sometimes the fire gets big, and you got to back up. You got to back up a little bit.
Just like pull yourself out of the limelight. And then sometimes you got to get in there and dig it.
Like Taylor Swift. Have we heard from Taylor Swift? No, we haven't heard from Taylor Swift.
You want to know why we haven't heard from Taylor Swift? I mean, I'm sure people who pay attention to her are here from here. But largely, since last year's Ballyhooed $70 billion concert tour, you know why we haven't heard from Taylor? Because her PR people are saying, settle down.
That's right. Take a break.
You're too close to the fire. The fire got so big that everyone's getting burned by it settle down you and travis go fly around in your private jet exactly for like two years and then come back with something amazing get creative again do something amazing and we'll do this all over again but she's got smart people on her side who are telling her not to be making noise every 15 minutes right now yes Because we've already heard it.
We already did it. We did it for an entire fucking year we did it.
Multiple years. Multiple years.
Two years. Three years.
However long it was. Now it's on Disney+.
Everyone can see Taylor if they need to see Taylor. You don't need to go far.
JoJo is getting into the fire. She's like diving into the fire without clothes on.
She's diving into the fire and rolling around and hoping to God that the flame is stoked. But the problem is there's lots of fire around you, Jojo.
You need to back up a little bit. It's too hot.
Everything you do is being ridiculed. And I think that's a sign that you should probably just back up.
Take a couple of years, date the boys, date the girls, date the in-betweens, figure it all out, And then come back with something original and organic and authentic to who you are after you've kind of gone through this little phase right now.

And people will still be interested in what you're doing.

The interest is not going to go away two years from now.

Yeah, exactly.

Take a break.

Yeah.

But it will go away if you keep pushing it in people's faces every five seconds. Yeah, well, then you're going to have to do the other PR, the damage control PR.
Yes, that's right. And that's a different kind of PR.
That's the kind of PR that commercial break does all the time. And that's not the good kind of PR.
Not all PR is good PR, despite what some people might say. Yeah, because you can't get the damage done and then go away because then that's what people are going to remember you for.
Exactly, Chrissy. Oh, sorry about that.
Exactly. Okay, speaking of autotune, one thing before we take a break, I wanted to let you listen to this.
J-Lo is now on her tour, I guess. You know, some of it got canceled.
Yeah, I thought it got canceled. A good chunk of it got canceled because they couldn't sell any tickets.
And the way you know they were saying the same thing about beyonce when her tour first started that oh she she had canceled some dates and they said because some people were saying because she didn't sell tickets i don't know every time i look at a beyonce concert footage it's 100 sold i mean there's four shows here in atlanta just sold out four shows in atlanta four Or close to selling out. Yeah.
I'm sure there's still some tickets available because it's four shows. Yeah.
Yeah. And what, like 72,000 people can fit in the, where is she playing? State Farm? At the Dome.
Oh, she's playing at the Dome? Mercedes, yeah. Oh, jeez.
Yeah, that's like 82,000 people. That's crazy.
In concert formation, that's like 82,000 people. All right.

JLo does one of her concerts.

She comes out with a new song.

Everyone largely thinks

that this is about Ben Affleck.

I want you to listen

to the first part of the song.

Lots of backing vocals,

lots of tracks,

lots of instruments.

What a crash and burn that was.

Can we just...

R.I.P.

Who, Ben and JLo?

Ben Affordos.

Ben Affordos.

Yeah. But but you know i think ben is i think ben is authentic and organic and i think he he's really uh i think his feelings are really close to the surface and i don't think ben deals with super fame really well because i think he's a very emotional kind of person, right? I think J-Lo is very manufactured and PR ready and very glossy and she's ready for it.
I'm not saying that's good or bad or indifferent. I just think she's very media trained.
Just different. Yeah, she's just different.
A different level of fame, a different level of pop star than ben affleck and i don't think he does well when all of that attention is on him i think that's not for him i think he likes to go to dunkin donuts and smoke a cigarette that's what i think ben likes to do get a cup of coffee smoke a cigarette take a shit eat a donut walk around the park i think that's what ben likes to do i don't think he likes like you know 55 000 paparazzi you know looking at his every move and if you see and he doesn't he wears his heart on his sleeve you can see when they're in a fight and they're in public or they have a disagreement you can tell he's like snickering at her i mean it's just so obvious her on the other hand she just knows what to do right some people do that's just the way they are she's born and bred to be famous i suppose all right backing tracks vocals you can hear how slick this production is this is live this is a new song

but then i'm going to stop it and listen to the second part of the song

oh wait time tonight. I am stronger, nicer, better than I've ever been.

I will let you no longer, no longer be part of my history.

That second part of the song is no auto-tune,

or auto-tune fell off or something,

and the backing vocals were not there.

That, I think, is pretty indicative of a pop star in 2025.

Like, all the backing vocals, all the backing tracks,

all the auto-tune in the world, and when it turns off,

it just can't save you.

I mean, you know, all of that said,

you do have to give credit to the, it seems like mainly women,

who are running around the stage for three and a half hours.

It's very physical.

It's got to be very physical.

Yeah.

Those shows are.

I did it.

I did it.

No auto-tune.

No auto-tune whatsoever.

As a matter of fact, I think auto-tune probably would have helped the cause.

It was invented because of you.

I think it might happen.

Oh. Sorry, Jen.
I didn't mean to kick you while you were down, Jen. Speaking of no auto-tune, I got to tell you something, and I'm going to play this for you later on this week.
Our editor, our video editor, Kevin, he's a musician. And he's got videos online of him being a musician, singing and playing.
And I just got to say one thing to Kevin. Fuck you.
Fuck you. Because I'm a little older than Kevin, probably by like 52 years.
I'm a little older than Kevin. and my one dream in life my one thing the one thing that I had thought about all my growing up

was just being on stage and wooing a crowd with my magical vocals and sweet serenades and gravelly voice. And that didn't work out for me the way I had intended, mainly because I would fall off stage in a drunken stupor.
That's how physical your shows were. That's how shows were i would fall off stage and get back up and finish the song can you do that j-lo but this kid kevin he's handsome he's got a voice to go with it and he's a talented musician and i get jealous yeah i get jealous so i'm going to play his music here on the commercial break're going to compare it to some 33P.
And we're going to make a real decision about which one of us deserves the musical fame. Is it Kevin? Are you going to do the social media voting? Yes.
No. No.
I'm not going to be embarrassed on my own social media, although I should. We might get over 10,000 with that.

I think we would, probably.

We should put out Kevin's reel instead of our own.

Then maybe we get some traction at that point.

Maybe the algorithm would shine on us if we could just have somebody that had talent.

We're running on the backs of Venezuela, all the Venezuelans. Kevin's Venezuelan, by the way.
I know. All right.
We won't do that today, but we're going to do that this week, I think. I'm going to pull some clips and we're going to let you decide who's a better musician, me or Kevin.
I can't wait. I already know the answer.
I don't even know why I'm going to put myself through this. All right.
Okay. We'll be back.
Why don't you text us? And we can text back. And then you can text us in reply.
And so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing.
And I think you'll be great at it. 212-433-3TCB.
That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a a message too.
If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great.
You could go to the website and drop us an email also. TCBpodcast.com And while you're there, you can get a free sticker.
Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the Contact Us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at the commercial break and watch the episodes at youtube.com slash the commercial break.

Now I'm going to go back to that texting game.

You want to play?

Come on.

Bye.

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alright

in the battle of the sexes

Brian wants to stake one for the guys here

Chrissy

even though I'm not sure I've heard Thank you. All right, in the battle of the sexes, Brian wants to stake one for the guys here, Chrissy.

Even though I'm not sure I've earned my man card in any way, especially not on this show. Me and my Starbucks boyfriend, we want to, in the battle of the sexes, I want to nail one for the boys here.
It has long been said, and I think we can all agree it's probably some version of true, that a man when he's sick and a woman when he's sick. Let's take a man when he has the flu and a woman when she has the flu.
There's no comparison. Men are small children who whine and complain.
I do it. I know.
I don't even have to, there's no conjecture about this. I am a big fucking baby when I get the flu or a viral infection.
I'm a small child. I revert back to three years old, four years old.
I need my mommy. I want my baba.
I need my binky. I need to go to bed.
I need to be there for a couple of days. I don't want anyone bothering me.
Don't touch me. I hurt.
I ache and all this other stuff. But scientists have been keeping up with this phenomenon, wondering if there's any truth to the matter that men suffer the flu worse than women do.
Is it in fact science that men are worse off than women are when they get viral infections. Who did this research?

Men.

Okay.

Just want to clear that.

Men did the research. Set the stage for this.

Men did the research because we have to justify everything we do.

And the verdict is in.

And the truth is this.

And I've been seeing this on a couple of different reels.

And then I read like a summary of a study because I don't understand all that jargon, but I read a summary of a study that was done. And men do complain more.
They do say they register their pain higher. They register their discomfort higher when they have a viral infection than women do.
And there are many different reasons

for this, but there are a few that are assigned. Many of them have to do with men just being babies in general and not having a threshold for pain that is similar than women.
Women give birth. Right.
Men don't do that. And that is apparently one of the more painful things you can go through.
Yeah, I would say so. but when women get the flu or a viral infection, estrogen naturally boosts the immune system's response more than men.
As a matter of fact, testosterone will lower the immune system's response to a viral infection. So testosterone has the opposite intended effect of what is needed

in order to get over the viral infection, to blunt the worst of it. So, women have an extra layer of defense and men don't.
Secondarily, there is an inflammatory reaction that happens in your body when you get the flu, the aches, the pains, all that other stuff, the viral infection, you know how it goes that that uh inflammatory response by men is higher than it is by women so that so we are feeling the aches and the pains more because our we're inflamed more than women are so these are like the two substantial findings from these scientific studies done by men about why men yes that i saw on instagram about why men are worse off than women when it comes to the flu. And I'm saying this out loud here on the commercial break because I refuse to tell my wife this because she'll make fun of me additionally.
And I don't want that. I want to be left alone when I have a viral infection.
I mean, it is true. I don't know what it is.
I don't know. Any man that I've known, any woman that I've dated, any woman that I've been close to, you girls get the flu, and it's like, oh, yeah, I'm a half a day in bed, and I'm good.
I'm good. I'm going back.
Meanwhile, I get the flu, and I'm down for four days. I can't get up.
I I mean, and it gets worse as I get older. I'm like, oh, man, I got the, I think it's because I have children.
And like the flu is a legitimate excuse to stay away from the children. Well, there you go.
Yeah. I don't want to get them sick.
That's what I say. Right.
So I get, you know, I have to say that this is science. And how can we refute science?

We don't refute science around here at the commercial break.

We live on science.

We embrace it.

So next time I have the flu, I don't want to hear any bitching and complaining about Brian such a baby.

I'm not.

I'm just my cyclotones or whatever they call them are in high gear.

Your testosterone is defeating me.

It's hindering me.

I'm not so sure about my testosterone specifically.

I think I have low T.

I think I have extra estrogen, actually.

Going on.

I have extra estrogen.

You need to load up on Y Brian 3000.

On Y Brian 3000.

Good for the flu. Bad for the flu.
Good for your dick. Good for your Bosco.
Bad for the flu. Bosco.
I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around that Eric Andre story. Yeah, that would be surprising.
I would freak out. Listen, I had a friend one time ask me a question.
His name is Raphael, and this is the exact type of question that would come from Raphael. Would it be gay if a man gave you a handjob? And I was like, I think so? I don't, you know, yes? I i mean gay in the sense that like is that a he he was talking about i mean i'm gonna explain this without making raphael sound too weird did this involve a tantric class i feel like i feel like there's no rules in the in the in the realm of the tantric there is no rules in the realm of the tantric it you know would it be gay if guys there's a let me let me start here there is a whole online community of dudes the guy who's talking about are you talking about that.
Okay, we talked about this. This guy went on the Burt Kreischer show.
You've probably seen him. He's a weird hippie dude.
He's drinking his own pee. He's sunning his manhole.
He's smelling his own man musk. He's whacking off with other guys.
Oh, that's right. They have a whack-off retreat.
Yeah, they have a whack-off retreat. They gather on on the tree it's actually a zoom phone call and they do it like once a week and they all whack off together right it's like a whacking circle now he claims there's some benefits that this is like going back to the roots of caveman days and you know this is how men did it in the roman times you know they whacked each other off and they whacked off together and it showed how strong and virile you were and it raised your testosterone and it did this and it did that.
Okay, maybe. I don't know.
Maybe. Doesn't sound like something I'm interested in, but it's not for me.
Each to their own. Each to their own.
So I think Raphael was talking about something similar to this long before Instagram was telling us that this is a thing that actually happens. He was saying, he wasn't asking me to get involved he was just like what do you think and i was like well i don't know he wasn't asking me to get involved i i i oh he wasn't asking me to be a part of it he wasn't asking me to do it to him let's put it that way he was asking me if He did it to me.
No, I'm kidding. Where am I going with this?

I don't know. I dug myself a hole where I can't get out of.
I'm not going to abort this. Abart! Abart! No more talking about whacking each other off.
I don't know. There's always this part of me, if I'm being real honest, that like dances this line of like, yeah, maybe we should abort this.
I dance the, I could care less who you love. I could care less what you do with your sex life.
I just think it's important that you be loved and that you're able to do what you want in your sex, as long as it's not harming anybody else and it's consensual. That you be able to do whatever it is you want to do.
I am honestly so... Pro-love and pro-sex.
Yes, exactly. I'm pro all of it.
Pro-love, pro-sex, whatever that looks like for you. Whatever freak you have, freak it on, man.
Get it on. I don't care.
Right? When a question like that comes my way, I don't want to sound like anti-love and free sex. I don't want to sound like I have something against people being gay or gay activity.
I don't. It's just not my personal predilection.
It's not my personal thing. That doesn't mean I'm not okay with other people doing it.
Go for it. You want to have a whack and circle? Have a whack and circle.
Cool, dude. Have a whack and circle.
Yeah, it's not for you. It's not for me.
You're pro if it's for other people. I'm pro if it's other people.
God bless you, right? And so, when I hear that Eric Andre story, and I think about, like, I put myself in a similar situation, I think that just like with Raphael, I'd start to oscillate between whether I – I don't want to offend anybody while you're down there.

I don't want to offend you.

I don't want to make you feel bad for your personal sexual choices.

What do I do?

How do I handle it, right?

But I think I would freak out.

I would be like, oh, whoa, whoa.

That's not what I meant.

That's when I said it's okay.

Yeah, well, you did the flip with a woman.

I did the flip with a woman.

So maybe I would prefer the Eric Andre story.

At least then Astrid could feel secure that I just love her.

You're a one-woman.

Well, I'm a one-woman kind of man. However, guys, I have three or four of them.
Yeah. We get together on a Zoom call and we whack it.
I mean, when I saw that guy doing those Zoom phone calls, I thought this is wild. This is wild.
But, and some people think it's a parody account, but I don't think so. I think the guy is actually really into it.
Cool, dude. Are you into a- There's a community for everyone.
Yeah. I wonder if anybody out there in our audience- Or is into Zoom whacking? Is into Zoom whacking.
Is into like this wacky way out there, like tantra tribal type of sexual activity. I wonder, and I would love to hear, if you are, you don't have to give me a name or anything, just text us.
Just give me your phone number. 212-433-3TCB.
I would love to hear about it. I honestly would have somebody on the show just to have a conversation about it.
I wish I could get Raphael to come on the show and have a conversation about it, but he's sworn

off the commercial break a long time ago. I think he listened to episode one, maybe half of two,

and he decided it's not for him. But it's not for everybody, including my best friend.

It is not for everyone.

Yeah. My other best friend, he wants to have nothing to do with it.

Yeah.

Yeah. I got one best friend rope to him.
But she's never asked me to be in a whacking circle. Not yet, anyway.
Not yet. Manny Davis.
What we do for the show, though. You know? Research.
Hey, listen. Now, when it comes to the commercial break, I have a chip on my shoulder.
I'm almost willing to do anything. Whacking circle? Sounds good.
Let's do it. Right here in the studio.
Clear the kids, honey. On the big screen.
On the big screen. We're having a whack and circle.
Light a candle. We're inviting Phil Hanley.
Play some instrumental dead. Yes.
Some elevator dead. We'll play some elevator dead.
We'll get some scented candles. I'll get some of that lube.
I got free with the car masturbator I bought that one time. Yeah.
The VW bus with a pussy in the back of it. There you go.
All right, well, another interesting episode of the commercial break. You never know

where it's going to lead. Yeah.

I wonder how many people are at the office turning

us down right now.

Quietly put it in their headphones.

Yeah.

Putting in the headphones so they can

turn it to smartless.

Smartless.

I wonder what Conan's talking about today.

How's Rogan doing? He like to provide variety. Yeah.
Variety is the spice of life. Sometimes you got to have a wackin circle.
That's just how it goes, according to some people out there on the internet. You can also, like on your other screen, have a picture of a tree.
A tree. Yes.
A wackinen tree. Down there by the Wacken tree.

Down by the

creek. Over by the Wacken tree.

They did say they

had a Wacken tree. They did.

And I always have wondered what that meant.

The Wacken tree. Now we know.

I think we know. I think we

have a pretty educated guess about what the Wacken tree

was. Alright.
212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822.
Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, Wack and Tree. You can let us know.
TCBpodcast.com. All the information about Chrissy and I, audio, video, and your free sticker.
At the Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com

slash The Commercial Break for all the episodes on video,

same day they air here on the audio.

Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

I think so.

I love you.

And I love you.

Best to you.

And best to you out there on the podcast universe.

Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say.

Goodbye. Goodbye I gotta get some cocaine!

Gotta be greedy!