What About That Tennis Joker!

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Speaker 2 And welcome back to WSHIT. It's 9:10 on a Saturday morning, and it's time to start CrabApple's longest-running high society and gossip show, The Crab Gab.
I'm your Tiara's heart, Jocelyn Winglebag.

Speaker 2 Crab Apple, quite in a stir this week, as for the first time in our 267-year history as a township, we will be welcoming royals.

Speaker 2 That's right, those of us lucky enough to be invited to the high society event, Little Miss 30 Something Crab Apple, will be in the presence of royalty.

Speaker 2 Those who are in the know already understand who's coming, but for those of us just a little bit outside the social circles, you've got me to spill the tea.

Speaker 2 Later on this week, we'll be welcoming Winifred Seradania, a Spanish countess with a bloodline going back all the way to year 878 when her great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, Wilifred the Hairy, ruled over a 12-square-mile area in the south of Spain.

Speaker 2 Winifred lives a life that most of us only dream of. High fashion, fast cars, and Spanish men.
She lives on the second floor of a two-story building taking up almost 700 square feet.

Speaker 2 feet of a 1400 square foot apartment she shares with her roommate.

Speaker 2 I can imagine the nights they have now, sitting alone, drinking Spanish wine, watching Love Island, and being pampered on by one, if not two, servants.

Speaker 2 Her relative Willifred the Hairy was known as a great ruler who would often chop people's heads off if he found them to be criminal or wearing things he didn't like. That's my kind of royal.

Speaker 2 What might you ask is Winifred up to? Well, I had a chance to troll her social media earlier this week.

Speaker 2 And while there's no evidence she's chopping anybody's heads off, she is on to the latest and greatest investment craze la boo boo let's take a listen to a little clip i found so you're famous and magnificent

Speaker 3 yes i am so many people have con commented s y f m on my videos and that's what it means so you're famous and magnificent And yes, I am.

Speaker 3 I have had to go and get bigger eyelashes because every single time I go out, there's so much paparapsy that I needed something to just help cover my eyes so I don't get blinded by all the paparapsies taking photos of me.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much for realising I'm so famous and magnificent.

Speaker 3 To all my beautiful fans saying this to me, I love you all and I can't wait to see you at my meet and greets.

Speaker 3 And remember, for my little trials that keep saying that my 24 karat gold Laboo Boo is fake, make sure you upgrade your Androids to iPhones. Apple phones is the only way forward.

Speaker 3 Much love from me and the 24-karat gold LeBoo.

Speaker 2 Ah, the royal family. They live a different life, don't they? Let's welcome them with the finest that CrabApple has to offer when we crown Little Miss 30 Something Crab Apple.

Speaker 2 Changed from Little Miss Teen Crab Apple a couple of years ago because of some incidents with the then high school principal. But that's a story for a different day.

Speaker 2 We're going to talk more about this royal visit after this commercial break

Speaker 1 on this episode of the commercial break.

Speaker 1 And some of the more darker versions do have this kind of tortured joker. Like you're getting into the psychology of the joker.
And Heath Ledger took it to a whoa crazy place, right?

Speaker 1 And everyone was shocked and loved Heath as the Joker. But Jack Nicholson is legitimately crazy.

Speaker 1 He is crazy as a human being. Yeah, I just watched that Batman actually like six months ago.

Speaker 1 Yeah, with Batman. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I mean, John Nicholson is just,

Speaker 1 it's mind dropped. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's not even playing a character. He's playing Jack Nicholson.
He is a fucking lunatic. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the Commercial Break.
I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley.
Best you, Chris. Best of you, Brian.

Speaker 1 Best you out there in the podcast universe. Thank you for joining us.
It's a day of celebration. A day for

Speaker 1 make a joyful noise, as they would say, Chrissy. Make a joyful noise.
You ever go to church? I have been. You have been to church? Yes, I have.
They say, make a joyful noise.

Speaker 1 And then they make the most unjoyful noises ever. They have a

Speaker 4 church.

Speaker 1 That's in your church. Well, you do have a different church.
Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 1 We have a lot of singing. Hallelujah.
Yeah, we got a lot of singing and dancing and music.

Speaker 1 Reminds me of the Blues Brothers when they go to that church and people are doing flips down the aisle. It is.
It's a very joyful church. James Brown and the Blues Brothers.

Speaker 1 One of the best scenes in all of

Speaker 1 movie history. It's got to be.
It's James Brown in the Church of the Holy Roller Roller or whatever it's called.

Speaker 1 It's awesome. That is an awesome scene.
I love it so much. It brings me so much joy.
Anyway, make a joyful noise. And to you, the listener, thank you very much.

Speaker 1 Even though I'm not sure it's all of you listeners, I'm just going to say it out loud. I think it's very possible.

Speaker 1 I think it's very possible that after five years of this show and almost a thousand episodes, certainly a thousand hours of content, It's very possible that we may reach 10,000 followers on Instagram

Speaker 1 before the end of this week. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but we're getting

Speaker 1 very close. It's like watching the odometer at 99999.

Speaker 1 I'm just hoping that no one unsubscribes. Because, you know, there are days where we have more unfollows than we do follows.
It's true. That tracks.
It tracks. It's true.

Speaker 1 Some months we'll get like a couple hundred follows, but the net net of it is like 30 because we have a couple hundred unfollows. And that, listen, I understand.
I get it. I'm not for everybody.

Speaker 1 And it's it's mostly me just gabbing on about whatever. It's like condensed milk.
It's a very sweet version of what you put in your cereal.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's even too sweet for me.

Speaker 1 Condensed cream. Condensed cream.
That's right. Have you ever had condensed milk? I have.
Well, no, well, I mean, maybe like a long time ago, but I've used it in like recipes and things.

Speaker 1 Well, speaking of Venezuelans. It's something that they use frequently in their desserts.

Speaker 1 It's something that they will put on like

Speaker 1 the weirdest thing in the world, and my wife is going to kill me

Speaker 1 for saying this out loud, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 But I'm sure there are other Venezuelans who are familiar with this, is my wife will take condensed milk and she'll eat crackers with like crackers and condensed milk. The powder? No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Oh, the actual liquid.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 It's the weirdest thing. I don't know.
But this is coming from a guy who eats cream and cereal.

Speaker 1 So I'm not going to scream too loud from the rooftops, but it is a little unnerving when some, because I uh, condensed milk is extraordinarily sweet.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's so sweet, but the Venezuelans, they love it, they put it on everything. I do like Tres Leches, though.
Trace Leches. Trace Leches, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's one of my favorite desserts in the world, and you can soak that shit in as much condensed milk as you want.

Speaker 1 As a matter of fact, the more condensed milk, the better with the Tres Leches. So I guess I kind of do understand.
But that combination, that cake and the

Speaker 1 liquid, oh, delicious. Anyway, 10,000 followers on Instagram.
And why do we speak of of Venezuela? Because every time we speak about Venezuela is really when that Instagram starts to set on fire.

Speaker 1 And I don't know if we have a lot of Venezuelan listeners.

Speaker 1 I think we have a few. But come on, Americans.
What's up with you? Start following us. Why do we have to rely on the Venezuelans? Why won't you follow us? Thank you to the Venezuelans.

Speaker 1 Thank you to the gracias.

Speaker 1 Muchas gracias for

Speaker 1 the follow. We really appreciate it.
And I'm just very excited. We've waited for this day for a long time, Chrissy.
I didn't, I never thought it would come.

Speaker 1 I thought if we get to 10,000 in 2025, it would be good. We're six months ahead of schedule, five months ahead of schedule.
I'm really, I'm really just fantastic news. Super thrilled about it.

Speaker 1 Now, I don't know what happens when you get to 10,000. Does anything happen when you get to 10,000? It's just at least a little bit of a milestone.
Yeah. Instagram keeps like sending us notifications.

Speaker 1 Like, congratulations. They're even there taking notice.
Like, congratulations. We can't believe you did it either.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 we never thought it happened either.

Speaker 1 They're even taking notice.

Speaker 1 10,000 followers on Instagram. If you are not following us on Instagram, please do so at the commercial break.
Help make a dream happen for two lowly podcasters just looking for a little bit of love.

Speaker 1 That would be fantastic. Now, on to more important things besides stroking our own nuts.
Chrissy, Michael Ian Black is a sophisticated master of illusion and deception. Did you know this?

Speaker 1 I did not know this. I will tell you why.
I do not like him very much. I do like Michael Ian Black, but I don't love Michael Ian Black any longer.

Speaker 1 Because Michael Ian Black came here to our little old podcast, The Commercial Break, if you don't mind, Chrissy.

Speaker 1 He came here, spent almost an hour with us from his hotel room in Vegas where he was gambling. Now I think he might be actually a degenerate gambler,

Speaker 1 if I might jump to conclusions. He might be a degenerate gambler

Speaker 1 with a keen eye for con artistry because he came here for an hour. He made fun of us.
He yelled at us. He told us all about his political leanings.
And we let him go. And we loved him.

Speaker 1 And we thought he was our friend. But he failed to mention in all of the discussion about all of the wonderful things that Michael Ian Black was doing.

Speaker 1 He failed to mention that he is in 15 minutes of the new Superman room. That's right.
That's right. I saw that.
Failed to disclose that to us. Failed to tell us anything about it.

Speaker 1 And I am disappointed in him because I watched the new Superman. Oh, you did? With great fervor.
It's getting good reviews, right?

Speaker 1 It's getting great reviews for great reason. Now, there's a

Speaker 1 woke Superman. I don't know where the woke was.
There wasn't a woke. It was just a good movie.
Yeah. It was a good, feel-good movie.
It's what we need right now. We need to

Speaker 1 install

Speaker 1 some

Speaker 1 semblance of hope and faith in humanity. and Superman is like the

Speaker 1 condensed milk of that. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, that makes sense.
It's a great movie. It's a little fluffy in parts.
It's a little overblown. There are some dramatic.
There are some

Speaker 1 extra action scenes that I think it could do without, but that's just my personal opinion. In sum, in total.
It's a fantastic fucking movie. That's great to know.

Speaker 1 The new Superman is the best Superman since Christopher Reeve. And man, oh man, did I want that last guy to succeed? What was his name?

Speaker 1 Who was that Superman? I don't think I watched it. Who was that Superman? You didn't watch that dark version of Superman? No.

Speaker 1 Hold on one second, because Astor and I were talking about this on the way out the movie. We went and saw it on Friday night at a packed movie theater, not an empty seat in the house.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we almost took my nephews because they were with me this weekend. Who has played Superman? I want to make sure I get this right.

Speaker 1 Henry Cavill.

Speaker 1 Henry Cavill, I wanted to love him as Superman, but the movie itself was not good. And so it fell flat.
I love that kind of that dark night Christopher Nolan version of superhero stuff.

Speaker 1 That's my favorite kind. Okay.
But the truth is the movie that Henry was in just,

Speaker 1 it didn't do him any justice. That movie didn't fit in general in kind of the

Speaker 1 and Superman is a reluctant hero in that movie. He's not excited to save humanity.
He feels like it's a burden. And so it's oh me, poor me, the entire movie.

Speaker 1 They have a fucking Alice in Chain, a Sound Garden song, a Pearl Jam song, like a Sound Garden song to open up that movie. I mean, we start off with Sound Garden.

Speaker 1 There's not many other places to go with it as far as Darkness is concerned. But I will tell you right now that this new Superman

Speaker 1 is fantastic. And you should go see it.
I can't wait to see it. You know, it's getting all kinds of buzz.
Well casted, well played. The script is fun.
It's

Speaker 1 like I said, a little frivolous at parts, but otherwise a very tight two hours of action and fun. I love it.
And you should go watch it.

Speaker 1 I will.

Speaker 1 And this new Superman, whose name eludes me also,

Speaker 1 David Cornswet? Cornswet? Is that his name? David Cornswet?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm going with that.

Speaker 1 Cornsweat?

Speaker 1 David Cornsweat? I guess so. I didn't know the guy from Adam when I walked in the movie theater.
Yeah. Christopher Reeve.
Here's the problem with Superman.

Speaker 1 The challenge with Superman, not the problem with the challenge with Superman as a movie character is that Christopher Reeve is Superman. He will always be Superman to me.
He will.

Speaker 1 That's what I grew up with. Always be Superman.

Speaker 1 He will always be the OG Superman, the guy who made us all believe that Superman can fly, that he is good at heart, and that Clark Kent, for some reason, cannot be recognized when he has glasses on.

Speaker 1 Okay? It just, we just believed it because Christopher Reeve was that chiseled,

Speaker 1 strong-jawed, oh shucks.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's kind of like Christopher Reeve wasn't the best actor in the world, and that played in his favor.

Speaker 1 It made you believe that this could be. He was an Everyman.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 It's a really good-looking Everyman. Super sexy Everyman.

Speaker 1 And then Christopher Reeve, Superman, to everybody that grew up with this, and I think to a lot of people who just didn't even grow up with Superman, who were born long after Superman, the original Superman.

Speaker 1 Christopher Reeve was the embodiment of that Superman. He hated it.
He got typecast and he hated it. And it was

Speaker 1 kind of a chain around his neck.

Speaker 1 And then Superman falls. Well, I know the whole tragic irony.
It's insane. It's insane when you think about the symbolism and the idol worship that we all had around Christopher Reeve and Superman.

Speaker 1 And he falls off a horse and we realize that he is not Superman. He is just human and he is afflicted with the worst kind of

Speaker 1 disability that an able-bodied person can experience, which is no longer using your hands or your legs for the most part.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then how do you recast Superman after that?

Speaker 1 How do you do that? You don't. You can't.
It's not right. It's not a good thing to do.
So years later, time has passed. Even Christopher Reeves says, hey, you can have another Superman.

Speaker 1 And then they just kind of muddy the waters with this dark experiment in this dark night-ish Christopher Nolan type of movie. Doesn't work on most levels.

Speaker 1 Even though I really wanted Henry to work because I thought Henry would have been a good Superman. But then this guy comes in.
This Corns Waltz. Cornswalts.
Corns and Blatts. Corns and Corns and Wets.

Speaker 1 We'll call him David. Then David comes in.

Speaker 1 Dave C.

Speaker 1 Dave C comes in, and all of a sudden you have belief again. From the moment that he appears on screen, you have belief again that there is a Superman.
I love this. That makes sense.
It fits.

Speaker 1 All of it fits. I loved it.
I thought it was great. Congratulations to everybody involved.
I think it's a good movie. It's getting great reviews.

Speaker 1 A lot of people are saying it's already a billion-dollar property. And

Speaker 1 it's the feel-good kind of superhero movie that we needed. We did not need another,

Speaker 1 you know, sulky. I'm a bad man.

Speaker 1 I'm a bad man.

Speaker 1 Or whatever. We needed a fun, upbeat, high-tempo.
I want to be a superhero. I want to save the world.
People are good. Humanity survives.
All that good bullshit. And you know what? We got it.

Speaker 1 Congratulations to us. Humans have done well.
And to all the other people who are in the movie, too. Congratulations to to all of you.
And Michael Ian Black, fuck you. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 You couldn't have broken the story here. I mean, come on, Chrissy.

Speaker 1 I thought we were all friends. I thought he was going to give us the big scoop.
Yeah, he should have. But that is not the.
And now I'm ruining it, of course, for everybody who did it.

Speaker 1 But I mean, I don't think Michael Ian, Michael Ian Black does not play like some surprise character. Like all of a sudden, you go, oh my gosh, I can't believe this.
He plays a reporter.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you that. He plays like a TV news reporter, like a,

Speaker 1 I don't want to say Tucker Carlson type, but like an opinionated news guy.

Speaker 1 And there are other surprises in the movie

Speaker 1 that will shock you, surprise drop-ins that will shock you. But altogether, great movie.
And they brought in the

Speaker 1 other superheroes to kind of round it out inside of that universe. Okay.
You don't really have to know all of the backstory of Superman to understand what's going on.

Speaker 1 You don't have to be like a comic book nerd to get it. It all comes together very nicely.
And in the end, of course, Superman saves the day. And Lex Luther is there in case anybody wants.

Speaker 1 Okay, now, who's the best Lex Luther? Oh, I guess you can't say that because you haven't seen this new one. Right.

Speaker 1 Who's your favorite Lex Luther? Well, the original. Of course.
Yeah. Gene Hackman.
Yes, Gene Hackman. Gene Ackman will always be the best Lex.
But this runs a close number two. I will say that.

Speaker 1 Well done. It's a close two.
Who plays the Lex Luther?

Speaker 1 Well, let me tell you who plays Lex Luther by asking Google.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I thought you knew. No, no, no, I don't.

Speaker 1 Nicholas Halt. Okay.
Yeah. Let me see him.
That guy.

Speaker 1 You've seen him in some stuff. You'll recognize his face.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You'll recognize who he is.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. He has been in a bunch of stuff.
He has been in a bunch of stuff. And he does a really fine job, bald-headed and everything.
He does a really fine job. But Gene Hackman is Gene Hackman.

Speaker 1 God, oh, damn.

Speaker 1 And by the way, Gene Hackman hated being in Superman. He hated that Superman.
That's right. I remember hearing that.
He didn't even want to sit down for table reads.

Speaker 1 Christopher Reeve wanted to work with him on scenes. And he was like, this is a superhero movie, dude.
Not going to do it. Not interested.

Speaker 1 And it ended up being one of the biggest successes of Gene Hackman's life. And I think everybody roundly loved

Speaker 1 Gene as Lex Luthor. Okay, now who's the best Batman? Oh.

Speaker 1 That's a toss-up. I mean, I do love that Michael Keaton.
Michael Keaton is

Speaker 1 like close to my heart.

Speaker 1 me too yeah i think it is because i love him but he played a i i think that that first one is good although it you know prince kim basinger but it's got the jack nicholson jack nichols

Speaker 1 joker he's got to be the best joker i get it yeah i agree with you i get it

Speaker 1 we all

Speaker 1 want to remember heath ledger as the joker yeah and he won an act he won it uh posthumously won an oscar i think for that role and what a great he kind of started that tortured Joker

Speaker 1 thing that happened then with now Joachim Phoenix. Yes.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 love it. I think it's great.
I think it's a great storyline. And I think that tortured Joker, it makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 1 And I haven't read a lot of the comic books, but I've read some of them. And some of the more darker versions do have this kind of tortured Joker.
Like you're getting into the psychology of the Joker.

Speaker 1 And Heath Ledger took it to a whoa crazy place, right? And everyone was shocked and loved Heath as the Joker. But Jack Nicholson is legitimately crazy.
Yes. He is crazy as a human being.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just watched that Batman, actually, like six months ago.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Batman. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I mean, Jack Nicholson is just,

Speaker 1 it's mic drop. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's not even playing a character. He's playing Jack Nicholson.

Speaker 1 He is a fucking lunatic. Yeah.
I love Jack and anything. Jerry Hall is in that town.
I know, Jerry Hall. She's his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Hey, listen. Didn't Jerry Hall buy a...
I think she bought a, or was that Kim Basinger? It was Jerry Hall or Kim Basinger. One of them bought like a whole.

Speaker 1 They were both in that movie, in that first one. That's true.
Bought an entire town in Georgia. It was Kim Basinger.
Oh, okay. Kim Basinger.

Speaker 1 Listen, legitimately. Brazleton.
Brazleton, Georgia. That's right.
She bought the whole town. She bought the township.
They sold it to her for like $200,000 or something.

Speaker 1 And now Brazleton's a great great place. Like, everyone wants to live in Brazleton.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I totally understand why Heath gets all the accolades and the

Speaker 1 accoutrements. His version.
His version.

Speaker 1 But they're not even comparable because Jack Nicholson, Heath plays a crazy person as the Joker. Jack Nicholson is a crazy person as the Joker.
With that weird, like... Oh, yeah, the smile.

Speaker 1 The permanent smile. I'll always be creeped out by that.
And I'll always love that version of The Joker. I will always love it.
But that. Is Daddy DeVideo in that one, too?

Speaker 1 No, he's in the next one, I think. Okay.
Yeah, and then by the fourth one, it's like Mr. Freeze with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Yeah, yeah. Jim Carrey as the riddler.
The Riddler. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It gets a little ridiculous. That gets a lot ridiculous.
Let's be honest about it.

Speaker 1 That version of Batman wears thin real quick. And then you have

Speaker 1 Val Kilmer, George Clooney. Val Kilmer was good too.
George Clooney, yeah.

Speaker 1 I actually think Val Kilmer was pretty good.

Speaker 1 Me too. Michael Keaton is the OG.
Always going to love Michael Keaton as Batman. Val Kilmer did a good job.
George, that's unfortunate. It's just unfortunate all around.
I think even he will admit it.

Speaker 1 You know, I think he was the one with Mr. Freeze.
It's unfortunate all around.

Speaker 1 Everyone makes a mistake. Or seven.
But listen. Yeah, he recovered nicely.
He did. He did okay for himself by doing the exact opposite of whatever that was for the rest of his career.

Speaker 1 Always in a series, always the hero, but not loudly. And I love George.
I really do like a lot of the movies. I love George.
I love any movie he's in. I do.
I think he's a great actor. He is.

Speaker 1 But Batman is not it. It's not.
No. That's not it.
But he was just coming off of ER or whatever. True.

Speaker 1 He's making. Now he's going to be a superhero.
They probably paid him a boatload of money to do that. You would have done it too.
I would have done it. Everyone would have done it.

Speaker 1 And that's the one where they put the bulge in his pants.

Speaker 1 And the suit? suit? Yeah, they put the penis in the suit. That was the whole thing.
It was a kerfuffle. There was a kerfuffle.

Speaker 1 And then we can all, I think, agree that Christian Bale is another type of Batman. True.
And it's hard for me to shake that Batman because I do love Christian Bale in that role. It's dark.
It's moody.

Speaker 1 It's sultry. It gives a lot of realism to Batman where the Michael Keaton Batman, those movies are very colorful and playful.
They're dark too, but they're colorful and playful.

Speaker 1 And you're in a comic book world that's. Does Dick Tracy show up in that one?

Speaker 1 No, Dick Tracy does not show up in Battle Time. Smartly,

Speaker 1 even The Riddler was

Speaker 1 taken more seriously than anything Dick Tracy ever did. Who played the best Dick Tracy? Well, there's only one so far.
I can't believe they didn't continue with that.

Speaker 1 I can't believe there wasn't a Dick Tracy too. I think there were talks of it.

Speaker 1 I think there was. I mean, Al Pacino is in Dick Tracy.
That is

Speaker 1 true. Yes.

Speaker 1 Madonna is in Dick Tracy. Some of the best actors that have ever lived are in the movie Dick Tracy.
And it is a weird, wacky, trippy, colorful, like

Speaker 1 film you want. I don't want to watch it again.
I don't think you can find it. I don't think anybody has agreed to license it.
Yes, I think so. I think you can watch it Pluto with ads.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Pluto TV with ads.

Speaker 1 Did you end up watching the Penguin on HBO? No, I didn't. You gotta watch it.
I didn't. It's on my list.
But so are so many other people. I know, but you gotta pop that up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now I just put Fire Island on my

Speaker 1 list. So I guess I'll get to that someday.
Someday I'll get to it. But I found time to go see Superman.
And I

Speaker 1 have to tell everybody that it's a good movie. I'll be happy for the review.
And don't worry about whatever, you know, woke Batman and all woke Superman and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 Take that shit out of your head. It's not true.
I didn't see any indication that this was like a liberal-leaning movie.

Speaker 1 There's not even politics in the movie. It's just Superman doing what he does.
All of the, you know, he saves a country. I think you can see that in the trailer.

Speaker 1 Those are like fictitious, you know, trailer. Those are like fictitious.
They're probably saying that just because Michael Elin Black is in it. Probably.
You know? Probably.

Speaker 1 You are probably right. But suspiciously, Michael Ian Black, like there's no talk of politics.
No right or left, no nothing. No American, none of that stuff is in the movie.

Speaker 1 There's no any of the regular trigger words that get everybody all crazed about there. Might, this might be a neolib movie.

Speaker 1 None of that stuff is in there. Michael Ian Black plays kind of like a tough, talking, opinionated, like TV talking head type.
And so

Speaker 1 that is what he is.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But there's no talk of politics. So you can put your mind at ease, you and all the family.
I would tell you that this is not a movie for probably children on, I think it's PG-13. I think.
Oh, really?

Speaker 1 It's not a movie, like my kids wanted to see it. And so I said, okay, I'll go see it with mom, and then we'll tell you, we'll, we'll make a decision after that.

Speaker 1 I think it gets a little too,

Speaker 1 um,

Speaker 1 there's, it's a little too edgy at times. Really? Yeah.
And I wouldn't bring super young children to see it. Okay.
Depending on who your children are, of course.

Speaker 1 But there were super young children in the theater and it surprised me, quite frankly. Like three and four and five.
And I thought to myself, geez, that's a little young to be watching.

Speaker 1 You know, there's blood and guts and stuff like that at times. And it's not super,

Speaker 1 like, it's a little realistic. So, okay.
You know, you just, you know, you've got to be. I'm, I don't know why I'm saying this.
It's a commercial break. It's not like kids are watching this.

Speaker 1 All right. You know, you make a decision that's best for your family.
I'm not here to tell you that. All right.
Let's do this. Let's take a break.
There's lots more fun things coming up.

Speaker 1 The week is just getting started, and everyone is very excited around here. Why? Because we're almost at 10,000.

Speaker 1 And when we do, we're going to put out 10,000 episodes in a row when we reach 10 000 so go follow us on instagram i'll be by myself but at least i'll be doing that all right we'll be back you make this rather snappy won't you honestly somebody can be thinking to do before 10 o'clock

Speaker 4 hi cats and kittens rachel here do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like brian well i've got just the place for you to do that 212-433-3 tcb that's 212-433-3822.

Speaker 4 Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a race.
Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans. Or tell us a little story.

Speaker 4 The juicier, the better, by the way. We'd love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves.

Speaker 4 Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials at the Commercial Break on Insta, TCB Podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch, oh, that came out wrong.

Speaker 4 We put all the episodes out on video.

Speaker 4 youtube.com slash thecommercial break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look okay i gotta go now i've got a date with my dog no seriously axel needs food today is pork chop day

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Speaker 1 All right. And we're back.
Over the weekend, Wimbledon. Did you watch any of Wimbledon? I did not.
I did not either. I mean, no, I did.
I did. I watched because the American.
I watched the updates.

Speaker 1 The American young lady was there. I'm sorry, I don't remember her name.
I don't watch a lot of tennis,

Speaker 1 but she was there unexpectedly. I think she was like a number 14 seed or something like that.
And she ended up being representing the United States of America.

Speaker 1 She lost handily, lost in, I think, like a very easy match for the opponent. So, but congratulations to the opponent.
I can't remember her name either.

Speaker 1 But then the Spanish and the Italian were against each other in the men's final, which El Caraz, I think, is the guy's name, the Spanish guy. And so I don't,

Speaker 1 I can get into tennis, like, if it's the only thing on and there's something,

Speaker 1 there's something at stake. Sometimes I like to watch tennis.
I used to watch it when I was a teenager. It seemed like there was a lot of my friends who were watching tennis.

Speaker 1 And I used to play a little bit of tennis, very poorly played tennis. I could never do the overhand serve.
Yeah. So I always did the underhand serve.
I took tennis in college, like a class.

Speaker 1 Oh, you did? For a summer. Were you any good? Nah.
At tennis? No. Medium.
Medium. Yeah.
I remember batting the ball back and forth. It was very hot.
It was always in the summer.

Speaker 1 It was always miserable. It was always playing on those red.
hard

Speaker 1 courts. Yeah, I don't even think it was clay.
I think it was pretend clay. I think it was made to look like clay.
It was hot as fucking balls. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And my parents, like, they hired a tennis coach one time. Like, we got into tennis.
I would say when we moved here, so I was probably 12,

Speaker 1 13 years old.

Speaker 1 And we started playing tennis with some of the kids around the neighborhood. And so my parents said, you want to take tennis lessons? Sure, why not?

Speaker 1 So they hired a, like, a low, like a teenager, you know, a kid that was given lessons at the courts in the neighborhood. And we ended up, I think I was there for like maybe three lessons.
Right.

Speaker 1 And it was hot. And it was clear that I wasn't good because I wasn't coordinated enough.
I've never been a particularly coordinated person. I mean, I'm coordinated enough, but not that coordinated.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, I was batting the ball around and I just was never good. And the guy was always yelling at me.
And I didn't like it. So I just said, eh, like a lot of things in life, I just gave up.

Speaker 1 I just decided, eh, this is too hard for me. I tried it.
I gave up. Yeah.
But I have a mad appreciation for those who can bat the ball at 100 dedication and 37 miles per hour.

Speaker 1 They're serving that ball. That is crazy.
But it's another very posh sport, a lot like golf. And to me, there's a little bit of a disconnect sometimes.
I mean, listen,

Speaker 1 I don't like hate people who are rich. That's not the way that I look at the world.
But sometimes there's a little bit of a disconnect. Like

Speaker 1 the guy wins,

Speaker 1 old boy wins. And

Speaker 1 old boy, he wins, whatever's Italian. Oh,

Speaker 1 sins. Your recap of Himalton.
Yeah, my wit. Oh boy, old girl.
She lost. He won.
Congratulations. You see how much somebody from the U.S.
Yes, you see how much I like tennis.

Speaker 1 I love tennis. So, oh boy, Sins was his name.
Sins wins. And

Speaker 1 Sins goes up into the crowd. He goes up into the stands to give a hug to his manager and the people and his parents and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 And there's like 15 famous people

Speaker 1 in the boxes all around him. And I'm like, holy shit.
The guy's like shaking, you know, giving a kiss to his mom. And right next to him is, I forgot who it was.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 The princess of something. And there's the prince.
Well, Wimbledon's a big deal. It's huge.
Yeah. It's a huge deal.

Speaker 1 And this reminded me that a couple of weeks ago, I was sitting with my Starbucks boyfriend. Oh, nice.
And he did get the pool. He got the pool.
The pool's all done. Oh, good.
It looks good.

Speaker 1 He's having a big party in a couple of days. Uh-oh.
Are you going? I think I am. I think I am.

Speaker 1 I think I am.

Speaker 1 The Starbucks boyfriend's great. I love my Starbucks boyfriend.

Speaker 1 We're so gay, but not gay. You know what I'm talking about? We like to hang out and have fun and shoot the shit.
I put a song about it. I wrote a song about it.
It was on one of the episodes.

Speaker 1 It was in the beginning of one of the episodes.

Speaker 1 He's saying to me, you know, and the Starbucks boyfriend is considerably more wealthy than I am, but he's also, he's done a lot in his life. Like, he earned it.

Speaker 1 It's not because he just came upon a bunch of money. He earned it.
He worked very hard, sold a couple companies. He's done well for himself.

Speaker 1 So he says, Yeah, you want to, what are you doing? You want to go to, you want to go to Wimbledon? And I'm like, Wimbledon? Do I want to go to Wimbledon?

Speaker 1 He's like, Yeah, I was going to think about going to Wimbledon, but I can't find anybody to go with me. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 he goes, but the question is, like, do I really want to spend the money on that ticket? And I'm like, what is the price of a ticket? $92,000

Speaker 1 for a final ticket to Wimbledon. $92,000.

Speaker 1 One ticket. We were looking at him and I was like, holy shit.

Speaker 1 Bro, I don't make that in a year.

Speaker 1 Help me out for now. So then he, so then we start talking.
Yeah. So then we start talking.
He says, what I really want to do is what's on my bucket list is the British Open and Wimbledon.

Speaker 1 Those two things. And I said the British Open, definitely on my bucket list.
I want to go to the Ryder Cup. The Ryder Cup, too.

Speaker 1 Patrick, my little brother, actually just went and played Congressional, where Ryder Cup will be in 2036, I think, or something like that.

Speaker 1 And I don't play Congressional. Congressional.
Who plays Congressional? My little brother. I guess.
I don't know. He's also doing considerably more,

Speaker 1 considerably more wealthy than I am. Actually, it's not hard to be considerably more wealthy than I am.
Do you have a dollar? Are you in the positive?

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 Are you in the positive? When you open up your bank app? Okay, good. Things are going well for you.
Congratulations.

Speaker 1 He says, and I said, well, that, you know, I could get behind that. Let's see.
No, tickets are not terribly expensive. It's like 300, 400 pounds for the week.
You go for the week.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's that's great. Now there's like you know, 80,000 people that are spread out amongst that core.
So it's like you're in a big throng of people.

Speaker 1 And you have to get to Ireland and then you have to find a place to stay in a small Irish village. Right.
But still, you know, it's much more.

Speaker 1 That's way, that's way more affordable than even the masters, which is like $2,000 or $3,000 for a Friday or Saturday or Sunday ticket. So I thought to myself, oh, okay.
You know, maybe he says, well,

Speaker 1 ask your wife if you can go. And then I instantaneously knew this is not happening because I got to ask my wife if I can go away for a week.
Can I go Ireland for a week? Do you mind?

Speaker 1 But the whole pricing of Wimbledon made me understand just how posh of a sport, or at least this particular event, really is.

Speaker 1 I mean, to spend that kind of money, to see one tennis match that's about four hours long where you are sitting in the hot fucking sun baking, the chairman of Augusta National

Speaker 1 was there. And Augusta National is the place where they play the masters.

Speaker 1 And if you're the chairman of Augusta National, you are considerably more wealthy than even the people I've just mentioned who are considerably more wealthy than I am. You have to be somebody.

Speaker 1 If you're, I mean, in the upper echelons of the Hooty Toots and the Snooty Snoots, the chairman of Augusta National. Pretty far off.
That's a title. That's a fucking title, right?

Speaker 1 It's like royalty, basically, here in the United States, certainly in the golf world. Well, he's there, and he doesn't even have a good seat.
He's like sitting up in the top.

Speaker 1 And I'm thinking to myself, geez, the guy from Augusta National didn't even get a good seat. And I think the princess is there, isn't she? Doesn't the princess show up?

Speaker 1 I think so. Isn't she the one who gives the award or something like that? People love their, the people, they love that tennis, man.
They die for it.

Speaker 1 They pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to see people. And I can can understand it's a singular sport.
It's like golf and the singular sport in the sense that it's you against an opponent.

Speaker 1 Even golf is even more singular, it's you against the whole, but you're playing against somebody. You have to beat somebody else's score.

Speaker 1 But this is just two guys, two girls out there banging it out for four or five hours, hot fucking sun on the clay or the grass, running around from side to side, every point, do or die.

Speaker 1 It's an intense intense. It's just like intense.
I remember watching it back when Serena and Venus. Those two girls were

Speaker 1 absolutely exciting see i grew up in andre agassy right right aggassi pete sampras yeah i remember aggassi

Speaker 1 and it turns out he was on crystal meth like half the time hey listen

Speaker 1 i don't hate the don't hate the game don't hate the player hate the game what are you gonna do uh to me that being kind of shocking he was on crystal meth while he was playing yes cool

Speaker 1 That's cool.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No.

Speaker 1 I thought, I knew he did crystal meth, but I didn't think he was doing it while he was playing. Don't they drug test those guys? I'm going to verify.
I think this is back before the drug testing.

Speaker 1 Let us not besmirch Andre Agassiz's

Speaker 1 good name. He did wear a wig for a long time.
He did. Yeah.
He had like a, an actual, like a, a headband that had a wig tied to it.

Speaker 1 It did.

Speaker 1 And everyone was like, come on, bro, you aren't fooling anybody. But he went with it.
And hey, you can't blame the guy. Who wants to be bald out there on, you know, playing Wimbledon?

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, it was a protective for his head. Yeah.
So he didn't go to the bottom.

Speaker 1 That's where he hid his meth. What the?

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Wait.
Andre Agassett admitted to using crystal methamphetamine in 1997, a year when his tennis ranking plummeted. So he was playing.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He revealed this in his autobiography. Okay.
All right. He also disclosed that he tested positive for the drug, but lied to the Association of Tennis Professionals to avoid a ban.
Well.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah. If you're on their agony.
He claimed he had accidentally ingested the drug from a spike drink

Speaker 1 belonging to his assistant, Slim.

Speaker 1 They accepted that and let him away.

Speaker 1 I ain't got no idea what happened.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a spike drink.

Speaker 1 A spike drink. It was meant for Slim.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Slim's a dope fiend. I don't know why I hang out with this guy.
Slim.

Speaker 1 I'm assuming it wasn't the same Slim. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We were working with. No, it's not the same Slim.
I want to be clear about that. Not our Slim.
Not our Slim.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't claim to know anything about our Slim either because we just met him for a couple hours.

Speaker 1 But there's just something, you get a vibe about a person, and he didn't seem like the crystal meth type. I'm just throwing that out there.
Well, apparently, Andre Agassiz Slim

Speaker 1 wasn't for him either. How do you think he got the nickname?

Speaker 1 how do you think he got the nickname slim

Speaker 1 he was he lost a bunch of weight real quick yeah yeah well that crystal meth will do it to you i'll tell you what i'm telling you the first time that i ever uh not the actually this that's not true one of the times that i encountered crystal meth the first time i ever encountered crystal meth crystal meth was with the chiropractor with the swing party yeah the full-on like holy shit am i actually at a sex party i was at a pool party and it turned into a sex party and everyone was smoking crystal meth And I was like, wow, this just got wild real fucking quick.

Speaker 1 But when I, it was 9-11 and I was living in a

Speaker 1 like a quad plex

Speaker 1 down by Piedmont Park.

Speaker 1 Big old mansion that they had turned into a quad plex, which was four

Speaker 1 apartments.

Speaker 1 And so you would walk in the door and there was a set of stairs.

Speaker 1 And right to the left before you got to the stairs, there was a door to the downstairs apartment. And then we had the upstairs apartment.

Speaker 1 So you would, you would have to unlock the front door and then you would unlock the door at the top of the stairs. I mean, it was like 20 stairs.
It like it was, it went on forever.

Speaker 1 I hated those stairs. Every time I had to walk up, I'm drunk or hot, whatever.
But 9-11,

Speaker 1 when it happened, we had just moved in four or five months earlier. We didn't really know the people downstairs.

Speaker 1 We knew a couple of younger girls, like our age, and they say younger, our age at the time in their 20s, lived there, but we'd only said hi to them in passing.

Speaker 1 But 9-11 happens, I have to work at 11.30 and like no one knows what's going on. Yeah.
I remember I had to work that day too. A lot of confusion, a lot of chaos, a lot of sadness, a lot of confusion.

Speaker 1 And so I go downstairs to smoke a cigarette outside. I needed to get out of my house for a second and like

Speaker 1 see the trees, like just make sure the world was still revolving. And

Speaker 1 I was smoking a cigarette and the girl downstairs came out. So we met.
We gave each other a hug. We didn't even say hello.
We gave each other a hug.

Speaker 1 That's how intense 9-11 was. People who didn't know each other were just like emotional about this whole thing because it's pretty clear what it was all about early on.

Speaker 1 So fast forward to like two weeks later, now we know each other. And she invites me downstairs because she's going to have some friends over.
And I go downstairs.

Speaker 1 And half the time when I would pass this apartment, when I would come in late at night, it was always a funky smell, like burning rubber or something, right? I never knew what it was.

Speaker 1 I always thought maybe it was just the building. Maybe that's just the way this building smelled.
And I walked in and we're there not even 45 minutes, and they're breaking out the crystal meth pipe.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, wow, you don't even hide that? Like, you know, like, hey, Brian, are you cool with smoking crystal meth? I mean, it was really weird. It was just like it was assumed that I was

Speaker 1 cool with it, I guess. Yeah, so I was cool with it.
Whatever. Cool.

Speaker 1 I rolled with it. I was like, cool.
Yeah, no problem.

Speaker 1 You got any cocaine?

Speaker 1 Chris, that's a wild drug. It is.
It's a wild drug. And sometimes those girls are up for like days in a row.

Speaker 1 That's what it means. Yeah, you people don't sleep.
No, they'd come upstairs and they ask if we had wine. And I'm on my third day and I'm on my fifth day.

Speaker 1 And I just got home from work and I've been up for seven days. And I'd be like, wow, you went to work? I can't even go to work.
I'm up for a night. And now you're up for seven days.

Speaker 1 And one of those girls lost weight so quick while we knew her. She lost, like in three months, lost like 50 pounds.
It was insane. She was like emaciated, and it was because they were just doing it.

Speaker 1 So, you know, Andre

Speaker 1 being like an athlete at the top of his game and then smoking or doing meth at the same time, it seems a little incongruent. Oh, they plummeted.
Well, yeah, that's what happens. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I wonder if that's what's up with Tiger. I wonder if Tiger's on the crystal meth.

Speaker 1 Big

Speaker 1 pills. Oh, yeah.
He had the pill situation. Well,

Speaker 1 I have a belief, and I'm sure that I would be right about this.

Speaker 1 And I'm not saying that I like Tiger Woods. And anybody who grew up watching Tiger Woods, you've got to have an appreciation for what that guy did

Speaker 1 as an athlete in that sport.

Speaker 1 But I think that there are people

Speaker 1 who get injured or have injuries or... They get addicted to surgeries, and then those surgeries are a vehicle upon which they get their prescription pain medication.

Speaker 1 And that prescription pain medication is, of course, addictive. And so the surgeries follow the medicine, follow the surgeries, follow the medicine.

Speaker 1 And then there's just always a reason to have the medicine, right? I mean, how many surgeries has Tiger Woods had just in the last five years?

Speaker 1 10? A lot. 11? The guy drove his car off a cliff.
He broke his leg in 38 different places or something. He'll probably always be on pain medication.

Speaker 1 And he admitted as such, that he was on pain medication and that some of it I may be taking for the rest of my life because that's how I manage my pain.

Speaker 1 But the poor guy, I mean, that poor guy, I don't know how you play all doped up on pain medication like that. I can't even hit a ball dead sober.
I can't hit a golf ball more than 10 yards.

Speaker 1 And he's sitting at 350 yards on one leg and high on prescription pain. I'm not saying he's high, high.

Speaker 1 He's probably very used to taking prescription medication this time, but it just must be like a difficult task, I gotta imagine. Anyway, how did we get here? Tennis.
I was talking about Michael Ian.

Speaker 1 Andre Agassiz. And Andre Agassi.

Speaker 1 Tennis.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was talking about Michael Ian. He led us down a dark road.
Two episodes. Yeah, we went down a dark road there.
All of a sudden, we're talking about my neighbor losing weight on Crystal Meth.

Speaker 1 And Tiger Woods.

Speaker 1 Cracking his leg on purpose. I didn't say he did it on purpose, but maybe.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Tiger, did you do it on purpose?

Speaker 1 You can tell Brian.

Speaker 1 Uncle Brian. Uncle Brian.
Uncle Brian won't tell anybody else. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back.

Speaker 4 Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple.
Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute.

Speaker 4 Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too?

Speaker 1 You know you do.

Speaker 4 Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
You can be on the show too.

Speaker 4 Just call and say something. Anything.
Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise.
Then head over to tcvpodcast.com and get your free sticker.

Speaker 4 It's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide. You get the point.

Speaker 4 Follow us on Instagram at thecommercial break and watch all the episodes on video at youtube.com slash thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid.
Especially Astrid.

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Speaker 1 They cleared John Elway of

Speaker 1 any manslaughter charges. Oh.
Yeah. So there you go.

Speaker 1 Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Chrissy was just going to roll with it. She was just going to pretend that she knew what I was talking about.
John Elway, famous quarterback. Of course, I know who John Elway is.

Speaker 1 What happened with? Wasn't John Elway making out with some sideline reporter one time and she didn't want him or something like that? He was kind of creeping a little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who knows about John?

Speaker 1 He was leaving Stagecoach the Music Festival, and his agent was on the back of the golf cart. That's right.
And he fell off the back of the golf cart.

Speaker 1 And just one of those crazy freak accidents hits his head and

Speaker 1 goes brain dead. And they had to pull the plug, unfortunately.
But he donated his organs. And so I applaud that effort.
One final act of humanity. Me too.

Speaker 1 I don't care.

Speaker 1 If they'll allow you to use my organs, go ahead. I'm not so sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're still good. I think they're going to get all excited when they see that.
And then they're going to open me up and be like,

Speaker 1 what is this crystal meth pipe doing in his liver? How did he get it there?

Speaker 1 Ah, we had a kidney for you, but it was 93% cocaine.

Speaker 1 So I don't think we could use it.

Speaker 1 We were going to give you his heart, but it's seven times the noticeable size from all the barbituans he's taken. Sorry about that.

Speaker 1 You don't want this guy's brain.

Speaker 1 Throw that one in the trash. Give that one to science.

Speaker 1 Right, they can study it for others. Yes, we were gonna give you it.
We had an eyeball. How did this man live? Yes, we had an eyeball for you, but

Speaker 1 it's permanently dilated from LSD.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the ayahuasca did it.

Speaker 1 But John Elway, I mean, just like a freak accident, true and true. But there were a lot of people who said that they saw John had been drinking at stagecoach.
And of course, he's at stagecoach.

Speaker 1 Of course, he's drinking. I mean,

Speaker 1 don't be an idiot. Like, he's drinking.
And, of course, driving a golf cart, it is illegal to drink and drive a golf cart. Now, so many people do if you've ever been to a golf cart.
Golf cart. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did I tell you this story? Speaking of golf cart, and listen, I. Or those neighborhood golf cart communities.

Speaker 1 Yes. And when my two stories about the golf campaign, people ride around with roadies on this all the time.
When my dad got married to my stepmom, they got married in Peachtree City.

Speaker 1 Peachtree City is just south of the city. It's known as the town that Delta built because it's near the airport.
So it's not really in the city. It's like probably 20 minutes south of the city.

Speaker 1 It's even like 20 minutes south of the airport, really. And it's like this bedroom community.
It was a bunch of farmhouses, a bunch of farmland.

Speaker 1 And then they started building neighborhoods down there for the people that worked at Delta. The pilots,

Speaker 1 the air attendants, the mechanics, the executives. And because Delta is such a huge company, it quickly filled in.
What did they do?

Speaker 1 A lot of the developers got together and they built golf cart trails inside and outside of these neighborhoods. And now it's completely, there are trails.

Speaker 1 hundreds of miles of trails, of golf cart trails in Petrie City. These golf carts can be expensive too.
They have like golf cart dealerships. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 In the town where I live, actually, it's legal to drive golf carts on the roads and i see that more and more frequently now too and we're but we're not talking about your dad's golf cart from the no we're talking about tricked out mercedes benz golf carts with air conditioning and all kinds of

Speaker 1 upgrades it's crazy speakers and we got a ride one time to the fireworks a couple years ago with one of my brother's friends We parked at his house downtown where I live, and then we took his Mercedes-Benz golf cart down to the park.

Speaker 1 It's probably a 15-minute ride down there. And this thing went 45 miles per hour.
I mean, it was

Speaker 1 so fast. I was nervous for the kids.
It was like a three-bencher, so it was big. It had air conditioning.
It was blowing air conditioning on my face. It was crazy.
I'd never seen anything like it.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so my dad gets married at this down at Peachtree City. And the place where he's getting married is not,

Speaker 1 it's close to the hotel, but you know, it's probably like four miles, three or four miles away. And so some of us rented golf carts to get to the wedding venue and back.

Speaker 1 And we were alerted very sternly by the people who rented these to us. You will get pulled over and you will get a DUI if a cop sees you with a beer in your hand.
Yeah. And we were like, oh, wow.

Speaker 1 And then we heard stories from other people at the wedding who had known somebody.

Speaker 1 who had either been in an accident, gotten a ticket, gotten a DUI on a fucking golf cart on on these trails because they were drinking.

Speaker 1 Now, you go to a golf course any day of the week and you're going to see guys that are drunk, guys or girls that are drunk, driving around these golf carts.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, for God's sakes, I used to be the golf cart girl. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 They have a golf cart that drives around and delivers drinks. It's a mobile bar.
Yes. It's encouraging you to drive those things drunk.
But I think the assumption is...

Speaker 1 Those things don't go like super. No, they put governors on those.
Yeah. So they maybe go 15, 20 miles per hour.
They're not that fast. And, you know, now they have them where they're like geo-fenced.

Speaker 1 So if you get that, so if they,

Speaker 1 if like you're not in the car and they start rolling off, they'll stop themselves. If you get onto the golf course and you're going a certain speed, it'll slow you down.

Speaker 1 You get up toward the greens, it'll stop you. It's all like GPS controlled and all this other stuff.

Speaker 1 At least at the fancier golf courses. And so.

Speaker 1 It's, I used to golf a lot with my brothers, like in my 30s. I would go once, you did, sometimes twice a week.
And it was just a thing that we did.

Speaker 1 We liked to go out there and dick around and have fun. And I was never

Speaker 1 married, no kids. My money went to golfing.
It went to golfing into alcohol. That's where it went.

Speaker 1 So we get together with my twin brother and my little brother, Patrick, and then some other guys get together on like a Saturday morning.

Speaker 1 Early morning is usually when we like to play because it was cool outside. You could get there, you know, you could get it in.
Yeah, early morning. Yeah, before the worst of the day.

Speaker 1 Get that early morning drunk going. That's exactly.
Or you're still drunk from the night before.

Speaker 1 And you got to keep going. We always made the eight o'clock tea time.
That's what we would, we would always set the tea time at eight o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 1 Then we would all bitch and complain for the first hour about how hungover we were until we got some alcohol in us, right? So we get there.

Speaker 1 I am assuming it's eight o'clock because that's the tea time we liked, eight, eight, fifteen.

Speaker 1 And all of us,

Speaker 1 not because we were together, in disparate ways are hung up. We're all not feeling it.
We're like, oh my God, this sucks. First hole.

Speaker 1 I'm going to paint a picture for you, Chrissy. First hole, 300 yards, T-box.
Then as you look down the fairway on the right-hand side of the fairway is a huge hill.

Speaker 1 And that hill is probably 30, 40 feet in the air. And then the green is down the left side of the fairway.

Speaker 1 So you want to hit it either straight down the middle or use that hill to roll it down toward the green. Okay, but that hill is steep.
It's really steep and it's 30, 40 feet in the air.

Speaker 1 The golf cart path follows the hill. It goes up the hill and then back down toward the green, around the back of the green, essentially downwards.

Speaker 1 Over the back of the green, the back of the trail, is a lake, some woods and a lake, like a pond or whatever, a retention pond.

Speaker 1 So we all tee off. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 And then we all are going. Kevin's in the first cart and he's driving.
And we're in the back. We're in the cart behind him when we're driving.

Speaker 1 And Kevin's ball is sitting near where the slope is, the bottom of the slope, but not toward the green yet. So he's got to go hit it.

Speaker 1 He's got to park way up top of the hill, and then he's got to run down to grab his ball. Okay.
But Kevin decides that he doesn't want to, I'm assuming this is what he decided.

Speaker 1 He doesn't want to walk down that hill and back up. So he's going to try and get the cart down there.
Well, it's so steep. There's no going down that hill with a cart.
But Kevin is driving the path.

Speaker 1 We see him, and then we see him start to turn left toward going down the hill. But

Speaker 1 you would have to go straight down that hill. You cannot have any angle whatsoever because that golf cart is going to flip.
But Kevin goes down and he turns the golf cart. And that golf cart.

Speaker 1 And then Kevin falls out of the

Speaker 1 golf cart.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. And that golf cart goes zooming down the hill.
Oh, no. On to the Kevin rolls down the hill six or seven times, like flipping end over end down the hill.

Speaker 1 And we're all sitting there. I stopped the cart, and I'm like, I got my mouth wide open.
Kevin's rolling down the hill end over end, like a little child.

Speaker 1 Somersaults. With a

Speaker 1 golf club in his hand.

Speaker 1 And then he stands back up. And the golf cart is now heading on the green.
It's heading toward the lake. Towards the pond.

Speaker 1 He's running toward the golf cart. He's chasing it as fast as he can.
He's going, he's going. He's going.
I mean, Kevin Kevin grabbed the golf cart with inches suspense.

Speaker 1 It would have been in the lake, no doubt about it. It would have been in that water, no doubt about it.
Oh, my God. But miraculously covered it.

Speaker 1 But I have never seen a grown man roll down a hill like this. Never in my entire life.
It was the funniest thing. I'm surprised he didn't break every bone in his body.

Speaker 1 He just flip-flopped all the way down the hill, 30 feet in the air. And then just adrenaline to save the cart.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sprinting. Adrenaline not to pay $7,000 to replace the cart.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm assuming they have insurance on those things, but I don't think you get the insurance claim when you're the one to hook it down the hill.

Speaker 1 It was miraculous and magic. And none of us will let Kevin forget it.

Speaker 1 That's a cheaper. Every time Kevin gets into a golf cart, we're like, okay, bro, you got this?

Speaker 1 I mean, those things can be dangerous. They can be, yeah.
And, you know, John Elway had a really unfortunate accident. And

Speaker 1 I don't think there was any maliciousness about it. By all accounts, they were good friends.
It was his agent. Like,

Speaker 1 they were buddies.

Speaker 1 That was a bad accident.

Speaker 1 It was just a really, really shitty situation. But he's been cleared of all charges, and I guess that's that.
My,

Speaker 1 you know, just so we can end every segment of this show with a dark segment. My

Speaker 1 first girlfriend, like, true, true girlfriend, Brooke, her dad, they lived in a

Speaker 1 golfing community. They live on a golf course.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 for

Speaker 1 Easter Sunday, where his birthday was around Easter Sunday, like the week of Easter Sunday this particular year,

Speaker 1 he got a golf cart, like a brand new golf cart. So he decided to take it out.
It was

Speaker 1 on Good Friday. He decided to take the golf cart out, go hit some balls and hang out with one of his friends.
Storm came by real quick, like one of those micro-verse storms.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had those recently here. Yes.
They're crazy, by the way.

Speaker 1 And knocked a tree over, and the tree landed on the golf cart and took his leg off. Oh my gosh, it was insane.
He lost his leg in a golf cart when a tree fell on it.

Speaker 1 It was like, it was a devastating accident. You can imagine that everybody involved, including Brooke, they were like a mess for weeks.

Speaker 1 But then her dad liked to do things like one time I went to her house and her dad had a fake leg. Uh-huh.
Right. And he turned it upside down and put his coffee cup

Speaker 1 on it.

Speaker 1 Her dad had a funeral. He had fun with it.
He had a good sense of humor about it. Never liked me.
Never liked me one bit. Neither of her parents did.
They never liked me.

Speaker 1 I was not the guy for their daughter. And clearly that was the case.
But God bless you. God bless you, Brooks, mom and dad.
I know you were looking at me suspiciously.

Speaker 1 Her mom didn't like the fact that I didn't chew my food at least 20 times before I swallowed. Oh, really? Yeah.
It was, yeah. Yeah.
Hey, listen, to each their own.

Speaker 1 You know, I didn't chew my food 20 times before I swallowed because I grew up in a house with four other, three other boys.

Speaker 1 You didn't swallow your food quickly. You weren't getting it.
You know what I'm saying? It was kind of, I was like an animal, a little animal in that way.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 God bless you, John. Elway.
I'm sorry about your friend. That's, you know.
That's just awful. Yeah, you're going to have to live with that.
Yeah. And I mean,

Speaker 1 unless he was driving like an idiot, I'm sure it was just an accident. That's why I do not like the kids.

Speaker 1 My dad has a golf cart at his house to go back and forth to the lake because they live up this, down like the hill. They live on the lake, but it's probably

Speaker 1 200 feet to the actual lake and it's down a big hill. So they got a golf cart and made a little golf cart path so they could go up and down.
But it's twisty-turny. It's very steep.

Speaker 1 And I never allow those kids to sit on the back of the golf cart because I'm like, when you're going up those steep hills, it's hard to keep yourself on the golf cart.

Speaker 1 And if you fall, you know, it's bad news.

Speaker 1 So anyway, I'm glad we gave a bunch of safety information today on the show. And a fantastic Wimbledon update.
Yeah, and a fantastic Wimbledon update, of which we know none of the names.

Speaker 1 And we basically shit on your sport. I'm sorry.
If you like golf, it's all good. Listen.

Speaker 1 Cheers to you, Wimbledon. Here's the Wimbledon.

Speaker 1 And the new Super Bowl movie. Yeah.
There's not Super Bowl. Superman.
Yeah. Oh, and the new Super Bowl movie.
John Ellows. John Elway in the new Super Bowl movie.

Speaker 1 He makes out with a bunch of unsuspecting sideline reporters. Wasn't that him? I think that was him.
Yeah, he was drunk, I think. Yeah, he was like trying to kiss

Speaker 1 that poor girl who then, Aaron Andrews, who then got like videotaped and her.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Poor Aaron Andrews. I don't know.
She's gone through it. She's still around, isn't she? She is.
She's doing something.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 1 It's been a great episode of the commercial break. Here's to hoping we hit 10,000 subscribers while we've been sitting here so we can get on with our lives.

Speaker 1 Thank you to everybody. If you're a new follower on our Instagram, saludes, congratulations, welcome aboard.
And if you're not following us on Instagram yet, what are you waiting for?

Speaker 1 Go, help us get to 10,000. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok.

Speaker 1 And make sure you follow us, subscribe to us, watch our videos, youtube.com/slash the commercial break for all the episodes on video, usually the same day they air here on the audio.

Speaker 1 All those guest episodes, everything, even this terrible episode will be on YouTube eventually. So you want to see it? Go watch it on YouTube.

Speaker 1 You want to see it, don't you? You want to see it? Don't you?

Speaker 1 Don't you want to see it?

Speaker 1 Don't you want to? Yeah.

Speaker 1 TCBpodcast.com, that's where you're going to find more information about Chrissy and I, all the audio and video. That's all there at one location.
You can also get your free TCB sticker.

Speaker 1 You know where else you can get TCB stickers? When we do our merch drop coming up in just a couple of weeks, we are going to be giving away exclusive sticker packs with orders on the merch drop.

Speaker 1 How's that, Chrissy? A little special little package for you if you buy some merch from us. I can't wait.
I'm really excited about this merch.

Speaker 1 We've waited a long time to do this, mainly because we were nervous no one would buy it. But now we're confident of at least five of you are going to buy something.
So here it comes. Stay tuned.

Speaker 1 Merch drop soon. Follow us at the commercial break for more information.
And of course, we'll let you know incessantly here on the show. Also, 212-433-3TCB.
212-433-3822.

Speaker 1 Questions, comments, concerns, or content ideas, we take them all. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.
I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.
And I love you. Best to you.
Best to you.

Speaker 1 And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy, and I will say.
We do say and we must say. Goodbye.

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