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Essex is a continent.

No.

No, it's a county.

A what?

A country?

A county.

What's the difference between a county and a country?

Country.

So country is like England.

Yeah.

So Wales is in Cardiff.

Cardiff is the capital of Wales.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm from Liverpool, so I live in a country.

No, Liverpool's a city.

A city.

Yeah.

If you go on a plane and go to another place, that's still United Kingdom.

It depends where we live in the world.

So Spain.

On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Ooh, you know it's going to be exciting when Brian comes on to talk to you before the episode.

Sometime late last year, our corporate overlords at Odyssey came to me with a wise idea.

Why don't we stick it to you, little tiny creator podcasters, by making you come into our beautiful studios and record in professional settings?

To which I said, I will not be pushed around by the man.

I will continue to record in my daughter's repurposed bedroom.

Well, as corporate overlords do, they pushed us around and got their way with us.

And we finally had to go to the very nice studios in downtown Atlanta and record Under Duress.

That included us recording our very first in-person interview coming up in just a couple weeks.

And we had a little extra time, so we decided to record today's episode.

Unfortunately, our overlord manager, Slim, who is very nice, by the way, couldn't waste his entire day with the commercial break, so we did not get to record a whole episode.

So this is a Frankenstein episode, 30 minutes of fresh content, and somewhere toward the end of the episode, I'm going to drop in 20 minutes of a TCB canned episode, an episode that has never run for one reason or the other.

So I wouldn't shortchange you on an hour of the commercial break.

Anyway, enjoy this very first episode from an actual studio provided to us by our corporate overlords, otherwise known as Michael at Odyssey.

I see what you're trying to do, Michael, and I don't like it.

Not one bit.

But I would like to come back to the studio frequently because it was very nice.

Enjoy this episode.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

The 30 of the morning!

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens.

Welcome back to the commercial break.

I'm Brian Green.

This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley.

Best to you, Chris.

Best to you, Brian.

The best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Today, we are coming to you live from the Odyssey Studios in downtown Atlanta.

Yep.

Odyssey, of course, is our podcast network.

They also happen to own one and a half million radio stations throughout the country.

Throughout the world.

That's true.

I don't know that to be true.

I'm just.

Throughout the country.

I said it with authority.

That's right.

They're a big company.

And so they have radio studios here in Atlanta.

And they have like a...

like an artist lounge, an artist studio where they have a little stage.

And you can check it out, youtube.com/slash the commercial break.

So thanks to the good people at Odyssey.

Michael, Slim, Kimberly, Eric, Leah, all the the people have put this together.

It's lovely, and I hope we can do more of these.

It's very, very nice.

I really do.

We are interviewing Courtney Michelle, social media influencer, comedian,

and actress.

We're interviewing her today at this location, so we thought we'd just pop on and do a regular episode since it's going to be hard to transport all of our equipment

70 miles north of here.

And Chrissy's going to be upset because she's got to sit in traffic, and so will I, to be honest.

No, this is so much better for me.

I know.

I know.

I got to be careful.

It's really like halfway in between.

I got to be careful.

Be careful what you wish for.

Well, if I could use these studios all the time, I might consider it.

Yeah.

Maybe we just go down to recording two days a week and we just stay here all day.

Maybe.

Maybe.

I'll do that.

But I got to get the Odyssey people to agree to it because I can't just commandeer their studios two days a week.

I think they got other things going on in here.

I think there's other podcasts that do podcasts from here, which I would too if this was it.

This is what I would do.

I think Kim might be our girl.

We have to talk to Kim or Slim.

Kim and Slim.

Kim and Slim.

Slim and Kim.

Yep.

Let's talk to Slim and Kim, and we'll see how much.

We'll figure out how much they really like us after two or three weeks of us being

here taking up all their time.

We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, the comings and goings of this weekend, I just got back from my family vacation

to the most magical place on earth.

And by magical, I mean they magically separate your American Express from your wallet.

And then American Express comes, chases you down for the next 10 years to pay for that vacation.

That shit ain't getting cheap.

That shit ain't cheap.

Never been cheap.

Not cheap now.

I'll tell you what.

That's what I've heard.

Yeah, but

you know, because Instagram knows exactly what I'm doing at all times, they follow me around and listen to my conversations and know my children and my name.

That's what they do.

That's what social media companies do.

They knew I was in Disney World.

And so, what did they do while I was in Disney World?

They fed me a bunch of reels that had, have you ever heard the song, um, uh, Heart Beats Now,

like that song from

the Sappy song, right?

Esther and I had it at our wedding.

It's a beautiful song.

It was in those Twilight movies, I think, is what it's from.

But so now there's this whole fad going on, a trend on Instagram where they put that song to small children.

Some of them have cancer, some of them are disabled, some of them are just regular children, some of them are just scared children, to

the images, videos of children meeting the characters that they are dressed up as.

And it tear jerks, that jerks the tears right the fuck out of your eye sockets.

And then they send that, just constantly feed that to you while you're down at Disney World.

So it, so it's almost like you're, you're drugged up with oxytocine.

So that you, so when your child goes, can I have the 75th bubble maker for $58?

You go, well, if I don't do that, then I'm going to be the bad dad that doesn't get on the Instagram reels.

Yeah, you're trying to recreate.

I have to be that guy.

How can I be the guy that doesn't let my child do that, right?

I got to create these magical memories with all the hard-earned money that American Express doesn't know I make.

All that hard-earned credit.

All that hard-earned credit that American Express so kindly gave me.

And

they give it and they take it away.

What happened?

I thought we were friends.

Yeah, but

it was a lot of fun.

And I'll talk a lot more about that coming up in this week.

I think we're down there during a heat dam, too.

I will tell you what, June,

late June, Central Florida is no fucking joke.

It is the surface of the sun hot.

I can only imagine.

And everybody is sweating like stuck pigs.

Everybody.

It's the most disgusting.

I've never seen so many human beings sliding up against each other, exchanging bodily fluids.

You love that.

I hated it.

It drove me crazy.

My OCD was an overdrive.

I'm just looking at all the people,

some of them in states of disrepair.

I just got to be real honest about it.

Have you seen America?

We're not doing so great.

We're eating turkey legs by the dozen.

Disrepair.

Yeah, corn dogs and turkey legs by the dozen down there at Disney.

Cotton candy and all that.

States of disrepair.

And they are just profusely sweating.

But I can't knock them because I also am soaked to the bone.

I'm sure.

Because Central Florida does that to you most times of the year, but then in late June, it's just hell.

That's what it is.

It's swamp ass.

It's swamp-ass country.

And then it rains for like 15 minutes.

It'll downpour.

And then the sun comes right back out and turns it into a sauna.

That's what it does.

So everyone's sitting in a sauna for days on end, waiting for Mickey Mouse to, you know, magically appear for three minutes.

You had to wait in another line to get a picture.

So that I can be in one of those reels.

I see those reels, and I know exactly what happened before and after that magical three seconds of that reel is the parents were yelling and screaming at their kid, miserable as shit, wondering why they spent all this money.

And then, but they put it on a reel with a pretty song.

And so now it all makes sense.

Disney's fed me up a commercial while I was there.

And it said,

they don't stay this way forever is the name of the commercial.

And it's this father.

And the father's walking through his daughter's bedroom.

And he's looking at the, she came home from the, as a baby, and he was holding her.

She had her first,

you know, she walked.

They're marketing team.

Kudos.

They know exactly what they're doing, right?

They don't, and then it was like, they don't stay this way forever.

Which way?

The expensive way?

Which way?

Oh, no, they stay that way for forever.

Oh, yeah, they stay.

They're getting more expensive by the moment.

Anyway, listen, I'll bitch and I'll complain until I'm blue in the face.

And in five years from now, I'll take the whole family.

I'll get the family truckster and I'll take them all down there again because that's what you do as a parent.

After you've paid off this vacation.

I'll be lucky to pay off this vacation.

This podcast, we need that.

We need to do six episodes a week.

We do, yeah.

Um, but I think really what we're so happy you went, and the pictures you sent me looked great.

That's it, loved it.

That's all I got out of this.

Spent $32,000 for two days at Disney.

And what I got, some pictures I sent Chrissy that are in my phone that I won't use until their graduation from high school when I'll go, you didn't stay this way forever.

Little shithead.

Fucker.

What happened to that little girl?

Now you're now you want a what?

Audi?

Fuck you.

But I think really, well, the Disney stuff can wait.

Because I think really what we need to talk about first, before we get to any Disney stuff, is that at the same weekend that I went down to Disney World, was the same weekend Jeff Bezos rented out Venice for his wedding.

That's right.

And that is incredible.

That is a story that I just, that I cannot believe.

How filthy rich some people, It used to be, if you remember, remember Brad and Angelina, Brigolina, what was that, Jolene Brad?

What was it?

What do you mean?

Brangelina.

Jolene and Brad.

They had a big lavish wedding.

But they hid it from everybody.

They did.

Right?

They hid it.

They put it underground.

They put tents up.

They had people with umbrellas.

You didn't even know it was there.

People was lucky.

People, the magazine, was lucky to get some exclusive photographs seven months later from the wedding that they paid $7 million for or whatever it was.

People who were filthy rich didn't want to rub it in everybody's faces at least not in most people's faces and so what did they do they hid these things but now i think it's very in vogue to show how filthy rich you are by doing filthy rich things with filthy rich people and i'm not listening i don't knock anybody's ability to make a living i've said this a million times on the show i believe in capitalism i think it by and large it's got some problems we're seeing those problems right now

yes it's got those problems mainly bitcoin is what the problem is, but Frankcoin.

Bitcoin.

But the reality is that, like, the ostentatiousness of this wedding is just, it's ballsy.

It's brash.

It's brass.

They rented out all of Venice, literally all of Venice.

Every hotel, everything, which it was all for Bezos and Lauren Sanchez.

And then they, the most exclusive island in the world is not Venice.

It's San Gio and Giorgio or something like that, an island off the island, one of these little feeder islands to Venice, one of these satellite islands where they have something or other.

And they rented out that entire island also.

So they rented two islands so that they could get married with 200 of friends that I don't even think are really their friends.

I think they're just people that made it to the guest list.

Yeah.

Because I'm not sure when you're that filthy rich that you have a lot of personal friends.

That could be true.

I think it's all very transactional.

I think you just, I think you always have to be watching out behind your back.

I don't think anybody wants, I don't think anybody wants to be your friend because you're a nice guy, because you aren't a nice guy, right?

I think it's just very transactional.

And so, when Leonardo DiCaprio and whoever else, I don't even know who, all the people that showed up,

all the Kardashians show up to Jeff Bezos's wedding.

It's not because Jeff Bezos and Kim Kardashian or Leonardo DiCaprio are best buddies.

It's because they live in the same universe up here, number one.

And number two, it's because Leo wants movies to be made under the Prime label, and he's going to show up.

And because Kim Kardashian wants her show to continue to survive on Amazon Prime.

I feel like it's all very transactional because I'm just not really sure their.

What can this person do?

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

Listen, when you have to take a boat to a wedding, and I don't mean a boat like getting on a cruise ship or going down to the Bermuda or whatever.

When you physically have to walk out of your hotel and take a boat to an island to a wedding,

you've done too much.

You've done too much.

I say that because I just went down to Disney World where I get out of my hotel and I have to take a boat to the same park that I'm going to.

A private boat.

It was crazy.

Did you see some of those pictures of that wedding?

Oh, crazy.

Oh, yeah.

That's all that's been in the news feed.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, it was days long, days and days long.

The only person who was hiding was Leonardo.

Yeah.

He was the only person who was hiding.

He seemed to, he didn't want to be photographed.

But I mean, he's going to be photographed because he's Leonardo DiCaprio.

Yeah.

Everybody else seemed to be happy that they were being photographed there.

And listen, if I was invited to Bezos' wedding in Venice, would I say no?

I can't imagine under what circumstances I would ever be invited.

But if I had gotten that invite, would I say no?

Would I stand on principle?

Would I stand on business?

I don't know.

No, because if you actually got the invite, then

it'd be transactional for you, too.

Exactly.

You're exactly right about that.

It'd be transactional.

If I don't go, I'm going to piss them off and they won't buy the commercial break for the next season.

They won't buy the commercial break for the next season.

Listen, I get it.

And that's why I think, you know, money is not the, it doesn't answer all the problems.

It doesn't answer all.

What did they say, Chrissy?

More money, more problems.

That's right.

More, the more money

that I come up on, the more problems I see, because that's the truth.

And then you never really know who's your friend.

You just don't know.

That's true.

It's happening to us in our own personal life, Chrissy.

It's happening to us.

That's right.

The less money I have, the more problems I have.

It's unbelievable how that works.

The less money and the more money you have, there's just problems.

You have problems.

I don't know what, I don't know.

There's got to be some happy medium.

Yeah, you would think.

A couple billion.

Couple billion.

I think that solves problems.

I think so.

And then if you don't have friends, you can buy them.

Of course.

The friend experience.

You know, that girlfriend experience?

There's got to be like professional friends out there.

I was thinking about this, about Jeff Bezos.

Poor bastard probably has no friends, right?

He's just,

he's kind of.

I think

maybe your friends too become the people that work for you, you know?

It's your

personal security.

Yeah, the yes.

It's your chef.

It's your, you know, whoever is your driver.

Yeah, I always had this thought, like, you remember Obama had a chef,

a couple chefs throughout his time, but Obama had a chef.

One of those chefs wrote a book.

And the book was basically, you know, late nights with Obama, right?

Where Obama would come down and he would get a snack and, you know, they would talk about different things.

So late night conversations with Obama when he gets a snack.

And it seemed like from those conversations, it was a real friendship that grew there.

And

I liked the thought that Obama, with all that pressure on him, the craziness, the madness, just all the things that Obama walked into, any president has, really, but Obama walked into specifically and had to deal with.

And all the people around him wanting certain things transactionally from him one way or the other.

And he just had this one dude downstairs and all Obama wanted was a chocolate cookie and a cigarette.

Yeah, and some rice pudding.

And some rice pudding.

And the dude would just be there to listen and hang out.

He had one.

Chefs are cool.

Chefs are cool.

That's yeah, that's what I get.

Yes.

Rich enough is when you can have a personal chef, but you don't have to take a boat to a wedding.

That's that's like the sweet spot right there.

That's where all the problems dissipate.

When you have a chef that's your friend that lives in your house downstairs and makes you good pudding.

But when you go upstairs, you don't, you know, there's not a helicopter on the top of your.

Yeah.

So listen, congratulations to Jeff and Lauren.

i'm i'm not sure what's going on with lauren i've seen pictures i don't want to comment i don't want to be the one the one of the many men online and women that are commenting on lauren but something's going on there that's did you see the pictures i i mean yes

something's i'll show you one of the pictures that i saw yeah it's that looks like nothing less it's that look that

yeah it's that look it's that like what do they call that where uh where does uh what's trump's thing down there mar-a-lago no it's that mar-a-lago look

yeah the the big lips.

The big lips.

The tight.

Yeah, it looks like the Joker.

Like they cut their lips like this, all the fillers.

It looks really weird to me.

I don't know.

To me, that's not an attractive look.

Yeah.

But I'm also not that person looking at myself in the mirror, and I don't want to knock anybody for feeling good about themselves.

If that's what makes you feel good, knock yourself out.

But I also don't think you want to look like the cat woman.

But the cat woman thought she looked perfectly normal.

That's the crazy part.

Speaking of having tons of money.

Yeah, the cat woman had

lost.

Yes, that had billions of dollars.

It's literally insane.

All right, let's do this.

Let's take a break and we'll be back with more live from the Odyssey Studios in downtown Atlanta.

Let me do something Brian has never done.

Be brief.

Follow us on Instagram at theCommercial Break.

Text or call us 212-433-3TCB.

That's 212-433-3822.

Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all the audio, video, and your free sticker.

Then watch all the videos at youtube.com/slash the commercial break.

And finally, share the show.

It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters.

See, Brian?

That really wasn't that difficult now, was it?

You're welcome.

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Okay, and we're back live from the Odyssey Studios downtown Atlanta.

I mentioned before, the people at Odyssey were really nice enough to allow us to come here and record.

It's a beautiful space.

Their performance studio.

Yeah, well, professional performance.

Professional performance studio.

Well, you know, we had one of these at iHeart too.

We had the, I don't know, I don't want to name it because we're here at the Verizon Artist Studio, but we had one of these and then the musicians would come in.

Who did you see there?

I saw Jewel.

I saw Hootie.

Lady A.

I remember.

I saw Lady A.

We had like Taylor Swift come through.

Taylor Swift.

I met Taylor Swift and Juliana Huff.

Yeah, Juliana Huff.

I remember her.

Hootie from the Blowfish.

The Hootie from the Bluefish Darius Rucker.

He was very nice.

And that's when he was making his first foray into country.

No one was taking him serious.

But then he played and he was very good.

Very good.

I'm not a country music fan, but it was very good.

But then Taylor Swift came in.

And I remember all of the people making such a huge deal out of an 18-year-old Taylor Swift coming in, 18, 19 years old.

She was still just a songwriter, really, that had just kind of come out with something.

She had that

young girl song, right?

The young girl who was in love, you know.

Uh-huh.

Baby, Juliet, come in.

I don't know.

My daughter sings it all the fucking time.

But anyway, Juliet, yeah, that's right.

And then Julie.

Maybe just say yes.

Baby, just say yes.

Uh-huh.

Never more a white song.

Never a whiter song in the world.

Indeed.

But I remember a few things about those two women specifically, not trying to be creepy, just saying it out loud.

They both smelled amazing.

Yeah.

Where did that smell, like, what were they wearing?

What was that smell?

I wasn't even in, I wasn't even close proxim.

I took a picture next to Daniel.

Same about Beyonce.

Yeah.

How about Beyonce hanging upside down?

I know.

Did you see that?

Yes.

And then something happened, though.

There was like a malfunction in Houston.

Yeah, there was another.

Yeah, like the car went sideways.

Like there was a car floating.

We've all seen the video.

I mean, you have to be out of your head and all not to seen the video.

The car was floating around over the crowd.

It was this red, whatever it was, Corvette or Cadillac convertible.

And she was sitting in the corvette in the Cadillac singing 40, 50 feet up in the air.

And there was a wire that was.

driving the car around up in the air.

And then all of a sudden, the car started to tilt to one side and it almost tilted all the way to 90 degrees.

Had she not had a harness on, she would have been on the floor.

But of course, she was going to have a harness on.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

And then she smiled and just took it like a champ.

And but that's what she, that's what Beyonce does because any, you know, at that level, you just let the show must go on.

Right.

You're not going to let that, you're not going to disappoint 40,000 people.

Her two are doing quite well.

Speaking of tours doing quite well, I wanted to mention, not the world's biggest WSP fan, but I know a lot of my friends are, and I know some people who listen are.

Widespread panic celebrated

their 75th sellout of Red Rocks.

Yep.

75 in a row.

First of all, you got to be old to do that.

Okay.

There's no young whippersnappers that are doing that.

I think Blues Traveler also has like 53 sellouts in a row.

Dave Matthews has like 57 in a row.

So all those guys have been touring for a very long time.

But 75 is quite an accomplishment.

It was exciting.

That's quite an accomplishment.

Yeah, we stream the shows.

Yeah, I saw your, your,

what is he, uncle-in-law what who is oh yeah chuck chuck chuck levell

he was playing rolling stones with him up there yeah by marriage he's yeah

by marriage he's your

step

by marriage he's your ex-step uncle-in-law second removed

so one of the things that i thought was interesting about

he's just brother's father-in-law so whatever ex-brother's father-in-law so whatever that makes you're an uncle he's your uncle-in-law uncle-in-law he's your uncle-in-law because i think by marriage marriage, there's just one definition.

When there's like blood involved, it's like second cousin once removed times two.

I don't know any of it.

I can't.

I tried to figure it out.

The once-removed thing.

Once removed.

Yeah, I did.

Once removed from who?

Who were you once removed from?

And who are you twice removed from?

That's when it really gets weird.

You were twice removed from the family?

I'm Brian, once removed from my brother.

I'm Brian.

I'm Brian, once removed from my mother and father.

That's what I am.

Once removed.

I removed myself.

Also,

yeah, it's really confusing.

I don't understand any of it.

But one of the things that I found very interesting about the widespread panic Red Rock's thing specifically

was the

mad blinket dash that goes on at the beginning.

Yeah, it's called like the tarp dash.

The run of the tarps or something.

What's the tarp?

What in the good fuck?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Guys, come on.

We're going to noodle all night long.

Do we have to kill each other for the, I mean, it doesn't seem like anybody's getting hurt that badly anyway.

It's a little much.

It is a little much.

We had to come and save all that space for people that aren't there yet.

Yeah, so here, so Red Rocks is bleachers.

It's like the pool, like saving a bunch of chairs at the pool.

Fucking assholes.

You know?

We went to Typhoon Lagoon.

One or two, fine, but yeah, not all of that.

This is what reminded me of this.

We went to Typhoon Lagoon, which is Disney's

Disney's water park down there.

Typhoon Lagoon.

Comes with a story story and everything about the Typhoon Lagoon.

You can read it as you drive in.

We go there, surface of the sun hot.

Everybody's there.

The whole park is there.

But you go in.

Disney has his thing.

You go for free on the day you check in or check out because they want to keep you at,

they want to get you into some park to spend money.

So why not give you the admission to the water park?

You can go cool down and spend money there on their expensive drinks and food.

He has $10 for a fucking Mickey pretzel this big.

So

we go to this place and we're there pretty early.

I'd say 11, 10, 30, 11.

The place opened at 10.

Okay.

We're there at 10.30 or 11.

And there are people.

The thing is, is that Typhoon Lagoon, they have chairs.

Certain chairs are set up, certain, you know, lounge chairs, regular chairs, all set up.

You know, you have to pay if you want an umbrella or a cabana or any of that stuff.

They have a wave pool.

That wave pool is huge.

It's huge.

And the waves get...

13 feet tall at the front.

And then by the time they get to the way back, where the, you know, where the beach is.

13 13 feet

13 feet and there are kids that are riding these waves 13 feet all the way to the fucking it's amazing it's it's quite cool actually but not for my kids my kids you know yeah they're 13 feet they're not three feet I'm not gonna lose them but it's Disney so it has a million lifeguards I'm not too worried about it but kind of worried about it it's also very crowded anyway you can take they have stacks of chairs you can take those chairs and put them on the little

beach where the the waves come up, right?

It's a cement beach, but it's a beach.

So you can place them where you want to, but just know the waves are coming.

So, you know, they're going to go under the chair.

You're going to get splashed, whatever.

Animals.

People are fucking animals.

They're animals.

I don't understand human beings.

I really don't.

It's like they, it's like some people feel like they have a right to certain things that are not theirs, they never earned, and no one told them they could have.

There,

we find a couple of chairs and it's stack.

There's a space that's open way at the back of the beach against this fake rock.

I put a couple chairs there, two chairs, because I'm not going to be greedy because there's other people and they need chairs.

I don't need more than two chairs because I know my children aren't going to sit.

Let me put the two chairs there.

I put my towels.

I put a couple of items, not important, not valuable, and we go off into the wave pool and go do a slide or whatever.

I come back, and there's two ladies that are moving, that are like sitting on the chairs, moving our stuff onto the ground where it's going to get wet.

Animals.

And I said, I'm sorry, ladies.

I really apologize, but we were sitting in these chairs.

That was our stuff.

Yeah.

And this lady gets huffy with me.

She gets huffy fucking puffy.

And she's like, who told you you could have this?

I didn't see anyone here.

And I said, who told you you could have this?

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm not trying to be entitled to something I didn't earn, but I'm pretty sure the universal sign for it's taken is my shit on the chair.

Exactly.

I have to sit on it the entire time we're here so that you don't get it.

Yeah.

It's like they were entitled to take it just because they needed it.

And it was really, really rude.

But it wasn't the first time it happened with those two chairs.

I mean, it was the first time.

It wasn't the last time it happened with those two chairs.

I came back an hour later.

There was a lady telling her kids to move our stuff while I was walking.

And I was like, I'm sorry, these are our chairs.

I had to defend my territory.

And I don't want to defend territory that's not mine, right?

I'm not that patriotic about anything, let alone two chairs of typhoon fucking lagoon.

But if I don't have those two chairs, then there's nothing, there's nowhere to put our shit.

Yeah.

It's just really rude.

It's like the, you know, you go into a line and

people like, you know, they, they feel like it's their space.

And I just feel like we could be a little kinder to each other, especially when we're all melting at the same time.

Do you know what I'm saying?

At a place called Typhoon Lagoon.

At a place called Typhoon Lagoon or the magic fucking kingdom.

It's called the magic kingdom for a reason.

We're all supposed to act magically happy.

You should have told those women it's not going to be this way forever.

they already know that because they are not that way i mean honest honestly these two ladies were like out of a book somewhere like you know

karens karens yes that's it that's all i can say i i i hate to like generalize but i'm going to generalize because if i say that word then you know who i'm talking about i'm talking about a white entitled privileged you know, woman who's of a certain age and a certain ilk, and she's just entitled to everything.

And if it doesn't go her way, she's going to get upset.

I don't know why.

I don't know why.

I don't feel that way.

I'm of the age to be a Karen, and I don't feel that way.

You're not a Karen.

Are you a Karen?

Are you secretly a Karen when I don't?

I'm absolutely not.

When I'm not around, are you secretly a Karen?

Have you ever been a Karen?

No, but I'm not at the Magic Kingdom either at Typhoon Lagoon.

Well, thank God.

It's not this way for us.

I'm not in those situations.

I have small children.

What else am I?

I have to put myself in that situation.

When you have kids that love it, you know, you want to do what's you know i also read this this article and i and i thought it was very interesting and i forgot who who who said it was it the buddhist monk no i i

i don't think it's the buddhist monk ram das

i actually think it might have been denzel washington denzel washington's teaching me about life

i think

he's got some good advice denzel said i think i remember seeing him say this on a video when you count the the amount of summers or particular events that you have with small children before they start getting their own autonomous life, it's like 12, right?

And three of those, they're too young to understand anything.

And three of those, they're going to be shitty little brats.

So you really have like six, you know,

in that sweet spot.

Yeah, the sweet spot.

And what I mean by that, there's all, I'm sure they're all sweet in their, in different ways, at least they have been for me.

I'm talking about the sweet spot where they're like, you know, mommy, daddy, you know,

oh, like the awe in their eyes seeing something for the first time or doing so.

I'm never going to get the first time my kid rode a roller coaster back.

I'm never going to get the first time my daughter saw the princess that she loved back.

I'm never going to get that moment again.

And Denzel's right.

You only got so many of them.

So why sit around, you know, like my parents did, not taking us anywhere, go in the backyard and cook bugs

with your, yeah, with your spyglass or whatever it was, which I guess is magical in its own way.

But

But I go to that magic fucking kingdom, everybody's entitled.

There's like, I saw this guy at one of the shops.

He's like Disney shops.

And they have these like, I don't know what they call them, fluffer fucking nuts.

I don't even know what they call them.

Like Fluffy Bunnies or something.

They're all the rage.

They're all the rage.

They're collectibles.

Oh, okay.

And there's a line because they're going to restock the collectibles.

There's a line of three old

men

who have, you know, they're wearing princess princess backpacks and Mickey ears.

I mean, honestly, people need to grow up.

They just need to grow up and get a life.

And the lady comes and she puts the box down and she puts the

10 of them.

It's not a mad dash because she says, she says,

remember, there's no limit to how many you buy, but there are children behind you because there were like four or five children with their parents lined up to get it.

And guess what?

It didn't matter.

The first two guys took them all.

Didn't matter.

Really?

Took them all.

And it's like, dude,

honestly, bro, is your life so fucking miserable that the Disney fluffer nutter is going to make it any better?

Because by the looks of it, you're going to go home to a sad basement, you're going to be on Reddit all day long, and you're going to be talking about your brand new fluffer nutters.

Like the fucking Laboo Boo craze.

You know what I'm saying?

That's all they're fake labooboos now, and people don't care.

People think labooboo is the devil.

Have you heard this one?

Oh, people are saying that laboo boos are giving, biting them at night and bringing in bad juju

opening the doors.

I have a whole video to do on this, and I can't wait to do it.

We'll talk about it later.

I mean, I can't argue that it's not true.

I can't argue that I don't think it's true, but it's based on like a Norwegian.

Well, I was going to say, like, trolls.

Yes, troll.

Yes, that's what it's based on.

That's what the original artist did.

Yeah.

And so now people are burning their laboo boos.

There's ladies showing up, you know,

more adult Disney adults with too much time on their hands.

I got bit by my laboo-boo.

Like, no, you're, no, you're pining for attention, is what you're doing.

Yeah.

I mean, listen, there's one in every crowd.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

There's just a lot of, there's just a big crowd at Instagram.

So that's what's going on right there.

So, all right, let's take a break and we'll be back in just a few minutes.

Rachel here.

While Brian takes his old man Bladder to the little boys' room, let's talk turkey.

TCB needs your help.

If you love the show, do us all a favor and share.

Sharing is caring.

And we know you care.

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Well, don't you?

Ooh, that was some childhood trauma.

Rearing its ugly head.

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Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822.

And you could be the next TCB disembodied voice.

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I was a disembodied voice.

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Is that Burt Kreischer at Widespread Panic?

That's Burt Kreischer at Widespread Panic at Red Rocks.

Well, and I think I saw a picture with Bill Murray.

Oh, Bill Murray was at Widespread Panic at Red Rocks?

Wow, that's amazing.

Okay, here's what I'm going to do.

We're running short on studio time for today here at Odyssey.

So I am going to, what I'm going to do is I'm just letting the audience know this.

I'm going to stop right here, and then we'll come back for the close.

But I'm going to put in a little clip of one of our canned episodes, something that I think is good.

So we're going to give you a little tasty teener of a canned episode just to stretch this out a little bit longer.

We usually go an hour, but Slim and Kim and everybody's been very nice here.

And they got other things to do with their time to fuck around with the commercial break.

You know what I'm saying?

That's right.

I have other things to do with my time to fuck around with the commercial break, if I'm being real honest about it i know but i always seem to be just around with the commercial break that seems to be my life i don't know what to tell you all right so let's do this we'll take a break and then uh we'll take a break i'll drop that in and then we'll come back with the close okay

All right, here's the part I was talking about at the beginning of the episode.

Because we had just a few minutes to record and we couldn't get a full episode in, I decided to leave a little break so we could Frankenstein together.

Here's 20 minutes of an episode where Chrissy and I play a game.

Would you rather?

I thought it was interesting then.

I think it's interesting now.

I'm not sure exactly why I didn't run this.

It probably has to do with childhood insecurities.

Anyway, listen to this 20 minutes, and then Chrissy and I will wrap it up live from the Odyssey Studios.

All right, and we're back.

We're doing a little Would You Rather?

Let's do it without the music this time because I think the music felt a little too loud for my ears for some reason.

Sometimes I like the music, and sometimes I'm like, eh, eh, eh,

yeah.

I think it just depends on what kind of mood I'm in.

Brian, on a tan, Brian, on an angry day.

Here I am.

I can't believe it said that.

It did.

All right, so these are not specific to TCB.

These are some would you rathers, not specific to TCB, but I thought we'd ask them anyway.

Ask them.

Ask them anyway.

Let me take a drink of water while we're at it because I feel it.

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After two hours of talking, my mouth is dry.

dry.

And I'll spill it all over myself.

The older I get, the more I'm just like spilling and dribbling.

Sometimes I'm eating and my nose starts to run like my grandpas did.

And I'm like, what?

Why is my nose running?

You keep it freezing wherever you go.

I do keep it freezing wherever I go.

And I have absolutely no nose hair because I cannot stand it.

And I know that every single like ear, nose, and throat doctor will tell you that that's the worst possible thing you can do.

You're inviting disease and sickness, but I just can't take it.

I'm not going to be one of those guys who's got nose hair, you know.

You can just trim a little bit.

Yeah, I'd let it.

I just, I'm all the, I'm like sticking that thing halfway up my sinus cavity.

I can't stand it.

If I see a hair, I'm like, ah.

And why is it that when you get to a certain age, your ear and nose hair grows faster than anything else on your body?

It's like, where did that come from?

Esther and I.

Yeah, Esther and I were talking about like, we each have like one eyebrow hair that when I wake up in the morning, all of a sudden it'll just be like sticking out.

It's like it wasn't there yesterday and now it's three inches long.

What happened overnight?

The little goblin come and pull it out?

I mean, it's so weird.

So strange how your body works.

All right, ready?

Ready.

Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss?

Oh, that's a good one.

Boss.

Yeah, boss.

Listen, I'm going to have,

I'll have no job after this.

Yeah, Yeah, exactly.

One could make the argument that you would have a bunch of bosses over the course of a lifetime.

And if you got a cool one, they'll understand.

Totally.

Even at the office, sometimes you need to get one out.

But your grandparents, it's a hard thing to put back in the bag, you know?

They see you as their little...

My little kitty pie.

My little sassy baby.

Honey, it's time for dinner.

Oh, my God.

Is that a penis going into an asshole?

Yeah, grandma, I'm just jerking one off.

Oh, I'm not not making any more pancakes for you.

But your boss would be like, oh, who is that?

Which one is that?

I saw that one.

Is that Tina Taylor?

Is that Tina Taylor in Double Bang Action?

I love that one.

That's great.

Would you rather accidentally text, I'm horny, to your family or to your landlord?

Oh.

Oh.

To your family or to your landlord?

Like, me?

Oh, God, I'd rather die than do either of those things.

Yes.

Yeah, because your landlord, like, they could kick you out, and your family, they already hate you.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm horny.

Well, I'd rather do it to my family because they think I'm a weird human being anyway.

They probably just go, What is Brian doing?

What is he?

What joke was that?

You know, they think it was jokey.

Would you rather have to give a TED talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days?

Oh, God.

Honey.

Ooh.

Well, I do the TED Talk because it would, like my last sexual experience, it would be very short.

I'd just be like,

I came.

I saw.

I came.

Yeah.

That was it.

Yeah, I might go to TED Talk too.

Although that's kind of a nightmare to even think about doing a TED Talk.

You've done many talks, but I've done a lot of talks.

Yeah.

And it gets easier with time.

Of course.

Though the nerves never go away.

You know, a lot of times when we have these comics up, one of my favorite questions to ask is, do you still get the nerves?

Are you still nervous before you go out on stage?

I think they call it like the longest 15 feet or something like that.

Eddie Brill used to say, he termed it the longest 15 feet.

And what he meant by that was the 15 feet.

Between backstage and the microphone is where it all starts flooding in, right?

You get nervous.

You get the, you know, I've heard comics say that they have like this irrational fear that they're going to pee themselves on stage.

And I heard one comic, no one you would know, it was like a comic on another comic show.

He ended up being a comedy writer for TV, but he had to stop doing comedy for like six years because he had an irrational fear that he was going to pee himself on the stage.

So irrational that it paralyzed him from going out on stage for five years.

He couldn't do stand-up.

Going out and talking in front of public is never easy.

I don't care who you are.

And if you don't have that fear, then you're just not human, I don't think.

So doing a TED Talk, one of that prestige, would be really difficult.

You do not want to fuck that one up.

You get one shot at it, usually, and people are really expecting something fantastic to come out of a TED talk.

They paid a thousand dollars to be there, they want to hear you say something brilliant.

My last sexual experience is not going to be that.

That is not what it's going to be.

And I can choose any sexual experience, and it's all going to be the same.

It's not going to be super impressive.

You know what I'm saying?

But my search history

is projected on a billboard for three days.

No, thank you.

How do you lengthen?

How do you lengthen your penis?

Would you rather have a one-night stand with someone who won't stop crying or won't stop talking?

Ooh.

Gosh.

Wow.

Neither.

Neither.

Thanks.

Yeah.

That's how it go talking, I guess.

I think I've had both.

Yeah.

I think I've had both, and I don't think either were fun.

No.

Crying in bed is a disconcerting thing, and I've had it happen a number of times, and I can understand why.

Look at me.

No one, I mean,

you come to the realization that this might be as good as it gets.

This bald, hairy, fat man

writhing around on you.

No.

And I've had.

I've been in bed with people who.

Yeah, with talkers.

Remind me to tell you.

Yeah, it depends on what they're saying.

You know, if they're giving direction and saying encouraging things of what you're doing, then talk away.

I had an experience with a.

But if you're talking about what you did at work earlier, that's

different.

I had a couple of experiences with a mutual friend, and the talk was not sexual in nature.

I think they were trying to

deflect the intimacy of the moment or the tenderness of the moment or maybe the embarrassment of the moment.

I'm not really sure what it was, but it was kind of like this incessant need to talk so that I don't know, but I didn't want to talk, like, okay, can we stop talking for a second so we can enjoy this?

And she just kept on talking.

And I didn't find it to be very interesting.

But then the crying part of it, if you've been in bed with, if you've ever been in bed with someone that cries, that is a reason for concern no matter what.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

There's usually some kind of trauma behind it.

You know,

yeah, no thanks.

Neither.

I'll take neither.

Would you rather have an orgasm every time you hear your name?

Every time you hear your name or never be able to orgasm while music is playing.

Oh.

Oh, that's terrible either way, I think.

Yeah.

I think orgasm every time I hear my name, I guess.

Yeah, I guess that too.

We reviewed a video once we did about a guy who orgasm controls orgasm.

On a follow-up note, I found a video where it was clear that that guy was making it all up, even to the doctors.

Like the doctors kind of caught on that they were like

really far-fetched.

Yeah, it did.

He was just

like at the par

around kids, and he was like,

It was weird, holding his balls.

It was, it seemed a little, it seemed a little acty to me.

It turned out it was acty.

Would you rather moan every time you stretch or gasp dramatically every time you sit down.

That's funny.

That is a good one.

Moan when you stretch.

Like, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

It's like that guy that I saw at the gym one time.

Oh, right.

And every time he was punching something, he'd be like, oh,

ah,

and everybody in the gym was looking at him going, what in the world is going on with you?

He was fully committed to the bit, too.

Fully committed to the bit.

I think dramatically gasp every time I sit down.

I think I do that now.

I'm surprised I still can sit down with my, with these aging bones.

Would you rather have your partner's parents walk in on you?

Would you rather have your in-laws walk in?

while you're having sex

or have your boss walk in while you're having sex.

I'd say again, this is boss.

Yeah.

I can get another job.

I can't get more in-laws.

Yeah.

Would you rather have your phone auto-correct every word into something sexual

or turn every emoji into an eggplant and a water symbol?

The eggplants and the water symbols.

I was going to say, yeah.

Something's wrong with my phone.

That's all I have to say.

Would you rather have to wear lingerie

to work for a week or go commando for a year?

Well, Commando can be covered up.

You know what I'm saying?

You can put a pair of jeans on and go commando.

And I don't think I'd want to wear anything to work that reveals anything.

Not for a whole week.

No, no, no.

Would you rather accidentally scream the wrong name during sex

or have your partner do it to you.

Oh.

Oh, that is a good one.

Whoa.

Because I was going to say, whatever is the opposite of calling out someone else's name, I would say that, but not if they're calling out someone else's name.

Yeah, not if they're.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I think I'd much rather do it to them because I'm kind of a numb skull anyway.

Either way, you're not finishing the sex.

Yeah, either way, no one's having an orgasm.

Either way, you're done.

Either way, there's going to be a long conversation.

It's going to be a long night.

All right.

How about two three more about relationships?

Would you rather be able to only have sex in public places or in complete silence?

Public places.

Oh, public places.

Yeah, I don't like silence.

That makes me nervous when someone doesn't say anything.

Been there, done that too.

That's a nerve-wracking one.

Would you rather date someone who's amazing in bed but terrible at

communication or someone who's an amazing communicator but terrible in bed?

Oh.

I'd rather them be average at both, kind of

course.

Because at least I get something

out of everything.

Yeah, if you have to choose.

I think eventually

I would say good communicator.

Good communicator, bad.

Bad in bed because you can teach somebody.

Yes.

You can teach somebody.

They're already a good communicator.

They're open to it.

Yes.

And let's be real about the nature of sexual attraction in sex and long-term relationships.

It ebbs and it flows.

It comes and it goes.

But communication, you always need.

Yes.

Right.

So you might have periods where you're fucking, you know, six nights a week and you might have periods where you're fucking one time a month.

You know, that's just the way that relationships are for so many different reasons.

But you always need to have good communication, especially during the times when there's a lull in sex.

Yes.

So I'm going to go with that one.

Would you rather have to role play as a different character every time you have sex or never be able to role play again?

I'm saying never be able to role play again.

Oh, no, I'm going every time.

You're going every time?

Yeah.

Oh,

such a.

I need those cameras in that house.

Destiny.

Yeah, that was easy.

Oh, Chrissy, what's going on over there?

Would you rather have sex with your celebrity crush once, but no one believes you?

Or never get to do it, but everyone believes you have.

Oh.

I want to have sex with Dua Lipa regardless of who believes me.

Right.

I was going to say I would do the crash and never have anybody believe me.

That's fine.

Yeah, I don't give a shit if you think if I had to happen.

Whatever.

I know what happened.

I've got the memory.

Until this show, I've never been one to talk about my sexual exploits anyway.

I don't care.

Who cares?

Yeah.

Would you rather find out your partner is secretly running an OnlyFans

or secretly has a foot fetish?

Oh.

Oh, foot fetish.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Would you rather your partner never shave again or never wear deodorant again?

Oh.

Oh.

Neither.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I might go deodorant.

Deodorant.

Yeah, I guess.

I can deal with your musk.

Yeah.

But, you know, there is a point when it's too hairy.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Like, I don't mind hair down there.

God bless you.

God bless America.

As a matter of fact, just a personal preference, I'm not a huge fan of like the totally bald thing.

That to me feels a little weird.

It always has.

Bush is back.

Wow, I read something the other day.

Bush never went anywhere.

There's a few of us.

Jeff said.

Yeah, Bush is back.

A few of us have been ringing that bell the whole time.

Bring it back, 70s style.

I don't care.

But there is too far.

Yeah.

There is a little bit too far.

But it's running down the side of your legs.

Does not even have the option.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Would you rather date someone who's way too loud during sex

or

never makes a noise while orgasming?

Oh, way too loud.

Way too loud.

I agree with that one.

Yeah.

You can put me in that category.

Way too loud.

All right.

There you go.

There we go.

We have no idea.

Frankenstein.

Yeah, Frankenstein.

We've stitched it together.

I have no idea what I just played.

But you know what?

There you go.

Congratulations to you.

You got a little tasty tiny.

A little segment that we've never aired before.

That we've probably aired before because I'm dumb.

But anyway.

All right.

Thanks to Slim, Kim, Michael, Eric, everybody at Odyssey for letting us use these studios today.

Hopefully we'll do more of this.

I know that we have some guests in the future,

some really cool shit.

In the queue.

In the queue.

And if they agree, if we can somehow convince them that we are the people they want to do this with, then it's going to be fantastic.

Well, I mean, we've got a professional

building for them to go to.

Yes,

they won't show up

at my one-story.

We're greeting them at the

one-story double-wide ranch trash house north of Atlanta.

Yeah,

my driveway.

It's barely there anymore because the tree is taking it out.

But anyway,

there's parking.

You can valet.

Take it over.

Do what you want.

It's Odyssey.

They're good.

This is one of the most prestigious buildings in all of Atlanta.

It really is.

It's been redone, too, and it's gorgeous.

Very nice.

Very nice, I do have to say.

Colony Square.

There you go.

212-433-3 TCB.

212-433-3822.

Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas?

We take them all right there with that phone number.

Don't be a stranger.

Texting so many people texting in.

I just said this on the Courtney Michelle episode about Pauly couch cushions.

We hit on something there.

Something's going on.

We thought it was gold.

We thought it was gold.

And now you think it's gold.

You never know if it's going to actually translate.

That guy's a character.

He is.

And I got home from Disney, and I had so many text messages on that phone about that guy.

They loved it.

They want more of it immediately.

I thought thought Frankie B was our guy, but I might be wrong.

Pauly D might be the new.

Yeah.

Might be the new Frankie B.

All right.

Add the commercial break on Instagram.

Please, please, please do us a favor and follow us.

So many of you have been doing that.

We appreciate it.

Let's get there.

I don't know what there is, but let's get somewhere.

North of 100 people.

North of 100 people.

Yes.

tzbpodcast.com all the audio all the video right there one location and your free sticker and youtube.com slash the commercial break for all the episodes the same day day they air here on the video.

Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

I think so.

I will tell you that I love you.

I love you.

I will say best to you.

Best to you.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe and all the good people at Odyssey.

Until next time, Chrissy, and I will say, we do say, and we must say.

Goodbye.

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