TCB Fall Classic: Live from Shady Oaks

ABC Wednesdays, the Golden Bachelor is all new.

Hi, Mel.

Hello.

Former NFL star Mel Owens is looking for his second chance at love.

I'm hopeful that I'll find true love.

But these women are in a league of their own.

Mel has never been exposed to women like us.

I don't know how he can handle it all.

The Golden Bachelor season premiere.

To love, happiness, and fun.

Wednesdays, 9-8 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

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Welcome back to WSHIT.

With the arrival of fall, WSHIT is so excited to bring back its annual wedding expo.

This show focuses on all the wonderful vendors available here in CrabApple to use when exchanging your noptials.

Now we'd like to focus our attention on little Drappy Anderson.

Drappy Anderson is of course a wedding singer, locally known for his increasingly interesting renditions of popular songs.

He's willing to sing at your wedding for the low, low price of $50.

He would like a plate of food.

Additionally, let's listen to Drappy's interpretation of this classic song by Madonna.

I've been hard,

I was sad and blue, but you made me feel.

Yeah, you made

me feel

shiny and new.

Like a bad gym.

Like a bad

budget.

You've got to admire Little Drappy's perseverance and creativity.

Drappy wanted me to pass along that he's also available for bar misfas and kinking heroes.

We'll be back after this commercial break.

Um, hello, Brian Chrissy.

Want to say thank you, making me laugh so much with your show.

I listened for your show from very beginning time.

Please keep making episode.

Love to listen.

Best to you.

On this episode of the Commercial Break.

It's fall break for the kids and Mempho time for Chrissy.

So we're taking a little break this week and throwing you some TCB classic entertainment.

In the now long and illustrious history of the commercial break, no single episode has gotten more negative feedback than this TCB Classic.

It clocks in at episode number 102 and includes some of the most ear-wrecking music you will probably hear until the next Justin Bieber album comes out.

For almost 100 episodes and the 10 or 12 years previous to us getting on a microphone, our friendship, I had been telling Chrissy about my time as a lead singer in one of two rock and roll bands in my late teens teens and 20s.

The first one, of course, is 33 Willie, which we now affectionately refer to as 33 Penis, and the other one was Chopper Johnson, which we now affectionately refer to as, well, Chopper Johnson.

No funny title needed.

Those jokes tell themselves.

After I got on this big megaphone, noticed the commercial break and started talking about it, one of the members of the first band I was ever in, 33 Penis, called me up to tell me that he had some old tapes from one of the three concerts that we played.

That's right, we lasted all of three live shows.

One of them was in the living room of a friend of a friend's house during a house party he was throwing at noon on a Saturday while his parents were out of town.

That rock and roll lifestyle, you gotta be careful.

Those noon house parties.

You know how that shit gets out of control real quick.

Anywho, I'm sure I blab out about it on this episode.

This is apparently long before Chrissy and I learned how to actually use our microphones.

So Chrissy sounds like she's underwater three miles away.

But because you know I love to troll you guys, I thought I'd dig deep and give you this TCB classic live from Shady Oaks.

I'll be back at the end to wrap it all up.

Bye.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

Oh,

yeah, so episode of the Commercial Break.

Good afternoon or whatever time it is when you're listening to this.

I'm Brian.

This is Kristen Hoadley.

And happy holidays.

Best to you, Kristen.

Best to you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

How the hell are you?

Thank you for joining us on yet another episode of the Commerce Ready!

I am headlong into a bad addiction of falling off of the wagon.

I am no longer a teetotaling

TLC reality show watcher.

I found myself dripped, steeped deep in the land

of scripted dramatic television.

From the 80s.

From the 80s.

On free air TV.

I get through my Roku.

Yeah.

Also known as the 21 Jumpstreet channel.

There's a whole channel.

There's a whole channel.

It's a whole thing.

It's dedicated to nothing but the first four seasons of 21 Jumpstreet.

What happens when they play all of them?

They just repeat it?

That takes days.

Unlike here in the year 2021, fast forward to the future, when Johnny Dupp is old and wine-soaked,

can't get a job to save his life, right?

They actually make like 42 episodes a season back then.

Now they make five and they call it a season, right?

Like when I was watching Melrose Place, I saw the same thing.

I'm like, dang, there's 25

episodes.

Check out a season of The Love Boat.

It's like 69 episodes of The Love Boat in a season.

And they had like 32 seasons.

It's like 312 shows.

There were four, five seasons of 21 Jump Street.

I've now gone through the entire Wikipedia page just to make sure that we understand what we're working with, how addicted I really am.

There are five seasons and 127 episodes in those five seasons.

So there's a lot.

I mean, this is like 25 episodes per season.

That's a lot.

You watch an episode, you watch a season of Better Call Saul.

It's like two and a half episodes.

I mean, that's it.

You're done.

You got to wait another three years to watch Better Call Saul.

But 21 Jumpstreet just goes on and on forever.

So I'm, and, you know, it just plays 24 hours a day.

So I'm catching it like kind of randomly on the television.

I'll catch one episode of season one and two episodes of season two.

I just want to mix it up.

Yeah, I'm just mixing it up.

I'm just mixing up horrible storylines.

I was watching one where John.

I'm sure you don't need to know the bad story anyways.

You don't need to know.

It's a brand new episode, I think.

Yeah.

This is...

So here,

I don't know if you know this, but there were three big television networks that pretty much controlled all of TV.

for the longest time until cable came along.

And then came the fourth network in 1986, known as Fox.

So now there are three big, they call them four big networks.

That's Fox, ABC, CBS, and NBC.

Yes.

And this was the first bona fide hit for Fox.

It beat out a lot of the other

things that were running at the same time.

Played on Sunday nights, you know, prime time, 8 to 9 p.m.

when it first came out for the first three seasons.

And Johnny Depp absolutely fucking hated the show.

He hated being, he hated being an idol.

He hated being on, you know, Teen Magazine.

Too cool for.

Too cool for fucking school, this guy.

Yeah.

But I guess the money kept him coming back because that show is atrocious.

I mean, the storylines storylines are fucking ridiculous.

There's not a black person to be found in the entire of the show except for the captain on season two and then Holly Robinson.

Okay.

And every other black person is character, just a caricature of, you know, bad stereotypes all around.

Yes.

But let me give you an example of a couple of the plots that go on on 21 Jump Street.

Recently, I watched an episode where Johnny Depp is sent in to take down a teacher who is teaching creationism instead of evolution.

Like, because that's a thing that the police do.

They're like, you know, you're under arrest for teaching the Bible.

I guess the 80s was a different time.

There's another one where a guy is recruiting models from the local high school, but they actually turn into porn stars.

Now, I could see how that would be problematic.

You just really want to take care of that.

There is the

Holly Robinson is set in to fall in love with the world's biggest weed dealer.

He's dealing 40 tons of weed a week, and we got to stop him, but Holly falls in love.

What to do?

And is she part of the crew, the undercover crew?

Oh, yeah, she's part of the undercover crew.

Then there's Joey DeLooza, who plays in seasons one, two, and three, he plays Robert somebody.

Okay.

But then in seasons four and five, his name changes and he plays a different character altogether.

What the fuck?

And the bad guys just they recycle him like there's, you know, there's a character actor who plays a bad guy in season one.

He comes back and plays a different bad guy in season number two.

It's brilliant.

It's just

so bad.

It's funny.

Yes, I just, I love it.

I'm deep into it.

I can't stop watching it.

What do I do?

Somebody help me.

I just, I should get back to Big Ed on 90 Day Fiancé.

That's what I should do.

Which I watched the other day, by the way.

So 90 Day Fiancé now has a show called 90 Day the Single Life.

Oh.

All these people whose relationships didn't work out, they put them on a show called 90 Day Fiancé the Single Life.

So it's basically like if you got rejected or you just had shit luck on the first version of your season, then they put, then they follow you around as you're a loser single trying to make it out there in the world.

And Big Ed, remember, I talked about Big Ed?

Remember, Big Ed with the big neck?

Yeah, poor little guy.

I mean, just poor, poor little guy.

I used to think he's funny, and now I just think he's really just a sad character who I feel for.

Like, I want to give Ed a hug.

He falls in love with yet another 28-year-old waitress around his town, right?

He asks her out on the date.

She says yes, obviously, because the TV cameras are with her.

She seems like a nice girl, but why else are you going out with Ed when you're 28 years old?

The guy is 57 years old.

Yeah, you have no interest in a three foot two guy with I mean he's just a he's his neck is as wide as he is tall I mean if you see if you sit him down sideways his neck goes higher than he does I mean that's just a reality poor

no it's because he has some kind of like a birth defect right and it just happened that way his like his neck his shoulders and his chin merge together and he's like this It's just bad.

You know, he walks like this.

We've seen people like this, right?

And listen, I'm not making fun.

I can only imagine how difficult life must have been.

But he seems to have weathered it pretty well.

He's got a great sense of humor.

He's not afraid to talk about his big neck, right?

Big Ed and the big, small Ed and the Back or whatever he calls himself.

But last night, I'm watching just like, I only have 15 minutes in between 21 Jump Street to watch 90 Day the Single Life.

Quick.

I just got, I got to scroll through to the good parts, which is Ed, basically, right?

Okay, right.

So Ed's on date number three.

He's talking to this girl.

He's like, you know, he really wants to find out if he's in the friend zone because they're on date number three and he can't tell whether or not she likes her.

The rest of of us watching clearly understand that this girl has no romantic interest in him.

What's really going on here is: A, she wants to be on television, B, she needs a friend very badly, or C, a combination of the both, right?

But she's not going to be romantically involved with Ed.

We already know this from the beginning.

She's a cute 28-year-old waitress who, by the way, has been married and divorced twice at the age of 28 years old.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

All right.

So just, I mean, I'm not making assumptions.

I'm just saying I'm a divorcee too.

I'm not saying we're all, you know, filled with baggage.

We're just mostly filled with baggage.

So date number three, Ed decides he's going to bring this girl back to his house to meet his mother.

Okay.

Which is a horrible idea on date number three.

Under no circumstances should you bring your date back to meet your mother on date number three.

No.

There's no reason to do this.

None.

Zero.

Yeah.

But he does.

And he sets them.

He's cooking in the kitchen.

Mom's out on the patio with a drink.

And he says, listen, I'd love to sit here.

And she, you know, the little girl, the girl, I don't know what her name is.

Let's call her Andrea.

Andrea comes in and says, you know, oh, hey, you know, the welcomes.

I'd love to talk to you, he says, but I want to make sure I'm cooking, I'm cooking a really good special meal for you.

And I can't do both.

You're too distracting.

You're too beautiful.

He's laying it on thing.

And he's like, I want you to go and talk to mom.

So he's setting them up for a little conversation.

Okay.

Because he wants mom's approval and he wants to make sure she like, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.

Yeah.

So they go out there.

It's a little awkward.

Way awkward.

Yeah.

The whole situation is just totally fucked up, right?

So Ed and Ed's, the girl and the mom are talking.

And it's, you know, she, the mom starts digging in and it's clear she's not ready for any relationship.

She just got divorced.

She's not, she has a kid.

Like, I don't want anything.

You know, I'm just whatever it is.

Having fun.

Having fun.

If it's friends, it's friends.

If it's more, it's more.

But right now, I'm not looking for anything special.

At the end of the night, when Ed and this girl are alone, they have the same conversation where she says the same thing to him.

I'm not ready for anything.

I'm just take, let's just take it slow.

Let's be friends.

I love the way that we're communicating right now.

I like that you check in on me and all that stuff, but I am not ready for anything romantic.

That's what she says to him.

He's walking her to the car.

She goes to give him a hug and he grabs her head to kiss her.

Oh.

And she puts her head down.

Oh, no.

And he ends up kissing like her eyeballs.

Oh, God.

Right?

And this is her response.

No,

no, you can't do that.

And I'm like, oh, my God.

Like, it's so cringeworthy.

She said, no, you can't do that.

And she walks out the door.

Ed is then sitting there left with a bottle of vodka, crying to himself

that when I'm giving up hope that I'm supposed to be with anybody.

And

when there's nobody to have, there's nothing left in life.

He's crying.

So now I'm crying.

So now everybody's crying, right?

We're all crying for Ed.

Meanwhile, the cut to the girl that's outside, outside her car, the producers are like getting this extra feedback, right?

They're like, did you expect that?

And she's like, no, I thought we were on the same page.

I told him, right?

Now she starts crying because she's upset that

she made him feel better, right?

So she goes back in the door like a a wonderful young lady, a wonderful human actually, goes back in the door and sits down with him.

He's crying, she's crying, and she says, listen, I'm so, I'm more worried about how you feel than I'm worried about what just happened.

I want to make sure you're okay.

But I thought I made it clear.

I thought we were on the same page.

Ed can't cut a fucking break.

Is how I initially reacted to this.

I'm like, Ed can't catch a fucking break.

The guy can't get a girl to save his life.

He fell in love with some 19-year-old Filipino.

That was never going to work out.

She didn't even speak any lick of English.

She doesn't speak a lick of Filipino, right?

Right.

Now he comes back to America.

He's extraordinarily famous because of this single-life show, this 90-day fiancé show, and he can't for the life be

extraordinarily famous in my mind.

I wish I was 90-day fiancé famous.

I wish.

Who is the smartass who sent us in a question?

You guys should talk about 90-day fiancé.

Fuck you, man.

So,

so Ed,

so now Ed decides that I'm going to use all of this free publicity for myself.

I'm going to use it to hit on the local bartender who's 28 fucking years old.

Oh, yeah, why not?

So, at first, I think, poor Ed, but then I think to myself, Ed, there's someone out there for you.

It's just not the 28-year-old hot fucking bartender at your local fucking watering hole.

That's not where you're going to find a girlfriend, Ed.

You're 57 years old.

I have friends that are in this position.

This is what they do.

They're a four.

They're looking for a 12.

You know what I'm saying?

They're looking for,

they're looking,

and then they look at me and they go, well, you did it.

And I'm like, what?

Well, I'm a different story.

Yes.

I'm on the commercial brick.

Right.

Exactly.

There's a lot of, you know, people kind of roll out the red carpet for me.

Exactly.

My balls hang low and they swing to and fro.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm just a different kind of guy.

I've got a scrundle sack that people like.

Do you know what I'm saying?

You getting what I'm coming from?

I am getting where you're coming from.

I am like the luckiest man in the world.

I have fallen upward all my entire adult life and I continue to do so.

I'm surprised I have children that have all four arms.

With all the drugs I did, I'm surprised they didn't come out

with scales

and a tail.

Like,

hey, Dad, it's from all the MDMA.

The ayahuasca.

That was great for your sperm count.

Okay.

You're doing a great job.

So thank you.

So

I tell these people, I say, hey, listen, you can't be a four looking for a 12.

No.

You can't be 49 years old looking for a 19-year-old swimsuit model.

Right.

You can't be 52 years old spending most of your adult life watching college football and drinking Jaegermeister and then expect that some 22-year-old co-ed who's about to be in med school

is going to love you for who you are.

No, it doesn't work like that.

That's not how life works.

Sometimes, sometimes we get a little lucky and we find a Venezuelan friend who's beautiful and attractive and happens to be blind as a battle.

I guess I'm not really sure.

But most of the time, we need to swim in our own pool.

That's just the way it is.

Ed says to this girl at one point in the night, he says, he goes, you know what?

Age is just a number.

And you know what her immediate response is?

I don't think that's correct.

I actually don't believe in that.

Yeah.

He should have taken all the signs.

And she's right about that.

Age is just a number sometimes, but not all the time, right?

And so I say to my dear friend, Ed, if you're listening, and I know you are, Ed, swim in your own pool, but that's what you got to do.

There are plenty of girls out there who probably find you very attractive and are ready to rock, right?

They're ready to take that neck for a ride.

I mean,

I'm serious,

but you got to swim in your own pool.

You got to start thinking a little bit more logically about this.

The 28-year-old waitress who's smoking, you know, smoke show is not going to date Ed no matter what television show you're on.

And you also have to take into account there's the television show factor, right?

You got to kind of figure out a way to suss that out a little bit.

I don't think I'd be able to date somebody that was on a TV show.

I don't think I'd be able to date somebody who was on 90-day fiancé.

Well, definitely.

They only showcase train wrecks.

That's it.

You make this rather snappy, won't you?

I have somebody heavy thing to do before 10 o'clock.

Hi, cats and kittens.

Rachel here.

Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void?

Like Brian?

Well, I've got just the place for you to do that.

212-433-3TCB.

That's 212-433-3822.

Feel free to call and yell all you want.

Tell Brian I need a race.

Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans.

Or tell us a little story.

The juicier, the better, by the way.

We'd love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves.

Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials at the commercial break on Insta, TCB Podcast on TikTok.

And for those of you who like to watch, oh, that came out wrong.

We put all the episodes out on video, youtube.com/slash the commercial break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker, or just to see how pretty we look.

Okay, I gotta go now.

I've got a date with my dog.

No, seriously, Axel needs food.

Today is pork chop day

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A couple of months ago,

I promised, a couple of shows ago, I promised that when I finally got a hold of any 33P material, the band that I was a singer in when I was 15, 16 years old, or any Chopper Johnson material.

33 Willie or Chopper Johnson material.

that we've been talking about since this show started.

Yeah, pretty much.

That I would play it here on air as come-uppins, as fair game.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, as they say.

Yes, it was only right that I play, if I'm going to make fun of everybody else, it's only right that we make fun of me.

True, right?

True.

Okay, so the day has come.

The day has come.

As much as I tried to.

Did you pull this out of a box, or did somebody give it to you?

I did not pull this out of a box.

Someone sent this to me.

An old bandmate?

An old bandmate sent this to me.

I actually knew that someone had a copy and I reached out,

praying that they didn't actually have the copy, but knowing that in good faith, I had to make the effort.

Right.

I figured if I emailed and it went, I went, nothing happened that I would never play it.

You're out of it.

That's right.

33P would be buried forever.

I'd just stop talking about it and people would, it'd be a joke.

People were like, was he really in a band?

Right.

With few, if any, people ever remembering the 33 Willie even existed.

This guy being one of them.

Well, I was shit out of luck that day because he's like, I sure do.

mp3 i've been waiting you want that drop box

how do you want that hard copy drop box google drive zuma tell me how you want it

fed x men yeah you want me to keep fedex men you want me to come deliver hand deliver that to you

you want me to start my own podcast called 33p

and i'll play it and then you can re-record it how do you want that

so i knew that the cat was out of the box i knew i would not be able to avoid it for much longer and this over this last long holiday weekend it arrived.

And I feel it only fair that I have to play it.

Wow, the moment has come.

But before we do,

I think we should make fun of other people first.

Okay.

Take with us.

You'll hear some 33 feet before the end of the show.

And it's going to be the episode.

If you remember the episode where I talked about, a couple episodes where I talked about we played live from what I called a retirement home, where everyone was sitting around and we were in front of a fireplace and people were like, left the room because they were like, this is a house party, man.

You stopped screaming in my ear.

Tying of the scene.

You were about to hear how close to the truth my story was.

Okay.

Okay, ready?

Yeah.

But first, I wanted to say a few things.

Okay.

At first, I'm going to throw you way back in the Wayback Machine of the Commercial Break.

We're going to go back to episode number two or three.

Tell me if you remember this.

Dean Bodie Show.

It's the Dean Bodhi show.

I absolutely remember.

I stumbled upon a guy named Dean Bodhi who was doing two podcasts a day for like a year on end.

Not one podcast, two podcasts a day.

And he calls it the Dean Bodhi Show because his name is Dean and the dog's name is Bodhi.

And Bodhi is apparently 112 years old and living on this, you know, in some studio somewhere in East Com or wherever they are.

Right.

And Dean Bode, it was the most amazing thing to me because Dean would sing, he would sing songy through the entire podcast.

It was like 15 or 20 minutes long, yeah.

And he'd want to sing about, I don't know,

the camera, you know, ah, the camera, welcome to the camera, all the little cameras back, ah, right?

He'd do this whole sea-song-y thing through the whole thing, and it became kind of like idiot savant material for me to listen to.

I was listening to, I was watching Dean Bodhie at one point, I was like religiously watching both episodes of Dean Bodhie because Dean would, I mean, he was the consummate entertainer to whom I'm not really sure, to the dog, I I think, right?

Right.

But he, the way that he opened the show was this: Danny, Dan, Danny, Danny, Dan, Dean Bodhi Show at DeanBode.com.

He was just like going off about this.

Dean surfaced.

Okay, so now that's episode number two or three.

And then 100 episodes later, Dean surfaced.

He's been following us.

He started commenting on our YouTube channel.

Okay.

And I was like, look at that.

Dean Bodhi still kicking, still doing his thing.

Yeah.

Still doing a couple episodes a day.

Still got the dog.

Still Dean Bode at the DeanBode.com.

Good to know.

I really felt good about this because I was sure.

You know, the statistic is that most podcasters die after episode number seven.

Well, Dean was already on an episode number 100 by week number two because he's doing seven of these a day, right?

So I was like, I'm pretty sure Dean's going to just go, he's going to peter out at some point, right?

He did not.

He continues to do these daily episodes.

with his dog.

Wow.

Is that not amazing?

Yes.

I wanted to shout out to Dean Bodie.

Absolutely.

Because Because it's not going to be everybody's cup of tea, but go check it out.

You have to check it out.

It's like, it is a testament to human perseverance and attitude.

And I don't know.

They never matter.

You know, those guys who like walk up Everest without oxygen or

dudes who do the highlining across the Grand Canyon a mile up in the air.

And you're like, wow, man, that's really ballsy.

Like, I would never do that.

That would never be my thing of choice.

Good for them.

I would never choose to do two podcast episodes a day.

That's a lot.

Yeah, I do two podcast episodes a week under duress.

Under duress.

But I wanted to say hello to Dean Bode.

Yeah.

He's been such a cheerleader of the show.

He was back then.

He just popped up out of nowhere again.

And I just want to say, Dean, he's milquetost.

He is so nice.

He is the complete opposite of the commercial rake.

Like, we are rowdy and stupid and opinionated.

And Dean is just a nice fucking guy who's out there.

Yeah, even Kiel talking, telling stories about his life.

You know, he goes to the CVS.

It's a half-hour episode on the Dean Bode show.

Dean Bodey Show.

And I just wanted to say hello to Dean.

Dean, we love you.

We do.

And we hope you're doing well.

And congratulations on all the success.

I think he's like 286 episodes in or something like that.

Okay.

Okay.

One additional thing I wanted to get to before.

Are you stalling?

I am stalling.

Are you noticing?

Are you noticing?

Yeah.

I'm pulling your.

We're getting a little microphone trouble.

I'm pulling.

Okay.

Yeah, Yeah, I know that's covering your face, kinda.

Here, hold on.

We're still figuring out the microphone.

We're still figuring out the microphone.

Here, there you go.

Okay.

All right.

Is that good?

Yes.

You feel good about that?

I feel good about that.

Uh-huh.

Yep, right below your chin now.

Right below your chin.

Looks like the whole thing's connected.

I'm framing myself.

You got to check this out at youtube.com slash the commercial rig.

We're trying to figure out how we work the microphone stance that they're not in our face.

There you go.

There.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Look at you.

You're good.

Back.

Okay.

I guess I'm going to have to do this.

Yeah, no more songs.

I'm so nervous about this.

I know.

Well, it's just the time has come.

Here's the story.

You're a good man, a big man.

I'm a big man.

For doing this.

I'm a man of my word.

I don't want anyone to say that I didn't do this because I did do this.

This may be the first and last time this ever gets played on the commercial break, and who knows how long this episode stays out there.

I'm just going to put that out there.

To be brief.

Here's the deal.

I'm 15 years old and I start a band with a couple friends of mine, Dan and Mike.

I won't give away their last names in case they don't want to be heard.

Yeah.

Dan is an incredibly talented, like an idiot savant type musician.

He can play multiple instruments extraordinarily well.

He's such a great technical musician.

And he is the lead guitarist and/or the bassist.

of our band.

And then there's Mike, who is a drummer, a soft, self-taught drummer, and he's very good himself.

And then there is me.

And I am playing guitar and I am singing and I'm writing the songs.

Oh, okay.

To the band that we named 33 Willie.

So bad.

At one point, we got asked to go.

I think this is actually our first show.

We got asked to go and play a house party.

We had been practicing in Dan's attic for like a year and making up these horrible, horrible songs that you're about to hear.

And at one point, we got asked to play a house party.

Somebody that Dan knew was having a house party.

Their parents were out of town.

It's like a Saturday afternoon at like 11.15 in the afternoon.

I mean, it was like

totally not conducive to this music.

I'm not saying this was going to make any of the music any better if it was at night,

but I'm trying to give myself some excuse.

It's like 11.15 in the afternoon.

We're playing in someone's living room.

We've moved all the furniture mainly out of the way.

So now it's circling the room.

And people are sitting on couches.

Well, a person is sitting on a couch.

And we're playing in front of a fireplace in someone's pedestrian house.

Okay.

And

north of Atlanta.

Okay, here we go.

Ready?

Yep.

Here is how this is the CD covers from the beginning until the end of the concert.

Now, I don't have the time to play all of it, so I've got to be choosy.

Every, every so they,

oh my god.

Okay, so let's just start.

This is the beginning.

This is getting warmed up.

Yeah, like a little mute man.

I can hear a little twinge of like a pearl jammy thing.

Oh, yeah,

there's a pearl jammy thing going on.

Oh, my God.

Tuning up the instruments, getting ready.

You know, you gotta prepare properly.

You want to make sure

everything's good to go.

This is like when fish does a jam, and they're like, you know, they're in between jams.

Exactly.

They're transitioning.

You started with a transition.

Yeah.

We end with a transition.

It's like starting this sentence and ending it with a preposition.

Getting going.

this is the 26 minute intro

We're just so scared

If we just keep twanging around eventually a song will come out we don't have to play the ones we wrote

five minutes in.

We haven't even played a song.

No wonder people left.

They were like, Who are these guys tuning their instruments?

Call me when they're done.

Yeah.

You guys should have taken care of that outside or something.

Let's do a sunny side up.

Sunny side up.

Sunny side up.

Okay.

All right.

Now I'm going to go hide in the corner while you listen.

This is is so bad.

It's probably not that bad.

Totally.

It's that bad.

It's that bad.

It's so bad.

I'm so embarrassed.

Okay, all right.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Nice.

There's the only talented musician in the group playing the bass line.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Yeah, we should have kept it like that.

It should have been the whole song.

Do you just keep on going, man.

Mike and I are heading for the Mike and I are heading.

We're gonna go upstairs and smoke a cigarette.

We'll be back when the important part starts.

I think there's another guitarist.

I don't know who he is.

It's very

doors-ish.

Yeah, it is.

Very moody.

This is the end.

This is the end of your musical career, my friend.

This is perfect for 11:15 on a Saturday afternoon.

I'm going to bring things down a bit.

Let me bring it so far down you can't hear me singing.

Yeah, I'm picturing.

Yeah.

With all the drugs I'm taking.

Nice.

Well, you kicked it up a notch.

We're at like a 13.

The party's at like a one.

Oh, back down.

Get moody again.

Yeah.

If you notice there, I started singing way before I was supposed to.

I'm 15.

Give me a break.

Yeah.

I am.

I am.

I mean, good for you to try.

Thanks, Holy.

I appreciate that.

I mean, everybody's got to start somewhere.

This is where we started.

And the podcast is where we ended.

Listen to my voice.

I sound like Scott Staff from Greek.

I mean, the bass line is good, I think.

It is.

At least that's it.

Again, they're going to give it up to Dan.

Yeah, no, Mike's good.

Mike's a good, solid drummer.

No, I was not.

I was setting that up.

What am I making breakfast?

This is my heavy metal song about waffle house.

You've always had a love for waffle house.

I never stop.

Oh, yeah, take it back down.

Oh, yeah.

Guitar solo.

Is that you?

I don't know, actually.

I don't know if this is me, if there's someone else, because we add a second guitarist sometimes.

Yeah.

And I don't know if that guy is with us or not.

Sounds like me.

Sounds pretty bad.

By the way, this this is the same talentless guitar playing that I impressed

Astrid's parents with.

Also, my singing voice.

Shutting Light Up!

Shutting Side Up!

Well, in fairness, it was like a time when there was a lot of

angst and screaming and grunge was kind of, you know.

If I'm 15, this is 1991.

Yeah, you know.

So, I mean,

this is just when pearl jam and nirvana have come out i mean not even yeah i don't even think some of these albums had even been out like alice and chain yeah all that stuff yeah and we are just channeling that energy is what we are oh yeah the crowd is really responding to us by walking out the

wearing your dog martin i was same dog martins i was wearing at 22 with the fish cover

like with the oh you know i did

oh you know i did and not a small chain right a long chain like down below my knee.

And not a real chain either.

The kind that gets wet and it starts peeling.

Because I'm 15 and I can't order it.

I can afford a Fender Stratocaster, but I can't get a pair of shoes, clean underwear, or a chain that works.

But Sony Night Option!

Oh, it's so, so bad.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

You know, sometimes people, they like meditate to their former self.

You know what I'm saying?

They believe in

the string theory and multiple universes and time is just a dilation and you can talk to your younger self.

I just keep telling my younger self,

you're eventually behind a microphone.

You're not much better at that either.

But at least you're not screaming.

And where are these lyrics coming from?

I'm talking about all the drugs I'm taking.

Oh, well.

Oh, man.

I bet I have the lyrics somewhere in one of these lyric books.

I should bet.

Yeah.

There's 22 songs in here, folks.

So there will be another episode of this, and I will try and get out the ball.

You were like a season of 21 Jumpstreet.

Well, a couple of them are cover tunes.

We actually do the end, I think, by the door.

And we do

Killing in the Name of by Rage Against the Machine, which is a song that had just come out.

So this must be 1992, actually, probably.

Here we go now, Sony Donaldson.

Here we go now!

Here we go now!

I'm channeling my inner Anthony Keynes.

Here we go now!

All three of the notes we're playing sound really good.

I do want to know what the rest of the song says because I only heard Shuttle side up.

Well, you can't hear me because I'm not talking, I'm not actually singing in the microphone.

This is the thing that I remember doing.

This is, by the way, it's just.

Can you imagine being at like an afternoon brunch house party?

This is what's coming at you?

One was brunching, let's be real.

No, they were doing cake stands in the back.

Yeah, smoking pot.

Just trying to check.

The parents are out.

You take advantage of what time of the day doesn't matter.

Yeah, that's correct.

Well, these guys were hoping like widespread part two was walking in the door and they got creed

five years before creed was a thing.

They're like, wow, that's a really bad impression of Eddie Vetter.

You couldn't get Eddie Vetter.

So you got 33 Willie.

You couldn't get Eddie Better or any better.

So there you go.

Hey, we paid inside the budget, which is $0.00.

I don't even think we got free beer at that point.

Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB.

It's pretty simple.

Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute.

Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command.

Do you want to help Astrid too?

You know you do.

Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-433-3TCB.

That's 212-433-3822.

You can be on the show too.

Just call and say something.

Anything.

Or text us and we'll text you right back.

Promise.

Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker.

It's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide.

You get the point.

Follow us on Instagram at thecommercial break and watch all the episodes on video at youtube.com/slash thecommercial break.

Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.

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Anyway,

you just needed the experience.

Oh, we got plenty of experience.

I remember a thing that I did.

Oh, what the one where you fell off the stage?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think my music, I think my singing got a little less

imitative.

Like, I wasn't trying to imitate somebody.

Here, clearly, what I'm doing is I'm trying to imitate a bunch of different singers of the time.

Yes, yes.

And I'm not using my own voice.

Not that my own voice was any much, that much better.

I'm not, I was not a great singer in any stretch of the imagination.

But what I've noticed about some of these old recordings, I have a habit of moving away from the microphone because I think I'm scared of being heard.

Right?

It's scary.

But then when I get loud, I'm like, okay, well, I might as well just scream at this point.

Shake it in.

Sonny, sign up.

Yeah.

I like my eggs in.

Sonny, sign up.

Here we go now.

Come here, this mothermegan

Cream in my coffee.

Fuck am I?

What were some of the other names of your songs?

Oh, God.

Yeah, I've got them.

I've got them right here.

Slide.

Here's one called Slide.

Slide.

Slide.

I think the Goo-Goo dolls then stole our song.

Remember that?

Why don't you slide?

Yeah, that was it.

Why don't you slide?

That was it.

That was most most definitely.

I think it was called Smile.

No?

No, it was Slide.

Okay.

Yeah, it was like, why don't you slide?

Remember the Goo Goo dolls?

Oh, yeah.

They were like a hardcore punk band that turned into like, you know, the Guggu Googoo.

Google Gaga.

Why don't you slide?

What other songs did they sing?

Uh-huh.

Ah, God, I can't remember.

Yeah.

Yeah, they were bad.

It was bad.

We all sang their songs back then, but it was bad.

Yeah, you don't hear those songs on the radio anymore.

Okay, this is

by 33 Willie.

Before they were known as 33 Willie, we were known as Slowhead.

That was the name of the band.

Slowhead, make up your own interpretation of that one.

Yes.

15-year-old boys.

Slowhead.

Slowhead.

Slowhead.

Oh, my God.

It's so bad.

it's so cringe but 33 willie slowhead

and chopper johnson chopper johnson i don't think we all have references to penis i just want to i want to say this i don't think slowhead was my idea i don't know whose it was but it wasn't mine i would have never named my bad slowhead 33 willie was a much better name was this the same band too where you showed up and tina dropped you off and you were that's chopper johnson that's chopper johnson that's the act like this is my teen this is a teenage band right this is a high school band.

Right.

We're doing this thinking that we're going to be famous.

Yeah.

Obviously, the talent is not there yet.

I don't know where the form.

I don't know where the talent scouts were.

Clearly.

I mean.

You were still developing.

Yeah.

In many ways.

We're puberty, basically, was how we were developing.

I still wait for my balls to drop.

Something that up.

I just can't get over how bad that is.

This is my teenage band.

But then

in my early 20s, I joined a band called Chop that I affectionately named at some point Chopper Johnson.

We named Chopper Johnson.

Right.

At some point.

Chopper Johnson was a more adult band.

They were.

I don't even know what that means.

Meaning you were adults in it?

Meaning we had to do porn to save, pay the bills.

I don't know.

I think we played at a strip club once.

I'm not sure.

I don't remember.

Oh, my God.

Meaning they were older than I was.

It was more mature than it was.

And they had recorded albums.

They were like, and they had the same, their manager was the touring manager for Rush.

Okay, their band manager was the touring manager for Rush.

I mean, that's big.

They were going places until I showed up.

They were well on their way.

And then you joined.

Until I came and

took a hammer to the track.

Yeah.

Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to change the name to Chuck.

That's right.

I'm going to sing.

And we're going to really take a look at it.

Have you guys ever

heard of 33P?

No.

Let me play you you one of our classics.

Listen to the cheers.

Listen to the crowd.

Not one person.

Not one person clapped.

Not one fucking

said anything.

They were all like, wow.

Okay.

I guess we should come back later.

What time do you say your parents get home?

Seven.

Can we come back around six?

Will these guys still be in here?

Oh my god, I'm laughing so hard.

I'm crying.

I don't know if I'm laughing because I'm embarrassed.

This was.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So when I knocked on that door.

When I knocked on that door.

You did this last week.

I couldn't have done this last week ago.

Imagine.

Imagine a little record label had picked us up.

You know what I would be?

I would be like a puddle of mud.

That's what I would be like.

I would be like that Wisconsin guy running around drunk and high on heroin trying to explain my music.

And people would say,

yeah, people would say, don't worry, everything old comes new again.

Not for some people

I don't see the goo-goo dolls running around with a farewell tour

you know what I'm saying it just doesn't work that way for some people I don't want to be running the you know boys to men

what's left of in sync and 33p

what is that music complete time life music collection presents the best of 33p

Enjoy all the old classics like Sunny Side Up

and Slide.

You can only find this collection exclusively on Time Life.

I'd love to see a VH1 behind the music with 33P.

I'd like to see any of us

survive 50 years old.

I'm picturing you like a stool.

You know, y'all are all kind of hanging out.

There's a black curtain behind you.

Picturing stool is about right for party three feet.

We also were playing behind the port-a-potties at this particular party.

Not one person clapped.

What's hot crowd?

Yeah, tough crowd.

Tough crowd.

A crowd insinuates that there were more than one person listening.

That's enough.

So to get back to the story, when I showed up with Tina, I answered a personal, like not a personal ad, but an ad in like a

creative loafing, a local alternative trader.

Looking for singer.

Looking for singer.

You know, band with whatever, you know, album looking for singer.

And so that's when I showed up at the door.

Tina dropped me off, and the guy was like, Yeah, here, take these songs and call us back in a week with some ideas.

And I was like, I don't have a car or a phone,

but I still have my Blue Dog Martens from 33P.

Oh.

You want to listen to Slide?

Why not?

Why not?

Yeah, we're in there.

We're in it now.

I heard a woo.

I think that was us.

I think that was me.

Maybe it was the dog.

It was Mike.

It was Scoot.

Yeah, his name was Scoot.

We called him Scooter.

We called him Scooter.

Scooter.

It was the dog.

Hey, Mike's drumming pretty good here.

Yeah, he's getting going.

Yeah, I'm not sure what I'm doing, but Mike's going.

I'm sure I'm going to come in and ruin the song at any moment.

Yep, there I am.

Remember Rob Zombie?

He's got a Metallica, yeah.

Remember White Zombie?

I sound like the guy from White Zombie.

Why am I trying to emulate the guy from White Zombie?

Oh, he was successful.

Was it White Zombie?

Yeah, it was White Zombie.

No, not White Zombie.

White Zombie was with.

Oh, that was the Cranberries.

Never mind.

You seem like you're getting more confident.

Yeah,

or drunk.

What's the two?

I'm not sure.

Well, I'm getting more confident because I realize no one's listening.

You are getting drunk.

Yeah, I realize no one's listening.

At this point, there's no one in the crowd.

So I'm like, oh, I'm playing to nobody.

Just like when we're playing in the attic.

Yeah.

I think i've been disarmed by the fact that there is no one there yeah and we're just kind of treating it now like band practice right and at band practice we can be as bad as we want to be right and it goes

ever tell me something

what you're looking for what you're looking for

To be fair to those of you who were not born or around in the 90s, there was much worse music than this that was playing on the radio.

Not the singing, but the actual music part.

I just want to let you know that.

What?

This is Dan slapping on the bass.

He's at plenty of practice at home.

There's some comic ready, but

hey, I'm Brian.

I'll be here at Chuckle's Laugh Factory all weekend long.

Wow, what witty banter, Brian.

It's Jim Morrison-esque.

It is.

It is.

Has Astrid heard this?

Seven miles.

As Astrid?

No, she has not.

This will be the first time.

I'm praying this is one of those episodes she won't listen all the way through.

I'm Brian.

I'm Brian.

In case anyone's listening.

I'm Brian, in case you're taking pictures for some magazines.

Who cares?

Or why?

I'm Brian.

Like, I'm introducing myself to people.

Like, I'm Brian.

Nice to meet you.

People are like, dude, enough.

I thought Dave's parents

were going going to get hammered.

I was going to French kiss my girlfriend.

Instead, I got to listen to this shit.

You're blocking the stairway.

I can't even get to the bedrooms.

Fuck, man.

I shouldn't have taken that LSD.

Slowhead is killing me.

The guitar is ripping into me like a million knives.

What's surprising to me that I didn't remember is exactly how hard the band is.

Like, where it's hard rock.

Yeah, it is.

I thought it was more like a little, like, little more gentle.

Gentle.

oh it just cut out there i don't know why it just cut out there but anyway it cut out there listen you get the yeah well your job that was tough

well there you go if you even made it this far in the episode kudos to you as mentioned before i literally got four or five emails that bordered on death threats regarding the terrible nature of the music being played on that particular episode.

I never claimed it was good.

I just claimed it happened.

And what's good for the goose is good for the gander or whatever the saying is.

If I was given it, I figured I should be able to take it.

My feelings are still hurt.

You guys really didn't like 33p live at Shady Oaks?

I mean, I mean, the recording quality is top-notch.

Who doesn't want to time travel back to 1990, whatever, and see a young Brian Green with a chain around his waist and his stinky Doc Martens kicking the shit out of some rage against the machine covers.

Ah, to be young and young.

It's all coming back.

It's all coming back to me now.

All right, as mentioned before, we took a little break this week.

Thanks for bearing with us.

We'll get back on our high horse next week.

I had a chance to sit down and talk with impractical joker and stand-up comedian Sal Volcano.

I've got some special guests lined up for next week.

You are not gonna want to miss this, unless, of course, you do want to miss this.

In which case, I just ask that you give us a follow so we still get the download.

I'm gross, I'm not above begging for downloads.

Additionally, I hope and wish that you give us a shout at 212-433-3 TCB.

That's 212-433-3822.

Text us, call us, questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas.

You know you can do it.

I just hope you do.

Please go ahead and give us a follow on Instagram at thecommercial break.

Extra credit if you hit us up at TCB Podcast and TikTok.

Since there's almost no content up there, I might just throw you an extra sticker if you show me a picture of you following us on TikTok.

Go to the website.

You can see all the video and all the audio there, tcbpodcast.com, and of course the infamous youtube youtube.com slash the commercial break all the episodes are up there all every single one of them on video that we have that youtube hasn't banned or that i forgot to hit record on they're all up there go ahead follow subscribe comment you know do all that stuff one more little note i do have a couple boxes of extra merch from our recent merch sale.

Some of the pieces were sold out, but I have some university sweaters, hoodies, and t-shirts.

I don't have all the sizes.

I'm not going to have everything everybody wants, but if you're interested in some merch and you missed out on the sale, well, you know, we'll see what we can do.

We'll see.

No promises.

We'll see what we can do.

Anyway, I love you.

Best to you.

And until next time, I will say, I do say, I must say, goodbye.

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