Restaurant Wars

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Speaker 1 Zagatz, with your hosts, Hank and Beverly Gelfand.

Speaker 2 Hello, and welcome to Zagatz. I'm Bev Gelfand, and this is my husband, Hank.

Speaker 1 Maybe we can all find a place to go in our Zagats New York Restaurant Guide.

Speaker 1 On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Speaker 1 And I gotta be honest, even though Outback, when you first heard the name, you would associate that with the Australia, I don't think of Australia when I walk into the Outback Steakhouse.

Speaker 1 I just don't.

Speaker 3 There's a lot of boomerangs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there are a lot of boomerangs. Yep.

Speaker 1 The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Captain Kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break.
I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Holy.
That's to you, Chris.

Speaker 3 That's to you, Brian.

Speaker 1 Best to you out there in the podcast and streaming universe. Thanks for joining us.
How the hell are you? Um,

Speaker 1 you notice I'm three days in a row with the aliens. Did you notice that? I did.
And you know why that is? I love it. Because so many people have said, I want the aliens.
I like the aliens.

Speaker 1 Keep the aliens. Okay.
All right. I'll do you a favor.
All right. I'll do you a favor.
There's your aliens. There's your daily dose of aliens.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I watched a really fascinating video yesterday. I get stuck sometimes in this YouTube loop like a lot of people do, going down whatever rabbit hole it is.

Speaker 1 I was on Everest for a while and then I went on high jumper.

Speaker 3 I love that Everest stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Everest stuff is...

Speaker 1 I could do Everest forever. I think I've run out of Everest stuff, actually.
I think I know about every expedition that ever happened.

Speaker 1 And certainly every one that was videotaped.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there's that Amazon Prime one where it's like the Discovery Channel sponsors it.

Speaker 1 And I know there's you know eight people that go on this whole thing is it new no it's old this yeah this happened a couple years ago

Speaker 3 it was like a

Speaker 1 i saw that one from um england i saw that one fascinating fascinating she like buddies up with the dude yes

Speaker 1 yeah she's like this prim and proper pampered princess who decides all of a sudden she she climbed some mountain in right switzerland that had a ski lift that got to her to the top and empress is the next thing yeah she did it she she toughed it out out.

Speaker 3 She paid and she paid people to carry all her stuff.

Speaker 1 That's what they all do. That's what they all do.
Anyway, Everest is a whole different topic. We'll do that someday.
I'd love to do that someday. I'd love to talk about Everest stuff.

Speaker 1 I do love Everest stuff. But I went down the YouTube rabbit hole on the restaurant industry and what's going on in the restaurant industry.

Speaker 1 And I watched an episode, a guy broke down, how Outback Steakhouse became the most

Speaker 1 popular steakhouse in the world.

Speaker 3 I used to work in an Outback Steakhouse.

Speaker 1 You did.

Speaker 1 My little brother used to work in an outback steakhouse. He was the blooming onion guy.
Oh, right. The awesome blossom guy, whatever it is.

Speaker 3 But it was a pretty good job for college because they were only at that time. I don't know.
I haven't been to one in so long, but at that time they opened at like four.

Speaker 3 So I could do school during the day and work there at night.

Speaker 1 They stopped, they started doing lunches. Okay.
Yeah. They started doing lunches because, well, it's very interesting how this guy broke it all down.

Speaker 1 And I think he might be onto something, even though he said he thinks that the reason why Outback became is not so popular anymore is because of the Australian theme.

Speaker 1 And I got to be honest, even though Outback, when you first heard the name, you would associate that with the Australia. I don't think of Australia when I walk into the Outback Steakhouse.

Speaker 1 I just don't.

Speaker 3 There's a lot of boomerangs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there are a lot of boomerangs. Yep, you're right.
A lot of pictures of crocodiles, shit like that. You know, stereotypical.

Speaker 1 I learned that the original four people who started Outback Steakhouse with the one to two locations, they decided to call it Outback because

Speaker 1 Crocodile Dundee 2 was about to premiere in theaters, and they felt like it was a good way to get free marketing. Yeah, capitalized on it.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 It worked for all intents and purposes, but they made an agreement with each other that no matter how popular or famous

Speaker 1 these restaurants got, they would not go to Australia so as not to influence the food that was in the restaurant. They wanted it to be distinctly steakhouse American.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And then went and named it things like, you know, Jiminy Jiminy Crickets, you know, kangaroo

Speaker 1 margarita.

Speaker 3 That's the Victoria's filet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Victoria. That's right.
Yeah, I remember that.

Speaker 1 The Aboriginal applesauce, only at Outback Steakhouse.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they, they, I think they failed in that mission. But at the same time, there was a time, I do remember, back in the late 90s, early 2000s, when Outback Steakhouse was an option.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, my God. When I would say, hey, okay, let's go to Outback Steakhouse.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, we used to be on the weekends. God, we would be on an hour, if not longer, wait.

Speaker 1 There was one right up here north of Atlanta that we would go to. That was like our Outback Steakhouse.
It was near a mall, like a very popular mall. And you couldn't go there

Speaker 1 on any night and not

Speaker 1 stand in line. It was a crazy city.
Yes. And stand in line.
It was crazy. But this was also a time when places like Chili's and Applebee's and Carabas and

Speaker 1 they were hot, hot, hot.

Speaker 1 And, you know, the

Speaker 1 ribs, I mean, they just dominated the food scene, this fast, casual. Yeah.
You felt like you were actually going out to dinner, like you might be at an actual restaurant.

Speaker 1 But what you really were at was a food factory that was spicing up the vibe and giving you

Speaker 1 okay food. It wasn't terrible food.
It wasn't great food. None of those places were, my opinion.
None of those places were.

Speaker 1 Although, I do have to say, for a minute there, Chili's had really good burgers. They had really good burgers.
But then I don't know what happened. You know what happened? Chilies became chilies.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it did.

Speaker 1 Chilies became chilies, and the Shitorita came out in 15 different flavors.

Speaker 1 Margarita. Oh, God.

Speaker 3 Yeah, every flavor.

Speaker 1 Well, I was a bartender there. I know what they made the margaritas with.
And it wasn't top-shelf

Speaker 1 fucking liquor or ingredients. It wasn't.
It was some mix that came in literally in a bucket. And we would pour it into the margarita machine and swoosh it around.

Speaker 1 Maybe you were lucky if we actually cleaned it once a week.

Speaker 1 Seriously. You had to clean it every night, but but the cleaning really depended on which bartender was there because it was a complicated procedure.

Speaker 1 It's the reason why the McDonald's ice cream machines are always down. It's the same fucking machine, basically.
It's this thing that, you know, it's complicated. It rolls around.

Speaker 1 It's a complicated piece of machinery. It really is.
And you had to clean it. When you had to clean it, you had to take apart 56 fucking different things and make sure they were all clean.

Speaker 1 So depending on which bartender was there, if it wasn't me, you might get cleaned.

Speaker 1 If it was me, I was likely just throwing it in a bucket of soapy water and hoping hoping everything turned out water and swish it around.

Speaker 1 Oh man, my sections.

Speaker 1 We used to call it sections. Did you do your sections? You know,

Speaker 1 three or four tables. Three or four tables, but then your sections also depended on which afterwork you had to do.
They called it afterwork. Did you do your afterwork? That's right.

Speaker 3 You had to marry the ketchups and the

Speaker 1 mustard. An hour of free fucking work is basically what it was.
And actually, Outback got sued for that. They called it Outback time.
Like you would have, waiters would have to come in early.

Speaker 1 They would have to do a bunch of work on outback time. And basically what that meant is free fucking labor.
They got sued. They lost the case or they went to litigation.

Speaker 1 You know, they went to mediation or whatever it was. But just a number of.

Speaker 3 I remember rolling that silverware.

Speaker 1 Oh, that fucking silverware. That paper goddamn napkin and that little loop you had to put on.
You know, it's.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 to be fair, I also had to do this at the finest of dining restaurants

Speaker 1 with real napkins and heavy silverware, and that wasn't much fun either. But the paper napkin bullshit with the utensils that you could literally blow on and they would bend.

Speaker 1 You could blow on it and it would bend. It was the cheapest silverware I had ever seen in my entire life.
It's crazy. But, you know, somehow.
I ended up with a kitchen full of chili silverware.

Speaker 1 Did you? Oh, yeah. You took it.
Of course.

Speaker 1 You needed it. Not on purpose.
You know, I would like take to-go food and I would throw a fork in there. Yeah, I would throw a fork in there.

Speaker 1 Kind of on purpose, not on purpose, just to make sure I had a fork. Because, you know, when you live, when you're 20 and you're living alone, forks aren't on the top of your priority list.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 That's for sure.

Speaker 1 But it was very interesting how the whole fast casual business has been. totally obliterated by the even faster casual business of Chipotle, Chipotle,

Speaker 1 and all these other, you know, really fast casual restaurants that have broadcasted.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, they all followed Chipotle. Really? I mean, well, you had Willie's.
You had, what's the other one? Moe's? No. Yeah, Moe's.
Yeah, Moe's. Southwest Grill.
Southwest Grill. You had Chipotle.

Speaker 1 Chipotle. Chipotle.

Speaker 1 Chipotle. Chipotle.
Chipotle. I can never say that word right.
Chipotle. Chipotle.
Chipotle. Chipotle.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, in any case, you had all of these super fast casual restaurants that then came in and took the place of the chilies. True.

Speaker 1 It seems like us as Americans, we want like okay food as fast as possible that we can get it. And maybe standing in line for an hour at Outback soured us on the idea of being at an Outback.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I'm saying? I remember waiting an hour for a margarita-ville table. An hour for a margarita-ville table.

Speaker 3 I know it's so crazy to think about waiting that long.

Speaker 1 To think about waiting at all for a restaurant. Yeah.
You should have a reservation. You should walk in and you should do it.

Speaker 1 No matter how shitty the food is, you should just be like, just get a table. Waiting an hour.
And with kids, I will never wait that long.

Speaker 1 I mean, unless I'm at Disney World and that's just part and parcel of what you do down there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just like the whole industry has had a shakeup and then COVID came and it just blew it all apart. So Outback, you know, now is really in the dumps.

Speaker 1 They're trying to make, find a way to make themselves relevant. Resurrect.
Will it ever be? You know, I was part of a restaurant chain, part of the opening a restaurant chain called Marlowe's.

Speaker 1 That's right. Here in Atlanta.
I like Marlowe's.

Speaker 3 I used to. I haven't been in for a while.

Speaker 1 Yeah, John Metz and Hank.

Speaker 3 They had a black and blue salad that I really liked.

Speaker 1 It was really good.

Speaker 1 John Metz is like a corporate chef. He had been for many years.
He'd own a bunch of restaurants. His dad was in the restaurant business.
They would do

Speaker 1 feeding like

Speaker 1 corporations. Like they had a contract to feed people at the Coca-Cola building here in Atlanta.
Right. So they had these kitchen.
They called it the Coca-Cola kitchen.

Speaker 1 And essentially, if you worked at the Coca-Cola factory, wherever it is, I'm not going to name where it is, but if you worked at that Coca-Cola factory or in those buildings, you could go to the Coca-Cola kitchen and you could get your lunch or your breakfast or your dinner.

Speaker 1 That's nice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then he parlayed that into restaurants, you know, working in like more finer dining restaurants like Aqua Blue, where you can get sushi, steak, a burger, fries, chicken, satays, Indian food, Asian food.

Speaker 1 Outback food. You could get anything at Aqua Blue.

Speaker 3 I remember going there for some like networking event.

Speaker 1 Aqua Blue had the wildest Thursday nights in all of Atlanta.

Speaker 3 It was like martini special on martinis or something.

Speaker 1 If you were over 55 and you had cocaine in your pocket, you were at Aqua Blue on a Thursday night. If you had cocaine or you wanted cocaine, you were going to Aqua Blue on a Thursday night.

Speaker 1 And they had a band that would play in this cavernous room. It just sounded like muddy water, but they were good.
They were okay. And people would be cutting a rug.

Speaker 1 We'd have to, I can't tell you how many people we dragged out of there. I can't tell you how many times times the cops showed up.
And this is like wild white people night. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Rich white people night because they have all those country clubs where this place was. It was a great restaurant.
It really was. And John did a good, John and Hank did a great job with it.

Speaker 1 And they parlayed that into a fast casual bar called Marlowe's. Okay, right.
So Marlowe's is basically a bar. It's a tavern, right? But it's really nicely appointed.

Speaker 1 The food, nine times out of 10 is good. Yeah.
You know, not always good, but it's mostly got a vibe.

Speaker 3 It's got air like a dark, you know, dark wood and

Speaker 3 the lights are dimmed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So John's whole thing was

Speaker 1 when you walk into a Marlowe's, I want you to think this is the only Marlowe's out there, right? Even though there are many of them, I want you to think this is your tavern. This is your place.

Speaker 1 I want it to be your local bar, but

Speaker 1 I don't want it to have the same food as your local bar. I don't want it to have the same elevated, you know, shitty cigar smell.

Speaker 1 Coke dealer on the corner, you know, all that stuff. I want him to be there, but I want him to be dressed nicer.
Yes.

Speaker 1 That kind of stuff. I don't want it to be there.
I want him to be there. Don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, listen, anybody that works in the restaurant business knows that the Coke dealer is essential to a well-oiled machine restaurant or bar. It just is.
I'm sorry. It just is.

Speaker 1 So blowing all these boats out of the water, Trump, all you're really doing is just ensuring that a lot of bars and restaurants are going to suffer in the very near future because Coke prices are going to go through the roof.

Speaker 1 Coke dealers in every corner of every bar around the United States, these United States of America are going to be suffering because you are blowing these cocaine boats out of the water. Allegedly.

Speaker 1 Allegedly. Release the files.

Speaker 1 Yeah, release the files. And I guess they are.
So there you go.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he made this Marlowe's, and then he opened one. I was there for the first opening.
Then he opened the second one. I was open the second opening.
And then all of a sudden, there's like 100.

Speaker 3 Well, I was going to say, how many were, was it just specific to Atlanta, too?

Speaker 1 Well, no, then somebody bought the rights to the Florida one, and they opened up, I think they opened up like six in Orlando at the same fucking time. There's a bunch of them down in Orlando.

Speaker 1 I don't think all of them are still open, but I think they opened them.

Speaker 1 And now they've had to consolidate a little bit too because of the pandemic and because even that is not fast enough, casual enough for everybody.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's just like everybody's chasing the next version of fast casual.

Speaker 1 But the truth is, is that food prices are expensive and it's really fucking hard to make a restaurant work. I was going to say that.
It's really tough business.

Speaker 3 That's how I was reading some stuff about that. I mean, the margins are not big.

Speaker 1 You don't make any money on the food, basically.

Speaker 1 If you're a restaurant that's doing well, if you have like, if you get like 16 or 17% out of the food, depending on what you're selling, then you're doing okay.

Speaker 1 It's the liquor, it's the booze where you, you have 100% markup at least, because you buy a bottle of, let's say, Johnny Walker Black at a liquor store. You do, me or you.

Speaker 1 We walk into wherever, the liquor store and we buy a Johnny Walker Black. What is that, like 60 bucks, 70 bucks, something like that? Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, the restaurant's going to buy it for like 40 bucks, 35, 40 bucks, depending on what kind of deal they have with the liquor purveyor.

Speaker 1 And then they are going to sell for $15 a glass, and they're going to get like 60 glasses out of there. So it's a huge markup.
So essentially, the food is a lost leader.

Speaker 1 Unless we're talking about a super fine dining restaurant or a place like Chipotle, where they

Speaker 1 blamos nos otros. So, unless we're talking at a place like that where they buy in such scale and sell so much food that is going out the door.

Speaker 1 So, you know, this is really, John had this smart idea about Marlowe's: let's put really good food in the bar. We'll get people in so that they can drink and they can make money.

Speaker 1 But even that's tough. Like, now people don't drink as much.
They don't drink out,

Speaker 1 they don't want to get a DUI, they don't drink outside

Speaker 1 their own house. It's like things have changed.
Everything's changed.

Speaker 1 So, there are fewer and fewer restaurants, and the ones that are around should be, the ones that have been been around for a long time should be applauded because they have done something that not many restaurants will do at all.

Speaker 1 And that is stay a restaurant for more than three minutes.

Speaker 3 Well, yeah. And I think that there's cost to a lot of the restaurants that I've noticed maybe that are still around that have been around for a long time.
I think they like own the building.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, that's true too.
It's a real estate game also.

Speaker 1 It's, you know, most restaurants lease the place because that is the number one capital cost when you're opening up a restaurant is, of course, buying the building.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 let's read some reviews from restaurants. We were talking about Wendy's.
Wendy's is getting slammed right now because they're closing stores all over the place.

Speaker 1 But, guys, I mean, I understand there's probably a few Wendy's fans out there, but we didn't appreciate Wendy's while it was here. We let it go to the wayside.

Speaker 1 We said, no, let's go to Chick-fil-A. We said, no, there's five guys down the street.
We said, oh, my God, I really want to sit on the toilet tomorrow morning. Let's go to McDonald's.

Speaker 1 We said all that stuff, and we let Wendy's go to the wayside with their fucking fresh-cut fries and their smash burgers

Speaker 1 and their frosties.

Speaker 1 and now you're now everyone wants to complain because they're leaving see you see what you did you didn't appreciate this is why we can't have nice things that's why we can't have nice things

Speaker 1 we don't have outback anymore and now wendy's is gone no more awesome blossoms or aboriginal applesauce and now you want to around with wendy's okay around and find out they're going to be closing stores probably yours whoever's listening because you didn't like them because you didn't go there tuesday afternoon all right let's take a break we gotta go let's take that's let's take a a break and we'll be back.

Speaker 1 Okay.

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Speaker 1 All right, we're back. I'm trying to get my dog to shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Goddamn dog.

Speaker 1 Why do you do this to me, dog?

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
You ready? Let's read some bad reviews. By the way,

Speaker 1 I went on a show,

Speaker 1 Beach2 Sandy, Water2 Wet. I wanted to say thank you very much to Zandy and Christine.

Speaker 1 That's his name. That's how they refer to him as Zandy.
They could not have been nicer. They could not have been more accommodating.
They were great.

Speaker 1 They were funny. They were great.
They're going to be on our show. Like, they were just lovely.
So go check them out. Beach 2 Sandy, Water Too Wet.

Speaker 1 And this essentially is what they do every single episode.

Speaker 1 They find bad reviews or funny reviews or heartfelt reviews or whatever. And then they review the reviews.
They're the reviewing of the reviewers. So we're going to steal their idea.
Thanks, Sandy.

Speaker 1 Appreciate it.

Speaker 1 I really appreciate it. Okay, let's.

Speaker 3 People get creative.

Speaker 1 People do get creative. It's like when we do Next Door.

Speaker 1 I think, you know.

Speaker 3 I just said you thought funny next door.

Speaker 1 Oh, you did? Okay, there's a restaurant.

Speaker 1 Unless we have to, let's not name the restaurant. So that way we're not just

Speaker 1 bang. But there is a restaurant here in Atlanta, and

Speaker 1 I know this one is not good most of the time. And people love it.
People say it's one of those restaurants that you have to go to, but I fully disagree. And so does my wife.

Speaker 1 This is one of those restaurants where everybody goes, oh my God, have you been? Have you been? And it's a little bit pricier than most restaurants. They've only got two locations.

Speaker 1 So they're like, you know, true Atlanta restaurant. I'm dying to know.
I'll tell you afterwards, but they are horrible.

Speaker 1 Do you have one on top here?

Speaker 3 I do. So this is coming from straight from zagat.com.

Speaker 1 Oh, tell me. I love good old Zaggot.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So these are funny, like one-liner reviews.

Speaker 1 Okay, cool.

Speaker 3 One was, Our waiter would have been better cast as an Undertaker.

Speaker 1 Our waiter would have been better cast as an undertaker what they lack in quality they make up for with butter

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 3 let's see oh proof that there's no shortage of people who want to eat bad food in historic buildings fair enough yeah fair enough a never a truer statement has been said

Speaker 1 yeah there's something why is why does that get us every fucking time yeah why does some fucking old water wheel you know that's true some old water wheel or some exposed brick yeah does that get us to fuck in the restaurant to spend $100 on a fucking shitty soft shell crab?

Speaker 1 How does that happen? We get sucked in every fucking time. The newest, latest, greatest, you know, waiter-turned chef, turned sommalier.

Speaker 1 You know, puts his name out there, gets a PR firm, buys a building that no one ever wanted to go to before,

Speaker 1 and puts, you know, a fryer in there, and all of a sudden we're paying a thousand dollars for a mock tail. I don't understand it.
I don't understand it.

Speaker 1 Okay, you want me to read a a few? Okay, no, go ahead. Okay.

Speaker 3 It was like putting a tiara on a street vendor.

Speaker 3 I've been in prisons with better service.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 The food is awesomely average.

Speaker 3 His food tastes better on TV. Oh.
Speaking of chefs who

Speaker 1 open things. See, that's what happens.

Speaker 3 I go here a lot and I'm not sure why.

Speaker 1 Also, another thing. Why is it that we find a place that's familiar? We have one halfway decent experience.

Speaker 1 And then for the rest of our lives, we have to go there.

Speaker 1 My wife and I say this all the time. We will be driving down.
Tell me if this rings true to you. Tell me if this rings true to you out there.
We go to a restaurant. We go to a restaurant, right?

Speaker 1 It's our restaurant. It's the restaurant that we like.
And we go there every time.

Speaker 1 Not because we don't know there are other restaurants available, because we're so afraid of having a bad experience that we're like, it's going to be a shitty experience, and then why didn't we go to the other restaurants?

Speaker 1 Right. Which inevitably happens every time.
My wife and I will be driving down the street, not hungry, and we'll go, oh, Jean-Seclaire's, we've meant to go there. Oh, look, Tequenio's.

Speaker 1 We really wanted to try that. Oh, Philippe's opened a new restaurant down the street.

Speaker 1 Really wanted to go. Okay, put that in the memory bank.
Next time we have to go somewhere, let's make sure we go there. And then without fucking fail, every time,

Speaker 1 we'll go to Applebee's. I know.

Speaker 1 We're going to Applebee's.

Speaker 3 It does happen. I know I was on a walk this morning and I walked by a restaurant that I keep meaning to try.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 But we never do. Yeah.
Because we go to the other place across the street.

Speaker 1 It's every fucking time.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's wrong with our pea brains. What is wrong with our pea brains?

Speaker 1 Habit, I guess. Yeah.
All right. The familiar.
So there was a restaurant. Anybody who has watched Real Housewives of Atlanta will remember that there was a guy named Simon Guabadia who married Portia.

Speaker 1 What's her last name? Portia

Speaker 1 Williams.

Speaker 1 Portia Williams. Married Portia Williams in a very fast and weird setting situation.
I don't know all the drama. I didn't watch it.
But I know Simon. I have known Simon.

Speaker 1 I don't know him now, but I knew him because he also took me for a ride. And anybody that wants to hear that, you can go back and listen to Scam Col FM.
Scam Col FM.

Speaker 1 Just search on the thing, Scam Col FM. You'll hear the entire story from beginning to end.
Every word of it true.

Speaker 1 But Simon, no longer allowed in the United States, sitting in a prison somewhere, I think, in an immigration prison.

Speaker 3 Well, he was in some prison that was like in South Georgia.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I don't laugh about that.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's very funny. But apparently this guy really needed to be.

Speaker 3 He was a scam artist.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was a con artist and he conned the U.S. government into letting him in multiple times under different names and different information.

Speaker 3 And he really has like a whole family over in Africa. He's still married and has kids.

Speaker 1 He's married. He has kids over in Africa.
He claimed he was an an oil guy when I knew him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the old oil guy. The old Nigerian oil guy.

Speaker 1 Exactly. He's in the blast.
Straight out of an email chase. Right.
Yeah. Like, you ever wonder who those guys are? I met them.

Speaker 1 I met him on the 15th floor of the nicest office building in all of Atlanta

Speaker 1 with no furniture in it,

Speaker 1 but demanding that people get paid immediately. You know, pay $10,000 to the Rolls-Royce company.
Give Brian $50,000.

Speaker 1 And then the second I turned around, you know, the late, the finance lady was like,

Speaker 1 you mean, we don't even have $50, Simon. Just tell him I'm sending it.

Speaker 1 I mean, listen, okay, we all get ourselves in a spot of bother every once in a while. This is not that.
This was not that. All right.
Simon had a restaurant at one point.

Speaker 1 There's a famous space here in Atlanta. And if you've live in Atlanta, then you know, but most of you don't live in Atlanta, so you don't know.
But there's a famous space in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 It is the best building that has ever existed for a restaurant. It is right down in the middle of the heart of Midtown, where Midtown meets downtown,

Speaker 1 where the Backstreet Club used to be. I think on maybe on West Mid, I don't know, West Peach Tree or something like that, or 10th Street or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 It's right in the heart of all of the action. And it's a beautiful building.
And it has been so many restaurants, I can't count. It was Hearts.
It was Sex.

Speaker 1 It was, and these are the names of the restaurant, right? It was Flame. It was whatever it was.

Speaker 1 Everybody has owned this building. Everybody has rented this building and no one has made it work.
It's so weird. P.
Diddy had it for a while.

Speaker 3 What's his name? That's actually on Peachtree.

Speaker 1 No, not that one. A different one.
Yeah. It's a different one down the street.

Speaker 1 I'll show you where it is. So,

Speaker 1 oh, I can name exactly where it is because I'm looking at it. Juniper Street.
I'm sorry. It's on Juniper Street.
It's on Juniper Street. Yeah, right there on Juniper.
Simon owned it.

Speaker 1 Simon owned it for a while. He didn't own it.

Speaker 1 Let's just be clear. Let's be clear.
He didn't own it.

Speaker 1 And by the way, this is like the third restaurant that Simon has been involved in that has gone completely belly up because Simon also likened himself not only a Nigerian oil guy, but he also likened himself a restaurateur.

Speaker 1 All right. A restaurateur, knowing nothing about the restaurant business.
He can be a big man. He just wanted to be.
Yeah, that's right. He wanted to walk in and have free drinks.

Speaker 1 And that's what a lot of restaurateurs are. It's guys or girls who really want free drinks.
They want their own place. And any financial advisor will tell you.

Speaker 1 If you want a restaurant, it better be for the free drinks because if you don't know what the fuck you're doing, you're going to to lose all your money.

Speaker 1 So just, you know, if you want to blow your dollars on having free drinks, God bless you. So Simon had this restaurant for about a year and a half.
And the reviews are terrible.

Speaker 1 Do you want to hear like a serious one or do you want to hear a funny one?

Speaker 1 Both. Okay, let's do a serious one.

Speaker 1 Let me see here.

Speaker 1 And then they would retort, right?

Speaker 3 They'd write back. I like those reviews where they write back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they would retort. They would fight back and send pictures and argue with people.
That's ridiculous. I gave this place two stars for the ambience and the location.

Speaker 1 I was so excited to check out the new brunch spot. It's a new brunch spot.
Can we be over brunch too?

Speaker 1 While I'm being mad at everything,

Speaker 1 especially one that has bottomless mimosas. Oh, those old bottomless mimosas.
That's a way to drive the ROI up at your restaurant. Bottomless mimosas with people who intend to pay nothing anyway.

Speaker 1 We walked inside on a Sunday around 3 p.m. I think they stopped serving brunch at 4 p.m.
Yeah. Okay.
Shame on you. Well, right.
Because you showed up at 3 p.m. for brunch.
That's way too late.

Speaker 3 Soon, one.

Speaker 1 We were seated after about 10 minutes, mostly because they had the hostess doing double duty. Don't even know what that means, but okay.

Speaker 1 I decided to order the chicken and waffles, even though I was disappointed that they no longer served the red velvet chicken and waffles. Red velvet chicken and waffles? What did that entail?

Speaker 1 I have no idea. My friend ordered the blueberry pancake stack, and we each ordered a mimosa.
Then the chaos ensued.

Speaker 1 Dun dun dun dun.

Speaker 1 At the restaurant, at the restroom, another patron informed me that it took over an hour for her to receive her grits.

Speaker 1 I wasn't too worried. What are you talking at the bathroom? About somebody about your restaurant.
I've been to a lot of restaurant bathrooms and I've never mentioned my grits. Never.
Never, not once.

Speaker 1 Hey, how are your grits?

Speaker 1 I'll take it a shit there right now.

Speaker 1 Can't talk to you.

Speaker 1 He mentioned about the grits. I wasn't too worried, but I just hope for the best.
You coming out of the bathroom, you're like, hmm, I'm really concerned about that grits comment. That sounds weird.

Speaker 1 But I'm hoping for the best.

Speaker 1 I'm hoping everything.

Speaker 1 I'm a glass half-full kind of person. My most half-full.
After I talked with a stranger about the grits?

Speaker 3 At the bathroom.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck talks with people about their grits? in a in a strange whatever anyway okay an order of french toast and chicken waffles came out.

Speaker 1 Oh, another couple was sat next to us, and an order of French toast and chicken and waffles came out to their table, and they looked confused.

Speaker 1 They had just ordered a second order of French toast and chicken and waffles came out to the same table. At that point, they decided just to eat it.
My friend and I sat there livid.

Speaker 1 It was clearly supposed to be our food.

Speaker 1 But we did not, but we did not order French toast. So clearly it wasn't your food.
This lady is crazy. Okay, I would side with the restaurant on this one.

Speaker 1 Wrong order, wrong table. Well, yeah, it wasn't your order.
Okay,

Speaker 1 to put the icing on the cake, no pun intended, on the red velvet chicken and waffles. Another order of French toast and chicken and waffles came to the same table.

Speaker 1 We were in total disbelief, along with all the other tables. They were upset for us.
The manager comes over and apologizes, asks us what we were missing.

Speaker 1 I say everything, and she says she'll take care of everything. By the way, the server had not come to our table this entire ordeal.

Speaker 1 After the manager leaves, the server comes over and and says the order will be ready soon. We were so confused.
She then comes back and says, just wanted to make sure. What did you order? Oh.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right.

Speaker 1 That's terrible when that happens. I do agree with that.
I cannot make this up. Period, period, period, period.
Finally, our food arrived. My waffle was cold and the chicken was dry.

Speaker 1 It needed a steak knife just to cut it. I won't be dining here again for a while.
That's just bad business. I'm upset about all the second chances, but maybe the happy hour is better.

Speaker 1 So I'll try it again later on.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 I'll try it for you. Some people.
Yeah. Because the chicken and red velvet waffles is on the way.
First of all, there's so many things wrong with this review. I can't even tell you.

Speaker 1 It wasn't your order that came next door because it wasn't the food that came to the next table. That wasn't your food.
That wasn't your food. So it wasn't your order.

Speaker 3 The chicken and waffles is a pretty popular thing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And let's be clear about something. The waiter and wait or waitress did not even know what your food was supposed to be.
So clearly it wasn't your food. She never put the food in in the first place.

Speaker 1 Second of all, don't talk to strangers about food in the restroom of a restaurant. Just don't do that.
That's bad.

Speaker 1 Wait until you can do it on your computer where no one knows who you are later on that day. That's what you do.
And then after being here three times, by the way, this is your third review.

Speaker 1 Let's go a fourth time to make sure that it's not good. That's right.

Speaker 1 Okay, you want another one? Oh, there's so many here. This restaurant.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, this restaurant just gets absolutely slammed.

Speaker 1 This place has so much potential. However,

Speaker 1 I visited Simon's for a friend's birthday. I'll start with the positive first and say that the ambiance is great, great atmosphere, and they play pretty great music.

Speaker 1 When we arrived, the waitress brought us a few complimentary honey cornbread muffins. They were very good, soft and warm.
I ordered the snapper and grits. The grits were plain old yellow grits.

Speaker 1 There was a sauce on top of everything, and it was delicious. A few of the ladies in our party got the same meal, and we all raved about how good the fish was.
However, after a few bites,

Speaker 1 I realized that the fish was in fact chewy and too tough to cut. Chewy fish.
That's an abandoned ship. Roll right.
If any of your fish is chewy, you should abandon ship.

Speaker 1 There's no such thing as a chewy fish. Can you think of

Speaker 1 it? Octopus is chewy. Okay.

Speaker 1 Now let's get to the nitty-gritty.

Speaker 1 The service was extremely slow. That's bar service, food and the waitress.
When we ordered our food, we waited at least 45 minutes until we received our meals.

Speaker 1 When we ordered our drinks, it took about 15 minutes and the place wasn't even busy. How long is an appropriate amount of time to wait for food?

Speaker 3 Well, I don't know. That depends on if you're drinking.

Speaker 1 And it depends on what you order. Like, if you order a well-done steak, it's going to take 30 minutes.
That's just it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I say that if you're waiting more than 30 minutes on a busy night for just a regular meal, like whatever they ordered, that feels like a long time to me.

Speaker 1 And 20 minutes on a normal night when it's just whatever. And if there's no one in the restaurant, you should be served immediately.
Immediately, like this woman wants.

Speaker 1 We ordered the Peach Hennessy margarita. Ooh.
Peach Hennessy margarita. Peach Hennessy.
What in the good franken fuck is that? The Peach Hennessy margarita? What's your intake on the margarita? Oh.

Speaker 1 Really good drink. However, the glasses were served, the glasses that they were served in are extremely small.
Can they please make the glasses bigger next time? I paid almost $12.

Speaker 1 You had Hennessy in it. Hennessy! Exactly.
You had Henney in your margarita. That's why it's $12.

Speaker 1 Since it was my friend's birthday, we knew that they would auto-add gratuity to our bill, but the 20% for poor service was too much of a stretch.

Speaker 1 We all agreed that our waitress did not earn the 20%, and I am a very generous tipper in general. We often saw her sitting down on her phone

Speaker 1 when we needed her, and chatting at the bar when other employees employees were working around her my friend asked for a steak knife and it took her almost 10 minutes to bring the knife to the table well that's crazy when yes when we were ready to order our food we waited forever we were flagging and waving her down for assistance yeah like you're ready to order

Speaker 1 overall the food was terrible service was slow and i'm not even sure 100 if there if there's more than one chef who handles all the food orders there was one bartender and plenty of servers to go around i'm not sure what caused the service to be slow, but I will say this: Simon has lots of Simons has lots of potential, and we will be coming again, even though this experience and food was terrible.

Speaker 3 A lot of people went back.

Speaker 1 Why are you giving Simons a second chance? I say down with Simons. Well, Simons has long since closed.
Yeah, it closed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It closed like six years ago. I mean,

Speaker 1 this place hasn't been around for a long time. And now Simon is sitting in a South Georgia jail.
So there's that. All right, let's take a short break and then, yeah, we'll go back.
I think.

Speaker 4 Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple.
Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute.

Speaker 4 Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too?

Speaker 2 You know you do.

Speaker 4 Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-433-3 TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
You can be on the show too. Mm-hmm.
Just call and say something. Anything.
Or text us and we'll text you right back.

Speaker 4 Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker.
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Speaker 4 Follow us on Instagram at thecommercial break and watch all the episodes on video at youtube.com/slash thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.

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Speaker 1 Okay, you got one for me?

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 I'm back to the one-liners from Zaga. Okay, so these are different for different restaurants.

Speaker 3 I'm pretty sure I ate cow's udders and liked them.

Speaker 1 I ate cow heart once. I can't say it was the most pleasant thing in the world, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world, I guess, either.
I've had

Speaker 1 bull's testicles, and that was pretty bad. And I've had live octopus and live baby octopuses.
You have. You've been adventurous with your food.

Speaker 1 I have been adventurous in my food, and my wife wife claims that I'm not. And I say, no, I've just already done it.
Like, yeah, I know what I like, and I'm sticking with it.

Speaker 1 I'm not looking for live baby octopus again. That's not on the list of things I want to return to.
Sorry. It's just not.
Okay.

Speaker 3 The special occasion place for people with bad taste.

Speaker 1 That's funny.

Speaker 3 If only the spectacular view could fill one's stomach. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 3 Let's see. Quail with figs had exactly one fig.

Speaker 3 When asked for more, the waiter replied, there's one fig per customer.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. I didn't know figs were a hot commodity.
Figs.

Speaker 3 The mater made us wait to be seated, apparently for no other reason than because he could.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a dick move. Yeah.
And I've seen that happen on more than others. I have.

Speaker 1 I've done that on more than one occasion. Sorry.
If you come in with attitude. Well, it might take a little extra.
It might take a little longer for me to get a table ready for you. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 What was this other one was, only the flies on our table enjoyed the meal.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We went to a restaurant in Spain one time, and the fly problem in this restaurant was outrageous.
It was weird. And I was like, I got to go because I think something might be dead around here.

Speaker 1 And that's why there's so many flies.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And listen, you know, different cultures, different countries, different things.
You know, people don't get.

Speaker 1 uh fussed in some other places about insects like we do but this was just a little few too many flies if you know what i mean Yeah.

Speaker 3 Have you noticed those little table fans? Yes.

Speaker 1 They have now. Yeah, the ones that like spin around and just bat the flies away.
Also, saw those in San Sebastian, and

Speaker 1 it really does help. It does help.
It does help. Yeah, it takes the mosquitoes and the flies, and it kind of pushes them away.
All right, you ready? Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 This one is, oh, it doesn't say what this is about, but okay. Such an awful place.
They won't deliver to San Antonio. The pizza was too flat.
They won't accept cheeseburgers as toppings.

Speaker 1 They wouldn't accept my currency that I had just made up. Kirk coins.

Speaker 1 There aren't nearly enough toilets to accommodate a football team. I asked for a full body massage and I ended up with a pizza.
Why won't they let me bring my

Speaker 1 pet sheep in the door? They don't even have mongoose chow for my pet mongoose. When I got the pizza to go, they put it in a flat horizontal box that is too wide.

Speaker 1 I held it vertical and things got messy. That's funny.
That guy's just making shit up. Yeah.
Took a first date here. Okay, here's another one.
Took, oh,

Speaker 1 what happened there sorry hold on one second took a first date here because i really wanted because i wanted it to be the last date unfortunately the food came out delicious and very fresh

Speaker 1 they weren't rude to my date at all which pissed me off because i was totally banking on that worst of all they don't make curry pizza what kind of place doesn't serve curry pizza seriously

Speaker 1 My experience at this restaurant lasted about two seconds. I went in, asked them if they had meatballs, and the waiter smirked at me.

Speaker 1 He said, you couldn't meet these balls.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You couldn't meet these balls. I give it one star because I never actually got to meet those balls.
This place does not deliver on what they

Speaker 1 are obviously joker of you. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 Okay, here's one for McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Thank you for helping me maintain my weight.

Speaker 1 Okay, here's one from Popeyes. When all the cards are down, all hope is lost and all self-dignity robbed barren.
And I don't have one cent left to pay, not one square foot of rent left.

Speaker 1 The Poseidon of fast food poultry emerged from the deep-fried depths of the hot sauce ocean atop a $5 hydra of drumsticks and batter to the rescue for those who cannot rescue themselves.

Speaker 1 Self-loathing is thy name. Popeyes, chicken, and biscuits is thy game.
Wow.

Speaker 1 That is a love letter.

Speaker 3 That's quite

Speaker 1 here's a restaurant that they'll probably never go back. Never, ever, ever again.
Dreadful, dreadful experience. When I first arrived, they have the nerve and audacity to greet me with, hello.
Really?

Speaker 1 You want my first impression to be a pleasant one? What's wrong with you? And then to top that off, they served me exactly what I ordered. Unreal.
This restaurant doesn't deserve one star.

Speaker 1 All I know is I'm not going again. Was this review helpful?

Speaker 1 All right. You got another another one?

Speaker 3 Let's see.

Speaker 3 Even the regulars have stopped going there.

Speaker 3 Take a look at the staff on the way in. That's the last time you'll see them.

Speaker 3 Bad service can really sink a whole experience. Bad service can.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yes, for sure.
Bad service is the one thing that really can take a restaurant. experience and make it terrible.
No matter how good the food is, it's the people.

Speaker 3 The food would have to be just crazy off the charts.

Speaker 1 And listen, being a waiter and a waitress or and or a waitress is not an easy thing to do.

Speaker 3 It's tough. Everybody should try it.

Speaker 1 Everybody should do community service or restaurant service once in their life so they know what it's like to serve other people. Because being a waiter or a waitress is just immensely difficult.

Speaker 1 And I really, I look at every restaurant I go into, I look at the waiters and waitresses with

Speaker 1 a lot of empathy. And you can have a bad day just like everybody else can.
Yeah. But sometimes the service is outrageously bad, and it seems like they're doing it on purpose.

Speaker 3 Well, I was going to say, I've been to a couple of places before where it's just like, it seems like the general attitude of everybody.

Speaker 1 Yeah, totally. Yeah.
We went to a Mellow Mushroom here in Atlanta, which is a

Speaker 1 pizza chain.

Speaker 1 They're great. The Pizza's fan, fucking tastic there.
And they got other good stuff too. They serve

Speaker 1 subs and what at Calzones and all that other stuff. But we went, and it's mainly 20 teenagers and 20-somethings that run the restaurants, that work in the restaurants.
And it's well known.

Speaker 1 There are many of them. And it's always good pizza.
So you can always go in there and get one. But when you go to sit down, I will say that sometimes it can be hit or miss

Speaker 1 the waiter. So we had a waiter that came over, dyed red, you know, purple hair.
Like he's obviously a young guy, you know, just in the prime of his life, having fun. And he came with an attitude.

Speaker 1 So you know what I did? I just... I massaged the, I massaged the situation.
Hey, brother, how you doing today? Right, right. You know, it was busy in there.
I see that it's busy.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't want you to worry about us.

Speaker 1 The kids will be okay. Just give us some drinks, whatever.
And eventually, he turned that frown upside down. And he became, I think, he was one of the better servers that I've had at Mellow Mushroom.

Speaker 1 But he was obviously having a bad day when he showed up at the table. So sometimes a little bit of love goes along with that.

Speaker 1 Niceness is just,

Speaker 3 you can catch more.

Speaker 1 flies with honey. You always can, or so they say.
I don't know. I've never tried to catch flies with anything.
Try and shoo them away, actually.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 We we got our first week of streaming in the can i know a few of you at least have been in and out but you wouldn't have known unless you just kind of like popped in we had to do some test runs yeah just to make sure we could yeah just to make sure we can do it also if you're trying to go 212 433 3tcv if you're trying to text us my phone the phone broke and i'm waiting for a new one i'm waiting for it to get fixed so if anybody's texting us and they're like oh my god these guys don't respond ever that's not it at all it's that we just haven't gotten the new phone yet one of my kids.

Speaker 1 Oh no. Yes, one of my kids.
But that's okay. You know, shit happens.
It happens. I was just glad it wasn't a microphone.
You know, because those things do take a long time and they're very expensive.

Speaker 1 We can't afford any of it. So there you go.
All right, 212-433-3 TCB. Be patient with me.
I'm sure in the next couple of days, we'll start responding at the commercial break on Instagram.

Speaker 1 We will let you know when we're going live from now on. So next week, starting next week, we'll let you know like 10-15 minutes before we go live and you can pop in.
You can go to

Speaker 1 Twitch, TCB podcast on Twitch, or YouTube, youtube.com slash the commercial break. And that's where all of the videos lie, but then we'll have live there too.
So you can stream us.

Speaker 1 And if you've never watched a stream on YouTube, like you go to our homepage and there's a little series of buttons. It says videos, popular, recent, live.

Speaker 1 And that is where you will find them when we go live.

Speaker 1 That's also where you can find the old streams, which now all of the YouTube videos will just, all of the episodes will just essentially be our stream.

Speaker 1 But then, of course, you can always listen to us on the podcast channels. Press play.

Speaker 1 Press play.

Speaker 1 Turn it down. Turn it down and leave your phone there.
I don't care. Whatever.
Just do that. Okay.
Help a brother out.

Speaker 1 Also, tcbpodcast.com. That's where you go to find out more information about the show.
All the audio, all the video is right there. You can also get your free TCB sticker.
Yes, they are available.

Speaker 1 And yes, you can get one. Give us your contact information, like give us your full address, and we'll send one to you.
You don't have to do anything on our behalf, we're happy to do that favor.

Speaker 1 And go check out Beach2 Sandy, Water Too Wet. Sandy and Christine are wonderful people, and you can check out my episode.
I think it's available now. I think.

Speaker 1 Anyway, okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so.
I'll tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you

Speaker 1 and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say.
goodbye.

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Speaker 1 Deborah had to have surgery.

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